Why Am I Crying?

by Rated Ponystar

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Silver Spoon, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Tragedy, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life
Length: 67798

The CMC each deal with their emotions when their hated enemy, Diamond Tiara, dies in an accident

For as long as any of the Cutie Mark Crusaders can remember, Diamond Tiara had always been the biggest bully they knew. But when that said bully dies in an accident, each of them starts to go through their own emotional experience from this sudden change in their lives. Each will learn more about themselves and about the pony who they all thought they knew before she is laid to rest.

***Takes place just after season 3 but before season 4. This story is completed.***

Now with TV Tropes page

Published 2013-03-25 08:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-13 14:06:51 UTC

Sweetie Belle 1

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

It was an odd sight. School was cancelled and everypony was waiting to be picked up by their parents. On any other day, they would be jumping for joy or planning what to do with their extra time off. Instead, their tails were low and ears flat as can be. The shocking news from their teacher’s mouth only minutes ago left a somber mood to the point where some were still in tears. Even Miss Cheerilee was crying her eyes out when Sweetie Belle left the room with her best friends. She had never seen an adult cry so much in all her life. Although most tried to keep silent, Sweetie Belle could hear the occasional whisper or sob from her classmates, lamenting over the fact that one of them was gone forever.

Sweetie Belle herself was still shedding tears. The idea that somepony she knew, saw almost every day, was no longer among them sent shivers down her spine. Even if it was Diamond Tiara, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor filly. Yesterday, she and her friends were chasing after Tiara for stealing her scarf. Today, at ten years old, she was dead.

She had only ever questioned death once and that was when her pet goldfish died two years ago after being overfed. Her mother said death was like a long sleep, only you never wake up. That was Diamond Tiara now, a pony who would stay asleep forever, buried deep within the earth.

Never again would Sweetie Belle and her friends be bossed around, called blank flanks, or get stuck in embarrassing situations by Diamond Tiara. She's gone and so is her meanness, and normally I would be glad about this, but... thought Sweetie Belle, wiping her tears, she was still an innocent filly like me! Even if she was horrible, she didn’t deserve this! Why is this happening? Why did she have to die? Why does anypony have to die?! It’s so... so... scary!

She glanced at her friends. Apple Bloom held the same horrified look on her face, occasionally mumbling to herself as she glanced down at her hooves. Scootaloo was gazing out into the open, seemingly emotionless. Yet her eyes showed something different, like she was ready to start an argument with somepony. Before Sweetie could question either of them, she heard the cries of various names being called out from the school’s front yard. Turning around, she saw numerous adults rushing over to their young ones as both groups quickly met. Some immediately started walking away with only a few words exchanged; others cried in their loved ones' embrace as the elder ponies tried to soothe their sorrows. She even saw a few smiling while they left, much to her shock. How can anypony smile on a day like today?

Sweetie Belle glanced left and right, searching for her sister until she saw a familiar indigo-styled mane galloping towards her. “Rarity!”

Sweetie dove into her big sister’s forelegs, resting her head on Rarity's shoulder while shedding whatever remaining tears she had left. Rarity held her little sister tight around the waist and gently stroked her head. “Oh, Sweetie Belle, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

“I wanna go home,” replied Sweetie Belle. This whole thing was making her head hurt. She just wanted to lay on the spare bed at her sister’s place, go to sleep, and wake up to find out that all this was just some terrible nightmare.

“Of course, darling. I closed the shop, so there won’t be any interruptions between us,” said Rarity, lowering her sister back to the ground.

Before they left, Sweetie glanced back at her friends, spotting Applejack and Scootaloo’s father right beside them. The three fillies looked at each other for a brief moment and nodded before being taken away by their families. The message was clear: “Talk later.”

She followed Rarity down the road, taking one last look at her class that once consisted of twenty-eight students. Now they were a class of twenty-seven…

***

The journey home was mostly a quiet one, at least on Sweetie Belle's side. Rarity made a strong effort to get Sweetie Belle to talk but eventually gave up when it was clear that her sister had no interest. It wasn’t that Sweetie didn’t appreciate her sister’s efforts, but all she wanted was to go home and try to put the day's events behind her.

She was still processing the idea that Tiara was even dead to begin with, wishing that all of this was a bad dream. At one point she even started hoping that Diamond Tiara would show up around a corner, ready to mock her for being an airhead with no cutie mark like always. Sweetie would gladly take any insult just to bring her back and get rid of this terrible feeling in her chest.

“Sweetie Belle! Careful!” cried out Rarity, stopping her from crossing the street with her telekinesis. Sweetie gasped as a carriage passed by them, missing her by a few inches. Her heart sank, remembering that it was a carriage that killed Diamond Tiara as well.

What if... Sweetie Belle gulped, continuing to eye the wheeled vehicle until it turned around the next corner. Even after she and Rarity safely crossed the street, she still kept her focus on it. If Rarity hadn’t stopped me, the carriage would’ve—

Shaking her head, Sweetie hoped they would arrive at the boutique before her imagination drove her crazy. They turned on to the street where Carousel Boutique sat at the far end. Sweetie Belle was ready to rush for the shop when she noticed something across the road. Walking closer, she saw that there was a collection of flowers, cards, and stuffed animals all surrounding a set of lit candles on the corner. Signs such as ‘We Miss You, Diamond Tiara’ and ‘Rest in Peace’ were also there. Ponies were slowly gathering, some bringing their own gifts or bowing their heads in respect.

Without knowing it, Sweetie Belle soon found herself among the group. Standing in front of the makeshift memorial, she slowly realized that this was it. This was where it all happened.

Like a movie playing out in front of her, she envisioned Diamond Tiara walking down the road with Silver Spoon as the carriage slid on the ice towards them, unable to stop. She screamed before being flown into the air, landing on the ground like a ragdoll with blood all over her and—

A hoof lay across her shoulder, nearly causing Sweetie Belle to jump in fright as her imagination of the incident quickly faded. She looked up and saw her worried sister, eyes both gentle and warming. “Do you want to stay here for a minute?”

Sweetie shook her head and the two soon walked away from the growing crowd of mourning ponies. When they entered the boutique, Sweetie Belle made a break for her room, not even bothering to take off her boots or scarf.

Locking the door behind her, Sweetie dove onto her bed and proceeded to wrap the covers around herself like a cocoon. Shutting her eyes, Sweetie tried to fight the images her imagination conjured: Tiara, the carriage, blood, death.

“Sweetie! Are you alright?!” shouted Rarity, banging on her door from the outside.

“Leave me alone! Please!” begged Sweetie Belle, bringing her legs closer to her chest. She tried to fight back the tears but couldn’t. Diamond Tiara was dead. Somepony she knew was dead. Somepony got run over just a few hooves away from where she slept at night. She grabbed her pillow and held onto it like a lifeline in a raging sea storm. It happened, all of it, on her street. Diamond Tiara met her death just outside her window.

The thought continued to plague her until she fell asleep.

***

The first things Sweetie felt upon waking up were the tear marks that crusted the fur on her cheeks. Shivering, she used her blanket to wipe them off, slowly unraveling herself. Feeling a cold breeze from a half-cracked window, she got up and went to go shut it. Upon reaching the window, she quickly shut the blinds too and turned away. She’d seen it again.

The very same corner where—she shook her head and immediately turned away. Stop! Just stop thinking about it!

Taking a deep breath, she retreated back to her bed and tried to ignore the unending questions in her head. However, her efforts were futile as they began to overwhelm her. Why did Diamond Tiara have to die? It’s not fair. She was only a filly. A mean filly, but still a filly. Aren’t old ponies supposed to die when it’s their time? Like Granny Smith?

Such a thought made her eyes widen. Granny Smith was really old, in her hundreds if she remembered correctly. Would she die soon? Just one day never to wake up again from her bed or rocking chair? Why am I even thinking about that? I don’t want her to die too! I don’t want anypony to die!

Shaking her head, Sweetie made for her bookshelf and looked through the covers until she dragged out a big book titled Dictionary. Flipping the pages, she found the “D” section and found the word she had been looking for; a word that had been plaguing her all day.

Death

noun

The act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.

The state of being dead

Extinction; destruction

Manner of dying

Sweetie stared at each explanation and even the synonyms and antonyms below. Looking at the “total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism” part, she realized it meant a dead person couldn’t breathe or even think.

Her mind turned to a memory from last summer, where she and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders had once tried to be Cutie Mark Crusader Gunslingers. Applejack and Big Macintosh took a break from their chores to play with them, bringing down their grandfather’s old popguns from when he was a colt. It was fun, shooting corks at each other and pretending to be cowboys and outlaws, but then one of them managed to hit Sweetie Belle. Taking a page out of her sister’s book, she did a dramatic faint and lay there as still as possible, having been "killed". Yet she was still breathing, still thinking.

But that was a game, a fantasy. Was it the same in real life? Curious, she lay flat on her back and found herself staring at the ceiling. Closing her eyes, Sweetie Belle held her breath and tried to clear her mind of all thoughts. She remained as still as possible, but all it did was cause her chest to ache as her lungs demanded air. Trying to shut her mind was equally hard. She couldn’t prevent even the simplest of thoughts from forming. After sitting back up, Sweetie tossed the useless book away and sighed, trying to think of another way to solve her questions about death.

The library could contain some answers, but she and her friends were still on that two week ban for trying to be Cutie Mark Crusader Dragon Catchers. How were we supposed to know that yanking Spike’s tail would make him belch fire? There was only one pony she knew that could answer her questions, so she proceeded to head downstairs.

Entering the kitchen, she spotted Rarity reading a book at the table with her glasses. Sweetie Belle cleared her throat, and Rarity immediately took notice of her little sister, putting the book down before giving her a hug. “Oh, Sweetie Belle, I’ve been so worried. Is everything alright? Is this about Tiara? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Kinda...”

Nodding, Rarity levitated a cushion and planted it right next to her own, encouraging her sister to sit beside her. The two sat down, Rarity continuing to keep Sweetie Belle close as she used her magic to get some tea started from across the room. “Okay, let’s talk, sister to sister. What’s troubling you?”

“I... I feel sad, confused, and... scared, I guess,” whispered Sweetie Belle, lowering her gaze. “I never got along with Diamond Tiara, but... I can’t help but feel sorry for her. I mean, she didn’t deserve to die, Rarity! Why did it happen?!”

Although taken aback by her outburst, Rarity took a deep breath and shook her head. “I don’t know, Sweetie Belle. I can’t honestly give you a clear answer. These things happen for a reason. It’s unfortunate, and sometimes we never learn why.”

“But I don’t understand why and that scares me, Rarity!” shouted Sweetie Belle, looking deep into her big sister’s sympathetic eyes for any hint that would solve her problem. Sniffling, Sweetie held her hooves close to her heart. “I read about it in the dictionary, but even that didn’t really tell me what death was. What is death, Rarity? Why do ponies have to die?”

“Oh, Sweetie Belle. If I had the answer, I would certainly give it you,” explained Rarity, biting her lip. “Death is just as confusing for everypony as it is for you. Ponies have tried to explain it, but all of it is just a bunch of ideas that they decide they want to believe in.”

“So what do you believe, sis?”

“Me?” Rarity closed her eyes and sighed. “I guess, you can say I think of it as a way to keep things in balance. You know how I always say that certain colors must never appear more or less than others depending on the design, yes?” Sweetie Belle nodded. “I like to believe that applies to life. Where we have those that live, we must also have those that die. At least that’s how I like to see it. I know that things seem confusing now, but I promise it will make more sense when you get older.”

Sweetie Belle huffed; she hated that saying. Everypony says you’ll understand when you’re older! I bet they don’t know either!

“Well, what happens when you die? Is it like sleeping? Only not waking up?”

Rarity paused again, taking a moment to levitate the finished tea towards the table and pour both of them a drink. Sweetie accepted a cup but didn’t drink from it as Rarity answered, “Well, to be honest, I never thought about such a thing before. I’ve never put any thought into what would happen if I were to pass away. I guess it would be nice if there was an afterlife to go to. Maybe a grand, heavenly city like Canterlot, only ten times better. Some actually believe that there is no afterlife, that nothing exists after death. No offense to them, but I shudder to think of such a thing. And then others say we are reborn as a different pony, or even race for that matter.”

Sweetie Belle felt another headache coming. Why does everything have to be so confusing?

Sensing her discomfort, Rarity placed her hoof over Sweetie’s own and rubbed it. “I know this is a lot to understand, but try to remember that Diamond Tiara is at peace.”

How can she be at peace? She’s dead! Wouldn’t she be more at peace by being alive and with those that love her? Sweetie Belle’s mind jerked at the realization. Her father, Filthy Rich, what is he going through? I really hope he’s okay. What about Silver Spoon? She and Tiara were such good friends. I’d be heartbroken if I lost either Scootaloo or Apple Bloom.

The very thought of one of her best friends dying made her stomach turn. She quickly turned to Rarity and asked, “Is there a way to reverse death? Or bring back somepony from the dead? Maybe a magic spell?”

Her idea was shot down the moment she saw Rarity shake her head. “Good heavens no, and such a thing would be horrible, Sweetie Belle. Do you really want to see a corpse walking around?”

“But...” Sweetie Belle fidgeted in her seat. “What if... what if somepony else dies? What do we do?”

Rarity bit her lip. “Sweetie Belle, really, I know this is a new experience for you, but you shouldn’t worry about such things.”

“But Rarity, I—”

A series of knocks from the front door interrupted Sweetie. Rarity groaned and walked up to the entrance of her home, Sweetie Belle right behind her. When they opened the door it revealed a white stallion with a combed back silver mane and dressed in a warm overcoat. Clearing her voice, Rarity said, “I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the day. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

“Forgive me, but I’m here at the request of my employer, Master Rich,” said the stallion in a low bow.

“Oh, dear me. Is Mr. Rich alright? I’m so sorry for what happened to his daughter. If there is anything my sister and I can do...um...”

Wiping tears from his eyes, the stallion nodded. “Sorry, Miss Rarity. My name is Sebastian. I’m a butler in service to Master Rich. Thank you for your kind words by the way. It’s been terrible for all of us, losing Mistress Tiara.” He sighed and shook his head. “At least she is with her mother and younger brother now.”

Sweetie Belle gasped. M-mother?! B-brother?! Did they also…

“Is there something we can do to help?” asked Rarity.

“Master Rich would like it if you would prepare Mistress Tiara’s funeral dress. He wants to make his daughter look beautiful one last time before... well...” He started to choke up a bit and Rarity levitated him a tissue that he proceeded to use. “Yes, thank you. He would like it if you were to do this. Naturally, you will be paid and—”

“No,” insisted Rarity, raising her hoof. “I’ll do it for free, I insist. I’ll do everything I can to make such a great dress that she’ll look like a princess come her funeral.”

Sebastian bowed again, this time lower. “Thank you, very much. Truly, you are worthy of being the Element of Generosity.”

He bowed one more time and left. Rarity closed the door and turned her attention back to Sweetie Belle. “I’m sorry about that, darling. Shall we continue talking?”

“A-actually,” said Sweetie Belle, shifting on her hooves, “I wanna get some fresh air. I-I have a lot on my mind.”

Thankful that she still was wearing her boots and scarf, Sweetie Belle bolted out of the boutique before Rarity could question her.

***

The sky looked grayer than normal, and the wind seemed to blow even harsher. With no destination in her mind, she resolved to wander around while thinking back to her conversation with Rarity. Her big sister was the one pony Sweetie Belle thought she could depend on for answers, but now she was even more scared and confused than ever. As she continued her walk, she overheard a few other ponies talk about current events, mostly about the loss of Diamond Tiara. It only made her feel worse. Gazing into the sky above, Sweetie Belle wished for even just a little bit of sunlight. It would at least be better than all this cold.

With her focus above rather than what was in front of her, Sweetie Belle didn’t see the incoming pony until they bumped heads. Clutching her head in pain, Sweetie heard a familiar voice. “Jeez! Careful with that horn!”

“Scootaloo?” asked Sweetie Belle, surprised to see her friend so soon. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a walk, just...” Scootaloo paused, “...clearing my mind.”

“About Diamond Tiara?” asked Sweetie Belle, noticing the pegasus filly’s shoulders tense up. “Yeah, I was thinking about her too. It’s so sad...”

“I guess...” said Scootaloo, shrugging her shoulders.

Sweetie Belle’s ears shot up as she slowly stared at Scootaloo, her mouth slightly opening. “Y-you guess? Scootaloo, this is horrible. Aren’t you sad about what happened?”

To her surprise, Scootaloo didn’t answer with a simple "yes", but rather cast her eyes downward a bit before shaking her head. “Not really, it’s just... it’s just not a big deal for me.”

Falling to her haunches, Sweetie Belle tried to process what she was hearing. She then remembered the shocked expression on Scootaloo’s face when the news was told. Thinking back, she slowly realized that her fellow crusader didn’t look horrified so much as surprised if she was to put it into words. Does... does she really not feel anything?

“I mean, yeah it’s unfortunate, but I can’t honestly say I’m going to miss her,” admitted Scootaloo, rubbing one of her legs. Sweetie Belle let out a tiny gasp, but she doubted Scootaloo had even heard it. “We were never friends with her. Hay, she bullied us all the time, remember?”

“How can you say that?!” shouted Sweetie Belle, glaring at the startled pegasus, who took a few steps back. She shouted so loud that it attracted the eyes of a few others nearby. “She may have been a bully, but she didn’t deserve to die! It’s a big deal when somepony loses their life, Scootaloo!”

“Well, obviously it is, but not to me!” replied Scootaloo, shaking her head and gritting her teeth. “Why should I care about her at all? She made fun of us, don’t you remember?! The way she called us blank flanks, blackmailed us, and more? She made our lives miserable!”

“That doesn’t make it right! Nopony should have to die and not be cared about because they made a few mistakes!” Sweetie Belle shouted back, stepping forward until the two were in each others’ faces. “Are you saying it’s alright for ponies you're not friends with to just drop dead and not care about them at all?! It’s not right for her to die so young! It’s not right for anypony to die! This isn’t something we can throw away, Scootaloo, and you’re being horrible!”

“I’m horrible? She was the one who was horrible! I can’t think of a single good thing about her, and yet you’re acting like she was your best friend when she was nothing more than a jerk! I’m not saying I’m glad she’s dead, but why should I care?!”

“Because somepony died!” pointed out Sweetie Belle, running away and crying. Scootaloo cried out her name, but she didn’t want to hear anything more from that cold-hearted jerk. She just wanted to run and keep running. Away from Scootaloo. Away from the pain.

Away from death.

Author's Note

So this is the series of chapters that are the hardest to do. Sweetie Belle's chapters focus on the concept of learning about death and how serious it is for the first time. We've all had the moment when we learned just how fragile our mortality can be in the world. Some kids take it well, others like me tend to be a bit more afraid yet also curious as to how death works.

So I mostly find myself writing a bit about myself as I write Sweetie Belle's chapters, as well as her reactions to what she learns. People have a tendency to research or try to find as much information about the unknown and what they fear with death being not so different at all.

Some people are going to point out about the "Mother and Brother" thing that is mentioned in this chapter. It is part of the backstory I'll be giving Tiara, but you won't learn more about these two until Apple Bloom's next chapter. We also got a taste of what Scootaloo is going to be like in her chapter coming.

They're as also be a recent debate about whether or not people should feel sorry for Diamond Tiara or not. It's okay to have this, but please keep this in mind. The fic's focus isn't what is morally right or wrong when it comes to jerks who died and how you should treat the situation, bur rather to see it in not only in the eyes of a child, but also in various ways that reflect the nature of people.

I hope you enjoyed this one.

Scootaloo 1

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

If there was one thing Scootaloo hated about winter, it was that the streets were so full of ice it made traveling much harder, even with her scooter. Today, her father, Crimson, had insisted on walking home together for safety reasons; otherwise, she felt she’d already be there by now. They left the schoolhouse and headed towards the edge of Ponyville with little to no conversation between them. It didn’t take long to arrive at the shoddy structure Scootaloo called home. She kept her scarf on as she entered. The temperature inside was always the same as outside, depending on the season. Walls groaned and sagged inward on decaying wood studs, and the plumbing was, in a word, terrible. Scootaloo could think of only one good thing about this poor excuse for a house: it was far enough from the town border that her friends never had to see it.

Crimson levitated his jacket and placed it on the coat hanger before sighing. “Do you want something to eat? I don’t get paid ‘till next week but—"

“I’m not hungry,” interrupted Scootaloo, walking down the hall. She stopped in front of the few pictures that hung crooked in their frames. Most were of Scootaloo and her father, while others showed the Cutie Mark Crusaders enjoying themselves during the holidays. Then there was the last one, tucked away at the far end by the adjoining wall, half hidden in shadow. Scootaloo didn’t know why she bothered looking at it every time she went to her room. It only agitated her wings, making them buzz in anger. The older pegasus mare in the photo stared back, an unassuming smile frozen on her face. It was like looking into the future every time, except for the eyes. The eyes were the wrong color.

Pushing her rage away, Scootaloo entered her room and rested on the lumpy, old bed her father got years ago. It wasn’t much, but it was better than the couch. She stared at her favorite crack in the ceiling and began to ponder if it had grown a few inches. Her thoughts soon drifted to the news that had changed her world in a flash. Diamond Tiara was dead. The nasty filly who she hated almost as much as that mare in the picture was now gone forever. No more being called a blank flank. No more comments about how poor she was. Diamond Tiara was finally gone.

Scootaloo knew that today was a sad day. After all, somepony had died. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to cry over a pony who, for most of her life, did nothing but mock and bully her and her friends for Celestia knows why. She had always wished Diamond Tiara would move someplace else, or get abducted by aliens or something. She never expected her tormentor to be out of her mane like this.

She glanced up at the sudden knock on the door. Crimson entered and sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh, giving her a sad smile. “Hey, kiddo. I’m sorry about what happened to your classmate.”

“Yeah,” muttered Scootaloo, shifting her position to the other side of the bed.

“Were the two of you friends?”

“N-no! Diamond Tiara and I were never friends! We hated each other!” replied Scootaloo, turning around with a pale face. Me and Diamond Tiara as friends? Ugh.

“Diamond Tiara? That’s Filthy Rich’s daughter isn’t it? What a loss...” muttered Crimson, shaking his head. He paused and looked at Scootaloo with a raised eyebrow. “You hated each other? Was she one of the girls that bullied you?”

“Yeah, she was one of them. Silver Spoon was the other,” said Scootaloo, narrowing her eyes. “She would always make fun of me and my friends for not having our cutie marks, going on about how dirt poor I am while she was fabulous and wealthy. I hated how she kept flaunting it, thinking she was better than the rest of us. The worst was when she called me ‘chicken’ because I still can’t fly that well…”

Memories of the name calling and public laughter made Scootaloo bite her lip. She could taste her skin about to break and draw blood. Her father put his hoof on her blank flank and patted it. “I’m sorry, Scootaloo. I know it’s hard sometimes. I used to be bullied too. You’ll find your cutie mark, I promise. As for your trouble flying, you know it’s not your fault…”

“Yeah, it’s not my fault,” uttered a bitter Scootaloo, but soon regretted it when she saw her father shamefully turn away. Softening her expression, she got up and nuzzled Crimson, who continued to stare at the wall with empty eyes. “I’m sorry… I don’t blame you, Dad…”

“Why not?” Crimson muttered, closing his eyes. “I’m not a pegasus, so I can’t train you.” He smiled but there was no joy to be found in the expression when he whispered, “I’d blame me.”

Scootaloo balked. “It’s not… No, Dad,” she shook her head violently. “I know you’re doing your best. And hay, Rainbow Dash has been giving me some really good pointers.”

Crimson gazed across the room to where Scootaloo had taped up her posters. The dominant one in the center was familiar looking. It was an action shot; Rainbow Dash reared on her back legs in the middle of some field, wings splayed in a grand presentation. The cocksure grin on her face complemented the flagrant attitude on display and invited promises of adventure and excitement. Above her head, a crude speech bubble had been drawn in marker, but the fillyish scrawl inside was still legible. “Go out today and be awesome,” it read.

“Is that enough?” he finally asked.

Scootaloo didn’t answer at first and let the question swirl in her head. She tried to form a clear thought, to give her dad some answer so he’d feel better. It wasn’t Crimson’s fault he was a unicorn, and it wasn’t fair because there should have always been somepony in her life to help teach her. Scootaloo tried to tell her dad that. She tried to tell him that her flying had improved since Dash started working with her, but the longer she waited the harder the words became to actually say. Her wings twitched in annoyance with each second delayed. Eventually, she shrugged her shoulders and huffed. “It’s what I have right now.”

Crimson snorted. “What you have,” he repeated. “But not what you should have. Not the life a normal filly like you should have. Maybe when your mother comes back--”

“Ugh, not this again!” interrupted Scootaloo, jumping off the bed and kicking a nearby toy ball. It bounced off one of the Rainbow Dash pictures on her dresser and nearly knocked it over. Scootaloo was grateful that Tiara, or anypony for that matter, didn't know about her situation with her parents. She had always lied, saying that her folks were busy with their jobs. That, at least, was true for her father. It was by only some miracle her mother’s abandonment wasn’t public knowledge. If anypony found out it would have been unbearable to deal with the shame, laughter, and even pity. “She’s never coming back, Dad! She left us and that’s that!”

“Scootaloo, she loved you. She loved you very much,” said Crimson.

“Then why hasn’t she been here these last four years?” asked Scootaloo, glaring at her father with venom in her eyes. Silence filled the room, barring the occasional drip from faulty pipes or the dull creak of rotten wood. Scootaloo shook her head and sighed. “How can you still defend her? Why do you still keep that picture of her in our house?”

“Because,” said Crimson, “what would I gain from hating her? I could be angry, but I’m… afraid of what will happen if I do that. I’ve seen ponies lose it completely and they become monsters. I don’t want to raise you like that, and I don’t want to make you suffer anymore than you already have. Besides, she's your mom, and the best thing she ever gave me was you."

"Dad... that's so cheesy," muttered Scootaloo, but she smiled nonetheless.

Crimson chuckled. "It's the truth, kiddo. Look, it won’t make any difference if I do hate her, so I forgive her and move on. Maybe you should do the same thing?”

“With Mom, or Diamond Tiara?” asked Scootaloo.

“Both,” answered her father, getting up. He patted her on the head and smiled. “I’m not gonna force you to go to the funeral, but you should think about it. Maybe it will give you some peace.”

“I don’t see any reason why, Dad. I never liked her and she never liked me. End of story,” reasoned Scootaloo, rolling her eyes.

“Everypony has some good inside them, Scootaloo,” said Crimson, shaking his head. “Maybe you never saw it, but I’m sure even somepony like Diamond Tiara had one. Just think it over.”

He smiled once more and made his way towards the front door, grabbing his jacket with his magic. “I have to get back to work. My boss only gave me a short time to come get you. Plus, I have to work at the dam for the late shift again. There’s still some peanut butter and bread left in the kitchen for dinner, but we’re out of milk.”

Scootaloo ran out of her room and hugged Crimson just before he opened the door. “Dad, don’t come home too late tonight. Please?”

Smirking, he messed with his daughter’s mane and nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

Once he was out of the house, Scootaloo huffed and made her way back to her room to stare at the crack again. Her thoughts drifted towards Diamond Tiara, briefly wondering if there was a good side to the evil filly. It seemed less likely as each memory involving her and her lackey Silver Spoon played through Scootaloo’s head like a projector: the Gabby Gums incident, taking the Crusaders' tree house, all the times Tiara called Scootaloo and her friends names or mocked them when they failed to get their cutie marks. It only angered Scootaloo to the point where she punched her pillow and growled. “Good side, huh? That’s a bunch of ponyfeathers.”

***

Feeling bored inside the house, Scootaloo decided to take a walk into town. She soon regretted her decision upon seeing everypony in Ponyville mourning Diamond Tiara like she had been a saint or something. Homes and street lamps were wrapped with black ribbons. Ponies could be seen carrying flowers while making their way towards Rich Mansion. It almost made Scootaloo sick to think that the same pony who once blackmailed her into writing nasty rumors about the entire community was being cried over, but she reminded herself that this was a serious incident. Even if she hated Tiara, it wasn’t like Scootaloo wanted her dead in the first place.

Still, they all may be willing to cry over her, but I won't. I won’t forget what she’s done. She was mean to me for no reason. So why should I cry for Diamond Tiara? thought Scootaloo, closing her eyes and growling.

As she lifted her eyes back up, Scootaloo gasped upon seeing somepony right in front of her and winced when they collided, the stranger’s horn leaving a mark on her forehead. Rubbing her head, Scootaloo cried out, “Jeez! Careful with that horn!”

“Scootaloo?” Shaking her head, Scootaloo saw that the pony she bumped into was none other than Sweetie Belle, who looked equally surprised. “What are you doing here?”

Rising up to her hooves, Scootaloo brushed some snow off before answering. “Taking a walk, just... clearing my mind.”

“About Diamond Tiara?” asked Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo froze up when she heard the name. “Yeah, I was thinking about her too. It’s so sad...”

“I guess...” said Scootaloo, shrugging her shoulders.

Sweetie Belle’s ears shot up as she slowly stared at Scootaloo, her mouth slightly opening. “Y-you guess? Scootaloo, this is horrible. Aren’t you sad about what happened?”

Scootaloo barely managed to hide her surprise. Of all ponies, she had expected a fellow Cutie Mark Crusader to be feeling just like she was. Then again, Sweetie Belle’s always been the emotional one. Casting her eyes downward, Scootaloo shook her head and answered truthfully. “Not really, it’s just... it’s just not a big deal for me. I mean, yeah, it’s unfortunate, but I can’t honestly say I’m going to miss her.” Rubbing her forelegs, Scootaloo wondered just how different life was going to be without Tiara. At least there would be one less thing to worry about every day. “We were never friends with her. Hay, she bullied us all the time, remember?”

To Scootaloo’s surprise, Sweetie Belle gave her a glare so fierce that it made her step back. “How can you say that?!” shouted Sweetie Belle, attracting the eyes of a few others nearby. “She may have been a bully, but she didn’t deserve to die! It’s a big deal when somepony loses their life, Scootaloo!”

“Well, obviously it is, but not to me!” replied Scootaloo, shaking her head and gritting her teeth. “Why should I care about her at all? She made fun of us, don’t you remember?! The way she called us blank flanks, blackmailed us, and more? She made our lives miserable!”

“That doesn’t make it right! Nopony should have to die and not be cared about because they made a few mistakes!” Sweetie Belle shouted back, stepping forward until the two were in each other’s faces. “Are you saying it’s alright for ponies you're not friends with to just drop dead and not care about them at all?! It’s not right for her to die so young! It’s not right for anypony to die! This isn’t something we can throw away, Scootaloo, and you’re being horrible!”

Scootaloo’s mouth dropped slightly as her best friend continued to defend their former enemy. It’s like she wants to be kind to Tiara now because she’s dead and all. Why should we when she showed us no kindness?

“I’m horrible? She was the one who was horrible! I can’t think a single good thing about her, and yet you’re talking about her like she was your best friend when she was nothing more than a jerk! I’m not saying I’m glad she’s dead, but why should I care?!” cried out Scootaloo, her face beet red.

“Because somepony died!” Sweetie Belle pointed out angrily. Scootaloo tried to say something, but Sweetie turned away with tears in her eyes and retreated despite her name being called out by the pegasus. Scootaloo continued to watch Sweetie until she vanished around a street corner, leaving Scootaloo to face a small crowd of staring faces and whispers.

Nervously, Scootaloo stepped back before galloping off the street and into a nearby alley. When she was sure she was alone, Scootaloo sat down and took a few deep breaths. Did I just really have an argument about Diamond Tiara with Sweetie Belle? Was Sweetie Belle seriously just defending her? Shaking her head, Scootaloo began to wonder if what her friend said was true. Am I acting cold? Yeah, she’s dead and that’s a bad thing, but… why doesn’t it feel bad? She started pounding her head. Ugh, this is so confusing!

Taking a deep breath, Scootaloo got up and walked out of the alley, searching for a place where she didn’t have to think about Diamond Tiara at all. Spotting a familiar gingerbread house, she made tracks for Sugarcube Corner. Thanking Celestia that there were no other customers, Scootaloo headed to the counter and hit the service bell.

“Coming!” called out Mrs. Cake from the kitchens. She soon appeared at the counter and smiled. “Hello, Scootaloo. Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, mind if I hang out here for a bit? I need a place to relax. It’s been a stressful day and all,” pleaded Scootaloo, rubbing her temples.

Mrs. Cake nodded and proceeded to pull out a chocolate frosted cupcake with blue sprinkles. “Of course, dearie. You’re free to hang out here as long as you like. Have a cupcake on the house too.” Scootaloo licked her lips and thanked Mrs. Cake before chomping on the treat with vigor. As she ate, Mrs. Cake tilted her head. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the matter?”

After a quick swallow, Scootaloo looked at the ground to avoid Mrs. Cake’s curious gaze. Hesitantly, she answered, “It’s about Diamond Tiara…”

Instantly, Mrs. Cake’s hooves were pressed against her muzzle. Shaking her head, she whispered, “It’s such a terrible thing to happen to a sweet filly like her. And I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, Scootaloo, having lost a fellow classmate.”

“Yeah…” muttered Scootaloo, nibbling on her cupcake.

Sighing, Mrs. Cake looked towards the window where it had started snowing again. Yet instead of a feeling of wonder, a sense of dread was tied to it. “The twins are going to be devastated when they learn that Diamond Tiara can’t come over anymore. They really liked her. They’re not old enough to understand why she’s gone but still…”

Scootaloo raised her head in confusion. “What do Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake have to do with Diamond Tiara?”

A sad smile stretched across Mrs. Cake’s lips. “Why, she used to babysit the twins every so often.”

A second later, Scootaloo found it hard to breathe as she tried coughing the cupcake out of her windpipe. Mrs. Cake quickly gave her a glass of water and Scootaloo drank greedily before exclaiming, “What did you say? Diamond Tiara babysat the twins?! But that’s like… work!”

Babysitting the Cake twins was a job that made any pony shudder just thinking about it. The twins were wild, eccentric, and almost never went to sleep. Even professional babysitters from Canterlot went back on the train screaming in terror and never returned. The only three ponies who could handle them were their parents and Pinkie Pie. Although now it seemed there was a secret fourth handler as well.

“Oh, yes. It surprised me as well. One day Diamond Tiara came inside to get out of a rainstorm while my husband and I were busy with the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. That’s when the twins started crying,” said Mrs. Cake, moaning. “Mr. Cake and I were too busy and Pinkie was out getting more ingredients for us. Suddenly, Diamond Tiara said she would take care of everything and went up to their room.”

“What happened?” asked Scootaloo.

“Soon enough the crying stopped,” answered Mrs. Cake. “Half an hour later we went upstairs to check on them, and the twins were in their beds, falling asleep as Diamond Tiara finished a bedtime story. After that, she asked if she could, secretly, be a babysitter for the twins when we needed one. It was strange, but we agreed to her request.”

“What was she like?” asked Scootaloo, hanging on to every word. She tried imagining this filly as Diamond Tiara, but she couldn’t see it. The Diamond Tiara I know would just call the babies brats and shut their mouths with duct tape.

“The foals adored her. She would play games, read stories, feed them, and even change them. All for free might I add. Let me show you a picture I took one time,” said Mrs. Cake eagerly. She ran out of the room only to quickly return with a frame.

When it was placed on the counter, Scootaloo’s eyes went wide and her jaw nearly hit the floor. The picture did indeed show Diamond Tiara, jeweled crown and all, resting on a large pillow with a picture book in her hooves. The twins each claimed a side and snuggled tight, wrapping their hooves around her like she was a giant teddy bear. Scootaloo wanted to deny it, but the proof was right in front of her. Diamond Tiara had actually taken care of a pair of foals. Thousands of questions went through Scootaloo’s head. Why would Diamond Tiara do this? What was there to gain? How was it possible for a rich snob like her, one who never worked a day in her life, to be that good at handling two foals at the same time?

“Scootaloo? Are you okay?” asked Mrs. Cake.

Scootaloo shook her head. “Uh, y-yeah. I’m fine. I think I should go home now. Thanks for the story, Mrs. Cake!”

She rushed out of the store before Mrs. Cake could question her. Once she put enough distance between her and Sugarcube Corner, Scootaloo stopped for a breather and looked at the grey sky. “What is going on today?”

First she learned Diamond Tiara died. Then Sweetie Belle accused her of being cold-hearted and mean for not caring about it. Now she discovered that Diamond Tiara, who mocked her and her fellow crusaders for being “babies”, was also a babysitter? It’s like reality has suddenly turned upside down!

Deciding she’d had enough weirdness for one day, Scootaloo was about to make tracks for home when she spotted a filly nearby, crying her eyes out. Scootaloo prepared to walk over and ask what was wrong, but the filly turned around and instantly stopped crying the moment she saw her. Scootaloo, in turn, also froze in shock upon seeing the teary-eyed Silver Spoon, who looked like she had seen better days. Bags were under her bloodshot eyes while her mane looked almost as droopy as Pinkie on her off days. Tear marks and even small signs of snot could be seen on her face while her glasses hung awkward and crooked.

The two fillies stared at each other in silence before Silver Spoon snapped out of it and adjusted her glasses. She turned away and hissed, “What do you want?”

“I… uh,” Scootaloo rubbed the back of her neck, “I just wanted to see if you were alright?”

“Do I look alright?” asked a deadpan Silver Spoon.

“Jeez, I was just asking,” mumbled Scootaloo, rolling her eyes.

“Whatever…” said Silver Spoon. “Did you have anything else to say?”

Scootaloo gulped and sighed. Might as well be the ‘good’ filly and say it.

“I’m sorry about what happened to Diamond Tiara.”

Silver Spoon snapped her head around as Scootaloo finished. She continued to keep her stone gaze up for a while, making Scootaloo nervously step back a bit. Silver Spoon growled, “You’re lying. You’re not sorry. I bet you’re glad she’s dead!”

“Wait, what?!” yelled Scootaloo.

Silver Spoon marched up to Scootaloo and shoved her nose right against her muzzle, their eyes inches apart. “Yeah! I bet you’re glad she’s dead! And I bet you wish I was dead too, right?” demanded Silver Spoon, gritting her teeth.

“Now hang on a min—"

“Right?! You and your friends must think it’s so funny!” Silver’s face twisted in pain and anger. For the second time today, Scootaloo found herself backing up from an unexpected outburst. “The bully finally got what was coming to her. Mean old Diamond Tiara is dead! The only thing that’d make it better is if we’d both been killed in that accident!”

“I don’t—”

“You three should throw a party over it!” Tears were leaking from her eyes as she continued to shout. Scootaloo flattened her ears, anger starting to well up inside her. “Just have a big celebration! But my best friend is gone. She died in front of my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do about it! So don’t pretend like you’re sorry when I know you’re not! And don’t act like you can talk to me about this! You still have your two best friends. You don’t know loss, and you don’t know how this feels!”

“Enough!” The word left Scootaloo’s mouth before she realized she’d said anything, years of endured frustration and impotence released in one cathartic scream. She reared back and shoved her front hooves out, catching Silver Spoon mid-stride with a solid thunk to her chest that knocked her to the cold street.

Scootaloo’s shadow loomed over Silver Spoon while the prone filly tried in vain to adjust her glasses and suck air back into her lungs at the same time. Staring down at her, Scootaloo saw flickers of emotion as their eyes met. Surprise. Fear. And then something else, something that forced the pegasus to stop. It wasn’t that Scootaloo knew what she was going to do next. She felt like her body was running on something purely instinctive, but the look in Silver Spoon’s eyes made her pause anyway.

Expectation.

Silver Spoon was preparing herself for… something. Scootaloo didn’t understand. Was this supposed to happen? Did she want me to push her? What the hay is going on? Scootaloo closed her eyes and slowly lowered the hoof that she didn’t even realize until now was poised in the air and ready to strike.

Instead, she leaned menacingly forward and growled. “Now you listen up, you brat! I don’t like you, and I never liked Diamond Tiara. I sure as hay don’t care she’s dead. And why should I, huh? All you two ever did to me and my friends was make our lives as miserable as possible! We never did anything to you but you never stopped! You’re right, okay, I’m not sorry. But don’t ever think I’m happy she’s dead. Don’t ever think I wished for it to happen. That’s what you and Diamond Tiara would do!”

With a shake of her head, Scootaloo continued. “So maybe you both deserve this. Maybe it is karma, because you’ve both been nothing but stuck-up jerks your whole lives. I don’t know and I don’t care. I may not have wanted Diamond Tiara dead, but I’m not gonna mourn over her either. She was nothing but a snobby, rich, showoff, ego-driven, bully and I hate her, and you, for it!”

Scootaloo took several deep breaths, feeling as though a weight had suddenly lifted off her shoulders. She watched as Silver Spoon stared at her with a look of disbelief and shock. The grief-stricken filly opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Finally, Silver Spoon lowered her head and mumbled, “You’re right…”

Of all the responses Scootaloo could have imagined, that one was easily the most unexpected. She blinked, not fully registering it. “Huh?”

Getting up, Silver Spoon looked at Scootaloo with such emotionless eyes that, for a split second, it was like looking at a zombie. “Maybe this is payback for all the mean things we did. We never really wanted… we just… I…” Silver Spoon shook her head. “I guess it’s too late to think about it now. We just wanted to be safe, not like what happened that summer…”

“What summer? What are you talking about?” asked Scootaloo.

Then, in a sudden move that took Scootaloo by complete surprise for the fourth time that day, she felt Silver Spoon wrap her forehooves around her. Holding back tears, Silver said, “I’m sorry… for everything. It’s too late now, but I’m so sorry…”

“Silver Spoon…” muttered Scootaloo. She tried to think of something to say, but her mind kept fumbling the words.

Silver Spoon ended the hug and sighed. “You may have only known her as a bully, but I knew her as something else. A friend. A sister. A good filly that didn’t deserve this, but it doesn’t matter now.”

Without a goodbye, Scootaloo watched Silver Spoon slowly walk away. She dragged her hooves like they were chained in iron, leaving the stunned pegasus filly in the middle of the snow-filled street.

It took her a long time to realize she had been given an apology by Silver Spoon.

Author's Note

Before anybody says anything, that whole "Diamond Tiara was a babysitter" angle will be explained in the future chapters. It's all part of the backstory I've been building up for her. You'll learn more in both the Apple Bloom Chapters and Scootaloo ones.

So this is the one a lot of people have been wanting to see for a while now. Scootaloo's chapters represent two things. The first being apathy towards those who have died, but were such jerks to us that we don't care about them. Now when a jerk we hate dies, there are some of us who will feel nothing. Maybe we might be glad they are dead, but most times I think we feel a sense of nothing that comes off it. Sure, we're not GLAD they are dead, but them being dead doesn't affect us like it does with others.

So does that make us cold hearted? That's the second thing in Scootaloo's chapters. Is it wrong to feel this way while others are mourning? If the death doesn't affect us, should we feel ashamed by not feeling anything? Maybe we have a just reason not to cry, but are we afraid of what others might think of us for doing so? The conversation between Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle plays on that. While Sweetie Belle sees the entire thing as a giant tragedy, even if Diamond Tiara was a jerk, Scootaloo can't find it in her heart to cry over Tiara's death because of her actions against her.

However, as Scootaloo will find out there were parts of Diamond Tiara that she never knew about and that her vision of who her bully was will slowly be shattered. We've seen that Diamond Tiara was nice to some ponies such as the Cake Family and Silver Spoon, but will this change Scootaloo's point of view even though Tiara, for all her niceness towards others, was not kind to her? You'll have to read more to find out.

And yes, here is Silver Spoon. Expect to see her mostly in the Scootaloo chapters.

Next time it's back to Apple Bloom and we also get to see Filthy Rich and how he's doing with his daughter's death. Will we learn more about the mysterious wife and brother that have also died? You'll have to wait to find out.

NOTE: Some minor changes in this chapter. Nothing special, just fixing some exposition.

Apple Bloom 2

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks toCatnipfairy for her artwork!

***

Apple Bloom didn’t remember sleeping. She didn’t recall ever closing her eyes. But something must have happened, because sometime during the night the world lost focus, sound lost its voice, and colors blended into a darkening fade. A dull, heavy pulse echoed deep within her consciousness, until, like a crashing wave, it sped up and Apple Bloom woke to the sound of knocking at her door. She yawned, and her sister’s voice called out from the hallway. “Apple Bloom?! Ya up yet? It’s past ten and Ah’ve been knockin’ for the last ten minutes!”

Mumbling, Apple Bloom shook her head but quickly remembered her actions from last night. With barely any energy, she rushed toward the door and opened it. Applejack recoiled upon seeing the face of her dreary-looking sister, complete with bags under her eyes. Putting her hooves over the filly’s shoulders in concern, Applejack leaned forward and asked, “Sweet mother of Celestia, Apple Bloom. Did ya get any sleep last night? Ya look terrible."

“Ah...” Apple Bloom nervously looked away, “Ah couldn’t sleep. Kept thinkin’ about... yesterday.”

Sympathy soon replaced Applejack’s worried expression, and she leaned forward and hugged her sister. “Ah know. It’s terrible what happened, but don’t ya worry. We’re gonna get through this together, along with Mr. Rich. Speakin’ of which,” Applejack pointed to the bathroom across the hall, “y’all should get cleaned up first before we head on over to Mr. Rich’s to give our condolences.”

Apple Bloom’s expression quickly slid into horror. “Ya mean she’s... she’s still dead?”

Applejack whipped her head towards her sister, looking slightly frightened. “What? Apple Bloom? A-are ya sure yer alright?”

Realizing her blunder, Apple Bloom quickly pushed past her sister and entered the bathroom. “A-ah’m fine! Just still tired! Ah’ll be out soon!” She closed the door and locked it before resting her head against the door. Her sister banged on it a few times, calling out her name. “D-don’t come in! Ah’m... Ah’m on the toilet!”

The knocking stopped and Apple Bloom heard a faint sigh from the other side. Applejack said, “Listen, Apple Bloom. If ya want to talk about anything ya can come to me. Okay?”

“Yeah,” answered Apple Bloom, slowly huddling her rear legs closer to her chest, curling into a ball.

“Just don’t take too long. We leave in an hour,” said Applejack, before the sound of her hoof clops receded into silence.

When she was sure Applejack was gone, Apple Bloom stopped resisting and let the tears fall down her cheeks. She had failed. A whole night of wishing wasted. Diamond Tiara was still dead, and it was all her fault. Ah did this... Ah killed her. Slowly, Apple Bloom dragged herself into the tub and turned on the shower, ignoring the cold water that began to rain down on her. It was nothing compared to the empty, icy feeling inside.

This wasn’t what Ah wanted. Ah wanted somethin’ bad to happen to her, but not like this. Ah didn’t want her killed. Now... now Ah have blood on mah hooves, thought Apple Bloom, thinking back to her wish for ill fortune on Diamond Tiara. It had come true, but it was the worst kind of fortune a pony could get: death. Bully or not, Diamond Tiara didn’t deserve to die. She may have done many mean things, but this wasn’t what Apple Bloom wanted.

Apple Bloom gritted her teeth and banged her head against the wall. It’s all yer fault! She’s dead ‘cause ya made a wish on a shootin’ star and it came true! Why didn’t ya just wish for yer cutie mark or somethin’ else? Ya made Mr. Rich childless! Ya made Silver Spoon friendless! How could ya?!

Eventually, she started to feel lightheaded and stopped. Taking in a deep sigh, Apple Bloom looked up at the ceiling and wished her headache would wake her from this nightmare. After a few more minutes underneath the cold shower, Apple Bloom stepped out and dried herself off before heading downstairs.

Somber faces awaited her when she saw the rest of her family. Big Macintosh looked the worst, being close friends with Filthy Rich. She had heard that the two didn’t get along well at first, with some of the stories not sounding too far off from what she and Diamond Tiara were like. How they suddenly became friends was a mystery.

Would the same have happened to me and Diamond Tiara if she... Apple Bloom pushed away such thoughts, fearful she’d start crying again otherwise.

Once Apple Bloom presented herself, Granny Smith, carrying a basket that smelled of apple pie, turned to the door. “Let’s go,” she said in a tone that Apple Bloom only ever heard when they were talking about her parents.

As the Apple Family left the grounds of the farm and made their way into town, Apple Bloom couldn’t help but wonder how her other friends were doing. Sweetie Belle looked like she was in tears last time she saw her, and Scootaloo had still been shocked. What were they feeling at the moment?

None of her family members spoke as they passed through town. Apple Bloom noticed the signs of Ponyville mourning its loss. It only caused the nail of guilt to be hammered deeper into her coffin. Her wonderful town had lost all its color and charm, becoming one big memorial ceremony. Apple Bloom even dared to say it was worse than the time Discord was running wild and loose. Sure, things looked grim and she would never forget the horrible feeling of being ‘Discorded’. But deep inside, some small part of her had faith that her big sister and her friends would save the day and everything would go back to normal, which it did. This, however, couldn’t have a happy ending. Diamond Tiara couldn’t come back, and nothing was ever going to be normal again.

Before Apple Bloom knew it, she was at the entrance of Rich Mansion, home to her former greatest enemy. She winced upon thinking such a thing. Especially now that she’s gone forever…

Big Macintosh knocked on the door and a pegasus maid answered, looking relieved when she saw them. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here, Big Macintosh. It’s Master Rich. He’s...”

Eyes narrowing, Big Macintosh growled, “He’s drinkin’ again, isn’t he?”

The maid slowly nodded her head. “Can you blame the stallion?”

“No,” said Macintosh, sighing in frustration. “But Ah’ll be damned if Ah let him waste away like he almost did with Crystal Eyes.”

He turned to his family. “Go on home. Ah’ll take care of this.”

“Ya sure?” asked Applejack, placing her hoof on his shoulder.

Big Macintosh nodded. “Ah’m sure. Ah figured this would happen.”

Applejack nodded in understanding as she led Apple Bloom and Granny Smith away from the mansion while Big Macintosh went inside. Apple Bloom hesitated to say something. She really wanted to go inside and talk to Mr. Rich, comfort him, and apologize for the loss of his daughter. She then noticed the basket still in Granny’s mouth and got an idea. Nudging her sister, she asked, “Hey, sis? We forgot to give Mr. Rich our pie. Can Ah deliver it to him and then go meet mah friends afterwards?”

Applejack took a look at Granny, who nodded in agreement as she placed the basket on Apple Bloom’s back. Applejack smiled and said, “Alright, just be home in time for supper, Apple Bloom. And be careful on the streets, okay?”

Nodding, Apple Bloom quickly rushed back to the mansion and knocked on the door. She explained to the maid about the pie and how she’d also need to wait for her brother to take her home. Granted she could have left on her own, but she wanted to stay as long as possible to talk to Mr. Rich. Ah... Ah have to tell him about the wish and everythin’. It’s the right thing to do.

The maid allowed her inside where she saw, for the first time, the home of Diamond Tiara. She couldn’t help but stare at the clean and decorated hall with its silver chandeliers, fancy vases, and portraits of the Rich family. It was something she never liked to admit, but Apple Bloom had always been envious of how Diamond Tiara had so much wealth and she didn’t.

It wasn’t that she wanted nice things, but the fact of the matter was that farming didn’t make as much money as the various businesses Mr. Rich associated with. Even just a small fraction of the money Tiara’s family had would have made her family’s life a lot easier.

After placing the pie on a nearby table, the maid guided Apple Bloom into the living room where she sat on what had to be the comfiest couch ever. The maid excused herself, saying she would bring some tea, which allowed Apple Bloom time to look around more. The living room was filled with enough books to make Twilight jealous, and there was even a small bar filled with drinks, some of which were her family's apple cider. However, the most eye-catching feature in the room was the fireplace mantle across from her, where two pictures sat framed by wreaths and lit candles.

She walked closer for a better look and saw that one of the photos was Diamond Tiara, smiling and looking happy as can be. The other one was of a mare Apple Bloom had never seen before, yet she looked strangely familiar. Her mane was the same shade of light purple as Tiara’s, complete with the telltale white streaks evenly layered, except it was more smooth and reached past her shoulders. Her coat was also a much darker magenta, and she had a crystal necklace around her neck. She was absolutely beautiful, like one of those models she saw on magazines such as Fleur Dis Lee.

Apple Bloom tried to figure out why this mare looked so familiar, but for the life of her she couldn’t. A voice behind her, nearly spooking her, said, “I see you’ve met Mistress Rich.” The maid had returned with the tea and placed it on the coffee table.

“So... she’s Diamond Tiara’s mother?” asked Apple Bloom, looking at the picture in amazement. “But how come Ah’ve never seen her before?”

The maid held back a sob and sniffed. Apple Bloom’s eyes lit up and looked back at the photos, which she realized was a memorial. “No,” Apple Bloom whispered, “you mean she...”

The maid’s nodding only confirmed Apple Bloom’s worst suspicions. She was like me... all this time. She lost her mother too. Tears began to drip down her cheeks as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Ah... Ah need some time alone. Is there a restroom around here?”

The maid nodded and gave her directions, which Apple Bloom immediately followed. She reached the end of the hall and was about to turn the corner when her brother’s voice stopped her in her tracks. Rubbing her eyes, Apple Bloom turned her head in the opposite direction and, curious, began to walk towards the door where the sound was coming from.

She peeked inside and saw her brother in some kind of office, but what nearly made her gasp was the pony lazily sitting on the seat next to the desk. Mr. Rich had always been one of those types who dressed neat and looked proud, often reminding Apple Bloom of Rarity and her obsession with looking good. If it wasn’t for the fact that the stallion she was seeing had his cutie mark on his flank, Apple Bloom would have been hesitant to believe it was Filthy Rich. He had the worst bed mane she had ever seen, and his clothes were scattered around the floor, ripped up and torn to shreds. He looked dirty and it was clear from the smell that the stallion hadn’t been bathing. She hesitated to look at his bloodshot and baggy eyes as he lifted his drink and gulped it down faster than Rainbow Dash did during cider season.

Holding her breath, Apple Bloom watched as her brother shook his head at the sight and said, “Rich, Ah know this is hard for ya. Celestia help me Ah know, but look at ya...”

“You think I care about my looks anymore, Mac?” asked Rich as he took a chug from the bottle. Wiping his mouth, his near dead eyes gazed at the floor. “She’s gone... my baby girl. My little diamond.... g-gone. I... I have nothing.”

“That’s not true,” said Big Macintosh, stepping forward. “Ya can’t just go out there and say that when ya still have—”

“What?” snorted Filthy Rich. “Money? Power? My business? My home? All of that I would trade in a heartbeat for my daughter. Even just five more minutes with her!” He leaned back against his chair and sobbed. “She told me she didn’t want to die, Mac. Before they tried to operate on her, she said she didn’t want to die. I said she wasn’t going to, and we were going to head back home. And look what happened! Look what happened!” Apple Bloom winced as Rich got up from his seat, screamed, and threw his bottle against the wall. “She was all I had left! After Crystal and the baby died, I should have loved her even more, but I failed! I drove a wedge between me and my daughter and don’t deny it, Mac! I was a terrible father!”

“That ain’t so, Rich,” said Macintosh, trying to place his hoof on Filthy’s shoulder, but it was shrugged off. “Ya loved yer little girl, all of us could see that. Ya just... ya were still adjustin’.”

“Three years, Mac?” mumbled Rich, somehow finding another unopened bottle of liquor among the mess and pulling the cork loose. “I pushed her away. We were all we had and I pushed her away because she reminded me too much... too much...

“Work. That was my balm. That was how I justified it. Always so much work to do, I couldn’t spend time with her. And look what she became! You think I don’t know?!” He took a long swig from his bottle and gasped when he finished. “A-and now, this is p-punishment. I know, it has to be... I-I-I couldn’t raise her right, so whatever higher power exists took her. My precious diamond... I f-failed!”

Apple Bloom had never seen a grownup cry so much, and the sight of Filthy Rich bawling and calling out his daughter’s name as he rocked back and forth brought her to tears too. She wondered if this was how Granny Smith felt when she lost her son. Was this how any parent felt when they lost their child? She never once thought that Diamond Tiara was loved by anypony, but despite all the nasty things she had done she had to have been loved. Her father, Silver Spoon, and there had to be other ponies out there who had loved Diamond Tiara.

Was Ah so blind to hatin’ her that Ah forgot she was a pony just like me? With family and friends, just like me? thought Apple Bloom.

Macintosh shook his head. “But is drinkin’ yerself to death gonna be the answer, Rich? Ah know this is hard, but ya can’t let yerself waste away like ya did after Crystal’s death. Ah know—”

“Know?!” shouted Rich, rising up and getting into Big Macintosh’s face. “You know nothing about what I’m going through, you dumb hillbilly!”

Macintosh groaned. “Really, Rich? Name callin’?”

“Buck you! You have everything! You still got a family and purpose! My family was my purpose and they’re all dead! I might as well be dead too, at least I wouldn’t have to suffer like this!” shouted Rich, saliva splashing all over Macintosh’s calm face. This only seemed to make Rich even more angry. “And you know jack squat! What makes you think you know anything about me? And stop with that stoic look of yours! I bucking hate it!”

Apple Bloom gasped as Filthy Rich struck her brother in the face with his hoof. To his credit, Macintosh didn’t even flinch when he was hit. Slowly, he turned his head back to Rich and proceeded to hit him with his own hoof. The two soon grabbed each other and started wrestling all over the office, making an even larger mess than before. Every second there seemed to be something new either broken or knocked down from their tumble. After minutes of fighting, Big Macintosh managed to pin Rich, who still struggled to escape.

“Let me go! You stupid farmer! Let! Me! Go!” shouted Rich, screaming some more until his shouts became whimpers. He opened his eyes as Macintosh looked at him with pity before slowly getting up. The two friends looked at each other before embracing, Macintosh letting a sobbing Rich rest on his chest. “Mac... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...”

“It’s alright, Rich,” muttered Macintosh, closing his eyes as a tear dripped down his cheek. “When mah parents died Ah remember blamin’ myself just as much as y’all are right now. Ah didn’t talk to anypony and was just so angry all the time. Ah blamed myself for not being strong enough to help Pa or quick enough to help Ma... it really was a shocker. Ah was now the stallion of the house all of a sudden because of a terrible tragedy. The only thing we had to smile about was Apple Bloom being born.”

“Big brother,” whispered Apple Bloom. Out of all her family, her brother had always been the least reluctant to talk about their parents.

“Do ya remember our days growin’ up?” asked Big Macintosh with a small smile.

For the first time since she walked in, Apple Bloom heard Rich chuckle. “Hard to forget. We were so stupid back... well, mostly me. I thought you were a poor farmer with filthy habits, and a freak because of your size and silent ways. I lost count how many times we fought.”

“Yeah, and Ah couldn’t wait to graduate so Ah could be rid of ya,” chuckled Macintosh. “‘Course, nothing changed, even as adults. But do ya remember what ya said to me two months after Ah lost mah folks?”

“I believe it may have been, ‘Stop being all depressed and such, you’re spreading it around.’” Rich quoted. He paused as if remembering, and then a small smile slipped free along with another soft chuckle. “And then you proceeded to slug me a good one. Crystal and your granny gave us such a scolding that day, calling us foals at our age. How long was that fight?”

“About an hour. After that y’all were huggin’ me while Ah was bawlin’ mah eyes out.”

The two old friends looked at each other and hugged again. Apple Bloom didn’t know if she should feel confused or relieved. She even wondered if what happened to her brother and Mr. Rich could have happened to her and Tiara. Could they have eventually grown out of their hate for each other and become friends? Big Macintosh and Filthy Rich sounded like they hated each other back then, just like her and Tiara, but it all changed. Now Ah’ll never know... because of what Ah’ve done.

“What do I do, Mac?” asked Rich, sighing and looked above his fireplace. Above it was a family portrait of his entire family. “My wife is gone. My children are gone. What am I supposed to do?”

“Rich,” said Macintosh, putting his hoof on his best friend’s shoulder, “Ah can’t give ya an answer because, honestly, Ah don’t know what Ah would do if Ah lost mah sisters and Granny Smith. But Ah can tell ya this much: they wouldn’t want me to waste myself in such a way as yer doin’. They’d kick mah butt from the grave if it ever happened. Crystal and Diamond Tiara wouldn’t want to see the stallion they both love fall to pieces. It ain’t gonna be easy, but Ah’ll be there to help ya all the way.”

Filthy Rich nodded. “Thank you, Big Macintosh...”

Apple Bloom turned away from the scene and ran. She saw some stairs and ran up them, not stopping until she reached the top. Sitting down on the top step she buried her head into her hooves and cried. What have Ah done? Ah’m so sorry, Mr. Rich... Ah’m so sorry. Oh Diamond Tiara, Ah’m so sorry! Ah never wanted ya to die!

Never before in her life had Apple Bloom felt more alone in the world than she did now. Her one wish, her hatred, had ruined the lives of so many. Everypony was crying and a filly was dead, all because of her. As Apple Bloom continued to sob, she noticed out of the corner of her eye a door with a familiar silver tiara cutie mark engraved into the wood.

Diamond Tiara’s room, thought Apple Bloom as she slowly opened it. It was like a room fit for a princess, complete with velvet walls and a bed that looked similar to Rarity’s, only smaller and more pink. There were tons of stuffed animals all over the place, each of them cuter than the next. Apple Bloom guessed she could fit two of her bedrooms into the available space with room to spare.

Apple Bloom nervously entered the room that used to belong to her bully. Turning to the nearest wall, she saw dozens of pictures from Diamond Tiara’s life, some of them with her as a foal; others looked so recent they couldn’t have been from more than a few months ago. She could see Silver Spoon, Tiara’s family, and even members of the staff with her occasionally. Then she saw something that made her stop in her tracks.

Granny Smith had never missed an opportunity to show how “cute” Apple Bloom was when she was a foal. That same foal with her mother’s red bow was right there in diapers, sleeping next to another foal she assumed was Tiara. She quickly remembered Applejack telling her how she used to be crib pals with Tiara. Of course, she didn’t believe a word of it then.

And yet the proof was clear as day. She wondered what Diamond Tiara thought as she passed this photo every day. Did she remember a time when we were friends? ‘Cause Ah sure as hay can’t.

Stepping away from the wall, Apple Bloom turned around and saw a desk that was completely bare except for a small leather book and a few pencils lying around it. Curious, she walked toward it and looked at the book, spotting a bookmark in between the pages.

Opening the book, she started from where the bookmark left off:

Dear Diary,

I’m so excited I can barely keep it in me from crying out in joy! Daddy says he can stay home for the holidays this year! In fact, he even wants to host a party at our house next week! Silver Spoon and a bunch of other important ponies will be coming over, but Daddy says he’s even inviting the Apples if they want to come.

Ugh, I don’t understand why they need to come over, but if having Apple Bloom and her loser family at my house is what I’ll have to deal with to have Daddy for Hearth’s Warming Day then I’ll live with it. I just hope he doesn’t want us taking pictures together. Can you imagine that? So lame. Besides, Silver Spoon will be coming over so I won’t be alone, and maybe we can even have a sleepover! Actually, maybe I’ll hold on that. I want to spend as much time with Daddy as possible this year!

I’ve already picked out Daddy’s present! I’m gonna make him a bracelet with our cutie marks together! Normally I would just go buy something, but this is the first time we’re gonna be together for the holidays since... since Mommy and Golden Pockets died...

I wish all of us could be together, but Mommy and my little brother are both in Elysium. Do they celebrate the holidays in Elysium? Does Santa Hooves go there too? Sebastian says that they’re watching me and Daddy from above; well, I hope they’ll do so when we open presents and such. Maybe it will feel like we’re a family again.

Anyway, I’ve got to go to bed. Silver Spoon and I are gonna go ice skating tomorrow because of the upcoming snow day! I can’t wait for Hearth's Warming Day!

-Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom slowly held the book in her hooves as she stared at the page without making a sound. As delicately as she could, she read the entry again. And again. She looked at the next page only to find it blank. Forever more it would be.

She turned to the previous pages, quickly scanning them and finding quite a few entries with her name on it. She wondered how far back it went and what Diamond Tiara really behaved like. The answers were all here. A part of her told her to put it back. It wasn’t hers to take, especially since the owner died. But a part of her wanted to know more, about Diamond Tiara and her past, about why she was a bully and why she hated Apple Bloom.

In the end, her curiosity got the better of her. Apple Bloom quickly ran out, making sure to close the door, and snuck back to the living room. The maid was already gone, which made the next part easier. The basket was right where she left it, empty now save for the blanket that had kept the pie warm. Apple Bloom quickly hid the diary underneath the apple-scented fabric. Just as she put it away, her brother came in from the hall.

“Apple Bloom? What are y’all doin’ here?” asked Big Macintosh.

“Ah came back to give Mr. Rich the pie and wait for ya,” replied Apple Bloom, hastily.

Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything, Filthy Rich came in and asked, “Everything alright, Mac?”

“Y-yeah, we were just leavin’,” said Big Macintosh.

The Apples bid Filthy Rich farewell, but before they left he quickly said, “Wait, Apple Bloom.” Apple Bloom stopped and looked at him. Nervously, Rich pawed the ground. “My daughter, I know she did some... really bad things to you and your friends. Do you hate her for it?”

The earnest intensity in Filthy Rich’s voice surprised Apple Bloom almost as much the question itself.Did she hate Diamond Tiara now? Even after her death? “A-ah... Ah don’t know, Mr. Rich. Yer daughter did a lot of mean things,” she winced upon seeing his frown increase, “but there had to have been some good in her, right? Maybe Ah never saw it, but she had to still be a good pony in some way.”

Filthy Rich only nodded before retreating back into the hall. One of the butlers guided them out as Apple Bloom wondered, Do Ah really still hate her?

Author's Note

Sorry I took so long to get this out, I'll try to avoid another incident like this again. I'm already working on the next one.

I think the main character for this chapter, besides Apple Bloom, is Filthy Rich. I don't know how many of you are parents, but from what I can tell the children you have are your life. To lose them is to lose everything and, unfortunately, many have. I remember a quote from Lord of the Ring, "No parent should have to outlive their child" and that quote really strikes you.

It's even worse for a man like Rich who has lost everything. He has nopony left in his family and is driven by his own guilt of pushing his daughter away. Yet despite this, it's clear Diamond Tiara still loved her father very much and wanted nothing more then to be with him. More will be shown about this later in the next Scootaloo chapter while in the next Sweetie Belle chapter we learn more about Crystal Eyes's death as well as the baby's death. It's not gonna be pretty I'll tell you that much.

For all those of you who are parents, love your children no matter what. For all those who have fathers and mothers(Or stepparents or adopted parents), love your parents no matter what.

Later

Scootaloo 2

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks toCatnipfairy for her artwork!

***

With the meeting a waste, Scootaloo decided to find something else to do with her time. She didn’t want to go home where her dad was sleeping for his night job, nor did she feel like heading downtown to see more ponies mourning Tiara’s death. Wanting to be alone for awhile, she decided to play at the currently vacant playground at the school. Still, even doing some swinging and pretending she was flying with Rainbow Dash wasn’t enough to cheer her up.

Scootaloo couldn’t wait for the funeral to finally come. Maybe if it did then everypony, including her friends, would stop talking about Diamond Tiara and just move on with their lives already. She knew there was a chance the girls would talk about Diamond Tiara rather than getting their cutie marks today like they had originally planned, but she didn’t expect both of them to team up against her. Am I the only one who’s forgetting how much of a brat she was? It’s like everypony’s trying to make me the bad pony here!

The worst of it was from Sweetie Belle, who was trying to force her own sorrows on Scootaloo and make her feel sad about Diamond Tiara. The same Diamond Tiara who liked to embarrass me? The same Diamond Tiara who mocked for having no cutie mark? The same Diamond Tiara who flaunted her wealth in front of everypony else?

That was the one thing she hated about Diamond Tiara most. She was a rich snob who never stopped talking about how wealthy she was, which constantly reminded Scootaloo of her own unfortunate life. She would never say it out loud, not in front of her dad, but she hated being poor. Tiara had no idea how good she had it, and instead she wasted her money like a greedy pig, never taking others into consideration. She might as well have joined up with all the other rich folks in Canterlot. That way they can be snobs together.

She would never say that Diamond Tiara deserved to die. She didn’t hate her that much. But she wasn’t going to cry over this bully who made her life miserable. She was dead. Ponies died. It happened. Hay, her mother could be dead for all she knew. Or she could be living a new life, married to some new guy, with new kids. Scootaloo shook her head. Don’t think about her. You have enough to be angry about.

It was surprising to learn that Diamond Tiara had a soft spot for foals, and the fact that her mother and brother died when she was young. But that wasn’t enough to erase all the bad memories Scootaloo had. Her father had told her about his life growing up, how he was teased all the time. It made him miserable and he never liked talking about it. Diamond Tiara belonged to the same crowd of cowards who thought they were better than everypony and had a right to boss others around unapologetically.

Scootaloo put her hooves down and came to a stop in the snow. That wasn’t true. Silver Spoon had apologized yesterday and hugged her, stunning Scootaloo even as she accepted it. She had almost forgotten about that. A part of her didn’t want to buy it, but she had never seen Silver Spoon cry before or look so depressed.

She still meant what she said before. Silver and Tiara’s actions as bullies were still horrible and she, along with a few others, had every right to hate them for what they had done. Maybe it was harsh, but she needed to hear it.

Scootaloo was about to make for the slide nearby when she spotted somepony, about a filly’s size, running towards the opposite end of the school. Behind her were two bigger figures, chasing after her. Curious, Scootaloo ran after them.

Quickly making it to the other side of the schoolhouse, she pressed herself against the wall and peeked around the corner. She put a hoof over her mouth to prevent a gasp of shock from escaping. Silver Spoon, the same pony Scootaloo was thinking about earlier, was trapped and cornered by two colts from their class. It was Green Daze, an earth pony with a green coat and dark blue mane, and his twin brother, Shady Daze, who had a light blue coat and dark blue mane that didn’t quite reach the saturation of his brother’s. Both of them were ponies Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had made fun of for being blank flanks.

What had shocked her was the state Silver Spoon was in. Her face sported a pair of bruises and a few scraps of dirt on it, and Scootaloo could swear she saw blood dripping down Silver Spoon’s nose. It didn’t take her long to connect the dots. Without Diamond Tiara to back her up, Silver Spoon was now a free target to those she had bullied. And the angry look on the brothers’ faces showed they weren’t pulling any punches.

“P-please! Leave me alone! I’m sorry I bullied you! I’m sorry for everything I did! Just stop hurting me!” cried out Silver Spoon, tears dripping down her damaged face.

“Aw, look at that bro, she wants us to stop,” mocked Green Daze before pushing her onto the snow. “How come you never stopped when you and your dead friend were mocking us for being babies because we were, what were those words, oh yeah, blank flanks?!”

Shady snorted and spat on Silver Spoon’s face. “I wish that carriage killed both of you! The world is better off with Diamond Tiara dead and rotting in the ground! They should just put her in a ditch and bury it unmarked so the worms can eat her pretty little face! Nopony would care! Well, maybe you, but then again you both are horrible ponies who deserve worse!”

“I-I-I know I was… cruel, but I didn’t—”

“Know? Know?! You know nothing!” screamed Shady Daze, smacking his hoof against the ground. He got up in Silver’s face, saliva spitting out as he continued to yell. “All you ever did to us ‘blank flanks’ was make our lives miserable! You know how many fillies and colts you sent home crying? You know how many ponies hate you? You should just crawl under a rock and die! That way you and Diamond Tiara can both be friends again in Tartarus!”

“Shut up!” screamed Silver Spoon. She tried to tackle Shady, but was thrown against the ground where she hit her head on a large rock. Tears streaming down her face, she held her head as blood slowly started to decorate the snow underneath. The twins proceeded to laugh at her misery, making her cry harder.

“Who’s the crybaby now?” shouted Green Daze.

“Yeah, you had this coming a long time ago!” shouted Shady Daze.

Suddenly, before she even knew what she was doing, Scootaloo rushed out from her hiding spot and bucked Shady Daze right in the face. The colt yelled in pain, holding his bleeding muzzle. Scootaloo could have sworn she saw a chipped tooth before his hoof came up. Green Daze was too stunned by what happened to see Scootaloo tackle him to the ground. He struggled but Scootaloo was able to get a few hits on him with her hooves before being pushed aside.

Getting up, Scootaloo rushed to a crying Silver Spoon’s side and flared her wings, daring the two colts to attack. Green Daze went to his brother, who was still holding his muzzle, before glaring at Scootaloo in disbelief and anger. “What the hay are you doing, Scootaloo?! Why are you defending her? After all she’s done to us? To you and your friends?”

“Shut up!” shouted Scootaloo, growling like a tiger. “I’m no friend of Silver Spoon, but jerk or not, what you guys are doing is wrong! Get out of here!”

“Why you little...”

Green Daze never got to finish his threat. A voice cried out from nearby, “Who's there?! What’s with all the yelling?”

Miss Cheerilee! thought Scootaloo, thanking her lucky stars. “Miss Cheerilee! Over here! Silver Spoon’s been attacked by the Daze brothers!”

“Horseapples! Run!” cried Green Daze as he and Shady ran off with their tails between their legs.

Scootaloo wanted to run after the two, but knew Silver Spoon needed her more. She looked over the injured filly and winced at the prominent, still bleeding wound on Silver Spoon’s head. For the first time in her life, Scootaloo actually cared about Silver Spoon’s well being. Those two went too far. At least she and Tiara never got physical…

Miss Cheerilee soon appeared around the corner and gasped in horror at the sight of one of her precious students on the ground, injured and crying. Like a mother hen, she gently held Silver Spoon in her forelegs and, pale-faced, turned to Scootaloo. “What happened?”

“It was Green and Shady Daze! They attacked her and I fought them off until you showed up! They ran away though...”

Cheerilee's face went quickly through a series of emotions before she said,“Scootaloo, we’re going to take Silver Spoon to the hospital now. She needs medical help. I need you to come with me and help explain the story to her mother once she arrives.”

“What’s gonna happen to Green and Shady?” asked Scootaloo.

“I can assure you that I’ll make sure both colts are punished for this. Doing this to a filly, especially after all she’s been through...” stated Cheerilee with a glint of determination in her eye. Scootaloo couldn’t help but admire her teacher’s dedication to defend her students.

“Ugh... it hurts...” moaned Silver Spoon, squirming in Cheerilee's forelegs.

Cheerilee wasted no time in putting Silver Spoon on her back. “Don't worry, Silver Spoon. We're going to get you some help. Just hang in there,” said Cheerilee before galloping towards the hospital. Scootaloo was right behind her.

***

It didn’t take long for them to arrive at the hospital and explain the situation to the nurses who quickly took the unconscious filly into their care. Cheerilee asked Scootaloo to wait while she went to Silver Spoon’s house to explain the situation. “She needs a friend, Scootaloo. Now more than ever,” her teacher told her.

Although they were not friends, she agreed to stay until Cheerilee got back. Sitting on one of the chairs, Scootaloo sipped on the soda one of the nurses gave her to drink, waiting for Cheerilee to return or some news about Silver Spoon. In the meantime, she thought back to what she had just seen. Although she was perfectly fine with giving Silver Spoon a tongue lashing for her past actions, physically attacking her crossed a line. I really hope they get in trouble for this…

“Excuse me?” Scootaloo looked up and saw Nurse Redheart standing over her. “Silver Spoon is awake and she’s requested to see you.”

“Why?” asked Scootaloo, tilting her head.

“She didn’t say. Maybe she wants to thank you for saving her from those horrible bullies?” suggested Nurse Redheart, shaking her head. “How could anypony do something so cruel? Can’t they see how much she’s suffering?”

“What do you mean?”

Nurse Redheart sighed. “She’s Diamond Tiara’s friend, right? That filly is so hurt inside it reminds me of some of our... less fortunate patients. She tries to hide it, but I can tell, even just by looking at her, that she feels like the loneliest pony in the world. If I lost my best and only friend in the world, I’d feel like that too I suppose.”

Scootaloo gulped at the thought of either of her best friends, despite their current disagreements, ending up like Diamond Tiara. If she lost either of them, sisters to her in all but blood, she would be broken. She slowly wrapped her tiny wings around herself in an effort to feel more comfortable. She’d had no friends until she met both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Meeting them had changed everything for the better. It made her feel like she wasn’t alone anymore.

“Are you alright?” asked Nurse Redheart, noticing Scootaloo’s behavior.

Scootaloo nodded and agreed, for some reason or another, to speak to Silver Spoon. Following the nurse down the hall, she wondered what she was going to say. Last time they spoke, she had blown up in Silver’s face and let out all the anger she held for both her and Diamond Tiara. Now, only a day later, she had come to her rescue and helped her get medical attention. This is an odd week…

“I’ll leave you two alone to talk,” said Nurse Redheart, opening the door.

The pegasus filly entered the room, spotting Silver Spoon in the hospital bed with bandages on her face to cover the bruises and cuts while her forehead was wrapped with medical tape. When she noticed Scootaloo enter, Silver Spoon glared at her before pointing to a nearby chair. “Sit,” she ordered.

“I don’t take orders from you,” snapped Scootaloo. “You wanted me here, so here I am.” Silver Spoon stared at her, her face unchanging in its emotion as Scootaloo began to tap her hoof in boredom. “Well? What is it? I have better things to do than be in the same room with you.”

“Why did you save me?” asked Silver Spoon. “You hate me. You had no reason to do it.”

Scootaloo shrugged. “‘Cause it was the right thing to do. Trust me, I don’t like you, and I wouldn’t have normally gotten involved, but they went too far by beating you up. Nopony, not even a jerk like you, should be treated that way.”

“I don’t need your pity,” growled Silver Spoon, turning away.

“It’s not pity,” stated Scootaloo, rolling her eyes. “And would it hurt for you to be a bit grateful? Last time we spoke you hugged me and apologized. Was that the only time you’ll ever act nice to me? Are we back to trying to claw each others throats out? I’m fine with that, because it just means everything can go back to normal again.”

Silence hovered between the two fillies as Scootaloo waited to see if Silver Spoon had anything else to say. Deciding she was done, the pegasus made her way for the door without saying goodbye. Waste of my time…

“Would you have saved me if I was Diamond Tiara?” asked Silver Spoon out of nowhere, stopping Scootaloo. The pegasus turned back to face her. “Would you?”

“...I guess,” said Scootaloo, earning a surprised stare from Silver Spoon. “The difference between me and Diamond Tiara is that she would never help a pony in trouble. Am I right? It’s not like either of you know what it’s like to be bullied.”

Then something happened that made Scootaloo’s mouth drop. Silver Spoon laughed. She laughed so hard it was almost disturbing. Tears were streaming down Silver Spoon’s face as she banged her hoof on the mattress. Annoyed by this, Scootaloo shouted, “What’s so funny?!”

“W-what you just s-said! That we don’t know what i-it’s like to be bullied! Gahahaha!” cried out Silver Spoon. She laughed a bit longer before it descended into a chuckle. Slowly, with a melancholy smile, she lowered her head and stared at her hooves. Closing her eyes, as though she was in some nostalgic moment, Silver Spoon said, “You think what Diamond and I did to you and your group of friends was bad? Please, you don’t know the worst of bullying. Have you ever had you head shoved down a used toilet before being forced to lick the rim so you can get your glasses back?”

Scootaloo winced and felt her stomach turn at the thought of such as thing. And I thought kissing was gross!

“What about having your toy stuffed animal, that your mother gave you as a present before the start of summer camp, stolen, and then thrown into the camp fire as they held you down? You lay there, watching it turn into ash while some of the older campers roast marshmallows like it’s no big deal. What if that was your precious scooter, huh?” asked Silver Spoon.

Scootaloo opened her mouth, but didn’t say anything.

“And have you ever been tricked into going into the woods at night, tied to a tree, and then forced to stay there for hours, scared that some animal might come and eat you up? You cry and the tears fall, because it’s all you can do, and you’re terrified you will never see home again?!” shouted Silver Spoon.

“What... what kind of ponies would do that?” muttered Scootaloo, slowly reeling back. If any of this was true, if there were bullies who did that, then they made Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon look like fairy princesses.

Silver Spoon shook her head and looked down at the covers she was laying in, slowly drawing them closer. “The kind of ponies who are cruel and judge you just because you’re rich.”

A long silence stretched between the two as Silver Spoon wiped her tears with the blanket. Scootaloo continued to stand there, unsure of what to feel or say. Finally, she asked, “How... how did you deal with that? All alone?”

A smile, a real smile, stretched across Silver Spoon’s face as she looked up at Scootaloo. “I wasn’t alone. I had a friend. She suffered with me. She protected me because I was weak. The only friend I ever had.”

The only friend? Wait, you don’t mean... Scootaloo’s mind shut down once more upon realizing there was only one pony Silver Spoon could have been talking about. Taking care of babies was one thing, but this was completely unexpected. She had always thought she knew who Diamond Tiara was, but now it was clear there was a side of her she never knew.

Silver Spoon rested her head on the pillow and sighed. “You can go now, and... thanks.”

“Y-yeah, sure,” muttered Scootaloo as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. Her hoof remained on the handle, hesitant, but eventually she turned and made her way down the hall.

She would have loved nothing more than to leave the hospital, but Miss Cheerilee wanted her to wait until she came back. Again, Scootaloo didn’t know why. Silver Spoon wasn’t her friend. They had nothing in common, or so she thought.

She was bullied too? Is that... is that why she is who she is? Like Babs Seed? thought Scootaloo, thinking about her fellow crusader in Manehattan. But Babs was only afraid of being bullied because she was a blank flank. Why would Silver Spoon be bullied? She’s rich, has a powerful family name, not to mention she’s a smart student. Why would anypony pick on her? She’s got the perfect life! Wait…

Scootaloo paused in her steps as a wave of realization washed over her. If Silver Spoon was bullied, then... was Diamond Tiara too?

If that was true did it really change anything? If Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon knew the horrors of bullying, and the hurt it caused, why did they continue to do it? Why not stand up to bullies with other bullied ponies? With their riches and influences they could have helped a lot of ponies. And what did they do instead? They just became one of them!

Scootaloo didn’t know if she should be angry or confused that they chose to become bullies instead of fight them, that they could do such horrible things despite knowing how that pain feels. While it was true they didn’t bully everyone, in fact they mostly targeted Scootaloo and her friends and other blank flanks, a bully was still a bully and there was no excuse. Right?

She was about to turn the corner to the waiting room when she noticed Miss Cheerilee had finally returned, followed by an elder pony in a maid’s outfit. One of Silver Spoon’s workers from her house? I thought she was gonna get her parents.

Cheerilee noticed Scootaloo and said, “There you are, Scootaloo. Is Silver Spoon awake?”

“Yeah,” answered Scootaloo, deciding not to talk about their conversation earlier.

“I’ll see that Mistress Spoon is taken care of. Thank you for helping her, both of you,” said the maid, bowing to them.

“It... it was no big deal,” muttered Scootaloo.

“If it’s alright, may I go with you? I want to talk to Silver Spoon about a few things,” said Cheerilee.

The maid nodded and the two of them made their way down the hall. Scootaloo was left on her own again. Before she could decide what to do next, she heard the sound of galloping hooves rushing towards her and turned around just in time to see her dad arrive.

“D-dad?!” shouted Scootaloo in shock. “What are you doing here?”

Panting, Crimson wiped the sweat from his brow and said, “I overheard somepony say you were going to the hospital and I got worried. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, somepony got hurt and me and Miss Cheerilee helped them out,” said Scootaloo.

Upon mentioning her teacher’s name, Crimson turned paled and began to stutter. “Ch-Cheerliee? Y-your teacher is here?”

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, what about her?”

Crimson drew his mouth into a tight line. “Nothing.”

“Dad—”

“Let’s go home, Scootaloo,” said Crimson, quickly looking towards the exit. “You can tell your teacher that I took you home when you see her next.”

“Dad? Are you okay?” asked Scootaloo, hesitantly.

Before Crimson could answer, he froze like an icicle and his eyes went wide. Scootaloo turned around and saw, to her confusion, Miss Cheerilee across the hall with the same look on her face. Scootaloo looked at both adults, trying to make sense of what was going on. “Um, are you two...”

“Crimson....”

“Cheerilee...”

Scootaloo's ears straightened. Had she heard that right? “Wait? You two know each other?!” This was a shock to her. Her father never attended parent teacher conferences or had anything to do with school due to his busy work schedule. To her knowledge, her father and teacher had never met, but now that proved to be wrong.

Scootaloo turned to Crimson. “Dad, what’s going on?”

“Scootaloo, we’re leaving,” said Crimson in a tone that she never heard her father use before: utter fear.

“Scootaloo, you’re...” whispered Cheerilee, a look of realization slowly appearing. “Oh my gosh...”

“Now, Scootaloo!” screamed Crimson, making his way towards the exit.

“Dad, wait!” shouted Scootaloo, chasing after her father with Miss Cheerilee not far behind.

Their commotion drew a few wayward glances as Miss Cheerilee continued to follow at a distance. “Crimson! I know you don’t want to talk to me and I don’t blame you, but please listen! I’m sorry! I really am! For everything!”

“Just leave me alone,” muttered Crimson, lowering his head. Cheerilee shook her head and rushed forward, blocking Crimson’s path. “Get out of my way.”

“Not until you hear me out! Please!” said Cheerilee. She then lowered her head, much to Scootaloo’s, and even Crimson's, surprise. A few tears leaked out from her eyes as Cheerilee, whispered, “I know I hurt you. Celestia knows I’ve done horrible things to you, but I’ve changed, Crimson. I want to apologize, that’s all I’m asking. If not for our sake, then for the sake of your daughter and my student!”

“Will somepony tell me what’s going on!” shouted Scootaloo, flaring her wings out. She pointed at the two of them. “How do you know each other? What do you mean you hurt my dad? Why did you make Miss Cheerilee cry?” The two adults looked at Scootaloo and then each other. Neither said anything, much to Scootaloo’s frustration. “Somepony say something already!”

Crimson looked at his daughter one more time before sighing. “Alright, Cheerilee. I’ll listen to you, but tomorrow. I need... I need some time to think, and I’d rather not do this in front of my daughter.”

“I... I understand,” muttered Cheerilee, slowly rising her head. “Where do you want to meet?”

“Sugarcube Corner sound good? I always go there for breakfast,” suggested Crimson.

Cheerilee nodded and slowly walked away from the pair. Scootaloo, still without any clear answers, asked her father, “What was that all about?”

“Scootaloo, do you remember when I said I was bullied all the time when I was younger?”

“Yeah?”

“Your teacher, Cheerilee, she was one of them. She was one of my bullies from the past. In fact, she was the worst of them all.”

Author's Note

And with this chapter we finally come to the halfway point of the fanfic. I hope so far the fanfic has been reaching everybody's expectations.

Scootaloo is beginning to see that the world of bullying may not be black and white as she might think and I'll talk more about that on another chapter. But let me tell you this, those "acts of bullying" that Silver Spoon said? Those actually happened to campers (No less then ten to twelve years old) at a camp a friend of mine actually was the campus councilor on. Kids can be fucking cruel.

Anyway, surprised by the twist? You'll see more come next Scootaloo chapter.

So I'm curious, which of the arcs do you like best and why? Apple Bloom? Sweetie Belle? Or Scootaloo?

Apple Bloom 3

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks toCatnipfairy for her artwork!

***

With the meeting over, Apple Bloom ran towards the house with the basket still tight in her mouth. The fresh smell of the apple pie it once held entered her nostrils, but any thoughts of hunger were quickly overcome by anticipation and desire. Something more valuable was in the basket, something that was worth stealing from the room of a dead filly despite the constant threat of a scolding for her shameful actions. Apple Bloom knew this was wrong, beyond any doubt she would be in trouble if she got caught, but she had to know what made Diamond Tiara act the way she did.

Reaching her house, Apple Bloom skirted across the wooden boards, kicking up snow left on the porch, before realizing a new problem. How was she gonna get the book inside without anypony noticing? Granny Smith or Applejack would be expecting the basket back, and if they found what was now inside they would tan her hide and ground her for life. Rubbing her head, Apple Bloom closed her eyes and tried to move that large organ in her skull into doing what it did best. Finally, an idea came to her, and she quickly rearranged the basket so that the book was hidden under the blanket.

Taking a deep breath, Apple Bloom opened the door and walked inside, hoping to sneak up the stairs and not use Plan B. That all proved to be futile as a voice called her name and she froze up like an icicle hanging off the porch trim. Turning around she saw her sister coming from the kitchen, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. “There ya are, little sis. Big Mac said ya rushed off towards yer clubhouse when ya got back home. Everythin’ alright?”

“Uh, yeah,” muttered Apple Bloom, putting the basket down and shifting her hooves a bit. “Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are waitin’ for me. Ah just came by because we’re gonna be talkin’ for a bit and Ah was wonderin’ if Ah can get a pie for us?”

Apple Bloom smiled, hoping that her big sister wouldn’t see the big sweat drops she could feel dripping down the back of her neck. Applejack walked forward and looked down at her, straight in the eye. “That’s funny, Ah thought Ah saw Scootaloo walk past the house not too long ago. Where is she goin’?”

Inwardly cursing her luck, Apple Bloom replied. “O-oh, she went to... to uh... get hot chocolate for us from Sugarcube Corner!”

“We could have made some here in the house,” pointed out Applejack.

Apple Bloom did her best to fake a chuckle and nudged her sister’s front leg. “Well, nopony can make hot chocolate better than Mrs. Cake, right? Ah mean, just last week Big Macintosh was waiting four hours in the front of the line for just a cup of it alongside everypony else.”

This made Applejack smirk a bit before shaking her head. “Yeah, that big brother of ours always has had a darn weakness for chocolate.” She then frowned again and looked back at Apple Bloom with an uncertain glare that made the little filly gulp. “But Ah still get the feelin’ yer not tellin’ me everythin’. What’s goin’ on?”

Biting her lip, Apple Bloom tried to look away from the unwavering eyes, but she stopped herself. Doing that would only make Applejack more suspicious. Her brain went into overdrive as she tried to come up with something to say, anything to get her sister to not question her any further. Finally, something came to her and before she knew it she said, “We’re makin somethin’ for Diamond Tiara!” Applejack blinked once and her eyes no longer showed mistrust, but confusion. Apple Bloom, seeing this, continued, “Well, Ah... what Ah mean is that me and the girls feel bad about Tiara bein’... gone and all, so we’re makin’ somethin’ for the memorials we’ve seen in town. Somethin’ to show that, despite our problems, we feel sorry that she’s gone.”

That’s not a complete lie, thought Apple Bloom, trying to convince herself since only two of the three crusaders felt bad for Diamond Tiara.

Nevertheless, a warm smile on Applejack’s face followed by a hug made the little filly relax. “Ah, Apple Bloom,” said Applejack, “that’s sweet of ya. Ah’m proud of ya for bein’ the better pony and doin’ this for a filly ya didn’t get along with.” Her eyes then lit up. “Hang on a second. Ah’ll be right back.”

Without waiting for a response, Applejack quickly went up the stairs, allowing Apple Bloom the chance to finally let out the air she had been holding. That was too close.

She soon sat straight back up when Applejack came down with a photo album in her mouth. Placing it next to Apple Bloom, she said, “This here has photos of yer baby days with Diamond Tiara. Maybe they can help ya.” Apple Bloom didn’t say a word. She just picked up the photo album and stared at it like a lost piece of history. Applejack soon turned toward the kitchen. “Ah’ll go get that pie and let’cha head on back to the clubhouse.”

“Huh? Oh, sure,” replied Apple Bloom, who still continued to stare at the album. Now she had two books to read through, but the diary came first. Placing it with the other hidden book, Apple Bloom waited until Applejack had given her the pie before bolting out the door, ignoring her sister’s goodbyes and pleas to be safe in the cold.

***

Arriving back at the abandoned clubhouse, Apple Bloom closed the door, shut the curtains, and took out the pie, placing it on the ground before putting the diary and photo album next to it. After getting a plate and a glass of milk from the club’s own mini-fridge, Apple Bloom sat down and stared at the diary for a good long while.

It could have been a book about dark magic and Apple Bloom wouldn’t have felt as nervous opening it as she did now. Hidden in these pages was everything she ever wanted to know about Tiara. Taking a deep breath, Apple Bloom opened the cover and read the first page of what looked like scribbles that she could barely make out. Narrowing her eyes and taking her time, she read the first page:

Deer Diary!

My name is Diamond Tiara and mommy gave me this for my birthday! I am now four years old and this is the best birthday ever! All my fwiends are here like Apple Bloom. But the reeson why my birthday was so cool is becuse daddy manaed to bring Huffy the Magical Dragun to my birthday! He was so cool and sung all my favorate songs! It was the best birthday ever! I also gotta lots and lots and lots of presents from all my fwiends in ponyville! I can’t wait to play with my new toys when the sun comes up tomorow!

I should head to bed now, but I dowt I will get much sleep cause I am so eggsited!

Night Night!

Apple Bloom looked at the entry again and made sure she was reading it right. Sure enough, she saw her name and tried to remember such an event happening. She could vaguely recall going to Diamond Tiara’s birthday parties like every other kid, mostly because Ponyville loved parties, especially once Pinkie Pie moved to town.

Remembering the photo album, Apple Bloom opened it up, searching for evidence, some clue that could offer insight into how her four-year-old self behaved at Diamond Tiara’s birthday party. She almost missed it because Tiara wasn’t wearing her trademark jeweled crown on her head. In the photo, Apple Bloom saw herself trying to lick frosting off her nose while Diamond Tiara was laughing. Numerous other photos showed the two of them dancing next to a record player that had balloons tied to the wooden stand. In another one, Apple Bloom stood next to Diamond Tiara while everypony sang Happy Birthday to her. We looked like we were such pals, thought Apple Bloom, staring at the pictures in disbelief. But why? Why don’t Ah remember this?

Sighing, Apple Bloom looked at another picture, which showed a lot of colts and fillies, mostly from her class, all having fun at the party, back before cutie marks and special talents, back when they were all equal blank flanks. And now Apple Bloom barely spoke to any of them like she used to; even her last friend before she formed the Crusaders,Twist, had moved on to different friends once she got her cutie mark. They all did. The memories they all had as foals were now just whispers in their minds. Ah can’t even remember when Ah was even friends with Diamond Tiara.

Apple Bloom then gasped as she quickly looked to one of the frames of her and her two best friends inside the clubhouse. What if that happens to us? When we get our cutie marks will we find new friends? Will we abandon each other? Apple Bloom quickly shook her head. No! It’s different this time! The three of us are like sisters! Not even cutie marks will separate us!

She quickly turned back to the journal, wanting to focus on that than the growing doubts in her mind. The next few entries spanned long gaps, weeks and months. Diamond Tiara’s four-year-old spelling sometimes made it hard to understand and follow. Most of the entries were boring, but she paid special attention to the ones that mentioned her or Sweet Apple Acres.

Apparently, a favorite activity of Diamond Tiara’s used to be to come over to the farm, and Big Macintosh would gallop around the fields with her and Apple Bloom on his back. Or when she came for Zap Apple Season and jumped across the watering cans in the bunny suits. Apple Bloom couldn’t help but laugh upon reading how “fun” and “cool” Granny Smith was to Diamond Tiara back then compared to now when she made fun of her granny for being old and weird.

And as she read these entries, Apple Bloom couldn’t help but wish this was the Diamond Tiara she knew. How did such a kind filly like her turn into such a brat when she got older?

Turning the next page, Apple Bloom’s eyes widened upon what she read:

We are moving! I begged and cried and plea..plede... asked mommy and daddy to let us still stay in ponyville, but they told me that I have to be a big pony and move with them to some big stupid city. I don’t wanna leave here! I wanna be with my frends and go to skool with them. I hear the teacher Miss Wormwood and her asisis...assitan... helper Miss Cheerly is really nice.

May be Apple Bloom and her family can take me in?! Their house is really really big.

But... I dont wanna leave mommy and daddy... I guess I have to go with them…

I will write more tomorrow.

Night Night.

The next few entries were indeed about how Tiara moved from Ponyville to Manehattan, expressing how much she missed Ponyville and all her friends, including Apple Bloom who she always remembered. Ah don’t believe it... she really cared about me then... did Ah... did Ah really forget all that?

She skipped ahead a few pages, noticing that the dates between the entries were further apart with little writing in them. Any that were in there seemed unenthusiastic, making Apple Bloom wonder if Diamond Tiara’s experience in Manehattan was like Applejack’s, so she skipped most of them. It seemed nothing major happened until after Tiara turned seven years old:

I’m gonna be a big sister!

You heard that right! Mommy says she’s having a foal and that means I’ll have a little brother or sister to play with and take care of! This is gonna be great! I’ve always wanted to be a big sister! Maybe now I can have somepony to play with instead of the servants and tutors that come over. Mommy says the baby won’t come for a long time, but I want it now! Oh well, it gives me time to learn how to be a big sister. Maybe I’ll ask Mommy and some of the maids how they took care of me when I was a foal (Although Sebastian says I was a smelly baby! Ew! Not!).

Back when I was in Ponyville, I remembered some of my friends like Apple Bloom, Dinky, Archer, Rumble, and Sweet Peach having big siblings and how cool they were! I hope to be as good as a big sibling as Big Mac and the rest! I wish I knew how all my friends are doing, but they don’t send mail to me. I bet it was just the post office at fault, if they still have Dinky’s mommy doing the mail and all.

Anyway, Mommy just told me to get to bed now. I hope I dream of my new little sister or brother!

Night Night!

Apple Bloom smiled as she read the new entries with Diamond Tiara talking about how she learned how to cradle and rock a foal, change its diaper, feed it, help it burp, and more. She even started foalsitting her neighbor’s foal a few times. But as Diamond Tiara’s hopes and dreams for being a big sister grew, especially when it was revealed to be a little brother growing inside Mrs. Rich, something then clicked in Apple Bloom’s head.

She had never seen Diamond Tiara’s sibling. Hay, Ah don’t think Ah’ve ever heard her mention having one.

Curious about what was going to happen next, she continued to read but her eyes widened at what she saw next. The book slipped from her hooves and onto the floor with an echoing thud that replicated an explosion in Apple Bloom’s ears. Her shocked and stunned eyes slowly lowered themselves to the page as her mouth began to tremble.

Mommy... Mommy... Why aren’t you home yet?

Daddy just keeps crying and drinking that nasty drink he and you have when we have guests. None of the maids and butlers are telling me anything, but they keep crying as well. I know it has to do something with you, Mommy, because a police mare came and mentioned you. Did the train you were on suddenly break down? Are you lost or hurt? Mommy, I miss you and my little brother you’re carrying.

We were suppose to go to the zoo today, all of us, but you're not home. I’m... I’m really scared Mommy... please come home.

-Diamond Tiara

Tears dripped down Apple Bloom’s cheeks as she covered her mouth, staring at the book with the horrible realization that she had found her answer. She knew that Tiara had lost her mother, but if what the diary was insinuating was true, if what she suspected had actually happened, then this changed so much. Suddenly, she remembered there was a second name in the first entry she read back at Tiara’s house and she already suspected who it was. She prayed that the next entry would be about Tiara’s mother coming home safe and sound, with nothing wrong with the foal. Even though she knew this was very unlikely, she couldn’t help but pray that it wasn’t.

Nopony deserved to lose their mother and little sibling in one day. Nopony in this world, brat or not, deserved such a horrible tragedy.

Apple Bloom’s hopes were dashed when she read the next entry and began to cry:

Mommy is dead. My brother is dead.

Why? Why are they dead? I want them back. I want my Mommy and my brother back! Mommy was gonna show me how to pose like a real model! We finally came up with a name for my brother, Golden Pockets! We were gonna be best friends forever! I was gonna hold him and love him! I want them back!

I keep telling Daddy to bring them back, to find someway to do it! We have a lot of money so there has to be someway! Maybe he can even pay Princess Celestia to bring them back! But he just tells me to leave him alone and he starts crying. I want to cry with him, but he doesn’t let me even near him. “Too busy” he says, “Making arrangements” he says. I don’t care if he wants to make arrangements, I’m his daughter and I need my Daddy! If he wants to cry let me cry with him! That’s all I can do at this point is cry and cry and cry and oh Celestia why?!

Mommy! Golden Pockets! Please come back! I miss you! I miss you! Don’t leave me, Mommy! Mommy! Little brother!

I want you back so much!

Apple Bloom just closed her eyes, turned the page, and slowly read the next one with tears still in her eyes:

Dear Diary,

Mommy and Golden Pocket’s funeral was today. We had it at Ponyville, where Mommy and Daddy were born.

I never thought I would be coming home like this. Three years and all I wished for was a chance to go home. But none of my friends were there to see me, not even Apple Bloom, who was sick with something according to her old brother.

I’m also glad none of my friends were there to see me because... I did something stupid when they were putting Mommy and Golden Pockets in their graves. I... I jumped in, I couldn’t help it. Mommy always made herself looks so beautiful and graceful that that dirt was going to ruin it. I don’t care how sealed her coffin was I didn’t want her buried! I know she can’t come back! I know she’s dead and everything, but not like this! Not in the dirt! Not her! She deserves one of those fancy tombs those nobles in Canterlot have or even turned to ashes like pegasi!

Just not dirt! Not my Mommy! Not my Brother! They deserve better than to be eaten by worms!

They didn’t deserve this... I didn’t deserve this.

We’re... we’re going back to Manehattan for now. Daddy asked me if we should live in Ponyville again... so we can be close to Mommy and Golden Pockets. I said yes, but I would rather never go back and have Mommy and Golden Pockets alive.

I’m going to go to sleep. Maybe I can see Mommy and my little brother in my dreams.

-Goodnight

Apple Bloom put the book down and wrapped her forelegs around her for comfort. She stared at the pie, all nice and warm, but felt sick just by looking at it and threw it against the wall. Ignoring the fact that she would have to clean that up, Apple Bloom couldn’t help but feel enraged at her family. Why had nopony told her about this? If Applejack, Big Macintosh, or even Granny Smith told her that Diamond Tiara had lost her mother and brother when she was young, then maybe she could have understood Tiara better. Growing up without your mother? Apple Bloom knew that more than anypony else in the world.

It was no different than when her family refused to talk about her parent’s passing. They would talk about how happily they lived, how great they were as parents, but never a word about their deaths. To this day, she still had no idea how her parents died. She asked many times, but Applejack or Granny Smith would always look at her with a sad look and say they’d tell her when she was older. And her brother? He would stay silent, or disappear and not come back ‘till late at night with cider on his breath.

Apple Bloom wasn’t stupid. She knew they were never coming back. She knew it was a great blow to them all, but she wasn’t a little foal. She wanted to know everything about her parents, including how they died.

But the thing that she was upset with the most, right now, was that somewhere down the line Apple Bloom had forgotten all about Diamond Tiara. She remembered getting sick with a stomach flu around that time, and her siblings went to some funeral for a friend that she didn’t bother to learn because she was too busy puking her brains out. If Ah had gone to that funeral, would things have been different? Could Ah have helped her? Or even remembered her?

Taking the diary into her hooves once more, Apple Bloom hugged it tight to her chest, imagining it was Diamond Tiara. If somepony had said this was Diamond Tiara’s life to Apple Bloom just last week, she would have laughed and called them a liar. Now? She just wanted to hold Diamond Tiara and cry with her. Opening the diary, the little filly struggled to continue where she left off, hoping that somehow Diamond Tiara’s life had gotten better. She would even accept a journal entry of how she embarrassed Apple Bloom with some prank or another.

The next few entries were just a few sentences, mostly telling how the Rich’s new home in Ponyville was being constructed while they still lived in Manehattan. At first, Diamond Tiara talked about her father a lot, how he was coping with the loss of his wife, but soon Tiara just stopped talking about him altogether. That is, until she turned to the next page:

Dear Diary,

I hate him! I hate my Daddy! Ever since Mommy and Golden Pockets died we don’t do anything anymore! He just spends his days in his office, only calling on the maids for whatever he needs. Now he’s telling me I’m going to be spending the summer at some camp near Fillydelphia while he heads over to Ponyville to oversee the final constructions of our new home. I’m going to go to some stupid camp for three months while Daddy goes and does whatever he wants!

He says I need to get out of the house, find something to do to help me move on. Fine, why not let me stay with the Apples on their farm or maybe even live with my Auntie in Vanhoover! He just doesn’t listen to me anymore, all he does is work work work!

Ugh, this camp had better be worth it, but if he’s hoping to get letters from me he can forget it! I’m not writing to him no matter how good or bad this will be. I promise!

Stupid Daddy.... Mommy wouldn’t do this. I wish she was here.

-Diamond Tiara

Diamond Tiara? In a camp? Unless it’s for high society-like ponies Ah’d doubt she’d last a minute, thought Apple Bloom, remembering the stories her older brother told her when he went to camp growing up. All the tales of rough housing, dirty activities, rules and regulations, not to mention all the different kinds of ponies that may or may not be kind and supportive, all of it spelled the possibility of a bad trip for somepony like Diamond Tiara.

Sure enough, the next entry proved Apple Bloom right:

Dear Diary,

It’s day eight here in camp and I hate it. It’s been a nightmare ever since I stepped one hoof on this place. The camp smells, the food is awful, the councilors don’t even care about us that much, and I’m always getting dirty. The worst thing is the other fillies and colts. A lot of them are older then me and while most of them just ignore me, or whisper about me behind my back. But the worst is this group of older colts that are always making fun of me for being a blank flank, calling me a little baby. They also think I’m some kind of brat because I’m rich, asking me why I’m here instead of being in a fancy foo-foo ball with the Princess.

I’ve tried being nice to them, but all they do is spit at me, insult me, and throw me in the mud. And I don’t know why! I’ve never done anything to them! None of the other campers try to help me, they either just ignore me or watch with amusement. I hate this place and the adults do nothing to help me! I’ve tried telling a counselor once that those older colts stole my clothes from my drawer, but that only made things worse.

Everypony then called me a “snitch” and hated me even more. I don’t get it, aren’t we suppose to tell adults when we’re being bullied? And worse of all, when they learned I told on them, those boys had the nerve to dunk my head in a toilet! They almost flushed the tiara Mommy gave me for my last birthday until I kicked one in the private parts, took my tiara back, and ran like a dragon was behind me!

Now that I’m a “snitch”, pretty much everypony is ignoring me or giving me dirty looks. The only one who hasn’t been doing so is this other filly named Silver Spoon. From what I learned she’s a rich from Ponyville, just like me, and is also being bullied. Maybe I can talk to her?

Why is Daddy punishing me by sending me here! I just want to go home! I’m tempted to send him letters, explaining what’s going on here, but I’m still angry at him and I won’t break my promise!

-Diamond Tiara.

Apple Bloom’s interest peaked as she reread the entry again. She had been curious as to how Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara met to begin with, often thinking it was at some fancy, rich pony party and their parents knew each other. In some ways, Apple Bloom realized that the formation of the Crusaders was somewhat similar to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon if her hunch was correct. Both her and Diamond had been bullied, were blank flanks, and found friends similar to them.

But the difference was that Diamond Tiara became a bully. It was like her cousin Babs all over again, but Tiara, to her knowledge, wasn’t bullied in Ponyville. So why did she become the bossy brat? Was she afraid of being bullied again like what happened at that camp? What about Silver Spoon? Did she join in afterwards, or was it something they both came up with together?

Figuring she would get her answers later, Apple Bloom read the next entry:

Dear Diary,

I finally made a friend! I wrote about Silver Spoon last time, right? She was really shy, asking if I was gonna make fun of her huge glasses or for that teddy bear she’s always carrying around. I told her no, and we started talking. It’s really cool sharing stories with another rich filly. I met some back in Manehattan, but they weren’t interesting. They were the snobby ones that always like to talk about how they were gonna earn all their parents money.

Those are the ones the bullies should target, not me and Silver Spoon.

Anyway, since we both learned how easy targets we were, we quickly promised to watch each other's back since we’re both kind of in the same boat. Turns out we had the same tormentors too in those older boys I mentioned before. Most of the others either just ignore us or call us names like “blank flanks” or “rich brats.”

Although, I was shocked to find that Silver Spoon chose to come here, but quickly found out why. Her Mommy and Daddy are splitting up, because they keep fighting all the time. Silver Spoon couldn’t take it anymore so she decided to go to a random camp she found to get away from it, her parents just letting her do what she wanted.

I guess that’s another thing we both have in common: family problems. My Mommy is gone and my Daddy just ignores me and drinks his nasty stuff. And Silver Spoon has her parents no longer in love with each other and always fighting. Guess we make quite a pair, huh?

-Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom smiled, relieved to see that both of them had finally found a friend. Even though this was the same duo that did everything they could to make the Crusaders’ lives miserable, she couldn’t help but be happy for Diamond Tiara. Apple Bloom paused in her reading. Knowing all this information about Tiara, did it really change anything?

Is this really an excuse for all the trouble she put me and the others through? Ah mean, they were still bullies. But they became bullies because they were bullied too. But does that excuse them? thought Apple Bloom, holding her head in pain. Ugh, mah head hurts from all this thinkin’.

She looked at the next few entries and soon found her pain and annoyance replaced by disgust and horror. Apple Bloom couldn’t believe what she was reading with the next few entries, but in her heart she knew these were true. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had done terrible things as bullies, but what she read went far beyond their worst acts. What their constant bullies, the older boys, did to these two fillies was torture, plain and simple, in every definition of the word.

Her eyes blazed over the pages, finding sentences that made her sick just by reading them:

...sat on our backs while they peed all over us. Said we made good toilets…

...just burned her bear and we were helpless to stop them! I’ve never seen Silver Spoon cry so much…

...we held each other, our tears silently dripping as we waited for them to pass. I want my Daddy…

...blamed me for his dad losing his job, said all us rich folks were just making good decent families likes his suffer.

...too far. They have gone too far! By the time I finally found Silver Spoon in the woods, roped up to a tree, she had her glasses broke and was so scared. I held her and brought to the nurses office. I don’t care about hating Daddy anymore, I’m telling him everything. They want to see a rich families money be used. Fine! Watch as we sue them all and make them pay for what they had done.

Dear Diary,

It’s finally over. The camp is being shut down and many of the adults are being questioned for letting things get out of hoof. They all keep blaming the headmaster who ordered them to be quiet about these complaints and incidents, but I don’t care. I hope those bullies who hurt me and Silver Spoon like having their families lose everything they own when they get sued. My Daddy and Silver Spoon’s Mommy are on the warpath for getting back at anypony who hurt us.

Daddy won’t stop telling me how sorry he is for putting me in that horrible place, and swears to never do it again. I told him all I want is to go home to Ponyville and start school like I’ve always wanted. He seems better too, he says it’s thanks to Big Macintosh.

I can’t help but feel I could have stopped all of this had I just been smart and told Daddy what was happening in the first place, instead of just being angry and stubborn at him. At least Silver Spoon wouldn’t have suffered so much. I hope she and her Mommy are gonna be okay, it’s sad her Daddy left and didn’t bother to say goodbye to her. I should look her up when we get back to Ponyville, she could use a friend. Both of us can. Maybe she can be friends with my old friends.... if they remember me. It’s been so long.

I also can’t help but admire my Daddy, using our power and money like he did. Is this... is this something I can do as well? Use the wealth my family has to make sure that me and those I care about aren’t hurt again? Maybe its time I start learning out of my Daddy’s book.

I’m tired now. Sleep time. Maybe I can dream peacefully without having somepony put shaving cream on my hoof and tickling me with a feather.

-Diamond Tiara

Relieved that the worst was over, for now, Apple Bloom shook her head. Ah’m glad Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon didn’t do half the things to me that happened to them. How can some ponies be so mean? Why did they even do it? Just because Tiara and Silver were rich? That’s not a good excuse! Apple Bloom then bit her lip, But haven’t they also made fun of others because they were poorer than them? Celestia knows me and Scootaloo have been teased for that as well.

Apple Bloom was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she jumped when she heard the cuckoo clock go off. Looking at it, she realized it was almost time for supper.

Deciding to read a bit more, Apple Bloom hurried past a few pages until she got to Diamond Tiara’s return to Ponyville.

It’s so different now, Diary.

Everypony is different now. Most of my old friends don’t remember knowing a filly named Diamond Tiara when they were little. Some of them did when I jogged their memory, but they didn’t seem interested in getting to know me again, or were too busy with their other friends. Silver Spoon was there with me the whole time, at least I have her. I don’t understand it. I know I was gone for a few years, but everypony my age doesn’t remember me. Some of the adults, like the Cakes, remember me, even Miss Rarity does since my Mommy was a big client of hers. She has this sister of hers name Sweetie Belle, but she was too shy to talk to, although not as shy as this one yellow pegasus I saw. She was scared of her own shadow, really!

There was also this party for me and Daddy that was run by this strange pony named Pinkie Pie the Cakes hired or adopted or I don’t know. I had hoped some of the fillies and colts that I knew long ago would want to be my friend again during that party, but they’ve changed so much and I don’t know what’s happened to them in the past three years. Hay I barely remember some of them too. I had hoped Apple Bloom and her family would come, she I remembered the most, but I learned they were at a family reunion and wouldn’t be back for a few days.

I’ve wanted to come back to Ponyville to be happy again, especially since Mommy and my brother died, but... it just seems so different. I just hope everything will be okay now.

-Diamond Tiara

The family meeting that year in Baltimare was quite the doozy, if Apple Bloom remembered correctly. That was when cousin Baldwin announced he was getting married and Granny Smith showed Uncle Emperor Red that she still had the moves in square dancing. Apple Bloom had a lot of fun with her cousins, but she was more eager to get back to her friends at the time: Archer, Licky Split, and Tootsie Flute. They were old friends of hers until they slowly went their separate ways.

She remembered that they were quite upset when she came home. They told her that somepony had bullied them and she went out to... confront them…

Apple Bloom gasped. Her heart sank. No, no it couldn’t be. Apple Bloom dove into the diary until she found the journal entry she was looking for. Her mouth dropped in shock.

Why?! Why?! I hate you, Apple Bloom! I hate you!

The first time I see you in three years and you go ahead and say that I’m rich jerk who has no right to push your so called “friends” around just because I have money and power?! Well did you know that your so called friends of yours were making fun of Silver Spoon because she had such big glasses?! I stood up for her! Maybe I did say my Daddy could use our money to make their lives miserable but I was only doing it to defend my friend!

And when I tried to tell the truth, to ask that you to listen to me, you just and told me to stay away from your friends! You forgot about me! Me! The same filly who use to sleep over at your place ever since we were foals! Our families practically help each other with our business! And yet you forgot me just like everypony else?! Why?!

First I lose my mom, then I go through Tartarus this summer, and now you of all ponies betray me! For what? Three jerks who gave me a raspberry when you weren’t looking?! You don’t want to be friends anymore then fine! I’ve had it! I’m done playing nice! If everypony wants to see me and Silver Spoon as the so called “Rich Brats” then we’ll give you all what you want! The only two we can rely on is ourselves!

And you're the first I’ll crush, Apple Bloom! I’ll make sure your life, and anypony you’re friends with, is miserable just as much as mine is! And I hope you regret ever angering me!

Apple Bloom couldn’t believe it, but the hazy memory in the back of her mind was now coming back clear and crisp. She did remember fighting with Diamond Tiara when her friends told her that some new rich filly had come in and started bossing them around.

They lied to her. She betrayed Diamond Tiara, who had been looking forward to meeting her again. She forgot all about their friendship and hurt Tiara. Apple Bloom’s eyes widened as she realized it was all her fault.

She made Diamond Tiara a bully.

Author's Note

Now, all of us will obviously say that Diamond Tiara becoming a bully isn't Apple Bloom's fault, which it isn't when you look at it. Other circumstances caused her to grow the behavior of one until she decided she couldn't take anymore and become that which she was hated for. However, Apple Bloom's entire story arc revolves around the feeling of guilt. She already feels guilty into thinking that she's responsible for Tiara's death, now she feels that she herself is responsible for making Tiara into a bully. We also need to remember that Apple Bloom isn't an adult, she's a kid, and her mind thinks differently then adults. Everything will come full circle in her last chapter, however, and we'll see what she learns from it.

As for Diamond Tiara's journey into becoming a bully, a lot of bullies are formed mostly by three ways, each of which I took inspiration from into creating Diamond Tiara's backstory.

The first is by example such as a parent, older sibling, or hero figure they admire and replicating that behavior. We often look up to people who are heroes in our mind, so we act like them as well. Unknowingly, this behavior may make us act inappropriate or mean to others without knowing. For instance, if a father is a racist then there is a chance his son will become racist as well because he admires his dad and wants to be like him. Thus he will grow up hating specific ethnic groups just like his father and it will pass on. In Diamond Tiara's case, seeing her father use his money and power to crush those that hurt those he cares about makes Diamond Tiara realize the power she can wield with her status, but as we know in canon, this realization isn't used in the proper way.

The second is by abuse or being bullied themselves, the pain and suffering they went through makes them act the same way in hopes of helping them cope with it. Bullying is abuse, be it physical or emotional or verbal, and like abuse it can be repeated through those who have been abused themselves. That isn't to say that somebody can't avoid this, it is perfectly possible, I myself am such an example of a person who has been bullied and yet never became one myself. That isn't to say that we don't come out of bullying all the better though. It leaves scars, some deeper then others, and I'll say this right now I've had problems in the past, especially in my high school days. But as time went on those healed and I'd like to think I became a better person. However, not everybody is like that.

There are people out there who cannot move past what's happened to them, and thus they themselves follow the examples of their abuser or bully and thus the cycle is repeated. Does this mean we should hate them? Pity them? Sympathize or don't give a damn? Truthfully, there is no right or wrong answer because people's opinion on this vary. It's no similar to the question, should you arrest a thief even if he was just stealing to feed his family? Should you hate a bully because he himself is being bullied and is trying to target his anger and sorrow at something? Maybe they need help or maybe not, it's up to you to decide.

In the case of Diamond Tiara, she's mainly bullied for being rich and other ponies assume that because of this she's the stereotypical rich brat. Thus, they feel the need to go after her because of her wealth and assumptions even though Tiara had done nothing wrong. Stereotypes work both ways as they say, and while there are definitely rich brats out there, you can't assume all of them are the same. Because of this constant action against her, as well as how her reunion with Apple Bloom went, Diamond Tiara feels that the only ponies she can trust are the rich, since it seems those who are not hate them already for what they are. You'd be surprise how many times society has created it's own monsters.

And the final one is through anger and tragedy. Let's face it, life always screws with us one way or another. We've all had something happen to us that make us want to cry out the injustice of it all and say "Fuck you world" for doing this. We curse others, we curse god, we curse ourselves, we just curse everything when something really bad happens such as we lose our job, or somebody we love dies, or were forced to move, or we get betrayed and hurt. Some people can take what has happened to them in stride, others slowly move on and change for the better, and then there are those who change for the worst like Diamond Tiara. It doesn't start when she moves from Ponyville, no it starts when she looses her pregnant mother which causes her father to ignore her in his grief and put her in a camp that is literally hell for her. By the time she returns to the home she's wanted for three years, all her friends have moved on and nothing is the same, adding more to her frustrations on the idea that she can't get a break. And finally, when her fight with Apple Bloom happens, she just can't take it anymore. She's angry at the world and she wants somepony to pay, so she picks Apple Bloom and is determined to get revenge on her.

But with all this said the question to ask is, should Diamond Tiara be pitied or not? Should we find her to be sympathetic or not? The story is about a lot of things, one of which is that bullies aren't always black and white. There is a reason why they are who they are and what's most important is discovering how they became to be this way, and then make our own judgements. No person I believe is born evil and nasty in the world, we become such horrible people for various reasons. And you have to make your own decisions about Diamond Tiara based on the information I give you in the story. Feel free to write about it too, give your reasons or what not. All I ask is that there is no flaming wars between reviewers.

Sorry for such a long Author's Note. Thanks for reading and have a happy new year.

Sweetie Belle 3

Why Am I Crying?
By The Rated Ponystar
Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon
Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down
Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

Sweetie Belle did not know how she came to find herself in a cemetery, but she knew that she had to get out of here. Gray, depressing clouds lingered over her head as she tried to find some kind of exit among the field of tombstones inscribed with the names of those who slept beneath them. Just the sight of the written stones made her shiver.

No sooner had she started to fear that she’d never find a way out, Sweetie Belle saw a group of ponies in the distance, slowly marching in the opposite direction. Hoping they could help her escape, she rushed towards them, only to stop when she saw what kind of a march it was and who was in it. Her family, dressed in black and looking down with tears streaming down their faces, braced a small wooden coffin under their hooves as they walked behind Rarity’s friends. Not a single one of them was smiling, not even Pinkie Pie whose mane had completely fallen into a straight downward style. Her fellow crusaders Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, even Babs Seed from Manehattan, formed the tail end of the dour procession. Their black outfits matched everypony else's, but they’d augmented their garb with their crusader capes. A dark, sinking feeling grew inside Sweetie Belle as she realized the most important thing about the funeral march: she wasn’t there.

She wasn’t among her family, crying her eyes out,nor was she beside her friends. Sweetie Belle looked twice, even three times, but there was no sight of her. Her eyes then turned to the coffin held by Rarity’s fellow Elements. No... no this can’t be...

Fearfully, she galloped toward her family and tried to tackle them, but she went straight through and landed face first in the dirt. Spitting out the dirt and grass in her mouth, she turned around and tried again, this time with her fellow Crusaders. Again, she phased through like she was air.

It felt like a lump of ice had formed in her stomach, slowly freezing her from the inside with each passing second, even as sweat poured down her brow. She screamed and cried out for her family and friends, her voice burning in pain with each attempt. But they didn’t look in her direction, exhausted gazes grimly focused on a single open grave up ahead.

Sweetie Belle, tired from her yelling, followed them until they arrived at the coffin’s final destination. Using her magic, Twilight Sparkle hovered the coffin over the grave and, without a word, nodded to the rest of the crowd before opening the top. Sweetie Belle wanted nothing more than to look away, to not see who it was that was inside despite already knowing. Her fears grew more and more as the lid slowly opened up until she saw who it was that lay inside.

She was a small filly unicorn, with a light grey coat, her mane was grayish mulberry with pale, light grayish rose streaks. Although there was no smile on her face, she looked to be sleep on the red velvet pillow her head gently rested on. She wore a bright pink and white dress, with the design looking both mournful and yet beautiful. Her tiny hooves rested upon her chest that no longer raised and fell, with a single red rose held underneath them that tickled the edge of her chin.

Sweetie Belle knew who this filly was. It was her.

I’m dead.

Some small part that wasn’t on the cusp of mental hyperventilation repeated those two words over and over. It occurred to Sweetie Belle that she’d never seen herself with her eyes closed before. Every time she’d looked in a mirror, the reflection was bright and alert, active in some way. Now, it was like she was looking at some other filly with a similar light gray coat and curling mane of grayish mulberry and rose. There was no smile on her face, no grimace of pain. The lips were drawn tight against her mouth, but other than that it was entirely expressionless. Her dress was a beautifully mournful arrangement of pink and white, and a single red rose lay across her chest, barely caressing the edge of her chin. Sweetie Belle recognized her sister’s artistic hoofwork.

It should have been an image of peace and restfulness, but all Sweetie Belle saw was a ghastly farce. Death had removed everything that made her who she was, stripped away her lively essence, until all that remained was a cold body.

I’m dead.

Sweetie Belle sat in horror, unable to cry while her friends and family placed lilies inside the coffin one by one. Rarity tearfully kissed her little sister goodbye on the forehead. Her best friends, her sisters in bond, slowly put her crusader cape inside before kissing her on the cheek each.

“Girls...” whispered Sweetie Belle, wishing she could feel their warm love right now. But, like her corpse, she was stone cold. Twilight slowly closed the coffin before lowering it into the pit and filled it up. When the last of the dirt had fallen, only then did Sweetie Belle sink to the ground in tears. Her cries went unheard as everypony left one by one, leaving the freshly buried grave alone. She reached out in a futile attempt to catch them. “Don’t leave me! Please! I don’t want to be alone!”

Her pleas fell on deaf ears. They soon were gone, tiny specks in the distance, as Sweetie Belle cried into her forelegs. It was all over. Her life was gone. Death had finally taken her. And she was doomed to suffer for it.

Suddenly, Sweetie Belle felt the air grow even colder to the point where it made the arctic outside the Crystal Empire feel like Coltifornia. She raised her teary-eyed face to see that the sky had turned red like blood with black clouds covering the sky ominously. The ground suddenly began to shake as she rose to her hooves in terror. An explosion of fire and smoke erupted from her grave, knocking Sweetie Belle back as she moaned and rubbed her sore rump. The smoke covered her vision, but she could see something huge and monstrous slowly rising from the hole underground, a rattling of chains following it.

When it cleared Sweetie Belle screamed, knowing what it was that had risen. With its mouth dripping of maggots and snakes, Sweetie Belle saw the huge skeleton figure of Death itself once again. Its chains lingering in the air, poised for attack. Sweetie Belle could feel her bladder nearly fail her as she closed her eyes, waiting for Death to have its way with her.

It roared as loud as a dragon, and the chains snapped and lunged for Sweetie Belle… only to be pushed back by a sphere of blue energy

“Cease your attack, foul nightmare, or else you shall deal with me!”

The voice that cried out made Sweetie Belle open her eyes and look to the sky with hope. A laugh of joy escaped her lips as she saw Princess Luna, guardian of the night, descend from a portal in the sky and land with her body bent low and aggressive, ready for battle. Death roared once again, but Luna showed no fear as she spoke once more. “I will allow you to haunt her no longer! Be gone!”

With her horn glowing as bright as the full moon, Princess Luna’s eyes turned pure white, waves of light radiating outward. Sweetie Belle watched them engulf Death’s gruesome form, fracturing its bones and melting its chains bit by bit, until a final shockwave shattered the grim specter completely. A molten core of light washed over the landscape, and Sweetie Belle shut her eyes from the blinding intensity. Through the deafening silence that followed they remained closed. It was only after she felt a comforting wing wrap around her body that Sweetie Belle dared to open her eyes again.

She stood on the cemetery; rather she was on a large white disk of pure energy, surrounded by an endless darkness that held bright lights of many colors. At first she thought they were stars, but looking closer at a few of them, Sweetie Belle saw they were liquid spheres and that she could see blurry images of ponies and places.

“Are you well, Sweetie Belle?” asked Luna, looking down upon her with concern.

Sweetie Belle’s answer was a tackle into her chest and a soft sob. Luna held the little filly, nuzzling her head as she let Sweetie Belle cry all her emotions out. Only when she realized she was crying into one of her respective leaders, did she finally mutter, “I’m s-s-sorry...”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, child. It’s alright,” whispered Luna.

After what seemed like an eternity, Sweetie Belle dried her tears and slowly released her grip on the princess. Looking around at the mysterious environment she had found herself in, she asked, “Where are we?”

“This is known as the Dream Dimension,” answered Luna, looking above to some of the orbs glowing nearby. “You may say it is the path that connects us to all the dreams of our world. Very few ponies have ever mastered the magic of dream walking, but it has allowed me to help our subjects with their nightmares and fears for a long time.”

Sweetie Belle shuddered, “It felt so real though. I thought I was going to d-die.”

“I must admit, while I am not new to the concept of my subjects dreaming of their deaths, I have never seen such... vivid fears in one as young as you, Sweetie Belle,” confessed Luna with both awe and concern. She raised an eyebrow. “What has made you dream of such horrible nightmares?”

Sweetie Belle nervously turned away from Luna’s curious yet concerned gaze, unsure if her problems were worthy to be spoken in front of the princess. Then she remembered that Princess Luna had been around for a thousand years, maybe even more. She was one of the wisest beings on the planet, surely she had to know something of the questions that haunted her. Taking a deep breath, Sweetie Belle told Princess Luna everything, from Diamond Tiara’s death to her conversation with Mr. Waddle at the funeral home.

“... And when I got home I just couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I’m going to die some day! I’m going to end up like Diamond Tiara and I don’t want that! I want to live! What’s the point of living if all we’re gonna do is just die in the end?! What’s the point?!” screamed Sweetie Belle before collapsing on her haunches, gasping for breath. She had said so much so quickly that it felt like her throat was on fire.

A glass of water materialized in front of Sweetie Belle, as if Luna had sensed her thoughts. Taking it, she drank the glass before gasping out a sigh of relief when she was finished. Looking at Luna, she waited with anticipation while the princess closed her eyes in deep thought.

Opening them, she then said, “Oh, Sweetie Belle. What you ask are questions all sentient life has asked since it first was created. It is a mystery that you willnot find an answer to, even from somepony like me.”

“W-what...” whispered Sweetie Belle, eyes widening. “B-but you’re Princess Luna! You're so old that you have to know, right?!”

“Alas, I do not know the truth of death and its purpose. Perhaps no being on this earth can,” answered Luna, who then nuzzled the shocked filly. “But this doesn’t mean I cannot help you find peace with your fears and guide you into understanding that death should not be the focus in your mind. Rather, it is life that should be.”

“Life? How can I worry about life when at any moment it can end just like it did for Diamond Tiara?” demanded Sweetie Belle, gritting her teeth. “She was my age and she’s gone. Never coming back. I hear ponies say she’s in a better place, but what better place could there be without her friends and family to guide her? And what if there is no better place? What if there is nothing that happens when we die?”

“Even if there is or isn’t, is there anything you can do about it?” asked Luna, raising an eyebrow. “You speak about death being so terrible, like it is something that has to be avoided. How do you avoid such a thing, Sweetie Belle, when no other being has been able to? It is a fate that we must all share in the end.”

Sweetie Belle glared at Princess Luna and her unchanging expression. The little filly couldn’t even believe that she heard that from an ageless alicorn of all things. “Oh yeah? Well, not all of us can be immortal princesses who will never die. It must be nice not having to worry about dying like the rest of us. You get to sleep and eat and be happy in a warm place while the rest of us rot in our cold graves!”

If Rarity or her parents were here, or any other pony to be honest, they would have been aghast to see Sweetie Belle yelling at one of the two rulers of the land. This dawned on Sweetie Belle just a little too late as she gulped and awaited her punishment. Fearfully, she looked at the spheres filled with red and black, where she could see glimpses of screaming ponies, monsters, and other nightmare-like proportions. I’m sure to be sent into one of those for the rest of the night!

To her surprise, Luna shook her head and looked at Sweetie Belle with a small smile. “Sweetie Belle, you believe I am immune to death, but you forget that when I said ‘it is a fate all of us must share,’ I also meant myself.”

Sweetie wasn’t sure how far her mouth could drop, but she was certain its limits were being tested. Luna continued, “Sweetie Belle, despite what you and others believe, my sister and I are not invincible. We are just as capable of dying as the rest of you. My sister and I have been through many battles since the day we became alicorns. There were times when both of us received wounds that would have proved fatal if not for luck.”

“Was it... was it scary?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Yes, Sweetie Belle. The prospect of facing my death was scary at times... but then there were times when I had begged for it.”

Sweetie Belle waited in deep silence as she saw a twitch or two from Luna’s stone cold face. How much had Luna seen in her thousand or so years of living? How much pain and suffering and death had she seen time after time again from those she called friends, family, and maybe even lovers? To see the mask she wore crack, no matter how faint the line, was an eye opener for the filly.

Sweetie Belle had a hunch of what specific event that Luna was talking about and decided to take a guess. “Are you talking about when you were up on the moon? For a thousand years?”

Luna only nodded, her voice growing colder as she replied, “You have no idea how it is, Sweetie Belle, to wake up in a cold, lonely place where there is no warmth, no love, and nopony to comfort you. I saw the world before my eyes, across the great void, and yet I could not interact with it. My sister, my friends, the ponies whom I loved and trusted I had betrayed, and I was helpless against my darker feelings, manifested into a monster. I spent every moment in that prison in regret, begging for an end to my suffering as I was helpless in my own body, a tool to be used by my inner wrath. Even after I was freed, I felt such sorrow knowing that everything had changed.

Such suffering moved Sweetie Belle’s heart that she slowly walked over and hugged the night princess. Luna wrapped a wing around the tiny filly, and they held each other in silence. Sweetie Belle then began to imagine herself in Luna’s horseshoes. If she had been banished for a thousand years to never see her family, her friends, and Ponyville ever again, it wouldn’t be much of a life. Would I even be unafraid of death...?

“How did you get over it?” asked Sweetie Belle, looking up at those ancient eyes.

This time Luna did smile and she nuzzled the filly, her eyes shining with hope and joy like the orbs that surrounded them. “I learned that while I have lost so much, I could regain what I once had and more. There is so much about this age that fascinates me. Ponies have achieved such wonders; there is always something new for me to learn, I have subjects that love me, friends whom I trust, and a new family. Besides my sister I have my niece, Shining Armor, Twilight and her friends. They are there for me, and have helped me slowly recover from my fears.”

“But they won’t be around forever! They’ll fade away!” pointed out Sweetie Belle.

“Yes, they will. Even I will fade away someday, Sweetie Belle, but that is the nature of change,” explained Luna, smiling. “Every day, something in the world is changing. Life goes on and finds new ways to evolve, just like we ponies have over the past thousand years. Seeing these changes, adapting to them, and living our lives with those changes that slowly change ourselves; this is what we do as living beings. Your world has changed with Diamond Tiara’s death, has it not? Change is not always pleasant. You will be hurt many times. Yet, there is always some good that comes out of it. You just need to find it.”

“How will I know when I find it?” asked Sweetie Belle, leaning forward.

“You will know,” said Luna, spreading her wings and walking towards the edge of the platform they were on. She studied the dream orbs for some time until she smiled and turned back towards Sweetie Belle. “Do you wish to enter a dream with me, Sweetie Belle? To find the answers you seek?”

Sweetie Belle nervously stepped in line with Princess Luna and looked at all the various orbs in different colors. Each one represented the individual dreams of ponies around the world, sleeping blissfully unaware that she and Luna could enter them at any time. She feared that another dream, similar to her own, awaited her, and yet she saw the dreams of those in orbs of bright colors, glowing like the sun at the start of the morning. Her inner crusader, seeking adventure, told her to go forward.

She nodded at Princess Luna and took her hoof as the two of them floated into the void, flying past the various orbs. Princess Luna was stern in her concentration as her horn glowed, like a beacon in the night, but before long they had arrived at their destination: a yellow orb, smaller than most, but it glowed just as bright.

Turning to Sweetie Belle, Princess Luna said, “All you must do, Sweetie Belle, is gently put your hoof on the orb and let me do the rest.”
“O-okay,” whispered Sweetie Belle as she lifted her shaking hoof. Slowly,her hoof lowered itself upon the orb just as she closed her eyes. It felt like she was dipping her leg into a pool of ice cold water, yet she could feel a sense of peace the moment she touched it. She turned to Luna, ready to learn her next task, when suddenly the orb grabbed her and began pulling her inside.

Before she had a chance to fight back, it had consumed her.

***

When the light had faded, Sweetie Belle found herself in a bright sunny field, with flowers of all kinds spread across the green grass. It was a much welcomed environment from the dark cemetery she had been in only minutes ago. She sniffed the air, surprised to that it smelled similar to the fields of Ponyville during the spring time. Princess Luna soon faded in beside her and urged her to follow.

In silence they walked, Sweetie Belle observing more of the nature-blessed dream they had found themselves in. Luna didn’t seem to take any care of the beautiful land. Rather, she focused on aclearing where Sweetie Belle could see some ponies up ahead. They were an earth pony family of four, the father holding a bat while the shorter of the two colts, who shared his father’s shade of brown fur and bright yellow mane, threw the ball as hard as he could. The baseball cracked against the bat and sailed overhead where the older brother was waiting.

Unlike the others, he seemed to take more after his mother, a light magenta mare with a darker purple mane. He looked to be a few years older than Sweetie Belle, his golden baseball mitt cutie mark shining in the sunlight. Strangely, he was bald. The back of the colt’s head was shaved so close to his coat there were barely any signs of a mane ever once existing. He leaped up and caught the ball, landing hard on his backside, but quickly got up and proudly showed his family the caught baseball.

“Who is he?” asked Sweetie Belle, nodding to the bigger colt as he tossed the ball to his younger brother.

“His name is Shoestring Catch,” answered Luna, smiling.“He dreams of becoming a real baseball star and playing in front of a crowd.” The smile on Luna’s face faded. “Sadly, he will never have that dream as he originally had hoped.”

Before Sweetie Belle could ask why, the mother called for her family to join her by the picnic table for lunch. Shoestring Catch told them he would be there in a minute and, to Sweetie’s surprise, started walking towards them. He stopped and bowed before them in greeting. “Nice to see you again, your majesty.”

“You can see us?!” stated Sweetie Belle, stepping back in surprise. Princess Luna and Shoestring Catch both laughed at Sweetie’s expense while the filly crossed her forelegs and huffed. “It’s not funny.”

“Sorry,” apologized Catch before stretching out his foreleg. “I’m Shoestring Catch, nice to meet you.”

The scowl on Sweetie's face soon disappeared and was replaced with a small smile as she hoof bumped it. “I’m Sweetie Belle, nice to meet you. How do you know Princess Luna?”

Catch bowed his head again before answering, “Princess Luna’s been a good friend while I’ve been sleeping in the hospital. It gets really lonely, so she comes by and keeps me company. We talk or play baseball, and she’s been a big help for me since... well... I got sick.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Sweetie Belle. “What are you sick with?”

The colt’s eyes slowly lost a bit of their dim as he sighed, looking at his dream family who was laughing and eating without him. Sweetie Belle watched a small tear drip down his cheek and pour into the grass below. Yet despite this, he still had a smile on his face. It was sad, a hint of pain behind it, but peaceful all the same.

“I have cancer,” he answered, taking the baseball and throwing it back into his mitt.

“C-cancer?” whispered Sweetie Belle, covering her mouth. “Is that why...”

“I look like I got into a fight with a pair of scissors and lost?” joked Catch, pointing to his bald head. “Yeah, but really that’s some of the better side effects of having this. The worst ones are the pain, feeling like you're gonna be sick a lot, and well... dying.”

“Y-you’re d-dying?” gasped Sweetie Belle. Standing before her was a future corpse. A future husk. He would become what Diamond Tiara was now: a shell to be buried, alone and in the dark. “I-I-I-I’m so sorry. This is terrible and... wait...”

Sweetie Belle looked around the dream in disbelief. This couldn’t have been right. Where were the dark clouds and the gloomy feeling? Everything in this dream was all sunshine and rainbows, and yet this boy freely admitted that he was dying. Sweetie Belle looked at his confused expression, wondering how he could be so calm knowing that death’s door was close. Even more confusing is why would Princess Luna think me meeting him would help me?

“Something wrong?” he asked, tilting his head.

“H… how? How are you so... easygoing about this? Aren’t you scared that you’re going to die?!” asked Sweetie Belle.

The colt looked at the mitt in his hoof and slowly nodded. “Yeah... it’s scary. When I first learned that I couldn’t be cured, just treated, and that my life was over in a few years... I never felt more scared in my life.” He bit his lip before sitting down. Shaking his head, he slowly took off the mitt and held it with both hooves, staring at it like it was a piece of lost treasure that was valuable only to him. Princess Luna walked over and wrapped a wing around his back for comfort, to which he gave her a small smile in return before turning back to Sweetie Belle. “I was angry... scared... like everything in my entire world had just come crashing down. I was upset because all my life I wanted to play baseball. Now I was never gonna be in the majors because I got an unlucky break.”

He turned to his family. “I was miserable. And I made sure everypony knew it. My family, my friends, all of them. I just pushed away, but that only ended up hurting them. It was bad enough that we all knew I only had so long to live, but my attitude wasn’t helping at all.” He turned back to Sweetie Belle and smiled. “Then one day, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized this wasn’t who I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be some angry young colt who was unhappy all the time. I wanted to be alive. So I smiled again. I played again, despite my doctors telling me to take it easy. I spent a lot of time on the bench, sometimes playing an inning or four. Sometimes none if it was a bad day. But I still played because I wanted to live. Playing was living to me, and I didn’t want to end my life wasting away.”

“But... you’re dying!” pointed out Sweetie Belle.

“So? There was nothing I could do to change it, but there was something I could do before it happened. I could live again and feel alive. It was better than worrying about it and thinking about it all time. I felt better, my family felt better, and I was making everything feel normal again,” said Shoestring Catch, as he leaned forward. “Let me ask you something, Sweetie Belle. If you were going to die tomorrow, and nothing could prevent it. What would you rather do? Spend as much fun as possible with your friends and family? Or sit in your room waiting to die, alone and afraid?”

“The former of course!” scoffed Sweetie Belle.

“Why is that?” asked Princess Luna, with a small smile.

“Because... because...” Sweetie Belle tried to think of an explanation why the first one sounded like the better choice. “Because I would be happier! If I sat around waiting like that I would... be miserable...”

And then it hit her. That’s what she was doing now. That’s what she had been doing since the moment she learned about Diamond Tiara’s death. She was acting like a pony that had taken the second route. And the worst of it was the fact that she wasn’t dying like Shoestring Catch or already dead like Diamond Tiara.

She was alive.

She was alive, healthy, and well. So why was she afraid? What did she have to fear?

Looking at this colt, this dying colt, who held a gentle smile and courage in the face of his inevitable death, Sweetie realized that if anypony had the right to feel scared and alone it would be him. But here he was, enjoying what remaining time he had left. He was fighting to still be “alive” in all sense of the word, not just for himself, but for his family.

And all I’ve done, a pony with no illness, is just weep in fear of death, thought Sweetie Belle, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. Sweetie could remember how scared her sister was, and how she’d pushed Rarity away every time she tried to help. How much have I been scaring her?

Shoestring Catch tilted his head and asked, “Why are you worried about this? Are you...” His eyes widened. “...Are you dying as well?”

“What? No!” Sweetie Belle shook her head. “A... a classmate of mine died recently, and I just... just...”

Shoestring Catch took his hoof and lifted her chin up, looking at her with understanding in his eyes. “This was your first time with death, right?” Sweetie Belle nodded. “I see... Yeah, it’s scary the first time. Even scarier when you’re the one that’s going to die.” He turned to Princess Luna and winked at her. “But thanks to the princess here, I learned that it’s better to enjoy your life, however short, than live in misery and fear. That way, we can be happy and others we love can be happy. We may not be able to control how we die, but we can always control how we live.”

Slowly but surely, Sweetie Belle felt a smile decorate her face as she looked at the strong colt in front of her and realized that there was truth to what he said. Ever since she heard that Diamond Tiara died, all she had done was sob in fear; fear that she too would one day. And while the thought of dying was still scary in her mind, the idea of being alone and unhappy was even scarier. She had friends, family, and a cutie mark to find so she could know what she was destined to do in life. And was crying in her bed all the time going to solve that?

No... I need to live... thought Sweetie Belle. What’s the point of life if you don’t live it? I might as well be dead.

“I think we have come for what we needed,” interrupted Princess Luna as she rose off her haunches and nuzzled Shoestring Catch. “Thank you, Shoestring Catch. I will let you continue with your dream, uninterrupted.”

Shoestring Catch nodded and turned to Sweetie Belle. “It was nice meeting you. If I don’t see you again... I’ll see you in the next life.”

“S-same to you,” replied Sweetie Belle, nodding. Although she was smiling, she couldn’t help but cry inside as she watched Catch gallop back to his family. She wished that she had known him sooner, or at least could do something for him.

She turned to Princess Luna and asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

Luna smiled and wrapped a wing around her. “If you want, I’ll take you to see him in his dreams every so often. He’s a good colt and deserves good friends.”

Sweetie Belle nodded in thanks before she felt her body rising up in the air as everything around her turned white.

***

When Sweetie Belle could see again, she was floating in the Dream Dimension once more. Princess Luna, floating right next to her, asked, “Do you have the answers you seek?”

Nodding, Sweetie Belle smiled at the princess of the night and said, “I... I think so. I mean, a part of me is still sad and afraid but...” She closed her eyes and gave a toothy smile. “I think I’ll be alright now.”

Princess Luna smiled back before closing her eyes, horn glowing. “That is good to hear. Now it is time for you to head back, Sweetie Belle. “Know that if you ever need help, I am always with you in your dreams.”

Luna’s horn glowed and that was the last thing Sweetie Belle saw before the light returned once more.

***

Groaning, Sweetie Belle put a hoof over her head to cover the rays of sunlight coming from her window. With a loud yawn, she looked around and saw that she was in her room. A knock on the door preceded its opening and alerted her to her sister’s presence. The older unicorn stared back at Sweetie Belle with worry.

“Sweetie?” asked Rarity, biting her lip. “Are you feeling okay? Last night you didn’t come down for dinner and...”

Sweetie Belle didn’t answer at first, the last memories of her nightmare ebbing and mixing with her time in the Dream Dimension and her time with Shoestring Catch. She remembered what he told her. With a small smile, Sweetie Belle jumped off her bed and looked out the window to where life was continuing, and she was a part of it. It was still a world without Diamond Tiara, a world where death still lingered. But it was also a world where she was alive, and she had much to do.

Turning to her older sister, Sweetie Belle nodded, “I think... everything’s going to be okay.”

Author's Note

This chapter is dedicated to my childhood friend Colin Doyle who passed away from cancer on July 4, 2013 at the age of 22. After I wrote the Shoestring Catch scene I realized that I unconsciously gave him Colin's personality except made the colt baseball fan rather than a football fan. Colin always smiled, never once did I ever see him frown, and he was never scared that he had cancer, fighting it four four strong years. I miss him, but I know he's happy now in heaven.

Anyway, this is the first of the three "epiphany" chapters as I like to call them, where the CMC realize their faults and find the answers to the problems facing them. I've mentioned before that Sweetie Belle's chapters are based on personal experiences of mine when it came to the overall fear of death. I later learned, like she did, that death is an unavoidable thing and that while we cannot control fully on how or when we die, we do have the power to control how we live. Living your life is better then constantly thinking about it ending, and many waste their lives shut in and never doing anything exciting because they're afraid they'll get mugged or shot or killed or what not. I'd rather live a short exciting life that meant something rather then die of on old boring one.

Anyway, I hoped you liked this chapter and I hope you will continue to read more.

Scootaloo 3

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks toCatnipfairy for her artwork!

***

The crack on her ceiling had gotten bigger again. Sometimes she wondered if one day it would be too much and a part of it would fall on her head while she was sleeping. The last thing Scootaloo needed was a hole in her ceiling and a trip to the ER. Again.

Struggling in her bed, Scootaloo tried to close her eyes and focus on something other than the new revelations she had learned today, but it was futile. All she could think about was the fact that her teacher, Ms. Cheerilee, whom she respected and cared about so much, was actually a bully of her father’s past.

The word ‘bully’ didn’t make sense when describing Ms. Cheerilee. Nice, kind, polite, dedicated, loving, and many other words were better. Not ‘bully’. Scootaloo wanted to think her father was wrong, that he had mistaken her for somepony, but the horrified and ashamed look on Ms. Cheerilee's face only proved it to be true. The very teacher who was awarded “Equestria’s Best Elementary Teacher” three years in a row, praised and respected by everypony in town, who cared for each student like her own foal and kept encouraging the Cutie Mark Crusaders to keep following their dreams to find out who they were, was the same pony who had all but caused her father to go through Tartarus in high school.

Scootaloo sat up and groaned. “It makes no sense! If she was a horrible bully before, how did she get so... nice now? Aren’t all bullies the same?”

Were they the same? Ever since Diamond Tiara had died, Scootaloo had recently learned things about her former bratty classmate she would have never imagined. That wasn’t to say it changed anything. Diamond Tiara was still the same pony who mocked her inability to fly and her poor lifestyle. Hay, she always made it seem like she was better off than the rest of us! So why is everypony mourning for her death?! Scootaloo could understand Diamond Tiara’s family and Silver Spoon. But now practically the whole town was in tears over this. Even her best friends were mourning. It made Scootaloo angry because they were willing to forget all the things Diamond Tiara had done, but she wasn’t going to. She was a bully, no matter what!”

Again, Scootaloo’s thoughts turned to Ms. Cheerilee. If that saying was true, then how did it explain her? Ms. Cheerilee had defended Scootaloo and her friends many times from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon cruelty, often giving them detention or other forms of punishment. Had she really changed? And if so, did that mean it was possible Diamond Tiara could have become a good pony too? Was there still time for Silver Spoon? Scootaloo shook her head, trying to violently banish the questions away, but they continued to nip and nag. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to avoid these thoughts because she didn’t want to think about her tormentors anymore… or because she didn’t want to be right.

Scootaloo hated bullies. Hated everything about them. They were cruel, uncaring and selfish, just like… her.

But what if this… hatred was wrong? What if she was really just being coldhearted? What was she supposed to do about it, offer sympathy? Forgive them? Just fake it for the benefit of the town and her friends?

Then there was the apparent fact that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were once bullied for being rich. A part of her wanted to think it was a lie, but she seriously doubted it. And yet, was that the reason why they became bullies, like Babs when she first visited? But Babs was nice before she tried becoming a bully! We were able to change her back!

So does that mean Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were born as bullies or were they once nice as well? a voice inside Scootaloo’s head asked that caused more doubts to creep in. Was that even a good excuse to be a bully?

A dark feeling slithered through her like a snake wrapping itself around her waist. What if, because of all the bullying, she became one too? It wasn’t as though Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were the only bad ponies in her life. Plenty of pegasi had mocked her as well. Scootaloo bitterly looked at her wings and wished, not for the first time, that she was born with normal ones like a normal pegasus. Rainbow Dash had taken her to Cloudsdale many times and she saw pegasi her age and younger fly effortlessly while she struggled to remain in the air for five seconds. The other fliers who learned this when she visited often poked fun at her, calling her a flightless freak.

I’m not a freak! I just... have undeveloped wings is all! thought Scootaloo, biting her lip. Her father had tried to get her to see a professional about her wings, but Scootaloo didn’t want to. She was afraid she’d shatter if she heard those horrible words, the ones that said she would never be able to fly. That she was too weak.

Flopping onto her pillow, Scootaloo moaned at the pounding in her head. Too confusing. Too many questions. What was she to feel? Everything in her life seemed to be turning around, and all that she knew or believed in was filled with doubt. It made her want to scream.

I have to get answers. I need to... talk to Ms. Cheerilee, thought Scootaloo, looking at her window outside as the stars shined in the dark. She would have to get up very early and visit Ms. Cheerilee's home before she could meet with her father. She needed answers as to why Ms. Cheerilee became a bully and how she was no longer one.

***

Scootaloo barely got any sleep, but she didn’t care. She didn’t feel tired anyway. Navigating the hallway in the dark without accidentally stepping on a loose floorboard proved tricky, but Scootaloo had years of practice. She made it safely out the door without waking her father. It was quite a distance between her house and Ms. Cheerilee's, not to mention it snowed last night and it was all over the place.. Had she used her scooter she would have cut her time in half, but she did promise her dad not to use it until winter was over.

Scootaloo pushed aside all thoughts of the deceased filly. This was about Ms. Cheerilee, not her former bully.

An hour after the crack of dawn, Scootaloo arrived at her teacher’s house and knocked on the door as hard as she could. She stopped at the sound of hoofsteps heading down the stairs. The door opened, revealing a tired-looking Cheerilee in a pink night robe. Yawning, Cheerilee smacked her lips a bit before she noticed who it was that had been knocking on her door. Eyes widening, she looked around for any signs of anypony else before asking, “Scootaloo, what are you doing here? It’s early and... does your father even know you're here?”

“Look, you can scold me later, but I need to talk to you. Like now,” demanded Scootaloo, stomping her hoof.

Cheerilee raised her hoof and Scootaloo was worried she would be denied entry, but the older mare sighed and lowered it back down. “Alright, I can guess why you’re here, and I suppose you do deserve to know some of the truth.” She stepped back and opened the door a bit more. “Come on in and sit on the couch. I’ll get us some tea.”

Scootaloo nodded and stepped into her teacher’s house. She had been here a few times in the past, noticing that there wasn’t much in decoration. Most homes in Ponyville were designed the same, minus the wall paint, pictures, or whatever embellishments the owner decided to put up. For Cheerilee, she mostly had photos of all the graduating students she had the pleasure of teaching before they all sought higher education in Canterlot or sought to learn a trade elsewhere. There were other photos with ponies that looked to be Cheerilee's parents and a younger sister. Her walls were colored plum, just like her fur, and motivational posters could be seen for virtues such as patience, kindness, and knowledge.

Hardly the sort of thing you would expect to find in a bully’s home, thought Scootaloo as she sat down on the couch. A few minutes later, Cheerilee came in while carrying two cups of warm tea on her back. She gave one to Scootaloo before sitting down on a fluffy purple chair across from her.

The two drank in silence a bit. Scootaloo nervously looked at her teacher, who suddenly seemed older by the way her eyes shimmered in the sunlight from the windows. She almost looked regretful in a sense, like she was remembering something horrible. “So you wish to know about my past with your father,” said Cheerilee, snapping the filly out of her thoughts as she placed the cup down on a nearby table.

“Y-yeah,” answered Scootaloo, looking down at her cup. “I-it’s not true, is it? You weren’t really a bully.” Cheerilee didn’t answer. “M-my dad told me how they always stuffed him in lockers or dunked his head in the toilet so often he nearly drowned. He w-would even say that it got so bad he had to leave school because...” Scootaloo took a deep breath. “... because he got drugged with something that made him... go to the bathroom on the floor in the cafeteria...”

“Oh, Celestia...” muttered Cheerilee, covering her eyes in shame. “Oh, how can he ever forgive me for that..."

Scootaloo never thought her jaw could fall any lower than it did. “Y-you mean you did that? You made him have diarrhea in public? And all the other things that he suffered from?!”

Cheerilee winced. “Not all of it...”

“How could you do that?! What did my dad ever do to you?! He was an innocent colt and you made his high school life miserable!” screamed Scootaloo, standing on the couch, glaring at her teacher with a look that could kill. “You’re the reason he’s a spineless mess of himself! You’re the reason he has no confidence! You’re no different than Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon!”

“Scootaloo!” shouted Cheerilee, standing up and towering over the little filly, who jumped upon hearing her name spoken. “Yes! I did that! I did all those things! To your father and so many ponies! You think I don’t regret it? I regret it every single day whenever I see a bully or a pony I knew that I once messed with! You think I am happy that I made your father cry so bad his parents had to remove him from school? You think Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were bad?! I was worse, Scootaloo! I was a horrible, mean, stupid juvenile who almost lost everything she loved about herself, and I’ll never fully forgive myself for what I’ve done!”

Cheerilee took in deep breaths as she wiped away a few tears that were dripping down her face. She fell onto the chair and leaned back. “Scootaloo, please believe me when I say I would take back everything I did if I could. I’ve tried so hard to repent for my actions since I realized what I was doing was wrong. Not just to ponies like your father, but also for myself.”

Scootaloo just sat there, staring at her distressed teacher. She had never seen Cheerilee look so defeated and hurt before. She wanted to believe that she was sorry, but she had to know. “Then why? Why did you do it? How... how does somepony who is as kind and sweet as you become a bully?”

“It’s a long story...” muttered Cheerilee.

“I have time,” answered Scootaloo.

Cheerilee sighed took another long sip from her tea before closing her eyes. “I guess I should start at the beginning, when I was a filly. Ever since I was little I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I always imagined my room was a classroom and my stuffed animals were my students. I got my cutie mark when I taught my little sister her ABC’s. Since then, I was always the best in school and always helped out my teacher, Ms. Wormwood.” Cheerilee smiled and turned towards a photo of an aging, elderly earth pony with green fur and a grey mane. She was surrounded by fillies and colts her age, some of which looked like adults that she knew now.

“Ms. Wormwood was my idol and my helper. She said I had the potential to be a great teacher, and she promised me that I would be her personal assistant when I got my degree,” continued Cheerilee, staring at her cup. “Once we graduated our first years of schooling, we all had to go to Canterlot to further our education. Naturally, I thought it would be the same as elementary: fun, exciting, and the ability to help my fellow students by being the same pony I was back in Ms. Wormwood’s class.” A harsh laugh escaped Cheerilee's lips. “Oh Celestia, was I wrong.”

“Was it that bad?” asked Scootaloo, thinking about her own future education. She still had two years left before she and her friends would have to take the train to Canterlot for middle school. It was their biggest fear that they would go without cutie marks and be made fun of for not having them.

Cheerilee shook her head. “It wasn’t bad. It was horrible. The school I went to didn’t have any of my friends from Ponyville and nopony, it turns out, likes a ‘teacher’s pet.’” Cheerilee spat the word out like it was some vile curse to her. “Instead of kindness and support, I was a nerd and a loser. I couldn’t make new friends, so I ate lunch alone. I was pranked almost every day, sometimes having my books knocked over, sometimes getting shoved into a locker, sometimes worse. The teachers liked me, but when most of the bullies come from rich families who heavily donate to the school there’s only so much control they can actually wield. Pretty soon, ponies used my smarts to force me to do their homework for them. If I refused, or if I didn’t finish, or if they didn’t get the grade they wanted, they’d beat me up.”

"But why did they do that to you? You did nothing wrong to them!” shouted Scootaloo. Ms. Cheerilee hadn’t hurt anypony and she was trying to be nice. So why go after her?

“It’s because of this,” muttered Cheerilee, nodding to her cutie mark.

“But... you’re not a blank flank,” pointed out Scootaloo.

“Scootaloo, one thing you're going to have to understand is that, no matter how much you try, there are always going to be ponies that hate you for whatever reason. It could be your race, your cutie mark, your faith, or even just the color of your mane. They find something about you that just makes them want to hurt you,” explained Cheerilee, who looked at her cutie mark with sadness instead of the pride that Scootaloo always saw her with. “When they learned my special talent was teaching, they saw me as ‘uncool.’ Middle school was all about image and popularity, where you came from and what attitude you had. Nopony wanted to learn or even be there. To them it was a drag, and I guess seeing somepony like me who wanted to be part of the ‘system’ made me an enemy in their eyes.”

Scootaloo felt like her entire world just imploded. Most of the bullying she had to deal with was because she was a blank flank. She assumed that once she got her cutie mark, she would be accepted by everypony. But if you get the wrong cutie mark that nopony likes... nothing changes. It’s going to stay the same.

“What did you do?” asked Scootaloo.

Snorting, Cheerilee answered, “What could I do but grow to hate myself. I hated my cutie mark. I hated teaching. I lost all hope in it and didn’t want to be one anymore. It hurt my parents to hear me say that, but at the time all I wanted was for the pain to stop. I wanted to be accepted like everypony else.”

Cheerilee paused a bit, gripping her cup so hard Scootaloo was worried it would crack. “Eventually, all that anger builds up to a point where you just want to lash it out at somepony. So I did.” Cheerilee shook her head as shame decorated her face. “I lashed out against the other ‘smart’ ponies near the end of my final year in middle school. Whatever the bullies did to me, I did it back to others. If I was hit, I hit somepony else. If I was called a loser, I called somepony else a loser. Eventually we graduated, but I was determined to go to high school not as the loser, but as the one who was on top. The one who everypony respected and feared. Some of my former bullies learned about my change in attitude and invited me to join them. Slowly, I became ‘cool’ in their eyes. I smoked, I drank, I changed my looks and stopped studying. I did what they did so I could finally be accepted by them and no longer hurt.”

“That just sounds like weakness to me! You, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Dad, my moth—” Scootaloo shook her head. “A-and other ponies I know! You were so weak-willed you became bullies when you should have just stood up for yourselves!”

Cheerilee nodded. “Maybe I was weak. But what would you do if you were in my place back then, if Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle weren’t by your side to draw strength from? If you had to face that much misery alone, can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t be scared and desperate and willing to do anything to make it stop too?"

“I... I’m not weak,” muttered Scootaloo. “I would never... I hate bullies, I would never become one.”

“I hated bullies too back then,” said Cheerilee, pointing at herself. “I was angry just like you were. I held so much anger that I used to always pound the nearest tree over and over again until my hooves bled. I dreamed of hurting my tormentors in so many ways that I didn’t care how graphic it got. I had no friends and I felt my family couldn’t understand what I was going through, so I ignored their help.”

She leaned forward. “Scootaloo, you mentioned a list of ponies who were weak because they couldn’t stand the situations that had happened to them. Everypony has a breaking point, and nopony is invincible. I don’t see it as weakness. I see it as somepony snapping because they couldn’t take what was happening to them anymore. I don’t know if that classifies as an excuse, but all of us can snap at any point. Even you.”

“Well, I won’t!” denied Scootaloo, crossing her forelegs. “I’m not gonna be a bully like you or Diamond Tiara and I’m not going to be a weakling like my dad.’

“Your father is a stronger pony then you give him credit for, Scootaloo,” scolded Cheerilee. “Not only did he not become a bully after all the abuse he suffered at my hooves and others, but he’s also been able to raise you despite his wife leaving him.”

Scootaloo gasped and turned pale. “Y-you know... about her...”

Cheerilee slowly nodded. “Scootaloo, I may not have spoken to your father all these years or realized you were his daughter, but I knew he lived in town. And you know how news spreads in Ponyville. Many ponies knew about your mother leaving. I’m guessing they never spoke about it out of—”

“Pity, right?!” screamed Scootaloo, standing up and pointing at her teacher, who continued to remain calm. “Well I don’t need your pity or anypony’s! I don’t need my mother who ran away! And I don’t need anypony telling me how to feel about stupid Diamond Tiara!”

Cheerilee narrowed her eyes. “You’re angry.”

“What else is new,” muttered Scootaloo as she got up and made for the door.

“Where are you going?” asked Cheerilee.

“Away from you! I’ve had enough!” shouted Scootaloo.

“No, we’re gonna talk about this here and now,” ordered Cheerilee, walking up and closing the door. “I want to help you, Scootaloo, and the only way we can do that is sitting down and talking. I didn’t think I had to talk to you or any of the other crusaders because you had each other and I was confident you would be okay. Now that I see that I need to help you.”

“And why is that?!”

“Because I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I made!”

Scootaloo froze and looked up at her teacher, who glared at her. “Scootaloo... what you have inside you is a terrible anger, maybe even hatred. I can think of several reasons why. But I won’t let that anger continue to build up inside you, not like this.”

“If you’re afraid that I’m going to be like you when I go to middle school you're mistaken! I’m—”

“Going to be all alone when you head to middle school,” interrupted Cheerilee. “Scootaloo, I hate to say this to you now and it may be harsh, but if I’m going to help you I need to be honest.” Cheerilee sighed. “You and your friends will never be in the same school together after elementary.”

Scootaloo whipped her face back like she had been slapped. “Wha-what? But the three of us—”

“Are friends to the end. I know, but there are dozens of middle schools and high schools in Canterlot, each with different admissions and acceptance requirements. Sweetie Belle’s parents already have plans to move her to magic school. Big Macintosh has already told me he plans to homeschool Apple Bloom. And as for you, you’ll either go to flight school should your wings develop—”

“They will!”

“—or you’ll be in a public middle school. Maybe you’ll be with other ponies from your class, or maybe you won’t. But none of your close friends will be with you,” explained Cheerilee to Scootaloo, who was starting to pale again.

The idea of her not being with her friends through high school, or even middle school, was terrifying. She had nopony else as friends. It was always the three of them.

“When you go there Scootaloo, you will be picked on. Either for having no cutie mark, or for being of a lower class, or being, and I know you don’t want to hear this, unable to fly,” said Cheerilee, which made Scootaloo lower her head and close her eyes. “Maybe you will make new friends. I hope you really do, but the fact of the matter is if you go out there with that anger bubbling inside you, then you will become a bully. It happened to me, Scootaloo, and it’s happened to so many others like us. Our anger, pain, sorrow, it twists and turns us in ways that Discord would have been proud of.”

Sitting on her haunches, Scootaloo spat, “Can you blame me? Every other pegasus can fly, but I can’t. My mother left me when I was five. And everypony in the entire town is crying over a bully who tormented me. Even my best friends are going to her funeral and are forgetting everything she’s done to us. I just... I just feel so confused!”

Cheerilee sat down and hugged the shivering filly. “I know, Scootaloo. I know you have a lot to be angry for, but trust me when I say that losing control of that anger will only cause problems. I learned that the hard way.”

For the first time since she came inside, Scootaloo was actually listening to her teacher. She thought long and hard, wondering if the warnings her teacher was saying were true. Could she become a bully? Just the thought of all the injustices in her life made her want to scream and kick something. What if, somewhere down the line, she kicked somepony in the face and felt good about it. What if she continued to go deeper into that hole. What if... she became Diamond Tiara.

“I don’t... want to be...” Scootaloo mumbled in her teacher’s embrace. “What... what happened to you?”

Cheerilee was quiet for a long time. Scootaloo could only hear the sound of her teacher’s heart while she waited patiently. Finally, Cheerilee answered, “My so-called friends and I made a gang. I wasn’t the leader, but I was still feared. We bullied anypony we didn’t like for any reason. Your father was our target because he was one of the worst magic users in our class and a bookworm. I hated him because he reminded me of myself, always so devoted to studying and helping out the teachers.”

“Things were sour with my parents as well. They didn’t know me anymore, and were disgusted by what I had become. My sister, she used to cry whenever I told her to leave me alone, asking what happened to the kind pony who taught her how to read and write. At times I felt guilty, but I pushed it aside because I thought they couldn’t understand,” continued Cheerilee, shaking her head. “I hurt them, others, and myself but I didn’t even know it at the time. Nor did I care. Eventually, that cafeteria incident with your father happened and I was suspended. My parents turned to the one pony who they thought could help me: my old teacher, Ms. Wormwood.”

A few more tears dripped down Cheerilee's face before she wiped them off her cheek. “For the longest time Ms. Wormwood was my idol. The one adult I trusted in my life. It’s no different than how you see Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo. The look she gave me. It was a look I will never forget, no matter how many times I try. She just looked at me with such disappointment that for the first time in a long time I began to question myself. She told my parents there was a way to save me, turn me back to who I was. I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to be that weak filly who got pushed around all the time. But I had no choice.”

“What did she make you do?” asked Scootaloo. “Boot camp? Summer school? Rehab?”

“Close on the second one,” answered Cheerilee. “She made me her assistant teacher for students who were attending summer classes.”

Scootaloo had to check her ears for wax to make sure she was listening correctly. “She made you her assistant? How was that a punishment?”

“I wondered that myself. I didn’t care since I thought it was going to be an easy thing to get by.”

Snorting, Scootaloo said, “I bet you hated it, huh?”

“...Actually, I loved it,” said Cheerilee, much to Scootaloo’s surprise. “At first I didn’t care, but Ms. Wormwood would always have me read from the books or ask the children questions. Slowly, I began to warm to the kids who always called me Ms. Cheerilee, and I slowly began to smile again. I couldn’t hate them, they were innocent and knew nothing about me. I played with them, laughed with them, helped them when they needed me. I soon felt more happy than I had in years.

“There was this one girl, Plum Cheeks. She was always wanting to learn more from me. Whenever the children went outside to play she would stay inside with me and learn about our next lesson.” Cheerilee walked over to another photo on the wall. This one showed an image of her, a few years younger, while next to a yellow-furred unicorn with a bright blue bow and ponytail blue mane. “Of course, Plum was always getting every question and test right so it made some students jealous. One day she was being teased by two colts who called her a nerd, and so I made them back off and clean the floors as detention. Plum looked at me like I was a... a hero. And then she said... she said...”

Cheerilee's hoof hit the wall so hard it nearly made the room shake. A spare teacup on the table fell and smashed on the floor into tiny pieces. “She said she wanted to grow up and be a kind teacher like me! Me!” She turned to Scootaloo with her eyes tearing up and shouted, “Me! The mare who caused your father and many others to fear school because I could be there ready to ruin their lives! The same pony who made her family cry because she had changed into a monster! Who realized at that moment what she had become and fell to the floor, crying like a baby because she now knew how far she had fallen from what she was!”

“Ms. Cheerilee...” muttered Scootaloo as she saw her teacher fall into a crumpled heap and weep. She had never seen a grown up cry so much in all her life, not even her father when that mare left them. Guilt wormed its way into her heart and Scootaloo got off her seat to hug her teacher who returned the embrace.It felt weird, being on the giving end of a hug for a crying pony instead of the other way around, but her teacher—her friend—needed her. Wrapped in those warm, comforting hooves, Scootaloo felt like the wall of distrust she held was slowly cracking and falling apart. She realized in that moment that she was truly sorry for what she had done.

She’s not a bully... not anymore. She... changed, thought Scootaloo, who never imagined she would think such words. All her life she thought they wouldalways be the same, the bullies, but here was proof that she was wrong. If bullies can change, does that mean Diamond Tiara could have changed? And... could I have become a bully if things were different?

Scootaloo continued to hug her teacher until she eventually calmed down and helped guide her back towards her chair. Cheerilee took a few deep breaths before refilling her teacup and drinking it all in one go. After she closed her eyes and relaxed a bit, she continued, “I realized what Ms. Wormwood did, and I will always be grateful for her in helping me discover the monster I had become. The first thing I did was run home, crying in front of my stunned family as I begged them to forgive me, to forgive everything I had done to them. My sister was the first to hug me and then my parents. We talked, cried, even yelled at times, but slowly we healed as a family. I healed in my soul.” She pushed a few strains of her mane away. “I knew I couldn’t go back to my old school so I transferred again, this time determined to redeem myself. I studied harder than I ever did. I became interactive with my school once more and slowly made friends among the teachers and students. Some of them were even from Ponyville. I was made fun of, but I ignored it. I wasn’t afraid to be myself anymore, and I wasn’t going to hurt others again.”

“What about the bullies you used to hang out with and the ones you picked on?” asked Scootaloo.

“Some of them I met later in my life, and most of them forgave me after I apologized over and over again. Some... never did, and I accepted that,” muttered Cheerilee, shaking her head. “The gang I used to hang out with? Most of them became criminals or jobless noponies. A few I knew managed to grow up and get good jobs and families. They learned their mistakes just like me. Some harder than others.”

Scootaloo bit her lip as she decided to ask the one question that she had been fighting to say, but now she had to know. “Could... could Diamond Tiara have changed into a good pony?”

Cheerilee looked as if she had been expecting this question for some time. “I don’t know, but I believe she would have. Diamond Tiara... she was a bully. I will never deny that, but she had a good side of her that she didn’t like most ponies seeing.”

“Yeah,” muttered Scootaloo, still thinking about the Cake twins and Silver Spoon. “But why did she hurt me? What did she have against me?”

“I don’t think she had something against you except, well…” Cheerilee bit her lip. “Scootaloo... I think when she looked at you... she saw herself.”

“W-what?!” shouted Scootaloo. “But we have nothing in common!”

“Yes, you do,” pointed out Cheerilee. “You both lost your mothers at a young age, except while Tiara’s died, yours left. And I know you still are hurt by that, just as I knew that Tiara was still hurt by her mother’s death. Both your fathers are always working, never having time for you, yet they both love you very much. Still, it’s tough because deep down you have some resentment towards them for this.”

Scootaloo said nothing, she just looked at the floor.

“Both of you held such anger against your opposite social class. Rich for you, poor for her. I won’t tell you why, as I made a promise to Mr. Rich and Ms. Spoon that I wouldn’t talk about it to anypony but their daughters,” continued Cheerilee. “Yet despite this anger and sorrow in your lives, you have close friends and are strong-willed. You both help those you care about and you are loyal to them. The difference between you two was that Diamond Tiara lashed out against others to deal with the pain. You bottle yours in.

“...Are you also a shrink, too?” asked Scootaloo.

“It comes with being a teacher. And having personal experience as well.”

Scootaloo leaned back in her seat and sighed. “I just don’t know what to feel about her anymore. I hate her. Hate what she did to me. I get it now, she wasn’t pure evil, she had some good in her, but she never showed it to me. I’m not sad or happy she’s dead, but with everypony crying over her and I... I worry I’m just being coldhearted. I don’t know what I should do. Forgive her? I don’t know if I can do that. She hurt me so much.”

Cheerilee got up and walked over to Scootaloo. She clasped her hooves over the filly’s and smiled. “Scootaloo. What you feel is up to you. Nopony else can tell you what to feel. Should you forgive Diamond Tiara or not? I leave that up to you. Maybe years down the road you will forgive her. But if you want my advice, don’t hate her anymore. Hating her will do nothing but make you bitter. Let go of the past and grow from this. Everything and everypony changes over time, Scootaloo. Even you will. How you change is up to you.”

Looking at her teacher in the eyes, Scootaloo only saw sincerity in them and slowly nodded. Sighing in relief, she muttered, “Thanks, Ms. Cheerilee. I really needed this.”

“I’m always here to help you, Scootaloo,” replied Cheerliee as she guided the little filly to her door. “I just hope things will go well with your father.”

“My dad will forgive you,” answered Scootaloo with a smirk. “He’s always going around saying how nopony gains from hating one another. I’m sure he’ll apply that to himself when he talks with you this morning.”

A serene smile grew on Cheerilee's face. “Thank you.” Just as Scootaloo was about to open the door and leave, Cheerilee said, “Scootaloo. You can always come over if you ever want to talk. Whether it’s about something or… somepony.

Scootaloo paused. She knew who she meant; the only other mare in her life that had caused her so much pain besides Diamond Tiara. Scootaloo’s first reaction was to tell Cheerliee that it wasn’t any of her business, but she paused. She concentrated on that hatred that burned within her whenever she thought about that ma—her mother. She pushed it aside and whispered something before she closed the door.

“I’ll think about it.”

***

Having left her teacher’s house, Scootaloo decided to just wander around Ponyville while collecting her thoughts. In one single conversation, the image she had of Diamond Tiara and bullying had crumbled. Despite all of Diamond Tiara’s abuse, her horrible actions and her hate, it was no longer possible for Scootaloo to only see this single side of her. If she really was a cruel and heartless filly, she never would have loved the Cake twins, nor would she have protected Silver Spoon from their own bullies. It wasn’t all black and white. There was also grey.

Scootaloo hated grey.

I really just can’t forgive her... not now. I just feel... I don’t know...

Diamond Tiara, although a terrible pony, was still a filly who had a family, friends and dreams cut short by an accident. Maybe she could have changed like Ms. Cheerilee did. Or maybe she would have stayed the same. Does it really matter anymore? At least to me?

Too many questions were in her mind, and Scootaloo didn’t know if she would ever get an answer for any of them. All she knew was that she had to deal with her own problems before, Celestia forbid, she ended up like Ms. Cheerilee did.

Turning around the corner, she paused in surprise by what she saw a few hooves from her. It was none other than Silver Spoon, looking at the street with empty eyes. Scootaloo wondered if fate was going to always make her run into her other bully over and over again. Deciding to ignore the rich filly, Scootaloo was about to leave when Silver Spoon closed her eyes and ran into the middle of the street, holding her hooves out like she was waiting for something to hit her.

Scootaloo turned to the other side of the road and felt her heart sink. A carriage was heading straight for Silver Spoon, and she wasn’t getting out of the way. “Oh horse feathers!” shouted Scootaloo, and she rushed towards Silver Spoon without thinking. The carriage pony finally saw the two fillies and tried to stop with his rear hooves, but he slipped under a patch of ice. Scootaloo felt her entire body freeze as she saw that she wasn’t going to make it on her hooves.

Instincts kicked in as she flapped her wings, and every lesson she ever took from Rainbow Dash went through her mind in less than a split second. Levitating off the ground, Scootaloo flew forward and grabbed Silver Spoon just as the carriage missed her tail by inches. Scootaloo held on to the struggling Silver Spoon as they crashed into a few garbage cans outside of an alley.

Silver Spoon finally got up, gasping for air as sweat and tears dripped down her face. She slowly looked at Scootaloo moaning underneath her and growled. “You... you... jerk!” She screamed and jumped on top of Scootaloo, hitting her in the face. “Why did you save me?! You stupid blank flank! I hate you! You jerk!”

“I’m the jerk?!” shouted Scootaloo, smacking Silver Spoon away so she could scramble onto her hooves while leaning against a wall. “I just saved your stupid life! Did you really want to kill yourself? What kind of idiot does that?! How would your mother feel? Or Diamond Tiara? You think she would want you to die just like this?!”

“You don’t know anything! It was supposed to hit me! It was supposed to be me!” Silver Spoon fell to her floor and screamed, “Damn you, Diamond Tiara! That carriage was suppose to hit me!”

Scootaloo’s eyes widened. She stood there like a frozen block of ice and stared at the crying filly. “It... it was going to hit you? The carriage was... the accident... you mean she...”

A small nod came from Silver Spoon. “She... she pushed me out of the way. When I got up she was... she was...” She looked up at Scootaloo, her face covered with guilt. “She died saving me! Protecting me! Just like always, it was her protecting me! I’m not worth it! I should have died! Not her! Not my best friend!”

Before Scootaloo knew it, she had her hooves around Silver Spoon and hugged her. Silver Spoon hesitated at first, but she soon sank into the embrace and continued to wail on Scootaloo’s shoulder. Scootaloo closed her eyes and whispered, “It’s okay... it’s okay...”

For the first time in her life, Scootaloo felt only sorrow and sympathy towards Silver Spoon. And for the first time, respect towards Diamond Tiara. There was no anger. No hatred. How could she hate a pony who did what Diamond Tiara did? At that moment, nothing mattered other than holding onto a crying filly who had lost her best friend.

It was then that Scootaloo felt something dripping down her cheek. She touched it and felt the wet substance and wondered. Why am I crying? Is it for Diamond Tiara? Silver Spoon? Myself? Or... does it really matter?

Scootaloo shook her head and continued to comfort Silver Spoon as the tear faded away.

It was hours later before she realized that she flew for the first time in her life.

Author's Note

Before people say anything, yes Scootaloo doesn't forgive Diamond Tiara, but she doesn't hate her anymore or she is making an effort to not hate her anymore and grow from the past.

Now then, this was one of the main lessons I wanted to get across in this fanfiction. Yes, bullies are horrible, but they are still human. They might have people they love and care a lot about. They have dreams an purpose. Some might change into better people. People are never always the same from birth to death, we change all the time. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but we're never who we are when we grow up. I'm not. I doubt you're everything you were ten years ago.

Bullies are not always black and white, they also have grey in them. That isn't to say being a bully is an excuse, it is a terrible thing to do and it's even more so when you become one. But everybody has as a breaking point. Some people say it's weak to become what you have hated, but then again we all have a breaking point. And it doesn't need to be from bullying, stressful and hurtful things in our life slowly naw on use and if we don't deal with it we snap. It's happened to me a few times and maybe even to you.

Another thing to note about this is the concept of anger. It's okay to be angry, it's human. But one should not be consumed by that anger. Trust me, I know from experience. I nearly killed a kid once, another bully, and choked him so much he turned blue. Hatred does nothing but breed more hate and it won't ever make you feel better. If you were bullies a long time ago, I urge you to not be filled with hatred or anger for what they did to you. I'm not saying forgive them, although that would be good, but don't let what happened in the past complexly control your life. If we don't learn to let go of the things that keep us in such an emotional state we may never feel happy in our lives. Chances are you'll never see those people who hurt you again and in the end what does it matter now if you are an adult?

Some past wounds won't fade away and some are just always there, which I encourage people to talk to somebody about. Be it a professional therapist, a friend, family member, or even a priest, talking about what happened to you and coming to terms with it will help in the long run.

Anger is something that can make us turn into the monsters we hate. It's happened before to people and it can happen to any of us. That's why Scootaloo needed to learn this from a pony whose been through that road, so she doesn't follow the same path. I wrote Scootaloo as a character who does have many anger issues, and it's hard not to see why. She was bullied for having weak wings, lives poor with a overworking father, and her mother left her for reasons unknown. She's angry at the world, at others, her situation in life, and herself. The anger won't fade in an instant, but now that she knows what could possible happen to her, she's going to make an effort to control it and find peace.

So if you are similar. I ask that you find a way to find peace as well. It won't be easy, but like said in the first chapter of Scootaloo's arc, "What do you gain from hating anybody?"

The other thing to note is that yes, Diamond Tiara pushed Silver Spoon (Who is suffering from survivor's guilt) out of the way to save her life, but died in the process. I know some people are going to complain that I made Diamond Tiara seem a bit forced in sympathy and I can see why. Maybe I could have improved the background more, but this one deed was always going to be part of the story from the very beginning. Heck, the first prototype of the story was Diamond Tiara pushes Apple BLoom out of the way and dies saving her life. I just changed it to this.

I hope you liked this chapter.

Sweetie Belle 4

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

Sweetie Belle slowly positioned the white flower in her mane with her magic before looking at herself one last time in the mirror. The light blue dress Rarity made for her was simple, but it had a few diamonds at the end of her flank in honor of the one she was going to say goodbye to today. Besides, everypony knew Diamond Tiara was going to look the best out of all of them. One last time to show off before she was sealed forever in her wooden bed.

The dress was ready. The question that Sweetie Belle kept asking was if she was ready. It had been a few days since her talk with Luna and Shoestring Catch, when she'd said she was ready to face her fears. Now that the day had come her doubts were returning. She had visited him again last night, thanks to Luna, where he held her as she cried throughout the dream. He promised that everything would be okay. She was strong, and she could do this.

Taking a deep breath, Sweetie Belle turned away from the mirror and looked out the window where she could see the memorial still displayed on the street. It was much bigger than the last time she saw it, but many of the flowers were now dying and the candles were nearly burned out. Sweetie and a few other ponies had taken time during the days leading up to the funeral to replacing them when they dried up.

Rarity said that that they had a choice. They could visit, say their condolences, see Diamond Tiara, and leave like many were doing. Or they could stay for the whole funeral. While Sweetie Belle was tempted to choose the first one, she knew that if she was going to accept the concept of death she would have to stay for the whole thing. And she felt like it was the proper thing to do anyway since she had been part of Diamond Tiara’s life, despite it not being a pleasant experience.

At least I won’t be going alone, thought Sweetie Belle, turning to her door and leaving her room. She walked down the stairs and saw her sister putting on her snow boots. Rarity had opted for a similar dress design like Sweetie Belle's, only the coloring was a deep purple instead.

“Oh, Sweetie Belle,” said Rarity, noticing her. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” answered Sweetie Belle, making for the coat hanger that held her pink scarf. She stared at it and remembered that the last time she had seen Diamond Tiara was days ago by the pond, chasing her for stealing her scarf. It felt like a lifetime when everything seemed to be normal. How much was going to change now that Diamond Tiara was gone forever?

Rarity’s hoof on her shoulder caught her attention. Looking up, she saw her big sister’s sympathetic smile as she said, “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “No, I can do this. Besides, we’re already dressed.”

Rarity nodded and opened the door.

***

The walk to the funeral home was an eye opener. It seemed more than half the town was heading for the funeral home to say their goodbyes. Curious, she turned to Rarity as they turned the corner and asked, “Do you think Diamond Tiara knew all these ponies?”

Rarity shook her head. “I’m guessing most are going to be polite and give Mr. Rich their sympathies. The poor stallion is all alone now.”

“But many ponies d-die,” pointed out Sweetie Belle. “So why are so many attending now compared to the ones when old ponies pass away?”

“I think it’s because dying from natural causes is to be expected. It’s when one has lived their full life and they are ready to put it to rest for the next one,” explained Rarity. “Whenever a pony dies before their time, it’s a shock to us all. We’re not like Manehattan or Canterlot, Sweetie Belle, we know each other very well here.”

“When was the last time anything like this happened?” asked Sweetie Belle, trying to remember.

“I would say Mr. Hooves's death, but his funeral was private and in Canterlot, though there was a candlelight vigil in Ponyville that day. The closest to this would be Diamond Tiara’s mother, sadly,” whispered Rarity. Sighing, she replied, “She died in a train accident and was... with foal at the time.”

Sweetie Belle froze and gasped, covering her hooves in shocked. “S-she was having... a foal?”

“Yes,” answered Rarity, walking over and hugging her teary-eyed sister. “Despite living in Manehattan she was still one of us, and we buried her here. I never knew her personally, but I went to the funeral, as did many others at the time. You were too young to understand such things and you stayed at home with Mother and Father.”

“How cruel can fate be to have Diamond's mother and brother die.... and then this happen soon after?” asked Sweetie Belle, bitterly wondering what kind of deity does this. “It’s not fair.”

“Many things are not fair, Sweetie Belle. It’s just how the way things are,” whispered Rarity, patting her sister’s back. “Come along, we don’t want to be late.”

Sweetie Belle dried her eyes with her hoof before continuing to follow Rarity. Snow was falling down lightly, tickling their faces by the time they finally reached the home. As soon as they arrived, Sweetie Belle spotted Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. The former, who only had a scarf, was comforting the latter, who was decked out in a very heavy black dress and veil.

Rarity greeted the pegasi duo. “Hello, Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy.”

“Hey, Rares. Hey, Sweetie,” greeted Rainbow Dash while a sniffling Fluttershy only blinked and nodded. “How are you doing?”

“We’re fine. I’m not surprised to see you undressed for the occasion, Rainbow Dash,” muttered Rarity, glaring at Dash for her lack of proper wear.

Rolling her eyes, Rainbow responded. “Lighten up, Rarity. I’m still doing overtime this month because of all these snowstorms around Equestria. I'm just here to pay my respects and help out Fluttershy. Then I gotta head back to Cloudsdale.”

Rarity’s frustration lessened as she turned to Fluttershy and walked over to comfort her. “There, there, darling. Everything will be alright.”

“...I really wish this wasn’t happening...” whispered Fluttershy, sniffing and wiping her tears away with a tissue.

Rarity turned to Rainbow Dash and said, “I’ll take care of her. You head inside so you can head back to work sooner.”

Rainbow nodded. “Thanks, Rarity. I owe you.” And with that said, she made her way to the funeral home’s doors. No sooner had she left then the Apple family arrived from the opposite route. When they saw Sweetie Belle and the rest, they walked over to greet them.

Upon seeing Apple Bloom and her black dress and bow, Sweetie Belle felt most of her worries wash away and she quickly embraced her fellow Cutie Mark Crusader. The two of them didn’t speak much, nor did they pay attention to their sisters talking to each other. They turned to the funeral home, Sweetie Belle’s heart thumping faster with each second. She was sure Apple Bloom’s was too.

“Ah guess this is it, huh?” asked Apple Bloom, sighing. “You know, Ah still wonder if this is all a dream and the two of us will wake up, go back to school, and find out Diamond Tiara glued our backsides to our chairs again.”

“We did get back at her by switching her chocolate milk with mud, remember?” asked Sweetie Belle with a small smile.

Chuckling, Apple Bloom nodded. “Yeah... seems like all our past attempts at gettin’ in each other's manes were just... foalish, now that Ah think about it.”

“We couldn't be foals forever,” whispered Sweetie Belle, lowering her head. They said that getting your cutie mark was a sign of leaving fillyhood and entering adulthood. Somehow Sweetie Belle felt like that also applied to now. No matter how many times she crusaded with her friends, had sleepovers or went to school, it would never feel the same again. “We would have had to face this at some point.”

“Ah guess, just wish we were more pre...pared...” Apple Bloom’s eyes widened as she tilted her head to the right, just enough to look past Sweetie Belle’s head.

Sweetie Belle turned around and a gasp escaped her as she felt a magical sparkle burst from her horn. Also dressed in black, accompanied by her father, Scootaloo saw her friends and carefully walked towards them with an emotionless face. The others noticed the two newcomers as well and were just as surprised as their younger siblings.

“Crimson? Scootaloo? Ah thought ya weren’t comin’?” asked Applejack.

“Well, I did the odd job for Mr. Rich here and there. Plus, Cheerilee and I... talked awhile ago and I felt that I could be there for her today. Diamond Tiara was her student, after all,” answered Crimson, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was actually Scootaloo that encouraged us to both come.”

Sweetie Belle turned to an impassive Scootaloo and nearly shouted “what” but kept it to herself. I thought she made it clear that she didn’t want to come, that she hated Diamond Tiara.

“Hey, can we go in now? It’s getting cold?” asked Scootaloo, shivering.

“Sounds like a smart idea. Let’s go,” seconded Granny Smith, and she moved her wobbly legs up the stairs with Big Macintosh’s help. “These chilly winds ain’t so good for these old bones. Then again, me and winter have always been like chili and applesauce. Can’t mix them unless ya want the household smellin’ worse than a hog bath.”

A few of them giggled at granny before following her. While heading up the steps, Apple Bloom turned and asked the question that was at the forefront of Sweetie Belle's mind. “Ah thought ya weren’t comin’ for Diamond Tiara?”

Scootaloo stopped midstride and stared downward, causing the other girls to halt as well. “I’m not here for Diamond Tiara. I’m here for somepony else.”

Sweetie Belle was even more confused, but she was told to hurry up by Rarity and quickly headed inside.

***

The halls were no different from when Sweetie Belle was last here, except for the fact that ponies were crowding them. She recognized so many faces, so many ponies who had all come for Diamond Tiara, many of whom she knew had even vocally opposed her bratty attitude. There were a few bored-looking faces from those who clearly didn’t want to be there, but they were overwhelmed by the majority of sad-looking citizens. Sweetie Belle thought back to what her sister said earlier. Was it like this when Diamond Tiara’s mother died? And Dinky’s father?

Ponyville was a small town, with its population barely reaching four hundred if she remembered her lessons correctly. Everypony knew everypony, if not personally then by name. It made sense that such a death would affect everypony. Sweetie Belle tried to think of another time when she'd heard somepony had died. Chances were she had, but she never really paid any attention to it until now.

She and the others entered the room where Diamond Tiara was presented. It was filled with ponies who were either talking to each other, sitting on the chairs, talking to Mr. Rich, or... heading towards the half-open casket. Sweetie Belle gulped as she eyed the decorated wooden box, adult-sized instead of one for a filly. The open half of the casket revealed white velvet lining with a few blue flowers placed inside, either held in by staples, glue, or magic. On the closed end was the familiar tiara, only it was fractured in several places, held up by a soft, pink pillow and surrounded with rose petals. Surrounding the casket itself were bouquets of flowers, all varied in color, with blue and white rose wreaths on the opposite ends with a banner wrapped around it that held three words: “Rest In Peace”.

The only thing that Sweetie Belle couldn’t see was the body itself.

The remaining decorations fit the somber mood: black ribbons on the walls, pictures of Diamond Tiara in her life as a smiling and happy filly, some stuffed animals on the side in a bed of flowers and farewell cards. She saw the poster that Dinky had made, along with not only her signature but various others in their class. Sweetie Belle turned to Scootaloo. Did she sign as well?

Scootaloo was looking around in a bit of shock, but was also like she was searching the room. At first, Sweetie Belle thought it was for Rainbow Dash, who was already at the casket and saying something to the body, but she glazed over her like an afterthought. Who could she be looking for?

Even after Rainbow had finished and said her goodbyes, Scootaloo still never shifted her focus over to her idol. Sweetie Belle, curious, started looking around as well to see who else was here and try to listen in on the conversations.

She saw Mr. and Mrs. Joyous trying to comfort their young foal, who was ceaselessly crying. Mrs. Joyous was also in tears, saying something about how horrible they were to her—obviously Diamond Tiara—and asking her husband why they didn’t forgive her when they had the chance. Mr. Joyous was silent.

Miss Cheerilee was sitting on a nearby couch, some of her students coming by and talking to her. Some were in tears, others just wanted a hug, and she was there to comfort them all. Even when she wasn’t teaching she was still the mother hen to her students. Sweetie Belle had never felt so much respect for her teacher as she did in that moment.

Even Mr. and Mrs. Cake were there, walking to the casket with their twins. The twins, being the innocent babies they were, were smiling and saying “Daimon” over and over again. Some couldn't handle the scene, and they excused themselves with red-rimmed eyes. Sweetie Belle felt her own tears forming as well. To the twins, Diamond Tiara was just sleeping. But it was a sleep she would never wake from.

“Come on, y'all, there's Mr. Rich,” said Applejack, urging them forward. Sweetie Belle was grateful as she rubbed her eyes.

They proceeded as such until they were right in front of the poor stallion. He had been crying, his tear marks were evident enough, and it seemed some of them had stained his expensive, black tuxedo. Wiping his tears with a tissue, he greeted them as Big Macintosh walked over and hugged him like he was his own brother. “Thank you. Thank you for coming.”

“Ah’d be here even if it was the end of the world,” said Macintosh, still holding on. “Ya know ya got me and everypony here, right?”

“I know... thank you... I wish we never left here in the first place. It’s kind of when everything went wrong, huh?” asked Mr. Rich.

“Ya did what was best for yer family...” Big Macintosh sighed and shut his eyes even harder as he said, with great struggle, “Mah Pa... and Ma... they tried their best too. Ain’t no shame in that.”

Mr. Rich nodded as Granny Smith came and hugged him next. “She’s with them angels in Elysium, child. Free from pain and roaming with her ancestors. We’ll see her and everypony again someday.”

“Thank you... I want to believe she is happy... with her mother and brother, I really do,” whispered Rich as Applejack came next and took her hat off.

“Ah’m so sorry, Filthy... Ah mean...”

“Applejack, I don’t care anymore. Call me whatever you want,” said Filthy Rich with a small smile.

Applejack nodded. “Anythin’ ya need from us yer gonna get, okay? Ah don’t care if Ah have to miss applebucking season. Ya need somethin’, say the word.”

Apple Bloom stepped forward and looked up at Mr. Rich. “Are ya doin’ okay, Uncle Rich?”

Upon hearing that, nearly everypony but the Apples all turned to Apple Bloom with wide eyes. Uncle Rich? thought Sweetie Belle and she was pretty sure Rarity, Scootaloo, and Fluttershy were thinking the same thing.

“...Honestly, no. But maybe in time things will be different...” answered Mr. Rich before he turned to Rarity.

“Mr. Rich, my sister and I want to express our most sincere sympathies for your loss,” said Rarity, stepping forward.

Sweetie Belle stood by her sister and bowed. “I.. I’m really sorry that Diamond Tiara is.. gone...”

Mr. Rich nodded. “Thank you. The dress you made for her was perfect. My little angel would love it. And I think she would be very happy to see the Elements of Harmony come visit her one last time. She never really told you, but she did admire every one of you, especially Princess Twilight.”

“Where is Twilight, anyway? I thought she was going to be leading the funeral?” asked Rarity.

“She’s making sure final preparations are set for... when we go to the graveyard, but I have yet to see Ms. Pie. Where is she?”

That was a question even Sweetie didn’t think about until now. Pinkie Pie loved everypony, even a brat like Diamond Tiara. Sweetie thought she would at least decorate for the funeral, but none of it looked like Pinkie Pie’s work. Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy frowned, but it was her sister that answered. “Funerals.., don’t go well with Pinkie Pie. She hates them, actually. I think it's because it's the antithesis of everything she is. And since this is a filly’s funeral, it was too much for her and she went back to her parents for a bit. I’m sorry, Mr. Rich.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” said Mr. Rich as he turned to Fluttershy who was trying her best to say something, but all she could do was cry. Walking up to her, he lifted her hoof and she held her breath as they looked at each other eye to eye. “Miss Fluttershy, you have a very lovely voice. My daughter... whenever she was being tucked in, she always asked her mother to sing her ‘Hush Now, Quiet Now’ before falling asleep. I... I would like you to sing that song for her at the end of the funeral. I want her to hear it one last time...”

Sweetie Belle was surprised that Mr. Rich was asking this. It was well known that out of all the ponies in Ponyville, Fluttershy had a very beautiful voice, but didn’t often sing in public. Sweetie Belle heard it many times, and it was like hearing something straight from a choir of angels. Fluttershy gently placed her other hoof on Mr. Rich’s and, with determination, nodded. “I will.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me.”

Scootaloo and her father walked up and shook hooves. “We’re sorry, Mr. Rich. May your daughter be at peace,” said Crimson.

“Yeah,” was all Scootaloo said, looking down at her hooves.

Sweetie Belle shook her head in confusion. What is she here for? If she's not even here to be respectful to Mr. Rich, then what is she here for?

Whatever Scootaloo had been looking for, she must have founded it as she quickly walked off and made for the other side of the room. Sweetie Belle turned to Apple Bloom, who gave an acknowledging nod. While the adults were busy talking to Mr. Rich, they quietly snuck away and tailed Scootaloo. After walking through the crowd they spotted a sight that made both fillies' jaws drop.

Scootaloo was hugging a teary-eyed Silver Spoon. The same Scootaloo who had declared she would not go to the funeral, or ever feel sorry for bullies, was hugging Diamond Tiara's best friend. So many questions were ringing in Sweetie Belle’s head, but all she could do was open her mouth in silent shock.

Eventually, Silver Spoon noticed her and Apple Bloom and gulped, nervously shying away. Scootaloo, seeing her unease, put a hoof on her shoulder, and said, “Hey, it’s okay. They’re here to see Diamond Tiara.”

Apple Bloom nodded and reached out her forelegs for a hug. “Ah’m really sorry ya lost yer best friend, Silver Spoon.”

Slowly, Silver Spoon reached out and accepted the hug. “Thank you,” she whispered as Apple Bloom patted her back.

Sweetie Belle soon joined in and hugged them both as well. Now she knew who Scootaloo was here for. She didn’t know what the story was between her best friend and Silver Spoon, but she was glad that Scootaloo had come nonetheless.

When all the hugging was done, the girls sat next to each other, silent and unsure of what to do next. Sweetie Belle couldn’t think of a time when the Crusaders and Silver Spoon ever shared a quiet moment together, but there was a first for everything. Silver Spoon, looking down at her hooves, asked, “You girls... see Diamond yet?”

“No,” answered Scootaloo. “Have you?”

“Yes...” Silver sniffed and lowered her head even more. “You should... go speak to her one last time... We’re gonna start soon.”

The girls nodded and slowly they made their way towards the line leading to the casket. It was finally time for Sweetie Belle to see what she had afraid of since learning about Diamond Tiara's fate. It was time to see death itself. Sweetie Belle could feel every bone in her body shaking as, one by one, ponies finished their farewells and the line got shorter. While she was in a near panic, Apple Bloom muttered what she suspected were prayers and Scootaloo was silent. What were they going to say when they saw the body? What was she going to say?

Was she going to say she felt sorry Diamond Tiara was dead? That she forgave her for all the bullying? Would she wish her a peaceful afterlife? Could the dead even hear them, wherever they were?

Before she knew it, all three of them were at the casket. And there, before their very eyes was the former bane of their school. Their bully. Their nemesis. Diamond Tiara.

Sweetie Belle could only remember two emotions that Diamond Tiara always held in her memory: disgust and anger. This time, she was seeing what she felt was Diamond Tiara’s real face. Her beautiful eyes, forever shut, were stenciled in black outliner. Her red lipstick smile seemed peaceful and joyful rather than stuck up and sinister like the one she had whenever she was planning on making somepony’s day miserable. It was as though a life of hardship had finally ended and she could rest at last. For the dress, Rarity had chosen a lightish blue for the main color and purple for the secondary. It was so soft it looked as though it was made of clouds. Perfectly-cut diamonds hung off the stems, sparkling in the overhead light, and the glow from above gave the impression of heaven's gates opening for her tragically departed soul. Her hooves, folded over her chest, held a lily that seemed to gently tickle her neck.

She looks so peaceful, thought Sweetie Belle as she stared at the beautiful corpse. The image reminded her of a story Rarity had once read to her about a filly princess who had fallen under an everlasting sleep spell. And then, unknowingly, she felt tears welling in her eyes. She bowed her head, whimpering, as it all finally came crashing down. So many days of waiting and it was now here. The end of Diamond Tiara. Her final day of honor before she was gone forever. All the troubles they had together, all the moments of pain, tears, and hate. And it was just gone. It seemed so useless to hold anything against her now that she was dead. What was the point?

Apple Bloom, in the center between the three of them, was openly bawling. She could barely stand up as he held both hooves on the casket, careful of where her tears were landing. Sweetie Belle moved her tail so that it held Apple Bloom’s to let her know that she was not alone in her grief. Then a third tail joined, and she didn’t need to look to know it was Scootaloo. She didn't bother to question why this time. She was simply glad that the three of them were there together.

“Diamond Tiara...” said Apple Bloom, speaking first. “... ya were mah first friend. Mah best friend a long time ago. Ah’m so sorry Ah forgot ya. After everythin’ ya went through, Ah should have been there for ya. Ah should have remembered all those times we played together, loved each other, and promised to be friends forever. Ah broke that promise, Diamond Tiara, and Ah’m so sorry.” She reached into her dress and took out a small photo. Getting only a glimpse, Sweetie Belle saw that here were two foals. One was Apple Bloom, the red mane and bow attested to that, and the other had to be Diamond Tiara based on the coat color. “Do ya remember yer last birthday we had? It was a few weeks before ya moved. Ah remember everythin’ now and Ah wished that Ah had sooner. Maybe ya wouldn’t have turned out who ya were in the end. Ah don’t know if ya can forgive me, but Ah forgive ya, mah sister. Ah do.”

Apple Bloom gently placed the photo in the casket before covering her eyes with her foreleg again. Sweetie Belle placed a hoof on her shoulder and took a deep breath. Before she knew it, she began to speak “I know you weren’t the nicest of ponies, but with so many ponies here maybe there was some good in you. No, I know there was, because I believe there is good in everypony.” She rubbed her hooves nervously. “I wonder if it was ever possible that we could have become friends someday. Or at least stop hating each other. I think that’s the thing I’ll regret the most, that we never got over our problems. I’d like to think that, wherever you are, you are happy and with your mom and brother. And I want you to know that I forgive you too. Rest in peace, Diamond Tiara.”

It was short, but for some reason it was all Sweetie Belle felt she needed to say. It was enough to feel a weight finally lift off her back, allowing her to breathe easy again.

There was only one more left. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom turned to Scootaloo, who never once took her eyes of Diamond Tiara’s face. So far she had surprised them both by coming to the funeral and comforting a crying Silver Spoon. What will she do now?

“...I can’t forgive you,” muttered Scootaloo, shaking her head. “I know I should. It might seem pointless, but I just can’t.” Her eyes formed a slight glare. “You hurt me. You hurt my friends. You hurt so many ponies that some are even glad you're dead. You insulted me, bullied me, and I can’t just let that go one, two, three. I’m not a pony like that.” She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. “But... I don’t hate you anymore.”

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom continued to stare, silent and holding their breath.

“I used to think you were pure evil. That nothing good existed in you. But I was wrong. There was a kindness in you that you showed to only a few. A noble side that... I never would have imagined if I didn’t learn about it. This hatred in me. It’s a sickness and nothing’s gonna help if I have it inside me. So yeah, I can’t find it in me to forgive you for all you’ve done to me and I don’t know how long it will take me to do it. But I do not hate you anymore, Diamond Tiara, and I’m sorry this happened to you. I’ll look after Silver Spoon and help her recover from your death. I’ll see all your efforts weren’t in vain.”

When she was done, Scootaloo walked towards her father who was sitting next to Ms. Cheerilee. All Sweetie Belle could do was stare at her, before Rarity asked her to sit by her as well. It was time for the funeral to begin.

***

Once Princess Twilight arrived, the entire room quieted as she led the procession. Sweetie Belle tried her best to pay attention, but all she could focus on was Diamond Tiara. Now that she was higher up on a bench, she could see Diamond Tiara's body clearly. All Sweetie Belle could think about as she stared at the peaceful expression on her face was what if she hadn’t died. Would she still be the same even as an adult? What would have been her impact on the world? Could they have ever resolved their childhood problems? It was these questions that made Sweetie wonder how many young lives had been lost before? Was this going to happen to Shoestring Catch? Was he going to be in a wooden box too, looking like he was sleeping as ponies cried for his passing? How many young lives would be lost before it was her turn?

If this was fate, if Diamond Tiara’s time had come, Sweetie doubted she would ever understand why. And if it was random, did that make it any better? Despite having her fears about death relaxed, and her drive to live until the end, she still had so many questions. Her sister had told her various theories about it, and she made a mental note to check each of them out when she had a chance.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Twilight say that Mr. Rich would speak. Focusing on the teary-eyed stallion, she watched him head over to the casket and look inside. Nopony said anything as he continued to stare at his daughter for a long time. Tears could be seen dripping down from his face, and one landed directly on his daughter's cheek. Gently, he wiped it off and turned to face the crowd.

“Diamonds are precious gems. Maybe the most precious of them all. When Crystal Eyes gave birth to my little girl, I thought she was the most priceless thing I ever had. We called her Tiara because she was our princess; our little bundle of joy to love and spoil. I promised myself I would make her the happiest filly in the world.” Lowering his head, ears flat, Mr. Rich harshly said, “I failed in doing that the moment my wife and our unborn son died.”

He shook his head, a hoof running through his mane and nearly ripping his hair out. “I pushed her away because I couldn’t accept the mare that I loved all my life was dead, along with our baby. I let my daughter suffer the loss of her mother alone, without me to hold her. I will live with that for the rest of my life in shame, and my actions created a rift between us that was never filled. Turning back to his daughter, his knees gave out and he struggled to stay upright, eventually leaning on the casket for support. “A-a-and yet-t-t she l-lo-loved me-e-e... she s-still loved...AH!”

He fell to his knees, both forehooves on the casket as he rested his head against the edge. His tears were now coming down like waterfalls as he whispered his lost daughter’s name over and over again. But no matter how many times he said it, Diamond still lay there as still as a statue.

Sweetie Belle couldn’t look anymore. She instead turned and hid herself in her sister’s side, eyes closed and crying. She could even feel Rarity's tears drip from above. There were more cries of woe, more tears shed. All around Sweetie Belle, she could hear them. A single small room in a bigger room was filled with sorrow. A father completely broken, having lost everything he cared about. Life wasn’t cruel, it was simply fragile.

“I... I...” Mr. Rich said as Sweetie Belle turned back towards him. Facing the audience he said, “I know that my daughter was... not the kindest of ponies. Maybe even cruel to some of you. But please, it wasn’t her fault. It was mine.” He stood up and faced each of them. “Don’t hate my daughter. Please, just hate me. Hate a stallion who failed his family. Hate the one who never showed his daughter enough love to change her. Hate me, not my precious daughter. Please... I don’t think...”

Big Macintosh finally stepped in and helped the sobbing stallion to his seat. Nopony said anything as they watched him slowly sit on his seat. For a long time spoke or got up. Finally, Twilight stepped forward again. “As is earth pony tradition, each of you will each receive a flower and bring it up to the casket to lay inside. Once we have all done so, we will close it and carry it out for Diamond Tiara's journey to her final resting place.”

Sweetie Belle joined the others as she got in line. One of the workers of the funeral home holding a basket of roses. Some ponies didn’t come up, a few she recognized as foals that Diamond Tiara bullied or insulted in the past. Thankfully, Scootaloo was not among them. As the line moved forward and everypony gathered a flower, Fluttershy, stood near the casket, cleared her throat and began to sing.

“Hush now, quiet now

It's time to lay your sleepy head

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to go to bed”

Sweetie Belle watched as those she knew stepped forward with their flower, said their final words, and dropped it into the casket. Sweetie Belle, for the second time that day, didn’t know what to say. What else was there to say?

“Driftin' off to sleep

Exciting day behind you

Driftin' off to sleep

Let the joy of dream land find you”

When she stepped forward, staring into the face of her archenemy one last time. Sweetie Belle closed her eyes. “Goodbye.”

And she dropped the flower.

“Hush now, quiet now

It's time to lay your sleepy head

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to go to bed”

***

It was finally over.

After so much wait, it was finally over.

Sweetie Belle, along with her sister, Scootaloo, and Crimson watched Big Macintosh, Cheerilee, Sebastian,and Silver Spoon’s mother carry the casket out of the funeral home and down the street. Towards the direction of the cemetery.

Apple Bloom had given her goodbyes before joining her family with the march. Mr. Rich only asked for family and closest friends to join them in the final part of the funeral. Now there was nothing to do but head home. There was no reception planned, and Sweetie Belle felt too tired to do anything else.

Sweetie Belle then remembered something and turned to Scootaloo, who was staring at the receding casket. She thought back to their fighting, how angry they were at each other. Now? It all seemed pointless.

Wrapping her tail around her fellow Crusader, Sweetie Belle whispered, “Scootaloo... I’m sorry.”

Scootaloo closed her eyes as a single tear dripped from her eye.

“I’m sorry too.”

Author's Note

I'm so sorry this came so late. FIrst-Down had new changes to his job to the point where he was working 70 hours a week. Still, I hope I presented a good chapter this time.

I really don't have much to say on this unlike I did with the other chapters. Just tell me your thoughts and hopefull we'll get the last chapter out soon.

Scootaloo 4

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

Scootaloo checked her watch, only a few minutes left. She sighed and leaned back against the entrance to Ponyville Cemetery, waiting for her friend to return. Scootaloo could remember when it used to be daily, then weekly. Only after they started high school did it start to become a once a month visit, and according to her friend’s shrink it was a sign of finally moving on. Scootaloo personally thought that had happened awhile ago, but she wasn’t an expert on such things.

“Thanks for waiting again,” said a voice as the gates closed behind her. Scootaloo turned to her left and saw Silver Spoon with a small smile on her face. The former bully had removed her trademark glasses years ago and replaced them with contacts, and let her braid lengthen until it was as long as Applejack's. Other than that she looked almost exactly the same as she did when she was a filly.

Scootaloo herself had grown up over the years. To nopony's surprise she had styled her mane like Rainbow Dash, got her ear pierced and always wore Dash’s old weather patrol goggles around her neck. They had been a gift for her thirteenth birthday, around the time Dash finally graduated from reserves to acting member of the Wonderbolts. It was also to help Scootaloo deal with the unfortunate reality that had been revealed to her two months earlier.

A serious late growth spurt had made her one of the tallest mares of her age, yet she still had underdeveloped wings that were smaller than the average pegasus. An expert told Scootaloo the news she had been dreading to hear for years: she was never going to fly like a normal pegasus.

She could hover for a bit or do short bursts of flight, like the first time she flew to save Silver Spoon, but anything more strenuous than that was considered too risky. It hurt to see her dreams of being a great flier like Rainbow Dash crumble, and it put her in a deep state of depression. But her father, her stepmother and all her friends were there for her when they could be. Thankfully, she soon got her cutie mark, a skateboard with wings, and was right as rain afterwards. I can’t believe it took me that long to find it. And it was so obvious! Even more than Sweetie Belle's and Apple Bloom’s!

“You know you didn’t have to wait for me,” said Silver Spoon.

“I’ve been doing this for how many years now?” asked Scootaloo with a smirk. “It’s what friends do.”

“You could always come and say hi to her. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” suggested Silver Spoon.

Scootaloo bit her lip and stared out at the rows of gravestones sitting in silence. “I... I don’t know.”

“I understand. Anyway, the gang’s meeting us at Sugarcube Corner. We should hurry,” said Silver Spoon, heading towards the road that led into town.

Scootaloo nodded, following the mare she had stuck by ever since Diamond Tiara's funeral. The ensuing years produced many arguments, many tears and many hugs. Silver Spoon saw a therapist to deal with the trauma and guilt of surviving an accident that killed her best friend before her eyes. And after every session, Scootaloo was there to offer support, especially in those moments when Silver Spoon came close to giving up. Eventually the stubbornness, the determination and the friendship she showed the former bully won out. Silver Spoon was only visiting Diamond Tiara once a month now. She was president of their high school in Canterlot, and she had received a promising scholarship to a college in Baltimare. Scootaloo felt like a corner had been turned, like she could breathe a little easier. As for herself, she enjoyed being captain of the soccer team and taking first place in numerous extreme sporting contests. That was her therapy.

Ponyville had also changed over the years, slowly becoming more crowded than ever before. Part of the population boom may have been due to the giant crystal tree castle that housed six of the most famous mares in modern history, but who could say for sure. The streets were busy around this time, and more than once ponies stopped to say hello to the pair. Occasionally they would see a filly or colt running around with a Cutie Mark Crusader cape.

Scootaloo couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Who would have thought the little club we started when we were fillies would end up being a Ponyville tradition? Tales of the adventures and fun she and her friends undertook spread through each filly and colt as they grew up, and soon they too took on the mantle to find their cutie marks.

“How’s your Dad doing? He got promoted recently, right?” asked Silver Spoon as they made their way towards Scootaloo’s house.

“Yeah, he’s now dealing on the high roller international floor,” answered Scootaloo with a smile. Even if her father was now dealing cards for casinos in Las Pegasus, that didn’t mean she couldn’t be proud of him for working hard. “Half the debt he owes is gone by now. I asked Sweetie Belle for help with the math and she said if he keeps this up he’ll be able to pay all his debts soon.”

“And then he can move back, huh?” asked Silver Spoon with a sad smile.

“Yeah, he can,” whispered Scootaloo as she opened her door. “Mind waiting for me here? I’m just gonna tell Mom that I’m hanging out with you and the girls today.”

“No problem,” said Silver Spoon, sitting down on her haunches as Scootaloo went inside.

She could remember the first time she stepped into this house, but back then she was an angry filly at odds with so much in the world. Years had passed since she and Ms. Cheerilee talked, and she was happy to say that everything had worked out. The room was still filled with the same pictures that Ms. Cheerilee always had, but there were new additions as well, featuring a certain orange-furred and purple-maned filly.

“Scootaloo? Is that you? I’m in the kitchen!” shouted Ms. Cheerliee as Scootaloo walked over. Her new mother, and her ex-teacher, was working on some cookie batter with her mouth before she stopped and kissed her adopted daughter hello. “How was your day at school?”

“It was fine, Mom, and yours?” asked Scootaloo.

With a frustrated sigh, she shook her head and rubbed her temples. “Apple Burst’s newest prank was a headache all on its own. The little brat put cherry bombs into the toilets and flooded half the school when they went off. Honestly, he’s the son of an Element of Harmony and a Wonderbolt. He should have better behavior than this. I don’t even know where he got those bombs anyway.”

“Who knows,” lied Scootaloo, who made a reminder to hoof bump Apple Burst when she got a chance. “Anyway, I’m heading to Sugarcube corner to hang out with my friends. I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

“Just don’t spoil yourself,” warned Cheerilee, but she had a smile on her lips when Scootaloo walked away.

Scootaloo stopped in front of the picture in the bathroom showcasing the party she received after getting her cutie mark. Crimson and Cheerilee were both hugging her. Any stranger would have assumed that they were a typical family unit, but the truth was her father and stepmother were not married. Despite her father’s, and Cheerilee's, best efforts, Social Services found out about the conditions she had been living in. No matter how much Scootaloo and others protested, her father was determined to be unfit for parental care, especially after they learned of his gambling debts.

It looked like she was going to be taken away from Ponyville when Cheerilee stepped in, offering to adopt Scootaloo. Because of her outstanding history as a teacher, she was permitted and so Scootaloo managed to stay. Without him having to worry about his daughter all the time, Crimson was able to get a job in Las Pegasus working as a card dealer in a casino. The very same one he owed a lot of money to. At first, he didn’t want to go, but Scootaloo convinced her father that it was for the best.

She still loved her dad, and she saw him whenever she could. Scootaloo knew her dad loved her and always would, even if he wasn’t the best parent.

Cheerilee was more than just a guardian, she was her mother. The one thing Scootaloo had been denied ever since her real mother left was now finally in her life. Cheerilee was loving, she was strict, and she cared about Scootaloo. It came as a shock to them both when Scootaloo called her "Mom" one morning, but they accepted it quickly and hugged for hours afterwards. It was through Cheerilee, and her friends, that she accepted her disability, resolving to find a way to be awesome even without wings.

As for her real mother, the one who caused her so much pain? Scootaloo didn’t care. She didn't hate that other mare anymore. She didn’t even think much of her these days. Occasionally, she would pop up but as far as Scootaloo was concerned there was no pointing thinking about her anymore. She was gone, end of story. Cheerilee was her mom, not that other mare.

With one last sigh, she exited out of the bathroom and back outside where Silver Spoon was waiting.

***

Sweetie Belle was already waiting for them at Sugarcube Corner and she wasn’t alone. Her coltfriend, Button Mash, was there with her and the two were sharing a chocolate and vanilla milkshake mixed smoothly together. They were looking into each others eyes with dopey smiles on their faces. It made Scootaloo sick to see how they were acting. Out of all her friends, Sweetie Belle was the one who dated the most.

Her first coltfriend was technically unofficial, a sick pony she'd befriended by the name of Shoestring Catch. Sweetie had said one of his dying wishes was to have a marefriend so she agreed to be his. Three months later he passed away, and it took Sweetie Belle just as long to recover from his death. Since then she had dated Featherweight, Rumble, Snails, and a few other boys. She even tried the other side of the fence with Berry Pinch. In the end, she chose a weird colt by the name of Button Mash who was into video games. Scootaloo was happy for Sweetie Belle, no doubt, but she wished she wasn’t such a love struck puppy. Seriously, it's as bad as Spike and Rarity.

Upon seeing the two, Sweetie Belle waved at them and hugged Silver Spoon, knowing where she had just been. “How are you girls doing?”

“I’m fine. Thanks, Sweetie,” replied Silver Spoon, hugging back.

The two sat down with the others as Scootaloo looked around for their last member. “Hey, where’s Apple Bloom?”

“No idea, she’s usually here first. Maybe she’s busy helping out at the farm?” asked Button Mash, giving a suggestion.

Before anyone could reply, Apple Bloom strolled in wearing her sister's hat overtop her long red mane that made that made a few colts in the store turn their heads and blush. Apple Bloom had grown up into a perfect beauty and a perfect heartbreaker to a lot of colts when she announced one day that she was dating Dinky Doo. Sitting beside them, Apple Bloom rubbed the back of her neck and said, “Sorry about bein’ late. We had to dig out a few bad trees on the southeast side. We think some tree rot is spreadin’.”

“It’s not gonna hurt the cider season, is it?” asked Scootaloo with worry. The thought of all that tasty golden cider going to waste made her heart cry.

“Nah, we’re gonna be fine. Thanks to all the new helpers we got, we should be able to even have extra this year,” said Apple Bloom, much to Scootaloo’s relief.

Walking over to their table, Pumpkin Cake greeted the gang and held out a pen and pad with her magic. “Hey, guys. What will it be today?”

“The usual,” said Silver Spoon, putting the bits on the table. “One big Diamond Cake with five glasses of milk.”

Pumpkin Cake nodded, “I figured as much. I got one already made. I’ll be right back”, she said as she went off to retrieve the cake. Surprisingly, the twins still remembered Diamond Tiara as they grew older and quickly understood that she had died and not "gone to a long sleep." The day it first sunk in had been a sobering one for the two. But they soon bounced back and created a cake that grew quite famous as time went on, a cake that Silver Spoon ate whenever she had a chance. Not just because it was in honor of her deceased best friend, but it was also just so tasty.

A few minutes later, Pumpkin came out with the cake. The exterior was coated with a purple frosting with chocolate on the inside as well as gummy treats that looked like diamonds. For decoration, there were marshmallow stars of every color and a gingerbread copy of Diamond Tiara’s famous namesake on top. The gang all thanked Pumpkin and everyone took a slice along with their glasses of milk. Before they could dig in, Apple Bloom said, “Next week is the anniversary, isn’t it?”

Everypony froze as they stared at Apple Bloom, who looked at her cake with tears in her eyes. “Hard to believe it’s been so many years.”

The other girls nodded their heads in a solemn expression while Button Mash did his best to avoid the awkwardness. After all, he had moved to Ponyville only a few weeks after Diamond’s death.

Scootaloo then focused on Silver Spoon, who looked at her cake for a bit before taking the first bite. She then smiled. “Knowing Diamond, she’s arguing with an angel for bigger wings because she wants to be more noticed.”

Scootaloo snorted and replied, “That or moaning about how she’s stuck as a filly with tiny angels wings while everyone has big ones.”

The others began to chuckle as well. And with the awkward moment broken, they dug in.

***

Scootaloo didn’t know why she decided to do this today of all days, especially when the anniversary was only a week away. Maybe the overall mood while she was with her friends made her decide to finally do the one thing she had been putting off for years. Maybe it was Silver Spoon actually cracking a joke when the subject was about Diamond Tiara instead of being quiet and mournful. Or maybe I’m just crazy.

She passed through the gates of Ponyville Cemetery and walked among the headstones of those who had gone before her. The only reason she knew where she was going was because she saw Silver Spoon go in so many times and it wasn’t that far away.

When she stopped, she stood before four lined gravestones. The two rightmost ones displayed the names of a mother and son who tragically died in an accident. Diamond Tiara was immediately next to them. The headstone at the far left was the most recent, that pony having passed away only two years ago.

Mr. Rich led a quiet life after his daughter’s death, giving control of most of his business to his other relatives. The poor stallion saw no point in working anymore, and he had enough to retire for the rest of his days anyway. He mostly focused on charity donations or spending time with the Apples who were the closest to him. Then one day the stallion was found dead in his bed from a stroke. Yet he looked so peaceful, they said, like he had welcomed it. Everything he owned he left to Ponyville and the Apples, who were able to fix their farm, get new tools, hire helpers, and pay their debts while having plenty of money left over for Apple Bloom to go to college.

Scootaloo had been there for the funeral to support Apple Bloom, who wept for her “uncle's” death. But at the same time, Scootaloo felt like maybe this was what he always wanted, a chance to be with his family again in whatever afterlife existed. She herself wasn’t particular on the notion of which one was real among the long list of religions out there. She just hoped one existed at all. Nothingness kinda sucked when she thought about it.

Turning her mind away from the theological debates of life after death, she focused on the grave that carried the cutie mark and name of the number one bully in her life: Diamond Tiara.

Staring at it, she tried to remember all the horrible things she had been forced to endure at the hooves of the rich filly. She could remember some, like the Gabby Gums incident, as well as the time Babs Seed was with them. But she couldn’t remember too much of it.

Maybe it was because, now that she was older, it didn’t mean much to her. Why did she have to focus so much on incidents that didn’t matter in the long run? She was happy with her friends, stepmother, father, and had a promising career in extreme sports. She was doing well in school, had plenty of friends, and even dated from time to time.

Back then it seemed as though everything she did as a filly carried so much impact. Now that she was grown up, it didn't compare to all the important things going on in her life now. Maybe ten years from now she'd look back to her current life and say something similar. When Scootaloo looked at the gravestone, she tried to conjure those old feelings of anger, only she couldn't do it. She tried again and felt nothing.

And then there was Silver Spoon, a filly who she proudly called one of her best friends despite their past.

I guess it’s finally time, thought Scootaloo as she took a deep breath.

“I forgive you, Diamond Tiara.”

Author's Note

And so at last we come to the final chapter of Why Am I Crying. Hard to believe that two years ago I created this and now it's over. I think I can say, without any doubt, this is the best story I have ever come up with in my years as a fanfiction writer (not just for MLP) because I wrote this for a lot of good reasons. It's going to be tough to match this one.

So let's talk about this last Scootaloo chapter. This is the final closure for all of the CMC really. Sweetie Belle is enjoying life without a total fear of death. Apple Bloom has become a strong mare. And Scootaloo has lost her hatred. She had to go through tough times because not all of life will be joyful (Such as being removed from her dad and never being able to fly) however she did gain positive outcomes in her life as well such as finding a new friend, a new mother, and moving on from her hatred. This chapter was to help show that our past doesn't need to hold us down to enjoy life, we can move on and shape our own futures. Too many times we so hateful or scared of our pasts that we have our entire lives dictated by it and we end up not liking who we are as people when we get old. Plenty of people have painful memories in their pasts, especially those who were bullied, but we shouldn't be hung over them and instead move on.

Scootaloo telling Diamond Tiara she forgives her at her grave is her crowning moment of growing up. She no longer is bothered by the actions of something that happened years ago and instead wants to move on. Her hatred for this one pony no longer affects her and instead she has sympathy. I do strongly encourage the idea of forgiveness to those what have wronged you (Not just because I am a Catholic) because when you hate somebody with all your heart and soul it will never get better. You will always feel trapped in a past that will burden you. Forgiveness helps set you free, I've done it and others have as well. Or at least make an effort to let go of your hated.

Silver Spoon's transformation from bully to friend is a nice thing to see, but it's also tragic because of her survivor's guilt. She'll never really "move on" from Diamond Tiara's death, but she will not let it impact her life all the time and stay strong.

This entire fic was to show a lot of this that I have previously covered in other chapters, but I plan to do a blog post about the details and inspiration behind this fanfic at a later date. I have no plans for a sequal at the moment for Why Am I Crying and feel it doesn't need one. The story is fine as it is.

I would like to thank everybody for reading this fic and I hope you all read other stories by me. I would also like to thank my editors, pre-readers, and catnipfairy for their help as well.

If you have questions, feel free to ask.

Apple Bloom 1

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii, Apple Cinnamon, and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

For most ponies in the farming business, winter was the toughest time of year. They had to be sure enough of the harvest had been sold, and that enough food and supplies were stored to last throughout the season. Winter was a time of great struggle and, more often than not, boredom. Snow made a poor substitute for dirt afterall.

However, there was one Apple out of the bunch who had a different opinion, especially when winter provided snow days. Like many ponies her age, Apple Bloom preferred the chance to play with her friends instead of learning math problems or doing her farm chores. It gave the Cutie Mark Crusaders not only an opportunity to have fun, but also to search for cutie marks they couldn’t normally try for during the other seasons. With a vast wintery kingdom before them, the eager fillies swore to find their winter-specific talents, no matter how many tries it took.

“Look out! Outta the way! Ah can’t stop!” shouted Apple Bloom, sliding across the frozen pond uncontrollably. Other skaters gasped and skated out of the frantic filly’s way, some even jumping into the air while flailing their limbs. Apple Bloom's legs slid in all directions as she struggled to keep her balance, praying for her face to not kiss the hard ice... again.

Leaning back, she tried to press the back of her hind skates into the frozen lake, but she slipped. Despite landing on her freezing flank, she continued to slide towards an artificial embankment where a big pile of snow awaited her. When she reached the end, the screaming filly was thrown up into the air by a small snow ramp, and landed face first in the powdery substance.

A voice cried out, but the ringing in her ears made it hard to focus on who was talking. Apple Bloom felt somepony grab her tail and, after a few tugs, pull her out. Turning around to her savior, Apple Bloom nodded in thanks to a worried Sweetie Belle.

“You okay, Apple Bloom?” asked Sweetie Belle, looking for any sign of injuries on her friend.

“Ah’ll be alright, Sweetie Belle, just as soon as the world stops spinnin’,” replied Apple Bloom, swaying back and forth. Recovering from her dizzy ordeal, she quickly looked to her flank only to groan. “So much for a cutie mark in ice skatin’.”

Smiling sympathetically, Sweetie Belle placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Cheer up! If it helps, I didn’t get a snow angel cutie mark.”

Apple Bloom leaned her head to the side and spotted a series of misshapen outlines in the snow. Instead of angels, they looked more like mutated goats with extra limbs and wings. Apple Bloom shivered just looking at them. A few other fillies walked past the snow imprints, gave one glance, and then went on their way, walking faster than before. Apple Bloom took another look at Sweetie Belle, sized her up, and then turned back towards the abominations with a raised eyebrow. Blushing, the unicorn filly rubbed the back of her neck, protected by her pink scarf. “W-well, maybe Scootaloo’s doing better with that hockey game.”

“Don’t bet on it.”

The girls turned back to the ice pond, where they saw Scootaloo come to a halt before them. Spitting the hockey stick out of her mouth, she gave a cold glare towards the other end of the pond where the game was taking place. “Stupid jerks, kicking me out just because I accidentally scored for the other team once... maybe twice.”

The other two fillies glanced at each other before checking their sullen crusader’s flank, but it was just as bare as theirs. The three sighed in unison, tails lying low and ears flat against their heads.

“Well, this was a waste of time,” said Apple Bloom. “We tried hockey, snow angels, ice skatin', snowball fights, sleddin', and even igloo makin'. But we still got nothin’.”

“Guess winter isn’t our season, huh girls?” asked Scootaloo.

“Hey, come on,” encouraged Sweetie Belle, nudging her friends. “We still got the rest of our snow day left. Why don’t we just enjoy it and—” Before she could finish, a pink blur ran right behind her and grabbed the end of her scarf. With the prize in her possession, the thief ran off, dragging the end, resulting in the scarf being quickly unraveled from Sweetie Belle’s neck. Before she knew it, her scarf had been ripped off and she spun around like a top.

“Hey!” shouted Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, turning around to get a good look at the thief. Much to their non-surprise, it was none other than their usual tormentor, Diamond Tiara, who was wearing a pink parka and her own ice skates.

Coming to a halt on the ice, she turned around and grinned. “What’s the matter, Cutie Mark Losers? Lose something?”

“Give Sweetie Belle her scarf back!” ordered Scootaloo while Apple Bloom helped their fallen member back to her hooves.

Diamond Tiara tapped her chin and gave a loud “Hmmmm” before shouting, “Nope! I think it looks much better on me.” She wrapped it around her neck before posing and sticking out her tongue.

“If ya don’t give Sweetie Belle back her scarf, Ah’m a gonna...” growled Apple Bloom, nostrils flaring.

“Oh, poor me! Whatever shall I do?” mocked Diamond Tiara, placing her hoof dramatically over her prized tiara. Smiling, she pointed at them. “If you want it so badly, come and get it!”

With that, she took off skating down the pond at top speed. The crusaders looked at each other, nodded, and charged. As they sped across the ice, Sweetie Belle gasped an alarming realization. “Wait! I don’t have—” When the girls turned, Sweetie Belle was unable to follow, and she continued sliding forward on her bare hooves. “—ssskkkaaattteeesss!”

The girls turned their heads, wincing as they watched Sweetie Belle slide into one of the goal posts that was being used for the hockey game. The players all stared at the scene, either in annoyance or shock, before rushing over to help the poor filly.

“She’ll be fine!” shouted Scootaloo, leaning forward for more speed. “Stay on target!”

Apple Bloom nodded and proceeded to follow Scootaloo’s example. She felt the blistering wind sting her face as she gritted her teeth, hooves skating down the lake in a rush. A few times she felt herself slip, but managed to recover quickly enough to keep up the pace. As for Diamond Tiara, she was—as much as Apple Bloom hated to admit it—graceful as a pro. She curved, twirled, and even jumped around the ice like she had been born to skate.

The chase took them all over the pond, attracting the attention of all the other colts and fillies who watched with anticipation. A few even started to take bets.

The two continued their pursuit, Diamond Tiara skating closer and closer to the edge of the pond. Apple Bloom nervously glanced at Scootaloo, whose teeth were clenched so tight it looked like they might break under the pressure. Lifting her head up, Apple Bloom gasped when she noticed the large tree near the end of the pond they were being baited towards. Making a hard right turn, Apple Bloom shouted, “Scootaloo! Look out!”

“Huh?” Scootaloo turned her head, missing the moment when Diamond Tiara turned as well. Looking back, Scootaloo gasped and tried to stop, but she slammed into the tree with a loud crash. The branches above vibrated from the impact, causing the snow held by them to pour down on the dazed pegasus.

With only herself left in the chase, Apple Bloom put all she had into her legs. She dashed across the ice, inching ever closer to Diamond Tiara. When she was close enough, Apple Bloom leaned back, ready to pounce the bully off her skates. Just as she was about to strike, something white and cold smacked her on the side of her face. Confused, she skated off-course while Diamond Tiara got away, triumph beaming on her face.

Wiping away the snowball that had hit her, Apple Bloom gasped upon reaching the edge of the pond again. Like before she sailed into the air, only this time she landed in somepony's snowpony, complete with a black top hat, carrot nose, and coal eyes. The snowpony's body was torn apart and the head fell down on top of Apple Bloom’s own forehead, making her look like a two-headed snowbeast. Dazed, she turned back to the pond, where she saw Diamond Tiara pointing and laughing at her. Another pony in a grey parka soon skated next to Diamond Tiara and joined in.

“Nice shot, Silver Spoon,” complimented Diamond Tiara.

“It was easy since Apple Dork’s got such a big head,” laughed Silver Spoon as the two friends proceeded to bump their flanks together.

Diamond Tiara took off the scarf and threw it on the ice. “Here’s your loser friend’s scarf, Frosty the Blank Flank. Like I would want to keep such a grotesque piece of clothing anyway. Not even I could make it look good.”

Turning red in the face, Apple Bloom wanted nothing more than to take the carrot off the snowpony’s head and shove it up Tiara’s nostril. “Ya... ya jerks! Why are y’all so mean?!”

Diamond Tiara raised her head and snorted. “Like I have to answer to a loser like you. See you around, blank flank. Don’t get too angry or you’ll melt.”

The two bullies skated away, laughing their tails off as Apple Bloom shook the rest of the snow off herself. She walked over and grabbed the scarf that had been her objective, but she knew it was nothing more than a hollow victory.

***

“Here you go, girls! Three hot chocolates with marshmallows, whipped cream, and a cherry on top!”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” muttered the three fillies as their host put the drinks on the table.

“Don’t worry, this will cheer you girls right up! You want any cookies to go with them?”

“No thanks, Pinkie Pie,” mumbled Apple Bloom, blowing on her hot cocoa. “We just need some time alone.”

Pinkie frowned for a second but her smile quickly returned. “Okie dokie lokie! If you need anything to turn those frowns upside down, give a holler!”

The girls gave a weak smile and waved the bouncing pony goodbye before sighing. They drank their warm beverages in silence for a few minutes when suddenly Scootaloo slammed her hoof on the table. “Stupid Diamond Tiara! Stupid Silver Spoon! They just had to make us look like foals in front of everypony! We’re gonna be laughingstocks at school tomorrow!”

Sweetie Belle moaned, placing her head between her hooves. “Don’t remind me. I just want to forget all about it. Knowing those two, however, they’re going to blab about it all day.”

“Ah don’t get how some ponies like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon can keep gettin’ away with all their bullyin’!” shouted Apple Bloom, narrowing her eyes. She glared down at her hot chocolate, imagining Diamond Tiara’s smug looking expression in the reflection. “Silver Spoon’s bad, but Tiara’s the worst. She’s done nothin’ but make our lives miserable since day one! Ah wish she’d get her due just once!”

“Hopefully, Santa Hooves will give Diamond Tiara a big box full of coal this year,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Hey, speaking of which! Hearth’s Warming Eve is coming up in a few weeks. You girls ready for that?” asked Scootaloo, wings buzzing in excitement.

While Sweetie Belle went on to talk about how she and her family were going to Manehatten to celebrate the holiday, Apple Bloom continued to ponder about the plague in her life named Diamond Tiara. Since their families knew each other personally, their lives were forced to intertwine. She couldn’t remember much of Tiara when she was younger, but since starting third grade Apple Bloom knew her as nothing more than a rich snob who seemed to always get everything she wanted. Not to mention she seemed to enjoy torturing Apple Bloom and her friends.

Why does she do it though? Ah’ve never done a single thin’ wrong to her, thought Apple Bloom as she closed her eyes. She thought about every prank and mean joke Tiara had pulled on her, from calling her a blank flank to blackmailing her, and it filled her with rage. Just once Ah wish she’d get what’s comin’ to her…

“Hello! Equestria to Apple Bloom!” yelled Scootaloo, waving her hoof in front of the startled filly. “You okay? You look as spaced out as Sweetie Belle when she’s staring at Featherweight.”

“Hey!” shouted a blushing Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom giggled at her friend’s expense but soon sighed. “Ah was thinkin’ about Diamond Tiara...”

“Her again?” groaned Scootaloo, rolling her eyes. “Apple Bloom, what else is there to think about? She’s an evil witch, we hate her, and there’s nothing else to it. Right?”

“Well, I think ‘hate’ is kind of a strong word, don’t you?” pointed out Sweetie Belle.

“What other word would you use?” asked a stunned Scootaloo. “She hates us, so why don’t we just hate her back?”

“But Rarity told me that hating somepony, even if they are mean, doesn’t end up making you feel better,” said Sweetie Belle, rubbing her hooves. “I mean, I don’t like Diamond Tiara, but I wouldn’t say I hate her.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “You’re always too nice for your own good.”

“Well, let’s just stop talkin’ about her, okay?” Apple Bloom took her cocoa and drank what was left. “Just because she ruined our snow day doesn’t mean we should let her dictate our lives completely.”

“True,” said Sweetie Belle, nodding.

“I guess, but I still hate her,” pouted Scootaloo, crossing her forelegs.

Join the club, thought Apple Bloom. She looked up at the clock and gasped. “Aw, applesauce. Sorry, but Ah gotta get home before supper. See y’all at school!”

“Bye, Apple Bloom!” her friends shouted as she rushed out of Sugarcube Corner.

She kept up her power trot through the snow-filled streets, occasionally spotting a pegasus or two helping others clean up most of the snow. Just as she was about to turn to the street that led home, she paused, noticing a large crowd of ponies in the middle of the road. Towering over the crowd was an ambulance carriage that was loading up somepony inside. She narrowed her eyes and stood on the tip of her forehooves in an effort to get a better look at who it was, hoping they were okay. Before she could get a glimpse of the injured pony, the ambulance closed its doors and took off.

Although curious, Apple Bloom knew better than to keep her family waiting. The incident settled into the back of her mind as she continued making her way home.

***

The trip home didn’t make Apple Bloom feel any better than before. Night had finally come, and it was getting colder. Thankfully, she managed to reach her house just as the moon rose. With the day’s events still lingering in her mind, she kicked the door open and announced her arrival with a grumble. Her sister, Applejack, was feeding wood to the fireplace when she noticed Apple Bloom stomp inside. “Somepony’s had a bad day. Mind tellin’ yer big sister what’s the matter?”

“Two words,” huffed Apple Bloom. “Diamond ‘Stupid’ Tiara.”

“Uh, that’s three words, Apple Bloom,” pointed out Applejack. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and sat down next to her sister, gazing into the burning fire and watching the flames dance. Sighing, Applejack wrapped her foreleg around Apple Bloom. “Do ya wanna talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about? Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are nothin’ more than a pair of bullies who want nothin’ else but to make me and mah friends feel like dirt.”

“Look, Apple Bloom, Ah know y’all don’t get along with Diamond Tiara, but she’s can’t be all that bad. Ah’m sure if ya look hard enough there’s somethin’ good to find. Ya know, she used to come ‘round these parts all the time to play with ya when y’all were in diapers. Why, you two were close as kin back then.”

Apple Bloom snapped her eyes towards her sister in shock. “Wha-what?! Me and her?! Never!”

Applejack nodded. “It’s true. Ah bet Ah can even find those old pictures in the attic.”

“Ugh. Ah think Ah’m gonna be sick,” muttered Apple Bloom, holding her stomach. The idea of her and Tiara as baby pals was so... wrong.

“Come on now. Sure, she’s done some bad things, but Ah bet she’s actually pretty nice when ya get to really know her,” said Applejack.

“Sorry, but Ah think that’s nothing but a pile of manure! Ow!” cried out Apple Bloom, rubbing her head.

“How many times have Ah told ya, we don’t use that kind of language ’round here!” scolded Applejack, lowering her hoof. “Now, no more talkin’ about Diamond Tiara. Go to yer room until it’s suppertime.”

“But...” Apple Bloom stopped herself, knowing it was futile to try to change her sister’s mind. “Fine.”

Defeated, Apple Bloom dragged herself to the stairs and slowly made her way towards her bedroom. Stupid Applejack. Me and Tiara? Friends? Not in this lifetime. She’s nothin’ but trouble, just like Scootaloo said. Hay, Ah’m in trouble now because of her!

Reaching her room, she flung the door open, flopped onto her bed, and moaned. Why does everythin’ that has to do with Diamond Tiara always bite me in the flank?

Apple Bloom turned to her window and saw that the stars were already out in Luna’s perfected night. She soon lost herself in the endless sea of lights that decorated the sky like a Hearth’s Warming tree. She wished she could fly up to them and never have to deal with bullies, school, or annoying sisters whenever she wanted.

“Apple Bloom! Come and get some grub!” called out Applejack from below.

Apple Bloom was about to leave her room when she spotted something glowing out of the corner of her eye. She looked back and gasped as one of the stars started to streak across the sky like a falling arrow. A shootin’ star!

Apple Bloom sat on her haunches and held her forehooves close to her heart. Closing her eyes, she prepared to wish the same thing she had wished for nearly all her life: a cutie mark. But then she stopped. Instead, something else crept into her mind, an alternate wish that was just as desirable as her usual one. She concentrated so hard her face scrunched up.

Ah wish somethin’ bad would happen to Diamond Tiara. Feeling a bit better, Apple Bloom got up and made her way downstairs to eat with her family, thinking of nasty bugs and pranks that Tiara could possibly fall victim to should her wish ever come true.

***

“Please!”

“No.”

“Just this once!”

“This is the sixth time this year.”

“Have mercy for one of yer best friends!” begged Apple Bloom as she forced her eyes to water, hoping it would give her an edge.

Sweetie Belle shoved her away. “Next time, do your own homework.”

“Augh! Some best friend y’all are,” pouted Apple Bloom, turning her chair around and crossing her forelegs.

“You have nopony to blame but yourself,” scolded Sweetie Belle, placing her school books on her desk.

“It’s not mah fault Ah got caught up in all the snow day activities! Ah thought there’d be plenty of time to do it later... at least if there was a second snow day...” mumbled Apple Bloom. She glanced up at the clock and frowned, noticing that it was almost nine. “She’s late.”

“Scootaloo’s always late,” answered Sweetie Belle, nonchalantly.

“Not her. Ah meant Miss Cheerilee. She’s usually the first one here, but Ah haven’t seen her all day.” Apple Bloom raised her head up and looked around the classroom. She could see Snips and Snails reading a comic book, Dinky staring dreamily at Pipsqueak, Archer talking to her friends about some movie she saw, but no sign of her teacher. It wasn’t normal for Miss Cheerilee to be late for class. Teaching was her life, and even when she was sick it was hard to keep the dedicated teacher away from school. Maybe she got really sick. Or what if she’s in some kind of trouble?

Apple Bloom snapped her head up when she heard the door open, but saw that it was only Scootaloo. The pegasus filly shook flakes of snow from her mane as she entered. Hurrying over to her seat next to Sweetie Belle, she quickly started pulling out her school supplies. “Am I late? Somepony pulled me over and said I couldn't use my scooter when the streets were icy 'cause there was an accident or something yesterday.”

“Gosh, was anypony hurt?” asked Sweetie Belle, biting her lip.

Scootaloo shrugged. “I don’t know. Whoever it was, I’m sure they’re fine.”

The crowd of ponies and the ambulance from yesterday flashed back into Apple Bloom’s mind. Ah wonder if that was the accident?

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the door open again. Much to her relief, it was Miss Cheerilee, but the sudden joy faded shortly upon a closer inspection of her teacher. Everypony quickly became quiet the moment she entered. The smiling face that Cheerilee always greeted her special little students with was replaced with a frown of utter sorrow. She slouched, and her tail drooped to the floor, gathering dust. As Cheerilee dragged herself to her seat, Apple Bloom noticed tear marks on her teacher’s cheeks.

“Jeez, who died?” whispered Scootaloo, but Apple Bloom only glared in response before turning her worries back to her favorite teacher.

Cheerilee looked over her students, wiping tears from her eyes as she tried to say something, but it was so soft that Apple Bloom couldn’t hear it. The other students started shifting around in their seats while some tried to ask what was going on only to be silenced with a shush.

Finally, Cheerilee cleared her throat and closed her eyes. “Students... this isn’t an easy thing for me to say to any of you, but you’re going to hear it anyway and as your teacher I feel it’s my responsibility to tell you of this... tragedy.”

Apple Bloom heard a loud gulp and glanced over to Scootaloo, who was starting to sweat. Probably thinks she jinxed it.

“As some of you know, yesterday there was an accident. A carriage got loose and slipped on some ice on the road. Somepony was hit and they were hurt so badly they had to be taken to the hospital...”

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. “That pony was Diamond Tiara.”

Gasps filled the room, followed by a sudden wave of whispering. Apple Bloom quickly turned to Diamond Tiara’s seat, finding it empty along with Silver Spoon’s.

“Miss Cheerilee! Is Diamond Tiara okay?!” asked a filly, leaning from her desk.

Everypony was silent as Miss Cheerilee froze and gulped. Shaking her head, their teacher somberly answered, “I’m sorry class but... Diamond Tiara... died last night from her injuries.”

Nopony gasped this time. Apple Bloom wasn’t even sure if anypony was breathing. She knew she wasn’t. After a few seconds of silence, a few students began to cry, holding each other at the revelation that one of them was now dead.

Dead... she’s dead... Diamond Tiara is... dead? thought Apple Bloom, horrified at the idea. She thought about the annoying filly who mocked her, calling her a loser and a blank flank. And now she was dead. Gone. Never coming back.

She slowly turned around towards her friends. Sweetie Belle was whiter than the snow outside, tears streaming down her face as she held her hooves to her mouth. Scootaloo stared at her desk with wide eyes, her mouth slightly open in shock. Apple Bloom turned away and looked back at Diamond Tiara’s now permanently empty seat. Questions began to form in her head: Had she suffered? Did she bleed a lot? Where was Silver Spoon? Was she okay? What about Tiara’s father? What were her former bully’s last thoughts? Was she really dead, or was this all a prank?

“I know this is a hard time for you all. School will be closed for a few days so that you can come to terms with this horrible occurrence. Your families are on their way right now to pick you up, and I urge you to talk to them, or me, about anything you may be feeling,” continued Miss Cheerilee. “Mr. Rich has also allowed each of you to come to his daughter’s funeral later this week. I ask that, as her classmates, you pray for Diamond Tiara and for her family and friends.”

That settled it for Apple Bloom. This wasn’t a prank. Not even Diamond Tiara would do something as mean as faking her own death. She was really gone. Apple Bloom gasped in horror as her mind turned to the previous night, the night she had wished for harm to come to Diamond Tiara.

The wish had come true.

Author's Note

And so here is the first chapter. Each of the chapters is going to be told by a different Cutie Mark Crusader, who will deal with their own emotions and trials in coming to terms with this sudden change in their lives.

Apple Bloom's story is the reflection of guilt. We all know people in our lives who are jerks and there are times when we wish bad things on them, and when it does happen, do we feel a sense of personal guilt for wishing such a horrible thing? Does this make us no better than them? Does anybody, no matter how much of a jerk, deserve to have their life cut short? How does this affect us? What do we feel and think when dealing with such an issue, especially at a young age?

And how well did we really know this individual? Maybe they had a reason for being who they were, or maybe there was more to them than meets the eye? These are the questions and themes Apple Bloom will experience in her side of the story.

Hope you all enjoyed this and are interested in reading the rest of the chapters as they come out! Please, like, fave, and comment!

Sweetie Belle 2

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks toCatnipfairy for her artwork!

***

He was coming. She knew deep in her heart that he was here. Stones were littered everywhere, each inscribed with a name from one of his victims, old and young alike. The markers represented ponies who had once lived joyful lives, but were now forever silenced. Sweetie Belle fought as hard as she could to keep the tears from streaming down her eyes, biting her lip so hard blood was drawn.

She looked up and saw the pale moon above a blood red sky, filled with dark clouds. It was like Nightmare Moon had returned, only with a more macabre style. Sweetie Belle held her knees to her chest and slowly started praying this would not be her last night. It didn’t matter to her how she got into this predicament, or how long she had been running from him, but she knew only one thing: if she stopped, it was all over.

She would join the many who slept in the dirt.

A twig snapped nearby and Sweetie gasped. Instantly, she clasped a hoof over her mouth, but it was too late. A low, inequine roar echoed across the graveyard, followed by the thunderous hooves of a giant pony. Shrieking, Sweetie Belle ran as fast as her legs could carry her through the named gravestones. There was no escape in this endless valley of dead, only her inevitable doom.

Sweetie Belle could hear him getting closer. The rattling of his chains and the sound of his scythe swinging in the air made her all but wet herself. She dared not look, not at the monster that could not be tamed or defeated, not at the endless being that was as old as life.

Sweetie Belle never saw the loose rock on the path until her hoof stumbled over it, ending her futile run with a hard fall onto her face. Moaning, she tried to get up, but froze upon seeing a shadow towering over her. She stood still for what seemed like forever until, despite all her instincts telling her not to, she slowly looked over her shoulder. And there she saw him.

Death.

Numerous faces of the shrieking damned formed his black, wrinkled cloak. Spiked chains, covered in fresh blood, levitated around him like snakes, rattling and dripping with its contents. The scythe he carried was big enough to bisect a pony as big as Princess Celestia with one swing, and its blade glinted with a razor sharpness that could cut diamond. But the worst part, the part that made her scream as loud as she could, was his face: skull-shaped, demonic and soulless. His eyes were coal black, filled with hellfire, his teeth were sharp as knives, and his horns were long like a bull’s. It was the closeting thing to the devil Sweetie Belle had ever seen.

Death leaned forward and screamed, expunging a miasmic cloud of flies, snakes and cockroaches from its mouth. In a split second, Sweetie Belle was wrapped up in chains and dragged into the air. She struggled to escape, but the harder she tried the tighter they held her. Death then pointed to a single grave stone and, upon looking at it, Sweetie Belle gasped at what she read:

Here Lies Sweetie Belle

Tried to run, but lost her head

Now she is among the dead

A good young life now has ceased

Forever shall she rest in peace

Lost.. her... head? thought Sweetie Belle with terror as she looked at Death, who cackled with glee. She looked up and gasped as he raised the scythe, aiming the curved, cruel edge at her neck. “No! No! I don’t wanna die!”

It swung and she screamed…

***

“Nooooooooo!” screamed Sweetie Belle from her covers. She continued to scream until the door slammed open and her sister came in, mane disheveled and holding a bat with her magic.

“Sweetie Belle?! What’s wrong! What is it!” shouted Rarity, looking around for signs of an intruder. When she saw none, she dropped the bat, embraced her sobbing sister and rocked back and forth. “It’s okay, Sweetie, shhhh. It’s okay...” She kissed Sweetie on the forehead. “Everything’s okay.”

“I... I-I-I had-d a b-b-bad d-ddre-eam,” stuttered Sweetie Belle, tears streaming down her face. Her face wasn’t the only part that was wet. She felt her covers and smelled the unpleasant stench of fresh urine coming from them. This only made her cry harder. She hadn’t had an accident since she was four.

Although her mouth scrounged up a bit at the thought of sitting in pee of all things, Rarity threw such worries away for more important matters, such as the scared filly in her hooves. “It’s okay, Sweetie Belle. I’ll stay with you as long as you need me to. There is nothing to fear anymore. You’re safe.”

Sweetie Belle stopped crying, yet the terror on her face still lingered with her thoughts. Was she truly safe? Safe from death? Was this just a nightmare... or an omen?

***

Despite not getting much sleep last night, Sweetie Belle was the first one to arrive in the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse. Waiting for her friends to arrive, Sweetie closed her eyes and tried not to think about the nightmare, but found it hard not to. She could still feel the cold steel chains wrapped around her body as well as the fear that lingered deep inside her mind.

She had seen many scary things before: Nightmare Moon, Discord, cockatrices, Cerberus, dragons, ursa minors, and more. But never before had something affected her so much that she wet herself while crying. A dark blush decorated her cheeks, grateful that Rarity said nothing this morning when she was doing laundry. She was supposed to be a big pony, not some foal in diapers. I just hope it doesn’t happen again.

Time stretched, the seconds dragging in lonely ticks. At the sound of approaching hooves, Sweetie Belle looked up. Scootaloo paused in the doorway when she noticed she wasn’t the only one in the room. The two friends stared at each other in silence, neither making a move. Sweetie Belle then turned her head away, hoping Scootaloo wouldn’t ask anything and just sit down. To her relief, and somewhat surprise, the pegasus did so, taking a seat near the corner. Although she felt a pang of regret for giving one of the best friends the silent treatment, she hadn’t forgotten their argument yesterday and neither it seemed had Scootaloo. I just hope Apple Bloom hurries up so we can start the meeting.

The two were forced to sit in awkward silence until the sound of hooves on wooden planks heralded the arrival of their third crusader. Seconds later, Apple Bloom appeared, putting aside a basket with a red blanket inside before taking in a deep breath. “Sorry Ah’m late, girls. Me and mah family went to go see Mr. Rich and give him our condolences.”

“How is he? I can’t imagine what he’s going through,” asked Sweetie Belle, biting her lip. She remembered a time when she got lost in the park when she was very young and her mother had been absolutely frantic searching for her. When they found each other, her mother was weeping and refused to let go, even after they arrived back home. If that was how a parent was when their child was lost, then chances were that losing them forever had to be ten times worse.

Apple Bloom rubbed her eyes, trying to hide the tears that Sweetie easily spotted. “H-he’s so sad. Ah’ve never seen anypony cry like that, not even when Applejack broke her leg last summer.” She sighed. “He really loved his daughter and misses her so much.”

“It must be hard for him, losing the rest of his family so quickly,” muttered Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo stared at her in confusion. “What do you mean... wait... are you telling me Diamond Tiara’s mom is dead too?”

Both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom nodded, making Scootaloo’s mouth drop in shock. Apple Bloom looked at Sweetie Belle and asked, “How did ya find out?”

“One of their butlers came and asked Rarity to design Diamond Tiara’s funeral dress. She’s working on it right now,” answered Sweetie Belle, who shivered at the thought. The idea that she was designing clothes for a corpse made Sweetie Belle all but want to leave Carousel Boutique as soon as possible.

Apple Bloom nodded before clopping her hoof on the ground for emphasis. “Girls, I think we should decide on what we’re gonna do about Diamond Tiara’s... funeral,” said Apple Bloom, wincing at the sound of the word.

“Wait, I thought we were gonna be talking about how we’re gonna get our cutie marks like we planned?” asked Scootaloo, raising an eyebrow.

Sweetie Belle glared at Scootaloo. A pony dies and all she can think about are cutie marks?!

Apple Bloom seemed to be in a similar mindset as she shook her head. “Honestly, Scootaloo, Ah don’t think Ah can talk about cutie marks at this time. Besides, we should take what Miss Cheerliee said into consideration and think about goin’ or not.” Scootaloo looked to say something, but closed her mouth and turned away, mumbling to herself. Apple Bloom sighed and said, “Ah’m most likely goin’ ‘cause mah family is. What about y’all?”

“I’m going,” said Sweetie Belle immediately. “Even if she was a jerk,” she made sure to emphasize that for a certain pegasus, “it’s the right thing to do.”

The two then turned to Scootaloo, who looked at both of them and shook her head. “I’m not going.”

“Still?!” shrieked Sweetie Belle, making Apple Bloom jump. “Don’t you have any sympathy at all for her?”

Growling, Scootaloo got up and made her way towards the exit. “Look, you girls wanna go, fine by me! But I’m not going to just drop everything and forget that Diamond Tiara made our lives miserable for her own amusement! I’m not going to forget how much embarrassment we had to endure under her bullying, nor am I going to forget all the times we got in trouble because of her! Remember the Gabby Gums Incident?”

The girls winced. It was the lowest point in their crusade to find cutie marks, even worse than almost forcing Miss Cheerilee and Big Macintosh to fall in love with each other. They had wanted to stop their article when it became clear all they were doing was hurting the town’s residents, but Diamond Tiara forced them to continue through blackmail. It was only after they publicly apologized and explained everything did things go back to normal. The town forgave them, even admitting they had a hoof to blame since they were all fine with the gossip until it hurt each of them individually.

Diamond Tiara, however, was not easily forgiven, and had to endure the same disapproval the three of them had for weeks. Only Silver Spoon seemed to still be there for her. Over time, that even faded, but the three fillies would never forget that dark moment.

“I’m not about to cry over a filly that made me a pariah, especially to Rainbow Dash!” argued Scootaloo. “I’m not going and that’s final!”

“But Scootaloo, she was—” said Apple Bloom.

“Forget it, Apple Bloom,” interrupted Sweetie Belle, coldly. “She doesn’t care that somepony is dead. I bet she’s even happy that Diamond Tiara died.”

“For the last time, I am not!” roared Scootaloo, nostrils flaring. “I just don’t care! She was nothing but trouble, and I bet trouble was all she would have been in the end! All bullies are like that!”

“Not all!” shouted Apple Bloom, stepping forward. “Mah big brother got picked on by Mr. Rich all the time, but they became friends! Maybe Diamond Tiara could have changed as well! All ponies have some good in them! Maybe we never saw it, but it had to have existed, right?”

Scootaloo looked like she had been whipped when she heard what Apple Bloom said, but stayed silent. Shaking her head, she scoffed and turned away. “Fine. Think whatever you want, but I’m not going to her funeral and that’s that!”

Before any of them could say anything, Scootaloo left the clubhouse, grabbed her scooter and was soon gone. Sweetie Belle sighed, still feeling bitter, and shook her head. “I can’t believe she’s so heartless.”

“Well, to be fair,” said Apple Bloom, scratching her neck, “Ah get her point. Ah mean, none of us liked Diamond Tiara, but now that she’s gone...” She shook her head and sighed. “It’s just so confusin’.”

“Yeah,” muttered Sweetie Belle, closing her eyes. She then turned to her remaining friend and asked, “Is there anything else you wanna do, or do you mind if I head home?”

“No, Ah got...” Apple Bloom eyed the basket she brought, “...some readin’ to do. Ah’ll see ya at the funeral, right?”

Sweetie Belle nodded and soon left the clubhouse.

***

If Sweetie Belle knew her sister, and she did, Rarity was still working on the funeral dress. Having no desire to be there for it, she opted to walk around town instead. Sighing, she wished her parents were back from their business trip in Saddle Arabia, but even if she had managed to message them from the other side of the world, they wouldn’t arrive in time for the funeral. Normally, her parents didn’t travel during the holidays, always staying home so they could be together, but this was one of those rare times that looked like it would be just her and Rarity.

Her thoughts turned back to the clubhouse and she began to wonder what Scootaloo’s problem was. She could understand how much Scootaloo didn’t like Tiara, who always made fun of her inability to fly at her age. But that doesn’t mean she can disregard the feelings of others as well! Tiara’s family, some of our classmates, Silver Spoon, all of them are hurting because of her death, especially Mr. Rich. I mean, to lose all your family...

Sweetie Belle didn’t want to think of a world where her parents and sister were dead. Even if she had all the friends she ever could have, it would still feel like she was all alone. And Mr. Rich was experiencing that same feeling now.

Before Sweetie Belle could continue her morbid train of thought, she smacked face first into a sign. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs and ensuing eye-rolling and looked up, ears dropping the moment she saw where she was: Mr. Waddle’s Funeral Home.

Sweetie Belle didn’t know whether to think this was a coincidence or an ill portent as memories of her nightmare started to flash in her head. Just as she was about to run as fast as her little legs could carry her, she saw two ponies walk out of the nearby funeral home. She quickly hid behind the sign to keep from being seen. One of them she recognized as Mr. Waddle, and the other was that butler who appeared in front of Rarity’s shop yesterday during their talk, Sebastian. Tiptoeing towards a pair of bushes, she silently peaked out and listened in on their conversation.

“That should take care of the preparations. Rest assured, I will give Miss Tiara the best farewell I can give anypony,” said Mr. Waddle, shaking hooves with the butler. “It’s a shame this happened to one so young. And only a few years after I had to misfortune of arranging her mother and brother’s funeral.”

“I’m sorry Master Rich wasn’t able to come make the preparations himself,” said Sebastian, sorrowfully. “He... hasn’t been the same since...”

“Naturally,” said Mr. Waddle, nodding. “He’s not the first grieving father I’ve had to deal with, nor shall he be the last as long as this body still holds life. I’ll make sure everything is ready three days from now.”

Sebastian bowed and walked away while Mr. Waddle went back inside his business. Sweetie Belle walked out of her hiding place and stared at the doors of the funeral home. She had never bothered to think twice about this place whenever she passed by, but soon she would be going inside a place of death and mourning. Still, the conversation she had overheard made her curious, and she decided to knock on the front door.

Soon enough, the door opened and Mr. Waddle’s head poked out, surprise registering on his face. “Sweetie Belle? What are you doing here?”

Sweetie Belle felt a band of sweat drip down the back of her neck. “Y-you... know my name?”

He smiled and nodded. “Of course! I saw you and your friends’ efforts in the talent show about two years ago I think. Never saw a funnier act in all my life! Not to mention you sort of sung on my back one time when I was giving an outdoor service.”

“Oh! I-I’m sorry,” muttered Sweetie Belle, blushing.

Mr. Waddle laughed. “Don’t be. You have quite the voice, young lady.”

“Oh, thanks,” muttered Sweetie Belle. “Um, Mr. Waddle? May I come in? I have a few questions, and I’m hoping you can answer them for me.”

Mr. Waddle obviously wasn’t expecting a filly out of the blue to ask such a thing, but nevertheless he opened his door wide enough for her to enter. “Come in, child.”

What lay inside wasn’t what Sweetie Belle was expecting. Having never been in a funeral home before, she thought she would be seeing mostly black and depressing icons, but the entire place had bright red and blue colors with various vases of flowers everywhere. It looked more like an old, rich pony’s home with pictures of angels and statues everywhere. It was quite cool inside, and the halls were decorated and filled with life. Most of the double doors in the halls were closed, leading to other rooms that she suspected was where the actual funerals took place. However, one was open.

Mr. Waddle led Sweetie Belle down the hall and when they reached the opened doorway, she saw a bunch of ponies picking up cushions, curtains, candles, and flowers and putting them in boxes. There was no coffin, much to her relief, but she saw a picture of an old looking pony in a wreath with a small banner wrapped around it saying “Rest in Peace”.

The funeral director, seeing this, pointed out, “Oh, they’re putting Miss Sweet Ring’s stuff away. Died in her sleep, peacefully.”

Sweetie Belle gulped. “W-where is her casket?”

“I assume it’s being buried right now by our undertakers,” said Mr. Waddle, like it was an everyday occurrence. Sweetie Belle couldn’t even fathom how it was possible for a pony to be surrounded by death all the time and stay sane.

They finally reached Mr. Waddle’s office where the elder pony grabbed a cushion and urged Sweetie Belle to sit. He went over to his desk and sat behind it. “Now, what is it that I can help you with?”

Sweetie Belle wasn’t surprised to see this room neat and tidy like the others, only it had rows of books and vases full of flowers. Remembering why she was here, Sweetie Belle took a deep breath. “Mr. Waddle, I’m going to the funeral for Diamond Tiara, but... but I don’t know what happens or what I should do.”

Understanding dawned on Mr. Waddle face, and he gave a sad smile. “I understand. This is your first one I take it?” Sweetie Belle nodded. “Don’t worry, many children your age are confused when dealing with this sort of thing.”

He sighed. “While there are many different funeral customs, Miss Tiara’s will be based around traditional earth pony rites. First, everypony gathers and engages in small talk, usually to offer their condolences to the family and friends of the deceased. It’s also around this time that ponies go up to the casket and say their final farewells. Then everypony sits down as the family and closest friends give a eulogy before everypony goes up and places a flower in the casket before it’s closed and taken to be buried. Only the family of the deceased is allowed to be present at the burial as well as a few close friends. Everypony else must wait for them to return. It’s based on an old earth pony faith, before the founding of Equestria, that believed all life came from the earth and all life must return to the earth in the end to be renewed.”

Sweetie Belle found it hard to believe that anypony would want to be buried in the ground, filled with dirt, bugs, and who knows what else. Sweetie Belle shivered. “W-will I see the b-b-b-body?”

Mr. Waddle sadly nodded. “Yes, normally during children funerals I keep it closed casket, but Mr. Rich insisted on an open one for his daughter. He wanted her to look beautiful one last time. I believe she had dreams of being a model like her mother.”

That made Sweetie Belle turn green. Seeing a dead body, especially somepony she once knew, sounded just so wrong in her mind. She wanted to keep telling herself that it would just look like sleeping, but there would be no rising chest. No heartbeat. Her brain wasn’t even thinking. She was just an empty shell.

“Are you alright? This isn’t troubling you, is it?” asked Mr. Waddle, snapping Sweetie Belle out of her thoughts.

“I-I’m fine,” lied Sweetie Belle. “How do you do it? How do you... let yourself be surrounded by all this?”

Mr. Waddle leaned back. “I suppose it is hard to imagine at times. Yes, this job does seem odd, but to me I feel like I’m doing something important for everypony involved. For the dearly departed, I’m giving them a chance to be remembered, for ponies to see them as they once were regardless of whether the final resting place is in the ground or as ashes. For family and friends, I want to help lessen the grief by providing a peaceful service so they can feel better and begin to heal. I have given funerals to many ponies, young and old, innocent and criminal alike. We all deserve this respect. Funerals are ways to honor our dead, not just to mourn them. That way, they live on in our hearts.”

“But I don’t understand, why bother celebrating that somepony died? Why do ponies have to die in the first place?!” asked Sweetie Belle, rubbing her teary eyes. “Why did Tiara have to die?”

Mr. Waddle shook his head. “There are many answers, Sweetie Belle. I think each pony has their own theory and they stick with it. Those who believe in a faith, such as myself, think that life and death are part of a greater test that allow us to achieve salvation in an afterlife. Others think it is simply the law of nature and all life exists to end at some point so that life can continue in other forms. It is a confusing topic, and many ponies have asked themselves: why do we all die? In the end, only those who have passed on before us know.”

Sweetie Bell gulped and fidgeted in her seat. “When... when you say ‘we’... does that mean the same thing will happen to me? I-I’m going to one day die?”

Mr. Waddle hesitated to answer, but in the end he nodded. “Everypony dies at some point, Sweetie Belle. It’s the sad, honest truth.”

Sweetie Belle nearly fell backwards as her mind turned to the funeral settings she saw before. Only now, instead of Miss Sweet Ring’s face, she saw a picture of herself surrounded by flowers and farewell banners. I’m... I’m going to die one day. I’m going to be just like Tiara, dead... dead... dead…

“...I see. I’m gonna go home now,” said Sweetie Belle, slowly rising from her seat. Mr. Waddle tried to say something, but she had already left and was soon outside.

Into a world where death was everywhere.

Author's Note

Death.

The ender of all things. Part of the great mystery that we cannot understand. So strange, so scary, and yet inevitable. The fate that all, good or bad, poor or rich, famous and infamous, will one day fall pray too. We never stop and think about it and when we do, it shatters the innocence we once had as well too realize just how simple life can be as well as how fleeting it is.

To some, the reality of death is a scary thing and at times it is fascinating. Some seek to religions and philosophies for answers, others come up with their own. Some don't see such a big deal with death while others lives are based around it.

Sweetie Belle's realization of death, and fear of it, is partly based on my own experiences in the realization that I too will one day die. It scared me quite a bit and I was lost and confused as she was right now. I had nightmares, tried to find answers, and seek ways to prevent my death. I no longer am in fear of it, mostly thanks to some spiritual guidance from my church, but I cannot escape my curiosity of it. Maybe that's why I like making tragedies so much.

What was your experience like, realizing that you too no longer be part of this living world one day? What do you believe?

Apple Bloom 4

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

***

... and then she and her new friends—who are calling themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders now because they’re all blank flanks—had the nerve to take over MY party! It was my special day! My cutesnera! Everypony was supposed to focus on me!

And you know the worst of it? My Dad didn’t even show up. “Sorry, Diamond Tiara, I was busy with a conference in Manehatten. I’ll make it up to you.”

Like I haven’t heard that too many times. Ugh, this day has just been horrible. Those two other ponies, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, are now on the top of my list next to Apple Bloom. If they think I’m going to let them get away with what they did to me, they have another thing coming!

-Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom sighed as she paused in her reading to drink a glass of apple juice her sister brought up earlier. Reading how she had turned her former best friend into a bully had all but ruined her appetite, so she settled for just staying in her room all day. Her siblings asked if she was okay, but didn’t pressure her too much, which she was thankful for. Sneaking the diary in without being caught was enough pressure already.

Upon arriving at her room, she had spent the next few hours reading page after page dealing with Diamond Tiara’s descent into bullying. It was small at first: name calling, showing off her wealth, and an early one talked about how Silver Spoon tried to talk her out of it. However, Diamond convinced her that if everypony only saw them as rich brats then they had to be rich brats to protect themselves. That was all Silver needed to join in too.

Apple Bloom winced, growled, and even sniffed a bit as she read all the things that Diamond Tiara had done to her. Her bullying caused all her old friends to leave her one by one except Twist, either because they wanted to be friendly with Diamond Tiara or to save their own skins. It almost made her forget the earlier, more innocent diary entries.

Applejack told her a long time ago that some ponies were just nasty because of something happening to them long ago, and Apple Bloom wondered if this was such a case. She was torn between hating Diamond Tiara for taking actual glee in making her life miserable and pitying her struggles. It was clear that after all the horseapples she went through something snapped.

How long would she have done this, though? Forever? ‘Till we were adults? Or until she just had enough herself? thought Apple Bloom, flipping the pages.

She didn't know what to think. Tiara’s funeral was in three days according to Big Macintosh. If Apple Bloom was going to say her final words to the deceased filly she wanted to go knowing the right words to say. And the only way she could do that was by reading the remaining entries until she had her answer.

Most of the remaining pages she focused on happened after she and her friends formed the Crusaders. Usually, it talked about Tiara insulting them or planning ways to make their lives miserable. Other times it was about the growing separation between herself and her father. The only times she ever really seemed to be truly happy was with Silver Spoon, who Apple Bloom had to admit was very loyal to Tiara and a good friend, and babysitting a few foals in secret. Apple Bloom and her friends had always assumed that most of the time Silver Spoon followed Tiara like a lackey and was only friends with her because she was richer than her.

But the two had a good and strong friendship. They had play dates, sleepovers, talked about the cutest boys in their class and other girl things. It was... normal.

Apple Bloom wondered if things had been different then maybe it would have been her and Tiara doing that. If I remembered...

And the fact that Tiara was taking care of babies? Didn't see that coming.

She continued looking through the pages for a more interesting entry until she finally found one:

Dear Diary,

Today has been... really depressing. Yesterday, Granny Smith came over for her talk during Family Appreciation Day. Everypony knows Granny Smith's been getting senile as she's gotten older. At first I thought about using her as a way to embarrass Apple Bloom. Nothing too big, and nothing personal against Granny Smith. I still remember when she used to bake cookies for me…

But then she gave her presentation. Turns out she was around when Ponyville was founded! I knew she was old but not that old! She even brought some zap apple jam with her, and dear Celestia was it good.

So, ok, that should have been it. My plan didn't work, not like I cared. Because Dad and I were going to spend time together today. After his performance at school he promised me. And then this morning he came and told me we were spending it at Sweet Apple Acres.

Ugh, I couldn't believe it! The one day I get to have with my dad and we spend it at the last place in Equestria I wanted to be! And of course everypony from school was already there, dressed in stupid bunny suits, bouncing around the stupid water cans. Maybe it looked like fun but it was still stupid. Dad just spent the entire time with Big Macintosh, forgetting all about me. But Macintosh didn't forget about Apple Bloom. Applejack didn't forget about her either.

The worst part though, the absolute worst, was when Apple Bloom saw me and asked me to join. Like it was nothing. Like I didn't hate her. I almost said yes. I think I should have said yes. It would have been so easy to do. Sitting here tonight I regret that I turned her down. Because seeing Apple Bloom and everypony else jump around like a bunch of silly ponies, it reminded me of how we all used to do this. I used to love zap apple season. I wanted to be four years-old again and hop around. I wanted to blow bubbles and catch fireflies and eat jam.

Isn't that what I wished for so long ago when I came back? It was like, for a brief moment nothing had changed. And then I saw that stupid grin on Apple Bloom's face and I rejected her. I couldn't stand that grin and I know why.

I'm jealous of her.

Apple Bloom spat out her apple juice and nearly choked before she reread what she had seen.

I'm jealous of her.

I shouldn't be but I am. Here I am, the best pony in school, with the money to buy anything I want. Except, I can't buy an afternoon with just me and my dad. I can't buy a hug from him.

Apple Bloom lost her parents but she still has her brother, her sister, and her granny. I have my dad who spends more time with his work than with me.

She has real respect in our class. I had to buy mine with money or fear.

But the thing I hate most... it's that she's a blank flank. Because I hate my cutie mark.

Apple Bloom never felt her jaw lower itself more than it did now.

My cutie mark is supposed to show that I'm good at modeling. Just like my mother was. Now, whenever I look at that mark, all I see is a reminder that she's dead. I'd give anything to be a blank flank again.

I'm going to bed.

-Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom sat there in the dark for a long time, focusing on that one page that had blown her mind. Of all the things she thought Diamond Tiara felt, jealousy was the furthest thing from her mind. If anything, Apple Bloom was always a bit envious of how much wealth Diamond Tiara had; even just a small fraction could have helped out her family. Yet, she had to agree with one thing. If she could choose between all the money in the world, or her family, she would choose the latter every time. Family was everything to an Apple no matter who or what you were, and it was the same thing with her friends.

She briefly wondered how Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were doing. It was obvious the two had some issues going between them but she wasn’t worried. They were good friends and cared about each other. Sooner or later they would make up. Although she had difficulty wondering what they would think if they saw what was in this diary as well. Sweetie Belle would want to know about Diamond Tiara’s past while Scootaloo would want to know what her thoughts were during all the times that they were bullied.

Apple Bloom blinked and then started flipping through the pages one by one. She wanted to find a specific incident that to this day still made her cringe: Gabby Gums. She closed her eyes in shame, thinking about how much hurt and anger she'd caused her siblings once they learned she'd helped make up those lies. They never spoke to her during that horrible time, except one time when Big Macintosh told her she should be ashamed. After the apology and reveal they had been blackmailed, the two instantly forgave her and apologized for their behavior as well. Nowadays, it was all water under the bridge, but it was still something that bothered her when she thought about it. Not because she had almost everypony in town hating her, but because she felt bad for hurting so many ponies.

So what was Diamond Tiara thinking during all this?

Dear Diary,

It’s been a single day since I’ve became editor-in-chief of the Foal Free Press. And I found my big hit that will make this paper the most popular newspaper in Ponyville. And believe it or not, it’s from those Cutie Mark Losers! They came up with this column called Gabby Gums and it’s a big hit. All the adults and foals are laughing and enjoying the juicy news.

Daddy says he saw the fruits of my success and says that I must have learned his management skills from him. Sebastian called me a chip off the old block. I’ve never seen my dad so proud of me before. I have to make sure this paper becomes the best thing since Daring Do.

Those three blank flanks better have good stories by tomorrow.

-Editor-in-Chief Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom shook her head, questioning why Diamond Tiara was put in charge when it was known that half the students in their class had issues with her. Those that tolerated her or respected her said she was a strong leader, evidenced by her straight A's in group projects and heavy participation in school team sports. Diamond Tiara was always the leader in whatever group she was part of and they always achieved their success. Yet Twilight once told her that there was a difference between a “strong” leader and a “good” leader. It was clear by the next entry, two days later, that Diamond Tiara didn't know the difference.

Dear Diary,

Apple Bloom and her friends want to stop Gabby Gums. They claim the column is causing ponies too much grief. Well, so what? When has the news ever been kindhearted? Besides, those ponies didn't have any problems laughing at others, so long as it wasn't them being featured in the articles. Isn't that hypocritical?

I'm not going to end this column. It's the biggest success I've had in my life and my dad is finally paying attention to me. He actually said he was proud of me today. I'm not going to let him down.

Good thing Featherweight took those photos of the Crusaders as insurance, just in case. I admit he's kinda cute and has a complete crush on me. But I can do better. I'm not gonna date somepony who obviously just wants me for my wealth.

If the Gabby Gums thing really is going too far... I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll end it. Maybe. But what's the worst that can happen? It's not like anypony is actually getting hurt by it.

-Editor-in-Chief Diamond Tiara

Tiara would soon eat those words if the next entry had anything to say about it:

Curse them! Curse them all! Those stupid blank flanks revealed everything, even my insurance on them. I've never seen Ms. Cheerilee so angry before. She took my position away and gave it to Featherweight. Well, so much for that crush.

There was backlash once it was revealed I blackmailed the three to keep going, even after they wanted to stop. Ms. Cheerilee was gonna give me three months detention, but she cut it to one after I agreed to work at the lowest job for the Foal Free Press and apologize to those blank flanks. But that wasn't the worst part. So many ponies were glaring at me all day once word got out.

Ok, I told a couple lies. Who got seriously hurt? Besides, some of it turned out to be true, like the mayor dyeing her mane and Berry's drinking problem. Manehattan and Canterlot's newspapers do stuff like this all the time and they get loads of viewers without any problems. So what did I do wrong?

Ugh, this better blow over soon. Dad's coming home tomorrow so maybe we can talk then.

-Former Editor-in-Chief Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom remembered the following two weeks as well. Diamond Tiara was pretty much ostracized by the entire town for her actions, seeing how all of it was her fault and hers alone. Nopony spoke to her in class or in the streets until she made a public apology and asked for their forgiveness, almost similar in the manner Apple Bloom and her friends did. It took some time, but soon everypony that wasn't a Cutie Mark Crusader eventually forgave her and things went back to normal. Scootaloo said seeing Diamond Tiara suffer during those two weeks was the best time of her life, and Apple Bloom even admitted she found some satisfaction seeing her arch-enemy endure the consequences of her actions.

She turned to the next page to read the aftermath.

Diary I... I think I made a mistake. I think maybe I went too far. Today... has clearly shown that.

My Dad, I've never seen him so disappointed. Almost like he despised me. He said it was despicable the way I forced Apple Bloom and the others to write lies about all our fellow townsfolk. He called it low, underhanded, mean and... other things. He even said... Mommy would be disappointed in me. When I try to defend myself he only said that just because others are doing mean things doesn’t make it right to follow them.

He says the reason he hates Canterlot is because most of the rich ponies there cheat or use underhanded tactics to earn their fortune. We’re not like that, he said, we earn our wealth fairly.

Ponies are still ignoring me and glaring at me like some monster. Even Silver Spoon, back from her aunt’s, has been cautious when talking to me. She said I might have gone too far. But come on! Everypony was reading it! Everypony was laughing at each other! Nopony cared until they were the ones who were being talked about!

If I am to blame then they are too for being part of it!

...But maybe I did go too far. I... I learned I made some ponies cry. Like serious tears. Berry Punch was humiliated when it became known she was a drunk. Rumor has it social services are checking up on her and her daughter. Miss Rarity refused me as a customer, saying I was banished from her store until she said otherwise because of how I allowed rumors of her to spread and how I blackmailed her sister into making them.

Mr. and Mrs. Joyous were also angry at me when I attempted to babysit their son like I always did. They refuse to let me even look at their foal because they didn’t want him being involved with a manipulative liar. I stood on their stoop for an hour, crying and begging forgiveness until they told me to get off their property and never speak to them, or come near their son, again.

Everypony hates me. And... maybe I do deserve it. It wasn’t until I tried getting an apple from Big Macintosh that I realized it. He sold me an apple in silence until he said something that made me run away.

“What happened to ya?”

What happened to me? I don’t know... all I know is I need to make this up. I’ll stop bullying others for now. It’s clear that it’s not gonna help anything anymore or keep me and Silver safe.

I have to apologize, maybe a public speech or something.

I wish.... I wish I never did this. I wish I never became what I am. But I can’t go back to what I was. I can’t go back to that crying, weak, nopony. This is who I am and who I have to be until I don't need it anymore.

I just wish I knew when that was.

-Diamond Tiara

“Apple Bloom! It’s time for bed!” shouted Applejack from behind her door, which made Apple Bloom nearly fall out of her seat in surprise. She quickly grabbed the diary and hid it in one of her drawers just as Applejack came in. She raised her eyebrow upon seeing Apple Bloom trying her best to smile like nothing was wrong. “Y’all ok?”

“Y-yeah, just fine. Was about to head to bed. Night!” Apple Bloom leaped onto her bed and placed herself under the covers before shutting the lights off. She laid her head down on her pillow and started givin’ out snores while keeping one eye barely peeped open on her confused sister.

“Well, alright then. Sleep tight,” said Applejack before closing the door.

Apple Bloom sighed in relief as she opened her eyes and glanced up at the ceiling. That was too close.

She knew she couldn’t keep the diary here anymore. It was becoming too much of a risk. Plus, she still felt guilty knowing that she had pretty much stolen something from a filly who died recently and whose father would want to have in memory of her. Especially since... it’s all my fault. Everything is my fault.

A few tears dripped down from her eyes as she brought her pillow close to her and hugged it. Diamond Tiara was her friend. A friend she had forgotten, abandoned, whose heart she had broken. She felt sorry for Diamond Tiara, and that was the honest truth. No filly deserved to lose their mother and little brother. No filly deserved to be bullied, even if they became one as well. No filly deserved to lose their once innocent self and become obsessed with hurting others to hide her own pain.

But most importantly, Diamond Tiara didn’t deserve to die. By me of all ponies... bitterly thought Apple Bloom as she glared outside her window. The stars were out tonight, mocking her as they shined in the darkness. Apple Bloom crawled over to her window and wished every single one of them would disappear. She wished they'd go away and never come back.

Ah’ll never wish on any of ya ever again! Even for a cutie mark! cursed Apple Bloom in her head as she went back to her bed and pulled the covers over her head, blocking her sight from all the stars in the sky.

But even as she kept her head hidden from them, her tears did not stop. Nor did her thoughts of Diamond Tiara.

***

The next morning, Apple Bloom made herself a simple breakfast of cereal before grabbing the diary and heading back to the tree house. She decided to take a look at a few more entries before taking it back to Rich Mansion.

She thought about what she had learned yesterday as she looked at the diary. It revealed so much of a pony she once thought of as a brat, bully, and horrible pony overall. It had revealed a side of her that Apple Bloom never knew existed. Somewhere inside that bully was a kind, lonely, and hurt filly who had been through so much. And the only way she had found to deal with that pain and protect herself was to lash out against others.

Apple Bloom would not deny Tiara's actions were contemptible. Diamond Tiara hurt her and her friends multiple times, all so she could feel good about herself. It was low, petty, and terrible.

Yet why am Ah sympathizing with her so much? asked Apple Bloom to herself. Was it because they were once close friends? Because she had suffered so much in life? Because she was loyal to Silver Spoon and loved foals? Or was it because it was clear all Diamond wanted was a loving family again, just like Apple Bloom’s? Maybe it was all that and more.

Either way, she needed to see more, something that would help her understand what ultimately Diamond Tiara was.

She flipped through the pages, finding nothing serious or important. Apple Bloom began to notice that less and less the crusaders were being mentioned except for a few small moments where she taunted them.

Dear Diary,

I saw Dinky Doo over by the swings this morning. It was too perfect at first: the nerd filly hanging out at school by herself on a weekend. I couldn't just leave that alone. I wasn't planning on taunting her too much, nothing more than what I usually do. Dinky's not somepony that ever really earned my reputation. Actually, she's very smart, maybe the smartest in class. It's weird to think about because her mom's a total klutz and always has that stupid wall-eyed look on her face.

Anyway, when I got to the swings Dinky was already crying. I thought about just leaving right there. It's no fun to tease ponies if they're already beaten before you start. And then I definitely thought about it after I asked what was wrong and she told me to go away. I still don't know why I stayed... but I'm glad I did. When I kept pressing she told me her dad died. He was a guard stationed near the edge of the Badlands, and he got killed fighting some bandits that were trying to sneak into Equestria.

Then she started crying again. She wouldn't tell me anymore. And I just stood there stunned, watching these big round tears slide off her face and add to the growing puddle beneath her hooves. I felt, I don't know, pity? No, it was more of an understanding. Like a kinship. I knew what all those tears meant. I mean, it wasn't just because she was sad that her dad died, that's only part of it. It's the realization that comes after, knowing that you still have to keep going only you'll never get to spend another moment with that pony again. For the rest of Dinky's life, her dad won't be there to celebrate with her when something good happens. He won't be there to comfort her when something bad happens. It's just a part of you that feels empty, like a hole, a hole so big you could fall into it and become lost. I know what that feels like.

I did the only thing I could think of. I hugged her. I wrapped my hooves around Dinky and hugged as tight as I could. I was risking my entire reputation right there, but I couldn't help myself. All I could think about was how she had become like me. She cried harder for a bit and I tried to comfort her. Then we talked... just talked.

She kept looking at me with such confusion. I couldn't blame her though. Most of my classmates probably think I can't feel emotion. Snips and Snails even think I'm really some kind of robot. Weirdos.

But I get it, I do. That's not who I am to them. I'm not supposed to comfort blank flanks who have a freaky, klutzy mother. Dinky was expecting me to make fun of her, make her feel worse. I guess they really think I am capable of anything. But there's nothing funny when a child loses a mother or father or both. I may say a lot of mean things, I may do a lot of mean things, but there are lines you don't cross. ...Ever, you don't ever cross those lines.

If I really was that cruel, I would have made fun of Apple Bloom's parents a long time ago.

Apple Bloom's eyes widened as she tried to recall a time Diamond Tiara ever made fun of her parents. She came up with nothing.

I tried to give Dinky some advice, and then as I was leaving she asked why I don't show this side more often. She said I'd be more likeable if I did. I wonder about that. I've been the way I am for so long I sometimes forget why I do it.

It's pointless anyway. I've already created my reputation. I'm Diamond Tiara, the rich, bratty bully of Ponyville. It was going to be that way no matter how I acted, so I might as well enjoy it until I can finally leave this town. Me and Silver Spoon already have plans to attend an all-fillies school in Manehattan. We're gonna dorm there and find some way to stay in between school years, and then I can see this stupid town less and less. It'll be a place to start fresh and become the pony I want to be. Any pony I want to be. No more Apple Bloom. No more dad. No more bad memories. Everypony can forget me again, but this time I won't care.

I'm leaving this town one day and never looking back.

-Diamond Tiara

Apple Bloom remembered learning about Mr. Doo's death over spring break from Applejack. Dinky and her family had become reclusive during that time, and the funeral was private. There was no deathly pall hanging over the whole town like it was now with Diamond Tiara. There was no pervasive feeling of loss. Ponies talked about it for a day and then stopped. Apple Bloom remembered telling Dinky in school that she was sorry to hear her dad died. She remembered Dinky mumbling a half-hearted thank you, and that was the end of it. She didn't know Diamond Tiara offered her condolences as well and was far more charitable and understanding.

Although it really makes sense, thought Apple Bloom. She lost her mother as well. And if anypony knows that pain it’s her.

While Apple Bloom knew the pain of not having a mother and father, it was the actual loss that was alien to her. She barely had any memories, that was what made her sad more than the loss of them at a time when she was still in diapers. Diamond Tiara, however, easily remembered hers.

She really did have a good heart, buried in all that pain, thought Apple Bloom, who couldn’t understand why Diamond Tiara never showed it. If she had been this nice all the time like she was with Dinky then would there be any hatred between them?

Was she really that unhappy here? Apple Bloom asked herself. But why didn’t she try to change it? Or seek new friends? Ah would have been her friend!

Would ya? Or would ya think of her like a rich brat that y’all often call them nobles up in Canterlot? a voice asked Apple Bloom.

That’s different, replied Apple Bloom, biting her lip. Ah wasn’t like that!

Really? Remember the entry of yer fateful reunion? How ya ignored everythin’ she said because of what ya assumed?

My friends at the time lied to me! They were mah friends, how was Ah not supposed to defend them?

Didn’t Applejack always teach ya there are two sides to every story?

Apple Bloom shook her head and forced her inner conscious to leave her. Never had she felt more torn with herself than she did now. She quickly dived back into the diary, searching for another entry that would keep her head clear.

She read the first few lines of one entry and saw the word “changeling” on it. Apple Bloom’s spine shivered as the horrible memories from the invasion that fateful day echoed in her mind. She had been asked to be a flower girl for the Royal Wedding on short notice along with her friends thanks to her sister and friends. It was gonna be an awesome event until those horrible changelings appeared. They swarmed the skies, capturing everypony they could. Then they changed into other ponies to trick the real ones into trusting them until it was too late. She and her fellow Crusaders hid in her sister’s guest room throughout the whole thing, but they could see the invasion from the window and the chaos it brought.

Thankfully, they were all banished from Equestria and back into the Badlands, where nopony had heard from them since. No lives were lost and the wedding went off without a hitch. So why is this here? Diamond Tiara wasn’t at the wedding.

She read to find out:

He's alive! Oh thank the goddess he's alive!

Yesterday, Canterlot was invaded by a race of these bug things called changelings. I'd heard at the time they'd attacked during the wedding and almost took control of the city. But I didn't care about any of that. My dad had gone to Canterlot that day for business. All I could think about was him in that city during an invasion and nopony knew what had happened to him!

I ordered everyone to find out as much as they could about Dad. There were already too many rumors out there, too many scary scenarios. I think I'm still a little shocked even after...

I cried as I waited. I prayed too. I haven't prayed since Mommy and Golden Pockets died. I prayed for the goddess to let Daddy live. He's all I have left and I don't want to lose him. I don't care anymore if we argue! I don't care if he never spends time with me again! He's my dad! I love him!

When we learned he was hurt but alive, Sebastian and I rushed for the first available train. I didn't care that they'd temporarily suspended services and I would be arriving late. I didn't care about how much money it took to get to the front of the line. I didn't even care that I was riding second class. My dad's more important than any appearance. Sebastian tried to reassure me, but I couldn't stop worrying until we reached the hospital and then I saw him and I wrapped myself in his hooves and cried and I didn't want to ever let go.

We're home now but I'm still shaking. I can't believe I almost lost him. I can't believe that almost happened to me again. I don't know what I would have done if... I don't want to think about it really. When we were leaving the hospital I clung to him. I held on during the entire train ride too. It was only after dinner was served did I finally let go, but then I started crying again.

Daddy hugged me and told me he wasn't going anywhere, that he's always going to be there no matter what. I know that isn't true. He'll keep putting his work first, but I know, deep down, it's all for me. I don't care how little time we spend anymore. The fact that I still have him, and that he loves me, is enough.

I love my dad, no matter what. I'll always love him. Tomorrow he told me we're gonna spend the day together, just the two of us. I don't care what we do or where we go, just as long as I still have my daddy.

-Diamond Tiara

A knock on the crusader door startled Apple Bloom and she quickly closed the diary. “W-who is it?!”

“It’s Dinky! Can I come in?” shouted a voice from outside.

Apple Bloom went over to let the fellow blank flank, wearing saddlebags, into the clubhouse. Although she was not an official Crusader, she was still friendly and fun to hang out with. Dinky reached into one saddlebag and pulled out a large, rolled up poster with a rubber band around the middle. “I came to see you for something. Your sister said you were in your clubhouse.” She removed the rubber band and revealed a large crayon-colored poster showing Diamond Tiara, with wings and a halo, as she flew in the blue sky. It had the names of various students along the bottom that said “Rest in Peace, Diamond Tiara.”

“Some of us got together and made this poster for Diamond Tiara’s funeral. We’ve got half the class so far and we wanted to know if you wanted to write your name on it,” said Dinky.

“O-oh, sure,” said Apple Bloom as she walked over to get a marker. She carefully put her name down and nodded.

“Great, thanks.”

Dinky was halfway towards the door until Apple Bloom stopped her after she remembered that one entry. “Wait, Dinky! Did... did Diamond Tiara ever comfort ya after yer pa died?”

Dinky stopped and turned around, shocked. “H-how did you know about that?”

“Ah...” Apple Bloom hesitated. “Ah just learned about it is all.”

Dinky raised an eyebrow but sighed. “Yeah, that was the day after I learned my daddy died. I still couldn’t believe it, and I was so angry and sad that it happened. I was just... “ A small tear dripped down her cheek. “I didn’t want to be around anypony and just wanted to be left alone. But Diamond Tiara, she stayed with me for a long time, especially when she told me how she lost her mom. We talked about what it was like to lose a parent, and she told me that I should be with my family.” Smiling, Dinky turned to Apple Bloom. “Can you believe that? The same pony that made fun of my mom’s eyes because they were weird was the one who make me feel better. Weird, huh?”

"Yeah," said Apple Bloom, lowering her head. "Ah'm sorry Ah didn't do enough for ya back then. I know what it's like, ya know, not havin' a father." She winced after she said the words. It was a weak attempt then, and it felt that way again now. Apple Bloom wouldn't be surprised if Dinky took offense.

Amazingly, not only was Dinky unoffended, she reached out and touched her shoulder. "It's ok, Apple Bloom. Mom wanted it to be private. So did the military. There were a lot of ponies here that didn't find out until after."

"Is that why Ah only remember it bein' talked about for a day?" Apple Bloom asked.

Dinky nodded, "That and we didn't have it in Ponyville. Dad was on active duty in the service. They gave him a military funeral and burial back in his hometown. My uncle has owns a plot of land, so..." She trailed off, still uncomfortable about the topic.

"Yeah," was all Apple Bloom could muster up. Her head lowered more despite Dinky's comforting touch.

"I remember for days after, Diamond Tiara would come up to me and ask if I was ok," Dinky went on. "She called me a blank flank too. She still teased my mom's eyes, but she always asked. She was there if I needed to talk."

That got Apple Bloom to finally look up. "Ah don't get it. Ah'm learnin' about all these nice things she used to do, but then she still made fun of ya. How come she wasn't just nice to begin with?"

“I don’t know. I said a lot more of our classmates would be friends with her if she showed the same kindness she showed me.” Dinky huffed. “The first time, all she said was she was too far down the road and just walked away.” Holding a hoof close to her heart, Dinky closed her eyes and smiled. “So I want to thank her by showing her just how many of us could have been her friends. That’s why I made this poster for the funeral.”

Apple Bloom couldn't help but feel a bit of jealousness towards Dinky and anger towards herself. Dinky barely knew Diamond Tiara and was only close to her because of one incident. Yet she was making something for the funeral and doing something for Diamond Tiara. And what about me? Ah was her best friend once. What have Ah done? Apple Bloom then bit her lip. Then again, all of this is mah fault... with that wish...

“Hey, your family is friends with the Rich’s, right?” asked Dinky. “How is Mr. Rich doing?”

“He’s...” Apple Bloom felt her throat dry up, trying to come up with words that could explain the state that she last saw the poor father in. “...not doin’ well.”

Dinky frowned and shook her head. “I can’t imagine. To lose his only child like that? He must feel like everything in his world has just been shattered into pieces.” Apple Bloom did her best to hold back her tears and screams by biting her lip and closing her eyes. She tried not to think about the fact that his world had shattered because of her, that she had made one wish that changed all their lives in a single moment. As if sensing Apple Bloom's growing discomfort, Dinky walked over and put her hoof on the filly's shoulder, only to have it roughly shrugged away. “Hey? Are you okay?”

“No, Ah’m not okay!” screamed Apple Bloom as Dinky backed up in shock. Letting herself fall to the floor, she asked, “Please... leave me alone...”

Dinky didn’t say anything. She slowly made her way back to the clubhouse door and left without a sound.

***

Apple Bloom had faced a lot of scary things before. After all, this was a town where monsters sometimes attacked, where Nightmare Moon was revived years ago. It was next to the scariest forest in the world—a place she visited more often than she liked—and recently an ex-evil spirit of chaos visited the town.

And yet now, the most terrifying moment in her life was knocking on a door. The diary was in the pie bag she brought, but she didn’t bother hiding it anymore now that she was intent on giving it back and telling Mr. Rich everything. Including the wish.

She wondered how he would take it, knowing that she was responsible for his daughter's death. Would he lash out against her? Hit her? Have her arrested? Each thought made Apple Bloom shiver more and more, but she still refused to run away. Applejack told her that if you made a mistake you had to pony up and face the consequences of that mistake. Apple Bloom was determined to face whatever punishment was deemed necessary. Anything so she could finally sleep in peace again.

After what seemed like half an hour, she finally managed to knock on the door. A minute later a butler opened the door and tilted his head. “Can I help you, young miss?”

“Um, mah name’s Apple Bloom and Ah was wonderin’ if Ah could speak to Mr. Rich? It’s about... Diamond Tiara...”

The butler’s eyes widened a bit before lowering into a sorrowful gaze. “Yes, I see. Please come inside. I shall fetch Master Rich.”

Apple Bloom bowed in thanks before entering the household a second time. She looked around and saw that it was still the same as before: clean, sparkling, and filled with fancy decorations and objects. Yet the house still held a cloud of grief hanging overhead, like all the treasures in the world were now as meaningless as the rocks in the earth.

Apple Bloom set the basket on the floor while she waited at the front of the door. The butler excused himself to find his employer. She decided to take a closer look at the paintings and photos that were hung up on the wall of the grand hall. Each one was a masterpiece, created by artists of the highest caliber from all over the world. Some of the names she even recognized from her trip to the Canterlot Museum this fall. Next to those were portraits of the family, ranging from its ancestors to its more recent members.

There were also smaller framed photos of events in the Rich's lives, from birthdays to holidays and other special memories. Apple Bloom didn't recognize many of the ponies in them, but she knew they were all related to Diamond Tiara in some way. She continued scanning the row until she came upon one of the smallest ones, nestled between two larger photos. When Apple Bloom focused on it, her eyes did a double take.

It was her and Diamond Tiara, much younger, covered in mud while smiling for the photo. She stared at it for a long time... and suddenly it came back to her...

***

“Rawwr! Ah am the great and mighty Apple Mud! All shall tremble before me as Ah take over the world!” cried out little Apple Bloom as she stomped around the mud hole the family pigs usually played around in. “Who can stop me?”

“Roar! Not so fast!”

Apple Bloom gasped and turned around as her best friend and fellow mud monster stomped towards her and reared back, lifting her forelegs over her head. “You think the dirty and terrible Diamond Dirt was going to let you rule the world before she could?! Fool! I shall beat you.”

“Over mah dead body!” cried out Apple Bloom, grinning. “Ah ain’t gonna lose to a rich pony who still sleeps with a night light!”

“At least I was potty trained faster, little baby!” shot back Diamond Tiara.

“That’s it!” cried Apple Bloom, and she quickly went back to growling. Their roars quickly became laughter as both fillies ran around the pigpen throwing mud at each other. Soon they were covered in enough mud to make any clean freak have a heart attack.

Both foals grabbed a large pile of mud and smiled. “Next one to get hit loses?” asked Diamond Tiara.

“Deal! Nowthinkfast!” cried out Apple Bloom, throwing her mud ball. Diamond Tiara gasped and threw hers just as fast, resulting in them both getting hit in the chest.

“Ha! I won!” shouted the other before narrowing their eyes. “No! I did!”

“Ah think what ya both won is a bath.”

Both fillies turned around and saw Applejack walking towards them with a chuckle. “Now, about ya dirty little foals head on up towards the back of the house so we can hose ya down before ya take a proper washin’?”

“Awwww, can’t we play in the mud a bit more, Big Sis?” asked asked Apple Bloom, pouting.

Applejack rubbed her chin a bit before smiling. “Okay, ten more minutes. But ya gotta let me take a photo of ya two rascals.”

“Yay!” cried both foals when they saw Applejack head back towards the barn.

Diamond Tiara turned to her friend and said, “Thanks for letting me stay over at your place! It’s so much fun!”

“Anythin’ for mah best friend!” said Apple Bloom cheerfully.

Tiara blushed. “I’m... your best friend?”

“Of course!” said Apple Bloom before she was given a mud hug by Diamond Tiara.

The two foals laughed as they soon wrestled each other to the ground and continued to enjoy themselves.

***

The memory came to her like a bolt of lightning, striking her brain mercilessly. She remembered this moment as well as others. Like seeing a familiar face after a long absence, she began to remember the times she'd shared with Diamond Tiara: the joy and laughter; the adventure and fun. It was all coming back to her now.

Diamond Tiara... her best friend. And she had abandoned her. She murdered her. She forgot her.

The last of her resistance crumbled and Apple Bloom fell to her knees and wailed. Her cries of loss echoed throughout the mansion, scaring the servants who could not help but feel their hearts tear upon hearing such mournful sounds. Rivers of water fell down from her eyes, never stopping, with each drop of water born from a precious memory now found. Apple Bloom pounded the ground over and over again, screaming out loud in grief and anger.

She screamed her name. Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara. Her first and oldest friend in the world.

When Mr. Rich heard Apple Bloom's cries he raced over to the grand hall as fast as he could. Rather than balk at the sight, he gathered her into his hooves and embraced her tight. The servants watched from a distance while he did his best to comfort the distraught filly, gently shushing her and stroking the back of her mane in a fatherly display.

“I’m here, Apple Bloom,” whispered Rich as a tear dripped from his eye. “It’s okay... let it go.”

And her cries continued...

***

Apple Bloom felt both wet and sick when she woke up. Groaning, she raised herself off the couch and wiped the tears that were still fresh in her eyes. Did Ah... cry myself to sleep? she asked herself, sitting straight.

She felt both embarrassed and ashamed of her breakdown, yet she knew it could happen again just as easily. Ah remember... Ah remember everythin’... thought Apple Bloom. Or at least she remembered enough to know just how close she and Diamond were. It only further hammered the guilt that she had forgotten after all these years. Ah called her mah best friend. Ah cried when she moved away... and Ah forgot her and spit in her face when she came back...

Apple Bloom wanted nothing more than to crawl into a rock and hide, but at the same time she wanted to throw up. Maybe she would do both.

“I see you're awake.”

Apple Bloom turned to her left and saw Mr. Rich walking towards her from the dining room. He looked much better since the last time she saw him. He was still appeared tired and his eyes were bloodshot, but at least he had made an effort to wash and groom himself. He sat down next to her on the couch and sighed before glancing to the glass table in front of them. Apple Bloom saw the diary right there in the middle and gulped.

She lowered her head in shame before whispering. “Ah’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” said Mr. Rich, rubbing her back. “I take it you read it?”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Ah was... comin’ to give it back and to... to... apologize...”

“For taking the diary? Apple Bloom...”

“No... for killin’ Diamond Tiara.”

A deadly calm settled in the room. In that moment, nopony dared to breathe. Finally, she whispered. “That night... Ah made a wish for somethin’ bad to happen to Diamond Tiara... and it came true.” She closed her eyes as she poured every every ounce of regret she had into her voice. “Ah didn’t want her to die. Ah’m so sorry, Mr. Rich. Ah’m so sorry!”

It was over. She had done it. She told the stallion whose daughter was dead the truth. Relief finally entered her heart as the guilt began to fade. Whatever happened next, she would live with it. Jail. Exile. It was all finally over.

She tensed when Mr. Rich took her gently by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. She slowly opened her eyes and saw neither anger nor tears. But sympathy. “Apple Bloom... you didn’t kill Diamond Tiara.” Apple Bloom’s eyes widened as he continued. “Diamond Tiara was hurt by an accident. She died in surgery just as the sun was setting, long before any stars could be seen. My daughter died in surgery at 5:13PM. It's a time that will stay with me forever.”

5:13PM. She made the wish at 6PM.

“That means...” Apple Bloom whispered.

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” whispered Mr. Rich as he hugged her. “Don’t blame yourself...”

Never before had Apple Bloom been so happy to hear such words. A few tears came down, but no more. She hugged Mr. Rich as she whispered, “But Ah still hurt her. We were friends. Ah hurt her by forgettin’ her... she became a bully because of me.”

“No, Apple Bloom. That fault is mine,” said Rich, breaking the hug. She looked into his eyes and saw shame and age in them. “My daughter’s attitude was all my fault. I neglected her, I didn’t spend enough time with her or show my love...”

“Not since yer wife and baby boy died?” asked Apple Bloom.

A sad smile spread across Rich’s face. “Yes. When they died... I felt so... lost. So hurt. I missed my wife so much. It was all I could think about. I ignored my own daughter because I was in too much grief even though she was suffering just as much. I should have been there but...” Rich closed his eyes and shivered. “May I confess something I never told anypony before?”

Apple Bloom nodded.

“...I was afraid of my daughter,” said Rich, taking a deep breath as tears leaked down. "She looked so much like Crystal that I couldn't stand it. Just seeing a glimpse of her face and I would start to think of my wife. I kept my distance from my own daughter, because I couldn’t stop crying every time I saw her. It was like a ghost was in my life and I couldn’t get rid of it.” He wiped his eyes. “I loved Diamond Tiara. Goddess as my witness from here to the end of time, I loved her. But I couldn’t stand looking at her. What kind of father am I to do such a thing?”

“Is that why ya sent her to that there camp?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Yes,” answered Rich, nodding his head. “I thought with some time alone I could fix myself. I stopped drinking at least and saw somepony to talk to. And I was able to bring justice for my daughter and Silver Spoon when I learned what had been happening to them; another mistake I had to live with.” He sighed, “But even then I couldn’t always be around her. I focused on working. Working was what kept me sane. I tried to spend as much time with my daughter as possible, but even then I was still too afraid.”

He raised his eyes above, as if he was imagining some deity looking down at him. “And so this is my punishment. My daughter died because and I was a terrible father.”

“That’s not true!” cried out Apple Bloom sitting up on the seat. “If Ah’m blameless for her death then so are you! Ya didn’t hate your daughter! Ya loved yer daughter, and she loved ya back!”

Mr. Rich snorted. “I doubt it.”

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes and got the diary. She flipped over to the entry about Diamond’s worry for her father and shoved it in his face. Rich was surprised at first but soon read it. His eyes widened as far as they could go. When he finished he placed a hoof over his mouth and closed his eyes. “Oh, Diamond... my sweet little Diamond Tiara.”

Apple Bloom reached out and held his hoof. “Mr. Rich... Ah think... Ah think neither of us are to blame. Ah don’t think it was the will of a god or goddess or whatever runs this universe. It just... happened.” Apple Bloom sighed. “Ah don’t know, maybe Ah’m wrong.”

“No,” answered Mr. Rich, closing the book. “You’re right. This isn’t our fault. It just was Diamond’s... time. At least she is at peace.” A sigh escaped his lips. “I just... don’t know what to do with myself now. I have nothing left. Nopony understands what I’m going through.”

“Ah do,” said Apple Bloom, getting him to face her. “It’s different. Diamond Tiara was mah friend, not mah daughter. But Ah’m still sad she’s gone. Ah’m gonna miss her despite our problems. Ah... Ah forgive her, Mr. Rich.” She hugged him back. “Isn’t it better to cry with friends then to cry alone?”

Mr. Rich hesitated but hugged back. “Yeah... it is...”

The two hugged as Apple Bloom felt a kind of serenity grow in the place where she'd hid her guilt over the past few days. Nothing she could do now could change what had happened. Diamond Tiara and their friendship had ended on a sour note. But she could fix it by honoring her and remembering her as a friend now and forever.

“Apple Bloom,” said Mr. Rich with a true smile. “Thank you. You’re right. I’m not alone. If anything, seeing you and everypony else mourning my daughter makes me realize that.”

“We’re gonna help ya, Mr. Rich. Yer like a brother to mah brother, so that makes ya family in mah eyes,” said Apple Bloom, smiling back. “And ya don’t ever abandon family.”

“Yeah... I’d like that...”

***

By the time Apple Bloom arrived home it was already late afternoon. She and Mr. Rich had talked some more, about Tiara and each other, with promises that they would be each other’s rock. He also promised to talk to ponies more. It was clear he had a long road ahead of him, but Apple Bloom was sure that she, her family, and all of Ponyvlle could help him. Ah guess if Ah’m callin’ him family, Ah should call Diamond Tiara mah sister.

And she had no problems with that.

Diamond Tiara was her bully, but also her friend. An old friend. And while they would never apologize, never make up, and never be friends again, in this world at least Apple Bloom could make things right by forgiving Diamond Tiara. And maybe herself as well.

She entered the living room and saw her brother reading, Granny napping, and sister making some knots with her rope. “Ah’m home.”

They each gave her a greeting before she started making her way to the kitchen for some water. She stopped as a thought came to her, and her face slowly turned to one of determination. She turned around and marched back into the living room.

“How did Ma and Pa die?”

At once all three of them were staring at her, eyes wide open.

“Apple Bloom, ya don’t need to—”

Apple Bloom stomped her hoof and glared at her sister. “Yes, Ah do need to know. Y’all told me everythin’ about them except how they died, and Ah want to know. Ah know it’s sad, Ah know it’s painful, but Ah just lost mah oldest friend this week. Ah’m pretty sure Ah can handle it.”

“But...”

“No! We never talk about it! And every time we get close y’all either ignore it or push the talk in another direction. Ah don’t want no lies or secrets or anythin’! Ah’m their youngest daughter and Ah want to know how mah parents died.”

Big Macintosh got up and made an effort to leave, but Apple Bloom blocked him. “No, we’re gonna do this as a family.”

Big Macintosh tried to say something, but Granny spoke first. “Macintosh... sit down. She’s right.”

“But Granny!” shouted both elder siblings with looks of fear and sorrow.

Granny Smith raised her hoof and looked at Apple Bloom with both wisdom and pride. “As of this moment, yer youngest sibling has become a real mare. And she is right. It’s time we finally talk about that day. All of it. Together. And we’re gonna move on from it. Together.”

Both Big Macintosh and Applejack looked ready to argue, but quickly sighed in defeat. They knew when Granny Smith spoke in that tone, her words were to be obeyed or else.

And so they sat down and talked...

Author's Note

We are coming to the end of the fic. Apple Bloom's journey has been one of guilty an coming to the realization that what happened to her wasn't her fault. It just happened. The same can be said for a lot of things that happen to us in our lives, especially when we lose someone important to us. Some blame themselves, or blame others. A lot of people blame God and ask why did he allow this to happen. The truth is there is no answer as to why these things happen, at least an answer we can't understand. We have to accept what has happened has happened. We must move on not just for our sake, but because I believe it's what the dead would want as well.

Diamond Tiara was a complex character to make for this story. I wanted to create a character who people could understand or sympathize with in some aspects, yet have the makings of a fallen character. In the end, Diamond Tiara wasn't "evil" but she did make a lot of bad choice in her life in order to deal with her own loneliness and pain. It wasn't the healthiest way to do it, but this is a way a lot of people tend to go by when life just sucks for them. We make wrong choices in life or our behavior isn't the best. Some times we don't even know we're acting wrong, we're just to blind by our own emotions and anger to see who we're hurting. Or maybe we do know we're hurting others but we can't stop.

Nobody has an easy life. We all have problems and issues. For instance, I suffered a near mental break down at the age of 15 because of a paranoia I had for a year that the world was going to end. I know, stupid, but I was young and I did some stupid shit. We all have. We all do things we regret because no life is ever easy. And if you think your life is bad? There is somebody worse off then you and they would trade anything for your life.

But what matters in deal with a sucky life is to hold on to hope that you can make it better. Be it hope in yourself, God, friends and family, or anything. Keep on that hope to make your life better.

Next chapter is the funeral and the last Sweetie Belle chapter.