Perhaps This Was a Bad Idea
Perhaps this was a bad idea.
Applejack watched in startled awe as Pinkie drowned down her second shot of Murderer Jack T, not even wincing. In all her years, she had never seen a pony take on anything stronger than a Murderer Jack Q, and that pony had been her brother, who was at least twice the size of the pink mare before her. Maybe twice and a half. And even then, two shots knocked him out flat.
But Pinkie, Pinkie broke all bounds of reality in everything she did, daily. Maybe this unheard of level of alcohol tolerance was a part of her essential Pinkieness. Applejack didn't know, but she made a mental note to never challenge Pinkie to a drinking contest. Ever.
Murderer Jack was a cider company based in Manehattan. They were by far the most successful cider distributer in Equestia, mainly due to their extremely organized methods of alcohol classification. The Murderer Jack brand ranged from too-weak-to-get-even-a-newborn-foal-drunk class A, to one-sniff-has-so-much-alcohol-it-will-put-you-in-a-coma class X. In fact, anything greater than a class V was illegal, and nopony really knew why Murderer Jack continued to make brands past V, if they made no bits from them.
"So Pinkie," AJ started, clearing her throat to catch the pink mare's attention. "Ya broke up with Dash, huh?"
Pinkie's blue eyes held no humor or zest as she nodded. "I did."
Applejack watched in horror as Pinkie poured a third, third, shot of Murderer Jack T. As she leaned forward to pick the small glass with her teeth, Applejack snatched it away.
Pinkie's blue eyes turned to hers. She saw anger in those eyes, along with inquisition, but most prominently, Applejack saw such a deep, weary, heartbreaking sadness that it made her want to sob.
"Please stop drinkin'. Yer scarin' me." AJ pleaded before Pinkie could ask her about her outburst.
Pinkie laughed, a hollow, bitter sound. "Don't worry, AJ. Jack and I are old friends. We've been together for a very, very long time. He wouldn't hurt me, not unless I let him."
Applejack knotted her eyebrows together, trying to understand how one could be friends with an inanimate object, much less a bottle of hard cider.
"When I left home," Pinkie elaborated, seeing AJ's confusion. "I kind of went out of control. All I knew was that I was suppose to throw parties. So that's what I did. And then I discovered Jack, and it just kind of went from there. I remember, Jack wasn't very nice to me at first. He put me in the hospital maybe five times, but I never gave up. And now we are good friends."
Applejack processed this new information with terror. Hesitantly, she spoke again. "How come none o' us ever knew this 'bout ya?"
Pinkie shrugged. "Never asked. Can I have my glass back now, please?" there was just the slightest hint of annoyance in her voice. Applejack handed the shot back to the pink mare without a word and it was drowned immediately upon being received.
"So why didja brake up with Dash, Pinkie?"
Pinkie put the shot down carelessly. "I'm surprised you know. Guess news travels fast, huh?" Pinkie sounded bitter, angry. Not at all like herself, and it scared Applejack. She adjusted her hat just to have something to do.
"Not really. Nopony knows 'cept me, and that 'cause Dash came right to me in tears right after it happened. I'm her best friend too, ya know." Applejack said, raising a brow in something like a challenge. Pinkie snorted. Not one of her happy, mid-laughing-fit snorts, but an honest-to-Celestia snort.
"Pretty sure you're her only best friend now." she muttered darkly. She took the Murderer Jack T bottle in her teeth and poured another shot.
"Pinkie," AJ began, but quickly found that she had no idea why she uttered her friend's name. She closed her mouth and watched Pinkie drown her shot.
"I guess she sent you here, huh? To ask the 'why'?"
Applejack nodded dumbly.
"Look at me, AJ." Pinkie said rather sharply, gesturing to the bottle of Murderer Jack T, the empty shot glass, and then the whole bar they were currently sitting in. "I'm a mess. I've been coming here every night. Every night, since—since..." Pinkie seemed to lose her words, swallowing thickly. "...Since mom died. Since we came back from my hometown. Since we came back from Rockerfellow."
Absentmindedly, Applejack's mind ran back to those few weeks the six of them spent in Pinkie's hometown, Rockerfellow. Near the middle of winter Pinkie had gotten a short letter from her father, asking her to come to the mountainous town with the news of Pinkie's mother falling very ill.
It took the six of them maybe a week to get to the town, with Pinkie making stops at Fillydelphia and Manehattan to see her sisters and give them the news. When they had made it to Rockerfellow they found Sue Pie fairly able, walking around and cooking and seemingly not at all sick.
They were wrong, and over the next week they saw her condition decline. She was dead at the beginning of the second week and by the end of that week a small funeral was held. Pinkie remained completely stone-faced as she watched Susana Roxanna Pie, her mother, being lowered down into the ground behind the small chapel Pinkie had attended as a filly.
The next morning the six of them set off back to Ponyville, and Pinkie seemed completely back to normal.
But now, as Applejack observed the excitable pink mare pour down shot after shot like a bitter alcoholic, she realized that Pinkie wasn't okay. And the five of them, her closest friends, had no idea about any of this downward spiral.
"I can't even take care of myself, AJ." Pinkie continued after a while. "How the hay am I suppose to uphold a relationship? How can I make Dash happy when every night I order me a bottle of Jack T and I think to myself 'this is it, cruel world, goodbye', huh? I'm in no bucking position to be in a relationship."
Pinkie slammed both hooves on the table. "And she thinks, she thinks I didn't know about her plans." she sputtered drunkenly, angrily ranting. "Her plans to ask me to marry her before the end of spring? Yeah, I knew that. I-I knew that." angry tears fell from blue eyes, and Pinkie's rant lost all momentum as she broke down.
AJ did not say anything for a long time. Instead she sat there, feeling like a heartless monster as she watched Pinkie cry.
"Then you need to explain—" Pinkie was waving off the suggestion before AJ could voice it fully.
"No. I'm not explaining any of this to anypony. Especially not her. I'll-I'll fix this on my own. I'll get better, I'll put down the bottle when I feel like I can handle the emotions that come running back to me when I stop drinking."
"And when will that be?" Applejack snapped. "How do I know you won't drink yourself to death?"
Pinkie's eyes grew steely. "I know my own limits, Applejack. I've pulled myself out of a worse drinking binge than this before. I do not need you. I do not need our other friends either. We all had lives before we met, and this—” Pinkie pointed her hoof to the Jack T bottle, "—was my life. I can handle myself, I was clean before, I will be clean again."
There was silence between them for a short while before finally, Pinkie smiled at Applejack. And in that smile, AJ saw a bit of her old happy friend peaking out behind the weary grief.
"I Pinkie Promise I will not drink myself to death, AJ. I love the five of you too much to just leave you like that."
"How about... Thor?"
Rainbow Dash gave her wife the most deadpan look she could muster.
"We are not naming our firstborn son Thor, Pinkie. He'd be the laughing stock of the century."
"What about our secondborn son?" there was a teasing glint in Pinkie's eyes, and Dash chose to roll her eyes instead of responding about how their supposed secondborn son would still be the laughing stock of the century with a name like Thor.
"Where did you even come up with that one?" Dash mused out loud, rolling her eyes again.
"Saw it in a book once." Pinkie shrugged. She absentmindedly stroked her belly, thinking of a name.
"Lets make it weather related. He's going to be a pegasus, after all." Dash suggested.
Pinkie nodded. Underneith her hoof she felt a small flutter and laughed lightly.
"I think he approves." she informed Dash.
"And lets make it cool, too. I want my son to be as cool as me."
It was Pinkie's turn to give the deadpan look, but she said nothing further. They sat in silance for a while before Dash spoke up again.
"Altitude?"
"No. Avalanche?"
"Hay no, more of a filly name. Had a friend back in flight school named that. Um, Blizzard?"
Pinkie thought for a moment, soudlessly mouthing the name. "That might work." is all she said after a while.
"Okay than. Let go to sleep now."
"Wait!" Pinkie shouted. Dash groaned.
"What?"
"What about the middle name?"
Dash sighed, exasperated. "Pinks, he's not going to be here for months. We'll have plenty of time to think of a middle name."
"And how do you know I won't give birth tonight, huh? From the way he's been kicking up a storm tells me he's either extremely restless or very impatient. Who says he won't just decide to pop out now? He is your child, you know."
"And yours." Dash reminded her with a grin, thrilled at this beautiful fact. She put a blue hoof on a swollen pink belly, marveling at the very real reality that a foal, their foal, was growing inside of it right at that moment.
"Exactly!" Pinkie exclaimed, but Dash wasn't paying attention any more. In her mind's eye, she saw birthdays and flight lessons and trips to the park and first days of school. And last days of school and weddings and, dare she think it, grandfoals. Crushes and first kisses and heartbreaks. Special talent, worn on his flank forever in the form of a cutie mark. She wondered what exactly that cutie mark would be, she wondered what he would be. Would he love flying as much as she did? Celestia she sure hoped so. But if he didnt, would she be okay with that?
Yes. Yes, she would be just fine if her son, or any of her other children, didnt grow up to be amazing flyers. They didnt need to build legacies to impress her. She would love them anyway. She already loved him, she was already over the moon for him, and he wasnt even here yet.
"Dashie?" Pinkie was calling her back to reality, back to the present, where birthdays and flying lessons and trips to the park and first days of school hadn't happened yet, but would.
"I can't wait to meet him." Dash blurted. Pinkie laughed, a delicate stream, and smiled at her as bright as a flash of lightning in the dark. Celestia, she hoped he would have her smile. She hoped all of their kids had her smile. She would be a happy mare forever, surrounded by that lightning smile.
Lightning.
"Lightning. Pinkie, Lightning." Dash gasped. Pinkie looked confused for a moment before her eyes lit up and she flashed that same smile, only this time bigger, brighter.
"Lightning Dash." she said feeling the words on her tongue. "Lightning Dash. Lightning...?"
"Tempest?"
Kicking up a storm.
"Lightning Tempest Dash." there was a brief pause as the words hung between them.
"Oh!" Pinkie gasped, feeling her belly. "Wow, he... really likes it."
Dash placed her hoof next to her wife's and felt at once a wild fluttering sensation underneith the skin. "I have a feeling he's going to be a hoof full." she sighed.
Pinkie laughed her customary, crazy laugh. "He has us as parents, Dashie. He's going to be more than a hoof full. My little Lightning."