The RariDash Project

by Jake R

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 17853

Rainbow Dash and Rarity's love story as told through the show.

Nopony would have bet that Rarity and Rainbow Dash would get together. It seemed silly. It seemed like too unlikely a pair (a rarity, if you will).

However, that's just the beauty of it.

Inspired by bookplayer's AppleDash Project.

The RariDash project is a series of short chapters attached to various episodes, detailing a relationship between Rainbow Dash and Rarity behind the scenes. The chapters take place sometime during or shortly after the indicated episode.

Big thanks to RazedRainbow for his editing assistance.

Published 2013-03-24 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-22 21:00:48 UTC

Friends By Association (Feeling Pinkie Keen)

Rainbow Dash must have flown over Ponyville five or six times. None of her friends were to be found.

No AJ. No Pinkie. Pinkie should at least be stalking me at this time of day. Something’s not right.

Not even Twilight nor Fluttershy were in her sights. Either they were ditching her, or they were in peril.

What if they’re trapped in the Everfree Forest? Dash stopped and pondered midair. Actually, scratch that. Those guys are terrified of that place. I mean, I could see AJ or Twilight hanging there, but Pinkie and Fluttershy, not to mention all of them? Get real, Rainbow.

Continuing her search, Rainbow finally found a possible lead. Below her at an outdoor cafe was Rarity. The unicorn was sitting by herself at a table enjoying a cup of tea, and the newest issue of Clothes Horse magazine.

She should know where the others are. Rainbow descended in a literal dash that caused a shockwave that hit the entire street corner. Rarity’s teacup shook, and her hat and magazine were blown away.

"Rainbow Dash? What is the meaning of this?"

"Hey, Rarity. Have you seen Applejack, or maybe even Pinkie and Twilight?”

Rarity huffed. “Oh, I see. No apology for such a rude entrance? How typical of you.”

Rainbow grinned. “Oh come on, Rare. You know me! I’m all about awesome entrances.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, one, I challenge the notion that blowing away my lovely hat and interrupting my reading qualifies as 'awesome,' and two, 'know you?' Don’t make me laugh. I know almost nothing about you.”

“What are you talking about, Rarity? I’m fast, I’m daring, I’m the future captain of the Wonderbolts, I—"

“Yes, yes, I know the shallow and superficial aspects of you, Rainbow, but honestly, what is it that I know about 'You?' The pony behind the artifice?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “C’mon, Rarity, don’t get egghead-y with me.”

“No, I’m being serious right now, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow’s eyes widened as she hammily gasped. “You are? Stop the presses! You’re usually so fun and carefree, making jokes about everything, it’s so hard to tell when you’re being serious.”

Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “I daresay, with that wit, you should write for The Manehattanite."

Rainbow scoffed and waved a hoof at the notion. “Writing? Please, if I wouldn’t read things by eggheads, what makes you think that I would write things for eggheads?”

“Noted. Getting back to my point, you and I hardly know each other. We’re just friends by association.”

Rainbow cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. “Friends by huh?”

Rarity rolled her eyes and sighed. “Friends by association, darling. We have our mutual acquaintances, and the two of us are associates by that condition alone. As individuals, however, we are not, by any definition, friends.”

“What are you talking about, Rarity? We’re totally friends! What about all the adventures we’ve been on and stuff?”

“My point exactly, Rainbow. All those harrowing missions were done with Twilight and the rest. However, you and I have never built a rapport between just the two of us.”

Rainbow put a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment. Her face shot up as she came to a conclusion. “Ooh! What about last week when you and I worked together on my gala dress?”

Rarity scoffed. “Pa-lease. That was merely work, and you and I didn’t even strike up even the tiniest iota of conversation. All you did was stand in the corner and tell me to make everything 'twenty-percent cooler.' How exactly is one supposed to quantify something subjective like coolness?”

“Oh there’s a method. I don’t know if you know this, but coolness is a finite resource. That’s why it has value to begin with.”

“Well, then I suppose Equestria should go on a Cool Standard,” Rarity deadpanned.

“What did I say about getting egghead-y?”

“Oh, my apologies. I forgot that you were the only one allowed to do one-liners.”

“Yeah, because I’m actually good at them.”

Rarity's eye twitched, then lowered into a glare. For a second, it looked like she was about to let loose. Instead she lowered her head and groaned. "You're simply impossible," she said through gritted teeth.

Rainbow saw Rarity’s exasperation and sighed. “C’mon, Rare, what’s really eating you?”

“I just explained it, Rainbow. Honestly, how have we associated for so long and yet haven’t spent any quality time together?”

“So we’re not soulmates or anything. It’s not like we hate each other and stuff. Why do you even care so much?”

Rarity sighed. “Well, before Twilight came into our lives, I didn’t exactly have too many friends. I had my weekly spa meetings with Fluttershy, but that was honestly it. I wouldn’t even count Pinkie Pie, since she’s friends with everypony.”

Rainbow nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Now that Twilight is here and learning about friendship, it got me to thinking about my relationships with other ponies, or lack thereof. After finally building a rapport with Applejack a few weeks ago at Twilight’s slumber party—”

“She had a slumber party and didn’t even invite me?! I got freaking snubbed!!?”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Darling we were hiding from the storm. It was just myself, Twilight, and Applejack, now may I please continue!?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and bowed. “Why yes, milady.”

Rarity frumped before letting out a sigh and continuing. “So yes, even though it was completely unexpected, Applejack and I bonded, and it wasn’t even through Twilight’s mediation. So now, I want to find a special connection with all of my friends. I want to know more about you, Rainbow Dash. What makes you tic? Who is the real Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow pondered for a moment. “You know Rarity, I think you have a point. I guess we can hang out sometime.”

Rarity smiled for the first time in their conversation. “Positively splendid. Well, I suppose if you’re not too busy, there is an open seat at this table and—”

“Hold on! You still haven’t answered my question. Have you seen Twilight and the others?”

“Well, no I haven’t, actually.”

“Darn, I'm out of leads. Well, I’m gonna go keep looking. Good talk, Rare. I’ll see you around.”

“Now stop right there! I–” Rarity was cut off by another sudden gust of wind. In an instant, Rainbow was miles away. Rarity looked at the sky with her mouth agape before letting out an incensed huff.

Something tells me I’ll NEVER bond with that mare.

Author's Note

FORESHADOWING (and I guess dramatic irony)

Sooo, you'll offer your feedback, maybe?

Breakfast of a Champion (Sonic Rainboom)

Rarity was not one for heights, especially considering what she had just experienced at the Best Young Flyer Competition, but for the business she had, she could make an exception this time. Borrowing Twilight’s balloon, she ascended into the clouds to talk to Rainbow Dash. The two had not spoken since the incident in Cloudsdale a few days prior and Rainbow had just returned from her prized day with the Wonderbolts the previous night.

Although Rainbow seemed to bear no hard feelings toward Rarity for her obvious callousness, the unicorn felt it necessary to apologize once again for good measure.

Who knows? Maybe this is the opportunity to bond that I’ve been hoping for.

Rarity arrived at Rainbow’s lavish cloud house. So gorgeous. How is she able to afford such a maison? Approaching the front door, still inside the balloon, she gave three dainty knocks. Expecting a warm welcome, Rarity was instead greeted to a scowling pony with a messy bed-mane and tired eyes.

“What?”

“Good morning, Rainbow Dash? How, might I ask, are you?”

“Sleeping. Well, that is, until somepony decided to wake me up.”

“Well, nothing like getting up and enjoying the gorgeous day, wouldn’t you agree?”

Her teeth gritted, Rainbow replied, “Oh absolutely, but when you don’t get back from spending the day with the Wonderbolts until 3AM, nothing hits the spot more than getting some damn sleep. Wouldn’t. You. Agree?”

Two muzzles were now pressed against each other. Rarity, however, seemed to have either been oblivious of or flat-out ignoring Rainbow’s animosity.

Gently pushing Rainbow off of her face, Rarity replied, “Oh, I must certainly agree. I always make sure to get a minimum amount of beauty sleep, and I will let you get back to that as soon as I make a request.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Request?”

“Well, a request and an apology. Once again, I am ever so sorry once again for hogging all of that glory and unnerving you before the competition.”

Rainbow sighed. “Look, Rarity, I don’t know what to tell you. I already forgave you and junk. It doesn’t even matter to me anymore.”

Rarity pouted. “It means something to me. Look, I know all about stage fright. When I saw you at the library, I had never seen you so vulnerable. I knew I just had to come to Cloudsdale to offer you the support you needed...” The unicorn sighed. “And then Twilight gave me those wings, those beautiful, beautiful wings, and I lost all sense of myself and why I even went up to Cloudsdale, and—”

“Is this going anywhere?”

Rarity narrowed her eyes. “You have a rather nasty habit of cutting ponies off.”

“Oh no, Rarity, I promise it’s only you.” Rainbow smirked. “You’re special to me like that.”

Rarity groaned. “Long story short, as you prefer to have it dictated, I want to make my apology full circle. I want to treat you to brunch.”

“Brunch?”

Rarity nodded. “Indeed. I feel like I should make it up to you over a lovely meal, and you and I can finally do some bonding.”

Rainbow was ready to fire off another sarcastic quip, but to her chagrin, she couldn’t attack her friend's sincerity. The pegasus yawned and said, “Rarity, brunch sounds good, but can it wait until another day? I am so damn tired, right now.”

Rarity grinned. “Absolutely! You just show up at the Boutique at any time, and I will be ready to go!”

Rainbow blinked. “Any time?”

“Well, anytime in the morning, otherwise it wouldn’t count as brunch, now would it?”

Rainbow adorned a devious smirk. “No.. it wouldn’t. I’ll make sure to take you up on your offer.”

Rarity clapped her hooves together. “Excellent! Well, I suppose I’ll be on my way. You have a fantastic day, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity waved to her friend and turned off the flame in the balloon to begin her descent into town.

“Oh, you too, Rarity, you too...” Rainbow waved to the unicorn, still having the smirk on her face.

Oh, she is so gonna regret this.

—5AM, The Next Morning—

Rarity was awoken to a thunderous torrent of knocking. Jerking out of her bed, the unicorn predicted the very worst.

"OH, CELESTIA! IT'S HAPPENING! THE GRIFFONS HAVE MADE THEIR MOVE! SWEETIE BELLE, INTO THE PANIC ROOM!"

After trampling down the stairs, Rarity took off her sleeping mask to investigate where the noise was coming from. Approaching the front door with great trepidation, the petrified unicorn hesitantly opened the door with her magic.

Greeting Rarity was not a child soldier of the Griffon Holy Resistance, but rather, a widely grinning Rainbow Dash.

"Good morning, Rarity! How are you on this radical day?"

Rarity took a while to respond, taking several deep breaths to regain her composure. After letting herself feel relieved to wake up to another revolution-free day, the fashionista allowed outrage to take over.

"Well this a fine 'How do you do?', Rainbow Dash!" Would you care to explain why in all of Equestria you would bang on a lady's door and scare her half to death at..." She looked at the clock. "5AM?!"

“I thought I would take you up on that offer of treating me to brunch. So can I come in?”

“Are you honestly that dense, darling? It’s five in the morning, and you’ve just woken me from my beauty sleep! Can’t it wait a few hours? Brunch doesn’t even customarily start until 10ish.”

Rainbow’s grin turned into a smug smirk. “Au contraire, Rarity. You told me to come at any hour of the morning, and you would be ready to go. So let’s go into your kitchen and make ourselves some grub!”

Rarity huffed. “Well, I certainly hate to burst your bubble, darling, but obviously, I didn’t mean five o'clock in the morning. You’re just going to have come back another time.”

“Okay then. I guess you don’t want to be anything more than friends by association, or whatever.”

Rarity's eyes widened. "Beg your pardon, Dash?”

“I mean, it’s cool and everything. We’ll just keep being strangers and such. Well, I’ll see you around.”

Rainbow turned around to leave, but stopped when she heard Rarity’s deep groan. “Very well, come in... but wipe your hooves on the mat first.”

Rainbow smugly beamed and walked inside. Oh man, she is too fun to torture.

Rarity went to her breakfast nook and yawned. “Well, before I make you anything, I need to wake myself up. Somepony had to go and cut my beauty sleep short.”

Rainbow smirked. “Just consider it payback for cutting my swag sleep short.”

Rarity got quizzical. “Pardon? Did you just say 'swag' sleep?”

Rainbow nodded. I need to get a good amount of swag sleep, because if I don't, I’m not sufficiently Dash-esque until the afternoon. That’s why I take so many naps. It gives me that quick swag boost.”

Rarity stared at Rainbow dumbfoundedly. She finally managed a response. “Can I assume that 'swag' and 'coolness' are separate attributes?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Well, duh! Honestly, Rarity, don’t you know anything important? “Coolness” is a finite resource that can only be gained by the few who can earn it. Whereas 'swag' is a sort-of energy that’s innate in all ponies. However, it needs to be unlocked. Once harnessed, you can use your swag and combine it with your flesh and will to unlock your Tekken, and Tekken is—”

“Rainbow, I stopped listening ages ago. Would you like some coffee?”

Rainbow did a quick double take. Sure, she expected Rarity to cut her off, but she certainly didn’t expect Rarity to offer... “Coffee? Uh... yeah, coffee would be great.”

The coffee maker finished the brew and Rarity filled two cups, levitating them over to the breakfast table. Rainbow took a swig of her coffee while watching Rarity doing the same.

“Wow, you even take it black.”

Rarity raised and eyebrow. “Hmm? Beg your pardon?”

“Oh it’s just... I didn’t think somepony like you would drink black coffee to get you up in the morning.”

Rarity nodded. “I would have chastised you for once again not sufficiently knowing me, but for once, I will concede that it’s a tad unexpected of someone like me to drink black coffee. Well, I’ll be honest, Rainbow. I’m just not a morning pony. I practically work nocturnally whenever I can, which, I must say, is one of the great things about working from home, but some days, when I need to be up and awake, tea just won’t do it for me.”

Rainbow closed her eyes and gave an approving nod. “Respect, respect. Yeah, I’ve been drinking coffee for as long as my parents have let me. I drank it black because I wanted to be cool and grown-up, and I’ve just never grown out of the habit." The pegasus took another sip and sighed in contentment. "I like it black, anyway.”

Rarity gulped down half of her cup. Her energy was clearly returning. “As do I. I suppose you could call it a guilty pleasure of mine, as black coffee isn’t exactly the classiest drink.”

“Yeah, but it gets the job done.”

Rarity smiled and nodded. “Does it ever.”

The two shared a laugh and decided to make an impromptu toast. They raised their cups together and proclaimed, “To coffee that’s black as night!” The unicorn and pegasus then downed the last of their drinks.

Rising from her seat, Rarity made her way back to the kitchen counter. “Well, I don’t know about you, Rainbow Dash, but I feel one hundred percent rejuvenated!”

“Yeah, I feel great! Thanks for the coffee, Rarity.”

“Well now, what should I make you for our... well, I was going to say brunch, but at 5AM that seems a bit inappropriate, so what shall I make for our breakfast?”

“Ehh, it’s your place, Rarity. Make what you usually make.” The pegasus leaned back in her chair and placed her hind hooves on the table.

Rarity huffed. “One, I would appreciate it if you refrained from getting your muddy hooves on my table cloth; and two, don’t be neutral here, you’re my guest. I’m sure I have some hay bacon in the refrigerator that I can fry.”

Removing her hooves, Rainbow stood up off her chair. "Hay bacon? Sorry, Rarity, I’m afraid that’s a no-go. I don’t go for any of that ultra-processed stuff. I’m on an au naturale diet.”

Rarity’s eyes widened. “You? Rainbow Dash? On an au naturale diet? Why, of all things!”

Rainbow chuckled and waved her hoof. “Yeah, I get that reaction a lot. Ponies see me and they expect that I can metabolize all the junk food that I want, but let me tell you something, when you become a mare, your metabolism hates you. So I had to sacrifice the fried stuff to maintain this physique.”

Rarity beamed. “I couldn’t agree with you more, darling. Nothing would make me happier than to just gorge myself in chocolate, but I need to stay beautiful for my prince.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, good luck with that one. Run me through the plan again: so you’re gonna walk up to an Equestrian prince, and he’ll be so turned on, that he’ll put a ring on you just to get a piece of that flank?”

Rarity scoffed. “Honestly, Rainbow, why must you be so crude?”

Dashie smirked. “Because it’s fun to watch you react like that.”

The unicorn huffed. “Well, you won’t get that satisfaction anymore. Now, what do you usually do for breakfast?”

“Well, I guess on a normal day, I just blend my supplements with a bunch of fruits.”

Rarity smiled. “Well then, fruit salad it is.”

—One Meal Later—

The sun was now fully risen as the two mares finished their delicious salads. Rarity and Rainbow conversed about various topics, and, ultimately, the mood was splendidly cordial. That didn’t stop the two from constantly trading sarcastic jibes or witty comebacks, but at the this point, both Rarity and Rainbow Dash accepted that this would simply be an inescapable element of their rapport.

Besides, Rarity thought, it’s nice to have somepony to duke it out with in a battle of sharp wit. She’s definitely better than I gave her credit for.

Rainbow offered to do the dishes, much to the pleasant surprise of Rarity, who graciously accepted.

“I must say, Rainbow, what has gotten into you?”

“Eh, just my way of saying thanks for breakfast and stuff. I gotta admit, you’re cooler than I gave you credit for.”

Rarity squeed. “Does this mean we’re... friends?”

The pegasus chuckled. “Duh. We already were friends, Rarity. But yeah, we’re now the kind of friends that hang out together. Happy?”

Nodding, the unicorn replied with a resounding, “Absolutely.”

After doing the dishes, Rainbow said her goodbye to Rarity and to Carousel Boutique, promising the fashionista that they would be doing something like this again soon, and flew into the sky to take a nice nap on a cloud.

As Rarity watched her newfound buddy soar off into the distance, she let herself be taken over by glee.

Yes! A rapport! We have a rapport! Eeee...

While on to find a cloud to sleep on, Rainbow Dash was wrapped in her own thoughts about the recent developments.

Huh? So I actually bonded with Rarity, of all ponies? Well, as long as she doesn’t turn me into a sentimental girly-filly like her, then everything should be cool, I guess. She’s got some awesome-ish qualities, and she’s cool-ish, so we should be cool together.

Rainbow found the cloud that she liked and rested herself onto it, drifting into a comfortable sleep.

Yep. This could be the start of something pretty awesome.

Author's Note

FORESHADOWING!!!! (again :twilightsheepish:)

Just for clarification: I have never played Tekken. However, I have watched the shitty English Dub of the OVA, if that counts for anything.

Rock 'N Roll (The Show Stoppers)

The week had been relatively good to Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Aside from Rarity’s heavy orders, the two were able to find numerous days to set aside for brunch and whatnot (only now, Dash had the courtesy to appear at socially acceptable times).

The two decided to actually spend some time together outside of the boutique. The opportunity came for them after the foals’ talent show, and both had come out to show support for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. After the show—and after the Crusaders were safely home–Rainbow offered to treat Rarity to drinks. After the spectacle she had just witnessed (how could her sister have such a lack of fashion sense?), Rarity was all to eager to accept the offer. The two were making their way to Rainbow’s usual spot, when they ran into a familiar farmer.

“Howdy, Rainbow!" Applejack greeted. "Kicker's?”

“You know it!” The pegasus looked to Rarity. “Hey, if you don’t mind, Rarity’s gonna join us.”

Applejack arched an eyebrow. “Is that so?” She chuckled under her breath. “Well, you’re gonna be the one who carries her home after she faints.”

Rainbow laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Rarity huffed and rolled her eyes. “I’ll have you know, Applejack, that even a lady can handle a drink or two.” She smiled, turning to Rainbow. “Now, Rainbow Dash, what is this 'Kicker's' establishment you speak of? Do they serve martinis, or maybe even some chardonnay?”

Rainbow and Applejack practically burst into tears laughing.

Rarity huffed once more. A simple “no” would have sufficed.

—You have now reached your destination—

Kicker's Kavern was Ponyville’s go-to dive bar. It was dirty, rough, cheap, and crowded with working class stallions. Naturally, Rainbow and Applejack fit well into this rustic mold. Rarity saw this atmosphere and let out a defiant huff.

“Honestly, girls? Of all the classy places, just why this... cesspool?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Rare, just because this ain't one of your little fancy froufrou wine bars, or whatever, that don’t give ya the right to go badmouthin’ a good place like this!”

Rainbow groaned. “Come on, guys. Let’s just get some drinks and have a good time.”

Rarity turned to the door. “I’m terribly sorry, Rainbow Dash, but unless we go someplace fashionable, I’m afraid I’ll have to turn in for the evening.”

Rainbow looked dejected, but then she grinned in epiphany. “Well, since you’re turning in early, I guess you won’t mind if I come to your place for brunch early, tomorrow.”

Rarity turned back to her pegasus friend. “Pardon?”

“Well yeah, I mean, since you’ll be rested, I’m sure it’s not problem if I got there at say... four AM?”

Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Well, I wouldn’t if you were to stick with us and have some drinks. If I have a little bit of fun a few hours into tonight, I’ll probably let the both of us sleep in tomorrow. Of course...” Rainbow grinned. “... that's all up to you.”

Rarity huffed (again). “Fine! You win! I’ll stay.” Rarity trotted to the stallion running the bar. “Would you be so kind as to give me the drink with the mildest taste?”

The barkeep nodded. “Gotcha. Glass of Top’s Hard, coming up.”

As the bartender went to procure her drink, Rarity turned back to Rainbow and Applejack.

“I shall be in the fillies’ room.” Rarity made another huff, and strutted off to the facilities. As the other two mares found seats at the bar, Applejack waited until the unicorn was out of sight before she spoke up.

“Rainbow, why the hay did you make her stick around?”

“Duh, I wanna hang out with her.”

“Uhh... why?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean 'why'?”

“Look, sugarcube, I love Rare like I love all y’all, but she ain’t exactly the 'hanging out with' type.”

“Says you.”

Applejack cocked her brow. “What exactly are you two doin’ together, anyway?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I dunno. Stuff, I guess. I come to her house for breakfast, and sometimes even lunch, and we just... talk.”

Applejack looked shocked. “You? Rainbow Dash... just sitting around and talking?”

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah. So?”

“So?! That’s doesn’t sound like the Rainbow Dash any of us know.”

“What’s the big deal?”

Applejack chuckled. “Nothin’, but that doesn’t make it any less weird.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Whatevs, Rarity’s cool. I like her, and I like hanging out with her. End of story.”

AJ smirked. “Oh, so you like her, huh? Well now, this is starting to come together nice ‘n easy.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Oh, I see. I can’t just like someone as a friend? I guess, by your logic, I must be in love with you, huh?”

AJ laughed. “I guess you’re right, but let me ask you; what do you think of her as a datin’ type?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I’m not some girly-girl who spends her time thinking about dating like you are.”

“Come on, it’s the first I’ve ever asked you somethin’ like that. What about me says I’m a 'girly-girl'?”

Rainbow smirked. “I happen to know of a certain cowpony who keeps a lot of Spitfire merchandise under her bed. This cowpony, I should mention, doesn’t know jack about the Wonderbolts, and just really likes that pretty mare who's the captain.”

Applejack frumped and narrowed her eyes. “Those happen to be collectors’ items.”

The pegasus grinned and gave a knowing nod. “Sure.”

By this time, Rarity had returned to the bar and sat next to Rainbow Dash. As the unicorn daintily sipped on her spiked carrot juice, Rainbow leaned closer to Applejack.

“Trust me,” Rainbow whispered. “Her and I can talk about pretty much anything.”

—A few drinks later—

Applejack was rather impressed. Rainbow and Rarity really could talk about anything. The topics were ranging from work to town gossip to history.

"I'm telling you, Rare, Commander Hurricane would have never just torched a unicorn village for no good reason.

"And I am telling you, Rainbow Dash, that the ancient pegasus tribe was notorious for its imperialistic, blood-thirsty culture. It was perfectly reasonable to believe that the Harvest Day Massacre was both her doing and unprovoked."

While the full range of topics wasn’t entirely pleasant, neither Rarity nor Rainbow Dash’s dispositions soured. AJ, for her part, mostly kept silent and watched in astonishment as the unlikely friends gassed-on. The topic eventually turned to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their unintentionally hilarious display at the talent show.

“I just cannot believe what Sweetie Belle and her friends did to my beautiful fabric.”

Rainbow chuckled. “Yeah, everything looked terrible! The music was pretty good, though.”

Rarity scoffed. “More of that rock and roll music? Please.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “I will not have you badmouth rock n’ roll anymore, Rarity. It’s as Equestrian as apple pie.”

AJ tipped her hat. “Why thank you, kindly, Rainbow Dash.”

“Zip it, AJ, we’re discussing important matters.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I hardly believe that something as silly as rock and roll is important. I would be hard pressed to find any that was half-decent.”

Without saying anything, Rainbow Dash stood up out of her seat at the bar and walked away. AJ and Rarity exchanged confused glances.

They got through politics fine, and this is what does ‘em in? AJ thought.

Looking across the room, the two saw that Rainbow was putting bits into a jukebox. Rarity trotted over to investigate.

“What exactly is this all about, Rainbow?”

"This"—Rainbow pushed the proper selector buttons—"is the music that our grandparents listened to. I guarantee you that pure rock n’ roll is 100 percent cool.”

And so it played...

Rarity recognized this group. Apparently, they were rather influential to Equestrian pop culture. Of course, a lady of class like her was above being a connoisseur of anything lowly like popular culture. Yet, at the same time, she could not stop her hoof from tapping and her her head from bobbing along to the rhythm.

Rainbow grinned at her victory and decided to celebrate. She moved to the center of the room and began dancing. Rarity was surprised at first, but then realization hit her, and she rolled her eyes.

She’ll gloat over any small victory.

It was then that Rainbow signaled Rarity to join her on the dance floor. The unicorn looked confused, so Dash reached out and grabbed her by force. Rarity tried to object, but Rainbow was too busy leading her. Much to Rarity’s surprise... Rainbow was good at dancing. She was graceful and Rarity was actually able to keep pace.

Honestly, what’s bringing on this? I must say, the gesture is rather... princely.

Rainbow smirked. The looks that she makes are totally priceless.

Finally, as the song came to its climax, Rainbow took Rarity and flung her up into the air. The gasps of onlookers were heard as the unicorn flailed in shock and terror. The gasps would soon be turned to applause as Rainbow caught Rarity with one sweep of her foreleg. Rainbow looked down at Rarity. Her mouth was agape, her eyes were as wide as dinner plates, and, somehow, she seemed paler than normal. The pegasus snickered.

“Feeling okay?”

“Y-yes.”

“So you agree that rock n’ roll is cool?”

“Y-yes, rock and roll is enjoyable," she said, voice flat and monotone.

“Okay then.” Rainbow proceeded to drop Rarity unceremoniously to the floor. “I’ll be at the bar. Pick the next song, okay?” Without waiting for a response, Rainbow returned to the bar next to Applejack.

“What... was that?”

Rainbow smugly grinned. “That is me having fun.”

“What? Screwing around with Rarity?”

Rainbow thought for a moment before nodding. “Yes. Yes, very much so.”

AJ laughed. “You’re crazy, Rainbow. You know, on that dancefloor, you two looked kinda cute together.”

Rainbow chuckled. “I guess, maybe... yeah, Rarity’s pretty and fun to be around, but I don’t think I’m gonna take a crack at her.”

“Why not? She seems like a pretty filly you’d wanna get under the sheets with.” AJ replied with a mischievous grin.

“Oh, she is, don’t get me wrong, but the thing is, I’m not some stallion prince.”

AJ rolled her eyes. “Do ya really think she’s gonna get that dream prince of hers when we go to the gala?”

“Of course not, but you know her. She wouldn’t settle for anything less.”

“You never know, Rainbow. Rarity’s one of those cosmopolitan types, and them aristocrats are all about that hedonism and junk. A roll in the hay with a mare like you seems right up her alley. Of course, you’ll hafta make room for some pool colts and a dog or two.”

Rainbow arched an eyebrow and looked at the glasses at AJ’s hooves. “How much have you had?”

AJ snickered and banged her hoof against the table. Rainbow rolled her eyes, concluding that her best friend’s theories were just inebriated nonsense. Of course, that didn’t stop the pegasus from pondering said nonsense.

What if she is like that? I mean, Dad always used to say, “A lady in the streets, but a freak in the...” is it sheets? No, that doesn’t sound right. I mean, who would want sheets when you have a nice, fluffy cloud? Dad's stupid.

Rarity returned to her bar stool as the room resonated with classical music. For the rest of the night, she didn't do much talking.

I do believe that I know what makes this mare tic, now. It seems that she thinks she can have the last laugh. The alabaster unicorn adorned a devious smirk. Well, I'll show her soon enough.

Please Tease Me (A Dog and Pony Show)

Rarity sat atop her mountain of gems won from the Diamond Dogs in the middle of Carousel Boutique sipping her water (that was sparkling this time) from her grail bedazzled in rubies and emeralds that were superfluous to her designs for Sapphire Shores. Of course, at times, Rarity would argue that that there is no such thing as superfluous when it comes to what some would call gaudy bedizenment. However, when one takes away Rarity’s cocktails, she backs from such notions.

Back to the scene in question, Rarity looked upon her winnings in total satisfaction. All I need is a ring for the little ponies to kiss.

Having her gem supply for Sapphire’s wardrobe covered, the fashionista could now return her thoughts to a more pressing matter.

Revenge.

Yes, Rarity had not forgotten, let alone forgiven Rainbow Dash’s behavior the week before at Kicker’s Kavern. Honestly, to drop a lady right there on the floor purely for jest! The nerve!

Rarity huffed and kicked a jewel that was at the top of the pile, which clunkily rolled and fell to the bottom. What’s worse is that she had the nerve to deceive me with a dance.

The dancing. It had run through Rarity’s mind more than anything concerning what had transpired that evening. Though it only lasted less than two or so minutes, it left a huge mark in the unicorn’s mind. There was a certain look on Rainbow Dash’s face when she beckoned Rarity to a dance: a look of... chivalry? It likened to the look a gentlecolt made when he offered a lady a dance at a high society cotillion. I daresay, she seemed like a prince.

Rarity continued her train of thought while lazily sipping her beverage and reclining on her back into the pile. ...Bah! A true prince wouldn’t treat a lady like moi like some disposable rag doll, not to mention drop me in the middle of a ratty dive bar. Rainbow’s just a tease, a jester! Nothing more! Now, I must plot my revenge on that scoundrel once and for all!

In dramatically convenient timing, the door to the boutique burst open, revealing Rainbow Dash carrying some bags of groceries in her mouth. Her eyes widened at the sight of the glorious pile of diamonds. She dropped the groceries to the floor in amazement, and looked to the unicorn at the top of the hill, chuckling all the while.

“So, do you want me to kiss the ring or something?”

Rarity beamed. “Well, is that not something! I was just thinking the same thing.”

“So, you admit you're that conceited?”

“Oh, glory be, you learned a new word. I bet you got a gold star.”

“Ooh, a dumb joke, how original.”

“Ooh, sarcasm. That’s certainly a high form of wit.”

“Hello, Pot. My name is Kettle. How does it feel being as black as me?”

“Are you going to come inside, or are you going to stand there all day and try to best me in a match of wits that you simply cannot win?”

“...Yes.” Rarity promptly tossed her chalice to Dash’s head, which made a rather loud thud.

“Oww!” Rainbow rubbed her forehead. “What the buck, Rarity?”

“Consider that payback for dropping me on the floor at that “Kicker’s” establishment.” You fool! You should have bided your time and thought of something more ingenious than blunt force. Foolish, Rarity! Foolish!

Rainbow adorned a look of utter confusion. “Kicker’s? What... wait? You’re talking about when I dropped you at Kicker’s? Jeez, Rarity, that was a week ago!”

“It matters not! I needed my vindication.”

“Your what?" Rainbow rubbed away the pain from her temple before shaking it off. She looked up to Rarity. "Anyway, do you want some brunch?”

Deciding to move on from the fight, Rarity gave a nod to Rainbow. As Dash walked into the kitchen with her groceries, Rarity inquired, “May I ask what you’re preparing for us, Dash?”

“Well, Rarity,” Rainbow dropped her bags to Rarity’s counter and scoured for a blender. “Your brunches are good and stuff, but my body’s used to consuming things quickly and digesting it just as quick. Your hoity-toity finger foods and salads are just way too solid for me in the mornings to properly digest. So, we’re going to have something that satisfies my mighty system.”

“That would be—”

“Swakes!” Rainbow Dash pulled out her groceries to reveal boxes of vitamin and protein supplements, as well as a variety of fruits and vegetables. Next she opened the cabinet above the sink and removed the blender.

“'Swakes'?” Rarity inquired as she slid down the mountain of gems to make her way to the kitchen.

“Darn skippy!” Dash plugged in the blender and began chopping vegetable with one of Rarity’s knives. “You see, Rarity, Swakes are energy shakes designed to release one’s inner swag, which, if you’ll remember, is innate in all ponies, and—”

“Rainbow Dash! If you go on another lecture about ‘swag’ ever again, I am tanning your hide!”

A pregnant pause proceeded, before Rainbow Dash burst into laughter. “‘Tan my hide’? RariHick, much?”

Rarity cleared her throat and blushed. “My apologies. I was at Sweet Apple Acres the other day, and I heard Applejack use it when she was scolding Apple Bloom.”

Rainbow nodded. “Anyhoot, do you want ‘Green Machine’ or ‘Blue Machine’?”

“The difference being?”

“Well, ‘Blue Machine’ has some blueberries I bought at the market, and ‘Green Machine’ has a bunch of green crap that I found in the Everfree Forest. If you ask me, the green crap really gives the ‘Green Machine’ that extra kick you need to pull off a sonic rainboom and keep you toned.”

Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “Is that honestly even a question? If I’m going to partake in one of those beverages, I’m choosing the one that has ingredients of which I’m fully aware of their origin!”

Rainbow gave a blank stare. “So... which one do you want?”

Rarity growled, groaned and stomped her hoof. “OH, JUST GIVE ME THE STUPID ‘Green Machine’!”

Rainbow grinned deviously. “Atta girl.”

—Minutes Pass—

Rarity gulped down the remainder of her green concoction and placed her glass onto the breakfast table. “I daresay, Rainbow Dash, this ‘Green Machine’ is positively splendid! You certainly know how to blend beverages.”

Dash wiped her lips with her hoof and nodded in agreement. “I’m telling you, it’s the green stuff that makes it good.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Regardless, you simply must make this again sometime.”

Rainbow grinned. “Heh, you know it.” She turned her head to the mound of diamonds sitting in the boutique. “So, what’re you planning on doing with all those?”

“Well, I do believe that first and foremost, I’ll dedicate a portion of those hard-earned gems to a little splurging. Would you not?”

Rainbow scoffed. “Hard-earned? Yeah, because annoying a bunch of dogs until they give you their gems is truly what hard work means.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Mock all you want, Rainbow Dash, but I’ve spent years perfecting my methods of charming and goading the opposite sex into my whims. This training will culminate with my dazzling appearance at the Grand Galloping Gala, where I will meet Prince Blueblood and have him fall in love with me at first sight!”

“...You’ve got drool coming out of the corner of your mouth.”

Rarity looked to the scene of the drool, and promptly wiped it away. The unicorn chuckled nervously as she tried to conceal her blush of embarrassment. “Hehe... so I do.”

Rainbow chuckled. “So, does it honestly take that much effort to try and woo a guy? I figured the whole deal was just to be attractive.”

Rarity scoffed. “Please. Turning stallions into jelly is more than just having good looks. You must also learn the arts of flirting and teasing.”

“Aren’t those kinda the same thing?”

“You have much to learn, my dear Rainbow.”

My dear Rainbow? “Actually, I don’t. I’ve never been interested in stallions, so your tips won’t be any help to me.”

“Come now, Dash. I listened to your ridiculous lectures on ‘coolness’ and ‘swag’ and what have you, the least you can do is indulge me and listen to my own fields of expertise.”

Rainbow glowered before sighing. “Fine. What’s the difference between flirting and teasing?”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Well, first off, what’s important about flirting is that it’s essentially an offset of general good manners and etiquette. To flirt, all one has to do is act like everything the target says or does is interesting or pleasing.”

“So being a flirt means being butt-kisser? No wonder you’d fit in with high society.”

Rarity scoffed. “Rainbow Dash! Currying favor, or... 'rear kissing', as you so crudely put, has a distinct difference from flirtation. When simply kissing-up to somepony for the purposes of societal gain, one does not have to try to achieve an artificial sense of intimacy.”

Rainbow cocked her head to the side in confusion.

Rarity sighed. “Meaning,” Rarity leaned closer to Dash’s side of the table. Their muzzles were nearly meeting. Rarity uttered in a hushed, but playful voice, “I don’t have to try as hard with other ponies like I do with you. I just think you’re that cool.” Rarity gave a coy grin before giggling and batting her eyes, which made Dash’s own eyes widen as she jerked back against her chair.

“What!? What the?”

Rarity continued her giggling. “And that is where teasing comes into play. You simply give the target these tiny, subtle signals that are designed to make him feel like he has leeway into some kind of physical intimacy. You can even go so far as to...” Rarity placed her forehoof onto Dash’s forehoof, and began making gentle little rubs. Dash froze completely, unable to resist. "Now, you see, stallions-being the volatile creatures that they are-get the mightiest shockwaves from even this slightest iota of physical contact. These shockwaves give them the impression that if they do whatever I say, they will be rewarded in the form of... well, moi.”

Rainbow simply nodded, unable to respond verbally at the moment.

Rarity finally removed her hoof from atop Rainbow’s, and Dash promptly jerked it back to her body.

The unicorn smiled. “I realize that I made it look easy, but let me tell you, it took many years of trial and error before I learned all the techniques. You should consider yourself lucky that you got a crash course like this.”

Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck. “Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever you say.”

What the hay is going on? This stuff is only supposed to work on stallions, right? Oh, what does it even matter? Rarity’s just teasing me! Of course she’s not actually trying to turn me into jelly, right? RIGHT!?

It’s such a shame that Rainbow Dash is a mare of such strong will. Otherwise, this would have been an excellent method of revenge.

Author's Note

I am so, so, so, so, so, SO sorry this took so long. Delays like this won't happen again, I promise (although, my promises are known to be worthless... I'm gonna be a great deadbeat dad someday :pinkiehappy:)

Also, Mighty Mango is best flavor of Naked (those of you who don't know, Blue Machine and Green Machine are flavors of Naked fruit juice).

Quit Being So Hard on Yourself (Green Isn't Your Color)

Rainbow Dash glided through the sky carrying a banner for a brand of carrot juice Fluttershy was modeling for. Ordinarily, the pegasus would have been content. She was, after all, getting paid to just lazily hovering (by her standards) above Ponyville. Unfortunately, some raspy-voiced jerk had decided to get on her case about what had transpired at Carousel Boutique a week or so prior.

That raspy-voiced jerk was herself.

You’ve been avoiding her, you realize that?

Have not! I’ve just been busy with really important stuff!

The last three days, you and Pinkie have been following Winona all over Sweet Apple Acres to spit seeds at her. Like... that’s not even pranking, that’s just being a jerk to a dog for no good reason.

She’s a dog! It’s not like she’s gonna remember after a few hours.

You’re changing the subject. You’ve been purposely avoiding Rarity because now you’ve got the hots for her.

WHOA! Jump back. Where are you getting stupid ideas like that?

Uhh, maybe it’s because I am you! Ever think that?

Rainbow rolled her eyes at the smart-aleck-ness her subconsciousness was spouting.

You’re mad because you know I’m right. Look, what’s the big deal? So you think Rarity’s hot. You said to Applejack that you’d do her.

There is a major difference between ‘I’d do her’ and ‘I want to do her.’ You’re me, you should know this.

Uh, I know you’re full of it.

Look! Me being attracted to Rarity is just a short phase, and should stay that way. She’s into that stallion prince or whatever.

I’m not asking you to rut her. I’m just saying don’t avoid her like you’ve been doing.

I need to let this phase pass before I spend more time with her. If I’m not too careful, this could move from ‘I want to do her’ to ‘I’d be willing to buy her dinner and then do her’ or even the dreaded ‘I want to buy her dinner, do her, and then ask her to do it again every now and then indefinitely.’ If you even knew me, you would know that that would be a fate worse than death.

...So you admit that you’re purposefully avoiding her?

Rainbow growled. Shut up! When I get to the ground, I’m getting some therapy, and you are so out of here!

“Hey! Yo, Rainbow Dash!”

Dash stopped in her tracks and looked around. Floating in front of her was Cloud Kicker, her friend from work and the pony who got her the job of flying the banner over Ponyville.

“Oh, hey, Cloud Kicker. What’s happening?”

“Just got the word from Carrot Top. She’s gotta drop Fluttershy as her spokespony.”

Rainbow's eyes widened. “Really? What happened.”

“Apparently, Fluttershy quit modeling, so everypony who used her as a spokespony’s gotta drop her.”

“She quit? Why?”

Cloud Kicker shrugged. “Dunno. You’re her friend, you ask her.”

Dash scoffed. “Aiight, Ms. Snippy, be that way.” Dash removed the banner and let it fall to the ground. As she began to follow, Dash looked back to Cloud Kicker. “So who do I see about getting a check for the work I did? Should I just swing by your house later?”

CK looked confused. “Uhh, I never promised you payment.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “I specifically heard you say—”

—This is boring. Let’s go see what Rarity’s up to!—

Rarity returned to her domain after a reconciliatory spa date with Fluttershy. The unicorn made some coffee and retired to her breakfast table with the paper for some light reading. Although, mainly, the purpose of reading the Ponyville Express was to mock the hideously mundane articles that apparently counted as news.

Honestly, The Fig makes better news than this drivel, and that publication is a parody!

However, what did make this particular issue memorable was the fact that the ad section was plastered with Fluttershy’s visage. This would be the first and last time that this would happen, however, as Fluttershy’s career as a model ended almost as soon as it began.

It seems as though everypony has their fifteen minutes of fame. Ooh, I simply must write that down! Everypony will call me a genius for coming up with that! I’ll finally move up from a paragraph mention in Clothes Horse to a full interview in The Manehattanite!

Rarity’s fantastical excitement quickly diminished into light melancholy. And then... they’ll move on to the next flavor of the month, leaving me with my designs in obscurity... unloved.

Rarity looked back at all the pictures of Fluttershy and growled. Honestly! That filly had the whole world at her hooves! They all worshiped her, and what does she do? Walks away from it! Like it doesn’t even matter!

Rarity shook away these thoughts instantly. It wasn’t fair to Fluttershy. After all, it was that kind of mindset that guilted Fluttershy into keeping the modeling career for the time she did. Rarity understood perfectly: a life of fame wasn’t for everypony. Not everypony shared Rarity’s desire to be the center of attention.

However, that was the problem. It was also a question that Rarity asked herself many times. Did anypony share it at all?

Fluttershy is so terrified of other ponies, Applejack and Twilight are so modest about their skills. Pinkie Pie only cares all about spreading happiness, and yet cares none about receiving recognition for spreading it.

Then it hit Rarity. Rainbow Dash.

Of course! Surely, she knows what it’s like to want glory!

Rarity realized that Rainbow wasn’t like the rest of her friends. Like Twilight and Applejack, Rainbow Dash worked tirelessly to be the best at what she did. Unlike Twilight and Applejack, however, who wanted to be the best simply to be the best, Rainbow Dash had higher purpose. She wanted to be part of the greatest flying squadron in Equestria. She wanted the highest accolades in her field. In short, she wanted validation.

It was the reason Rarity worked tirelessly to move up to the ranks of the Canterlot elite by way of her talent. She wanted to be validated.

She wanted to be able to tell herself:
Yes, you are amazing at what you do.
Yes, what you do is important.
Yes, you are important.
Yes, you have a purpose in this life.

A lot of ponies thought Rarity was simply shallow for wanting to be the center of attention. What do they know? They didn’t have to grow up in a house with parents who didn’t understand their dreams and desires. They don’t have to live in a town where their talents are so un-appreciated, that many ponies don’t even recognize them.

Rarity then thought of Rainbow Dash. This was a mare who was already one of the best fliers in Equestria, and yet, upon return to her hometown, was met with mockery and derision from lesser pegasi, as well as a mare who had broken the sound barrier with her flying twice and saved the lives of three Wonderbolts, and yet had still not been invited onto that very team.

In Rarity's mind, she and Rainbow Dash were on the same boat. They were both stuck in the chase for their lofty ambitions of glory, with uncertainty always making its presence known.

We have a lot more in common than I realized. Rarity smiled to herself.

As Celestia as my witness, I will show my unconditional support for Rainbow Dash in all of her endeavors! In fact, I think I’ll come up with a speech of some sort for our next brunch where I tell her all of this! She’ll absolutely adore a grand gesture like that!

It was then that another realization hit her.

“I daresay. It’s been almost a week since I’ve seen Rainbow Dash!” Rarity announced to an empty room. “What in Equestria has she been up to?" A thought crossed Rarity's mind that caused her to gasp. "Has she been avoiding me?”

Rarity got her memory working. The last time the two spoke was over brunch. It was then that Rarity remembered something peculiar about that encounter.

Rainbow seemed a bit... off. Usually, the two talked about a wide variety of subjects, but the last time they met, the conversation seemed to derail after the initial topic.

I was lecturing her on the art of wooing a stallion, and she became rather unresponsive. It was almost as if something I did shocked her into despondence.

Rarity rubbed her chin in contemplation, but could not find any answers.

Drat! Oh, what am I kidding? Double drat! Solving this puzzle is going to drive me positively mad!

Author's Note

And so, the development keeps a'marchin on.

If you couldn't tell by now, Rarity's not the sharpest knife in the deer carcass.

Do You Feel Me? (Over A Barrel)

“Rarity, I don’t think we should be doing this.”

“Oh, come now, darling. I know how long you’ve wanted this.”

Rainbow Dash gulped. Rarity was right. This was true. She did want this for quite a long time, actually. How many nights had she spent tossing and turning wanting this succulence right in her face? How long had she literally drooled at the prospect of finally licking up the sweet nectars in hedonistic stupor?

It was now or never, and at that moment, Rainbow realized that if she made the dive, there was no turning back.

...To heck with it. You only live once.

Taking a deep breath, Rainbow threw aside her inhibitions and dived her muzzle into the Trotson Cream doughnut that Rarity had placed in front of her. Rarity grinned deviously.

“You like?”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t create coherent statements as she simply squealed in delight, shoving the glazed goodness into her mouth, swallowing all of it after chewing the whole thing. Moaning with absolute pleasure, she licked the corners of her mouth for any stray cream and reclined against her chair. Then, her eyes widened as she adorned a look of regret. Dash cried to the ceiling and hid her face with her hooves.

Rarity chuckled as she sipped her tea. “Problem, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow glared at Rarity. “You evil witch! You knew I’ve been trying to avoid these kinds of sweets! You knew!”

Rarity waved her hoof. “Oh, come now, Rainbow Dash. You’re acting like you’re the only one who’s letting her body suffer. Look,” Rarity lifted a piece of chocolate cake and took the tiniest bite from it, nibbling daintily. “Now see? I too am sinning against my body.”

Rainbow scoffed. “Yeah right, that barely even counts. You’re taking wuss bites.”

Rarity giggled as she dabbed her lips with a napkin. “Well, darling, I clearly just have more willpower and self control than you.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes as she looked around the dining cart, which was vacant aside from the two of them. “Hey, are you sure we should be back here? It’s like midnight, and it closed hours ago.”

“Ah, yes, true, but I simply had to share these delectable delights with somepony, even if it meant being a tad devious for one night. Besides, it’s not like the others will notice, since they’re gassing on about some oddity. By the way, what is this I hear about you believing Fluttershy to be a tree?”

Rainbow face-hooved. “Oh, Celestia, not this again. I do not think Fluttershy is a tree, okay?”

Rarity smiled. “Well, from what I gathered the other night, you did claim that Fluttershy was a tree.”

Rainbow grimaced at Rarity before sighing. “Fine. Yes. I think Fluttershy is a tree.”

“Is that so?” Rarity grinned. “Well then, Rainbow Dash, you can rest assured that Fluttershy is in fact, not a tree.” She giggled as she took another sip of tea.

Rainbow sighed. “You’re just messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Don’t I always?”

Rainbow chuckled. “Point taken.” She leaned back against her chair again and began tapping the table. Mentally, Rainbow Dash was kicking herself, as she had promised a little over a week ago that she would stay clear of Rarity to get whatever infatuation out of her system. However, avoiding somepony you had to travel various places with proved to be a rather difficult task. It also didn’t help that it was Rarity who initiated contact with Rainbow Dash by asking her to join her at the dining cart and that Rainbow happened to be hankering for a snack.

In summary, Rainbow Dash had failed, and she still considered Rarity quite desirable.

If we had to pay for these treats, I’d pay for her... oh, Celestia, it’s getting worse!

It got worse. Rainbow was broken from her thoughts by Rarity’s hoof touching her own. Dash looked to her friend who was giving her a soft look that elevated her heart rate. Rainbow meeped.

“There’s another reason I asked you to come with me, Rainbow Dash. I missed you.”

Rainbow gulped. “W...what?”

“Where have you been, darling, it’s been ages since we’ve had a meal together. I’ve missed the time we’ve shared, since we’ve been becoming such dear friends.”

“Oh.” Rainbow sighed as she wiped sweat from her brow and reclined in her chair. “Yeah, I’ve been busy... you know, with stuff.”

Rarity nodded. “Hmm. I can imagine. I myself have been absolutely swamped with this business with Fluttershy.”

“Oh yeah, what was the deal with that? Why’d she quit?”

Rarity sighed as she lowered her cup of tea. “She loathed being a model, Rainbow Dash. It was my fault too, I pushed her into it and she nearly cracked under the pressure of being famous. We really weren’t being honest with each other, and it escalated beyond the point where it needed to be.”

“Pfft. Seriously? She didn’t like being rich and famous? She didn’t want the eyes of Equestria on her while she wowed the crowds?”

“Darling, keep in mind, this is Fluttershy we’re talking about.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. Still, I constantly work to get fame. I don’t get how somepony could just... not want that. Do you feel me?”

Rarity beamed. “I absolutely ‘feel’ you, Rainbow Dash. That’s what I like about you, yes? You get what it’s like to want something more beyond Ponyville.”

Rainbow grinned. “You know it. I mean, hey, Spitfire never got to where she was by bumming around Palomino Beach her whole life. She worked her stuff and she proved her awesomeness to the world. Now she travels that world. I need to follow that example.”

Rarity nodded. “I know where my place is. I want esteem, Rainbow Dash. I want to be known as the best fashionista in Equestria because I am the best fashionista in Equestria.” She giggled. “Ooh, I must say, it’s rather fun to be cocky.”

Rainbow nodded. “I feel you so much, Rarity. And you know what? I’m gonna be there for you. Whatever you do, I’m rooting for you all the way. I may not be into all this namby-pamby fashion stuff, but if you’re doing it, it’s gotta be cool.”

Rarity choked up a little. “Do you... really mean that?”

Rainbow ignored the lump in her throat as she put a hoof on Rarity’s. “Totally.”

Rarity simply laughed and shook her head. “Oh, Rainbow, Rainbow, Rainbow. I daresay, whatever am I going to do with you?”

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. “What’re you talking about?”

“You confound me, Rainbow. I never thought that I could find anything in common with you, truth be told, but... I really feel a connection with you nowadays. You have such a drive and passion that the others simply don’t have. It’s inspiring, really, and I hope to emulate it.”

Oh, heck no. Now you’re emotionally connecting with her? This is bad, me. This is really, really bad. Quick, think of something to say to move forward, now.

Rainbow cleared her throat as she looked to Rarity straight in the eyes. “Th-anks?” She said with a crack in her voice.

Smooth. Come up with a new topic, pronto.

Dash looked around the room desperately trying to find something else to talk about. Eventually, she settled for the piece of strawberry cheesecake that Rarity was taking bigger and bigger bites of. Rainbow snorted. “So much for more willpower and self-control, huh?”

Rarity looked to Rainbow Dash, mouth wide open, and then looked to her bite of cake, which was half the slice. She lowered it onto her plate and huffed. “I’m hardly able to enjoy myself. Can’t I reward myself after a stressful couple of weeks?”

Dash waved her hoof. “Yeah, I’m just messing. Besides, I think your prince might like a girl with a jiggly butt.”

Rarity slammed her fork onto the table and scoffed. “Really now, darling? Must you be so crude?”

Dash pondered for a moment and replied, “Yes. Yes, I must.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I’ll have you know that I will keep myself in tip-top shape, so that my ladylike figure will positively dazzle my prince charming. He’ll fall in love with me on sight.”

“But do you love him?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Come again?”

“I mean, are you actually in love with... Prince Blueballs, or whatever his name is?”

“Blueblood, darling.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Blueblood. Are you actually in love with him? Do you want to marry him because you’re in love with him?”

Rarity hesitated to answer. She tapped her hoof on the table and let out something that sounded like, ‘ummm.’

Eventually, Rarity looked to Dash and said, “Might I ask why you’re curious about this all of a sudden?”

“A-ha!” Rainbow clapped her hooves together, grinning triumphantly. “So you don’t really love him! I should have known. You’re a gold-digger.”

“A what?”

“Yeah, a gold-digger. You wanna marry Blueblood because he’s a loaded prince. You’re not actually in love.”

Rarity scoffed. “Rainbow Dash, I simply resent the idea that I’m only after him for his status. Have you not ever heard of true love at first sight?”

“Um, yeah, and I know that it’s a bunch of baloney.”

“Really now, you claim to be an expert on this sort of thing?”

“Pfft. No. But I do know that’s not how it works.”

“Really?” Rarity leaned back into her chair and motioned her hoof. “Go on, then. You have the floor. Enlighten me on how ‘it’ really works.”

“Oh, come on, Rarity, you should know this too. It starts off with finding somepony you really want to have sex with—”

“Language, darling!”

“Hold on, now.” Rainbow place a hoof to Rarity’s mouth. “You said I had the floor. Now gimme my floor.” Dash retreated back into her seat as Rarity huffed.

“Okay, so you meet a pony that... ‘you find attractive’. You find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with her, or him, if that’s how you swing, I’m not one to judge. So if you really want to... ‘get in bed’ with this pony, you’ll offer to take her out to dinner to play the game. Oh yeah, love’s a game, just so you know. It’s kind of like your little princess fantasy.”

Rarity rolled her eyes.

“So, if you’re lucky, you ‘get lucky’ with this pony, and you decide to take her out on more dinners, or movies, or whatever else. Eventually, it gets past simply wanting to sleep with her, and starts becoming about how you actually like her. You start to realize that you have more in common with her than you thought, and that maybe she’s something really special. Eventually, she becomes a nagging annoyance in your mind, and it won’t shut up unless you see her again. And you just hope beyond hope that there’s a slim chance that she’s feeling the same way. Do you feel me?”

Rarity’s eyes were wide. “...You’re sweating right now, you realize?”

Rainbow flicked her hoof across her forehead and frantically scrambled back into a normal sitting position, her frequent hoof gestures contorting her posture. “Oh, well, um... you know, I’m... thinking about stuff.”

“Eh? What kind of ‘stuff’?”

Rainbow cleared her throat. “Well, you know, I’ve been around the block a few times, and I know what it’s like to date. It’s never really gone to the endpoint I’ve described, but I know what it’s like for other couples. You’ve probably been there before, right?”

Rarity pondered for a second. “Actually, no, Rainbow Dash. I daresay, I haven’t had that much experience in dating. It’s been many factors: work, my prince charming, that sort of thing. So, I daresay I’m what you would call a ‘rookie’ in this field. My only experience is vicariously through romance novels.”

Rainbow’s eye twitched as she tried to contain her laughter. It was to no avail as she fell to the floor in hysterics.

Rarity gritted her teeth as she threw her now lukewarm tea onto Rainbow Dash, who simply continued laughing.

“You absolute brute! I thought the two of us were having a heart to heart!”

“Sorry, Rarity. That was too priceless!” Rainbow pounded the floor as she rolled from side to side. In a huff, Rarity got up and exited the dining cart, retreating to the private cabin once occupied by Bloomberg.

As she nestled under the covers, Rarity grimaced at the ceiling, annoyances dancing in her head.

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said as she huffed. “Confound her. One minute, she’s a true friend, the next minute, she’s... Rainbow Dash.”

She turned over to her side as she sighed. “Maybe I overreacted. I mean, Rainbow Dash is quite the jest, but that’s what I love about her. She’s fun to be around. I like what I become when I chat with her. It’s fun.”

Rarity looked at the alarm clock on her bedside. She sighed as she rubbed her temples. “It’s far too late. A lady needs her beauty sleep.” She yawned as she stretched out her legs and cuddled up against one of her pillows in a comfortable postion.

Things will be better with her in the morning...

With that, Rarity drifted into sleep, and her thoughts of Rainbow Dash didn’t leave her head.

Author's Note

So, I'm back.

Yeah, long story short, I didn't like where this story was, and I was in a really bad funk writing-wise. I got away from it and got RazedRainbow to smooth out the rougher edges for the initial chapters.

I'm better now. I'm ready to deliver RariDash onto the world once more. However, there's also some TwiDash and AppleDash contests and collabs coming up, however, I'll try to not do this months-long hiatus crap anymore with this story. Plus, I'm back in school, so there's that. Expect more weekend updates with that said.

The point being, this story ain't dead. I wanna write it, so that's what's gonna happen.

Someday (Best Night Ever)

The Grand Galloping Gala came and went, and in Rainbow Dash’s mind, it was a good riddance.

All those months dreaming and waiting were for nothing, as her entire evening was spent in a vain attempt to get one second with her idols: the end goal of all her work and accomplishments.

On this night, it simply wasn’t meant to be. However, in Dash’s mind, there was a silver lining.

The Wonderbolts may have gotten away from me now, but they can’t ignore me forever. Someday...

Someday. That was the word that kept Dash going. She always needed to look on the bright side, always had to chant the word to herself during arduous training sessions; on tedious, humdrum duty on weather patrol; and on long, sleepless nights looking up at the stars, hoping someday to be known as Rainbow Dash: Wonderbolt.

Someday was the only day in Dash’s mind.

Princess Celestia was gracious enough to provide lodging at the castle after the hangout at Pony Joe’s. Dash had to admit, that while her cloud home was a work of beauty only made possible by pegasus craftsmanship, her suites were pretty swanky digs.

Well, ‘swanky’ by the standards of unicorn architects, but still, B plus for effort.

Speaking of unicorns, Dash had realized she hadn’t talked to a certain one in quite a while... and that was bothering her.

She couldn’t deny it anymore. Dash wanted to do things to Rarity... and those things included taking her out on dates and having long, intimate conversations with her. It was far beyond lust at this point. Needless to say, this terrified Dash a great deal.

However, what overcame this terror was concern for her friend. Dash knew that Rarity had been waiting her whole life to meet her prince charming... and that prince charming was everything that Dash had expected him to be, but Rarity must have been devastated. Her ideal vision of Prince Blueblood imploded before her very eyes. Rarity–the pony who promised Dash that she’d always be there for her and support her in chasing her dream–lost her dream.

Dash had to be there for her.

She knocked on the door to her suite. “Hey, Rarity, it’s me. Can I come in?”

“Oh, but of course, Dash. Show yourself in.” Rarity said in her typical sing-songy voice... odd. Dash fully expected Rarity to not respond, or at the very least, be wailing loudly. She sounded too normal for the situation. Dash had to get to the bottom of this, so she opened the door and...

Why? Why was she stretching like that? She could see everything! Oh, Celestia, Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to forget this.

Might be confusing, but hey, silver lining, amirite, me?

“How are you this evening, Dash?” Rarity said as she continued stretching on the bed.

Dash didn’t respond for a moment, but eventually cleared her throat as Rarity looked at her with perplextion. “Oh, I was-uh just... what exactly are you doing right now?”

“Oh, why it’s simply some stretches I was planning to do before helping myself to that treadmill over there.” Rarity pointed to the gadget that was near the window. “You and I both know what all those delicious delicacies at Joseph’s establishment will do to the figure of yours truly.”

“...Neat.” Dash said curtly, still overcome with lust reminiscent of a school filly stumbling into the basketball team’s locker room. To complete the comparison was the not-too-subtle blush on Dash’s cheeks.

“Oh yes, neat, indeed.” Rarity said as she finished her last stretch. “And once I get a good workout in, I’ll treat myself to a lovely bath in the jacuzzi. Oh, Dash, this night will be simply divine.”

Dash cocked an eyebrow. “Divine? Uh, Rarity, I dunno what happened in the last couple of hours, but you seem... kinda not right.”

“Why, whatever do you mean, darling?”

“Whatever do I mean?”

“Is this a new habit of yours, dear? Repeating everything I say?”

“Repeating everything you–” Dash stuffed a hoof in her mouth and cleared her throat. “Nevermind.”

Rarity scooched herself to her pillows and pat the open space on her bed. “Come now, Rainbow Dash, talk to me. Tell me what bothers you.”

“I think the better question is what’s bothering you.” Dash said as she hopped onto the bed. “Why aren’t you upset at the fact that Princey boy wasn’t all you had him cracked up to be?"

Rarity groaned and shuddered. “Oh, Celestia, don’t mention that beast. I just took a bath earlier to make absolutely sure I got rid of every germ of that slime!”

“Okay, that’s what I was expecting... why aren’t you more upset?”

“Eh? Rainbow Dash, I don’t believe I understand.”

“Gah!” Rainbow threw her forelegs up in the air and fell on her back. “Rarity!” She shouted to the ceiling. “Get mad, already!”

“Mad? Are you mad?” Rarity crawled up to Dash until her face was directly above Dash’s. “Are you absolutely sure you’re feeling alright, dear?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling awesome, what the heck is your problem?”

Rarity giggled. “Well, darling, not to rain on your parade, but I fail to see how not being upset or angry about something means I have a problem.” She then yelped as Dash flung herself into an upright position, causing Rarity to fall on her back.

“This was your dream!”

It was clear that Rarity didn’t hear that as she was on the bed giggling uncontrollably. “Dash, stop. You rough-house more than Sweetie Belle and her friends!”

“Pay attention!” Dash jumped on top of Rarity and pinned her to the bed. “Why are you not mad that your dream is dead?” She tried to ignore how soft Rarity’s body was, but it was easier said than done. Not to mention, the awesome smell. Dash didn’t ordinarily like perfume, but she admitted, she had no gripe with whatever it was Rarity was wearing.

Rarity’s eyes widened. “Dead? Rainbow Dash, I hardly think one night can all and out kill a dream.”

“What? You’re crazy. Your dream is as dead as dead.”

“My dream is to find a prince charming, and while Prince Blueballs–Oh, dear sweet Celestia, you’ve got me saying it, too.”

Rainbow couldn’t help but giggle.

“While he may not have been the one, there are others out there, ready to treat me like a princess. Someday.” Rarity’s eyes fluttered as she gazed off dreamily.

Rainbow snorted. “Nuh-uh. We’ve been through this, Rarity. There’s nopony like that. Love doesn’t work that way. Even dummy like me knows this.”

Rarity scoffed. “Well, ‘dummy’ is certainly accurate. I must say, Dash, when you gave me that spiel on infatuation and love a few weeks ago, I daresay, I might have been humoring you. What do you really know about love beyond school-filly crushes followed by one-night stands?”

Dash’s eyes narrowed. “I know what it’s like to fall for some flighty, shallow filly who lives in her own little fantasy world.”

“Well, I’d say you two are perfect for each other, then. I mean, my dream may be delayed, but at least I know it will happen!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come now, Dash, let’s stop kidding ourselves! You’ve been dreaming and waiting to talk to the Wonderbolts and dazzle them, and what happens? You become the evening’s premier wallflower!”

Dash gritted her teeth and pressed her snout against Rarity’s. “I don’t know what that last part means, but you better not be implying that I don’t have a shot with the Wonderbolts?”

“And what if I am?” Rarity stuck her tongue out, inching dangerously close to Dash’s bottom lip, which quivered at the near contact.

Dash’s heart raced, but she kept her resolve, pushing their snouts closer together. “You’re full of it, Rarity. Someday, I will be Equestria’s greatest Wonderbolt, while you stay in Ponyville as a miserable, old maid.”

Rarity scoffed. “Well, someday, my husband and I will live in a lovely Canterlot penthouse, while you rot in Ponyville punching in and out at your day job of moving clouds.”

“Someday, you’ll see how much of an idiot you’re being.”

“Someday, I’ll be proved right when I meet my prince!”

“Someday, you’ll realize there is no prince! And that real ponies who’re into you...” Dash groaned loudly. “Oh, to heck with it.”

Dash closed her eyes and closed the gap between them. Rarity gasped as their mouths pressed together. Dash made sure to keep it to the lips. She wasn’t totally reckless with abandon. She could also sense that Rarity’s eyes were open, but were slowly starting to close. It was then, that Dash called the whole thing off, as she separated herself from her friend and quickly jumped off of her. She moved to the foot of the bed and watched as Rarity, in a near-catatonic state of shock, slowly got up and reclined against her many pillows. She looked to Dash, who simply threw up her hooves.

“Well... nice being your friend, Rarity. Lemme know when you and your prince get married, I’ll do a sonic rainboom at the reception.” As Dash hopped off the bed and she was stopped by a stern threat.

“Don’t you dare walk away, now!”

Dash gulped. Well... that could mean a lot of things. Good things, even. Silver lining, remember. She turned around and saw not anger in Rarity’s eyes, but rather, befuddlement. Dash scratched the back of her neck. “Uh... so...”

Rarity gulped. “What... was that?”

Rainbow scoffed. “Geez, Rarity, do you need a point-by-point diagram? Should I get a hold of Twilight so we can teach you what kissing is?” Dash’s face was swiftly introduced to a magically tossed pillow.

“I’ll ask again. Just what was that about?”

Rainbow sighed. “You know that speech I gave you about really being into somepony... who do you think I was talking about?”

Rarity’s eyes once again widened to a bizarre magnitude. “You mean... you...”

Dash merely nodded.

Rarity sighed and fell face-forward onto the bed. “Lord, help me.” She mumbled into the sheets. “I’m a total fool.”

Dash grinned. “Yeah, but nopony holds that against you.”

Rarity raised her head and Dash just grinned widely... which seemed effective, because soon, Rarity was giggling. Dash thought she was in the clear and giggled along with her, but soon met another pillow in the face.

“Ow! Stop throwing things!”

“How dare you, Rainbow Dash? I had thought that in recent months, we’d truly become close friends. How could you have not been honest with me?”

“Wow, you really like to find drama where you can find it, huh?”

“Oh, don’t take that road, Ms. I Shall Pin My Friend Down To The Bed and Kiss Her Like I’m A Dashing Rogue in A Romance Novel.”

“Look, can we stop the banter already?!”

“You’re the one who starts it!”

“You’re the one who keeps it going!”

“That’s because I think you’re funny!”

“And I think you’re pretty!”

“Thanks!” They both said in unison.

After a long silence, Rarity chuckled and feigned embarrassment. “Why, Rainbow Dash, you’re too kind.”

“Okay then, I’ll be crass. You’re totally hot, and I’d tap that this second.”

Rarity’s face turned bright-red as she burst into laughter. “Stop it! Stop it! It’s–haha–NOT FUNNY!”

Dash grinned. “Your laughter says different.”

Rarity calmed down after a while and looked Dash straight in the eye. “You’re really the only pony who knows how to make me laugh.”

“Eh. I try. You’re not so bad, yourself.”

Rarity giggled. “Why, thank you... do you really think I’m, er, ‘hot’?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t know what it was with that flirting you did all those weeks ago, but I can’t get my mind off it. You’ve got skills, Rarity.”

Rarity flicked her hoof. “Oh, stop, you...” She sighed, blushing nonetheless. “I’m terribly sorry if you’ve been under stress because of me.”

“Pfft. You’re fine... sorry if that was your first kiss I stole.” Dash sunk her head.

Rarity placed a hoof on her lips before smacking them. “Oh, think nothing of it.” A wry smile appeared on her face. “It’s not like I didn’t like it.”

Dash’s face shot up in pure amazement. “You... you... you...”

“Yes, Dash. Moi.” Rarity giggled. “I must say, it was quite cavalier of you to take me like that. It’s rather endearing. I... want more of it.”

A long, awkward silence followed, only stopped when Dash cleared her throat. “So...”

“So,” Rarity began as she picked up and fluffed the pillows she had thrown with her magic. “I propose that you come over to my house in the evening once all of us are back in Ponyville. There, I shall make you dinner, and we’ll have a nice time, like our breakfasts together.”

“Uh...” Was all Dash could say in her amazement, eventually, she added, “Should I, like, wear anything special and junk?”

“Oh, just come as you are. Besides, knowing you, I would have to prepare you myself, and frankly, a lady shouldn’t be forced to make sure her date is presentable.”

“Okay, cool... um, I can bring, like, wine or something, if you want.”

Rarity beamed. “Oh, yes! That would simply be wonderful of you. Do get a bottle of red wine, then.”

“‘Red red wine, you make me feel so fine’ red wine?”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Please tell me that’s not the only way you’ve heard of red wine?”

“Hey, that song was part of my childhood. Don’t tell me you didn’t like it.”

“It’s a rather watered-down version of the original version.”

Dash rolled her eyes and groaned. “You purist.”

“Will you get the wine, or not?”

Dash bowed condescendingly. “Yes, your majesty.”

“Thank you.” Rarity sneered, before smiling again. “I must say, I look forward to seeing you.”

Dash blushed. “Uh, yeah. Me, too... um, I think I’m gonna go.”

“Very well, then.” Rarity opened the door wider with her magic. “Then, I shall see you in the morning. I assume we’ll be keeping this hush-hush to our friends until we’ve officially had the date.”

“Uh, yeah. If you want.”

Rarity smiled again. “Very good. Have a wonderful night, Rainbow Dash.”

“You, too.” Dash was about to out the door, but something was still on her mind. She turned and walked closer to the bed. “Just so we’re clear, you are into mares, right? You’re one of those, whatchacallit... bisexuals, yes? I mean, I’m a fillyfooler, so I don’t really know what it’s like to switch sides, but I don’t wanna come to a situation where we’re getting it on, and suddenly, you’re all like, ‘Ew, puss’–OW!” Dash was hit in the head with a tea-kettle conveniently placed on a dresser by Rarity’s bedside.

Dash rubbed her temple. “What was that for?”

“Has anyone told you how impossible you are, Rainbow Dash?!”

“You might have mentioned it once or twice.”

“Well, clearly, this is going to define our relationship. Just what have I gotten myself into?”

Dash grinned mischievously. “I think you’ll like what you’ll be getting into.”

Rarity groaned and rolled her eyes. “Good night, Rainbow Dash.”

Dash strolled out of the room as the door slammed behind her.

“Remember!” Rarity’s muffled voiced pierced through the wall. “Red wine!”

Dash shook her head in dismay. Someday, she would figure out mares like Rarity, her... Dash couldn’t believe it, but Rarity now seemed to be her girlfriend. She missed out on the Wonderbolts, and instead, started a relationship.

Was it the best night ever? Only time would tell. The more important question was: was Dash prepared for what came next?

She had no clue.

Author's Note

"Red Red Wine" was a reggae song originally recorded by artist Squeal Diamond, Rarity's uncle, 45 years ago.

The popular version of the song was recorded 15 years later by the reggae fusion group Dooby 40, and has remained a cultural staple in Equestria, maintaining airplay on adult contemporary stations and at public gatherings and events.

Strangely enough, while the original song and its cover both take heavy influence from Zebra genres, only a few members of Dooby 40 are actually zebras, while the rest and Mr. Diamond are Equestrian ponies.

Lovers and Friends (The Return of Harmony)

Rarity was excited.

The date went well. Better than well, actually. It went positively swimmingly. Rarity made a nice pasta dish complimented well by the red wine that Dash had brought (which she said was rather pricey, and it showed taste-wise). Even better, Dash only broke into that insipid song for the sake of needling Rarity only three or four times. All in all, it was just like their many breakfast dates, only with a rather uneasy tone. Sure, Rarity kept a calm composure, but at the end of the day, she was terrified as well as excited.

She couldn’t deny it, this was all more worrying than she had believed it would be. The idea of being with somepony and making a go of it went along much more stress-free in her vision. Then again, her vision included her prince charming proposing at first sight, so perhaps it was time Rarity took her fantasies with a grain of salt.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, was the most bizarre subversion of Rarity’s ideal mate imaginable. This was a mare so brash and crude, and yet, genuinely cared for the ponies around her, and it seemed especially true for Rarity.

But was she really what Rarity wanted in the long run? That was something too difficult to answer. All Rarity knew was that she greatly enjoyed spending time with her: the frustrating, funny, boorish, beautiful...

Rarity had to stop herself. Beautiful...

No. No, she would not deny it. Rainbow Dash was a very striking mare who could turn many a stallion’s head... or, in this case, mare’s. As terrified as Rarity was, she was nonetheless excited by being turned on by Rainbow Dash.

Oh, Celestia, what was to stop her from sleeping with Rainbow Dash at any moment? Surely, she would be ready for it when the time was right.

However, when was the time right? Once again, Rarity’s lack of experience left her in uncertainty. Was it right to bed somepony on the first night? Rarity assumed not, as she let Dash out the door once their dinner was over. However, she almost wished she hadn’t. There was no point in lying, Rarity wanted to ‘tap that’ as Dash would say.

And there came the terror, again, because Rarity realized she was thinking more and more of those insipid Dash-isms to herself.

Ultimately, Rarity decided to bide her time to consummate the relationship. At the very least, she would tell somepony that she went on a date with Dash and that it went well.

As Dash was about to leave dinner the night of their date, the two decided that the upcoming picnic the next day would be the perfect place to tell their friends about their courtship. Things would go off without a hitch...

That is, until later that afternoon, when a resurrected draconequus came and wreaked chaos on Equestria and brainwashed Rarity and her friends into fighting before eventually being stopped by Twilight, who used a spell that gave everypony their memories back so that they could use the Elements of Harmony to send the draconequus back to stone imprisonment.

This is why they can’t have nice things.

To her frustration, Rarity would have to wait until another time to tell her friends about her and Dash, as everypony was busy with reconstruction following Discord’s brief reign of terror.

Thankfully, to her surprise, she wouldn’t be alone in frustration.

It was the middle of the night, and all was quiet after a day of repairs. A few days had passed since the six of them were honored at the ceremony in Canterlot. Rarity, as she sipped her glass of leftover wine and sat alone on her bed with sketches of next season’s line spread out, thought she would get a relaxing night for a change. That plan came to a halt when a knock came on the bedroom window.

“It’s... open?” The window creaked open and swooping in was none other than Rainbow Dash, cocky smirk and all.

“What’s good, babe?” She said as she strutted confidently toward the bed.

Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “A little early for the pet names, Dash?”

“Alright, fine. I’ll call you only by your real name. Ms. Rarity...” Dash scrunched her face. “Actually, I dunno what your full name is.”

“It’s just Rarity, love.” She said as she smiled.

Dash sighed in relief. “That’s lucky. I guess we still have a lot we don’t know about each other, but anyway...” She smirked. “A little early for pet names, Rarity?”

Rarity stuck her tongue out in defiance. “I address everypony with names like that.”

Dash scoffed. “I’ve seen you use ‘darling’ all the time, but never ‘love’. Face it, babe, you want me so bad, it’s driving you mad.”

“Dash!” Rarity nearly choked on her wine. Clearing her throat, flustered, she looked at Dash, trying to stifle a laugh. “We uh... I thought we agreed, that uh... what are you even doing here?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Well, I just haven’t seen you in a while. Everything’s been so crazy, I’ve barely had any time to talk to you.”
“Oh...” Rarity smiled. “Yes, I agree the last few days have been rather hectic. I’ve barely had any time for actual work what with all the reconstruction and celebration.”

“Yeah, that ceremony was killer! There must’ve been, like, a thousand ponies at that thing!”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure the royal chambers have a capacity for thousands.”

Dash shrugged. “Hey, magic does weird stuff. Celestia could’ve made the room like a thousand times bigger to fit everyone in.”

“Magic can’t simply warp with space like that, Dash.”

“Uh, didn’t we just get done fighting a monster who could turn day into night and turn the ground into some kinda checkerboard thing as well as make us hallucinate crazy crap that turned us against each other? You know, the monster who used his magic?”

Rarity pouted. “Oh, shut up.”

Dash grinned. “I win.”

Rarity groaned as she flopped against her pillow and poured herself another glass of wine. “And to think I was going to get some work done, tonight.”

Dash snorted. “I find too much work to be overrated. Healthy ponies need plenty amounts of relaxation to keep their mind, body, and awesomeness in check.” She cantered over toward the bed and flopped next to Rarity, causing the spread of design sheets to fly up into the air.

Rarity grunted as she used her magic to reign in all the wayward paper. “Well, of course you have that kind of attitude. You blow through all of your work in fifteen minutes time and then spend the rest of the day sleeping or doing Celestia knows what with Pinkie Pie.”

Dash smiled. “I also see you, don’t I?”

Rarity couldn’t help but grin and shrug. “Well, yes, I suppose.”

Dash chuckled. “I dunno what to tell you, Rarity. I’ve just got a ‘work hard, play hard’ mindset. It’s a cool one to have, if you ask me.” She promptly took the bottle of wine that was between the two of them and proceeded to take a swig.

Rarity scoffed. “Really now, Dash. Some moderation! Not to mention, how utterly crude that is. You don’t do that with expensive wine.”

As Dash finished her drink, she quietly belched. “Oh, that. Yeah, this isn’t actually expensive wine. I actually got it at Boxmart for five bits.”

Rarity gasped and did a double take, eyes fully widened. “Dash! How could you?”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Because I knew you would give me a stink about it if I was straight with you about where I got it, so I just said I got it at the winery and paid big money for it.”

Rarity sighed as she leaned her head against Dash’s shoulder. “...It is good wine, actually. I couldn’t tell it was from... Boxmart, you said?”

Dash nodded and presented the bottle to her. “Yeah. Want the last of it?”

Rarity beamed. “Well, I can’t say no to a good drink. Just let me get my glass–”

“Oh, just take the darn thing!” Dash exclaimed as she shook the bottle in front of Rarity’s face.

Rarity groaned and pouted in Dash’s face. “You’re trying to turn me into a common slob, aren’t you?”

Dash grinned smugly. “I try.”

Rarity rolled her eyes as she swiped the bottle from Dash’s hoof. Downing the last of the wine, she felt a tremor in her stomach that eventually resulted in a large belch that reverberated throughout the entire room. Rarity was utterly speechless, but Dash had to restrain herself from rolling off the bed in hysterical laughter.

“Dash!” Rarity yelled to her girlfriend, who was most likely unable to hear her over her own laughter. “That is not funny!”

“From you?” Dash said between gasps of breath. “...Oh yeah! It’s the best! HAHAHA!”

Rarity gritted her teeth and socked Dash in the arm. “You are an utter buffoon.”

Dash wiped a tear from her eye. “Yeah.” She leaned in closer. Rarity was caught slightly off guard, the smell of wine coming closer to her muzzle. “But you like this buffoon a lot.” Dash came close enough to where the two were kissing. Rarity still couldn’t believe she found herself doing this with Dash, and yet, here she was.

Even more, they were now moving into the French variety, and their wine-soaked tongues battled a semi-drunken dance for dominance, the delectable combination of alcohol and saliva swishing in their mouths. Rarity was... oh Celestia, was she turned on.

Rarity snapped back to reality, and shied away from Dash. Breathing heavily she asked, “Say, er, Dash, are you willing to um... ‘move forward’, so soon?”

“The question is, Rarity,” Dash replied with a smooth grin on her face. “Are you”

Flustered, Rarity stammered. “O-oh, Celestia. I don’t even know.”

Dash’s look changed to concern. “Look, Rarity, if you don’t wanna do anything, that’s cool. I don’t wanna make your first time suck.” Dash snorted as she smiled again. “Believe me, if I could go back in time, I’d tell me from the past that the bathroom at the eighth grade box social isn’t a good place to be felt up for the first time.”

Rarity couldn’t help but giggle. “Eighth grade, really?”

“Heh. Yeah. Early bloomer, you know?”

Rarity nodded. “I suppose I got the attention of the boys around that age myself. Who was it with?”

Dash grinned. “She was the captain of the tennis team, and she was a junior. How could I have said no to that?”

Rarity frowned after Dash paused. “...What happened with her?”

Dash sighed. “I thought she really liked me; thought that I was really cool and stuff. I guess I was really just another girl to hit and quit. I’ve been looking for someone not like her...”

Rarity moved closer to Dash and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Rainbow Dash... you confuse me. I feel all these torrents of conflicting emotions when I’m with you, and I don’t know how to deal with them. You can make me laugh one minute and irritated the next, and all the while, you have this charisma and sweetness that somehow make you irresistible.” After a brief pause, she smiled. “I like you very, very much, and... and...” Rarity groaned and gritted her teeth, unable to keep composure. “Oh, blast it all, just take me now, baby!”

Suddenly, Rarity pounced on Dash and smothered her in kisses, and once again, the battle for dominance of tongues began. Rarity couldn’t tell in the torrent of foreplay, but it almost seemed like Dash was chanting something along the lines of ‘go Dashie, it’s yo birthday’. Then again, it likely could have been the Boxmart wine creating voices in her head.

Regardless, Rarity turned out the lights in her bedroom, and in the heat of the night, they were lovers and friends together... of course, but before that happened:

"Say-uh, before we get started, do you have any, you know…"

"Any what?"

"You know, things that'll… enhance?"

"I don't follow."

"Got any toys?"

"Oh, Dash! What kind of girl do you take me for?"

"Gotcha… I'll go shopping tomorrow–OW! Don't hit me!"

"What, don't you like it rough?"

"You're grinning right now, aren't you?"

"Oh, you know me well. Now be quiet and kiss me!"

Author's Note

For good, cheap wine by the crate, head to your nearest Boxmart!

Lovers and Friends is the unofficial love jam of the RariDash Project

Drunk in Mutual Romantic Interest (Lesson Zero)

“So, Applejack informs me you dismantled a barn in your own... ‘unique’ way, today.”

“Hmm?” Dash downed the last of her wine glass, setting it down as her eyes widened, looking to the mare across the couch. “Oh yeah, that! Yeah, I smashed it. Smashed it good.”

Rarity grinned. “Articulate, aren’t we?”

“Pfft,” Dash replied as she poured herself another glass. “Do you even know me?”

“Unfortunately.”

Dash shook her head as she swung back another gulp of wine. The air in the library was rather jovial, as Twilight’s nerves were finally calmed after the whole ‘magic kindergarten’ business. So now with Celestia gone, and Spike asleep, the girls decided to use the evening as a bit of a picnic do-over since Twilight couldn’t enjoy the one earlier today, what with her temporary fit of insanity, and all.

Naturally, this meant an abundant flow of booze, and Dash was not one to complain about that.

“So,” Dash went on. “Liking the wine?”

Rarity gulped. “Oh my, yes. It’s clear our dear Twilight has a far-more refined taste than your... Brickmart palate.”

“Boxmart,” Dash sternly corrected. “Brickmart sells construction materials.”

“Ah,” Rarity replied, spinning around her half-empty glass. A smirk came to her lips. “I suppose that’s why I got confused. Roughly the same taste.”

Dash snorted. “Just the other night, you were telling me you thought it was pretty good. I fooled you into thinking it was fancy stuff. You wanna talk about a bad... uh, pallay?”

“Palate, love.”

“Yeah, that.” Dash gulped down her next glass. “It’s, uh... wait, what was I talking about?”

“Twilight having better wine, love.”

Dash nodded. “Right, right... and you loved that crappy Boxmart wine!”

“Perhaps I was simply too drunk on that crappy Boxmart wine to make a proper judgement,” Rarity retorted with a smug grin before finishing her own glass.

Dash was feeling loose. A good kind of loose. She inched a little closer to Rarity and moved her foreleg around Rarity’s shoulder. With a giggle, she leaned in and whispered “I got a feeling what you’re really drunk on, or should I say, who.” Dash couldn’t help but contain her laughter as Rarity socked her in the ribs.

Rarity, a smile breaking through, but trying to look annoyed, rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Dash, even by your standards, that’s a terrible come-on.” She stifled a giggle.

“You know you love it,” Dash teased.

“Sadly, you’re right.” Rarity hid her smile and looked at the bottle of wine, and back to her tipsy lover. “I’d wager you’ve had enough, Rainbow Dash.”

Dash giggled. “Oh, come on, mooooom.”

Rarity puffed herself full of authority, removing Dash’s wine glass from her hoof. “I don’t want you making an embarrassment of yourself in front of our friends.”

“At this point, I’ve probably done that so much, it wouldn’t even phase them.”

Rarity’s eyes shot open. “...Being drunk gives you a stunning level of self-awareness.”

“Oh, whatever,” Dash bemoaned before sticking her tongue out at Rarity.

“You’re the one who said it, love,” Rarity stated as matter-of-fact.

Dash just shook her head and sighed. “Alright, fine. I’ll lay off the sauce for tonight.”

“Thank you, love,” Rarity answered as she gave a light peck on Dash’s cheek. Dash grinned at the warm feeling of Rarity’s wine-slicked lips on her face. She brought her in closer as they rested her heads together.

“No problem, babe.”

Dash didn’t even notice that the music had stopped.

Her eyes opened, and she saw the rest of her friends surrounding the couch, their gazes all astonished and slack-jawed.

Rarity was the first to scoot away from their position to the opposite side of the couch while Dash stayed where she was, confused at what was going on.

She cleared her throat. “Uh... yeah?”

Twilight was the first to speak up. “Rainbow, how much have you and Rarity had to drink?”

Dash scrunched her face. “Uh, let’s see...” she picked up bottle sitting on the floor and shook it, noticing it was roughly three fourths empty. “Ooh, kind of a lot.”

“Now you why I told you to ease on it, darling.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Dash concurred, chuckling as she hiccuped.

“Pfffffft. Call that a lot?” Applejack interjected. “Have mercy, I swear hornheads ‘n featherbrains were built as lightweights.”

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow and said with as much sternness as she could muster, “Um... how much have you had to drink, Applejack?”

Applejack belched, causing her to sidestep a little, her eyes erratically blinking. “Uh... no comment.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Rarity and Rainbow Dash, that would explain... well, what we just saw.”

Dash looked to Rarity, and she seemed just as confused. Suddenly, though, it came to her.

“Oh, wait! Dash jumped off the couch and flared her wings. “I knew there was something we forgot to do today, Rare!” She strutted up to Rarity and placed a wing around her. “Yeah, we’re dating now. It’s awesome!”

Dash didn’t hear the collective gasp from the group as she was busy getting shoved away from Rarity, who breathed a loud scoff.

“Really now, Dash, couldn’t you have injected a little ceremony into the announcement?”

Dash scrunched her face again, dusting herself off from the shove. “Well, excuse me, princess. I just realized we forgot to tell everyone at the picnic like we planned.”

“And whose fault is that?

“Yours! What were you doing all picnic but moaning on your couch!”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I forgot. the. plates.”
“Oh, don’t get me started–”

“GIRLS! PLEASE!” Twilight interjected with a stamp of her hoof. “No fighting!”

“Aw, c’mon, Twi,” Applejack bellowed, as she wrapped her forelegs around Twilight, pressing her cheek to hers. “It was just gettin’ good!”

“AJ’s right!” Pinkie concurred. “I was just about ready to provide color commentary!” In the blink of an eye, Pinkie Pie had a shiny microphone in her hooves.

Twilight’s eye twitched. “Pinkie Pie, why would you have a microphone?”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Why would I not have a microphone?”

Rainbow nodded. “You gotta admit, Twi, that was kind of a dumb question to ask.” She looked back over to Rarity. “But look, Rarity, I’m sorry, alright? I guess I’m just so glad about being with you, that I didn’t think much about making too much of a show about it. It’s an awesome feeling I wanna share, y’know?”

There was a gleam in Rarity’s eyes as she smiled. “Aww... you’re incredibly drunk, aren’t you?”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. AJ’s right, I am a lightweight.”

“Heh,” Applejack interjected, still hanging off of Twilight. “Called it.”

Twilight rolled her eyes as she pushed Applejack off of her. “Rarity, Rainbow Dash, I’m certainly happy for you two, but... this doesn’t make any sense. I mean, you two don’t seem compatible in the slightest.”

Dash looked to Rarity and shrugged. “She’s got us, there.”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Well, Twilight, a few months ago, I would have agreed, but Rainbow Dash and I had begun spending time with each other, and... we realized we greatly enjoyed being together.”

Pinkie Pie bounced between the two. “But, Rare-bear, what about finding your prince? Dashie’s great and all, but she’s not a prince!”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Pinkie.”

“You’re welcome.”

Rarity chuckled. “Well, girls, truth be told, I myself had longed to be with a stunning prince, but... well, then the Gala happened.” A visible shudder ran up her spine, but she shook it off and continued. “Now, I’m going to try letting myself be surprised a little more often, and that started with, well...” Rarity tossed a sultry look at Dash, who beamed with pride.

“Aw, yeah. I rock.”

“I knew it was gon’ happen,” Applejack slurred. “Dash’d been hot’n bothered fer Rare a good long time. I got a keen mind fer this sorta thing.”

A loud thud followed Applejack’s tumble to the ground.

The group bellowed in laughter as Twilight tried to calm the situation, though, even she couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape.

“Alright, then, I think we should all start heading home.” Twilight began to levitate Applejack’s body as she looked to her friends. “Rarity, Rainbow Dash, I still don’t quite understand what you two see in each other, but aside from that,” a smile came to her lips. “I’m very happy for you two.” Pinkie and Fluttershy muttered in agreement.

Rarity hopped off of the couch and cantered to Dash’s side. “Thank you so much, Twilight. I promise, this won’t affect any of our friendships in the slightest.”

Twilight’s eyes beamed. “Ooh, this is actually perfect! I had been meaning to explore the effects of friendship turning into romance, but I never had proper subjects! You and Rainbow Dash are already unlikely friends, so an unlikely romance just makes things more intriguing. You just have to let me study you two!”

“Hey!” Dash objected. “We are not lab rats!”

“Dashie’s right, Twilight,” Pinkie chimed. “You have to offer them cheese, first. Then, they’ll be lab rats.”

Rarity grinned and shook her head. “Love, don’t think of us like we’re lab rats. Think of Twilight as... our audience.”

Dash raised an eyebrow and looked Rarity in the eyes. “To see how awesome we are?”

Rarity giggled. “Undoubtedly.”

Dash beamed and looked back to Twilight. “Then we’ll do it!”

“Excellent!” Just like that, Twilight had floated in a pen and calendar. “I’ll set up a timetable of hours for observation. Does next Tuesday work for you two?”

Rarity nodded. “I’m sure Dash will be over for breakfast.” Her eyes shot open as she realized what she had just said. “And by that, I mean she comes over for breakfast in the mornings.”

Dash nodded as she snickered. “Yep. Totally.”

Twilight seemed unfazed. “Great! I’ll come by with all the necessary materials. I’ll finally take the next big step in the study of friendship!”

“Pfft, egghead.”

“Don’t be rude now, Dash.”

“But she is,” Dash bellowed as she tripped over herself. “Woah.”

Rarity sighed and moved in closer to her marefriend. “I suppose you’ll be needing a place to stay the night. I doubt you’ll want to be flying in your condition.”

Dash attempted to steel herself. “Hey, I... yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s go to your place.”

Rarity looked around and cleared her throat. “And you are most certainly sleeping on the couch. Honestly, Dash, getting so drunk like this. You’ve made a fool of yourself in front of all our friends.”

Twilight giggled. “I think a certain somepony has her beat to that, Rarity.” The group looked to the still floating Applejack, who bellowed another belch.

Everyone laughed as they made their way toward the door. Once outside, goodbyes were shared as well as congratulations for the new couple.

Once Rarity and Dash were alone on their way to Carousel Boutique, Dash spoke up again.

“I’m not really sleeping on the couch, am I?”

Rarity huffed. “You most certainly are...” A chuckle escaped her as she shook her head. “No, no you’re not.”

“Pfft. Knew it.”

“Is there anything you don’t know?”

“I don’t know how to not be awesome.”

“Oh, I think you’re well-versed in that field.”

“Well, I think that you’re–oh, I can’t think of anything clever. Let’s just get to bed.”

Rarity purred as she pulled Dash closer. “That's the first bright thing you’ve said all evening.”

Dash grinned, giving Rarity a kiss. "Like you said, there's nothing I don't know."

Author's Note

So yesterday commemorated two years I've spent on this site. I thought to myself: 'what was that thing I did when I first joined? Oh yeah, write and update stories!'