The Chronicles of Our New Life

by Sage WildHeart

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 3140

A little romance, a few random shenanigans, and so many plot twists you'll get whiplash. Meet Sage the Pega-Zebra and his semi-mental 'Unicorn' friend.

The result of my friend and I being very bored one weekend and having nothing else to do but think.

A couple of humans are gifted with another chance at life after their noble deeds get them killed before their time. Death, however, is a troll, and they end up in a place that even their scarred and twisted minds cannot comprehend. Will they try and live a normal, peaceful life amongst this new world's inhabitants? Or will they just end up causing trouble for everyone they meet? Odds are with these two, probably a lot of both.

[size=10]This is just a little something for me to do to practice my writing skills and for whenever my inspiration on my other story runs dry. This is mainly for laughs, so don't take it too seriously, but it may turn into a proper story as time goes on.[/size]
[size=10]Currently under heavy re-write and edits. ETA: 2 wks-2 mths[/size]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-20 22:10:02 UTC

Chp. 1: Death's Reward

Sage's POV

I knew coming here was a bad idea, and while wandering through a cemetery at night is a bad idea anyway, wandering through one infested with ghouls is even worse. We should have just passed the information on to someone else and been on our merry way. But no, she just had to insist that we be the ones to clear this nest out. I didn't see why. After all, ghouls only feed on the dead and don't become a problem unless they start feeding on the living.

It didn't take us long to find them though and they were currently in the middle of a meal so easily got the jump on them. There was about a dozen in total, a bit bigger than the usual group, but nothing we couldn't handle. 20 minutes later and we had the whole nest cleared out, though not without some injury on my part. One of those nasty corpse eaters had got in a lucky hit and dislocated my shoulder. I was scanning the surrounding area to make sure one of those things didn't escape when she popped it back into place.

“OW! Careful Salara, that hurts you know!” I looked back to glare at her to see her giving her signature smug look. She knows how much I hate that look, but seeing as how she did just save my life I ignored it.

“Well it wouldn't hurt if you hadn't let it happen in the first place. How many times have I told you not to leave yourself open like that Jake.”

“Hey that ghoul came out of nowhere! It was a lucky shot, that's all. And how come you don't even have a scratch on you, you were fighting them just as much as I was?”

“I guess I'm just more skilled than you. Now let's see, I do believe that puts us at 73 to 71.”

“That high already, damn we really need to stop putting ourselves out there like that.”

“Yeah, but if we don't then who will. I know we're not the only ones out here hunting down these things, but you have to admit we're pretty good at it.”

Before I could answer another voice spoke up. “Yes you are. Some would even argue that you're the best. Which is what makes you such an annoying pest!” Before we could react we were both knocked off our feet and thrown into a nearby mausoleum. We were dazed pretty bad from that hit and as we slowly recovered I saw an angry looking figure coming towards us. Whoever this person was they clearly didn't like us.

“I'm going to assume you're some kind of monster or demon that we pissed off at some point.” I said as I struggled to stand back up, only to get knocked on my ass again.

“Stay down and shut up, I'd rather not waste anymore time here than necessary.” The figure was close enough now that I could tell it was a woman and by the soulless black eyes a demon too, a very powerful one if the dead grass and cracked soil it left in its path was anything to go by. This would definitely not end well for us.

“If we're such a waste of your time then you wouldn't be here knocking me and my friend on our asses, so who are you and what the fuck did we do to you?" Salara asked. Even in the face of death she was fearless, a feature that got her in quite a bit of trouble on more than one occasion.

“Who I am doesn't matter. But as for what you did, your very existence! The number of monsters you've slain, the spirits you've released, and the demons you've sent back to Hell are endless! You two are the most troublesome humans I have ever seen! So now, I'm going to do demon-kind a favor and obliterate you filth!”

She started to laugh in our faces as she summoned black fire to her hands. Normally this would be the time when people start begging for their lives. Not us though, for we do not fear death. As I staggered to my feet I gave Salara a smile and wink, letting her know that I was planning something.

I stood tall and firm and stared straight into her cold, dead eyes and said, “Alright then you demon bitch, do your worst!”

“Gladly.”, she hissed as she hurled the black fire at us. Right before the fire impacted however, I quickly withdrew a small glass bottle from my pocket and threw it at her. I heard it impact and its contents spill all over her as the fire started to consume us. Then I heard her scream as she too was being consumed by her own fire.

I laughed at her as I said my last words. “We may die here today, but with that potion, I'm making damn well sure you die with us.” The last thing I saw was Salara reaching out to me and grabbing hold of my hand.

Darkness, that was all I could see. No light, no sound, no hint of life anywhere, nothing. Which quite frankly I thought was boring. “Are we dead yet, or are we just going to float around here in the dark forever?”, I asked out loud.

“Honestly it feels more like walking on air rather than floating.”, I heard Salara say.

“Same difference!”

“Wait! You're here too Jake!”

“Well we did die in each others arms.”

“Hey don't get the wrong idea, it was a strictly professional 'not wanting to die alone' move.”

“Whatever you say Salara. Anyway, don't you think it's about time for Death to show his face.”

And right on queue in walks the Angel of Death himself. He wasn't at all like most people made him out to be. Instead he just looked like an old British guy in a suit. Honestly, I was expecting something more showy and flashy. “Well, well, well, look who finally showed up. I was wondering how long it would take you two to get here.”, he spoke to us in that unusually cheery accent of his.

“Hello Death.”, Salara said. “It's nice to see you again, and at least this time it's not on official business, least not for us."

“Ah yes, how delightful to see you two again. When was the last time we saw each other? I believe it was 3 years ago in that small town in Colorado.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that.”, I spoke up. “Some old hag managed to wrangle one of your reapers from you and tried to play god. Now that was a fun hunt.”

“Hmm yes. Well, seeing as how I owe you both for helping me with that little incident, I've decided not to take you today. Instead, you'll both be getting another chance.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “Are you serious? We're not going to die? And all because we helped you get that one reaper back?”

“Actually it's more like your reward for all the aid you've given mankind throughout your lives. You can consider what I owe you as a bonus though, but yes, I am in fact, quite serious.”

“Wait a minute, so you're saying we get another chance at life just because we killed some demons, what's the catch?”

“Oh come on Salara, why you so pessimistic?”

“It's Death, there's always a catch with him. Let me guess, we can't return to our old lives, can we Death?”

“As usual the smart one of the two figures it out, though only partially.”

“Called it.”

I did not like where this was going. “What do you mean 'partially'?”, I asked him.

“Putting it bluntly, I can return both of you to life, but like Salara said, you can't go back to your old lives. But you're both to great of an asset to just let you disappear, so I can't reincarnate you and have you become someone else. So unfortunately, that leaves me with only one option. To keep you as you are but send you to a different world entirely.”

“Should you choose this path I would like to warn you of a few things beforehand. First, I have no way of knowing what world you would be thrown into, so be prepared for anything. Second, your bodies will take the form of one of that world's inhabitants and you will be able to speak that worlds language as well, so you won't have to worry about sticking out. Finally, you may experience a minor degree of serious memory loss. Other than that you should be fine, you can figure the rest out on your own.”

“So it's either that, or die?”, Salara asked. Death simply nodded. It took all of 10 second for us to decide. “Well, I've made up my mind. What about you Jake?”

“Do you even have to ask?” She laughed at that. Then, in perfect unison we said, “We choose life.”

“Then so be it. Enjoy your knew lives, Sage WildHeart and Starlight Quill.” And with a snap of his fingers, we were once again surrounded by darkness and tossed back into unconsciousness.

When I came to I could feel the heat of the sun beaming down on me, indicating that it was well past morning. I tried to open my eyes but the bright light stung them so much that I had to wait a few minutes for them to adjust. When they did, I saw that I was lying in a large grassy field next to the treeline of a forest. Looking in the other direction I saw a small dirt path that led from the forest, past a large groves of trees off in the distance and continued on through the hills after that.

My body felt numb all over as I tried to stand up, only to fall flat on my ass. So I decided to just sit there and think while I waited for the feeling in my legs to return. But try as I might I couldn't remember anything, not even my own name. Only a few flashes of color and immense feelings of dread. The more I tried though the more my head hurt so I just gave up for now. Something else was missing though, but I couldn't tell what. At least not until I heard someone behind me speak up.

“Ow... Did anybody get the number of the freight train that hit me.”

Looking behind me I saw what looked like a small horse. I say 'like' because unlike a normal horse, this one had a midnight blue coat, a dark silvery colored mane with dark purple streaks going through it, and a horn sticking out from the middle of its forehead! I knew I had to be dreaming because I swear that it was this thing that just talked. It continued to look around until it spotted me, then it opened its mouth and this time I knew it spoke. Unfortunately I didn't like what it said.

“Well aren't you the weirdest looking zebra I've ever seen.”

I didn't know how to respond to that. I couldn't. My mind was too preoccupied with its voice, with her voice. I couldn't believe it, it was her, but why in the world was she a unicorn. But more importantly, did she just call me a zebra?! I looked myself over and saw that I was indeed a zebra, but like my friend I was a little different than a normal zebra. My coat was a smoky gray color covered with the usual black stripes and my hair and tail was colored black with streaks of blue and green highlighted throughout. But unlike her instead of a horn on my head, I had a pair of large wings with black and gray feathers growing out of my back.

“Okay I'm starting to get just a little bit freaked out here. Any idea what happened?”, I asked, hoping that she remembered more than I did.

“Did you just talk?!”, she shrieked, clearly a little frightened.

“Yeah I did, now stop acting like a crazy person and help me think! I know who I am and I know who you are, but for some reason I can't remember either of our names. I was hoping that you did.”

I could tell by the look in her eyes that something had finally clicked in her head as she started to calm down. “There's only one person I know of with an arrogant attitude like that. But what happened to you?”

“About time you got that brain of yours working again, though, I think you meant, 'what happened to us?'.

“Huh? What's that supposed to mean?”, she asked, clearly confused.

“Why don't you take a look at yourself and then try asking that again.” I said as I let loose all the anxiety I had been holding in.

Starlight's POV

While he was having his little freak out moment, I was taking my time looking over every inch of my new body. This was definitely weird. Four legs, hooves, a tail, and a horn!? I may not remember much about what happened or who we were before we got here, but I know for a fact that I was not a unicorn.

But that got me to thinking, what did happen? It's like he said, I know who we are and I know what we were, but nothing else. Not even our names. A part of me wanted to stay here until I figured out what happened, but I knew that wouldn't get us anywhere. So I decided that we should probably start walking and hopefully find out where we are.

But first, “Would you stop chasing your tail already?! You're making me dizzy.”, I shouted at him. As soon as I figured out who he was, I knew it was only a matter of time before he freaked out. I don't know why, but something tells me he never reacts well to bizarre situations.

“I can't help it!”, he shouted back. “I'm going crazy here! One minute I'm a perfectly normal human, and the next I'm covered in stripes and sporting a pair of wings! That kind of thing doesn't just happen, except maybe in dreams!” I swear if he doesn't calm down...

“That's it, maybe I'm just dreaming!”

“Oh yeah, well if your dreaming then tell me, does this hurt?” I asked as I punched in the shoulder as hard enough to send him rolling a few feet. “Now snap out of it before I hit you again!”

After he'd pulled his head out of the ground he said, “Yep that hurt, quite a lot actually, but I am definitely not dreaming. But I'm still freaking out here!”

“Well knock it off! We need to think about this calmly and rationally. First things first though, since we can't remember our names we're going to have to come up with new ones to call each other until we get our memory back. Any ideas?”

“Okay, let me think.” After a few deep breaths he was able to calm down enough to think straight and talk normally. “I'm not sure why but,” he said, giving me a weird look. “There's something about you that says starlight.”

“Starlight, what's that supposed to mean?”

“Hell if I know, but it seems right, doesn't it?”

“Hmm... I guess so, but it needs something else.” I liked the name Starlight, as odd a name for a person as it is, but I felt that there was more to it.

“Ah hah, I've got it! Do you remember that I always seemed to have a knack for writing?”

“Not really, no.”

“Yeah well I do and I remember that I wrote with a quill and ink, at least I think I did.”

“So what, Starlight Quill? That's the name you're going with?” He looked a little skeptical, but for some reason it just felt right.

“Well I like it, it has a certain elegance about it. Besides, it's not like you have any better ideas?”

“Huh, well I can't argue with you there. But what about me?”

“I've been thinking about that, but all I've come up with is a wild personality, some random words of wisdom, but also a decent enough guy with a good soul to him. Please tell that makes some kind of sense to you.”

He got real quiet after I said that and just looked off into the forest behind me, as if he would find the answers if he stared long enough into the green. When it seemed like he had figured it out, he smiled and spoke softly for a change.

“Sage. My name is Sage WildHeart. Huh, you're right, it does feel weird. I know this isn't my real name, but it just feels, right.” Wow, it looks like he finally calmed down for good. “But what do we do now? We still don't know what happened, how we got here, or where 'here' even is?!” Or not. Why do get the feeling this is going to be a long day.

“As far as what happened and how, well, I'm sure our memories will come back on their own. But as for where we are, the only way to find that out would be to ask. So, I suggest we follow that path over there and see where it leads us. There's bound to be someone out there.”

“Are you sure about that? It's not every day you see a couple of talking horses after all!”

“Okay first, we're not horses. You're clearly a pegasus zebra and based on my smaller size, I'd say I'm a pony, and a unicorn too. And second, wherever we are I'm willing to bet that we're probably similar looking to the local populace.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because the last time I checked, unicorns and pegasi aren't real, but since we've turned into them, odds are there's more of them around here.”

“That... makes a lot of sense actually.” I love being the smart one.

“Well then let's start walking. There's no telling how far away the nearest town is and I'd like to get some practice in with this horn so I don't stick out. You should do the same with your wings, just try not to crash into anything, okay?”

“No promises!”, he said with a laugh as he tried to take off, only to trip over his own hooves and fall on his face again. “Meant to do that!”

“Oh god.”, I said to myself. “Heaven help the poor souls that meet us.”