Whooves and Hooves

by Tinker Trot

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Crossover, Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2369

After the TARDIS falls through a rift to Equestria, The Doctor has to take the form of a pony and wait for the TARDIS to find the rift again.

The Doctor has found himself stranded in Equestria. A way back will take time. A lot of time. During the interim, he needs to blend in, so he uses the chameleon arch to turn himself into a pony, complete with a (mostly) pony mind. To a large degree, this will be the story of an out-of-place stallion trying to settle into Ponyville (with the possibility of some adventuring in the future). Of course, nothing's ever easy for The Doctor.

Published 2013-03-24 08:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-05 23:12:03 UTC

Country Doctor

Doctor Whooves. I liked the sound of that. I had just received my doctorate of Clockwork Engineering from the Unique Arts College at Trottingham about a week ago and was on my way to Ponyville to set up shop. I had never really liked busy cities, so that seemed like the right place to go. Besides, I thought it would be nice to make some ponies smile, showing them machines they had never seen before.

My thin frame struggled to pull the heavy cart containing my belongings. There were springs, gears, keys, my clothes... and several bags full of who knows what. Ponyfeathers! I thought as I approached the town. I had forgotten to bring any furniture, appliances, or personal effects. Except... my watch. My grey, broken fob watch. I couldn’t even remember where I got it; I just knew I had to keep it.

As I trudged past the buildings, dragging my cart behind, I looked around for a place to rest a little while. Before I knew it, I was in the town center and decided to just lie down by the fountain, unhitching myself from my cart. I sighed as my chest and shoulders were relieved of the pressure exerted by the yoke. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“Hi!”

I jumped and nearly had a heart attack.

“What’s your name?” the offending pink pony asked, bouncing around me and my cart. “I’m Pinkie Pie! I know you’re new here because I know EVERYONE in Ponyville! But I don’t know you, so you must be new!”

I just sat and stared at her slack-jawed as she rambled. Once she finished, I tried to get my thoughts together. “M-my name is, uh, Doctor Whooves. I just got here maybe ten minutes ago.” I pulled my fob watch by the chain with my teeth before remembering it didn’t work and dropping it back into its pocket.

“Let me show you around! There’s lots of fun in Ponyville!”

“Uh... if you don’t mind... ” I started, backing up and sliding back into the hitch, “I’d like to find my home and move in.”

“Aww... ”

Oh no. She was upset. “Well, uh, maybe... um... you could... ” I gave the gears in my head a little extra shove. “Maybe you could help me find my house. I have the address here... ” I tugged a paper out of my suit pocket and gave it to her. “But I have a lot of work to do and need to get started as soon as–”

“Okie–dokie–lokie!” She cut me off (hopefully not realizing it) and started bouncing off. I had to give the cart a good pull to get it moving again before I could focus on keeping up with her. She talked a lot and asked questions, most of which I answered. At the very least, I hoped this was an indication that the people of Ponyville were friendly. If this kind of hyperactivity was typical, however, I knew I wouldn’t be able to take it.

I was about to fall on my face from exhaustion when we got to the address. “Thank you... ” I smiled, parking my wagon by the door.

“See you at your welcome party!” She exclaimed as she bounded down the street.

Welcome Party? I sighed and started unpacking. It didn’t take long to get all of my things inside, but getting organized and settled... that was going to be a different matter entirely. Come to think of it, when was I ever organized? That certainly wasn’t going to change now.

Once everything was inside, I took a quick trot through the house. I was surprised to see it pretty well-furnished, and... maybe a little bigger than it looked from the outside. Must have been my imagination.

Once I finished my self-tour of the house, I went to the living room and flopped onto the couch. I was overdue for lunch, but I needed to rest my hooves. I closed my eyes, rested my chin on the arm, and sighed. I got to sleep, but I don’t really know how long I slept (probably somewhere between a half-hour and a full one). Regardless, I was woken up by a knock at the door.

I rolled over, trying to ignore it, but fell off the couch and onto my back. “Ooh... ” I turned onto my haunches and rubbed my head. Note to self: don’t hit your head on the floor. It hurts, I told myself. Then I heard the knock again. “Come in!” I called as I ran into the front room and my hoof slipped against the doorknob in my attempts to turn it.

WHAM!

The door swung open and a grey blur knocked me back onto the floor. I barely avoided hitting my head again. “Can I help you?” I asked, stunned as I stared up at the ceiling.

“Hi! Do you live here?” the intruding pony asked.

“Yes... ” I groaned, getting back upright, hoping to stay there this time. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah! I’m the mailmare.”

“Okay...?” I looked her over while I had the chance. She was a – it took a second to come up with the word – pegasus. A grey pegasus delivering mail. The strange part came when I looked her in the eyes. One of them wasn’t looking at me. I was thinking about saying something else when she decided to carry on with her mission here.

“Where’d your house come from?”

“Excuse me?”

“It wasn’t here before.”

“Uh... people built it...?”

“But... nooo... building takes time. This house wasn’t here before.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know... magic? I just got here. I had an address, that’s all. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

“Magic... ” she said, her brow furrowed in concentration, “Magic... ” She plopped down onto my floor and sat there, thinking. She sat there for a little bit before getting frustrated. “I don’t know enough about magic... ”

I just stared at her, my jaw hanging a little loose. This mare just came into my house, practically tackled me, asked where the house came from, then took my joke seriously, and got upset over not knowing if magic could make a house appear in a day. This couldn’t be normal. It just couldn’t be. Of course, so far, there didn’t seem to be anything normal about this place.

“Um... how about we start this conversation over? My name is, uh, Doctor Whooves, and you seem to be in my home. Who might you be?”

“I told you. I’m the mailmare.”

“Ah, yes. So you did. But what’s your name?”

“Most ponies call me Derpy, but some ponies call me Ditzy, and a few call me Bubbles.”

Okay. Not a straight answer, really, but now I had something to call her, at least. “So, um, Miss Bubbles, if you’ll excuse me, I’m rather late for dinner and quite hungry.” I walked over to a rack where my saddlebags were hanging and put them on. I glanced over at my uninvited guest, and she was still sitting on the floor. “Unless I misunderstand social norms, my leaving the house dictates that you do the same.”

“Oh, right!” she exclaimed, jumping up with a flap of the wings and a bump to the ceiling, which responded with a small shower of dust. “Sorry... ”

“It’s okay,” I said, approaching the door. “Are you hungry?”

“Uh...?”

“Come on. Just be careful.”

“Okay!”

So I ended up going to dinner with a girl who invaded my house, knocked me over, asked strange questions, damaged my ceiling (and probably the door, though I didn’t check), and hadn’t given me a proper name. Definitely a strange first day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be more productive and less hectic, though I get the feeling that won’t happen in this town.

Mail Call (complete)

I got up this morning and immediately went to my boxes. Quickly getting distracted, I glanced over at the large front window and pictured what I would put there. When opening up a shop, you have to have a good display. It’s the first thing people see. Turning my attention back to the task at hand, several minutes were spent trying to open the first box before I remembered I had my key to cut the tape with.

Once I started getting boxes open, I pulled out any completed clocks and toys, leaving all spare parts in their boxes. Boxes of parts were shoved against the wall and my few boxes of clothes were pushed into my room on the other side of the bed. It took me a couple of hours just to get everything out of the boxes.

Just as I was about to organize a display, I heard a knock at the door. I wondered who it would be, this time. Would it be the pink, hyperactive equine? The mailmare? The neighbors? Of the three, I honestly hoped it would be the neighbors. Maybe they wouldn’t bounce around me or tackle me in my own home.

I did some quick clearing out so things would look at least a little cleaner from the view of the door, then opened it for my visitor. I looked out and saw a gutter hanging down from my roof and Derpy was staring at the ground with a very colorful letter hanging by the corner from her mouth.

“Are you okay?” I asked, then gently took the letter from her so she could answer.

“Yeah...” she muttered, flexing her wings out a few times.

I tossed the letter onto a box hiding behind the door and took a step out to look at the gutter and her wings. “Did you hit that on your way down?”

She nodded. “Clipped my wing...”

I took a quick look at her and the roof. “You must have not realized how close you were. I would recommend staying grounded for a little while. I might see a doctor later, if I were you. I mean, a proper doctor – a medical doctor. I’m really not qualified to help. Bring a clock or a broken toy and I can fix it, but ponies... ponies are a completely different matter. I work on springs and gears, not –”

“Doctor...”

“What? Oh! Sorry... I didn’t mean to ramble... I just... I do that sometimes.” I offered a nervous smile. “Uh... I imagine you have more mail to deliver... so, um, I guess I’ll let you go... do... that...” With that awkward goodbye done, I slipped back inside. Apparently, I’m not good at meeting new ponies.

I was about to get back to setting up the front window when I remembered the letter. It could probably wait, but the bright colors made me curious. I had about the same luck opening the letter as I did the boxes.

Once I had the letter open, I threw it on a box so I could read it. It was an invitation to my welcome party. The colors probably should have tipped me off.

It was about then that I realized I had forgotten lunch. Lunch would be good. I needed to quit getting distracted from eating. Of course, what was the next thing I did? I went over and set some alarm clocks to go off at mealtimes. Yes. I’m brilliant. Brilliantly procrastinating lunch, at least.

By the time I was done, it was nearly two in the afternoon, and I was very hungry. Very. I galloped out the door, barely getting it closed behind me, grabbed something from the nearest restaurant, and took it back home to have another look at the invitation while I ate.

I was supposed to be at Sugarcube Corner in just over two hours. I didn’t even know where that was, and, of course, Pinkie hadn’t the sense to include directions with the invitation. Well, at the very least, I could get dressed for the party after I finished eating and hope that someone would be able to point me in the right direction.

Two hours later, I was leaving my house with a floppy old bermona hat, matching brown tie, and the satisfaction of having unpacked a few boxes. Granted, I still didn’t know where Sugarcube Corner was. In hindsight, maybe I should have let Pinkie show me around. At least then I’d know where I was going.

Well, as I viewed my situation, I had a few options. I could go to a neighbor or someone else on the street and ask, I could wander around town until I found it, or I could find someone that looked as if they may be on their way to a party and do my best to follow them without seeming creepy. Honestly, I didn’t really like any of them.

I decided to go with wandering around. No need to get into awkward social situations with ponies I don’t know until I have no choice. I’m certain the party will provide enough opportunity for that.

Seeing as Ponyville isn’t a large town, it didn’t take long before I spotted a large tree that had been hollowed out for the purpose of a library – irony at its best. From there, Sugarcube Corner was easy to find. I mean, it’s a gingerbread house on a corner. How much more obvious could it be?

Once I found it, I sat outside, planning to listen to the party awhile before going in. However, as I have been coming to learn, plans made in Ponyville quickly change due to uncontrollable factors: namely, Pinkie Pie. I had hardly planted my rear upon the ground before she was standing in front of me.

“You’re here!”

“Uh... yes... and...” It was then that I realized I should probably refrain from saying anything potentially hurtful. “Very excited to... make friends?”

“Good! I’m friends with everypony in Ponyville. You should be, too.”

“Yes. Uh, quite.” I took a deep breath, stood up, and prepared myself to enter the giant gingerbread house of chaos.

Author's Note

Sorry this took so long. I really need to learn how to manage time and write consistently.