Canterlot Tales

by Inkspots

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Comedy
Length: 10541

On the train ride to Canterlot, the gang and friend tell fables and personal stories to pass the time

The Mane 6, Octavia, Cheerilee, and Derpy Hooves share a train compartment on the ride up to Canterlot for Hearth's Warming Eve. To keep themselves busy, they each tell a story along the way. Some are personal, others classic pony fables. (Some chapters are perfectly PG, others get to the mature level)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-29 19:31:03 UTC

Prologue and Chapter 1: Applejack's Tale

Canterlot Tales

by Inkspots

Prologue

Twilight dashed under the awning of the Ponyville Train Station, escaping the heavy snowfall beyond. Her luggage floated along behind her as she threaded through the crowded station. It was the day before Hearth’s Warming Eve and trains were bearing ponies to holiday vacations all over Equestria. She was looking for the train to Canterlot though.

“Twilight!” came Applejack’s voice over the crowd. Twilight flapped into the air and spotted the tan stetson she was looking for. “Come on the train’s about to leave.”

Twilight landed and ran the rest of the way to the train platform. There, Applejack and Rarity were hovering around the door waiting for her. She ran onto the train, levitated her ticket over to the conductor pony and followed Rarity and AJ down the cars.

“We’re in one of the large compartments towards the back of the train,” Rarity explained.

“I’m so sorry I’m late girls,” Twilight said. “But it was so cold this morning I had to spend an hour blasting icicles off of the Library.”

“I hear you, we’ve been wrapping saplings all week. Hopefully the frost doesn’t kill too many trees this winter,” Applejack said. “Here we are.” She slid open one of the last compartments. Inside was Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, as well as Derpy, Cheerilee, and a grey pony with a brunette mane that Twilight didn’t know, but had seen around Ponyville. Twilight lifted her luggage up to the overhead rack and sat down between Applejack and Fluttershy. Almost as soon as she did the train made its first jolt forward, then began pulling out of the station.

Once the train was under way Fluttershy leaned over to Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight, I don’t think you’ve ever met Octavia,” Fluttershy gestured towards the grey Earth Pony.

“No I haven’t, pleased to meet you, I’m Twilight Sparkle” Twilight extended a hoof.

“And you, Princess,” Octavia responded.

“Please, you can call me Twilight.”

“Oh, of course,” she replied.

“Octavia is a really phenomenal musician, she helped me tune my bird choir, and she’s going to be playing in the Canterlot Philharmonic’s Holiday Show,” Fluttershy explained.

Octavia blushed and looked away. “You’re going to make me look like a braggart.”

Fluttershy looked away as well. “Oh, sorry.”

Twilight turned to Applejack.

“So, was it hard to get away from the farm this year?” Twilight asked.

“Big Mac’s got Carrot Top helping out around the farm while I’m gone. I think he would have paid for my ticket to get me out of there,” Applejack replied. “Those two are spending quite a bit of time together these days.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” Twilight said.

Ten or so minutes into the ride things had quieted down. Rainbow Dash was fidgeting on her bench until she couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Okay, I’m bored,” she called out.

“Yes and complaining about it is so very helpful,” Rarity said. “Well I have an idea-”

“I have a better idea, let’s tell stories!” Rainbow Dash cut in.

“That’s not better, that’s what I-”

“And I know who always has a good story under her hat,” Rainbow Dash said, leaning over to Applejack.

“Oh, me?” Derpy pointed to her knit cap.

“Uh, well, I meant someone else Derpy,” Rainbow Dash admitted.

“Oh really, well who could you mean?” Applejack took her stetson off and swatted at Rainbow Dash, who laughed and leaned back to her seat. “But I don’t mind the idea.”

Derpy sunk back into her bench.

“But we should all tell a story, that’s only fair,” Applejack said quickly, perking Derpy up. “I’ll start us off though. Hmmmmm.” She rubbed her chin for a moment. “Have I told you about the founding of Ponyville?”

“Yes,” everyone said in unison.

“Oh, well what about the story of Jamie Appletree?” she asked.

No one had heard that tale, so Applejack cleared her throat and began.

Chapter 1: Applejack’s Tale

“Now, I’ll admit there’s a number of Apple Family ponies who don’t agree with this tale, but Granny Smith’s been telling this tale to me and Big Mac and Apple Bloom for as long as I can remember, and it’s a good story either way,” Applejack said.

“Jamie Appletree was a farmer pony back hundreds of years ago, when there weren’t many towns worth mentioning except for the ones near Canterlot. In those days, ponies didn’t grow orchards, they tended gardens and fields, and had plenty to eat, but no one cultivated trees. They just went out into the forests during certain times of the year and picked what they could.

Now, Jamie got her name and her cutie mark from bucking wild apple trees. She knew when they were ripe, and she was mighty powerful in the legs. She asked her folks if she could take some of the seeds from the apples and start planting them. For years the family refused, not wanting to give up good tilled land to trees they had no experience growing. But after denying her requests for so long, they finally gave in.

Jamie planted a small grove, just twelve trees. Some from seeds, some were wild saplings. She tended them all year. Come harvest time, they bore no fruit because they were young trees. Her parents were miffed, but they didn’t want to upset their daughter so they let it slide. Her brother Plow Blade though, was beside himself. With her tending her apple trees he was left to do most of the work around the farm.

A few years later her parents passed on, and her brother took control of the farm. While she was in mourning he chopped down her saplings and burned them in the fireplace.”

“Well there’s a villain if ever there was one,” Rarity remarked.

“Well Rarity, I wouldn’t be too hard on her brother. Clearly she was onto something, and she had a passion burning in her, but farm work is team work. He was a grieving stallion left with a farm to run and no help,” Applejack replied.

“But to react like that, it’s horrid,” Rarity said.

“Just listen to the tale,” Applejack replied. “So the story doesn’t say but I suspect they came to blows. I know Big Mac and I are close as kin can be and we’ve fought over less. At the end of the day though, Jamie Appletree left her brother’s farm. She got a land claim from the royal ponies in Canterlot and struck out to start her own life on the frontier.”

“Oh, like the ponies in Appaloosa?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Not quite. When a pony these days heads out to prospect they have a whole lot of support, and if things go bad a place to come back to. Jamie Appletree had no friends, no family, and no home. The last of her money went to getting her land claim. And the frontier in those days was probably four or five times as deadly as the countryside now,” Applejack replied. “Really all she had was a good hoof for farming, strong legs, and a drive to prove her brother wrong.

She started out heading through the forest where the wild apple trees grew. She lived off the land, and I mean it. Field grass and wildflowers for months on end. She spent a whole year just watching the wild apple trees.”

“That sounds like the most boring year possible,” Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack glared at her. “And just how many kinds of clouds are there, Dash?”

“Well, so many. Like nimbus clouds and stratus clouds and cumulus clouds-”

Most of the other ponies were chuckling so Rainbow Dash stopped. “What?”

“Yeah that’s real interesting Rainbow Dash. I don’t know how I live on a farm without going mad with boredom,” Applejack replied.

“Fine, I get your point. Just, get to the cool frontier stuff, like roping cattle and snake bites,” Rainbow Dash said.

“That’s coming, just be patient. So she figures she’s learned all she could from the wild apple trees. She takes a whole sack of seeds and a dozen saplings and headed southwest from Canterlot, to the area that’s now Hoofington. There, she staked her claim and planted her orchard. A dozen saplings and ten dozen seeds,” Applejack explained. “Now, I've been to that grove near Hoofington, and it’s a beauty. The oldest apple orchard in Equestria. It’s got a stone wall and a fancy copper gate, but at the time it was just cleared forest with a log cabin on the edge of it. Jamie Appletree kept herself fed the first couple years on grazing and foraging local plants and trying to cultivate them too. Eventually her trees started growing, and she thought she was about a year or two away from getting fruit off her dozen saplings when disaster hit.

Fall was setting in when she started seeing claw marks on the trunks of her trees. She knew instantly what it was: a bear.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Rainbow Dash, please,” Cheerilee said. The pegasus felt sufficiently scolded and quieted down.

“Thanks Cheerilee,” Applejack said. “Anyway, as Fluttershy could tell ya bears tear things up to sharpen their claws and mark their territory. Jamie couldn't afford to lose her first crop of apples to the bear, so she waited out in the orchard overnight. Just as dawn rolled around the bear came lumbering out of the nearby forest. She had her trusty handaxe and-”

“Oh no, tell me she didn't,” Fluttershy begged.

“It was a different time and a wild frontier. Look, she didn’t go looking to hunt down a bear, but she had to protect her livelihood,” Applejack said. “So there the bear was, slinking up through the edge of the grove. Jamie Appletree was hiding behind her biggest tree with her axe in her mouth, listening to the bear. Then she heard it, the crunch of wood as it snapped a sapling in half. She knew what she had to do, but like any reasonable pony, fear was in her heart. She steeled herself, then stepped out from behind the tree to find the bear staring at her.”

Derpy let out a yelp, prompting Cheerilee to give her a comforting pat on the foreleg.

“The bear swung at her, but she dodged his strikes. Then it took aim and looked to claw her right across the neck. She threw a leg up to block the blow, saving her life but breaking the leg. Then she swung with her axe,” Applejack was making wild gestures with her hooves. “She got him right-” She looked over at Fluttershy, who had plugged her ears and was muttering quietly. “Right in the neck,” Applejack finished quietly. “After that is was a matter of a few good bucks and the bear was down.”

Twilight nudged Fluttershy, giving her the clear to start listening again.

“Now, that might seem a victory, but Jamie Appletree was out on the frontier with a broken leg and some nasty scratches. She patched herself up as best she could, but eventually she realized she needed a doctor if she was going to heal up in a state to buck apples ever again. Only problem was she was miles and miles away from anypony or anywhere, the days were getting colder, and she only had three good legs under her.” Applejack explained. “But she had to make the trek back to civilization or she might die out there.

She closed up her house as best she could and began walking. The nearest town was Trottingham, which was a mite smaller back then, but still the nearest thing to her. And when I say near, I mean sixty miles away. The whole way to Trottingham it was rainy and windy. She ate what she could, which was barely anything, and it was too wet to make a fire at night. She was a hoof in the grave when she wandered into Trottingham. Covered in mud and blood and dirty bandages, she looked a fright. She got to the middle of town and fainted.

When she woke up she was in the house of a doctor named Bitter Herb. He asked her what her name was and she told him. He told her she’d need to be in bed for a few months. She didn’t have anything to pay him with, but she promised him a third of her first apple crop for fixing her up. He was a little suspicious, since apple farming wasn’t a thing yet, but he agreed, being a generous stallion as it were.

Jamie Appletree spent the whole winter in Trottingham, healing up under the care of Bitter Herb. They grew rather close, but as soon as spring rolled around she was itching to get back to her homestead. Bitter Herb agreed, as long as he took the journey with her. They traveled out to her land claim and Appletree knew she’d be getting her first crop that autumn. Bitter Herb was amazed to see a hoof tended grove like that. When he returned to Trottingham he sent a few letters out, and soon word was spreading that some crazy pony on the frontier was growing apple trees. Well this news made the rounds among the farmer ponies until it got to Plow Blade, who knew it must be his sister out on the frontier. Determined to see her fail he hired up some helper ponies to cover the harvest season and traveled out to her land claim come harvest time.

Well, turns out a number of ponies had the same idea, but they were looking to get in on the first hoof tended crop of apples. Jamie Appletree was right though, when her brother and the other farmers arrived, they found twelve apple trees bearing fruit. Plow Blade was bowled over like sleeping cow.

Bitter Herb got the apples he’d been promised, and all the rest were quickly bought up by the farmers who wanted to take them home and try their hooves at orchard farming. Once the commotion died down, Plow Blade was still there. Plow Blade tried to apologize for how he treated her in the past, but she refused his apology. She was just too proud.”

“Well the shoe is on the other hoof now. I didn’t expect to feel bad for him of all ponies,” Rarity said.

“Just goes to show you, everypony changes,” Applejack said. “Anyway, various farmers tried their hoof at growing Jamie Appletree’s seeds, but none of them were familiar with orchard tending, and few of them had any trees take. But every year Jamie’s crop got bigger and bigger. Soon, other ponies started moving out to the frontier and staking land claims near hers. Soon, there was a little town built up around her orchard, with about a half dozen other farmer ponies trying to grow apple trees too. Bitter Herb even moved out there to be near her, and she didn’t mind that too much, but she was suspicious of the other ponies. She had worked so hard on her trees, and no one had believed she could do it. She didn’t want to help anypony else figure out how to properly work an orchard. That’s why she built the stone wall around her grove, so ponies couldn’t watch her tend her trees. The only reason she even sold her apples was because Bitter Herb convinced her to.”

“That certainly sounds like an unhappy life, and not at all like the Apple Family I know,” Twilight said.

“Right you are,” Applejack said. “Jamie was in a dark time in her life, and if things had gone differently, she might have never gotten over it, and there might not be an Apple Family. But about ten years after her trees started bearing fruit a storm came. Lighting struck her orchard and set it ablaze. Some ponies tried to help, but they couldn’t get water over the wall fast enough, other ponies didn’t lift a hoof because Jamie Appletree had been so cold to them all those years. After a whole day going the fire burned itself out. Jamie had no home, and all but one of her apple trees were burnt to cinder.

Now, if not for Bitter Herb, she might have never put a hoof to earth again, because she was convinced the whole town was out to get her. But Bitter Herb calmed her down, bandaged up her burns, and was there for her when no one else was. He finally made her realize that people didn’t come out to the frontier to steal her life’s work, they wanted to learn from her, and that she had a gift she had hidden away and squandered.

Jamie Appletree finally saw reason. Having no trees of her own to tend she went around to all the orchards nearby and started teaching them how to work a proper orchard. Once she started acting amicable, she found herself neck deep in friends. They rebuilt her house, replanted her orchard, and when she finally got up the nerve to marry Bitter Herb, the whole town came out to the wedding. Jamie even sent her brother an invitation, and the two finally reconciled.

Jamie Appletree and Bitter Herb went on to have a mess of kids, at least six, maybe more. And that’s how the Apple Family got started.”

Everyone stomped their hooves as the story ended.

“I don’t know, that’s just... too perfect an ending,” Rainbow Dash finally said.

“Well I’m not saying everything in the world gets wrapped up in a pretty bow, but a good pony comes to her senses eventually,” Applejack replied.

“So you’re saying all of that was true?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well jeez Dash, I wasn’t there. I reckon it’s mostly true, as true as matters. I didn’t say she worked magic and grew apples in a day,” Applejack replied.

“I think it was a wonderful story,” Cheerilee said. “And you have to come by my class some day and tell the children.”

“Speaking of children, I’m sure you have some stories you could tell us about Sweetie Bell and her friends,” Rarity said. “Oh I do hope they don’t give you too much trouble.”

“Oh no Rarity, they’re good students. You have to expect young mares to get into trouble from time to time. It doesn’t make them bad ponies,” Cheerilee said. “Now, Thunder Clap would count as a bad pony.”

“Who’s Thunder Clap?” Pinkie asked.

Cheerilee shuddered. “The worst foal I ever taught.”

Chapter 2: Cheerilee's Tale

Chapter 2: Cheerilee’s Tale

“Now that sounds like a story,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Really? Well I suppose his antics are entertaining enough now, years later. But believe me girls, it was no fun at the time,” Cheerilee explained. “I had Thunder Clap in my class just two years after I got certified to teach. I was teaching foals in Junior High, right here in Ponyville.

It’s, certainly not the easiest point in a young pony’s life, but I think it’s harder for stallions than mares. By that point, most mares have caught up to stallions in size, but it’s usually at that point that stallions start falling behind mares in test scores and attendance. I knew right away he was going to be trouble. The first day of class he came in ten minutes late and refused to answer to anything but Commander Hurricane,” Cheerilee said.

“Oh man, what pegasus didn’t want to be Commander Hurricane at that age?” Rainbow Dash said.

“There were plenty of little pegasus ponies who played at being Commander Hurricane, that’s true. But out on the playground he would scream and argue with any other foal who wanted to be Commander. But aside from getting into arguments, he didn’t cause too much trouble for me at first. I wonder if he was sizing me up,” Cheerilee considered.

“That sounds rather diabolical for a little pony,” Twilight said.

“Oh no, nothing diabolical about that, just the truth. I’ve seen a class of ponies pounce on a new teacher who doesn’t have control of the class. But I was confident in what I had learned at college, so I don’t think I looked an easy target. Then, a month into the class, we started to focus on pony history. I made up this huge board game, with little pieces for all the ponies in the class. We’d play it for an hour at the end of the day when the students are tired and need something to really keep them focused. It was all meant to represent the Western Expansion of Equestria, and I wanted to make it into a little bit of a game to really keep the ponies interested. So the challenge was to see who could get their wagon train to their settlement first. Along the way they’d learn about all the various hardships settler ponies faced,” Cheerilee explained.

“However, as soon as I said it was a game and someone would win, Thunder Clap went into overdrive. He had to be the leader of his group’s caravan. There was no talking him out of it. One day we were playing and the wagon trains had arrived in a canyon, and I was quizzing them on geology terms to see who would make it out of the canyon first. I asked someone on Thunder Clap’s caravan a question and she got it wrong, so a different wagon made it out first. Thunder Clap started screaming. He demanded that his caravan should win because he knew the answer and he was the leader. It caused a bit of a scene but rules were rules, so we wrapped up the game and the students left for the day. I was still inside cleaning up supplies when I heard a commotion outside the school house. I went outside and saw the ponies standing in a circle around Thunder Clap and his team mate. Thunder Clap had picked a fight with the mare and looked ready to bloody her. I think I went white as a sheet at the idea of having a fight break out among my students. I rushed over and broke it up. It was the first time I had to physically pull a pony off another, though not the last.”

“A stallion picking on a mare like that,” Rarity said. “He obviously had been taught no manners or dignity.”

“Well, you can think about it in those terms now, but at that age they’re still just ponies to each other,” Cheerilee said. “School policy is pretty clear cut. I had to suspend him from school for starting the fight. I sent a letter to his parents asking that they come by after school so we could talk.

These days I teach younger ponies, and as a result I usually meet the student and the parent at the same time. But by Junior High a foal would be embarrassed to no end if their parents walked them to class. So at that level you really don’t know what to expect. You can guess, sure, but you just don’t know. I remember clearly, I was sure that Thunder Clap’s parents would show up. They’d be hard working weather ponies who just didn’t spend as much time with their son, but once we talked they’d realize they needed to spend time with him and pay attention to his school work.

I, I actually thought it would be that easy. And so I wasn’t prepared for what actually happened. Thunder Clap’s father said he wasn’t coming to the meeting. I rescheduled the meeting, then rescheduled again. Eventually I told him I couldn’t let Thunder Clap come back to school until we had met. So finally, after Thunder Clap had been out of school for two weeks, he showed up with his father.

I asked if the boy’s mother would be joining us, but it was quickly made apparent that there was no mother in the picture. Realizing that, I thought I was beginning to see the problem. But I was wrong again. Thunder Clap’s father was as rude as he could be without simply walking away from the conversation. He didn’t really listen to anything I said. Thunder Clap said nothing at first, but when I began talking about the board game Thunder Clap mumbled something under his breath. The boy’s father turned on him, demanding to know what he’d said. When Thunder Clap didn’t answer, he cuffed him on the side of the head.”

“My word,” Rarity said.

“I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe what had just happened, and in front of me of all people,” Cheerilee said. “When the silence dragged on the boy’s father asked if I had any children of my own. I said I didn’t and he smirked. He said ‘Well I’ll teach you a little something today. He starts mouthing off, heck, any of them do, just put your hoof down.’ And with that he moved his foreleg and Thunder Clap flinched. ‘They learn quick that way.’”

“That poor child,” Fluttershy said.

Cheerilee nodded and took a moment before she continued. “That day I learned that when you’re teaching a student who’s excelling, exceeding all of your expectations, and happy to be there every day, you’re benefitting from someone else’s work. Someone else, a parent, grandparent, family friend even, has done the hardest part: love and support that child. And when you’re struggling with a difficult and problematic child, you’re not fighting with them, you’re fighting the people who have failed or hurt that child.”

The train compartment was quiet after that.

“Oh I’m sorry girls, I’m bringing the mood down. Here, let me tell you the best part of the story,” Cheerilee said. “Now, I don’t want you to think things got better over night, but when Thunder Clap came back to school I was beginning to understand what I was dealing with. Once he realized that failure didn’t carry the risk of corporal punishment he finally relaxed. He didn’t have to win everything. By the end of the year he was on track with the rest of the class. Then the most amazing thing happened. He was a very distinctive young pegasus, he had a bright red coat and a white mane. I had honestly never seen a pony like him before. One day I’m out in the Ponyville market and I spot a pegasus mare with the same white mane and red coat. I asked her if she was Thunder Clap’s mother. She nearly broke down right there. She had been flying all over Equestria for years looking for Thunder Clap. It seems she had gone through a messy divorce and her ex-husband disappeared with her son one day. We called in the authorities and I got to see him go home to a mother who loved him.”

There was a round of d’awws in the compartment and Fluttershy had turned to face away from the group for a moment.

The door to the compartment opened and an old mare pushed a beverage cart in. “Anything from the cart, dears?”

“Muffins?” Derpy asked.

“Oh, yes I do have some muffins actually,” replied the old mare.

“Then muffins!” Derpy bought a muffin for everypony, and for a moment the only sound was the crinkle of wrapping paper and the noise of the rails beneath them.

“Thank you very much, Derpy.” Rarity said. “I spent all this morning pressing clothes and packing, I haven’t had a bite to eat.”

“I can’t say no to a good muffin, Pinkie Pie knows,” Derpy said.

“Do I ever? I think Derpy’s the only pony who’s tried every flavor at Sugarcube Corner,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Well to pay you back, how about I tell the next story,” Rarity suggested.

“What’s it about?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“A hat,” Rarity replied.

“What could possibly be interesting about a hat?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Oh this was no ordinary hat, Dash, it was magical. Made by a unicorn skilled in both magic and millinery,” Rarity explained.

“Skilled in what?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Hat making, Dash, he made hats,” Applejack explained.

“Then it’s decided,” Rarity cleared her throat and began talking over Rainbow Dash’s groans. “The story begins in the lower court of Canterlot, oh easily six hundred years ago if I'm remembering the tale correctly.”

Chapter 3: Rarity's Tale

Chapter 3: Rarity’s Tale

“There were two families of noble unicorns that had a long standing alliance. One was a family of savvy business ponies who had collected an estate large enough to warrant standing in the lower court, and as was always the case with families such as those, their singular goal was to move swiftly to the high court of Canterlot,” Rarity explained.

“Wait, what?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well a family’s standing in the court was determined by the wealth of their estate, be it in bits, which was rarely the case in those days, or land, or by commission in the military, or by grant of royal decree,” Rarity replied.

“Uh, okay,” Rainbow Dash said. “So what about the hat?”

“Well I have just started the story, do you expect me to talk about the late classical age of Equestria and not give some context?” Rarity said.

“Fine, fine, so, rich ponies, trying to move up in the world?” Rainbow Dash summed up.

“Something to that effect, yes,” Rarity said. “Anyway, as I was saying they were working tirelessly to increase their estate and gain a standing in the upper court. Around this time the other family, which was a family of unicorns with powerful magic who had been raised into the lower court by royal decree, had a stallion who was sole heir to the family estate, and who had just finished his time at the magical academy and had returned home. When the family of business ponies heard that an eligible young unicorn mage was back at court, they knew just how to improve their estate. They would get the unicorn mage to marry one of the young mares of their family and through marriage combine the estates and move quickly into the upper court, while the mage busied himself with books and potions and such.

They thought it was going to be a simple matter. They had three beautiful young mares of marrying age in their family at the time: Diamond Diadem, Ruby Ring, and Sapphire Circlet.”

“Such pretty names,” Derpy said.

“Indeed, they were said to be the most beautiful mares in the lower court,” Rarity said. “The young stallion was called Oaken Wand-”

“Wait, Oaken Wand? The wizard who definitively defined the divination school of magic? But that can’t be right he was alive in the middle classical age, and he never married,” Twilight said.

“Well, Twilight dear, this is a fable, you must not get hung up on things like that. Just let me tell the story as I’ve heard it,” Rarity said.

“I’m still waiting to hear about this hat,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Dash, she’s spinning a yarn, let her get along with it. You got something better to do?” Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash groaned and flopped on her back. “Fine, sorry.”

“Now if I could please continue without interruptions,” Rarity said. “The family of business ponies sent a handmaid to Oaken Wand on the eve of a party to deliver an invitation and to tell him that Diamond Diadem had expressed her love for him, and if he asked, she would likely marry him. Oaken Wand was skeptical, because he hadn’t seen any of the girls since before he left for the magical academy, and being the sole heir to his family’s estate he knew he was a very desirous catch. But he accepted the invitation and told the hand maid he would be there. That night he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was odd about the invitation, so he went into his study and found a project he had worked on at the academy: a metal band that could be placed on the head, and when done so, would force the pony wearing it to only tell the truth. Now, it was a plain metal thing, created as an experiment. He couldn’t just toss it on Diamond Diadem’s head. So on his way to the party he went to a milliner and found a beautiful hat and had the ring sewed into the lining of it. Now, Rainbow Dash, since you were so interested in the hat I will describe it, in detail.”

Without getting up off her back, Rainbow Dash said “I regret everything I have ever said.”

“The hats in the late classical era were exceedingly elaborate things, very tall and most of them needed wooden or even metal supports. They obviously changed from season to season, and with an accurate description of a hat you could almost pinpoint the very month such a design was in vogue. I believe some of the older fashion houses in Canterlot have a record of every season’s trends going back to the early classical era. As I’ve always heard it this all took place in the spring, and the in thing that season was avian designs. Oaken Wand bought a hat fashioned to look like a snowy owl perched in a nest, which sounds like a dreadful thing to wear, but such were the times,” Rarity said. “The next day he arrived at the party and was greeted by Diamond Diadem. He presented her with the hat and asked if she would honor him by wearing it that evening. Diamond Diadem had been told by her family to do anything it took to win Oaken Wand’s favor, so of course she agreed. She went upstairs and her maids helped her into the hat.”

“Wait, she needed help putting on a hat?” Applejack asked.

“Oh good heavens yes, the hat she had picked out for the evening would have likely had twelve or more clasps that needed to be undone, and then the hat had to be lifted off the head, which considering the weight would require help, and then her mane would need to be restyled to fit the hat Oaken Wand had brought her. She was away from the party for half an hour, during which time Oaken Wand talked with the girls’ handmaid,” Rarity explained. “Now, she was not a noble pony, simply a nice young mare employed by the family. Her name was Dew Drop, and she had been told that if she helped ensure the marriage of Oaken Wand to one of the girls she and her family would be secure for life. She had no taste for deception, but she wanted what was best for her family. So as she talked to Oaken Wand she tried her best to make Diamond Diadem sound appealing, despite the fact that she was a pony given to gossip and flirting and little else.

Finally Diamond Diadem returned to the party. Oaken Wand asked her if she would like to take a walk through the garden and she accepted.

As they walked he asked her how she was enjoying the evening.

She said it was dreadfully boring. Which wasn’t at all what she meant to say, but before she could correct herself Oaken Wand asked her what would make it more interesting. She replied that it would be much more fun if Silver Laurel’s tarted up trollop fell into the fountain. At this point she was shocked she had said such a thing out loud.

Oaken Wand asked how she knew Silver Laurel and Diamond Diadem replied that she had been lifting her tail for him off and on for years.”

The compartment broke out into giggles and full-on laughter from Rainbow Dash, though a few were blushing as well.

“Well I’m sure you can imagine that Diamond Diadem was mortified. She went red in the face like no pony Oaken Wand had ever seen, then bolted from the garden. As she was running through the ballroom her father asked her what was wrong and she yelled out without stopping that she simply couldn’t stop talking about sex,” Rarity said. “Oaken Wand now had no desire to marry Diamond Diadem, so he asked Dew Drop if she would be so kind as to have her lady return the hat.

The next day Dew Drop brought the hat back to Oaken Wand, as well as an invitation from Ruby Ring to join her at the premiere of Beethooven’s fourth symphony in a week’s time.”

Octavia let out a sigh. “I think I would be willing to marry the most unpalatable pony for the chance to hear the premiere of one of Beethooven’s symphonies,” she said.

“Oh I know what you mean,” Rarity said. “I would do some practically unladylike things to get my hooves on the trousseau of a late classical era courtier.”

“And what unladylike things have you done to get your hooves on a dress?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Rainbow Dash, don’t be crude. I am in the middle of a story,” Rarity said quickly. “So Oaken Wand decided to take the magical ring out of the hat he had bought and have it put on the inner lining of a fabulous tiara. The morning of the premier he had a servant send it over to Ruby Ring’s home with a note requesting that she wear it that night when they met. She had been given the same orders by her family to secure his hand in marriage at any cost, so she obliged. They met at the concert hall, and said little during the performance. When it was over, Oaken Wand offered to walk her home. On the way home, he began to question her.

He asked what she thought of the symphony, and she said she found music to be terribly dull.”

Octavia gave an indignant huff.

“Then he asked her if she enjoyed spending time with him more than listening to music, and she said only a little bit. She couldn’t believe the things coming out of her mouth, but before she could figure out what was the matter, he asked her what she would rather be doing right then. She told him she’d rather be laying in bed sipping a Pavillon Rouge du Chateau Mareguax while her chamberlain licked honey off the inside of her flanks.”

There was another round of laughs, except Fluttershy, who stood up and muttered something about the little filly’s room and ran out the door.

“Now what was that about?” asked Applejack.

“Oh she doesn’t take well to this kind of talk, but usually when it comes up we’re at the spa and she’s too wrapped up in seaweed to run away,” Rarity said with a chuckle.

Applejack gave her a glare, which Rarity caught sight of. “Well I don’t do it to be cruel, but the girl has to get used to it someday or how is she ever going to manage? These things come up.”

“I don’t know if she’s going to change, she’s been like this since school. Any sort of locker room talk, even just,” Rainbow searched for a word. “You know, body stuff, couldn't take it.”

“Well that’s neither here nor there. We shouldn't be gossiping behind her back like this,” Rarity said. “I’ll continue. So Ruby Ring had just spilled her secret in front of Oaken Wand; she tore off the tiara galloped away, evening gown and all, down the streets of Canterlot. When she got home, being able to lie again, she said that he hadn’t taken a liking to her, and shut herself up in her chambers.

All they had left was Sapphire Circlet. Now, Diamond Diadem and Ruby Ring being older had the right to try their hoof at getting a husband first, but in truth Sapphire Circlet was probably always the best choice. She was the youngest, but she was quite good at magic and was sharp as a whip.

So once again, Dew Drop was sent to Oaken Wand’s house with an invitation to join Sapphire Circlet for lunch the next week. Oaken Wand took the magical ring out of the tiara and put it in a lovely day hat meant to keep the sun off one’s face. He sent the hat along with his acceptance and requested she wear it at their luncheon.

Now, Oaken Wand had become quite confident in his methods, be he was not expecting to come up against a skilled mare like Sapphire Circlet. When she received the hat she remember that Oaken Wand had sent a hat to each of her sisters before meeting them. She used her magic locate the magical ring inside the hat, and after some experimentation, realized what it did.

So, on the day of her luncheon she arrived at the restaurant, wearing the hat Oaken Wand had sent her, and carrying a box. Inside was a dashing hat for Oaken Wand with a feathered plume. She told him it was her way of saying thank you for the hat he had sent her.

They sat down to lunch and began talking. Oaken Wand began quizzing her, hoping to hear her reveal some terrible secret, but she gave polite, appropriate responses to all of his questions. Encouraged, he stopped asking direct questions and the two began talking about other things. Eventually the conversation turned to him.

Sapphire Circlet asked him if he was enjoying his time now that he was out of the Academy. He replied that being at court was much more boring than real academic work. She then asked if he had any plans to get married soon, to which he replied he was trying his very best to avoid getting tricked into marrying somepony who didn’t love him. At this point he realized he hadn’t intended to say those things. He tried to take his hat off, but found he couldn’t. Sapphire Circlet then explained that she had added an extra enchantment to his magical ring, and it wouldn’t come off without the right command word.

Oaken Wand was furious, both with her and with himself for being careless. Sapphire Circlet then said that she had no intention of marrying him, regardless of what her family wanted, and that she would send a servant to him in a month with the command word.

Oaken Wand spent the next month holed up in his manor, speaking to nopony at all. Finally after a month Sapphire Circlet sent Dew Drop to him with the command word. At this point she had learned from her mistresses the effects of the hat, and knew that she could ask Oaken Wand anything and he would tell the truth.

So she asked him if he had loved any of the girls, to which he replied he didn’t. Then she asked if he ever had any intention of marrying them. And he replied that he hadn’t intended to marry them whatever they said. He demanded she give him the command word, but she refused. She asked him a final question: Why did you do it? And he said he didn’t really know.

‘I know you’re telling the truth,’ she said. ‘But I think I know why you did it. Nopony likes the fact that courtship is fraught with such hardship, that you could end up giving your heart to somepony who doesn’t love you back. But if everypony had a hat like yours, how many happy couples do you think there would be?’

Well Oaken Wand was quite taken aback. Dew Drop left him the letter with the command word and saw herself out. He wasn’t seen about town or court for many weeks after, until one day he arrived at the home of the family of business ponies. They were ecstatic to see him, hoping that he would give their daughters another chance, but he simply asked to see Dew Drop. She was summoned, and when she arrived she saw that he was still wearing the magical hat. They stepped outside, and there Oaken Wand told her that what she had said to him was one of the most insightful things he had ever heard, and what he wanted most was to get to know the pony who already knew him so well. And with that he said the command word and removed the hat.

‘But,’ he said. ‘I would like to get to know you properly.’

And so he began courting her, which was a tad scandalous given that she was a maid, but the ponies at court just chalked it up to the eccentricities of academics, and several years later they were married.”

The other ponies in the compartment stomped in approval as Rarity finished the story.

“Well, I’m not sure much of that is true, but it is a good story,” Twilight admitted.

“Yeah, not bad for a story about a hat,” Rainbow Dash said.

“It actually reminded me of the story of how Beethooven wrote his first symphony,” Octavia said.

“Well why don’t you tell us that,” Applejack suggested.

Octavia went red in the face. “Oh I don’t think I have the nerve, it’s, well, a little racey.”

“Well darling we’re all adults here, and Fluttershy still isn’t back. This is probably the best time. Go on, tell it,” Rarity insisted.

“Besides, it’s a frumpy old composer, what could be that racey about it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well before he was the frumpy old pony you see in the portraits, he was a rather handsome young stallion in Canterlot, at least the sources say so,” Octavia explained.

“Oh please, please! Tell it please! I never get to hear Rarity’s saucy stories at the spa,” Pinkie Pie begged.

“Well you can’t sit still in a mud bath for two minutes, so that is simply not my fault,” Rarity replied.

“Alright everypony, just, give me a second,” Octavia said. She cleared her throat and breathed slowly, obviously psyching herself up. “Okay, well, this story takes place a few years before Rarity’s.”

Chapter 4: Octavia's Tale

Canterlot Tales

Chapter 4: Octavia’s Tale

“Though he had already written some notable chamber music, Beethooven’s first symphony was what made him famous across all of Equestria. The modest concert hall it opened in was unable to deal with the demands and half way through the run it moved to the Royal Concert Hall,” Octavia explained. “Part of what made it so popular was that ponies were convinced it was a musical journey through the Last Pegasus War, a topic that was considered impolite to talk about, as it had only been a hundred years since peace had been achieved. During his lifetime Beethooven never confirmed that the symphony had anything to do with the Last Pegasus War, but people assumed he simply didn’t want to play politics, and let his work speak for itself.

The traditional interpretation of the five movements of his first symphony was this: In the first movement, the brass and percussion mimic the sound of thunder in a terrible storm, while the strings and woodwinds shrill and howl like the wind. This was thought to represent the surprise weather attack the Pegasus army launched at the beginning of the war. The second movement is rhythmic, even simplistic, with heavy downbeats and consistent meter. This was thought to represent the Pegasus armies flying into battle in armored battalions. The third movement becomes a duel between two different musical themes, one based in the strings, the other in the brass section. This was assumed to represent the duel between the Pegasus generals that finally ended the war. The fourth movement is generally considered the most beautiful, it’s a haunting piece, with a slow, quiet theme passed between the sections, constantly echoed, sometimes with three variations being played at different meters at the same time. It was thought that this represented the afterlife for the two generals who both died of their wounds after the duel, and the sorrow of the ponies who had lost loved ones in the war. The fifth and final movement is full of nature sounds mimicked by the woodwinds. It begins soft, then builds to a final climax where the brass enter suddenly, then are stifled by the strings. It has no real resolution, and when it first was performed many ponies sat and waited for the music to continue. This was thought to represent the natural world carrying on despite this great tragedy, while the ending perplexed people. Perhaps it meant that war could return at any moment? Or that danger still lurked in the world. There was a great deal of scholarly debate.

Well when he died his family went through his notes and journals, looking to see if he had left behind any pieces of composition that hadn’t been heard. His brother went through his journals, and was shocked to find that they were full of tales of his sexual conquests. Not wanting to offend Beethooven’s widow, he hid the journals away until she had passed on as well. Once she was gone, he began reading the entries written before Beethooven’s first symphony,” Octavia said.

“This is the least sexy story, ever?” Rainbow Dash asked herself. “Yeah, ever.”

“You know, if you don’t want to sit through stories, don’t ask ponies to tell them,” Applejack replied.

“I like stories, I do. I just want the story to live up to the hype. A scary story must be scary, a sexy story needs somepony getting down and dirty,” Rainbow Dash said.

“I’m sorry, someone else can tell a story-” Octavia said.

“Oh no girl, don’t let this one ruin it for you. The rest of us are enjoying it just fine,” Applejack said.

“I know I am. I’d never read much about the interpretations of classical music,” Twilight said.

“Besides, you need a good lead up. Otherwise it’s no better than those smutty comics stallions read where a pony just walks in and mounts a mare,” Rarity said.

Most of the other ponies laughed.

“What?” Rarity asked.

“Real familiar with them comics, Rarity?” Applejack asked.

“Oh no, you’re not going to make it out like I’m the only one who’s seen them, you all know what I’m talking about,” Rarity said.

“I don’t,” Derpy said.

“Okay, most of you know what I mean,” Rarity said.

“I’m not sure I know either,” Twilight said.

Rarity buried her face in her hooves.

“Aw, there there Rarity, I know what you mean. I’ve stumbled across Big Mac’s stash in the hayloft,” Applejack said.

“That’s a good stash,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Come again?” Applejack asked.

“Well it’s where he hides his cider too. Do I look like the kind of pony who finds a stack of comics and doesn’t read them?” Pinkie Pie replied.

“I gotta tell him to move that. If you found it then Apple Bloom might,” Applejack said.

“Girls, please, let Octavia continue,” Cheerilee said.

“You sure you want me to continue?” Octavia asked.

“Yes we do,” Twilight said. “And if Rainbow Dash interrupts again she doesn’t get to tell a story.”

“What?”

“You heard the pony,” Applejack said. “Not another word.”

“Fine,” Rainbow Dash said with a pout.

“Very well, where was I?” Octavia asked. “Yes, the journals. It turns out that around the time Beethooven was writing his first symphony he was engaged in five affairs in Canterlot, and wrote about them in great detail in his journal.

The first mare was called Stratus Air, and she was a weather pony in Canterlot. Beethooven saw her in the sky one day and had to meet her, so he followed her all around town until she landed for a break. She was a light grey pegasus with a long blue mane. They talked over lunch, but when Beethooven asked her if she’d like to accompany him for dinner that evening, she told him she was really only interested in pegasi, not unicorns.

Well, Beethooven was persistent. He learned a spell that allowed him to walk on clouds, so he got a few pegasus stallions to lift him up the cloud level so he could find Stratus Air. She was so impressed by his dedication that they began meeting in the evenings. In his journals, Beethooven said that she would float a cloud down to him in his back garden and he would cast his spell then step on. Then they’d go up to the misty air around the waterfalls and make love. She was saving herself for a pegasus she wanted to marry, so Beethooven would use his tongue. He said that when she could take no more she started pounding on the cloud with her hooves, which usually meant he was hit with a jolt of lightning or two every time they met. His journals say she tasted like static and ozone, and that she- I can’t believe I’m saying this, that her mouth knew its way around a stallion’s member that he knew she had likely taken quite a few lovers up into the clouds around he falls.”

“I have never been this jealous of pegasus ponies in my life!” Pinkie Pie said. As she spoke the door opened and Fluttershy started to enter. “Cloud sex sounds so nice. Like, like doing it in a bowl of marshmallows.”

Fluttershy let out a yelp and slammed the door shut again. The girls laughed.

“You’d need a lot of marshmallows, Pinkie,” Twilight said.

“No, what I need is a super sweet pony who’s great at magic and knows how to cast a cloud walking spell,” Pinkie replied, batting her eyelashes at Twilight dramatically.

“And why would you need me to do that, Pinkie?” Twilight asked.

“Because Dash-”

A blue blur tackled Pinkie out of her seat.

“Well I believe somepony owes me twenty bits,” Rarity said as Dash desperately tried to muzzle Pinkie Pie. Applejack grumbled as she pulled a back of bits out of her luggage.

“Alright girls, we’re being rude,” Cheerilee said. “Octavia, please continue.” Octavia cleared her throat and began again.

“Anyway, at the same time he was meeting another mare, an Earth pony named Ember Glow,” Octavia said. “She was the daughter of a blacksmith, and his journals say she was a chestnut colored pony with a bright red mane and tail. She was apprenticing under her father’s tutelage, and very busy. Beethooven’s journals say he met her while getting a set of shoes repaired and he had found her quite beautiful. He purposefully broke every metal thing he owned and brought them by for an excuse to see her. Eventually they started a more personal relationship. Beethooven would send her a note telling her when to take a break from the forge. He would levitate up to her bedroom window and she would let him in. Her chambers were right over her father’s workshop, but thankfully smithing is loud work. He would take her from behind, with his face buried in her mane, which always smelled of smoke. But, they had to work in time with the hammer strikes below, which was torture, because the strikes were very slow and steady, and both of them wanted to let loose and, well, you can imagine how hard it was to keep up that slow steady rhythm when they began to climax. Sometimes the father would get impatient with his daughter’s long breaks and come looking for her. Beethooven said that more than once he had to leap out of the second story window and try to levitate himself to the ground, and he wasn’t always successful.”

“Now that sounds a bit more painful than getting shocked,” Cheerilee said.

“If I remember correctly he broke an ankle on one occasion,” Octavia said. “His third lover was a unicorn pony named Citrine. She was a waiter at a cafe, which was where Beethooven met her. He said in his journal that he was her last table on a shift, and they hit it off so well that she stayed and had dinner with him. She was a bright yellow mare, with a short, curly orange mane. She lived in an apartment in Canterlot’s business district, which as you probably know is very tightly packed. Her apartment was very small, with very thin walls. Beethooven was visiting her one day when her neighbors started going at it. Beethooven was shocked at how easily you could hear it. Citrine complained that it had been going on for months, but she didn’t have the heart to complain to to ponies about making love. Beethooven suggested that maybe they just needed to show the neighbors how thin the walls were. Well she readily agreed. She threw him on her bed, which was up against the shared wall and climbed on top of him. She let out months of frustration, screaming, slamming the bed against the wall. He said it was some of the best, and easily the loudest sex he had ever had. By the time Citrine was done with him his ears were ringing and his hips were sore. But amazingly, the neighbors didn’t stop, the just got louder and louder. After that, whenever Beethooven came by, if one couple started having sex the other tried to out do them. Literally.

His fourth lover was a noble unicorn in the high court, who was actually one of his patrons.”

“His what?” Derpy asked.

“She paid him to write songs, and then she would have them performed at the parties she hosted,’ Octavia explained. “Her name was Serene Sea, she was a tall, beautiful mare, with a dark blue coat and a teal mane. Because of her position in court she couldn’t be seen alone with Beethooven, so they met in her bath house. It was a beautiful marble room in her manor. She was a patron of many of the best musicians of the time, and had quite an ear for music. When they made love, she would hum, and it would echo in the marble room. Beethooven said that on more than one occasion he became so distracted with her singing and humming tunes along with her that he would forget that he was inside of her. Their meetings lasted for hours, and when servants came Beethooven would duck under the water until they left. In his journal, he talks about a servant who always wanted to make small talk when she brought towels or a glass of water. Beethooven said that on more than one occasion he was running out of air, he would have to tug on Serene Sea’s tail to get her to send the servant away. And once, they heard a servant coming, Serene Sea just told him to keep going. So he had to dive underwater and lick her without air until the servant left.”

“If she was his patron he must have been terrified of displeasing her,” Twilight said. “In those days, a bad word from a patron could have ruined his career.”

“Oh I suspect she knew just what kind of position he was in,” Rarity said. “I bet she enjoyed it immensely.”

“Serene Sea actually shows up in the journals of many ponies from that time,” Octavia said. “She patroned many artists, and had quite a few famous lovers.

The fifth and final mare Beethooven was involved with at the time was an Earth pony named Rosealine, she was the Royal Groundskeeper, and she tended to the gardens around the Royal Palace. She had a pink coat and a deep red, wavy mane. Beethooven met her at a party held on the palace grounds. They had both had a good bit to drink, and they snuck off into the garden to find a private spot. Beethooven said she was quiet as could be at first, her moans barely audible over the sounds of the birds, but when she began to climax she got louder and louder until he had to put a hoof in her mouth to get he from crying out. After that night they began meeting regularly, but Rosealine always wanted to make love outside, either in her private garden, or on the Royal Grounds. Beethooven wrote that each time she would promise to be silent, but each time she would begin to cry out when she climaxed. More than once the pair had to stop their lovemaking to avoid being found by a passerby, and those meeting Rosealine loved the most. He even wrote of an instance that they were found out. It was very early in the morning and they were making love in an arbor, Rosealine was bent over a stone bench with Beethooven behind her. Suddenly a young couple appeared, simply walking through the arbor. They spotted Beethooven and Rosealine and all four stopped suddenly. Then without saying anything, the couple silently walked past. Beethooven was about to dismount but Rosealine demanded that he finished, and when she climaxed she made no attempt to be quiet. Beethooven suspected she could be heard clear across the gardens.”

“Oooohhhh,” Pinkie Pie began, but Rainbow Dash simply shoved her hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.

“Well, after describing his five lovers, Beethooven wrote that while the women he slept with were very pleasant, and the sex was wonderful, he was growing tired of secret trysts that left him shocked, dropped out of windows, sore in the hip, drowned, and covered in rose thorns. So he had sworn off his illicit affairs, and began writing a symphony to get them out of his system. Suddenly his brother knew the real meaning behind the five movements of Beethooven’s first symphony, they were each written about one of his lovers,” Octavia said.

The realization dawned on the other ponies at different speeds, while others had seen it all along, but they all stamped their hooves as she finished her story.

“Alright, I admit, that was pretty enjoyable,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yeah,” Pinkie Pie said, “I wish we weren't on a train.” Pinkie grabbed Rainbow Dash’s face. “Clouds.”

“What?”

“Clouds.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, why don’t you too go find Fluttershy,” Applejack suggested.

“Yes, I’m sure she’s bored of hanging around the dining car,” Rarity said.

“Alright, we’ll go find her,”Rainbow Dash said. “And when we get back, I’m going to tell the most awesome story any of you have ever heard.”

Once the two ponies left Twilight and Rarity began laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Derpy asked.

“Oh, just that Applejack here was quite certain that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie would never start seeing each other,” Rarity said. “Now, what was it you said? Not in a million years, a billion years?”

“Can’t believe they cost me twenty bits. That was prime souvenir money,” Applejack said.

“Oh AJ, be happy for them,” Twilight said.

“Oh I am, surely. I’m just mad I didn’t see it coming. Never should have made that bet,” Applejack replied.

“Very true darling, I’m quite certain I have won every bet you’ve ever made against me,” Rarity said.

“I’m swearing off gambling, that’s that.”