The God of Sleep Has Made His House

Depression, man.

Fucking depression.

It's one of the worst feelings in the world, you know?

We all have it at one point in our small, short, meager lives. That feeling of worthlessness and futility. When you feel like you're nothing but scum. Scratch that. Worse than scum.

Or is that just me?

I don't really know.

I don't really care.

All I knew was that my stomach hurt. Badly.

As did my pride.

As did my heart.

The pain in my stomach throbbed as I sat upon one of the chairs that lay throughout the guard tower's summit. I grimaced a bit.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to run so soon after the surgery.

I just didn't care at the time. All I wanted was to just get away from everyone.

To get away from my father.....

Am I just another disappointment?

A fuck up?

All I wanted was to make him truly proud of me. To love me like a real son.

Not some adopted creature that he found in the woods years ago.

I wanted him to look upon me with a smile across his face and say with pride and dignity:

"This is my beloved son, who I am well pleased."

He's said it before.

Many times, in fact.

He tells me that he loves me all the time.

But I wanted to earn it!

On my own!

Not with an army backing me. Not for doing atrocities too heinous to think about, to talk about.

For something that I did on my own for a change......

I fucked up, that's for sure.

And now I paid the price.

I shamed myself and family. Shamed the Sparrows, no doubt.

I'm not a guard anymore. Not a Sparrow.

Just an Un-Prince.

Doomed like all the others.

I lifted my red, puffy eyes back to the openings around the room. Celestia's sun was slowly beginning to sink behind the mountains, painting the skies in an array of color. I rose slowly from my chair, clutching my stomach slightly, and shuffled slowly to the balcony of the guard tower, before leaning slightly over the edge.

Monolith stretched out for miles and miles in all directions, with griffins, Equines, and all manners of other creatures scurrying around below the heavens.

The others must not be looking for me.

Probably trying to give me some space.

Except Ellie and Gilda, though.

They're probably scouring the city looking for my ass.

I hung my head in shame a bit, as I recall just running past them, ignoring their calls.

They must be upset at me for high tailing it.

I sighed, shaking my head, trying to clear all types of ill thoughts that swam around my mind.

I've been dishonorably discharged from the Red Sparrows....

All the death.

All the shit,

All for nothing.

I felt like I should hate my father for approving that punishment.

I wanted to hate him!

But......I couldn't

I couldn't even hate Blackavar. They both were in the right and I was in the wrong.

And nearly paid for it with my life.

I wanted to hate my dad so much.

Instead, I loved him more than ever.

Funny how life is sometimes, huh?

Man.....

It seems like for the past couple of weeks all I've done was fail and mope about it.

The sun still continued to set, the sky awash in hues of purple, orange and red.

I knew I had to head back down in a few minutes, and face everyone's either nagging at my disappearance or looks of pity and awkward silence. Like always, Sparrows would be guarding all around of us, watching me.

With looks of disgust, no doubt.

Look at that, a failure in their midst.

I heaved a long, solemn sigh.

I didn't want to go back just yet. I wanted to enjoy a few more minutes of solitude.

Of the company of myself.

I closed my eyes, as the cool evening air danced around me.

Behind me, I heard a couple of small, soft knocks on the door. They were light taps, obviously from either someone weak, small, or young.

I sniffed my nose and wiped my eyes, trying to hide any evidence of my weeping, ready to answer the door.

I heard the knocking again.

"Louie, are you in there?"

It was Willow's voice.

It sounded quiet and sad.

A twinge of concern laced through it, as well.

Shuffling the cloak I wore around me tighter, I walked towards the door.

My bare feet slapped against the cold, stone floor, as I reached for the handle and slowly twisted it, allowing the door to slink open.

There sat Willow, a sad expression on her face, as she looked up towards me.

"How did you find me?" I asked her, leaning in the doorway.

"A lucky guess," She replied,"I saw this stairway and wanted to check it out wile the others looked around the other side of the Palace."

I turned around and proceeded to head back to my chair, signaling at Willow to follow me with a nod of my head.

She slowly stepped in behind me, closing the door behind her, before settling down in front of me, raising her tiny hooves.

No matter how shitty I felt, I cracked a small smile at her adorable behavior, before scooping her up and placing her in my lap. She nuzzled into me, hugging me a bit, trying to make herself comfortable.

"Why did you run away, Louie?" She asked, sadly.

I began rocking back and forth, her tiny body swaying with mine.

"I was upset, little one. I'm sure you know why."

"But why did you run, though? I knew that what happened to you was sad and mean, but friends help each other, Louie. They help them when they're sad and down, and I wanted to help you. But you just ran away. Aren't we friends?"

I looked at the little filly with a shocked expression.

"Of course we're friends, Willow! Just because I ran away didn't mean that I didn't like you any less. I wasn't mad at you or anyone else."

I leaned back, sighing again.

"I was mad at myself."

The little filly turned her body until she was facing me, her eyes gazing into mine.

"But why were you mad at yourself? You didn't do anything wrong. As far as I seen, you saved me and Dash, and you got hurt for doing it. Why were you punished for being a hero?"

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back.

"Sweetie, I was punished because I broke the rules during my mission. I wasn't suppose to go into a town and let myself be spotted. A Sparrow, when on a mission, is suppose to silent and stealthy, and due to my frustrations and impatience, I blew my cover and only chance of finding Abinchova. And I almost died because of it. I"m not hero, Willow. I'm a failure. Simple as that."

"That's not true!" I heard the little filly shout, a defiant look in her eyes.

"You know that's not true! No matter what anypony says, you still saved me and Dash from that horrible place! And when you're friend came to bring you back, you told him to escort us back to the palace while you stayed behind, because you cared about us! You gave us your doctors and your best rooms, while you waited in the cold! You're not a failure, Louie. You're a hero. My hero. No matter what others say, no matter if they kicked you out Sparrows, you're still good a pony....er, person!"

I could only stare at the cream colored filly.

How could she call me a good person.

Swords swinging, blood spraying. Cries of agony. A sick smile upon my face.

I placed my head in my hands.

"How do you know I'm good? You barely know me."

Her hard gaze softened a bit as she nuzzled me, trying her hardest to get me to look at her.

I heard her sigh before speaking.

"Because, you were the only one to ever do something good for me in a long, long time. I may not have known you long, but I feel....safe around you. You made me feel like you genuinely cared about me and my safety. Remember how you stood watch all night, all because I was afraid? I never slept more soundly in my life, because I knew you were there. You may doubt yourself, but I can FEEL that you are good, deep down inside."

I felt her little fore hooves hugging me tightly.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her close.

We held each other in a comfortable silence, both of our eyes closed.

I rocked back and forth once again, my face half grimacing, half smiling.

My mind flooded with emotions of all different kinds, each fighting for control.

It was a mess.

A glorious mess.

"My mommy and daddy are dead."

A soft, sad voice shatters the silence.

My eyes opened slowly, sliding them towards Willow.

Her eyes remained closed, tears beginning to from around the lids, as she frowned, sadly.

"We were traveling to Monolith with one of those caravan things, so my daddy could help his friend in the big market at the city. All the griffins we ran into said it would be safer to travels in groups. So, when were barely going up that big, giant road, my daddy said that we were going to go with the all these merchants. He said we'd be safe."

I could hear beginning to sniff loudly, as tears began to run down her cheek.

"Then, we were attacked in the middle of the night by all these griffins. They were running and flying all around.......killing.....killing every creature....My mommy and daddy hid me as best as they could, while they tried to fight, but there....there were just so many....a-and t-they got my mommy and daddy and they...and t-they....."

Willow began to sob, burying her face into my cloak as I held her close, rocking her, kissing the top of her head.

God damn.....

Her parents were murdered.

"Th-They found me, when everything got all quiet, and they dragged me by my mane and threw me in the center of the camp. Everything around me was all broken....and the bodies.......They had two other ponies, both of them pegasi, like me, and they tied all three of us up, and took us to that fort. Th-they h-hit me, and called me mean names, before throwing me in a cage. I was so scared, Louie. And I cried out for my mommy and daddy, but they never came........The older ponies tried to comfort me. They'd tell me everything was going to be alright, that help would come. But days went by, and it never came."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I knew evil existed in the world, but how could something so....wrong....happen to such a sweet and innocent filly.

I could only hold her close, to try and comfort her, while she continued this wretched tale.

"Then, those griffins took the two ponies from the cell next to me. They tied them up, and took them upstairs. And.....I could hear screams that scared me so much......I still have nightmares about them. All that night, I heard screams and cries....I thought I was going to die. They never brought those ponies down again. Instead, they brought Dash.....I never even got to learn their names....."

She looked up towards me, her eyes glossy, red, and swollen.

"My mommy and daddy are dead. I have no other family. No place to go. And home is so far away.....You think you feel alone and unwanted, how do you think I feel?"

The little filly closed her eyes again, hanging her head.

And in an instant, my self loathing and melancholy seemed to vanish.

I felt ashamed of it, in fact.

How dare I complain about my troubles, when this little child had lost her parents, in a very brutal manner.

She was so young, yet she saw murder before her very eyes.

I felt angry and sad, all at once.

I wanted to yell, and I wanted to cry.

I did neither.

Instead I stood up from my chair, clutching the little filly to my chest.

"You are NOT alone," I said to her, putting a hand under her chin, facing her towards me,"And you're right, I can't complain about what happened to me, when you suffered just as much."

I could feel my eyes watering.

"I'm sorry for not finding you faster, for not being there when attacked your family. I'm sorry about everything."

Willow put a tiny hoof to my cheek, wiping away a tear.

"It's not your fault, Louie,"She said, a sad smile upon her face,"You don't have to be sorry for anything. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"For what?"I asked softly.

"For thinking that you hated me when you ran away," She rose her little snout to my cheek, kissing it gently.

"You ARE a good person."

I held her tightly, while her little hooves wrapped around me as best as she could.

"Come on," I said, making my way towards the door,"No more moping, and no more sadness. I won't leave you to the wolves, Willow. For now, you'll be staying in the palace with me and my family until further notice. After that, we'll see what happens when it happens. Sound good?"

I heard Willow give a squee of delight, wrapping her fore hooves tightly around my neck.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!"

Man, she could talk fast.

I laughed loudly, while she laughed with me, cradled in my arms.

"It's getting late, and the others are probably worried sick. Let's get some grub and then head to sleep, little one."

Willow yawned, a smile still plastered on her face.

"Lead the way,"She replied sleepily.

I began to descend the staircase, Willow still cradled in my arms. Slowly, her eye lids grew heavier and heavier, until she they shut completely, accompanied by the light breathing and snoring of sleep.

I could only smile at her.

Poor thing must be tuckered out.

I wandered through the main hallway, making my way to the dining room, where all the others must be at. It was about dinner time, anyway. Suddenly I felt very nervous. It was going to be awkward just sort of walking in there, with everyone staring at me.

Scrutinizing.

I honestly didn't like to be stared at for too long.

Always made me feel uncomfortable.

I looked towards the sleeping filly in my arms. I knew I should put her to bed.

I'd just drop in really fast, to let them know I'm OK, put Willow in her room and tuck her in, and then head back, to be barraged by question after question after question.

At least my stomach didn't hurt so much.

But my legs did.

Ah well, life's a bitch.

I stood before the dining room doors, gulping slightly, before opening them forward.

All eyes turned to me.

Seated throughout the large dining table were mom, dad, Delilah, Romulus, Sasha, Dash, Gilda, Ellie, several nobles, and, surprisingly, Rush.

Before anyone could say a thing, I rose my hand, pointing to the sleeping filly cradled in my arm.

I pointed a finger towards the hall that held the guestrooms, before pointing back to Willow.

My dad nodded his head.

"Go, we'll wait here. ALL of us." He said, shifting his gaze to Gilda and Ellie.

Gilda growled at me, while Ellie looked away, crossing her arms, pouting.

I nodded my head in reply, turning my body towards the guestrooms, and limped my way to forward.

Man, my legs really hurt.

I could hear Ellie gasp, as she watched me struggle to watch, before attempting to get out of her seat and come to my aid.

"Stop," I said, calmly. Ellie halted, looking towards me with that ever present look of concern on her face.

"I can do this, Ellie. I need to do this."

She dipped her head, before taking her seat back at the table, while opened the doors to the hall and limped to Willow's room.

Arriving there, I shuffled to her bed, uncovering the soft comforter and blankets, and place her small form onto the mattress.

Bringing the covers up, I snuggly tucked her in and fluffed her pillows.

She gave another tired yawn, before rolling on her side and snuggling into the blanket's warmth.

I bent down and gave her head a quick peck, stroking her teal mane.

"Sweet dreams, little one."

I blew out the candles in the room, and closed the door gently behind me, before turning my body back towards the dining room.

It's funny how one small event could turn such a horribly bad day upside down on it's head.

I chuckled a bit, shaking my head.

Life truly is weird sometimes.

Taking another deep breath, I reached for the door handles, and entered into the dining room.

The night is about to get longer, still.