We will fight for what we believe in and never back down, for together we are unstoppable and together we will conquer the land!
Those encouraging words had been given to me by my loyal friend General John Adams. A brave soldier among many... and a damn fine leader too.
I glanced at my watch. Time seemed to be moving quickly, as did the rebel army. We had been keeping tabs on them for the past three hours while trying to figure out the plans of their leader, and all-round master tactician, Twilight Sparkle. She may be a Princess now but that didn’t stop her from leading an army.
I could see faint movement coming, a few clicks north-east of my position. Squinting my eyes to try and perceive the incoming objects, I whipped out my binoculars and proceeded to identify the target: three unsuspecting little fillies otherwise known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“Let them pass.” said John as he placed a hand on my shoulder.
I lowered my binoculars and remained crouched, following the Crusaders like a hawk. They seemed unaware of the fact that they were wandering through a battlefield. As they drew closer, a master plan came to my mind.
“We could use them as hostages and force the enemy to surrender.” I suggested.
John took a moment to think about it as the sound of sticks snapping drawing closer with each passing moment. Nodding to me as a sign of his approval of my plan, he slipped away from uur location and proceeded to take the fillies down one by one.
I watched eagerly as he used his extensive training to subdue Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo with rope and duct tape before dragging them back to our base for questioning. It was with those skills that he was able to defeat me in an arm wrestling contest we held to decide who would take leadership of our army.
I began toying with my rifle, pretending I was an elite assassin with incredible accuracy. As I looked through the scope of my gun I decided to entertain myself by aiming at various trees and rocks throughout the forest.
“Pew, pew, pew.” I avoided the cost of real ammunition by replacing it with laser noises.
My attempts at having fun were quickly interrupted by the sound of rustling behind me. I swung around on the spot and was shocked tom find myself aiming at Spark Plug. I quickly lowered my weapon and he motioned for me to return to base before he took my place in the bushes.
As I entered the camp I broadened my shoulders and puffed out my chest, the smell of burning timber lingering from the fire by the central tent. Shining Armour shot up from his seat and provided me with a spectacular salute, before proceeding to show me the current battle strategy, which he had spent hours preparing.
“As one single unit," he said as he moved various pebbles around, "we will attack them from this location. You shall be leading the right formation while John and I will be covering both the central and left-most positions respectively."
“And what," I said, "are our chances of success?”
“If my calculations are correct," Shining replied, "then we have an eighty seven percent chance to overthrow them before sunrise."
“Then we shall get to it immediately.” I ordered as I crushed the pebble in my hand.
Making my way towards the central tent I could hear the muffled cries of the Crusaders from within. I made my way inside, a small lantern swaying from the ceiling being the only source of light.
I saw the petrified looks on their faces as I approached; they still didn’t have the slightest clue what they had gotten themselves into. John stood directly to my right, his finger perched about the trigger of his rife. I stepped over to Scootaloo and quickly tore the duct tape from her mouth, causing her to whimper in pain.
“Tell me Scootaloo..." I asked, "do you know why we captured you?”
“No,” Scootaloo replied tearfully, "I don't."
“Good.” I muttered as I slapped the tape back over her mouth to silence her before she could scream.
I turned my attention to Apple Bloom who I believed the most confident of the three, which was probably why she looked furious at this point.
“Do you know why you are here?” I asked again, causing her to make random noises because of the duct tape around her mouth. I placed my hand on her head and shook it from left to right.
“No,” I put on my best impression of her accent, "Ah don't know why we're here."
My little interrogation was suddenly interrupted by Spark Plug barging into the tent.
“State your business,” I snapped, "and make it quick."
“Applejack is on her way here," Spark replied as he tried to catch his breath, "and she knows we have Applebloom.”
I placed my rifle on the floor and turned to John with a smile on my face.
“Look’s like you," I pointed at him, "are going to get your arse handed to you.”
Applejack suddenly tore through the camp and into the tent. I could swear at this point she had steam coming out of her ears.
“John," she screamed as she tore the gun from his hands, "what in tarnation are ya doin' to mah sister?!”
“Me and Geo are just trying to have some fun." John snapped, "Come on hon, give us a break.”
Applejack untied the Crusaders, who immediately ran for their lives. John was slowly inching his way toward the exit of the tent and I felt that it was probably in my best interest to follow him, because I’ve seen how bad AJ can get when she’s pissed off with someone.
“Geo, could y'all leave?" she asked calmly, "Ah want to talk ta mah darlin' husband here."
As I made my way out of the tent, I was disappointed when I came face-to-face with a very pissed off Twilight, who proceeded to smack me across the head and drag me away in her magical aura.
“I warned you not to fuck around with those paintball guns," she grumbled, "but you just wouldn’t listen.”
As I was being carried home for what I knew was going to be a brutal beating, I saw him. He was hidden away in the trees, aiming down his scope at Twilight.
“Ace," I chuckled, "you sneaky bastard.”
Author's Note
Thanks to GeodesicDragon for editing... as well as allowing me to write this in the first place.