The Hooficure

by InkFathom

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Rarity, Spa Ponies
Length: 1571

Applejack gets roped into getting her hooves done at the spa, but soon discovers something she wishes she hadn't...

Applejack agreed to go to the spa with Rarity. She never agreed to getting her hooves done while her fashionista friend goes shopping.
She also never agreed to discovering a secret about the Ponyville Spa that she wished she had never discovered.

---
This was something a wrote for a contest between a few friends. I didn't win, but I cleaned it up and decided to post it here for chuckles. Feedback is always appreciated!
Thanks to d2xa on Deviantart for the cover image!

Published 2013-03-29 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-29 20:10:02 UTC

Ah Think Ah'm Gonna Be Sick!

The Hooficure

"Rarity, bein' dragged down to the spa to accompany you durin' yer appointment is one thing, but findin' out you scheduled me fer a hooficure-!"

"Oh, but Applejack darling, your hooves are nearly worn down to the bone!"

"That's an exaggeration! Mah hooves're perfectly fine!"

"Maybe so, but you must admit they are looking quite ragged. When was your last cleansing?"

Applejack examined her hoof, noting the large clumps of soil and dust that had accumulated behind the walls. "I'd say 'bout a month ago..."

Rarity gasped audibly. "Oh my goodness! This is much worse than I anticipated!" The dramatic unicorn took Applejack by the foreleg and whisked her off to the appointment desk of Aloe and Lotus.

"Oh, hello!" she exclaimed, speaking to the spa ponies. "My dear friend, Applejack," she continued, pushing her companion forward, "is in desperate need of a deep cleansing hooficure straight away!" She levitated a bulging bag of bits onto the counter. "I will be paying, of course."

Aloe and Lotus sped out to escort Applejack into the spa room, eager to treat the farm pony with the wealthy friend. "Hey! Ah never agreed ta this! Rarity!"

"See you in an hour, Applejack! I'll meet you outside the spa house after your appointment."

The farm pony growled as she was led into the hooficure room. "Tricked me," she muttered. "Lied to an' bamboozled by mah very own friend! Why, when Ah get mah hooves on that prissy, nitpick, drama queen, Ah'll-" Her rant was cut off as she was pushed onto a stretched out chair, forcing her belly upwards and making her hooves stick out. "Huh?"

Lotus appeared, a hoof file in her teeth. "Relahx, dahling," she intoned in a somewhat Eastern accent. "If your hooves ahre clenched, ve cannot file zem."

"Oh." Realizing for the first time that she was gripping the armrests, Applejack sheepishly released them and held out her foreleg. "Awful sorry 'bout that," she said. "I've never gotten a professional hooficure before."

"Eet's fine." Lotus proceeded to shave down the uneven ends of Applejack's hoof.

After a few moments, the farm pony closed her eyes and sighed. The silence enveloped her, the only sound being the rhythmic movements of the file across her hoof. If she breathed deeply, the soothing aromas of the herbal products around her permeated her nose. This was pretty relaxing. She wondered why she had never gotten a hooficure. She could probably spare time for one every now and then. After working on the farm, while on Rarity's spa days, on her days off... She definitely needed it one in awhile-

It was at this point when a sharp instrument of torture was shoved into the space between her walls and her sole.

At least, that's how it felt to her. Applejack yelped and cringed as a scraping tool filed behind her hooves walls, getting out the little clumps of dirt that had lodged in there. The process was extremely uncomfortable, almost to the point of excruciating pain. Her teeth ground together and her free hoof banged on the arm rest.

Through all of Applejack's squirming, however, Lotus continued scraping out the dirt, acting as though she didn't even notice. She probably had to deal with this every day, Applejack noted.

After the scraping process finished, the farm pony audibly sighed in relief. Never again, she thought. Ah'm never gettin' another hooficure. Not even if mah hooves are caked in mud and rubbed to the bone. Never. Again.

"Noaw eet ees time for zee back hooves."

"Gah!"

Before either of them did anything, a loud crash sounded from the back of the spa.

"Ahloe, vat happeened?" Lotus yelled in the direction the sound had come.

"I just knocked someting ovar! Could you come help me clean uhp?"

"Comeeng!" Lotus turned back to Applejack. "Terribly sohrry. I vill be bahck een a moment." As she trotted off, she shouted, "Vat did you knock ovar?"

Applejack took this window of opportunity to escape. "Nope," she said to herself, leaping off the chair. "Not goin' through that again." She moved quickly and quietly through the spa, not wanting to be caught leaving early.

As she looked behind her, making sure nopony was coming, she crashed into a shelf carrying various polishes and rubbing oils. One such bottle fell from its precarious perch, spilling all over the floor and making it slick. Applejack fell several times trying to stand up, and in her last attempt she made a desperate grab for one of the bottles on the shelf.

To her utter shock, the bottle, instead of simply being dragged down to the floor with the rest of Applejack, held fast to the shelf, the only movement being a very mechanical jerk forward about sixty degrees.

The orange earth pony gasped as the entire wall then moved, rotating in place and dragging her around. Regaining her bearings, Applejack looked up to assess her situation. Her eyes widened, her jaw slack. What she saw shocked her to her core.

The room towered around her, grey metal lit up by an eerie green light. Huge steel containers sat in a line, mechanisms at the top of them chugging and steaming. Glass tubes ran from these containers to an even bigger tub in the center of it all. Gooey grey substances slid through the tubes and congregated in the tub, mixing together with green dye.

Applejack sat and stared, jaw gaping. What was all of this? What was it for? And why the hay was it all behind a wall in the Ponyville Spa?

Then, she noticed that the metallic tubs each had labels on them. She took a step forward, squinting her eyes as she read the words aloud.

"'Unicorn Horn', 'Pegasus Feathers', 'Hoof Shavings', 'Mane Clippings', 'Distilled Sweat', 'Soil Scrapings'..."

She started breathing heavily as she took in the meaning of these labels. Breaths turned into gasps, which then turned to dry heaving. The hooficures, the hornicures, the preenings, the sauna... It wasn't for the rejuvenation and relaxation of Ponyville citizens; It was to collect ingredients for... for...

She turned her eyes to the label on the vat of the green concoction.

"'Equestria's Greatest Mud Masks'."

Applejack could almost taste the bile steadily rising up her throat. Didn't her friend Rarity practically abuse the mud mask treatment she got here? Didn't Aloe and Lotus sell mud mask applications for home use? Didn't she use it at Twilight's slumber party? Didn't she get a face full of it that very night?

Applejack moaned. "I-I gotta get outta here!" Her head whipped around, frantically searching for an exit. "C'mon... C'mon... Where's the door? Where's the door?" She ran around the huge room, swerving between the large containers. "There's got to be a way out of here! I mean, I got in, right? I should be able ta get-"

She paused and looked back to the out-of-place shelf of spa products that had shuffled her in there in the first place. "Out!"

The farm pony bounded up to the rack and began knocking over random bottles. "It's gotta be one of these!" Nearly all of the products were spilled on the floor when she found one that was oddly steadfast. "Aha!" She wrapped her hooves around it and pulled.

It didn't budge.

"Huh?" She pulled on the secret lever again. It didn't move. "C'mon!"

After several attempts to open the wall, Applejack lost it. "Open up, ya stupid wall!" She spun around on her front hooves, putting all of her strength into kicking that lever, as if it were a particularly tough apple tree.

Again. Nothing happened.

She sighed and flopped to the floor, having spent her remaining energy on that kick. Her hoof lightly brushed the bottle as it fell.

Once again, the bottle moved forward about sixty degrees and moved the wall open.

"Oh, come on!"

Fuming but relieved, Applejack galloped out from the hooficure room, feeling sick at the thought of what must have become of her hoof filings. She burst through the front door into the sunlight.

"Oh hello, Applejack!"

She spotted Rarity trotting towards her down the street. "Rarity!"

As her unicorn friend came face to face with her, she breathed a sigh of relief. She needed a familiar face after... what she just saw. Applejack considered telling Rarity about it, but ultimately decided against it. Nopony would believe her, anyway.

"I was just coming to check up on you, darling!" Rarity said. "I finished shopping for the fabric I needed for a client from Canterlot. Very choosy ponies, they are. But enough about me, let me see those gorgeous hooves of yours!"

Applejack reluctantly held up one of her hooves for the unicorn to examine. "What?" Rarity exclaimed. "No polish? No pumice? No French tips? They only did the filing and cleansing?"

"That's all I let them do," the farm pony replied, which was mostly true.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Well, at least they're clean now." She immediately brightened up. "Would you want to join me for a mud mask, Applejack? I know the hooficure was a bit much, but you have had a mud mask before and seemed to at least partially enjoy it. Besides, I've been feeling a bit stressed all day, and would love to have a rejuvenating... Applejack, darling, are you quite alright? You look rather ill."