"Yessss................ YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!" Sombra roared victoriously as he stood amidst the ruins of Canterlot.
Canterlot was barely more than a pile of rubble now, save for a few towers that had withstood the assault. Changelings swarmed the skies, swooping down to pick off any pony stragglers who were still alive. Their leader, Queen Chrysalis, stood perched atop a ledge, laughing maniacally. The Wendigos circled high above, just waiting for the right moment to begin feasting.
Lord Darkhell Fearshadow, the Lord of Evil, a large male alicorn with a black coat, blank white eyes, a large scar over his left eye, a prosthetic right hoof that had hooked claws at the end of it, a swiring mane of smoke, bat wings, heavy spiky armor, and a professional degree in douchebaggery, stood next to Sombra, trying to make all this evilness look like it was his doing; when in reality he was just a shit fan character who acted all deep and mystical and messed with the Mane Six's heads and didn't really do anything actually constructive to the plot.
Fires had spread across the city, creating giant smoke plumes that reached towards the heavens. Mutilated pony bodies littered the streets. The sky was colored blood red. Michael Bay was still making millions at the local box office.
It was a truly dark day.
The Elements of Harmony laid in the rubble, broken, beaten, dying. Celestia, Luna, Discord, Cadence, and Shining Armor were all dead. I dare not say how they died, but what I will tell you is that they are deader than the deadiest dead that you could possibly imagine because they are just that dead. Oh and all the guards were also dead, because they're fucking useless in a fight.
But I will tell you how the villains had ultimately won. Just behind Sombra and Darkhell sat the Nightmare Apocalypse Ragnarok Machine.
It had defeated our heroes by... um... actually, I wasn't looking at the time.
A tomato that you threw then hit me in the face.
...I deserved that.
Wait, look! BEHOLD! For there is still hope!
One little pegasus found the strength to move her legs. She firmly set her hooves on the ground, and stood. Her limbs trembled from the stress, but her willpower would have none of it. All of this cruelty, this injustice, she would not let it stand. Fluttershy began slowly walking forward to the N.A.R.M. It was only a fifty foot walk, but in her current condition it might as well have been fifty miles away.
But one thing was for certain. She was going to end this.
Now.
The villains saw her. And they laughed.
"HAW HAW HAW! This is Harmony's last resort?" Sombra sneered. "The Element of Kindness? Fluttershy? That pathetic little hermit whose only real special ability is cowing others into submission when her usual manipulation tactics don't work? OH THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD!"
Sombra noticed that everyone else was looking at him curiously.
"What?" Sombra asked.
"You spoke normally," Chrysalis answered, "I mean, you legitimately used proper grammar. Shouldn't you be-"
"Talking like a retard? GARBLAAA CRYYYSTAAAL HEAAART SLAAAVVVES STAAAIRSSS GOOBLABLERBLA! Nope, FUCK THAT. I am not the Canon Sombra. Oh no, not by a long shot. I fully intend to indulge in menacing evil speeches, and do you want to know why? Because in this universe, I. HAVE. A. VOOOCAAABUUULAAARYYY!!!!!!!!!!"
"Uh, Sombra?"
"Yes, Chrysalis?"
"Fluttershy is almost at the machine."
"WHAT?!"
Indeed, Fluttershy, being the adorable little badass she is, had painfully limped her way up to the N.A.R.M. while the villains were talking. She only had twenty feet to go.
"FUCK!" Sombra cursed. He shot a glare at Darkhell, who had been idly standing off to the side this entire time. "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING WHILE WE WERE TALKING?!"
"Oh I'm sorry," Darkhell said in the most sincere tone ever, "I was just so enthralled by your amazing speech."
"Oh for the love of- Chrysalis! Kill Fluttershy!"
"Sure thing," Chrysalis replied, "Right after I finish this fucking delicious ham and cheese sandwich."
"... Fine. But be quick about it.
"OMN NOM NOM."
"Okay, good. Now, kill-"
"Hold up, I gotta down this with fifty ounces of red wine."
"Fffffffffuuuuuuuu..."
"GLUG GLUG GLUG. Okay, I'm ready! My subjects! KILL FLUTTERSHY!"
Chrysalis and the Changelings swarmed Fluttershy. Their fangs pierced into her flesh, drawing her blood. Repeatedly smashing their hooves into her face probably only made things worse for poor little Flutters.
And then Fluttershy pulled a bug zapper out of her personal hammerspace. She turned it on, and forced into the face of the changeling who she had the best view of: Chrysalis.
"AAACKABLAAAKERZZZZABLA!" Chrysalis screamed as the electric current flowed from her to every other nearby changeling. They all stood there for a moment, fried, and then they all fell over. Except for Fluttershy, who hadn't been hit. Fluttershy resumed her unstoppable walk.
"WENDIGOS!" Sombra yelled. "Get her!"
The Wendigos obeyed, and swooped down to Fluttershy. Sensing no hate within her, the Wendigos simply decided to start sucking out her soul piece by piece. A Wendigo would pass by Fluttershy, suck out a little bit of her soul Dementor- style, fly away, the next Wendigo would come by, rinse and repeat.
Fluttershy dropped to her knees. She was becoming weaker. She panted to the ground.
A Wendigo approached her, mouth open.
Suddenly, Fluttershy's head snapped up, her eyes widened, and frickin' laser beams shot out of her eyes. The red- hot laser beams hit the Wendigo, causing the monster to promptly melt into a puddle.
The other Wendigos saw the fate of their comrade, an zerg- rushed Fluttershy, demanding vengeance for their fallen comrade. Fluttershy saw them and laser beamed them to death.
"MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?!" Sombra rhetorically asked. He leaped in front of Fluttershy, his horn glowing.
"NOW YOU WILL SUFFER THE WRATH OF KING SOMBRA-"
Fluttershy stuffed a bunch of Gak into Sombra's mouth.
"COUGH GABLA! BLNO! MAH ARF NAMASAS- GAKGCLBLBL! CUTHES! HACK! ACK!"
As Sombra struggled with his archenemy, Fluttershy finally reached the N.A.R.M. In front of her on the side of the totally not dick- shaped machine was her target.
Fluttershy reached out a hoof and-
*BANG*
A bullet tore through Fluttershy's chest. She fell to the ground, bleeding out. She lifted her head to see who had shot her. Lord Darkhell Fearshadow stood over her, wielding a revolver. He was wearing the biggest shit- eating grin.
"Are you ready for my big speech?" Darkhell asked, his grin filled to the brim with multiple rows of sharp teeth.
Fluttershy coughed up some blood and glared at him. "No."
*BANG- BANG*
Fluttershy winced as two more bullets tore through her guts.
"Well too bad. So shut up," Darkhell said, "Now then, I must say Fluttershy, I am impressed. When we last met, that was, what, just three chapters ago? Yes, that's the right number. If I correctly recall, I had broke you and your friends' minds more than that pathetic joke Discord could ever hope to do. Then again, it is common practice in fan fiction for the featured OC villain to psychologically scar the Mane Six, and then the Mane Six recover just in time to defeat him. So, how's that working out for you?"
"... Why..." Fluttershy weakly asked.
"What was that my dear?" Darkhell asked.
Fluttershy vomited up a cup's worth of blood. "I... said... WHY? Why are you doing this?"
"Ah, yes, my motive. Now, most villains would give some pathetic excuse like revenge, or power, or simple spite. I, however, have a far more grand scheme. I intend to be forever remembered as the most absolutely vile My Little Pony Fan Fiction Villain EVER! By the time this story is over, I will have made Chatoyance's Conversion Bureau Celestia, POV's Discord, and Cupcake's Pinkie Pie look like saints!"
"That's a lot to one- up." Fluttershy said.
"Well, it wasn't that hard really. I mean, just look at my track record! In my back story alone I had committed genocide on the alicorns and draconeqqui, by myself, took over the world, again, by myself, and it took the efforts of every race and magical power to seal me within the center of the planet. Then, over the course of the past eighteen chapters of this fic, I broke out of my prison, which caused lots of earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic eruptions mind you, burned down Ponyville and every other city in Equestria, devoured the souls of all the children, raped all the mares, mind- controlled all the stallions into performing gladiatorial combat for my own amusement, set fire to the whole world, killed every living thing I came across, killed most of the main characters, and now here I am, pumping the guts of the most adorable of the Mane Six with lead."
Darkhell fired another shot into Fluttershy. *BANG*
Then, Darkhell lowered his head down to ground level, so that he could look at Fluttershy in the eyes. Their snouts were mere inches apart.
"And do you want to know what I will do after I kill you? After this little battle is over, Fluttershy... I will kick all the puppies!"
Fluttershy blankly stared at Darkhell. He smiled even more evilly.
"And there will be nothing you can do about it."
Fluttershy grabbed Darkhell's head.
"What the-"
"No, you won't win. You will never achieve your goal, and do you wanna know WHY? Because you're nothing more than a ONE SHOT PARODY. And you will NOT. KICK. THE. PUPPIES!" Fluttershy roared in rage.
"WHOA WHAT THE FU-" Was all Darkhell managed to say before Fluttershy smashed his head into the Emergency Glass.
The glass broke, and an alarm sounded off. Darkhell fell to the ground. Huge jagged pieces of glass were sticking into his head. He was dead.
Suddenly a beam of light shot out from the N.A.R.M. and into the sky, connecting with something...
Sombra had finally managed to get the Gak out of his mouth. "Bleh. I fucking hate that stuff. Oh hey look that faggot Darkhell is dead. Good riddance, I say. And-" Something in the sky caught Sombra's attention. "Hey, what is that?"
A singed and crispy- looking Chrysalis walked up next to Sombra, also looking at the sky. "I don't know... is it a cloud?"
"No it's too complicated to be a simple cloud. Look at it, it's getting closer."
The N.A.R.M. started rising from the ground, and lifted off toward the thing in the sky.
"What's the N.A.R.M. doing? Oh hey look I can finally see what that giant thing in the sky is it's a... oh Faust NO!"
Sombra gave a tired sigh. "Fuck my life."
Suddenly, more beams of light shot out from the N.A.R.M. and grabbed a hold of Sombra, Chrysalis, all of the changelings, Darkhell's corpse, and the dead Wendigos, and they were all lifted off the ground against their will along with the N.A.R.M..
"NO! I won't go there! I WON'T GO THERE!" Chrysalis screeched.
"RELEASE ME THIS INSTANT YOU DAMN MACHINE OR I WILL- oh no. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" That was the last thing that Sombra said before he, Chrysalis, the changelings, Darkhell's dead body, the dead Wendigos, and the N.A.R.M. were all sucked into the Giant Butt in the Sky.
And then it was gone with a flash.
Fluttershy laid there on her back in the rubble, alone, dying. "I did it." She thought. "I stopped them."
"F- Fluttershy..." A voice said.
Fluttershy weakly turned her head to the source. A wounded Twilight was limping toward her.
The purple alicorn stopped when she was next to the yellow pegasus, and then dropped to her knees(?). Twilight slid her front hooves under Fluttershy's head and gently lifted her up.
"Fluttershy... what were you thinking?" Twilight asked, tears streaming down her face.
Fluttershy weakly smiled. "I... I had to stop them... *cough*"
"C'mon, lets get you patched up-"
"No, Twilight. You know as well as I do that I'm not gonna make it."
"DON'T YOU SAY THOSE THINGS! DON'T YOU SAY THOSE THINGS UNLESS YOU MEAN THEM!"
"Twilight... I... I..."
"Y- Yes?"
Fluttershy took in a deep breath...
"... Say hello to my little friend! FREEEEEEEEEDOM!!! If you strike me down, Darth, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. I'm MELTING! Rosebud! I don't want to go! Till all are one. Live long, and prosper. Run faster Bambi!"
"What the hell are you doing?" Twilight asked.
"This is my big dramatic death scene," Fluttershy explained, "It has to be memorable somehow." Fluttershy suddenly felt a pain in her chest. "EEP!"
"Fluttershy!"
"Twilight..."
"Please don't die on me... please don't die on me..."
"...Twilight... there's something important I need to tell you..."
"What is it?"
"Twilight, I... I..."
"Y- Yes?"
"... Hurk..."
"Goddammit."
"... Bleh."
Fluttershy died.
The End
**********
Fluttershy woke up inside the simulation pod. The pod's door gave a hiss as it opened, allowing her to step out. She went over to the exit door, opened it, and stepped through.
She was now in the waiting room. She looked around and saw everybody else waiting at the table benches.
Rainbow Dash waved her over. "Hey Flutters, over here. We saved you a seat."
"Oh, thank you Rainbow." Fluttershy said as she meekly trotted over and took her seat.
"So, what did ya think of Twilight's simulation machine?" Applejack asked. "I thought it was a mighty useful piece of equipment that might help us rethink how to take on the enemy."
"I thought it sucked," Discord deadpanned, "I mean, I got killed like ten seconds into the final battle! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!"
"Perhaps it had something to do with you obnoxiously screaming "Discord Jenkins" as you charged into battle?" Luna snarked.
"Not that any of that matters," Rarity said, "We lost by a landslide anyway." She put her hoof to her stomach with a pained expression. "And being impaled with a spear after falling off a tower felt far too real for a simple simulation. I don't think I would go through that again."
"Um, actually, Rarity, we won." Fluttershy said.
"We did?" Rarity and everybody else in the room said.
"Yes. I was rather surprised too. That is, if you don't mind..."
"Wait, you mean we won as in a bittersweet last minute victory, right?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Oh, um, yes?"
"Huh. So, what did Twilight do?"
"Actually, Rainbow Dash, um, it was I who achieved that victory. You see, I went up against all the bad guys by myself, activated the deus ex machina, and then I bled out from my injuries. That's how I just died. Well, if you don't mind..."
Rainbow Dash patted Fluttershy on the back. "Well, well, it looks like somepony's been watching those How to be a Badass DVD's I gave them for their birthday last year!"
"Well, if Fluttershy can do it, I'm sure the rest of us can," Celestia said, "So long as we don't have to go through that hellish simulation ever again."
And then Twilight entered the room. "Huh, never thought I'd die in there from a random piece of debris crushing me. Oh well. Alright everypony, I'm sure if we make the right choices next time, we'll all make it out alive! So, who's up for another simulation?!"
Everybody, Fluttershy included, groaned in annoyance.
The End
Author's Note
I would just like to say to everyone that there is a PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE REASON for why this story exists. So I'm gonna tell you it. Are you ready? Okay, I'm gonna tell you.
..........
I was high on painkillers due to an incident that involved the local police, two cars, an ax, and a very angry Scottish man.
That's all you need to know.
