I Need to Scream, but the Writer Won’t Let Me
By: KenSES64
I don’t think anypony can hear me right now, but on the off chance somepony does, I hope you listen.
Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Princess, Element of Magic, and as I’ve found out, a fictional character.
I guess you’re wondering what I mean by that last one. Basically, as you’d expect, I’m the product of somepony else’s imagination. How did I come to this conclusion? It’s a long story.
All my “life” I’ve been just a, well I wouldn’t say a normal mare, but I’ve made it day by day both before and after I moved to Ponyville. Though for most of my life before that, I felt that something seemed missing. I can tell you all about how I got my cutie mark, my older brother Shining Armor, and being foalsat by Cadence. Though when I tried to think back to when I was a filly, it was like there was nothing there. I was confused. How could I not remember my own life? As one may in this situation, I began to worry, thinking that this may be something caused by a threat to Equestria, but when I tried to tell my assistant, Spike, all of this, I couldn’t. I said something completely different from what I intended to.
Then I realized, it was if my body moved on it’s own. I made my way around town, chatted with ponies and went on with the day, but I didn’t want to do any of that. I needed to tell somepony that my memories were missing, but all my actions were not of my own.
This continued for what felt like days, but those days never seemed to begin or end for me. When my body went to sleep, I was forced to lay there in darkness for hours not able to move.
When I saw one of my friends during the day, I’d call out to them, try to tell them that they weren’t really talking to the real me, hoping that they could hear me, but they couldn’t. They acted like they were talking to me as they normally would, like nothing was wrong. Because to them nothing was.
It was for what I thought to be a week and a half of being in this state before I noticed something that stood out to me. The sky had no color to it. Instead of the vibrant blues and white, fluffy clouds resting in front of Celestia’s bright sun, there was nothing. Nothing but a pure white void, like a blank piece of paper.
I didn’t understand why that was happening, but really from the position where I was that was the least of my problems.
While in this state I realized that my life wasn’t day by day, but rather, it would cut in between different weeks when something would happen to “me” and my friends. What shocked me most was that when I woke up one morning, the calendar said that it was seven months after I last went to sleep, but nopony mentioned that. It was as if they didn’t notice it at all.
What was even more troublesome was that as these “days” past, to me the world seemed less and less detailed. First, the buildings in Ponyville slowly faded in color till they eventually turned as white as the sky was, looking more like they were mere outlines. Then the buildings themselves eventually disappeared. This then happened to most of the ponies in Ponyville that I never really talked to, but not to my friends. It was as if those ponies weren’t important at all.
That may sound like a horrible thing to say, but it seemed as if the less I knew somepony, the quicker they would fade away. Some of them even did right in front of my own eyes. Yet, those I care about where still perfectly fine. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad nothing seemed to be happening to them, but you have to realize how little you knew about somepony when they’re gone. Then you think of why didn’t you talk to them. Why did it seem like they were mere props to just stand in the background? How can somepony not have any reason to exist, other than just being there?
Soon more ponies that I knew a little better started to fade as well, but the realization of this struck me when one of my friends, Applejack, was apparently talking with her older brother, Big Macintosh, but to me it seemed as if she was talking to thin air. I’m not sure, but I might not have been able to hear him either, but he never really talked that much.
As time past, I soon found myself in a pure white void with no ground, no sky, no scenery whatsoever. All I could see or hear were my friends, yet I still acted as if everything was normal, despite wanting to get help. Though this didn’t last forever.
One day, when I was with them at what seemed like a picnic, but really it could have been anything. At this point I’ve given up trying to contact them, seeing that every attempt I’ve made has failed. My silence ended as the colors of their manes and coats slowly turned more white and their voices grew quieter with every second that passed.
I shouted their names, screamed as hard as I could, not wanting those closest to me to leave with the rest of the world, but with no success whatsoever, like every attempt defore. One by one they vanished. First Fluttershy, then Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and finally, the last to go was my assistant, and in a way my adopted brother, Spike. I was alone. Nothing, but the white void all around me.
In the whiteness, something unexpected appeared, words. It was of my friends, but in a script form.
Rainbow Dash: Pla-elsh, I can fly circles around all of those beginners.
Applejack: Don’t get too, full of yourself sugarcube.
I read on as more text appeared. I asked myself again and again what was going on, until I saw some text for myself that my body said at the exact same time. That was when an idea came to mind. What if everything I’ve ever done or said was because of some other party?
I know that sounds crazy, but with the world around me now gone, I began to wonder if any of it was ever real? My friends? Ponyville? Princess Celestia? Equestria? Was any of that ever there? If not, then what does that make me? Am I the only real thing in this world, or am I just as fake as the rest of them? Was my life just part of some story meant for little foals?
The second that thought entered my mind though, the text disappeared and all the white turned black.
Did you know that your nose is always in your vision, but your brain just ignores it? Why do I bring this up you may ask, well, its because in the time I’ve been in this state, I have constantly seen it. At first it seemed slightly annoying, but now it made me notice something disturbing. It was turning as white as everything else before it. I was disappearing too.
When I was gone there was silent for a few minutes, until I heard a voice, or at least I thought I did. It was soft and had a sort of motherly tone to it. Something about it seemed familiar. It spoke only two words, “I’m sorry.”
That was the the last thing I heard, besides my own thoughts. I don’t know how long I’ve been like this now. My sense of time has slipped away. It could have been days, weeks, months or even years now. I wonder how my friends are doing without the true me. Not like it matters now, none of it was real.
I’m forever trapped in my own mind. I can’t do anything about it. I’m unable to talk, I cannot move. I am alone in the darkness of self awareness, and I’m scared.
I need to scream, but the writer won’t let me.
THE END
