An Unlikely Hunter

by Bolding

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Human, Other, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 52764

With nothing to lose, would you risk your life for a quick Bit? Unfortunately for Anon, it's his only choice.

Living off only odd jobs alone, Anon feels it's time to make some serious bank. Little does he know that after catching a petty thief, his life will change drastically.

This is an Anon in Equestria story. If you have a problem with stories being in second person and the main character being called Anon, please, by all means, leave now.

Thanks to RatChieftain for the picture and WhatIMustDo for proofing this story.

Published 2013-03-23 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-31 00:44:44 UTC

Chapter 2: Enter Zecora

Back and forth, she paced throughout the room. Imprints of her hooves began to sink into the rose-colored floor. The clues were together, but it seemed too simple, almost as if it was planned. Looking to the ceiling, she notices the final clue. Water began to drop from it, right in the one place no one looked.

"Marshall didn't take the Ultima Unicorn Spell Book," she proclaims. Placing her hat onto her head, Marelock looked around the room once more. The grandmaster clock chimes seven times, alerting that the new hour had sprung.
Neighson looked to her in confusion.

"But, if he didn't take the book, who did?" Turning on the heel of her hooves, Marelock spins around to face Neighson.

"It was none other than AAAANNNNNOOOOONNNNNNNN!" You are forcibly removed from your train of thought. The sun shines brightly as you read under the shade of a tree just outside your home. Looking up from your reading material, you meet face to face with a smiling Pinkie Pie. Letting out an annoyed sigh, you bend the corner of the page and close your book.

"What is it Pinkie?" She removes a newspaper from her saddlebag and places it on your lap. The front page displays the newspaper name Appleloosan Courier. In big, bold print, a large wanted is on front. A picture of a Minotaur is displayed, sporting a cliche cowboy hat and a mustache.

"Where did you get this?" Triumphant, she lifts her chin in the air with a smile.

"The Cakes get newspapers from all around to see how the competition is doing. I asked if I can have them when they were done so we could use them." Placing the paper back in her saddlebag, you stand up.

"I'm not doing any bounty hunting. It was a onetime deal." As you start walking back to your home, Pinkie follows alongside you.

"But, Anon! It's an exciting job! It pays well! Think of all the cupcakes you could buy!" Placing your hand to your face, you let out another annoyed sigh.

"Listen. It's dangerous. My life is not worth throwing away for a couple of bits!" She stands between you and the doorway, trying to think of a way to convince to take up this occupation.

"Let me ask you Anon. It's been two weeks since the diamond dog incident. How much money do you have left over?"

Your heart sinks. Money management was not your strong suit. Eating expensive dinners and nights at the bar quickly vaporized the hundred bits you made. You had fifteen bits to your name.

"What does my money have to do with it?" you ask defensively. She lowers her eyelids, almost as if she was staring directly into your very soul.

"You need the money. The job pays for it. You enjoyed it when it was happening. It's the perfect job for you!"

This was true. You had fun piecing the puzzle together to find where the diamond dog was heading next. You enjoyed the thrill of coming face to face with danger. But most important of all, you enjoyed the money. Defeated, you drop your head down and sigh.

"Okay, I'll do it. But only for the money!" Pinkie grins triumphantly.

"I knew you'd come to your senses!" She puts her hoof to her chin and taps it.

"Now the only problem is that disadvantage of yours." You raise an eyebrow.

"What disadvantage?" Pretending to hold a long object in her hoof, she swings towards you head and stops.

"Remember THAT?" Embarrassment fills your face as your cheeks turn a bright red.

"It was a hollow pipe! Of course it wouldn't do anything! I was just desperate." She lowers her lids and grins.

Sweat begins to form on your forehead. You begin to open the front door in a panic, only to be blocked off by Pinkie.

"You need help Anon! Just admit it!" Pushing her aside, you enter the house and lock the door. As you turn around, Pinkie is in your face again.

"Hu- What? How?" Her stare slowly grows into a glare. Raising your hands above your head, you admit defeat.

"What do I have to do?" She smiles, basking in the glory of her victory.

"We're going to see a friend of mine! She should be more than helpful." As you head out, Pinkie follows, hopping alongside you. Her cheerful nature sometimes leaves a sour taste on your tongue. Nopony should be that happy all the time.

"Pinkie." She turns her head and looks at you. "Why are you always so happy?"

She stops for a moment and ponders.

"A failed experiment by my dad. He put an internal endorphin meter in my head so that every time my happiness levels go down I get a kick start in my brain, releasing more endorphin. This one time it short circuited and bad things happened..."

"Really?" She smiles and turns her head to you.

"Nope!" Continuing on her way, you can't help but shake your head. She was such a strange pony. Maybe it was best to just ignore it. As you both advance, you begin to come close to the Everfree Forest. Since the day you came to this town, the ponies always warned you to stay out of there.

"Uh, Pinkie? Who exactly is this pony?"

"She's not a pony, silly. She's a zebra!"

A zebra? That was the first time you heard of a zebra living near Ponyville.

"And she lives in the Everfree Forest?"

"Yep!" Pinkie hops along the trail, heading directly into the dark, shady forest. A little hesitant at first, you follow her. The darkness quickly consumes your sight as you make out a thin path. Bushes rustle as you pass, along with sounds of growls and chirps. You see the faint figure of a pony hopping in the distance.

You begin to run towards it when a sudden small beam of light peers through the trees and almost blinds you. In front of you is a small hut in the shape of tree glowing amongst the dark forest. An impatient Pinkie waits for you out front.

"Come on, slowpoke!" As you approach her, she knocks on the door. The forest goes strangely silent. Hoof steps echo throughout the tree house, progressively getting louder as they reach the door. The door opens slowly to reveal a zebra with strange hair. She smiles as her eyes meet Pinkie's.

"Ah, Pinkie, such a pleasure seeing you." She turns her gaze towards your direction. "Who is this that you bring out of the blue?"

You extend your hand out for a shake. Confused, she looks at your hand and back to you. Pinkie clears her throat in an attempt to clear the confusion.

"Zecora, this is Anon, the one I told you about!" Her eyes widen from this news.

"Ah, the one who needs help from me, if not for luck, he would not be." In almost a flash, anger clouds your mind. You turn to Pinkie who quickly turns away, pretending to be interested in a hanging mask. Zecora pulls out a long object wrapped in blankets from the corner of her room.

"It has been long since this has seen day, I had feared it would meet decay." Unraveling the blanket, she reveals a long, thin wooden staff. It was roughly about five feet in length and had strange writings across it. Age was clearly not kind to this rod. Clear signs of use litter the stick from top to bottom. She places the staff down in front of you.

"With proper care, this staff will do fine to teach you the ways of the divine." You pick up the staff. It's quite heavy for being as thin as it is.

"What do you mean the divine?" She turns around looking at her own staff.

"My kind have worked very, very hard, to ensure the future is bright, the divine are the ones who weed out the dark, to make way for light." This rhyming was getting annoying. You feel it isn't necessary to ask any more questions, so you lift the rod.

"Shall we get started?" She nods and grabs her staff, which is smaller than yours, in her mouth. All three of you exit the house. You and Zecora stand across from each other. A question suddenly pops into your head. How was she supposed to hol-

Zecora stands on her hind legs and holds the staff between the bend of her right foreleg while placing the bottom of her left hoof underneath it. She takes the tip and puts it to the ground to maintain balance. You're actually impressed. Not only did she answer your question, but she was able to hold the staff and maintain a position that was comfortable for her. She sees your amazement and chuckles.

"You are amazed at a simple stance, but nothing will compare to my staff's dance!" She lifts the staff and heads directly for you. In a sudden spur, you lift your staff up and try to defend yourself. She retracts her staff as you lift yours for the block and quickly strikes you in the chest. The force put into the blow knocks you on your bottom. Zecora moves back and regains the same position as before. You wipe the dust off as you get back up and get yourself in position.

"That wasn't exactly fair," you grunt.

Pinkie interrupts.

"Are you going to say that to the bounties when they hit you?" Glaring at Pinkie, you grit your teeth. She's right, but she didn't have to butt in. She smiles and turns to Zecora.

"Hey Zecora! You should give Anon here a reward if he hits you! Like a nice sleepover or something." She winks in your direction. The glare grows thicker now as your gritting echoes through the forest. Pinkie takes the hint and turns her head away, whistling. As you return to the lesson, a familiar feeling hits your chest. The staff has come back to say hello.

As you butt slams on the ground again, you feel your head start to boil. This was getting annoying really quick. Standing up, you dust yourself again.

"Hey Anon!" Pinkie continues to jeer.

Just ignore her, just ignore her, just ignore her, just ignore her, you mutter to yourself.

"If you can beat her, maybe she'll play with your staff!" She bursts into a giggle fit and falls over.

"Damn it, Pinkie!" On your ass again. Zecora sighs and looks down in disappointment.

"Your focus is too low, it will only bring you down, falling so much will only turn your bottom brown." Pinkie's giggle fit turns into uncontrollable laughter. Standing up, you look at Zecora's staff and ready yourself. Focusing on nothing else, you wait for the strike. She makes her way towards you when an idea hits. Quickly sliding your hands to the end of the staff, you swing at the ground towards her hind legs.

Your plan quickly fails as she jumps up and knocks you back again. This time, however, you stand your ground. She smiles as you readjust your position. With no hesitation though, she quickly steps in for another strike. Waiting for her hooves to rear back, you quickly step into her space. Her eyes widen. She has no room to strike.

Pushing your weight into the staff's end, you align it with her chest. She flies back onto her bottom, and beams at you. Pinkie's laughing suddenly stops as she stares at you in awe. Standing back up, Zecora balances her staff on her back.

"To hit a master means you learn well, I expect you to quickly excel." She kneels on one hoof. You return the gesture with a kneel as well.

"Let us start with a simple strike, then my skills you will learn alike." She leads you and Pinkie further into the forest, guiding you to wherever she has planned for you next. Immediately, you could hear something like rushing water up ahead. The trees immediately thinned out, revealing a fast running river running right down off the edge of a cliff.

Zecora makes her way towards what seems like a bush and removes it's leaves. The bush is revealed to be a dummy made of hay. She takes her stance and looks towards your direct.

"A simple trick, is to strike like so..." Without rearing back, she swings her staff horizontally and hits the dummy in the head. The dummy lands on its side and quickly springs back up.

"...Easily knocking down your foe." She steps back and waves her hoof, signaling you to take your place. You walk up to the rocking dummy and station yourself. Zecora quickly stops you and adjusts your position. She takes your right foot and places it forward. Bringing the staff to your left side, she places your left hand on the lower end and the right to the midsection. Pinkie tries to suppress her laughter, but breaks.

"Zecora, is that how he should handle his staff for now on?" She falls to the ground rolling in laughter. Before you can even say anything, Zecora grabs hold of your head.

"Listen closely, focus is key, you must try your hardest to ignore Pinkie!" Taking a deep breath, you look at the now motionless dummy. You strike quickly as she did and watch as the dummy flops over.

In almost an instant, the dummy reclaims in position and flings upwards. The force from the readjustment knocks into your staff, which in turn smacks your side, knocking you over. Zecora sighs and face hooves.

"Much work we have, your balance is weak, we must change that so you will not reek." She grabs her staff and looks to the top of the cliff. Placing in on her back, she begins to follow the path leading upwards.

"Testing your might is important enough, but these conditions absolutely are not that tough. If to it you are not a stranger, you might progress faster through danger." You look to Pinkie who merely shrugs and bounces towards Zecora. Following in suit, you follow the two up the path. As you walk the path of the steep cliff-side, sweat drops down your face. Zecora hasn't said a thing or given so much as a sign of being tired.Pinkie happily bounces alongside you, wearing her signature grin. How in the hell were these two so content with this walk?

You all reach the top and stand before a raging river under the glaring, hot noon sun. Zecora stands in the middle of the river, not far from the edge of the waterfall, on one hoof. She signals you to come and mimic her position. As you make your way into the river, the force almost knocks you over. You regain yourself and slowly make your way to Zecora.

Pinkie begins to playfully roll around in the grass on the riverside. Her squeals of delight can be heard over the rushing water. Trying your best, you stand on one leg. You look over your shoulder and instantly regret it. The fall down to the pool below was tremendous. One slip up and there was no way you'd live. Zecora sees your face and sighs.

"Focus and balance are needed most. If you don't utilize them, you are toast." Taking a gumball sized gulp, you attempt to lift your leg. You begin to feel the rush of the water take over and quickly put your leg back down. Deciding to follow her example, you look over at Zecora. She is completely focused and doesn't move a single muscle. You close your eyes and focus your weight to your right leg.

Slowly, you bring your leg up. The powerful currents attempt to shift you, but they fail. Only two things in your thoughts matter at this point. Keeping your leg down and not falling to your death. You close eyes and continue your focus. The sounds of rushing water leave your ears as you train. Darkness consumes your vision and no sound enters your mind. It's almost as if you're dead.

Your eyes quickly shoot open as you gaze into the setting sun to ensure that you haven't reached certain doom. You look around you to see a now setting sun, Zecora still at your side. She opens her eyes and looks at you before placing herself on all fours.

"Time has flown and left us behind, we shall do this again another time." She begins to walk towards the shoreline. As you place your foot down, you attempt to follow her.

Attempt being the keyword, since your leg had turned into dead weight from the cold water and being in the same position too long. Dragging your leg across, you slowly make your way to the shore line and find a happy Pinkie sniffing some flowers.

"Oh! Are you done? Let's go get our bounty now!" Zecora shakes her head in disapproval.

"Pinkie, his training is not yet complete; the bounties he'd fight, he could not compete." Pinkie gives out a disgruntled moan and raises her front hooves in the air, only to fall on her back.

"Ugh! That'll take forever. Can't you just give him a week-long crash course or something?" Zecora puts her hoof to her chin and thinks.

"A week is short, but much can be learned, if that is the motion that is yearned." She turns to you. Thinking about it, it wasn't best to rush it. A great meal took time to prepare and cook and art was never rushed.

"I think it's best we take our time on this. If we rush it, I feel I won't being performing at my best." Pinkie quickly interjects.

"Anon, we don't have much time. The bounty could be taken by the time you're done, or killed by some freak accident!" This was true. Time was of the essence, and there was no telling when the next bounty would come in.

"You make a valid point. So a week will do?" Zecora nods. Pinkie jumps up and clops her hooves together.

"It's settled then! A week of training and we take on the bounty. Then you can take it at your own pace when we get back!" Suddenly, an unexplained drum begins to play around you all as Pinkie clears her throat.

Sing along folks!

"Where is that coming from?" Zecora grabs her staff and idly looks at you.

"Do not fret in her singing barrage, it is just a Pinkie montage." As the moon begins to rise, she gets in position for a spar. You are knocked down multiple times and badly bruised as she uses you for easy practice.

Let's get down to business, to defeat the scallions!
Did they send her a filly, when she asked for a stallion?
You're the saddest human, I ever met, but you can bet before we're through...
Anon, she will make a hero out of you!

The next morning the training begins again. Hopping across the raging river on small stones, you slip and hit you head. Zecora grabs you from the water, bringing you to shore with her staff, shaking her head in disapproval.

Plain as a doughnut, but as sugary as a pie, once you find you center, you are sure not to die!
You're a hairless, pale, pathetic ape, and you haven't got a clue.
Somehow she'll make a hero out of you!

Hanging by a mere finger in the dim moonlight, you regain your composure and grab a hold of the cliff-side and continue to climb.

"I'm never gonna catch my breath! Say good-bye to those who knew me! Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym!"

The next morning, Zecora beats you down to the ground again in her sparring. She shakes her head as she walks away.

"She's gonna beat me half to death! Hopefully she doesn't hospitalize me! Now I really wish I wasn't so dim!"

You are almost to the top of the tree where the flag sways in sync with the wind. The branch you grab snaps from your weight and you hurdle down hitting each branch on the way. A disappointed Zecora shakes her head as she picks you up, making sure you aren't badly injured. Booming throughout the forest, a chorus begins to sing as well.

~A hero!~

"Where is that coming from?"

Must be as soft as a muffin top!
~A hero!~

"No, seriously, I'm freaking out now."

With the hardness of a tough guy!
~A hero!~

"Whatever, I'm just going to ignore it."

With all the strength of a jawbreaker! Mysterious as the burnt side of moon pieeeee!

Hitting the dummy in rapid successions, it retracts quickly and knocks you over. Zecora gives a disappointed sigh and walks away.

Time is of the essence until all your money's gone.
Do what she tells you to and you will have won!
You're the saddest excuse of a hunter ever, so pack up, go home, you're through.
How could she make a hero out of you?

Zecora takes your staff and walks into her tree house. The look of disappointment on her face shows she's pretty much given up on you. Looking at the tree next to her home, you see the flag on top fluttering in the wind. As night settles in, you begin to work your way up. Zecora walks out as the sun rises to see you sitting at the truck of the tree, holding the flag. She smiles as she walks back inside and grabs your staff, handing it to you.

~A hero!~
Must be as soft as a muffin top!

You glide across the rocks and quickly cross the raging river.

~A hero!~

As if it were as simple as walking, you climb up the cliff-side with ease.

With the hardness of a tough guy!

Zecora's hits are deflected with ease as you block with your staff. She smiles at your success.

~A hero!~
With all the strength of a jawbreaker! Mysterious as the burnt side of moon pieeeee!

After finishing your meal, you look up from your now empty bowl.

"Thanks again for the training and food, Zecora. I owe you big time." She shakes her hoof.

"It is no problem, do not fret, some of you bounty I will get." A fair trade, if you do say so yourself. She takes your bowl and hands you your staff.

"One last thing, we must test, to see if in battle you are best." You stand up and follow Zecora out of the house. She leads you to the familiar pool where Pinkie waits impatiently.

"Finally! You guys take foreeeeever." Pinkie climbs up your back and wraps her hooves around your neck.

"Pinkie, get off." You attempt to take her off, but she holds on tight. Zecora raises her hoof and clears her throat.

"Your final test is not so small, the trial of the elements is your final call." You point at Pinkie on your back.

"So why does she have to be on my back?" Zecora shakes her head.

"Patience and focus are the key, they surely will be tested with Pinkie." Great, just what you needed. This was probably going to be hard enough, but with Pinkie, it just increased tenfold.

"Isn't this great Anon? We're going to have so much fun!" The headache was just beginning. But, if there was anything you learned this past week, it was to focus on what's ahead. This was surely a test of wits.

"Pinkie, do you know what the Trial of Elements is?" She stretches her neck to your face and looks into your eyes.

"Well, all six of us had to go through the Everfree Forest and get to a castle thingy to find our elements." So it was an obstacle course in other words.

Fun.

Pinkie rolls her eyes.

"I proposed an all night stamina test, if you know what I mean, but Zecora just called me a fool." Letting out an annoyed sigh, you smack her lightly in the back of the head with your staff.

"Damn it, Pinkie."

Chapter 4: Yeehaw!

The loud grinding from the rails pierces her ears. Like an abstract painting, the world outside is blurry and disoriented from the window's view. The train ride is scheduled to go on for three days. Pulling out her pocket watch, she looks at the time.

3:08 p.m.

"Neighson, fetch all the suspects. It's time I confronted the murderer." Neighson nods, galloping out of the cart. All the clues were here, but something was amiss. Even with the answers in front of her, she couldn't place her hoof on it. Marelock could only hope this plan will work. Neighson returns with three ponies, each looking worried. Looking to the ground, Marelock begins to pace back and forth.

"Tell me, Cassandra. What does the guilt of having another's blood stain your soul feel like?" Cassandra's jaw drops as her ears receive the statement.

"How dare you accuse me of killing my husband!?" Marlock quickly shakes her hoof to get her to stop.

"I never once accused you, I merely asked you a question." The mare looks at her, baffled.

"I wouldn't know. I’ve never killed anypony." Marelock walks over to the dark blue colored stallion.

"Carlton, if given the chance, would you kill Mr. Fillyton if you wouldn’t be caught? It would mean your freedom, wouldn’t it?" He fiercely shakes his head.

"Never! I owed Mr. Fillyton my life. The day he save me was the was the day I swore to serve him!" She breaks eye contact with him and moves to the last pony.

"Mr. Fillyton was quite a rich stallion. Why wouldn't he leave some money to his mistress upon death, Carol?" Cassandra's eyes quickly widen and turns to glare at the silver-maned mare. Carol turns her head away to break eye contact with her.

"I would never stoop to murder. I'm not some petty two-bit whore." With a roll of her eyes, Marelock walks away from the three.

"Each one of you had a reason to kill him. Each one of you had an alibi. But one of you messed up." They all look at each other in confusion.

"The murderer is none other than-" The cart instantly grows dark as the train enters the tunnel. Throwing the book to the ground in frustration, you give up.

You have been trying to finish that Marelock book since the beginning of this trip. Constant distractions have kept you from completing your goal. Light quickly fills the cart as a smiling Pinkie comes to focus.

"What’samatter Anon?" Picking up the book, you dust it off. Twilight was going to be pissed about this. She had already charged you a nice fee for folding the corner of a page on the last book. Turning to Pinkie, you sigh.

"It's nothing, Pinkie. I guess I'm just nervous about this bounty is all." She giggles and puts a hoof on your shoulder as she shrugs.

"There's nothing to worry about, Anon! With Zecora's training and me as your partner, nothing can go wrong!" Actually, with only a week of training and her as your partner, everything could go wrong. Looking out the windows, you notice a huge change in scenery. The once luscious green trees were nothing but rock, sand, and dirt as the sun began to set. This train trip wasn't cheap and it left you with only three bits to spare. Looking down at your feet, you let out a sigh.

Were you really ready for this? Are you really willing to throw your life away for a few bits? You take your staff out from under your seat and look at it. This thing looks like it's been well used over the years as you examine the scruffs and nicks all over it. There were strange writings across it as well. You had completely forgotten to ask Zecora about them. Pinkie slowly raises her head into your view.

"Whatcha lookin at?" You place the staff back under the seat.

"I was just thinking. Let me ask you something, Pinkie." She turns her head like a curious dog. You give her a serious face and look her in the eyes.

"Do you think I'm ready for this?" Pinkie replies with a happy smile.

"Nope!" You look down at your feet in dismay. She pokes her head into your view again, this time with a serious face.

"You’re heading into a place you know nothing about, fighting someone you don't know, and you’re fighting using a style you know little about. Of course you're not ready! You'll never be. But you ARE prepared." She had a point. No matter what the bounty was for, you were never going to be ready. The little bit of realization lifts your spirits. You ruffle her hair, making no change to its style.

"Thanks Pinkie. You always know how to put a smile on someone's face, don't you?" She nods her head.

"That’s my job! Oh! I even have a song for smiling!" She begins filling her lungs, taking a deep breath. You quickly put your hand over her mouth to silence her.

"No. Not even now. You know how I feel about singing." Like a gust of wind, she expels the excess air out of her lungs. The sound of a sharp whistle pierces your ears. You look outside to see an old-western style town slowly creeping into view. The train comes to a full stop as you stand up.

Grabbing your staff and belongings, you make your way to the door. As you emerge out onto the station platform, a bunch of ponies begin to stare at you. A few whisper to each other as others begin to leave. Being in Ponyville for so long made you forget about the fact that not everyone has seen a human before. Ignoring the fact you were a circus freakshow again, you walk to Pinkie, who is talking to some stallion. She turns around and waves to you.

"Anon, come here! I have somepony to show you!" You stand next to Pinkie as the stallion looks you up and down.

"Hmm, he's a fine piece o' work, he is." He begins to lick his lips as he gives you a creepy smile. Pinkie jumps up onto your shoulder.

"Braeburn, Anonymous." She jumps down and points to the stallion. "Anonymous, Braeburn!"

Slowly, you extend your hand for a handshake. Braeburn shakes it with his hoof and removes his hat.

"Pleasure meeting ya Anonymous! Pinkie told me all about you in her letter." You turn to Pinkie, confused. She looks at you and smiles.

"I sent a letter to Braeburn here since he's been here from the town's beginning. He'd make the perfect guide!" He smiles and shakes his head.

"Well, I don't mean ta brag, but I know this town better than anypony 'round these parts." His face completely changes to a serious one. "I know you're here for him, and I gotta say, ya got a pair on ya, Anonymous. Billie the Baddie ain't no joke." You suppress a chuckle at the name. Anyone going by the name of Billie the Baddie deserves a bounty under the charge of a stupid name.

"He's been causin' a ruckus ever since he stepped hoof in this here town. Robbing stores, havin' his way with the mares. Dang it, he even had the nerve ta make fun of my mane!" He angrily stomps his hoof into the dirt. "It's about time somepony put a stop ta his ways." You give him a shrug.

"I don't really care what he did. All I care about is bringing him in and getting my money." Braeburn's brow raises.

"There's a reason for the thousand bits on his head. He ain't exactly an easy catch." Again, you shrug.

"I'm aware of the problem. I'm here to take care of it; that's my job." Braeburn places his hat back on his head and takes a deep breath.

"I sure hope so." His face quickly perks back up into a happy one. "Well, enough of that! Let me show you around APPLELOOSA!" You cringe. The stress on Appleloosa was not necessary at all. Staff and luggage in hand, you follow the yellow stallion to the main road, Pinkie at your side. He begins to point at buildings, naming each one and describing its purpose.

"That there's the doctor's office. He's a unicorn who can take care of anything from cuts to snake bites and broken bones! That there's the saloon!" You head quickly jerks into the direction of his hoof. A nice drink right about now would calm your nerves. Unfortunately, the reminder of having close to no money hits you.

Another problem arises.

"Hey Pinkie, where are we going to stay? I don't really have the money for a hotel room." She gives a shrug alongside her signature smile.

"I have no idea." Braeburn turns his head and gives a cheery smile.

"Y'all can stay at my place if ya like. I don't mind the company."

"I'm sorry, we don't want to intru–" He abruptly stops and turns around with a creepy look on his face.

"It's no problem at all!" You give him a concerned stare.

"O-okay... Thanks?". He turns back and continues his tour.

"This here is the town bank. Billie’s hit it multiple times, so we've had to up the security on it. Doesn't mean it'll stop him from trying again." Looking at the front of the bank, you see four Royal Guards standing outside. Royal Guards didn't come cheap, especially in an outside area, so this was no laughing matter. It's best to be on your toes with this guy.

"How did he get through such a heavily guarded place?" Braeburn looks to the floor.

”Don’t worry, Anon. You’ll be fine. All you need to do is smile.” She give you one of her signature grins. You give her a fake smile in return. Pinie might have your back on this, but you couldn’t put her in any danger. If Billie got a hold of her... god, even thinking about it sent shivers down your spine. Braeburn comes to a stop and clears his throat.

“And this, my friends, is my humble abode. Ain’t too shabby if I say so myself.” Looking at the home, it wasn’t anything extraordinary. It was a normal home with a nice red paint job. He opens the door and motions for both of you to come in. Slowly entering the home, you look around.

The interior was very luxurious. Painting of ponies covered the red-colored walls. The furniture consisted of mahogany and velvet. Though it looked small from outside, the inside was huge. Light filled the rooms from the sun shining through the windows. Braeburn chuckles at look on your face.

”Ya seem surprised.” You close your gaping mouth.

“I didn’t expect it to be so big and nice!” Braeburn looks at you with half-lidded eyes.

”They all say that the first time.” You back away from him and quickly try to change the subject.

“S-so where are we sleeping? I presume the couch?” A look of disgust fills his face.

“Oh no! I wouldn’t put y’all through that! I have a guest room upstairs with two beds. You both can stay there.” He grabs your bag and begins to walk up the stairs, shaking his flank a little more than necessary. You start to follow him when you feel a tap on your leg. Looking down, you see Pinkie with her eyes half-lidded as well. She points to him as he continues his venture up the stairs.

“Braeburn totally has the hots for you. He has a nice flank as well. You should totall-” You smack her on the back of the head before she finishes.

“Damn it, Pinkie. Don’t even joke about that.” She rubs her head and whines.

“You know, if you keep doing that, it’s going to give me head problems later down the road.” You shake your head.

“I think it’s too late for that already.” Heading up the stairs, you enter the guest room. There are two twin beds on opposite sides of the room, along with a nightstand and two dressers. Pinkie places a small box in the middle of the room and pulls a string on it. The box explodes into balloons and streamers, covering the room in confetti. Her bed has become a large pile of party favors and candy. She rolls around in the bed, covering herself in streamers.

“Ah, feels just like home!” Shaking your head, you place your staff on the bed and take a seat. Opening your bag, you grab all your belongings and place them on the nightstand. It wasn’t much; just a few articles of clothing and a couple of trinkets from when you first came to Equestria.

A wallet filled with photos, a ring of keys, and a cell phone that died long ago. You look into your wallet, staring at the pictures you had inside. Photos of family and friends, a picture of you with your dog, simple little things. Pinkie takes note of the items and looks at you.

“Hey, Anon? Now that I think about it, you’ve never told me anything about yourself.” You turn to her, pictures in hand.

”Before I came here, I was just a simple construction worker. I used to go to work every Monday through Friday, working on the roads so that people could get around easier.” Pulling out a picture from the wallet, you show it to her. It was a picture of you posing with a shovel, pretending to use it as a guitar. She giggles at the silliness. Shuffling through the remaining photos, you pull out one of you standing with a few of your friends.

“I had a few close friends. We used to go out for drinks on Friday nights and act stupid. It was just an all around good time.” Pinkie takes notice of the girl riding on your back.

“Was that your special somepony?” she asks, giving you a wink. You smile at the photo and shake your head.

“No, but she was very close to me. She was a childhood friend. We used to play together when our mothers would meet up to gossip.” Pinkie gets up from her bed and trots over to you. She takes a look at the remaining photos of you—some containing you sticking your tongue out at the camera or making funny faces—and giggles.

“You seemed so silly back then, Anon. What happened?” Letting out a deep sigh, you grab a picture of your friends pointing at you laughing with a silly face on.

“I came here. Not that it was a bad thing, but I had to start over again. All the things I had worked for, all the things I achieved, all the ones I loved... They’re all gone. It kind of draws the happiness away.” Pinkie looks into your eyes, a frown beginning to form. She wraps her hooves around your torso, embracing you in a hug.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Anon.” You pull her off and set her onto your bed.

“Listen, Pinkie, it’s fine, really. Things weren’t exactly happy from the time I set foot here. But that doesn’t mean everything has been upsetting for me. I’ve had my happy moments. And I’ve definitely met some great ponies in my short time here.” She looks at you and sniffles.

”Like who?”

“Well, for starters,” You ruffle her hair and give her a big grin. “You.” A warm, soft smile appears on her face. She dives across the bed and entangles you in a tight hug.

“Well, ain’t that sweet?” Looking over at the doorway, you see Braeburn with a big shit-eating grin on his face. You shoot him a glare for ruining a touching moment. He disregards it and walks into the room.

”I was thinking we could all do with some drinks. My treat!” Your head perks up like that of dog who has been offered a treat. Pinkie releases her grip and jumps onto the floor.

“I think a few cups of cider is what we need! Let’s go!” She bounces out the doorway and heads downstairs. You slowly rise from the bedside, grabbing your staff, and approach Braeburn.

“Listen, I really appreciate everything you’re doing for us, but I just want to ask you one more favor.” He raises an eyebrow.

“Sure, whatcha need?” You point over at the nightstand.

“If I die when I go after Billie, I want you to give Pinkie those items on the nightstand as a memento. Something for her to remember me by. That’s all I ask.” Braeburn’s face turns serious for a moment and he nods.

“Of course. I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine, though. With somepony like Pinkie at yer side, you’ll never lose.” A grin stretches across your face. You extend your fist out. Braeburn bumps your fist with his hoof, following up with a similar smirk.

“You’re alright, Braeburn.”

Both of you quickly catch up to Pinkie, who’s already halfway to the saloon. She continues her bouncing as she makes her way down the road. As you all approach the saloon, a few stallions stand out front. They begin to make cat calls as Pinkie enters the building. A sudden silence befalls them as you pass with Braeburn. You can feel their uneasy eyes gazing at you as you walk through the swinging doors.

As you make your way in, you feel the gazes intensify. It feels as if everypony’s eyes were fixed on you. Braeburn makes his way for to the bar and you follow in suit. Everypony continues what they were doing. Maybe it was all the old western movies you used to watch, but this place felt cliché as hell.

A table of stallions were playing poker in a dark corner to the far side of the saloon, two were hoof wrestling on a different table, and a brown stallion was trying to hit on a mare who clearly had no interest in him. Shaking your head, you turn to the barkeep. He was a very stylish Zebra. He was fitted with a nice tuxedo vest and sported a nice slicked back hair style.

“What can I get for y-” Braeburn interrupts and slams a few bits down on the counter.

“Two ciders, if ya would.” The bartender nods and grabs two cups. Placing them under the taps, he begins to fill the containers. He looks up and takes notice of the staff on your back. His eyes widen as he nearly drops the two cups. Catching himself, the barkeep cleans the surrounding area and serves you your drinks. As he places your cup down, he leans in towards you.

”Be wary of that one. She was great once, but foolish. Because of her, he rules the land with an iron hoof.” You look at him in complete confusion.

“What are you-” Your words are cut short as something knocks you forward. Turning around, you see the stallion how was hitting on the mare from before on the floor. Another stallion with a grey coat and black mane is in front of him, anger filling his face. It was clear that a fight was going on between them and talk had turned to shove.

“Who do ya think ya are, trying to hit on my mare?” The pushed stallion regains his composure, an evil grin across his face.

“Do ya know who yer bucking with? It’d be a shame if I had to call Billie over here.” Your ears perk up. This could be a clue. The grey stallion backs away, fear clearly taking control of his body.

“Yer just messing with me! Ya don’t even know Billie at all!” The brown stallion was now slowly making way towards him.

“Billie ain’t too far from here. He’s got a nice camp about two miles out north from here. All I gotta do is holler and he’ll be here in an instant.” He was now snout to snout with the grey stallion. “If ya know what’s good fer ya, I suggest ya high tail it outta here.”

The grey stallion didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly makes his way to the door, leaving nothing by a cloud of dust behind. The brown stallion smiles triumphantly and makes way for the mare again, who looks completely nervous now. You chug your drink and make way for the door. Looking around the saloon as you leave, you see Pinkie dancing with Braeburn on the opposite side of the saloon.

She’s having too much fun to notice you. Moving quickly, you head out the door. You flag down a carriage and walk over to the carrier.

“I need to head north, about two miles out.” Pulling out your purse, you hand him the last three bits to your name. “I’m in a hurry.”

The stallion nods and bobs his head back as a signal to get in. You quickly climb into the wagon and take off towards the moon. The dusty road leaves a thick cloud as you make your way through the open desert. With no city lights glowing, the moon and stars illuminate brilliantly in the sky. Looking back inside the carriage, you notice a rope sitting on top of a cardboard box.

“HEY! YOU MIND IF I TAKE THIS ROPE?” you had to yell over the loud creaking of wheels and horse trotting. The stallion turns his head and yells what sounds like a ‘no’. Wrapping the rope around your shoulder, you look out into the horizon. A bright light surrounded by tents can be seen in the distance.

“YOU CAN STOP HERE! I DON’T WANT TO US TO BE SEEN SO I’LL NEED TO MOVE IN ON FOOT FROM HERE ON IN.” The stallion comes to a stop and lets you down. Before you can even turn around to say thank you, the stallion is already on his way back.

Standing in the shroud of dust, you begin to cough excessively. Catching your breath, you begin walking towards the camp site. As your come close to the tents, you wrap the rope around your shoulder. You walk straight towards the fire, where a group of stallion are sitting. All of them are yelling and screaming at each other, laughing as they exchange stories. A loud yell is heard across from the front gate.

“We got some freak coming in, boys!” Silence dawns as you approach them. They all scramble and begin to surround you.

“Well fellas, seems we got us a real numbskull, huh? A few chuckles follow the statement. You raise your hands into the air and stare them into the eyes.

“I’m not here to start trouble for you guys. Quite the opposite. I’m here to join you.” They all exchange looks. The group begins to laugh, only to be silenced as something creeps from the dark towards them. They quickly back away from you as the figure closes in on you. The moonlight reveals a tall minotaur, sporting a short boxed beard and a trench coat. He looks you up and down whilst circling you.

“Why would you want to join me? What makes you so special?” You look into his eyes, trying to be as serious as possible.

“What reason would any creature want to be a bandit for? Money, mares, and most importantly... revenge.” Billie raises an eyebrow from this statement. You continue.

“For too long they’ve considered me a freak, an outsider. You and I, we’re no different. We’re both stuck in a place we don’t want to be. The only option we have is to do what WE want.” Billie continues to stare at you. A smile creeps onto his face as he pats you on the shoulder.

”I like you kid. You got balls. You come into my camp, right through the front gates, nonetheless, and present yourself in the face of danger. But it ain’t that easy.” He turns to the group of stallions.

”He’s gotta pass the initiation rite, right boys?” What the hell could he have in mind? A stallion trots up from behind you and whispers to BIllie. You can’t hear him, but you get nervous as Billie begins to smile.

“Seems we’re just chock full of unexpected guests today! A mare was seen not too far out as you came in here. You’ll just have to rape her. Easy enough for anyone!” Your heart sinks. There’s no way you could just rape somepony. But you had to get Billie to trust you. You follow Billie and the others to a tent where two stallions stand outside.

Billie holds open the curtain door and motions for you to head inside. Your eyes widen at the sight. On the floor lies a familiar poofy pink pony, tied up and gagged, tears flowing from her eyes. Her eyes shoot open upon seeing you and she begins to mutter incoherent grunts as she squirms. You wink to her and she takes the sign. She stops her attempts to escape as you walk up to her. Billie stands at the doorway and clears his throat.

‘We’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” He lets out a maniacal laugh, covering the doorway with its drape. You turn to Pinkie and lean in on her.

“I have a plan, but I need you to keep quiet.” She nods as you begin to untie her.

“Listen, I want you to run. I’ll keep them all busy.” She stretches out her legs and looks up to your with her puppy dog eyes.

“Anon, I can’t just leave you here! They’ll kill you!” You shake your head and pull your staff out from your back strap.

“Listen, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I just want you to get as far as possible from here.” She opens her mouth to object, only to be stopped by your hand. You stare into her eyes and pat her head. She nods her head in response. You stand up and ready yourself. Slowly, you open the drape and walk out. Billie stands at the campfire with his arms crossed, waiting for you.

“You’re all done? What are you, a quick shot?” The stallions behind him begin to laugh. You quickly jab your staff’s tip right for his face.

Fear quickly grabs hold of you as you take in the scene happening before you. Billie stands before you with your staff in his hand, mere centimeters from his face. He takes the staff and pushes it against you, throwing you on your ass. Four earth stallions begin to laugh maniacally as they circle around you. Billie stands in the same spot and chuckles.

“You really think I’m that stupid, kid? I know who you are. I know why you’re really here.” You stand up and dust yourself off.

“I’ve met some dumb people in my time, but you... You take the cake!” The stallions start to slowly move in on you. Positioning yourself, you ready your staff. Completely eradicating all distraction, you focus only on the stallions around you. One stallion with a red coat lunges at you from behind. The sound of his hooves digging into the dirt before his attack gives him away. You quickly turn around and swat him in the face. He plunges to the ground and tumbles over, his jaw loosely hanging from its hinges.

A second one charges at you from the side. Quickly stepping aside, he tumbles into the stallion on the other side of you. You rear back to the stallion who is behind you and place one foot slightly forward. He steps back and digs his hooves into the ground. In one swift motion, you move forward while swinging the back end of your staff upwards. The end barely misses as the stallion rears his head back. You stop the staff in mid air, leveling with his head.

Pushing your weight forward, you ram the end of the staff into the stallions forehead. He falls back, holding his head as he screams in agony. The sound of hooves striking the ground turns your attention back to the two stallions. They charge forward at full speed. Placing the end of your staff on the ground, you wait. The stallions continue to charge at you. The moment they come close enough, you swing your staff at their legs. Both tumble to the ground, landing on their faces. Giving a few quick slaps, you smack both of them on the back of their heads until welts begin to form.

The sound of an object slicing through the air catches your attention. Moving quickly, you roll to the side and turn around upon recovery. Billie stands there with a large steel baton in his hand. His face is red with rage.

“Never send a horse to a minotaur’s job.” He dashes toward you, baton ready in the air. Swinging his arm forward, he throws his weight into the attack and aims for you side. Your body won’t able to react in time. There was nowhere to go, the only possible thing to do was reduce the attack’s power. You raise your staff and attempt to use it to absorb the attack. As the baton makes contact with the staff, your heart sinks when the wooden splinters and shards explode from your weapon.

The staff snaps in two as the baton rips through it, making contact with your ribs. You fall over on your side, clutching yourself, and roll over a flat rock. Billie walks up to you and raises the baton over his head.

“You could have been one of us, kid. But you went and screwed that up for yourself. You instead chose to follow these pony folk instead running your life how you wanted.” He swings the baton towards the ground, aiming for you. Rolling over to the side, you narrowly miss the strike. A loud clang echoes out as the baton makes direct contact with the rock.

Billie screams out in anger from missing his target. Ignoring the pain, you shoot yourself up and tackle down Billie. Rearing your fist back, you commence to introduce it to his face. Again and again, your knuckles make direct contact with his head. Billie’s arm reaches up and collides with your chest. You are sent flying back, landing on your side. The agonizing pain from your ribs destroys all manner of focus you had.

Your breathe is cut short as something tightly grasps your throat. Bring you to his face, Billie looks at you with his swollen eyes. His deep breaths echo as his snout flexes. He lifts his enormous hand up and plants it again your nose, completely destroying it. Pain fills your face as the minotaurs hand rears back, covered in blood. He begins a chuckle, slowly escalating it to hysterical laughter.

“You really got a pair on you, ya know that? Too bad this is where it ends for yo-” His grip is released as he is hurtled away. Landing on your side yet again, you let out an agonizing scream. The pain is too much to take, everything was beginning to fade. Things were too blurry to see, but you could make out the outlines of a few thing. Something big and brown ended up tackling Billie, saving you from death.

What seemed like Billie’s outline was making a break for it as it got chased by more brown creatures. A pink figure was now in front of you, screaming. You couldn’t make out what it was saying; your eyelids were getting heavy. Darkness consumes your vision as you lose consciousness.

Chapter 5: Billie's Downfall

Chapter 5: Billie's Downfall

>>Twelve Hours Ago<<

You really bucked up now.

But you couldn’t help it! Anon had just tried to leave, not even hinting at where he was going. If you hadn’t snuck a ride on top his cart, you would have never found out he was in this camp! You really wished they didn’t have these ropes tied so tight. They were going to scuff your amazing pink coat! But that was the least of your worries.

Somepony was probably going to have his way with you, and there was nothing you could do about it. Anon was probably captured, like you. Next time you try to sneak into a hostile area, it’d be best not to dress as a clown saying you were their ‘entertainer’ for the night.

Then it hit you like a pie to the face.

They had Anon.

Thoughts of what they were doing to him begin to play in your mind. You can feel the tears stream down your face as a wave of sadness begins to overcome you. A big shadow comes into view over the doorway. You can’t believe your eyes. Anon walks in with Billie right behind him.

“We’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” Closing the drapes, Billie walks away. Anon lowers himself to your face and whispers quietly.

“I have a plan, but I need you to keep quiet.” Giving him a nod, he unties the gag and ropes. You stretch out your legs and clean off the dirt from your mane and coat. He leans in again and speaks the words you dread most.

“Listen, I want you to run. I’ll keep them all busy.” Why would he do something so foolish?! Giving him your signature puppy eyes, you try to persuade him otherwise.

“Anon, I can’t just leave you here! They’ll kill you!” He shakes his head and pulls his staff out of his back strap.

“Listen, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I just want you to get as far as possible from here.” You open your mouth to convince him otherwise, only to be piped shut by his hand. Giving you a pat on your head, he gives you a sad smile. You know he doesn’t want to do this, but with the current circumstances, he has no choice. Giving him a nod, he removes his hand from your mouth. He stands up and walks out of the tent, toward the campfire.

Poking your head out, you see him try to strike Billie with his staff. The stallions run to Billie’s aid, giving you the chance to run off. You gallop outside the camp, looking back and only hoping that nothing bad will happen to Anon. Looking around, the scenery seems familiar...

Buffalo.

Chief Thunderhooves’s camp was not too far from here! There was still a chance...

As quickly as you can, you make way to the camp. It wasn’t too far, maybe a minute or two worth of sprinting. You enter the camp to see Little Strongheart sitting at the campfire. Her jaw drops as she sees you.

“Pinkie! Goodness, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” You attempt to catch your breath to speak back. Strongheart’s face begins to change from happiness to concern when she looks at you. “What’s wrong?”

After a few deep breathes, you finally are able to speak.

“Friend... Trouble... Billie... Need help...” Her eyes widen when you mention Billie. She quickly darts off into one of the tents. You can hear a loud roar inside the tent and many buffalo begin to exit their tents. Chief Thunderhooves emerges from his tent, a stern look plastered on his face. He takes a long, hard look at you.

“You’re that pink pony who helped us with the ponies from Appleloosa and sang that horrible song. What do you want with us?”

“My friend is in trouble. He’s at Billie’s camp, not too far out from here, trying to claim the bounty.” He shakes his enormous head in disappointment.

“Why would he be such a fool to attack Billie in his own abode? Does he have a deathwish?” You jump up in frustration. This wasn’t the time to be bickering about his choices! This was the time to save his hairless butt!

“No, but he needs help! I need to get him out of there. Can you help me please?” The giant buffalo raises an eyebrow, adjusting his headpiece.

“You want me to risk the safety of my people for the sake of your friend?” Little Strongheart steps out and confronts the chief.

“If it wasn’t for Pinkie and her friends, we wouldn’t have solved our problems with the Appleloosians. The least we could do is help her friend out.” The chief gives her a stern glare that he shifts back to you. He lets out an annoyed sigh as he waves his hoof.

“Alright, we will help, but understand that you will owe us for this gesture.” You pounce onto his neck and wrangle him in a tight hug. He rips you off and places you on his his back, leading a small herd towards Billie’s camp.

As you approach the campsite, you can make out the dim outline of two figures. A horrible sight comes into focus. Billie stood in near the fire, holding a bloody Anon by the neck. The giant buffalo lowers his head, sprinting full speed towards the minotaur. The minotaur is sent flying, releasing his grip on Anon, who lands on his side, screaming in pain. A spur of insanity ensues as stallion and buffaloes begin to run amok in the campsite.

Jumping off the buffalo’s back, you rush to Anon’s aid. His nose was smashed and bloody; it was almost unbearable to look at. As he continues to gasp like a fish out of water, his eyes begin to close as he loses consciousness.

“Anon! Talk to me! We’re going to get you help, okay?” His eyes shut as his head falls to the side. A quick scan of the area shows that the buffalo have driven the bandits out of the camp. Tents were flattened and crushed, boxes of supplies were smashed and destroyed, and no sign of any bandits remained except for a few unconscious ones lying on the ground. Chief Thunderhooves comes to your side, holding a broken staff in his mouth. He puts it down next to you and then proceeds to lift Anon with his limber body.

“It looks like he put up some kind of a fight,” he mutters, looking at the knocked out stallions littered around him. “But we must get him medical attention, I’m afraid. Things will be much more severe if we don’t.”

Giving him a nod, you grab the broken staff, placing it on your back with Anon’s backstrap, and begin to run towards Appleloosa. The moon illuminates the way as you both gallop towards the small town. Dust begins to fill the air as you both run at full speed, kicking it up behind you. You see two figures heading your direction.

It was Little Braveheart running alongside Braeburn. They move to Chief Thunderhooves’s and your side, panting from the running. Braeburn nods to greet you as he looks at Anon, wincing from the damage he’s taken.

“Braveheart here told me the situation. Ah got the doc waiting at the house for us. Ta be honest...” He takes a hard look at Anon before looking back at you.

“...Ah was expecting him to be in worse shape.” Shaking your head, you almost trip over yourself from not paying attention to the rugged ground.

“If Chief Thunderhooves hadn’t helped us... I don’t even want to think about it.” Braeburn sighs as you all make your way onto the main road of the town.

“He’s a dang fool fer thing he’d be able to take on Billie all on his own.” With all the commotion going on, many ponyfolk began to scurry out of their homes in confusion. As you all arrive in front of the house, Chief Thunderhooves stops at the door and blushes.

“Ahem. It would seem... I can’t fit.” Braeburn’s ears fold back from the misfortune as you attempt to suppress the laughter from the current situation. You and Braeburn carefully lift Anon from the buffalo’s back and carry him inside.

“The doc should be upstairs in the guest bedroom.” Slowly, you both drag the human up the stairs, making sure not to drop him or bang him up too badly. About halfway up the stairs, a light green aura begins to surround Anon, hoisting him into the air. You turn around to see a beige unicorn with a white jacket using his magic to lift Anon up.

“You could have just asked me to bring him up the stairs, you know.” You both turn your heads away in embarrassment as you head up the stairs. You both enter the guest bedroom where the doctor has laid Anon down on the bed, making sure he is sitting up. He looked like a lifeless doll, limp and unmoving.

The doctor begins to strip Anon of his clothing and checks out his body. Braeburns eyes widen as soon as Anon’s shirt is taken off, revealing his tight abs. You could have sworn Braeburn licked his lips, but you just ignore it. The doctor takes his horn and begins to scan his body from head to hoo- er, toe. Turning to his clipboard, the doctor writes down a few things before grabbing a first aid kit. With his horn glowing again, he begins to wrap Anon’s entire body in an aura. Anon’s jaw becomes slacked as his tongue rolls out. You can’t help but giggle at the silly face he was making, but you stop immediately as the doctor turns and glares at you.

His magic takes hold of Anon’s nose and you all wince when a large crack emanates from it. He begins to pack gauze into Anon’s nose as the blood flows out like a raging river. To finish up the patching, he places a large bandage over the nose. Directing his horn upward, he lifts Anon from the bed slightly as he wraps a bandage tightly around his belly. He places Anon back onto the bed and begins to pack up.

“Is he going to be okay?” you ask. The doctor gives a sigh as he turns to you and Braeburn.

“He’s going to be fine. He had a broken nose and sprained ribs. It looks like something hit him hard, but wasn’t hard enough to break them. I realigned his nose and packed it with gauze to stop the bleeding. I applied a sedative spell to help ease the pain as well. It should wear off in a few hour’s time, so I’ll be back later today to finish up when he’s awake.” Both of you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank ya kindly doc. Ah’ll put the bill on my tab, so don’t let him worry about the payment when he’s awake.” The doctor gives a simple nod as Braeburn shows him out of the house. Sitting on your bed, you look at Anon. The poor guy was all beaten up and bloody, all for the sake of some money. You couldn’t help but feel guilty for giving him the idea. Braeburn returns and sees your looks of grimace.

“Don’t worry Pinkie, Anon’s gonna be just fine. There’s no need ta be upset!” You shake your head and sigh.

“I can’t help but feel this is somewhat my fault. If I hadn’t rushed Anon with his training... Actually, if I hadn’t convinced him to become a bounty hunter, this would have never happened.” Braeburn sits next to you on the bed and places a hoof on your back.

“Listen here. Anon is an adult. He can make his own decisions. Just ‘cause you gave him a suggestion doesn’t mean it’s yer fault. He weighed the options and took the risk. He can take care of himself.” He lifts himself from the bed and walks towards the doorway before looking at you. “Ya should get some sleep, ya’ve been out all night,” he mentions before leaving.

Sleep sounded like a grand idea, especially since your eyes were so heavy right now. You curl yourself up and before you know it, you’re in dreamland.

You feel completely useless while you lie in the bed as the doctor examines you. His horn glows as he scans you from head to toe.

“It seems you are in good enough condition to receive the rest of your treatment. But I must warn you, it will be painful. Do you have any questions before we begin?” You turn your head to him, raising your hand.

“I can’t really affor-” He swiftly cuts you off.

“The bill has been paid for, so payment isn’t an issue.” You raise an eyebrow as you turn your head to Braeburn. He gives you slick smirk and shrugs.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it Anon. You can pay me back whenever... or “however” you feel fit.” He gives you a wink, giving you a weird feeling of disgust.

‘It was only a dream,’ you remind yourself.

You turn back to doctor, one more question ready.

“Aren’t I patched up already? I mean, is there anything else you can really do?” The doctor rolls his eyes, annoyed that you would ask such a question.

“We aren’t going to leave you like this. Obviously I can just use my magic to fix up wounds. What kind of doctor would I be if I didn’t?” He proceeds to levitate a rolled up piece of cloth to you.

“Now, I suggest you bite on that. I would use the sedate spell, but it will counteract with the mending spell I am about to use, which could kill you.”

Well, that was nice to know.

Taking the bit of cloth, you chomp down on it, bracing yourself for the pain to come. You weren’t sure how bad it was going to be, but if he was giving you this, it was probably going to be a horrible experience. He walks up to you with his horn glowing, pointing at your nose. As his horn meets with it, you see why the cloth was given.

It felt as if you being smacked in the face with a hammer repeatedly at unbelievable speeds. Screaming into the cloth, you bite down harder, trying your hardest to withstand the pain. Pinkie Pie closes her eyes as she shifts uneasily on the bed, unable to watch. Digging your hands into the sides of the mattress, you bite down harder, resisting the urge to pull away. After what feels like an eternity, the doctor removes his horn, sweating profusely.

“Alright, you nose is fine now. Have a look.” He levitates a mirror to your face and you cannot believe your eyes. Your nose was like it used to be; normal. Lifting your hand up, you touch it, bracing yourself. You don’t feel any pain whatsoever. Placing the mirror on the nightstand, he readies his horn again, aiming for you ribs this time. You quickly place the cloth in your mouth as he chuckles.

“There’s no need for that. You merely have a sprain. This spell should help with it.” He places his horn against your rib cage, emitting a warm, sensational feeling. The tension in your side seems to dissipate almost immediately. Removing his horn, he stands back, sweat beading on his forehead. You remove yourself from the bed and stretch yourself out. God, it felt good to be able to move again. Pinkie’s smiles stretches from ear to ear as she jumps from the bed onto your back.

“Oh Anon! I’m so happy to see you’re better again!” She wraps her hooves around your neck and nuzzles the back of your head. You thank the doctor as he makes his way out. Turning to Braeburn, you shake your head.

“Why did you pay for the doctor? You know I don’t have any money to pay you back.” Braeburn shrugs.

“Ah wasn’t gonna leave you fer dead. As ah said before, ya can always pay me back later.” It was nice of him, but you felt as though there he had some kind of alternative motive. For now, you were going to go with the idea that he was just being nice.

“Well, thank you for helping me. I truly appreciate it.” He tips his hat to you before giving you a big smile. He begins to make his way out of the room when you stop him.

“Let me ask you something. Who actually ‘runs’ this town, if you will?” Turning his head, he puts a hoof to his chin.

“Well, Ah suppose the sheriff runs things, but we don’t have an actual authority figure like a mayor if that’s what ya mean. He’s right next door to the doctor’s office.” You thank him and put on a fresh shirt and pants. Pinkie follows your side as you head out of the house.

“Anon, you have an idea, don’t you?” You shrug, giving her a slight smirk.

“Maybe, but I’m not guaranteeing it will work.” As you both reach the office, something catches your eye. A small mill is across the street, being pushed by a continuous flow of water from the irrigation system around it. It was almost like it was powered by magic itself. You chuckle. Simple inventions would always make you admire the brain’s capabilities. Turning back to the office, you walk inside as a stern-looking sheriff stares back at you.

“What can I help you with?” Placing your hands on the desk, you look him straight in the eyes.

“I have a plan to catch Billie. However, I’ll need permission to use the street outside of here.” He raises an eyebrow, giving you a look of concern.

“How am I sure you’ll catch him? Many have tried, but none have succeeded.”

“Because he’s the first one to come back from going after Billie.” Everyone turns to look at the source of the voice. A small buffalo stands at the door, a look of certainty across her face. You don’t know who the hell she was, but the sheriff looks back at you, a sheer look of wonder plastered across his face.

“Well, I’ll be. If you have the balls to walk up to Billie, I see there no problem with you using the street... on one condition.” You lean in, ready to hear this condition.

“Make sure none of my citizens are hurt. That’s all I ask.” Giving him a nod, you turn on your heel and head out the door. As you make your way out, you are greeted by the small buffalo and a rather large one. She sits down and extends her hoof. You awkwardly kneel down and shake her hoof.

“It’s nice to meet you now that you’re conscious!” You turn to Pinkie, confused as hell. She giggles at your frustration.

“This is Little Braveheart and Chief Thunderhooves. If it weren’t for them... well...” She turns her head away, a frown on her face. You quickly look back at the two buffalo and bow to them.

“Thank you for saving me. I know it’s not much, but I really appreciate it.” Braveheart waves her hoof and shakes her head, trying to dismiss the subject.

“It was nothing, really.” Pinkie pokes her head in between the two of you, her eyes half-lidded.

“You could always repay her by giv-” You smack her in the back of the head before she can finish. Chief Thunderhooves steps forward and gives a tremendous huff.

“Billie has caused nothing but trouble for us all. This town shudders at the name and my people have resisted him, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying to attack us. If you truly have a way of capturing Billie once and for all, we will have no problems with helping you.” Giving him a nod, you decide you will need their help.

“If you can, I need supplies. I need a shovel, a ball of twine, a knife, a box of matches, a magnifying glass, a billiards ball, two javelins, a tarp, some nails, and the longest rope you can find.” They look at you bewildered.

“What in the world are you going to do with all that?!” questions Little Braveheart. With a mere shake of your head, you reply.

“It’s not what I’m going to do, but a matter of how I’m going to do it. Don’t question it. It’ll all make sense tomorrow.” Chief Thunderhooves shrugs and makes his way towards the main road. Pinkie bounces up and down, filled with excitement.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see what you have ready! Gimme a hint Anon!” Turning to her, you give her the most stern face possible.

“A hole.” She cocks her head sideways like a confused dog.

“A hole?”

“A hole.” She pouts and crosses her forelegs as she sits down.

“That’s not funny or cool at all!” Patting her on the head, you can’t help but laugh. You begin walking towards the saloon when Pinkie stops you.

“Anon, there is no time for drinking!”

“Oh, we’re not going into the saloon for drinking.” She eagerly follows you into the saloon as you search for your target. You spot the brown pony sitting at a table drinking his cider with a mare around his arm. As you walk up to him, his eyes widen. He drops the cup and attempt to scramble away, only to be grabbed by the mane. The entire saloon goes silent. You lift him up and bring him to your face.

“You know Billie, right?” He nods and swallows a large gulp.

“I’m pretty sure if you know who he is, then you know who I am.” He nods again, his bottom lip beginning to quiver.

“You’re going to listen to me and do as I say, then.” You throw him down on the ground.

“Run to Billie. Tell him we have a score to settle. He’s to meet me in front of sheriff’s office at noon tomorrow. No one will interrupt us. Not his goons, not the townsponies. Just me and him. Got that?” He nods and scurries out of the saloon, tail between his legs. You head back out and make your way to Braeburn’s, Pinkie following close behind.

“Anon, how are you going to beat him? He’ll beat you down to a pulp if you’re not careful!” As you step up onto the porch of Braeburn’s home, you turn around and give her a smirk. A similar smile stretches across her face.

“You got something up your sleeve, don’t you?” You turn around and head into the house, shaking your head.

“Maaaaybe. Maybe not. You’ll find out tomorrow.” She before you with a puzzled look.

“But Anon, how can we be sure he’s even going to show up?” You look at her and wag your finger.

“Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie. Billie and I have different morals and lives, but we share one trait: We’re both stupid. He may think ‘Oh, it’s definitely a trap!’ but his ego will get the better of him. How would it look if your leader was called out to a challenge and he decided not to go? That’ll get to his head. Don’t you worry, he’ll show.” Heading inside, you wait until nightfall. So badly did you want to go to the saloon and have a drink, but the last thing you needed tomorrow was a nasty hangover.

*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*

You jump up and quickly head to the door. As you open it, a certain buffalo stand in the doorway.

“Ah, Chief, did you grab the stuff I told you?” He grabs the napsack wrapped around his neck with his mouth and gives it to you.

“The other items are in a barrel outside the sheriff’s office. Little Braveheart is keeping an eye on them.”

“Okay, thanks again.” You begin heading towards the building as the chief follows you.

“I don’t know what you’re up to, but it seems... crazy.” Giving him a devious grin, you laugh.

“Never said I was sane.” The buffalo gives you a look of concern as you continue towards the office. You can see Little Braveheart peeking out from the alleyway. She smiles when she catches sight of you.

“Over here, Anon!” She pushes a barrel out from the alley and runs to you.

“We got all the stuff you told us to get! The barrel has the shovel, rope, tarp, and javelins.” You nod and give them a bow.

“Thank you again for all your help. I’ll take it from here.” They both begin to walk away, whispering to each other as they fade off into the distance. Grabbing the shovel, you begin digging.

Looking over at the clocktower, you check the time again.

11:52 am.

He should be here in a few minutes. The street was completely empty. All the ponies had heeded the sheriff’s words and stayed inside their homes. The only thing left to do was take care of Billie. You tip the lucky cowboy hat Braeburn gave you over your face as you lean against the store’s front. This looked like a cliché western movie scene, but by God were you going to have fun with it. The sound of hooves echoes out through the empty street. You tip your hat back up and look to the tower.

12:00 pm.

Turning to the front of the sheriff’s office, you see him standing there. The giant minotaur stares you down as the wind quietly rolls through. Removing yourself from the post, you walk across from him.

“Good to see you didn’t chicken out.” He gives you a chuckle along with a glare.

“You’re one to talk, having the buffalo help you out.” Spitting to the ground, you raise your brow and shrug.

“An unseen event between the both of us. Anyway...” You shift your foot through the thin layer of dirt on the road. “... Are you ready to give yourself in, or do we do this the hard way?” Billie lets out a snort, which quickly turns into a maniacal laugh.

“You think I’d ever give myself up? And did you think I was that stupid?” He grabs a barrel from a store front and drops it to his side. The ground around the barrel collapses as it makes contact with the road revealing a three meter wide and deep hole. “You shouldn’t make a trap so obvious. Fresh dirt is easy to see.”

Giving him a smirk, you shake your head.

“No Billie, I don’t think you’re stupid. But let me ask you this. Do you know what a Rube Goldberg machine is?” He stares at you, puzzled out of his mind. “Of course you don’t know. So instead, let me demonstrate.”

Taking your hat off, you throw it at the roof of the store labeled ‘Smart Cookie’, barely hitting the billiards ball that laid inside the gutter. The ball begins to roll down in storm drain, shooting out towards a slanted barrel across the street. Falling to it’s side, the barrel rolls down the storefront, hitting a small pressure plate.

The plate lets go of a piece of twine hold a small magnifying glass that was hidden on the ceiling of the storefront. Thank Celestia, for if it weren’t for the clear day today, this wouldn’t have worked at all. The magnifying glass shines in the sun, generating enough heat to burn the bundle of matches wrapped around the twine holding the knife right next to it. Billie watches in amazement, wondering how this will end.

The knife falls down and splits the rope, holding the weight hidden on the ceiling of the sheriff’s front. The door of the office swings open and Billie turns to see what was happens next. Two javelins propel out of the office from the homemade crossbow inside. Both make direct contact with his knees. A few seconds pass before he realizes what had just happened. His face quickly changes from indifferent to sheer ‘oh god that hurts like fuck’ almost instantly. He let’s out a roar as he tries to endure the pain.

“OW! WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE OF THAT?! AHHHHHHH! WHY WO-”

His sentence is quickly cut off as your foot makes direct contact with his face. Unable to stand from the hit, the minotaur falls to his side, landing head-first into the pit. He smashes through the barrel as his horns sink through into the ground, leaving him incapacitated. You grab the rope in front of the sheriff’s office and tie it around the support beam. Rappelling down into the hole, you reach the bottom and look at Billie, turning your head upside down just to mock him.

“Well, it look like you’ve hit... rock bottom!” Laughing to yourself, you begin hogtying him with the end of the rope, making sure it was tight enough to hold him down. You climb back up to the surface of the hole using the rope.

“Hey, Sheriff! I caught a big one!” Ponies begin to flood out of their homes as they witness you bring Billie up from his trap. They begin to stomp on the ground and cheer as you and the sheriff bring him up. Pinkie runs through the crowd and jumps into your arms.

“Anon, that was awesome!” You place her down on the ground and walk up to the store front. Grabbing the knife, you cut the rope and begin dragging Billie towards the town jail, with the sheriff and Pinkie in tow.

“I’m gonna be honest, boy, I didn’t think you’d catch him, especially not like that.” Giving him a shrug, you walk into the prison and toss Billie into a cell. Closing the cell, you look at Billie and shake your head.

“Don’t be sad Billie. You and me are alike, just as I told you the other night. Only difference is I’m just better.” He glares at you, still tied up with javelins in his knees.

“You watch. I’ll get out of here, and when I do, I’ll find you.” Leaning in towards the bars, you look him dead in the eyes.

“And I’ll be waiting.” Pinkie pops up and smirks.

“Hey Billie, I’m pretty sure tha-” You smack her in the back of the head before she finishes. She rubs her head, a single tear falling from her eye.

“I didn’t even do anything!”

“It’s the principle of the thing.” The sheriff walks up to you and hands you a bag.

“There you go. One thousand bits.” No more wilting cabbages for this guy! Pocketing your pay, you thank the sheriff and begin to head out. Braeburn stands in the doorway, a giant grin on his face.

“Congrats Anon! Ah knew you’d get ‘em eventually. We gots a celebration party ready for ya at the saloon!” The three of you make your way onto the main road. Ponies wave and thank you for your hard work as you make your way towards the saloon. Pinkie jumps onto your back and whispers into your ear.

“Maybe they’ll have some ‘entertainment’ for you there.” You shake your head and sigh.

“Damn it, Pinkie.”

Chapter 6: Training Begins

“Another case solved, thanks to the great Marelock Holmes!” She tips her hat and gives a single nod. The police applaud as a few of them escort the three murderers into the police carriage. Neighson turns to Marelock, still a bit confused.

“I’m amazed that you were able to figure out it was all three of them that killed Mr. Fillyton, but how did the idea of them all being in on it come to mind?” She shrugs and shakes her head in disappointment.

“All three had motives, all three had clues leading to them, and the poor stallion had three stab wounds in three different areas. Simple math dictated it, my dear Neighson.” Neighson’s mouth gapes as the simple fact sinks in. Marelock pats him on the shoulder and smiles.

“That is why you’re the assistant and I’m the detective. Come, let us head home.” They venture back onto the busy streets, making their way to their houses. These two were in need of well-deserved rest until their next case.

You close the book and place it to your side. A happy ending as always, but with more to come. Small snores bring your attention over to the bunk bed across from you, where a very tired Pinkie lies inside the luggage compartment. Last night you remember putting her in the top bunk.

How she got up there, or why for that matter, you’ll never know. The party last night really took a toll on her, even if she is a party animal at heart. Doing a cider barrel stand doesn't exactly leave you lively the next day. Looking out the window, you see the familiar scenery of trees and grass as the train passes them by.

You’re almost home. Reaching over, you give Pinkie a shake and attempt to wake her up. She swats your hand away in frustration as she rolls over. This mare is stubborn when it comes to sleep. An idea pops into your head.

“Wow, cotton candy filled with chocolate malt balls!” Her entire upper body jerks up almost instantly, smacking her head against the ceiling.

“Ow!” You begin to laugh hysterically as she rubs her hoof against her forehead. “That wasn’t funny, Anon!”

“I-It was hilarious to me!” you breathe, trying to suppress your laughter. She lies back down and covers her head with the pillow, attempting to block out your laughs. A hard knock emits from your cabin door. You open the door and look down at the porter. He steps back quickly, looking at this strange beast staring down at him.

“Yes?” you ask in quiet tone, attempting to calm him. Shaking his head, he clears his throat and looks back at you.

“My apologies for being rude. The train is almost to Ponyville. Please be prepared to leave.” You give him a nod and close the door as he still eyes your eerily. Another prank pops into your head as your turn back to Pinkie. You grab a hold of the entire bunk with a sinister smile and begin to violently shake it.

“EARTHQUAKE!” you scream into her ear. Her eyes shoot open as she scrambles around, attempting to gain some sort of ground. After a few seconds, she begins to giggle as she realizes the cause of this ‘earthquake’. You stop the shaking and allow her to get up.

“The train’s going to stop soon. We’re almost home.” Jumping from the bed, she shakes her entire body like a wet dog, fixing her messy mane into her signature bouncy style. As quickly as you brought up your finger, you lower it. Maybe it was best not to question how she did that. The train slowly comes to a stop as the whistle sounds out through the windows.

Grabbing your luggage, you begin to head out as the hallway floods with ponies. A few foals stare at you in awe as their parents turn their heads away, telling them it’s rude to stare. As you make your way out onto the platform, the cool air rushes over you. It felt nice to be away from that stuffy, humid climate.

Pinkie happily bounces alongside you as you both head to the main road. Once there, you both stop. She lives at Sugar Cube corner on the east side of town whereas you live on the west side of town. You turn to her and wave your hand.

“Well, this is where we split up for now.” She gives you a nod, followed by her signature smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at Zecora’s. Maybe she’ll have a ‘reward’ for you,” she says slyly, nudging your leg and giving you a wink.

“Damn it, Pinkie,” you reply, beginning your walk onto the road. There were a few places you needed to pass by before heading home. With a sack filled with bits, it was time to get some things you needed.

... And a few you ‘wanted’.

As you walk around the market square, something catches your eye. Rarity is at one of the stands, buying what appears to be cloth. But it’s not the pony that catches your eye, it’s the diamond dog standing next to her. She hands over the cloth to the diamond dog as they begin to make their way down the street, heading towards your direction. Rarity takes notice of your presence and smiles.

“Oh, Anon darling! It has been quite a while since I’ve last seen you.” Her happy expression quickly fades away as she looks at you from head to toe. “And I see your clothes have been through a lot the past few days.”

You look down at your clothing and quickly see what she’s going on about. Holes riddle your pants and tears spread across your shirt.

“Yeah, I had a crazy time in Appleloosa.” Your eyes quickly dart towards the diamond dog who’s glaring daggers at you.

“What are you doing out of prison so soon?” Rarity steps in before the diamond dog can respond.

“If you must know, Lucy here has decided to work for me in order to compensate the damages she committed upon my store. Probation, if you will.”

“And if she was to attack you?” you ask, not breaking eye contact with Lucy.

“Anonymous, please. Just because I’m a lady, doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself.” Finally breaking your eye contact, you turn your head back to Rarity.

“Oh, really?” You look at Lucy and fall to the ground, pretending to faint. Lucy begins to snicker but immediately stops as Rarity shoots a glare at her.

“I was taken off guard from my sleepy state. Besides, just because I’m with her doesn’t mean she isn’t being watched.” She points up to sky where two pegasus guards hover not too far away.

“Well, as long as she’s not wreaking havoc and doesn’t do anything stupid, I couldn’t care less.” It was a good thing that she might be changing for good, but she was still not trustworthy. A thief was still a thief. If she did resort to her old way in the end, however, that just meant another bounty for you.

“Oh yeah, before I forget, Rarity...” She gives you a confused look as you reach into your pockets and pull out your sack of dosh. “... I need some new clothes. The usual stuff, no jewels and whatnot.” She mutters something about ‘not respecting fashion’ as you hand her ten bits.

“Give me about a day and I’ll have it done. Come along now, Lucy.” They take their leave as you continue your adventure towards home. You grab your essentials from the stands: Some food and booze. Placing them into your duffel bag, you head towards the one place you dreaded to go to.

With a deep sigh, you press open the door of the treebrary and walk inside. Twilight looks up from her book and smiles.

“Oh, hi Anon! Here to return the Marelock book?” You cringe as you reach into duffel bag and pull it out. She takes it with her magic and inspects it, noticing the scratches and bent corner. Her sweet attitude changes to a sour one almost instantly.

“I know you had a rough time in Appleloosa,” she starts, eyeing your clothes, “but did you read the book in the midst of battle or something?”

“Sorry Twilight, it was an accident.”

A complete lie.

“I’m sorry, but I still have to give you a fine for this.”

“How much do I owe you?” you say, pulling out your sack of cash. She looks the book over once more, then back to you.

“Two bits.” You hand her the money without question and place the sack back into your pocket. She places the book onto the shelf and sits back down.

"So how did your bounty go?" Taking a seat on the floor next to her, you tell her all about what happened in Appleloosa. Meeting Braeburn, getting your ass handed to you by Billie, getting him back with a Rube Goldberg Machine, even the details about the party after when Pinkie did a barrel stand with cider. Twilight seemed fascinated about your Goldberg machine after you went into depth about it.

"Why did you use one? Why didn't you just make a normal trap?" You begin rubbing your hand against the floor, trying to think of a way to explain it.

"Well, as much as I'd hate to say it, Billie and I are the same in a lot of ways. We're both not that bright. I'm easily impressed by simple machines so I assumed he would be too. With him being distracted, it gave me enough time to get a running start into my kick. And it worked."

"And what if the machine hadn't worked?" Looking down, you think about her question.

"I didn't even think of a back up plan." She gives an annoyed sigh and shakes her head.

"Just be glad it worked, I guess. And you aren't dumb, Anon, just not book smart." Never thought of it like that before.

"Maybe one day I can change that. With your help, of course."

"I'd be more than happy to help," she tells you with a smile. It quickly fades away as her head gears toward the Marelock Holmes book. "...As long as my books come back in one piece." Scratching the back of your head nervously, she breaks into laughter

"Well, I better take my leave. I still need to get back to my house and unpack. Mind if I grab the next copy of Marlock Holmes already?"

"Sure, just please be careful with it." Closing the door behind you, you make your way towards home. The afternoon sun beamed from overhead, leaving a nice warm touch to the cool winds passing by. Lots of ponies roam the streets, busy with their everyday lives. It was so nice to see them walking around without a care in the world. After a bit of walking, you eventually reach your humble abode. Swinging open the front door, you drop the duffel bag down onto a chair and lay upon your bed, sensually rubbing up against it. God, how you missed your own bed. Getting up from the bed, you make your way to the kitchen and place a kettle on the stove. A cup of tea sounded good right about now.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

Not even ten minutes back and someone’s already looking to bother you.

“Who is it?” you yell from the kitchen.

“The hunter is who I want to see, behind the door you know who it be.”
Jumping through the kitchen doorway, you run and open the door. Zecora stands in the doorway, a smirk plastered on her face.

“Come in, oh great master,” you sarcastically reply. She raises an eyebrow and accepts your invitation. Removing the kettle from the stove, you grab two cups and make way towards the dining table where Zecora has taken a seat. Placing the kettle down on table, you hand her a cup.

“Thank you very much for the tea. Now enough stalling. How went the bounty?” You stop mid-pour and put the kettle down.

“I got the bounty, but not without a loss.” Reaching over for your duffel bag, you dig inside and pull out whatever is left of your staff. You place it on the table as Zecora looks at it, shaking her head.

“I knew a week would not do, but I am glad you made it through.” Grabbing the kettle again, you continue to pour your tea.

“You know, if it weren’t for that staff and your bit of training, I’d probably be dead right now.” You proceed to tell her about the fight with Billie, how Pinkie ended up saving your sorry ass, and how you caught Billie in the end with your trap. She casually sips at her tea as she listens to the story.

“Your instincts are set to drive, but you are very lucky to be alive.” Looking down into your cup, you nod.

“There is one thing that bothers me.” You look up from your cup and slide the staff over to her. “I had the bartender almost drop my drink when he saw my staff. Care to explain?”

She takes another sip of her tea, her face now completely serious.

“There are things you do not know, and it is best if we keep it so.” You give her a stern look and fold your hands together.

“Listen, if it didn’t concern me, why would this bartender tell me to ‘be wary’ of you? At least answer me this...” You take the staff and point at the strange markings. “These markings have a deeper meaning. Care to explain?” She lets out a disgruntled sigh and puts her cup down.

“The markings on your staff stand for my clan, a family, if you will, a marking, a stand. We were once fearsome, unmatched and great, only to fall in on our weight.” Zecora closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“Another day I will tell you more, the details will get deep, but for now it is best that you just lie down and sleep. We have a long day tomorrow at dawn, so get your rest, I don’t want to see a single yawn.” She steps down from her seat and begins to head towards the door as you clean up the table. After showing her out, you finish your usual chores. Dusting is complete, dinner is eaten, and a long, warm shower is taken. Looking out the window, you see the night has consumed the sky with stars and the moon. It was best to get to bed early so you would have the energy for tomorrow. Placing yourself between the warm sheets, you quickly nod off into dreamland.

No matter how many times you walk through this place, it always freaks you out. Seeing the eyes watch you through the leaves of the trees always make you nervous. After a short walk through the usual path in the Everfree Forest, you come to the familiar little hut. You knock on the door and Zecora’s head pokes through the crack of the door.

“Stay out here, I shall return. There is something important you must learn.” She heads inside the small home as you take a seat on the ground. Crossing your legs, you look around at your surroundings. You’ve been through here many times, but you’ve never actually taken the time to look at it. A soft light shines from above, warming the small area. The small pond remains perfectly still, clear enough to see the bottom’s surface.

After admiring the scenery for a few minutes, the front door creaks open, breaking the silence. Zecora exits the hut with an axe and knife in her mouth and gives them to you.

“What’s this for?” you question.

“Without a staff you are useless and weak, so a new staff is what we seek.” It takes a bit to process what she means, but after a few seconds it finally clicks. You were going to make a staff of your own.

“Do I just pick out any random tree or is there some special ‘tradition’ to this?”

“Pick out a tree that is sturdy and good, make sure to have consent from that piece of wood.” Looking around, you inspect the trees in the vicinity. What were you looking for exactly? Not many of these trees were different; they all seemed the same.

“Is this some kind of test? I don’t really see a difference in these trees.” Zecora takes a seat on a tree stump and lets out a long sigh.

“Your staff is your protector. It will be your partner for life. You must find a tree that will not cause any strife. Use your senses and your mind, then the perfect staff you will find.” You remember some pony telling you that everything was pretty much sentient in the Everfree Forest. It sounded crazy, but maybe if you focus...

Placing your hand on the nearest tree, you let go of all noise and distractions and close your eyes. A faint whisper can be heard.

“I do not wish to be your weapon. I am but a simple tree and have no need to leave my current life.” This was weird. Was this tree... talking to you?

“Are you talking to me? Or have I finally hit the point of insanity from all of Pinkie’s jokes?”

“I am indeed talking to you, warrior. You are quite a special one. It takes others many years of training to be able to emit your sense of focus.”

“How did you know that I planned to make you into a weapon?” The tree’s voice grows from a whisper to a subtle murmur.

“We hear everything that goes on around us. The animal’s calls, the wind’s howling; we hear it all. There is bound to be a tree here who is willing to give themselves to you, but I am not this tree.” Letting go of the tree, you look around. The noises of the forest begin to rush into your ears as you lose the focus you had. You turn to Zecora who is now nodding her head.

It seems she knew this would happen.

‘She probably slipped some serious shit into my drink last night,’ you think to yourself. ‘Might as well make the most out of this, then.’ Turning to the next tree, you place your hand on its body and focus.

“Dude, you gotta help me! The squirrel knows too much man! Kill him please!” You quickly let go, giving a the tree a strange look and moving onto the next one.

“You got some soft hands there. Want a dab of my maple syrup, baby?” Letting go, you think to yourself, ‘What the fuck is wrong with these trees?!’ As you continue on, it’s apparent that trees have the weirdest personalities. Some have murderous intent, some wish to be left alone, some just plain freak you out. After having a few conversations, you come across a particular tree. The branches were short and the trunk was small. Placing your hand against the rough bark, you listen to its raspy voice.

“I will take the challenge.”

“Are you sure about this? Once I cut you down, you won’t be able to go back to your former state.”

“I have watched you since you first started training, Anon. You do not give up, no matter the challenge. I, myself, am considered a failure of a tree. My branches are too short to harbor a family of birds and my body leaves little room for anything else. I would much rather live a life of adventure than sit here with no purpose.”

“Alright then,” you mumble. You grab the axe and swing with full force at the trunk. The tree lets out a blood-curdling scream as the axe breaks through the timber.

“Son of a bitch! That hurts like a motherfucker!”

“Are you alright? Are you sure you want me to continue?”

“Go ahead, just ignore me. I must overcome this,” it whimpers. Pulling the blade out, you rear back and swing again.

“Fuck that hurts!” Another swing. “Ah! Bitch tits!” This goes on for every swing you take into this tree before it falls over. The screaming turns to silence as it hits the ground. Knocking on the bark, you listen for anything.

“You still with me buddy?” You hear a whimper, then a groan, then silence. Standing up, you put your hand to your chest and give the tree a moment of silence. Zecora breaks the silence and instructs you to measure the tree according to your arm length, adding an extra foot or two before she lulls herself back into a meditation state.. After quite a bit of swinging at top part and bark, you are finally left with seven foot long chunk of wood. Grabbing the knife, you begin to slowly cut away at the timber until it’s at a reasonable diameter. Once completed, you turn to Zecora, hands aching from the work.

“It’s done.” She opens her eyes, slowly walks over and looks at the roughly chopped stick.

“For a novice, this was crafted well. However, it is not something I would sell.” She heads into the house, motioning you to follow her. Staff in hand, you enter the small house and look around. Nothing has changed since your last visit. She opens the drawer of a dresser, grabs a piece of sandpaper, and gives it to you. You take the sandpaper and begin to scratch the rough surface down to a smooth one.

“Your hands are good with wood, even with your rough stroke.” Looking up from the staff, you stare right into her eyes. She looks at you, confused, before she realizes what she said. With a blush, she waves her hoof in the air.

“I did not mean it like that! I would not resort to a Pinkie joke.” Giving a quick chuckle at her embarrassment, you return to sanding the staff.

“I used to do some carpentry work. They had us go through woodshop in school where we learned how to work with... well, wood.” After a little while, you lift the staff up over your head.

“This would be cooler if I had the Zelda chime play,” you whisper. Zecora raises her brow in confusion. “Never mind, just some stupid human tradition. So what do we do from here?”

She moves from her spot and grabs the staff. Placing it down on the table, she inspects it from top to bottom. She grabs the knife with her mouth and begins to carve strange symbols into it. Once the staff is covered with them, she turns to a cauldron and dips a cloth inside. She rubs the staff with a sap-like liquid to give it a finishing coat. After allowing it to dry, she gives it to you.

“It is done, please handle it with care. Unlike your other one, it should prove to be fair.” Grabbing the staff, you give it a twirl and smack the ground with it. It was a lot lighter and sturdier than your last one. Turning back to Zecora, you raise the staff and get into your stance.

“How about we give it a go?”

It’s been four months since you made your new staff, and boy, did you learn quite a bit. The first month, Zecora taught you further on how to focus yourself. She would have you stand up on the familiar waterfall, but she also had other exercises. You didn’t know how much apples actually hurt until she used them as weapons for a training exercise. She would have you stand up straight, while in focus, and peg you with them to break your focus.

Needless to say, apples are painful as fuck.

You would come home with bruises across your chest, arms, and legs. The next month was focused on precision. Again, using apples: Zecora would throw them at you as you swatted them out of the air. The first few days you came home with the same bruises, but after a week or so, you finally got the hang of it. Smacking the apples out of the air was easy... until she started throwing two or three at once.

You were pretty sure that if she would throw baskets of them at you given the chance. Each day, Zecora would have you go to Sweet Apple Acres and grab a basket filled with old, rotten apples. Applejack had no objections with this routine; getting rid of those bad apples was “No skin off my nose,” as she would say.

The last two months consisted of non-stop beatings. Well, it was considered ‘sparring’ with Zecora, but it felt more like daily beat downs. After an hour or so of focus training, Zecora would spar with you in different areas of the forest. On the cliff, in the shallow streams, on top a pile of rocks, in the trees; it got pretty intense at times but it would always end with you on your ass, layered in bruises. But, you have definitely improved since the first time. Your supply of money was beginning to thin again, so it was about time you began looking for a new bounty. Pinkie had told you she would give you a heads up if anything popped up.

As the morning sun rose, you ripped the sheets off yourself and stretched out your aching muscles. Maybe a hot shower would help. Jumping into the warm water, you feel the soreness lift as the heat clears it away. Looking down at your body, the bruises layer your body from neck to toe. After a few minutes, you get out of the shower and dry yourself off. You look at the mirror and notice the difference in your body underneath the markings. Your muscles have increased in size quite noticeably.

Getting dressed, you complete your usual morning chores and head out the door. First destination is Sweet Apple Acres as usual. The birds begin to chirp as the sun comes into full view. Walking down the path, you finally arrive at your destination. You give the front door three hardy knocks and wait. Applejack opens the door and smiles.

“Here fer the usual, Anon?”

“Yep. Same as always.” You both make your way towards the barn where she stored the rotting apples and begin filling the basket up.

“So, how goes the bounty huntin’? Anything come up yet?” Shaking your head, you continue your shoveling.

“Nah, it’s been slow lately. And I’m starting to run low on bits. I had to replace my oven because it busted.” This was an obvious a lie. You are just horrible at managing money. On your days off from training, you would go spending your money on fancy food and booze. All you have left is a hundred bits. It seems like a lot, but it would only last you a couple more weeks if you kept up your usual spending habits. A shadow quickly consumes the inside of the barn. Both you and Applejack turn to the barn door, where an out of breath Pinkie stands, holding a newspaper in her mouth.

“Abob! I bod a dew roudy!”

“Pinkie, you’re going to have to take that newspaper out of your mouth.” She walks up to you, spits out the paper, and gives it to you.

“I found a new bounty! Look!” Grabbing the paper by the edges, you avoid the spit and open it up. Two unicorns are displayed, standing in front of a machine that looks almost like a car. One has a manly mustache and the other is without facial hair. Looking over it, they have charges for embezzlement, fraud, property damage, and assault. Skimming it over once more, you notice the name of this duo.

“The Flim Flam Brothers?” Pinkie jumps up to cover your mouth but is too late. Applejack’s eyes widen upon hearing the names. She sticks her head out the barn door and lets out a mighty yell.

“Big Mac! Do me a favor and pack ma bags. Ah’m going on a trip.” She turns to the ropes hanging on the wall and begins going through them. “Ah’m gonna need two ropes for this one.”

Pinkie slaps you on the back of your head.

“Darn it, Anon!”

Chapter 7: Cherry Lipstick

Marelock backs herself away as the three minotaurs close in on her. This was bad and there was no way out. As she continued to back up, the hair on her neck stood up; her back was against the wall. If it weren’t for the rock that hit her horn, she’d easily take out these bastards, but the pain was preventing her from using magic. If she could only buy enough time...

“Ahh!” Neighson flies through the air straight onto the back of one of the minotaurs, wringing his forelegs around its neck. Now was Marelock’s chance! Putting all the force she could into her legs, she bucks one of the minotaurs right in the groin. The minotaur hits the ground, clutching his family jewels in agony. The second minotaur grabs ahold of Marelock by the mane and lifts her up to bring her to his eye level. The last minotaur holds Neighson in his hands by the hoof as he tries his best to squirm out of the minotaur’s grip.

“Shouldn’t have done that, missy. Now it’s time to take you to Mrs. Hurn!”

“Anon...”

Marelock looks around for any signs of help or a chance to escape with no success.

“Anon!”

It seems that all hope is lost...

“ANON!”

You lIft your head from the book and stare into the eyes of the pink irritation interrupting your reading.

“Aren’t you excited, Anon? It’s been so long since we’ve been out on an adventure!” Pinkie continues to bounce around the cabin as you place your hand on your head, trying your best to filter out the noise. Inserting the marker into the book’s binding, you close it up and look out the window. It was like deja vu. The usual luscious green forests were now barren, sandy wastelands.

“Where did you say we were heading, again?” you ask.

“Dodge Junction,” says a quiet voice in the corner. You had almost forgotten all about Applejack who was sitting in the corner of the cabin, looking over the newspaper again and again. She has yet to put the damn thing down since you had all gotten on the train. The mention of the bounty had created such an uneasy aura around her.

“Hey, AJ,” you begin as a question pops into your head. She gives off a small grunt, not taking her train of thought of the paper. “Who exactly are these Flim Flam brothers? And what’s your problem with them?”

She folds the paper and puts it down beside herself. “They’re a pair of sneaky fellows who use your words against ya ta get their way. They came ta mah farm and challenged mah family to a cider makin’ contest. Whoever made the most cider would win and if we lost, we had ta give up Sweet Apple Acres.” Leaning back in your chair, you shrug.

“I presume you won, since you still own the farm.” To your surprise, she shakes her head.

“Actually, they won, but not without cheatin’. They made the cider undrinkable by turning off the quality control. The only reason they didn't stay was ‘cause nopony wanted their horrible cider.” Cocking an eyebrow, you give her a confused stare.

“I don’t understand. Why do you want to come along with us then? What grudge do you have on them?” She lets out a heavy sigh and pokes her hooves at her seat cushion.

“Look, Ah ain’t one for holding grudges, but when ya come inta mah farm, insult mah family, and wreck the place before hightailing it outta there all fer the sake of money, Ah’m gonna have some hate fer ya.”

“Understandable, I guess,” you say, folding your arms. It still didn’t make sense, but to be honest, you didn’t care. All you wanted was to put these guys behind bars and collect your pay. A hard knock erupts from the cabin door, directing everyone’s attention to it. You quickly stand up and open the door. The porter on the other side of the door looks up to you, surprised by the tall creature.

“Yes?” you ask him, making sure to keep a calm voice. He shakes his head, trying to regain his composure.

“My apologies, sir. I’m just so used to ponies answering the door.” You shake your head and give him a smile.

“Think nothing of it. I assume we’re close to our destination?” The porter gives you a nod and returns the smile.

“Yes, we’ll be there momentarily. Please be ready to exit the train.” He takes his leave and makes his way to the next cabin. Closing the door, you turn the two ponies sitting in the cabin waiting for your return.

“We’re going to be entering town soon.” Grabbing your staff, you take a look at it and sigh. Hopefully what happened before won’t happen to this one. Looking over to Pinkie, she gives you a signature smirk and grabs her bags. Her words from the last trip echo in your mind.

“Of course you're not ready! You'll never be. But you ARE prepared.” No matter what was going to happen here, Pinkie and Applejack would be there to back you up.

Or screw it up. Whatever came first.

Grabbing the rest of your luggage, you make your way through the crowd of ponies heading for the exit. As you walk out the train door, the dry, hot air collides with your face. Sweat immediately begins to form on your forehead as the sun beats down on you relentlessly. Looking around, you realize something.

You have no idea where to look. For that matter, you have no idea where you are!

Applejack walks past you, following the dirt road with a look of determination on her face. You turn to Pinkie and point at Applejack with a look of concern. Pinkie merely shrugs and catches up with her. Not wanting to be left behind, you quickly catch up with them.

“Hey, Applejack? Have you been here before?” Her eyes look down at the ground as her pace slows down dramatically.

“Yeah, Ah been here before.” Damn it, looks like you brought something up that didn’t need to be dug up. You quickly try to change the subject.

“Alright, since you know the area best, are there any thrift stores around here? I promised Zecora I’d get her a souvenir.” She stops for a moment and scratches her chin. Her eyes look around the area, checking out each storefront.

“If Ah remember correctly, there should be one two blocks down.” Giving her a nod, she leads the way. The street bustles with busy ponies making their way to their destinations. Many of them stare at you as you pass them and quickly turn their heads away as you glance back at them. After a bit of walking, Applejack leads you into the small shop. Random trinkets and junk line the shelves and walls. A majority of it is useless crap, like clothing, furniture, books, and toys, wreaking of an old, musky smell, but something catches your eyes. The device looks like a slingshot that would wrap around the wrist like a sleeve. Pinkie bounces over and jumps onto your shoulders as you examine the slingshot.

“Whatcha looking at?” she blurts, giving you a mischievous grin. Placing the elastic brace over your hand, you strap the slingshot to your arm.

“A slingshot. From the looks of it, it seems to be in pretty good condition.” Pinkie looks from the weapon back to you, completely bewildered.

“What in the hay are you going to do with it?” Rolling your eyes, you begin heading over to the counter where a stallion sits, reading a newspaper.

“The only thing it’s intended to do: Shoot things. Who knows, it might come in handy.” Placing the contraption down, you dig into your pocket and pull out you bit sack. “How much for this slingshot?”

The shop owner looks at your over his newspaper and eyes the slingshot. His brow furrows as he takes a look at you and brings the paper back to his attention.

“Five bits,” he grunts, flipping over to the next page. Pulling out the desired amount, you place the bits down on the counter and strap the slingshot onto your forearm. You make your way over to Applejack who is looking at a weird assortment of paintings. She notices your presence and points at one of the paintings with her hoof.

“Who in tarnation would pay two hundred bits for that?” Looking at the painting, you immediately agree with her. It was a small black circle with a white background. Pinkie leans over your shoulder and stares at the painting. Her eyes look as if they are being consumed by it, like her very soul was being torn away.

“This painting says so much, yet shows so little.” You exchange worried looks with Applejack before turning back to look at Pinkie. “It explains the complexity of life itself, showing how the center of all is dark, yet light consumes it. It tells how small and insignificant we are in such a vast and massive world— neigh! In such a huge universe!” She turns her head and locks eyes with you, giving you deadpan look. Her face instantly changes back to her usual grin and perky eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s just a black dot on a piece of paper, though.”

Scratching the back of your head, you give her a concerned look. “I worry about you sometimes.”

“Well, let’s get goin’, ya two. Ah know somepony here who can help us find those two varmints.” She makes her way out of the shop with you following close behind. Lifting Pinkie from your shoulder by the scruff of her neck, you drop her down to the ground.

“I don’t give free rides, Missy,” you snarl. She lowers her eyelids and gives you a seductive smile.

“Oh, I’m sure you don’t say that to the other mares, now do you, Anon?” Rolling your eyes, you turn back to Applejack.

“So, who’s this pony you know?” She pulls a letter from her saddlebag and hoofs it over to you.

“Her name is Cherry Jubilee. Ah worked for her at one point. When Ah read that those two were last spotted here in the paper, Ah sent her a letter as fast as possible.” Skimming over the letter, you notice the writing is beautifully written; perfect almost. It read as so:

Dearest Applejack,

I am glad to see you are doing well. It has been so long since I’ve seen you around these parts. I’ve heard word of those two tricksters, but don’t you mind; they’ll be in for a real treat if they think that they can outsmart little old me! As for the cherry farm, it’s been doing wonderfully. I’ve found myself making multiple trips down to Mustangia where ponies buy them by the barrel-full. If you have business here, please, by all means, come and stay a spell! I always have work, so don’t be afraid to get your hooves dirty when you come on over.

~Cherry Jubilee ♥

You scoff as you hand her back the letter. “How does a pony grow cherries in a barren wasteland like this?” you ask, spreading out your arms to point out the environment. Applejack shakes her head and points at a cab down the street.

“She’s got a piece of land a little ways out from here. It’s actually pretty fertile and within walkin’ distance of a large stream.” She continues her way towards the cart as you and Pinkie exchange shrugs. Applejack walks up to driver who recognized her instantly.

“Well, if ain’t Applejack. How ya been, Missy?” Applejack nervously looks down at the ground and avoids any eye contact with the stallion.

“I been doin’ well, Marston. Ah just need a lift to Miss Jubilee’s, if ya don’t mind.” The stallion nods and opens the door, allowing both mares into the cab. It doesn’t take long before you realize something: You’re too big to fit in the cabin. It wasn’t the size of the cart; it was the size of the door. Looking at it, you turn to the driver and give him a disheartened look.

“There any other way I can hitch a ride?” The stallion scratches the back of his head as he looks at the cart.

“I guess ya could ride on top. It should be able ta hold yer weight.”

“‘Should’ being the key word there,” you mutter under your breath. Grabbing the top edge of the cart, you lift yourself up and take a seat. The driver closes the cabin door and attaches the around his saddle.

“Jeez, buddy, yer heavy,” he grunts as he slowly leads the cart. After a bit of struggling, he finally begins moving the cart forward at a decent pace. “In all mah years as a cabby, Ah never lugged around somepony as heavy as ya. Ah swear, Ah better be getting a nice tip fer this.” The voices in your head begin to ferment, repeatedly poking at your mind like needles.

I’ll give you a tip, alright. Tip of my dic—

You catch yourself before finishing that sentence. Dear God, you’re slowly turning into Pinkie. Letting out a disgruntled sigh, you close your eyes and begin meditating to block out the annoying pony. All manner of noise and distractions disappear as you close your eyes.

“That stallion’s quite the complainer, isn’t he?” questions a familiar voice. You quickly open your eyes and look around.

“And another thing! Why is it that ya youngin’s can’t appreciate th—” All that’s around you is the annoying stallion and some dirt. Lots of dirt.

Where was that voice coming from?

You look around one last time before closing your eyes and regaining focus. The voice slowly creeps back up, whispering to into your ear.

“Well, that was rude of you to just stop listening as I speak. I’d figure after you brutally chopped away at my body that you would at least have the decency to listen to me once in a while.” Grabbing the staff from your back, you lay it across your lap.

“Are you telling me that you can talk to me when I get into this state?” you mutter, making sure to keep your voice low. It wasn’t exactly normal for someone to talk to an inanimate object.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t you be able to?” Scratching the back of your head, you nervously shrug.

“Talking to a stick isn’t really deemed as normal, you know. And I assumed you were dead when I cut you down since you didn’t respond to me at all.”

“It was rather difficult to talk when you when I was nearly dead. Your lovely mentor was the one who was able to help me back into shape by placing these enchantments on me and dipping me in that sap.”

So that was the real reason for the weird writings, but it did raise an interesting question.

“Why wasn’t I able to communicate with the last staff I had? I fell into a focused state of mind multiple times and never once did I hear the staff talk to me.”

“That’s because you weren’t the one who crafted it. The reason you can hear me is because put your blood, sweat, and soul into crafting me.” Before you can respond, something taps your face. Instinctively, you swing your staff as your eyes shoot open. Your heart sinks as the stallion who was pushing the cart quickly falls to the ground. Applejack and Pinkie Pie run up to him as he collides with the ground, making sure he’s alright. You jump down from your seat and land next to him.

“A-Are you alright?” you stammer, quickly holstering your staff across your back. Marston places a hoof over his now swollen cheek and glares at you.

“What in Tartarus was that for? Ah was just trying ta wake ya up from yer crazy dream ta tell ya we’re here and ya hit me!” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you let out an annoyed sigh. Applejack facehoofs and shakes her head as Pinkie resists the urge to laugh, showing clear signs of fighting a losing battle.

“Listen, here,” you pull out your coin sack and hand him five bits. “I’m sorry for hitting you. It was just a natural reaction.” Marston glares at you for a moment longer before taking the bits out of your hand and grumbling. Standing up, you look around you and feel out of place. The once barren desert was now a fertile lot, covered in cherry trees. A large house stand before you, towering high enough to block out the sun. Turning to Applejack, you point at the household.

“Now, I’m not a brainiac or anything, but I’m guessing this is Miss Jubilee’s place?”

“You are absolutely correct, Mr. Genius.” Turning back to the house, you look at the source of this answer. A mare with a poofy, western styled walks out from the front door, holding a rather uneasy aura around her. Three unicorns with butler outfits proceed to pass her and grab everyone’s luggage. Applejack walks past you as the mare’s eyes light up.

“Applejack, dear! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you around these parts!” She wraps her forelegs around Applejack and embraces her in a hug.

“I was just about to say the same thing, Miss Jubilee.”

Cherry releases her grip and looks over at Pinkie. “And Pinkie, honey, come here! You need some lovin’ as well!”

Pinkie happily bounces over to the mare and wraps her up in a strong bear hug. Cherry giggles as her forelegs wrap around Pinkie to return the hug. Once they release each other, Cherry turns over to you.

“And who do we have here?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. Pinkie’s sinister grin creeps onto her face as her eye make contact with yours.

“His name is Anonymous. He could use some lovin’ too,” she says with a sneer. You give Pinkie a glare before kneeling down and putting out your hand.

“You can just call me Anon for short. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She completely disregards your gesture and wraps her hooves around your neck.

“Don’t be afraid to give me a hug, sugar. I really don’t mind,” she says with a seductive tone. Her grip tightens as you awkwardly wrap your arms around her. You swear you hear a moan as you place your hands on her back. Letting go, she gains her balance once more and looks you up and down, eyes hungrily staring at every inch of your body.

“I’ve never seen a minotaur with your looks before. Did you shave your hair and undergo some kind of surgery?” she asks.

“No, because I’m not a minotaur. I’m a human,” you bluntly say. Pinkie quickly jumps onto your back and throws her hooves over your shoulders.

“He’s the only one, too! He isn’t from this world. Like an alien or something,” she jokes, putting a spooky look on her face.

“An alien, huh?” Cherry, continues eyeing you like a child in a candy shop. “That’s mighty exotic.” She finally turns her attention back to Applejack who watches uncomfortably. “Come inside, ya’ll. I have a kettle on the stove and fresh tea leaves to brew.”

As they both make their way into the building, you pull Pinkie from your back and slap her in the back of the head.

“Hey! What was that for?” You point at her with a stern look on your face.

“Don’t play dumb. You know what you did.” Pinkie merely grins and runs inside before you can slap her again. As you walk into the foyer, an aroma immediately dominates your nostrils. The smell of cherry wreaks throughout the house, completely eliminating any other odor. Following close behind the others, you take the time to be nosy and check out the scenery. Paintings of ponies with cherry cutiemarks line the walls, all with looks of confidence plastered across their faces. Antique furniture occupies the empty spaces of the house, adding a nice southern feel to it. Making your way down the hall, you enter the dining room where the mares have already taken a seat. Following their example, you pull out a chair and sit.

“Now, I know ya’ll didn’t come out here only to say hello,” Cherry says, giving you all a completely serious look. “In your letter, you were telling me about a bounty. What’s that all about, Applejack?” Applejack looks over to you and then back to Cherry.

“Well, Ah’m not particularly looking for the money in this bounty. This is Anon’s job. He’s the bounty hunter.”

“Bounty Hunter, huh?” Cherry says, eyeing you once more, making you feel more uncomfortable. Her expression changes completely as she turns her attention back to Applejack. “I assume it has to do with the Flim Flam Brothers.”

Applejack cocks her head back in surprise. “That’s exactly what we’re here for.”

A unicorn dressed in butler attire enters the room with a platter of cups and a kettle. He pours a glass for everyone at the table before bowing and exiting the room. Cherry takes a sip of her tea and give Applejack an unimpressed look.

“They came to my farm, trying to convince me that I ‘needed’ their machine to help with the labor around the farm. I know cheats and rats apart from hard working and honest stallions, so I told them to hightail it before I called the town and arranged a lynching mob.” You nearly spit your tea across the table hearing this. She giggles at your response and takes another sip. “There’s nothing to be worried about, dear. I can tell you’re a hard worker, so stay on my good side and you’ll be fine.”

She finishes her tea and sets the cup down on the table. “The last I heard, they were headed to Mustangia. If you leave at sunset by tomorrow, you should be able to catch up with them before they run off to the next town. If you’d all like, I have a job in Mustangia. It’s just a simple delivery,” she adds, noticing your worried look. “I can lend you a wagon and pay you well if get the package there.” You look at the other two mares for any objections. Applejack gives you a shrug while Pinkie complete disregards the entire conversation to play with her tea.

“Fine, we’ll do it.” She gives you a smile and nod.

“Excellent. I’ll have everything ready for you three in the morning. For now, please, make yourselves at home. I’ll have a bedroom ready for all three of you ready later tonight.” Applejack and Pinkie make their way for the door as you exit your seat. Cherry walks up to you with a mischievous smile on her lips.

“Let me ask you something, Anon. I know you’ve been out in the heat for a long time, so if you need to take a bath, let me know. I’ll get one ready for you.” She makes her way to the foyer, putting extra emphasis into her hip swaying. Shaking your head, you let out a distraught sigh.

“Every town I go to, I get these freaks.”

You enter the foyer and begin heading up the stairs as the setting sun’s rays pour through the windows, giving the room an orange tint.

“Darn it, Pinkie! I told you not to touch that!” Applejack’s voice echoes throughout the halls as she yells at the pink menace. Turning the corner, you spot Pinkie wearing a guilty grin with a broken lamp on the ground. The butler stallion from earilier hurriedly rounds the corner, levitating a broom and dustpan with his magic and starts cleaning the broken glass. As he sweeps the glass pieces, you think about how dirty you must be right now. You have been out in the sun and dirt all day, so a bath didn’t sound too bad.

“Excuse me,” you whisper to the butler. The only things that move are his eyes and the broom. “Would you mind getting a bath ready for me? I could really use one right about now.”

“Absolutely. Please, follow me.” The stallion gives a small nod and hurries off with the lamp remains in the dustpan.

“I’m gonna take a bath you guys. I’ll meet up with you two later,” you blurt out to Pinkie and Applejack as you scramble to catch up with the butler. He leads you down the hall and opens the door to the washroom, letting you in. He waits at the doorway as you awkwardly stare at him.

“I’ll be fine on my own. Thank you for guiding me here.” He gives you single nod, closing the door behind him as he leaves. “Weirdo,” you whisper to yourself.

Turning the dials, you begin filling the tub with water as you undress. Throwing your clothes into the corner of the room, you enter the tub and lay down in its warm embrace. You emit a sigh of relief as the water rush all over your skin.

“Where’s the soap?” you ask yourself, looking around the tub. A small basket sits at the end, filled to the brim with different bars of soap. Grabbing each one, you take a whiff and determine the smell. Cherry... cherry... cherry... Was there anything in this house that wasn’t cherry?! As you dig into the basket, you notice a green bar of soap on the bottom. Bringing it up to your nose, you take in its aroma. It smelled... like nothing.

“Strange,” you mumble, lathering up the bar against your skin. Your heart sinks as the bathroom door opens and Cherry Jubilee walks in, carrying a change of clothes.

“Miss Jubilee, please! D-do you mind?” you stammer, trying to cover your genitals. Miss Jubilee casually smiles and places the clothing down on the sink’s base.

“Dear, calm down. It’s not like I’ve never seen a stallion nak—” Her words are cut short and her nose points up into the air. Her nostrils begin to flare as her cheeks gain a rosy shade to them. She starts advancing towards you, eyes locked on you. “Anon, did you use my green bar of soap?”

“Y-yes, why?” She walks up beside you, placing a hoof against your chest as she licks her lips.

“I use that bar when I’m going through estrus to get my workers to ‘tame’ me, if you will. It’s an aphrodisiac.” You grab her hoof and attempt to remove it from your chest, only to have her place her alternate hoof on it. Her breath grows heavier as she brings her face closer to yours.

“Tell me, Anon, have you ever been... intimate with a mare before?” She draws her lips closer, letting her hot breath press against your face. The aroma of fresh lavender enters your nose as her breath continues to rub under it.

“I’ve been with females from my species before, but never a mare.” Her eyes go half-lidded, staring at you seductively. She slowly trails her hoof down your chest and emits a soft purr.

“Mmm~ I enjoy breaking in virgins. There’s just something about them that gets me riled up.” The smell of her lavender laced breath quickly consumes your thoughts. Something about her look, the way she was acting: it was driving you insane. “I broke in a minotaur once. He was a fun one to ride, but much too quick. Do you think you could outlast him?”

“W-well, humans do have the highest endurance of any species in my world,” you mutter back. She removes her hoof from your chest and walks to the door, turning her head slightly so that you only see her eyes.

“Well, well, well. Ain’t that interesting? Sure do hope you can fill that promise.”

What promise?

“My bedroom is four door down on the one at the end of the hallway. You can’t miss it.” And with that, she exits the bathroom and closes the door behind her. For a moment, you just sit there and stare at door, attempting to figure out what just happened. You shake your head and regain your composure, trying to piece together the pros and cons to the following situation. On the plus side, it wasn’t your hand. On the down side, it was a horse.

“You been good to me, buddy,” you whisper to your hand. “But a man has to fulfill his urges sometimes.” Standing from the bathtub, you grab the towel, dry yourself off, grab your clothes, and wrap the towel around your waist. There was no point in putting your clothes on if they were going to be taken off in a little while. Opening the door, you poke your head out and look around, keeping an eye out for any signs of Pinkie or Applejack. The hallway had very little visibility; the only thing lighting it is the moonlight. When the coast seems clear, you quickly move your way down the hall and knock on the door.

“Come on in, Anon,” Cherry says in a flirtatious voice.

“Time to wake up, sleepy head.” Opening your eyes, you look around the room. Cherry lies next to you with a dreamy look on her face. She nuzzles against your chest and releases a small sigh. “Last night was grand. I haven’t had a time like that in ages.” Sitting up, you look out the window to see the sun just barely rising.

“Well, I told you humans were the best,” you gloat, giving her a smirk. She gets up and places a hoof on your thigh.

“Want one more for the road?” she asks, eyes half-lidded.

“No, I should get going. I need to catch those bounties before they leave Mustangia.” You remove yourself from under the covers and get off the bed. As you get dressed, Cherry jumps from her bed heads into the master bathroom to put on her lipstick and other makeup.

“Don’t forget, sugar,” she yells from the bathroom. “I have a package you guys need to deliver for me.”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t,” you lie, poking your head into the bathroom. “Also, can you do me a favor?” She looks out of the corner of her eye, raising an eyebrow.

“Depends? I assume you need money or something?” You jerk your head back, completely taken aback by such a statement.

“No, nothing like that at all.” She turns her gaze back to the mirror and continues applying her makeup. “I just want to keep what happened last night between you and me.”

She rolls her eyes and scoff. “Dear, a mare never kisses and tells. You have nothing to worry about.” Letting out a sigh of relief, you sit on the bed and wait for her to finish. She digs throughout her drawers and gives you small, package wrapped in white paper.

“Take that package down the pub in Mustangia. You should meet a stallion with an eye patch. His name is Bruce, you can’t miss him.” She points out the window towards a cart in the road. “The cart is ready for you and has all your luggage and staff, so you can leave whenever you feel the need to.” She leans over to you kisses you on the cheek. “I wish you luck.”

Returning the kiss, you stand up and grab the door handle. “Thank you for everything. If I’m ever in town, I’ll be sure to visit again.”

“You better,” she taunts, cracking a smile as you exit. Closing the door behind you, you begin heading down the hallway when Pinkie comes out from one of the rooms. An evil grin gradually creeps onto her face.

“Whatcha doing in Miss Jubilee’s room, huh?” You give her straight-faced look and show her the little white package.

“I was getting the package to she wanted us to deliver.” She begins chuckling and gives you a half-lidded look.

“Did you give her your package?” she jokes, jabbing you in the leg with her hoof. Not saying a single word, you walk right past her and make your way for the stairs. Her jaw drops at your response. “No! You didn’t!”

“I didn’t say anything, Pinkie,” you jest, walking down the staircase. Applejack waits at the bottom, impatiently tapping her hoof and staring at the clock. She takes notice of your presence and waves her hoof in a hurried motion.

“Come on, ya’ll! We ain’t got all day. Those two could’ve left town by now,” she says with an irritated tone. Rolling your eyes, you open the front door and let the two mares go before you. Two stallions stand by the cart, waiting for their orders. You meet face to face with your number one nemesis again: The door you were too big for.

“Applejack, can you hand me my staff and slingshot? They should be in there somewhere.” She gives you your two weapons as you climb on top of the cart. Looking down the road, you stare at the mountain range.

“To Mustangia!”

Author's Note

I need more Jack Daniels. I have none left.

Chapter 8: Mustangia, hoy!

The rickety old cart’s wheels continue to creak as they scrape across the dirt road. Wiping the sweat from your forehead, you glance at the scenery once again. Trees are beginning to spring up alongside the road and the temperature has lowered quite a bit since you left Dodge Junction. The once barren wasteland was now a grassy plain, littered with wild flowers, herbs, and the occasional tree or two. You lean over the edge of the cart and poke your head in the window. Pinkie is fast asleep and Applejack is reading over the old newspaper again.

“How you holding up?” you ask her.

“Alright, Ah guess,” she grunts, not taking her eyes off the paper. The way she just sat there reading that thing over and over again had to be unhealthy. Bringing yourself up, you take your seat again and fiddle with your sleeved slingshot. The thing was in good condition, but it was kind of awkward to aim with. You would have prefered a regular slingshot, but it was kind of obvious that a normal slingshot was useless to ponies since they don’t have hands to grab the handle, thus giving them no reason to produce them.

Extending your left arm out, you grab a marble from the sack holstered on your belt and place it into the pocket of the slingshot. Bringing back the elastic, you close one eye and aim down the small sight at a branch hanging by a few splinters of a tree about fifteen feet away. Releasing the air from your lungs, you steady your arm and let go. The shot misses by a few inches and whirls into the field behind the tree.

“At least your shots are getting closer. Earlier today you couldn’t even hit Miss Jubilee’s backside with your aim,” says one of the stallions pulling the cart. You roll your eyes and load another marble into the pocket when an idea hits you. Maybe...

Letting go of all distractions and noise, you enter your focus state, ready your arm, and aim for the branch again. Time feels as if it comes to a halt as you adjust yourself for the shot. The only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat and the heaviness of your breath. You retract the elastic band and release. Your focus breaks as you watch the marble slowly gain momentum towards its target. In a quick blaze, it make dead contact and breaks the limp branch off.

“Well, would ya look at that. Ya actually hit it!” Leaning over the edge of the cart, you look down and see Applejack with her head poking out of the window. She climbs out and takes a seat next to you.

“You’re so bored that you had to come see me, huh?” you joke, nudging her in the side. Her cheeks turn a rosy shade and she nudges you back.

“Ah just wanted ta relax a bit, is all. It ain’t like Ah didn’t want to hang out with ya.” She rubs her hoof against her her thigh as you continue to play with your slingshot. “Hey, Anon? Do ya mind if we talk?”

“About?” you mutter, not taking your eyes away from the device.

“Well, Pinkie’s been kinda worried.” You turn your head and lock your eyes with her gaze.

“Where did this come from all of a sudden?” you ask, eyebrow cocked. Applejack breaks eye contact and looks out into the field, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

“Pinkie and Ah waited for you ta come ta bed all night.” A small, evil grin works its way onto your face as Applejack turns around to regain eye contact. She blushes as her eyes meet your face. “Not like that, ya git!” You can’t help but chuckle at her frustration. She tries her hardest not to smile and continues.

“Pinkie ended up staying up all night waitin’ fer ya and didn’t even get so much as a wink of sleep. She was afraid that ya’d gone out and found trouble like ya did in Appleloosa.” Your smirk quickly fades. Pinkie was really concerned about your well-being and you were busy getting your dick wet. Looking down at your feet, you can’t help but feel a bit guilty for making her worry. Leaning over the edge of the cart, you peek into it. Pinkie is sprawled across the seat, making up for her missed sleep from last night.

“She really cares for ya, Anon. All she wants is fer you to be safe and happy. As one of her friends, Ah just don’t want her gettin’ hurt, emotionally or physically.” You continue to look at your feet, not uttering a word. There was nothing you could say. All this time, you selfishly thought about yourself and no one else. Not once did you even think about the feelings of your partner; the one who had your back, through thick and thin. Taking a deep breath, you turn to Applejack.

“I get it. Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to take better care.” Applejack smiles before something catches her eyes. You draw your attention towards the same direction and immediately see what’s up. A cart sits on the side of the road with a damaged wheel as two stallions wave you down.

“Looks like they need help,” Applejack states.

‘Really? I could have sworn they were selling waffles,’ you think to yourself sarcastically. Grabbing your staff by its end, you yank from its sheath.

“These guys might be up to no good. Stay on your toes,” you whisper to Applejack as you both jump off the buggy. “You guys might as well take a break,” you mention to the two drivers. They give you a nod and head under a tree to relax.

“‘Ello! We are needing of assistance if you do not mind!” says one of the refugees. His accent is as thick his greasy mane and coat. “Our wheel ‘as fallen off the cart and we be needing an extra hoof to fix.” The other stallion stands behind him, glaring daggers at you, his horn giving a slight, barely noticeable glow. Applejack advances forward to assist them, only to be stopped by the end of your staff.

“What’s yer problem, An—” Letting out a quick breath, you enter your focused state. You watch in slow motion as the stallion doing the talking drops down on his belly as the unicorn behind him cocks back a knife. In one fluid motion, you drop your staff, reach into your pouch, and load a marble into the pocket. If this shot wasn’t perfect, that knife was going to hurt like a bitch.

Taking aim, you fire your only shot at the unicorn’s horn, muttering a silent prayer as it moves forward. Before the unicorn can tell what has just happened, the marble makes direct contact with the base of his horn, cancelling out the magic aura. You quickly kick up your staff, catching it with both hands, and smack the talking stallion on his noggin. He yelps and covers his head with his front hooves, howling in pain. At this point, Applejack and the two drivers have finally registered what’s going on and tackle down the unicorn. Grabbing her rope from her saddlebag, Applejack hogties the two perpetrators.

“And ta think Ah was gonna help ya’ll. Yer nothing but a bunch of petty thieves!” The decoy stallion shakes his head in protest.

“It wasn’t my idea, I swear!” His ‘accent’ from before was gone now. “It was all Hale’s fault! I swear, I never wanted to hurt anyone, I just wanted to make a quick bit was all!” The unicorn stallion gives him a malicious grunt and butts heads with him.

“Applejack, can you do me a favor?” Her ears perk at the mention of her name as she turns around. “Can you grab the roll of silver tape from my bag in the cart?”

She gives you a strange stare but follows your request. Returning with the roll, she gives it to you. “What’re ya gonna do with that? I already got ‘em tied nicely.”

Unraveling the roll, you rip of a strand and wrap it around Hale’s horn. He tries his best to get away from you, only to get nowhere. Applejack stares at you, completely bewildered.

“What in tarnation are ya doing?”

“Well, when I was reading that Marelock Holmes book, I made a mental note. She wasn’t able to perform any magic because her horn was in pain. That’s why I shot the marble directly at his horn. As for the tape...” You finish covering his horn and turn to her. “... his horn is useless if covered. That’s why the Royal Guards have their horn exposed outside from their helmets and why most unicorns are so protective of them.”

Applejack gives you an impressed smile and turns back to the two stallions.

“So what do we do about these two?” she asks, pointing at the two assaulters. Giving a wave of the hand, you peek into the cart at the pink mare who’s still asleep. She is one hell of a heavy sleeper.

“I say we leave them here. Someone, or something, will eventually find them. Let it be their problem,” you suggest as you climb on top of the cart. Applejack gives you a scorned glare and shakes her head.

“They might have tried ta attack us, but it makes us no better than them if we just leave ‘em here.” Rolling your eyes, you tap one of the drivers with your foot. He looks up at you with a confused gaze.

“Listen, pal, here.” You hand him ten bits and point at the two stallions. “Think you can handle fixing that cart and getting these two back to Dodge Junction?” He greedily eyes the coins and nods. Turning to Applejack, you shrug.

“There, everything’s fine. Now let’s get going,” you say, impatiently tapping the empty spot next to you. She exhales an annoyed sigh and climbs on board. A little while goes by as you lay down and look up into the sky.

“Hey, Anon?” starts Applejack.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks fer helping me back there. At least I know that Pinkie’s in good hooves.”

You close your eyes and smile, slowly fading into dreamland.

“I don’t have hooves, Applejack.”

Opening your eyes, you look around. You seem to be stuck on a pillar of some sorts, surrounded by nothing but a void of darkness. Applejack stands besides you, digging her hooves into the ground with a disgusted look on her face. The Flim Flam Brothers stand before you two, mocking you with menacing smiles. Reaching for your staff, you pat at nothing but bare skin. For a moment, you stop and look down.

“Why am I naked?!” you scream, getting a full glimpse of your birthday suit. “Why am I always fucking naked?!” Nothing at this point made any sense. Flam steps forward, patting his mustache in a sinister manner.

“Do you two really think we’re that stupid?” he asks, staring down Applejack. She rolls her eyes and stomps on the ground.

“Yes! The only place you’ll be safe from that fella will be in jail where yer protected by the law!” Flim steps forward and laughs, only adding to Applejack’s frustration.

“Listen, missy, we know you’re upset about losing, but we’re not giving ourselves up that easily.” Applejack turns to you, a gleam in her eyes. You attempt to cover your naked body from the peering eyes in hope that no has noticed yet.

“Anon, it’s time to wake up.”

Your eyes shoot up to a eye-full of Applejack’s face. Sitting up, you let out a heavy sigh and shake your head. Applejack lays a hoof on your shoulder with a concerned look stretched across her face.

“Are ya alright, Sugarcube?”

“Yeah, just had a weird dream,” you reply, trying to wave off any suspicions. A smile cracks on her face as she chuckles.

“Do ya always have dreams about ya being naked or was it cuz ya were around a mare in hopes of gettin’ some?” she jokes, jabbing you in the side with her hoof. You scoff before realizing the scenery change.

Tall brick buildings loom over you, blocking out the setting sun. It feels like you were in your hometown again. It wasn’t Manehatten, that was for sure, but this place wasn’t exactly a small town like Ponyville. Jumping down from the cart’s roof, you turn to the driver and nod.

“Thanks for the lift buddy. Before you go, do you mind pointing me in the direction of the town pub?” He point down the road with a worried look on his face.

“The pub is down two blocks and to the right. I’d be careful; that area ain’t exactly safe.” He looks at your slingshot and staff and breaks out into a smirk. “Not that it’ll be too much of a problem for you.”

You chuckle and thank him again for his help before carrying the luggage with Pinkie and Applejack into the hotel. A small bell sits on the counter, ready to be rung. As you reach your hand out over the bell, a mare pops her head out from behind the counter, wearing a creepy smile.

“How may I help you today?” she asks in chipper tone. You retract your hand and dig into your pocket for your coin purse.

“I’d like to rent out a suite, please.”

“Certainly!” she exclaims, clicking the buttons of the small register. “That’ll be thirty five bits.” Well, now you have to catch them, with prices like this. Grabbing the desired amount, you place it on the counter in exchange for the room key. Hauling the luggage up to your room, you place everything down on your bed and enter the living room. After a short moment, the two mares enter the room and sit down on the small couch.

“So, what’re we gonna do next, Anon?” Pinkie asks, her eyes shining with excitement. You look over at the clock on the wall and check the time.

“Well, it’s getting kind of late. If we want to catch these pricks any time soon, we’re going to have to start tomorrow pretty early. I still have to deliver the package to that Bruce guy, so I’ll just head down to the pub and give it to him.” They nod their heads and venture into their rooms for the night. After grabbing your staff, slingshot, and package, you make your way for the door only to be stopped by Pinkie.

“Nonny, can you do me a favor?” She looks at you with wide puppy-like eyes and a pout. You can’t help but grin; she never does this unless it’s something serious.

“Depends on what it is,” you say, placing your hand upon her head. She leans in a bit closer, lowering her voice down to a whisper as you kneel down.

“Please don’t run off like last time.” Her eyes begin to fill with tears as she attempt to finish her request. “If something like that were to happen to you again, I... I won—”

You lean forward and wrap your arms around her. She lets out a small hiccup as you tighten your grip. Her mane gives off a strong bubblegum scent as she quietly sobs into your shoulder.

“You don’t need to worry, Pinkie. I’m only delivering a package. I’ll be able to take care of myself if anything happens now that I have proper training,” you say in a calm voice. “I’ll be by your side no matter what. That’s what partners are for, right?”

She pulls her head away from your shoulder and nuzzles her nose against your chin. You lift her up and place her on your shoulders.

“Come on, I’ll tuck you in.” She halves her eyelids and sneers.

“Hopefully the tucking I’m thinking of,” she mocks, giving you a wink. You shake your head and place her in her bed, making sure to tuck her in nice and tightly. Walking to the door, you stop and place your hand over the light switch.

“Hey, Pinkie.”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for everything you’ve done for me so far. I know I don’t show it, but I really do appreciate it.” You hear a faint giggle behind you as she shifts around under her sheets, followed by quiet snores. Giving off a small snort, you flick the switch and head out of the hotel. As you exit the front door, you follow the directions given to you earlier to the pub. Once you round the corner, the look completely changes. The once-clean street is now a small ghetto. Stallions sitting on their stoops stop their conversations and crack their heads towards your direction.

You can feel the stares burn against your skin; all of them were looking for signs of fear, weakness, or anything they could use against you. Continuing your walk, you head down the street with your package in hand and enter the pub. The place looks like something straight out of the movie ‘Road House’. Lots of yelling, fights starting in the dark corners, sketchy bar games: It was cliché as hell. Scanning the room, you catch sight of your drop off. A rather large stallion with a black mane and eyepatch sits in a booth by himself, sipping away at a glass of cider. He looks up from his cup as you take the seat in front of him.

“Can I help you?” he questions, staring you down. Placing the package on the table, you slide it towards him and sit back.

“Miss Jubilee sent me to give you this package.” His eyes widen as he hears the name.

“Cherry sent you? This ain’t something to play around with, then.” He tears open the package and pulls out a newspaper clipping. Your heart sinks when you see what’s on it. It was none other than the Flim Flam Brothers. Along with the picture is a bag of bits.

“Half now, and half after I finish the job, I suppose.” He looks back to you and waves his hoof. “Thanks kid. You can go now, I don’t need you for anything.”

The same question keeps repeating in your head as you leave the table.

‘Why was there a picture of the Flim Flam Brothers in there with money?’

Maybe it wasn’t best to question it. Maybe he was just going to help you out. You turn around, ready to ask him, only to meet face to face with an empty chair. You look around the bar with no sight of him.

“That’s just weird,” you mutter to yourself. There was no need to get all high-strung about this. You were just getting yourself worked up for nothing. Maybe a nice drink will calm you down.

Taking a seat at the bar, you beckon the barkeep over. He hesitates at first, but ends up coming to you.

“Listen, I don’t want any trouble,” he pleads. You furrow your brow in confusion.

“You what?”

“You know Bruce, right? I don’t want anything to do with him.” Scratching the back of your head, you stare at him, dumbfounded.

“What so bad about Bruce? He seems like a tough guy, but he’s not all that bad from what I saw.” The bartender returns the confused look.

“Didn’t you just pay him for a hit?”

“Hit? Like, an assassination?”

Your heart sinks as the bartender nods. Cherry set a bounty for them as well, but she wanted them dead. Jumping from your seat, you sprint out of the pub towards the hotel. As you enter the building, the creepy teller screams out, “Good evening, sir!” as you run up the stairs. Bursting through the door, you run into both mare’s rooms and flick the lights on.

“We’re having an emergency meeting. We might have a small problem.”

Author's Note

I got a big bottle of Jack Daniels. I'm ready to go.

Chapter 9: Luck's Running Low

“An assassin?!” Applejack exclaims, almost jumping out of her seat. Putting your hand up, she stops herself and sits back down. It was pretty late at night, but something this important couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Pinkie looks back and forth between you two, a bit confused.

“What’s an assassin?” she curiously asks. It’s hard to believe that this mare is so naive with all her sexual jokes, but the look on her face screams uncertainty.

“An assassin is like a bounty hunter. The difference is, they’re paid to kill their bounty.” Pinkie’s eyes widen as the cold, hard truth hits her. Her jaw slightly slacks, giving her a dumbfounded look.

“Why would Miss Jubilee want those two dead? Did what they do really hurt her?” You shrug.

“I really don’t know. But what I do know is that we have to get to them before he does.” Both mares nod in agreement. To be honest, you didn’t care about their well-being, but they were useless to you dead. The bounty called for them alive and you intend to bring them in that way.

“What’re we doin’ standing ‘round here then? They ain’t just gonna come and give themselves up to us!” Applejack blurts, jumping up from her seat. You and Pinkie nod in agreement and stand up. Opening the door, you each exit the hotel room and make your way down into the lobby. Pinkie stops and turns to you and Applejack.

“How are we going to find them? We don’t have any leads or anything.” Applejack nods and turns to you.

“She’s got a point. Any idea where we can start?” You look down at her and shrug.

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Well, Ah assumed that since that there Marelock book gave ya the tips ta disable an unicorn’s magic, it would help ya find some way of finding somepony.” Now that you think about it, Marelock always found herself getting information from the local baddies. Maybe it would be best to start back at that pub again.

“Alright, I got somewhere we can start, but I can’t take you two with me.” Pinkie gives you an infuriated look, stomping her hoof against the ground. Applejack adopts the same look and lets out a heavy huff.

“And why can’t we go?” they say in unison.

“Because it’s dangerous, even for someone trained to defend themselves like me. I don’t want anything happening to either of you.” The last thing you wanted to do was go back home and explain to Apple family that Applejack was severely injured or tell tell the Cakes that Pinkie got herself hurt. They both step forward and shake their heads.

“Anon, we’ve been through worse. We’ve taken on dragons...” Applejack states.

“...and faced off against Discord!” Pinkie exclaims.

“What we’re tryin’ ta say is, we’ve face dangers well before ya came around and know how to take care of ourselves. We ain’t a pair of helpless mares.” Emitting a defeated sigh, you shrug and shake your head.

“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” A smile creeps onto their faces, basking in their victory. They trot along both sides of you, making sure to keep your pace. You venture into the ghetto part of town with one hand on your staff, ready to defend yourself at any given moment. The usual stallions were no longer on their stoops. Not only that, but the street didn’t hold a single living soul except for you, Pinkie, and Applejack. Opening the door to the bar, you scan the room. The place was dead; the only pony here is the bartender.

“Back again, I see,” he mutters, cleaning the counter with a damp cloth.

“Where’d everyone go?” you ask, taking a seat on a bar stool. He stops for a moment and looks around the room. His eyes stop wandering when he sees Applejack and Pinkie, who decide to take a seat in a booth. Leaning forward, he whispers in your ear.

“No idea. It’s getting pretty late, so they must have all gone home by now.” Looking up at the clock on the wall, you check the time.

“It’s only midnight,” you tell him in a flat tone. He grabs a glass from under the counter and wipes it down, not making any sort of eye contact with you. You let out a sigh and pull out an extra clipping of the article about the Flim Flam Brothers out, placing it on the counter. He looks at it from the corner of his eye and huffs.

“Those two,” he begins to whisper as you lean in, “have been nothing but trouble since they’ve come into town.”

“Well, I need to find them and bring them in. Think you can point me in their direction?” He looks back at the two mares, then to you. He leans in and drops down to an almost silent murmur.

“They’re currently downstairs in the basement. There’s a poker tourney going on right now and they’re both contestants. If you want, I can get you in.” You give him a suspicious glare.

“Why are you so eager to help me?” you ask. He puts the glass back under the counter and locks eyes with you, a look of determination across his face.

“I got my reasons and you got yours. Instead of questioning it, how about you just roll with it?” You lean back and shrug.

“Whatever you say. What do I have to do to get into this poker game?” He extends his hoof out.

“Pay the buy-in and I’ll take care of the rest. It’s thirty bits.” Pulling out your purse, you hand over the small golden coins as he heads towards a door in the back of the room. You walk over to Applejack and Pinkie, leaning over and bringing your voice down to a whisper.

“So, apparently Flim and Flam are part of some poker game that’s going on right now down in the basement of this place.” Applejack’s eyes widen as she tries to get away from the table, only to be stopped by you. “You two have to stay here while I try to get them out.” Pinkie stands in her seat, looking completely insulted.

“Anon, we told you we could tak-” Lifting your hand in the air, you cut her off.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you two can take care of yourselves, it’s the fact that those two know what you look like. You’ll blow my cover by just walking into that room.” Pinkie releases a sigh and crosses her forelegs like a disheartened child as Applejack nods in agreement.

“Anon’s right, Pinkie. Ah think he’ll be fine on his own, though,” she says with a wink.

“I would suggest you two try and find any other exits in the event that they try to run away.”

Behind you, someone clears their throat to get your attention. The bartender beckons you from the doorway, signalling the okay to enter. Turning to the two mares, you give them a nod and make your way towards the basement. The stairway leading down is rather dark and damp. The only light source is a couple of candles that line the walls. You can feel a chill run down your back as the temperature changes dramatically. Once you reach the bottom, the bartender stop and turns to you.

“They’re just about to start. Just sit down in an empty seat and play. You any good at poker?”

“I know how to play and I can lie if I need to,” you casually say with a shrug. He gives you a deadpan look and opens the door. You shield your eyes from the blinding light and wait for them to adjust. The room is small, but nicely furnished, complete with shag carpeting and marble finished walls. The only exits are the one you came in from and a single doorway on the opposing door. A single, round poker table sits in the middle of the room, housing five chairs that are already seating four stallions.

Taking your seat in the middle of all of them, you look around the table at your competition. To your left, your gaze meets with two familiar faces: Bruce and Marston. They give you both surprised looks as you pull yourself in towards the table and look over to the right. Sure enough, the two devious brothers sit to your right, whispering amongst themselves as they eye you tentatively. The dealer takes his place at the head of the table and grabs the deck with his magic aura.

“The name of the game is hold ‘em. Big blinds will start at two bits and small blinds will start at one. Once you run out of chips, you are eliminated from the table. Is that understood?” Everyone nods in unison. The dealer deals everyone their hands as you put in the small blind. Bruce leans over and whispers into your ear.

“What are you doing here, kid? Cherry knows I work alone. If you’re here to help, you’ll only get in the way,” he says as he puts in his blind. Once the deal is done, you take peek at your cards. A two of diamonds and a seven of clubs. The worst hand possible, just your luck. Marston folds his hand as Flim and Flam call.

“I have bad blood with them. With two on your hooves, I’d say it would be best if you had some assistance, don’t you think?” you murmur into his ear. The dealer takes the deck and begins placing down cards for the flop. A two of hearts, a two of spades, and a king hit the table. Looks like luck has decided to take your favor.

“So, what brings you boys to Mustangia?” asks Flam, hiding his smile behind his obnoxious mustache. No one acknowledges his question and continues on. Tapping your fingers on the table, you signal a check. Flam’s smile disappears as Bruce taps the table as well and begins to mutter into your ear.

“Alright, but only ‘cuz you’re with Cherry.” Using his magic, Flam folds his hand and turns to his brother, muttering something in his ear again. Flim takes six chips and throws them into the pot.

“I raise six bits.” Grabbing six chips, you call. Bruce follows in suit.

The dealer places down the turn, which happens to be a six of clubs. Now would be the time to raise. If there was a time you had to thank the author of Marelock Holmes, it was right now. In the last book you read, Marelock was forced to play a game of poker to get a lead on a grand master thief. And using her tactic seems like it’ll work in your favor.

“I raise ten bits.” A sudden awkwardness fills the air as your chips enter the pool. Bruce looks down at his cards and back to the table’s. Grabbing the chips, he throws in ten of them.

“Call.” Not moving your head at all, your eyes turn wander towards Flim’s face. He shows no sign of emotion as he throws throws in ten chips.

“I call as well.” As the last card lands, you restrain yourself from pumping your fist into the air. Another two enters, marking your victory. There’s no way you could lose. Taking the rest of your chips, you push them into the pot.

“All in.” Bruce doesn’t hesitate to fold; if he threw his cards in any faster, you would have mistaken them for shuriken. Flim smiles and pushes his pile of chips in.

“I call.” His face goes from surefire to defeat almost instantly as you flip your cards for the showdown.

“Four of a kind,” you gloat, reaching out to the pile and grabbing the pot. He reveals his hand have a six and a jak; a full house. Piling the chips on top of each other, you smile as you count your winnings.

“Nice haul kid,” Bruce whispers, nudging you in the side. “Listen, after the showdown of this hand, I’m gonna take my chance. I’ve played with these guys before, and usually they start cheating when one’s knocked out. I’ll accuse them of such and take my chance. You go for the other one with the mustache.”

You nod and turn your attention back to the two brothers. If you were going to keep them from getting killed, you were going to have to be quick. The dealer shuffles the deck as Bruce and Marston put in their blinds. Flam eyes you and Bruce cautiously before whispering something to Flim. The dealer distributes the hands and lays the deck on the table. Peeking at your cards, you have pocket aces. Lady luck must be your side tonight in this card game; hopefully she’s willing to give you a bit more for what’s about to happen. Everyone calls the blinds, ready for the flop. A jack, king, and queen land, all spades. Looking at your hand again, you check the suits: a heart and club. Grabbing twenty chips, you raise. Bruce and Flam call as Marston folds.

The dealer runs the turn, placing down a nine of diamonds. Bruce pushes his pile in, a slick grin lining his face.

“All in.” Flim shakes his head and calls, placing his chips into the pot. Grabbing the same amount of chips, you call as well and wait for the flop. The dealer places the river and looks up at the two brothers. Letting out a heavy sigh, you enter your focus state, ready for whatever happens next. Bruce flips his cards over to show a seven and eight of spades, giving him a flush. Before you can flip yours, Flim places a hoof on your hand.

“There’s no need. I won.” He flips his cards over to reveal an Ace and ten of spades.

“A royal flush? You’re definitely cheating, you dogs!” Bruce screams as he pushes himself from his chair. His horn begins to glow as a knife comes out from under the table.

“Now would be a good time to stop him,” says a voice behind you. Extending your arm out, you take the staff’s advice and clothesline Bruce. He looks at you, completely bewildered as he collides with the ground. Flim and Flam are already heading out the back door as you turn around. Unsheathing your staff, you take off after them, not before hearing Marston scream, “Damn it, ya can’t go anywhere without screwin’ up something for me, can ya?!”

Running up the stairs, a bright light above blinds you for a moment as two figures make their way out the exit. Once you reach the top of the stairs, you see an orange blur round the corner of the building.

“Applejack!” She looks back at you as you enter the alleyway and continues her pursuit. You catch up to her as the two brothers turn onto the main street. Making your way onto the street, Pinkie gallops to your side, looking up at you.

“How’d the tournament go? Did you win?” Glaring down at her, you resist the urge to smack her in the back of the head. She gives you a sly smile as something whizzes past your head. Looking back, you see Bruce with several knives levitating in the air, ready to be thrown.

“Anon, you and AJ have to catch them. I’ll hold him off.” Pinkie stops and turns around, ready to face off against the stallion. There was no way she could take this guy on her own. Sliding to a halt, you raise your left arm up and grab a marble. Bringing back the sling, you aim down the small sight towards his horn and fire. The marble flies quickly across the street and makes contact.

...With his eye. The stallion screams in agony as the knives hit the ground. Pinkie jumps into the air and dropkicks him as you turn around to catch up with Applejack. You watch as the two run around a corner and quickly follow in pursuit.

“We got ’em now!” Applejack exclaims. Looking down alley, you notice why she’s so confident. There’s a tall fence at the end of the alley that’s a little taller than you blocking off the exit. The two stallions’ horns begin to glow as they approach the metal obstacle. Pulling your staff forward you turn your head to Applejack.

“Jump on my back!” you command. She gives you confused look as you scream again. “Just do it!” She rolls her eyes and does as you say, wrapping her hooves around your neck. Flim and Flam cast a spell at the fence, temporary lifting it up fence enough for them to slide under. They stop and turn around to mock you, making funny faces and laughing. Taking the opposing end of your staff, you dig it into the ground and vault over the fence. Their smiles quickly fade as you ascend into the air and take off again.

Landing firmly on the ground, you take off, not giving Applejack a chance to get off. They continue down the road, still keeping a distance from you. There was no chance you two could catch up with them. A crazy idea pops into your head.

“Applejack, grab my staff!” She puts her head over your shoulder and gives you a deadpan look. You facepalm and shake the staff in your hands. “The staff in my hands, idiot!” She looks at the staff, then back to you, her expression unchanged. With a roll of her eyes, she jumps onto your staff as you lift it up.

“Anon, ya sure this’ll work?” Shifting her end behind you, you get ready to swing.

“I have no idea!” you bellow as you launch her forward. Applejack flies into the air towards the two. Flim looks behind himself, his jaw dropping as Applejack comes back down to the ground right above him. She lands firmly on top of him, pinning him down and pulling her rope out from her saddlebag. Flam turns around, horn glowing brightly. Pulling out a marble, you holster your staff and ready yourself to take a shot. Exhaling, you enter your focus state and aim for his horn. His magical aura begins to wrap around Applejack as you let the shot go. It makes direct contact with his horn and stops his spell short. He rubs his horn, trying to null the pain.

“Run, brother! It isn’t worth it!” Flam hesitates for a moment, not wanting to leave his brother behind. He quickly changes his mind as you begin running towards him. He runs around the corner with you following not too far behind. You quickly enter the alley and stop. There’s nothing but an empty can and a wall about a few feet in.

“How did he...?” You look around and check everything out in case he has some sort of trick placed, but nothing pops up. Letting out a disappointed sigh, you exit the alley and approach Applejack, who is busy hogtying Flim. A line of duct tape covers his horn as he struggles to escape from the ropes tight grip.

“Ah’m guessin’ he got away?” You nod as she tightens the knot at his hooves. Pinkie comes bouncing down the street, covered from head to hoof in confetti. You’re almost hesitant to ask.

“Pinkie, what happened?” She looks at your with a serious face and shakes her head.

“You don’t want to know. Long story short, Brucie got away.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” you think to yourself. Grabbing the rope tying the stallion, you lift him up and look around. A small sign sits at the corner of the street sporting a big ‘P’ across it. Following it, you begin heading down the street.

“Might as well drop this one off,” you mutter with Applejack and Pinkie in tow.

“Listen, pal, can we talk this out? I’m pretty sure we can come up with some sort of agreement.”

“You should be thanking me, buddy,” you reply, giving him no sign of hope for getting away. “There’s a hit out for you and your brother’s head. I’m bringing you in so that the hitman can’t touch a single hair on your mane and to collect my damn bounty. We’re going to have to find your brother as well. He’s still in danger.” He seems almost surprised hearing this.

“There’s a hit out for us? Who put it?”

“Miss Jubilee!” blurts Pinkie. You shoot a glare in her direction; there was no need for him to know who put out the hit. Flim sighs, sounding almost distraught.

“I told that brother of mine not to mess with that lady. But no! He never listens to me and then we end up having to run out of town. That stallion can be very promiscuous sometimes, I swear!” Giving him a scoff, you enter the police station and place the stallion on the counter. The officer behind the counter looks at the stallion, completely confused, then back to you.

“Where’s the other one?” You furrow your brow and look around you.

“Must have gotten away. Think you can take this one for now while I look for him?” He rolls his eyes and hands you a bag filled with a hundred bits. You shake the bag, listening to the clanging of coins and point at it.

“Isn’t this supposed to be five hundred bits?” The officer gives you an annoyed glare and pulls out the bounty flyer.

“Says right here that both of them will get you five hundred bits, one will only give you a hundred. Unless you can bring in the other guy, that’s all you get.” Taking the bag, you pocket it and turn back to the two mares.

“This sack is too light.” Pinkie lowers her eyelids in a seductive manner, ready to strike. You quickly slap her in the back of head before a single word can emit from her mouth.

“Ow! All I was gonna say was after that night with Miss Jubliee, I’d expect no less!” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you let out a disgruntled sigh.

“Damn it, Pinkie.”

Author's Note

An update? Before a month? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?

Answer: Jack Daniels

Chapter 10: Finding the Other Half

Pacing back and forth in the room, you try to keep your cool. Applejack and Pinkie watch as you continue to mutter to yourself, occasionally exchanging worried looks among each other.

“Anon, you should lie down. You haven’t had any sleep for a while,” Pinkie suggests. Looking out the window, you notice the sun starting to rise.

“I had plenty of sleep before we got here. Sleep isn’t what I’m worried about. What I’m worried about is catching Flam before Bruce does.” Your pace increases in speed as you lose yourself in thought. How were you going to catch Flam? Better yet, how were you going to find him?

“If we’re going to catch a criminal, we’ll have to think like him. Applejack!” She turns to you, fully alert. “If you and Big Mac were a con duo, what would you do if he got caught?” Applejack looks at you like you’ve finally lost it.

“Ah don’t know, Ah’ve never done anything illegal before!”

“Well, why not ask his brother?” You both turn to Pinkie who gives you an innocent expression. “If we can convince him to tell us where his brother is, we can probably find him!”

“You know, that idea might actually work,” you respond, scratching the back of your head. “Let’s just head back to the police station and talk to him.” Grabbing your staff and slingshot, you make your way down the stairs to the front desk. The receptionist stands behind her counter, eyes widened and cracking a creepy smile. She waves at you, not breaking eye contact.

“That mare kind of scares me,” you mutter. Applejack and Pinkie simultaneously nod. Walking down the street, you can’t help but feel a faint voice pecking at your conscious. It felt like the feeling you get when someone is talking about you and your ears would perk up on their own. Letting out a deep breathe, you enter your focus state and listen closely.

“It’s about time! Do you have any idea how long I’ve been calling you for?” screams your staff.

“Sorry,” you whisper. “It’s just kind of weird talking to an inanimate object is all.”

“That’s nice and all, but I have some important information. There was a familiar presence in the lobby when we entered it. It seemed almost... lifeless, if you will. Like the soul of the creature just didn’t care about others whatsoever. I felt it before when we were at the poker game.”

“So, basically you’re telling me there was some evil douche in the room with us, but they were famili—” Then it hit you. “Bruce.” Pinkie and Applejack stop in their tracks and look up at you.

“What was that, Anon?” Pinkie asks.

“This is gonna sound crazy, but a little birdie told me of his presence in the lobby just now, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Bruce is following us. Don’t look around!” you hiss, shaking your hand as Applejack’s head almost whips around to check. “If you do, we’ll just scare him off.”

“But, we don’t want that varment ta be hightailing us!” Applejack blurts. “He’ll be nuttin’ but trouble!” Bending your knees, you beckon them closer and lower your voice down to a whisper.

“He’s after the same stallion, so he’ll ‘need’ us, if you will. This guy’s obviously dangerous, so our best bet right now is to play it cool and wait until he attacks us. He won’t think for a second that we expect him.” Pinkie nods her head in agreement as Applejack lets out a disgruntled sigh.

As you enter the police station, the officer behind the counter looks up from his newspaper at you.

“Did you find the other one?”

“No. We were actually wondering if we could speak to Flim.” The cop raises an eyebrow before looking at you from head to toe.

“Well, if you want clearance, you’re going to have leave your weapons here.” Hesitantly, you unsheathe your staff, remove your slingshot, and untie you bag of marbles, placing all the items on the counter. Applejack and Pinkie remove their saddlebags and place them alongside your stuff. The guards pat you down and escort you to Flim’s cell, where he lies on his bed looking up at the ceiling.

“You got visitors,” grunts the guard as you all stand in front of cell. He leans his head forward before putting on a scowl.

“Come to mock me, eh? Well, go ahead.” Leaning up against the bars, you shake your head.

“Mock you? No. Get some information? Yes.” He sits up and glares daggers at you.

“And what makes you think I’ll give you any info?”

“Because ya don’t want anything bad ta happen ta yer brother and we’re the only ones that can get ya both ta safety. Ya both may be unethical, but family always sticks tagether.” Flim fixes his line of sight onto Applejack now. He lets out an annoyed snort and turns his head away like an obnoxious child.

“I’ll only do it for my brother’s sake. I’m not doing this for any of you.” Jumping down from the bed, he walks over to cell bars and leans in close. “What do you need to know?”

“Where’s he hiding right now?” you whisper, looking around to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

“We kept a place in the slummy area of town, but I doubt he’ll be there now. He wouldn’t be able to get past the traps we set in the room without my help. The most I can give you is that he can’t help but be a horny bastard all the time, so you might want to try the brothel down the street from the bar we were playing at. The front of the building will be crawling with mares. You can’t miss it.”

“Alright, thanks for the information. One last thing: Where is this trap filled room?” Flim furrows his brow and tilts his head in confusion.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Oh, no reason. I’m just curious is all.” He squints at you, not trusting a word you say.

“It’s building thirty-seven on Hay Avenue, room number thirteen.” Taking a mental note of that, you nod and smile.

“Thanks for the info. We’ll have your brother here soon enough.” He gives you a deadpan look as you walk away. Heading back up the stairs, you enter the front lobby and grab your stuff. The two mares dig throughout their bags to ensure that all their goods are still intact and follow you out. As you exit the building, the faint whisper returns, scratching at your ear.

“What’s the matter?” you whisper to your staff after focusing.

“The presence is very close again.” You feel your heart sink as everyone around you has now become an enemy. Not turning your head, you peer out into the crowd of ponies, trying to pick out Bruce. It shouldn’t be hard; the stallion has an eye patch.

“I need you two to play along with what I’m about to do,” you mouth to the two mares. They nod signalling their understanding. “I need you to ask me where we’re going next as we walk down the street. I’ll take it from there.” Making your way down the road, you look out of the corner of your eyes for any sign of Bruce.

“So where we going next, Anon?” Applejack ask, a little too enthusiastically.

“Well, Flim said that Flam is most likely at their apartment right now, so I think we should head there next. Applejack, what was the address again? It slipped my mind.”

“Uh... Ah think he said thirty-seven Hay Avenue, room thirteen.” Snapping your fingers, you nod.

“Ah! That was it. What would I do without you two?” Pinkie jumps onto your back, cracking a huge smirk.

“You’d probably be dead!” Turning your head, you give her a grimace and resist the urge to smack her in the back of the head. She was right, but there wasn’t a need to point it out. The whisper returns again, trying to catch your attention. Entering your focus state, you listen tentatively to the staff.

“It seems your pursuiter is slowly disappearing. What you did there was slick, but it should slow him down for a bit. Good job.”

“At least someone thinks my ideas are good,” you grumble. Turning onto the bar road, you look down the street and notice the building right away. Mares of all ages and colors stand in the front, calling out to stallions as they pass by. Once you get into view, one of the older mares walks up and gives you a seductive look that would rival Pinkie’s.

“Hey there, honey. Never been with a minotaur before, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. Mind taking me for a ride?” she says with a purr.

“A ride, no.” You pull out the bounty clipping and point at Flam. “Have you seen this guy around here lately?” The mare squints and looks at the paper, scratching her chin with her hoof.

“I don’t know. He seems familiar, but I deal with so many stallions it’s kind of hard to tell. If only I had something to refresh my memory...” Rolling your eyes, you pull out your money sack and throw her ten bits. She pockets the money into her blouse and quickly changes her expression from seductive to indifferent.

“Yeah, the prick was here last night, trying to use the brothel as a place to stay. Didn’t even pay the poor new mare and ran off when the bouncer came around last night. Most likely he’s finding a place to stay since he ‘lost his little tag along’, as he said.” Giving her a nod, you thank her and head back the way you came.

“Welp, looks like we’re back where we started,” Applejack says with a disheartening sigh. “He can be anywhere in this dang town.”

“We do have a small lead, though: He’s looking for a place to stay. I highly doubt he has anyone here to just let him board with them, so he must be in one of two places.” Walking into the hotel, the receptionist beckons you.

“Mr. Anonymous! Might I have a word with you?” You look over at Applejack with a worried expression, then walk to the front desk. Pinkie drops down from your back and joins Applejack on one of the sofas.

“Yes?”

“I regret to inform you that you must pay for an additional night if you wish to stay,” she states, not dropping her smile or stare. Digging into your pockets, you wretch the money pouch and rip it out along with your photo of Flim and Flam. As you place them both on the counter, you notice that the clipping was pulled out with the money and place it back in your pocket, but not before realizing that the receptionist’s face has completely changed. Her once creepy smile has changed to small frown.

“Are those friends of yours?” she mutters, keeping her voice barely audible.

“You could say that, yes. Why do you ask?” Sweat begins to form on her brow as she licks her lips.

“Well, a stallion came in looking for one of them and ‘persuaded’ me, if you will, into telling him where his room was.”

Your stomach churns upon hearing this. Leaning forward on the counter, you whisper, “Where is he?”

“Room sixty. It’s the suite on the top floor. You need to take the elevator and use the passcode. It’s ten, ten, twenty, ten.” As you sprint to the elevator, Pinkie and Applejack follow in tow, catching the urgency in your step. Pressing the last number on the button pad, you look up at the display as it says ‘Passcode’ across it. Hitting the combo, the elevator begins making its way up.

“What’s going on, Anon?” Pinkie asks, sounding a bit worried.

“Bruce might have beat us here. Hopefully we aren’t too late.” Unsheathing your staff, you ready yourself. “I need you guys to stand back as I take care of him. If Flam is still alive, I’ll keep Bruce busy as you two try to get Flam out.” The elevator beeps, signalling that you have reached the desired floor. The doors slowly open as you walk out into giant, round room. The room is a complete mess. Couches are flipped, pillows are torn, and there is blood all over. Entering your focus state, you look around the room, watching out for any kind of traps or ambushes.

“Is there any sign of Bruce in here?” you murmur to your staff.

“I feel him. He’s very clos—” A loud bang grabs your attention. It seems to be coming from what seems like the master bedroom. Raising your hand, you tell the two mares to stop. They nod and wait for you to open the door. Slowly, you open the door. You quickly duck as a knife flies toward your face. It narrowly misses and land in a wall behind you. Entering the enormous bedroom, you see Bruce standing in front of a wounded Flam. He seems to have a few wounds, but nothing fatal.

“Thought you could trick me, huh? Send me on a wild goose chase. Well, I got news for you, kid: I’ve been in this game far longer than you.” He raises a few knives into the air, ready to throw them.

“Think of them as apples, Anon,” states your staff.

“Yeah, apples. Shiny, pointy, stabby apples that hurt a hell of a lot more if they hit.” Two of the knives are thrown forward directly at your face. Stepping out of the way, you take a step forward, slowly making your way towards Bruce. He readies three more knives when a crazy idea comes to mind.

“Godspeed, friend.”

“What?” your staff replies in confusion. Lifting the staff up, you throw it across the room like a javelin and hit Bruce in the horn. The knives drop to the ground as soon as it makes contact. With great speed, you dart forward as Bruce winces. He opens his eyes and catches sight of you running forward for your staff and quickly bends down to grab a knife with his teeth. As you grab your staff, a sharp pain pierces you thigh, making you scream out in agony and lose your balance. Bruce grabs another knife as you fall on your ass, ready to finish the job. He moves in quickly, not giving you enough time or room to reach for your staff. Swinging your fist forward, you jab him in the good eye. He screams out in agony as your attack makes contact, sending him back and dropping his knife, giving you enough time to reach for your staff.

“What is it with you and hitting my good eye, you jacka—!” In one fluid swipe, you smack his against the side of his head, knocking him over.

“Applejack!” The orange mare quickly jumps in, pulling her rope and duct tape out. Pinkie bounces up to and grabs the knife in your leg with her teeth.

“Wait, Pinkie! Don’t do tha—” She rips the knife out of your leg, leaving you to scream in agony. “GAH! You fucking bitch! That hurt!” You smack her in the nose as if you were disciplining a dog. She falls on her butt, holding her muzzle between her front hooves as you moan in agony. Applejack runs up to Flam and looks him over.

“How is he?” you ask, trying to lift yourself up, using your staff as a support.

“He’s got some pretty bad wounds, but nuthin’ fatal. We should get him ta a hospital.” Limping across the room, you cut off the circulation from your leg with some spare rope and head back to the elevator as Pinkie and Applejack carry Flam. Once you reach the ground level, the staff’s jaws all drop in sync at the sight before them.

“Someone call an ambulance!”

“Get the police!”

Before long, you have a nice doctor running her horn over your wound, patching it up like new. Two police officers come up to you, trying to prod you with questions.

“What happened?”

“I went in to capture my bounty, but it seems an assassin got there first. We had a bit of quarrel and I walked out the victor. Don’t worry, I didn’t kill him,” you mention before they can ask. “He should be tied up in the grand suite on the top floor. Also...” You point over at Flam. “That’s the second part to my bounty, so if you don’t mind telling the guys at the station that I caught him, that’d be grand.” The two officers give you a nod and quickly head into the building. The doctor removes her horn and wipes the sweat from her brow.

“Walk around a bit and see if your leg is alright.”

Standing up, you walk in a circle to test your leg.

“Good to go, doc,” you tell her. She nods and begins packing her supplies as Pinkie and Applejack walk up to you. You find yourself glaring down at Pinkie as she slyly smiles at you. “Next time I have a knife sticking out of my leg, let me get medical attention before you yank it out.”

She scratches the back of her head nervously, muttering a small, “Sorry,” under her breath. One of the police officers walk through the front doors of the hotel, face completely pale. He pulls you aside, looking completely appalled.

“You said that the hitman was in the room tied up, correct?” You nod. “Well, the building is going into lockdown right now because all we could find was this.” He lifts a bag labeled ‘evidence’ containing a rope and some duct tape. “Would you have any idea where to find this guy?”

“When I first ran into him, he was at the pub down the street. But I highly doubt he’s there any more.” The officer nods and thanks you for your help as you head towards the police station with another cop. As you enter, the same officer looks up from his paper and jumps up to attention when seeing the other officer.

“Sir!”

“Stand down, son. This guy needs his pay for capturing the Flim Flam duo. Give it to him and get back to work.” The stallion behind the counter nods and runs to the back. You turn to the officer and place your staff and slingshot on the counter.

“Do you mind if I visit his brother? I want him to know that he’s safe.” The guard shrugs.

“I don’t see why not.” He escorts you down into the holding cells where Flim impatiently paces in his cell. Once he catches sight of you, he runs up to you in a panic.

“Is okay? Did you get to him first?”

“He’s fine. A little beat up, but he’ll be fine.” Flim lets out a relieved sigh and sits down on the bed.

“I’m glad you got to him first, even if we’re both going to prison. What happened to that assassin?” You shrug uncomfortably.

“Seems he got away. But, something tells me he’s not worried about you anymore and instead he’ll be coming after me.” A stallion taps you on the shoulder, hold a large sack of bits. Pocketing the pay, you thank him and turn back to Flim. “I’m gonna get going. Make sure you and your brother stay safe. Prison isn’t any easier than the outside world. At least, from what I’ve heard.”

Flim gives you a nod as you head out and meet up with Pinkie and Applejack.

“So what do we do now?”

Looking up at the afternoon sky, you pick out a lone cloud, idly floating by.

“Let’s go home. I’ve had enough adventure for a while.”

Author's Note

What?! An update? MR. JACK SURE IS DOING HIS JOB, AIN'T HE?

Chapter 11: It's a Joke

The moonlight illuminates the path to the front door of your humble abode. Its presence alone welcomes you as you lug your travel gear on your back. The train trip back felt longer than when you had went to Dodge Junction and, as usual, you didn’t get a wink of sleep either. That was okay, though: there was a warm, comfy bed waiting inside for you.

The tumblers click as you turn the key in the lock, echoing out into the quiet streets. Not a single soul aside from yourself was out at this time in this area. Entering the house, you immediately throw all your bags and goods on the foyer floor and walk into the kitchen. Flicking the switch, you give your eyes a second to adjust as the blinding light attacks them. Everything was how you left it; not a hair out of place. Digging into the freezer, you grab the bottle of vodka, pop off the cap, and take a swig.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t drink this unless it was for a celebration, but to be blunt, living to see another day in this line of work was a good enough reason. Closing the bottle, you place it back in the freezer and turn around. A small pile of letters lay on your table, waiting for you to open them. It was a good idea to have Zecora watch the place while you were gone, not that you really needed her to. Ponyville isn’t exactly prone to many burglaries. Maybe the occasional dragon or evil spirit, but not burglary, unless you counted Lucy.

Looking over the letters, you begin tossing the junk mail aside, trying your best to find anything that was actually important. One, however, does. Written in an almost ornate writing is your name, alongside what seems like a lipstick stained kiss mark. Opening the letter, you begin reading it as a cherry scent washes through your nostrils.

Dearest Anonymous,

I apologize for not telling you about the true intention of that package, but I needed a backup in case you didn’t capture the Flim Flam Brothers. I couldn’t be too sure, so I asked Bruce for assistance as well. I was amazed when I caught news that you had caught the two before Bruce did. I’ll have you know that I called Bruce off the job and he will no longer be going after the two brothers. Think of his hiring as a boost to help you catch the scoundrels.

Don’t forget to drop by if you’re ever in town again. I would love if you swung by and stayed for the night once more. ♥

Sincerely,
Cherry “Pit” Jubilee

Crumpling up the letter in your hand, you toss it in the trash. Who the hell does she think she is? “Boost to help you,” your ass. She was just upset that you beat Bruce to them. Digging through the rest of you mail, you find nothing but junk like, “Enhance your stallionhood!” or “Neigherian prince” scams in the pile. Leaving the kitchen, you shut the light off and head straight for your bed. The single-floor home was small, but cozy. It was also great for those nights when you couldn’t be bothered with stairs after drinking enough to kill a full grown stallion. Sprawling out on top of the bed, you place your head on the pillow and fall asleep.

A heavy knocking booms throughout the house, cutting you off from your slumber. Opening your weary eyes, you look around the dimly lit room, trying to figure out what time it is. The sun barely peeks over the mountain tops, so it had to be no later than five in the morning.

“I’m coming,” you grunt, leaving the comfort of your bed to inspect the reason for this rude awakening. As if it was really a question; there was only one being who would be up this early to bother you. Swinging open the door, you look down at the zebra who is impatiently tapping her hoof on the ground.

“I apologize for not giving you a warning, but I just couldn’t wait for later this morning.” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you shake your head and let out a disgruntled sigh before moving over to allow her in. Stretching your arms and legs, you close the door behind her as she makes her way into the kitchen. It was way too early in the morning for this.

“I’m gonna brew up some coffee. You want anything?” you ask as you enter the room. She gives a subtle nod and takes a seat at your table.

“If you don’t mind, a cup of tea. I find it will be quite fine just for me.” After filling the kettle with water, you place it on the stove and turn on the flame.

“So, what brings you to this part of town?” you joke, taking a sip of your coffee. Zecora gives you a deadpan look as she eyes you from head to toe.

“You know why, the question is simply so: How exactly did your bounty go?” Placing your cup down on the counter, you tell her of your little adventure, making sure to leave out the details about what had happened between you and Cherry. Zecora merely nods as you continue on and pour her a cup of tea, telling her about Bruce and the two brothers.

“It seems your training has done well for you, but there’s much more training for you to do.” Giving her a small shrug, you nod your head in agreement.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind learning a bit more. Oh! I almost forgot.” You walk back into the main foyer and dig through your duffle bag to grab your slingshot. Zecora looks at it and giggles.

“You would spend money on such a simple, mindless toy? Oh, Anonymous, you may be grown, but you have the heart of a small boy.” You give her a scowl place it on the table.

“It may be a toy to you, but this saved my ass a couple of times already.” Zecora lets out a huff, staring deeply at the device. Her eyes widen a bit as if an idea just popped in head.

“With your help, and a bit of purple oak, we can make pellets out of poison joke,” she mutters, pulling back on the elastic with her hoof. Downing the rest of your coffee, you glance at her with a furrowed brow.

“And what will that do exactly?” you question. She stands up and makes her way out of the kitchen.

“Meet me at my home around two. We will discuss there what it will do.” She takes her leave as you roll your eyes and pick up the slingshot. Poison joke was something that you shouldn’t play with; Twilight told you stories of what it did to ponies. It raised an interesting question, however: What would it do to humans? To be honest, that question was to go unanswered. There was no way you would even consider testing it out.

But, right now, that didn’t matter. All that mattered to you as you drag your heavy feet around the house is getting back to bed. Entering the room, you instantly plop down onto the mattress and pass out.

Opening your eyes, you wake up for the second time today. With a quick stretch of the joints, you rise from your bed and look at the clock. It was already one in the afternoon. Grabbing a fresh batch of clothes, you head to the bathroom to perform your usual morning rituals, even if it was the afternoon. After a quick shower and shave, you get dressed and grab your weapons. You cover your eyes as you open the front door and head out towards the Everfree Forest. No matter what training or experience you’ve been through, this place still creeped you out. The sounds were foreign and sinister sounding, sending a shiver down your spine. The damp soil beneath your feet left an unsettling, cautious feeling in your stomach, almost as if you were going to sink at any time. Zecora had told you to always stick to the path and you would be fine, but that still didn’t make you feel any better.

Once you reach the clearing, you look around. Nothing has really changed since your last visit. The little hut emits smoke profusely from its small chimney, which was rather strange. Sure, Zecora usually had something brewing, but it never smoked like that before. Knocking on the door, you wait as the usual clip clopping of hooves makes its way towards the door. Zecora looks up at you from the doorway, sporting a saddlebag and her staff.

“It’s about time; you’re late. Hurry, we mustn't hesitate,” she says with a scowl. She slams the door shut and begins making her way into the forest. Following right behind, you push through the branches and brush. Her height was rather convenient for this: all of the obstacles were right above her head. As you continue your venture into the forest, your line of sight is dimmed by the dark forest. The trees and vegetation were getting taller the further you walked in. Something brings you to halt as you enter another small clearing. Zecora put a hoof to her muzzle, giving you a very low, “Shh!” sound.

“Why are we stopping?” you whisper, kneeling down to her level. She points to the center of the clearing. A single, large tree stands in the middle, bearing a liquorice-like coloring, covered from top to bottom in vines and moss. She digs into her bag and gives you a knife, sharpened and ready to go.

“We must be careful. That tree’s bark is what we need. But those vines are made to mislead,” she murmurs. “You must get the bark. I will deal with the vine. If need be, you might have to jump in at any time.”

Giving her a nod, you glance at the vines cautiously. What could these things possibly do? Zecora slowly approaches the tree, making sure only to step on the soft ground to muffle her hoofsteps. Taking small steps, you follow her lead and stand before the towering plant.

“Slowly, scrape the bark off the side. After we have it, we must run, not stride,” she mutters in a barely audible tone. Zecora pulls out a tiny jar from her saddlebag and gives it to you before standing up on her back hooves, staff ready. Placing the knife against the tree’s side, you begin scratching at the surface, catching the small bits of bark in the jar. The only noise that you hear is your knife and breathing. You stop for a moment as something catches your eye. One of the vines definitely just moved. Turning to Zecora, she waves her hoof as a signal to continue. The jar is now halfway filled. Sweat begins to bead on your brow, slowly trailing down the tip of your nose. There was no time to clean it off; you had to be quick.

Like a whip, one of the vines wraps around your wrist, gripping so tight that you drop the knife in pain. With your other hand, you drop the jar and catch the knife by the handle. The vine begins to slowly drag you up the tree as you slash at it repeatedly. It lets out a tiny shriek as it releases its deathly grip and retracts. Turning around, you see why Zecora hasn’t helped you at all: She was dealing with her own problems right now. Three vines lash at her with quick strikes, trying their best to grab hold of her. Her eyes give off a faint glow as she smacks them aside with her staff. You attempt to dash to her aid, but feel something tug at your ankle, flipping you on your back. A vine has wrapped itself around your ankle, dragging you up the tree again. Multiple vines emerge from the branches above, slowly descending towards you.

“I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going!” you bellow. Bending upwards, you grab the vine and begin chopping away at it. It lets out a scream as you sever it from your leg and fall back down to the ground, landing on your feet. The pain surges throughout your entire lower body; you had to have fallen at least six feet.

“Anon, don’t forget the jar! We cannot fail after coming this far!” she shouts, smacking aside vines with her staff. Scooping up the jar and cap, you close the jar, pocket it, and bolt off to assist Zecora. One vine grabs her staff and pulls it from her grip as the other two quickly jolt forward. One latches onto her back leg, sweeping her off her hooves. Sprinting at a breakneck speed, you jump up and catch the other vine, stopping it short from grabbing her, making sure to stab it. It jerks from your grip as the others retract back into the branches, dropping Zecora and her staff. She grabs it as you land, running off with you right behind her. After two or three minutes of running, you both stop and take a moment to catch your breath.

“Damn it, that was insane,” you breathe, panting heavily. Zecora nods in agreement and puts out her hoof. Digging into your pocket, you pull out the jar and hand it over. She places it in her bag and resumes walking back with you in tow. After a little while, you finally reach the small hut and let out a sigh of relief. The smell of incense consumes your nose as you enter, almost making your eyes tear. Zecora empties her bag, placing a few small sacks and the jar on her table. She digs into her cabinets, grabbing assortments of powders and plants.

“Anon, please, will you be a dear? Grind the bark until it’s a pasty smear,” she asks, pushing a pestle and mortar over with her muzzle. You proceed to dump the small jar of bark into the ceramic bowl and pound away at it. Sure enough, it begins turning into a paste like substance as you mash it. Zecora digs into one of the sacks and pulls out a bright blue flower with her teeth, placing it into a separate bowl.

“I’m guessing that’s poison joke?” you ask, pointing at the flower. She nods and continues filling the bowl with more flowers. “Why are you picking it up? Aren’t you supposed to avoid touching it?” Her facial expression completely changes, going from indifferent to depressed.

“Yes, you should avoid any contact with this plant at any rate. I now suffer because of I could not avoid that fate.” She turns her head away, pretending to look for more supplies. It takes a moment, but the realization finally sets in.

“That’s the reason you rhyme when you talk, isn’t it?” you blurt, not realizing you just thought aloud. Her entire body freezes for moment before slowly turning to you. She gives you a single nod and looks back to the plant.

“I once...” She hesitates for a moment, before turning back to you. “...Ate the plant, not knowing what it was. I quickly realized just what it does.” Biting your lower lip, you try your hardest not to laugh. Just the thought of a zebra eating a plant and rhyming against their will was freaking hilarious.

“Isn’t the antidote simple to make? Why don’t you just drink it?” She rubs her hoof against her foreleg uncomfortably and shrugs.

“The antidote is for if the plant touches the skin, not if you take ingest it or take it in,” she says in a quiet tone. She waves her hoof in the air, trying to redirect the conversation. “Enough about that; there’s work to do! This mixture is not exactly easy to brew.” Grabbing the pestle and mortar, you continue grinding the bark into thick paste-like substance as Zecora begins the same procedure with the poison joke. Once completed, you give her the purple oak and watch her do her magic. She begins mixing the two pastes which slowly become a fine blue powder.

“How...?” You stop yourself from finishing that statement. This was a world filled with talking equines and magic: There wasn’t much logic that applied here. After adding some strange smelling orange powder to the concoction, Zecora opens a cabinet and gives you a heavy container filled with soft clay.

“Roll that out and make it thin. We’ll then make a ball to put the powder in,” Zecora states, pointing at the mold. Grabbing a chunk of the clay, you roll it into a small ball and push your thumb into the center to create a small well. Zecora fills it with the mixture, which you proceed to cover up. After making about twenty or so pellets, you place them on a tray, which you then bring outside.

“We must let these dry in the sun. Then they will be ready and completely done.” You place them in a small pocket of sunlight right outside the house. “Come back tomorrow and they should be done. Then we will try them out and give them a test run.”

Grabbing one of the pellets, you look at Zecora with a question fresh in your mind.

“I’m curious to know how this will break. I mean, they are fragile enough to crack, but how will I be sure that it’ll do so when it hits the target?” you question. Zecora takes one of the pellets and slams it on the ground away from you. It pops as it collides with the soil, leaving a splash of paste in its place.

“The orange powder that I added to the mix is the key to this particular fix,” she answers with a sly smile.

“So basically, the orange powder has some kind of reaction if hits something hard while going really fast?” She nods.

“The explosion works with great haste and will turn the powder into a fine paste. The purple oak makes the poison joke’s effect work fast, and it is very potent, so it’ll surely last.” Zecora give you a small bottle filled with what looks like soapy water. “This is the antidote. Just rub it on the skin and the effect should wear off as fast as it can begin.”

Pocketing the small bottle, you thank her for the help and head out into town. Looking into your rucksack, you grab the Marelock Holmes book and enter Twilight’s library.

“Hey, Twilight, I’m back from my tr—” You cut yourself short as you suppress a laugh. Twilight hangs on a wall, held together by duct tape. She kicks her legs in attempt to free herself from the accursed trap.

“Thank Celestia you’re here, Anon! I need your help!” You don’t know why, but you can’t help yourself. You just have to say it.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out today, but it seems you’ve got that covered.” She glares daggers at you as you fall to the ground, laughing at your own stupid joke.

“Haha, real funny. Now do you mind getting me out of this stuff?” Wiping the tears from your eyes, you stand back up and look closely at the mess of tape. It wraps around her entire torso and horn. Removing the tape from her horn, she lets out a yelp and puts her hoof to it.

“Alright, there you go,” you say, standing back. Twilight tries to use her magic, but nothing comes out. “Crap, I must have messed with it when I ripped the tape off.” You look down at the tape around her torso uncomfortably.

“Uh, you might want to bite down on this,” you suggest, handing her a handkerchief. She looks at you with a confused expression but complies with your suggestion. Grabbing the edge of the tape, you rip it off in one fluid motion. Twilight’s eyes widen as the pain begins to settle, her scream muffled by the cloth. You look at her and try your hardest not to laugh. A large section of chest, sides, and back are missing fur, leaving her completely bare. She continues to scream obscenities into the handkerchief. After a few minutes, she calms down and looks down at herself.

“How did you get yourself up there?” you ask, still holding in your laugh. She lets out an annoyed sigh before her eyes widen to the size of plates.

“Pinkie.” You raise an eyebrow as she begins pacing back and forth. “It’s that time of the month for her.” Your heart sinks. Looking over at the calendar, you check the date. Sure enough, it was her time.

“Estrus,” you mutter under your breath. Twilight gives you a worried nod as she rubs at the hairless spot on her body. The thing about Pinkie’s estrus cycle is that she becomes bat shit insane like an Italian grandmother being told that her grandson isn't hungry. Throwing the tape aside, you place the Marelock book on a table and begin searching the room.

"She isn't here, is she?" you whisper to Twilight, checking under tables and inside chests. Twilight shakes her head as you let out a sigh of relief.

"No, she left, but not before taping me to the wall!" she grunts, gritting her teeth. "That mare gets more and more insane each month! I told her that there was no way to get past her estrus cycle with magic, so she said she’d go ‘use’ you. I tried to stop her and then the next thing I know, I'm taped to wall without even knowing how!"

“Well, in any case, I need to avoid her at al—” A faint whisper cuts you off. Entering your focus state, you close your eyes and ask your staff, “What’s up?”

“Pinkie is near. Something about her seems almost sinister.” Exiting the state, you look around for anywhere that she could pop up.

“She’s nearby,” you mutter. Twilight begins looking around the room, her eyes filled with terror. A low rumbling sound begins to echo throughout the small room, sending you and Twilight into a petrified state. No matter what you do, you can’t move. The bookshelf ahead of you begins to violently shake, sending books falling to ground. The bookcase breaks open as a straight haired Pinkie lunges at you, fore legs spread wide, trying to wrap around you.

“It’s Pinkie time!” she bellows. Stepping to the side, she misses completely and smacks into the wall head first. Twilight grabs Pinkie with her magic and lifts her into the air.

“How do you deal with this every month, Anon?” Twilight asks, watching Pinkie struggle to remove herself from the magical aura.

“I have no idea. I’m usually busy training with Zecora when she’s going through Estrus,” you answer with a shrug. “I say we just take her back to Sugarcube Corner and lock her in her room until she gets better. Do you have any rope?”

“There should be some in my storage chest upstairs. It’s the one at the end of my bed,” Twilight says, pointing up the stairs. Pinkie stops her struggling and half lids her eyes.

“Anon, how kinky! Can’t have me fight back as you dominate me, huh? And Twilight, having a rope at the end of your bed? How lewd.” You both glare at her as her smirk grows wider. Grabbing the rope, you head back downstairs and begin tying Pinkie up.

“Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Say, are you going to use a ball gag too?” she asks, eyes wide with excitement. You pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration before stuffing a piece of cloth in her mouth.

“I’m gonna take her back to Sugarcube Corner.”

Author's Note

I don't even. Jack, why do you do this?!

Chapter 12: Do or Don't — There is no Try

Throwing the mare over your shoulder, you head out the front door. Ponies watch in confusion as you carry the pink menace by a strand of rope, heading straight for her home.

“Pinkie, why do you need me to be the one to rut you? You’re an attractive mare, you could easily find a stallion to get down and dirty with you,” you ask, ignoring the murmur around the market square.

“I don’t want to get pregnant,” she grunts, trying any way possible to remove herself from the accursed trap she’s tangled in. “If you fire your party cannon in me, the most I’ll have to worry about is a sticky mess.”

Shaking your head, you continue towards the gigantic gingerbread house. A faint whisper pecks at your eardrums, trying to catch your attention. Whatever your staff has to say will have to wait; you didn’t want the Cakes thinking you finally lost your marbles. The small bell overhead rings as open the door and enter the building. Mr. Cake comes from back room and smiles as you approach the counter.

“Hey there, Anonymous. What brings you here?” he says in a chipper tone.

“I got a package for you,” you joke, pointing over your shoulder. Mr. Cake peeks over your shoulder with a concerned stare. He looks back at you, eyebrow raised.

“I think we have enough flour to be honest, Anon,” he says, pointing at the kitchen door.

Flour?

Bringing the rope up over your shoulder, you feel your heart sink. Sure enough, there’s nothing but a bag of flour tied up in the bundle of rope.

“How did she—” Before you can even finish, you turn to Mr. Cake with a look of terror stretched across your face. Sweat begins to sheen on his forehead as he scans your face.

“What’s wrong?” he mutters. Looking around the shop, you don’t notice anything out of the ordinary. She must have gotten away while you were still outside. Entering your focus state, you listen to the now screaming staff as your ears practically explode.

“It’s about time!” it exclaims, a bit of worry in its tone. “Pinkie was getting away when I first called you! She’s probably long gone by now.” Unsheathing your staff, you bolt out of the store, leaving a very confused Mr. Cake behind. Up and down the streets you look, trying to find any sign of Pinkie. A pink blur makes its way into the alleyway by Minuette’s dentistry building, knocking over a few cans along the way.

“That has to be Pinkie,”you mutter to yourself, readying your staff. As you enter the dark corridor, you hold you breath. Not a single sound emits from the area, nor is there any movement that catches your eyes. Slowly, you venture deeper into the alley, ready to strike at any moment. If Pinkie is going to take the aggressive approach, you’re going to take the ‘beat this bitch down’ approach. You’d be damned if you were going to let Pinkie Pie have her way with you.

The rustle of a nearby trashcan spooks you, making you spin on a dime and strike the metal canister. A very agitated pink cat flies out of the container and sprints off towards the main street with a high-pitched shriek. Letting out a content sigh, you lower your weapon and look down the alley once more to find nothing. It’s then that the question pops into your head.

Why is that cat colored pink? Being in a land of pastel colored horses was one thing, but not once did you find any other animal with a strange color like that. In a flash, something flies over your shoulder and into the street: a lasso.

“Darn it! Applejack makes it look so easy,” says an all familiar voice. Turning around, you meet eye to eye with none other than the pink demon. Her smile is so sinister, so insane, it would make the Joker cringe in fear. Getting into position, you lift your staff once again and ready yourself.

“Pinkie, I don’t want to do it, but I’ll hurt you if I have to!” you caution, motioning the weapon in her direction. Pinkie’s smile doesn’t fade as she slowly advances towards you. Taking a step back, you extend the gap between the both of you. Step after step, you slowly make your way toward the main street. If you could just make it there, you wouldn’t have to worry. Not even Pinkie Pie would be willing to try something stupid on a busy street.

In one swift motion, Pinkie grabs the rope at her hooves with her teeth, jumping up the walls by kicking off them with her hooves. She throws herself over a metal bar, falling back down to earth as you stare in awe at the spectacle. The lasso at the end snares around your ankle, throwing you off balance and dropping your staff as you whizz up into the air. Hanging by the scruff of your foot, you watch as Pinkie ties the rope to a trash can filled with rocks. It’s quite a show, really, watching a pony tie a knot with their mouth. Your hair brushes against the dirt floor as the mare advances towards you.

“You won’t get away from me this time,” she whispers, running a hoof across your chest. Swinging your fist forward, you try to deck her in hopes of driving her away. Pinkie leans back, evading the attack with ease, still wearing her maniacal smile. “Now, why don’t you be a good boy and do what momma sa—”

Before she can finish her statement, something large smacks her upside her head. A big, ominous creature walks towards you, its eyes glowing in the dark. It bares its massive set of razor sharp teeth, a sliver of saliva running down its chin. With a quick snap, it tears the rope around your ankle, dropping your down on your head. After a moment of head rubbing and staring at the creature, you finally figure out who it is.

“You couldn’t have come at a better time, Lucy,” you groan as she extends a paw to help you up. Pinkie lies on the floor, her tongue lopsided and eyes closed. Kneeling down, you poke her in the side with your finger a few times.

“But prom is tomorrow,” she mumbles, smacking her lips. Turning back to the diamond dog, you extend your hand out for a handshake. She winces before realizing what you’re actually doing. With a shaky paw, she grabs your hand and accepts your thanks.

“Where’s Rarity?” you ask, looking around the alley for the mare in question. Lucy shrugs and picks up Pinkie.

“Miss Rarity is working hard and asked me to get more sequins from the market. She feels that I am trustworthy enough to let me off my leash, if you will. I caught your scent while passing by.” She turns her head to Pinkie and resists the urge to snarl. “I noticed this one’s scent as well, which means if she’s in heat, Miss Rarity will be soon. They ‘assist’ each other when it reaches that time. It would be best if I took her with me already.” You shudder at the thought of the two doing... ‘things’ with one another.

“Huh. Well, thanks for your help. I guess I owe you one.” Lucy raises one of her huge paws and shakes her head.

“I should be the one to thank you. If you had not stopped me from my old ways a few months ago, I’d still be in that horrible place I called a home. Every day I was ridiculed for being a bad diamond dog. Miss Rarity has done so much for me since she’s taken me in. I can speak clearly now, I get all the jewels I could ever need, and I get to dress up without being mocked.”

It was true. When you first ran into her, her words were really slurred and choppy. Normally, you’d just say it’s Stockholm Syndrome, but it seems that’s she’s really happy with her current lifestyle, what with the tears swelling up in her eyes. Picking up your staff from the ground, you sheath it and pat her on the shoulder.

“It’s nothing to get worked up over,” you say, giving her the most forced smile you could muster. You actually felt pretty bad. The only reason you brought her in for her crimes was because she had a bounty on her head and you needed the money. Had you not needed the money, you would have looked the other way without as much a care in the world. Since you’ve taken this occupation, you’ve been growing soft, breaking from your previous stature about not caring for anyone else but yourself. But, in some cases, it feels like it’s the best thing to happen to you.

Taking another look at the mare on her shoulder, you begin to feel uneasy.

“You sure she’s okay?” you ask. “You knocked her pretty hard.” Lucy takes another look at Pinkie before nodding.

“She’ll be fine. I think it’s safe to say that she’s been through worse, especially being around you in your line of work,” she comments, giving you a sly stare. “I will take her to Miss Rarity after I get my items.” Without another word, Lucy exits the alley and heads off towards the market square.

Wiping the dust from your pants, you follow her lead and make your way out of the dark corridor. Seems as though the ponies neither noticed nor cared about the matter that occurred in there. If Pinkie had gotten her way...

A cold chill runs down your spine just thinking about it. Shaking it from your mind, you take a moment to think about what you’re going to do next. Reaching into your pocket, you search for the return slip that Twilight gave you after bringing the book back to her. After a few seconds and a facepalm later, you realize you forgot to get one since a certain pony and a whole mess of duct tape ruined your time at the library. With a disgruntled sigh escaping your lips, you begin your walk towards the big treebrary.

As you approach the front door of the building, you feel something strange, almost as if the air around it has thickened. Your breathing grows heavy as a whisper courses your ears. Unsheathing your staff, you bring the end close to your ear and enter your focus state.

“S-something powerful is in there,” it spurs, fear evident in its voice. “It seems passive, but we must be ready for anything.” Grabbing the door handle with a nervous grip, you slowly open the door, ready to strike at any given moment.

“Are you sure? He doesn’t really seem all that qualified,” you hear Twilight mutter. Leaning against the corner of the entrance, you listen in on the conversation.

“He doesn’t seem like much, but he has experience finding somepony when he needs to,” says a tender female voice. It seems docile, yet powerful at the same time. Whoever, or whatever, this is, is obviously not one to mess with. “Besides, I would rather ask him myself since he is right around the corner.”

Your heart drops as your grip tightens around the staff. How the hell did she know you were there? Stepping out from behind the small entrance, you stare into a pair of big, pale magenta eyes on a large, white pony. She stand roughly your height, a strange, powerful aura emanating from her. If you weren’t mistaken, this is—

“Princess Celestia,” she says, extending a hoof.

“Anonymous,” you grunt, grabbing it with a burly grasp. With a quick shake, you turn to Twilight, who glares daggers at you. “I need my return receipt. I forgot to grab it when I left earlier.” She grabs you by the collar with her magical aura and drags you behind the wall where Celestia can’t see you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she hisses, gritting her teeth. “Show some respect to the princess!” Smacking her horn, you cancel out the magic and adjust your collar as she winces.

“I shook her hoof! What, do you expect me to drop on my knees and beg for her eternal blessings or something?” you growl. Twilight rubs her hoof along her horn, as if trying to remove the pain. Her steady glare returns accompanied by an aggravated frown.

“The least you can do is kneel for her as a sign of respect!” she snaps, stomping a hoof down.

“Twilight, there’s no need for this bickering,” Celestia says from behind the wall.

Twilight’s eyes widen before muttering, “Y-yes, Princess.” Exiting the secluded area, you return to the princess and take a seat at one of the tables in the room.

“So, what brings you around these parts, Celestia?” Twilight shoots you another glare, causing you to roll your eyes. “I mean, Princess Celestia.” Celestia giggles before shaking her head and turning to you.

“I apologize for my pupil’s behavior, but she’s very respectful and expects everypony to follow in suit.” Leaning back in your chair, you stretch out your legs and put your arms under your head.

“Yeah, well, I feel people need to deserve respect before you can give it to them.” You lower your voice down to a whisper before leaning in towards the princess who has taken a seat across from you. “I mean no offense to you, of course, but I mainly do it to mess with her. She makes it too easy sometimes.” Celestia giggles as she leans in closer, lowering her voice down to a whisper.

“I know. I occasionally toy with her for fun as well. She’s rather easy to stir, if you will.” Taking your prior position, you let out a content sigh as Twilight looks between the two of you angrily.

“You must have a reason to be visiting Ponyville and talk about me. What do you need?” you abruptly ask, changing the subject. Celestia clears her throat before turning to Twilight.

“Twilight here has told me about the adventures you’ve had in your line of work in her letters. I must say, you are a stallion dedicated to his work.” She adjusts herself in her seat, puffing out her chest while putting a serious face on. “But, I digress. I wish to hire you for a small problem that needs sorting out.”

“And that would be?” you ask, crossing your leg.

“One of the professors in my university has gone missing. Now, she normally goes on expeditions for long periods of time, but something is amiss. She usually sends me a report or two explaining her current situation once a week. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard anything from her and I fear the worst.”

“With all due respect, Princess, I’m a bounty hunter, not a detective. Besides, why would you need a no-name bounty hunter for when you lead a nation?” you ask with a furrowed brow. Celestia stares deep into your eyes, not once batting an eyelash.

“A bounty hunter is somepony who finds a pony with a price on their head, correct?” Giving a slight nod, you let her continue. “Well, I’m putting a price on her head. A thousand bits should suffice, not that money is a real issue. And the reason I’m asking you? As for why I'm asking you to do it... I think the bits I'm offering is more than enough for you to not worry about that.”

Sirens go off in your head. Trying to evade your question is one thing, but bits are bits and she has a point. You’re in it for the money, not the reason.

“Alright, I’ll take the job, but I need some informa—” Celestia slides you a heavy manilla envelope, cutting your sentence short.

“Everything you need is inside that envelope. If anything has happened to her, please tell me immediately. And thank you again for your assistance,” she comments before leaving her seat. She turns to Twilight, bearing a cheery smile. “I’ll see you again soon, Twilight.” With a flash of her horn, she disappears into thin air.

Opening the envelope, you pull out one of the documents and look it over.

“Archeologist... Working as a college professor for eight years...” Something catches your attention: her name. Over and over again, you look at the name, trying to figure out where you’ve heard it before. Twilight trots over to you, noticing your confused stare.

“What is it, Anon?” she asks. Standing up from your chair, you walk over to the shelves and look at the binding of each book, trying to find it. Pulling the book out, you show it to Twilight.

“Here’s our missing pony,” you say, pointing at the title.

Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone.

Author's Note

I'm sorry for this excuse of a chapter. I've been hitting a wall when writing.

Chapter 13: Things are Getting Tricky

Opening the manila envelope, you consider the contents once more as the bustling of ponies roars around you. The last thing you want is to botch an operation this big. Inside is a picture of your bounty, her last letter to Celestia, and two tickets. One is for a train to Stableside and the other a boat to, what you hope you’re reading correctly, the Amazon Rein Forest. These puns are beginning to get annoying.

Looking up from the folder, you glance over your shoulder for your partner before remembering something: she isn't coming along for this one.

"Freakin' estrus," you mutter. Had it not been for pony instinct, you wouldn't be going alone, but the last thing you need to do is drag Pinkie along in the state she’s enduring. Jungle fever is a funny concept, but you’re not looking for a personal experience.

"All aboard!" Shaking your head, you run up to the conductor, ticket in hand. He examines it before nodding and letting you inside. They should have a room reserved just for you with the amount of traveling you do. The usual servers and staff wave as you pass through the corridors. You make your way towards the room written on the ticket. It's strange: most of the time, you head in the opposite direction to get to your cabin.

As you venture forth, the cars themselves transform from mundane to regal. Red shag carpets and purple wallpaper with gold trimming line the floor and walls. You look at your cabin door's number.

"Forty-two," you read aloud before sliding the door open. This is a cabin fit for Christ: An ice box in one corner, a large, luxurious bed in the other, and a book shelf packed with plenty to read; it's like the bedroom you never had. Closing the door, you throw your luggage under the bed and open the ice box. It's filled with fresh fruits and vegetables, along with bottles of juice and water. Closing the hatch, you move to the bookshelf and skim several titles before one catches your eye.

Daring Do and the Mystery of the Colossal Titan.Might as well research a bit before you jump into a bounty blind again. Grabbing the book, you toss it on the bed before reexamining the manila envelope. The letter to Celestia is the last clue that Daring Do left behind. You study the chicken scratch that barely resembles writing.

Dear Princess Celestia:

I send this letter as my status report for this week; I hope it reaches you safely. After years of searching, I’ve finally found the temple that might contain the final piece of the puzzle I've so endeavored to solve. It seems it was under our muzzles the whole time! I need few more days to complete the excavation and unearth the secret to the ancient race that lived across these lands. I hope you will understand.

D.D.

You fold up the paper and look over the parchment. It seems neat and clean for a consummate traveler. Putting the paper back inside the envelope, you lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Without Pinkie, this feels too... serious. She's always there to enliven, but without her it's plain boring. You crack the book. The smell of fresh paper enters your nose as you read. For a few hours, you do nothing but read through the book, but the entire time, you look around waiting for something, or someone, to interrupt you.

You mark your page and roll over. You didn't expect to miss Pinkie this much. Now that you had peace, you kind of wish you didn't. Letting out a sigh, you close your eyes and nod off.

A sudden squealing causes your eyes to shoot open, followed by an abrupt stop of the train that sends you flying from the bed and onto the floor. Rubbing your head, you stand and look out the window. Silhouettes fly by in the moonlight, much too large to be pegasi. Shrill screeches echo throughout the car as a cacophony of crashing glass erupts down the hall. Your door slides open as you head towards it. You reach for your staff instinctively.

A large griffon charges forward, talons ready to shred. With a high pitched squawk it lunges at you. You jab forward and strike it between the eyes, stunning it for a moment. It thuds face first on the ground, dazed. Securing it with your foot, you look at the door and back to the bird... cat... thing.

“You know, it’s rude to come in without knocking,” you mock, releasing the safety on your slingshot. It struggles to grab you with its claws. “Now what are you doing breaking into my cabin at this hour?”

“Please mister!” it pleads, looking as if it’s about burst into tears. “I’m only searching for food. My brothers and sister must steal to live. Please let me go! I’ll leave and never do it again, honest.” Leaning down, you give it a glare and point your finger.

“I had a cat once. Your tricks won’t work on me.” The griffon rolls its eyes and emits an annoyed sigh as you load a pellet onto the sling’s pouch. “Now, I have here a pellet loaded with poison joke. This shit is excessively potent. I’m going to let you go and you’re going to leave. If I see you try anything funny, I won’t hesitate to shoot your ass.”

The griffin shrieks before you release your foot. For a moment the room falls silent: not even the sound of breathing is heard over the deafening silence. Your heart races as tapping and scurrying enters your astute ears. Pointing your slingshot at the griffon, you ready yourself for anything.

What you don’t expect are four pairs of eyes gleaming in the window. Dropping your arm down further, you press your knuckles on the creature’s head, sling pulled to the point of snapping. This thing isn’t alone.

“I suggest you don’t do anything stupid,” you taunt, ready to let go at any time. “One wrong move your buddy will have a heavy dose of poison joke inside his skull.” The eyes shift to one another, looks of suspicion in them.

“What’s poison joke?” one of them asks the other.

“Dunno. Maybe the guy is bluffing.”

“We can’t chance that. Last thing we need is another griffon down. Boss says no casualties, remember?”

“Let’s just get the boss to negotiate, shall we?”

The eyes disappear but your nerves don’t loosen. Digging your knuckles in a bit, you decide that the best move is to get some info from this thing.

“Who were they?” you grunt.

“Or what? You’re already pushing your luck with this hostage situation,” the griffon scowls.

“Because right now, I’m the one with the gun—er, slingshot to your head. You don’t have much of a choice.” The griffon growls.

“Those were the others in my pack. They’re probably getting ahold of our boss right now since they aren’t bright enough to do anything without him.” A large banging sound makes its way down the hall outside your cabin. What’s traveling towards you isn’t small. Your breathing intensifies as your nerves begin to shake. Sure, you’ve fought things that years before you’d never think you’d face, but that didn’t mean you weren’t scared. Sounds of hushed discussion follow the footsteps as you ready to fire.

“This one?” a high pitched voice asks. It’s almost as if a female is speaking. A white figure pokes its head in the doorway, shocking you. A lizard of some sort; perhaps a dragon?

“Excuse me,” it interjects, pointing a sharp talon up. “Might I speak with you for a moment?” You can’t help but stare at the creature. Its scales are a snow white with trace shades of pink. It makes its way into the room. You press your fist against the griffon’s head further, your knuckles now digging into its skull.

“That depends, lady.” It gives you a glowering glare before throwing its arms into the air.

“I am not a female!” it screams, stomping against the floor in a tantrum. “I’m a guy! A guy!” You can’t help but giggle at his expense; even the griffon chortles. The laughter echoes in the hallway as the dragon grow angrier.

“Okay, enough small talk! Either you let the griffon go or we take one of your pony friends here and commit unspeakable horrors to her!” He grabs a mare from behind him, placing a talon to her throat.

“Boss, let’s not blow this out of proportion,” you hear whispered in the hallway. Giving him a deadpan stare, you rub your fist against the griffon’s head again.

“Like what? You gonna give her a makeover?” you mock, still holding your ground. “And what do I care what you do to her? It’s not like I know her.” The mare’s eyes widen as the dragon’s eyes flare and his claw shakes with rage. A bit of smoke escapes his snout as he lifts the mare higher.

“You wouldn’t want to live with a pony’s blood on your conscious, would you?” Of course you wouldn’t, but he doesn’t know that.

“I don’t care,” you say with a shrug. “I’m more concerned about my sleep, which you interrupted. Besides,” you aim the slingshot at him, “you don’t have what it takes to kill another creature.”

His eyes shake as the slingshot gears his way. You feel your testicles retract, fearing for this mare’s life. His scaly face swallows hard. You begin to sweat, trying your hardest to steady your hands. He puts the mare down and bows his head.

“You’re right.” Your balls drop back in place. “I can’t hurt another being.” You sigh. The dragon unties the mare and moves to let her pass. She scurries in a panic, bumping into the wall and tripping as she flees. The dragon plops on the ground, tears swelling in his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry,” he stutters, covering his face. “All I was trying to do was get some food for my friends.” A few more griffons poke their heads in the doorway, looking around the room tentatively. They turn their gaze to the dragon, showing sympathy for the crying beast.

“Come on, boss. There’s no need to cry,” one of them mumbles, patting him on the back. With a swift swing, the dragon swats the creature’s claw away like an annoyed child.

“I told you guys to stop calling me boss! My name is Fizzle!” You hold back a snort and lower your arm. It would normally be a stupid move to do so, but this guy is so wimpy, it seems like he wouldn’t be able to do much if he did decide to jump at you. The griffon under your foot squawks again, reminding you he’s still there. You let your foot up and release him from your custody.

“No hard feelings?” you ask with a shrug. He gives you a grimacing glare as he wipes the dirt of his coat before walking back to his leader. Reaching into your pocket, you grab twenty bits and hand it to the dragon. He looks up at the coins in your hand with teary eyes before returning his glance to you.

“What’s this?”

“Money,” you sarcastically reply. Throwing the coins to his feet, you take a seat back on your bed and grab your book. “Use it to get some food for yourselves.” The griffon who was under your foot steps forward, a scowl across his face.

“We don’t need your pity, you ug—”

“Kelly! Take your blessings with a grain of salt.” Fizzle yells, glaring daggers at the creature. You begin coughing, an attempt to hold back laughter. Sure, Kelly can be a guy’s name too. The griffon’s glower grows fierce as he looks down at the ground, grumbling to himself.

“Thank you for your kindness,” the dragon says, scooping up the money. You lie back in bed and open the book, exhaling heavily

“Don’t thank me, thank Princess Celestia. It’s her money. I just don’t need you guys having a bounty over your head and giving me more work. If I were you, I’d get out of here before they come look—” Looking over, you notice they’re no longer there. No skin off your nose. As you begin reading the book, a loud beep plays over the intercom.

“We apologize for the delay. We will resume our trip momentarily.”

The train horn blows and you’re back on course. Looking at the scenery, you notice the swift transition from vast plains to industrial city. Lights cut through the darkness , leaving a familiar feeling. It’s like being in Seattle all over again. A sharp knock draws your attention from the window. You open the door.

“Hello, Anonymous!” the conductor greets, waving his hoof in the air. It’s gotten to the point that the staff knows your name from taking the train so much. “We’ll be arriving in Stableside momentarily. Be sure to grab your stuff.” He looks around the cart with a concerned expression. “Where’s Pinkie?”

You nervously chuckle. “She’s, uh, not feeling too well.” The conductor nods his head.

“I see. Well, have a good time! Stableside is a great place for vacation!” Too bad you aren’t here for vacation. Making your way through the crowd of ponies, you exit the train and immediately the chill wind beats against you. A whistling stallion loiters in the corner in front of a chariot.

“Hey, buddy,” you say through chattering teeth, “Mind giving me a lift to the docks?” He scans you from head to toe with intensity. You pull out your coin sack and jingle it in the air. His ears perk. “I got money.”

“Hop in,” he barks, throwing the reins over himself.

“Wait!” screams a mare as you start to close the door. She wears a cape and warlock hat covered in stars “The Great and Powe—” You slam the door before she can finish and bang the wall to signal the driver. After several blocks the mare’s screams die out, leaving only the hustle and bustle of the city assailing your ears. It’s a welcome change, being able to fit in a carriage, but you quickly notice why. Minotaurs, griffons, goats; all kinds of creatures roam the streets of this city. A few of them stare at you as you poke your head out the window and admire the scenery.

You find yourself at the dock. The acrid mix of salt and smoke oppress your nostrils. Stepping from the carriage, you pay the stallion for your trip and look around. Where the hell is your boat?

“How dare you ignore me! Could you not hear me calling and knocking at your door.” Turning around, you glance down at the mare from back at the trainstation and quickly spin on your heel.

“Sorry, wasn’t paying attention,” you respond. She follows alongside you, matching your pace. You stop for a moment and think. “What did you need a ride for if you walked here anyway?”

The mare snaps her head to the side and pouts “As if the Great and Powerful Trixie would ever walk!” She tips her hat to reveal her horn. Furrowing your brow, you stop.

“Then why were you so eager to take the cab?” Her face grows nervous as she looks around, as if an excuse will fall down in front of her. With a swift flick of the hoof, she snatches your ticket and peers over it.

“Hey!” you snarl, grabbing it back. “What the hell is your problem?”

“You and I are on the same boat, literally speaking. I shall help you find it.” The mare trots ahead of you, checking behind her to see if you’re following. “Are you coming or not?” It’s not like you have much of a choice; if you don’t follow her, she’ll just follow you. You stand there for a moment and wait for the usual sexual innuendo, only to remember that a certain pink mare isn’t around.

“God damn it, Pinkie.”

Author's Note

I'm back, baby.

Chapter 1: To Catch a Thief

A heavy growl echoes in the street, causing some ponies to look at you. It's been awhile since you've had anything decent to eat. Mainly you've been sticking with the cheap stuff; cabbages, onions, and oil. The little stir-fry you concocted was becoming a ritual. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner; it was always the same.

But living off measly odd jobs could only get you so far. The few bits you made were used to maintain your home and pay bills. Food was just a luxury at this point.

Passing a restaurant, you look at all the ponies enjoying their meals. As they stare at you, it is then you realize you are standing there open mouthed and drooling like a fool. You recover yourself from the awkward situation, bowing your head down and continuing down the path. There was nowhere you had to be, but sitting at home all day wouldn't bring you anything. It was best to check the town bulletin for some work.

Thinking about it, you haven't had any work in a while. The last bit of work you had was helping Rarity transport some heavy rolls of fabric to her store. The only work you did was heavy lifting. Baskets of apples, piles of books, boxes of weights, medium sized animals, it was always something heavy. It wasn't that you couldn't lift it; you had the physique to accomplish your task. The problem was that it was all you knew how to do. You never really worked with your head; your back did most of the work.

As you reach the bulletin, something catches your eye. A large poster is pinned up with big, bolded words reading "CAUTION" and "REWARD". Ripping it down, you read it carefully.

CAUTION!
There have been many break-ins in the past few weeks. Ponies are cautioned to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity.

Skipping down the page, you read the "REWARD" section.

A reward is issued to anypony who catches the thief or gives information pertaining to their capture. 100 bits for a capture, 50 for information.

A hundred bits?!

Thinking about it, that was enough to feed you for a couple of months, or even get some good meals for a few weeks! Then it hits you.

You have nothing better to do. You can definitely take down the toughest of stallions in this town. Why not try and catch this scumbag? Make some easy bits and beat some idiot into the ground. Pounding your fist into the palm of your other hand, you commit yourself. Bounty hunter Anon was on the job! It had a nice ring to it.

*GROWL*

Ponies all around turn to look at you. It was best to get your food already, since you were running low at home. Lifting your head up, you make your way to the market. Ponies are all around, shopping and conversing with one another. Reaching into your pockets, you pull out your money pouch. Digging in deep, you fish out two bits.

Enough to get you another day’s worth of food.

You head for the all-familiar stand. It was an old, battered wooden structure that looked as if it was going to collapse any second. The old mare behind it had been running it for forty years now. As you make your way up, a smile etched across her face.

"Ah, Anon. How are you doing dear?"

"Fine, Mrs. Cabbage Patch. And yourself?" You wince. It was a mistake to ask her. Cabbage could go on about her day for hours on end.

"Oh deary, I'm doing alright. Today I had nice wake from the birds in the tree next door. They went on..." And just as quickly as she started, your attention fades away.

Your eyes wander around the market. There's plenty that goes on here that many don't notice, a lot of it bad. Words spread, a vast amount of them untrue. Ponies hand each other things that they aren't supposed to just for a quick bit. Your attention is brought to the stall two away from your current position. Two mares are deep in conversation when you hear the word "human" pop up. You move to the stall next to them, and pretend to look at its wares, closely listening to them. Mrs. Patch's old age gives you the advantage as she continues her story, not even noticing that you left.

“Yeah, I have a feeling he's doing it. Who else would break into another pony's home?" The mare next to her shakes her head.

"I know that human well. He's a good guy. He wouldn't resort to such a cowardly act just for a few bits." The first mare rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, you think that, but I know it's him. Anyway, Mayor Mare has placed a reward for whoever catches this slimeball. Apparently the royal guards have turned up nothing in their search and are turning to the public." The second mare gives a slight shrug and sighs.

"It's a shame. Who would go around stealing such weird stuff?"

Weird stuff? What kind of stuff was weird? You move behind the two and pretend to wait in line.

"I don't know. Bon Bon had a fancy dress stolen from her, Ace lost a small trophy of his, and Carrot Top lost a vase that had been handed down to her from her mother."

"HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

*CRASH*

You quickly turn around to see the stand behind you in shambles. A quick blur of pink flees the scene. As you turn back, you look down at the two ponies who are now glaring at you for eavesdropping. You quickly head back to Mrs. Patch's stand who is still going on about her day.

"... and then the cream got everywhere! Well, enough of that, how can I help you today?" Pulling the two bits out of your pouch, you hand them to her with hesitant hands.

"Just the usual, if you could." She pulls out a welting cabbage and a slightly moldy onion, placing them into a bag. It could only be presumed that, due to her old age, when she finally harvested her goods, they were already going bad. But that was to your advantage. Because of this, the prices were lower and demand wasn't as high. Grabbing the bag, you begin to make your way home when Mrs. Patch stops you.

"Deary, wait! I have something else for you!" You turn back to her and she hands you a bag. Looking inside, it's filled with...

"Sunflower seeds! A gift to you for being my best customer." You smile as you peer into the bag. Now you had a bit of variety to go with your day.

"Thank you so much. I really appreciate this." She smiles and sees you off with a wave. As you make your way towards your home, you pass by Bon Bon's home. If you were going to find out where this prick was heading to next, it was best to get some clues.

You knock on the door, awaiting a response. After a moment, you hear a click, followed by sounds of sliding, clanking, and shifting. A pair of eyes peek through the crack of the door, not too enthralled to see you.

"W-what do you want?" The voice is meek and scared.

"Bon Bon, it's me, Anon. I just wanted to ask a few questions pertaining to the incident." Her eyes roll in the darkness.

"I've already told everything to the town guards. They didn't have enough clues to find who it was." She attempts to close the door but is unable to as you place your foot in the crack.

"I understand that there weren't clues to find the person himself, but that doesn't mean that there aren't clues to find out where he is next." You hear a sigh behind the door before it swings open. You make your way in as she invites you to sit on the couch.

"Would you like anything to drink or eat?" Your ears perk up.

Free food? No, you must show your manners or you might jeopardize your chance for clues.

"No thank you, I just ate." Your stomach churns from the blatant lie, punishing you for neglecting it. In due time, stomach, in due time. She sits down on the couch ahead of you.

"What do you need to know?"

"I was wondering what the thief took." She raises an eyebrow.

"They stole a dress that I had specially made for me. I had it hanging in a frame above the fireplace." She points at the fireplace where an empty frame lay. Finally, you're getting somewhere.

"What did this dress look like?" She points at the wall across the room filled with pictures. One in particular stands out. It's a picture of Bon Bon at a fancy gathering, wearing an elegant dress. It was a green shade, diamonds lining the edges.

"What did the guards say when they came here to investigate?" Bon Bon shrugs.

"They asked me what they took, looked at the damages, and said there were no reliable clues. The only thing they said was whomever came in here was big. Bigger than a pony." You can feel the tension. You could feel her glare burning into the back of your neck. Turning around, you find her glaring at you.

"Look, just because I'm poor doesn't mean I'd stoop so low. I'm actually looking for the thief to collect the bounty." A smile creeps onto her face.

She bursts out laughing, loud enough to be heard outside.

"You think you can catch them? Not even the guards have the slightest clue!" As you shrug, her smile disappears. "You know something they don't, don't you?"

"Possibly, but it's only a hunch. Do you mind if I take this picture with me?" She gives you a nod and you place the picture in your pocket. She walks up to you and stares into your eyes.

"If you could, please..." A single tear flows from her eye. "...Find my dress. Its means a lot to me."

'After you implied that I was the thief just now?' you question to yourself. Unfortunately, the moral part of your brain kicks in. It was best if you helped out.

"I'll do what I can." She wraps her hooves around your waist and hugs you. As you make your way out, you begin your way to Ace's home. The house stands out with the large tennis court in his backyard. Which of course, Ace was on.

Holding the racket in his mouth, he pelts the ball back and forth again the wall of his home. Dents in the siding litter across it as he adds more with his powerful blows. As he catches sight on you, he spikes the ball and drops the racket.

"Can I help you?" Snobby as ever.

"I'm here looking for information." He looks at you with disapproving eyes and makes way towards his back door.

"I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions about the thief incident." Stopping dead in his tracks, he rounds back to you.

"What do you need to know?"

"What time did this happen?" He puts his hoof to his chin and thinks.

"I'd say about 1am. I was asleep when I heard a loud crash in my house. I came downstairs to find the place destroyed and no one around." So this creature was obviously either nocturnal or waited until night time to hit homes.

"How did they get in?" He turns his head and scoffs.

"They broke down my door with no effort it seemed."

"What was stolen?" He looks to the ground and stomps his hoof down.

"My first ever trophy." Reaching into the pocket of his tennis shorts, he pulls out a picture. A freshly shaved stallion holding up a small trophy and racket in hoof can be seen. His face shows nothing but utter joy. Inspecting the trophy, it was roughly thirty centimeters tall and is lined with jewels. Why would any sane being keep a picture like this on them when they practice?

"And that was the only thing taken?" He nods.

"I don't understand why they would take that one only. I have way bigger trophies on my shelves right next to it!"

"If I knew, I'd tell you. Thanks for the information. Do you mind if I hold on to this picture?" He nods his head and you make way off the court. You look into his front window and see the trophies proudly displaying on a shelf inside. Shrugging it off, you head to Carrot Top's home.

Knocking on the front door, you wait. And wait. Nothing.

Maybe she isn't home? You turn around and begin to head towards your house to recap everything, when you notice quite a few flyers hanging on the post of her fence. Pulling one up, you scan it.

MISSING! This vase is a family heirloom and means very much to me! If anypony finds it, please notify Carrot Top immediately.

A picture of a young mare holding a vase is plopped in the center of the flyer. She has a bouncy mane with a cutie mark of a carrot on her flank. The vase she holds is shaped strangely like a carrot, but held with a plate on its base. The base is lined with a gold trim and the carrot's stem with a shiny blue tint. By the look of it, this thing is rather expensive.

So that leaves one final verdict. Whoever was doing this was taking things that looked very expensive. Meaning the next person they would go after was none other than Filthy Rich. If you were to catch this thief with a trap, it would best to know how to do so. A mystery book would make a nice reference.

As you make way to the Library Tree, you pass by the Carousel Boutique. A very heavy reflection of sunlight blinds you for a moment. Rarity has a nice gown encased in rubies on display today in plain view from her shop's window. She notices you as she makes additions to the dress and waves to you. You wave back and continue on your way. Opening the door to the library, you are greeted by a happy smile from Twilight.

"Oh, Anon, how are you? I'm afraid I don't have any work for you at this time." You shake your head and look at the shelves.

"I'm actually here to read up on some mystery novels." Her eyes shine upon hearing this.

"I would suggest Marelock Holmes. Her mystery novels always make you think outside the box." Twilight hands you a thin book covered in a brown binding. A unicorn with a top hat and a black mane holding a magnifying glass is displayed on the cover.

"She may be smart, but that doesn't mean that she can't take care of herself physically!" Her smile looks as if she's trying to imply something.

"Uh... Okay? Well, anyway, thanks for the book." You make your way out as she sulks her head. Might as well see the time. You look up at Ponyville Tower's clock.

2 p.m.

Enough time to read this book and create a trap. You approach your humble abode and enter. Sitting down on your bed, you begin to read the book.

It’s a story about a detective, along with her sidekick Neighson, who are in a western country on the trail of four thieves who have stolen a sacred crown. They deduce that the thieves were indeed a pack of wild Diamond Dogs and trap them with the lure of a fake crown which was proclaimed the 'real' crown. This book was quite entertaining and informative. Never before did you know what a diamond dog was.

It would be best to go to Twilight another time and get the other one's in the series. Closing the book, you look over at the clock.

9 p.m.

It was getting close to that time. You get up and make your way to Filthy Rich's home. If you were to get the clear advantage, it would be best to be higher up.

Sitting on the tree, you take a pinch of sunflower seeds from the pouch in your jacket and stuff them into the side of your mouth. Pulling out the pictures and flyer you look at them again. Marelock did say the answer was always in front of you, but the eyes chose not to see it.

It was then it hit you. There was a similarity among them. Every single one them was shiny. Shiny like jewels! It was safe to say each one was visible from a window. But where would this creep hit next?

A memory of a glare and a waving Rarity hits hard.

Carousel Boutique. Jumping from the tree, you sprint down the street. Hopefully you'll make it in time.

Reaching the store, your eyes shoot to the smashed window. The beautiful dress was now missing from the scene. A few grunting noises are heard from inside the store along with some smashing. The second floor lights flicker on.

Shit!

If Rarity goes in there and pokes her nose before you do, she might screw everything up. Leaping through window, you look around the dark shop. A pair of eyes glow in the far corner of the room. The lights turn on and you see Rarity at the bottom of the stairs in a nightgown.

"Anon! What are you doing in my house?!"

Slowly you point towards the creature digging through her chest of jewels. A dog-like creature reaching about your shoulder length was standing there, pocketing anything shiny. Wrapped around its neck like a scarf was Rarity's displayed dress. Rarity, seeing her dress used as an accessory rather than its intended purpose, faints, falling to the ground. A sudden pink blur appears in front of you and points its hoof to your face.

"Aha! I knew you were the thief mister!" Grabbing Pinkie's head, you turn it towards the diamond dog's attention.

"Oh, whoops a daisy!" She turns back to you with a guilty grin.

"Sorry, I was pretty sure you were the thief, so I followed you around all-" The diamond dog smacks her across the head with its large paws, sending her back outside. It attempts to swing at your body next, only to barely miss as you jump back. This thing is much more monstrous than you; it's an uneven fight. Looking over to your right, you grab a metal pipe holding up a equinnequine and swing for the diamond dog's head.

The pipe makes direct contact, but the diamond dog shows little sign of damage. Removing the bent pipe from its head, the diamond dog grabs you by the shoulder and tosses you across the room. You catapult through rolls of fabric and sewing machines and land onto the hard, cold ground. A heavy weight pins you down as you look up. The diamond dog has its paws against your shoulders and legs, holding you down.

"Why would you bother me? What stupidity would cause you to fight something that is clearly stronger than you?" Its voice is raspy and high pitched. Looking at it now, you notice it has long, curly eyelashes.

It's... A female?

With very little choice, you do the only thing that comes to mind. You spit the sunflower seeds from your mouth into hers. Like a shotgun blast, the seeds enter her throat almost all at once. She releases her grip from your shoulders as she chokes on the pre-chewed shells. You push her off and roll away as thick red blotches spread across her body. Was she... allergic?

She continues to hack up the seeds as two town guards walk in to the disturbing scene. You could imagine what was going on in their heads right now: A choking diamond dog, a fainted pony in her bed attire, a knocked out pink pony in the street, and a human on the floor. You can't help but chuckle at their stunned looks.

"What... What happened here?!" Sitting up, you point at the pepperoni-looking dog on the floor.

"Found your thief. Can I have my hundred bits now?"

Turns out the diamond dog wasn't really much of a thief. She was just a horrible jewel hunter and got lost. It was easy for her to find jewels in Ponyville, so she took advantage of it. They later found all the stolen goods in a small ditch not too far from the border of the Everfree Forest. Bon Bon, Ace, and Carrot Top thanked you tremendously for your good deed.

Making your way to the little town prison block, you decide to visit the diamond dog with Pinkie.

"So Anon, you make a pretty good bounty hunter!" She bounces alongside you as you glare at her.

"No thanks to you." She smirks and continues.

"Well, I think you need a partner in your line of work, so I nominate myself." You roll your eyes.

"You are the last person I would need to help me." As you approach the metal gate, the diamond dog glares daggers at you.

"When will they release me?" Shrugging, you put up your arms.

"Hell if I know. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." Pinkie leans in towards the gate and looks at the diamond dog with devious eyes.

"Maybe if you let Anon her have a few minutes of "fun" with you, he might convince them to let you go." You slap her in the back of the head.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"What is wrong with you? That's the last thing on my mind!" She rounds back to you with half-lidded eyes.

"Come on Anon. I bet you could do with some other 'action'. Marelock Holmes did." Thinking back to the book, she did end up sleeping with three stallions by the books end. The diamond dog rears its head back and licks it's lips.

"I'll do whatever you want, as long as I get out of here." You place your hands inside your pockets and pull a pinch of sunflower seeds out. She winces at the sight.

"If you'll do anything, you can do some community service to make up for it."

"Oh, come on Anon! She's totally asking for it!" You slap her on the back of head again.

"Damn it, Pinkie."

Chapter 3: Trial of the Elements

Staff in hand, you move deeper into the Everfree Forest. The thick brush wasn't exactly easy to navigate through. Having this burden on your back didn't help, either. Pinkie wasn't exactly light, after all. The mare cheerfully hums as you continue to walk through the dark forest.

“Hey Pinkie, what exactly is this 'Trial of the Elements'?" She shifts herself so her head is right next to yours.

"When the girls and I went to change Luna back from Nightmare Moon, we had to go through the Everfree Forest to reach the Ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters."

"What was exactly on the way there?" She puts a hoof to her chin and thinks.

“Well, we had the cliffs, the manticore, the spooky trees, the serpent in the river, and then the rickety old bridge.” Great, just what you needed: heights and monsters.

"Oh, did I ever tell you about the time when I found out I was the element of laughter? It's amazing! I cou-" Annnnnd focus was kicking in.

You quickly block out the sounds of Pinkie's voice and continue onwards. Making your way through the bushes and trees, you come to a cliff.

‘This must be the first part she was talking about.’

You look over the edge. The height was enough to break every bone in your body and kill Pinkie as well. You still had to keep her safety a priority. There are some small ledges that extend out the side of the steep cliff. Throwing your staff down, it hits the bottom and lays in the grass below. Slowly, you sit along the edge of the cliff.

Placing one foot on the ledge below, you lower yourself. You put your stomach against the wall and look down towards the next ledge. Maybe if you jump you can make it? You think to yourself and balance the options.

You could jump down and land on the ledge and continue that way down, but that left the possibility of missing and falling to your death. The only other option was to hang off and slowly lower yourself to next ledge, but it would leave you stranded at some point. A thought strikes your head.

Why not both?

Grabbing the ledge you lower yourself to the next. Continuing this motion, you finally hit the halfway point. The was no ledge directly below you, so it was about time to jump. Carefully, you leap to ledge below you. As you land, you feel yourself still moving. You forgot one factor: Pinkie. Her weight shifting from the landing pulls you right over the ledge. You quickly grab the ledge and hang on for dear life.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Fear was quickly over taking your focus. Pinkie's squeals of delight were overtaking your ears as you held on. Trying your hardest, you attempt to lift yourself back up the ledge. The added weight from Pinkie wasn't helping the matter. Slowly you make your way up and stand back on the ledge.

"Let's do that again!" Pinkie continues to squeal as you regain your focus.

'That was a close one,' you think to yourself. You look down to the next ledge. Thankfully, you can just lower yourself down to it. Slowly, you lower yourself down onto the ledge. Your back begins to rumble as you step onto it.

"-itch!" You turn your head to the pink mare's face.

"What are you doing?"

"Twitch-a-twitch! My tail is twitching!"

"Wha-" The ledge gives way under your feet.

Almost instantly, you grab a hold of an indent in the wall. Hanging on, you look around. There's another ledge not too far from you. You shift your weight from left to right and swing over to the ledge. Placing your feet down on it, you breathe out a sigh of relief.

"What was that just now Pinkie?"

"My tail was a twitching! I means that something is going to fall!" You look over to see her smiling.

"You really expect me to believe that just because your tail is twitching that something is going to fall?" Her smile extends.

"It just happened, right?"

It was useless to fight it. You were in a strange world with talking horses after all. Looking down, you get an idea.

"Pinkie, you think you can shake your tail to tell me which ledges are going to fall?" She shakes her head.

"I don't control it, Anon, it just happens." Well that plan was shot. You lower yourself to the next platform and continue down. The bottom was getting closer and closer. Having Pinkie on your back was like a having a strange falling detector.

Every time you were about to land on an unstable ledge, she'd violently shake, giving you the heads up that it was unsafe to do. Eventually you make your way to the bottom. You pick up your staff, when all of a sudden a vibration starts on your back again.

"-tch! Twitch-a-twitch!" You turn to the mare to tell her you were off the cliff already when you see it out of the corner of your eye. Rocks were beginning to fall from the side of the cliff. Sprinting with the speed of an Olympic runner, you make your way away from the cliffside.

Bits and pieces of the cliffside fall all around you as you dive under a tree. Looking back, you see the ground littered with rocks and boulders. Taking in a deep breath, you relax for a moment. You turn to Pinkie, who is humming on your back.

"You alright?" She stops humming and smiles.

"Yep!" You stand back up and walk forward. Looking around, you see you're in between two cliffs. It was best to keep an eye out and be ready for Pinkie's tail twitch. Slowly, you make your way to the end of the canyon.

Something stops you. The feeling of something watching you. Looking up at the cliff, you notice a shadow and quickly take cover.

"Who are you and why are you following me?!" you yell. A few pebbles begin to fall off the face of the cliffs from the echoes. A roar shakes the valley, bringing your attention elsewhere. More pebbles and a few rocks begin to fall off the cliffside. A giant creature is sprinting towards you, not slowing down one bit.

"Oh, hey! It's that manticore! He's a real sweetheart when you get to know him." The creature dives toward you, claws extended. You narrowly dodge it by sidestepping.

"Seems like he's not interested in introductions at the moment." The creature lands and turns to you, tail flailing. Pinkie taps your shoulder to get your attention.

"He probably didn't like the yelling from before. You should apologize." The monster swings its giant claws, trying its hardest to bring you down. Leaning back between every swipe, you feel the air from each swing push against your face. Lifting your staff, you ready yourself to face the creature. As it lifts its left paw, you quickly jab it in the face with the butt of your staff. The creature rears back and anger quickly fills its face. Pinkie is now smacking her hoof against your back.

"Anon! That is not how you apologize to somepony! You usually start with a 'sorry' and then get a batch of cupca-" Her explanation is quickly cut short as your head smacks into her snout from you jerking back to dodge the manticore's strikes.

"Pinkie, I don't think he wants an apology. I think he wants my head." Taking the staff, you begin to bash the side of its head repeatedly, not showing any sign of stopping. The monster begins to retreat to avoid the blows. There was no chance you were letting this thing get a break from the hits.

You move in quickly and smack the creature in the face a few more times. Almost in an instant, you are thrown back by a huge force against your chest, sending you on your ass. The monster's tail whips back into position and it lets out a mighty roar again. Rocks begin to fall down as the echoes shake the canyon. You stand up, only to quickly roll out of the way from the manticore's angry tail. Pinkie taps you on the shoulder.

"Anon."

"Not now, Pinkie!" Another tap.

"Anon!"

"Not now!"

"The rocks, Anon! The rocks!" Looking up, you realize what she's saying. You can see a rock about the size of a bowling ball hanging loosely on the cliff-side. Grabbing a rock, you ready yourself.

"Hey, you ugly son of bitch! Is that all you got?" You take the rock throw it at the small boulder. As you quickly smack the beast in the face with your staff, it attempts to dive at you. You quickly jump back as the rock plummets to the ground, smashing against the beast's head. Its eyes roll back as it falls to the ground.

Wiping the sweat from your face, you look down at the monster. It was still breathing.

"Looks like it's just knocked out. Let's get out of here before it wakes back up." Pinkie violently shakes your shoulders.

"Anon! You defeated it in battle! Put your dick in it!" You lightly tap her in the back of the head with your staff.

"Damn it, Pinkie." As you make your way toward the end of the canyon, the sun begins to set. Darkness begins to consume the area around you in a fell swoop. Ahead is another part of the forest. Making your way in, Pinkie begins to giggle.

"I remember this! This is where all the funny trees are!" Looking closely, you see plenty of trees, but nothing funny about them. They look like they have creepy faces etched on them. Cautiously, you continue forward. A twig snaps behind you and you quickly turn, staff ready. It's too dark to see anything clearly.

"Show yourself!" A branch quickly swings toward your face with an intense force. You duck as the branch flies through Pinkie's mane. Collecting yourself, you stand up and look around. The darkness was clearly against you in this fight, so sight was not to be relied on.

You hear a swish to your right and you quickly jump out of the way. This was an uneven fight. You had no idea who was attacking and you couldn't see them. There was only one option: Run. You begin to sprint towards the only source of light you can see, narrowly dodging branches as you make your way. Pinkie begins to squeal with delight.

"Whee! It's like we're dancing!" God damn this mare, she was going to be the death of you. Closer and closer, the light begins to grow brighter as you head towards the exit. Sweat was beginning to drop down your forehead as you sprinted towards your only sanctuary.

“Almost there. Almost there,” you mutter to yourself. The sounds of branches lunging at you continue. One gets lucky and catches your foot. You tumble into the hard ground face first, grabbing a mouthful of dirt and leaves on the landing. As quickly as you can, you stand up and see it. The little light reveals the trees with the creepy faces were laughing.

No sound emitted from their 'mouths', but it was clear they were laughing at you. A branch extends from one, trying to swing at you. The trees were moving on their own accord! Rolling to your side, the branch narrowly misses you. It instead hits the ground, digging a massive hole out. Pinkie begins to giggle as well, still holding onto you.

"These trees like a good prank too!" Pranks were the least of your worries. It was clear these things wanted you dead, what with the force of their swings. Like a bolt of lightning, you continue on your quest for the light source. Sounds of air being broken can be heard behind you, but you weren't looking back. The gap ahead was clear and open as you dive out of the forest.

Lying on your stomach, you take a deep breath and try to regain your strength. Something suddenly wraps around your leg and begins to drag you in. A tree now had a hold of you as it slowly brought you back into the forest. Grabbing your staff, you smash its tip into the branch repeatedly. The limb begins to crack as pieces of bark and timber fly out. The tree releases its grip and retracts the branch.

A look of sheer pain is on its creepy face. Quickly, you run as far from the edge of the forest as possible. You sit down and catch your breath. Pinkie rears her head around and looks at you in disappointment.

"That wasn't very nice, Anon. That tree just wanted to play!" Angrily, you hold back the temptation of hitting Pinkie with the back of your head.

"It wanted to play, alright! It wanted to turn me into a ragdoll as it tossed around my lifeless corpse!" you sarcastically yell. Pinkie glares at you and begins to run her mouth.

"You know, a little bit of laughter wouldn't hurt Anon. You take things way too seriously!" Grabbing her by the scruff of her neck, you bring her face to face with yourself.

"Yeah, and you don't take things seriously at all! Everything's a joke or a game to you! I'm trying to take this seriously because my life will always be at risk with this job." She turns her head, a frown spread across her face. Your heart sinks as you look at her. Her puppy-dog eyes just kill you a little bit inside. Letting out an annoyed sigh, you turn her head to yours.

"Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I just want to make sure that we don't die out there is all. It doesn't mean we can't have some fun with this." Her signature smile returns as she wraps her hooves around your chest.

"You're right Anon. I should be taking this a little more seriously. I'm sorry too." You can't help but return the hug. Placing her on your back again, you begin to head further towards your destination. Following the path, you come to a calm stream. Looking around, you see nothing dangerous. It was too easy. As you hover your foot over the water's surface, Pinkie shifts herself and puts her hoof to her forehead, scanning the area.

"Where's Steve?"

"Steve?" Your foot touches the water and almost instantly, the calm water turns into a raging stream. You quickly retract your foot. There was no way you were going to cross the water in this condition. A giant purple serpent, sporting an orange mane and mustache, erupts from the center of the stream and brings its face to yours.

Almost instinctively, you ready your staff as you stare into the gleaming eyes of this beast. Fear quickly takes over reason. How were you supposed to take this thing down? Pinkie jumps from your shoulders onto the beast's face, giving it a hug.

"Stevie!" The creature extends its arms and grabs Pinkie, pinning her with a bear hug.

"Oh, Pinkie dear! It's been ages since I've seen you!" Lowering your staff, you breathe a sigh of relief. This must be what she was talking about. Steven places Pinkie on the shore and she quickly hops onto your back. Pinkie points at his mustache.

"I see your mustache grew back. It looks great!" The serpent's face grows rosy as it blushes.

"Thank you my dear. What brings you to these parts again?" She places her head on top of yours.

"My friend here needs to get the ruins ahead." His eyes widen and he lowers his voice.

"Has she returned again?!" Pinkie giggles and shakes her head.

”No, it’s part of his training.” You extend your hand to introduce yourself.

"The name's Anonymous." He looks at your dirt-covered hand in disgust. Lightly grabbing the cleanest part of your hand, he shakes it.

"Steven Magnet. A pleasure." He quickly dips his hand under the water and retrieves a handkerchief, furiously cleaning his hand. Pinkie smiles and shakes her head.

"Nope. Anon here is trying to reach the ruins as a test to see if he's ready to be a bounty hunter." The serpent whips his head towards you and looks at you from head to toe.

"Well, he certainly has the physical build, but what about the mental build?" Pinkie rubs her shoulder in a disapproving way and motions for him to come closer.

"He's not the best cookie in the jar when it comes to smarts, if you know what I mean."

"I can hear you, you know." The serpent pulls away and looks at you again.

"I'm afraid I can't let you pass, Anon." Pinkie's face quickly turns annoyed upon hearing this.

"Aww, why not Stevie! You let us go!" He crosses his arms and lifts his chin to the sky.

"I let you pass because you helped me out. By Serpent Code, I can’t let anything cross unless they can solve a riddle. It's the rules." Pinkie lets out annoyed grunt as you raise your hand.

"I accept your challenge." He raises an eyebrow and clears his throat.

"The caterpillar is a simple creature. It eats leaves, encases itself in a cocoon, and before you know it, turns into a beautiful butterfly." Raising his hands, he continues.

"But alas, there is one caterpillar that does not turn into a butterfly. It grows and grows, but does not move from its place. As it grows, it becomes more beautiful still. What type of caterpillar is it?" You look at the ground and ponder for a moment. Like you knew anything about caterpillars.

"The answer is always in front of you, but the eyes chose not to see it." The quote from the Marelock books hits you hard. Peering up, you look Steven in the face as he twirls his mustache. A smile seizes your face as you look at him.

"It's not an actual caterpillar. It's a mustache." His eyes shoot open as he grins. The raging stream grows calm once again.

"Very well done! How did you know?" Giving off a victorious shrug, you smirk.

"I opened my eyes." The serpent extends his tail out of the water and signals for you to climb aboard. He slowly brings you over to the opposite shoreline and quickly pulls his tail back as you walk off. Pulling out the handkerchief again, he frantically wipes his tail as you walk away. Pinkie rubs her hoof into your hair.

"Wow Anon! I didn't think you'd get it." Turning your head, you give her a small glare.

"Gee, thanks for the boost of confidence." She giggles as you continue down the path. After a short walk through some bushes and trees, you come to a rickety old bridge. Thick fog covers your view of the other side. Pinkie begins to shake excitedly on your back.

"We're almost there! It's on the other side of this bridge." Looking over, it doesn't seem like much. A quick jaunt over a bridge and you were home free.

It seemed too simple. Looking over at tree to your side, you grab a long vine from a low branch. You tie the vine to the large post holding the bridge and then yourself. Now if you fell, you wouldn't have to worry. Looking down the canyon, you see nothing but fog. The only flaw in this plan was that you didn't know how far down this pit went.

If this rope was too long, you'd badly injure yourself. An idea pops into your head. Grabbing a rock, you throw it down into the pit. It takes about six seconds before you hear a faint tapping, signifying it hit the bottom. It was safe to say that the drop was far, but that didn't really mean much. If the vine was not able to hold your weight along with Pinkie's it would mean deathly consequences.

The goal was right in front of you, within walking distance. A rickety bridge wasn't going to keep you from finishing your job. Slowly, you place one foot on the first board. Pushing your weight, you test to see if it will withhold you two. No signs of it falling yet.

Moving onto the second one, you perform the same procedure. No problem. You continue this until you reach about twenty or so boards. A tight tug restricts you from advancing. Looking back, the vine has reached its length. Grabbing the knot, you untie yourself from it and continue on your way. This was risky, but you were almost there, you could feel it. Slowly you continue your way until a faint outline of the ruins come across the fog. Pinkie points her hoof out towards the figure.

"Look Anon! We're almost there!" Without hesitation, you continue your slow endeavor. As you reach the last board, you decide not to take any more time. You jump from your position to the cliff's edge. Mid-air from your jump, your heart sinks.

A dreaded vibration shakes at your back.

"My tail!" As you land, the weight from your jump cracks the edge of the cliff. The cliff collapses as you quickly lean forward, grasping anything you can. Digging your hands into the ground, you pick yourself and Pinkie up across the edge. Pinkie giggles as you wipe the dust from your clothes.

"You really have bad luck with heights, don't you?" Give her sly smile, you head up the stairs of the ruins.

"Seems like it." You walk through the tall doorway and enter the ruins. White cobblestone surrounds the room, emitting deep echoes with every footstep. You look across the room at a strange statue. An odd figure rests on top of it. Sitting on the tip of her staff is none other than Zecora. She opens her eyes and looks at you.

"You took your time. I waited long to see if you were weak or strong." She jumps down from her position. Her staff twirls in the air from the bounce and lands on her back.

"You have done well, I cannot lie. I completely expected you to die." You point at the pink pony on your back.

"I can't lie either. If it weren't for her, we'd both be dead quite a few times." Zecora smiles and nods to Pinkie.

"Thank you for your help, Ms. Pie, for ensuring that Anonymous did not die." Pinkie jumps off your back, beaming at you two.

"It was so much fun! There were so many rocks and rolling and diving and then there was the riddle an-" Zecora puts her hoof to Pinkie's mouth.

"Yes I am aware. Though you did not see me, I was there." A memory of a shadow pops into your head.

"So that was you at the canyon?" She nods and smiles at you.

"Well Anon, your quest is over, it is at an end..." She stomps her hoof down and a playful grin etches across her face. "...but there is a bounty waiting for you to apprehend!"

A smile sneaks onto your face. It was time. Your stomach lets out a massive roar. Pinkie and Zecora stare at you and begin to laugh.

"The bounty can wait until you eat and rest; you will need it to fight your best." She begins to make way towards the door when you have a revelation.

"Uh, Zecora? The bridge is out. How are we going to get back." She stops at the doorway and turns her head slightly.

"I know this forest like the back of my hoof. The way you came is not the only one, you goof." Pinkie jumps up, looking angered.

"You mean Twilight and I didn't have to go the way we came to get here? She's not going to want to hear that!" You chuckle at the thought of Twilight getting angry over the news. Guess it was another secret you had to take to your grave. You feel a slight tap on the side of your leg. Looking down, Pinkie has her eyes half-lidded.

"Hey Anon. You should totally 'thank' Zecora. You know, with your dick.”You smack her in the back of head.

"Damn it, Pinkie."