I really just don’t like quiet moments.
Okay, I should probably explain. I don’t mean I hate total silence or alone time or anything like that, but here’s the thing: whenever I do have downtime with just myself, I’m either napping, reading Daring Do, or penning my amazing future bestseller. You know, things where I don’t actually need to think and junk (the novel is so good, it writes itself, baby).
I basically need nonstop distraction, because I always end up thinking about only one thing when I’m completely alone with my thoughts.
It. Drives. ME. NUTS!
It’s like I keep trying to kick it out of my brain, but it always lets itself back in. I can’t take it!
Which is why I’m sitting here on top of a cloud right now, scribbling these thoughts addressed to nopony on some scrap pieces of paper, hoping that I can make some sense of my screwed up head.
Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing’s made sense for years.
Not since that damn cowpony came into my life....
XXX
I never had that many close friends growing up. Oh sure, I was the envy of everypony and had my fair weather friends, but the problem was that I was the really bitter envy of everypony and my fair weather friends were fair weather friends. They liked what I stood for, but they didn’t actually like or care about me. Whatever, it’s their loss.
So as for true friends, I can’t name that many until I got settled into Ponyville. There was Fluttershy, but I went years without seeing her after she fell off of Cloudsdale. I had Gilda, but I’d rather not talk about her anymore. When I got to Ponyville, Pinkie was quick to make friends with me but...yeah, I didn’t really feel like being her friend at that time.
So once I settled into Ponyville, I was basically alone. Me and Fluttershy were pretty much strangers and she was hanging out with Rarity, and yeah, like I said, I didn’t want to hang out with Pinkie Pie. I just kept to myself mostly. Wow, that sounds crazy just scribbling it down, but it’s true. After work, I would just...sleep on clouds or fly aimlessly around town. Jeez, that’s so damn depressing. I wasn’t even practicing my skills-it was just a weird, awkward time in my life. A “dork age".
It’s a good thing it didn’t last too long.
I was flying in giant circles around Ponyville, basically running out the clock on my day. I got really tired, so I started looking for something to take a nap in other than my cloud (I had to do SOMETHING to get out of my stupid rut).
I looked down, and I noticed a bunch of apple trees on the edge of town. I had seen them before when I was hovering above the sky, but for the first time, I actually got a good look at them, and their branches. Being the genius that I am, I landed down on one of those apple covered babies and dozed off on a branch. I thought, “I should do this more often.” Everything was pretty peaceful...
...and then some jerk had to go and kick the tree with a massive THUD.
I was shaken out and I landed smack dab on the ground (right on my damn face!). I shook my head and looked up, ready to give whoever bucked the tree a good old-fashioned punch to the kidneys. The first thing I saw were the most awesome set of green eyes I had ever seen it in my life. This pony was a beautiful shade of orange with the fairest of blonde hair, all presented in a toned, but slender physique. I looked at this rustic goddess and said...
“Hey green eyes! How about I kick your ass!?”
I thought what I had said was cool, and I still stand by the notion.
XXX
I was glad the cowpony didn’t get into a fight with me. She actually apologized for kicking me, and offered me a drink. I actually felt like kind of a jerk, especially after I tasted the drink she offered me. I had never had cider before, but I knew that what I was tasting was the most awesome creation since....I don’t even know, it was that good! Naturally, I was totally psyched when the cowpony told me about her annual cider season. I promised myself I would be first in line from that point on...
...Pinkie, if you ever read this: you suck.
The cowpony gave me her name: Applejack. I just like that name. App-le-jack. I don’t really know any fancy-schmancy words to describe why I like that name, I just do, and it fit her well. Why? Dunno; just does. She introduced me to her family, and I actually had dinner with them. It was just...cool. For the first time since moving into Ponyville, I was finally spending time with other ponies, even after I was so hostile. That’s just a great thing about AJ: she never lets a first impression define somepony.
Things got a lot better after meeting Applejack. I went to her farm more and more often. I was able to see how great of an athlete she was, and it got me excited. It was the reminder I needed to get back out and train, not just for the Wonderbolts, but for myself.
I gotta say, I was totally jealous of what she was capable of, but it didn’t make me hate her. I just wanted to spend all the more time with her. Whenever I thought of an awesome stunt or new trick, AJ was the first to know, and she was always eager to see it. She was (and is) never too busy for me...
Dear sweet Celestia, this isn’t easy.
So after Twilight came into the picture, I made even more friends. Hanging out with AJ for a long time made me a way better pony than the one that first came to Ponyville. Me and Fluttershy reconciled, Rarity and I were able to respect each other, and I finally found myself willing to hang with Pinkie Pie.
I honestly thought I was too good for any of them. I thought they didn’t deserve somepony awesome like me. It’s such a stupid way to think, especially about ponies I now consider family. I’m glad that I realized what an idiot I had been, that those three have so much good about them despite their lamer tendencies, and that really, I’m not good enough for other ponies sometimes. I still have to try my hardest to be the best, or at the very least, half as good a pony as........UGH!
XXX
AJ, if you ever read this, I just want you to know: you’ve messed me up!
Yeah, I said it, you screwed me bad.
It’s because of your mere presence that my train of thought always comes back to you! It’s because of your voice that everything else just kind of silences! It’s because of your stupid amazing athleticism, noble humbleness, and magnetic lovability that I feel so inferior to you all the time! You know what, I’m gonna say it: I hate the things you do to me! Here’s just a few of them:
I hate that you have a family and farm to look after, and you still make the time me and your friends when we need you. I feel like a jerk every time I make some excuse not to hang out with Scootaloo and then just end up taking a nap.
I hate that you can make friends with everypony in your wake by just being you. I’m beyond jealous. I always have to work at being awesome, and yet you’re awesome by nature!
I hate that I get so easily distracted by watching you work. I can’t take my eyes off that stupidly toned body of yours! I especially hate how the image of you working your trick rope is ingrained into my mind everytime I’m in heat (SPOILER: that’s not changing anytime soon. Thanks alot).
I hate how you are just an overall better pony than I am, and not just as an athlete. You’re more honest, you’re more loyal (I can’t even beat you at freaking loyalty!), and just a better friend. I hate that you’re my hero!
I hate that when we were running together in the evening in the Whitetail Woods after the Running of the Leaves, it was happiest moment of my life. I hate how it felt so right that we were just in each others’ presence. We weren’t trying to outdo each other or show off, we were just together, and we were just us. I hate that I got so distracted by how peaceful everything was, that I ran into a tree. I hate how you made me realize that I hate quiet moments. I hate that I couldn’t get mad at your stupid, sexy laugh when I crashed into the tree.
I hate how when you abandoned us after you lost the Rodeo Competition, that I never felt so empty. I hate how the thought of losing you forever gave me a Celestia-damn panic attack!
Remember when Fluttershy said that you being gone would leave a hole in our hearts? I REALLY hate that she was totally right! I hate how you fill a part of me that feels so damn empty when you’re gone or when I don’t know if I’ll see you again. I hate that I never felt better when you were back home where you belong! I hate how finally joining the Wonderbolts won’t feel nearly as good as seeing you reunited with your family!
I hate how sometimes, I like to imagine the life we’d live: a life where we’d get married and raise foals! I’m Rainbow Dash! What business do I have raising foals?
I hate how I would do anything to keep you in my life, even if it means quitting the Wonderbolts or giving up flying altogether. I hate how you’re forcing me to even write that down on paper!
But most of all.....
I hate that I love you......WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?? I LOVE that I love you!
AJ, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
But...I hate that I can’t write some epic poem or sonnet or crap like that, and all I have is this messy letter. You deserve the world, and I hate that I can’t give you that.
I hate that you make me so happy by just being you, and that I couldn’t possibly do the same thing for you.
I hate that I’m getting tear stains on this scrap paper just thinking about this.
I hate that now, you leave me no choice.
I hate that if you don’t read this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
I hate how once I finish writing this, I’m gonna put it in your mailbox and risk ruining our friendship.
I hate the fact that my heart tensed up and slowed down just thinking about that last part.
I’m all out of hate. I just want to put this into your mailbox, and then fly away to the darkest corners of Equestria...but then we wouldn’t hang out anymore, so that’s not even an option. I hate that....
So guess all I have to ask is: do you hate that I wrote this?
Author's Note
Admittedly, this isn't too long, but I'm a very laconic and slow writer, so whadya gonna do?
