Regent

by xTSGx

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 33453

Congratulations, Twilight. With the Princesses on vacation, you're in charge of Equestria. Perhaps it's a bit early to congratulate you. After all, whether it's a jealous nobility or an unhappy military, your reign will be anything but

Congratulations, Twilight. With Celestia and Luna on their constitutionally mandated vacation, you're in charge of Equestria. The position of Regent is an honored and hallowed one. But maybe it's a bit early to congratulate you. After all, whether it's a nobility jealous of your ascension, or a military unhappy with Celestia's decisions; one thing's certain: your reign will be anything but peaceful.

Published 2013-03-24 01:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-26 06:26:32 UTC

Vacation.

Copyright © 2013. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is owned by Hasbro. The cover image is owned by Mixipony.

Version 1.0

Published 3/23/12

Chapter One: Vacation.

“Sister, what do you think of this shirt?”

Luna held up a Hawaiian shirt with bright, green palm leaves and yellow pineapples printed on it.

Celestia crinkled her nose.

“Are you sure you want to bring that? It seems awfully touristy.”

Luna scoffed.

“Says the mare who's going to be wearing a fanny pack.”

Celestia glanced to her leopard print fanny pack.

“Its practicality outweighs any tackiness. We don't have pockets sewn into our fur so it's the next best thing.”

“And what of the sunglasses?”

The Solar Diarch glanced up at the pair of gaudy, oversized sunglasses on her forehead.

“At my age, cataracts are a real danger, Luna.”

“But you control the sun!”

“I push it around the sky. Where the idea that I can shoot solar flares at will came from I'll never know.”

“Well what of—”

Celestia put a hoof to her temple to relieve the pressure.

“Luna, how many of these vacations have you been on?”

Luna scrunched her face up in thought.

“I believe there was that one we took to the Golden Horde—such a lovely place that dragon prefecture was—prior to my, err, extended leave of absence.”

“Then trust me, a veteran of ten vacations since, when I say that that shirt wouldn't work.”

“Fine. I'll choose something else.”

Luna walked over and put the shirt back on a rack of other Hawaiian shirts before she began scanning through them to find one she liked. Celestia turned her attention to an already full, flower print suitcase and the stack of shorts that lay folded next to it. With all the grace of a thousand years of being princess, she started cramming them in.

The Lunar Diarch looked over from admiring a shirt with lime green with pink flowers on it to see Celestia struggling with the suitcase.

“Would you like some help, sister?”

“No, Luna, it's fine. I got it.”

“Are you sure?”

Celestia stuffed the last pair of shorts into the suitcase and attempted to telekinetically shut it.

“Yes. I've almost got it.”

“Why don't you simply use another suitcase?”

“The Central Equestrian Railroad charges an absurd amount of money for extra luggage. I am not spending fifty bits for a checked suitcase.”

She was successful at closing the suitcase and now moved on to the difficult step of closing the latches.

“But doesn't the Royal Treasury have millions of bits in its coffers?”

“And how do you think it got those millions of bits? Not from spending it on baggage fees.”

Finally, the latches were secured and Celestia triumphantly lifted the bulging suitcase above her head. At that moment, the brass latches snapped like twigs and the suitcase jettisoned its contents, showering the room and Celestia in clothing, sun tan lotion, and several cake magazines.

The door opened and Twilight walked in to see her teacher covered in shorts, socks, and even a pair of underwear.

“Uh, good morning, Princess. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

Celestia sighed in defeat before she telekinetically lifted the contents of the suitcase onto a nearby table.

“Not at all, Twilight. Just packing. I see Rainbow Dash was able to halt your panic attack.”

“How did you know?”

“You've been handling things so well over the last few months, I knew it was only a matter of time.”

Twilight looked down.

“Oh.”

Celestia lifted up Twilight's head.

“Now don't be like that, Twilight. Everypony panics. Even me.”

“You don't panic.”

Celestia gave Twilight a look.

“Oh? The changelings invasion, Discord's return, but especially Luna's fall all caused me a great deal of panic—and heartbreak. It's natural to feel uneasy and even terrified. What's important is conquering those feelings and showing leadership and courage.”

Twilight smiled.

“See, Twilight? Sometimes you're too self-critical. Learn to have some faith in yourself, like you have faith in your friends.”

“But I don't know. What if this whole Regency business implodes on me? It's happened plenty of times before. There was Hill Burrow's attempted regicide during the eleventh Regency, the Griffo-Minotaurian invasion during the sixth Regency, the Cutie Pox Pandemic during the—”

“Twilight. You'll do just fine. While it's true that most of the Regencies didn't go so well, it's also true that Equestria was always strengthened by them. Equestria, and indeed, you, are like iron. You're both strong, but brittle. Add a little fire—some trials and challenges—and you'll come out of it stronger than ever.”

“But, princess, iron requires carbon to—”

Celestia laughed.

“It's a metaphor, Twilight. What I'm saying is you'll face adversities, but you'll always come away from it stronger.”

Twilight's smile grew.

“Thanks. But, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Just wanted to give you a little encouragement and ask you a very important question.”

“What?”

Celestia held up a pair of shorts.

“Do these make me look big?”

**********

The Outer Ballroom—home to Twilight's coronation and the wedding—once again was called upon for an important function. As with before, numerous important ponies filled the hall. Standing on the platform were Equestria's three princesses, Chief Justice Docket Number, and a red unicorn stallion known as Archmage Morning Star, head the of the Arcane Magic Council.

Docket Number spoke.

“We are all gathered here today, to take part in this once a century tradition. In order to absolve the Princesses Celestia and Luna of the great burden that ruling our fair country imposes, we will grant them a yearlong respite from their duties as a reward for their services and sacrifices in order for them to rest and rejuvenate themselves for the long and weary road ahead. To that end, a Regent is required to fulfill the royal duties and a council of honored and trustworthy mages is needed to control the sun and moon.

“After a long search, the Day and Night Courts have selected Her Majesty, Princess Sparkle as their candidate for Regent. The United Parliament of the Principality of Equestria and Its Territories, after a rousing and earnest debate, has agreed with Their Majesties' choice and approved Princess Sparkle as Regent. Twilight Sparkle, please step forward.”

She did so.

“Twilight Sparkle. Do you swear to uphold the Constitution of Equestria, the virtues and ideals that it entails, and the laws and regulations of the country?”

“I do.”

“Do you swear to maintain peace and harmony throughout the land, and protect everypony and species from the dangers that threaten them?”

“I do.”

Docket looked to Celestia.

“Princess Celestia, do you yield your authority, your power, and your rights as Princess to Twilight Sparkle?”

Celestia bowed to Twilight.

“I yield.”

Docket turned to Luna.

“Princess Luna, do you yield your authority, your power, and your rights as Princess to Twilight Sparkle?”

Luna bowed as well.

“I yield.”

He looked back to Twilight.

“Then by the power authorized to me under Article 22 of the constitution, I, Chief Justice Docket Number, do authorize and affirm Twilight Sparkle as the thirteenth Regent of Equestria. Let it be known to every pony, every race, every species through the country, that the reign of Princesses Celestia and Luna had ended, and the Regency of Twilight Sparkle has begun.”

Twilight looked out into the cheering crowd and saw her friends waving and celebrating with the rest of Equestria.

Celestia and Luna stood as the cheering went on for several minutes before it finally abated.

The Solar Diarch then turned to Morning Star.

“Archmage Morning Star. Are you and your council ready to bear the burden that the sun holds?”

Luna was next.

“And are you prepared for the challenges of the moon?”

He nodded to the princesses.

“We are, Your Majesties.”

“Then, as Diarch of the Sun, I hereby pass on the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of controlling that life giving sphere on to you.”

She tapped horns with Morning Star causing a bright, but brief, shine of golden light to erupt.

“And We, as Diarch of the Moon, pass on the mysteries, wonder, and power that controlling the night's light giver has to offer to you.”

Luna tapped her horn to Morning Star's which caused a brief explosion of dark blue and purple fog that quickly dissipated.

The unicorn stood tall.

“The Arcane Magic Council is once again proud to fulfill our ancestral duty of controlling the sun and moon. We hope that we can perform even a tenth as well as you both and continue to bring honor and pride to the Bearers of the Sun and Moon.”

The crowd erupted in cheers yet again. Docket Number looked to the Princesses.

“Celestia, Luna. Let your twelfth centennial vacation officially begin!”

Out in one of the hallways, Twilight was hugging her friends.

“Are you sure you can't stay longer?”

Applejack looked slightly sad.

“Ah'm sorry, Twilight, but with winter bearing down and with Granny catchin' pneumonia—I told her not to go and check on the pigs but did that stubborn old mare listen—I simply can't. Maybe once she recovers I can come visit or you can visit us. The 'Lady Regent' payin' old Ponyville a visit sure would drum up some business.”

“I'll think about it.”

Fluttershy also seemed somewhat melancholy.

“I wish I could stay, but I have to make sure that the comfy burrows the little woodland creatures are spending the winter in don't get buried under snow. It would be wonderful if you could come visit. We could have tea and relax.”

“That sounds great, Fluttershy.”

The two bid their farewells and left for the train back to Ponyville.

Twilight turned to the eager pegasus and unicorn who were giggling excitedly at each other. Rarity looked to Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight. How can I ever thank you. 'Adviser to the Regent'. It's so elegant. So posh. So royal.”

Dash was next.

“Yeah, with this on my resume, I'll be a shoe-in for the Wonderbolts.”

“Don't think that me appointing you two as Advisers is just gonna be a walk in the park. It may have been your guys' idea but I'm going to count on you to...advise me.”

The two nodded, excitement still shining in their eyes.

'I'm going to regret this, aren't I?'

**********

Celestia impatiently looked at Twilight.

“Is that everything?”

“I have just one more question.”

“Twilight. We're going to miss the train.”

Celestia saw the pleading curiosity on Twilight's face. She sighed.

“Make it quick.”

Twilight looked over the two alicorns.

“How do you expect to relax? Everypony's going to be falling over themselves to look after their Princesses.”

Celestia and Luna glanced at each other.

“Oh, that's easy.”

Their horns lit up with a green glow and a green fire soon enveloped them. After the magic had subsided, a golden unicorn and dark blue pegasus were standing where the Princesses had been. Twilight's jaw was wide open.

The unicorn wearing Celestia's regalia spoke.

“I'm going to be Sunset Shimmer. Princess Celestia's former student.”

The pegasus was next.

“And I will take up the mantle of Moonshine. A modest painter. As you can see, I choose a much more humble profession.”

“I didn't realize this was a contest, Luna.”

“You only say that because you have lost.”

Celestia grunted before her gaze fell onto the still shocked alicorn.

“Twilight?”

She waved a hoof in front of Twilight's face.

“Twilight?”

“I believe you have broken her.”

Celestia frowned.

“Maybe we shouldn't have used changeling aura. Now she's going to think we're secretly changeling queens that have been ruling Equestria for generations or something.”

Luna sat down next to Twilight.

“You're the one who wanted to 'give it a twist' if I recall correctly.”

"Yes, but I didn't think she'd lock up.”

“Why is it always your plans that backfire horribly.”

“My plans don't backfire.” she pointed to the still frozen Twilight, “Case in point. Twilight, I'm giving you an F.”

Twilight leapt into the air.

“Nooooo! I'm sorry, Princess. Please, let me try again. I promise I'll do better.”

“See?”

Luna rolled her eyes.

“And we wonder why she's always a nervous wreck.”

Celestia stuck her tongue out.

After realizing that she hadn't been given a failing grade, Twilight was able to compose herself.

“But, Princesses, how are you regular ponies?”

Celestia smiled.

“What? You're not the only one who knows changeling magic.”

The shrill sound of a train whistle rang out.

“We're going to be late!”

Celestia and Lu—err Sunset and Moonshine hastily grabbed their carry on luggage and made a beeline for the exit.

“Goodbye, Twilight. Please don't plunge Equestria into civil war while we're gone. If the griffins invade again, just hold the fort until we get back. And don't, under any circumstance, look into the Great Pit of Azerbaijan or your mind will be fractured into a thousand pieces and cast into such horrifying torment that you'll beg for the sweet release of death. There's a reason we have that 'Caution' sign hanging next to it. I really don't want to have to go and talk to Tirek again to get you back. He can be such a pain. Bye!”

“Farewell, Twilight Sparkle! We shall see you in a year's time.”

“Goodbye!”

The two ponies waved at Twilight before leaving. Twilight waved back. After they had left, she started walking toward the throne room to meet with High Overseer Solar Flare.

“Wait, what was that about a pit?”

Equestria's regent walked into the throne room. Upon entering, her gaze fell upon the purple banners with her cutie mark on them that were prominently displayed behind the throne. She frowned and approached the pink unicorn known as High Overseer Solar Flare, who was talking with one of the Day Court secretaries.

“Flare!”

He turned around.

“Yes, Lady Regent?”

Twilight winced slightly at the title before speaking.

“What's with the banners?”

He glanced at the banners.

“They're there to show your ascension to the throne.”

“But doesn't it seem a little...dictator-y?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Dictator-y?”

“Yeah, it's something I'd do if I'd just committed regicide and declared myself 'High Chancellor' or 'Empress' or something.”

“I don't really see the connection. It's not like—wait.” his eyes lit up, “You mean you've actually thought about what you'd do in the event you assassinated the princesses?”

“Uh—N-No! Of course not. D-Don't be ridiculous.”

Her eyes wandered around, refusing to look at Flare.

“I see. In any event, you must choose a name for your court.”

Now assured that an awkward conversation about power fantasies had been avoided, Twilight returned her eyes to the Overseer.

“My what?”

“Your court. As sole ruler during the Regency, Article Ten of the constitution requires you to 'from time to time, hold a public meeting with which the citizens may air their grievances'. While the constitution doesn't specify how often, it's been tradition since before Parliament that it was held daily. Over the years, the Day Court—consisting of the royal officers, servants, and administrators—and those public meetings slowly merged together into what we have today.”

“Aren't you the master of exposition.”

He smirked.

“Would you rather I not say anything and watch as the nobility and the press slowly eat you alive until there's nothing but a dead husk?”

Twilight shuddered.

“They're not that bad, are they?”

“The nobility? For the most part, they're harmless. After their rebellion a few hundred years back cost them the House of Nobility in Parliament, their direct political influences has waned. That being said, they spend more bits during election season then anypony else and so have a loyal following in the Unicorn Caucus in Parliament. Do expect some headache from them.”

“Great.”

“As for the press. I have no doubts that they've already dug through your entire history and will begin publishing an editorial series on why Celestia's insane and you're a horrible choice as regent.”

Twilight's mind wandered to a certain incident involving a stuffed animal and mind control. It then moved on to the parasprites, and then to her near failure in the Crystal Empire.

She looked down.

“Maybe they're right. Maybe I am a horrible choice.”

Flare frowned.

“Don't let it get to you, Twilight. If there's one thing the press is great at it's negativity. It wouldn't have mattered who Celestia chose, they'd still think they were a bad choice. The Princesses know what they're doing. They chose you carefully. You're not going to doubt the decision of a couple thousand year old pair of alicorns, are you? They have a lot of wisdom, after all.”

“Sister! Cease! Why did you think that was a good idea?”

Celestia pulled again, to no avail.

“I'm sorry, Moonshine. How was I to know that the bubble gum would pop like that.”

The train conductor looked at the two mares and their heads that were stuck together with wads of bubble gum.

“Is there anything I can help you two ladies with, today?”

“Yes, thank you. Could you happen to find something that can get us unstuck, please?”

“I'll see if we have any peanut butter.”

The conductor departed.

Luna pouted.

“This is a horrible start to our vacation.”

“Oh, shush.”

Twilight smiled.

“You're right.”

“But of course. Now, back to the matter of your court. You need to pick a name, location, and time to hold it.”

He levitated a clipboard up from behind his back while Twilight thought.

“What about just leaving it as 'Day Court'?”

“I'm sorry, but that's exclusively reserved for Princess Celestia.” Twilight opened her mouth, “The same goes for 'Night Court'.”

“Might I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.”

“Try to think of something thematically. Princess Celestia has the sun, Princess Luna the moon. There's the theme of time of day going on.”

“I don't know. Afternoon Court sounds like a horrible name.”

Twilight's mind flashed back to the events of the Nightmare Night Ball.

'I've got it!'

[-----]

Solar Flare walked out onto the balcony. Below, a group of ponies made up of the press and some of the Diarchy Fan Club's members sat.

“Let it be proclaimed throughout the land that the first session of the Dusk Court of Lady Regent Twilight Sparkle will be held tomorrow at five o'clock in the afternoon sharp in the Throne Room.”

The group of Diarchy fans cheered while the press ponies were busy jotting down the information.

**********

“From NPR News in Canterlot, I'm Lol She Sings. With the twelfth Centennial Vacation of the Princesses underway, Twilight Sparkle has begun her reign as Equestria's thirteenth Regent. NPR's Royal Bureau Chief Crystal Spire has more from Canterlot Cast—”

Bleary eyed, Twilight poked a hoof out from under the hoof woven Saddle Arabian silk sheets and casually slapped the HD Radio alarm clock to turn it off.

'Just five more minutes.'

She rolled over and tried to get comfortable once more.

'Oh, who am I kidding?'

Twilight unwrapped herself from the silk cocoon she was lying in and hopped off of the Princess sized bed. She looked out of one of the windows and saw the sun poking it's way over the horizon.

'At least the Arcane Magic Council's doing their job.'

She shuddered at the thought of having to wake up and raise the sun. After that horrifying thought had passed, she slipped on a pair of slippers and opened the door to her room.

The two Royal Guards that stood on either side snapped to attention.

“Good morning, Lady Regent.”

She smiled weakly.

“It won't be a good morning until I have some caffeine.”

The purple alicorn made her way to the Grooming Room that was located just down the hallway. The two guards flanked her and followed.

“You guys don't have to follow me. It's literally right next to my room.”

“We're sorry, Lady Regent, but Captain Maneuver has given us strict orders. The risk of assassination is greatest during the first days of the Regency.”

“Assassination? This is Equestria! Who would want to assassinate me?”

The two guards looked at each other.

“The Canissians, Griffons, cultists, Diamond Dog terrorists, embittered former friends who are jealous, Discord, the Changeling Queen, Sombra, some up and coming politician.”

Twilight looked back at the two.

“The Canissian Empire has been at peace with Equestria since the five hundreds. The Griffons are still recovering from their civil war and take over by that Field Marshal. Both the Nightmare Moon Cult and the Cult of the Broken Circle have been crushed by the Night Guard. The Diamond Dogs couldn't screw a light bulb on, let alone organize an assassination. I don't have any embittered friends. Discord's a permanent feature of the statue garden and there are nine different runes in place to prevent him from pulling any dream manipulation or reality warping. The Changeling Kingdom has collapsed due to their invasion last year. Sombra's scattered in a thousand pieces. And I'm sure that any politician's more concerned with their wallet than with killing me. Anything I missed?”

Both guards shook their heads.

“See? There's nothing to worry about. Now, you two guard the door while I try desperately to groom myself while being coddled like a newborn foal.”

“Yes, Lady Regent.”

The two guards stood on either side of the door as Twilight made her way in. Sitting on some chairs a short distance away were a group of mares reading some gossip and style magazines, completely oblivious to the alicorn that was tiptoeing her way in.

'Alright, now just keep quiet. That Noise Dampening Spell should ensure those servants don't catch you. All you have to do is grab a hairbrush and soap and you can bolt for one of the empty shower rooms and—'

At that moment, the floor decided to commit high treason by letting out a loud groan as Twilight stepped on it. Her eyes widened as she heard the mares stir.

“The Lady Regent is here!”

'Oh no.'

There was nothing Twilight could do as she was consumed in a pile of hooves, hairbrushes, and the lavender scent of a five hundred bit bottle of shampoo.

**********

Now squeaky clean, nicely groomed, and with the faint scent of lavender sticking to her fur, Twilight made her way to the dining room. Her golden shoe clad hooves clopped against the marble floor and her new regalia sparkled in the morning light. Two more guards saluted and opened the door, allowing Twilight to walk in and sit down at the carved maple table with matching upholstered chairs.

A chef walked in from the kitchen and stood next to Twilight.

“What can the castle cooks get you this fine morning, Lady Regent?”

Twilight thought for a moment.

“Can I get some Earl Grey tea with honey and some pancakes and eggs.”

“How would you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled.”

“Right away, Lady Regent.”

The chef bowed, causing Twilight to wince, before he made his way back into the kitchen.

After a few minutes of waiting for her food, Solar Flare hastily made his way and sat down next to her.

She noticed he was trying to catch his breath.

“Is something wrong?”

“My apologies, Lady Regent.”

Before Twilight could inquire further, a servant walked out of the kitchen with her food. She eyed the tea greedily and quickly took a sip of the caffeine enriched beverage.

“Ah, that's better. Now, why are you so out of breath today, Flare? You're not panicked over it being my first day, are you?”

Twilight looked over the stack of pancakes and eggs that awaited her. Solar Flare levitated over a newspaper.

“Remember what I said about the press, Lady Regent?”

She paused a moment before shoving a forkful of pancake into her mouth.

“Uh, yes. You told me to ignore them.”

He levitated the paper onto the table.

“I would advise you to momentarily disregard that advice.”

Twilight peered down at it before an angry expression crossed her face.

“Rarity! Rainbow Dash!”

End of Chapter One.

Author's Note

AKA "The Unnecessary Sequel Story". After a few weeks break, the first chapter of the sequel is finally ready. Here's to hoping you'll enjoy it just as much as Ascend, especially because it's going to be somewhat more serious, although the seriousness won't start to come into play until the middle of the story, so enjoy the comedy while you can.

Ascend poked fun at stories like Expectations, On Wings of Change, and even a little Sharing the Night. That's only half the Twilicorn iceberg, though. There's still the "princess" stories like Cry For Eternity and Rites of Ascension that I can shamelessly rip-off.

Enjoy the deleted scene that canon forced me to torpedo. While it wouldn't have been in this chapter, I see no reason why I can't toss it up now.

Also, if you're reading this and wondering what the hell is going on, you should probably go and read Ascend. That, or just say "screw it" and move on to another story. I'd prefer the first option, though.

Court.

For copyright/disclaimer information, see Chapter One.

Published 4/27/13

Version 1.1

Chapter Two: Court

Twilight paced briskly in front of the throne. Words flew out of her mouth in an ever growing stream of frustration, embarrassment, and even a little anger. The morning sunlight beamed in through the red stained glass windows, casting the room in shades of red. To a wayward observer, the menacing light, purple banners, and angry alicorn would give the distinct impression that some nefarious scheme had just been thwarted.

“I just can't believe you two. I knew this was a bad idea. I could feel it. But did I listen to my gut? Nooooo. Now look!” she threw down the paper in front of the two flinching ponies, “I'm not even in charge for a day and already I'm being eaten alive.”

Twilight slumped into the throne, giving a somewhat defeated sigh.

Rainbow worked up the courage to talk to the annoyed alicorn.

“I know you're upset, but I don't know what the big deal is. Those press ponies lied! Why don't you just haul them here and give them a dressing down, like you're doing to us?” she mumbled the last part out, hoping Twilight wouldn't hear.

Thankfully for Rainbow, Twilight was too caught up with her first sentence to hear the last.

“Not a big deal! Of course it's a big deal. Do you know how many ponies listen to the media?”

Dash shook her head.

“I don't.”

Rarity joined her.

“Neither do I.”

Twilight opened her mouth to respond when Flare's voice rang out.

“I also ignore them.”

The two unicorn guards at the base of the throne's steps also shook their heads.

“I only tune in for the sports section.”

“I see what the finances are up to, but that's it.”

The purple alicorn let out a frustrated sigh.

“The point is, most ponies do and this is going to be horrible for my reign.” Twilight looked around, “And where in Princess Celestia's immaculate mane is Pinkie?”

Everypony shrugged.

Rainbow piped up.

“I think she said she was going to act as 'Official Royal Taste Tester' and went to the kitchens.”

The various chefs and bus colts ran around in a chaotic, but at the same time organized mess. Dirty dishes rattled into the stainless steel sinks, while knifes and other kitchen utensils were in ponies hooves or telekinesis, making quick work of the ingredients that were there. Every so often, a bus colt carrying a bin full of razor sharp knives, or a chef with a large pot of boiling oil would trip over a pink mass that lay slumped in front of the Cake Vault and narrowly avoid a visit by OSHA by regaining their balance in the nick of time.

One of the unicorns that was dicing parsley looked from the pink blob to his nearby companion who was cubing some (simulated) beef tenderloin.

“Hey, Olive?”

The other pony glanced over.

“Yeah, Grease?”

“What's with the pony over there?”

He pointed his knife at the catatonic pink pony lying on the ground, a small amount of drool dripped from her open mouth.

Olive shrugged.

“I don't know. She came in her earlier, said she was that new Regent's 'Taste Tester', and immediately went for the Cake Vault.”

“Is she alright?”

Olive smirked.

“She's fine. I think that triple layer, chocolate mousse and whipped cream covered cheesecake that they made earlier might have overwhelmed her.”

“Was that the one stuffed with an inner cavity of nougat and Bamarian cream?

“Yep.”

“Oh.”

The pink pony gurgled.

Dash pushed her solution.

“So why don't you drag them here and give them a good ol' verbal beat down?”

She bobbed and weaved like a boxer to emphasis her point.

Solar Flare stepped in to quash her proposal.

“I'm afraid that would be a very bad idea.”

“Why?”

“For starters, just picture the situation: a major national newspaper says something critical of the newly instated Regency—which arguably holds more power than the Diarchy did—and are immediately summoned to answer for it. Can you think of the implications that would give everypony?”

Rarity eyes widened in realization.

“So this is a PR move then?”

Flare flashed a smirk.

“Precisely. Subtlety is the name of the game when dealing with the media. Too overt, and they'll run front page headlines. Too subtle, and they'll simply ignore it.”

Dash wasn't happy with the less-than-forceful technique espoused by Flare.

“What does that even mean? That'll never work.”

“What it means, is, after we announce our strong disapproval for the article, the Ministry of Royal Affairs is going to cease approving press badges for the Times, due to the Office of the High Overseer initiating a 'thorough' review of their credentials, as per the Accurate News Reporting Act. Such a shame those reviews get scheduled like this. One could almost say it's deliberate. It's amazing how quickly retractions are printed when one of those reviews comes up.”

Twilight winced.

“Doesn't that seem kind of...dirty?”

“Dealing with the media is a dirty job, Lady Regent, but somepony has to do it.”

The purple alicorn breathed a small sigh of relief.

“At least that takes care of them. But don't think that lets you two off the hook. If either of you think the Ministry of Finance is going to fork over fifty thousand bits for you to lounge around the castle, you're mistaken.”

Both Dash and Rarity rolled their eyes.

“C'mon, Twi. You think we'd take advantage of Equestria like that?”

Rarity nodded in agreement.

Twilight brightened.

“Good. And I expect you guys to actually advise me when I need it.”

Dash saluted.

“You can count on us.”

“Now that that business is settled, what's next?”

Solar Flare nodded to the two guards, who trotted out of the room.

“Paperwork.”

A beeping noise was heard from outside of the Throne Room. Shortly thereafter, a brown earth pony wearing a hardhat with a red light flashing on top of it walked in. Behind him, a pallet stacked with paper and wrapped in shrink wrap was wheeled in by the two guards. A sign on the shrink-wrap read “Ministry of Finance Documentation For 12/29/02-1/2/03”.

Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow stared in shock as they walked up to the large package.

Flare sighed.

“Unfortunately, before they left, the Princesses neglected their paperwork filings. All Ministries are two days behind and it's urgent that you begin to address these filings as soon as possible, lest we find ourselves in another Great Canterlot Paper Cut Pandemic.”

Twilight's eyelid twitched as she inspected the thousands of pages of documents.

“Oh, and before I forget, Princess Celestia instructed me to hand you this.”

Flare levitated over to Twilight an envelope. She opened it, removed the letter inside, and read it.

Dear Twilight,

Being a Princess and leader of the pony world isn't always about eating cake, relaxing in front of the fireplace, and ~~teasing Luna~~ ~~rolling around in piles of bits~~ visiting hospitals. There's mind numbing bureaucracies that must be navigated. Papers signed. And nobility tactfully dealt with.

Now you can see why we're on vacation. Have fun doing all our work while we relax at the beach.

--Celestia --Her Royal Highness, the Diarch of the Moon, Luna

~~Luna! This is an informal letter. There's no need for all those silly titles. Why do you think I wrote the smiley face on it?~~

Twilight snorted.

'I hope they get sunburns.'

She looked up from the letter.

“At least I have my friends to—”

Where Dash and Rarity once stood, there were only two small, dissipating puffs of dust.

'Them too.'

**********

A white earth pony, an armored green pegasus, and a tan unicorn all galloped as fast as they could toward the Throne Room. They all wore saddlebags that were stuffed with paperwork.

The unicorn was particularly irate.

“I can't believe this!”

The earth pony looked over.

“Just settle down, Moot.”

“Why should I settle down? The Canterlot Archives was only notified an hour ago that this was going on.”

The pegasus rolled her eyes.

“You had an hour? The Guard was asked to do this twenty minutes ago.”

“I don't want to hear it, Colonel. The NDC's known about this Regency for months. Why else would Flight Deck be rubbing noses with the Arcane Magic Council for weeks?”

The pegasus snorted.

“Whatever the good admiral's been doing hardly has anything to do with the Royal Guard. Ever since she got back from her vacation to Griffia-Minotaury, she's been distancing the Navy from the rest of the armed forces. It's got both Captain Maneuver and Captain Spitfire quite upset.”

It was Moot's turn to roll his eyes.

“Inter-service rivalries, no wonder we have to rely on the Elements to save us all the time.”

“Can you two knock it off. We're here.”

Sure enough, they arrived at the double doors and were let in by the two guards.

Standing and sitting around were a number of ponies. Several carts stacked with paperwork and the Code of Laws of the Principality of Equestria littered the room. In the middle of all the disorganization, talking with an overweight earth pony, was High Overseer Solar Flare.

Moot angrily approached the pink unicorn.

“Overseer, what is going on and what's so important that your office had to cast a shadow of panic over the Archives?”

Flare turned to Moot from the earth pony.

“Ah, Administrator. The Lady Regent requires you and your companions services.”

“What for?”

“To advise her during Dusk Court. Let's wait for the Lady Regent to arrive and then we can get everypony organized. Now if you'll excuse me, I must talk with the team from the Ministry of Justice.”

Flare walked away, leaving Moot standing in the middle of the chaotic room. The white earth pony approached him.

“See? Just calm down and everything will work out.”

“After that fiasco with the Canterlot Times, I don't want any trouble. That means—” Twilight's gaze fell on Pinkie, “no insane antics,” the party pony deflated slightly as she next looked at Rarity, “no melodramatic escapades,” the fashionista wrinkled her nose while Twilight affixed her eyes on Dash, “and no tempers. Got it?”

Rarity, Pinkie, and Dash all nodded.

Twilight smiled.

“Great, now—”

“Twilight?”

The Lady Regent's smile fell.

“Yes, Pinkie?”

“I'm here,” a pink hoof was raised, “and you're here,” another hoof went up, “and Dashie's here,” a third hoof popped up, “and Rare's is here,” a final fourth hoof was in the air, “But where's Spike?” The four raised hooves all made shrugging gestures.

The two guards on either side of the Throne Room's door stared wide eyed at the pink pony's shenanigans.

“He's been busy helping the Royal Mail Service become more efficient. I couldn't believe how big of a deficit they run. Just imagine what could happen if his Dragonfire could be used.”

“And so, Mr. Spike, that completes our seven hour tour of the Canterlot Mail Processing and Distribution Center. Do you have any questions?”

All around the silver pegasus and dragon, tables lined every square foot of the facility. Dreary mail workers who looked like they had had a run in with Discord sat behind the tables, sorting many piles of letters, scrolls, and ads into bins. Overhead, the dull, lifeless light that the magical crystals provided seemed to sap what little energy the large room had.

“Guuggghhhee.”

Postmaster General Lickety Split looked back.

“Mr. Spike, are you alright?”

“Rrrgguuuhhhack.”

“He'll be back later tonight.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Now, let's get this Dusk Court going. I can't wait to see how organized and neat Solar Flare has it.”

Twilight nodded to the two guards, who, still eying Pinkie cautiously, opened the door and let the four in.

Inside, papers were scattered about. Several groups of ponies argued with each other while a goose had somehow made its way in through an open window and was being chased by two pegasi while upbeat, high tempo saxophone music played in the background on a radio.

“Yippee!”

Pinkie joined in the pursuit of the goose.

Solar Flare poked his head out from a pile of Equestrian Code books.

“Ah, Lady Regent. I'm glad you're here.”

Twilight gazed at the disorganized mess. Her right eyelid twitched.

Flare was able to carefully extract himself from the pile and made his way over to the purple alicorn.

“We can now get started.”

“Get started?! Flare, this place is a mess. Dusk Court's supposed to start in—” she gasped, “forty minutes!”

Flare glanced up at the clock.

“Actually, thirty-four minutes. That clock's six minutes slow.”

A few strands of Twilight's mane popped up.

“That's just great. Fabulous. Who's gonna be first to see this mess, the ambassador from Canissia—no, wait. It'll be a camera crew for S-SPAN broadcasting live, won't it?”

Flare levitated a clipboard from beneath a pile of scrolls and looked at it.

“Actually, the first petitioner will be Money Talks, CEO of the Equestrian Public Employees’ Pension Fund, but we'll get to that shortly. The ponies you see here are some of the Day and Night Courts' staffers.” he looked to the assembled ponies, “Please, introduce yourselves.”

Moot was first.

“My name is Moot Point, Administrator of the Canterlot Archives. I, along with the staff of the Archives, will be available to provide any documents, books, or letters that you may need to render your decisions.”

The green pegasus mare was next.

“And my name is Colonel Active Duty, Commander of the Third Battalion of the Royal Guard. I will act as not only the head of security during the Dusk Court, but will also act as liaison officer between the National Defense Council and the Court, providing you with military advice and intelligence reports when a Night Guard officer is unable to.”

A light gray pegasus, sitting amongst several other ponies cleared his throat to speak.

“I am Cloudy Skies, Solicitor General of Equestria. With the High Court having completed its session, I, and my team, will represent the Ministry of Justice on all legal matters that you need clarification on.”

The white earth pony snapped a book on the history of bean production shut and looked to Twilight.

“My name is Purple Satin, Minister of Royal Affairs. The Ministry of Royal Affairs is here to assist you in governmental management and matters relating to the nobility.”

Finally, a balding, fat earth pony addressed Twilight.

“And my name is Powdered Wig, Clerk of Parliament and Chief Executive.” he gestured to the ponies around him, “These staffers, along with myself, will provide advice and counsel on issues regarding upcoming legislation and Parliament.”

Flare looked to Rarity and Dash.

“There's also your Advisers.” he flipped a piece of paper over on the clipboard, “Rainbow Dash, Adviser of—” he squinted his eyes, “Coolness?”

Twilight sent a glare in Dash's direction. Rainbow could only grin sheepishly.

'This is what I get for letting them choose their titles.'

“Then you have—” he paused for a moment to look at the text, “Madam Rarity de Ponyvilla, Esq., Adviser of Royal Etiquette and Fashion.”

Rarity let out a squeak as the purple alicorn's gaze landed on her.

'...and their names.'

“Finally, there's Pinkie Pie, Adviser of Entertainment.”

'Seriously? Pinkie's the one that actually comes up with a normal title?'

Twilight cleared her throat.

“Alright, let's clear this up before there's another news article. By Royal Proclamation, I declare Rainbow Dash the Adviser of Flight; Miss Rarity—with none of those silly titles—the Adviser of Royal Etiquette and Fashion; and Pinkie is to remain in status quo.”

Flare finished jotting down the Decree onto a piece of parchment.

“Right away, Lady Regent. The Office of the High Overseer will certify the Decree and submit it to the Ministry of Justice for final approval.”

Twilight smiled lightly.

“Very good.”

Having been distracted by the introductions, it was then that she noticed the pursuit of the goose was still in progress. Now, four pegasi—two of whom were Royal Guardstallions—a unicorn, and Pinkie were chasing the goose around the Throne Room. Somehow, they weaved in between the bags of books, stacks of scrolls, and masses of maps like threads being weaved into a quilt. Twilight had had enough of the tomfoolery. She grabbed the fleeing goose with her telekinesis and held it in front of her like a prize.

“If that's everything, then. We have a Throne Room to get clean for the first session of Dusk Court.”

Everypony nodded to the Regent and got to work cleaning up and organizing the room.

Twilight fluffed the pillow she was sitting on.

“So how's this going to work?”

Solar Flare looked up from the clipboard he was holding.

“I'll call in the first petitioner. They'll make their request, you'll render your verdict, and we repeat a couple dozen times until court concludes. The Court Staff are standing by to field any questions or requests you have regarding the petitioner’s request.”

Twilight looked down. Facing her, sitting at several tables that had been dressed up with the finest tablecloths and candlesticks, were the ponies that made up her Court Staff. Purple Satin, Cloudy Skies, Moot Point, and Active Duty sat amongst their group of staffers. Folders, binders, and books lay scattered atop the tables and on several carts next to them.

“But, Princess Celestia never had thirty ponies sitting in front of her to help her with her decisions.”

Flare nodded.

“That's true, but Her Majesty also had a thousand years to memorize Equestria's laws and politics. You've had a crash course of four months.”

“Yeah, I guess so, but what happens if I get a hard question o-or something complex?”

“Then do what the princesses do and say you lack jurisdiction and you'll refer the matter to Parliament for consideration.”

“Ethical questions?”

“Refer the matter to Parliament.”

“Social?”

“Parliament.”

“What if somepony says something really offensive, like calling Earth Ponies 'mud ponies'?”

“In that case you hit them with this.”

He picked up a golden sceptre from behind the throne and gave it to Twilight. She noticed the gold rod was bent and dented in places.

“What happened to it?”

Flare smiled.

“Blueblood had a tendency to run his mouth during sessions of the Day Court.”

Twilight stifled a laugh.

“Well, let's get started.”

“Very well, Lady Regent.”

Solar Flare looked down at the sign in list.

“Your first petitioner is Money Talks, CEO of the Equestrian Public Employees’ Pension Fund.”

Twilight looked over.

“Pension fund?”

“Yes, they handle the retirement accounts and pensions of most of Equestria's government employees. As a result, they're quite big.”

“How big?”

A statistician that sat at one of the tables spoke up.

“They control 384.68 billion bits worth of pensions.”

Twilight's jaw dropped.

“Billion?!”

Powdered Wig shoved one last deep fried chocolate cupcake into his mouth before he grabbed a piece of paper from one of the secretaries and cleared his throat.

“Yes, billion. And I believe I know why she's here.”

“Why?”

“The EPEPF holds a majority stake in the Manehatten Chemical Company, and our records show they've just been fined ten million bits by the Ministry of the Interior for failing to clean up several waste dumping sites.”

“So she's going to want me to what, void the fines? Can I even do that?”

Flare finished scribbling something on the sign in list.

“Absolutely. As Regent, you hold just as much power as either of the princesses—some would say even more, as you have direct control over both the Royal and Night Guards. Your decisions here are binding and can only be overruled by the High Court—which is rare.”

“How rare?”

It was Cloudy Skies turn to speak.

“Over the last fifty years, the High Court has only overruled the Day Court on five occasions. It's overruled the Night Court thirty-eight times, but that was mainly due to Princess Luna's lack of knowledge of modern law. I mean, ordering a unicorn thief's horn chopped off? Yikes.”

'And she wondered why she had a popularity problem.'

“Well, let her in.”

Solar Flare cleared his throat.

“Presenting: Miss Money Talks, CEO of the Equestrian Public Employees’ Pension Fund.”

The doors opened and a white earth pony mare wearing a necklace walked in. Her mane was done in a bun and she carried several folders in a saddlebag that was slung over her back.

She bowed.

“Good evening, Lady Regent. The EPEPF is honored that you will hear our petition.”

Twilight looked at her nervously.

“Please state it.”

Talks nodded.

“The EPEPF is Equestria's largest pension fund. We secure the monies for over two and a half million ponies who need it once they retire. Unfortunately, one of the businesses we have invested those ponies hard earned bits in has incurred some governmental fees that not only will hamper business operations but put in jeopardy our investment in that company, Manehatten Chemical. We are requesting that you either void the fees, or, at the very least, reduce them to limit the monetary impact they will have on the Fund.”

Twilight bit her lip.

“I'm sorry, Miss Talks, but I can't void or reduce the fees. The Manehatten Chemical Company hasn't complied with governmental mandate. To void or lower the fees would—would embolden other companies to also ignore governmental mandates. I would suggest talking with the management at the company to avoid future penalties.”

“Is there nothing we can do to persuade you, Lady Regent?”

“I'm afraid not.”

Money Talks sighed, before smiling.

“It was worth a shot.”

Twilight was surprised.

“You're not angry?”

“Of course I am, with Manehatten Chemical's Compliance Department. They should have never let this happen.”

“I'm sorry you wasted a trip.”

“It's never a waste to see the Diar—err, Regency. Plus, I get to have a bit of a vacation. Thank you for your time.”

“Oh, you're welcome.”

Money Talks bowed briefly before leaving.

Twilight looked over to Flare.

“That went a lot better than I thought it would.”

“You will find out that corporate representatives are extremely easy to work with. The nobility or government representatives on the other hand...”

Twilight shifted positions on her cushion.

“Let's hope the next one is just as pleasant.”

*********

“Your next petitioner is Brain Gold, President and CEO of Haysbro Inc.”

Twilight sighed.

“Another CEO? Where's all the farmers needing agriculture reform? Or the desperate citizens who can't pay their taxes? Or the poor old widow who's valiantly but futilely fighting the corrupt land developer?”

Again, Flare scribbled something down.

“Probably farming, being audited, and too busy getting crushed by bureaucratic red tape, respectively.”

“What?”

“It takes four weeks to get approval from the Office of the High Overseer to petition the Court. After that, the Royal Guard spends three to ten weeks preforming a background check to make sure no would-be assassin is trying anything. Then the Arcane Magic Council must clear the petitioner to ensure they aren't trying to corrupt or mind control you. After that, the petitioner then must wait in a queue to be called before the Court to air their grievance. Only those with the time—and money—to go through all that can see you.”

The purple alicorn deflated.

“That's terrible! I thought the whole point of this was for the common people to be able to air their distresses and problems to the Princesses so that we can get a better understanding of the problems facing Equestria.”

“And Parliament was a way for the citizens to achieve fair representation and look what's happened. Like it or not, this is the current state things are in, Lady Regent.”

Twilight looked down at the floor sullenly.

“Did you know, Lady Regent, that the Regencies have historically been a time for reforms?”

The purple alicorn looked up.

“Really?”

“Oh yes. Lord Regent Power Hungry—who, coincidentally, never lived up to his name—the previous one, was able to balance the budget by reforming the tax code. Before that, the Royal Guard had a makeover and corrupt generals were sacked.”

She smiled.

“Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. Now, let's see what Mr. Gold wants.”

“Presenting: Brain Gold, President and CEO of Haysbro, Inc.”

A blond maned unicorn wearing a business suit walked in to the throne room and bowed briefly.

“Good evening, Lady Regent.”

Twilight looked down at the businessstallion.

“Good evening, Mr. Gold. What is your petition this evening?”

“As I'm sure you know, Haybro prides itself as a leader in foal toys. One of our most popular toys is the 'My Little Pony' line. Since 935, Haysbro and the Diarchy have forged a close licensing relationship. We're proud to be able to sell life-like dolls of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance. Today, on behalf of Haysbro, I'd like to extend that licensing relationship to you, Lady Regent, as well.”

Twilight thought for a moment.

“So, you want to make toys of me?”

“That would be correct. I even brought a prototype that our engineers have designed.”

Brain Gold whipped out a small, purple plastic toy from an undisclosed location and levitated it to Twilight. She looked over the plastic toy. Strands of synthetic fabric were bundled to form its purple mane and tail. Several screw holes could be seen. It's wings were transparent and changeling-like.

She looked back down at the eager unicorn executive.

“It's mane's completely wrong.”

“Uh, yes. Well, unfortunately, current technologies limit our ability to accurately replicate the proper mane style. However, the molded toys will have a much more realistic style.”

“And the wings are wrong.”

Gold shifted awkwardly.

“Our research shows young foals, especially the unicorns and earth ponies, love the flutterwing style as it would be the kind they'd be able to use via a Flutterwing Spell.”

“I...guess I can do it. Especially if it means the young foals will be able to play with me.” her face brightened, “It could even have its own notebook and quill!”

“Excellent. There's just one more thing.”

“What?”

“That toy will have a small magical enchantment in it that talks. If you'd be kind enough to lend your voice, we can record the lines right now and get the unicorns working on enchanting the first shipment this week.”

“Sure.”

“Great.”

Gold levitated over a piece of paper and a crystal.

“Just say the lines into the enchanting crystal and all we have to do is sign the licensing contract and foals everywhere will be able to enjoy Equestria's newest princess.”

Twilight looked down at the piece of paper and frowned before she turned the paper over and looked at its blank back.

“Did you give me the wrong sheet of paper?”

“Um, no, I don't think so. It should say 'Twilight Princess Lines' on the top.”

Her frown grew.

“But, these lines are horrible. 'Weeeeee, this is so much fun'? 'Let's fly together, lift me up'? 'Can you believe I am now a princess'? Then there's this whole little song here. You couldn't have come up with better lines?”

Gold looked up nervously.

“Uh, our research has show—”

Twilight sighed.

“Yes, yes. That foals love the blah blah blah. If all that's true then my confidence in the next generation is growing weaker.”

Twilight looked at the crystal and then back to the pleading face of Gold.

“Fine. I'll do it, but that contract better have a lot of bits in it.”

**********

Rainbow had completed counting all the candlesticks in the Throne Room—this time, in base seven. She could now say there were one thousand and four of them. Slumping down in her chair, she let out a low, moaning sound. Rarity, alerted by the noise of a camel dying, looked over at the sedentary pegasus.

“Rainbow Dash! Sit up. I will not let you embarrass me before the entire Dusk Court.”

The white unicorn's harsh whisper got Dash to sit up from her slouching position. To her right, sat Pinkie, who was in the middle of a glaring contest with Powdered Wig. She looked to her left at Rarity.

“Is she still upset over the deep fried cupcakes?”

Rarity glanced at the pink pony with worry.

“I'm afraid so. I've tried to lighten her up, but you know how she can get around exotic baked goods.”

Rainbow's mind flashed back to the International Cream Horn Festival Pinkie dragged her to and the sticky, sugar and puff pastry laced horrors that were forever burned into her memory. She suppressed a shudder.

“Yeah, I know.”

Trying to purge her memories, she focused on the brown unicorn that was currently talking to Twilight.

“Who's that?”

“Well, if you were paying attention like a responsible Adviser, you'd know that that is Boom Barrier, Chairpony of the Central Equestrian Railroad. He's discussing new emissions standards for—”

Dash made several snoring noises. She was rewarded with a painful jab to the ribs.

“Rainbow! Must you act so uncivilized?”

“Oh, come on, Rarity. Like Twilight's ever going to actually use us in one of these Court decision thingies. We're here for moral support.”

Pinkie snapped her gaze from Wig and looked over.

“And to make sure the place isn't overrun with OC's.”

Dash and Rarity stared at the pink pony with befuddled expressions.

“OC's?”

A new voice quietly answered.

“Organizational Components.”

The two looked over at Solar Flare, who continued to scribble on his paper.

“What's that?”

“Basically, it's a technical term used by the Ministry of Finance for government employees. I'm surprised the Adviser of Entertainment knows it.”

“Yeah, how do you know it, Pinkie?”

Dash saw she wouldn't be getting an answer as Pinkie had resumed gazing at Powdered Wig.

She sighed, before deciding that paying attention to the conversation Twilight was having with Boom Barrier was more interesting than trying to calculate base 8.

“I think that's a fair agreement, don't you Mr. Barrier?”

Boom Barrier looked at the piece of paper that had a rough outline scribbled on it.

“I had been hoping the CER could get a permanent waiver, but reducing the trains emissions by ten percent is better than the original thirty percent the Transit Air Health Act provided. Plus, it's a much more attainable target that we can strive for.”

Twilight smiled.

“Excellent. Then my decision is final.”

Barrier bowed.

“Very good, Lady Regent. Thank you for addressing this issue.”

“No problem.”

Boom Barrier stood up and departed the Throne Room.

Flare signed the Royal Order and set it aside.

“Nicely handled, although the Lunar Party isn't going to be too happy. The Transit Air Health Act was one of their babies.”

“I'm all for cleaning up air pollution, but a thirty percent reduction in the next two years? That just isn't practical.”

“One thing you'll rapidly learn is that very rarely can anything Parliament passes be considered 'practical.'”

Twilight took a drink from her chalice.

“They can come petition me about it, then. Now, who's the next petitioner?”

Flare looked at the signup sheet.

“Your next petitioner is Magenta Stream, President of the Eleme—”

A ruckus in the hallway interrupted Flare. Twilight and her Court could hear a loud, muffled conversation.

“I demand you let me in!”

Powdered Wig's ears perked.

“Oh please no. Not her.”

The conversation continued.

“I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you're not on the sign in list. Only authorized petitioners may see the Lady Regent.”

“Haven't you seen my ID badge?”

“We can see that you're an MP, but that's irrelevant. Rules are rules, and even Parliament has to follow them.”

Despite two inches of solid oak, everypony in the Throne Room could hear the scoff.

“This is outrageous. Let me in.”

The sound of a struggle was heard before the Throne Room door burst open and a white unicorn wearing a monocle flopped in, two Royal Guards on top of her.

Colonel Active Duty stood.

“What is the meaning of this?”

Powdered Wig sighed.

“That would be Glass House, Chairpony of the Unicorn Caucus of Parliament.”

Twilight quickly recovered from her initial shock.

“Guards, please let her up.”

Duty looked over.

“But, Lady Regent! She intruded on a session of your Court. What if she were an assassin?”

“I appreciate your concern, Active Duty, but I doubt anypony would want to assassinate me. Now, let's see what she wants.”

The guards, still eyeing Glass House wearily, let her up. She scoffed once more as she dusted herself off and then approached the Throne.

Solar Flare was not amused.

“You better have a valid reason for interrupting Dusk Court, Glass House. Neither myself, nor the Office of the High Overseer, take kindly to unauthorized visitations during Court sessions.”

She stared flatly at him.

“My business does not concern you, Overseer. It concerns the Regent.”

Twilight's eyes widened slightly at the bitter tone she used.

“I will be blunt, to save your time, but especially mine. The Unicorn Caucus, made up of members of the most prestigious race in Equestria, is unhappy with your appointment. If you would give us your assurances that certain...issues will be addressed with a favorable outcome for the Caucus, it would greatly improve our confidence in you. Otherwise, the Caucus's already poor opinion of your leadership will further erode and we'll have no choice but to oppose that appointment in Parliament, to ensure the best for Equestria.”

Twilight giggled.

Glass House stared in shock.

“What?!”

The purple alicorn stopped giggling and looked at her.

“Oh, you're serious?”

Laughter erupted from the Regent.

“So, let me get this straight. You barge in to the Dusk Court. Demand I do as a small portion of Parliament says. And threaten to 'oppose' me if I don't?”

“Well...yes.”

“Next petitioner.”

“What!”

“I've determined that your request is laughable. Next petitioner.”

Glass narrowed her eyes.

“This is a flagrant offense against the—”

Flare stepped up.

“Miss House. Please vacate the Throne Room. The Lady Regent has rendered her verdict on your request.”

Glass House snarled.

“The Ministry of Royal Affairs does not have jurisdiction to order a member of Parliament to do—”

“Guards?”

The two guards grabbed her and hauled her out of the room.

“You've made a grievous error, Regent! You will rue the day!”

Rarity crinkled her nose.

“How melodramatic.”

Dash looked over with her mouth agape.

“You do see the irony in you calling somepony named Glass House melodramatic, don't you?”

The door shut and the room was silent. Twilight sighed lightly.

“What a nasty pony. How could anypony like her get elected?”

Powdered Wig took a swig of milk.

“Don't let their name deceive you, Lady Regent. The Unicorn Caucus is nothing more than a puppet of the nobility. Nine out of ten of them get most of their campaign money from wealthy aristocrats in exchange for votes.”

“Isn't that highly illegal?”

“Of course not. They're just private citizens exercising their constitutional rights to donate to whatever cause they wish, and the MP's are merely voting according to their constituents beliefs.”

Twilight frowned.

“Well then, bring in the next petitioner.”

**********

Twilight looked up from the ruby encrusted silver chalice that held her freshly melted mountain snow.

“Presenting: Magenta Stream, President of the Elements of Harmony Fan Club.”

“The what?”

The doors opened and a dark orange earth pony who wore a badge with the cutie marks of Twilight and her friends painted on it. The mare gazed excitedly at Twilight and then at the room.

She squealed.

“Oh, I can't believe I'm finally meeting Twilight Sparkle! It's like a dream come true.” she looked to the cutie mark banners that hung throughout the room, “And those banners! It's just like the climax of Fractured Harmony.”

Twilight stared dumbly.

“Fractured Harmony?”

Several murmurs of approval rang out from the staffers. Flare spoke up.

“Yes. A popular novel that was released about a year ago. In it, the 'Elements of Peace' are corrupted and launch a successful coup against the Princesses. Their leader, Element of Thaumaturgy Evening Shimmer, instills herself as Empress while a ragtag group of rebels attempt to fight the Imperial Guard and rescue Equestria from the forces of darkness. Personally, I found it a bit on the dark side, but Shimmer's fall from grace, and especially her defeat, was worth it.”

“Wha...”

Magenta couldn't contain her energy.

“It was awesome. Of course, the Elements of Harmony Fan Club knows you guys would never fall prey to the forces of evil—well, you might, what with the whole 'knowing dark magic' thing, but your friends would save you.”

Twilight's eye twitched.

“What's with everypony thinking I'm a hair away from becoming evil? First the changeling accusation in the press, then Luna with her 'Nightmare Dusk' prank. Now this novel. Is there some kind of Lunacy running around giving ponies these ideas that I don't know about? It's not like it's my destiny.”

Flare tried to calm her down.

“To be fair, the Elements are the subject of countless novels. Elemental Schism; Earth, Fire, Water, and Sky; The Twilight of the Sun; Destiny's End; The Unbound Canterlot Series; and need I mention...Friendships Are Forever.”

Several in the room shuddered.

“What's that about?”

“Let's just say it involves death, insanity, necromancy, and...intercourse.”

Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow, and Pinkie all paled. Twilight swallowed, trying to clear up her suddenly dry throat.

“Why haven't I heard of any of these books?”

Moot Point piped up.

“Princess Celestia felt that the Ponyville library already had a healthy fiction section and requested that the Canterlot Archives withhold the library's copies. We complied with the request.”

Twilight grunted.

“Now, Miss Stream, what is your petition?”

“I have so many questions, but I just have one really import one. When are you going to turn back into a unicorn?”

“I...won't? I mean, I don't even know how I became an alicorn—In fact, I should really look into that.”

Magenta was devastated.

“You...won't?! No, no, no, you don't understand. You have to!”

“Why? I mean, I'm more powerfu—”

“That's just it!” the earth pony wailed, “Everything's thrown off! You'll be able to use your magic to solve all the problems that befall the Elements now!”

“But I've only used my magic a few times to—”

“You've already had to move away from your friends and soon, you'll drift apart.”

“This is only temporary, until the vacation is—”

“Now, instead of a nice, balanced group, there's only one unicorn. There's no symmetry! You're the Elements of Harmony. How can you have harmony when there's only one unicorn now?”

“What does an even number of ponies have to do with—”

The earth pony blubbered on.

“And, worst of all, you'll live forever and be forced to watch as your friends grow old and die!”

“...”

Twilight looked down to avoid eye contact.

“I-I can assure you, Miss Stream, that n-none of that will happen.”

The orange earth pony still wore a worried look.

“I hope you're right, Your Majesty. Thank you for seeing me.”

With that, Magenta bowed once more and left the Throne Room.

Twilight continued to stare down at the floor for an awkward, completely silent minute before she spoke.

“I believe that's enough petitioners for one day. Court adjourned. Thank you all for your time today.”

Flare walked over.

“Is everything alright, Twilight?”

“Everything's going to be fine. You'll see. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some more paperwork to sign.”

The purple alicorn stood, and trotted out of the Throne Room.

Her three advisers stared after her retreating form with worry. None of them believed her assurances.

End of Chapter Two.

Author's Note

But McCarthy said she wouldn't outlive them! See this blog post, and while you're at it, check out the deleted scenes.

Fun fact: All of those novel titles but one are not also fanfic titles. My apologies to Strange Dandy for turning the title of his story into a parody of [Grimdark]s. I can't believe The Twilight of the Sun and Fractured Harmony aren't already fanfic titles. I call dibs.

Gotta say, the Glass House scene was rushed worse than Keep Calm and Flutter On's ending. Oh well.

Sorry for the long wait. Many of you already read other Twilicorn stories, so you should be used to Twilicorn stories taking forever to update *cough*Glim, I Wasn't Prepared For This, On Wing of Change and do I even mention Expectations? I give Rites of Ascension a break cause he's had some nasty intestinal problems recently.*cough* Now that school's almost up and I have the summer off, hopefully writing will pick up.

Diplomacy.

For copyright/disclaimer information, see Chapter One.

Version 1.1

Published 7/10/13

Chapter Three: Diplomacy.

The Canterlot Archives was considered by many to be one of the pinnacles of Equestria's educational system. The Archives had everything, from the seven million books, to the four million scrolls. It exclusively housed the Royal Library, home to not only the Princesses' personal books, but their letters and memoirs as well. There was the Restricted Access section, where all the dangerous Dark Magic materials, evil spells, and Luna's carrot casserole recipe were located. It was the envy of any librarian or bookworm and they'd pay a leg to get in.

“What does she see in all this?”

Dash crinkled her nose as she gazed at the shelves upon shelves of dusty encyclopedias.

Administrator Moot Point looked back.

“Now, Miss Dash, the Canterlot Archives is considered by many to be one of the pinnac—”

“Save your tour speech and just show us where Twilight is.”

Rarity huffed.

“Please, Rainbow. There's no need to be rude to the good Administrator.”

“I'm not being rude, I'm being forward.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow.

“Are you sure you don't mean froward?”

“Forward, froward. Tomato, tomato.”

Rarity, Moot, and Pinkie all giggled at Rainbow's misunderstanding.

“I must say, everypony at the Archives is concerned about the Lady Regent.”

Pinkie looked at him inquisitorially.

“Is it really true she's been here all night, and without any coffee cakes?”

“That it would. Not that it has ever been particularly unusual for her to do this. In the past, while studying for her magic finals, she spent a record fifty-eight hours here researching teleportation.”

Dash shuddered. She wasn't sure whether it was the thought of studying for finals, or of being in a massive library for two and a half days.

“A record, huh?”

“Oh yes. There was an official with a stopwatch and everything. She even got a plaque.”

“That's one record I don't think even I could beat.”

“As you can see, it isn't really that she's been here for fifteen hours, but that, combined with the whole immortality incident from yesterday, that has us concerned.”

Pinkie bounced along.

“Well don't you worry. We'll be sure to cheer Twilight up from the gloomy storm that has decided to big ol' gloomy downer on her.”

The four rounded another corner and entered an open circular area that was surrounded by bookcases. Soft padded chairs with stereotypical gray government upholstery rung the circle while several desks and chairs sat in the middle. At one of these desks were several stacks of books and scrolls. A purple horn could just be made out over the top of them.

Moot pointed to the desk.

“There she is. I'll leave you to it, then.”

With that, he walked away.

The three approached the purple alicorn with Dash leading the way.

“Twilight! What are you doing here?”

Twilight looked up from the twelve hundred page Health Institute of Equestria Medical and Ethical Guidelines, Vol. VII, Fifteenth Edition that lay in front of her.

“Guys? What are you doing here?”

“I asked you first.”

Twilight scooted back from the desk and stretched herself out. Several cringe inducing popping and cracking noises rang out as she twisted her body around.

“After what Magenta said yesterday, I decided to do a little research on alicorns and immortality.”

The three leaned in.

“And?”

Twilight sighed.

“Nothing.” she pointed to one stack of books, “I looked through a hundred and fifty years’ worth of The Journal of Runes and Rituals.” she looked over to another stack, “Every issue of Arcane Magic Quarterly.” she motioned to two other leather bound books that had strange emblems engraved in a red dye, “I even went to the Restricted Access section and read through the Arcanus E Draconus and the Oksh'egn Nuba'kryygwquo.” At the mention of the Oksh'egn Nuba'kryygwquo, a slimy black tentacle seeped out of it, only to be blasted by a burst of purple magic, causing it to yelp and slink back into the book.

Rarity looked back from the ancient tomes.

“You didn't find anything?”

Twilight put a hoof to her chin in thought.

“Well, if I ever want to turn the Princesses into fillies, or throw off the shackles and bondage of friendship and love that have been holding back my true power and claim my eternal throne so that I may cause my enemies endless suffering and agony, then I can, but as for figuring out immortality...” she blew a few raspberries.

Pinkie walked up next to Twilight, knocking a stack of magazines off the table in the process, and put a hoof around her neck.

“Don't worry, Twilight. You're the smartest po—well, second smarte—well, third smartest pony I know. You'll figure it out.”

“Third smartest? Behind the Princesses?”

Pinkie let go of Twilight and shook her head.

“Oh, no. There was my Great Uncle Play Dough, who mastered the art of almost every kind of bread imaginable—Sourdough, Rye, Wheat, you name it. Then there was my Triple Great Grandmother Rickety Knee who had the yummiest recipes ever. She never wrote them down and they were lost forever.”

“I see. Anyway, I've scheduled a meeting with the Arcane Magic Council next week. Maybe Archmage Morning Star and the other mages can shed some light on this immortality—and why I even became an alicorn for that matter.”

Rarity could hardly believe it.

“You still haven't figured that out?”

“Well, no.”

“But it's been months. I would have thought by now—”

Twilight pointed to her regalia.

“I've been a little busy lately.”

“Yes. I suppose running a country would take up most of your time.”

Twilight yawned loudly before smacking her lips.

“Oh my. I didn't think I was this tired. I'm going to put these books back, and then take a nap before Dusk Court.”

Twilight picked up the magazines Pinkie had dropped and stacked them back on the table. Just as she was about to stand up to leave with them, a fearsome voice rang out.

“Uh, Twilight? A little help?”

Distracted by her conversation, Twilight had forgotten to blast the black tentacle back. It had wrapped around Rainbow's thigh. Tendrils and wisps of smoke slowly spread throughout her backside. A set of fangs glistened in her mouth and one of her eyes was blood red.

Twilight leapt up, the magazines forgotten.

“I'm sorry, Dash! Hang on a second.”

**********

Twilight put a hoof to her forehead to try and stop the oncoming headache. She looked down at the eager behavioral psychologist.

“So let me get this straight. You want me to ban emergency services for twelve hours a year to allow ponies around Equestria a chance to vent their frustrations?”

The mare nodded.

“Oh yes—and it's called catharsis—the 'venting' as you call it, Lady Regent. There'd be countless benefits. A massively decreased unemployment rate, an extremely low crime rate, Happiness would flourish throughout the country.”

No matter how hard she massaged, the headache refused to abate.

“Equestria already has a four point five percent unemployment rate, and violent crimes are at thirty-four per one hundred thousand. I'm pretty sure everypony's happy.”

The mare's shoulders sagged.

“So, you won't approve our idea?”

“I'm sorry, but even if I did, Chief Justice Docket Number would nullify the Decree faster than it would take for me to sign it. Next petitioner.”

The mare solemnly left the throne room as Solar Flare belted out the next petitioner.

“Presenting: One Percent, Duchess of Vanhoover, Royal Eminence of the House of...”

The headache intensified.

Twilight and company walked down one of Canterlot Castle's many corridors.

“Ugh! I don't know how Celestia could do. Day in and day out, hearing the stupidest ideas possible.”

Rarity, Pinkie, and Dash all nodded from behind her.

“And then listening to those nobles drone on about how big of an ego they have!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Fifty bits says Night Court is what drove Luna to become Nightmare Moon. Because I'm starting to wish that Nightmare Night prank was real.” Twilight sighed, “Sorry, guys. I can't let it get to me this early. It's only been three days!”

Rarity looked at her with sympathy.

“It's quite alright. If the other nobles are anything like that airhead Blueblood, then I wouldn't blame you for turning into a nightmare. I probably would myself.”

“Still, I need to keep calm and not give in to the temptation to beat every noble over the head with the scepter the moment they haughtily trot into the throne room. And I know just the thing.” she turned around to face her friends, “Let's go out to eat.”

Rarity and Dash exchanged risen eyebrows.

“Go out to eat? As in a restaurant? Doesn't the castle have good enough grub?”

“The Royal Kitchen's more than adequate, but it's so...formal. Going out would be much more relaxing. Not to mention normal.”

Dash's skepticism remained.

“But don't you have to make arrangements in advance? Have the Royal Guard scout the place out and stuff?”

Twilight stared flatly at the pegasus.

“You're starting to sound like Active Duty. Nopony's going to try to assassinate me.”

'You really shouldn't have said that, considering your track record with tempting fate.'

“I know that. But I'm just advising you that it probably wouldn't be the best idea.”

Before they could continue the discussion, a grey earth pony ran down the hallway toward them, a frantic look in his eyes.

“Minister Worry Wort, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

“It's terrible, Lady Regent! Absolutely dreadful.”

Pinkie eyes gleamed.

“Better or worse than when Twilight grew wings?”

He panted slightly from the long run.

“Greater than or equal to!”

“Discord?”

He patted his damp head with a handkerchief.

“Marginally better but still catastrophic.”

“What about Nightmare Moon's return?”

He looked at her flatly.

“Nothing beats planetary extinction.”

“What abou—”

Twilight's headache threatened to return.

“Pinkie! Don't encourage him. Now, Minister. What is it?”

“It's horrible!”

The purple alicorn sighed.

“What's horrible?”

He shakily retrieved a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to Twilight.

“The HES Vengeance has docked at the Canterlot Aerodrome.”

Rarity didn't seem to worried.

“So? Airships land there all the time. Aside from the dreadful architecture there—seriously, a Baroque style terminal, while the rest is neoclassical? What were they thinking—I don't see any reason to be concerned.”

Twilight let the paper drop to the floor, her face mirroring Worry's horror.

“The Vengeance is the flagship of the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire's Royal Winged Air Force.”

“And?”

Worry Wort gulped.

“Newly crowned Emperor Red Cyclone is on board, and is requesting a meeting with the Lady Regent.”

“Twilight, open this door or so help me, I'll break it down.”

“Go away, Dash. I-I'm fine. I-I-I'm just freshening up. I'll b-be out in no ti-time.”

Rainbow banged on the solid oak door a few times.

“No! I know that tone. That's the 'I'm currently huddled in a fetal position brushing my tail' tone.”

Twilight stopped stroking her tail.

“I c-can assure you, Rainbow. Everything's fine. I mean, why wouldn't it be? I'm only meeting the head of Equestria's largest rival. Someone who's just finished winning a nasty civil war. A country that, thanks to said civil war, has a large supply of weapons and an embittered populace. A country that's had four wars with Equestria. A country that has only gone to those wars with Equestria when a Regent's been in power.” she took a large breath, “Why wouldn't everything be fine?”

Dash favehooved before turning to Pinkie.

“Got any suggestions, Pinkie?”

Pinkie scrunched her face up in thought briefly.

“You could try opening the door.”

Dash's face flashed with annoyance.

“Oh, yeah. 'Open the door.' That's a great idea.” she grabbed the doorknob and started turning it, “Why didn't I—” the door clicked and swung open.

Pinkie hopped through the open door while Dash struggled to close her jaw.

“Alrighty, Twilight. Time to go meet the big scary griffon king.”

Twilight's voice sounded out from the bed.

“Emperor, Pinkie, it's Emperor. The Griffo-Minotaurian Empire hasn't had a king since the Griffo-Canis Wa—” Twilight's head shot out from under the blanket, “How did you two get in here!”

“How do you think we got in here? Dashie opened the door, silly.”

“Opened the...door?”

'Seriously? You're forgetting to lock doors again?'

Dash, having successfully closed her jaw, walked into the room and stared flatly at the bed and the lump of sheets and blankets that lay on it.

“'Freshening up', huh?”

Twilight untangled herself from the linens and stood up.

“Fine. Fine. But if I accidentally start a war, don't yell at me when our vastly unprepared military gets beaten and we have to use guerrilla tactics to hold them off until the princesses come back.”

“I won't. Now hurry up. We still have to get Rarity.”

Twilight grabbed a comb and quickly worked to get her mane and tail neatly arranged.

“Rainbow Dash, I swear if you try and lay one of your filthy hooves on my ensemble one more time, you'll discover what my pincushions feel like.”

“We don't have time for this, Rarity. Pick a hat and let's go.”

Rarity levitated a straw hat with pink flowers woven into it onto her head.

“Uh! That looks dreadful.” She sat the hat back down and picked up and put on a floppy purple one, “Not as bad, but it doesn't match as well as the last one.” She next tried on a pink lace laden one, “Better, but it's missing that 'umph' it really needs.”

Twilight and Pinkie entered the room eight hats and two bonnets later. Dash lay on the ground, seemingly writhing in agony.

“What's wrong?”

Dash looked up.

“Twilight, please. You have to do something! And quickly, before that Emperor arrives.”

“That won't be a problem. I just spoke to Foreign Minister Casus Belli. It appears the Emperor's been tied up in an internal meeting and won't be here for a little while.”

Rarity was thrilled.

“Fantastic! That gives me time to change out of this dress. I threw it on at the last minute and haven't had time to match a thing.”

Dash's eye twitched but before she could snap, Twilight spoke up.

“You do know the griffons are a very pragmatic race, right Rarity?”

“And?”

“They're not too fond of elaborate elegancies. Why, legend has it when the griffon ambassador first saw Canterlot Castle all those years ago, he was greatly offended and the Empire nearly pulled out of the Baltimare Accords. If the new Emperor sees you in a big poofy dress, he might do more than just pull out of a trade agreement.”

Twilight resisted the temptation to babble on about the Empire declaring war and plunging Equestria into a grim dystopia.

Rarity frowned.

“I suppose I could wear one of my evening gowns instead.”

Twilight gave her a look.

“Okay, a cocktail dress, if I must.”

The look intensified.

“Not a house dress. That would be simply abominable.”

Twilight pointed to the pile of hat boxes that lay several feet away from Rarity.

“Only a hat!? You want me to run around in front of griffon royalty nude?”

Twilight nodded.

“I will be.”

Rarity scoffed.

“You're an alicorn. You're allowed to walk around naked.”

Pinkie decided to interrupt.

“But, Rarity. We're almost always naked.”

“Yes, but not in front of foreign dignitaries.”

Twilight sighed.

“No clothes. You can wear as fancy of a hat as you want, but everypony's going to be naked. Alright?”

Rarity scrunched up her face.

“Fine.”

Twilight smiled.

“Great. Red Cyclone and his delegation will be here within an hour so make sure you're down in the throne room before he gets here or the Honor Guard will lock you out.”

Dash looked over from the pile of hat boxes.

“Honor Guard?”

“Yes, the Honor Guard. They're the Royal Guard who wear the fur hats and red armor. They're only around for big events like foreign dignitaries visiting or when there's a state funeral.”

“Ah.”

“Now, I'll be in the throne room meeting with our diplomats and trying to make sure that we don't start a war. Don't be late.”

Twilight departed as Rarity beckoned Pinkie and Dash over to help her sort through the hats.

The two guards saluted as Twilight entered the throne room. Several maids were busy sweeping the floor and polishing the marble in one last cleaning frenzy before the arrival of Red Cyclone. In place of Twilight's cutie mark banners was draped a pair of flags, one of Equestria's and one of the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire's. The tables and chairs that hours earlier had sat Twilight's Dusk Court staff were packed away. In their place stood three ponies, Solar Flare at the front.

“Good evening, Lady Regent. Allow me to introduce you to our fellow delegates for this diplomatic meeting. Foreign Minister Casus Belli,” the light-green mare bowed slightly, “and Equestrian Ambassador to the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire Willful Echo.” he too bowed.

Twilight's eyebrows furrowed.

“But, if you're our ambassador to the griffons, why aren't you there?”

The blue stallion looked solemnly at Twilight.

“Sadly, we had to evacuate the embassy four months ago due to their civil war. While the situation wasn't all that severe, the Foreign Ministry didn't want to take any chances. With the situation stabilizing, I look forward to returning soon.”

Twilight smiled.

“That's good.”

Casus Belli handed Twilight a piece of paper with bullet points on it.

“Time is short, so I'll give you a short summary. The Griffo-Minotaurian Empire is a duel monarchy and union of the Griffon Empire and Kingdom of Minotaury. There are pretty much two of everything. Two High Courts. Two Parliaments. Two cabinets. Technically, there are two monarchies, but ever since the griffon takeover of Minotaury in 831, their monarchies have had the same king.”

Twilight read through the bullet points while Belli continued.

“The griffons are a proud and noble race, but they're also understanding, so don't worry about offending them. They're also very well known for their practicality. The minotaurs have a bit of a short fuse, but it takes certain things to light that fuse. Notable triggers include bread, sand, those little fuzzy things that get stuck to clothing, roses, and Canissians or any other member of the dog family.”

Twilight scoured the list.

“That's all well and good, but how aggressive are they?”

“Aggressive? Well, the last war between Equestria and the Empire was three hundred years ago—not counting the minor skirmishes and incidents that have occurred. We've had extremely friendly relations with them, Lady Regent.”

Twilight sighed lightly.

“So they're not here to declare war and invade?”

Belli seemed taken aback by the suggestion.

“Well, I—I don't think so. The Foreign Ministry knows little about Red Cyclone's motives. He was a Field Marshal and, I don't mean to be prejudicial, but his last name is Warhawk, so he could definitely try to push a militaristic agenda, but it's unlikely given the still fragile situation within the Empire.”

Ambassador Echo huffed.

“Unlikely? You mean impossible. I've lived in Viennaerie for close to two decades before we had to evacuate the embassy. Despite their depiction in media, the griffons are no more hostile or aggressive than any other species. Trust me, Lady Regent, if the Empire's going to war, it's going to be a very unpopular one back home.”

Twilight bit her lip.

“I hope so.”

The throne room doors grabbed their attention as Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity walked in. Twilight's eyes widened as she saw the massive hat that adorned Rarity's head.

“Rarity, what is that?”

She looked up.

“This, Twilight. This is a Manehatten Style Number Five. These hats are sweeping the eastern seaboard.” she touched one of the many feathers to realign it, “Once I saw it, I knew it was the hat to wear.”

“Fine.” Twilight turned to Flare, “Now, where do you want them to stand?”

He seemed agitated.

“Well, with due respect, Lady Regent, do you really think it would be wise for your Advisers to participate in this diplomatic meeting?”

“I don't see why not. They may not have a degree in diplomacy, but then, neither do I.”

Flare scratched the back of his head.

“I'm simply concerned about possible incidents that may occur and am trying to limit their likelihood.”

“It's not like they're some wild, untamed ponies, Flare. They know how to behave. Besides, what better way to show off our great country then by showing them the very ponies who embody our ideals?”

Dash stepped forward.

“Yeah, we're here for Twilight. Especially if that Emperor starts to act like he's got something to prove and I have to kick him in the teeth.”

If Ambassador Echo's eyes had bulged any further out of his head, they would have popped out.

Twilight grit her teeth.

“Not helping, Dash.”

Flare pretended to ignore Dash's statement.

“I understand, Lady Regent. Shall we prepare for the Emperor's arrival?”

Twilight glared at Dash.

“Yes, let's. Starting with how we're going to act in front of him.”

Two of the Honor Guard finished unfurling a long red carpet as Solar Flare cleared his throat.

“Presenting: Red Cyclone von Warhawk, Emperor of the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire, King of the Griffons, High Councilor of the Diet of Minotaury, Chief of the Armed Forces, and Eminence of the Warhawk family; before Twilight Sparkle—”

Dash leaned into Rarity.

“What are they having, a title war?”

“Regent of Equestria, Crown Princess of the Principality, Bearer of the Element of Magic, Commander of the Armed Forces, Chancellor of the Cities and Territories, and heir to the House of Sparkle.”

The Honor Guard snapped to attention and opened the throne room doors. Two minotaurs, wearing red uniforms and hats that rivaled the Honor Guard's in their color, fuzziness, and length marched in, ceremonial swords drawn. Behind them two griffons and another minotaur walked in. The two minotaur guards stopped and stood at either side of the red carpet. They raised their swords and the three others passed underneath. As the two griffons and minotaur arrived at in front of Twilight, the two guards sheathed their swords, pivoted towards the throne and stood at attention.

Twilight nervously looked at the three. The middle griffon wore a beautiful silver crown filled with an assortment of jewels. It had a golden crest on its front that showed a griffon and minotaur embracing. The minotaur wore a pair of glasses while the other griffon had nothing on whatsoever.

All three bowed lightly. The middle one stood.

“Good evening, Your Highness, as Emperor of the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire, allow me to be the first from our fair country to congratulate you on your crowning as Princess and Regent during the Celestial Diarchs' vacation.”

Twilight blushed.

“Ah, thank you. And—uh—allow me to be the first from Equestria to congratulate you on becoming Emperor.”

Cyclone smiled.

“We are honored by your thanks. Allow me to introduce you to the other delegates in our most fair party.” he gestured to the griffon, “This is Prime Minister Golden Eye of the Griffon Empire,” he then gestured to the minotaur, “and this is Prime Minister Delicate Balance of the Kingdom of Minotaury.”

Twilight shook their hands and paws.

“Prime Ministers.”

Her attention returned to Cyclone.

“My apologies for the sudden arrival. Ever since the civil unrest was peacefully ended, the Empire has made it a top priority to bolster relations with our key allies—especially with the upcoming Cosmic Council session later this summer in Mosclaw.”

Twilight nodded.

“Of course. Maintaining peaceful relations should be very important to any nation.”

“I also felt it was important to reinforce the Empire's current standing with Equestria.” Cyclone looked to Golden Eye, “From my understanding, the Empire's never had the best relations with Equestria while it was under a Regency and we wish to quell any fears that may exist about any malicious intentions on our part.”

Twilight resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief.

“Griffia-Minotaury has been at peace with Equestria for over a hundred years. While your civil wa—err, unrest, was concerning, we knew that the peaceful intentions that the Griffo-Minotaurian people would persevere.”

All three of the delegates smiled.

“We're glad that Equestria has faith in the Empire. Times have been very trying as of late. Not just because of the unrest. The Canissian Empire has been steadily becoming more aggressive and both the Germane Confederation and Saddle Arabia have struggled to check their growing dominance. Equestria should consider itself lucky that it sits alone on a continent and doesn't face so many potential adversaries.”

Twilight laughed lightly.

“I can assure you, Emperor, that we've had our share of problems lately. Equestria's had a long history, one that seems to have a habit of returning.”

Cyclone smiled.

“Old problems never do seem to leave, do they?”

“No, I guess they don't.”

Delicate Balance cleared his throat, causing Red Cyclone to briefly glance over.

“Ah, yes. Prime Minister Balance has never been a fan of 'small talk'. While the primary purpose of this meeting was to reassure every...pony, is it?” Twilight nodded, “We're here, so we might as well talk about some less than exciting, but no less important, matters—particularly relating to Article Forty-five of the Canterlot-Viennaerie Treaty.”

Twilight looked over to Foreign Minister Belli and Ambassador Willful Echo, who gave reassuring smiles. She ignored the horrified look on Rainbow's face and her mouthing of 'please no'.

“Uh, sure. Let's start.”

The throne room doors closed behind the Emperor and his delegation. Twilight slumped down in the throne and breathed a sigh of relief.

“That went great. I thought for sure they were going to do some saber rattling and be a gigantic headache.”

Foreign Minister Belli began to gather up paperwork.

“It really isn't surprising. It'll take months, maybe even years, to recover from that civil war. Red Cyclone just wanted to make sure that Equestria knew they didn't pose a threat. Considering how often the griffons have attacked during Regencies, I'm not that shocked that he'd want to send that message.”

Twilight took a drink from her chalice.

“It's just good knowing that there's one less headache to deal with.”

'Maybe this Regency isn't going to be so bad after all.'

**********

Two unicorns gazed out a large bay window into the dimly lit sky of Canterlot.

“What's taking her so long? Our meeting was supposed to be an hour ago.”

The male unicorn set down his wine glass onto the Bahia Rosewood table.

“Now, Glass, please settle down.”

Glass House scoffed.

“It's rude and disrespectful, Blueblood. Who schedules a meeting and then shows up an hour late?”

“She can show up as late as she feels like. What she is doing is unprecedented. Now, have some more wine and relax.”

Glass House grumbled something under her breath before telekinetically grabbing the wine and pouring another glass out.

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

A servant entered.

“Your Grace, Admiral Flight Deck has arrived.”

“Please show her in.”

The servant nodded before leaving.

“I still think this is a mistake.”

Blueblood glared at Glass.

“I'm not paying you to think. I'm paying you to run Parliament.”

The door opened once more. And in walked a blue mare and a white stallion. Both wore mess dress naval uniforms. Blueblood and Glass House stood to greet them.

“Good evening, Prince Blueblood.”

“Good evening, Fleet Admiral,” he looked to the stallion, “Commodore.”

The stallion nodded curtly. Flight glanced at the stallion.

“Please forgive Ludicrous Gibs. He's not the most talkative of the Brass.”

Blueblood motioned for the two to sit down on the nearby chairs.

“I see. I must say that I was quite astonished when you first scheduled a meeting. The military has never been one to involve itself in politics or the affairs of the nobility.”

Flight Deck sighed.

“Normally, we don't. Politics isn't a field any within the armed forces are keen on taking up, but we've grown increasingly concerned over the direction Equestria is going.”

Blueblood leaned in.

“While I'll freely admit things aren't going exactly the way I'd like them to, Equestria's in a golden age, Admiral. Our economy is flourishing. The populace is content. We have no enemies.”

Flight Deck interrupted.

“That, Your Grace, is where you are wrong. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis.”

Blueblood furrowed his brow while Glass House's face was the definition of confused.

“Chrysalis? Who's that?”

Flight Deck's eyes widened.

“I—uh—mean the Changeling Queen.” she paused momentarily, “My apologies, I forgot that not everypony was debriefed on her name.”

Blueblood nodded.

“Ah, yes. Those were threats—you could even go as far as to call them enemies—but they were quickly and effortlessly dealt with.”

“True as that may be, those problems weren't dealt with as effectively as the National Defense Council believes they could have been.”

Glass House snorted.

“They were all defeated within days. How more effective could that be?”

Flight Deck resisted the urge to glare at the parliamentarian. She instead politely looked at her.

“And how were those enemies defeated?”

“From what your predecessor at the NDC has said, the Elements of Harmony.”

“Do you know what the Elements are?”

Glass House shrugged.

“Fancy necklaces?”

Flight Deck grit her teeth.

“Ponies, Miss House. They're a group of six ponies. Five of whom will be dead in under two centuries. Do you see where I'm going?””

Neither Blueblood nor Glass House seemed to grasp the implications.

“Not quite.”

“The Princesses have placed all their eggs in one basket. A basket that will be worthless the moment one of those ponies die. I don't know if a thousand years has made them senile or bored, but this Element pet project of theirs is only going to end badly and they don't even realize it. They've invested so much time, effort, and faith in it, that they even thought Discord could be saved by them. Discord. The creature that was only barely contained by those very same Elements only a year ago.”

Glass House once again didn't quite get it.

“I'm sorry, Admiral, but I do not understand the point of this meeting. If it's to voice your displeasure with the Diarchy, then that is already well documented. I fail to see why that concerns us.”

Flight Deck sighed.

“I'll cut to the chase. The NDC has grown concerned in the way the Princesses are running things. Most of these enemies were caused directly from Princess Celestia's decisions. Nightmare Moon was Luna. Discord was the former ruler of the country. Botched foreign diplomacy caused the Changeling Kingdom to grow desperate. Not to mention she told nopony about any of these threats until they happened. How can you expect us to defend the county when we don't know what we're fighting until it's blowing up half of Canterlot!?”

Blueblood narrowed his eyes.

“What, exactly, are you proposing?”

Flight Deck nodded to Gibs, who reached into a saddlebag and pulled out a small stack of papers.

“The Princesses need to retire—forcefully, if necessary. While their rule over the country has been admirable, they've risked Equestria's future far too many times. It's clear that they've failed to properly consider all options and instead rely on a group of ponies to fix everything, a group of ponies that won't be around forever.”

Glass House's jaw had dropped.

“Are you absolutely insane?! Taking down a political opponent or even another country's leader is one thing, but taking on the Princesses?! That's a suicide plan!”

The gears in Blueblood's head were turning.

“Settle down, Glass. It's rude and very uncivil to interrupt a guest. Especially one with such an interesting plan.”

Glass scoffed, loudly.

“You can't be serious, Blueblood. You're actually considering this?”

He looked to her.

“You should know by now to keep all options open, Glass. Never burn a bridge unless you have to.” he looked back at Flight Deck, “Now, please continue.”

Flight Deck chuckled.

“I understand your skepticism, Miss House. While formidable, the Princesses are by no means invincible. Queen Chrysalis showed that much.”

Blueblood nodded.

“While this sounds interesting, if you don't have a plan, then all it is treasonous talk.”

Flight Deck held up the papers with a wing.

“The plan is fairly straightforward but we need to act quickly. First, I'll build support within the armed forces, a process that's already begun. Then, we'll need to cause some unrest before we assassinate the Lady Regent, indirectly. As important as the Elements are, getting rid of one of the alicorns would prove extremely beneficial. Once that's done and panic starts, the NDC will move in to take over. No doubt, the Princesses will return to try and deal with the crisis and that's when we take them out and establish the new government.”

Glass House had grown somewhat skittish.

“Then why bring us into it? Surely the military can handle this?”

“If the coup is to be successful, I need the support of the nobility to help ease any tensions while we reorganize the government. As I mentioned before, we're good at war, not politics. In order to get the ball rolling, we need some sort of unrest to help cast suspicion away from us while I prepare the armed forces.”

“I see.”

Flight Deck looked at Blueblood.

“So what do you say, Your Grace? Would you like to participate in saving Equestria once and for all and assuring that we never have to fight another of the Princesses' foes ill prepared again?”

Blueblood thought for a minute.

“I believe such an arrangement would prove most beneficial.”

Glass House could hardly grasp what she was hearing.

“I can't believe we're actually doing this.”

Flight Deck ignored Glass House and smiled.

“Very good. I had a feeling the nobility would accept. Now, if you have some plan that could help destabilize the Regency, it would greatly aid in the opening stages of the plan.”

Both Blueblood and Glass House began laughing.

“What? What's so funny?”

Blueblood stifled his remaining laughter.

“You have impeccable timing, Admiral. We were already in the midst of planning a 'protest' against the Regency.” he stomped a hoof onto the table, a fire in his eyes, “I should have been Regent, not Aunty's perfect little student who's been handed everything on a silver platter her whole life.”

Flight Deck and Ludicrous Gibs exchanged glances.

“I'm going—well, was going—to show Aunty just how ill equipped her student is at being royalty.”

Glass House nudged Blueblood.

“I believe you mean 'we'? If that little ingrate thinks she can show up the Unicorn Caucus—and, more importantly, the Caucus's leader—then she's sorely mistaken.” she added with a whisper nopony could hear, “As are you for agreeing to this.”

Flight Deck smiled.

“Excellent. What is your plan, then?”

Glass House levitated over a stack of bound papers.

“The National Budget Act of 1003 is due to come before Parliament in a few weeks. If I can assemble a broad enough coalition, we can vote it down.”

Flight Deck's face flashed with confusion.

“And that would be beneficial because...”

Glass huffed in annoyance.

“The National Budget Act is a supply bill. Equestria uses the Westphalianminster system of government. If Parliament fails to approve a supply bill, it acts as a de facto vote of no confidence in the government. Under the constitution, the Lady Regent will have to dissolve Parliament and her Cabinet and declare a new round of elections. It'll cause a government collapse.”

Blueblood smiled deviously.

“Not just a government collapse. The constitution doesn't address what happens if a regent is in charge during such a collapse. It could very well trigger a constitutional crisis.”

Flight Deck also grinned.

“I see. That would definitely do the trick. The question is, can you pull it off?”

Glass shrugged.

“I don't yet know. The Everfree Coalition, being the bunch of crazy 'small government' loons that they are, will vote for anything if it means stopping our 'out of control spending'. The Lunar Party would balk at a government shutdown—especially if it meant all of their precious welfare programs got shut down, but I could convince some of their more radical members to help. The Solar Party's in a similar boat as the Lunar, and with businessponies having the entire party in their back pocket, there's no way they'd go for a shutdown. Again, their more radical members would jump at the opportunely to help.”

Flight Deck looked at Glass House.

“My, my, such caustic words. But I thought you were a member of the Solar Party?”

Glass gave a toothy grin.

“Admiral, I'm a member of whatever party gets me the most votes and the most power. Currently, that happens to be the Solar Party.”

Flight Deck chuckled.

“I never realized just how cut throat politics were. Maybe I was mistaken to believe that coldhearted, brutal soldiers couldn't participate. I do apologize for ending this meeting abruptly, but duty calls. I look forward to working with the nobility.”

Blueblood smiled.

“As do we, Admiral.”

Flight Deck and Ludicrous Gibs stood, exchanged pleasantries with Blueblood and Glass House and departed.

As soon as she could confirm the two were out of earshot, Glass glared at Blueblood.

“I can't believe we're doing this. It's a horrid idea.” she grumbled.

“And that, dear Glass, is why you must constantly come to me for help. You lack the ambition and foresight to accomplish anything of importance. Admiral Flight Deck represents the best opportunely the nobility's had in hundreds of years to reclaim some of our power.”

“I don't see how. Her little coup plan, while cute, is guaranteed to fail when the Princesses return. Changeling Queen, she's not.”

Blueblood eyed his glass of wine.

“And again, you fail to see the whole picture. Of course Aunty will mop up any pitiful attempts she may make, but who will be the ones that can say they were able to infiltrate and help thwart the coup from the inside when neither that precious student or her friends could?”

Glass's eyes lit with realization.

“And when we show what we've done, the nobility will be hailed for its efforts.”

Blueblood returned his gaze to the window, and the nighttime scenery of Canterlot.

“Precisely. My ancestors were far too ambitious with their attempts and it cost them a chamber of Parliament. If we move too quickly, Aunty will merely check our advances as coldly and brutally as she did all those years ago. We must chip away slowly to regain power, not try to grab it all at once. Flight Deck's little coup may fail, but our attempts to reclaim power and prestige most certainly will not.”

Blueblood took one last sip from his wineglass.

End of Chapter Three

Author's Note

Hey, it updated. Unbelievable, I know. With me being on summer vacation from college, I don't have an excuse. The lack of an update was simply due to a lack of desire to work on the story. Hopefully, that won't happen too often. Strangely, it seems I'm more motivated when in college.

And so, the Griffons make their first appearance after first being referenced in Ascend's very first chapter. You will never know how much of a pain it was to find a bird pun for “Vienna.”

I've never been a fan of the Klingon!Griffon Empire fanon that is constantly invading Equestria and trying to conquer it, so don't expect them to invade any time soon. Even though the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire will be just as crushed by canon as it's Austro-Hungarian counterpart was by the Russians, I still love it to death.

Unfortunately, Regent may be getting the hiatus tag in the near future. This is due to my aunt—who's always been very close to me—having terminal lung cancer and being in a downward spiral, health wise. My mother's mental health could take a beating from her death as well because of how close they were when she was growing up. Needless to say, it's not a great situation.

The hiatus, if there even is one, will probably only be for a month at most (depending on how my mom takes her death). Chapter Four could very well be finished quicker than Three was.

Don't forget about the deleted scenes for the chapter either.

I just know the downfall of this story's going to be trying to blend comedy and drama.

There was a very large hint (well, I think it's big, considering how subtle I've been up until now) dropped as to Regent's big twist. Can you guess what it is?

Arcana.

For copyright/disclaimer information, see Chapter One.

Version 1.0

Published 8/18/13

Chapter Four: Arcana.

“Oh, man. What a day.”

Twilight closed the door to her room and walked in. She removed her regalia and placed it on the dresser next to her bed.

“I still don't know how the Princess Celestia did all this for a thousand years.”

“Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up.”

Twilight jumped and her wings shot up.

“Gah!”

She hastily turned around to see Spike sitting on a chair on the opposite side of her bed.

“Spike! Don't do that. I almost cast a random spell at you. I could have turned you into a dog or something.”

He only stared at her.

“Spike?”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Alright, what's wrong, Spike.”

He tossed his hands into the air.

“What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. Abandoning me to Postmaster General Lickity Split, to the tartarus that is the Royal Mail Service, to a fate worse than death.”

Twilight resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“Now, Spik—”

“It's practically child abuse. I should call Foal Protective Services on you. If I had half a mind, I'd go and stay with Fluttershy for a while.”

“Spike, don't be ridiculous. You wouldn't last five hours before you'd be planning Angel's murder. Besides, you're the one that wanted more responsibility.” Twilight smirked, “Especially to impress Rarity.”

He waved his hands.

“Oooohhhh nooo. You're not going to pull the Rarity card on this one. I bet you never even told her how responsible I was at managing the library.”

'He remembered that?!'

“Okay, okay, Spike. I'll admit that tossing you into the jowls of bureaucracy wasn't one of my better ideas, but you'll have to cut me some slack, okay? Running a country isn't the easiest thing to do.”

He rubbed the back of his head.

“It's not even really about the bureaucracy thing. It just—” he sighed, “Well, we never spend any time around each other anymore.”

Twilight climbed over her bed and hugged Spike.

“Aww, you miss me. I wish I could spend more time with you—and Rarity, Rainbow, and Pinkie for that matter—but this Regency thing really is busy. Why do you think the Princesses are on vacation in the first place?”

He pondered it for a second.

“I always thought it was to help prepare Equestria for their eventually permanent abdication.”

Twilight gasped.

“That's the silliest thing you've said all night. They'd never abandon Equestria.”

“Hey, you asked. If you meant it to be rhetorical, you should have phrased it better.”

Twilight snorted.

“I think the good Postmaster General needs some more help.”

“That's low, Twilight. Really low. 'Writing a spin-off to a popular story and then never finishing it' low.”

She grinned mockingly.

“Maybe I should just phrase it better.”

He glared.

“You're lucky I don't have a pillow near me or it'd be getting chucked right into your face.”

“What happened to missing me?”

He stared at her flatly.

“The Fluttershy option's looking more and more appealing.”

She chuckled.

“How bout I make it up to you? Things may be incredibly busy—especially with my meeting with the Arcane Magic Council in a few days—but that doesn't mean I couldn't use some extra help. How'd you like to be the Official Royal Pronouncier?”

He looked at her questionably.

“Pronouncier? Don't you mean 'Pronouncer'?”

“No, the 'i' is there intentionally. It makes it sound fancier, and sounding fancy is eighty percent of royal titles.”

“And what exactly does this 'Pronouncier' do?”

“Well, during Dusk Court, you'll be the one to proclaim who the next petitioner is.”

“But doesn't Solar Flare already do that?”

She looked down at him.

“Yes, but he won't mind giving it up. He already has many other things to do.”

“Alright. I accept your offer, Lady Regent.”

Twilight crinkled her nose.

“Ugh, please don't call me that. It's so annoying.”

He smirked.

“I'll keep that in mind...Lady Regent.”

Twilight put a hoof to her forehead.

'What have I done?'

She cast a sideways glance at him.

“I was going to see if I could make time in my schedule for some 'fun' time with you and the girls, but if I must be the Lady Regent, then I guess I'll just have to forget about it.”

He frantically gestured with his hands.

“Now, Twilight, let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's important to relax every once in a while, after all.”

She smiled.

“You're right. Who knows, we might even be able to play cards. It's been a while and my Rummy skills have gotten rusty.”

His eyes glistened.

“Could we?”

“We'll see. Now it's time for bed. As much as I'd like to spend tomorrow relaxing, the never ending grind of the Regency beckons.”

Twilight hopped into her silk sheet laden bed and began shuffling the pillows and blankets to get comfortable while Spike hopped into a much larger and ornate basket than he had in Ponyville.

“You know, Twilight. You're doing a great job so far.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I thought for sure after everything you went through becoming an alicorn, you'd snap the first day and turn Equestria into some kind of libraritopia or something.”

“Spike!”

**********

The Equestria Arcana Building was one of Canterlot's oldest and most revered. It was so old, that much of the city was constructed around it, and it found itself smack dab in the middle of one of the busiest sections of the city. Standing all around the ancient three story marble structure were much more modern and sleeker buildings that housed the headquarters for countless financial institutions and other businesses.

Scars potmarked the building's marble facade. Testament to what both it and the city had faced over the years. From changeling magic, to Griffon artillery had all attacked it without doing more than chipping or cracking the marble, for the Arcana Building had an ace up its sleeve. As it was home to the most powerful magicians in the country, over the years, it had absorbed some of that magic, making it neigh invulnerable, even to its own citizens. Just ask the teenagers who tried in vain to spray graffiti on its always pristine marble.

Twilight waved awkwardly at the pedestrians who were being kept a safe distance from her by the glares of the two Royal Guardstallions that were with her. She then looked up at the building's entrance. On either side of the steps sat two stone unicorns. In place of their eyes were pairs of rubies. She puzzlingly stared at the double oak doors, which had no knob or other opening mechanism.

Suddenly she was jolted by a deep voice from one of the stone ponies, whose eyes were glowing.

“Magical signature recognized: Twilight Sparkle. Enchantments recognized: Royal Guard. Clearance granted. Welcome to the Equestria Arcana Building, Element of Magic.”

The two doors creaked open and Twilight and her guards wearily entered.

The interior seemed somewhat cramped with wooden chairs and end tables lining the walls. Shelves full of what appeared to be junk that would be found at a flea market covered the walls. A well-worn wooden floor was covered by a number of rugs. Stuffed in one corner of the elongated room was a desk with a purple unicorn mare sitting behind it.

Twilight smiled and approached.

“Good morning. My name is Twilight Sparkle and I'm here for my scheduled meeting with the Arcane Magic Council.”

The mare looked up from the book she was reading.

“Ah, yes. Lady Regent. The Council is in their morning session. Open the door, go down the hallway to the third hallway, hang a right, go to the fourth door on the left, knock six times and then enter, that'll teleport you to the basement where you then have to go down the hallway to the fifth door on the left, making sure to grab the statue of the green dragon on the second shelf from the top that's next to the door before you enter. That'll teleport you right outside of the Council's chambers.

“Please ensure you don't have any Dark Magic artifacts on you or are currently being influenced by Dark Magic before you enter the chamber; otherwise, the fail-safe will kick in and the runes carved into the floor will incinerate you along with half the building.”

“Isn't that more of a fail-deadly?”

The secretary merely shrugged. Twilight stared dumbly at her.

“Alright, well why all the hoop jumping?”

The mare smiled.

“The Arcane Magic Council is home to Equestria's most powerful magicians and the Arcana Building houses our greatest artifacts. These security features help ensure that if anypony tries to steal any of the artifacts or abduct or influence the council, without proper direction, they'll become hopelessly lost inside of the building, buying the Night Guard time to lock it down.”

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“I swear, half of Equestria's paranoid.” she turned to her two guards, “You two can stay here. I doubt the Arcane Magic Council's going to try and attack me.” The two guards nodded and she turned, opened the door, and began the long and complex process of accessing the Council.

After she closed the door behind her the two guards sat down on the chairs. They eyed the magazines that were strewn on the table next to them before they each picked one out for themselves. One of the guards looked up from his Equestria Sports magazine and stifled a laugh as he saw the other guard's magazine. The other guard looked up.

“What? Gardening's my hobby, and it just so happens that Female Frilly Flowers has some of the best guides to planting and caring for petunias.”

After a long and frustrating journey through the depths of Canterlot's oldest building, Twilight finally appeared in front of the Chamber of the Arcane Magic Council. The large wooden door was decorated with iron carvings and brass handles. She reached for the handle before pausing.

'Wait, what if reading those Dark Magic books last week counts as “influence” and you, and half the building is vaporized the second you try and walk in?!'

After several moments agonizing over whether to open the door or not, she finally did and stepped through. Nothing happened.

'Phew.'

She looked up to see thirteen ponies sitting around an elaborate wooden table in the center of a very large room staring at her. The room's windows were covered by heavy curtains, blocking the natural light and making it hard to see. The room was illuminated by a number of tall, iron candlesticks that were scattered throughout it. The room was so large that it actually extended up two stories and reminded Twilight of an open library. All around, on both levels, bookshelves filled with countless books and scrolls filled the room's space.

The pony sitting at the end removed the red hood that he was wearing.

“Lady Regent Sparkle, you're here.”

The other ponies murmured to each other while Twilight looked at the lead pony.

“And you must be Archmage Morning Star.”

“That I am.” he looked up at the grandfather clock that was tucked away in one corner, “You're a few minutes late, but we haven't moved on to the next order of business yet.”

“What?!” Twilight's eyes raced to the clock, before a scowl formed on her face, “If I didn't have to run around this place jumping through hoops to get here, I wouldn't have been tardy.”

While the members of the Arcane Magic Council all wore hoods that obscured their faces, Twilight swore she could feel looks of confusion wash over them.

“Why'd you do that? The stairs are right there.” Morning Star pointed to the large granite staircase on the side of the room that had a lit exit sign hanging above it.

Twilight's jaw dropped.

“Bu-wha—Stairs? But that secretary said all that hassle was to make sure that any intruders got lost!”

Morning Star chuckled.

“Basket Weaver does like to have her laughs. While it is true that the Arcana Building has many mazes and puzzles, it's also true that the Canterlot Fire Department banned their use for regular guests three hundred years ago due to the massive fire hazard they posed. Can't exactly evacuate a burning building if you have to run through half of it to escape.”

“But, why are they even still around then?”

“The tours simply love them. And the wayward thief still gets caught every once in a while by one. Now then, allow me to introduce you to the Arcane Magic Council. These two,” he pointed at the two ponies immediately to his right and left, “are High Mages Winter Squall and Summer Breeze.”

The two mares removed their black hoods, revealing identical faces.

“It is a pleasure...”

“...to meet you.”

Twilight looked unnerved by their use of completing the other's sentence and the creepy stares they were giving her. Morning Star chuckled.

“Don't mind them. Identical twins tend to have those little oddities about them. Next is High Mage Blue Crystal.” another black hood came off, this time show a bearded stallion's face, “And our last High Mage, Small Voice.” the last black hood was flipped down and a petite mare peeked out, “Finally, in descending order of power, there's: Mage Snow Drift, Mage Solar Beam, Mage Dark Shadow, Mage Death Note, Mage Merry Heart, Mage Star Burst, Mage Rolling Thunder, and lastly, Mage Broken Wand.”

At each of their names, the Mages removed their brown hoods and looked at Twilight. Morning Star looked around at the other mages before returning his sight onto Twilight.

“Now, Lady Regent. To what does the Arcane Magic Council owe the pleasure?”

Twilight looked over the mages.

“As I'm sure you all know, I only recently became an alicorn and , well, I have absolutely no idea why.”

Archmage Morning Star furrowed his brow.

“Yes. Truthfully, many within academia have been wondering that very same thing. Mana Potion was going to do an article about it in Arcane Magic Quarterly next issue.”

Twilight brightened.

“Oh good. I knew magic would be the answer. It always is, you know.”

'Except for the Wing-be-gone Spell, the Time Travel Spell, that ridiculous duel with Trixie, the—you get the idea.'

Morning Star looked awkwardly at her.

“Unfortunately, there aren't any known spells that answer your question, Lady Regent. The article was going to be on conjecture, not fact.”

Twilight slumped down.

“Oh.”

“While the Archmage may be right...” Winter Squall started.

“...that doesn't mean that the Council can't help rule out possible causes.” Summer Breeze finished.

Mage Solar Beam looked from the High Mages to Twilight.

“Most definitely. There are many spells and relics available to us that can help narrow the field of contenders.”

“The Kosmos Universum Spell springs to mind.” said Mage Death Note.

Twilight thought back to her Magic 280 classes.

“Kosmos Universum? Isn't that the general diagnostics spell for Class A3 magic?”

Death Note nodded.

“That would be correct, Lady Regent. It seems you're magic knowledge is just as vast as the Archmage said it was.”

A faint blush appeared on Twilight's cheeks, while her brow furrowed.

“But how would a diagnostics spell help?”

Mage Snow Drift focused on Death Note.

“It wouldn't just be the standard spell though, would it?”

Death Note nodded while Drift continued.

“I'm guessing you want to use the Misty Dream variant, correct?”

Twilight tried to keep up.

“Misty Dream variant?”

Morning Star spoke up.

“I see. Yes, that would work.” he looked to Twilight, “Ah. Right. Misty Dream was a previous High Mage with the Council who developed a variation to the Kosmos Universum Spell that can tell a subject's affinity toward their 'destiny'--if you will. In other words, it can be used to determine what your special talent is.”

Twilight wore a dismissive look.

“Well then it's a waste of time. I already know what my special talent is, it's magic.”

Morning Star raised an eyebrow.

“Is it? Cutie Marks have always been a fickle thing to scholars and wizards alike.” he looked down at his red eight pointed star shaped mark, “Many a research paper have been written about them and what they mean. Some think it's a magical predestination, others think it's all in our heads and we just make up a 'meaning' for them that suits us. What we do know is that everypony has an affinity toward something, whether that's raising the sun, casting shields, or yours. What was it again?”

“Um, it's magic.”

He pondered for a moment.

“Magic, huh? That seems awfully vague, doesn't it?”

Twilight squirmed.

“Well, sure, but that's what it is. See,” she pointed to her mark, “it's like a magical explosion.” she squinted at it, “And maybe even a little predestination too with the five stars representing my friends.”

“What if you're looking into things too much? What if it's simpler than that? What if your talent has to literally do with stars, like say, controlling them?”

“What?!” Twilight shook her head, “No, no, no! You guys have been hanging around these Dark Magic artifacts for too long. It's rotted your brains. If I was to control the stars, why haven't I done a single magic related thing with them? No spells. No deep seated yearning. No falling asleep in a tub and having strange dreams about them that weren't actually dreams. Nothing!”

'I knew coming here was a bad idea. Magic's never the answer.'

Morning Star moved to calm the growing frantic alicorn.

“The Lunar Spell—the one used to control the moon—is extremely powerful and could overwhelm any latent tendencies you may have.”

Twilight sat down.

“It's just not possible. It's not.”

'Oooohhhh, Luna's gonna kill me if it is.'

Morning Star smiled calmly.

“Just calm down, Lady Regent. Everything will be fine.”

'And she won't just kill me, either, she'll use one of those ancient dueling rituals that's still legal despite the excruciating pain it causes because somepony decided to invent the legal precedent of grandfather clauses.'

“We'll cast the spell, and that'll settle this matter once and for all.”

'I'll have to escape. I'll get Spike to draw up an esca—no scratch that, he already squealed on me last time. The less he knows, the better.'

Morning Star looked at Blue Crystal.

“Crystal, if you'd do the honors.” he glanced at the increasingly frazzled Regent, “And hurry, before we have to cover up another mind control incident.”

Crystal nodded.

“Lady Regent, I'll now cast the spell. Please remain still.”

His horn lit up with an orange aura and a spell shot out a moment later that surrounded Twilight. She was lifted into the air as several currents of aura shot and sparked around her. Occasionally, one of them would strike her, causing her to yelp in surprise. After close to a minute, the magic faded and Twilight was unceremoniously dropped back to the rug below.

She looked up apprehensively at Crystal.

“S-So, am I the alicorn of the stars?”

Blue Crystal wiped his brow.

“Nope. It seems your talent really is just magic in general. How incredibly lucky.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.

'That's one mid-life crisis/escape attempt avoided.'

“That's a relief. It would have been really awkward if Luna came back and learned that I usurped her control over the stars. Then I'd have to deal with all the angst and drama, the Royal Office of Astronomy getting upset over it, and probably some weird stuff involving Ursa Majors or something too.”

Morning Star placed a hoof to his chin.

“Well, that's narrowed the field quite a bit. That rules out any cosmological reasons for your ascension.”

Mage Star Burst narrowed her eyes.

“Perhaps she's a Changeling Royal Brood, and her ascension was a transformation to hide the metamorphosis? She's already shown the ability to cast changeling magic.”

Twilight rolled her eyes.

'Again with the changeling accusations. You modify one spell and suddenly you're the queen bee.'

“'She's' in the room, you know?”

High Mages Summer Breeze and Winter Squall shook their heads.

“That is an impossibility...” Breeze started.

“...as the Ferrum Invado Spell was cast on her during a session of Parliament. Any changeling magic she was using was disrupted.” Squall completed.

Mage Merry Heart groaned.

“Ferrum Invado? They actually named it that. Ferreus Ictus would me more accurate. I knew they should have used Greek.”

The other Council members ignored his linguistical griping while Mage Broken Wand spoke up.

“If it's not cosmological, then it has to be supermagical. The Elements of Harmony fit perfectly as an explanation. Especially when the only other users of them are also alicorns.”

Murmurs of agreement came from several of the other mages.

“You can't use that as a baseline, though. It's too small of a sample size.” Mage Rolling Thunder argued.

“Nonsense, it's a perfectly reasonable assumption to make. Least of all because there aren't any records of the Princesses prior to the Discordian Era. For all we know, their union of the elements is what triggered their ascension.” Death Note countered.

“For all we know, Discord could have turned them into alicorns. Tartarus, he could have turned Lady Regent Sparkle into one as well. He did show the ability to remove species traits, who's to say he couldn't add them as well?” Snow Drift added.

Solar Beam scoffed.

“Discord's under six, triple redundant containment spells, a Magical Dampening Field on loan from the Griffo-Minotaurian Empire, three mental wards from Princess Luna, four dozen runes, twenty-four hour surveillance by the Night Guard, and a fifty kiloton Megaspell fail-deadly in the event of a full containment breach. If he's involved, I'll eat my horn.”

“I don't know why you're all thinking the Elements or Discord. Occolt's Razor can easily answer this. Lady Regent Sparkle is Princess Celestia's daughter.”

All eyes turned to Mage Star Burst and her outlandish theory.

'They're out of their minds. No wonder my friend's and I have to do all the world saving. The Arcane Magic Council clearly can't.'

“It's the simplest, most logical explanation for all this. How would Princess Celestia know that she was the Element of Magic otherwise? Or know of her massive magical proficiency?”

Blue Crystal chuckled.

“If we're going to bring in genetics, how about a more...down to earth theory? Like the Alicorn Genetic Development Program from a few decades ago? It did successfully breed an alicorn.”

“That was decades ago!”

“The Discord theory is the only one that seems plausible.”

“Are you insane? We'd be able to smell that chaotic magic from miles away.”

“You're all wrong. It's obviously caused by her fixing one of Star Swirl's spell's.”

“I'm telling you, she's Celestia's daughter. There's probably even a hidden nursery in the Castle that everypony forgot about.”

“The Elements are...”

“...the only theory that makes sense.”

Morning Star sighed over the Council's bickering.

“Enough. These are all good theories—except the Star Swirl one, that one's just stupid—but let's have less arguing like this is a political debate and more spell casting to rule out or confirm these theories, shall we?”

The other mages quieted down and nodded. He continued.

“Now, let's start with the Element theory. How shall we go about testing this?”

Rolling Thunder spoke up.

“I don't see how we can. The Elements of Harmony are still so poorly understood. One minute they're banishing ponies to the moon, the next they're turning someone to stone. They're so unpredictable.” he laughed wryly, “Reminds me of an ex-marefriend I had—especially the part about fighting against an insane, emotionally unstable, jealous mare who simply can't understand reason or logic.”

Mage Dark Shadow rolled his eyes.

“Thunder's inability to be intimate with a mare aside,”

“Hey!”

“He does have a point. It is very likely the Elements are the culprits, but we have no way of determining that due to their nature and vast abilities. There's also the somewhat disturbing matter of, in the event they are the reason, what that means for the other Bearers.”

“That's not necessarily true.” Small Voice squeaked out.

Shadow looked over to the High Mage.

“You don't think the other Bearers are at risk?”

She shook her head.

“No, I'm not referring to them. What I mean is, there could be a way to tell if the Elements are responsible or not.”

Morning Star leaned forward.

“How?”

“Since it's doubtful the Elements would purposefully make the Lady Regent an alicorn—as the last few months have demonstrated, this has been anything but harmonious—it's reasonable to assume that it was caused by magical backlash, interference, spillover, what have you—you know, some kind of magical overload that contaminated Lady Regent Sparkle. If that's the case, all we have to do is compare her magical signature to the Elements. If they're similar, then we'll know there's been a contamination.”

The mages smiled in approval. Twilight, however, saw a problem.

“But how will you get the magical signature of the Elements? It's not like I can gather my friends and do a test firing.”

Morning Star smiled.

“That won't be an issue, Lady Regent. The Elements pump out so much magical energy that they irradiate whatever they hit and overwhelm whatever other signatures that object has. We'll just use what's left of Nightmare Moon's armor.”

Twilight felt her stomach tighten.

'Oooohhh, great.'

“Isn't that a bad idea? What if there's some essence left that possesses you or something?”

Morning Star batted a hoof.

“Nah, what's the worst that could happen?”

Twilight involuntary cringed as mental images of Nightmare Moon defeating her friends and Trixie, Morning Star acting as her over-the-top evil lieutenant, and herself getting hanged flashed before her eyes.

'Just haaad to say it, didn't you?'

“Just be careful, okay.”

He nodded.

“Of course. The Arcane Magic Council handles all Dark Magic artifacts very carefully. It's going to take a while to clear the armor's removal with the Star Chamber—but I'm sure you're already well aware of the Chamber's procedures—so we won't be able to test the Element theory for at least a few weeks.”

'What Star Chamber?'

“So let's move on to another theory. While I'm extremely skeptical of Discord's involvement, discretion is the better part of valor and all that, so let's have some tests.”

Solar Beam rolled his eyes.

“All we have to do is cast a simple identification spell. Discord is anything but subtle. His magic sticks out like a sore hoof.”

The other mages nodded or murmured in approval. Morning Star looked to Solar.

“If you'd do the honors than.”

He nodded.

“Very well.” he turned to Twilight, “Lady Regent, if you'll give me a moment.”

She smiled as he charged his horn and cast a spell at her. Unlike the Universum Spell, this one merely glittered and shined around her for a moment before fading away.

Solar Flare smiled smugly.

“Not an ounce of his magic to be found. This definitely isn't Discord's doing.”

Morning Star nodded.

“I kind of figured as much, but we must leave no stone unturned. I guess that just leaves the genetic theory. I think we'll let the Health Institute of Equestria determine whether the Lady Regent's really Princess Celestia's daughter, so let's focus on the Alicorn Genetic Development Program.”

Snow Drift scoffed.

“What's there to focus on? The entire thing went up in flames—literally—and there's virtually nothing left.”

Broken Wand agreed.

“And besides, even if there was something, it's not related to magic. If I'm not mistaken, the Arcane Magic Council had little to do with the project. The Lady Regent's time would be better served inquiring the Canterlot Grand National University or Health Institute of Equestria.”

Morning Star smiled.

“I wouldn't say the Council shouldn't be involved. It was a mistake by former Archmage Magic Missile to not involve us more in the alicorn research and I intend not to repeat that mistake.” he stood up and removed his cloak entirely, placing it on his chair, “As a matter of fact, I do believe we have what's left of the project's physical supplies right here. I'll take the Lady Regent to it to investigate.

“While I'm gone, there's still the matter of final containment of that Everfree monster to deal with. The Night Guard report their containment measures will only last another six months so we need to come up with a more permanent solution. Start brainstorming.”

He motioned for Twilight to follow him and the two began to walk in between the many bookshelves while the mages started arguing over whether tentacles and black sludge could breach a Class V Shield Spell.

Twilight gasped as she walked next to Morning Star up and saw him up close, or more appropriately, the orange amulet with an alicorn on it that hung form his neck.

“Y-You're wearing the Alicorn Amulet?!”

Morning Star looked confused as he glanced down at the amulet that hung from his neck.

“Alicorn Amulet? No, this is the Archmage Amulet. See, it uses orange storage gems. Not red ones.”

“A-Archmage Amulet?”

He tapped it.

“Yes. After the...unfortunate side effects of the Alicorn Amulet were discovered, a second one was created that used a more stable matrix to amplify the spells.”

Twilight's brow furrowed.

“But, you're the Archmage. Why would you need an enchantment?”

“For one, it makes casting much easier. But more importantly, it currently amplifies the Council's magic, allowing us to cast the Solar and Lunar Spells necessary to control the sun and moon.”

Twilight's befuddled expression continued.

“Wait, I thought you were the only one that knew the spells?”

“I am, but the spells require the entire Council's magic in order to work, and even then the Amulet's amplification is needed. Two thousand year old alicorns have a lot more magic in them than normal unicorns do.”

“I would have thought that the Council would be more than able to control both. Isn't that what you guys did before the princesses?”

“Yes, but then we had quite a few more members. Plus, the spells the princesses use have been fine-tuned over the years and are essentially custom made for each princess. Archmage Fire Storm and the Council had to assist Princess Celestia for several years after Princess L—err Nightmare Moon's banishment due to the difficulty involved in somepony other than Luna casting the Lunar spell. We're having similar trouble today.”

Twilight's gaze wandered around the dusty bookshelves.

“At least you only have to do it for a year.”

Morning Star laughed.

“Yes, it would be very challenging if we had to do it any longer. If I may ask, you know of the Alicorn Amulet? The Arcane Magic Council's been searching for that thing ever since that tyrant Sombra and his Aquamarines broke in here all those years ago and stole it. We suspected it resurfaced with the return of the Crystal Empire, but still haven't the faintest idea of where it's at.”

Twilight's brain flashed to mental images of Zecora using the Amulet as a doorstop or paperweight.

“I...might know where it's at.”

“Well if you do, we'd like to get it back. If that thing were to fall into the wrong hooves, who knows what could happen.”

'I think I have a pretty good idea.'

The two passed by a pedestal that housed a book on a wire stand surrounded by a glass case. Twilight's gaze fell onto the dark blue book with swirls on its cover.

“What's that?”

Morning Star turned around.

“Oh, that? It's Star Swirl the Bearded's spellbook. Princess Celestia dropped it off just after your coronation, muttering something about 'failed plans' and 'At this rate, I'll never get to use that astral plane'. It has an unfinished spell in it that we've been trying to figure out, but haven't quite gotten the rhyme down yet.”

Twilight turned away from the book.

“Huh.”

They continued walking past several more bookcases and pedestals until Morning Star stopped at an old chest located at the end of one of them. Like most of the other items in the Arcana Building, it was very old and had a layer of dust and grime on it.

“Here we are. Chest D-23. The items within, along with some fire damaged documents in the basement of the Canterlot Archives, are all we have of the Alicorn Genetic Development Program.”

He opened the chest with his telekinesis. After clearing the small cloud of dust that was kicked up, Twilight peered inside. A pile of test tubes and laboratory flasks sat on one side, while an orange bag labeled “Biohazard” and sealed with duct tape sat in the other.

Twilight picked up one of the tubes.

“This is it?!”

Morning Star frowned.

“I'm afraid so. The entire building burned down. There wasn't much left to salvage. It's doubtful those documents in the Archives will be of much help either, I'm afraid. From what I can recall, they were mainly packing lists and the like.”

Twilight haphazardly dropped the tube back into the chest.

“Great. Just great. Stupid fire.” she turned to Morning, “Why was there even a fire?”

He stopped poking the Biohazard bag and looked at Twilight.

“The official investigation ruled that a Bunsen burner had probably been the source.”

“Probably?”

“You know how investigations are. They can never definitively say what caused it. There are the conspiracy theories too.”

This piqued Twilight's interest.

“What theories?”

Morning Star waved a hoof dismissively.

“Oh, you know. The crazy ones like 'Princess Celestia was trying to goad the griffons into a war', 'the Night Guard did it to destroy some secret griffon project', the Night Guard's always in one of these theories, you see. Probably the one with the most credibility is the 'griffons burned down their own building to stop any more alicorns from being born' one.”

“Would they?”

He shook his head.

“Why would they spend millions of bits helping Equestria unlock the secrets of the alicorn only to destroy it? If they didn't want any more alicorns, they wouldn't have helped in the first place.”

Twilight sighed.

“Great, back to square one.”

“Not necessarily.”

Twilight jumped at the new voice.

“Yah!” she turned to see High Mage Crystal emerging from the shadows of a bookshelf, “Don't do that! What are you trying to do? Assassinate me or something?”

Morning Star batted a hoof dismissively.

“Nonsense, if we wanted to do that, we would have altered the floor runes to explode the moment you walked in.” he put a hoof to his chin in thought, “Of course, that would have killed us too and you might be immortal, so perhaps teleporting you over the Pit of Azerbaijan would be more effective.”

Both Crystal and Twilight stared at the Archmage.

“What? It's not like I ever seriously considered—don't give me that look, Blue. Mr. 'suggest to the Night Guard they drop a megaspell on the Everfree Forest to contain that Lovecoltian horror'.”

Blue Crystal bit back.

“Hey! I thought we all agreed that was a stressful week with the whole 'transport the interdimensional mirror to the Crystal Empire for no reason' and that many of our ideas were dulled as a result.”

Twilight raised a hoof.

“If I may interject,” she looked at High Mage Crystal, “You were saying something about this not being a pointless waste of time?”

Blue Crystal straightened himself.

“Yes, well, while our efforts to determine the cause of your ascension have hit a wall, that doesn't mean we can't at least clear up one thing.”

Twilight was intrigued.

“And what would that be?”

“What type of immortality you possess.”

A confused look washed over her face.

“There's different types?”

Blue Crystal walked up to the two.

“Oh yes. There's the naturally-immune and the physically-immune variants. Naturally-immune means that the person cannot die via natural causes—old age, various diseases, etc.—but 'physical' causes, like getting decapitated, would still be fatal. Physically-immune means they can never die, regardless of what hits them. To the best of our knowledge, all alicorns possess physical-immunity.”

Twilight stared at him flatly.

“Let me guess, you tried to cut off the Princesses heads to see.”

“Oh no. We don't know whether Empress Cadance or Princess Luna possess it. We can confirm that Princess Celestia is physically-immune after several—um, err—accidents befell her shortly after the banishment of Nightmare Moon.”

“Hate to break it to you, but this really is a waste of time. The High Court already proved I was immortal with their stupid 'shoot her in the chest with a crossbow' test.”

Crystal shook his head.

“They proved you have highly advanced healing abilities. Not that you can't be killed. Theoretically, a non-alicorn could beat the High Court's test, but they'd need an insane amount of magic. An amount no unicorn could, with or without charms or amulets, possess.”

Morning Star became involved in the conversation.

“We don't actually know if anyone's immortal. It's been theorized that there's no such thing as 'true' immortality—only extremely powerful, uncontrollable healing magic.” he sighed, “But I think I know what High Mage Crystal's getting at. It's Ay, isn't it?”

Blue Crystal only grinned. Twilight looked between the two mages with mounting confusion.

“Ay? What's that?”

Morning Star sighed.

“You might as well show her.”

Crystal's horn lit up and a second later, the pop of a teleport revealed a small oak box with strange runes carved into it. Crystal opened the box and pulled out an extremely sharp obsidian knife.

“This is the Ancient Knife of Ayfuc'Refioadi—or the Knife of Ay for those who don't wish to clear out their sinuses. It was recovered from Lord Regent Hill Burrow after his failed attempt at assassinating Princess Celestia two hundred years ago.”

Twilight stared intently at the blade's needle tip.

“I don't get it?”

Blue Crystal held the razor sharp knife in his telekinesis.

“You see, Lady Regent, this knife has some very unique properties.”

In the blink of an eye, Crystal shot the knife from his telekinesis at Morning Star. Twilight screamed and covered her eyes. For his part, Morning Star stared impassively at Crystal as the knife struck him in the chest.

And bounced off, landing a few feet away. Morning Star reeled back and rubbed the spot where the knife had hit.

“Ow! Dang it, Blue, you didn't need to throw it that hard. Now it's going to bruise.”

Twilight stopped screaming and opened an eye to look at the relatively unharmed Archmage.

“B-But, the knife. And inertia. And physics.”

Morning Star stopped rubbing his chest and picked up the knife.

“For reasons we still aren't entirely sure of, the Knife of Ayfuc'Refioadi is completely unable to impart cutting injuries on us.”

He attempted to slice his leg open with the blade, only for it to slide off with no effects.

“However, while it may not cause injuries to us, it is completely effective against physically-immune creatures. Tests on Princess Celestia and Cerberus have confirmed that finding. We can also confirm that naturally-immune creatures aren't affected by it—thanks to a test performed on the Draconic ambassador several years ago.”

Twilight sighed as she stared at the weapon.

“So you want to cut me with it to see. Why do all the immortality tests involve pain and suffering?”

Blue Crystal looked at her.

“It's not like we're going to slice you open. Ay cannot cut a non-physically-immune creature. All we have to do is poke you with it. If it punctures the skin, we'll know.”

“Fine. Just get it over with.”

Twilight closed her eyes and held out a foreleg. Morning Star and Crystal exchanged glances before Star shrugged and approached her with the knife. After positioning it, he gently lowered its pointed tip onto the leg and made a quick jab. Twilight yelped and reflexively jerked the leg away. She rubbed her leg and looked to the Archmage. He and Crystal were both carefully examining the knife's tip.

“Well, it seems Princess Celestia isn't the only alicorn that's physically-immune.”

Twilight look up from her leg at the two mages morosely.

“Great.”

Morning Star looked over.

“Is something the matter, Lady Regent?”

Twilight shook her head to snap herself back normal.

“No. Everything's fine. Just fine. Are you sure there's nothing else on the Alicorn Project?”

The Archmage thought for a moment.

“Nothing that the Arcane Magic Council knows of. Admittedly, as Mage Broken Wand already mentioned, the Council wasn't all that involved in the project so our knowledge isn't all encompassing. You'd have to talk to the Canterlot Grand National University and Health Institute of Equestria to know for sure if there's anything else.” he sighed, “It's unlikely they know any more than we do though. That fire really did wipe out most of the project's research. There's a reason it was never continued.”

Twilight sighed.

“Well, thanks for at least trying to help solve this alicorn mystery.”

“Oh, it's no problem at all. The Arcane Magic Council's main job is to help the Diarc—I mean, Regency, in matters relating to magic. That's why we're here.”

Blue Crystal looked up from putting the Knife of Ay back into its case.

“And rest assured that the Council will continue to investigate your ascension. It really is one of the more interesting things to come up as of late and we're determined to find its cause.”

Morning Star nodded.

“Absolutely. We'll know in a few weeks if the Elements are responsible and if they aren't, then we'll research alternate theories. As remote as it is, there's always the chance that this whole ascension business holds a darker meaning and we want to be on top of any Dark Magic or ancient evil shenanigans before they catch us by surprise.”

Twilight suppressed her pessimistic side's voice at that. A side that had grown rather loud over the last several months.

“In that case, I think I should leave the Council to it then. The eternal grind of government bureaucracy beckons me like the allure of Dark Magic's unquenchable power and ecstasy.”

The two mages stared at her worriedly.

“It's a joke!”

They continued to cast a wary eye at her as the three made their way back to the main part of the chamber where the other mages still sat bickering.

“Come on, I already know Dark Magic.”

Twilight opened the door and emerged back into the elongated room. She shot a glare over at the secretary who had forced her through the Arcana Building's tourist traps before turning her attention to her guards. The two of them were sitting on the floor, giggling like schoolfillies as they stared in wonder at a magazine filled with detailed pictures of flowers.

“Oh my, that one's simply beautiful. It's so delicate and fragile, yet so complex.” he sniffed, “Isn't it amazing what simply stunning things are right here under our noses?”

The other guard sighed.

“I know. If only ponies would take a break once in a while to appreciate the simple yet at the same time amazingly complex gifts we've been graced with, the world wouldn't need the Royal Guard and we could all live in true harmony.”

Twilight only stared.

“What.”

**********

The cutie mark banners once again hung over the backdrop of the throne room. The Dusk Court staff sat at their respective tables and the numerous books and paperwork was strewn about. Twilight sat on the throne, staring down at the petitioner.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Parking, but I'm not going to overrule the Fillydelphia City Council's decision. If they want to impose a space limit on buildings, they are more than welcome to. I'm sure Baltimare or Hooftucket would be more than willing to accommodate Equestria Conglomerate Steel's headquarters.”

Free Parking smiled sadly.

“Fillydelphia's been ECS's home since it was the Fillydelphia Ironworks. I had hoped we could remain in the city.” he chuckled and adjusted his monocle, “Oh well, we're already in negotiations with Baltimare for a site with lower taxes. Plus, it'll put us closer to our export facilities.”

Twilight smiled.

“That's the spirit. Next petitioner.”

The tan Earth Pony bowed briefly before trotting out of the throne room.

Spike, wearing an ornate red hat with a feather sticking out of it, cleared his throat before glancing at the parchment he had in his hands.

“Presenting, by expedited request of the Office of the High Overseer, Minister of the Interior Elastic Clause and Director-General of the Health Institute of Equestria I.V. Drip.”

A red earth pony and mint green pegasus walked into the throne room and bowed.

“Lady Regent.”

Twilight motioned for them to stand.

“I'm a little surprised that you'd come before Court to make a request. Wouldn't it be more prudent to simply schedule a meeting?”

Clause nodded.

“Under normal circumstances, yes, but the current situation requires immediate action.”

Twilight leaned forward.

“What situation?”

Clause nudged Drip to begin, which she did.

“Right. Approximately seven months ago, the Health Institute of Equestria became aware of several strange deaths and illnesses—consisting of jaw and tooth disorders, severe nausea, and anemia—in and around the New Yoke area. After carefully reviewing the medical records, we confirmed that the deaths were caused by acute radiation poisoning.”

There were several small gasps along with some befuddled expressions from the Court staff.

“As I'm sure you're aware, with radiation being one of the newer scientific discoveries and it being poorly understood, the HIE launched a full investigation to ascertain the origin of the poisonings.”

Drip returned Clauses nudge, who took over the conversation.

“The Environmental Division of the Ministry of the Interior assisted the Institute with their investigation and were able to find the cause of the sicknesses and deaths. All those that were affected worked for the Equestria Radium Corporation, which manufacturers watches and other small devices that glow in the dark.

“The Environmental Division and Health Institute of Equestria have determined that something at Equestria Radium is exposing its workers—and potentially the public—to lethal doses of radiation. We are currently pursuing a court order seeking the shutdown of the company pending a full investigation, but with the appeals and stalling by the company's lawyers, it could be weeks before such an order is enforced.

“As such, we are requesting a Royal Decree ordering the New Yoke Stock Exchange to suspend the company's stock and to order it's immediate closure so that we can determine what exactly is causing these radiation illnesses.”

Twilight bore a look of seriousness and concern.

“H-How many have died?”

Drip looked over a piece of paper.

“The Institute can confirm fourteen deaths and seven more injuries.”

Twilight nodded slowly.

“Alright. Decree granted. I can't let any more workers get hurt or die. I am ordering the shutdown of the Equestria Radium Corporation and the stock exchange to cease further trading of their stock immediately.” she looked over at Solar Flare, who was busy writing the Decree down on a piece of parchment, “Due to the critical nature of this, I want this thing certified tonight. Got it?”

Flare rolled the parchment up and sealed it.

“Yes, Lady Regent. I'll ensure that the Office of the High Overseer and Ministry of Justice clear the Decree by the end of the evening.”

“Thank you.” she turned back to the two, “Now, if that's all, please continue your investigation.”

They nodded, bowed, and then departed.

“Next petitioner.”

“Presenting: Egg Yolk, Chairman of the Equestria Chicken Producers Association.”

With Dusk Court finished, the staff began to pack away the books and paperwork that lined their tables. Solar Flare neatly placed that day's Royal Decrees into a bin for transport to the Office of the High Overseer where they would be ratified. Twilight walked up behind him.

“Solar, can I have a word with you?”

He placed the last scroll into the bin and faced her.

“Yes, Lady Regent?”

“You know those Court procedures you told me about last week? The ones that prevent the farmers, desperate citizens who can't pay their taxes, and little old mares from petitioning me?”

“Yes?”

She handed him a short stack of papers.

“I've changed them.”

His eyes widened.

“You—You what?”

Twilight smiled.

“I altered them in accordance with the Citizens' Grievances Act.”

He began to leaf through the papers.

“Lady Regent, this is a highly unorthodox move. Those procedures are there to ensure your safety. Getting rid of them—”

“—will allow the Dusk Court to actually do its job: listening to the average citizen who's in need of help. All those CEO's and Presidents can get what they want when they bribe Parliament. They have the money and time to 'donate' to the MP's. The single mom of three who's seven months behind on her taxes does not.”

Flare set the papers down.

“I can understand that, but keeping you—and Princesses Celestia and Luna when they return—safe takes precedent.”

Twilight raised her voice slightly.

“Safe from what? The Arcane Magic Council already confirmed I'm immortal. I've already been shot in the chest by a crossbow to prove it.”

“If that were the case, then answer me this: why's there even a Royal Guard? If the Princesses are truly immortal and can never be killed, then why spend all that money and time training them?” he sighed, “There's things out there, Twilight. Quite dangerous things that don't care about 'natural-immunity' or whatever other pointless term the Arcana Council's devised and could very easily kill you or the other Princesses. They've tried before and they could very well try again.”

Twilight bit her lip.

“Even if there are dangerous elements out there, we can't let the fear of them rule us. If we do, we might as well let them win. Now, make sure these new procedures are implemented soon. I want those tax dodgers and old grannies here by next week.”

The purple alicorn turned around and walked out of the throne room. Solar Flare picked up the stack of papers once more and looked at it before chuckling.

“And you doubted Celestia when she made you Regent.”

End of Chapter Four.

Author's Note

Protip: Never start writing a “Twilight becomes an alicorn” story and not have the faintest idea of why she became an alicorn. Otherwise, you'll desperately flail around and eventually come up with idea so convoluted and contrived that that it'll snap your readers Suspension of Disbelief like a twig as you contemplate simply not answering the “why?” question at all.

With my aunt passing away a few weeks ago, Regent is officially taken off hiatus. As expected, the initial grieving period wasn't very long. Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be brutal, though.

I had forgotten how much fun it is to reference other Twilicorn stories. And how much fun Twilight's inner monologue is to write. Hey, Spike's back from completely disappearing from the story for no reason.

Fun fact: In Regent's original plan, the Arcane Magic Council and Archmage Morning Star were going to be more ambiguous as to whether they were evil or not, as the antagonist wasn't going to be revealed until the climax. It was going to be a guessing game as to who was pulling the coup's strings. The twist was going to be Flight Deck, who was seemingly normal head of the military, was the bad ~~guy~~gale (for some reason, everyone thinks Flight Deck's a guy). Hence, Morning Star's name (which is also a reference to another Morning Star).

Ultimately, I opted against going that route, as one of Ascend's main criticisms was it's cluttered plot. With a clear villain, Morning Star's role wasn't needed, so here he is, as one of the extremely generic and boring OC's that is increasingly making up Regent.

Secrets.

For copyright/disclaimer information, see Chapter One.

Version 1.1

Published 10/26/13

Chapter Five: Secrets.

Twilight wearily walked into her room, casting a dim light spell to see where she was walking in the pitch black. She could hear Spike snoring softly on the other side of the room.

'Who schedules a four hour meeting with the Board of Canvassers at nine o'clock at night?!'

After haphazardly throwing her regalia onto the dresser, she made her way into the bathroom, activated the crystal light, and locked the door.

“Ugh!”

She stretched herself out.

“After that bureaucratic nightmare, I think I'll indulge a little.”

Walking over to the tub, she drew a hot bath. She wrung her hooves together as steam quickly filled the room.

“Alright. I have half an hour. Twelve point five ounces of bubble bath soap. An advanced copy of the newest edition of Arcane Magic Quarterly that Morning Star gave me. And—” she giggled, “a rubber ducky.”

At the mention of the duck, she levitated it up and squeaked it a few times. She then dumped most of the bubble bath into the water and agitated the water to froth it up into a small mountain of bubbles. Twilight then slowly dropped herself into the water, sighing contently as she did. She flexed out her rarely used wings under the water and allowed them to float freely just under the surface. Her eyes focused on the duck, which floated innocently in a small bubble alcove.

“Now, Mr. Anatinae, watch out for the Hooficus Monster.”

At the mention of the dreaded beast, a purple leg slowly crept out from its bubble hiding spot. It watched the innocent duck and the moment the duck turned away from the bubbles, pounced in a flash of lavender and soap. The duck managed to evade the hoof by diving underwater.

“Curses. Foiled again. You will be mine, Anatinae.”

For the next several minutes, Twilight toyed with her captive rubber duck. Wearing it out until, finally, it surrender to the sadistic whims of the purple monster that had tortured it so. With its last breath, it squeaked out in defiance of the purple monster—content in knowing that, even though it's body may have broken, it's spirit never faltered—before she slowly filled its body with water, sending it to a watery grave.

With her foe dealt with, Twilight settled into the bathtub and began to read Arcane Magic Quarterly's cover story, titled “Lost Artifacts of the Crystal Empire, Lost No More.” Ten minutes and three articles later, Twilight put the magazine down and picked up a loffa and bar of soap.

“Time to wrap this up before I shrivel into a raisin.”

Another fifteen minutes passed before Twilight stepped out of the bathtub, squeaky clean. She grabbed a towel and dried off her mane and tail, before padding herself down. Still damp, she reached into the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a book titled A Foal's Guide to Preening.

“Let's see if I can get it right this time.”

After glancing at the diagrams in the book, she opened a wing and started adjusting the feathers with her mouth.

'Carefully smooth them out and twist it so th--'

“Ouch!”

Twilight yanked her head away, a purple feather in her mouth. She sighed.

'Almost had it that time.'

The alicorn grabbed a bucket filled with purple feathers labeled “Quills” and spat the feather into it before returning to her preening.

'Now, carefully...'

Twilight gurgled and spit out the mouthwash before she grinned in the mirror.

“Finally. Time for bed.”

Flipping off the light, she walked out of the bathroom and hopped into bed. She then reached over, set her alarm clock, and put a sleep mask on, before settling into bed and letting sleep overtake her.

At some unknown time later, she felt something poke her side.

“This is a bad idea, sir.”

The dream of pancakes and mine carts filled with Hearths Warming Eve ornaments started to break as consciousness returned.

“Well, what would you have me do? We tried knocking for ten minutes.”

'That's funny, it almost sounds like there's somepony in my room.'

“I must agree with the Captain-General, sir. You of all ponies know what happens when you disturb a sleeping alicorn.”

'Make that “ponies”.'

Twilight started to drift back off.

“I'll have you know that Luna was extremely remorseful over that, and the eyeball grew back anyway, or did you forget our healing abilities?”

Another jab to her side caused Twilight's train to sleepville to derail with severe casualties.

“Lady Regent, please wake up.”

“Go way, Spi.”

Another poke to her side.

“I'm sorry, Twilight, but we have important matters to discuss.”

'Why must dream constructs be so interruptive?'

Twilight lifted the sleep mask and peered out. Three sets of glowing eyes peered back at her.

“Ah!”

Startled, she jumped up, the sleep mask falling onto the bed.

“Oh good, you're awake.”

She could just make out three outlines standing next to her bed. She could also make out the fangs in their mouths that glistened in the moonlight.

'Vamponies! Why did it have to be vamponies? “Twilight Sparkle”, it's like irony is out to get me or something.'

On instinct, Twilight shot three bolts of magic at the vamponies.

“Whoa!”

“What did I say, Borealis?”

“Air Dodge!”

The three disappeared in a blink of an eye just as the magic was about to hit them. A gust of wind signaled their appearance on the other side of the bed. Twilight stared at them for a moment before the rational side of her brain finally turned on and she looked at the door.

“Guards!”

“Yes, Lady Regent?”

She turned her head to face the intruders.

“What?”

“Captain Aurora Borealis of the Night Guard, reporting as requested.” the middle pony gestured to his right, “Captain-General Solar Eclipse also reporting.” he then turned to his left, “As is Sergeant Sprinkles and you know, Sergeant, you don't have to yell out the move before you make it.”

Twilight stared at the three.

“What?”

“My apologies for our unusual introduction, Lady Regent. You didn't answer your door, so we felt it best to ascertain what was going on.”

Eclipse glared at him.

“You felt it best to, sir. I suggested we waited until it wasn't three in the morning to talk to the Regent.”

He glanced at the mare.

“Yes, yes, Echo. I wanted us to share credit. You should know by now that the Night Guard's a team effort. We never do things by ourselves.”

She gave an exasperated sigh.

“How many times must I tell you, sir, it's Eclipse.”

“Yeah, but 'Echo' rolls off the tongue so much better than 'Ecli' does.”

Twilight waved a hoof to get their attention.

“Excuse me, but what are you doing in my room at,” she looked at her clock, “three twelve in the morning?!”

Aurora smiled.

“Oh, we're here for our scheduled meeting.”

Twilight couldn't believe what he said.

“What?”

“You know, the meeting that the Ministry of Defense organized.”

Twilight wasn't sure if she was rubbing her eye to remove a sleepy, or an oncoming headache.

“There wasn't any meeting. How could there be? I was sleeping!”

Borealis rubbed the back of his head.

“Well, I figured you were just taking a power nap.” he put a hoof to his chin, “I could have sworn I talked to Minister False Flag about scheduling a meeting.” he shrugged, “Must have been somethin' else.”

Eclipse growled.

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Of course, Echo. A positive work environment within the Night Guard is vital to its smooth operations and that means being open with communications.”

“You're an idiot.”

Borealis frowned.

“That's not very positive.” he mumbled.

Twilight looked at her clock.

“Look, I have a busy day tomorrow. Dusk Court's going to be getting its first group of regular petitioners and I'd rather not be half asleep when I hear them. Go talk to Solar Flare and schedule a proper meeting. I'm going back to sleep.”

She put the sleep mask back on and tucked herself back into bed. As such, she was unable to see Aurora bite his lip.

“I'm afraid that isn't really an option.”

Twilight sighed heavily, still in her sleeping position.

“And why's that?”

Borealis look to his subordinates.

“You see, the monthly meeting of the Star Chamber is tonight.”

Twilight sat up and sighed once more.

“I have no idea what that is.”

Borealis returned his focus on Twilight.

“The Star Chamber is Equestria's secret court—authorized several years prior to the Nobility's rebellion in an attempt to try the more powerful nobles who could usurp the High Court's authority, it's since become the primary avenue that the Night Guard use to get legal authorization for our activities, without needing to dirty up the justice system with useless prosecution or put Parliament in undue jeopardy.”

An uncomfortable feeling settled over Twilight with those last few words.

“Are you seriously telling me that I've been in charge of the country for almost four weeks, and no pony bothered to inform me about this?”

The three bat pegasi looked at each other before Borealis spoke again.

“I guess we kind of figured somepony else would have told you by now.”

“Alright then, as Regent, I'm ordering the meeting rescheduled until I haven't gotten two hours of sleep.”

Eclipse cleared her throat.

“With respect, ma'am, that isn't an order that we can follow.”

Twilight grit her teeth.

“And why not?”

Eclipse reached into a compartment on her armor and pulled out a piece of paper.

“Earlier today, Strikeforce 'Sea Lion' successfully raided the town of Hollow Shades and captured Sunshine Smiles, the remaining leader of the Cult of the Broken Circle. He needs to be dealt with as soon as possible, lest our containment procedures on him are overwhelmed and he escapes into downtown Manehatten, aka Equestria's largest population center.”

Twilight threw her sleep mask onto the dresser.

“Fine! We'll do your stupid secret police meeting tonight.” she glared at the three ponies, “Is there anything else I need to be aware of?”

For some reason, none of them could look her in the eye.

“Well, we do need to debrief you.”

“Augh!”

“Will you all please shut up!”

All eyes looked to the basket containing Spike.

“You have a fifteen hundred room castle, and you pick the one room that I'm trying to sleep in to have a meeting.”

Borealis looked back to Twilight.

“We can debrief you en route to the Chamber.”

The halls of Canterlot Castle seemed eerie at night. Usually filled with all sorts of government officials and tourists, they were empty. Instead of stained glass windows reflecting the sunlight in, candle flames caused shadows to dance about. Conversations and laughter echoed through the halls during the day, but silence reigned supreme at night.

The three bat pegasi and alicorn walked down one of those halls at a leisurely pace. Captain Borealis held a piece of parchment with a wing.

“First up, there's Project ARMACHAN, the Night Guard's primary weapons development program. Let's see, let's see. Boring procedural information. Cost analysis. Geez, I should have had them write out a bullet list or something. Ah, here we are. Project Lead Dry Leaves reports that work on 'Hoofheld Portable Cannons for Use in Combat Situations' continues.

“The project is experiencing expected difficulties with recoil and aiming issues but expects to remain on course for the first field deployments in the Fall of 1012. What else we got?”

Aurora haphazardly tossed the “Eyes Only” classified document over his shoulder where it hit Sergeant Sprinkles in the face, before Aurora reached into his saddlebag and pulled out another document with his wing.

“Next—alright, this one has a summary—Section 31 reports progress with the Changeling Morphogenic Virus. They've successfully stopped all transformation attempts and reduced the fatality rate by 32% in captured test subjects.”

Twilight stumbled as she walked.

'What did he say?!'

Sprinkles jumped to the right to avoid the scroll, only for it to hit him anyway.

“Then we have the National Shield Initiative. This one isn't classified but I included it anyway because it's cool. Dr. Widow Maker has stated that work is progressing on attempts to use thaumatic—or is that “thaumic”? I can't tell, somepony—”

He glared in Sprinkles direction.

“What did I do?”

“—spilled jelly filling on this and smudged it. Anyway, attempts to use thaumatic or thaumic radiation to construct a country spanning shield for national defense. While there is progress, the shield remains incredibly unstable and we're still a long way away from a fully functioning shield.”

Sprinkles smiled smugly as he ducked out of the way of the scroll, only for it to somehow hit the back of his head like a boomerang.

“Finally, there's an update from the Equestria Dirigible Company, who won a bid to construct a mass produced heavier than air vehicle for use by non-pegasi. They report that the two prototypes, codenamed 'Eagle' and 'Vulture', have successfully completed testing at the Crescent Moon Military Base.

“The 'Eagle'—which is an,” Borealis squinted at the text, “apparatus which uses an unpowered rotor in autorotation to develop lift, and an engine-powered propeller, to provide thrust—shows great promise in scouting and 'fast strike' attacks; while the 'Vulture' uses affixed wings on its body that generate lift caused by the apparatus' forward airspeed and the shape of the wings—goodness, that's technical. It shows promise as a potential bomber and heavy cargo carrier that's much faster than any dirigible we currently have.

“The first shipment of 'Eagles' has been earmarked for the Royal Equestrian Navy, which will begin operating them as recon aircraft within six weeks as soon as new pilots are trained. The first shipment of 'Vultures' has been delayed due to an ongoing issue with the rudder that still needs to be sorted out.”

He tossed the parchment at Sprinkles, who flinched, only to have it land gently on his back. The group turned a corner and headed down another of the castle's seemingly endless halls.

“That concludes our major projects. There are, of course, other projects we're working on, but it's probably best if you don't know about them. That way, you can't be accused of lying and you don't have to dirty your hooves in the Night Guard's inner workings. Captain-General.”

Eclipse looked at her superior.

“Yes, sir?”

“Please debrief the Lady Regent on the Guard's standard and special operations recently.”

“Yes, sir.”

Eclipse cleared her throat and picked up a clipboard from an undisclosed location.

“As part of our standard duties, the Night Guard reports no known unauthorized uses of Dark Magic, thefts of artifacts, or attacks on ponies deemed 'Critical Security Assets', such as the Bearers of Elements of Harmony. We report fourteen thousand, four hundred and thirty-one active duty personnel and an additional one thousand, three hundred and eighty-seven reserve personnel. No injuries or deaths have occurred since the last status report.”

She flipped a page.

“Cleanup operations continue in the Everfree Forest to contain the Class B Leviathan that has caused issues with travelers and compasses. Given their expertise, the Arcane Magic Council is being consulted on how best to proceed with final containment of the creature.”

Another page was turned.

“The Guard are proud to report that all records of our involvement in the assassination of Grand Emir El Dorado al-Pinto and installation of his brother, Arabus A-Leaf II as Grand Emir of Saddle Arabia have been purged from the Restricted Access section of the Canterlot Archives as per Princess Luna's orders.”

'A-Assassination?!'

“Thanks to covert operations, we've successfully eliminated the upstart Free Democracy Party—famous for its anti-royalist platform—from causing further issues. It's good that Party Chairman and founder Ideal Hope was able to see reason before we had to deploy the 'family option'. Those doughnut pictures proved far more incriminating than we had initially thought.”

'What are they doing?!'

“And finally, a failure in the crystal matrix caused the National Dream Database to crash yesterday. The failure caused a lapse in dream monitoring and recovery from nine pm to five am before backups were able to activate. As a result, there have been sporadic issues with linking dreams to individuals and tagging potential threats.”

Twilight stopped, causing the others to halt as well.

“Dream database?”

Eclipse looked up from her clipboard.

“Yes, ma'am. The National Dream Database. Thanks to Her Majesty's efforts, the Guard have been able to monitor and store Equestria's many dreams.”

“Isn't that a horrible violation of privacy?”

Borealis scoffed.

“Of course not. Parliament—via the DREAM Act, which stands for Defense...uh, something, Equestria, something, something, Act—has duly authorized the Night Guard and Princess Luna to watch over and store citizens' dreams.”

Twilight gave an incredulous look.

“Parliament? As in the congress that eats out of the nobility's hooves? The group whose members have a bribery or ethical scandal every other week? The government body that has a lower approval rating than wolves?”

Borealis tried to salvage things.

“The Canissian Empire is very well respec—”

Twilight advanced.

“Wild, ravenous wolves infected with rabies!”

Borealis flinched.

“Okay, so Parliament's not the greatest. But, this is totally legitimate. The Star Chamber must approve all dream requests.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“And I'm in charge of this Chamber, correct?”

“Uh, yes. You are the 'Chief Justice' of the Star Chamber.”

Twilight started walking again.

“Then we'll just have to see how many more of those requests get approved.”

Borealis bit his lip as he looked to Eclipse.

“Alright, we're here.”

Twilight stared at the door.

“But it's a broom closet.”

Borealis shook his head as he opened the door. Several mops, brooms, and cleaning supplies were stuffed into the cramped space.

“That's just what Princess Celestia wants you to think. In actuality, it's the entrance to the Star Chamber. Best to keep it hidden in plain sight and all that.”

After messing around with one of the shelves, he reached up and tugged on the lightbulb pull chain. The light turned on. Borealis furrowed his brow.

“Wait, that's not right.” he looked over at Twilight, “It's supposed to open.” he tugged on the chain rapidly several times. Aside from the light turning on and off, nothing happened, “I just don't get it. Maybe the door's broke.” a look of dread crossed his face, “Oh no. I don't want to have to call up maintenance. They're always such a pain in the flank.”

Twilight looked away from the amusing sight and noticed Solar Eclipse slowing rubbing her eyes, muttering to herself.

“I could have done anything. I could have taken up Spitfire on her offer, but noooo, I had to join Equestria's elite and where has that gotten me? Foalsitting a Guard Captain too stupid to remember where a door's at. Mother was right, as usual.”

Twilight turned around and saw another closet on the opposite side of the hallway.

“Perhaps this is the right one?”

Borealis stopped rearranging the closet and looked over.

“Ah, that has to be it.” he walked over and fiddled with a shelf, before pulling the lightbulb chain. This time, a grinding noise was heard as the back wall of the closet slid out to reveal a spiral staircase leading down into the depths of Canterlot Castle, “Here we go. Allow me to lead the way, Lady Regent.”

The trip down the narrow, winding staircase took a minute before the group arrived at the bottom. On both sides, two Night guards stood watch. Borealis smiled and waved at the two before walking down the lantern lit hallway. Twilight glanced around at the old stone walls and ceiling. Moss and cobwebs decorated the hallway. She stopped abruptly when the end of the hallway came into view.

“There's nothing here!”

Two unicorn guards were standing at attention in front of a rune carved into the floor. Behind them, the emblem of the Night Guard hung on the hallway's dead end. Eclipse nodded to the guards, who began to dump magic into the rune.

“Not quite, ma'am. The rune that you see on the floor is a Long-Range Teleport. Once we step onto it, we'll be teleported to the Star Chamber's current location.”

Twilight looked over from the now glowing rune.

“Current?”

Eclipse nodded.

“Yes, ma'am. Due to the secrecy and classified work the Star Chamber performs, it's meeting location varies each time. This is to ensure that the highest levels of secrecy and security can be maintained. For this session, the Chamber will be meeting on the fourteenth floor of the Glass Glow Building in Manehatten, where the Night Guard's regional command facilities are located.”

A low hum started from the glowing rune. The two unicorn guards stopped pumping magic into it and nodded at Borealis.

“Alrighty, Lady Regent. If you'd just step onto the rune, we can get this gravy train rolling.”

Twilight, along with her Night Guard entourage, stepped onto the rune and disappeared in a flash of red light.

Twilight looked around to see the walls of an office building staring at her. Several Night guard stood at attention along those walls. Twilight looked over to Aurora as the four stepped off of the glowing rune.

“Cool. Those techies fixed that glitch where it teleported us over the Chesapony Bay. That was always annoying.”

'Wait, what?'

Borealis looked to the guards, who nodded.

“Time's a wastin', Lady Regent. If you'll follow me, we can get this meeting underway.”

“Okay.”

The group walked down another hallway, this time bathed in the monotony of office building white. At the end of the hall, flanked by two more bat pegasi guards, was a steel door. A strange emblem was engraved on it.

“Here we are.”

The two guards saluted as the door groaned open. Inside, a large, circular room greeted the group. On one side, a court bench with five leather chairs was located. The center of the room was slightly indented into the floor and had a solid granite floor, as opposed to the dark carpeting that adorned the rest of the room. A star shaped rune was carved into the granite. Candles, and a large, lantern covered chandelier cast an eerie glow of light to the windowless room. Several ponies mulled about.

Borealis looked to Twilight.

“I don't suppose you've met the Star Chamber before?”

Twilight cast an annoyed glare in his direction.

“What part of 'I have no idea what this is' didn't you understand?”

Borealis chuckled sheepishly.

“Right.” he motioned for an earth pony, a pegasus, and a unicorn to come over, which they did upon seeing the alicorn that accompanied him, “I'd like to introduce you to the other Star Chamber members.” Borealis pointed to the earth pony mare, “This is the Honorable Pink Lilly, Chief Justice for the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals.”

Lilly bowed.

“It is an honor to serve with the Regent for these important meetings.”

Twilight awkwardly motioned for her to stand.

“The, uh, honor's all mine.”

Borealis pointed to the pegasus stallion.

“This would be the Honorable Buzz Flyby, District Judge for the Equestria District Court for the Northern District of Cloudsdale—that's a lot of 'districts'.”

Buzz bowed slightly.

“Lady Regent.”

Before Twilight could respond, Borealis once again grabbed her attention by pointing to the unicorn mare.

“And lastly, this is the Honorable Deep Pockets, Federal Bankruptcy Judge for the District of Vanhoover.”

Deep nodded. Twilight looked at Borealis in confusion.

“Why's there a Bankruptcy judge on the Star Chamber?” she gasped and turned to Deep, grinning sheepishly, “No offense.”

Borealis put a hoof to his chin for a moment before shrugging.

“I dunno. Since I've been Guard Captain, there's always been a bankruptcy judge on the Star Chamber.”

Twilight furrowed a brow and cast a quick glance to the court bench.

“But wait, that's only four, including me. There's five chairs over there.”

Borealis' face brightened.

“Oh, right. And lastly—” he pointed to himself, “Aurora Borealis, Captain of the Night Guard.”

“You're on it too!?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But doesn't that represent a massive conflict of interest? Aren't the courts supposed to be neutral and unbiased?”

He patted her on her shoulder.

“Rest assured, Lady Regent. I'm totally unbiased. I only look out for what's best for Equestria, just as any judge in the courts would. Now, let's get this session underway.”

Twilight fiddled around in her chair, trying to find a comfortable position.

'Who made these chairs? It's like they were designed for bipeds or something.'

She looked up abruptly as Solar Eclipse cleared her throat.

“The Star Chamber of Equestria is now in session. Her Majesty, the Lady Regent of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle; Captain of the Night Guard, Aurora Borealis, the Honorable Pink Lilly, the Honorable Buzz Flyby, and the Honorable Deep Pockets presiding. Lady Regent, please proceed when ready.”

Twilight fumbled with the papers in front of her.

“Right. First, we have a warrant request by the Night Guard to store and track dreams of 'groups and individuals residing within the Principality of Equestria and its Territories' pursuant to sections three, four, and five of the DREAM Act. Request certified by the Office of the High Overseer. Mr. Strike, please proceed with your request.”

Deputy Attorney General Lightning Strike cleared his throat.

“Thank you, Lady Regent. The Ministry of Justice, acting on behest of the Night Guard, is requesting a standard wiretapping warrant for the monitoring and storage of dreams.”

Buzz looked down at the pegasus.

“And how long will these dreams be stored by the Guard?”

“As per Section Five of the DREAM Act, the Night Guard will only store the dreams for a maximum of two years, before the crystal matrices storing them are wiped.”

Buzz nodded.

“Very well.”

Deep looked up from the papers in front of her.

“Can we be assured that proper privacy protocols will be enforced—specifically those outlined in Cloudy Days v City of New Yoke?”

Lightning smiled.

“Absolutely. All proper protocols will be adhered to.”

Deep jotted something down on her papers.

“Good.”

Several moments passed without anypony saying a word. Twilight looked around.

“Seriously? That's it. None of you are the least bit concerned by this? I mean, personal experience has taught me the High Court's bad enough, but this is worse.” she turned to Lightning, “How can you ask for such a general warrant request?” she fumbled around with a thick law book in front of her, flipping through several of the pages before she arrived at the right page, “As determined in Equestria v Crimson Shot, a wiretapping warrant must 'be limited in its scope and duration, as an in perpetuum warrant is in violation of Article Eight of the constitution.'”

Lightning Strike was taken aback by the sudden hostility toward the request.

“Well, Lady Regent, the—uh—Ministry of Justice feels this warrant request isn't in violation of the Crimson Shot decision as it does have a limited duration and scope. The duration is one month, and the scope only covers Equestrian citizens. Residents of the Crystal Empire, Diamond Dogs, Buffalo, and many others are not included in the warrant application.”

Twilight slumped down into her chair.

“Fine. Let's just render our verdict on this. Do we break for recess so we can debate it like the High Court does, or is this just a straight vote?”

Lilly looked over.

“While standard court procedures would require us to break for a recess to debate the matter, given the secrecy and urgency of the Star Chamber and lack of a formal ruling, it has been tradition that an immediate vote is taken, without an opinion issued.”

“Very well then. All those in favor of granting the Ministry of Justice's warrant request?” Four hooves went into the air. Twilight shook her head sadly, “And those opposed.” She limply raised her hoof, “The Star Chamber—” she sighed, “authorizes the warrant request with Aurora Borealis, Buzz Flyby, Pink Lilly, and Deep Pockets in the majority and Twilight Sparkle dissenting.”

Twilight looked to Eclipse.

“What's the next matter on the docket?”

Eclipse looked down at the paper in front of her.

“Next on the docket is a request by the Arcane Magic Council for access to the 'Magical Containment Area' of the Crescent Moon Military Base so they can retrieve Nightmare Moon's armor that's being stored there and analyze it.”

Twilight's mood brightened at the mentioning of the Council.

“Oh yeah, I talked to them the other day about this.” she gasped, “Maybe I should recuse myself. It's the textbook definition of 'conflict of interest'. I don't want to be disbarred or impeached!” the strange looks the other members of the Star Chamber were giving her reminded Twilight to stay calm. She giggled, “Right, uh, you guys go ahead and debate it.”

Lilly shifted her gaze around at the other members, who remained silent, before returning it to Twilight.

“What's there to debate? This is just a standard request. We have the fullest confidence in the Arcane Magic Council. There really isn't any reason why it shouldn't be approved.”

“Really?”

The other members all nodded.

“Well then, all those in favor?”

Four hooves went up.

“The request is passed with Buzz Flyby, Pink Lilly, Deep Pockets, and Aurora Borealis in the majority with Twilight Sparkle abstaining.”

Eclipse whispered to one of the other Night Guardponies, who nodded before motioning for several of the other guards to follow him.

“There is one final matter that the Star Chamber needs to address. Docket eight, seven, one, three, three. Equestria v Sunshine Smiles. The charges are: Twenty-seven counts of foalnapping, twenty-seven counts of first degree foal abuse. Twenty-seven counts of attempted murder. Twenty-seven counts of torture. Three counts of high treason. Two hundred and seven counts of illegal use of Dark Magic. And eight counts of tax evasion.”

The steel door opened and, surrounded by Night guards, a bright blue unicorn stallion shuffled in, bound in heavy shackles and wearing a Magic Dampening Ring on his horn. The Night guards positioned him within the rune carved into the granite floor. The rune hissed and glowed a dull red while several wisps of smoke leaked out of the granite.

“Sunshine Smiles was tried in abstentia in the Star Chamber and convicted of all charges three months ago by unanimous vote. Princess Luna delayed sentencing until his capture.”

Lightning Strike crinkled his nose in disgust.

“In light of the horrible crimes that this pony and his cult have committed, the Ministry of Justice is recommending the maximum penalty allotted by law. Use of a full Memory Wipe and Reformation Spell, to be administered by representatives of the Health Institute of Equestria and Ministry of Love.”

Twilight was unable to suppress a shudder as she stared into the eyes of Sunshine, his scleras tinted blood red due to repeated use of uncontrolled Dark Magic.

“W-What do you have to say?”

Sunshine snorted.

“Say? My, my, Element of Magic, you certainly allow for the flare for the dramatics to happen. Dear Luna would never let the 'soiled lips of evil' speak in her court. I have only this to say. Watch yourself.” he looked around the room at the Star Chamber and Night guards, “You should all watch yourselves, because its ending. The world will soon reach its end, and when it does,” he chuckled, “Everything will burn. Burn!” flames began to erupt around the mad pony, “Burn!”

The Night guards scrambled toward Sunshine as he was engulfed in the fire. The guards stepped back as the flames abated, leaving behind only a pile of ash, bone, and the chains that once bound the cult leader. Twilight and the other members of the Chamber sat stunned at what had happened.

Eclipse rolled her eyes.

“Oh no you don't.”

She walked up to the pile of ash and jabbed it with a hoof.

“Ouch!”

The ash, and the air around it, warped and churned for a second before it disappeared with a “pop”, revealing the unharmed Sunshine Smiles, still bound in his chains and now frowning. She turned to Twilight, whose face was a mix of confusion, fear, and gratitude.

“My sincerest apologies, ma'am.” her leathery wing reached into Sunshine's mane and retrieved a small, coin-like object from behind his ear, “We had thought we had thoroughly searched him for any runes, but it appears this illusion rune was small enough to avoid detection. Rest assured, nopony was in any danger. The Arcanic Magica rune on the floor would have disabled any dangerous magical discharges.”

Twilight let a small smirk form as she looked at Sunshine's pouting face.

'So much for dramatics.'

“I just hope he'll be truly reformed.”

Aurora smiled solemnly as the two walked out of the Star Chamber's room and back down the hallway toward the Long-Range Teleport.

“You have nothing to fear, Lady Regent, once the High Court stamps off on the Spell's use, the evil pony that was Sunshine will be gone.” Borealis' smile grew lighter, “It really is amazing what those loons over at the Arcane Magic Council have cooked up over the years.”

It seemed as though Borealis' smile was contagious.

“Yeah, I suppose they are. Oh, and Aurora?”

Borealis looked back at Twilight.

“Yes, Lady Regent?”

“As Regent, I have direct oversight of the Night Guard's activities, correct?”

Aurora thought for a moment.

“That'd be right. 'Commander of the Armed Forces' and all. Why?”

Twilight's smile morphed into one that made the head of the feared Night Guard gulp with worry.

“I'd like to have a word with you about the Night Guard's ongoing operations.”

[-----]

Borealis and Eclipsed watched Twilight walk back to her bedroom.

“I knew this was a bad idea, sir. She's just set back research by several years.”

Aurora sighed.

“What would you have suggested we do, Eclipse? We were legally obligated to debrief her.”

It was Eclipse's turn to sigh.

“I know that, but the law didn't specify when we had to debrief her.”

Borealis gave a rare glare.

“I'm not going to be lowering the Night Guard to the level of a lawyer. We may do a lot of questionable things, but that's one line I refuse to cross.” he softened his gaze, “Besides, it's only for a year. Once Luna returns from vacation, she'll greenlight everything again. These projects are simply too important to Equestria to be tossed by the wayside because it made Twilight's ethical side uncomfortable.”

“I just hope she comes to understand the importance of our, as you put it, sir, 'questionable things'. It would certainly make things more legally challenging if one of the princesses decided to constantly challenge our activities. I don't even think your weekly luncheons with Docket Number would help.”

“Oh, I'm sure she will, Echo. Twilight's going to have to eventually learn that while Equestria may be filled with love and rainbows, there's always going to be someone out there wanting to take those rainbows for themselves, and we have to do decidedly unloving things to ensure that that doesn't happen.”

“I told you not to call me that, sir.”

***********

Twilight sat, bleary eyed, on the throne. A large mug with the words “#1 Sister” painted onto it was suspended from her telekinesis. Steam and the strong smell of coffee wafted from the mug's top. She blew on the coffee before taking a sip.

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. What did I tell you, Twilight.”

Spike sat on the steps below her, signing documents before tossing them into a plastic bin. His hat was now even more extravagant than before, with several large golden feathers protruding from its top.

“You should have rescheduled that meeting with the Equestria Library Association and taken a nap instead, but noooooo, you had to talk with them about their new rules,” he chuckled, “and look where it's gotte—”

“Spike,” Twilight's voice dripped with the venom of a thousand box jellyfish, “if I hear one more word out of that mouth, I'm appointing you Postmaster-General and assigning you to mail sorting duties to give you 'hooves on' experience.”

“Eep.”

The throne room door opened and several of the Dusk Court staffers walked in, carrying an assortment of papers and books. Leading the small mob was Minister of Justice Antitrust. He waved around a folder as he approached the throne.

“Lady Regent, I'm glad I caught you before tonight's Dusk Court.”

Twilight resisted the urge to let out an annoyed sigh.

“Yes, minister?”

He handed over the folder containing a stack of papers with legalese typed on them.

“It is my duty to inform you that the Equestria Radium Corporation has appealed your Royal Decree ordering their shutdown to the High Court, which has agreed to their petition for writ of certiorari. As it's a Royal Decree case, they will be hearing oral arguments tomorrow. You have the right as issuer of the Decree to personally argue your case before the High Court, or you can opt to allow the Solicitor General to do so, the choice is yours.”

Twilight took another sip of coffee as she threw the folder into the pile of paperwork Spike was sorting through.

“I'll leave the case in the capable hooves of the Solicitor General.”

Antitrust bowed briefly.

“Very well, Lady Regent.”

Twilight glanced up at the clock.

'Forty minutes until the first public session of the Court in years. Please go well.'

**********

Two Royal Guardstallions stared at the throngs of ponies standing in the hallway outside the throne room.

“I tell ya, man. I haven't seen this many ponies here since Princess Celestia decided to give away bits that one day to 'liven things up'.”

Spike's voice rang out from inside the throne room.

“Petitioners are requested to form a single-file line. Please ensure you have your petition request in legible writing so the High Overseer can properly document and organize it. Next petitioner.”

The other guard turned to the first.

“I know. Day Court was always so peaceful and relaxing, but this,” he gestured to the group of ponies that were now trying to line up, “is ridiculous.”

The first guard ribbed the second.

“And just imagine. Any one of them could have a knife or a bomb or something and we'd never know.”

The second guard scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Wishful thinking. The last time something exciting happened—actually, it was that bit giveaway, too. We're just here for show, or, if you believe some of the more mature rumors, eye candy for the thousand year old mares.”

The first guard adjusted his armor.

“In this armor? I don't think so.”

Spike ran forward, his feathered hat flopping in the air, and handed Solar another sheet of paper, before he hustled back to the podium at the throne room's entrance to talk with the next petitioner. Solar attached the paper to his clipboard and read it.

“Presenting: Mrs. Red Chrysanthemum of the Village of Whinnyright.”

A nervous amber earth pony walked into the throne room and bowed.

“Your Majesty.”

'It's been a while since I've heard a 'Your Majesty'.'

“What can the Regency do for you, Mrs. Chrysanthemum?”

Chrysanthemum fidgeted.

“You see, I have this fabulous garden that grows all sorts of vegetables.” she sighed in content, “It's truly the envy of the village.” she snorted, “and I know it is because one of my neighbors—Stained Glass, that old crotchety mare—keeps on stealing my beloved tomatoes. Those poor sweethearts. Being viciously ripped from their vines in the dead of night and goodness knows what that brute's doing to them. She's probably using a butcher's knife to slice through their delicate insides, uncaring over the damage she's causing.” she sniffled, “I've tried everything. Putting up a little white picket fence. Glaring at her while shopping. I even stopped buying cookies from her colt—but nothing's helped! I just don't know what to do.”

Twilight expertly closed her gaping mouth before anyone could see. She glanced over at Solar Flare, who, thanks to his many years as a government official, had trained himself in the art of subtly rolling his eyes.

“My condolences. However, I'm afraid this isn't an...issue that the Dusk Court can handle. Perhaps you could talk with Miss Stained Glass to resolve your differences?”

Tears began leaking from Chrysanthemum's eyes.

“B-But m-my tomatoes!”

Twilight groaned inwardly.

Solar Flare sighed as he looked over the wheelbarrow full of Royal Decrees and other paperwork he'd have to go over.

“I wonder if I can retire soon.”

“Don't even joke about it.”

He turned to see Twilight approaching.

“Ah, Lady Regent. This certainly was one of the busiest Court sessions that's occurred.”

Twilight looked over the paperwork.

“And one of the most successful.” she took a deep breath, “Finally, I can get some actual good done and won't be choked by bureaucracy or special forces that are doing everything but making Equestria a better place to live.”

Solar raised an eyebrow.

“I wouldn't speak so soon, Lady Regent.”

Twilight's perky mood fell in an instant.

“Why? What now?”

Solar delicately reached into the pile of papers and carefully pulled out a scroll, holding his breath as the wheelbarrow's stack swayed dangerously to the left, before fully pulling it out once the unstable tower had settled.

“This is from Speaker of Parliament Slush Fund. He wants to meet with you as soon as possible. It's concerning Parliament's upcoming vote on the National Budget Act.”

End of Chapter Five.

Author's Note

If you're unfortunate enough to be reading this, it means you've reached the deadfic ending. Here's where things currently stand, if you were curious.

This chapter is dedicated to that NSA worker who's been loyally reading this story as s/he uploads it to the government's database.

I really dislike this chapter. It's clunky, boring, and it hampers the [Comedy] tag. Which is a shame, because I had been looking forward to writing it.

Be sure to check out the deleted scenes to see my original introduction of the Night Guard and how I realized that pushing the [Comedy] tag out of the way was inevitable.

Bet you can't guess what fanfic the Cult of the Broken Circle is ~~plagiarized from~~ referencing. Those who know which fandom I was in prior to ponies might have some idea.

EDIT: Google Docs derped the upload. Hopefully the proper version's now up.
EDIT Mk 2: Due to the controversy of the Night Guard's operations (see below), a re-write of their scenes will occur on completion of the next chapter.