You are Anonymous, Equestria's first and only Big Game Hunter. It's what you did back on Earth so you see no reason to change a good thing. Ponies payed you major coinage to either kill or relocate problematic wildlife. The vast majority is the latter. Some even pay you to track them down an exotic pet. You even got a “commission” from Princess Celestia herself. She jokingly asked if you could bring her an Ursa Major. She didn't think you were serious about her little joke until you showed up at her doorstep with a tied up and unconscious Ursa Major in tow. After that, no one questioned your self appointed title of Apex Predator.
You still get ponies bribing you to this day to tell them how you did it, but you're never going to reveal how you pulled that one off. Speaking of today, you are on your way to a meeting with Prince Blueblood. The guy is a major league prick, but you could stand him for one reason. He's been giving you a lot of work recently. Mainly simple relocations of manticores and timberwolf packs that have wandered too far away from home. He even had you track down a Phoenix for him to have as a pet. You walk up to the gate of his estate and inform the guard that you have an audience with the Prince.
After a moment, you are let through the gate and you continue on up to the ludicrously large mansion. You weren't one to judge people, but this dude had major self esteem issues. Soon enough, you find yourself knocking on the door to Prince Blueblood's private study. That's right, he had more than one study. And more than one pool. AND more than one mansion. That's right, he had a guest MANSION. Such are how the minds of the rich and famous work.
The door is magically opened and you are greeted with the sight of Prince Blueblood wearing a pony sized robe and lying on a chaise lounge. You suppress the urge to gag.
“You're late.”
You were fifteen minutes early. Prick.
“Apologies, your highness. What would you have me hunt?”
You despised having to kiss ass for this bag of hot air, but he payed way more than anyone else.
“I have been receiving reports of Cave Troll sightings disturbingly close to Ponyville. Reports place the Troll near the border to the Everfree. It is believed that the Troll has wandered west from the Rambling Rock Ridge and has lost it's way. I will have you track down this Troll and relocate it to Rambling Rock Ridge from where it is believed to have come. The ponies and equipment needed to assist you shall be sent to you tomorrow morning. Your payment shall be fifty thousand bits.”
You mentally spit take at that number. That's a boatload of money! No, really, that could fill Fancy Pants' yacht with that kind of dosh. However, you keep your best poker face on. You won't let this smug son of a bitch have the pleasure of seeing you sweat. You KNOW that's what he's after. With the flattest possible tone you can muster, you address Prince Blueblood.
“Your highness is too generous. However, I accept. I shall leave as soon as possible.”
Before Blueblood can get a word in edgewise, you excuse yourself from the study and see yourself out. You know Blueblood's positively fuming over your reaction. He's been trying to get a rise out of you just so he can say that the “Apex Predator” gets weak in the knees if you just flash a bit of cash. You leisurely walk off the estate and head back to your own home to prepare your equipment and acquire proper bait.
After an uneventful train ride, you arrive in Ponyville, your new hometown. You haven't been back here lately because Blueblood has been keeping you very busy with easy money. Not that you were complaining. Most of the excess money he pays to you goes to bettering Ponyville with your public works projects. The ponies here may despise what you do, but they can't deny you haven't been a wellspring of goodwill. You've even been offered a position on the City Council, which you politely declined. Quite a few of the ponies even asked why you were being so generous. You told them flat out why. You had too much money and needed something to do with it. I mean, what else were you going to do with all that money? Erect monuments of yourself to boost your ego? Like Blueblood does?
Hahahahano.
You felt it is best to give back as much as you could to the community that had taken you in when you came to this world with virtually nothing. Sure, there are ponies that won't ever forgive you for what you do, like Fluttershy and Applejack, but you don't care. You were the apex predator here, and everyone knew it. So they'll just have to get over themselves. As your mind wanders in your thoughts, you find your way to your house. It was a cozy little place situated between Ponyville and the Everfree. There wasn't much to it. Two bedroom, two bath, Kitchen, Living room, Dining room, and what you called the garage. It was really just a big storage room with large bay doors that you used for your work. You open your door and walk in to the smell of something cooking.
“Welcome home Anon, how was work? Did you get any lip from that jerk?”
“Not too much Zecora. Besides, he's paying huge money this time. Fifty thousand bits.”
You hear the sound of something hitting the floor.Sounds like a ladel. She must be making soup. She makes the best minestrone.
You walk into the kitchen to find that she is indeed making minestrone. Hot damn. Zecora has an incredulous look on her face as she replies.
“Fifty thousand is a lot of bits. Has he gone and lost his wits?”
“Nah, you know how that windbag is. He's just trying too hard to get a rise out of the 'Apex Predator' so he can boost his ego and have something to brag about.”
Zecora snorts at this. You enjoyed having Zecora around the house. She was also one of the few ponies that didn't mind what you did for a living. At first, you didn't even know she lived near Ponyville until one day she practically beat down your door requesting your help in subduing a Hydra that had wrecked her house. You felt bad that she lost her home so you offered for her to crash at your place until she could find a new place to live. Turns out the zebra was more useful to keep around the house than you thought. So, you said she could stay at your place as long as she wanted. Not only was Zecora a wonderful cook, she brewed you up tranquilizers which you used in your job quite often. Besides, she was good company.
“So what does the windbag want done? Is another Hydra on the run?”
"Blueblood says a Cave Troll has been spotted near Ponyville and he's hired me to relocate it back to Rambling Ridge.”
“Cave Trolls can be nasty business. I'll make a brew to ensure your success.”
“What would I ever do without you?”
The zebra let out a chuckle before returning her attention to the soup. You turn to walk away but remember something you need to discuss with Zecora.
“Oh, by the way, what bait would you recommend for a Cave Troll?”
Zecora looks thoughtful for a moment before replying.
“For a Cave Troll, I would recommend Fluttershy. If she's gone for a day no one tends to ask why.”
“Fluttershy again, huh? Alright then. Where'd you leave my blowgun?”
Zecora points towards the garage. You walk in the large room and find the blowgun lying on your workbench with twenty darts lying loose next to it along with your bow. You pick up the dart and examine it's contents. Irridescent pink, dull blue, electric blue, clear, neon green, and pitch black. Yep, it's Zecora's tranquilizers alright. You found out over the course of doing your job that large game takes large bait. For the longest time, you had used yourself to fill that role. It was very hazardous.
Once Zecora started living with you and hunting with you, she turned you onto the idea of using ponies for bait. Originally you were against it until she tested her theory out for you. By using herself as a demonstration. She said it was something her people did back in her homeland when dealing with problematic wildlife. You had to admit, it was remarkably effective. You could subdue your target before any harm came to the bait; doubly so with the aid of Zecora, who did help you in your hunts quite frequently. Plus, Zecora's tranquilizers had the added bonus of leaving the bait with short term amnesia, meaning they never knew what happened to them once they woke up.
You honestly did feel really bad about your methods but seeing as how you've donated nearly everything you've made from your work back into Ponyville, you feel somewhat justified. The cost of living around here was ridiculously low. You push those thoughts out of your head for the moment. You grab a case designed to hold the darts and place each of the twenty darts in the appropriate slot.
You pocket the darts and sling the blowgun across your back. You return back to the kitchen to inquire about dinner. Zecora informs you that it will be ready in about a half hour more. This is good. It gives you time to go get the bait. You head out the door, grabbing a duffel bag before you leave, and venture to the edge of the Everfree. Fluttershy didn't live too far from your house, so she was usually the go-to for being bait. She also seemed to attract animals like a magnet.
As you come closer to Fluttershy's home, you pause for a moment to examine the dwelling for activity. The shutters are open, the front door is shut, and there is no sign of any of her usual animals. You would almost think Fluttershy was out and about if it weren't for the fact her shutters were open. She had a habit of closing the shutters when she left her house. You stroll up to the front door, ready your blowgun with a clear dart, and knock on the door. You hear a very quiet “Be right there!” from within the house. As quietly as possible, you climb up above the doorframe and ready your blowgun for the ambush. A moment later, you see the door swing open.
“That's odd, I swore I heard someone knock...”
Fluttershy takes a few more steps outside, looking left and right to see if anyone is there. You take aim and blow, landing a dart right in the side of her neck. Fluttershy is unconscious almost instantly. It really is too easy fooling ponies. Herbivores almost never look up when searching for something. Dropping down from her house, you make sure her door isn't locked and close the door to her house. You also put out food for her animals. You could at LEAST do that much for her. Then, you deposit Fluttershy into your duffel bag and walk back home.
You arrive with plenty of time to spare to go deposit Fluttershy in the garage before dinner. You shout at Zecora to let her know you're back on your way to the garage. You had a pony sized bed there just for moments like this. You lay Fluttershy on the bed and rummage through a cabinet. Finding what you were looking for, you run an I.V. drip with anesthesia to keep Fluttershy under. You make sure Fluttershy is situated comfortably on the bed before you head off to the kitchen for dinner. You idly wonder what Nurse Redheart would say if she knew what the saline bags you get from the hospital were actually used for?
Sure, you DO use them for your job and you DO sedate animals with them, but the bulk of the bags went towards keeping the bait unconscious. Did you ever mention just how amazing Zecora is for making you these potions? It made your job a whole lot easier. Speaking of amazing, Zecora already has the table set and the minestrone is ready and waiting. You almost drool when you see the spread of soup, salad, and breadsticks. You enjoy a lovely meal with Zecora before spending the rest of your evening preparing for the hunt tomorrow. You had a certain sucker to get an easy fifty grand from.
You were up and about a bit before dawn so you could prepare for the hunt today. You go through your morning routine same as you have for the past two years since you arrived here in Equestria. Finishing up, you head to the garage. You grab a tool belt that held various odds and ends that made your job a lot easier. You grab your bow and blowgun and sling them across your back. You attach your quiver to the right side of your toolbelt. You slip the dart case into a cloth pouch on the left side of your toolbelt. You then grab the duffel bag you had used to carry Fluttershy in.
Inside of the duffel bag, you grab a metal hook you had rather badly sewn in. You hang the I.V. drip from the hook and then lay Fluttershy back in the duffelbag. You zip the duffel bag almost all the way closed except for enough to provide adequate ventilation. Live bait tended to work best. You then pick the duffel bag up and adjust it's straps so you're carrying the duffel bag on your back so Fluttershy's head and the I.V. drip are upright. Alright, time to meet the crew the Prince had sent you. You set out to the train station with your equipment.
Not long after, you walk up to the train station and see a train being unloaded. Various ponies were unloading a large wheeled cage and a large amount of ropes and chains. You could see a Unicorn ordering the ponies about their tasks. Gray coat? Check. White mane and tail? Check. Gold armor? Check. Yep, it's a Royal Guard.
The Guard notices you and trots up to you from the group of ponies.
“You must be Anonymous. I am Guardspony Highwind. Prince Blueblood has tasked me with overseeing the transportation of the Cave Troll. I also have information on possible locations for the Cave Troll to be hiding and appropriate documents for your permission to hunt.”
The unicorn levitates a pair of scroll over to you which you open up and examine. One was a map of Ponyville and the surrounding area with locations circled along with notes scribbled off to the sides. The other was a Royal decree that stated you were allowed to hunt anywhere in the area of Ponyville and the surrounding area in regards to capturing the Cave Troll. One of the perks of being hired by Prince Blueblood is the Royal Decrees. After all, he IS the Minister of Wildlife. Not that anyone could ever tell.
“Thank you for this, guard. Finish preparation here while I begin my hunt. I'll send for you when the troll is found.”
“Yes sir.”
“Oh please, I'm not that important. Call me Anon.”
“Yes sir.”
You sigh at the unicorn and walk away reading the map's notes. You already knew where the Cave Troll was because you had heard two mares gossiping that Sweet Apple Acres had a few trees ripped out of the ground and massive footprints were found yesterday. The reason you were reading the notes was because you wanted to know how thorough Blueblood's information was. He had listed Sweet Apple Acres as a potential location, but not for the reason that you knew the troll took refuge there. The information lists the troll seeking shelter there because there is a cave system near Sweet Apple Acres in the Everfree. That was half right. The other half of the reason the Cave Troll is near Sweet Apple Acres is a simple one, really. Easy food. Seriously, apples everywhere. Cave Trolls are lazy beasties and will always go where food is easy.
You swing by your house and pick up Zecora to assist in the hunt. You inform her that the Troll is somewhere near Sweet Apple Acres. She gathers her gear and heads out with you. Walking through town towards Sweet Apple Acres, you hear something you really wish you hadn't.
“Tch, prolly goin' to go kill somethin' else. Murderer.”
Great, just the pony you didn't want to run into. Applejack. Stopping in your tracks, you turn to see Applejack staring daggers at you. You really didn't feel like dealing with her, especially considering what you were about to do for her.
“Mind repeating that? I had a hard time hearing you over the sound of all that bullshit I thought I heard.”
Applejack bristles at your words.
“You heard me ya damn monster!”
Oh boy, here we go.
“Where in tarnation do ya get off killin' critters that ain't done a thang to ya?”
You let out a sigh of annoyance.
“Applejack, you know full well I eat everything I kill and I have only been hired to kill once. That was well over a year ago. Plus, everything I was hired to kill had already eaten a few Town Guards as well as other ponies.”
“You coulda still done somethin' else other than kill em!”
The two of you arguing was starting to attract a crowd. It usually did, but you really don't care.
“Those timberwolves had rabies! If they were relocated, they would have just spread the disease! Do you really want a rabid pack of Manticores roaming Equestria? Or, heavens forbid, a rabid URSA MAJOR?! They had to be put down for the safety of everything else.”
You pause for a moment.Applejack is still trying to kill you with looks alone.
Sighing, you decide to tell her about your most recent job.
“Besides, I have something relevant to your interests you may want to see.”
You reach into a pouch on your tool belt and produce the Royal Decree. You toss it over to Applejack who catches it with her teeth. After she read the scroll, she wore a look of confusion.
“What's this have ta do with anythang?”
“That Cave Troll has taken up residence in the Everfree near Sweet Apple Acres. That's why some of your trees were uprooted. I have been hired by the Ministry of Wildlife to take care of your little problem.”
Applejack merely snorts at this and tosses the scroll back at you before walking off.
“You're welcome!”
She continues to walk away while ignoring you. You let out a sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. That mare gave you so much shit it didn't make sense. You begin walking off and wade through the ponies that had gathered. You can hear everything from mild distaste of your hunting to outright displeasure and you even hear some ponies agreeing with what you are doing. As you walk off towards Sweet Apple Acres, Zecora once again is walking beside you. You glance at her and see she is wearing a smug grin.
“Before you ask, no. I didn't enjoy that.”
“You cannot lie to me. I know you enjoy victory.”
“It's the quality of the victory that counts Zecora, not the quantity.”
You did like winning, but beating Applejack in an argument felt like beating an elephant in a jumping contest. You spent the rest of the walk in silence until you arrived at the Apple Family's home. Big Mac is the only one out and about that you can see so you decide to chat him up. He's pulling twelve carts slap full of apples to the barn. Damn, you know you're strong but that's a lot of weight. And he makes it look easy. You don't think you'll ever understand how ponies can be that freakishly strong.
“Hey Big Mac. Heard your family has been having a spot of trouble with the orchards.”
Big Mac looks your way and stops what he's doing so he can talk to you.
“Eeeyup.”
“Good news for you then. The Minister of Wildlife has sent me here to fix that. It's a Cave Troll that's doing it. Where's the trees it tore up?”
Big Mac points off towards the east with his foreleg.
“Thanks for your help. Could you please keep Applebloom out of the area? Cave trolls are usually peaceful but can be dangerous if they get spooked.”
“Eeeyup.”
“Thanks again big guy. See ya around.”
You and Zecora walk off towards the east field while Big Mac returns to his work. Soon enough, you and Zecora find the wrecked apple trees and the huge footprints of the Cave Troll. Zecora lets out a low whistle.
“This troll is a big one. It must weigh at least six tons.”
You take a closer look at the footprints.
“Hmm...That may very well be true. Those are some very deep prints.”
Zecora starts walking down the path the prints followed.
“Come, let us find the hole of this Cave Troll.”
You take off after Zecora.
“Hold up a sec. I need that potion for sedating the troll.”
Zecora pauses a moment to rifle through one of her saddlebags. She produces a sickly purple colored potion a few seconds later. You grab the potion and begin coating a few arrowheads while the two of you walk on. The arrowheads weren't broadheads or barbed so they could be pulled out without causing additional damaged. However, the arrowheads were designed to act like a syringe because they held potion within them and released the potion on impact. You only use these for really big game, and Cave Trolls are definitely big enough. After a bit of walking, you arrive at the cave system described in Blueblood's map. The prints definitely went inside, however... there is more than one set of prints.
“It seems the Cave Troll has a foal.”
Zecora is barely whispering as she says this. You respond just as quietly.
“This just got a lot more dangerous.”
Only female Cave Trolls took care of their cubs and they did so alone. Additionally, female Cave Trolls with cubs were very aggressive. Looks like you wouldn't be using your bait. You hand a handful of arrows to Zecora.
“As quietly as you can, make some bow traps. It is too dangerous to use Fluttershy as bait. I'm doing it myself.”
Zecora grabs the arrows with her mouth by the shafts and silently stalks off into the brush. You move further back up the path and find a tall tree to suspend Fluttershy from. You climb up the tree and successfully manage to sling the bag up. You unzip the duffel bag to check up on Fluttershy. She's still sound asleep and she's curled up in a fetal position. Her mane has a bad case of bedhead. There's also a bit of drool trailing down from the corner of her mouth. One of her forelegs twitch in her sleep. Her nose wiggles a bit as she sniffs at something in her dreams. She incoherently mumbles something.
Good god, she looks too cute like that. Your heart may explode if you look at her much longer. Now you really feel bad about tranquilizing her. You zip the duffel bag back up and you stalk back to the cave entrance and look for the zebra. She rises out of a bush and motions for you. You move towards her, dodging the trip line of a bow trap and lean in to listen to her.
“The traps are armed. Please don't get harmed.”
As Zecora whispered this into your ear, she pointed out the various bow traps she had set up. Damn, six traps already? That zebra could move. Checking the location and direction of all the bow traps, you steel yourself for what comes next. You clap your hands against your face a few times. Come on Anon, steady as she goes. Eyes on the prize. A safe Ponyville and fifty thousand bits. It's worth the absolutely retarded thing you're about to do. Sure, Zecora was covering you with a bow, you had your own bow, and you had half a dozen bow traps to run the troll through. But if that Troll managed to grab hold of you, it is over. Pushing those thoughts out of your mid, you focused on the task at hand. Readying your bow, you draw in a deep breath.
“HEY UGLY!”
You hear a deep grunt coming from inside the cavern.
“YOUR FATHER WAS A HOBBIT!”
An angry roar is all the response you get. The earth begins to shake as the Cave Troll races out of the cave. You suddenly question if it was a good idea to stand DIRECTLY in front of the cave entrance. You dive out of the way just in time to avoid the Cave Troll launching out of the cave and lands right on a bow trap. The troll gets to it's feet and starts screaming as it claws at the arrow embedded in it's face. Holy hell... that is a big fucking Cave Troll. She had to be at least thirty feet tall and made of thick hide, matted fur, solid muscles, and hatred.
She looked every bit of the six tons Zecora said she weighed. She had hands the size of your torso, wicked sharp claws, and yard long tusks. Once female Cave Trolls became pregnant, they underwent changes in order to protect their cubs. They were extremely effective changes. You take aim, draw back, and let an arrow loose. The arrow buries itself between her right shoulder blade and her spine. She lets out another shriek before she locks eyes with you. Time seems to slow down as the troll lunges at you. You manage to jump to the right with barely any time to spare, but not without having the troll catch you with her claws. You feel the claws slice through your left side and your left shoulder. Ignoring the pain, you sprint off towards another bow trap in hopes the troll would trip it. The troll gives chase, howling wildly. You vault over the trip line and the troll trips it, sending an arrow whizzing into her left ankle. The potion paralyzes her foot and she stumbles to the ground face first.
The troll tries to push herself up but an arrow suddenly sprouts out of her right elbow, causing her arm to go limp. You owe Zecora for that one. Seeing your chance to end this quickly, you drop your bow, grab an arrow with your right hand, and run along the troll's right side, making sure to stay out of it's left arm's reach. She was trying to get back up with her remaining arm and leg, all the while screaming bloody murder, so you jam the arrow in her other ankle, paralyzing her foot. You dodge her leg as she tries kicking you. Pulling out a few more arrows, you stab her in the mid rib with them. You try to keep away from the Cave Troll, but she somehow managed to reach around her back with her left hand and grab you. You try and break her grip, but you knew it was futile. She had you. There was no getting away.
As she brings her arm back in front of her, you are flipped upside down because of how she grabbed you. She brings you in front of her face and goes to bite your head off. Once again, time seems to slow down as you move towards the trolls gaping maw. Her teeth gleamed a dull yellow and looked every bit as sharp and hard as a diamond. As you gaze into the terrifying chasm that is her mouth, you feel calm. There is no yelling. There is no crying. There is no screaming. It wouldn't do you any good anyways. As you stare into your oblivion, you see an arrow slowly sail through the air mere inches away from your face and imbedded itself into the troll's forearm.
The next thing you knew, you landed on your face. All's you could hear was the screech of the Cave Troll and the twang of a bow string. Soon enough, both of them ended. You tried getting to your feet, but your body didn't feel like responding. Then, you remembered something. Cave Troll females had anesthetics and paralytics in their claws. Fucking brilliant. You feel yourself slip into unconsciousness as Zecora starts calling out to you. The last thing that runs through your mind is just how much you owe Zecora for saving your ass today.
Some time later, you come to. You try opening your eyes and fail miserably. You try moving around and find that you're unable to do that as well. Fucking troll venom. Since you can't see where you are, you decide to see if you can determine where you are with your other senses. You couldn't feel anything thanks to the troll venom, but you could hear and smell. You didn't hear much of anything except for soft, steady breathing, muffled distant voices, and hurried hoofsteps. However, once you took a sniff of the air, you knew exactly where you were. You were in a hospital.
Didn't matter if it was in Equestria or back on Earth, a hospital smelled the same. Apparently that troll tagged you worse than you thought it did. Speaking of the troll, some things weren't adding up about your encounter. You thought on everything you knew about Cave Trolls and things just got more confusing. Normally, Cave Trolls did not get THAT big. The largest Cave Troll discovered in Equestria to date was nineteen feet tall and three thousand seven hundred and eighteen pounds. That troll was discovered in the foothills of the Unicorn Range. The one you just tangoed with could have eaten that troll for breakfast.
Another thing that didn't make sense was Cave Trolls in the Rambling Rock Ridge area were relatively small. Those trolls only grew to eleven feet tall and two thousand pounds at the most. Finally, Cave Trolls were known to be aggressive when they had young, but that troll was out for blood. Normally a Cave Troll would first try to chase away any threats to their young. This troll's first reaction was to kill. The more you thought on the cave troll, the less things made sense. You rub your temples out of frustration. Sitting up in your hospital bed, you find a more comfortable position to think in.
...Wait a sec...
You open your eyes and take in your surroundings. Yep, you were definitely in a hospital. And you could see and move again. Finally, some good news. As your eyes wander idly about the hospital bay you are in, they come to rest on a filly wearing a nurses hat. She looks like she just saw a ghost.
The filly bolts off screaming, “HE'S AWAKE! HE'S AWAKE!”
You idly wonder what that is all about. The sound of something rustling off to your left catches your attention. Looking down, you find Zecora on one of the other beds wrapped in a blanket. She looks perfectly fine, so she must have waited for you here. Damn, how long have you been out? As you were pondering this, you felt wetness on your chest. You look down to find red blooming through bandages on your left side. Well shit, that can't be good. Suddenly, what sounds like a stampede heads towards you as several nurses and doctors swarm you, forcing you back down into the bed and ripping the bandages back off of you. One nurse gives you an injection and you feel yourself slipping back into unconsciousness.
You come to sometime later to find yourself restrained to your bed. Okay... so you were definitely more hurt than you felt. One more thing to blame on troll venom. You look around the bay to find the same filly from before staring at you again. This time, however, she doesn't run off screaming her head off. She still looks like she's seen a ghost.
“Care to explain why I'm strapped to a bed?”
Hearing you speak seems to snap the filly out of her reverie.
“Oh! Umm...well, you're being restrained because you got hurt really bad by the troll.”
If you could facepalm, you would.
“I gathered that. I was kind of there.”
“Oh...right...”
“How bad is it?”
“Umm...I don't really know. Lemme go get someone who does.”
The little filly gallops off to your right out of the bay to go find another nurse.As you waited for someone to return, you look over to your left to see Zecora still in the bed, just in a different position. Damn, is she ever going to wake up? You hear the sound of hooves on tile off to your right and turn to see Nurse Redheart trotting into the bay.
“It's good to see you are awake Anonymous. You had us very worried. Also, please forgive Nursery Rhyme for her inexperience. She may have her cutie mark but she still has a lot to learn.”
“I gathered. Now, can you tell me just how bad that troll messed me up?”
“Very. You are lucky to be alive. The troll almost amputated your left arm and several of your ribs were sliced clean in half. Your left lung was also sliced open in two places. By the time you arrived at a hospital, you had massive blood loss, tension pneumothorax, you were drowning in your own blood, and you were in severe shock. This was after Zecora tried healing you with what she had on hand. She already did a fair bit to heal and stabilize you before we ever got to touch you. She saved your life Anonymous.”
“Trust me, it's not the first time she's done that. Now, how long have I been out?”
“It's been six days today. I don't know if you remember or not, but you woke up four days ago and nearly opened yourself back up after moving around. We almost lost you again.”
“I remember. I also remember getting swarmed and manhandled by medical staff.”
Nurse Redheart looks indignant at your comment.
“I suppose next time you are about to die we'll ask you politely to stop tearing yourself apart. Is that what you want?”
“Alright, I get the point.”
“Also, there is another thing you should know. Zecora hasn't left your side since you were admitted here. The only time she has slept was when she collapsed from exhaustion. I don't know what kind of relationship you think you have with her, but you might want to rethink it. Just some friendly advice from a nurse. Take it or leave it.”
Nurse Redheart begins to walk away before stopping again and turning to look back at you.
“By the way, I feel compelled to point out the obvious here. Don't try to struggle against the restraints or you might reopen your wounds.”
With that, Nurse Redheart left the bay. Silence descended in the room, the only sounds to be heard were your own breath and that of Zecora's. Figuring you have nothing else better to do, you close your eyes and try drifting off to sleep.
Falling.
You are falling.
Through an endless sky.
There is no ground anywhere you look.
Just blue skies.
If it wasn't for the wind whipping across your body, you would think you were floating. Movement to your left catches your eyes and you glance at it. You see a midnight blue unicorn mare with wings standing on the air staring at you. The only thing on her that showed signs of the wind you felt was her mane and tail, but they were blowing in the wrong direction. The two of you continued staring at each other for a long moment until you broke the silence.
“Uhh...how are you doing that?”
“Don't ask us. This is your dream after all.”
“What?”
“You are dreaming. We are merely along for the ride.”
“Okay...so who are you?”
“We are Princess Luna. Our sister has asked us to speak with you on a very important matter.”
"Can it wait until I'm awake?”
“It cannot. The matter in question is the troll you were hired to capture by Prince Blueblood. Tell us Anonymous, was there anything odd you noticed about that troll?”
You tell the Princess everything you had thought odd about the troll when you had first woken up. Luna sits down on nothing and makes herself more comfortable before she began speaking again.
“It is as we have thought then. Anonymous, that was not a Cave Troll you did battle with. It was a Mountain Troll. And an Alpha Female at that.”
“Uhh... Princess? There aren't any Alpha Female Mountain Trolls.”
“That was indeed widely believed to be the case until the discovery of the specimen you and Zecora had subdued. But we have bad news to deliver to you. You were not the first to discover that specimen. Prince Blueblood is.”
At this point you burst into laughter. Princess Luna looks slightly irritated at your outburst.
“Anonymous, we are serious!”
“Princess, with all due respect I can't buy that. What you're saying implies that Blueblood actually did something.”
“Anonymous, Prince Blueblood moved that troll to the edge of Ponyville and then hired you to capture it so that the troll might kill you. His plan nearly succeeded.”
The news left you speechless. You knew Prince Blueblood didn't like you, but you didn't think he wanted you dead. Taking your silence as a sign for her to push the topic further, Luna continued speaking.
“Tracks of a large wheeled cage used by the Ministry of Wildlife were found at the entrance of the cave where you found the troll. The reports Prince Blueblood received from Ponyville about the troll had all been forged. Prince Blueblood has been stripped of his nobility and position as Minister of Wildlife and awaits trial.”
You had no idea what to say. You were still trying to parse the fact that Blueblood had tried to kill you.
“I'm... going to need a moment.”
“We understand. This is all we had to say to you, Anonymous. Sister will be visiting you tomorrow morning with more information. We know you will not be able to dream peacefully with the knowledge we have given you, so please accept this as our apology.”
Princess Luna closes her eyes as her horn glows a silver color and emits a bright flash of light. The rest of your sleep passes dreamlessly.
---Four Months Later---
You finally got finished with rehab for your left arm a few days ago. You lost the sense of feeling in it, but at least you didn't lose the arm. Small miracles, you suppose. It will serve as a constant reminder of what had happened to you. And how your future had changed because of that event. You lean back in your overstuffed leather chair and kick your feet up on your leather ottoman and reflect on the past four months of your life as you idly look through the stack of requests you held in your hands.
After your conversation with Princess Luna, Princess Celestia did indeed come to visit you. In fact, both Zecora and Princess Celestia were waiting at your bedside for you to wake up. It was kind of creepy. Long story short, Celestia “asked” you to become the Minister of Wildlife because you were the most qualified person in Equestria. Basically, she stated with different words that you wouldn't get nearly as much work as you have been getting if any other pony took that office. And by 'nearly as much', Celestia meant 'none'. Ever.
Apparently, Prince Blueblood wasn't supposed to be outsourcing his duties to you in the form of bounties. That also put you at risk of being charged with poaching, as Prince Blueblood's Royal Decrees were technically unlawful. Come to find out, poaching is a very serious crime in Equestria. However, Princess Celestia was willing to overlook that if you took over as Minister of Wildlife and everything the position held with it. To this day, you still think Princess Celestia did that because she was mad about the whole Ursa Major thing and just wanted you under her thumb, so to speak.
As far as being the Minister of Wildlife was concerned, nothing changed as far as what you did. The only thing that really changed was you now had an entire detachment of about one hundred Royal Guards as your staff for the Ministry of Wildlife. You also now lived in Prince Blueblood's mansions because they were technically property of the Ministry of Wildlife. Oh, and let's not forget your personal favorite, you became Nobility when you took over as Minister of Wildlife. You were now a Duke. And Zecora was a Duchess. That's right, you ended up marrying Zecora.
You took Nurse Redheart's advice and had a sit down with Zecora. As it turns out, both you and her thought of each other as really good friends up until the troll attack. As Zecora saw you bleeding out on the ground after she finally subdued it, she knew that she could not let you die. Her true feelings for you became known to her at that moment. You still think that was incredibly corny. But hey, she has saved your ass more times than you can remember. She's allowed to be corny. You hear a knock on your study that pulls you from your reminiscing.
“Come in.”
The door opens and you see a familiar face enter.
“Guardspony Highwind reporting as ordered, sir!”
As it turns out, Guardspony Highwind was the Captain of your personal detachment of the Royal Guard. You've been trying to break him of calling you sir, but it just doesn't work. You've given up by this point. At the very least, you can't say the stallion ever forgot his courtesies.
“Have twenty of your best men ready to deploy to the Griffon Kingdom as soon as possible. You and I shall be traveling there as well. So be sure to appoint someone to lead in your absence. Their Department of Wildlife is shorthanded and has formally requested our aid in dealing with a unusually large Parasprite swarm. You know it's bad when Griffons ask for help.”
“Sir, we shall be ready by nightfall.”
“Excellent. We will leave then. You are dismissed.”
Guardspony Highwind snaps a salute before turning around and exiting your study. You return your attention to the requests you held in your hands. Most of the requests were repeats of requests you had already fulfilled. The mail system of Equestria left something to be desired. There was one new request that caught your interest though. The Dragon tribes were requesting permission to use the previous route of the Great Migration for the upcoming one. Attached is a map and a brief history on the migration. Reading through it, you find no reason to change the route, so you rise from your chair and move over to your desk to stamp the request with your Seal of Approval.
With that done, you feel it is necessary to tell Zecora that you will be away and that she will be in charge while you are gone. On your way to find Zecora, you get a nagging feeling in the back of your mind. Like you've forgotten something very important. As you continue your search, a familiar smell wafts through the air. Ah, Zecora must be making minestrone again.
...Wait a sec...
FUCK! YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT FLUTTERSHY!
As you rush off to the kitchen, you can only hope that Zecora remembered. Entering the kitchen, you nearly run over Zecora as she tries to exit.
“Anon, wha-”
“Zecora! What happened to Fluttershy!”
Zecora's expression of mild shock is replaced with a mischievous grin.
“...Zecora...what did you do?”
“Ooooh, nothing too bad. However, that would be the worst night she ever had.”
“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
---Four Months, One Week Earlier---
You are Zecora, and Anonymous was nearly eaten by a troll. You breathe a sigh of relief that you were able to put enough arrows into the troll to tranquilize it. But then you start to worry again. Anonymous wasn't getting back up. Uh oh, this is very bad!
“Anonymous!”
He doesn't answer. You rush over to him. Oh my, that's a lot of blood!
“Please, stay with us!”
Ignoring the fact that you were alone, you rifle through your saddle bags for first aid supplies. You find a potion that will stop his bleeding and immediately soak his wounds with the liquid. The potion stops his bleeding but it will not last long. And the nearest hospital is very far away. And Anonymous is rather heavy...
No! You cannot let these thoughts deter you! You grab Anonymous and hoist him over your back. You set off as fast as you can towards Ponyville and hope you can find someone who will help you carry him. Heading back down the path, you spot something out of the corner of your eye. It's Anonymous' duffel bag hanging on a low branch. You glance between Anonymous and the bag, trying to decide which one should be dealt with first when something else catches your eye. A large patch of blue. And only one thing is that color blue in this part of the Everfree Forest.
Poison Joke.
Suddenly, a devious idea forms inside of your mind.
---Present Day---
You sat there in stunned silence.
“...You didn't.”
“I did.”
“You THREW Fluttershy into a patch of Poison Joke?!”
“Well, she had to be hid! Who in there right mind would swim through that vine?”
You are honestly too shocked to say anything at this point. Zecora begins to walk away before catching herself.
“Dinner will be ready in an hour. Now if you will excuse me, I'll be taking a shower.”
Zecora sways her hips seductively as she walks off.
...You know what? Whatever it is you came here for can wait. You had a shower to take.
