Pinkie Pie the Narrator

by TheBlox

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3469

Pinkie Pie hears voices that tell the story of life as it happens. She learns the secrets of these voices, and takes control of this story. Hilarity ensues.

Pinkie Pie hears voices that tell the story of life as it happens. She learns the secrets of these voices, and takes control of this story. Hilarity ensues.

Warning: The context of this story may be difficult to read and comprehend, as it is very confusing and makes little sense. Although, when Pinkie Pie is involved, usually nothing ever does.

Published 2013-03-25 02:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-25 02:50:01 UTC

Pinkie Pie the Narrator

In the peaceful quiet of her library, a lavender unicorn sat at her desk, reading one of her many books next to a candlelight. Using the magic from her horn, she turned her book to the next page, and continued reading with her big violet eyes fixed to the story with fascination. Just when she thought she had a silent evening to herself, the door was bumped wide open, and a fluorescent pink pony skipped frantically into the library.

“Twilight Sparkle!” the bubble gum coated mare shouted, jumping in place with a confused expression upon her face. “Are you hearing those voices?”

“Pinkie Pie?” Twilight turned to the candy scented mare, raising a brow. “What voices?”

Pinkie stopped bouncing and gasped, “Woah. I’m candy scented?” She lifted her forelimb to sniff the top of her hoof.

“What’re you doing here exactly? It’s after ten in the evening,” Twilight explained to the hyper mare.

“I’m not hyper! I’m confused!” Pinkie stomped her hoof into the hardwood floor.

“I... didn’t say you were hyper.” Twilight squinted. “Not that I’d disagree with that...”

“No, not you. The voice!” Pinkie Pie declared. “Yes, that’s right I declare!” She spun around on her hooves, trying to find the source of where it was coming from. “Where are you, voice?!”

“Pinkie, what are you talking about?” the egghead questioned her, “Who are you talking to?”

“Him! Or her. I don’t know!” Pinkie yelled. “Hey, I wasn’t yelling! Anyway, there’s this voice! It’s telling me what is happening! Don’t you hear it?”

Twilight scratched her head. “Uhh... Nnno?”

“Just a few moments ago, it called you an egghead!” Pinkie Pie explained. “Didn’t you hear it?”

The egghead raised a brow and shook her head.

“See?! There!” Pinkie shouted, “It just said it again! It called you an egghead a second time! And the voice is telling me that I’m shouting! This is not shouting!!!”

Twilight winced and her ears fell back. “Yeah, you kind of are.”

“Hmm... It’s like this voice has powers,” Pinkie determined, pacing around in circles. “This is strange... Now I’m walking around in circles. It’s like we’re doing everything this voice is saying!”

“What do you mean?” Twilight continued to stare at her with a straight face, trying to get to the bottom of her problem.

“Excuse me? Her face is not straight!” the frantic earth pony muttered to the ceiling. “It is round and eggish. Like an egghead! Not that Twilight is an egghead. Which she is...” She stomped her hoof in frustration. “Stop confusing me!”

“I think you might need to lay off the sugar,” Twilight suggested. “There are no voices, Pinkie Pie.”

“Yes there are!” Pinkie Pie disagreed. “Don’t you hear it? It just said that I disagreed with you.” She cleared her throat and continued to attempt to get to the bottom of the mysterious voice. “I’m talking about YOU, you VOICE!”

“Uh...” Twilight twitched, feeling overwhelmed by Pinkie’s insanity.

“I’m not insane!”

Yes you are.

“Wh— ...Oh, now the voice is talking to me?” the pink pony figures it out. “Hey! Quit it! That isn’t nice.”

“Uh, Pinkie?” Twilight blinked a few times. “Something wrong?”

“I’m telling you, Twilight. There is a voice saying everything that is happening!” Pinkie Pie tried explaining the narrator’s voice. Her eyes widened at the word, “Naaarraaatoooor, that’s it! That’s what it is!” she said excitedly, “Like a narrator’s voice!”

“A narrator voice? Like a narrator in a book?” Twilight scratched her head.

“Yes, exactly!” Pinkie exclaimed, “After you asked me that, the voice said ‘Twilight scratched her head’. Didn’t you hear it?”

Twilight raised a brow and shook her head.

“You didn’t hear it?” Pinkie groaned, “This voice is so confusing! And I don’t like being confused!” She stomped her hoof. “I am the confuser—not the confusee!”

In the middle of her rant, a rainbow maned pegasus slowly crept up behind her. Twilight saw the mare sneaking up on Pinkie, but chose not to say anything, and just kept watching for the sake of some entertainment.

“You’re not going to tell me that Rainbow Dash is sneaking up behind me?” Pinkie questioned the librarian, taking advantage of the narrator’s voice.

“Whaat?” Rainbow Dash sighed loudly, “How’d you know I was behind you?”

“The voice told me you were sneaking up on me,” Pinkie explained to the pegasus. “Although it didn’t say your name. It just said ‘a rainbow maned pegasus’. And I only know of one pegasus with a rainbow mane. So I presumed it was you.”

“A rainbow maned pegasus... That does sound like something you’d hear a narrator say,” Twilight determined.

“Huh?” Rainbow flew over Pinkie and landed next to Twilight, turning to face the pink pony. “What’s going on with Pinkie, exactly?” She raised a brow.

“She says she hears some kind of voice that appears to be telling life like a story,” Twilight explained the situation as scientifically as she could. “So the voice probably told her that you were sneaking up on her, or something?” She glanced over to Pinkie to see if she got that right.

Pinkie nodded. “Uh huh! It also said that you weren’t going to say anything, because it would entertain you.”

“Hmm, are you able to communicate with the voice?” Twilight felt intrigued by this new version of Pinkie Pie’s pinkie sense.

“The voice is comparing this to my pinkie sense?” Pinkie muttered, “I’m not twitchy twitching! I’m just hearing voices!” She raised a hoof and scratched her chin. “And it did just kind of talk to me earlier. I’ll try to communicate with it.” She cleared her throat, “Ahem... Narrator! Narrator voice thing!” she called out, “Yes, I did call. Can you answer me, please?” she asked politely.

There was a moment of silence. Pinkie could only realize there was a moment of silence because it was explained in narration that there was. Rolling her eyes, she sat on her flank and waited for a response.

“Anything?” Twilight wondered.

“The voice is being rude,” Pinkie exclaimed with a frown. “Talk to me!” she requested rudely. “Wh—hey! I’m not being rude, you are!”

Although she may have thought so, she knew that wasn’t true.

“What??” Pinkie stood up and stomped her hoof. “Stop playing games!”

After saying the word games, she began thinking about playing games. “...Why am I thinking about playing games right now?” Because I said you are, and now you’re going to play games. That explained, Pinkie Pie randomly pulled out three multiple coloured ping pong balls, and began juggling them, using her tongue.

“Wow, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash’s jaw nearly dropped, “How are you doing that?”

“I’UnNa!” Pinkie spat while juggling with her tongue, “ThSH ISH IMPOSHAMLE!”

“Huh? Trish is unstoppable?” Rainbow Dash tried decoding her jibberish.

“Taste Irish chip samples?” Twilight attempted to figure it out herself.

“NNNNH CUH IH OUH!” Pinkie raged, and the ping pong balls exploded into watermelon juice. She stood there with widened eyes and a gaping jaw. “Wow. Now that’s random. Even for me!”

“I’ll say.” Twilight blinked.

“This is getting creepy!” Pinkie whimpered and frantically tapped her hooves on the floor like Rarity’s infamous whining. “Make it stop! Make it stoooop! Before it makes me do something embarrassing!”

The thought of something embarrassing happening to Pinkie Pie intrigued Twilight and Rainbow Dash.

“Narratoooor!!” Pinkie yelled, “Shut up!”

“Uhh... Pinkie?”

“Huh? Who said that? Was that Twilight or Rainbow Dash?”

“Uh, me?”

“Who?”

“...Twilight.”

“I can’t even tell who is talking now!”

“What do you mean you can’t tell who is talking?”

“Who said that??”

“Uhh...”

“The narrator isn’t saying anything! How am I supposed to know who’s speaking or what’s happening if there is no narrator? How will I know when my twitchy tail twitches if the narrator doesn’t say it’s happening?!”

“I’ll just pretend I understand you and nod. But you did tell the narrator to shut up or whatever.”

“But, now this is just confusing! Did you nod? Or did you not nod? It didn’t say if you did or not. You just said you were going to nod. And who said that?”

“Uh...”

“Narrator!!”

“Pinkie, you can stop shouting.”

“Narrator!!! Narratoooor!! NARRATOR!!!!!! Wait a minute... Who is shouting narrator now?”

“You are, Pinkie!”

“I am? I can’t tell! The narrator’s not saying anything about Pinkie Pie yelling narrator!”

“What’re y’all yellin’ about?”

“Who’s there?? Is that you, Rarity?”

“Uh... Pard’n?”

“Rarity, is that you? I can’t tell who’s there!”

“Ehm... No. What?”

“Fine. If the narrator won’t start saying anything,” then I’ll be the narrator!

“Uh, why do I get this feeling that something really bad is about to happen?” Twilight asked herself, then for no apparent reason, started laughing her silly head off! Laughing uncontrollably, Twilight fell over, and collapsed into a pile of candy!!

“Whe-h-ere did this candy come from?!” she giggled loudly.

“What in tarnation is going on? Pinkie Pie, what’re y’all doin’ now?” Rarity wondered. “Now hold on a cod-pickin’ minute, why is everyponeh lookin’ at me all funny-like?”

“Rarity, why’re you talking so strange?” Rainbow Dash asked the mare with the amusing accent.

“Wh—Rarity?” Rarity stomped her hoof, “Ah’m not Rarity! Ah’m Applejack!” Rarity said.

“Well you certainly don’t seem like Applejack to me for some reason.” Twilight scratched her head. Then took a nice big chomp of candy. Cus candy’s good, and Twilight Sparkle likes candy.

“What do ya mean I don’t seem like Applejack? I am Applejack!” Rarity does seem to sound more like Applejack now that I think about it. Okay fine, Rarity is now Applejack.

“Hmm, that seems more appropriate,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, noticing Rarity’s Applejackness. Twilight concurred, nodding really fast with her mouth full of candy. Her cheeks bulged from the candy in her mouth like a chipmunk eating acorns, and she chewed really loudly.

“Jez, Twilight, I didn’t know ya liked candy that much,” Applejack exclaimed, then trotted over to a wall, and walked up the wall.

“Applejack? How are you doing that?!” Rainbow Dash was so confused that she lifted up into the air, and WHOOSHED really fast—meaning she flew, duh—and smashed through a window. She flew off over the evening horizon, cursing the narrator’s name.

“PINKIE PIiiiiiiieee!!”

Then Fluttershy and the real Rarity came into the scene, because I haven’t got a chance to have with them yet!

“Um... if you don’t mind me asking, but... Why are we here, exactly?” Fluttershy asked her dear friend beside her. … ...Um, Rarity. I’m talking about Rarity.

“Honestly, I have no idea. I thought we were going to the spa!” the real Rarity whined and tapped her hooves on the floor like she usually does when she whines. For thirty seconds. She’s so cute when she whines. “I wanna go to the spaaaa!” Look at her whining!

“Rarity, um, why are you whining?” Fluttershy asked.

“I don’t knooohohohooooooowww!!” Rarity whined some more. Oh, and by the way, she’s wearing her gala dress.

“You... were going to wear your gala dress to the spa, Rarity?” Twilight questioned the elgant whiny mare.

“What? Gala dress?” Rarity looked into a mirror. “Why am I wearing this? I could’ve sworn I didn’t put this on today.” Meh, let’s make her whine some more and tap her hooves. “I wanna go to the spaaaa!”

“Rarity, would you quit yer whinin’?” Applejack demanded from up on the ceiling.

“Applejack? How in Equestria did you get up there?” Rarity’s jaw dropped when she saw her above everypony else. Applejack responded by dumping a bucket of chocolate milk on her from the ceiling, making her mane all wet and her dress all icky!

“Wh—Why would you do that, Applejack?!” Rarity yelled, traumatized by the mess of chocolate milk. Then she decided she was okay with it. “Do it again.”

“Uh... Rarity? You okay?” Twilight questioned the chocolate milk covered mare. Then Applejack dumped more chocolate milk on her.

“For some reason I’m okay with this,” Rarity exclaimed with a big grin, exposing her shiny teeth. Her mane was dripping wet.

“Being the narrator is fun!” I exclaimed, super amused.

“Narrator?” Twilight wondered, looking at me in question. I just grinned back at her.

“What does she mean?” Fluttershy asked the librarian, and decided to do a backflip. “Woahh, did you see that? I just did a backflip... I didn’t know I could do that.” She then dropped forward onto her face, and lifted her body up using her tongue, doing a tongue-stand! Her limbs waved around in the air like she was riding an upside down phantom bicycle.

“Fluttershy, what are you doing?” Twilight was mystified by her crazy acrobatics. Hehe, that’s a fun word to say! Mystified!

Fluttershy hopped around the room on her tongue, using her limbs to propel herself where she wanted to go. Then she flapped her wings and spun around the room ten times, and she crashed into Rarity! The two mares tumbled across the floor making a mess of chocolate milk, and they crashed into Twilight and her pile of candy. The candy stuck to them from the ickiness of the chocolate milk! “Eeeeeeew!” Rarity whined, then decided she was okay with it. “I mean... hmh. Interesting.”

“Wh—” Applejack opened her mouth and was about to say something, but then Rainbow Dash came WHOOSHING back into the room through a different window, smashing through it, and crashing into Applejack with a POW! Then they fell from the ceiling, and crashed and rolled across the floor, and piled up on top of the candy covered pile of piled ponies! “C’mon everypony, pile pile pile! Hehehe!” I giggled and jumped on top of them, making a pony pile of candies and chocolate milk.

“AAH Pinkie Pie you’re making a mess in my library!” Twilight spazzed, chomping on a candy cane.

“I dunno. I kind of like being messy,” Rarity exclaimed with a grin, “Just look how lovely the chocolate milk dyes my mane a brownish colour that goes so well with my ruined gala dress. Isn’t it just fabulous?”

“What are you talking about, Rarity?!” Twilight jumped out of the pile and spit the candy cane off to the side. She pointed a hoof at her. “You never like being messy!”

“Well why not?” Rarity smiled. “Being messy is fun! I like having fun. Right Pinkie Pie?”

Twilight just stared at her.

“Ah’m bored,” Applejack climbed out of the pile of ponies and walked up the wall again. “I’m gonna take a nap up here. Ya mind if I sleep in this chandelier?”

“Chandelier...? I don’t have a chandelier in my...” Twilight noticed that she now had one on her ceiling. It was made out of pillows. “How... did that get there?”

“Hehe! This is like writing a story. This is fun!” I exclaimed loudly. “I bet the old narrator couldn’t do this!”

“Old... narrator?” Twilight winced. Then everything began to rumble and stuff like that! And the library slowly lifted out of the ground. “Aaaah!! What’s happening to my library?!”

The library started spinning in the air, and flipped upside down, making the biggest mess of books and candy Twilight has ever seen.

“AAAAH CELESTIA HEEELP!” they all screamed together, while I had my hooves in the air, laughing like crazy!

“How are you having fun, Pinkie?! This is freaking me out!!” Twilight shrieked. Then the library stopped spinning and flipped right-side up, and slowly, gracefully went back into the ground. The exterior of the library looked like nothing happened to it. But the inside, HO boy, what a mess! There were books everywhere, like, all over the place! Not one book was on its shelf!

“Oh my... Here, let me help you clean this mess up, Twilight,” Fluttershy offered.

“Sheesh, what could’ve caused that?” Applejack was bewildered and exhausted. “I didn’t even get a chance to nap in Twilight’s chandelier.” She sighed and joined Fluttershy.

The girls all started helping Twilight clean up. Then instead, they were stacking them on the floor to build their own book forts. But what they don’t realize, however, I plan on knocking them over when they’re finished!

Twilight winced. “I still don’t know how that got there.” She sighed and smiled to her friends. “Thanks for helping me clean this mess up. It’s like Discord was here or something!” she exclaimed loudly, then she paused and watched what the others were doing. “Um, girls? Why are you stacking my books like that?”

“Oh, um...” Fluttershy shrugged innocently. “I’m building a book fort.”

“Me too, apparently,” Applejack exclaimed, stacking more books.

Twilight winced and her ears went limp. “Oh, pray tell... Why...?”

“No idea. I also have no suspicions whatsoever that Pinkie Pie would plan on knocking them over when we’re finished. Which is good, cus I like feelin’ like I’ve accomplished somethin’ without somepony breakin’ it right away,” Applejack exclaimed. “Hey Twilight, could ya pass me that there book by yer left hoof?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow and glanced down beside her to her left. Using her sparkly horn magic, she levitated the book and turned back to Applejack. “You mean this encyclopedia?”

“Yeh that,” Applejack replied, “It’ll make a nice roof fer mah barn.”

“Barn...?” Twilight squinted.

“Yea I’m makin’ a barn.”

“Pff. Barn?” Rainbow Dash had already stacked books close to the ceiling. “Take a look at my skyscraper!” She glanced down to Twilight. “Hey, Sparkle, you have any flags?”

“Flags...?” Twilight muttered.

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Yeah, you know. For decoration.”

“I could use some ribbons myself,” Rarity exclaimed, elegantly stacking her book fort evenly to look like a palace. “How is mine looking? It’s certainly ravishing, don’t you agree, Twilight?”

“Girls! I thought you were helping me clean up!”

“Oh we are,” Fluttershy replied calmly to the frantic unicorn.

“But you’re just... that’s not... you... Ah!” Twilight turned to Pinkie. “What’s going on?!”

I shrugged innocently. “Why is it that whenever something strange happens, the hooves are always pointing at me?”

“Because this is weird! It has Pinkie Pie written all over it!” Twilight replied. “Why are the other girls making book forts? And...” She looked back to watch the others build book forts and found that Applejack wasn’t there. She looked up, and saw her building the book fort on the ceiling, stacking them as if gravity was going upward. Twilight just stared, confused. And Twilight doesn’t like being confused! Not at all. “Aaaah! I hate being confused!!” See? She even just said so herself. “Why are you building book forts?! How are you building yours on the ceiling, Applejack?!”

“I’unno,” Applejack replied half-focusing on the lavender mare, putting most of her concentration on her barn. And for no apparent reason, she started humming the Raise This Barn tune!

“Oh, please, don’t start singing...” Twilight cringed.

“Raise this barn, raise this barn; one, two, three, four...” Applejack sang out loud.

“Oh, dear Celestia...” Twilight facehoofed. Although, is that even a word? Meh, I’ll add it to my Pinktionary.

“Together we can raise this bar; one, two, three, four...” Fluttershy joined in.

“Up up up, go the beams; hammer those joints, work in teams...” Rarity sang as well. Then Rainbow Dash even sang along, “Turn 'em round quick by the right elbow. Grab a new partner, here we go.”

Now let’s have some fun. Twilight starts singing along while doing the gangnam style dance! “Come on Apple family! Let's get to it! Woooo!”

Then, CRASH, I leap around the room and smash everypony’s book forts to the ground! Er, well, except Applejack’s book fort—that one fell to the ceiling. Cus that makes more sense.

“Awww! Mah barn!” Applejack shouted. “I did not see that comin’!”

“My skyscraper!” Rainbow Dash flew around trying to catch her falling books, although it was far too late.

“My palace!” Rarity gasped with extreme drama and fell backwards, levitating her couch all the way from her boutique so she had something soft to land on. “Of all the things! This is the worst! Possible! Thing!!”

“My... um... my garden...?” Fluttershy sighed quietly.

“MY LIBRARY!” Twilight shrieked in horror at the mess, while still doing gangnam style dance moves. “Pinkie Pie why am I dancing like this?!”

“I have a question, too!” I declared with a grin, “How do you make a garden out of books?”

“Um... Lots of control, screaming and hollering?” Fluttershy shrugged. “Um... Woohoo?”

Then suddenly BAM! Twilight became an alicorn. Just like that.

“Wh—” Twilight stopped dancing to look at her new wings. “But... What? Wait... I don’t get it!” She turned accusingly at me. “Pinkie Pie what is going on here?!”

And that’s how Twilight Sparkle became a Princess!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Many thanks to these gentlecolts:
Proofreading and Editing done by The Princess Luna and David Hasselhoof.
Prereading and other Assistance by Morfonious.