The Winning Pony and the Templar

One of the first buildings often set up by humans is the bar or saloon. A staple since well before their exodus from what is now Equestria, the bar is often a meeting place of both males and females. A safe haven to celebrate the day’s victories, or to mourn its bitter defeats. And the bartender is more than merely a drink mixer. They are respected counselors and sages, and held in high respect among the local populace.

-Excerpt from Outsider: a pony’s guide to humans

Cloudkicker paused outside the human establishment, a slight frown across her muzzle. Inside the laughter, shouts, and songs of the odd two legs inside echoed into the twilight, beckoning all inside. Well, all humans anyway. Outside of work and trade, in general, the two species never mixed. And while general feelings between the two peoples were friendly, the tales of humans savagery was still circulated. But the old story of the Rebellions wasn’t what was on the mares mind.

Ear flicking, Cloud rustled her wings at her side. A couple of days before, she’d overheard one of the mares at the towns local weather bureau gushing to her sister of her new human beau. Since then, the lavender coated pegasi had been closely observing the local humans, and had to admit… not bad. While, in all honesty, repulsed by minotaurs and diamond dogs, humans weren’t all that bad on the eyes. Pursing her lips into a duck face, Cloudkicker snorted. Problem was, all the local females were mated, and the single males she had seen were… while, not diamond dog ugly, but close enough.

Through careful eavesdropping, Cloudkicker had gathered that most, if not all, of the local male populace would gather after work at this nameless bar. Smirking, the pegasi walked up the wooden steps to the double doors. Time to inspect her prospects. As she lay a wing over a door handle, she paused. Taking a breath, she slowly pushed it down, and went inside.

The large center room of the saloon went silent. Before her, she could see about twenty five human males sitting or leaning on tables, games of chess or cards laid out. Clearing her throat of the odd acrid smoke from many of the rolled paper sticks the bipeds were holding, she gave a tentative smile. None smiled back. They just stared. Some with surprise, others with annoyance, most with merely a neutral expression. All of the sudden, they all turned back to their drinks and games, and the piano began playing again. Shaking her head, the pegasi gave a subtle panning of the room.

Most of the humans were tan, brown maned, though a few had a slightly lighter coloring of skin tone and dark golden hair. At the piano, a truly dark skinned, bald human played. Most weren’t bad looking, just nothing Ponyville’s local nympho would write home about. Her eyes traveled to the bar, and her right eyebrow quirked. Jackpot. Behind the bar, a lone human stood, wiping a glass. Fair skinned, his golden blonde mane was tied with a red silk ribbon into a ponytail as it trailed down his back. His green blue eyes looked up a moment from his wiping, and he gave the pegasi a slight nod and a smile. Thanking her fur for somewhat hiding the sudden flush she felt, the mare smiled back and walked up to the polished wood of the saloon.

He was even more gorgeous up close, but his otherwise flawless features were marred by a pale scare that ran horizontally down his face. All in all, not bad though. After making a tipping gesture to her muzzle with a hoof, she laid a pair of bits on the counter. The human nodded, and laying the shot glass down, he lifted a bottle from under the counter.

“Altaros whiskey, straight from the Territories.”

Melting internally at the soft tone of his voice, she gave a shrug of her wings and a nod. Opening the bottle, the bartender poured the amber liquid. Taking the glass in her hoof, she took it in one go. Chuckling, the human knelt slightly to put the bottle back.

Cloudkicker smacked her lips a couple of times, savoring the burn of the booze as it slide down her throat. Suddenly, it hit her like a boot to the mouth. Lurching forward, her eyes bugged as her head throbbed, and the liquor, along with the late lunch she had, threatened to make a encore all over the bars counter. Not wanting to ruin the spit shine, the blonde maned mare laid her head on the counter, moaning as she rubbed her forehead with a hoof. What the hay was that stuff? Hearing the guffaws behind her, she blushed furiously. She may not have any shame, but she still didn’t like others laughing at her.

As the human rose back, he said smoothly, “Did I forget to mention that this stuff should really be sipped? It has a boomerang affect.”

Covering her face with a hoof, she moaned, “Oh Celestia…. Look’s like I can’t show my pretty mug around here anymore…”

Leaning down again, the bartender mused, “Oh, now I can’t have that…” Lifting her hoof of her face, she watched as he brought the booze back up. Sticking his thumb and first finger to his lips, a shrill whistle stilled the din of voices and music. Cloudkicker winced and flattened her ears to her skull, hissing in pain, and gave the human a glare. Ignoring the angry look, the human waved at a table, saying, “Commandant, comrades! Good news!”

Smirking down at the mare, he continued, “The little lady here wants to buy you all a drink.”

Cloudkicker irked, her mouth working as he set out five glasses, and began pouring. Before she could protest, a shadow passed over her. Chill running up her spine, the mare slowly looked behind her, and gave a gasp. This human was enormous! In general, humans usually topped out around five-five, sometimes six feet. This leviathan was a damn near seven feet tall, and covered in enough muscle to rival even the local apple bucker Macintosh. Looking up at him, she put on her best soldier face. The human suddenly grinned, and saluted.

“Who’s like us?”

Whirling around on her rump, Cloudkicker jumped up. Smirking, she snapped a wing to her forehead, and yelled, “Damn few!”

Lowering the wing, she added with a wink, “And they’re all dead.”

Laughing, the human gave her a playful punch on the shoulder, making the mare take a lurching sidestep and gave out a grunt of pain. As the large human took the tray back to his table, she turned back to the bar, and sat down. Rubbing her shoulder, she winced.

“I thought you’d know that one. West Hoof, right?”

Cloudkicker irked, and looked up at the human wide eyed.

“Yeah… How…?”

Grinning, the human put the bottle back in its place.

“Your wings.”

Looking over her shoulder, she frowned.

“Huh?”

Standing back up, the bartender crossed his arms.

“Body language basically. Not only do your wings convey emotions, there’s an also subtle difference region to region. A Pegasus born a raised in Canterlot is different from a native born Cloudsdale pegasi. And military ponies, especially those born into clans, are particularly telling. Loose along the length, slightly tense in the shoulder joint. It’s kind of like an accent.”

The human quirked his right brow slightly.

“And of course, there are the not so subtle hints that all pegasi share.”

Cloudkicker flared out her wings in surprise as her jaw dropped. Giving a nod, the human said, “For example…”

Flattening her wings down again, the mare looked over her shoulder to the humans she’d been volunteered to buy booze for. They all had smirks, but the rest of the humans seemed oblivious. Groaning, she rubbed forehead again.

“Don’t worry ma’am. Only a few of us soldiers noticed.”

Scowling, Cloudkicker turned to the saddles at her side, but stopped when the bartender said, “No charge.”

Looking back, she frowned. Grinning, the human leaned forward, ruffling the top of her head.

“After such a entertaining display, how could I charge you?”

Rolling her eyes, and nudging the hand off her, she extended a hoof.

“I’m Cloudkicker.”

Taking the hoof in his hand, the human shook it.

“Garret.”

And with a smile and one last sipping draw of whiskey, the pegasi turned and left. At the door to her home, she face hoofed. All that humiliation and she’d forgotten to ask him to bang. Lowering her hoof, she gave a shrug with her wings. Oh well, she mused. She enjoyed the place and its patrons, and more than likely would go back. Plenty of opportunity to rut. Smirking, she hummed as she opened the door, her thoughts turning to the hidden box under her bed. No need, she thought, to go to bed with a case of blue wings. And with that, and a not so subtle twitch of her tail to the left, she walked through the door of her abode.

....................

Two days later

Cloudkicker bobbed her head up and down and tapped her hoof in time to the music as Garret strummed his tune. In the center of the room, he walked and sang as his fingers ran across the strings of his instrument, the polished wood shining in the light of the overhead beacons bathing him in their light. Around him, at their tables, males and female humans cheered and clapped.

Im’ a admodum probitas vir

Quod ego in optimum

Ego non faciunt te femina

Neque pecunia aut amare

Praefero mea equus

Ego ire in erat

In sidera et in luna

Ei scio ubi mihi sunt

He belted out loudly

Ay yi yi yi yi

Ay mea amore

Ay mea tenebris capillus amore

E mea cor

Walking to the bars counter, he winked at the only pony there, and she clapped her hooves together, cheering him. Climbing onto first the stool, then onto the bar, he sang

Ego sicut ludere cithara

Musica alo me companion

Quando ego cantare

Hic erat sic felix

Malim sicut ad capio my bib

Cervesia est melius

Sed ego etiam probaverunt vinum

Contigo eam dulcis tangere

Ay yi yi yi

Ay mi amore

Ay mea tenebris capillus amore

E mea cor

A cry of protest rang out. At the opposite end of the bar, a young woman struggled as a drunk and amorous young human accosted her. Frowning, Garret made his way across the counters length, still making the guitars chorus ring out as he drew close. Not stopping, he knelt, and whistled. The human male turned, and with a grimace, Garret smacked the man hard with the head of the instrument, breaking the drunks nose. As the man collapsed and bellowed, the woman gave him a good kick as other males drew close to drag him out. And not missing a stride, or a note of his guitar, Garret sang.

Ego sicut ludere cithara

Ego sicut ad cantare mi Carmen

Sed iam ego ire ad bellum

A gladius apud my latero

He jumped off the bar, and with a last prolonged note, sang

Ay yi yi yi yi

Ay mi amore

Ay mea tenebris capillus amore

E meeeeeaaaaaa  corrrrrrrrr!

Bowing, he thanked his cheering audience as the stamped their hands and glasses against table. Cloudkicker smirked as he walked behind the bar, and put the instrument away.

“Show off.”

Rolling his eyes, he poured her drink. As her wing dipped into a satchel to pull out her bits, he said, “So, miss Kicker. Tell me about yourself.”

Laying the bits down, she shrugged, then picked up her drink.

“Not much to tell really. I’m just your average cloud wrangler, former military brat.”

Nodding, he poured a drink for a customer, and asked, “Yeah, West Hoof. So, how’d a fine military mare like yourself become a cloud pusher in a back water like this?”

Rubbing the back of her neck, Cloudkicker chuckled sheepishly.

“Not many options after I bailed out during the graduation ceremony.”

Grinning, Garret wiped a glass.

“Subtle.”

Cloudkicker paused as she lifted her glass, and gave a nod.

“Dear old ma and pa certainly thought so,”

As she took a sip, she regarded him over the edge of her glass. Laying it down, she tilted her head.

“How about you?”

Chuckling, Garret laid the glass down.

“Disgraced ex-templar. Commanding officer ordered me to kill a couple of recruits he accused of desertion. They didn’t

desert, they were just late for role call.”

The mare took another sip.

“And….?”

The human shrugged.

“I told to her too eat shit and die.”

Snorting with amusement, Cloudkicker laid her glass down again. Unscrewing the top of his bottle, he gave her another pull.

“Sooo… any special somepony in your life?”

Garret shrugged again as he placed the bottle back.

“ ‘Fraid not. Templar training didn’t leave much in the way of socializing.” Turning back, he winked.

“How bout you?”

Cloudkickers ears flattened slightly as she looked down at her drink.

“She… uh, she died, not too long ago.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Garret looked down, frowning at his feet.

“Sorry.”

The Pegasus shrugged her wings slightly.

“Its not your fault.”

Looking up, he asked , “What was her name?”

Smiling, she took another sip, and said softly, “Derpy Hooves.”

Sniffling, she wiped a tear from her cheek with a wing.

“I miss her, but whatever feelings I got pale compared to what her foals are going through.”

Leaning her head back, she took a picture from her saddle, and tapped a hoof on it when she lay it on the counter.

“That’s her, the wall eyed mare. The little gray unicorn is Dinky, the pink and lavender mare's Sparkler.”

Looking over the picture, he chuckled.

“Cute kids. Who’s the other two pegasi.”

“Alula, my little sister. The other ones Rainbow Dash, she’s their godmother.”

She sniffled again, and put the picture back into the saddlebags. Looking up, she gave a small smile.

“Hey Garret, I’m going to take off, ok?”

The bartender nodded. The room was dead silent as she walked out.

…………………………………..

Cloudkicker walked into the office of her place of work, head low, and wings drooping. Everyone watched helplessly as she made her way to the bosses office, even Blossomforth unable to offer any comfort. She’d get like this from time to time, and nothing anyone did could snap her out of it. All everyone could do was wait and worry.

Smiling weakly, she opened the door to Rainbows office. Rainbow gave a distracted nod, and said, “Hey, Cloud, sit down a sec. Close the door too.”

Frowning herself now, Cloudkicker nudged the door shut, and as she sat, said “Uh oh, I hear the bell tolling.”

Shaking her head, Rainbow dipped her head into the open drawer of her desk. Struggling a bit, she lifted it out, and it clunked as it was dropped down.

Seeing the look on the opposing mares face, she said, “I found this one my bed side table this morning. Bits. More specifically, one thousand, five hundred, and eight six bits.”

Cloudkicker gaped.

“What? But who…”

Rainbow shrugged.

“No idea. Just left the bits, and a note saying, “From those concerned.”

Cloudkickers eyes narrowed a slight frown on her muzzle.

“Garret….”

“Who?”

The blonde mare rolled her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it Rainbow. I think I know who gave that to you.”