Cupcakes, Chaos and Crushes

by MrNumbers

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Mr. Cake, Twilight Sparkle, Mrs. Cake, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Spike, Comedy
Length: 6576

A short story about Twilight Sparkle trying to write something very important. Alone. Quietly. Pinkie decides that's boring and wants to help. Hilarity and awkward misunderstandings ensue as an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

Twilight Sparkle is intent on just finishing this accursed piece if it takes her all day. She will stop at nothing to ensure that she gets this absolutely perfect.

This requires solitude, peace and dedicated focus!

Pinkie decides that's boring and wants to help save Twilight from herself. Hilarity and awkward misunderstandings ensue as an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

Published 2013-03-31 17:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-31 17:30:02 UTC

Good Intentions

'Quills?'

She glances, for the briefest of moments, at the three feathers ordered by size. They sat on the desk beside her neatly. They had not, in fact, disappeared in the last thirty seconds, which happened more and more often since moving to Ponyville.

Discord had chosen it as Chaos Capital of the World for a reason.

'Check.'

Her eyes dart back to the checklist.

'Parchment?'

The pristine new roll lies before her. Blank pages are as troublesome as they are beautiful to a writer. The purity of the blank canvas is rivalled, perhaps even matched, by the frustration that it excites as the first words simply don't come.

'Check.'

Writing is not unlike inertia in many senses. An object in motion stays in motion and an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an outside force.

'Which probably explains why I've gone over this checklist for the third time,' the unicorn grumbled internally, 'I'm procrastinating. I can't think of how I'm supposed to start this. What am I supposed to say?'

This time the unicorn grumbled externally, rather darkly.

'The problem is that I know exactly what I want to say. I just don't know how I'm going to say it.'

The first of the quills was gingerly grasped in her magic, floating scarcely above the table, then guided into one of the carefully set out ink-pots on the desk. Her frustration at the mental wall that towered before her, a force stronger than even her brother's shields sat in front of her in the form of blank paper, did not overwhelm Twilight's delicate technique. As cathartic as it would have been to simply slam the quill in the bottle and be done with it, which was an extremely tempting thought, spilled ink, particularly in her mane or fur, was simply not worth the risk.

She grasps, now, at her fringe. Once it had tapered off delicately in front of her left eye, much like a young Fluttershy's. That was before she fell asleep during her first real study session, she sighs at the happy memory, and the hair that had draped off to the side had been an unfortunate casualty.

Whilst the happy result was her current practical style it was also a sobering reminder. After all, she didn't think there was much left to cut, not that she wouldn't sorely miss anyway.

Her eyebrows knit together in furious concentration as she lowers the quill to the parchment, it's shaking visibly as it hovers above the page, completely at a loss as to how she could possibly convey her thoughts onto the page.

All of her years of research in Ponyville were to coalesce onto this page, somehow, all the knowledge and experience and wisdom of her studies had to be condensed onto a single sheet of parchment somehow.

She jumps as something jagged digs into her shoulder, scoring the page with a harsh black scar. Thankfully the page didn't tear, this time.

“Hey, Twilight, are you okay?” Spike taps her shoulder again, concern apparent even to the stressed and usually oblivious unicorn.

“Yes, I'm fine, everything is fine. Everything. Just let me write this accursed thing and be done with it, ok?” She growled, glaring daggers at the page she had already wounded. With a huff the ink enveloped in the same aura as the quill. The still-wet ink formed in globs and balls, floating off the page and harmlessly back into the pot.

If Twilight ever perfected a time travel spell, Celestia willing, she swore to teach that spell to her young self.

“You should really take a break, Twilight, when's the last time you slept? I don't think-”

The drawer of the desk shoots open and a considerably large pouch of bits is unceremoniously ejected, launched into the tiny dragon's hands. He hefts it, staring at it with wide and wondrous eyes.

“It's such a lovely day outside isn't it?” Twilight asked in a flat voice, “It would be such a shame for you to be cooped up in the library with me all day wouldn't it? Why don't you enjoy yourself, spend the day with Applebloom or Rarity?”

Spike just glances at Twilight, his eyes darting between her and the veritable hoard he held in his hands.

“So, I'll be at Sugarcube Corner if you need me?” He grinned.

They both knew that sometimes Twilight had days like these, sure, where she'd completely bury herself in whatever was enthralling her at the time. Spike was acutely aware of her more obvious eccentricities, after all. This was the first time, though, that he had ever outright profited from one.

“Take your time, say hi to Pinkie for me.” Twilight murmured half-heartedly, glaring daggers at the once-again blank page.

“So yeah,” Spike sprayed crumbs and shards of sapphire, “that’s how I can afford these for the first time since my birthday!”

“So, hang on a sec, you just left Twilight all mopy in the library, alone, by herself, with nopony to tell her to take a break or to cheer her up or to make sure she doesn't rip a hole in the time-space continuum again?”

“Yeah! Oh, she said to tell you hi, by the way, Pinkie.”

“Well, that's nice of her to think of me, I guess. I just hope somepony's thinking of her, though. You aren't going back yet, are you?”
“Nope!” Spike declared, sliding off his stool and waddling towards the door, “I'm really pretty sure she doesn't want to be bothered by anypony, or dragon, right now. So, I'm going to see if Rarity needs anything, stay as far out of her way as possible for a while. “

The door above the shop rings as Spike leaves, leaving the store empty except for Pinkie Pie and Mrs Cake.

“Mrs Cake, can I take my lunch break now? I think one of my friends is feeling a bit blue, so I think I need to go and make their day a little pinker!”

Cup gave the bouncing puff of pink a warm and gentle smile, like the rays of sunlight in autumn, and nodded twice.

As Pinkie's face split in a manic grin, the bell tingling in alarm as she shot out the door in a blur, Cup allowed herself to sigh and get back to cleaning the display glass.

“It's a slow day and Celestia knows that Pinkie would just eat half the stock, anyway, bless her heart.”

“Where did Pinkie just go?” Spike asked cautiously, the shock causing Mrs Cake's heart to leap into her throat.

“Oh, Spike,” She breathed quickly, hoof clutched to her chest, “You scared the muffins out of me. She just said she was going to go cheer up a friend, that's all. Did you forget something, dear, I didn't even here the bell ring?”

“Just my cupcake. Mrs Cake, which direction did Pinkie go?” Spike grabbed the sapphire beauty he had left behind. The baker couldn't help notice the dragon was barely even looking at it, he was just staring at her in apprehension.

“It looked like she was heading to the library. I thought maybe it was you who-”

Spike shook his head, backing away slowly from the counter as he did so.

“Nope. No, I think I know exactly who she's trying to help. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to run.”

Spike barrelled out the door and ran, followed shortly by Mrs Cake who contented herself to the doorway and stare after the speeding Spike.

“Spike, you're heading the wrong way, dear, the library is that way!”

“Which is exactly why I'm heading this way! I don't want Twilight thinking I had anything to do with this!”

Mrs Cake could not fault his logic. She mentally calculated the distance between the store and the library and once more thanked the foresight her husband and her had displayed in spending the extra bits to rebuild Sugarcube corner much more resilient to natural, and unnatural, disasters.

She would be lying, however, if she had said that she felt entirely safe in that knowledge. After all, the very creature that had destroyed it last time was currently running away from her as if he were being chased by Nightmare Moon herself.

“Oh.” She said simply.

“Oh dear.”

'In ze wilde foreztz of ze library, ze wilder Pinkeh Dianecus Partius Piecus stalkz her pray mercilessly. Today, her pray iz ze wilde Eggicus Headicus. A reclusive specimen, to say ze least!' Pinkie Pie whispered to herself in a terrible Fancy accent. ‘Zooks! Zere she iz, grazing at ze tableau! Ve must be quiet, non, lest we be spotted. Or striped, I suppose, though ze not wilde at all Rarity sayz zey would look very good on me, zey are very inn zis season or somethink. Anyveys, we digress!’
Gurgle!

‘Merde! It appears ze wilde Partius Piecus shoud have stopped for lunch before taking her lunch break!’

Sacrebleu! It was even worse than she could have thought!

Pinkie pushes further into the tree house’s branches, making certain she wasn’t rustling loud enough for Twilight to hear. It was against every hyperactive instinct in her body, which was screaming at her to do something stupid like, well, scream, but if Twilight noticed her now she might never have the chance to help her friend in need! Indeed!

Finding a new vantage point by some birds, which she immediately shushes for giving her away, inconsiderate birds that they are, Pinkie Pie leans through one of the upper windows of the house for a better view.

Well, she attempts to do so, but her efforts are thwarted by the glass she didn’t notice.

Thump.

‘Zoots and allure and, uh, cannoli! Even ze distracted Bookicus Wormicus must have noticed zat!’

Pinkie throws the sombrero like a frisby, her Fancy exploring technique obviously doing her more harm than good.

"Is someone there?"

‘Uh oh.’

“Rainbow Dash? Are you okay? Come on, this must be three times this month, now.”

‘Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta-’

Twilight opened the window, Pinkie saw, and leaned out. She huffed! Huffed! Pinkie internally gasped, not wanting to give her position away. Something obviously had Twilight acting all sour-puss grumpy-pants! She had to get to the bottom of what had her so stressed...

So long, that was, as Twilight didn’t directly up.

With another huff the unicorn returned inside, though she didn’t close the window behind her, a small victory for Pinkie Pie.

The puffy pony, not bothering to work out how she got this high in the tree with hooves in the first place, scrambles up a few more branches. Thankfully neither Spike nor Twilight had found any of her stockpiles yet. They thought her emergency provisions were just silly. She made sure she hid the best stuff near the top though, where they were least likely to find it.

She passes the first stockpile, the emergency beach ball provisions, great for beach and DJ concert emergencies! The next, tied to a forked branch, is a large box of uninflated balloons strapped to the side of a helium tank. Of course that was important! She passed a few caches of rubber chickens, confetti, money and, of course, the all important costume-kits. She was getting close.

Finally she stumbled on the final cache at the very top, the one that was all-important for this mission in friendship.

The skintight-ninja-suit kit!

Twilight had found her spare, lower down, and decided to keep it for herself. That was loads of fun, actually, but Pinkie still hadn’t gotten around to replacing it. Time is money, and money is candy-

Wait, her emergency candy and cake supplies!

It took ten minutes for Pinkie to get back to the top of the tree, covered in crumbs and sticky-stains, but at least her stomach wouldn’t give her away for a while.

Now, to make sure Twilight still hadn’t closed that window...

‘Dear’

“No, that’s not right...”

Ksssschhhplnk

‘To whom it may conc-’

“No, that’s definitely not right!”

Ksssschhhplnk

“Maybe? No!” Ksssschhhplnk

“How about- No, no, no!” Ksssschhhplnk

“Bah!” Twilight’s head slammed against the desk, “I don’t even know how to start this right!”

The only thing that changed, letter to letter, was the level of frustration accumulating in Twilights moans. Each letter started with a few words, a few wrong, futile words. That was quickly followed by a moan or a mumble or even a shout, if it was just wrong enough, and then the wet, peeling sound of Twilight ripping the ink off the page and dumping it back into the ink well.

It was a habit Twilight had gotten into long ago. The convenience of being able to salvage a page for a little error was more than worth the exertion it cost her.

Today though, it wasn’t saving her having to rewrite the page- If she simply crushed the parchment into a ball and hurled it across the room in frustration each time Twilight calculated it would only take thirteen more minutes of attempts for her to be up to her knees.

As a compromise, though, she settled on scrunching the page into a ball and hurling it at the wall in front of her, waiting for it to impact with a satisfying rustle and crunch. Then, and only then, did she levitate it back onto the table and studiously ironed it back into a crisp, flat page with her magic.

Her ears twitch, prick up... She swears she’s heard a noise, faintly, above her. She glances towards it for a moment, her attention still very much captivated by her sisyphean task, and allows herself to confirm nothing is there before tearing back into her ‘work’.

“Strange,” she murmurs between attempts, “I could swear that sounded like Fluttershy.”

Pinkie Pie pulled herself out of the shadows, chastising herself for her moment of weakness. Sure, Twilight destroying and un-destroying that paper was pretty scary, and sure, she was thinking about what Twilight might just happen to do to her on reflex if she were caught and-

Oh, dear. Oh dear indeed.

‘Well, I’ll just have to not get caught then!’

Pinkie Pie nodded to herself, in affirmation of her brilliant idea, and ninja’d, which is a totally legitimate word, over to the kitchen. She prayed to Celestia and to Luna but mainly to Discord, who owed her a favour, that the suction cups held.

Her prayers must have been answered, she oh-so-silently cheered, because she made it all the way into the little cooking space that had been set aside without any further incidents or, worse, accidents.

It was time for Pinkie Pie to do her stuff!

This is what all those nights at the rock farm had taught her, had led up to, had been preparing her for.

You see, a rock farm is like a rock garden, only a really ridiculous amount bigger. There is nothing more zen and ninja-esque than rock gardening. Growing up in the biggest zen garden as a rogue baker had taught her one of the most invaluable skills she had; Stealth baking.

Pinkie tore through the kitchen in a blur, her silent running allowing her to traverse from countertops to cabinets without attracting the unicorn’s attention, her blade work chopping ingredients in mid-air so that no sounds of the chopping board would give her away-

Pinkie Pie got to work.

This was Twilight’s three hundred and forty second attempt. So far she had made it to a record two sentences before ripping them off the page again. That was about sixty attempts ago.

Make that three hundred and forty third.

‘This shouldn’t be so hard to write. I’ve been studying friendship in Ponyville for years, now, so why can’t I just get this blasted thing right?!’

Three hundred and forty five.

‘Oh, great, now I’m so stressed I’m hallucinating. I swear I could smell cupcakes baking... Wait, cupcakes! That’s it!’

Three hundred and forty six attempts unsuccessful, but she’d made it a record three sentences this time!

Ding!

‘Was that... Was that the oven timer?’

Twilight whipped around to face the kitchen and saw-

Nothing. There was nopony there, no bowls, no cakes...

‘Yes. Yes I am most definitely going crazy, this is just like what happened last time, isn’t it? Well, I’m not falling for it this time, I’m just going to sit here and finish this before it starts driving me mad. Madder? Bah!’

The frustration leaves her voice as she throws away the next three attempts in rapid succession, her determined posture slumping slightly in defeat.

'That was way too close! I totally forgot how loud Twilight's oven was!'

Pinkie Pie held a fresh tray of fresh cupcakes, ready to be iced, in her hooves. They smelled delicious, begging to be eaten, but cupcakes were selfish like that.

“That's just what you want me to do, isn't it, cupcakes?” Pinkie growled, “You want me to eat you, before Twilight can have any, and ruin my chances of making her less of a sour-puss mopy bottom? Well, it ain't gonna happen, I'm not gonna mess this up!”

“For Twilight!” Pinkie declared triumphantly, victorious over the cupcakes f-

Wait, no, no no nononono!

Pinkie Pie threw herself behind the counter again, one hoof keeping the cupcake tray balanced as the other slammed into her silly, loud, dumb-butt mouth.

“You meant for me to give myself away didn't you? That was your plan all along, wasn't it?!” Pinkie whispered fiercely to the tray in front of her.

They simply sit there in smug silence.

Cupcakes; The most diabolical of all the baked goods.

“Well, then, it looks like Pinkie Pie's going to have to put you... on ice! Ing! No, wait, I mean icing on you. Or frosting, I don't know, neither of them are really cold anyway, but no pony else thinks it should be called 'sweetening' which wouldn't make a good pun, anyway, since you're not being sweet, you're being evil-”

Pinkie sighs as she realizes how loud she's gotten again. Geeze, it's almost like Twilight's trying to not notice her. At least the cupcakes are now sitting in shocked silence!

“Okay, let's just do this thang...”

“Good heavens, Spike, you look positively- I don't even know what you look like, I suppose, I was going to say you look like you're being chased by a dragon, but, that seems to be a moot point.”

Spike was still puffing, hands on his knees, by the time he had gotten to Carousel Boutique.

“Twilight wants to be left alone, today, she's trying to focus on something pretty important.”
“Well, yes, I suppose that explains why you're here, but I hardly suspect-”

“Pinkie Pie found out.”

“Oh. Oh dear.” Rarity managed to turn an even paler white. “Spike, you're a dragon, you don't suppose you could, I don't know...” Rarity trailed off, waving a hoof vaguely.

“Rarity, this isn't like some volcano we're talking about here. This could be a lot worse.”

“I'm afraid to admit to how right you may, in fact, be, Spike. Come, let's get indoors, let's put those hands to good use for now. Inside. Where’s it’s safe.” Rarity paused thoughtfully. “I think.”

“Let’s just hope we don’t have to found out?”

Twilight flinches as another cupcake, obviously her stress-addled mind at work, hits the side of her head. They’re slightly painful, not as painful as the headache she has regardless, but she has to admit they’re the most delicious hallucinations she’s ever had.

She feels guilty, for a moment, for indulging in humouring her obviously cruel mind for playing tricks on her, but the hallucinations are also rather filling.

The not-cupcakes continue landing around her in various creative ways. Twilight is almost impressed at her creativity. At first some had landed around her with parachutes, others appeared on her desk when she glanced away. As the treats went on, however, most started just hitting her in the head, as if to get her attention away from her work.

“Oh ho! You’d like that, wouldn’t you, ghost-cupcakes! Well, I’m not getting up until I finish what I started!”

Twilight smiled in triumph as one of the cupcakes yelled out “Oh, come on!”. She was obviously winning with her superior sanity.

“Okay, that’s it, to Tartarus with subtlety!” Pinkie growled. “Something is obviously not right here, and it’s not me, so all that’s left is what’s wrong.”

Pinkie Pie stalked towards the frazzled unicorn, throwing her stealth-suit aside so she can’t even accidentally be sneaky, and taps her on the shoulder.

“You need a break, Twilight.”

“Haha, nice try, imaginary-Pie!”

“Imaginary? I'm not imaginary, I'm Pinkie Pie!”

“Right,” Twilight nods as if this is the most obvious thing in the world, “Which is exactly what an imaginary Pinkie would say.”

“Ooh, you got me there, Twilight.” Pinkie frowned.

“Now, please don't make me keep talking to you,” Twilight sighed, “I don't want to look crazy.”

Pinkie sighed before she continued. “I know what that's like. Alright, I'll be right back.”

'So that's why she's been ignoring me.'

“Wait- Before I go, can I ask you something?”

“I don't see why you'd be asking me anything, really, since you're in my head and therefore know everything I know. I'd like to think that's a lot, but apparently it's not enough for me to get this blasted thing right.”

“Well, that's what I was going to ask you about.” Pinkie leaned in close, staring at the five hundred and fifty seventh attempt, watching it become the five hundred and fifty eighth rather abruptly.

Twilight groaned and rubbed her temples as Pinkie blinked innocently.

“You know I'm trying to work out a way to tell you how I feel about you. Well, the real you. You already know, because you're me, but I need to tell Pinkie Pie...”

“Tell Pinkie Pie what?” Pinkie asked in genuine shock. All this trouble was about her the whole time? That's just... Inconceivable?! Why would a pony stress so much about-

Oh no, was Twilight mad at her?

Was she too annoying?

Am I being too annoying now? Oh, Celestia, I broke into her house and threw cupcakes at her and made her think she's gone crazy because she's trying to find a nice way to say she doesn't want to be my friend anymore or see me ever again or-

'So why is she smiling at me like that?'
Twilight gave Pinkie a sad, soft smile that confused Pinkie even more. Why would Twilight be sad-happy?

“You're having a nervous breakdown just like the real Pinkie Pie, you know? It's one of the reasons I have such a big crush on her, I suppose. Or you, if you want, who am I to argue, I'm crazy?”

“Oh. So, you're mad at me? You don't want to not be friends anymore?” Pinkie whimpered.

Twilight slammed her head into the table.

“See, imaginary Pinkie, this is why I'm having such a had time finding the right words... How do I tell her how I feel, that I don't want to be just friends, in a way that she'd understand, or not laugh at or joke about or, I dunno, say yes and we have a wonderful few years and then out of nowhere Rainbow Dash hits me in the face with a banana-cream pie and it turns out it was all just a prank?”

“Well!” Pinkie declared in triumph, “I am officially more confused than Applejack in an orange grove! Or Rarity at a nudist convention! I'm going to go consult a higher power than myself, now, so that they may give me guidance!”

“Actually, you know what?” Twilight turned to stare at the 'figment of her imagination', “That's actually a great idea. We should ask Celestia. It is the most important lesson in Friendship I've had in a long, long time...”

“Great! Well, you do that, and I'll be back in two shakes of a lambs tail! Don't tell Fluttershy I said that, her lambs are easily scared and she's really defensive about them.”

“You've got nothing to worry about, I'm the one that thought it right?”

“Awesome! Now, the door's there, but I feel like diving back out the window. I've still got the ninja suit and it's just going to waste over there.”

Twilight wasn't paying her any attention. She was too busy scrawling what Pinkie could see began with three simple words;

“Dear Princess Celestia.”

“Hi, Mr and Mrs Cake!”

“Oh, thank Celestia, Luna and anypony else who answered our prayers, you're alive.” Cup launched herself into a tackling hug of the very surprised Pinkie Pie.

“Why wouldn't I be?” Pinkie wormed her way out of the fierce hug. She nearly made it out, too, but just as she had gotten out of Cup's grip Carrot joined the assault with a protective hug.

“Well, dear, you were with Twilight and-”

“Oh, no, that's all fine. I mean, all she wants to do is not be friends anymore and crush me, but she thought I was imaginary, so she wants to find the real me or something.”

Cup and Carrot stared at Pinkie in disbelief as her cheerful expression slowly melted into a contemplative grimace.

“Huh. I suppose everything's not all okie dokie lokie after all...”

“Pinkie, what did she say exactly?” Carrot was left protectively shielding Pinkie Pie as his wife bravely and selflessly dived for cover behind the display counter.

“Well, she said she has a crush on me, but she must be bluffing, 'cause my Pinkie sense would have noticed that by now. Also she said she didn't want to be just friends anymore, and she obviously didn't want to be best friends, and you don't crush your friends anyway, so I think she just doesn't like me anymore.”

Cup looked over the counter in disbelief. Carrot held Pinkie at arm's length and just stared at the oblivious mare.

Mrs Cake was the first to find her voice; “Pinkie, didn't your parents ever tell you about, well, about the birds and the bees?”

“Nope! Just rocks. Igneous rocks, sedimentary rocks, flux stone, sure.”

Carrot had recovered now, too. “Pinkie Pie, you're honestly telling us you don't know what a crush is?”

“I assume it's painful?” Pinkie tilted her head at the two in lopsided confusement.

“Well, no but-” Mrs Cake thought about it, “Actually, an awful lot of the time...”

“What my wife means to say is that it isn't inherently bad, but it can be very upsetting for a few ponies.”

“Why? I mean, I guess I'm pretty flexible but-”

Mr and Mrs Cake blushed at Pinkie's unintentional double-entendre.

“Pinkie, a crush is what happens when you know you want somepony to be your very special somepony.”

“Oh. Oh! Well, that's not bad at all!” Pinkie bounced happily on the spot, “Why would that hurt?”

“Because, Pinkie,” Cup spoke softly, “Sometimes they don't want to be your very special somepony and that can be very awkward. Some friendships don't recover.”

“The loudest of gasps!” Pinkie said simply, “That's terrible! That's-” Pinkie blinked once. Pinkie blinked twice. The Cakes stared on in morbid fascination.

“But Twilight has a crush on me....”

The Cakes nodded in synchronization, Carrot slowly backing away from Pinkie to join his wife behind the relative protection of the countertop.

“But Twilight has a crush on me?”

“Pinkie, maybe you should think before you do something rash like-”

Where Pinkie once stood was a pony-shaped vacuum, which collapsed in on itself with a loud pop as air filled the void, and the tinkle of the store front's bell to indicate the direction it's previous occupant had scampered.

“-that.” Carrot sighed.

Twilight’s head jerked as the door exploded open in a pink mushroom cloud.

“Hello, again, imaginary Pinkie!” Twilight called out cheerfully.

“Oh, I promise you, I'm not imaginary, and I can prove it!” came back the triumphant declaration.

“Alright, then.” Twilight's eyes narrowed as she prepared herself for whatever he subconscious coul d throw at her.

“Ask me something only you would know, and I won't know it, proving I can't be you!”

“Wouldn't it make more sense to ask you something only Pinkie would know?”

“Well, see, I thought of that too,” Pinkie explained, “But then I thought 'If only I knew it', right, then you'd have no way of knowing for sure. But this way you can know for sure that you know it and I don't, meaning I can't be you!”

Twilight massaged her temples with her hooves.

“Alright,” she spoke slowly, “I have no problem believing you're the real Pinkie Pie.”

“So, my test worked?” Pinkie asked, surprise evident on her face, “But you didn't ask me anything yet? Well, you did, but you were asking about asking. I suppose that would be enough, though!”

“In a manner of speaking.” Twilight nodded. “My brain is incapable of being that illogical.”

“So, have you finished your letter-thing yet?”

Twilight blushed and stared at her hooves. Pinkie Pie, wondering what Twilight was blushing about, began staring at Twilight's hooves too. The two stood awkwardly staring at Twilight's hooves for a few seconds, Pinkie continuing to smile happily.

“Well, I like your brain.” Pinkie said simply.

Twilight blinked in confusion, staring at Pinkie, waiting for an explanation she suspected she'd never get.

She was mistaken.

“Well, you started getting all quiet, so I thought to myself; 'Myself, why would Twilight get all nervous-pants?' So it was either what you said or what you were looking at, and there's nothing wrong with your hooves, so it must have been what you said. Is it because you're embarrassed about not being able to think outside the box, or upside down and inside out?”

“No,” Twilight muttered, “No, it wasn't about that.”

'You coward! You loquaciously lacking lummox, you foolish foal, you neurotic nincompoop, just tell her, all it takes is four little words, just four little words, and-

Oh, dear Celestia, it really is just four little words, isn't it?!'

Pinkie Pie watched on as Twilight blinked, shaking her head a little. The self-proclaimed tzar of silly watched curiously as Twilight flashed her a reassuring smile and scribbled four short words onto the parchment in front of her, preceded by her name.

“Pinkie Pie,” it said simply, “I really like you.”

Twilight thought for a moment, as Pinkie leaned over her shoulder curiously, tapping the quill thoughtfully to her chin.

The observer watched intently as the quill looped and whirled furiously on the page, leaving another five words and two little boxes.

“Do you like me too?

Y[ ] N [ ]”

Pinkie could only stare curiously at Twilight, the unicorn proffering the parchment between them much like a foal would hold up a painting for inspection by a loving parent, and the sheepish expression she wore. The longer Pinkie stared the more furiously Twilight blushed, the parchment feeling less and less like an infinitesimally lightweight sheet and gradually approaching the effort it had taken to heft an Ursa Minor.

Pinkie blinked. Twilight grinned nervously, hopefully.

Pinkie grabbed the offered parchment from Twilight's magical grip causing the unicorn to sigh. The weight had been lifted, in a very real sense, from her. Now there was only the sickening, rolling of her stomach as she awaited her final judgement.

Pinkie's eyebrows knotted in concentration, knowing now the implication of the simple request. A bead of sweat dropped visibly down past Twilight's visibly twitching smile. The pink pony grabbed the quill, laying the parchment back on the writing desk, and huddled over it scribbling furiously. Twilight saw a tick, but not in which box, based on a flick of the mare's head, but everything that came after was a mystery to her.

Finally Pinkie Pie nodded in satisfaction and dropped the quill, leaning away so Twilight could inspect the damning mark.

Pinkie Pie had ticked both boxes. That's what initially confused Twilight. She then allowed herself to see what had been scribbled around the ticks.

The tick in the left box had Twilight's face, a masterfully cartoonish-replica of it at least, drawn around the tick with the mark itself being the centre-point: The tick doubled as the face's beaming smile.

The no box was a little less obvious, to Twilight. The tick had been incorporated into the top of an open book, from the observer's perspective, which apparently Twilight was lying face down on.

Twilight looked at the bizarrely grinning pony beside her, silently pleading for an explanation.

“I should have known you wouldn't take me seriously...” Twilight sighed miserably.

As Twilight turned to stare back at the sheet of parchment, ink dried now so that she could never remove it with the ease she so desperately needed to right now, and felt the fur on her face dampen slightly. Just so slightly.

She needed to be strong, she needed to not show how hurt she was to the pony furiously tapping her on the shoulder right now.

“Twilight, I know I'm usually not all serious face smarty pants, but I thought about this really hard, which I hardly ever do ever, so would you give me the chance to explain?”

Twilight nodded dumbly, still too emotionally drained to do anything other than just... Go with the flow.

“Well, it wasn't really ever a question of me just liking you was it? Not to me.” Pinkie shook her head slowly. “If I said yes, that'd make you a super happy Twilight, wouldn't it?”

Twilight, once more, nodded slightly.

“Yeah! So, I drew a happy Twilight around what would happen if it was yes! And, I know that when you get all sad and lonely you go and read a lot. Like, a lot. That's sort of why I came in to check on you earlier, because I thought you must have been sad and stuff, and I don't want that.”

She nudged Twilight meaningfully.

“I don't want you to be upset, Twilight, but if I said no then you'd look like that. I don't want that.”

“So you're saying...” Twilight asked hopefully, trailing off, “What are you saying, Pinkie?”

“Well, the option isn't whether or not I like you, because of course I do, you silly smarty, the question is whether I want to make you happy or sad. I want you to be happy!”

“So... You'd want to be my special somepony?” Twilight sniffled a little, rubbing her eyes with the back of a foreleg.

“Well, I don't know what that means, really, like, I know what it is but I don't really know anything about it more than just being super best friends, and yeah, if I had to have a super special somepony, it'd have to be the cutest, smartest, all around best pony, right?”

Twilight stared for a bit before chuckling a little, in spite of herself. “Now you've got that song stuck in my head, again.”

“Oh! Do couples sing together? I guess we're a couple now, right. So I guess we should do coupley stuff.”

Twilight nodded with faux seriousness, very careful not to let any cracks in her poker face show.

“Of course, Pinkie. But they also go on mushie dates, and call each other ridiculously cutesy names, and buy each other chocolates and go and do romantic stuff, like Rarity always talks about.”

Pinkie Pie sat thoughtfully for a moment.

“Twi-Pie. I shall dub thee, Twi-Pie, my marefriend, to have and to hold parties for.”

“Twi-Pie?” Twilight nodded gravely, “Hmm, and what makes you think I might agree to that?”

“Because the alternative,” Pinkie declared, “Is Sprinkles. Or Twi-Pie Sprinkles.”

“I see.” Twilight agreed, “A most wise decision then.”

“Oh, and we can share a milkshake at Sugarcube Corner! That's all romantic and stuff, I think.” Pinkie was very quickly warming up to the idea of having Twilight as a marefriend. Now she had more excuses to do fun stuff with one of her bestest best friends!

“You're completely right,” Twilight playfully rubbed a hoof to her chin as if seriously pondering this, “I'm sure Rarity would approve.”

“Oh! Oh! What else do couples do?”

The momentary confusion was enough for Twilight to break her facade for a moment.

“Err, kiss and stuff, I suppose.”

With that, the simple slip became the complete shattering of Twilight's act, as she stared at the floor and blush furiously.

“Well,” Pinkie cocked her head curiously, “Do you wanna?”

Twilight just blushed even harder for some strange reason.

“Have you... Ever kissed a pony before?”

“Nope!” Pinkie chirped, “You're gonna have to teach me!”

And so, in a brief moment of uncharacteristic courage and recklessness, Twilight did.

As Pinkie's senses were flooded by the softness, the taste, the smell of the pony before her, and most of all the warmth that she felt, the calm and comfortable warmth, she decided that yes. Yes, she really did like having a very special somepony, and she very much liked who had chosen her to be theirs.

After a few long, very long, but still all-too-quickly over seconds they parted, both of them panting heavily.

Twilight's smiling happily, her heart beating like a gong tactically placed in front of a tennis-ball-launcher, blinked a few times. My first kiss, and it was just as good as I'd read about.

Pinkie, meanwhile, was expressionless. Her heart, too, was beating hard and fast, but there was only one though going through her mind as she stared at the pony before her, as if for the first time.

'More.'

Pinkie Pie pounced, bowling Twilight onto her back.

Neither of them noticed the library door opening for a few moments, a choked gasp, and the door quietly being closed again.

A dragon sat at the counter of the icecream stand, drowning himself in a steady stream of chocolate chip-cookie-dough.

“Then that's where I found them,” Spike groaned, “All over each other! It was...”

The unicorn behind the counter, a moody looking green pony with a black mane that was reminiscent of the chocolate-chip mint that was the store's best seller, nodded at Spike.

“Let me guess,” she sighed, “It was pretty gay, wasn't it.”

Spike nodded sullenly into his ice cream.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty gay.”

“Hard to be a cynic when everypony's just so darned happy, huh?”

“I know!” The dragon agreed emphatically as he downed the last of his scoop, cone and all, in a single bite, “It's almost like they don't appreciate just how hard it is to be snarky these days. Twilight used to know...” Spike sighed sullenly.

“Another scoop?” the unicorn asked, her nametag identifying her as Mint.

'Huh. Of course it is.'

“Yes, please. Why don't you have one, yourself, huh? My treat.”

Mint stuck her tongue out disdainfully as she grabbed Spike another generous serving.

“No way, my body is completely intolerant.”

“Of dairy?” Spike raised an eyebrow.

“Nah, of sweetness.”

Spike grinned and raised his cone in a mock salute as the unicorn grinned a little in return.

So it was that one friendship blossomed as another bloomed into something more in the library just a little way away, a relationship filled with excitement and smooches.
Both Twilight and Pinkie agreed with Spike and Minty; It was pretty gay.

They were happy with that.