An Eque$trian Payday

by The card holder

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 46780

A group of robbers end up at ground zero of Earth and Equestria having portals opening between them. The robbers blend in with the crowd and bide their time; at least, until they decide that Equestria has some nifty things to steal...

Compared to their past heists, this one was going rather badly. It takes an armored truck being driven by their "handler" to get the crew out of this one. But before they could celebrate yet another pile of money in their possession, one of the strangest things happens...

While all of the politicians, scientists, and the military are worrying about the portals that opened up to some kind of alternate dimension, the crew blends in with the crowds of people coming to this world full of "ponies".
But of course, the allure of more heists presents itself even here...
So it's time to load up and grab your mask. It's payday.

Ignores the season 3 finale, and as such the entirety of season 4

Published 2013-03-24 23:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-04 18:30:12 UTC

Testing the Waters

It had been a few months since the portals between Earth and Equestria had opened. In that time, peaceful relations were established between a number of countries with Equestria, and both humans and ponies moved across the portals from one world to another on a regular basis. The humans brought their technology with them into Equestria, helping to advance many facets of ponies' lives.

Of course, not everything was completely peaceful. Equestria already had a few gangs in the larger cities, but now they were slightly bigger with the addition of humans. Crime had seen a slight boost in both number and severity, but the police forces had escalated with the crime.

As for the group of criminals who were the first humans to pass through one of the portals, they had been living in the Everfree forest this whole time, waiting for the heat around them to die down. That doesn't mean they were idle, however; they took numerous trips to the edge of the forest in order to scout out the surrounding area, which led to them discovering that they weren't quite in Kansas anymore. Despite the shock to their systems, they still remained hidden. A few search parties were sent after them after the first month, which they quickly dispatched. Thankfully for them, apparently everyone in town simply thought that the wildlife had gotten them. And true enough, the crew encountered their fair share of wild animals, both mundane and exotic. But since they were still fairly heavily armed, there was little problem. Chains's SEALs experience didn't hurt, either.

Still, eventually, everyone wants to stretch their legs. Which brings us to this day; the day when the crew decided to head into the nearby town and see how things are. Bain stayed behind, manning a radio he always carried with him for talking to the four. The plan was simple: head into town, learn about the local populace while establishing a cover for them, maybe even get a proper place of living for the five.

But of course, even the simplest plans are never quite that easy...

"So, how are we gonna do this? Stick together, or split up?"

"It would probably be best to split up. You can cover more ground that way."

"What exactly do we look for? Things to steal?"

"Not yet; we'll get to that soon enough. For now, just get some info on the area. Still, anything of value you find will be worth reporting."

"I still can't get over the fact that we finally met aliens, and they're bloody horses!"

"Just keep it together, Hoxton. Who knows, maybe you'll finally find a girlfriend now!"

There were snickers among the group.

"Oi, screw you guys."

The crew walked into town, three of them still chuckling softly to themselves. There were mostly ponies milling about, but there were a few humans, as well. The group got a few looks, but no one offered more than a glance.

Dallas whispered to the others, "Alright, let's split up now. I got the north end of town."

Wolf replied, "I got the east."

"West," Hoxton added.

"Then I got south. We'll meet back here once we're done." The four of them nodded at each other before going their separate ways.

Dallas looked around. There were a few stores here and there, but none of them looked very interesting, or promising. At least, all except one; it looked rather like a carousel that you would find in a county fair, complete with pony mannequins mounted around the building. Since it looked like it could very well house something expensive, he decided to check that building out, first.

As the bell above the door rang, Dallas looked around the interior. It was awfully gaudy; there were purple curtains draped nearly everywhere from the ceiling, and various mannequins, both human and pony, displayed different dresses and suits. Notably, there were gems in a large number of the designs.

"I think I found some kind of clothing store," Dallas whispered into his mic. "It looks like they use gems in the clothes, here."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Dallas, but it seems that gems are a lot more common here than back home. Still, if there's enough of them, it would be a hefty sum."

A door near the back of the store opened and closed. "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique!" a refined female voice said. "Where everything is chic, unique, and-" At that moment, the owner of the voice, a white unicorn, turned around a corner and saw the human- or rather, what he was wearing.

It might have been the fact that Dallas's suit was rather worn and torn. It could have even been the dark red stains that were found scattered across it. But the most likely reason that the boutique was filled with an ear-piercing shriek was that Dallas's suit was-

"Plaid! Of all of the colors and patterns you could wear, you chose plaid!" The unicorn started grabbing nearby fabrics with her magic.

"Woah, woah," Dallas started, "what are you doing?"

"I am making you a new suit! One that isn't... plaid!" She gagged to emphasize her point.

"Wait, I don't have the money to pay for that..." This wasn't entirely untrue; they had a fortune in U.S. dollars, not the local currency.

"No need! I will correct this... atrocity free of charge! Besides, that suit looks rather worn, doesn't it?"

"Well, you're not wrong... What's your name, anyway?"

"Rarity. And yours?"

"Dallas."

"What happened, Dallas? What was that scream?"

Once he was sure that Rarity was absorbed in her work, Dallas answered Bain in a whisper. "Nothing, just a pony who didn't like my suit, so she's making me a new one for free."

"Heh. Wait, she's making you a suit?"

"Yeah, why?"

"The others need new suits, too, if they're going to blend in; they're ripped to hell and back. See if you can get three more suits out of the deal."

"Got it." He looked up to see Rarity about to leave into another room with the fabrics. Strangely, she didn't seem to need any measurements. "Hey, Rarity?"

"Yes?"

"I have a few friends that have suits like mine, ripped and stuff, do you think you could make them suits, too?"

"Not for free. I still have a business to run, after all. Just have them come in tomorrow, and I'll begin working on them, and yours will be done, as well."

"Well... alright then." With that, Dallas walked out of the boutique. As he headed back to the center of town, he was wondering how the others were doing.

Hoxton stood in the middle of the street for nearly a full minute. He knew that the dominant species here was ponies, including pegasi and unicorns, but even that knowledge couldn't prepare him for the sight in front of him.

"How are you doing, Hoxton?" Bain asked. "Did you find anything?"

"...a bloody tree-house."

"That's probably some kid's, then, that's not important."

"No, I mean, an actual sodding tree that someone went and built a house inside of."

"...that's more unusual, I admit. It might be worth checking out."

Sighing to himself, Hoxton began walking towards the tree building. Once he was closer, he saw a sign showing a book above the door, along with a computer that looked as if it was recently added on.

"Looks like some kind of library," he told Bain.

"Perfect, that should be a good source of info. Do they have computers, too?"

"Looks like it."

"Even better. See if you can plug me in."

"Gotcha." Hoxton grasped the USB drive he and the others always carried in case Bain was needed for some hacking job. Making sure it was secure, he strode inside the library.

And what a library it was. One side of the room he entered into was almost completely filled with books, of all sizes and colors. The other was set up as a sort of computer lounge, with at least five PCs up and running. A young man who looked to be in his late teens, maybe early twenties came out of somewhere in the back of the computer area. "Welcome to the Ponyville Library, is there anything I can help you with, sir?"

"You work here?" the Brit asked.

"Nope. Well, kinda," the younger man replied. "I live here, so I sort of work here, too."

"Hmm. Anyway, I'm new in town, and Equestria as a whole, so I was just hoping to learn the lay of the land, as it were."

"Ah, yes, the 'newcomer' help. I remember when I was in your shoes. Now, do you want the full history lesson, or just the basics?"

"Actually, I was hoping you could just show me where to look. I never really liked lectures," Hoxton said, shrugging.

"Got it. Just go to the computer and bring up Wikipedia, then."

"That's it? I thought it'd be different than back home."

The man laughed. "Some things never change, huh?"

"Too right, mate..." Hoxton sat down at one of the computers while the younger man went about his business, straightening up a few things. Once he was sure he was not looking in his direction, Hoxton plugged the drive in. "All yours, Bain," he whispered.

"Alright, just one password here and... done. I've got access to the entire database now.... Wow, that's a lot of stuff. This could take a while. In the meantime, go ahead and look for whatever tickles your fancy."

Meanwhile, a purple unicorn came down a set of stairs. "Who was that, Kevin?"

"Just a new arrival who wanted some info," Kevin pointed to Hoxton, who gave a small wave in their direction.

"Oh, alright." The unicorn winced and held her head in a hoof. "This headache is killing me."

"Just get back up to bed, Twilight. I can handle this." The two of them shared a hug before Twilight went back upstairs. When Kevin looked back, he saw Hoxton giving him a bemused look. "What?"

"Are you and that pony...?" he asked, his voice hinting at what he was saying.

"Well... I guess you could say that."

"...you're dating a pony," Hoxton deadpanned.

"...yep."

"A bloody pony... isn't that a little... weird, don't you think?"

"It kinda was, at first, but I got over it. They're sentient, and all that."

"...right."

"Who knows, maybe you'll find that you enjoy the pony form, as well," Kevin said with a smirk.

"No chance," Hoxton replied with a wave of his hand. "I never had time for human gals back home, anyway."

"What, you that into your job?"

"...you could say that."

"Well, anyway, if you need anything else, I'll be over here." With that, Kevin walked off to another part of the library. Hoxton just shook his head in disbelief.

"Alright, it's done. How did things go on your end?" Bain asked.

"Oh, you know," the Brit replied while removing the drive and placing it back in his pocket, "just conversed with some locals, learned that human-pony relationships are a thing."

"Really? Huh... That's odd."

"Bloody right it is. But, different strokes for different blokes, I suppose." Standing up, Hoxton strode back out of the library, hoping that his mind didn't wander to unpleasant places after that encounter.

Wolf looked around the park he had walked into. A few ponies were milling about, either conversing with friends or simply enjoying the noon sun. There were a couple of humans, too, but they seemed to be just passing through.

Finding an unoccupied park bench right by a local school, Wolf sat down. He wasn't exactly the most sane of his team, but he was still good at his job. Still, he occasionally had to be kept on a leash, as it were, and Bain had to remind him to not be too rough with hostages on a normal basis. Still, he liked his team; they were like the brothers he never had.

Hearing barking, Wolf broke out of his reflecting just in time to see a dog bounding up to him. It jumped on his leg, and he petted it while looking around for a possible owner.

Just out of his vision, a soft voice said, "There you are, Winona!"

Turning, Wolf saw a yellow, pink-maned pegasus approaching, a soft yet stern look on her face. "What did I tell you about running off?" she told the dog, who whimpered slightly and walked to the pegasus's side, still panting. "I hope she didn't cause you any trouble, mister," she said to Wolf.

"Oh, no trouble at all," he said, smiling. "This your dog?"

"Oh, no, I'm just watching her for a friend."

"Alright." The two of them remained silent.

"Well, um..." the pony started. "...bye."

Wolf waved goodbye as the pony walked off, the dog on a leash. Behind him, a bell rang on the side of the school building, followed by several children's voices filling the air. Turning, Wolf saw that they were all small ponies, and it looked to be recess. Chuckling, Wolf turned back around, reminiscing on his own childhood.

Soon, an argument made its way to his ears, and he sat still as he listened.

"Why would I invite a couple of blank flanks like you? It's my party!" a snobbish voice said.

"That ain't fair!" a southern voice said back. "Just 'cause you got your cutie mark first doesn't mean your any better than us!"

"Yeah!" a slightly tomboyish voice backed up the southern one. "And what the heck does your cutie mark mean, anyway? It's just your name!"

"It means," the snobbish voice said, "that I am a rich pony, and should be treated as such!"

Wolf started listening a bit more intently at the word rich.

"You didn't earn any of that money!" a fourth, high-pitched voice added. "That's all from what your dad did, not you!"

"Regardless, none of you are invited to my birthday party this weekend! I don't want to see mane nor tail of you three anywhere near my mansion!"

"Ah wouldn't go that far out 'f town anyway!"

The four of them continued arguing, but Wolf tuned them out to speak into his mic. "Did you hear that, Bain?"

"What?"

"Apparently, there's a mansion nearby owned by a pony who's pretty rich, and his daughter's having a birthday party this weekend."

"This could be like the Garnett heist all over again... Nice job, Wolf. I'll look into it."

Standing up, Wolf adjusted his tie before walking back towards the center of town.

Chains glanced around. This part of town seemed to be where most of the restaurants were located, which meant quite a lot of ponies and humans were around. As he glanced around, he noticed that there was actually a steakhouse here, almost exclusively filled with humans. He laughed softly to himself; even in the midst of a race of herbivores, mankind needs their meat.

As he continued down the street, Chains's gaze rested upon what looked like a literal gingerbread house. Curious, he walked inside, where a few ponies were in some of the booths. He walked up to the counter, which was currently unmanned. Looking back to the kitchen, he saw a pink pony bouncing around to various cooking devices, while humming an upbeat tune. When she turned around and saw him, the pony grew a huge grin, and after depositing a tray of cupcakes on the counter (with her head, no less), she bounded up to the counter where Chains was waiting.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, Mister..." She seemed to be trying to remember a name, but then she said, "Huh, I don't recognize you." Suddenly, her large grin grew to massive proportions. "I don't recognize you! That means you're new in town! Right?"

"Uh... yeah, but-"

"I knew it! I knew it knew it knew it!" She bounced back into the kitchen, and returned with a cupcake in her hoof. "Here ya go!"

Chains held up a hand to refuse the cupcake. "No thanks, I don't have any money."

"This is your 'Welcome to Ponyville' cupcake! It's on the house!" Realizing he didn't have to pay, Chains shrugged and grabbed the pastry. "I used to throw welcome parties," the pony continued, "but with so many new humans coming in, I thought it'd be easier to just give out cupcakes."

Chains bit into the cupcake, and it wasn't half bad, actually. In fact, it was rather good, but there was a taste he couldn't quite identify. "This is good, but what's in this cupcake?"

"Oh, the usual, flour, a bit of salt, chocolate, aaaand, my new secret ingredient," the pony leaned almost uncomfortably close to Chains's ear before whispering, "gold."

He nearly choked on the cupcake at that last word. "Gold?"

"Yep!" The pony went over to a side door, did some kind of special knock, and opened it to reveal a hefty amount of gold bars stacked inside. Chains's jaw went slack. The pony closed the door again, and held a hoof out to the human. "By the way, my name's Pinkie Pie!"

Chains kept staring at the door for a second, then recovered and shook Pinkie's hoof. "Chains." After eating the rest of the cupcake, he said, "Well, I guess I'm gonna leave, now."

"Bye Chains!" Pinkie said, waving in an overly-exaggerated manner. "Good luck in whatever you're doing in Ponyville!"

The irony of that statement was not lost on Chains, who chuckled to himself. Once he was outside, he keyed in his mic. "Bain, you won't believe what I found."

"What?"

"One of the ponies here runs a bakery, and she put actual gold in some of her cupcakes!"

"Really? That's something."

"Not only that, but she has plenty of bars of the stuff, too! She's loaded, and she might not even know it!"

"Well, if she doesn't know it, she won't miss it, then... Can you remember where that building is?"

"Oh, don't worry," Chains said, looking back at the bakery, "it's pretty iconic."

"That's good. The others probably have some good news, too."

"I hope so. New dimension, new town, new jobs, same ol' action..." Chains laughed again as he walked down the street.

Back at the town center, in front of the town hall, four suited men walked towards each other.

"I just plugged Bain into the local database," Hoxton started. "What did you do, mates?"

"I just got us arrangements for new suits, tomorrow," Dallas said.

"I could use a new suit," Wolf lamented, inspecting a tear near his tie. "I found out about a mansion not too far away, which is apparently loaded with loot."

"Mansions are always good," Chains commented. "I found a bakery that uses goddamn gold in their cupcakes."

"Gold? Bloody hell... these ponies sure are something."

"Good job, guys. Now get back here; I think I might have found a new safehouse for us..."

"You heard him, move out," Chains ordered. As the four were walking back out of town, Hoxton spoke up.

"Did you guys know that apparently a few humans got... well, 'friendly' with some of the locals?"

The others had mixed reactions. Wolf gagged slightly, Dallas was confused and slightly disgusted, and Chains laughed.

"Exactly my thoughts."

"Well, Hoxtifier, that just means you won't be alone, right?"

Dallas and Chains both laughed heartily.

"Wolf?"

"Yeah, Hox?"

"Shut your mouth."

All of them laughed the whole way back to the forest edge.

Renovations, Purchases, and Preperations

Bain led the four through the forest, radio on his back and laptop in his hands. Apparently, the idle magic in the air of this world was enough to majorly extend the battery life of devices, because his laptop had been running for quite a while, now, and it was only now reaching half charge. Still, he'd have to see about getting an outlet to plug it into sometime.

But that was an issue for the future. Right now, he had to worry about this rickety bridge in between him and his crew and their destination.

"There should be an old castle on the other side of this gorge, abandoned," Bain explained.

"You sure this is the only way across?" Hoxton asked, looking at the worn bridge with apprehension.

Chains took the initiative. "Everyone just go one at a time, slowly. We should be able to get to the other side if we're careful."

The others all agreed to this course of action, and thirty harrowing minutes later, Wolf was the last one to reach the other side.

"We have to find a better way to get here and back," he said. "I can't do this every time."

"We'll figure something out," Bain replied, "but for now let's just get the place situated." The five of them got moving again, the old castle now in sight.

Once they got to it, they looked around. The place was abandoned, alright; it looked as if no one had used it in hundreds of years. Parts of the roof were caved in, and plants were covering sections of the walls and floor.

"Looks like a fixer-upper," Dallas commented.

"Don't worry, I made a few contacts already, and they agreed to come by and give the place some modern comforts, as well as supplying us with more guns, ammo, and other things we'll need."

"Anything new for sale?" Wolf asked.

"I don't know, they said they'd bring their whole stock with them." Bain looked at his watch. "And they should be arriving soon. Let's see if we can get to the roof."

It took some looking, but they finally found a staircase to the roof that wasn't completely crumbled. Watching the horizon, Chains soon spotted a pair of ordinary helicopters heading their way, low over the treetops. Both of them came in and landed on a flat piece of the wide roof, which thankfully didn't fall apart under the weight.

Out of one chopper emerged a man in a balaclava, who chuckled a little before heading over to the group. "Hey, guys, long time no see."

All of them recognized that vaguely Russian accent. "Alex? Is that you?" Hoxton asked.

"Yep, I help with black market deals now."

"Because you weren't very good at action jobs?" Bain quipped from the back.

Alex chuckled again. "Yeah. I seem to have lost my touch with that. Anyway, there's the chopper you ordered," he said, pointing to the helicopter he just left, "so now you'll talk to my partner here for the rest of the things."

Out of the second helicopter came a yellow unicorn, also wearing a balaclava, and duct tape over where his cutie mark was. "Pleasure to meet you four. I've heard stories about what kind of heists you pulled," he said.

The five nodded, well aware of the capers they had pulled. "So, what's for sale?" Bain asked.

"Straight to business; I like that." The unicorn walked over to a side door on the chopper, and swung it open. Inside were all manner of guns, ammo, and medical supplies. "Assuming you all know what to look for, which I know you do," he continued, "I'll only be explaining the newer stuff, exclusive to the Equestrian black market." He levitated out a few sets of cable ties, which were slightly larger than what the crew was used to. "These cable ties have been enchanted to suppress the magic of any unicorn you use them on, as well as paralyzing the wings of pegasi."

"How much?" Chains asked.

The unicorn smiled. "For a few legends like you, these are on the house." He levitated a gym bag nearly brimming with the cable ties, which Bain took. "Next up, we have this." He took out a small satellite dish, which was attached to some kind of device. "This also suppresses unicorn magic, but on a much larger scale; useful for keeping large groups down, and they're reusable, assuming they don't get shot up. They run about thirty bits each."

"How much is that in U.S. dollars?" Dallas asked.

"Well, conversion rates are roughly three dollars to one bit... so around a hundred each."

Hoxton whistled at the steep price, while Bain grabbed a wad of hundred dollar bills from one of the money bags they've kept with them. "We'll take twenty," he said after counting up the bills. He tossed them to the unicorn, who caught them with his magic. He unloaded six of the devices, before shrugging.

"That's all I've got on me, so I'll have to make repeat trips to fill that order completely. But that's it for the new toys, so let's get to the rest."

The deals went easily enough, each crew member picking out their guns of choice and taking plenty of ammo with them. Medical supplies were also bought, as well as a few drills and saws. When they were finished, nearly the whole chopper was cleaned out, and the crew had only a few bills left.

"Also, how much would it cost to get this place renovated into a proper safe house?" Bain asked, once all the other deals were in order.

"Depends, what kind of safe house are you talking about?"

"Something livable, with electricity and running water, but otherwise bare minimum."

"Normally that'd be pretty cheap, but the price will no doubt go up, since you're talking about the place where Nightmare Moon was defeated."

"Who?"

"Equestrian legend. Basically, your stereotypical cartoon villain, not quite an honest criminal like ourselves."

Bain nodded. He had skimmed through the Ponyville database, but he ignored things like legends; they probably weren't important to know for their jobs.

"But anyway," the unicorn went on, "you probably don't have enough money for it right now, anyway. I trust you'll have it by next week?"

"More than likely. And what about the local currency? We only have bills, not bits."

"Don't worry; larger bills are accepted everywhere in Equestria in place of large amounts of bits. Just buy some things in town, and they'll give you change in bits." The unicorn got in the pilot seat and started up the helicopter, while Alex got in the other seat.

"Happy stealing!" he called to the crew before the chopper lifted off and left.

With that done, Bain explained the situation to the others, who were checking out their new guns. They nodded, and then went back inside as the sun began to set.

It had been a long day, and they deserved the shuteye.

After braving the bridge one more time in the morning ("Maybe we could make a pair of zip-lines across the gorge, that'd probably be safer!"), the four walked back through the forest towards town. Bain had told them about how, as simple as it was, they needed food. And Ponyville had good amounts of it ready for purchase, so they'd have to legally acquire something this one time.

Besides, they still had to make arrangements for their new suits. And with Bain now tapped into the few cameras in town, he could keep an eye out for them.

With this in mind, as they entered town, they stuck together, rather than split up. They took care not to stay too close together, though; they didn't want to seem suspicious.

Dallas led them to the boutique, but it seemed to still be closed. They decided to get the grocery shopping out of the way while they waited.

Before they could buy anything, however, Bain spoke up in their ear pieces. "Hold on, there seems to be something happening at the local school. A pair of SWAT vans just pulled up, but no sirens are on."

By now, the four were completely separated, but they still voiced their acknowledgement as they were directed to the schoolhouse, Wolf remembering the path he took the day before.

They arrived at different times from different angles, but none of them could really see what was going on.

"Hold on," Bain told them, "I think there's some cameras inside the school... aaand their signal is encrypted. Give me a second."

As the four men waited, a few ponies also arrived at the school, curious about the SWAT vans. They didn't seem concerned, however. Though to be fair, they weren't career criminals like the four suited men who were there.

"Alright, I'm tapped in to the cameras now... Huh, it seems like some kind of assembly from the local police force. They're giving some PSAs about the usual things, like fire safety and stuff. Hold on... Is that... Yeah, that's a Bulldozer. And a couple Tazers... a few Cloakers... and even a shield! They got all the specialist units here!"

This news worried the crew, but they remained stoic.

"Wait, they're going outside now, apparently for early recess," Bain added. "Act inconspicuous!"

The four nonchalantly leaned on nearby walls, lamp posts, or trees, and Dallas and Chains held a quiet conversation, though nothing of value was being said, as they were simply trying to blend in. Hoxton sat on a bench some distance away, and Wolf ended up leaning on the fence, watching, along with the small gathered crowd, as several colts and fillies ran out of the building, followed by SWAT units and the specialist units. They were all bombarded with questions from the children, and they answered them with relative ease. Notably, the Bulldozer was being approached by a group of three fillies, all of which Wolf noted had no cutie marks.

"Excuse me, sir," the yellow one, whom Wolf recognized as one of the arguing fillies from yesterday, started, "but you think you're stronger than mah brother?"

"Well, probably," the Bulldozer spoke in a somewhat garbled voice, due to the suit's need for a radio to be heard. "Why do you ask?"

The orange one said excitedly, "I bet you're not as strong as Apple Bloom's brother! He can lift, like, a dozen barrels full of apples at once! He's almost as awesome as Rainbow Dash!"

The Bulldozer laughed, something that made Wolf's skin turn cold. "I'm sure I could at least match him."

"Oh yeah?" The yellow one, Apple Bloom, replied. "Prove it."

The Bulldozer shrugged. "If you insist." Bending down, he effortlessly picked up Apple Bloom, who gave out a yelp. She hung from his arm, nervous at first, but nervousness gave way to excitement, then joy. She began laughing, as the other two began asking to be picked up like that, too. The Bulldozer complied, and he soon had three laughing fillies hanging off his arms. Other kids began to notice, and they asked to be picked up, too. Soon, the Bulldozer was carrying about seven colts and fillies, and he ever so slightly showed some sign of wavering.

"Rather impressive, huh?"

Wolf jumped at the sudden voice to his side. He turned, coming face to mask with a Cloaker. He was about to freak out and start shooting, but he remembered that he wasn't in the middle of a heist, and calmed down. "Jeez, you scared me."

"Heh, yeah, I do that to people." The Cloaker looked to the Bulldozer, who was being surrounded by eager fillies and colts. "You know, he's not actually that strong. It's the suit."

Despite his fear and hate of Cloakers, Wolf was intrigued. "Really? How so?"

"Think about it. You wear over sixty pounds of armor a lot, and you can lift nearly anything... while in the suit. Outside it, he doesn't fare much better than he did before."

Wolf gave a snort. "So, tell me: Why are there SWAT teams here? I thought Equestria was supposed to be mostly peaceful."

"It is. But it's standard procedure. Every major town gets its own SWAT team, along with specialists, like us Cloakers." He gave some kind of salute to another Cloaker across the schoolyard, who was sharing a bench with a rather uncomfortable Hoxton. The other Cloaker returned the salute, and the first one chuckled. "Though, here specifically, there's been hardly any common street crimes, so this is basically like a paid vacation for us. We came here because we needed something to do." He laughed.

Back in the schoolyard, the Bulldozer was nearly toppled over by the small ponies.

The Cloaker gave a playful laugh in his direction. "Come on, Davis! I've seen you lift twice as much as that! Don't tell me a bunch of kids are gonna beat ya!"

Looking for a way out of this, Wolf checked his watch. "Ah, crap, I gotta be somewhere," he said, backing away. The Cloaker waved goodbye silently as he watched the Bulldozer finally fall to the rampaging children.

Now away from the police forces, Wolf headed over to Dallas and Chains. "Fucking Cloakers, man," he said under his breath, getting a chuckle from the two.

"Come on, let's grab Hoxton, and get out of here," Dallas said. The other two nodded and walked around the school. Chains motioned to Hoxton, who seemed to be on the receiving end of the Cloaker's statements. Hoxton got up, said he was late for something, and hurried off. The three walked after him, chuckling at the slightly offended Cloaker as they passed.

Once the four were together again, they immediately split up again to get the items they needed. Once that was done, they met up back in front of the boutique, which looked to be open now. Dallas led the way inside, where Rarity was putting the finishing touches on a plain black suit. She turned when the door opened, and smiled. "Ah, Dallas, you're a bit early. I was just putting the finishing touches on your suit." Leaning to the side, she saw the other three behind him. "And these gentlemen must be your associates, I presume."

"Yeah, this is Wolf, Hoxton, and Chains," Dallas said, pointing to each member of the group as he named them. Still holding grocery bags, they could only offer a small wave in return. As Dallas took the suit and went into a changing room, the white unicorn turned to the three newcomers.

"And you three need new suits, as well?" They nodded. "Alright. Normally, I'd charge forty bits a suit, but given your current suits are rather... worn, I'll make three new suits for only sixty bits total."

The three counted up the bits they got for change, and gave them to Rarity. "Thank you! Your suits will be ready in a day or two!" she said.

"Wait, don't you need to take our measurements, or something?" Hoxton asked.

"Nonsense. I find that most human males have about the same dimensions, and I'm good at doing measurements in my head, anyway."

At that moment, Dallas came out of the changing room, wearing the new suit. He had to move over his holster and mic to the new suit, but it was an easily done job. "How do I look?"

Hoxton smirked. "Like a cheeky bastard in an expensive suit," he quipped. This got a couple of laughs from Chains and Wolf, and even Rarity seemed to be holding back a small giggle.

"Real funny, Hoxton."

They picked up their groceries, said their goodbyes, and headed back off to their new castle hideout.

The next couple of days passed quickly. The unicorn who sold them the guns (who told them to call him "Spade") returned to help them get the castle fixed up and made modern. Within a busy afternoon, most of the holes were boarded up and electricity was hooked up. Running water was a fairly easy task of slightly diverting a river. Now the crew had a proper base.

Wolf, Chains, and Hoxton all got new suits, each one like the one they had before, only less damaged.

The daughter of the local billionaire, Filthy Rich, was having her birthday tomorrow. A storm was also planned that day, so their job was made slightly easier. The night before, all five of them gathered around a printed out blueprint of the mansion in question. Bain, armed with a marker, got to work drawing up a scheme.

"Alright, here's the plan..."

Birthday Ba$h and Grab

Dallas and Hoxton followed the stone path, rolling a large crate along underneath a sky full of gray clouds. Up ahead were the front gates of the mansion, where a small booth was placed.

"Now, Filthy Rich is paranoid with his money," Bain explained, "So we'll need a way to get in. That's where I come in. Apparently, the entertainment they had for the party just quit, so I was able to set up for a magician act to arrive." He looked to the other four. "Any of you know any magic tricks?"

Hoxton raised his hand. "I still know a few tricks from when I was a boy, so I guess I'll do it."

"Alright, you and Dallas will go in as magicians and keep the civilians busy. In the meantime, Wolf and Chains, you two will go to the vault on the ground floor."

As the pair wheeled up to the booth, a pony guard stopped them. Opening the chest, he saw two masked men lying in wait.

"We got an insider who will be at the front gates. He'll let you through without trouble, and give you what you'll need to open the vault.

"And that would be?" Chains asked.

"A false hoof. The vault works on a hoof-scanning system, and since Rich himself is away in Canterlot for business, you'll use a forged copy of his hoof to open it."

The guardspony nodded at the two men while slipping the false hoof inside. Once the chest was closed again, the two men continued towards the mansion.

After getting inside, they continued down the hall, nodding to the occasional guard they saw.

"The party will be on the second floor, in the dining room, so you'll have to get up there. Now, there are cameras all over the place, but here," Bain pointed to a specific spot on the blueprint, "there's a blind spot, where Wolf and Chains can slip out undetected, and it'll also make getting the chest upstairs much easier."

Once in the spot that Bain told them about, Hoxton opened the chest enough for Wolf and Chains to get out. They nodded at each other before going separate directions, Dallas leading the way upstairs.

"The dining room will be one of the doors on the right," Bain told Hoxton and Dallas. "There should be a decent amount of noise coming from there, so it'll be hard to miss."

Finding the right door, Hoxton swung it open with a dramatic flair. Inside the room were a little over ten colts and fillies and nearly as many older ponies, probably either parents or older siblings. A single human guard stood in the corner, seemingly bored with everything. At the head of the table was a pink earth pony filly wearing a small tiara, who looked to be the birthday girl. Beside her was a laptop with a web cam attached, which had a live feed of Filthy Rich himself on the screen.

"Who are you two?" he asked, his voice somewhat grainy coming from the speakers.

"We're the entertainment," Hoxton said. "I was told to come here for a magic act, so..."

"Ah, yes. Well, go ahead and set up, then."

Nodding, Hoxton and Dallas began taking things out of the chest and setting them on an empty part of the table while the kids started getting excited about a human magician. They were the usual magic act items, such as a top hat and a deck of cards.

While they were setting up, one of the fillies asked a question. "Misters, why are y'all wearin' gloves?" a yellow, red-maned filly asked in a southern voice. The filly wearing the tiara noticeably rolled her eyes, as if she didn't enjoy the yellow one's existence.

"Let me put it this way," Dallas started. "Magic can be dirty work for us humans, sometimes. Ever reached into a hat to pull out a rabbit, only to find that he left you a little surprise?"

This caused a chorus of laughter and "Eeews" amongst the group. Even the guard cracked an amused smile for a second.

Once everything was in place, Hoxton clapped his latex glove-covered hands. "Alright, whose birthday was it?"

The tiara wearing filly raised her hoof in a bored fashion.

"Okay, what's your name?"

"Diamond Tiara," she replied, still bored.

"Okay then, Diamond Tiara," Hoxton said, pulling out a deck of cards and fanning it out in front of her, "pick a card. Any card."

She did so, somehow just fine with hooves, looked at it, then placed it back in the deck. Her bored expression turned into a slightly smug smile while Hoxton shuffled the deck. Soon, he pulled out a card and showed it to the filly.

"Is this your card?"

Her smile grew even more smug. "No, it is not."

Hoxton looked at the card, a two of diamonds. "You're absolutely right, this isn't your card at all." He crushed the card in his hand, and when he opened it back up, a small flame flared and immediately dissipated, leaving no trace of the card; one of the first tricks he wanted to learn. This got the others to give astonished "Oohs" and "Aaahs". Even some of the adults seemed impressed.

Taking a second card out, Hoxton held it up. "Now, is this your card?"

Diamond Tiara's smug face became one of shock and amusement, and she said nothing.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Returning to the group of things, where Dallas stood, Hoxton cracked his knuckles. "Alright, time for the good stuff: Who wants to see me saw my buddy here in half?"

As the kids all gave excited cries of "Yeah!", Dallas did a double take. "Wait, what?"

Meanwhile, Wolf and Chains had just caught sight of the vault. It was fairly large, and a single blank screen was placed in the wall next to it. Outside, the storm began, thunder and rain shaking the mansion slightly.

"Keep in mind, they have a pretty secure system here," Bain reminded them. "If there's an incorrect match on the scanner, the police are contacted silently. Try and make sure only the fake hoof touches the screen."

"Got it," Wolf whispered in reply. Making sure there were no guards in the area, he crept up to the console, Chains right behind him.

The Swede took out the fake hoof and placed it on the screen. The display lit up, reading the hoof signature. For what seemed like ten minutes, but was really only one, it read the false appendage. Then, just as Wolf thought it was going to work, the screen turned red, the words "INCORRECT MATCH" easily visible. He cursed in Swedish.

"What happened, Wolf? Did it not work?"

"No, it didn't," Chains told Bain. "We're gonna have to think of something else."

"Well the police will be there soon, so hunker down."

"Got it." A group of guards were talking about their lives or something not too far away. The malevolent masked men crept into position, guns at the ready.

After Dallas strictly refused to be sawed in half (much to the children's disappointment), Hoxton instead did some more card and sleeve tricks, which seemed to be enough to keep the guests busy. The only ones who were ignoring him were the yellow one from earlier and the birthday girl herself, who were glaring at each other, and an orange pony with apples for a cutie mark wearing a cowboy hat, who seemed to be holding the yellow filly back.

"Guys, the hoof didn't work. Time for plan B."

Hearing Bain, both Dallas and Hoxton began subtly getting into position.

"For my next trick," the Brit started, looking as if he was going to pull out more cards. At that time, Filthy Rich seemed to notice something on his own screen.

"What in blazes-" He was cut off by a forty-five caliber bullet being fired into the laptop's screen, knocking it to the floor. All the ponies looked at Hoxton, who was now wearing his clown mask and holding a smoking pistol.

"Everyone get on the fucking ground, now!" he yelled. The guard began drawing his own gun, but was interrupted by a right hook from Dallas, who was also masked and equipped with a pistol.

"Drop the god damn gun!" he commanded the still incapacitated guard, who complied once he regained his senses. "Now get on your knees and cuff yourself!" Again, the guard complied, and once he was sure the cuffs were on, Dallas threw him to the side, out of the way. All the guests were still standing, looking frightened as they glanced between Hoxton and Dallas.

"Well, don't everyone move at once!" Hoxton said. "Get on the ground!" This time, they all listened. "And don't fucking get up!"

All the guests were scared out of their skin at the sudden development, save for the orange apple mare. "What the hay are y'all doin'!?" she voiced her indignation. "Why I oughta-"

"Shut up!" A kick to her gut from Dallas was enough to shut her up, though she still glared at the two men. While Dallas began tying down the few unicorns in the group, Hoxton went back over to the open chest and removed the bottom, where an assault rifle and a shotgun were hidden. Taking the rifle and tossing the shotgun to Dallas, Hoxton turned to the door just as a pair of guards stormed in, pistols at the ready. In a few shots, they were both dispatched. The civilians screamed.

"Dallas, keep watch here," Hoxton said, "I'll go help Chains and Wolf."

"Got it." Hoxton ran out the door, and Dallas kept looking around the room, occasionally telling them to stay down when they thought to get up.

Back in front of the vault, Wolf and Chains had dispatched pretty much all of the on site guards, and they scavenged bullets off the corpses. Waste not, want not.

Hoxton came jogging down a set of nearby stairs, rifle at the ready. "What now, Bain?"

"Hold on, I have an idea. I'm going to contact Filthy Rich; surely he can open the vault remotely for us."

Outside, a group of vehicles could be heard pulling up in the mud. As if on cue, lightning struck, illuminating the room.

"This is the police!" someone outside called on a megaphone. "We know you're in there! Come out with your hands on your head!"

Chains laughed. "Does that ever work on anyone?"

"Not that I know of," Wolf said back, also laughing.

"I'm listening in on the police frequency, and it sounds like they got an assault coming in soon. Be ready."

The three of them got into positions, overturning tables and display cases to make cover for themselves. Guns were loaded, bulletproof vests were adjusted, and sights were placed on the door.

"Twenty seconds."

"There is no way out!" the police continued. "You are completely surrounded!"

"Ten seconds."

As one last preparation, Wolf tossed down a gym bag full of ammo next to him, in case someone would need a refill.

"Give 'em hell."

Within seconds, several cops burst through the front door, both human and pony, only to be mowed down by the three armed assailants inside. SWAT teams came through next, and they made it slightly farther before their helmets were sent flying into the air by gunfire.

"Watch out, SWATs coming in through the windows!"

While Chains stayed focused on the front door, Wolf and Hoxton changed position so they could look down other hallways, where, indeed, several SWATs were coming in through the windows. They were dealt with easily, however.

"Watch it: they're sending in a Bulldozer!"

Some of the cops pulled back, clearing a path for their heavily-armored colleague. All three of them focused their fire on his face plate, which shattered within moments, leaving his face open to a bullet.

"Bulldozer's history!" Hoxton called out, having shot the final bullet.

As the bodies piled up, the strength of the assault began to gradually go down. Seeing this, Hoxton decided to check up on how Dallas was doing.

Sprinting back up the stairs, he found the dining room easily, thanks to the bodies of the hostage rescue unit lying in front of the door. Before he could go inside, however, he saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye, followed by a high-pitched charging sound. Hoxton turned just in time to see a Tazer aiming right at him not too far away.

"Motherfucking Tazer!" is what he wanted to say, but he was a little slow on the draw, so it only came out as "AAAAGGLGJZLZJKLJLL", due to the volts passing through his body. Still, that didn't stop Hoxton from trying to hit the yellow bastard while being electrocuted.

Suddenly, the Tazer was blasted in the side of the head, flooring him. The electricity let up, and Hoxton managed to regain himself in order to finish off the wounded Tazer. Turning around, he saw Dallas pumping a spent shell out of his shotgun.

"Thanks, mate."

"No problem, now you watch the hostages, I can't fucking stand them," Dallas said, running off to join the others in their fight. Hoxton went inside the dining room, where the ponies were all still on the ground, cowering. A few more hostage rescue units were dead not too far away, and even a Cloaker's corpse was on the ground. Apparently, the cuffed guard was shot at some point, as he lie dead, too.

"Right on! You're like a four man army!" Bain complimented the crew. "I got Filthy Rich on the line, but he said he wasn't going to open the vault for anything."

"Really now?" Among the hostages, Hoxton spotted the birthday girl, who was crying along with the other fillies. "Wasn't this his daughter's birthday?"

"I like the way you think, Hoxton. Grab the daughter and go in front of the vault. I'm sure he'll reconsider then."

"Got it." Hoxton pointed to the filly. "You! Get up!"

Diamond Tiara stayed still.

"I said get the fuck up!" he commanded more forcefully, pulling her up by her hair. This time she obeyed, standing shakily on her hooves. "Now get bloody moving!" he said, pointing to the door. Reluctantly, she obeyed, heading out the door with Hoxton close behind. Before he left, turned around and said to the other hostages, "All of you just stay down!"

He took Diamond Tiara to the vault doors, occasionally having to yell at her again to get her moving. Once they reached the vault, he told her to stay put, and he and the other three waited for Bain.

"Alright, good news and bad news. Good news is that Filthy Rich cracked, but the bad news is that he said even if he wanted to, he couldn't open the vault remotely."

"Well that's just great!" Chains said. "Now what?"

"I'll keep pressur- Wait... Guys, I got it! He said there's a secondary lock on the vault. Press all four corners of the screen at once."

Wolf did so, and a section of wall below the console slid upwards, revealing a crescent-shaped indention. "Looks like some kind of mechanism," he remarked.

"He said his daughter's tiara is the key to it."

Dallas took the tiara off of the filly's head, who started to protest but stopped when she saw all their guns pointed at her. Dallas placed the tiara into the indention, which turned, resulting in the vault doors beginning to open.

"Alright, time for your pay check, fellas! Grab everything you can; cash, gems, bits, whatever!"

Leaving the filly behind, the four entered the vault and immediately began smashing glass cases and grabbing whatever was behind them. Gems, mostly diamonds, and there were at least a thousand bits total, too. When they were done, nothing was left in the room but broken glass.

"Okay, that's the last of it!" Chains said. "Now what's the escape plan?"

"Same as the Garnett heist: Go to the roof, and I'll pick you up. I'll be there in a second."

As they were leaving the vault, Hoxton grabbed the tiara in the lock, since it would probably be rather expensive, as well. They bounded upstairs just as another assault began, and bullets whizzed past them, missing by mere inches.

After finding the roof access, Wolf put down his homemade sentry gun and turned it on, to cover their escape. Keeping out of sight, the four got drenched in the rain as a few choppers hovered around, none of them theirs.

"Okay, guys, I'm coming in!"

Out of the clouds above them, Bain's chopper lowered itself parallel with the roof. Making sure their bags of loot were secure, the four piled in just as Bain began lifting back up, vanishing into the clouds just as he appeared. Once they were sure there were no choppers or pegasi following them, they celebrated.

"Feels good to be back in the game!" Wolf commented.

"Yeah, I'd say our Equestrian debut was a success!" Bain said. "But I know you guys, you want more action. I'll see what other heists we can pull."

Hoxton laughed. "I think I'm gonna like life here after all!"

Author's Note

For future reference, any chapter with a dollar sign ($) in the title is one that has a heist in it, in case you want to get straight to the action.

Damage Control

The heist that was pulled at Filthy Rich's mansion was all the populace of Ponyville could talk about the next day. Newspapers and even a couple of TV crews reported on the aftermath of the robbery, all of them having the body count just past a hundred dead, yet none of them were civilians. Filthy Rich himself came back to Ponyville as soon as he could, where he did his best to comfort his daughter. Despite the massive loss to his wealth, he was still fairly rich, so that didn't concern him too much. However, he vowed revenge on those who pulled the heist, which he performed by giving the local police force a lot of funding.

Of course, he wasn't the only victim; the various colts and fillies who attended were scared out of their minds, and a few of them, Diamond Tiara included, needed to go to therapy for a while. The adults didn't fare much better, though none of them needed professional help. Instead, they spoke with friends about it and voiced their fears, which was why Applejack was at the library, talking to Twilight about it late at night.

"And one o' them no good crooks kicked me! Even if they didn't scar Apple Bloom, Ah'd tear 'em a new one!" the orange mare said.

"I'm just glad neither of you were seriously hurt," her bookworm friend replied. "I never thought that random crime could happen here in Ponyville." Nearby, Kevin sat in a chair, reading the newspaper yet again. There were a few pictures of the assailants, but none of them were very clear, and they wore masks, anyway, so a clear view of their face wasn't possible.

"With how they seemed to pull it off," he began, "I don't think this was any kind of random crime. They knew exactly what they were doing."

"Really?" Twilight was intrigued. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, for one, Filthy's mansion seems pretty ambitious for the target of a simple random crime. And they obviously were well armed. In fact..." Kevin looked closely at the picture in the newspaper. "I think... I think these might be the same guys that pulled all kinds of robberies back home."

"You mean t' tell me that this wasn't their first time?" Applejack asked.

"Far from it. Before the portals opened, I remembered hearing about when they robbed a bank, and with only one civilian getting killed, but hundreds of law enforcement. They can't be in it for the money, though; they'd have well over enough to live happily."

Unbeknownst to any of the three, a camera on the wall turned towards them and focused in.

"Well, regardless of why they do it, if they really are those same criminals," Twilight said, "then I should write a letter to Princess Celestia about it." She looked upstairs before yelling, "Spike!"

"Didn't Spike go stay at Rarity's tonight, to help the Crusaders with something?" Kevin asked.

Twilight sighed impatiently. "Of course, the one time I need to send a letter... Oh well, I'll just use e-mail." She walked over to her own computer, and loaded up the e-mail program. After typing it out, she hit send.

"Come on, come oooon... Yes!"

Grinning at his success, Bain opened the intercepted e-mail and read through it quickly. He deleted it before typing out a short response, telling Twilight to not worry, that they'll probably not strike again.

Walking up behind him, Dallas asked, "What are you doing, Bain?"

"Someone tried to report us to the princess, requesting a stronger police force and even military support!" he said, laughing. "But I intercepted, and sent her a fake reply."

"Nice job, Bain. What would we do without you?"

"You'd probably do just fine, but not before killing the entire police force of the state," Bain joked.

"Hey, if they want to keep flooding in, that's their problem. Anyway, anything new?"

"Yeah. I was contacted by a new client not too long ago, requesting our services."

"What time?"

"They didn't give a deadline, just said to do it 'soon.' All I know is that it involves the local hospital."

Chains walked into the computer room. "What's this talk I hear about hospitals?"

"We probably have a job at one, soon," Dallas explained.

"It better not go like that Mercy hospital job went. I can't have the army going after us again."

"Don't worry, this one should be much lower scale," Bain said. "The four of you will check it out tomorrow, then we'll hit the place."

"Sounds good." Chains laughed. "Not even two days after our first heist, and we already have at least two more scoped out."

"Well, you know how we are," Dallas said, "Action is our juice."

"Damn straight."

Preliminary Check-Up

"This the place, Bain?"

"Yeah, the Ponyville hospital. Inside is a 'changeling', one of the other local creatures. Apparently, a bunch of changelings invaded the capital not too long before the portals opened, and ponies still strongly dislike them, so it'll be somewhat heavily guarded, for a hospital. The rest should be easy, though."

Chains scoffed. "That's what you said about Mercy Hospital, and look how that turned out. It was a motherfucking shooting gallery!"

"Regardless, this job won't need much preparation; it'll be a case of 'get in, shoot cameras, keep civs down, and get the prize'."

As he walked away from the hospital, Chains brought up something that was bothering him. "So, why do we need a changeling, anyway?"

"Apparently, changeling blood can be processed into something twice as potent as heroin- and five times as addictive. Our client wants quite a few liters, and we'll get millions."

"Sounds good to me." He calmly strode through town, looking for anything that looked good to buy. After all, he still had a few hot bits to spend...

Dallas, meanwhile, was taking a quiet walk just outside of town. He wanted some time to think to himself; not to wonder why he does this, or to ponder the morals of stealing a lot of money, but to try and figure out the best weapon combinations for this next heist. Being a hospital, his trusty Reinbeck is an obvious choice, as is a silent pistol, but he didn't know what else to take with him.

"Hey, mister!"

Dallas was broken out of his thinking by someone calling for them. Looking off to the side of the path he was on, he saw a pair of fillies, a white unicorn and an orange pegasus, sitting in what looked to be a wheel-less wagon attached to a bent tree.

"What is it?" he asked, even though he could already guess.

"We need you to pull this rope!" the unicorn said, pointing to the only thing keeping the tree bent down.

"We would have our other friend do it," the pegasus added, "but Applejack said she was in... therapy, I think?"

Dallas thought over this; whatever these two planned to do looked to be in no way safe, and he could probably get some unwanted attention if they got hurt because of it...

"...I'm gonna have to say no."

Both of the fillies voiced their displeasure as Dallas walked off. "Now how are we supposed to get our flying cutie marks?" he heard one of them say before he was out of earshot. He laughed to himself; no matter the dimension, kids are always the same.

It had been a while since Wolf was able to stuff his face in some sweets, so he decided to go to the one place that Chains mentioned. And sure enough, it was a giant gingerbread house in the middle of town.

Ducking inside, he immediately went to the counter, where a pink pony was just finishing giving a box full of what looked to be muffins to a gray pegasus. Once she left, Wolf walked up to the counter.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!" the pony greeted. "What would you like to-" Suddenly, the pony's smile dropped, and she began looking closely at Wolf, as if inspecting him.

Unnerved, Wolf backed up a few steps, only for the pony to lean over the counter. "Um... what-"

Just as suddenly, the pony's demeanor changed back to her happy self, and she disappeared behind the counter. Just a second later, she reappeared, holding a cupcake in her hoof. "Here! For being new in Ponyville!"

Slightly off put, but still hungry, Wolf grabbed the pastry and, appropriately enough, wolfed it down. "How do you know I'm new here?" he asked, once he finished scarfing down the cupcake.

"Because, silly! I know everyone in town, and I don't know who you are, soooo..."

"...I... guess that's good logic?" he said, still confused a bit.

"Of course it is! Now, what else can I getcha?"

Strange greetings now out of the way, Wolf went ahead and ordered a hefty amount of various sweets. Once they were all packaged up, he put the appropriate amount of (stolen) bits on the counter and left, as the pony waved goodbye. These ponies were strange people.

Not having any purchases in mind, Hoxton simply leaned against the wall of a building, watching the crowd walk by. Humans and ponies alike gave friendly waves, which he returned with a nod. He overheard a few worried conversations about the robbery at the mansion, which made him smirk slightly.

One conversation in particular caught his ear, between a purple unicorn he recognized from the library, and a blue, rainbow-maned pegasus.

"I'm telling you, Twilight, I can take those crooks down by myself! Just point me in their direction, and wham!" The pegasus hit her hooves together for emphasis. "I'll get 'em!"

"Rainbow, I don't think that's a good idea. After all, there were only four of them, and they killed nearly a hundred officers!"

"They just weren't as awesome as me!"

"Regardless, I sent a letter to the princess, so she should be sending some guards or something soon."

Hoxton chuckled knowingly as he walked past the pair.

As Rainbow Dash flew off, Twilight looked at the passing man, who she recognized as the one who came into the library a few days ago. Normally, she'd think it'd be strange to remember him from just a quick glance, but given that her library hardly gets any visitors, even now, he stood out. Something about him seemed somewhat familiar, though, like she saw him in a recording...

She decided to look at the recording of the robbery again once she got back to the library. There's no way that what she thought could be true... right?

Blood $pillage

Twilight Sparkle had been awake all night, worrying. After reviewing the recording of the robbery over and over, she was able to deduce that the man she saw was, in fact, one of the four criminals. However, this information proved useless if she didn't know where he was. Which led to her trying to identify the other three, in the hopes that it was someone she has seen recently.

While she was busy with that, Kevin came downstairs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. When he saw Twilight, his eyes widened a little. "Twilight?" He yawned. "Did you get any sleep?"

"How can I sleep when a group of dangerous criminals are out there?" she countered. "I found out who one of them is, now I either need to find where he is or who the other three are."

"By chance, do you still think it's that one British guy who came in the other day?"

"I don't think. But yes, why?"

"'Cause it looks like he's going to the hospital."

Kevin jumped when he saw the unicorn right in front of him, looking out the window. Sure enough, she spotted that same suit and hairstyle on the man she was inspecting in the recording all night, and he was heading towards the hospital. Without saying a word, she picked up the phone and dialed three numbers.

"Nine one one, what's your emergency?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Yes, police? I'd like to report the location of a group of dangerous criminals..."

"Guys, I think I'm coming down with something: Being rich!"

The other three laughed at Wolf's shenanigans as they entered a pair of elevators.

"You guys can still hear me, right?" Bain asked.

"Yeah, run the plan!" Wolf urged.

"Right-"

"Oh, excuse me! Hold the door please!"

Even though he did no such thing, a yellow pegasus was still able to make it in the elevator with Wolf.

"-third floor, the non-pony ward."

Both him and the pony went to hit the button at the same time, causing her to retract her hoof, embarrassed. Once he pushed the button, he glanced at the pony, who he recognized as the one he met briefly in the park the other day.

"-deactivate the cameras, and you'll have to keep the civilians-"

The pony seemed to recognize Wolf, as well. "Oh! Hello again, mister."

"Uh, hello, miss..." Wolf tried to remember a name, until he realized something. "I don't think I caught your name."

"Oh, sorry, it's Fluttershy."

Thanks to Wolf's keen hearing, he clearly heard her name, despite the lack of volume. "I'm Wolf."

"-me into the hospital database, so I can find out where-"

"What are you here for, Fluttershy?"

"I was going to visit the changeling here. They're not as bad as everypony says."

Wolf knew an opportunity when he saw one. "Really? Me too. You see, I'm writing a book on Equestrian creatures."

"Oh, that's nice."

"-if nothing goes wrong, I'll be able to pick you up from the roof. Now let's get to work."

The elevator doors opened, and once Fluttershy was out of earshot, Wolf whispered to both the other three and Bain, "Slight change of plan. I'm tagging along with a civ who's going to see the changeling."

"Really? Nice work, Wolf. Let me know when you're in position."

The four nodded at each other before the Swede followed the pegasus to the front desk.

"Hi again, Fluttershy," the secretary greeted. "Here to see the changeling again?"

"Yes, please."

The pony at the desk looked to Wolf. "What about you?" she asked, her earlier friendly demeanor mostly dropped.

"I'm here to see the changeling, too. I'm writing a book on Equestrian creatures."

"Alright, right this way." The pony led the two down the hall and into a room flanked by a pair of guards, both human. She nodded at them, and they opened the door. Inside was a creature Wolf had never seen before: It looked somewhat like a cross between a pony and an insect. It was hooked up to a number of machines, including a heart monitor, which showed a slow but steady beat.

The secretary handed a pair of latex gloves to Wolf, which he accepted and put on.

"So far, he's still completely unconscious," the secretary explained, "but you're free to inspect him for any signs of life." Without another word, she left, leaving Fluttershy and Wolf. The pegasus went to the changeling's side, and Wolf mimed writing stuff down on a piece of paper. "I'm in position," he whispered.

"Alright, cameras going down in three... two....... done."

All at once, chaos broke out back in the lobby, where Wolf's crew mates started yelling at the civilians to get down, the occasional silent gunshot being heard. Fluttershy jumped at the noise, only to come face to gun with a now-masked Wolf.

"Down on the ground!" he yelled. At first, Fluttershy did nothing, but when he repeated his order while moving the pistol closer to her head, she complied, shivering uncontrollably.

"Alright, now start drawing blood from the patient- be sure to go for the joints, those should be the softest parts."

Picking up a syringe, Wolf moved to take the first sample of changeling blood. Once it was done, he said so to Bain.

"Good, now you need to- wait..."

There was silence on the other end. "Bain?" Wolf asked. "What's up?"

"Guys, you got company. Regular police and SWAT are pulling up to the hospital. Looks like someone blew the whistle on you."

As if on cue, one of the cops began speaking over a megaphone outside. "This is the police! We know you're in there! Drop your weapons and come out with your hands over your head!"

Dallas came into the room. "We'll continue with the plan. What do we need to do with the blood?" he asked Bain.

"Our client wants us to take about two pints of blood, and draw the plasma out of it; the first step in processing it. There should be machines for that somewhere in there. Interrogate some of the staff if you need to."

"On it," they heard Chains said, back in the lobby. Shortly after, he started yelling at one of the nurses for the location of a blood separator. While he was busy with that, Dallas peeked out the window, spotting several SWAT squads looking like they were getting ready to breach the doors. A large crowd of civilians was gathered outside of the congregation of police vehicles, watching the daylight heist unfold.

"Guys, they're preparing an assault! You need to try and stall them so you'll have time to complete the separating process unhindered!"

Wolf looked towards the cowering Fluttershy on the ground. "I have an idea."

Twilight watched the proceedings from the crowd, some of her friends watching alongside her. Everyone who was in the lower floors were already evacuated, but so far there still wasn't any confirmation that the criminals were even there. The only odd thing was that all the cameras on the third floor were offline, as well as everyone who was up there not coming out.

"Wasn't Fluttershy goin' to the hospital today?" Applejack asked.

"I saw her leave for here earlier this morning," Rarity added. "I didn't see her come out, though..."

Suddenly, the crowd gasped as a masked figure appeared on the roof, holding a pony at gun point. "Don't come in!" the figure called out. "We've got hostages!"

"Wait, is that-" Rarity's eyes widened in recognition.

"Fluttershy!" Twilight exclaimed.

Sure enough, the pony the man held captive was the yellow pegasus herself, who looked to be crying. The SWAT that were getting ready to enter the building hesitated as the malevolent masked man retreated back into the building, his hostage in tow.

Twilight stepped right past the police tape and walked up to the cop who seemed to be in charge. His concentration was broken by Twilight pulling on his shirt collar, bringing the human down to her level.

"Get. Her. Out of there," she said, her voice both commanding and venomous.

"Y- Yes, ma'am," he replied. Once she let go, he immediately began directing units to control the situation.

"Nice job, Wolf, that delayed the assault. But now it looks like you got hostage rescue units coming in, so don't let your guard down yet."

Wolf tossed Fluttershy into a corner, where she began cowering and whimpering yet again. While he was busy with his diversion, Dallas had put the first vial into the blood separator, which was now about halfway through.

"Go ahead and get a few more blood samples pulled from the changeling; we'll need at least five to get the two pints we need. Let me know once all of them are successfully separated."

With Dallas and Wolf getting the blood processed, Hoxton and Chains kept the civilians under control while preparing a defense. Bags of ammo and medical supplies were thrown down, guns were loaded, and sights were trained on any entrances. Occasionally, they'd have to shift their aim to take out a hostage rescue unit, but they remained where they were.

"Vacation's over: the police are preparing an assault, and there's nothing you can do to delay them this time. Twenty seconds."

"All of you just stay the fuck down!" Chains instructed the civilians, who remained on the ground.

"Ten seconds."

As Hoxton counted down in his head, he heard something tinny bouncing along the ground. Looking down, he spotted a gray canister, and he scrambled backwards just as it went off.

"Smoke! Fall back, let them come through!"

Chains followed him as they left the smoke screen. Turning back around, they saw a moderate group of SWATs entering the lobby, a Shield at the front.

"It's a bloody Shield!"

As they took out the other officers, the Shield's namesake absorbed the few shots that Hoxton and Chains gave it, while his own pistol got them in the vest a couple times. However, the advance was halted when the smoke cleared, and Chains shot the Shield in the side.

"Shield's down!" he called out.

Back in the blood processing room, Dallas and Wolf had taken down a Shield of their own, and they continued to take out SWATs coming in from the windows as the third vial was being processed. In the other room, if one were to observe the changeling, they would see that its blood pressure was nearing unhealthy levels. Of course, no one in the building payed that any mind.

The assault let up a little, and Dallas used the opportunity to reload his shotgun. Out of nowhere, however, someone slammed him to the ground from behind and cuffed him. Glancing up, he saw the green glow of a pair of night vision goggles.

"Fucking Cloaker!"

Wolf whirled around at the warning, and filled the Cloaker with a full mag from his rifle.

"One Cloaker down!" he growled. Making sure no one was shooting at him, he uncuffed Dallas, who got back on his feet.

"Thanks." Without another word, the two continued defending the room, only pausing to grab the processed vial and get another blood sample, before placing that one in the machine. So far, this heist was going rather smoothly, if a bit conspicuous.

"Woah, you got choppers all around the roof! I don't know if I can get you guys out of there like this!"

"Well bloody think of something!" Hoxton yelled, currently taking cover from a Tazer.

"Okay, hold on... I have an idea, just give me a few minutes."

"Whatever it is you're doing, Bain, hurry up!" Wolf urged while focusing his fire on a Bulldozer's faceplate. Behind him, Dallas swapped out the processed vial for the last sample.

The crowd had been watching for just over ten minutes now, but it felt like much longer. Shots were easily heard from inside, and SWAT squads kept piling into the building, but so far it looked as if no progress was being made against the assailants.

Unnoticed by the crowd, a helicopter flew overhead, joining the other three that were hovering around the building.

In the cockpit of the new chopper, Bain turned around to face his passenger. "You better be as good a shot as you say you are!"

The passenger, a skinny, thin-faced human who was holding a large sniper rifle, laughed. "Don't sweat it, man, I never miss! Just hold 'er steady..."

Bain did so, and the man took aim at one of the other choppers. He took a deep breath, before firing off an astoundingly loud shot. The window of the chopper he was aiming at was shattered, and the pilot lurched back violently. The disabled chopper began lazily listing to the side, running into another chopper, which then took out the third, as well as a few hovering pegasi.

"Nice shot!" Bain congratulated, before keying in his mic. "Alright, guys, hurry and get to the roof! I hope you got all five processed samples!"

"You heard Bain! Get moving!"

As Wolf urged his crewmates up the stairs to the roof, he covered them from the door. Once they were all through, he went up himself. Spotting the chopper hovering next to the building, the four of them sprinted towards it and jumped in. Bain wasted no time in pulling out, but a few pegasi police gave chase.

"Knock them out of the sky!" Bain told the crew. They obliged, shooting the pursuing ponies down. Once they were free of anyone chasing them, they high-fived each other.

"Now where's the stuff, man?" the skinny passenger asked, cradling his rifle. "You got the stuff, right?"

"Right here." Dallas handed the man the five vials, and the man let out a noise not unlike a happy squeal, but at the same time something completely different.

"Nice! You'll get your money, guys. We're gonna be so fucked up tomorrow!" He laughed crazily, and the four masked men just shrugged. No matter where it comes from, money was still money.

And money was their own addiction.

Once it was confirmed that the criminals were no longer in the building, police immediately began getting the civilians out. Twilight, being essentially a national hero, was allowed to barge through the police line and look for her friend. Once she found the pegasus, sitting in a corner, crying, she started comforting her.

"Oh, Twilight, i-it was a-awful!" she sniffled out. As she began shakily explaining what happened, Twilight wasn't listening. Instead, she was plotting.

It was one thing that those men were among the most wanted on Earth, but now... First with Applejack, now with Fluttershy, these men were putting her friends in danger. And she wouldn't stand for that. She'd do whatever she could to get them behind bars; or at the very least, shot up in a failed heist. Whatever it took to make sure they wouldn't hurt anyone ever again.

A Twilight Interlude

Twilight Sparkle kept going over the newspaper clippings, looking for clues as to the identity and motive of the now-infamous gang. Being Princess Celestia's personal student, there was no trouble in getting copies of newspapers that ran back on Earth, as well as what little security footage they had of the crew, which she was also viewing on her computer.

Unfortunately for her, so far she had yet to find anything telling her about their motive. So instead, she decided to go over all of their heists as a whole, to try and find a common trait between them. The first one was supposed to be obvious: money. But with the most recent incident and the Ponyville Hospital, as well as a few other heists back on Earth, it was proven that either money wasn't everything for them, or they also acted as some kind of mercenary group, stealing things for the highest bidder. Both of those things complicated the entire issue, making it a wild goose chase to find where they'll strike next.

Sighing in frustration, Twilight went to the kitchen, to get herself a glass of water. However, when she held the glass under the faucet and turned it on, nothing happened, apart from some noises that a sink should probably never make.

"When are those plumbers going to get here," she muttered angrily to herself. Hearing a knock on the door, Twilight's anger faded. Looks like they were finally here.

Since Kevin was out doing something right now with Spike (probably doing something men liked to do together, like sports), Twilight had the entire tree to herself. She went over to the door and opened it, seeing four men in work uniforms waiting.

"Bodhi's Plumbing," one of them says, clean-shaven and with a short head of hair. There was a slight accent to his words, but she paid it no mind.

"Excellent, right this way." The men followed her inside to the kitchen, where she pointed to the sink. "I honestly know nothing about plumbing, so..." She coughed. "Well, the sink is broken, so... fix it, please, I guess?"

"Don't worry, ma'am," one of them said, this one's face adorned with a mustache. "We'll handle it."

Satisfied, Twilight went back to her computer desk, to start going over the crew's heists again. There was an incident at a bank, where they stole a hefty amount of money, and it also seemed to be their first major recorded crime. Then there was an incident where the men went on, as the newspaper described, "a postal rampage through the streets, gunning down cops in order to achieve some unknown goal." However, after looking at both pictures and police reports from the incident, Twilight could tell that the reason they did so was more than likely because someone in their operation betrayed them, and they saw fit to deal with him. If nothing else, that was something: when betrayed, the crew will stop at nothing to take revenge.

Other reported heists picked up her interest. One of them involved a local meth lab being robbed of millions in cash by the men. Criminals stealing from criminals, a kind of poetic justice. What was most interesting about it was that the money wasn't carried out- at least, not by the men. Instead, it was reportedly air-lifted out by a helicopter pilot under their payroll. When these guys wanted something, they got it, one way or another.

There was also a robbery of a wealthy jewelry business, but there was little to no evidence linking the crew with the crime, although several witnesses described seeing four masked men escaping via helicopter once the alarm went up.

The next one featured a good amount of gold being stolen from a mercenary group, which was soon lost among the crates in a shipping yard. A lot of co-ordination was shown on the part of the crew, with multiple other accomplices being reported.

Another one had the crew taking a prisoner from a prison transport, before making them almost vanish into thin air, though it's suspected a "sky hook" was involved.

Of particular note was another heist at a hospital, though this one was special in that the men seemed to be after a certain patient's blood, which contained a very potent virus that, according to various experts, could very well cause an apocalypse scenario if left unchecked. The military was actually called in for this one, resorting to bombing the building in a desperate bid to take down the assailants. They got away, but the man they sold the blood to was soon found and arrested, preventing a global crisis.

Yet another report had them holding a government official hostage as they grilled him for passwords to a server holding over twenty-five million in tax dollars. Police were actually trying to detain the official when the crew got involved, leading to a swift response.

One of the more odd heists was one in a state called "Florida", where apparently two men were running a counterfeit operation. The gang went to great lengths to pull this one off, even going as far as to make a fake business weeks in advance-

"Ma'am, we're finished," a voice said from behind. Turning, Twilight saw the four men heading to the door, the mustached one being the one who spoke to her.

"Oh, alright, thanks." She pulled out a bag of bits. "How much will this be?"

"Twenty bits."

Taking out the appropriate amount, she levitated it to the man, who accepted and put it in his pockets. He gives a quick wave goodbye before heading outside with the other three.

Going back to her studies, Twilight's brow furrowed. All of the group's heists had a few things in common: perfect teamwork, multiple occasions of both well-thought-out plans as well as equally-well-thought-out backup plans, and body counts that could go into the hundreds, nearly all of which are police. Civilian deaths rarely occur, almost as if they know that the cops will hold off in a hostage situation. All of these facts didn't help her at all.

Hitting her head on the desk in frustration, Twilight wondered just where these dangerous criminals could be, and where they would strike next...

$ugar and $pice and a Whole Lot of Gold

"Bodhi's Plumbing?"

"Yes, this is Mr. Cake, at Sugarcube Corner. The pipes you fixed last time...? Well, they're leaking again."

"Sorry to hear that, sir. We'll be over as soon as possible."

"Thanks."

The client hung up.

"Alright, they bought it!" Bain said. "Let's drain the place!"

"Load up and suit up. Let's get to work," Dallas instructed as the crew loaded and cocked several weapons in the darkness of the van. Once they were armed, and the guns suitably concealed, they opened the back door, letting the afternoon sun flood in. As they dismounted the vehicle, they began walking to the target building, being easily spotted due to its external decor.

Heading inside, they quickly scoped out how many patrons were inside, and where they were located. They stopped just as the orange stallion who hired them approached them.

"Oh, you're here early," he said. "Right this way." He led the four down to the basement, where he pointed to a leaky pipe on the far wall. "It looks to be the same problem as last time, so I hope you can fix it. Er, again." He went ahead and headed back to the stairs as the crew began setting up for work. Once the stallion was out of sight, the men put their masks on and waited for further instructions from Bain.

"Remember the plan, guys," he said. "The room with the gold should be right above you; look for the support beams and saw it free. Business should be slow right now, so you shouldn't have to worry about too many civilians."

While Dallas and Wolf prepared the saws, Hoxton and Chains prepared to go up top to control the customers and staff.

Peeking out the doorway, they waited until they were sure everyone who was in the building was in the front. Once that was made sure of, they waited until they heard the saws start up in the basement, which caught the attention of the ponies who were behind the counter, as well as a number of customers.

Before any of them could even ask what that noise was, both Chains and Hoxton got to work.

"All you mothafuckas get on the ground!" Chains said, doing an admirable impression of Samuel L. Jackson while waving his gun around. Everyone immediately complied, and the two criminals set to work tying them down and moving them behind the counter and out of sight, as well as gagging them to prevent any alarms being raised to anyone who wandered in.

"Good work, now just stay away from any windows and wait for the saws to finish. So far, no one spotted you guys."

Keeping one eye on the hostages and another on the door, Hoxton and Chains watched the ground floor while Dallas and Wolf focused on the saws, restarting them occasionally when they jammed.

"Heads up, guys, you got a cop coming in, human; it doesn't look like he knows what's up. Take him out quietly."

Having no suppressed weapons, Hoxton ducked into the basement stairs while Chains got into position. The police officer walked inside, oblivious to the masked man hiding behind the door. Readying a strong section of hose he had on him as part of the disguise, Chains waited until the door was closed before making his move.

As the cop walked up to the counter, he saw the customers and staff bound and gagged behind it. Before he could call for backup or even pull out his gun, he was strangled and tackled by Chains. About ten seconds later, he was choked out.

"Nice work, but keep your guard up. We don't know how many more will come in."

"Saws are done!" Wolf called as he came back upstairs, Dallas close behind him.

"You guys know what to do next; head upstairs and plant the C4."

Dallas and Wolf went upstairs, causing the same stallion who hired them to thrash against his bonds.

Seconds later, the two returned. "C4 placed," Dallas reported.

"Alright, get ready to fight. Detonating in three, two..."

A loud explosion rocked the building, making the hostages wince, while the same stallion had visible fury in his eyes. Over the racket of crumbling wood, the sound of crying could be heard.

"What the hell...?" Hoxton asked.

"Looks like they had kids up there," Wolf said, somewhat apologetic. Even if he was essentially a bloodthirsty criminal, he couldn't bear to hurt children if he could help it.

"Don't worry, if they're still crying, then they're fine," Bain assured them. "People definitely noticed that, though, so get into defensive positions. I'm coming in to pick you and the gold up now."

The four did so, flipping over tables to give themselves cover. Outside, police sirens could be heard approaching the bakery.

"You got regular police and even a few bomb squads on the scene."

A lone pony officer opened the door to the building, only to be met with a hail of gunfire. He fell, and more cops started filing in after him, guns drawn. They, too, were cut down with minimal effort.

"You got SWAT coming in, as well as some hostage rescue units, so watch that back door."

More cops came in, followed by SWAT units trying to flank the armed assailants by going through windows, but the tactic didn't stop them from being shot down.

"Alright, I'm coming in. Start making your way back upstairs."

As they defended their position, the crew did so, moving back whenever the incoming fire from the cops died down. Once they were all on the stairs, they ran the rest of the way up, stopping at the edge of a hole in the floor, the small room full of gold visible past the still-burning wood. Up above, they could see Bain's helicopter fly in through an equally sized hole in the ceiling. The chopper lowered its large magnet down through the hole and clamped it onto the gold room as the four continued to hold off the police.

"It's connected, let's get the hell out of here!"

The masked men wasted no time jumping onto the magnet, holding onto the cable as Bain pulled it out, barely hitting the side of the hole as the criminals were taken into the open air. As they flew off, they took a few one-handed potshots at pursuing pegasi, and it was enough to either drive them off or take them down.

"Excellent work, gentlemen! That's another couple million dollars, at least!"

"This was totally worth shaving my beard!" Wolf yelled over the noise of both the rushing wind and the helicopter. The others laughed all the way to the safehouse.

A Lucrative Business Opportunity

"How much longer do we have on that drill?" Wolf asked.

Bain looked over to the detached room, a drill mounted on the front with a display showing how much longer it would take to get through the lock. "About two minutes."

"So, how are the reactions?" Dallas asked.

"Not good." Bain brought up a story on their heist on his computer. "Apparently, we've gotten a bit of national attention now. Not enough that the government is gonna come looking for us, but enough that we're gonna have to keep an eye out."

"You saw how that one pony was reading up on our past heists," Hoxton said. "I'm pretty sure she might be the reason for this."

"Kinda." Bain pulled up more news stories. "Turns out that our last heist was at the residence of one of the so-called 'Elements of Harmony'. Basically, a national hero."

"Well, shit," Chains commented. "Think we're gonna have to move?"

"Not yet," Bain reassured them. "They still seem to have no clue as to where we are, but they are being more wary. We'll have to be more careful in the future."

"I still say we should've shot that unicorn," Hoxton said.

"That would get us even more heat. That unicorn is supposedly the princess's personal student, so it'd be like killing the president's family."

Before the conversation could continue any further, a pop-up appeared on Bain's computer. He clicked on it and looked over it, while the others wondered what happened. "What you got there, Bain?" Dallas asked.

"We got someone asking for a job from us," he said. "They say that they want to rob the bank in Ponyville, but they need some 'muscle', as it were. All you'd have to do is keep the civilians down and the cops at bay while they get the vault opened and empty."

The four looked at each other, before shrugging. "Why not, some more cash is always good," Wolf said.

"Alright," Bain said. "We'll hit the bank in a week. In the meantime, I'll keep an eye on the news, and we'll load up some more." He looked over to the now-finished drill. "We got some gold to spend, after all."

Fir$t World Problem$

First World Banks was a fairly common name back on Earth, particularly in America, and it didn't take long for them to begin a few branches in Equestria. Their Ponyville bank didn't have as much traffic as one in, say, Manehattan, but given its size, it did enough business to get by.

Inside the bank in question, humans and ponies alike were waiting in lines, either to deposit or withdraw funds. Off to the side, four suited men looked around, taking in the sights- Namely, the location of guards and cameras.

"I got four cameras in the lobby, and three guards," Wolf quietly reported.

"Not too many, that's good. You'll be able to take care of this no problem, guys."

"Vault's to the right, behind the desk," Dallas whispered to the others.

"Let's just hope our client knows what they're do- Wait a second..."

Bain's end went silent for a bit, and the four men grew a bit anxious. "Bain?" Hoxton asked. "What happened?"

"Guys, no wonder the police line's been completely silent; they were using an encoded frequency! They were setting up a sting operation on us!"

Twilight waited, as did the numerous SWAT officers around her in the dark warehouse. At any moment, the men that had hurt her friends would come in, thinking they were doing another job. Then they would be caught, and this string of heists would finally be put to an end.

But it was ten minutes after the agreed meeting time now. Did they manage to find out about the trap?

Outside, a fairly light rain fell onto the roof and streets, which would be enough to cover any minute sounds.

Suddenly, the SWAT's radios went off. "All units be advised, four men matching suspect descriptions have been spotted inside First World Bank."

Twilight stiffened. Would they go on with the heist regardless? Were they checking the place for vulnerabilities?

Then she realized something. Rarity said she was going to the bank today.

"Get to the bank!" Twilight shouted at the officers, shocking them. "They're there! Move!"

All at once, the assorted SWATs ran out into the rain, heading towards the bank that was only a block away.

"Alright, SWATs are mobilizing towards the bank. Time for plan B. Action, guys!"

The men nodded at each other, then pulled on their masks and pulled out their guns. At first, they weren't noticed, being at the back, but that changed when Chains fired a shot from his revolver into the air. "On the ground, all of you!"

The guards tried to draw their own guns, but were stopped by a few well-placed shots from Dallas and Hoxton's pistols. Now without any sort of protection, the civilians did as they were told, dropping to the ground. Dallas jumped onto a nearby desk, and began speaking to them.

"This is a robbery! We're after the bank's money, not yours! Just sit tight and shut up, and this will all be over soon. Think of your loved ones; don't try and be a hero!"

Meanwhile, the other three immediately went behind the desk, towards the vault. "Solid steel doors. I think it's time to try out the new saw, Chains."

The robber in question pulled a rather large hand-held saw, with a blade made entirely out of diamond. While the gems were now less valuable due to their abundance in Equestria, they were still the hardest non-magical material known to man and pony. With this in mind, Chains started it up and began sawing at the vault door. Sparks flew, and slowly progress was made in cutting a hole in it.

"Okay, cops are here now, give them a warm welcome!"

Dallas, Hoxton, and Wolf got into position behind the desk, pulling out rifles. Through the glass doors, they could see SWATs running in the distance, ignoring the rain. A few squad cars were driving over, as well. Hoxton fired the first shot, hitting a police car in the windshield. The driver swerved, ending up stopped right in front of the SWATs, giving them a piece of cover. Chaos broke out as the two sides began firing. Civilians screamed as bullets whizzed by overhead, and a few helmets that were sent flying landed on or near them.

A smoke bomb went off at the front door, obscuring the criminals' vision. This let the cops get farther inside the bank, but most of them were still shot dead. A pair of shields moved in, but a single shot from Wolf's grenade launcher sent them both flying. A single unlucky human civilian got caught in the blast.

"Hey, watch it with those shots, we don't want civilian blood on our hands!"

The firefight lasted another couple minutes, until the flow of cops slowed down to a small trickle.

"You really handed their asses to them! But, they'll be back within minutes, probably, so keep at it!"

Behind them, Chains turned off the saw and gave the door a strong kick, causing the detached panel to fall inward. "Vault's open, let's clean house!"

All of them piled inside, and began filling their pockets and bags with cash and bits. There were a few locked strongboxes, so Chains started working on them with the saw.

Rarity was shaken completely. Of all the things that could've happened today, this was the worst, and for once there was not an ounce of hyperbole in that statement. She had kept her head down the entire time during the gunfight, and at some point she had started crying from fear. Even now that the shots had stopped, she stayed down with her face planted to the carpet, for fear that she would be shot.

She heard footsteps approaching her, and she feared for the worst, curling into a ball. However, instead of the rough treatment she was expecting, a hand lightly tapped her shoulder. "Go, get out of here," a voice whispered to her.

Rarity looked up, coming face to face with a cop, one of the hostage rescue units. She wasted no time in doing as he said, getting to her hooves and heading for the front door. After just two steps, though, there was another gunshot, and the cop that had urged her to escape fell in front of her, a gunshot wound evident on his head. She froze, fear reaching levels previously unknown to the unicorn.

"On the ground," a voice behind her said, commandingly but somewhat quietly. She obeyed, and this time she felt her front hooves be pulled behind her back and tied with something. She noticed that once it was on, she couldn't feel her horn. It was as if it went completely numb.

She just lie there, eyes shut, waiting for this mess to all be over...

"Alright, now to make our exit; the airspace is being heavily watched now, so I can't fly in and pick you guys up while you're in town. However, I managed to get you guys a getaway driver, so make your way to the river."

Wolf looked out a nearby window, seeing the river in question not too far away. However, there wasn't much cover between it and the bank. Still, they could make it if they were fast enough.

"This way!" he told the others, busting out the window with the butt of his rifle. They all sprinted through the rain, dodging occasional shots from the cops outside. Soon, they made it to the river, and a boat being driven by a man in a ski mask pulled up. The four of them jumped in, and they pulled away, the boat's motor kicking up water as they left. They soon got into the forest, and once they were a sufficient distance away from Ponyville, the four jumped out and ran into the trees. The driver kept going, now being pursued by a few pegasi and a helicopter. None of them seemed to notice that the robbers had jumped off yet.

"Nice one, fellas! The safe house shouldn't be too far away; I can't risk picking you guys up at the moment. Also, I looked into it, and it turns out that unicorn who's the princess's student organized the trap."

"So what does that mean?" Chains asked.

"It means that we're now essentially on the national most wanted list."

"So what do we do?" Hoxton asked. "We can't stay in this town, then."

"They still don't know we set up shop in the castle, but you're right, so I made arrangements for you guys to be moved somewhere else; I'll keep operating from here."

"Where are we going, then?" Dallas inquired as they reached the bridge to the castle.

"Where they least expect it," Bain answered. "You guys are going to Canterlot."

Author's Note

I would say Payday 2 has been taking up a lot of my time recently, but my computer does like 5 FPS for it
In the menus
Yeeaaah

Out of the Frying Pan...

Dallas, Hoxton, Chains, and Wolf walked down the street, away from the train station. It was pretty easy to smuggle themselves on board, and given the size of Canterlot, not only would they have a pretty easy time blending in, but they'd be in their element.

"Take it in, fellas; this will be where the action will take place now," Bain told them. "I spoke to some people, and I've already arranged for a safe house to be made for you guys up there. It's not as good as the one I'm in, but it'll get the job done."

Heading to the address, the four came to the entrance of a nightclub that went by the name of "The Saddle". Walking inside, they saw that despite the sun just barely setting, there was already a fair number of patrons there, including a few human women that drew the four's eyes.

"Stay focused; you can get phone numbers later."

Approaching the bar, a stallion walked up, polishing a glass. "What can I do for you gentlemen?"

"We'll have the payday," Dallas told him.

The bartender nodded, understanding the code phrase. "In the back, downstairs."

The four followed his directions, arriving in a mostly empty back room. A single handle stood up from the floor, which Wolf pulled up to reveal a set of stairs heading downward, a door with a keypad awaiting at the bottom. Closing the trapdoor behind them, Hoxton punched in the code and opened the door. Inside was a room that had a pair of bunk beds in the back and a table covered in a map of the city in the middle of the floor. A door was on the opposite wall, which opened into another room that had a gun rack on two walls, and a door leading into a garage on another. In the garage sat an unmarked van.

"Get acquainted with the place, guys. This'll be your base of operations while you're in Canterlot. I paid the club owner good money, so he'll help keep this secret from cops and the public as long as you don't do anything to deter any potential clients of his. I managed to buy some of the bare essentials as far as firearms go, and I even got you guys a personal escape vehicle complete with magically hidden garage, but I couldn't get you the fancier toys just yet. That shouldn't be a problem for you guys, though."

While Chains checked out the guns, Wolf inspected the van, and Hoxton tried out the beds, Dallas looked over the map. Notable landmarks were marked, including The Saddle, and various banks, jewelry stores, and other major businesses. The castle was also marked, though the map seemed to stop at the walls. "So what's up first?" Dallas asked, putting his bag of luggage down.

"I've been doing some talking around, and I have a few potential clients lined up for you guys. While the princesses are a bit busy dealing with politics and such, make sure you don't cause too much of a stir; Canterlot does have its fair share of crime, but I don't want the entire damn country going after you. You're in the hornet's nest, after all. For today, I'd get some sleep; big plans and bigger heists await you."

Dallas nodded, even though Bain couldn't see it. Wolf and Chains walked back into the main room, joining Dallas and Hoxton.

"So, who gets what bed?" the Brit asked.

"I don't know about you guys, but I think I deserve a drink," Wolf said, pulling out a bag filled with a modest sum of bits. "And besides, I saw some nice ladies up there!" Wolf let out a howl as he left, causing the other three to laugh.

"I guess I better keep an eye on him," Hoxton grumbled, following his fellow criminal. Dallas and Chains just laughed some more.

Author's Note

Good god Payday 2 is so addictive why is it so good I mean the heists the guns the soundtrack oh god the soundtrack it's so good everywhere

Framing the Fine Art$ (Day 1)

The sun rose from the horizon, marking the start of a new day. Not that the crew would know, being inside a hidden room in a nightclub. Dallas, Hoxton, and Chains all woke up peacefully, while Wolf remained in bed with a slight hangover. Dallas wasted no time, and opened up their laptop while keying in his mic, as the other two awake criminals did the same.

"Rise and shine, asshole!" Chains yelled at Wolf, getting the Swede to roll out of bed while nursing his headache.

"Alright, I'm up, I'm up!" The others laughed at his expense, before Bain began speaking.

"I take it you all slept well?" A series of confirmations and grunts answered him. "Good, because we already got work. Someone left a message for me last night; I'm sending it to you now."

A pop-up appeared on the laptop's screen, showing the progress of a file transfer. Once it was done, Dallas clicked on the sound file.

"Hello, gentlemen," an upper-class voice began. "Through some sources of mine, I've heard that you are now located in Canterlot. This is good, because I require your services; you see, a political rival of mine managed to outbid me on a number of pieces of artwork yesterday. While I could have you steal them for me, I have a better idea: Go to the auction house and steal everything he didn't win, then place them in his apartment, along with various other kinds of incriminating evidence. I will pay you handsomely for framing him, and anything you take from his home is yours. I hear you are the best in the business, so don't let me down."

After some debate, the matter was settled. "Alright, I'll contact him and tell him we're up for the job," Bain told the four. "Start picking your favorite guns; we got a show tonight."

The night was a cold one. It was even colder inside the auction house, where a few guards were patrolling the halls.

One guard in particular was having a bad day. Not only was it freezing inside the building, but he was pretty sure he was sick with something. Still, he had a paycheck to earn, so he came in regardless of the sniffles.

Suddenly, he could hear something just outside the side door in the bathroom. He looked back into the main building, not seeing any other guards nearby, so he figured it was nothing. The noise persisted, however, and he decided to investigate. He twisted the knob and pulled the door open-

Only to be met with a silenced gunshot to the head.

The guard fell, and Hoxton and Dallas quickly moved into the bathroom. Before they could get any farther, though, the guard's pager went off.

"Hey, is everything alright?" they heard the operator ask. Dallas picked up the pager and answered.

"Uh, no, everything's fine, just slipped."

"Oh, alright. Just stay on the line a bit longer... Alright, try to be more careful next time, okay?"

Dallas placed the pager back on the body, and Hoxton placed the body in one of the stalls, making sure to close the door, too. "We're in," the Brit reported in a whisper.

"Alright, remember, we're looking for items that weren't bought by the guy," Bain instructed. "We can't just take everything, or the frame job won't work."

Meanwhile, on the roof, Wolf and Chains were creeping up to an open skylight. Down below, there was a mostly empty counter that was high enough to soften a fall from there. Getting in position, first Chains dropped down, followed by Wolf. They wasted no time, and started packing things into bags. Suddenly, the alarm went off.

"Shit, motion sensors! No way to do this quiet now; grab the goods and go!"

Back at the bathroom, Hoxton and Dallas began gunning down nearby guards as they made their way to other fancy artistic objects, before packing them away in their own bags.

"Wow, that was fast: SWAT responders are already on the scene!"

"How much more is there?" Dallas asked, lugging a bag full of paintings, sculptures, and other things.

"I dunno, mate, but I think we have enough now!"

"Hoxton's right, that should be enough. The escape van is in the parking lot nearby, but you'll have to fight your way through the cops!"

As if on cue, a nearby window shattered as a couple of SWAT jumped in, followed by even more SWAT. They were gunned down with little problem, though it caused the two to fall back further into the building, soon coming across Chains using a Shield's namesake as makeshift cover, while Wolf was using the Shield himself.

Dallas ducked down next to Chains, and Hoxton took cover next to a display case.

"How much did you get?" Wolf asked, holding the Shield's neck as his comrades unwillingly shot him.

"Two bags full," Dallas answered. "You?"

"Same." With a yell, Wolf shoved the now-dead Shield at the cops, who either moved and stopped shooting for a bit, or got knocked over and subsequently shot by the masked assailants.

Eventually, the flow of SWAT slowed, and the crew saw their chance. "Move, go!" Chains shouted, knocking a Tazer to the ground and shooting him as he ran. After making their way to the parking lot, they threw the bags into the back of the van before getting inside themselves. The driver wasted no time and started peeling out, but the cops remained on their tail.

"Shit!" the driver yelled, swerving past a police car that was trying to block the road. "I can't shake 'em!"

The four in the back held on as the driver drifted around the streets, looking for a way away from the pursuing police.

"Fuck! Hang on!"

The van swerved again, this time tilting slightly. The tilt became less slight, and the van fell on its side before plowing into a street light. The crew was dazed by the crash, but they immediately got their weapons ready, hoisting the bags on their back. Dallas kicked the back doors open, where they saw a blockade of police cars boxing them in. Civilians in a nearby coffee shop watched in shock at the sudden turn of events.

The four sprayed bullets at the cops, killing some, forcing others to take cover, and making all of the civs scream. Hoxton glanced back at the van to see that the driver was dead.

"You guys hang on, I'm getting you another god damn driver, alright?"

With no cover in the street, Chains led the way into the coffee shop, where immediately he started shouting at the bystanders. "All of you motherfuckers on the ground, now!"

They complied, and Wolf took a couple of tables and turned them on their side, giving them ample cover for the shootout that was already happening.

"This is your driver," a new voice said into their earpieces, "I'm just a few blocks away, I can hear and see the sirens."

"The new driver will be there in a couple of minutes, be ready; he won't be able to stay forever!" Bain told them.

Outside, more cops took up positions, firing through the windows in the hopes of hitting the criminals. They returned the favor, the difference being that the crooks actually hit their targets.

"Watch out, they got snipers inbound!"

"Thirty seconds, I got the pedal to the metal here!"

Hoxton ducked as a red laser began pointing at him from one of the nearby rooftops. He then popped his head up again and fired at the source of the laser, causing it to become unsteady and soon gone.

"Alright, I'm here, go go go!"

There were still cops outside, but the crew knew that they didn't have much time, so Wolf led a charge while firing his gun wildly, the others following. The suppressing fire succeeded in keeping them from being hit, and they soon made their way to the nearby van, where once again they jumped in and dropped the bags. This time, when the driver took off, the four fired at the police cars' tires, to make sure they couldn't follow. Within moments, they were in the clear.

In the back, the four celebrated. "Another job well done, mates!"

"That politician better have some good shit to steal!"

"Relax, Wolf, we'll get to that. For now, let's get you back to the safe house and plan our next move. Excellent work tonight, fellas, you sure pulled through."

Author's Note

So guess who has an infamous mask in Payday 2.
I mean, I don't like to brag, but... I'm totally bragging about it.

Framing the Fine Art$ (Day 2)

Once again, night fell on Canterlot, and it was a chilly one. On the roof of a rather expensive apartment, Dallas, Wolf, Hoxton, and Chains all got into position next to the ceiling access door.

"Okay, remember," Bain reminded them, "go in, plant the 'evidence', and come out, quick and clean. The guy isn't here at the moment, and won't be for a while, but there are a few guards patrolling about. Thankfully, I did a check earlier, and there aren't any detection spells or other security systems in place."

"Let's get to work then," Hoxton said, just now finishing picking the lock to the door. One by one, they slowly entered, keeping their suppressed handguns at the ready. They crept down the stairs, ending up just behind a guard milling about. Once he was sure there weren't any others in the area, Wolf took him down.

Soon after the body hit the floor, the guard's pager started going off. Wolf, being responsible, answered it.

"N- No problems, here. This place isn't haunted, though, is it?"

The operator gave a quick chuckle. "No, I don't think so. Just be more careful next time, alright?"

The call disconnected, and Chains dragged the body upstairs, out of sight.

"You're still good, no alarms raised," Bain reported.

Hoxton moved forward, keeping his eyes peeled for any other guards. He found none, and he walked into what looked like the bedroom of this politician. On the nightstand, there was a small picture of the politician in question.

"This guy looks like a right wanker," Hoxton remarked quietly.

"You wouldn't be wrong. This guy's name is Blueblood, and he is notorious for being one of the most unlikable ponies in Canterlot. It shouldn't be hard to get him arrested for our crimes."

Suddenly, Hoxton heard footsteps, and a guard came into the room and noticed him. He started drawing his gun, but the Brit was faster on the draw, and shot him in the leg. "Hands up, sunshine," he ordered. The guard complied, dropping his gun. Hoxton ordered him to the ground and to cuff himself, and again the guard complied.

"That's two down, two to go," Bain said.

Meanwhile, Dallas, Wolf, and Chains had gone to the lower floor. Another guard was in the hallway, and Chains took the shot, then answered the subsequent pager call.

"I thought it was someone breaking in, but it was just my shoe squeaking."

"Okay, okay. Look, don't drop the pager again, alright? It's bad enough working for this douche, I don't need you all making this harder for me."

Once the body was disposed of, the three started placing the stolen art pieces around the apartment. Splitting up, Dallas went back upstairs, coming face to face with the last guard. Dallas wasted no time and shot him.

"No problems here," he told the pager operator. "Just waiting for my shift to end."

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, what the fuck is going on down there that you all keep dropping your pagers? This happens again, I'm sounding the alarm."

"Alright, all guards taken care of," Bain told the four. "You've got plenty of time, now. I'll have a friend of mine start sending the coke now. Start looking for his vault."

Placing the last of the art pieces, Hoxton noticed a nearby bookshelf that looked a bit... off. Moving it, he found a small hallway with the vault at the other end. "Found the vault," he reported.

"Good. You placed all the artwork?"

"Yeah, it's all in place," Wolf answered from the roof, waiting for the coke.

"Alright, the drugs should be there right about now."

From a nearby rooftop, a shadowed figure whistled, then started tossing bags to the apartment roof. Wolf grabbed them and chucked them down the stairs, one by one. There, Chains grabbed them and threw them to Dallas, who took them to Hoxton, who took out the cocaine and placed it just outside the vault. After eight bags, it was all placed.

"Okay, his vault is simple enough, electronic lock. Let me just..."

The vault door squeaked loudly, opening slowly. Inside, there were a large number of gold bars, and even a few blocks of US dollars.

"Done. Open season on loot, boys, so make the most of it."

Once again, the baggage train occurred, this time in reverse. On the way, Hoxton killed the guard he took hostage and answered the pager; no loose ends, after all.

"That's it. No more chances. Next time I will sound the fucking alarm."

All four of the criminals struggled with the weight of the gold, but they soon got it up to the roof. There, they threw the bags down into an ally, where their van was waiting. One trip down the fire escape later, they were loading bags into the van, as well as themselves.

The van pulled out, and the four high-fived each other. "Not a single alarm raised," Bain said. "Excellent work, gentlemen. I suspect this gold, along with what our client will pay us, will make a pretty good paycheck."

As they rode off into the night, Chains laughed. "I oughta get in politics, if I get money like that!"

Dallas laughed back. "Then you couldn't steal anything, anymore."

"Sure I would. How else do you think politicians make their money?"

This made sure the four were laughing all the way to the safe house.

Author's Note

Payday is the last game I'd expect to have a Halloween special, but it was still pretty good. Not quite at the level of, say, Scream Fortress or KF's Hillbilly Horror, but still, a good first one.

Fucking bulldozers though god damn

Job Critique

The next day, the crew watched the news on the club's mounted TV. Sure enough, most news channels were focused on the "scandal" that Blueblood had been accused of. Bain was able to cover their tracks pretty well, as there was no evidence showing that the unlikable politician didn't hire them to steal the art.

Their client in particular was happy, giving them a rather generous payout for their efforts. He also mentioned some "friends in low places" that would learn about their skills, which would no doubt open up several new job possibilities.

It didn't take long for one of these possibilities to present itself. Forgoing encrypted files sent by e-mail, this client simply called the crew directly through the club's phone.

"I hear good things about you people," he told Dallas over the phone. Bain was also able to hear the conversation, after a quick phone tapping job. "I have recently come out of prison, and I come to Equestria to maybe start new life, but then I see old rival of mine is not only here, but engaged to some broad! So I figure this; you help me disrupt their wedding, and I give you a nice payday. And please, as a request, make sure he knows it's me."

Dallas hung up the phone, and quietly consulted Bain. "Should we do it?"

"I don't see why not. I did some background digging; this guy's name is Vlad, a former Russian mob boss. It seems like he either wants to get back in the game, or tie up one last loose end. Either way, this could pay off."

Further down the bar, Wolf and a random stallion had started placing bets on the soccer match they were now showing on TV. The Swede cursed in his native tongue as his team lost, and the stallion raked in the bits placed on the counter.

Hoxton laughed at their antics. "Maybe football's not the sport for you, mate," he told Wolf.

Meanwhile, down in the safe house, Chains did some tinkering with his guns. Sometimes, sawing off a small part of a shotgun can go a long way...

"Oh, hello, Twilight!"

"Hey, Rarity! You sure seem happy today."

"Did you not hear? Blueblood's name is now dirt!"

Twilight looked at the newspaper that her friend was shoving in her face, reading the headline: "Canterlot Noble Caught with Drugs and Stolen Art".

She chuckled at the story. While she didn't like to get involved in politics for this very reason, it was good to see that Rarity was starting to get over the trauma she faced at the bank not too long ago.

That got her thinking. It had been a couple of weeks since that incidence, and the four criminals responsible haven't even been spotted around Ponyville lately. Despite this, the police were still on edge, as were the citizens.

As Rarity happily bounced off, leaving the newspaper with Twilight, she kept reading the story, but stopped when she came to one section:

The night after an auction at a local art museum, there was a break in, and four armed robbers stole a number of expensive pieces of art. After leading the cops on a deadly chase and shootout, they managed to escape, afterwards they likely gave the loot to Prince Blueblood, who repeatedly denies this.

The purple unicorn thought about this. Four armed robbers? Surely that couldn't mean...?

Twilight shook her head. Kevin was right; maybe she was worrying about this a bit too much. Her friends were unharmed, and even though Fluttershy still refused to come into town for more than a few minutes at a time, she still functioned pretty well.

Still, she couldn't help but shake that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she was overlooking something serious...

Jewelry $tore

Outside a certain jewelry store, an unmarked blue van backed into an alley. Four suited men got out of the back once they were sure no one was looking.

"I'll wait for ya here," the driver told the crew over the radio.

"Okay, Vlad wants us to take a tiara from the back somewhere, probably in a safe. If you want, we can also go ahead and clear out the rest of the store, too. But careful, you got cameras and guards to deal with," Bain said.

"I spotted a metal detector," Dallas whispered, causing the others to stop before they entered the store.

"There's gotta be a switch somewhere," Hoxton said, getting ready to go behind the store. "I'll take care of it." The Brit put on his mask and drew his suppressed handgun, while the other three waited outside, blending in to the passing civilians.

"Alright, metal detector down."

Now with the way clear, Wolf, Chains, and Dallas all entered the store and began looking over what they had to offer. They also spotted a camera behind one of the counters, but that could easily be dealt with when it was time.

The three of them could hear a muffled pop and the sound of a body hitting the ground in the alley behind the store, and Wolf tried to cover up the noise with a small coughing fit. It seemed to have worked, as the civilians inside were still none the wiser.

"Excuse me, sir, are you looking for anything in particular?" a pony clerk asked Dallas, who had gone through almost the entire store by now.

"Yeah, I'm looking for something for a friend," he told her, trying not to sound too suspicious.

"Well, what's the occasion?"

While the two of them talked, Wolf subconsciously itched his thigh, where his gun was holstered. He knew that doing things quietly was the smoothest way to do them, but he still preferred to at least be the one waving the gun around in those situations.

Suddenly, there was a rapid series of footsteps, and the three incognito criminals turned to see three ski mask wearing thugs, all armed with handguns. "Everyone get your hands up, now!" the lead one ordered.

There were a few screams in the group of people, but everyone complied, including Dallas, Chains, and Wolf, who were waiting for their chance to turn the tables.

"Shit, amateur jewelry store robbers," Bain said. "Silent alarm's already gone off, so once you get a chance, show these rookies how it's done."

The lead goon walked up to the counter, while the other two began breaking display cases and bagging up jewelry. "Put all the cash in the register in the bag," he told the clerk, who whimpered as she did just that.

From the back of the store, Chains spied Hoxton, creeping along the wall to try and stay hidden.

Outside, cops pulled up. They took defensive positions, while the three thugs started moving further into the store.

"This is the police!" one of the cops said over a megaphone. "Come out with your hands up!"

This caused the goons to break their attention off the people for a second, which was all the opportunity that the crew needed. In a blur of movement, Dallas and Chains jumped back as Hoxton came walking into the front of the store, popping each thug in the head, one by one. Once they were all dead, he looked to the cashier, who looked to be equal parts scared and relieved. "Oh, thank you, whoever you are!" the mare started, but stopped as the masked man's gun was now pointed at her.

"I didn't say you could stop bagging the cash, did I?"

The other three leaped into action, masking up and shouting all the civilians to the ground. Wolf fired off a few shots at the cops, busting out the front windows of the store and taking out two of them. Dallas took the bags the thugs packed and threw them into the back, where Chains just threw down a bag full of spare mags.

Hoxton, meanwhile, went to one of the safes in the back and began to pick the lock. It was slow work, so the others made sure to cover him.

"Too much heat, I gotta split!" the driver told them.

"I'm moving the escape car," Bain said, "just focus on finding that tiara."

More police cars arrived outside, followed by a couple of SWAT vans.

"They're sending hostage rescue units to free the civilians, make sure they leave empty handed- or in a bag."

Hoxton finished cracking the first safe, only to see that it only held some cash. Grumbling, he went ahead and pocketed the money while going back to the front to help the others with their firefight.

Meanwhile, Wolf went to the other side room, where the other safe was located. Deciding that picking the lock took too long, he took out a lump of C4 and applied it to the safe, before flipping the switch and backing up. The explosive blew the door off the safe, revealing the tiara behind it, which the Swede pocketed. "Got it!" he told the others.

"Great, now just hold out until the escape car returns. You'll probably have to push through the cops, so be ready for that."

Now with nothing left to do but survive, the four began to take defensive positions as more cops showed up.

Chains called out a Tazer, which was quickly gunned down by Wolf. Wolf then spotted a Shield, and Dallas waited until he turned to fire off a clean headshot.

Soon, however, there was a compelling reason to fall back. "It's a motherfucking Bulldozer!" Wolf shouted, and the four all focused fire on the heavily armored unit. Their bullets tore off bits and pieces of its armor, until finally the faceplate broke, and a blast from Chains's shotgun finished him off.

"Bulldozer's dead!" he reported, reloading while ducking for cover.

The assault started to die down, and not too long after their driver returned. "Get the bags to the van, if you're feeling greedy!" Bain told them, and they did just that.

However, the area outside the store was filled with cops and SWAT, so to help thin them out, Wolf pulled the pin on a grenade.

"Get the fuck down!" he yelled as he threw it, placing it perfectly at the feet of a few SWAT units. They tried to get away, but the grenade went off before they could, and in the confusion brought on by the blast, the four got all the bags in the van and left, carrying the entire stock of the jewelry store with them.

Back at their safe house, the crew celebrated another job well done by spending a few bits at the bar. While there, Bain complimented them.

"Nice save back there. Maybe next time we won't run into any more amateurs."

"Well, we all have to start somewhere," Dallas said. "I mean, really, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Regardless, that's in the past. I'll arrange for Vlad to get the tiara tomorrow. For now, just enjoy your earnings."

Back at the head of the bar, a series of male voices began escalating, shouting encouragement at the TV. This was soon followed by a large collective cheer, and one voice cursing loudly in Swedish.

Author's Note

It should be known that Wolf is my favorite heister.
Also, non-British Hoxton is kinda starting to grow on me, and I don't like it

Prelude to Criminal Intent

Vlad came by the bar in person to pick up the tiara, and he didn't hesitate to tell the crew that he was overjoyed. He told them that he would remember them, in case he needed anything done in the future.

Once the Russian left, Hoxton took a gulp of his drink. Dallas watched the TV, smiling subtly when the news reported a jewelry store getting robbed, and Chains was discussing his time in the military with an old stallion, although certain details were left out. Wolf, meanwhile, went back down to the safe house, grumbling about something in Swedish.

It wasn't long before Bain reported something to them. "Guys, remember that guy that had us frame Blueblood?"

"Yeah, what about him?" Hoxton replied, quietly.

"He just contacted me again. Get down to the safe house as soon as you can."

Hoxton finished off his drink, and him and Dallas went to the back of the club, Chains breaking off his conversation to join them.

Once they were all in the safe house, Wolf opened up the laptop. Seconds later, a pop-up appeared, and the contact began speaking through an encrypted signal.

"Hello again, gentlemen. I'll be brief: It seems that Blueblood has managed to prove that he was framed, though I suspect bribery was involved at some point. He has become paranoid, however, choosing to only travel in a convoy of armored trucks. No more subterfuge and deceit; this time, I want you to have him taken to me, so I can deal with him myself. I trust you will be more than capable for this."

The transmission stopped, and Bain immediately began planning. "I've already mapped out the trucks' route, and I decided the best place to intercept would be at an intersection close to a small group of abandoned buildings, tomorrow in the afternoon. No sneaky shit this time, we're going to make plenty of noise."

The four of them grinned. "A little hell raising never hurt anyone," Chains remarked.

"Make sure you got big enough guns, because come tomorrow, we're gonna put on a hell of a show."

Twilight read her book in peace for the first time in a long while. She read the newspaper, which detailed a sudden spike in crime up in Canterlot, but she wasn't worried about that one group of criminals anymore. Her friends had convinced her that they simply disappeared for the time being, and she was fine with accepting that. Of course, the fact that she found a good book the humans wrote years ago probably helped.

Spike walked into the room, eating from a tub of ice cream. "Glad to see you're not freaking out, anymore, Twilight."

"I'm just glad those criminals seemed to have vanish completely." Twilight looked back at her assistant, only to frown. "Spike, what did I tell you about eating ice cream before bed?"

"What's wrong with that?" Kevin asked, following behind Spike with his own tub of ice cream. Twilight just sighed in defeat.

"Just promise me you won't make yourselves sick. The Gala is in less than a month, and I'd hate for either of you to miss it because you ate too much."

"Is that what Dash had to go to Canterlot for?"

"No, Kevin, apparently a small group of Wonderbolts were needed for some reason, and she was one of the ones called in."

"You think it's for anything serious?"

"No, I'm sure it's..." Twilight's gaze drifted over to the discarded newspaper, the mention of a rising crime rate fresh in her mind. "I'm sure it's fine."

Despite her words, she didn't quite feel that everything was fine. She still had that feeling she was overlooking something...

Author's Note

Happy new year, people

Traffic $top

At a nearly empty intersection, three armored trucks rolled to a stop, before moving forward again once the light turned green. They didn't get very far, however, as an ambulance pulled over in front of the lead vehicle, lights and sirens on. The trucks stopped, waiting for the ambulance to move.

Meanwhile, in the middle truck, a certain white unicorn looked around in confusion. "What's wrong? Why are we stopped?"

"Looks like an ambulance is blocking the lead vehicle," the driver reported. "We'll have to wait until they finish their business."

"What?! This is an outrage! I am a prince, and I should not have to wait while...!"

As Blueblood went on with his rant, a pair of pegasi sitting across from him in the truck sighed in unison.

"You know, when I was accepted into the Wonderbolts, I didn't think I'd be stuck babysitting some jerk," Rainbow Dash remarked quietly.

Spitfire chuckled. "Trust me, I didn't think so, either."

"...then they can take it up with the court! Honestly, just who do they think they are?!"

Some distance away, a semi truck sat idle, its engine running. Inside, Chains and Hoxton sat, waiting for the word to kick things off. This would be a job that would get them quite a lot of national attention, so they decided to not wear their trademark masks. At Wolf's suggestion, they instead wore simple hockey masks.

"Alright, I got confirmation that Blueblood is in the middle truck," Bain reported. "Let's do this."

Dash sighed. Blueblood had finally stopped ranting, and instead grumbled in silence.

"Weird," the driver said, "no one's getting out of that ambulance."

Dash sighed again, not really listening to anything, and glanced out the small side window. Some distance away, she saw a truck just sitting there. Soon after she looked, though, it started moving.

And it didn't slow down.

"Uh, guys?" she started, unsure of what the proper procedure for this was. She looked to Spitfire, who gave her a questioning look. Before she explained, she looked back out the window-

Just in time to see the truck entering the intersection.

A split second later, and the truck was impacted by a great force, sending all its occupants reeling. The impact sent it on its side, causing the ponies to end up piled on top of each other.

Dash's ears were ringing from the impact, which wasn't helped at all by the following explosion that opened up the back door of the truck. Before she could process anything, she felt something get tied around her hooves, and her wings go numb. Then a pair of hands roughly grabbed her and dragged her a short distance into an abandoned building, where she was unceremoniously tossed on the ground. She turned as much as she could, and saw a pair of hockey mask wearing men toss Blueblood and Spitfire down next to her, both of them also restrained.

Soon, her hearing came back, but all she could hear outside was gunshots.

"Alright, we got three GenSec trucks here, each with who knows what kind of loot. Get what you can, and keep an eye on the prince. Once you got all the loot you want, go up to the roof and put everything in the cage there. I'll call the pilot when you're ready."

As soon as the semi made contact, Wolf and Dallas leaped out of the hijacked ambulance and ran to the trucks, firing at the guards emerging from the front. The rear truck tried to pull forward out of the intersection, but a shot from Dallas's rifle stopped that.

Now with three trucks stranded, the four robbers quickly got to work. Chains had already used most of his C4 opening up the middle truck, so drills were placed on the other two to get inside.

Police had shown up not even a minute after the bullets started flying, and a couple minutes later they were joined by SWAT units.

Chains and Dallas laid down suppressing fire near the drills, stopping only to reload or reset the drills, and Wolf got to work sawing open the boxes in the middle truck. Hoxton, meanwhile, was keeping an eye on the hostages, while also taking shots at the cops from a mostly boarded up window.

Throughout all this, Dash struggled against her bonds, only to find that they wouldn't budge. She couldn't even move her wings, either. Turning, she saw that Spitfire was having similar problems. Blueblood had simply folded into a fetal position, and she suspected that at some point he pissed himself.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and a SWAT unit kicked down one of the back doors. Dash looked on with hope, but it was erased when Hoxton immediately sent the officer's helmet flying, followed by his squad who followed closely behind.

Back outside, Wolf had cleaned out the truck he was in, and tossed a couple of bags of cash to Hoxton, who brought them inside next to the hostages. Dallas and Chains both held off the brunt of the police assault, using the trucks as cover. Occasionally, a sniper would try to sight them in from a nearby rooftop, or a Tazer would advance on them, but they were quickly called out and killed.

Soon, the other two trucks were also open, and Wolf moved in to open up their boxes, as well. Chains moved to support him, and Dallas fell back to help Hoxton watch the loot and the hostages.

"Got ourselves a right shootout here," the Brit commented. "It's a nice change of pace, don't you think?"

"Even though most of the time this happens anyway?"

"Fair enough. Still, knocking off a convoy of armored trucks, that's like something that would be done back in those bloody cowboy films."

"It's nice and simple, and I like th- Oh, fuck, Bulldozer!"

As the two focused fire on the armored unit, Wolf quickly moved back and forth between the building and the trucks, moving bags of loot. He took a few bullets to the vest, but they were easily shrugged off. It wasn't long before the trucks were cleaned out.

"Alright, now get all that to the cage on the roof. Don't forget 'his royal highness'."

As Chains retreated to the company of the other three, they started tossing bags upstairs, where Hoxton was waiting to toss them into a medium sized metal cage, only stopping to take out the occasional sniper.

Once all the bags were inside, Chains brought up Blueblood, who looked like he fainted at some point. He, too, was loaded into the cage, and Chains flipped a switch on it, causing a white balloon to fly high into the sky.

"Alright, I'm calling the pilot now." Bain paused before continuing. "Broadsword to Danny Boy, the basket is ready, come pick it up."

"Okay, Sensei," a new voice answered over the radio, "I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

Once again, the crew split up, Hoxton and Wolf staying on the roof, and Dallas and Chains going back downstairs, both to stop the cops from advancing too far and to keep an eye on the other two hostages.

The assault let up a bit, and the flow of cops slowed down to more manageable levels. It wasn't long before a plane could be seen in the distance, followed by it quickly clearing the distance and catching the balloon on the cage.

Or, at least, that was the plan.

"Shit, I missed, coming around for a second pass, thirty seconds."

As the crew cursed their luck, the police assault began to pick up again, and it wasn't long before they were forced to take cover behind anything solid, lest they become Swiss cheese.

As the firefight raged on, the plane came by again, this time catching the cage and flying off with it, leaving no trace of its existence behind.

"Alright, Sensei, picked up the package, moving to the drop off point."

"Nice work. Okay, crew, the cops blocked off all the roads near there, so we'll have to do something different. There should be a manhole out on the street; go find it and drop into the sewers. They'll never see it coming."

The crew could see the manhole in question, but there happened to be a pair of Shields on top of it, along with the incoming hail of gunfire. With no other option, the four of them opted to simply wait it out, until an opportunity presented itself.

Soon, it did; the police out front had all been dealt with, and the main force of the assault started attacking from behind. That was all the opening they needed. Dallas and Chains sprinted out into the street, while Hoxton and Wolf simply jumped from the roof, the one story fall being painful, but not enough to break anything. Chains wrenched the manhole cover off, and jumped into the sewers, followed by the other three. They picked a direction at random, and started running down it. It wasn't long before they got turned around and almost lost, however.

"This place is a god-damn maze!" Chains said, spraying at SWAT who followed them down.

"Keep looking, there has to be an exit somewhere."

Eventually, Wolf spotted a ladder leading up that wasn't the one they came in through. "This way!"

The crew followed him as he raced up the ladder, emerging into a parking garage. Their van was parked some distance away, the engine still running. The four of them wasted no time and jumped inside and closed the doors, the driver pulling out of the garage in a calm fashion.

"Excellent work, gentlemen," Bain complimented the group. "The loot's ours, and Blueblood looks to have an impeachment on his hands... Er, hooves. Let's get you back to the safe house."

Not too long after the criminals jumped into the sewer, hostage rescue units finally got to Dash and Spitfire, who stretched their wings once their bonds were removed. Almost immediately, Dash flew up into the air to try and spot where the group emerged from, but saw nothing.

"Dispatch, we've got multiple wounded," a nearby SWAT officer reported, "send EMTs ASAP."

"The AO is a shitstorm, repeat, the AO is a shitstorm," another said.

As Dash flew back to the ground, she felt a hoof on her back. "You're thinking of taking revenge on them, aren't you?" Spitfire asked.

"Well of course! I mean, who do they think they are, taking me, Rainbow Dash, hostage? So don't try and stop me!"

Spitfire laughed. "I never said I didn't want the same thing, Dashie."

Overhead, a helicopter hovered in place, likely looking for the crew just as Dash was. However, it was just as fruitless.

As soon as the cops started to pull out slightly, replaced by non-hijacked ambulances for the wounded, they were quickly followed by news vans, and Dash and Spitfire were both assaulted with questions. Dash sighed. She knew that she'd be feverishly asked questions by the press as a Wonderbolt, she just imagined that it would be for something she had done...

The Big One

It wasn't long before news of Blueblood's kidnapping spread. The crew made it back to the safe house just as the TV in the bar was showing it. Oddly enough, the bar was filled with cheers at the announcement, and the rest of the day was overall much happier.

Their client was also very pleased, and also hadn't quite dealt with Blueblood yet. It was expected that he would be found in a few days, dead in an alley somewhere. Still, that wasn't the crew's problem; they just worried about the payout, which was equally good.

With nothing else to do that day but lay low, Chains and Wolf ended up arm wrestling each other, Dallas took a nap, and Hoxton browsed the internet, seeing if they had any impact on the public. Sure enough, they did. An overwhelming majority of comments indirectly praised them for getting rid of Blueblood. There were quite a few people from Earth who didn't even know who it was, but that didn't dampen the mood at all.

However, just as soon as comments were being put up, they were deleted, likely in an effort to not have the public support criminal activities in any way. After all, they had pretty much committed a kidnapping of a government official, which ranked pretty high up on the list of criminal activities.

Hoxton's surfing was soon interrupted by Bain. "Guys, I just got in contact with another client, and you will not believe this."

Chains, who was still locked in arm-to-arm combat with Wolf, answered. "Shoot."

"You know what Equestria's strongest weapons are, right?"

"Yeah, those Elements of Harmony you mentioned," Hoxton said.

"Well, someone wants us to steal them."

Everyone was stunned, and Wolf ended up slamming Chains's hand into the table. "They want us to steal their version of the nuclear football?"

"It seems like it."

Dallas, who had woken up just minutes ago, chimed in. "No way we're getting that far deep into national affairs. Kidnapping some guy is one thing, but this is something else entirely. I don't care how much they can pay us."

"Well, that's the thing. They know it's a heavy matter, so they priced it appropriately."

The silence in the air was palpable as Bain paused.

"Ten billion US dollars."

Silence once more reigned in the safe house.

"Ten bill..." Wolf trailed off in disbelief.

"Billion? With a B?" Chains asked, equally shocked.

"You heard me right. I was shocked, too."

For a long while, no one said anything, then slowly Wolf, Chains, and Hoxton all looked at Dallas.

"With that much, we could be set for life, and then some..." he trailed off, lost in thought.

Then, suddenly, he spoke up again. "When do we have to do it?"

"There wasn't a deadline mentioned, but they did suggest doing this during that Gala thing in a few months. That would probably be our best bet; they won't expect us with all those people."

Hoxton laughed. "Looks like we're changing history, fellas..."

"Ten billion..." Wolf said, still stuck on that detail.

Chains cracked his neck. "Sounds like a hell of a retirement plan, to me."

"Then it's settled. In just a few short months, we're stealing Equestria's strongest weapons. In the meantime, I have a lot of preparations to make, both for the heist and for getting off the grid." Bain sighed. "Gentlemen, this is the heist to end all heists. I hope you know what you're getting into."

The Harmony Hei$t (Day 1) - Casing

Wolf looked up at the castle he was approaching. It was quite big close up, and the guards posted in front of the large doors in the front did nothing to quell his nervousness.

And besides, this wig was itchy.

Still, he stayed in character, and walked up to them, fairly large camera in hand.

"Excuse me," he asked them, in an almost obnoxiously thick fake German accent, "I am part of un Earth magazine regarding big social events, and I would like to get a few pictures of where the Gala vill be happening."

The guards, though confused, allowed him to enter. "Danke, gentlemen, wunderbar!"

After saying a few more potentially racist things, Wolf soon began snapping pictures, paying close attention to entry points and such.

Soon, he entered the ballroom, which was empty. He began snapping pictures of it, too, going as far up as the roof, which had a number of skylights present.

"Don't be afraid to use the whole roll of film," Bain encouraged him, "but make sure to get a picture of two of where the Elements are stashed. They should be some distance down a hallway leading out of the ballroom."

Wolf silently heeded his instructions, occasionally muttering something that sounded vaguely German. Eventually, he found what he was looking for: a pair of glass doors with a pair of guards stationed in front of them, and a keypad with a card slot in the wall next to the door. To help avoid suspicion, Wolf took pictures of the surrounding hallway, before taking one of the door, and the heavier-looking, non-glass door some distance behind it. The guards winced slightly from the flash, but otherwise did nothing.

Wolf kept moving down the hall, as instructed by Bain. "The gardens are probably a good entry point, so make sure to get some pictures of them, too."

It wasn't long before Wolf found the exit into the gardens. If he weren't casing the place, he'd say that it was actually rather nice looking. Regardless, he snapped more photos, paying particular attention to the perimeter of the gardens.

A number of flashes later, his camera was out of film, and he reported it to Bain. "Alright, we probably got enough pictures now. Go ahead and go back to the others."

Wolf nodded, even if Bain couldn't see it. He made his way back to the entrance of the castle, where the same two guards were still standing.

"Danke, mein friends!" Wolf said to them. They just nodded as he left and walked down the street. Soon, he arrived back at the club, where the other three were waiting at the bar.

"You got the pics?" Dallas asked quietly.

"Of course," Wolf answered, taking off his wig.

"Good; we're one step closer to that money."

Author's Note

Just a short chapter for mild plot development
Also cloakers are back, and I love (hate) it.

[faint whistling]

The Harmony Hei$t (Day 2) - Prepping

"Alright, let's run through the plan one more time."

"Sounds good to me," Chains said. "Shoot."

"I arranged for some 'accidental' damage to be done to the roof of the ballroom. You two will go in and fix it, while also planting some of those magical jammers in key positions. That way, we'll be ready for the big night."

"Look alive, my friend," Dallas said as the van pulled up to the castle. Both him and Chains exited the vehicle, carrying various tools with them. If one were to take a glance at them at the moment, they would probably guess that they were construction workers, rather than master criminals.

The guards at the gate thought this exact same thing, and led them into the ballroom, where there was quite a bit of visible damage to the ceiling, just as Bain said. The guards then showed them outside to the gardens, where a ladder was already erected to allow access to the roof.

After the guards left them to do their work, the pair ascended the ladder and walked over to a damaged portion of the roof. Once there, they began to work.

Occasionally, while repairing the damage, Dallas would slip one of the jammers into the space between the roof and the ceiling of the ballroom, making sure to cover it immediately after. Chains did the same thing, on the other side of the roof.

Eventually, the roof was suitably repaired. It wasn't pretty at all, but it looked good enough from inside, which was good enough. The guards gave them a decently sized bag of bits for payment, and the pair left in the van.

"Okay, we got a good map of the inside, and jammers are in place," Bain said. "It's nearly time for us to make history."

"Please stand still, Kevin!"

"You know, didn't you say that most guys had about the same dimensions, or something?"

The unicorn ignored the human's question and kept measuring him for his suit. "So, this will be your first Gala, correct?"

"Yeah." Kevin let out a small chuckle. "Twilight wouldn't let me not go, anyway."

Rarity also gave out a small laugh at this. "Yes, that certainly sounds like the Twilight I know..."

The pair fell into silence for a bit, before Kevin noticed a slight spring in her step. "You seem happy."

"Why wouldn't I be, darling? The Gala is coming up, Blueblood has completely vanished, and I'm helping one of my best friends' coltfriend get ready for the Gala!"

"The technical term would be 'boyfriend'."

Rarity rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

Again, the two drifted into silence, before Rarity spoke again. "How is Twilight doing, anyway?"

Kevin shrugged, ignoring the unicorn's ensuing glare. "She's been fine. Not much has changed with her, so that's good. I'm just glad she got over trying to stop that one gang."

Rarity paused in her measuring. "Yes... them..."

"I mean, I don't doubt that she could help put them behind bars, it's just that... They're dangerous, you know? I wouldn't want her to get hurt because she decided to play detective."

Rarity hummed in response. "Well, at least they aren't a problem, anymore."

"Yeah... I guess not."

Kevin shook his head, ending that line of thought. Why was he worrying about things like that, when one of the biggest pony events was just a few short weeks away?

After all, what could go wrong?

Author's Note

Good god Deathwish is kicking my ass left right and center
So why do I love it so much

Negotiations

"-live, from Canterlot, where four armed men reportedly held the entire Gala hostage just over an hour ago. Estimates so far place the body count at-"

*click*

"-can't believe it. I mean, who in their right mind would do such a thing?"

*click*

"-and while numerous law enforcers were killed or wounded in what is being called a possible terrorist attack, neither of the princesses have come forward to comment."

*click*

Celestia turned off the TV, and held her head in her hooves. Barely an hour and a half had passed, and already every news channel from Ponyville to Pittsburgh was reporting on what was quickly becoming one of the worst attacks on Canterlot since the changeling invasion.

The four men responsible for this had been apprehended, but not a single one said anything to her or Luna. They would either stay silent, or in the case of the bald one who was shot, would just keep insulting and taunting them in Swedish.

Sighing, Celestia stood back up, and began walking to the door. They haven't said anything while separate, but maybe, for some reason, she'll get some answers if she tried a group interrogation. It had just as much a chance to work as anything.

As she walked down the halls, she could hear the news teams flocking like flies just a floor above. No doubt they were interviewing the countless people, humans and ponies alike, who had attended the Gala, and were subsequently taken hostage.

Up ahead, a pair of guards positioned in front of the doors leading to the dungeons saluted and opened the doors for the princess. Barely acknowledging them, she descended the stairs into the depths of the castle, where four humans were being held prisoner for countless crimes.

More guards saluted her as she approached the high-security wing of the dungeons, where the men in question were. While they haven't said anything, they also haven't made any escape attempts, either, which was odd, given how many cops they killed and/or wounded during their heists.

Up ahead, another pair of guards saluted and opened the doors to the observation room, where Luna was watching the four men through a one-way mirror. The younger princess turned to see her sister enter, and she nodded in greeting. "What is the reaction thus far, sister?"

"Widespread confusion and panic," Celestia said simply. "No one seems to know that the Elements are missing, yet, apart from Twilight and her friends, so that's a silver lining, at least. Still no progress with them?"

Luna turned back to the four men, each one cuffed to a different corner of a table. There were a few bruises on their faces, and the bald one had bandages on his body where he was shot, but otherwise they all appeared to be waiting for nothing in particular.

"They still have not said anything, apart from that one's constant taunting," she said, pointing to Wolf. "The most we've been able to get out of them is a mention of someone betraying them, but they won't say who."

Celestia grunted in thought. "Have they at least said anything about where the Elements are, or why they took them?"

"I'm afraid not, sister."

Suddenly something occurred to the older princess. "Aren't these criminals who were also wanted by the United States government?"

Luna's eyes widened slightly with realization. "Yes, they are. Are you saying...?"

"Yes. The Americans are certainly... more thorough in their interrogations, so maybe they could get some answers out of them."

"Shall I contact the FBI, sister?"

"Yes, we should do that as soon as-"

At that moment, both of them were cut off by one of the guards opening the door to the observation room. "Sorry to interrupt, Princesses, but you have an incoming call."

The two princesses looked at each other, smirking slightly, despite the mood. "Looks like they beat us to it, Tia."

"Yes, well, I knew they had people everywhere, but I didn't expect them to find out this quickly." The guard brought a phone into the room, and Celestia levitated it to her ear. "Hello?"

"It seems you have my boys in custody, there. We can't have that, now, can we, Princess?"

Celestia's smirk was wiped off her face when the voice spoke. "Who is this?!"

"That's not important. But what is important, is that I know where your Elements are going."

Celestia froze at the revelation, much to the confusion of Luna. "What's wrong, sister?"

The elder princess held up a hoof to silence her, before speaking again. "Where are they?"

"In a town some distance away by the name of Featherton. I believe you are familiar with it?"

Celestia's words caught in her throat. "T- That's in griffon territory!" On top of the less than stellar relations between Equestria and Griffonia, sending armed forces into their territory would either be seen as a sign of aggression, or a sign of weakness, if they learn why they were going there in the first place.

"Don't worry, Princess. You see, the guys who betrayed my boys are sitting pretty with your Elements, planning who knows what. And my guys are sitting in your dungeons, locked up. I think we can help each other out, here."

She caught on to what the mystery voice meant immediately. "These men have killed countless officers, stolen massive amounts of money and valuables, caused innumerable amounts of property damage, scarred the lives of far too many of my subjects, including my own personal student and her friends, and you want me to just let them go?" Celestia was absolutely livid now, and even Luna backed up a bit from her sister out of fear.

"I know you don't like it, but what other options do you have? They aren't affiliated with any country, and if they get caught, you have your finge- er, hooves clean of the whole mess."

The slip up didn't go unnoticed by Celestia, but all that told her was that this mystery person was human. Regardless, she listened as he continued.

"All I ask is that you let them go. And don't worry about them bailing on the whole thing; we don't like people who betray us, so we'll be sure to return the favor. You get your Elements back, they go free, everyone's happy."

Celestia had calmed down, but she was still feeling some slight traces of anger at what the man suggested. "You ask of the impossible, whoever you are. With all the crimes these men have committed, there is no way I can just let them go."

As the voice began speaking again, Celestia silently urged the guard who brought her the phone to start tracing the call. He saluted, and left the room.

"I understand that, but you must realize that you're caught between a rock and a hard place. You don't let my boys go, you go without your most powerful weapon. You let them get some payback on the assholes that left them for dead, and you'll get the Elements back, pure and simple."

For a long time, she stayed silent. While trying to think of what to do, she glanced over at the four men, all of them clueless about the conversation deciding their fate right now.

Eventually, Luna put a hoof on her sister's shoulder, and nodded. Reinforced in her decision, Celestia brought the phone back up to her face. "I can't make any promises, but I will see about... lessening their sentence."

"I knew you'd come around, Celestia."

"We will arrange for them to 'escape' near the Equestria-Griffonia border. They have three days to come back with the Elements. After they are returned, I will let your men out of my custody, so long as they are never seen within Equestrian territory again." Celestia lowered her voice. "If they fail to return, or if they decide to come back to Equestria, I will use the full power of the sun to find and detain them, you included. And then I will make you all wish you never double-crossed me."

"We may be criminals, but we're professionals. We keep our word, especially when revenge is involved. And one more thing to keep in mind: if you get the same idea, to fuck us over once we've served our purpose..." The voice chuckled darkly. "Well, just know that I have friends everywhere. Friends that don't appreciate it when their friends are stabbed in the back. You may be immortal, Princess, but your subjects certainly aren't."

The threat nearly made Celestia choke. "It has been a pleasure talking with you, Celestia." On the other side of the line, the phone clicked, and the princess shook her head, the contents of the entire past conversation still flying around in her head.

"Are you sure this is the right course of action, Tia?" Luna asked, concern lacing her voice.

"I'm not sure we have any other options," Celestia said, shaking her head. "There's a popular human saying that I feel is all too appropriate for this situation: 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.'"

"I personally believe that 'Desperate times call for desperate measures' is more fitting."

The guard reentered the observation room, his face unchanging. "We were able to trace the call, but its location was a payphone in Ponyville."

That was a dead end as far as finding whoever that was, but Celestia still thanked the guard for his effort.

"Surely you will not let these... thugs go free, after this is all done?"

"I'll figure something out." Celestia sighed heavily. "For now, we should make sure that not a word of this leaves this room. It's bad enough that we were attacked in the middle of one of our biggest celebrations of the year, but if anyone hears that I'm making deals with the criminals who pulled off said attack, it would be a complete PR nightmare."

Luna nodded solemnly. "As much as I dislike the decision, I know that we have no other choice. I shall arrange some of my guard to make sure this stays between us."

"No... not just between us." Celestia looked at her sister. "The Elements hang in the balance here, so it's only right that their bearers are also aware of this plan."

Luna cringed slightly. "Are you sure that is the best idea? I would think that they would be... quite adverse to this plan. Especially Twilight Sparkle."

Celestia nodded grimly. "Be that as it may, I feel that they at least deserve to know."

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Twilight's shout reverberated throughout the makeshift meeting room, consisting of a table in the middle of the observation room of the four career criminals. Along with the princesses, also present were Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were both in the castle infirmary, helping look after wounded police officers and Kevin. Were it not for the soundproofing spell placed around the observation room, it was likely that they, too, would've heard Twilight's enraged yell.

"Now, Twilight," Luna began, "I know it may sound like a bad idea-"

"You're darn right it's a bad idea!" Applejack cut in. "Those four are nothin' but no good, dirty, rotten criminals, and you're gonna let 'em go free so they can steal the Elements back? Forgive me, Princesses, but are y'all outta your damn minds?!"

"I assure you, that there is no other way-"

"NO OTHER WAY?!" Now it was Celestia's turn to get cut off, this time by Twilight. "You're telling me that the only plan you found acceptable was the one where you let the dangerous killer criminals go FREE?!"

"Do you think that I haven't tried to come up with anything else?!" Celestia's outburst brought silence to the whole room, but she didn't stop there. "Do you think that I would choose this plan if I had literally any other option?"

The princess took a few deep breaths, before regaining her composure. "I have found out that whoever stole the Elements brought them to Featherton, in Griffonia. I can't send any troops in to retrieve it, as that would be seen as an act of war. My options were either this, or just sit and wait. This way, I have no official involvement whatsoever, and in return, those men are free, so long as they stay out of Equestria forever."

When these new facts were revealed, the anger present in the ponies' eyes slowly faded away, though plenty of resentment still remained.

Twilight, however, was still pretty mad. "So those four criminals, who are among the most wanted criminals both here and in the U.S., are going to get off scot-free for all that they've done? For what they've done to my friends and I?! For what they've done to Kevin?!" She was breathing heavily, now, and Celestia couldn't help but frown.

"I understand that this situation is much less than ideal," she conceded, "but, as I said, our options are very limited. So, while I also personally dislike the decision, we have no choice but to let them retrieve the Elements."

The assembled ponies were silent for a long while as they thought over what had been said. None of them liked the idea, but Celestia had a point about it being their only choice.

"So... what now?" Dash asked, looking back at the cuffed humans, two of which were busying themselves by playing rock paper scissors with their free hands.

Celestia sighed. "For now, just wait and see. I will tell them of this deal, and then me and Luna will see to getting them to the border. After that, we all just sit and wait."

Once the four of them were escorted out by a pair of guards, Celestia let out a breath she had been holding. "Looks like it's time to tell them, then."

Luna nodded in understanding. "It seems that way."

Leaving the observation room, Celestia went to the door to the holding cell. Steeling herself, she then entered, drawing the attention of the four cuffed men. There was anger in their eyes, but, strangely, none of it seemed to be directed at her.

"Do you still refuse to talk, then?" she asked them, getting nothing but silence in response. A couple of them shrugged, but otherwise did nothing.

"Well, what about the people who betrayed you? Wouldn't you like to... get revenge on them?"

This got them interested, and they all looked at each other. Eventually, one of them spoke up. "What are you saying?" Hoxton asked.

Celestia saw no point in dancing around the matter. "It seems that whoever is in charge of you decided to negotiate a deal for your freedom."

Now with all of their attention completely on her, she continued. "Apparently, the Elements are being taken to Featherton, in Griffonia. Tomorrow, I will see to it that you are 'accidentally' lost near the Equestria-Griffonia border. At that point, you will have three days to bring the Elements back to me. Do that, and you' will no longer be in Equestrian custody, so long as you never return to Equestria ever again."

The four humans looked at each other. They had just helped steal the most powerful weapons this country had, and now its leader was offering them a deal. Small smirks were present on their faces, which slightly unnerved Celestia.

Finally, one of them spoke up. "It sounds like we have ourselves a deal," Dallas said.

Celestia wanted to smile, but she knew she'd have to keep up appearances. "I'll tell you just like I told your boss: If you fail to return, or if you decide to come back after performing this job, I will see to it that all of you are locked up until you are nothing but dust." She got face to face with Chains. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Like fucking crystal," he responded, now wearing a full cocky grin. The others also nodded and voiced their agreements.

Somewhat satisfied by their answers, Celestia went back to the door. "You have twelve hours. I suggest you get some rest; you'll need it."

With that, she left, leaving the four criminals, still cuffed to the table.

"Fucking Bain," Wolf said softly, getting a chuckle from the others.

A man walked down a Ponyville street, satisfied with the way things turned out. Hardly anyone was outside this late at night, but no one questioned the long-haired man strolling down the street on his own.

The first step, negotiating a compromise, was done. Now he'd just have to get in touch with his contacts, dig up any dirt that needs digging, and setting aside whatever assets he deems appropriate.

Staring up at Canterlot in the distance, he grinned. His boys had been through much, much worse. This wasn't the first time they had been arrested, and it wasn't the first time he pulled some strings to get them out. He knew they'd do their job right, just like he would do his.

With no one watching him, Bain began heading into the forest again, on his way back to the safe house. The whole crew, himself included, would need to be on their A game for the next few days.

After all, when you're given a second chance, you tend to try to avoid fucking it up.

The Road to Payback

Three vehicles traveled on an abandoned desert road, their headlights slicing through the pitch black of night. Of the three vehicles, one of them housed the most wanted criminals in both the US and now in Equestria, as well.

Eventually, the lights of a nearby city could be seen in the distance, and the convoy turned off their lights. They continued, shrouded in darkness, until they were only a mile out of town. Once there, the cars pulled to a stop, and shortly after four men were thrown out onto the sand, their hands still cuffed.

A single guard followed them out, working to undo their bindings. Once that was done, and all four of them were on their feet, the guard spoke. "You have three days. Good luck."

At that, he got back into the transport, and the convoy turned around, leaving the four men alone in the desert.

Before any of them could formulate a plan, they could spot a pair of headlights driving towards them, from the city. Soon after, it was revealed to be an unmarked van, driven by someone they couldn't see.

The van pulled to a stop, and a couple of armed, masked men opened the back doors. "Bain sends his regards," one of them said, and the crew piled into the van, before it pulled back onto the road and left for the city.

Las Pegasus was already a fairly profitable place, resting on the border between Equestria and Griffonia, but its success only skyrocketed with the arrival of humans. It wasn't long before the city was as bright as its Earth counterpart, and some would say that Las Pegasus had even surpassed the original Las Vegas in wealth.

Of course, just like Vegas, Las Pegasus had quite a bit of a seedy underbelly. And for the four men known as Dallas, Wolf, Hoxton, and Chains, they wouldn't have it any other way.

While in the van, the two masked men gave the crew small radios, so they could get back in touch with Bain. Once they were in place, he spoke to them.

"How you guys feel about getting a little payback?"

"Bain, you fucking magnificent bastard!" Wolf cheered.

"Nice work back there," Hoxton added. "So, what's the plan?"

"Featherton is only about an hour drive out of Las Pegasus, but that still brings up the issue of who we're looking for. So you'll be pleased to know that I found out who it was."

"Well, don't leave us in suspense," Chains said. "Who was it?"

"One of the largest drug cartels from Earth. Apparently, they're hoping to gain a foothold on Equestria, and they'll do so by selling off the Elements to the highest bidder, and using that money to fund themselves. I've also tracked them to a group of warehouses in Featherton, but they've also hired some Murkywater mercs for added security. I'm sure you remember them."

The crew gave a few low whistles as they remembered their last encounter with Murkywater. That slaughterhouse nearly saw the death of them.

"But that's not all," Bain said, ever the bearer of good news. "Apparently this cartel is working with a medium sized griffon crime syndicate. So not only does that mean there's even more opposition waiting for you, but they have the entire police force at Featherton under their payroll. As if that wasn't enough, I've heard rumors of several under-the-table deals from Gensec being completed there. We have our work cut out for us, boys."

Dallas ran a hand through his hair. "Shit, we better get going, then."

"First, I gotta get you guys rearmed. The problem is, I couldn't secure as much guns as you'd want for this, so you'll have to manage with the bare minimum."

"And how much is that?" Wolf asked, slightly worried.

"Four pistols with suppressors. No body armor. Anything else, you'll have to figure something out."

Dallas grunted. "Well, it's better than nothing, I suppose."

The van pulled into a back alley behind a casino, and came to a stop. The armed men and the crew piled out, quickly heading into a nearby building. The inside was dimly lit, but they could still see all manner of weapons, cash, and even some drugs scattered about.

"This is where you'll get rearmed, and don't worry, I already took care of payment. Plus, I was able to get you guys a bit of extra help."

"You couldn't afford more guns, but you could afford a hired thug?" Chains asked, confused.

"Not quite. He offered to do this for free. I think you'll see why when you meet him."

None of them knew what Bain meant, but they had learned by now to not question his judgement.

The two armed goons escorted the crew further into the building, where a single table was waiting. On said table were four handguns, along with four suppressors and four iconic clown masks.

As they inspected the pistols to see if they were functional, the door behind them opened, and a figure walked through. The crew turned to face the newcomer, finding them to be yet another masked man.

"So, you the one tagging along with us?" Dallas asked, still focusing on his sidearm.

The newcomer chuckled. "Now, is that any way to talk to your little brother, Nate?"

Dallas froze at the voice, and whirled around, his eyes shining with recognition. "Well holy shit, look who it is!"

The masked man smiled, and pulled off his mask, revealing a face belonging to a man that didn't look that different from Dallas, only younger. "Hear you guys got screwed over real bad."

While the other three were confused at Dallas's reaction, they still nodded.

"Anyway, yeah," he continued, "Bain told me the situation, and I can't help but feel that you might need a hand with this."

"So, you gonna tell us your name?" Wolf finally spoke up.

The man smirked. "Just call me Houston."

Dallas couldn't hold back his laughter. "Really? That's what you've been calling yourself?"

"Hey, shut up, it makes sense! Since you already took 'Dallas', it's only right I get to be named after another city in Texas!"

Despite the serious situation, everyone in the room couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, glad you all got reacquainted," Bain cut in, laughing a bit himself. "but now it's time to get down to business."

And like that, the mood in the room was now serious. "Right, so here's the layout of the warehouse," Houston said, bringing out a blueprint. "There are a lot of ways you could enter, but we'll have to wait and see where exactly they have guards posted. I will say, though, that the sewer seems the best bet." He pointed to a portion of the map that was circled, showing where a manhole allowed access into the building. "While we haven't figured out where they'd keep the Elements, we did find the location of an armory," he added, pointing to another circle, "so that should help you with your weapons problem."

"I can't help but notice that you didn't say there were a lot of ways 'we' could enter," Hoxton said. "You not going with us?"

"Not inside, no. I'll be providing sniper support, as well as being your getaway driver once you grab the Elements."

The Brit nodded. "Seems reasonable."

After looking at the blueprints for a bit, Chains let out a hum. "So, we have a plan for this, or are we just wingin' it?"

"I don't know about you," Wolf answered, "but I say we go in and kill every last motherfucker in there. Seems fair, doesn't it?"

The others couldn't help but agree.

"As good a plan as that is," Bain cut in, "you guys should know that you're heading into basically a suicide mission. You're all going to have to be on your A game if you want to live through this."

As silence filled the room, Houston lit up a cigarette. Dallas noticed this, and smirked. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, 'Houston'. It wrecks hell on your lungs. I should know."

"Helps calm the nerves, keeps me focused."

"So, when are we heading out?" Hoxton asked.

"It'd be best if you leave now. There's a van waiting outside for you all. Good luck."

As the five of them began to exit the room, four of them wearing their iconic masks, Wolf stopped Hoxton just before they left. "You alright, Hoxtinator? You seem a bit... off."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just, that 'Houston' guy... something about him rubs me the wrong way, but I'm not sure why."

"Eh, I'm sure it's nothing. Now let's get some payback on those sons of bitches!"

With Wolf lifting the spirits of the rest of the group, the five of them piled into another unmarked van, Houston taking the wheel. "You guys have three days, huh?" he asked, adjusting the mirror. "We'll be done in two."

Quickly, the van pulled into the street, driving its occupants towards what was believed to be certain death.

Author's Note

Oh hey, I managed to work new Hoxton into this thing without getting rid of old Hox, and in a way that makes sense (stupid name notwithstanding).

A Vengeful Death Wi$h (Part 1) - Sneaking in Silence

The crew observed the warehouse across the street, its floodlights clearing away the dark of the night. They had been casing the place all day yesterday, though they still weren't able to find out what the layout inside was. Murkywater troops milled about, guarding the warehouse, while various gangster-types entered and exited the place regularly. Humans, ponies, and even a few griffins were spotted amongst the guards present.

Nearby, Houston finished up assembling his suppressed sniper rifle. A larger case sat next to the now-empty one, though when he was asked what was in it, he just smiled and said "Insurance."

After taking one last look at the warehouse, Dallas put on his mask. "Alright, no time like the present. Let's do this."

"Bout time," Wolf said, also masked. "I never was a fan of casing places, anyway."

"Just remember the plan," Hoxton warned. "Keep it quiet, avoid guards and searchlights." After putting his mask on, he looked down at the street between the warehouse and the building they were in, where their escape van was parked, next to a manhole. "What's our point of entry?"

"The sewers seems like the best option," Bain said. "There should be manhole access to the inside of that place, or at least close enough to get in unnoticed."

"Good luck out there," Houston told them while performing some last minute adjustments on his scope.

"We don't need luck," Chains said, masking up. "We need some goddamn payback."

With that, the four of them made their way into the street and to the manhole. Dallas opened it up, and they all climbed down into the sewers. A grate blocked their path, but it was easily dealt with by way of an application of thermal paste.

After burning one more grate away, they found a ladder leading back to the street level. Wolf climbed up and checked it out, and found that it led straight inside the warehouse. After checking to see if the coast was clear, he motioned the rest of the crew up, who followed silently.

"You got a lot of guards outside," Houston told them over the radio. "But hardly any windows. I can't help you when you're inside, but you won't get spotted from the outside."

The crew moved swiftly yet quietly, keeping an eye out for any signs of guards, or where the Elements might've been kept. Considering that they could be in one of the many storage boxes littered around the place, Hoxton grabbed a crowbar. While the others covered him, he pulled the top off of a nearby crate, finding some gold inside. "Well ain't that a pretty sight..."

"Why do they have gold here?" Dallas asked, after seeing what was inside.

"Murkywater operates all over Earth, and apparently they're moving in on Griffonia, too," Bain said. "I know the loot's tempting, but it'd be best if we just ignore it and keep looking for the Elements."

Slightly disappointed, Hoxton replaced the lid on the crate, before moving with the others to the next room. There, a guard was busy inspecting the various crates and boxes scattered about. He didn't appear to be moving anytime soon, so once he was sure the coast was clear, Chains slipped up behind him and shot him in the head, moving quickly to catch his falling body. As the others checked the now-empty room, Chains stashed the body in the one place he knew was safe to do so. That is, he dumped it into the sewers.

Meanwhile, Hoxton opened more crates, but they were either empty, or held miscellaneous loot that they couldn't afford to take with them.

From the doorway leading into the next room, Wolf let out a low whistle. "Guys, I think I found the armory."

The others came to investigate, finding a Gensec-brand security door unattended in a hallway. A key card reader beside it made it obvious how to get inside, and a sign just above the door labeled it as the armory.

"Nice find, Wolf," Dallas complimented. "That's one issue solved, at least."

"Hey, guys," Houston broke in, "you got a couple of choppers flying in. Looks like one transport chopper and one attack chopper."

"What? There weren't any flights in or out scheduled for tonight," Bain said.

Whatever it meant, it couldn't have been good. "We split up here," Dallas ordered. "We need to find the key to this armory. Me and Hoxton will go this way," he said, pointing left, "and Wolf and Chains go that way," he added, pointing right. "When someone finds it, meet back here. Houston, keep an eye on those choppers for us."

"Roger that."

They split up, with Wolf and Chains eventually going upstairs, while Dallas and Hoxton remained on the ground floor. There, they entered into the main room of the warehouse, which was stacked nearly thirty feet high with all sorts of boxes and crates. A large amount of Murkywater mercs, consisting almost entirely of humans and even the odd griffin, were currently gathered, so they stuck to the shadows and watched.

"Groundwalker 8 is about to land," one of them said. "Get the Package and move it to the roof."

The rest saluted, and one of them going inside another Gensec door. Shortly after, he emerged, holding a box that was all too familiar to the two criminals hiding in the shadows.

"Alright, let's move out!" the lead Murky said, and with the one holding the Elements in the middle, they began walking the way Dallas and Hoxton came, passing within only a couple of feet of the hidden heisters.

"They're bringing the Elements to the roof," Dallas said once they were gone. "Houston, what's the situation up there?"

"Both choppers have landed, and it looks like some people are coming out of the transport one. There's only a couple of Murky's, though."

"Shit, that must be the cartel leader himself," Bain said. "We got here just in time."

At the same time, Wolf finished moving a dead body out of sight just as the group of soldiers marched past. Once they were clear, he looked at Chains, who held a Gensec key card in his hand.

"Shit, we gotta move," the Swede whispered, and Chains nodded in agreement. They hurried back downstairs as quickly as they could without making noise, and soon they found Dallas and Hoxton, who arrived at the armory door at the same time they did.

"Whole bunch of mercs just arrived on the roof," Houston reported.

Wordlessly, Chains inserted the key card, and Dallas pulled the door open. Inside, a single Murkywater soldier was sitting on a bench, reading a magazine containing questionable content. He jumped at the sudden intrusion, only to have four handguns pointed at him. He quickly put his hands up in defeat.

"Don't do anything you might regret," Hoxton threatened, while the others began to arm up using the quite expansive collection of weapons and body armor in the armory. Much to Wolf's delight, there was even a good amount of C4 available to use.

After Dallas was fully armed and armored, he took over watching the soldier for Hoxton while he did the same. Once they were all finished, holding their weapons of choice and wearing body armor over their suits, Chains shot the soldier with his handgun.

"It looks like they're discussing some kind of deal," Houston said.

"He's gonna leave with the Elements!" Bain shouted. "Guys, move your asses! We only have one shot at this!"

"How we gonna do this?" Chains asked, swapping his suppressed handgun for a sawed-off shotgun.

Wolf grinned evilly under his mask, clutching a few bricks of C4. "Oh, I think I have an idea..."

Author's Note

In other news, it's about fucking time we get word of a Hoxton jailbreak heist.
And the other upcoming heists don't sound half bad, either.

A Vengeful Death Wi$h (Part 2) - Bringing the Violence

While the crew moved quickly inside the warehouse, across the street, Houston began unpacking his 'insurance'. After making sure the scope was attached and zeroed, and that a full mag of five .50 caliber rounds was loaded, he looked back to the roof, where it appeared the deal was happening right now.

"You guys better hurry," he said. "I can make sure the choppers don't leave, but the rest is up to you."

"Don't worry, we got it under control," Dallas said.

Back inside, Wolf just finished applying the last brick of C4 to the ceiling. Thankfully, nearly all of the guards and mercs were topside, so they met no resistance getting into position.

"We ready?" Wolf asked, thumb hovering over the detonator.

The others nodded. "Let's blow this party sky high," Hoxton said, the grin on his face matching the one on his mask.

Wolf slammed down on the detonator, and a whole section of the roof was blown out, then caved in. Numerous bodies were in the wreckage, mostly Murkywater mercs, but in the chaos, they spotted the case containing the Elements.

Shooting the few survivors of the blast, Chains grabbed it. "Got it!"

"You got red lights all across the board, crew!" Bain said. "You already got SWAT teams dispatched to your location. Keep those guns up!"

Shortly after the explosion, several deafening gunshots rang out from across the street, disabling both choppers.

"Alright, birds are grounded," Houston reported. "I'll keep a lookout for anything nasty."

Outside, a number of police cars and SWAT vans pulled up, blocking off all roads away from the warehouse.

This didn't go unnoticed by Bain. "Shit, all roads are blocked, we're gonna need an alternate escape. Let me see what I can find..."

Back inside the warehouse, the first wave of SWAT units entered, only to be gunned down by the crew. Notably, while every other SWAT unit they had fought had a SWAT patch on them, these guys had GenSec patches, instead. They also seemed to have better armor and were much better shots.

Still, it wasn't anything the gang couldn't handle.

Behind them, the same manhole they originally entered through opened up as a Cloaker emerged. Wolf spun around and spotted him just as he barreled forward and kicked the Swede right in the jaw. Not even a second before he hit the ground, Dallas unleashed a torrent of gunfire at the Cloaker, killing him.

Seeing Wolf on the ground, Dallas shouted a few words of encouragement. "Pain is just mental! Get off your ass!"

Sufficiently inspired, Wolf shook off the pain enough to get back to his feet and keep shooting, though a killer headache was still making itself known.

Suddenly, the cops threw down some smoke at the door, which a unique Bulldozer walked out of. This 'Dozer had much thicker armor, a skull painted on his faceplate, and an LMG instead of their usual shotgun.

"BULLDOZER! MAKE WAY!" he shouted, beginning to open fire. The crew immediately ducked down as the hail of bullets flew overhead, and Hoxton threw out a grenade to try and disorient him.

The plan worked, and after the ensuing explosion, the crew hightailed it up the stairs, though not before taking a few potshots at the Dozer.

Back upstairs, the four reloaded their weapons as they listened to the Dozer's heavy footsteps following them up the stairs.

"Stay alive... A little longer... So I can kill you myself!" he taunted as he exited the stairwell. However, the four of them were seemingly gone.

"What the hell- The Bulldozer was cut off as a fifty cal round was shot through a nearby window, penetrating straight through his faceplate, killing him.

"Dozer's gone!" Houston said.

As the crew emerged from cover, they began shooting at the cops who were right behind the slain Dozer. Shields led the way, though they were easily flanked and dealt with.

"What's the plan, Bain?!" Wolf shouted as he gunned down a Tazer. "We're waiting!"

"Alright, this is tricky, but I think I can get you guys out of there. First, regroup with Houston at the south end of the warehouse yard. There should be plenty of shipping crates to provide cover."

"Alright, moving out. Stay alive, guys, you'll be without sniper support for a while."

Back across the street, Houston began packing his .50 cal rifle back up, and began heading to the roof of the building. There, an innocent-looking cable led all the way from there to the roof of the warehouse. To the average observer, it looked pointless. To the eye of a trained criminal, however, it was seen as a shortcut.

Making sure he had a good grip, Houston took a running leap and began ziplining to the warehouse roof. A few cops noticed him and took potshots, but none of them hit.

Once he landed, he quickly sprinted to the south end of the building, where the other four were already fighting for their lives in the yard, hiding in a small grouping of shipping containers.

Using another container to break his fall, Houston ran through gunfire to the others, where he immediately hunkered down and began to return fire at the cops. "Alright, what's the plan?"

"Just, just give me two minutes. You'll thank me later, just don't die!"

"Oh, that's pretty encouraging!" Hoxton said, popping helmets into the air one at a time with his rifle.

"Just keep the pressure up!" Chains said back, narrowly avoiding a Tazer's namesake."We'll keep the sons of bitches back!"

"They just won't let up!" Houston yelled, grabbing more ammo from a nearby dead officer. "Jesus, this is a normal day for you guys?!"

"You'll learn to love it, trust me!" Dallas shouted back, applying the final few shots to another 'Skulldozer'.

"Okay, guys, get ready to run!"

Suddenly, they could hear an engine revving over the sound of the firefight, and soon after a bus smashed through the nearby wall, taking out an unlucky Cloaker. "Alright, go! Go! There's a van in the neighboring parking lot for you, now move your asses!"

The crew wasted no time, piling into the crashed bus's open door, then moving to the back and leaving through the other door. Sure enough, another van was waiting for them, and one after another they piled in.

Houston got behind the wheel, and within moments they were rolling back onto the road, police cars, SWAT vans, and police choppers all moving to chase.

After pulling onto the main highway out of town, the crew looked behind them to see quite a lot of cops on their tail.

"You got the whole damn police force on your ass! I hope you have a plan, Houston!"

"Don't worry, I got it!" Houston flipped a switch on a device he pulled from his pocket, then placed in in the empty seat next to him.

"What do you have planned?" Dallas asked.

"You'll see."

The chase continued for a couple more minutes, leaving the town behind and entering the desert. The pursuit didn't let up at all, however.

Up ahead, a pair of radio towers sat on either side of the road. Upon seeing them, Houston grinned, though the others didn't notice.

Just before they passed them, Houston began counting down. "And five, four, three, two..."

A moment after they passed the towers, a pair of explosions broke out at their bases, causing them to fall inwards towards each other- And the road.

Almost the entirety of the pursuing vehicles were taken out, and even the choppers were knocked out of the air. All that was left chasing them was a single police car, which was easily dealt with by way of Dallas opening the back door and shooting the driver.

Once they were sure they were clear, everyone in the van let out a loud cheer, celebrating their victory.

"Fucking assholes deserved it!" Chains said, looking over the Elements they had just recovered. "And now we get off the hook, too!"

"Not so fast, guys," Bain warned, "we're not out of the woods yet. We still have to meet with Celestia. I'll contact her now. Let's just hope we'll be done with this afterwards."

"When we get to a bar, remind me to buy you crazy bastards a drink, alright?" Hoxton said.

The rest laughed as they drove off into the early morning light.

Celestia stared out over the ballroom, the aftermath of the incident still present. Bullet holes marked the walls here and there, blood stains were evident on the ground, and empty shell casings littered the floor. As she began her duty of setting the sunrise in motion, she thought about what had happened. If only she had been here, she could've stopped it herself, then-

"Sister!"

Celestia was broken out of her thoughts by her sister rushing into the ballroom behind her. "What is it, Luna?"

"You have a call." Luna levitated the phone closer to the elder princess, who raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"And how is this impor-"

"It's him."

All of a sudden, the words died in Celestia's throat, and it felt like the room was spinning. Wordlessly, she accepted the phone.

"Yes?"

"We've done our part, now you do yours. The bridge just outside Las Pegasus in one hour. Be there."

The line clicked dead, and for a second, Celestia didn't know what to do. She figured it out quickly, though, and turned to a nearby guard, who looked like he was about to doze off.

"You!" Celestia called out, making the guard jump as he quickly recovered and snapped to a salute. "Assemble a small team of pegasus guards, and tell them to meet me at the castle gates in five minutes."

The guard saluted. "At once!" He ran off, while Celestia let out a sigh.

"Let us hope this is the last we'll see of them," she said, leaving her sister behind as she walked to the front of the castle.

Author's Note

Also, happy America day.

The Hand-Off

As the sun started to shine its first light over the landscape, Celestia watched from her position on the bridge. Gathered around her were a few of her pegasus guards, standing at ready attention.

Thankfully, there was pretty much no traffic this early in the morning, making it an easy task to wait for the criminals she more or less hired to retrieve the Elements. The only vehicle that passed by was a semi-truck, and a quick magical scan showed it held nothing of interest.

She just hoped that they would uphold their end of the bargain, and leave Equestria behind.

She was broken out of her thoughts when she spotted something approaching from the distance. Once it got closer, she could see that it was an unmarked blue van.

The van rolled to a stop ten feet in front of her, and after the driver cut the engine, the four men she had apprehended earlier emerged from the back, wearing their masks. They all had guns, but they weren't aimed at her, simply held at the ready. One of them was also carrying a duffel bag on their back, which no doubt held her greatest asset.

Wanting to get this over with, Celestia spoke. "You have the Elements?"

Wordlessly, the one holding the bag threw it forward, and Celestia caught it in her magic. Quickly opening it, she saw that it did indeed hold the box that the Elements were housed in. After opening that, she could see that all five necklaces and the tiara were accounted for, and undamaged.

She nodded. "Good. Now, you will have one day to-"

Suddenly, there was the sound of multiple guns being drawn, along with the sound of a helicopter bearing down on them, shining a spotlight on the four masked men. They whirled around in response, finding a large amount of armored men wielding rifles surrounding them. Celestia noticed that the new arrivals had a patch reading "FBI" on their back.

To further cement this new development, one of them started shouting. "FBI! Down on the ground, now!"

The four whirled around, looking at all the feds surrounding them, and begrudgingly complied, putting down their guns and putting their gloved hands in the air.

While Celestia was trying to process what just happened, another human walked forward, this one wearing a simple vest under his suit. A patch on his shoulder identified him as also being from the FBI. "Sorry to intrude on your territory, Princess," he began, "but when we have several sources saying that you have some of America's most wanted criminals in custody, we see no reason to let them go free."

The princess was shocked. "But I never contacted-"

"You didn't need to." The man looked at the bag still being held in her telekinetic grasp and smirked slightly. "Also, don't worry about any ramifications for your decision. In your place, I'd do the same thing."

Both of them looked at the masked men, who were now handcuffed and on their knees. One of the armored men started roughly removing their masks, but Celestia found that the faces under those masks weren't the ones she remembered in the castle's dungeon.

"Those aren't-"

Beside her, the man from the FBI reached the same conclusion, though his reaction was much less subdued. "God fucking dammit!"

While he started shouting at the others to start looking for "those crafty fucking assholes", Celestia looked at the Elements. If those men weren't here, then where could they be? The only other vehicle that passed on this bridge was-

The realization hit her like a five ton truck.

"Hey, Wolf, we need some more gas over here."

"On it. Got the new van ready?"

"Of course. What, after all that, you think I have trouble finding another van?"

Wolf laughed, applying the last of the gasoline to the semi that him and the rest of the crew were smuggled away in. "Just making sure, Houston."

Not too far away, Dallas shook his head. "I still think that name is kinda dumb..."

"Weird aliases aside, nice work everyone," Bain said. "Just like I thought, the feds jumped at the chance to nab you guys, and they took the bait perfectly. Now hurry up and get that truck torched, they're gonna have a country-wide hunt for that thing."

"You know, Bain, I can't help but feel that you have a backup plan for literally every situation," Hoxton commented.

"How else am I going to keep you guys alive in case things go south?"

Not too long afterwards, Dallas used a lit cigarette to ignite the gas, quickly turning the semi and its trailer into a raging inferno. Soon after, the five of them got into the new van and pulled away from the abandoned gas station before anyone noticed.

"So, what's next?" Chains asked.

"The heat's gonna be pretty bad here in Equestria, so I'll arrange for you boys to be sent back home."

"What about you?" Dallas asked Houston. "You coming with us?"

"Sorry, Nate, but I kinda like it here in Equestria. I'll be ready in case you need me again, though."

"Well, say farewell to Equestria for a while, gentlemen. We'll probably return later, but until then, see you at the safe house."

Epilogue

Roseluck sighed, leaning back in her chair. It was her first day working at GenSec, and also her first job in Earth, more specifically some country called the "USA".

Her reasoning for the career choice was simple. Ever since that debacle at the Gala several months ago, during which she and dozens of other were taken hostage, she wanted to do whatever she could to prevent that from happening again. And while being a cop was a bit too dangerous for her tastes, this was the next best thing. Thankfully, they were fully accepting of a pony taking the job, so there were no issues there.

On the computer screen in front of her, several blue dots were lit up over a map of the USA, showing all the places that GenSec was protecting. Occasionally, some of them would turn green, signaling a scheduled time lock activation.

While thinking over her situation, however, she noticed one of the dots turn yellow, signaling an unscheduled activation of the time lock. Clicking the dot, she saw that it was a large bank in the heart of Washington, DC that sent the signal. That bank was apparently famous for never being successfully robbed, and GenSec prided itself on keeping that streak alive.

Following protocol, she immediately picked up the phone and dialed the bank's number. After a few rings, she got an answer.

"Benevolent Bank, Martin here, everything is fine. How can I help you?"

She raised an eyebrow at the odd choice of words, but otherwise ignored them. "Yes, this is..." she looked over at the card reminding her of her alias over the phone. "...Jen, over at GenSec, and we've received reports of an unscheduled time lock activation over there. Is everything alright?"

"Oh, yeah, the manager was showing off the system to a new guy, helping him get to know the place. You know how it is."

"Yes, well, next time, give us a heads up, alright?"

"Okay, thanks for understanding."

Roseluck hung up, and after a few clicks, the yellow dot on her computer was turned back to blue. She monitored the systems for some time, before a red dot appeared, telling her that a vault was opened off schedule. Clicking the dot, she saw that it was the same bank as earlier. Confused, she dialed the number again, and the same person picked up.

"Benevolent Bank, Martin speaking."

"Yes, this is GenSec again, and now we have signs of an unscheduled vault opening."

"Well, uh, the new guy wanted to take a look inside the vault, so the manager opened it up."

Something about the explanation seemed a bit off. "Yes, well, just in case, I'm sending a couple of guys down to check up on it, alright?"

"Uh, there's not much need for that, but thanks anyway."

The line clicked dead, and Roseluck clicked a few more times, dispatching a couple of nearby GenSec officers to the bank. She kept eyes on the situation there, as well as the rest of the GenSec-protected places, and soon the officers' radios brought back some news.

"Everything's fine over here."

"Yeah, uh, everything's normal around here."

She confirmed both reports, but for some reason the second voice sounded a bit familiar...

Erring on the side of caution, she gave a small tip to the local police, then monitored the phone lines for the bank. Soon after, the call came in.

"This is the Benevolent, Martin speaking. How can I help you?"

"Yes, this is Officer Williams, the people down at GenSec told us to check out everything over there, so I'm sending a few officers down, alright?"

"Uh, okay, that's fine. Yeah."

The call was ended, and about ten minutes later, another was made.

"Benevolent Bank."

"Yeah, I dispatched those officers a while ago, and they still haven't reported back. What's going on?"

"Well, uh, I dunno, might be radio interference. Sunspots, you know?"

"I'm giving you five minutes to put one of the officers on the phone, or I'll send a team down there to arrest you for wasting police time."

"Um, understood. Bye."

Right after they hung up, the clock on Roseluck's desk beeped, telling her that her shift was over for today. Packing up a few things, she left the office, waving goodbye to her coworkers as she did so.

Later that night, she was sitting alone in her apartment, lounging on the couch while flipping through channels on the TV. While searching for something to entertain her, she ended up on the news channel, which made her stop for a second.

"-with sunny skies for the rest of the week. Now, onto our top story. Earlier today, history was made, as the Benevolent Bank, known for never being successfully robbed, has finally fallen. Four masked and heavily armed men managed to sneak inside the bank, before police were alerted shortly after they had breached the vault. In the ensuing shootout, there were at least over a hundred casualties, including at least forty fatalities, all of which inflicted on the DC police and FBI. The criminals managed to make their escape by using explosives to get through a wall, where they moved hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cash and gold to an unknown escape vehicle. Shortly after the robbery, a burnt out trash truck was found on the outskirts of DC, which might have been their escape vehicle. When GenSec, the company responsible for providing security to the Benevolent, was questioned, they refused to comment."

The rest of the news story was tuned out, as Roseluck couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Amidst her racing thoughts, one sentence made its way to the forefront of her mind, which she then whispered to herself:

"I am so fired."

BONUS: Blood $pillage alt. events

Author's Note

So, I need to help break a writer's block, and I came up with the perfect way to do that.
You see, part of the enjoyment of both Payday games is that, due to random events, each heist can be done in several different ways, with several different possible methods used. To that end, I decided to give you guys a bit of a small treat: a large portion of the heists in this fic retold with different circumstances, plans, and other things.
Now, these can be interchanged with the "canon" versions of the heists with no consequences, as the same overarching plot would still be in place, meaning that only small details would change. To that end, since you more than likely already know the exposition behind everything, I'll only focus on the action within a certain frame of the original chapter, which should be obvious.
For example, this alternate heist occurrence takes place after the crew gets into the elevators, and returns to what happened originally when Wolf deters an assault from the police.

Alright, enough explaining. Please enjoy the hospital heist, now with at least 60% more plan A.

BONUS: Blood $pillage alt. events

"Guys, I think I'm coming down with something: Being rich!"

The other three laughed at Wolf's shenanigans as they entered a pair of elevators.

"You guys can still hear me, right?" Bain asked.

"Yeah, run the plan!" Wolf urged.

"Right... Go to the third floor, the non-pony ward."

Taking two separate elevators, the crew pressed the appropriate buttons, cutting them off from the rest of the hospital.

"So, once we get in, I'll deactivate the cameras, and you'll have to keep the civilians in check. At the same time, one of you will have to plug me into the hospital database, so I can find out exactly which room this changeling is in. Now, if you do your jobs, and if nothing goes wrong, I'll be able to pick you up from the roof. Now let's get to work."

The elevator doors opened, and the four career criminals filtered into the crowd of waiting ponies and humans. Doing their best to appear nonchalant, they began to get into position to enact the plan. All they were waiting for was Bain's signal.

"Alright, and... done, cameras are offline."

All at once, the lobby broke into chaos, as four men all immediately put on masks, drew guns, and began shouting everyone to the ground. Several civilians screamed from the sudden commands, but they complied nonetheless.

The moment he was sure they were down, Wolf plugged a small USB drive into the receptionist's computer, and then typed feverishly. "Alright, Bain, it's all you."

"Good work, so far. I'm looking now, keep the civs away from the panic buttons, and don't let them make any calls. And remember, no civilian casualties! That means you, Wolf."

"You better pray that I don't see a phone!" Dallas shouted, making the civs cower even harder.

Suddenly, the phone began to ring, and Wolf, still at the computer, quickly patched Bain in.

"Uh, Ponyville hospital, this is Bain- er, nurse Bain. How can I help you?"

There was some indistinct chatter over the radio, followed by Bain's response.

"It's nothing, I'm sure, everything's fine here."

There was a bit more chatter.

"Alright, I understand."

The line clicked dead. "Gang, they're sending a repairman to check the cameras, don't let him blow the whistle on us!"

Heeding his warning, Hoxton took up a position near the stairs, giving him a good view of anyone coming up without exposing himself to them. After a few moments, a stallion in a maintenance uniform began causally trotting up, whistling an upbeat tune. The moment he was clear of the stairwell, though, Hoxton crept up behind him, and leveled the barrel of his gun to the pony's head.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll get down, and stay quiet," the Brit instructed. Silently, the stallion complied, and Hoxton went ahead and tied his forelegs and dragged him into the lobby with the rest of the civs.

"Alright, and... done! I found our bug friend. It's just that... hang on..."

A few more seconds passed, before Bain spoke again. "Damn, apparently there was supposed to be a sort of small 'presentation' for this guy, even though only four people signed up. Wait, that gives me an idea..."

Quickly catching on to what he was getting at, Wolf started to move away from the computer.

"Okay, Wolf, you still have one of those sentry guns? Set it up in the lobby, tell the people to not move. The rest of you, it's time to scrub in."

While the rest of them went to a back room, where a set of lockers were located, Wolf began setting up his sentry on the lobby desk, flipping a few switches. "Any of you get up, this thing will know, and it won't be pretty!" he threatened, his statement punctuated by a beep from the sentry.

By the time he got back to the others, they had already dressed for the part, complete with face masks. Thankfully, the gloves they wore in matched the disguises perfectly.

Once Wolf was dressed appropriately, they calmly walked out of the lobby and down the hall, their guns well concealed. Because of this, once they reached the large, soundproof door leading inside the ward, the guard let them in with no issue. Past him, a yellow pegasus was waiting for them, standing in front of a particular room. Recognizing the pony, Wolf strayed to the back of the group, hoping that he wouldn't be noticed.

"Oh, there you all are!" the pony said softly, smiling. "For a second, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. Now, are you ready to see what a changeling is like?"

At the front of the group, Dallas nodded, and they all followed the pegasus into the room, where a strange mix between a bug and a pony was lying on the bed, unconscious. Behind them, the guard also entered the room, which Hoxton began planning for.

"As you can see, the poor thing is still knocked out," the pony continued. "However, he is stable, at least, so that's good news."

The pegasus went on to explain various aspects of the changeling, but the crew had almost completely tuned her out, only nodding every once in a while to give the impression that they were listening.

Eventually, the pony stopped her explanation, but the moment she spoke again, Bain talked into their earpieces.

"Guys, I don't know what's up, but apparently someone saw something, because you got a few 911's originating from the hospital. Action, guys!"

"-and, I hope that this was as informative to you as it-"

The pony was cut off as Wolf, now masked, punched the everliving hell out of the guard, then whirled around to face her. "You, on the ground, now!"

Completely taken by surprise, the pegasus complied, shivering uncontrollably as she squeezed her eyes shut.

Moving quickly, the rest of the crew masked up and began drawing blood from the changeling, then placing that blood in a blood dilution machine further down the hall. There were a few more guards there, but they were quickly dispatched with gunfire, causing some of the civs in the lobby to scream.

"Alright, you got regular police and SWAT on the scene! It's only a matter of time before they begin an assault!"

Looking back at the cowering yellow pegasus, Wolf got an idea. Saying nothing, he tied her forelegs behind her back, then roughly picked her up, causing her to whimper slightly. Moving fast, he made his way to the roof access stairs and barged through the door, emerging into sunlight. He could hear chatter and police radios on the ground near the front of the hospital, so he made his way there, earning a few screams followed by silence once they got sight of his hostage.

Putting his handgun to her head for dramatic flair, Wolf began to shout.

"Don't come in! We've got hostages!"

BONUS: Harmony Hei$t stealth approach

Author's Note

This was the original plan I had for writing this chapter, but for something as big as this, I felt that the heist going loud was the best way to have it go. Still, I can certainly see the appeal in pulling off the perfect silent caper, so have the semi-original draft of this heist.

Also, I fucking called New Hox being renamed to Houston.

BONUS: Harmony Hei$t stealth approach

"North hallway, clear."

"Hedge maze, clear."

"East wing, clear."

"Elements, clear."

"Ballroom clear."

Hoxton put the radio backed on the knocked out guard. That was the second time he had checked in, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before the guards caught on to what was happening. Keying in his own radio, he spoke. "Time's running a bit tight, fellas, let's hurry it up."

Back in the ballroom, Dallas had been tailing the purple unicorn they needed to open the door, waiting for an opportunity. Eventually, it came in the form of her having to visit the "little fillies' room" after having a good amount of punch spilled on her by that pink friend of her's.

Knowing their chance was coming, Dallas waited until she was well down the hall, away from the ballroom, before moving to follow her and report the situation. "The target's moving, visiting the bathroom."

"Copy that," Chains said over the radio. "I'll handle it."

Twilight entered the bathroom, humming a tune to herself as she walked over to the sink. She started trying to dry off the dress Rarity made for her, but was having little success. Sighing in exasperation, she looked up to grab more paper towels-

And saw the grinning visage of former U.S. president Barack Obama, being worn by a man decked in body armor and holding a gun to the back of her head. "Keep quiet and lie down," he ordered.

Completely shocked by surprise, she instinctively began to fire up her horn, but was stopped by a forceful blow from the butt of the man's gun.

"Try that shit again, your ass is dead, and so is everyone else in there," he warned, a bit more loudly. "Now hit the ground!"

This time, Twilight complied. Satisfied that she actually listened, the man stepped back a bit, though he still kept his gun leveled at her in case she tried anything.

Not too long afterwards, Twilight heard the door to the bathroom open. For a moment, she thought that she was going to be saved, but those hopes were dashed when the newcomer spoke. "Nice work, Chains."

She knew that voice... It was just at the front of her mind, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't quite place why it sounded so familiar.

"Now," the second man continued, roughly picking her up, "you're coming with me."

Just as she began to voice her opposition to that plan, the armored man stuffed a handful of paper towels into her mouth, effectively gagging her. Despite the situation, her first worry was that she didn't quite trust anything in a restroom to be in her mouth, even if it was a restroom in the castle.

Easily picking her up and holding a suppressed handgun to her head, the second man began to leave. From the angle she was being carried at, she could see that he was wearing another mask styled after a U.S. president, but she couldn't quite place the name of this one. "Ricky Bick", or something?

Partly concerned with her mind wandering at that moment, Twilight began to focus on a way to get out of this. Magic was out, as that would be noticed immediately, but maybe if she could wriggle free at the right time...

As if the man could read her thoughts, he adjusted his grip on her, making her squirm slightly in protest.

Shockingly, they didn't see a single guard in the hallways, and soon the man stopped at a destination. Confused, Twilight looked up, and her eyes widened when she recognized the door that led to where the Elements of Harmony were kept. Surely they weren't...?

Her fears were confirmed when the doors slid open and the man entered. Inside, next to a couple of knocked out guards, another masked man was keeping watch, also holding a suppressed handgun. His mask was another U.S. president, but she didn't bother trying to figure out who.

"Perfect," the man said in a cockney accent. "Take her to the door, I'll keep watch."

Back in the ballroom, Wolf kept an eye on things, the others keeping him informed over the radio. So far, it seemed like no one suspected a thing, which was good.

"Alright... done," Bain said. "I gained access to the princess's personal video feed. If I need to, I can loop the footage for her, so she'll be blind in case shit hits the fan."

Amidst the ongoing party, the Swede noticed that a few friends of that purple unicorn were talking a bit worriedly not too far away.

"She has been gone a while..."

"Oh, I'm sure it's fine. Punch can be kinda hard to get out sometimes."

"My dresses are made to withstand simple party stains, thank you very much."

"Still, you know how Twilight is. She's probably making sure that every single trace of it is gone."

Once he was aware that the situation dealt with itself, Wolf moved to an empty corner of the ballroom, where he quietly reported to the others. "Ballroom's still secure, no one suspects a thing."

Back at the Elements, Dallas pointed Twilight towards the door. "Now, open it."

Unable to speak, she shook her head 'No', causing Dallas to scowl under his mask. "That wasn't a request. Get to work!"

He practically shoved her horn into the indention on the door, and after some more urging from the masked man, she finally powered up her horn to open the door. Once he was sure it was open, Dallas pulled her away and dropped her to the ground, where he quickly tied her hooves behind her back. Twilight could only watch in horror as her magic suddenly faded away.

Checking to be sure that the Elements were legit, Dallas stuffed them into a bag, which he then slung over his shoulder. "I got the Elements, let's go!"

"Alright, our client has a van parked near the back. It'll go invisible once it's moving, because of an enchantment or something, and you'll be out of there. Wolf and Chains, meanwhile, can simply walk out the front."

Leaving the bound and gagged unicorn behind, Hoxton and Dallas briskly made their way through the halls, ducking to cover whenever they came across a guard or camera.

"They just had a radio check in before we left," Hoxton whispered, "so we should be good for at least another ten minutes."

"Nice work, Hoxton."

"Anytime."

Eventually, they made it to a rear exit, where an inconspicuous white van was parked amidst various other cars, no doubt belonging to some late arrivals to the party. Knowing that there were a few guards watching the outside, the two moved quietly, sticking to cover as they descended the stairs.

Once they got to the actual parking lot, they didn't bother very much for stealth, instead opting for a fast escape. When they got close to the van, the back doors were opened by a man wearing a ski mask, and Dallas tossed the bag in before climbing inside himself.

"Alright, let's get out of here!" he said, turning to help Hoxton get into the van more quickly.

There was the unmistakeable sound of a shotgun being pumped. "Change of plan."

The thug fired, hitting Dallas square in the back, knocking him to the ground and on top of his English comrade. While they were down, the van peeled out, quickly turning invisible. When Hoxton got up, he immediately started to shoot at the retreating van, even after he could no longer see it. "Fucking cocksucking motherfuckers betrayed us!"

Dallas, who thankfully caught the blast on the back of his vest, got back to his feet, the wind knocked out of him.

"What?! Okay, kay, kay... That gunshot made the whole castle light up, so you guys gotta leave NOW. There's a chopper coming in to get you out, be ready for it."

As Dallas and Hoxton started to run back into the castle, even from where they were, they could hear the commotion going on in the ballroom, no doubt Wolf and Chains keeping the civvies in check.

"Pilot Bile here, I'll be there in three minutes, just hang tight."

Once inside the castle, the two began to gun down any guards they ran into, moving quickly to regroup with the others. Following the sounds of screaming civilians and occasional gunshots and shouting, they soon made their way back into the ballroom, where Wolf was currently beating a guard to death with what looked like a leg pulled from one of the tables, shouting loudly in Swedish the whole time. Chains was simply standing by, either unwilling or unable to stop the brutality.

"For fuck's sake Wolf!" Dallas said, pulling the Swede off the dead guard. "We have to go, now!"

Now somewhat under control, Wolf followed the others through the halls, heading towards a more elevated position.

"I was able to intercept any calls to the princess about this, but it's only a matter of time before she hears what's up. Get the hell out, dammit!"

"Just dodging a sparrow, almost there."

"When we get out of here, we're gonna find those fucking twats who betrayed us, and we're gonna kill them!" Hoxton said, getting an especially eager agreement from Wolf.

"SWAT is on the scene, and the Equestrian military isn't far behind. Move your asses!"

Finding a staircase leading to the top of a tower, the crew dashed up it, looking out the occasional window to see the onslaught of cops gathering outside the building.

"One more minute and I'm there, no waiting, be ready!"

At the top of the tower, the crew tossed down a couple spare bags of ammo and medical supplies, just in case. A balcony was present, making this an ample escape location.

"They got snipers moved into position, take 'em out before the chopper gets there, or it's a long walk home!"

Peeking out of the windows, Hoxton and Wolf began to trade shots with the snipers, a few of which were simply pegasi floating high in the air. Other than a few close calls, the snipers were taken out with little issue.

"Cops just breached the main doors, they'll be there any second!"

In the distance, they could see a chopper heading their way. Once close to the tower, it descended, flying close enough that the crew could climb in. "I'm here, double time it!"

Wasting no time, the crew piled into the chopper, which quickly began to fly away from the castle. This didn't go unnoticed by the cops, and more than a few shots ricocheted off the bottom of the aircraft.

Seeing a set of four parachutes in the chopper, Dallas got an idea. "Just fly over the Everfree, we'll take it from there!" he told the pilot.

"No problem, we'll be there in a minute!"

A number of pegasi flew up to the chopper in an attempt to stop it, but they were easily gunned down.

"I got word that, one way or another, the princess caught wind of what's happening. To say she's pissed is an understatement. I hope you know what you're doing, Dallas!"

Soon, they were flying over the Everfree, and the crew started strapping into the parachutes. Once they were ready, they got in position near the doors of the helicopter.

"Alright, now's the best time to jump!" the pilot said, slowing the chopper down slightly.

One after another, the crew quickly jumped out into the air, plummeting towards the forest. Once they were out, the chopper began to fly off.

Once they were about a hundred feet from the tops of the trees, they pulled the cords on their parachutes. They opened flawlessly, and their death-defying plummet turned into an almost leisurely descent.

"Alright, first thing's first," Hoxton shouted over the wind, "we're gonna find those guys that set us up, and deliver a proper beating to them. Sound good?"

The others voiced their agreement.

"Nice work fellas. I'll get to work on tracing those assholes ASAP. Just hold tight and-"

Suddenly, the radio began to fill with static, Bain's voice cutting in and out.

"Bain?" Dallas asked. "What's happening with the radio?"

"...what's-...guys-...you need to-..."

The radio cut out entirely, and the crew noticed that they actually had stopped falling. "What the fuck-"

Chains's exclamation was cut off as they were suddenly covered in a yellow light. After a couple of seconds, there was a blinding flash, and when the crew opened their eyes again, they found that they were once again in the castle, near the Elements. Before they could even get their bearings, they were tackled to the ground and forcefully cuffed and demasked.

As one of the cops began to read them their rights, they tuned him out, as a far more pressing matter was the white alicorn in front of them, a soft yellow glow around her horn fading away. Her face was calm, yet in her eyes they could see barely-contained rage.

BONUS: Framing the Fine Art$ Day 2 (loud)

Author's Note

Not all jobs go perfectly, of course, so a plan B is always important to have. In the same way, I write every heist by coming up with a "plan A" scenario, then I do the same in a "someone fucked up five seconds into the heist" sort of plan B. The end result is usually a combination of the two, but this was the one exception. As such, I thought it was only fair to give you your daily dose of carnage.

Also, fun fact: The Bulldozer in Payday 2 is voiced by Mike Pollock, the voice of Eggman from most recent Sonic games. However, he isn't credited in-game as the voice, for some reason.

BONUS: Framing the Fine Art$ Day 2 (loud)

"This guy looks like a right wanker."

"You wouldn't be wrong. This guy's name is Blueblood, and he is notorious for being one of the most unlikable ponies in Canterlot. It shouldn't be hard to get him arrested for our crimes."

Suddenly, Hoxton heard footsteps, and a guard came into the room and noticed him. He started drawing his gun, but the Brit was faster on the draw, and cleanly shot him in the head. Unfortunately, as the guard hit the ground, his gun went off, alerting the entire apartment.

"Fucking bollocks!"

"Shit, alarm's up, now we can't frame this guy. Unless... Hold on, I have an idea."

After the other guards were quickly dealt with, stealth being abandoned, the crew regrouped in the bedroom.

"Guys, someone like Blueblood is likely to have some dirt on him. We can't frame him for stealing the art, but maybe we won't have to. Find a computer of his, or something."

Quickly, the crew got to work, as the sound of police choppers drew near. While searching, Wolf came across a laptop. "I got it!"

"Great, now see if he has a server room or something similar. We can upload any incriminating data straight to the press."

After a short bit of searching, Dallas found what they were looking for. Wolf was right behind him, and quickly plugged the laptop in. After a few moments of rapid typing, Wolf stood back. "All yours, Bain!"

"Alright, give me a minute... In the meantime, you got cops on the scene, deal with them."

After tossing down any supplies they had, Chains and Hoxton ran to the roof, where a squad of SWAT units were already in place. It only took a few well-aimed shots to send their helmets flying.

"Woah, that was fast! I found some details of Blueblood doing all kinds of illicit deals... drugs, prostitutes, even a few arms deals!"

Back inside, Dallas and Wolf held off their own wave of cops, occasionally calling out then gunning down Tazers and Shields.

Suddenly, the computer screen blinked off, and the lights in the apartment shut off.

"Guys, they cut the power, get it back up!"

Moving swiftly, Dallas cut through the horde of cops, arriving at a power switch. Flipping it back in place, the lights came back on, and Wolf quickly reconnected Bain.

"Alright, I'm back, keep those sons of bitches off the power if you wanna make it!"

"BULLDOZER!"

Back on the roof, Hoxton and Chains had their own set of problems, in the form of a heavily-armored foe.

"BULLDOZER! Make way!" the fearsome special unit bellowed to his fellow cops, his thudding footsteps bringing him closer to the two.

Undeterred, Chains began to spray into his face plate, breaking off bits and pieces of his armor. Eventually, the glass on his face cracked, then shattered. His mag running dry, Chains got back into cover.

"I'll still fuck you up, visor or no visor!" the Dozer taunted, his voice now unobstructed by armor plating. Hoxton popped out next, and fired a single round from his rifle into his face, sending him crashing to the ground. "Bulldozer's dead!"

The nearby SWAT units cowered behind cover. "Someone wanna tell me who the FUCK we're fighting here?!" one of them shouted, firing blindly around cover.

"I think that's the fucking Payday gang!" another answered back, currently reloading.

"I got some footage of Blueblood doing a deal! It is insane! He sure is a showoff!"

Eventually, the assault began to die down, as the cops retreated to reassess the situation and lick their wounds.

"That sure was an ass-kicking you just handed out, but I hear they're sending in heavier units now, so stay alert!"

While watching the roof for more cops, Hoxton spotted a good amount of choppers flying around, and even a few lone pegasi snapping pictures. "Looks like we're gonna be front page news, boys, smile for the cameras!"

Chains chuckled. "I hope they get my good side!"

"Alright, aaaand... done, every inch of his hard drive is uploaded to the press. Now to get you guys out of there. With all the media choppers flying around, no one will look twice at your escape bird."

Wolf and Dallas met Hoxton and Chains at the roof, where they got to higher ground. "We're pretty exposed here, that pilot better be fast!" Wolf said.

Not too far away, they spotted a police chopper dropping off heavily armed SWAT units on an adjacent rooftop.

"Alright, it's coming in!"

Another chopper entered the mess of news choppers, and this one flew dangerously close to the roof. Once it was close enough, the crew piled in, and the chopper lifted off, the cops holding their fire in fear of hitting a civilian aircraft.

Once they were a few blocks away, the chopper hovered above an empty street, where the gang jumped out. Shortly after, the chopper flew off, and a van drove up, its back doors open. The crew piled into the new vehicle and they were off, the sirens in the distance fading away.

"Well that could've gone better," Hoxton admitted.

"Don't sweat it, we got out just fine," Dallas said. "Besides, I'm never really a fan of plan A anyway."

"Regardless, nice work, gentlemen. It wasn't what we were going for, but our client should still be pleased with what we could do. Those pieces of art you stole should fetch a fair price, if nothing else."

As the van approached their safe house, Chains leaned back. "Same shit, different city, right?"

The others agreed, and the van pulled into the safehouse's hidden garage.

BONUS: Preview

"Sir, Mr. Anderson is here to see you."

The man took a break from the piles of paperwork on his desk to lean back and sigh, before pressing a button on his phone. "Send him in."

A moment later, another man entered the office, looking very similar to a child preparing to be scolded by their parent.

Not even waiting for Anderson to start, the man at the desk began talking. "Now, we both know exactly why you're here, so I'm not gonna mince any words." Suddenly, the man stood up, and glared daggers at Anderson. "What the everliving FUCK were you thinking?!"

Anderson flinched. "Sir, I-"

"Don't give me that 'Sir, I' bullshit! Tell me what the hell you were doing!"

Anderson hesitated. "Well, sir, my team had several leads saying that the princess had some highly wanted criminals in her custody, so-"

"So you fucking send out a squad of heavily armored and armed units to snatch them? With the princess right there? Without telling her anything about your plans?!"

"Sir-"

"It's fucking foreign policy 101, Anderson! Don't send armed units anywhere near another country's leader without getting their okay with it first!" The man fell back in his chair, temporarily exhausted. He gestured to the mountains of papers on his desk. "Look at all the shit I have to do now, thanks to your little adventure. The FBI fucks up, so of course the CIA has to clean up what could technically be seen as an act of fucking war. Christ..."

"Sir, if I may?" Anderson spoke up, gaining a small amount of confidence. "In my defense, those criminals were none other than those clown bastards, the Payday gang."

Slowly, the man looked at Anderson, before jumping back out of his seat, his face red with rage. "I don't care if it was fucking Hitler back from the dead and stealing candy from blind orphans! You fucking tell the country's leader, first! It's that fucking simple!"

The man calmed down again. "Hell of a shitstorm you caused, Anderson. Equestrians are calling foul, rightly so, I may add, and our people aren't feeling very keen on what happened, either. So I gotta help set up dates for the big man himself, so this can all be sorted out."

Anderson looked to the ground. "I'm sorry sir, I won't make the same mistake next-"

"Next time?" The man suddenly began to laugh. "Oh- Oh, that's fucking rich. There won't be a next time, Anderson. You're fucking done."

"What-?"

"You heard me. Get your shit, get the hell out of your office, and I suggest you move very, very far away. I hear Alaska's nice this time of year."

Anderson stepped forward. "Sir, you can't-"

"Like hell I can't!" The man stood up again. "You fucked up big time, Anderson, simple as that. If I let you stay in your cushy position on top of the FBI, what's gonna happen next, huh? Gonna end up poking Russia too far? Or maybe you'll have your men storm Parliament. It's a simple fix, Anderson. Someone, you, fucked up tremendously, and to prevent it from happening again, that person, again, you, has to go."

"You can't do that. You have no authority over-!"

"You're right. I don't. That's why the President himself told me to break the news to you. You don't believe me, here." The man threw one of the papers toward Anderson. "You know how soft-spoken he is, coming from him, it wouldn't hold the same weight. Or maybe he'd completely blow his top and strangle you. Either way, it's a good thing he's the one patching up relations with Equestria, and not me. Now, get the fuck out of my office."

Looking at the ground, Anderson wordlessly did so. The man leaned back again, holding his face in his hands as his anger gave way to exhaustion.

Soon after, his phone beeped again. "Sir?"

"What is it, Judy?"

"The President wants your input on where peace talks with Equestria should take place."

Looking at a map of the US on one of his walls, the man paused to think. Eventually, he came up with an answer. "How about Miami? It's a pretty nice place."

"Alright, sir, I'll tell him."

The man once again leaned back in his chair, looking at the papers cluttering his desk. He wasn't even halfway through yet.

"Shit..."

"You have- One- New- Message."

*BEEP*

"Hey, it's 'Don' from Hotel Blue. Some urgent business came up, and our receptionist went home due to stomach problems... And we have some VIP's who are staying with us today! Make sure you give them a great stay... That will be your top priority this evening! And remember, be sure to wear something classy!"

*click*

EQUESTRIAN PAYDAY 2: HOTLINE

COMING SOONISH

Prologue: This Just In...

"We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking news: Just under twenty minutes ago, shots were fired at a local apartment building. Police quickly arrived on the scene, where they were met with opposition from four masked and heavily armed assailants. While the police hasn't issued any official statements yet, it is possible that the armed criminals are the same ones who had been behind several robberies throughout the nation in the past year. We'll have more on this story as it develops..."

"Fuck, how many cops are there?"

"Just keep it together, Wolfie. Bain should be here soon!"

The masked figures were locked in a shootout with the police. They had bags full of cash next to them, but they currently had no way out, leaving them with only the option to hold off the cops until their ride got there.

"I hope you're still holding out," a voice said into their earpieces. "I'm gonna be there in a few moments! Hope you're on the ground floor!"

One of the robbers, wearing a clown mask painted with the American flag, stuck his head out of cover for a second, only to pull it back as a bullet whizzed by. "Shit, snipers! Stay away from the windows!"

Another one of them, this one wearing a clown mask with lines through the eyes, quickly ran across the room. "I got it, Dallas!" He ran over to a wall next to a shattered window, out of the line of fire. He cocked his rifle before peeking out the window and firing off a series of shots at a nearby window. When he saw a helmet fly into the air, he smiled behind his mask. "Hoorah, motherfucker."

At that moment, a truck engine could be heard over the gunshots. Out of nowhere, an armored truck raced onto the street before stopping, pulling into reverse, and backing straight into the entrance of the building, running over a number of SWATs in the process. The back doors swung open.

"Alright, guys, get in!"

The four of them wasted no time in throwing the bags of money into the truck, followed by themselves. Once all four of them were inside, and the doors were shut, the driver took off the way he came, dodging parked SWAT vans and police cars. The crew in the back shared cheers of success and high fives.

"That's another million in the bank!" one of them shouted in a Swedish accent.

"Nice job, everyone," a British voice said next. "Especially you, Bain. That was some nice driving!"

"Whatever it takes to get my guys out of there," the driver replied.

The crew in the back had started taking off their masks, but the British one, Hoxton, spotted something behind them. "We're not out of the woods yet, mates. We still got cops on our tail."

The black one, Chains, chuckled while reloading his rifle. "Ain't gonna do 'em much good. We're home free at this point!" He cracked open the back door and took a few pot shots at the pursuing police cars, which succeeded at shattering their windshields, causing them to swerve either off the road or into other police cars.

Up front, Bain spotted some trouble. "Hang on, guys. We got a police roadblock up ahead, I'm gonna ram it." He gunned the engine, but a group of SWAT vans pulled up behind the parked police cars. Bain's eyes went wide. "Shit!" He jerked the wheel to the side, trying to turn around, but he was going too fast. He ended up driving onto an on-ramp to the highway, but was too slow in turning and broke through the barrier, which was placed right above a river with a considerable height.

As the truck fell, all five occupants yelled. But before they expected to hit the water, there was a bright flash of light, and a general feeling of nausea separate from the experience of falling at least two stories. When the light cleared, they weren't falling into a river, but a dirt road. The impact shook all of them to the floor, and Bain lost control of the truck. It fishtailed all over the road, before he overcompensated and turned too sharply, making the truck start rolling down the road. Eventually, it stopped as it hit something solid. For a few seconds, the five of them simply lay there, trying to deal with the pain of being thrown around like that. When they got up, they didn't waste a moment. They grabbed the money bags and worked on opening the smashed, upside-down door. They got it open about the same time Bain slipped out of the driver's seat and got on his feet. They had crashed into a tree, which was the beginning of a fairly thick forest.

They all saw the escape opportunity. "Into the forest, go, go!" Bain instructed. The crew all ran in, each one holding a money bag, but before Bain went with them, he looked back. They had apparently drove through some kind of small town. Near where they had landed was a large glowing... thing, which had several horses gathered aro-

Bain did a double take. Sure enough, they were horses, and they were all multicolored. A few of them looked over in his direction, which spurred him on to join his crew in the forest. He had to be seeing things... Maybe the wreck had given him a slight concussion.

At least he didn't see any cops.

"Breaking news! As you've no doubt seen, several... 'portals' have opened up across the world, including one here in our city. Not too long after appearing, several 'ponies' came out of the portals. Amazingly, they spoke English, and diplomatic relations are already being discussed, though things look good, so far. This may mark the beginning of a whole new era... one where humans are alone no longer in the world. We will just have to wait and see how this develops. In other news, there still has not been any sign of the four robbers who were attempting to escape police earlier today, but the search has been postponed for now..."

Brief Post-Op Adjustments

Brief Post-Op Adjustments

Once their client had paid them for their services, the crew gathered in Bain's computer room, where they celebrated another success over a few beers.

"But here's what I don't get," Hoxton said. "How did they know we were there in the first place?"

"I looked into that," Bain responded. "Apparently, someone managed to recognize you from our last heist, due to your hair and accent. Both of which we can easily correct."

"My accent? Well, what should I do, then?"

"You could just not talk," Wolf suggested with a laugh. Hoxton shot him a glare, and smirked.

"You're not off the hook, Wolf," Bain said. "According to some police reports in the aftermath, one of the civilians at the hospital was able to tell them what you looked like, thanks to your beard and bald head."

Dallas, Chains, and Hoxton laughed, while Wolf felt his beard. "You're not saying...?"

Bain took an electric razor out of a drawer. "Sorry, but this is the only way to stay undetected while in town. We'll also need a wig for your head, but that shouldn't be too hard."

Wolf grumbled.

"So, about that accent," Hoxton said in a stereotypical southern U.S. voice. "How's this?"

Silence filled the room.

"Horrible," Wolf said.

"Terrible," Chains agreed.

"And quite frankly, I find it offensive," Dallas commented.

"Bloody twats," Hoxton laughed.

"It is pretty bad," Bain said, "but you could probably just not talk much while out there. Now, what are we hitting next?"

"That bakery with the gold is still open," Chains said, "but I don't know how we're gonna get in there and get it out."

"I can think of a few ways," Bain replied, taking a swig. "You guys feel like bringing back Bodhi's?"

Final Briefing

Applejack entered the library, where Twilight and the others were waiting for her. "Now what is it ya wanted t' see us for, Twi?" she asked.

"Yeah, Twilight, what's up?" Dash questioned.

"I'm glad you're all here, girls. You know the Gala is in just a few days?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I just wanted to make sure we had a plan, so we avoid a repeat of..." Twilight shuddered slightly. "...that last time."

From a corner of the room, Kevin spoke up. "What happened last time?"

"Well, in a nutshell, everything went horribly wrong," Rarity explained.

"What are the chances of that happening again, then?"

Dallas, Hoxton, Wolf, and Chains all huddled around a drawn-up map of the castle, with various points marked on it.

"Alright, so here's the plan, gentlemen," Bain began, "you'll enter the Gala as guests and blend in; there's a VIP list, but it's still mostly open to the general public. Once you're inside, try to spread out, to cover more ground. Those jammers we placed left a few blind spots, but we can easily fix that with a few placed at ground level."

"Okay, then I'll go to the gardens and slip into the hedge maze," Hoxton said, pointing to the place in question on the map. "From there, I can make my way to where the Elements are kept."

"Sounds good, just keep an eye out for guards. Most of them will be stationed around the ballroom, but there will still be a fair amount patrolling the halls."

"Well, that's all fine, but what about our extraction?" Chains asked. "Even if we grab the Elements, how we gonna slip away?"

"Our clients saw fit to provide your escape, in a simple van parked out back. They have it enchanted to turn invisible on command, so slipping away shouldn't be a problem."

"So, how many are gonna be at the party?"

"It's a rough estimate, but last time I checked, the numbers totaled to about..."

"A hundred fifty?" Kevin asked in disbelief. "That's a lot of people to cram into a single ballroom."

"It will be setting a new record for attendance," Twilight admitted, "but it's still not too far from what it's been in the past."

"Do we really need to go over what to do and not do, though?" Dash complained. "I mean, we all know what we did last time we were there!"

"This way we'll know for sure it won't happen again."

Dash rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Anyway, I already made up a schedule for all of us, so we won't end up ruining the whole thing again!"

There was a collective groan between Dash and Kevin, which was accompanied by the looks from the others.

"Twilight, don't you think you're worryin' about this a bit too much?"

"Nonsense, there's no such thing as worrying too much!"

Kevin held up a hand. "Well, actually, it is possible to-"

"Aaaanyway!" Twilight cut him off. "Let's start looking at this, shall we? We'll arrive at around seven PM, and by then we should all be properly dressed. Then, after we get inside, I will stay in the ballroom with Kevin, while Rarity and Fluttershy..."

"-will get positioned in the ideal places to get everyone down if we need to."

"What about the princesses?" Wolf asked. "Wouldn't they throw a snag into the plan?"

"Both of the princesses are currently in Washington for diplomatic reasons. However, there is a camera showing a live feed of the event that she'll be watching, so you'll have to give me time to tap into the broadcast and make sure she doesn't find out what's happening."

"But isn't the door guarding the Elements supposed to be specially locked somehow?" Dallas inquired.

"Yes, it is. It takes magical input from only a few choice ponies, and the princesses are two of them. And as far as I know, it'll be impossible to drill through the door. However, I've found out that one of the other ponies who has authority to open it will be at the Gala, so you might have to pull her away from everyone else."

Dallas sighed. "We're really doing this, aren't we?"

"Damn right we're doing it," Hoxton answered. "Ten billion is well worth the risk."

"Hox has a point," Wolf said.

"Then that's it. In just a few days, we will pull one of the greatest heists ever conceived. All I can say is, good luck, gentlemen."

"...where we'll then come back here by train." Twilight levitated her huge stack of papers onto a nearby table. "So, any questions?"

Not a single appendage was raised, mostly because most of those present had tuned her out at some point. Undeterred, Twilight cheered. "Great! We just stick to this schedule, and this actually will be the best night ever, this time!"

"Hey, don't jinx it," Kevin warned. "You know how the universe loves proving people wrong."

"Well I'm excited!" Pinkie said, hopping in place. "This time, we really will all have fun! What could possibly go wrong?"

Author's Note

I think I've hyped this up enough now, don't you?

The Harmony Hei$t (Day 3) - Ballroom Blitz

Tonight was the night.

The Gala had already started, but there were still droves of ponies and humans alike that kept arriving.

In the midst of the massive crowd, six mares (and a human) all walked to the near center of the ballroom, where Twilight was looking at her schedule.

"Alright, now Applejack, you man an apple stand exactly two point three three meters outside the front doors. Rarity, you start talking with various uptight Canterlot ponies. Fluttershy, you-"

A poke in the ribs from Kevin made her cease her explaining and see that all her friends had already gone off on their own to do whatever it is they would do. She began to freak out, but a light tap on the head from Kevin stopped that, too.

"Twilight, calm down, and just enjoy yourself. They'll be fine."

Twilight took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "Yes, of course, how silly of me to be worried."

Meanwhile, four suited men just walked inside, and then almost immediately split up. They spotted a few ponies from their Ponyville heists, but it was easy enough to completely avoid contact with them.

Near the back of the room, a fairly high-quality camera was set up, watched over by a pair of guards. No doubt that was how the princess kept an eye on things.

"Showtime, boys," Bain said. "Start getting into position, Hoxton."

The Brit did so wordlessly, slipping outside into the gardens. There were party guests here, too, though thankfully they were all currently preoccupied with their own business. Using this to his advantage, Hoxton walked over to a certain part of the wall making up the edge of the hedge maze, and leaned against it nonchalantly. When he was sure no one was looking, he quickly turned around and climbed over the hedge, pulling himself over in a matter of only a couple of seconds. Upon landing, he listened for any signs of alert from the crowd, but heard nothing. Satisfied, he pulled on his mask and drew his suppressed pistol, ready to go to work. This was a job that would make history, so it was only right that they all had masks bearing the resemblance of former US presidents.

Back inside, the other three had split up to cover the most ground in case they needed to get everyone down.

"Alright, I'm able to tap into the princess's live feed of this thing, now. Just give me a few minutes to get a recording of the event, then I'll put it on repeat on her stream if shit hits the fan."

Back in the hallways, Hoxton crept from one hiding spot to the next, avoiding the occasionally patrolling guard. Soon, he came to the first door guarding the elements, guarded by a pair of pony royal guards.

As he got into a position where he wouldn't be spotted by either them or other patrolling guards, they received an order over their radio. "All patrols, check in."

"Elements clear," one of them said, which was followed by other guards checking in over the radio.

"North hallway clear."

"East wing clear."

"Hedge maze clear."

"Ballroom clear, it's just another beautiful night."

As both the guards and the radio went silent, Hoxton thought over this new development. Even if he took these guys out, he'd still have to keep an ear out for any further radio checkups. That would complicate things, since he didn't sound much like the guard that checked in. Still, hopefully they wouldn't notice, if it came to that.

First thing's first, though. Making sure one last time the halls were clear, Hoxton silently stepped over to the guards, just behind them. He would have to act quickly, though, or else this whole thing would go up in flames.

Once he was close enough, the Brit quickly slammed his pistol into the back of one guard's head, knocking him out cold. Before the other one could react, Hoxton grabbed him in a choke hold, and held him until he stopped thrashing. The moment that was done, he grabbed a key card off of the guard and swiped it in the console next to the door, making it flash green and slide open. Wasting no time, Hoxton dragged both guards inside, out of view of any passerby.

"I'm at the elements," he whispered to Bain, who chuckled in response.

"I never doubted you, Hoxton. Now we just need to wait for an opportunity to grab the VIP that can open the second door for us. She'll be the purple unicorn with a cutie mark of stars."

In the ballroom, Dallas spotted the mare in question, his eyes widening slightly in recognition. She was busy talking with that one guy Hoxton said she was dating, as well as a couple of ponies that he also recognized as two ponies that were taken hostage in a couple of jobs of theirs.

Meanwhile, Chains walked up to one of the stationed guards. "Excuse me, but where are the rest rooms?"

"Down that hall, first door on your left," the guard answered simply. Chains thanked the stallion and followed his directions, entering a rather basic bathroom, no doubt set up for public events like this. There, he began making preparations for a potential phase two to the heist.

Wolf, to his credit, was managing to keep his thirst for action in check. He honestly just wanted to mask up and start shouting everyone down, but he knew that it would screw things up for the whole crew, and potentially get them caught or killed. Plenty of people said Wolf was insane, and they wouldn't be incorrect, but he wasn't stupid.

As he was thinking over this, he spotted a particular yellow pegasus looking in his direction. Not wanting to be recognized, even through his wig, Wolf turned around and helped himself to the nearby punch bowl, in an attempt to be inconspicuous. It seemed to work, as the pony didn't seem to suffer any sort of PTSD or anything.

Back in the Elements hallway, the radio checkup went up again, and when it came time, Hoxton carefully answered, "Elements clear."

It seemed to work, as no one was suspicious at the slight change in voice from the last checkup. They probably assumed that the other guard spoke this time, or something.

Either way, Hoxton was glad for the success, no matter how temporary it was.

The Brit turned around to take a glance at the outside hallway-

Before coming face to mask with a small colt.

The two stared each other down for a few agonizingly long seconds, before, thinking quickly, Hoxton removed a card from his pocket, and did his "crush then burn away" trick. This made the kid giggle, and walk away. The human sighed with relief, but he knew it wouldn't last. "We got a problem here, Bain."

"What's wrong?"

"Some kid must've gotten lost or something, because he just saw me."

"Shit, shit shit shit... Okay, did he look scared?"

"I managed to make him laugh with a magic trick, then he walked off."

"Well, that buys us some more time, but not much. God dammit, everything was going so well..."

The others heard the bad news, and started getting ready for the worst. Dallas kept subtly tailing the purple unicorn they would need, while Wolf began to overhear a conversation behind him.

"Mom!"

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I was looking for the bathroom, and I saw this human down the hall who could do magic!"

"Oh, you and your imagination."

"But it's true!"

Wolf chanced a look behind him, and saw the mom and colt who were speaking. Not too far from them, one of the stationed guards looked to have also overheard, and he keyed in his radio to say something Wolf couldn't make out. Knowing that shit was about to get interesting real soon, he started moving towards one of the suggested spots for one of the extra jammers.

Dallas, too, got into position across the ballroom, still keeping the purple unicorn in the corner of his vision.

Chains, meanwhile, had already finished getting ready for this situation, and waited for the go ahead.

Back in the Elements hallway, Hoxton made sure that both he and the knocked out guards were out of sight, which was difficult given the lack of cover in the hall. He heard hoofsteps approaching the door, then stopping. He could faintly hear the guard report the lack of guards in front of those doors, and the Brit clutched his pistol a bit more tightly.

The door opened, and the guard entered, looking around. Thankfully, he looked in the corner opposite of where Hoxton and the two KO'd guards were, giving him a chance to run up and knock the guard out. His footsteps alerted the guard, however, and he whirled around and let out half a yell before a strong punch from Hoxton knocked him out cold. However, his radio was now buzzing with another guard's voice.

"What's going on? Respond!"

Cautiously, Hoxton keyed in the radio. "Uh, sorry, just got spooked by... uh, a spider."

"...a spider? Really?"

"....it was a big spider."

The guard at the other end sighed. "Alright, fine, whatever."

Hoxton sighed with relief. That was way too close. Hopefully the rest of the night went better than-

Suddenly, he heard hoofsteps again, much faster this time, and he turned back to the door just in time to catch the rear end of a guard running out of sight. "Fuck me, they're onto us!" he reported, somewhat loudly.

"Shit, no choice now. Activating the looped broadcast now... okay, aaand... jammers online."

There was a clatter of dishes all around the ballroom as unicorn horns suddenly stopped working, and the few pegasi that were airborne suddenly plummeted to the ground.

"What the hay's going on?!" Dash questioned, poking her now-numb wings with a hoof. In fact, it felt just like-

"EVERYBODY DOWN!"

All eyes were now on the masked human in the middle of the ballroom, who was waving a gun around. The stationed guards tried to draw their own guns, but when their horns didn't function, Dallas took advantage of the opening and knocked them both to the ground, forcing them to cuff themselves.

A few of the partygoers tried to escape through one of the halls, but Chains stood in their path, heavily armored, masked, and wielding a large machine gun, carefully smuggled in pieces. "All of you, eat that dirt, now!"

The civilians obliged, and Hoxton rushed into the ballroom, cutting off a few more civs from their escape.

"No time to waste, get that unicorn to the door, ASAP."

Scanning the group of guests still standing in the middle of the room, frightened, Wolf spotted their target. "You!" he commanded, pointing at her. "You're coming with me!"

Before he could grab her, the human next to her stood between them. "You'll have to go through me, first, dirtbag."

Not even saying a word, Wolf fired off a round from his revolver into the man's leg, making him fall to the ground yelling in pain, and all the nearby civs to start screaming and/or crying.

"Kevin!" the unicorn shouted, bending down to help the fallen human.

"Consider it done," the Swede taunted, before roughly grabbing the unicorn and pushing her towards the Elements. "Now move!"

She glared daggers at him the whole way, and Wolf could tell when she noticed she was outside the range of the jammers. Before she could get any ideas, though, Wolf said, "Don't try anything, or we'll kill everyone in there."

It was a bluff, but it worked, as the unicorn's anger gave way to simple resentment. By now, they had reached the door leading to the Elements, and when they slid open for them, Wolf shoved Twilight inside.

"Now, you're gonna open that door down there for us," Wolf both explained and ordered. "Remember what I said about any funny business."

Twilight froze in shock. "T- The Elements?" She knew that the Elements were usually targeted when she and her friends went up against some evil force, but now they were being targeted as what she saw as a common street thug.

When Twilight didn't move, Wolf's anger only rose. "Did I fucking stutter? Get moving!"

While Twilight finally listened, Bain reported the situation outside. "Cops and SWATs just pulled up, things are about to get hairy!"

Soon after that, gunshots could be heard farther down the hall. Twilight froze in place and looked back, but Wolf prodded her forward with his shotgun. "It's just the cops," he told her, though it didn't calm her down at all.

Silently fuming, she soon reached the door guarding the Elements, and she inserted her horn into the hole. She briefly considered casting some sort of spell on him, but she didn't want to risk angering him any more than he already was. Powering up her horn, the door lit up, and then slowly opened. Inside was a somewhat small box, which upon further inspection, contained five necklaces and a tiara, all holding different shaped gems. From the looks of it, these matched the description Bain gave for the Elements.

"Now get on the ground!" he told Twilight. Now a bit more frightened, she complied, and he roughly tied something around her hooves behind her back, and immediately after she felt her horn lose all sensation, just like in the ballroom.

Stuffing the box into a duffel bag for easier transporting and leaving the unicorn tied up, Wolf returned to his crewmates in the ballroom. "I got the Elements!"

"Nice job, Wolf! Now, get to the van in the back. Go go go!"

The cops had turned up the pressure of the assault, and the four found themselves pinned down, keeping them from moving. Chains gave some suppressing fire of his own, while the other three began picking off the cops one at a time, along with the occasional Tazer or Shield.

Soon, the assault let up enough so they could leave, and they did. Sprinting down the halls, the four quickly made their way to where the rear parking lot was located, occasionally stopping to gun down SWAT units climbing in through windows.

They quickly made it outside, on a balcony with stairs leading down. Below them, they could see an unmarked van waiting in a somewhat small parking lot. Deciding that carrying the Elements would be too much trouble, Wolf tossed the bag straight down at the van, where it landed right in front of the back doors.

As they were descending the stairs as fast as they could, a man in a ski mask emerged from the van, picked up the bag, and returned inside. However, just as the crew reached the bottom of the stairs, the van started pulling away.

"No no no NO NO NO!" Wolf shouted, taking a few potshots at the van, which soon became invisible as its enchantment started working.

"Fuck! They betrayed us!" Hoxton yelled, taking cover as cops started to catch up to them.

"What?! Shit shit shit... Okay, I'll send a chopper to get you guys out. We'll deal with this later."

"I can't fucking believe it!" Chains exclaimed, mowing down attacking SWAT teams.

"Stay strong, friends!" Dallas encouraged. "We'll give the bastards what they deserve!"

"Oh, fuck! They got the Equestrian military on your ass! I'm pretty sure the princesses know what's up, now! You guys gotta leave, NOW!"

Wolf, meanwhile, had almost completely flown off the handle. "THEY FUCKING BETRAYED US, THOSE PIECES OF SHIT, I CANNOT BELIEVE-" He then started cursing up a storm in Swedish, slaughtering any cops unlucky enough to be caught in his sights.

The crew started working their way back into the castle, Wolf's rampage leading the way. Even a Bulldozer proved no match for the raging Swede, as he just ripped the shotgun from the armored units hands and used it to break open his faceplate, before doing the same with his face.

Even in the midst of an all out shootout, the other three were awed at Wolf's rage fueled rampage. "Holy shit," Dallas commented.

Eventually, their fight led them to the top of one of the castle's towers, which provided a good place for the chopper to swing by and pick them up.

"Pilot Bile here, I'll be there in three minutes, flying faster than a shark!"

The four started to hold off the onslaught of both SWAT units and now the occasional military units. Chains, while laying down suppressing fire, heard a faint whistling noise. He turned just in time to see a Cloaker running at him. Shifting his gun over, he fired off dozens of rounds, but the Cloaker just rolled under them, before he sprung up and delivered a strong kick to Chains's head, knocking him straight to the ground.

"I know, I know, I'm late!" the spook said, while throwing down a smoke grenade and focusing on the other three heisters.

Dallas saw the situation Chains was in, and gunned down the Cloaker. However, when he went to help his colleague back up, he heard a Tazer start charging up, and whirled around just in time to catch a face full of volts. His gun fired wildly, and soon the electricity proved too much, and he collapsed to the ground.

"Just two minutes, flying as fast as I can!"

Meanwhile, Hoxton and Wolf were busy holding off most of the assault, the latter's bloodlust still going strong. Hoxton saw both Chains and Dallas on the ground, and moved in to help them, but suddenly heard fast footsteps behind him. He turned just as a second Cloaker jumped into the air and kicked Hoxton straight to the ground. "The safe word is 'police brutality'!" he then taunted.

Wolf paused his slaughter long enough to see this, and quickly turned to gun down the Cloaker. "One Cloaker down!" he growled, before turning back to the incoming assault. Soon, however, his shotgun clicked dry, and he cursed as he looked over to where Chains was still recovering. Wolf rolled over to him, and picked up his machine gun. He then held down the trigger while aiming it at the incoming cops, yelling a war cry. Over a dozen SWAT and military units were mowed down, before the gun ran out. Undeterred, Wolf removed the currently empty box of ammo, and replaced it with one he pulled off Chains.

While the assault had let up a bit, a Bulldozer rose up the steps. This didn't faze Wolf one bit, as he just poured dozens of bullets into his faceplate, before it shattered and a bullet impacted his forehead.

Now pushing forward, Wolf ran down the stairs and started spraying more shots at the cops, taking down a good number of them. However, shots were now impacting Wolf's bulletproof vest, and soon the machine gun ran out yet again. This time, he just threw it down entirely and drew his revolver, firing it off as fast and as accurately as he could at the cops. Unfortunately, he soon felt his shoulder, waist, and leg get ventilated, and he fell to the ground.

Back upstairs, Chains, Dallas, and Hoxton were just starting to get back on their feet, when suddenly they were tackled and cuffed. Their masks were ripped off, and in their now unobscured vision, they could see a large amount of cops around them, now looking slightly more relaxed. Behind them, a very angry looking Princess Celestia walked up to them. If looks could kill, they would be vaporized.

Behind them, one of the officers began to add insult to custody:

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in the court of law..."