Chapters Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
The Glorious Mustache of Princess Celestia
“Time to wake up, sister, and begin the sunrise,” Luna said, prodding the large bundle of sheets on her sister’s bed. Princess Celestia stirred, stretching her wings.
“So soon? Alright, let’s go,” she said, getting out of bed. Luna paused, staring. A glorious handlebar mustache was hanging off of Celestia’s face. The edges seemed to flow in a nonexistent wind.
“Umm… sister?” Luna asked, suppressing a giggle. Celestia noticed her looking at her face.
“What is it, Luna?” she asked, walking over to a mirror. Her regular reflection stared back at her, completely mustache-free. “Do I have some drool on my face?” Luna sniggered as Celestia withdrew a handkerchief from a nearby drawer, wiping her mouth. The mustache jiggled.
“Did I get it?” Celestia asked, turning to Luna. It was too much for Luna, and she fell head over hooves in laughter, rolling onto her sister’s bed. “I guess I did, then,” Celestia said. On her way out, she passed by one of the guards ending his night shift. “Excuse me, guard? Is there something wrong with my face?” The guard stared.
“Remember your training,” the guard thought to himself as he struggled to keep the blank, emotionless face every guard was taught, turning away for a moment to steel his nerves. “Remember your training...” He took a deep breath and turned back to Celestia, trying to avoid looking directly at the ridiculous mustache. “Nothing at all, Your Highness,” he said in a completely emotionless voice.
“Thank you. Luna seemed to find something about it amusing,” Celestia said, walking past the guard, the edges of her mustache brushing his snout. The guard’s face was turning blue as he bit his tongue and held his breath.
“Hurry up, just turn the corner… c’mon, princess,” he thought, willing the princess to get out of earshot. As Princess Celestia turned down the hall, exiting the castle, she heard a distant burst of laughter and severe hoof stomping accompany her sister’s.
The maids and butlers had gathered in the dark courtyard, ready for the princess to raise the sun. They silently watched as Celestia walked past them, stood on a pedestal, reared up on her hind legs, and flared her wings, raising the sun. The mustache flowed brilliantly in the sunrise, exciting some giggles from the maids and hearty chuckles from the butlers. “My, everypony’s happy today,” Celestia mused as she got down from her pedestal.
Meanwhile, in Celestia’s bedchambers, Discord and Luna were having a chat. “So we understand today’s your birthday, and we have to ask… was that mustache… your doing?” Luna said.
“Why entertain myself when I can entertain the citizens of Equestria?” Discord asked, grinning toothily.
“And she can’t see nor feel it?” Luna asked, smiling as Discord nodded. “This is going to be a great day.”
Discord turned to leave. “You have no idea. Well, I must be off now. Got places to be and things to do. Wonderful, wonderful things to do.” He walked out the door and into the hallway.
“Oh Discord, I didn’t realize you were visiting today. It is your birthday, is it not?” Celestia asked, bumping into him in the hallway. Luna poked her head out the door, suppressing a giggle with her hoof.
“How delightful of you to remember!” Discord said, “And as a gift to the ponies of Canterlot, I’ve cast a harmless enchantment that will make all of their moods brighten when you approach them. I don’t suppose you’ve noticed this?”
“Oh, that explains it,” Celestia nodded, her mustache bouncing up and down. “Thank you, Discord. I did notice everypony being much happier today than normal.” She turned to leave, her mustache making a large arc in the air. “I think I’ll go visit everypony in Canterlot and brighten their mood.”
Discord bowed, vanishing into the floor. “Well, I was going to do a few more things in Canterlot,” he said to himself, “but it seems like the princess has the entertainment handled there. Next stop, Ponyville.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Twilight Sparkle’s Self-Rearranging Books
Twilight Sparkle was in her upstairs study enjoying a flower petal sandwich and a cup of tea for lunch. She had spent all morning sorting out books in the library below.
Twilight sank into her chair and relaxed, closing her eyes and sipping some tea. It was then that she heard a strange fluttering sound, like a flock of a thousand birds had been released downstairs.
Her eyes shot open as she spat out her tea, sitting bolt upright in her chair. “Spike!” she called. “Do you see anything weird down there?”
Spike got up from his basket, opened the door, and peeked downstairs. He shrugged and returned to his nap. “Everything seems to be normal… every book is placed as neatly as you left it.” Twilight relaxed a little and took a bite out of her sandwich. It must have been her imagination.
But something didn’t feel quite right. There was a growing feeling of discomfort welling up deep within her. “Are you sure everything’s normal?” she asked Spike. The dragon nodded. “Could you please check again? Just to be sure?”
Spike opened the door and headed down. “Look, Twilight, I keep telling you, there’s nothing wrong down here. Every book is… huh. Looks like one’s in the wrong spot. Whoah…”
Twilight’s feeling of unease grew as she walked over to the door. “Yes, Spike?” she asked nervously, going downstairs. Everything looked normal at a glance, but the little dragon was frozen, standing in front of a bookshelf.
She took another long look around the room. Every single book was arranged in neat rows on each shelf, but there was a great nagging feeling of discomfort, almost set to overwhelm her, growing in the back of Twilight’s mind. It was the kind of discomfort she felt when an inkwell was a centimeter out of line. Twilight’s pupils shrank to the size of marbles as she read the titles of each book. They were all on the wrong shelves. In fact, if they weren’t so neatly arranged, she would have sworn a complete stranger just came inside and shuffled the books randomly.
“Spike… would you please leave for a moment?” Twilight asked, her left eye twitching. Spike backed up nervously, retreating upstairs to the study and hiding behind Twilight’s pillow. Twilight took a deep breath and let it go, calming her mind and focusing her energies onto her horn. She entered a state of deep concentration, reading dozens, hundreds of book titles at once, and remembering them all, coordinating each one to a specific spot on each shelf. Each book flew off of the shelves one at a time, neatly sliding into place in the spot it belonged. It was truly a feat worthy of the Element of Magic.
“Okay, Spike. You can come out now,” Twilight said, beaming and breathing a little heavily. She had solved the problem. Spike came downstairs, looking around at the library.
“Wow. Great job, Twilight!” he said, impressed.
Twilight proudly walked upstairs to finish her meal as Spike hung around the library for a while. He noticed a single book lying on its side by the window and walked over to pick it up, backpedaling furiously as Discord flew out of the cover, gesturing for Spike to be quiet with a claw against his mouth.
“Discord! Did you mess up Twilight’s library?” Spike demanded, trying to whisper as threateningly as possible.
Discord looked offended. “Me? I merely gave the books the ability to organize themselves. Of course, only when Twilight’s not looking.”
“You know it really bothers her, right?” Spike asked.
“Why else would it be so much fun?” Discord grinned. Spike glared at him.
“But that’s nothing but trouble! I should tell Twilight!” Spike said, turning to go upstairs.
“Oh but don’t you enjoy watching this show? I know I do. You know what might help? I always find shows more entertaining with a nice snack,” Discord said, materializing a bucketful of rubies and handing them over to Spike. Spike stared greedily into the bucket.
“Must… tell… Twilight,” he said, but he had already begun eating. “Alright, Discord… you win this round,” he said between gulps. “I’m going to go take a little lunch break outside.” Spike got up and went out the library door, taking the bucket with him.
“This round ended a while ago… but in about five seconds the next one will begin. Let's see how many Twilight can last. Toodles!” Discord said, waving a paw and disappearing in a cloud of smoke. He reappeared just outside of the library, pressing an ear against the wall.
There was a loud fluttering sound as every single book in the library flew off the shelves, rearranging in a random, but organized, pattern. As Discord listened, the eating sounds from upstairs stopped, followed by a loud squish, presumably of a sandwich between hooves. Then came the sound of a door being slammed open, a small pony galloping downstairs, and lastly an ear-splitting shriek. “And that’s my cue to leave,” Discord smiled, fading into the shady library wall.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Pinkie Pie's Pastry-repelling Mouth
“Pinkie, would you be a dear and deliver this batch of cupcakes to Rarity’s Boutique? They're for a fashion show she’s having later today,” Mr. Cake asked, placing a large boxful of cupcakes on the counter. “There’s another box in the back, so wait here while I get it. There’s a few extra in each box, so feel free to help yourself to one while you wait,” he added. Pinkie smiled and opened the box, extracting a single perfect cupcake.
She stared for a moment, admiring the delicious looking blue frosting on the puffy white pastry, and then threw it in the air in an arc towards her mouth, closing her eyes and preparing to catch it. Twelve seconds later, she opened her eyes. The cupcake hadn’t landed. “What? I never miss!” she shouted, then looked around with shifty eyes. Surely nopony would notice if she took a second one. After all, there were so many.
Pinkie Pie reached into the box and took out another cupcake, making sure there was zero chance of her missing this time by cramming it immediately into her mouth. She chewed happily for several seconds before realizing she was chewing on her hoof with no trace of cupcake.
“What’s going on?” she asked in frustration. “Is somepony stealing my cupcakes?” She glanced over behind the counter. Mr. Cake was still busy packing the box. She would get away with another. “Alright Pinkie, get it right this time. No more lost cupcakes,” she said, standing on the counter and dipping her face into the box, searching with her tongue. But as her mouth neared the first cupcake, it vanished before her eyes.
“What?! I’ll eat you, I swear!” Pinkie shouted into the box, diving inside and targeting cupcakes like mad. But like the others, as each cupcake neared her mouth, it simply vanished.
“Alright, here’s the other box. Whew. Took us all morning to bake these… Pinkie?” Mr. Cake asked, setting the other box on the counter. “Did you… eat all of the cupcakes?” Pinkie Pie sprang out of the empty box with frosting on her mane.
“I don’t even know anymore!” Pinkie shouted, grabbing the box of cupcakes from Mr. Cake and galloping out of the door. Discord turned away from the window he was watching from, nonchalantly munching on a blue-frosted cupcake.
“My my, Pinkie Pie. What an odd reaction. All I did was help you with your chores,” he said, setting a platter full of cupcakes on the ground. “You know where you need to go,” he said to the platter, which barked like a dog and ran after Pinkie Pie to the Carousel Boutique.
“Rarity! You have to help me! I can’t eat cupcakes!” Pinkie shouted, pounding on the door. “Oh and your delivery is here.”
Rarity opened the door. “What do you mean, you can’t eat… cupcakes? Oh! My order, that’s right! I was so wrapped up in the fashion show that I completely forgot. Give my thanks to Sugarcube corner for providing the snacks. Um… I think I ordered a few more?”
“I was going to bring more but then when I ate the first one it disappeared so I had to eat another one but that disappeared and then I dove into the box and all the cupcakes disappeared and so when Mr. Cake came out with the second box I ran over here as fast as I could before they would disappear so I’m sorry there’s not enough I really am I all really wanted was a cupcake and I couldn’t even eat that!” Pinkie rattled off her story in a matter of seconds, confusing Rarity further as she tried to process the information.
“Why are the other ones on a platter behind you?” Rarity asked, pointing with her hoof. Pinkie turned around and gasped.
“My cupcakes! I mean your cupcakes! They’re still here! I mean there!” Pinkie squealed, hugging Rarity.
“Would you like one?” Rarity asked, staring as the pink pony bounced up and down with joy.
“Funny story really, I was just about to have one a little while ago and then it disappeared and…”Pinkie Pie trailed off as Rarity shoved a cupcake into Pinkie Pie’s hooves and closed the door. “Okay, see you later, Rarity!”
Pinkie smiled at the cupcake in her hooves, opened her mouth wide, and bit down hard on her bare hooves. “What?! I thought we were past this!” She screamed, spying the cupcake on the ground a few feet away. She dove into the ground mouthfirst, chomping down on dry dirt as the cupcake vanished and reappeared another few feet away. “Get in my mouth!” she screamed, chasing the cupcake as Rarity watched from the window.
“I’ll never understand what that pony is up to,” she murmured, setting up the refreshments stand for her fashion show.
As she left, Discord’s face appeared in the punch bowl. “How convenient, for a prank to lead directly into another,” he smiled.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Rarity's Fashion Show Hallucinations
Rarity looked over the ground floor of her boutique with pride. She had set up a large fancy looking runway, a decorative refreshments table, and found five willing models to wear her latest designs all in the last three hours. Hoity Toity, Sapphire Shores, and Photo Finish were all on their way. This could really bring some attention to the Carousel Boutique.
She peeked behind the curtain to check on her models. “All ready?” she asked. The five mares nodded. “Wait… but… are you certain that’s the right scarf?” She indicated a green-and-purple scarf wrapped round a model’s neck.
“It’s the one you gave me, yes,” the model nodded. Rarity raised an eyebrow.
“I could have sworn that scarf used to be red,” she said, confused. The model stared at her.
“But it is red,” she said, turning around a full circle to show Rarity. Before Rarity’s eyes, the green and purple scarf faded away and vanished into thin air.
“What?!” Rarity screamed, panicking and looking around. “Where’d it go?”
“What do you mean? I’m still wearing it,” the model said, holding out a piece of seemingly imaginary cloth in her hooves. “See?”
“Is there something wrong, Rarity?” a different model asked. This one was clad in what seemed to be an entire polka dot version of Rarity’s best dress.
“I didn’t design that!” Rarity shouted, causing the model to backpedal in surprise. “I mean… I did, but… I wouldn’t…” The dress began to fade. “No, no wait! I mean I did design that! Stop disappearing!” All of the dresses began to fade until each model was entirely naked.
“I- But- What-?” Rarity sputtered. The models stared at each other uncertainly.
“Now now, Rarity, beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” Discord’s face appeared on a blank sewing dummy in the corner.
“I’m here,” Sapphire Shores said, entering the door of the boutique. “Impress me.”
“I… have arrived,” Hoity Toity said, coming in after her. “And I see cupcakes.”
The door stayed closed for a while, then slammed open as Photo Finish strutted in, followed by twelve dozen other ponies. “We have come to see… ze magicks!” she called, pulling out a camera. The room was packed.
Rarity looked around in panic. The models had already begun to head out. “Wait!” she called. They stopped and turned.
“Listen, Rarity, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but some of us are on kind of a tight schedule, and you said this was for just a little moment. Besides, I’d like to get in a photo shoot as soon as possible,” the once-scarved model said to her. “That’s Photo Finish out there. You really do have some connections!”
Rarity’s pupils shrank to the size of marbles as she watched each of her five models strut through the curtain naked, down the runway. A loud, collective gasp could be heard from the stage outside. “My life is ruined,” Rarity said in a small voice. “Ruined!” she shouted, then ducked around the curtain for a small peek.
Miraculously, the models appeared to be wearing the dresses she originally designed, correct colors and all. As she watched, the models began sniffing their dresses. “What are they doing?” she muttered. “They’re completely clean, I just… oh no.” The models bent down and began eating her dresses from the bottom up.
“What? No! STOP! Spit that out! Those aren’t food!” Rarity shouted, running out onto stage. Dozens of ponies spat out their cupcakes, staring at her in confusion and murmuring among themselves. The models turned to her with a look that suggested she had totally lost it.
“All a matter of perspective,” Discord grinned, standing invisible directly behind Rarity. In reality the dresses were fine, of course. He wouldn’t do something so evil… anymore. All eyes were on Rarity as she stood center stage with a disheveled mane, chest heaving.
“I must say, these are… the most astounding designs I have ever seen!” Hoity Toity said, breaking the silence. Photo Finish took shot after shot with her camera.
“I’ll have three hundred of that design, with the red scarf, by Monday,” Sapphire Shores said. “Now what was that about food?”
“I’m- Sorry, I mean. Go ahead and eat. I hope you’re enjoying the show. I just… don’t know what came over me,” Rarity said, laughing nervously and backing off behind the curtain. She thought she could see Hoity Toity eating one of her scarves out of the corner of her eye, but dismissed it. “I really need to get some rest,” Rarity muttered as Discord winked at her behind her back, fading into the background.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
The Vengeful Spirits of Diamond Tiara
“Hey, Scootaloo, what are you up to?” Diamond Tiara asked. Scootaloo regarded her suspiciously.
“Just seeing if I could use that ramp,” Scootaloo gestured, “to fly over that tree over there. With my scooter, of course,” she said.
“Hey Scootaloo, did we miss it? Did you fly yet?” Applebloom and Sweetie Belle showed up, dragging a heavy camera along the ground. “What’s she doing here?” Applebloom asked, pointing at Diamond Tiara.
“I only wanted to watch,” Diamond Tiara said, hiding a sinister grin. “Silver Spoon’s busy today so I’m just checking on you blank flanks to see if you’re doing anything interesting. But I guess if you’re just up to boring stuff…”
“We’re not boring!” Scootaloo shouted. “Just stay and you’ll see!” Diamond Tiara smirked at Applebloom and sat down on a nearby log. Applebloom stuck out her tongue at Diamond Tiara, setting up the camera on Sweetie Belle’s head.
“Alright, Scootaloo, the camera’s ready!” Applebloom called. Scootaloo zoomed down the runway on her scooter, heading straight for the ramp.
“Get ready to take the shot!” Sweetie Belle said. The camera flashed just as Scootaloo touched the ramp. “Hey! That was too soon!”
“Sorry, I’m not used to this… wait, what happened to Scootaloo?” Applebloom asked. Scootaloo had rammed straight through the ramp, landing in a pit of mud. Diamond Tiara laughed cruelly as she turned to leave. Applebloom glared as a self-developing photograph slid out of the camera, drifting slowly to her feet. “Did you do that?”
“Do what? I’ve been here this whole time,” Diamond Tiara said. Scootaloo got up, prying her scooter from the mud. She examined the hole in the ramp.
“Hey! Someone replaced the wood with paper mache!” she shouted. Diamond Tiara snatched up the photograph and walked away.
“How nice of you blank flanks to provide me a souvenir for yet another failure,” she called behind her back. Silver Spoon joined up with her around a corner.
“They didn’t notice a thing,” Diamond Tiara said to her.
“Of course they didn’t. We replaced it all last night,” Silver Spoon giggled. “So how was it? Did it totally embarrass them?”
“I could tell you, but I was lucky enough to snag a picture,” Diamond Tiara said, waving the still-developing photograph in the air. “Dumb Blank Flanks must’ve bought a cheap camera. I never have to wait this long for my photos.”
Discord’s face appeared on the wall behind the two fillies as they stared at the photograph. “Well that’s just cruel,” he said to himself as he glanced over at Scootaloo dragging her muddy scooter back to the clubhouse. He looked back towards Diamond Tiara. “Prank target: located.”
“I think it’s almost done!” Diamond Tiara said as Silver Spoon leaned in close with a grin on her face. “See? There she is- crashing through the ramp and… wait. What’s that?” The photograph of Scootaloo’s failure had a large black smudge on the side. As the two fillies watched, the smudge developed, growing a pair of sinister eyes, a jagged horn, and a large evil grin.
“Is that… a ghost?” Silver Spoon asked. Diamond Tiara shook the film some more.
“No, that can’t be. Daddy says that ghosts aren’t real. Must be just a lame trick camera those blank flanks bought,” Diamond Tiara said. “Besides, what kind of a stupid ghost shows up in daylight? What’s with the funny face?”
Silver Spoon’s glasses fell halfway down her face as she backed up in fear. “I-it’s right behind you. GHOST!” Diamond Tiara’s mane stood up on the back of her neck as she turned around, coming face to face with the scariest ghost she had ever seen in her life. Granted, it was the only ghost she had ever seen in her life, but it was still pretty scary.
“RUN!” Diamond Tiara shouted, dropping the photograph and dashing away at top speed. Silver Spoon fumbled with her glasses and tripped over the fake broken ramp in an attempt to follow her, getting a faceful of mud. The ghost seemed to ignore her as it chased after Diamond Tiara.
“What do you want?” Diamond Tiara screamed at it. Two more ghosts appeared to her left and right, laughing sinisterly. She squeaked in fear and ran down the only path she had left, the dirt path to the Cutie Mark Crusader’s Clubhouse. She slid to a halt at the base of the tree.
“Wait… three ghosts? That’s just… Hey you three!” Diamond Tiara shouted at the ghosts, who stopped for a moment, confused. “I don’t know where blank flanks like you got such good costumes but you’re not fooling me. Why don’t you come out of there now that the gig is up? That’s right. I know who you are, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetiebelle.
The window slammed open from the clubhouse above, and Applebloom’s head emerged. “What? Can’t you just leave us alone?” Diamond Tiara’s face snapped into an expression of shock.
“B-but if you’re up there… then who…” she turned back to the ghosts, who laughed evilly and continued their advance. Diamond Tiara screamed, running to the clubhouse door.
“Please, you’ve got to help me! There’s ghosts out here!” Diamond Tiara said. “I’m sorry for making fun of you and breaking your ramp!” Tears were streaming down her face as she pounded on the door.
The door opened and Applebloom stuck her head outside. “I don’t see any ghosts. Wait. You broke Scootaloo’s ramp?” Diamond Tiara looked around. The ghosts were gone.
“I…” Diamond Tiara wiped the tears off of her face and resumed her usual snooty expression. “Yeah, I did, so what? It wouldn’t have worked anyway. It would just fail like everything you do always does.”
Applebloom sighed and closed the door, retreating back into the clubhouse. As Diamond Tiara heard the tapping of her receding hooves fade, she noticed a face form on the treehouse door, approaching her at an alarming rate. “Applebloom, help! The ghost’s back!” Diamond Tiara shouted again, running back down to the ground.
“Like I’m falling for that again!” came from within the clubhouse. Diamond Tiara turned and ran away screaming as Discord chuckled from the shade of the clubhouse tree.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Lyra Heartstrings was sitting on a bench in the park, playing her lyre. The sun warmed her mane as she listened to the rhythm of the birds above her head. She followed them, spinning a melody of her own to complement their song. Her music attracted a small animal audience, drawn in by the soothing sounds of her lyre.
A passing group of beavers hauling a log stopped for a bit to enjoy the sound. A family of bunnies hopped up on the bench beside her, nuzzling her body with their soft white fur. A human peeked out from the shade of a tree, smiling and giving her a thumbs up.
Lyra froze, abruptly halting her music. She stared at the human, afraid to break eye contact. She set her lyre down and approached cautiously, a thrill welling up from deep within her as distance between her and the human shrank.
“Hey, Lyra! Whatcha doing?” Bonbon, her friend, said, approaching her from a nearby drinking fountain. The human waved goodbye to Lyra, circling the tree until he was completely obscured.
“Wait! I just want to talk to you!” Lyra shouted, galloping towards the tree. She made three full circles, finding nothing. “Why? Why did you have to scare him away? I was so close!” She sobbed to Bonbon.
“Scare who away? What are you… wait, is this one of your human sightings again?” Bonbon sighed, comforting the weeping Lyra by stroking her mane. “You know they aren’t real.”
“But I saw one this time! I swear!” Lyra said, burying her head into Bonbon’s side. “I really did… he was right there by the tree and you scared him away.” Bonbon turned away from Lyra and rolled her eyes.
“Yes, yes, I’m sure you did… just like the fifty-seven other times…” Bonbon said, leading Lyra to the bench. “Human enthusiasts these days…” she muttered out of Lyra’s hearing range.
“Seventy-nine…” Lyra said, drying her tears. “But this one’s real! He was attracted by my lyre! Wait… my lyre!” She looked around frantically. “Where’d it go?”
Bonbon smiled. “Well, I can’t really help you with the human, but at least we can find your lyre. I’ll look around the bench, you look around the tree.” Lyra nodded, trotting towards the tree. She made three full circles, searching thoroughly, but there was no lyre to be found. She felt something odd, like a spider in her mane, and looked up to see the human from before dangling her lyre directly above her head. Her eyes widened.
“Bonbon, look! Come over here quick! I’m not crazy!” Lyra shouted. “Please, run faster!” Bonbon ran over in full gallop.
“Oh, you found your lyre. How did it get so high up?” Bonbon asked quizzically. “I don’t see why you needed me to run, it’s not going anywhere fast.” Lyra blinked twice, looking back up. The human was gone, and her lyre was resting on the lower branches of the tree on a bed of leaves.
“I- Oh nevermind…” Lyra muttered, retrieving her lyre with her magic. “Bonbon…” she said in her sweetest voice.
“Yes?” Bonbon sighed. Lyra was about to request a favor, she could tell.
“Would you mind keeping a look out around while I play my lyre? And I’m not saying any humans will show up, but if they do… could you please tell them to come here and that I don’t want to hurt them?” Lyra pleaded, eyes shining.
Bonbon heaved a heavy sigh. “Fine…” she grumbled as Lyra hugged her.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Lyra rummaged through her bag, retrieving an odd contraption. It was a small electronic device with a dark black screen. “You might be able to lure him with this.” She held the device out to Bonbon. “According to myth, humans really like… um… what was it called? Oh right… smartphones. I made this one in my spare time in case anything like this ever happened.” Lyra beamed.
Bonbon gingerly took the smartphone in her hoof. “What’s it for?” she asked.
Lyra shrugged. “The stories were kind of unclear, but I have this theory that…” she trailed off mid-sentence as she saw the human watching them from across the fountain. “Turn around very slowly. Don’t make any sudden movements…” she whispered. Bonbon turned around as Lyra took the smartphone from her, holding it out like a trainer would a dog biscuit.
“Here, human… I don’t want to hurt you. You can have this. Is it okay if we talk a bit? I just want to talk…If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay too. Just take the smartphone, it’s a present.” she said softly. Bonbon tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to turn.
“Um… Lyra, there’s nothing there,” she said. Lyra turned back to the fountain. The space the human had previously occupied was now empty.
“What? But you didn’t see it? He was just here a moment ago…” Lyra whimpered. “All I wanted was for him to take his present…” Bonbon smiled, brushing Lyra’s mane out of her eyes and taking the smartphone.
“Why don’t we just leave this here in case he comes back? If I were a human I’d appreciate the gift,” Bonbon asked, setting the phone down by the fountain. Lyra nodded sadly. “Tell you what, to celebrate your eightieth human sighting, I’ll treat you to muffins at Sugarcube Corner.”
Lyra brightened and followed Bonbon down the path a ways towards the park exit before turning around. “Wait, I forgot my bag,” she said. “I’ll catch up.” She returned to the bench and retrieved her belongings. It was then that she noticed that the smartphone was gone. A high pitched whistling noise came from behind a nearby tree.
Lyra turned to see the human holding the smartphone in one hand and giving her a thumbs up in the other. He waved goodbye, disappearing around the tree trunk like he did before. Lyra smiled, slinging her bag over her shoulder and catching up with Bonbon. “Someday,” she said.
The tree waited until she was out of sight, then twisted and turned, changing color to become Discord. “Someday,” he repeated, nodding at the human trying out his new smartphone. Discord snapped his fingers, sending the human back from whence it came.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Applejack loaded a basketful of apples onto her wagon and breathed a sigh of relief. There was just enough space to fit one more basket, and one more tree left to buck. After this was all over, she could enjoy a nice hour-long nap, and then it was off to the market to sell.
She reared up her hind legs, striking the tree and hearing the familiar shuddering of the branches. Nothing came down. “Stubborn ol’ tree…” she muttered, bucking the tree with all of her might. The tree gave a mighty shake.
Without warning, a shower of leaves, branches, and a single bird’s nest came falling out of the tree, completely filling her basket. “What in tarnation?” she said, looking up at the considerably smaller tree, still full of apples. Not a single one had fallen.
“Hey, Big Macintosh, can you come over and take a look at this?” she shouted over to her brother at the head of the wagon. He nodded and walked over slowly, taking in all of the details.
“Well, given the angle you struck the tree at, multiplied by the force of your fully wound hind legs, I would have to postulate…” he said, then stopped. His eyes widened as Applejack stared.
“Um… what did you say?” Applejack asked, scratching her head.
“My mistake, forgive me for ignoring a key factor, my previous point rendered moot, I must conclude that…” Big Macintosh began, and then stopped again. He walked over to the wagon, withdrawing a canteen full of water, and took a long drink. The empty canteen cluttered to the ground as he returned. Taking a deep breath, he tried again.
“In a strictly Newtonian world, the forced applied to the tree represented here by the vector…” Big Macintosh said before Applejack shoved one of her hooves in his mouth. He nodded in silent gratitude.
“Hey sis! What’s going on?” Applebloom showed up, noticing the baskets. “Why’re you bucking branches now?” Applejack blinked. There was something odd about her sister’s flank.
“Did you… get your cutiemark?” Applejack asked. There was, indeed, a symbol of a hammer and nails adorning Applebloom’s side.
Applebloom shrugged, adopting a very serious expression. “You appear to be under the misconception that the symbol of my maturity and determinant of my lifelong goals and natural talent has appeared upon my flank. However, I must say that…” she turned and checked, noticing the cutie mark. “Egad! Excelsior! The heavens have bestowed upon me a mark of my very own!”
Applejack rubbed her eyes and sat down under the apple tree. “I don’t even know what’s going on anymore,” she said. A dark shadow fell over her face. “What? I thought that apple tree had no leaves left in it.”
“Salutations, offspring! Wonderful afternoon to be predicting the trajectory of my old apple cannon, isn’t it?” Granny Smith called out from on top of the tree, waving an odd contraption. She pulled a lever, launching an apple into the wagon and scattering apples everywhere. One of them struck Applejack in the head, causing her to flinch. When she opened them, everything was still dark.
“What? Who turned off the lights?” Applejack asked, flailing with her hooves. The afternoon sun shone down brightly on her face as a concerned Big Macintosh lifted her hat. Applejack looked around. She was lying on the ground at the base of a tree, presumably just having woken up from the weirdest dream in her life. “Was it all a dream?” Big Macintosh nodded. “Oh. Sorry. I guess I was more tired than I thought. Just one tree left, right?” she asked. Big Macintosh nodded again, gesturing at the empty baskets set up at the bottom of the last tree.
Applejack took a deep breath, reared her hind legs, and bucked the tree as hard as she could. Apples rained down, filling the baskets as she breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was normal. “Thank goodness. Well, then. I suppose I’ve had my nap. I’ll go take these to the market before we run out of daylight,” she said. “Mind helping me with the cart?”
“Why certainly, my dear sister,” Big Macintosh said, walking over to the front. Applejack blinked, rubbing her eyes.
“What was that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Big Macintosh turned around and nodded.
“Eyup,” he said.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“Come see the Great and Powerful Trixie perform live at the Canterlot Theatre,” Discord read off of a poster in Ponyville. “One night only, and it’s tonight. Hmm, I suppose Ponyville has exhausted its entertainment value for now. Let’s go back and check on the royal mustache and maybe see a show while I’m there.”
The Great and Powerful Trixie admired her reflection in the makeup mirror. “What a lucky break,” she thought to herself. “To be invited to perform in Canterlot. Get this right, and no more filly’s birthday parties or rock farms for you.” She had spent almost all of her remaining connections to get one night at Canterlot Theatre. A knock on her door snapped Trixie out of her daze.
“There’s a package for you, Trixie. It looks like a gift from a fan,” the security pony said.
“If this is another letter from Snips and Snails, I swear…” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Send it in,” she said. The pony came in carrying a fancy, extravagant gift basket.
Trixie smiled, walking over and examining it. “Who’s it from? It has all of these nice shampoos and perfumes and… wait.” Her face adopted a menacing expression as the security guard looked at her, puzzled. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Umm…” the security guard was unsure of what to say. Trixie glared at him, grabbing the gift basket and throwing it out of the window with her magic.
“Shampoo for dry, damaged manes? Trixie’s mane is NOT dry nor is it damaged! What do you mean, umm? Leave at once and don’t bring such rubbish in here again!” Trixie snapped. The guard left rather quickly, muttering something about stuck up ungrateful magicians.
“Now then, where was I?” Trixie asked, looking back into her mirror. She adjusted her hat and sprayed a small amount of perfume behind her ears, picking a stray hair off of her cape. “Wonder what fool was in charge of cleaning my cape,” she muttered, turning full circle and inspecting her appearance. Oddly enough, the cape now contained three more hairs.
“Disgusting…” Trixie said, brushing them off. Her head suddenly felt extremely itchy. She removed her hat and scratched softly, gasping when a large clump of hair came off in her hoof. “What? But… Trixie’s mane has always been perfect!” She sputtered in disbelief as her entire mane fell off.
The door to her dressing room inched open. “Five minutes to showtime!” a stagehand called. Trixie slammed the door shut with her magic while rushing to close the blinds.
“Don’t worry, Trixie, you’ll think of something…” Trixie said to herself, eyes darting frantically around the room. It was then that she noticed a wig stand and a bottle of glue in the corner.
Five minutes later, Discord watched invisibly from the audience as Trixie emerged, clad in a purple cape and hat with a mystifying star pattern. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived!” she proclaimed, strutting to the front of the stage to scattered applause. “Today she will be performing various feats of magic, starting with her signature lightning storm!”
Discord materialized some opera glasses into his hand, examining Trixie’s mane more thoroughly. “She’s more resourceful than I thought,” he mused. “Not many ponies can throw together such a convincing wig in five minutes.” He watched Trixie’s performance, applauding with the audience at appropriate times.
Trixie smiled nervously. “I’m pretty sure they haven’t noticed. Surely they haven’t noticed,” she said to herself. “Just keep wowing them with your magic, Trixie.” Half an hour later, she was feeling wonderful, nailing every trick she attempted. The audience was completely transfixed and Trixie had even forgotten about the wig.
“Thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience,” Trixie said, releasing another cluster of magical fireworks into the air as the ponies cheered. She took a bow, making them cheer louder. Then her hat fell off and flopped onto the stage, followed by her wig.
The theater fell silent as Trixie stood still, frozen in mid-bow. Some hearty chuckles rang out, and then the room erupted in laughter. “How could I forget something as stupid and simple as that?” she hissed to herself in her mind. “Now everything’s ruined.” She could feel her face growing warm as she slowly rose back into a comfortable posture, walking over and retrieving her hat.
As Trixie put it back on her head, ready to turn around and run in shame, her scalp felt itchy, extremely itchy like the time before. The audience let out a collective gasp. Trixie’s mane had suddenly returned, flowing out from under her hat like water from a faucet and covering her eyes. She shook her head, making her mane fall into place.
“Bravo!” one of the audience members called out and the crowd burst into applause again, standing up from their seats.
“I’ll never understand how she managed to do that without using her horn,” Discord heard an audience member say to her companion.
“It’s obviously an illusion, dear,” came the response.
Trixie was frozen again, in a mix of shock and relief. She gingerly felt her mane, tugging on it lightly with a hoof. It was firm. “Thank you!” she bowed a final time, exiting the stage.
“Not a bad performance,” Discord said to himself. “But I think the crowd liked my trick better.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Shining Armor's Not-so-graceful Wife
Shining Armor took a bite out of his donut, smiling tiredly at his wife Cadance. They had just been through a day meeting with several high officials of Canterlot to maintain good diplomatic relations for the Crystal Empire. “I’m not sure how much more of this I can take,” Shining Armor said. “Being Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince of the Crystal Empire… it’s a lot of work you know. I really need some rest… I swear I saw Princess Celestia walk by with a mustache today.”
Princess Cadance nodded. “It’s a lot of work, but remember that everypony out there is counting on you. I’m counting on you. We just have one more meeting after this break, and then we can go home. I’ve told the maids to leave us alone for the night…” she said, winking. Shining Armor had a faraway look in his face. He didn’t seem to hear a word his wife said as he stared into the corner of Donut Joe’s shop, where something was very wrong.
“Do you see that?” Shining Armor asked, pointing towards a dark shadow in the corner snaking its way up the wall. Cadance turned, staring.
“See what?” Cadanc had barely enough time to ask as the shadow glided over the ground, engulfing her.
“Cadance!” he shouted, powering up his horn, but as quickly as it had appeared, the shadow had faded.
“Yes?” she asked. He shifted uncomfortably.
“Nothing. I just thought I saw… you don’t feel any different, do you?” Shining Armor asked his wife. She blinked a little.
“What? No, not really. Why do you ask?” Cadance replied. Shining Armor did a double take. His wife’s coat was changing color. Slowly, but surely, the pink had drained from her face, turning blue, then brown, then dark black. Her wings disappeared and her face flattened out to an apelike visage. Her horn shrank, becoming short, fat, and jagged as her body grew. By the time the transformation had stopped, Cadance had changed into a ten foot tall gorillanoceros.
“Shining? Are you okay?” the gorillanoceros asked him in Cadance’s voice. Shining Armor took a deep breath and pushed his donut away, looking around to see if his wife’s surprise transformation had attracted any attention. Oddly enough, nopony seemed to notice. Taking a chance, Shining Armor pulled over a random customer.
“Excuse me, oh wait, no, sorry… I thought I recognized you from before. I don’t suppose we’ve met? Anyway, I’m Prince Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire and this is Princess Cadance,” Shining Armor said, observing the stranger’s response.
“Charmed to meet you, dear sir, I go by the name of Fancypants. And I must say, you have a beautiful wife,” Fancypants said, shaking Shining Armor’s hoof. The gorillanoceros walked over on its knuckles, searching Fancypants’ mane for fleas.
“Okay. This isn’t happening. I’m just going insane,” Shining Armor said under his breath.
“Oh dear! I forgot about the time! We’re going to be late for the meeting!” Cadance said, scratching her forehead with a massive paw.
“If I may, is this the same meeting at the Canterlot Museum? I’m heading that way as well, and I have two extra seats in the carriage. You might find it a bit cramped… because of your wings, but I’d be honored to offer them to you,” Fancypants said.
“We appreciate your help, but…” Shining Armor started, staring at Cadance’s hulking figure.
“We’d be glad to take you up on that offer,” Candence interjected, nudging Shining Armor. The force of her motion nearly made him fall over.
“Wonderful! The carriage is outside,” Fancypants said, heading out. The gorillanoceros turned, staring at Shining Armor.
“Are you okay dear? You’ve been acting weird all afternoon,” it leaned in to kiss him. Shining Armor closed his eyes, focusing on his years of guard training to ignore every instinct in his body that told him to run.
“I’m alright,” he said, legs shaking a little. “You sure you don’t feel any different?” Cadance the gorillanoceros scratched her head.
“No, I’m pretty normal. Let’s go catch up with Fancypants,” she said, leaving the shop. Her massive form barely fit through the door, leaving the little bell that was hanging above it swinging wildly. Shining Armor took another look around the donut shop. Nopony paid it any attention.
“Okay, I can’t be the only one who sees this,” he muttered to himself, heading outside to notice a medium-sized personal carriage with Fancypants in the front and a ten foot tall gorillanoceros in the back. There was definitely no room for him. In fact, it looked as if the carriage was under maximum strain.
“C’mon, get in!” Cadance called. Shining Armor sighed, opening the carriage door and forcing himself into Cadance. “You don’t have to be so pushy, I’ll move to make room,” Cadance said. With a lot of effort, Shining Armor managed to close the door, almost crushing him against a wall of fur and solid muscle. He panted for breath.
“Well, here we go!” Fancypants said, and the workponies at the front of the carriage began to pull. “Huh. Wheel seems to be caught in a rut or something,” Fancypaints added as they failed to move. “Give it your all, boys!” With a large, rocking movement, the carriage jerked into motion.
They arrived at the meeting fairly quickly. “Prince Blueblood awaits your company by the dinner table,” a butler pony said, opening the door. Shining Armor tumbled out, falling face first. He brushed himself off and stood straight.
“Sorry, been kind of a long day,” he said as the butler raised an eyebrow.
“Quite,” he said, holding the door open for Cadance. As the gorillanoceros stepped out of the carriage, the butler’s glasses were knocked off of his face.
“Oh! I’m sorry, I don’t know how that could have happened,” Cadance said. “My wings must have been sore from riding in the carriage.” The butler brushed his glasses off and silently gestured her to go inside.
As Shining Armor walked down the carpeted floor to the dining hall, he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if his wife never returned to normal. Normal to him, at least: Everypony else seemed to see her as an alicorn.
“Your seat is at the front, next to the Prince,” a maid said, welcoming them into the dining hall. Cadance walked down the long table set for fifty spots, nonchalantly knocking over chairs, silverware, plates, and vases full of exotic flowers. She stopped, turning towards a large covered dish in the center of the table, pawing the ground with a massive leg.
“Oh no,” Shining Armor said. “This isn’t happening.” He ran forward to attempt to restrain Cadance as she leapt onto the table, overturning the dish and scattering roasted carrots everywhere. Shining Armor was thrown on the floor, closing his eyes as he saw the plate’s cover flying on a direct collision course with his head. Clang!
“Shining? Are you alright?” Cadance called as Shining Armor felt around blindly. The cover was lifted off of his head. He felt something soft and sweet-smelling wrap around his back. It was Cadance’s wing.
“You’re back to normal!” Shining Armor shouted. “I mean, I’m back to normal!” By now several guests had come in and were looking at him suspiciously. “Sorry, you won’t believe what happened… what are you eating?” Cadance took another bite out of the banana in her hand.
“Oh, I just took this from the fruit bowl. I had an odd craving for bananas all day,” she said as a shadow darted out from beneath her, sliding over the table and out the door unnoticed.
Discord rose from the shadow outside, hiding a smile. “There's something about Twilight's family that just makes them so entertaining to mess with,” he said.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
End of Part One: Moonlit Night
Discord gazed at the setting sun and sighed. Today had been such a fun day, but it was about to come to an end. “I should really do this more often,” he said, staring off into the Canterlot Royal Gardens, where he had once been imprisoned. The figure of an alicorn flying out of the castle caught his eye. “Perhaps there is time for one last prank,” he smiled.
Princess Luna waited until the sun had set, feeling the warmth of its light slowly fade from her body as the world turned dark. She breathed in deeply, held her breath, and exhaled, letting forth a wave of magic into the heavens that woke the stars from their slumber. She closed her eyes, feeling around the sky with her mind as she grasped onto the familiar hold of the moon, gently tugging, urging it above the horizon.
Soon, the moon was high in the sky, a full moon that illuminated the ground below in a beautiful silver glow, gentler than harsh sunlight. Everything looked so soft, so beautiful, where in the day their edges were hard and angry. Luna flew down to rest on a hill, staring up to admire the heavens, the canvas upon which she painted her dreams. A star twinkled and fell, a streak of light across the night sky, causing Luna to smile, close her eyes, and make a silent wish.
As she opened them, she saw another fall, then another. Soon the night sky was spectacle to behold, a torrent of stars across a mysterious black sea. And then there were none left. All of the stars had fallen, and only the full moon remained. “Discord!” Luna called angrily as the draconequus appeared beside her. She rolled over on the ground to face him.
“Was I really that obvious?” Discord asked, smirking. “You haven’t changed much, still looking up at the sky like always. Did you like what I did?” Luna glared at him. “Alright, alright! I’ll put them back.” He snapped his fingers and the stars rose from the horizon back to their original locations.
“It was… beautiful,” Luna said. “But not what the sky should be.” She turned back on her back to face the sky, returning to her stargazing.
“You always put them in the same spots, why not change it up a little?” Discord twirled his paw, rearranging some stars to spell “Discord was here” in a neat little line. Luna turned to him with a disapproving look, and then smiled as she focused her magic on her horn, moving the stars around the moon to spell “Luna”.
“We suppose for one night, the sky can be different,” Luna said. “Happy birthday, by the way.”
“What did you wish for back there?” Discord asked Luna, turning to her. “You’re one of the most powerful alicorns in the world, and you still have wishes?”
Luna blushed. “It’s… not important. I mean, why wouldn’t I have wishes? Don’t you have wishes?”
“More than you can ever know,” Discord said, staring back up at the sky, writing with a paw. The words “is hiding embarrassing secrets” appeared behind the “Luna” written in the sky.
“Hey!” Luna said, taking control of the stars. In a matter of moments, “Discord was here” became “Discord is a prying sneak”. Discord raised an eyebrow and snapped his fingers, changing it to “Discord is a handsome prying sneak.”
“Enough,” Luna said, returning the sky to the way it was before. “It was fun, but I don’t think we’ll do that again. Promise me you’ll leave the stars alone for the rest of the night?” Discord sighed.
“Very well, I promise to leave the stars alone for the rest of this night,” he said. As Luna turned to return to the castle, Discord stared at the moon, rearranging the shadows to form a picture of Luna’s angry face with her mouth open mid-lecture. “Never said anything about the moon,” he smiled, turning to leave. A rustling in the trees made him stop. “What have we here?”
“Discord!” Rainbow Dash fell out of the tree, landing softly on the ground. “I knew it was you!” she said.
“Guilty as charged,” Discord said. “But how much exactly did you see?” Rainbow Dash stopped to think.
“Well… I’m guessing Pinkie Pie’s cupcake problem was you… and all the skywriting and the moon. And you’re probably also the reason Twilight hasn’t left her library since noon. I tried finding you after I saw Pinkie Pie, but you’re kind of hard to follow, even for me,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Well, now that you’ve caught up with me, what is it you wanted? If you’re afraid of my return to supreme chaotic overlord, you can rest easy, it was just my birthday and I was having a little fun. The pranking will stop after today,” Discord said. “By the way, you may want to check out Princess Celestia if you haven’t already.”
“Whoa, who says I wanted you to stop? Today was awesome! Everypony having no idea what was going on, freaking out over nothing. Their reactions were hilarious. What happened to Celestia, by the way?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Mustache,” Discord said, sprouting the same mustache and shaving it off in a matter of seconds.
“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash fell over laughing, then recovered. “Anyway, I’m so glad I finally caught you. I suppose I should’ve known you were into pranking. I’ve been doing it for a while myself actually. So now that you’re on our side, how about you and I team up? I know a couple targets who could use a good pranking, and you have just the power to do it.”
“Interesting,” Discord said. “But I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. I just can’t bring myself to go around every day making so many ponies unhappy.” Rainbow Dash gave him a disappointed frown, then turned away, flying off into the sky. Discord’s face emerged from a nearby cloud. “Gotcha! I’m in. When do we start?”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Iron Will's Lifting Lunacy
“So what’s the plan?” Discord asked, appearing next to Rainbow Dash. They had met up just after breakfast.
“I’m going to go into that gym and show Iron Will who’s boss!” Rainbow Dash said, pointing. “And that’s where you come in!” She leaned over and whispered in Discord’s ear. He grinned toothily and nodded.
“I’ll follow your lead then,” he said, fading into the background as Rainbow Dash walked through the doors.
“Before I started lifting, I was nothing but a cow! A weak, whimpering cow that could barely lift a bale of hay!” Iron Will shouted at his audience, causing them to boo. “But that day is long gone! Because Iron Will is here to pump! You! Up! Hnnnng!” he screamed, picking up two large hundred-pound dumbbells, one in each hand. The audience cheered. “You may not be able to lift half of this, or even a quarter! But for just ten easy payments of fifteen bits, I will have you lifting like a pro in no time!”
“I can lift them!” Rainbow Dash said, stepping forward confidently. Iron Will blinked, then snorted.
“I can lift them!” he imitated, rolling his eyes. The crowd snickered. “You think a little pegasus like you can beat Iron Will in a weight lifting contest?” He flexed, showing off his bulging muscles.
“YEAH!” a muscular white pegasus with tiny little wings shouted. “No wait, I mean… NO!” he stopped, correcting himself.
“Yeah, I think I can. In fact, how about a little wager?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Loser has to spend a day in a chicken suit. Or are you scared?” Iron Will snorted again.
“Iron Will is scared of nopony! I accept!” he roared, grabbing three hundred-pound dumbbells and raising them over his head. “I’ll start off!” The crowd cheered.
“Discord, now would be a good time,” Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath. She approached the stand of weights, grabbing four dumbbells with her hooves and wings and raising them over her head.
“Pretty good for a pegasus, I’ll admit. But can you beat this?” Iron Will shouted, picking up the entire stand with six dumbbells left and raising it above his head with a groan.
“Ha! I lift weights like that in my sleep!” Rainbow Dash grabbed Iron Will with a single hoof, lifting him above her shoulders effortlessly. His jaw dropped as she tossed him in the air, landing back down hard on his posterior as the dumbbells slid off the weight stand. “So, now you’re probably thinking: ‘Oh no, I need to spend the day in a chicken suit.’ Well how about a little proposal? I bet that you’re just a big softie and anypony in the entire audience can beat you. If you win, you don’t have to wear the suit. If I win, you have to announce how awesome I am every time you talk!”
“Iron Will accepts!” Iron Will snorted, looking around the audience. “I choose… him.” He fished out an embarrassed looking tiny purple dragon who Rainbow Dash immediately recognized.
“Spike? What are you doing here?” Rainbow Dash asked, staring at him quizzically.
Spike dragged a claw across the ground. “Well I uh… thought it would impress a certain somepony if I got in shape. You know.”
“Enough talk! Iron Will shall now demonstrate his full power!” Iron Will shouted, walking over to one of the largest barbells in the room. The number on the side read 1000 pounds. He grunted, struggled, and strained, slowly lifting the heavy weight. A transparent disembodied claw, unnoticed to everyone but Rainbow Dash, appeared out of thin air, painting three extra zeros on the side.
Iron Will’s eyes bulged as the weight crashed to the floor, making large cracks and causing the walls to shake. “Huh? Didn’t even know we had a million pound barbell. I could’ve sworn…” he muttered, scratching his head.
“One million pounds?” Spike gulped, pleading at Rainbow Dash with his eyes.
“Don’t worry, just go with it,” Rainbow Dash said, winking at him. Spike shrugged reluctantly and stepped up to the platform. Iron Will smirked as he placed his claws beneath the weight stand.
With a flick of his paws, Spike sent the entire stand flying through the air, crashing through the ceiling. The audience stared at the hole, mouth agape. “So,” Rainbow Dash said, smiling slyly at Iron Will. “I believe we had a deal?”
Five minutes later, Iron Will was back to hosting his program. In a massive chicken suit. “For just ten easy payments of fifteen bits, you too can lift like Iron Will! Also… Rainbow Dash is awesome…” he grumbled.
Rainbow Dash winked at him and turned to the corner of the gym, where Discord’s face had appeared unnoticed. “Thanks for the help! Did you see the look on his face?” she laughed.
“Oh, you mean… that look?” Discord gestured, twirling the talons of his claw. The million pound dumbbell finally landed, crashing directly beside Iron Will, causing his face to blank out as he laid a large blue egg. Rainbow Dash fell over with laughter, joined quickly by the rest of the audience.
“That’s priceless!” Rainbow Dash said. “Let’s stay for the rest of his show, and then head over to the next target. I have the perfect prank in mind.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“The Wonderbolts are throwing a party for their recruits at Wonderbolt Academy, and I’m invited, which is great,” Rainbow Dash said, pulling out an invitation. “But… it’s one of those fancy boring parties with cubed cheese and bottled water. What’s even worse is, since the musician they hired is an earth pony, we have to have it on the ground. Oh well. Let’s try to spice it up a bit.”
“And by a bit, you mean…” Discord said, twirling his thumbs.
“Go all out,” Rainbow Dash said. “First, we need to change up the music. Classical does not make for a good party.” Discord nodded, pulling a frog out of thin air and handing it to Rainbow Dash. “Umm… what’s this?”
“Just a little buddy of mine…,” Discord smiled, putting the frog away.
“You’re really weird, you know that?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising an eyebrow. “Anyway, next, we fix the decorations. They’re expecting a well lit dining hall with red curtains, tablecloths, and a big fat chandelier. Any ideas?”
“I think I have a couple… you leave that part to me,” Discord said. “Hmm… we’ll kind of need a place to put all of the things we removed though… which gives me an idea for a second prank.”
“You can do whatever you want with it, nopony will really miss it,” Rainbow Dash said. “So I can count on you to make this party awesome?” Discord gave her a thumbs up before flying into the air, circling into a spiral until he disappeared.
“Party time,” Rainbow Dash said, heading over to the address written on her invitation.
Vinyl Scratch pulled another record out from the stack and tossed it onto her stand, nodding her head back and forth as dubstep reverberated through the dance hall. Wub. Wub. She looked around at all the ponies dancing and smiled.
A ten-inch Discord rose out of the floor directly in front of the speakers and was almost blown away by the music. “Ponies these days and their music,” he grumbled, pulling the frog out of thin air and pressing on its back. The frog croaked loudly and its mouth grew to triple its regular size as it sucked in all the sound in the room.
Vinyl Scratch stared at her record and tapped it a couple times to make sure it really was spinning. “Umm… sorry everypony, we seem to be having some technical difficulties,” she said sheepishly into her mic. The crowd grumbled.
“Better get this sorted out before they leave,” Discord said to himself, pressing on the frog’s back again. This time, its ribbit sucked in all the light.
“Are the strobe lights broken too?” a pony grumbled in the audience. Vinyl Scratch took off her shades and went over to the circuit board.
“Don’t worry, everypony, I’ll fix this. Just sit tight,” she said. “So weird…” she mumbled to herself, trying to figure out what was wrong. Discord waved goodbye to her behind her back before vanishing.
“What took you so long?” Rainbow Dash asked as a tiny, barely noticeable Discord crawled out from under the folds of the tablecloth.
“You can’t just conjure a good time. It has to come from somewhere,” Discord said, holding out the frog. He set it on the ground and watched it hop away. “Well then, I hope you enjoy. I don’t want to miss the other party, so… Toodles!” Discord vanished in a puff of purple smoke.
“Wait! You didn’t even do anything!” Rainbow Dash groaned. “Ugh!” She looked up at the stage where Spitfire was talking.
“And in conclusion, I just want to thank all of you for your hard work. It is with great pride that I…” The frog interrupted Spitfire by jumping directly on the podium, staring into her face. “Heh. Someone’s frog seems to have gotten away from them. Anyway, it is with great pride that I welcome our guest for the evening… the esteemed cellist Octavia!” Octavia replaced Spitfire center stage as everypony clapped.
“What a charming frog,” Octavia said, smiling. The audience chuckled. “Would you like to hear some music, Mr. Frog?” The audience cheered. “Very well, let us begin.” She touched her bow to her cello as the frog blinked.
Boom! Boom! Wub Wub Wub! The frog’s eyes bugged out and its mouth swelled to five times its normal size as a torrent of dubstep poured out, knocking Octavia over. Strobe lights flashed from the frog’s back as it flew into the air, riding the force of the musical explosion. “What in the…?” Octavia asked.
All eyes on the room were on the frog. Rainbow Dash smiled, got up from her seat, and shouted “PARTY!”. The rest of the audience was quick to join her. It was a very addictive beat.
“What’s going on?” Spitfire shouted at Octavia above the dubstep.
“I haven’t the faintest idea,” Octavia said, scratching her head. “But I think that frog’s cousin is eating your tablecloths.”
Vinyl Scratch was almost out of options. “When’s the music coming back on?” a stallion called. “Let’s go somewhere else, with a reliable DJ,” a mare said to her friend.
“Wait! Don’t go!” Vinyl said, but some of the ponies had already turned to leave. “I think I figured out what’s wrong! The circuit board just needs just a little bit of tweaking and…”
Discord frowned as the second frog poofed into his paw. “You’re late,” he said. The frog just stared at him. “Oh well, I suppose you’re right. Just go do your job,” he said, releasing the frog.
Vinyl Scratch closed her eyes and hoped for good luck as she crossed wires randomly. The lights seemed to have come back on, but they weren’t flashing anymore. She opened her eyes. “Well it’s progress…” she said, her voice trailing off as she turned around and noticed the room.
Several large dining tables had been set neatly with fancy tablecloths and fine silverware. Plush red curtains adorned the graffiti’d walls. A large crystal chandelier had replaced her strobe lights and her DJ stand was playing classical. “What the?”
The crowd stopped, turning around. None of them had seen what had happened. “Whoah…” one of the ponies said.
“You know, this isn’t really half bad,” another said, bobbing their head to the melody.
“Hey everypony,” Vinyl Scratch addressed the crowd over her microphone. “Sorry, I must have crossed the wrong wires somewhere in the circuit board,” she said, grinning. The partygoers looked very confused, but cheered as Vinyl shrugged, throwing one of her favorite dubstep records onto the stand. Classical music blasted out at volumes that shook the chandelier.
“Well, we’re all here, might as well have some fun,” a stallion said from the crowd.
“May I have this dance?” a stallion asked a mare beside him, bowing.
“Are those cheese cubes?” another pony asked. Vinyl Scratch breathed a sigh of relief. Not exactly what she had expected, but it seemed like the guests were once again enjoying themselves.
Later that night, Discord met up with Rainbow Dash back in her house. “I take it you enjoyed yourself?” Discord grinned. Rainbow Dash nodded.
“You really missed an awesome party!” Rainbow Dash said, kicking back in her bed. “Spitfire had no idea what was going on.” She yawned a little.
“More fun tomorrow?” Discord asked.
“Definitely,” Rainbow Dash said, diving under the sheets. Discord waved goodbye as he vanished.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“Alright, let’s take a short break. I promised Scootaloo I’d visit their clubhouse today,” Rainbow Dash said. “She’d be disappointed if I didn't show up.” Discord nodded.
“I remember that place. I chased off some bullies with a band of angry spirits,” he said, conjuring a miniature version of the ghost to float around his head in a circle. “Cruel and unusual pranks for the cruel and unusual,” he mused.
“Hmm… I kind of feel like doing something nice for her. How experienced are you with cutie marks?” Rainbow Dash asked Discord.
A small explosion threw Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle back from the desk as the concoction they were brewing shattered the test tube. It hissed as it hit the walls, eating away at the wallpaper. “I guess we’re not getting our breakfast making cutie marks today,” Sweetie Belle shook her head sadly.
“Breakfast?” Applebloom asked, “I thought we were mixing potions. What was the test tube and random chemicals for?”
“So that wasn’t how you make fresh squeezed orange juice?” Scootaloo asked, sweeping up the broken glass and discarding it into a wastebasket. “Hey, why’d you put the omlette in here? It looks fine.”
“Because it blinked at me,” Applebloom said, running over and shutting the lid. The fillies turned their heads as a knock came from the door.
“Rainbow Dash must be here!” Scootaloo shouted, running over and opening the door. Rainbow Dash came in, looking around at the burn marks.
“Um… what happened here?” she asked, sniffing the air. A low growling sound came from the wastebasket.
“We were making breakfast!” Applebloom said as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo smiled and blocked off the trash can. “No luck with our cutie marks though…”
“Yeah, about that… I have something here that you might like. Here you go,” Rainbow Dash said, pulling out a small, dusty book and setting it on the table. “I was rooting around in my attic before I found it.”
Scootaloo rushed over to inspect it. “It’s just a coupon book. A really old coupon book. The coupons expire tomorrow,” she said, raising an eyebrow at Rainbow Dash. “And they’re all for… cutie marks?” Sweetie Belle and Applebloom zoomed over, staring.
“Wow, there’s cutie marks for everything we ever wanted in here! How will we choose?” Applebloom asked. “Wait. You aren’t pulling our leg are you?”
Rainbow Dash smiled reassuringly. “Of course not, I wouldn’t…”
“Rainbow Dash wouldn’t do that to us! She and I are like sisters!” Scootaloo shouted, rushing over to Rainbow Dash’s side.
“Well there is a catch,” Rainbow Dash said. “The coupons expire tomorrow, and so do the cutie marks. You’ll still need to earn them just like everypony else.” Scootaloo’s smile fell.
“I remember having a cutie mark like that… it wasn’t very fun,” Applebloom said, frowning. “Besides, none of us would… Sweetie Belle? What are you doing?”
Sweetie Belle had torn a coupon out of the book, placing it at Rainbow Dash’s hooves. “I’d like to redeem this coupon!” she squeaked, beaming. “Even if it’s just for a day, I’d just like to know what it’s like.”
Rainbow Dash looked down at the coupon. “Alright then,” she said loudly. “It looks like Sweetie Belle, the white unicorn filly with the pink and purple mane, wants to paint.” The coupon disappeared in a puff of smoke.
“You don’t have to shout, you know,” a disembodied voice whispered in Rainbow Dash’s ear as a paintbrush cutie mark appeared on Sweetie Belle’s flank. She bounced around happily as Scootaloo and Applebloom stared.
“Try it out!” Scootaloo said, digging up a paintbrush from a cardboard box marked “failed cutie marks”. Sweetie Belle picked up the brush with her mouth and dipped it in paint, getting to work at the clubhouse wall. In a couple minutes, a portrait of the cutie mark crusaders standing valiantly on a hill against the sunset stood against the door.
“Wow…” Applebloom said, turning back to the coupon book. She selected a coupon and deposited at Rainbow Dash’s hooves, smiling expectantly.
“Applebucking?” she asked as the coupon disappeared in a puff of smoke. Applebloom nodded.
“Nothing beats spending time with my sister! And this is just the way to do it! Besides, it’s only for a day,” Applebloom said as the mark appeared on her flank. “Thanks a ton for this!” She exited the clubhouse, heading off to Sweet Apple Acres.
“I’m next!” Scootaloo said, tearing out a coupon out and giving it to Rainbow Dash.
“You… want to fly?” Rainbow Dash asked. Scootaloo nodded.
“They said… from when I was born… that I wouldn’t be able to. And I just thought this once, that… you know,” Scootaloo said, shifting her weight back and forth. Rainbow Dash pulled her closer with a wing.
“You do know that a flying cutie mark means that you’re not just an average flier. You’re one of the best,” she said. “C’mon, let’s go.” Scootaloo’s face lit up as a wings cutie mark appeared on her flank.
“Really? You mean it?” Scootaloo asked, fluttering in the air with happiness before realizing what was happening. “Whoah! I can fly!”
“Just for today,” Rainbow Dash winked. “C’mon, I’ll go show you how to do a Sonic Rainboom!” Scootaloo’s mouth nearly hit the floor as she nodded furiously, following Rainbow Dash out the door. Sweetie Belle left the clubhouse, bringing an easel and paintbrush.
Three hours later, the sun had begun to set. Rainbow Dash was lying beside Scootaloo at the base of a tree at Sweet Apple Acres, watching Applebloom help out her sister. “So that’s what it feels like,” Scootaloo said, and yawned. “I didn’t know it would be so tiring.”
“It’s the best feeling in the world,” Rainbow Dash said. “And you did an awesome Rainboom.” Scootaloo squeezed up against Rainbow Dash, resting her head on her tummy.
“It felt so amazing. For the first time in my life, I felt… completely free. It was so natural that I don’t want it to end,” Scootaloo said, closing her eyes.
“Hey,” Rainbow Dash said. “Any pegasus pony can fly. If you ask me, it’s the fact that you can’t that makes you special. Sure, you’ll need to work a lot harder, and you don’t even have your cutie mark yet. But I know that you can do it. And when you do, it will feel so much sweeter.”
“Thanks, Rainbow Dash. That means a lot,” Scootaloo said as her breathing slowed. Rainbow Dash watched the apple sisters head back home as the cutie mark disappeared from Scootaloo’s flank. Scootaloo had fallen asleep.
“That was hardly a prank. I hope it was worth it,” Discord said quietly, stepping out from behind the apple tree. Rainbow Dash gently moved Scootaloo off of her, taking care not to wake the sleeping filly. She headed over to Sweetie Belle’s easel and admired the finished painting of two Sonic Rainbooms, a large one and a smaller one, across the sky.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’d say it was worth it.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and yawned, finding herself face to face with a smiling Discord. “Discord, what are you doing here? I thought I saw you disappear.” Her eyes widened. “Whoa, what I said was kinda weird. All of a sudden rhymes appeared,” she said, blinked twice, and pushed past Discord towards the bathroom mirror, splashing some cold water into her face. “Alright, that’s strange, it’s not a dream… so a prank of yours it seems?” she glared at Discord.
“Correct my darling Rainbow Dashey, but please don’t judge me quite so rashly. Just come down to see our zebra friend, a silly sight, I recommend. For though she speaks in cryptic verse, I’ve freed her today from this curse, and now her rhyming skill is gone, with no idea what’s going on,” Discord said, rocking back and forth on an invisible cradle in the air.
“Hold on a minute, why are you… talking like this and rhyming too?” Rainbow Dash asked, scratching her mane.
“I’m not affected by my spell, but enjoy playing along as well, for it wouldn’t be quite as fun if all were rhyming but this one,” Discord said. “But now let’s watch Zecora talk while taking a Ponyville walk.” He snapped his fingers on his tail, and Rainbow Dash’s bed flung her out the window before giving Discord a high-five.
Rainbow Dash caught herself in midair as Discord appeared beside her, pointing down at a very shaky Zebra on the ground. She was skipping around in a strange pattern around Ponyville market.
“Good morning, merchant. I’d like to buy some oranges,” Zecora said happily as she placed a basket filled with oranges on the counter. The merchant’s jaw dropped. “Funny story, I’ve always wanted to try these, but nothing ever rhymed with orange, so I could never ask.” She paid the merchant and skipped away with the basket, happily singing “Orange, Orange, ORANGE!”
“Morning’ Zecora, how you doing? Couldn’t help but see you chewin’!” Pinkie Pie burst out from under a basket, causing Zecora to spit out a slice of orange.
“These fruits are simply divine!” Zecora said. Pinkie Pie smiled and stared at her expectantly. Zecora calmly took out another slice of fruit and began chewing again.
Pinkie Pie looked at her in confusion. “Aren’t you going to rhyme your words? Like all the other times I heard?”
“Nope! That’s not my problem anymore!” Zecora said, grinning. “Want an orange? Orange.” She repeated, giggling. “Maybe I’ll paint my home orange.”
“Or maybe paint it lemon-lime! You sure that you don’t want to rhyme? ‘Cuz you know from your speech I inferred that rhyming was what you preferred,” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing up and down. “I just noticed, I’m rhyming too! I’m rhyming now instead of you!” She grinned. “I love these rhymes, they’re so much fun. I’m going to go rhyme a ton!” Pinkie Pie bounced away from Zecora. “Thanks for the orange, by the way! I found a door hinge in the hay.” Zecora blinked suspiciously, and then walked over to a nearby haybale, where there was, indeed, a rusted door hinge.
“Hey Zecora, how’s your day? I saw you staring at my hay, it looked real weird from far away,” Applejack said, walking over from her apple stand and chuckling. “Heh, look at me, rhyming too, I guess for us now that makes two.” She blinked. “Whoa, that time I wasn’t trying, though that was something, not denying.”
“You know, from another point of view, this does get kind of annoying really fast,” Zecora said. “And I’m not rhyming anymore. Thank goodness for that. Besides, I can start again anytime I want to. See? It’s nice to see you, Applejack. I’m just eating a healthy orange. I mean snack. Wait, what?” She blinked, and tried again. “I know I can rhyme if I try, if you can make an apple tart. I mean… pie.”
“Sounds to be quite problematic, for me it’s stuck on automatic,” Applejack said. “Well I must be getting to my stand, can’t leave it for too long unmanned.” As she walked away, Zecora felt an overwhelming sense of dread engulf her.
“My brain just can’t rhyme anymore. And suddenly my back feels… perfectly comfortable,” Zecora grumbled, rubbing her sore back. “I guess it really wasn’t bad to rhyme so much: it made me… happy. In a way I didn’t see, rhyming was just a part of… myself,” she struggled with the phrases, unable to match them with their proper rhyme. “I just wish for it to all turn back… now that I realize what I lack.”
Zecora’s eyes widened as she noticed what had just happened. “What? It’s back? I swear I rhymed, in verses were those words I chimed.” She grinned and walked over to her basket of oranges. “I’m glad I got to try these oranges, I…” her face blanked out as she realized what she had done.
Unnoticed to Zecora, fifty meters above her, Rainbow Dash and Discord laughed as an ear splitting shriek cut through the air.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“Hey, isn’t that the pony obsessed with muffins?” Rainbow Dash asked, pointing to a clumsy-looking gray pegasus with a yellow mane. Discord shrugged.
“I don’t exactly know a lot of ponies… They tend to find me a bit unsettling, you see,” Discord said. “But I’m assuming you have something in mind?”
Rainbow Dash nodded as her eyes narrowed evilly. “Of course I have something in mind.”
Ten minutes later, Derpy Hooves had just finished delivering a parcel when she heard somepony call her name. “Hey Derpy! Would you mind helping me stomp the rain out of a couple of these storm clouds?” Rainbow Dash called. Always happy to help, Derpy flew up to join her with a smile on her face.
“Of course, Rainbow Dash, I’ll take this one over there,” she said, pushing the cloud away.
“What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Can’t you do it over here?”
“Oh. No. I can’t. It’s to minimize the damage, after what happened last time,” Derpy said, smiling sheepishly as she pushed the cloud to the center of a clearing, a good distance away from any buildings. She positioned herself on the storm cloud and leaped enthusiastically into the air. As she landed, a small electric shock came out, making her mane stand on end. A few tries later, a small amount of water leaked out and the cloud turned white.
“All done!” Derpy beamed, pushing the cloud back in Rainbow Dash’s direction. When she got back, Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be found. “I’ll just leave this in the air then,” she called, leaving it behind. She glanced over at the cluster of storm clouds Rainbow Dash had asked her to help clear and blinked. There was something off about one of them.
Derpy flew closer to take a closer look. All of the clouds were raining, but there was one in the center that had a different rain, a wonderful smelling rain with raindrops as large as apples. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that the cloud was raining muffins, freshly baked blueberry muffins, to be accurate.
Derpy stuck her hoof out, catching one mid-flight. The heat of the baked muffin settled into her rain-soaked hooves, warming them as the tantalizing smell of a perfect blueberry muffin teased her nostrils. She looked around to make sure nopony was watching, and took a bite of the fluffy, crunchy pastry, going wall-eyed with bliss as the rate her wings were flapping almost doubled. “Wow… a muffin cloud,” she whispered, taking the cloud with her. She would need to store this somewhere safe.
Derpy gently nudged the cloud, being careful not to do anything that might damage it, towards the middle of the field where she stomped out the first one, leaving it over a nearby picnic basket somepony had left unattended. The basket began to fill with muffins, muffins she promised herself she’d enjoy when her job was done. Nodding approvingly at her muffin cloud, she flew back towards Rainbow Dash’s cloud cluster.
When she got there, two more muffin clouds had emerged. “Poppyseed and banana nut,” she said aloud, smelling the aroma and taking a bite out of each to be certain. She happily moved each cloud back to the center of the field over the nearly filled basket, rolling up the sides of the picnic cloth for more storage space after some consideration. She wouldn’t want any muffins to go to waste.
Returning to the cluster of storm clouds, she was pleasantly surprised to find that they were all raining muffins. Raspberry, chocolate chip, coffee, oatmeal raisin, and pumpkin muffin clouds all floated in front of her, showering the land with their delicious pastry rain. “This is a miracle!” Derpy declared, pushing the rest of the clouds all over to the center of the field, where a small storm of muffins was falling. She dove into the small hill of muffins, nuzzling her face into the nearest one and sighing contently.
“Derpy? What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash asked. All of a sudden, Derpy felt very cold, very wet, and very hungry. She blinked, staring up at the roof of storm clouds above her.
“Huh?” Derpy asked, looking around. She was on a rolled-up picnic cloth being showered by a dozen rain clouds, presumably the same ones that had been raining muffins a moment earlier. “But… those were full of muffins,” she said, realizing too late how silly she sounded.
A brown stallion ran over with his wife and kids. “Our picnic! Why would you do such a thing?!” he stared at Derpy in bewilderment. “Just one day! Is that too much to ask?” he shouted at the sky as his family cowered. “Well fine! You don’t want us to have a picnic? We’ll just go home then! Come on, we’re leaving,” he shouted again, then turned to his wife and kids, giving them an angry glare. They walked away dragging their hooves.
“I didn’t mean to! I swear!” Derpy shouted at them, then sighed. She moved out from under the rain and shook herself off. “Sorry, Rainbow Dash, I’ll get them clean in no time I promise!”
“Alright then, thanks for the help,” Rainbow Dash said, pulling out a muffin and taking a bite.
“Wait, where did you get that muffin?” Derpy asked, staring. It looked exactly like the muffins from the clouds she had eaten from.
“A friend baked a bunch and said I could have some,” Rainbow Dash said, finishing the muffin. “Here, why don’t you have a couple for when you finish working?” she handed Derpy three blueberry muffins that looked suspiciously familiar.
“Wait, I… what?” Derpy asked as Rainbow Dash flew away. She shrugged, putting the muffins aside and preparing to get to work.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“How does it work again?” Rainbow Dash asked, poking at a water balloon on the ground with a hoof.
“Simple, really, anypony struck by this balloon will think that they’re being followed around by their deepest fear for an hour,” Discord said. “It’s harmless, really, as their fear can’t hurt them, unless of course they were deathly afraid of water balloons.”
“Seems kind of mean for a prank,” Rainbow Dash said. “And besides, we won’t even get to see what’s going on. There are a couple really mean ponies out there, but nopony I’d wish this on. Let’s not do this one.”
“Oh please, it’s not like anypony’s going to get hurt,” Discord grumbled, but grudgingly obliged. “So what kind of a prank do you have in mind?” Rainbow Dash thought for a moment as Discord crossed his fingers behind his back, sending an extremely tiny, barely visible trickle of magic towards Rainbow Dash’s wings.
“Well…” she trailed off as her wings flared open, sending the water balloon rolling rapidly downhill. “Wait, what?!” she asked. “I didn’t…” as she glared at Discord, the balloon rolled off the edge of the cliff and landed perfectly into an open window, followed by a loud scream.
“Who, me? I am appalled that you would suggest such a thing. But since the ball- or balloon, has been set in motion, might as well… watch?” He smiled innocently, handing Rainbow Dash a pair of opera glasses. “These will help you see what the target is seeing,” he said.
“Kinda dorky, aren’t they. Can you make them look cooler?” Rainbow Dash asked, fumbling with the little stick.
“Pfft. Don’t you know that everything is better on a stick? Candy, for example, or marshmallows, or angry rioter’s protest signs… but if you insist…” He snapped his fingers and they turned into a pair of shades. “Now, let us watch!”
A minute earlier, Colgate admired her reflection in the mirror, having just brushed after eating lunch. She gave herself a shiny white smile, examining her perfect teeth, a smile that faded quickly when a water balloon flew in through the window and smacked her in the face, soaking her mane.
“Hey, that wasn’t very nice!” she called, sticking her head out the window but finding nopony around. “How rude,” she muttered, reaching for a towel. As she dried herself off, she noticed herself in the mirror again and smiled brightly. Then almost gagged.
Her wonderful shiny white teeth had turned into rotten, mottled brown ones. Colgate blinked, shaking slightly as she closed her mouth and reopened it, checking her reflection in the mirror. Then she let out an ear splitting scream.
Twinkleshine came running into the restroom. “What’s wrong, Colgate? I heard the scream and thought something horrible had happened… is everything okay?” she asked, looking around. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with the restroom.
Colgate nodded furiously. “You wanna tell me what it is then?” Twinkleshine asked, staring at her oddly. Colgate shook her head sadly. “Colgate, we’ve been roommates for a year now, you can tell me when something’s wrong.” Twinkleshine said, walking over to her roommate’s side. Colgate backed up a little, turning her head to the side and shedding a tear.
“C’mon, Colgate… wait. You aren’t pregnant, are you?” Twinkleshine asked as Colgate shook her head furiously. “Okay, good. So anyway…” Twinkleshine’s words faded out as Colgate stared at her roommate’s teeth. There was something odd happening. As she spoke, her regular white teeth started to wilt, like an apple left out in the sun. Brown spots appeared and the teeth seemed to age from a pearly white to a dingy gray. Colgate’s eyes widened as she backed up in fear.
“So don’t worry about it. I swear everything will be okay!” Twinkleshine said, smiling widely. Colgate stared at the wide smile full of decaying teeth and screamed again, running out the door and leaving Twinkleshine completely and utterly confused.
“Good evening miss,” a passing stallion said, tipping his hat and flashing Colgate a smile as she walked outdoors. In a matter of seconds, his smile had turned to a mess of rot. Colgate shuddered in disgust.
“Stay away from me!” she screamed, running the opposite direction. The stallion’s wife slapped him in the face with a hoof.
“I told you your breath stank, but no! You thought that gargling with water was enough! Maybe this will teach you to ignore the mouthwash that I spent our hard-earned money on!” she said as the husband smiled at her sheepishly.
“Good morning, Colgate!” Pinkie Pie said, falling out of the sky and landing in front of Colgate, wearing a huge smile. Colgate blinked as Pinkie Pie’s teeth turned gray and half of them fell out.
“Ahh!” she screamed, backpedaling. Pinkie blinked, then smiled wider.
“AHH!” Pinkie screamed back, approaching her playfully.
“AHHHH!” Colgate screamed as the smile grew closer. She raised a hoof to shield herself from the horror.
“AAAAHHHHHH!” Pinkie Pie screamed, the force of her voice holding her up in the air for a good three seconds. “I win!” she beamed, but Colgate had already run away. “Huh. What a weird pony,” Pinkie Pie muttered.
Colgate ran away as fast as she could towards the edge of town. “Gotta find a place where there are no ponies,” she said to herself. “I can’t risk infecting any more of them. I’ve caught… the toothrot.” She made it to the Everfree Forest, turning back to the village where she made her home. “I guess this is goodbye… I’ll miss you… my friends… I’ll just go into the cold, dark, unforgiving forest…”
“Good afternoon, my pony friend! What brings you to this forest end?” Zecora asked, waving and walking over to Colgate.
Colgate braced for the inevitable, then blinked. “Wait… your teeth. They aren’t rotten.” Zecora stared at her oddly.
“Of course they aren’t, for you can see, my teeth are clean as clean can be. But it would seem I’m not alone, your teeth are shiny to the bone,” Zecora said, leading Colgate to a nearby pond. Staring at her reflection, Colgate breathed a sigh of relief as she noticed her teeth were back to normal.
“Yippee! They’re okay!” Colgate smiled brightly, galloping back towards Ponyville. “I didn’t give everypony the toothrot!” she hollered.
“Although I’m glad she’s not deranged, I must say that she’s rather strange,” Zecora muttered to herself, leaving.
High in the sky, Rainbow Dash and Discord were arguing on a cloud. “That was you, I know it was you! I wouldn’t do anything like that with my wings! I have complete control over them!” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her forelegs.
“Oh yeah? Well then, I suppose…” Discord leaned in and whispered something in Rainbow’s ear, causing her to turn blush as her eyes widened and her wings flared up.
Rainbow Dash shook her mane and looked away. “I… um… Okay, fine, but that wasn’t what happened back there!” She shifted back and forth uncomfortably as her wings settled down.
“Alright, alright. That was me. But still, it all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” Discord asked.
“But what if Zecora didn’t show up? Then Colgate would have turned into a forest hermit!” Rainbow Dash said. “And I wouldn’t blame her, those teeth were disgusting!”
“She’d figure it out eventually?” Discord offered, shrugging. “I’m sure it wouldn’t have lasted more than a day or two.”
“Whatever…” Rainbow Dash said. “Let’s just move on to the next target.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Blueblood's Perfect Match
It was a lovely evening. The sun was cheery, the birds were singing, and six little ponies were enjoying milkshakes at Sugarcube Corner. “So… if you could pick anypony in the world to mess with, who would you pick?” Rainbow Dash asked, taking a sip of her drink.
“What makes you say that?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow. “You haven’t been doing stuff behind our backs, have you?”
“Oh, no reason…” Rainbow Dash said, looking away. “Just felt like starting a conversation is all.”
“Well, I suppose…” Fluttershy began, but was immediately cut off by Rarity.
“Of course it would be Blueblood, that disgusting buffoon. I’d like to see him get what’s coming to him for once!” she exclaimed, stomping a hoof on the floor. Clearly her mental scars from that night had not healed. “Oh. Pardon me, you were saying, Fluttershy?”
“I was just saying that…” Fluttershy said, before looking around to make sure that nopony else wanted to talk. “I just wanted to say that…” she continued before Pinkie Pie finished her milkshake.
“More!” Pinkie shouted, rocketing into the air and dashing away towards the counter. She zipped back in an instant with another shake. “I’d get Cranky Doodle Donkey because he could laugh more. In fact, anypony could laugh more, but he needs to laugh especially super duper more! Because he’s extra extra cranky and when you’re extra extra cranky, you need to laugh super duper harder to be happy and…” Applejack shoved a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.
“I think we get the idea, Pinkie,” she said. “Anyway, I gotta go for now, I promised Granny Smith I’d plow the back field today, and took some time off to chat with yall, but that field ain’t gonna plow itself you know?” Applejack excused herself, leaving out the building.
“Yeah, I’ll just go too. I’ve got something to do all of a sudden,” Rainbow Dash said, getting up and flying out the door. “Thanks for the milkshakes, Pinkie!” she called behind her.
“No problemo!” Pinkie Pie said, happily slurping up the rest of her drink. She piled the rest of the empty glasses on a platter and took them away.
“I’ll get back to my studies then. See you later, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, calmly getting up and leaving. “Oh, wait. Did you have something to say?”
“It’s not important,” Fluttershy said, leaving the building in a surprisingly rash manner for a pony of her character.
“Wow. What’s up with her?” Twilight said to herself.
“Blueblood… Blueblood… What did he look like again?” Rainbow Dash asked, scouting around Canterlot.
“We could have taken a train, you know. You don’t have to use magic for everything,” Discord said, looking around with a pair of binoculars.
“Oh please, you have, like, unlimited magic don’t you? What’s the big deal?” Rainbow Dash replied. “Let’s just focus on finding Blueblood.”
“But I like the train,” Discord said as he noticed a particularly peeved-looking, finely groomed stallion walking around. A small siren popped out of the binoculars. “Target… sighted!” Discord called happily. “And it looks like he’s window shopping.”
“Alright, then… this might sound a little weird, but how are you at disguises?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking Discord up and down.
“Never saw a need for them, but I’m sure I could do it if it means a good time. What do you want to look like?” Discord asked.
“Oh, it’s not me I have in mind…” Rainbow Dash said, smirking.
“Too bland, too tacky, too old, two colors…” Blueblood said, walking down the street and staring at the various garments in a shop window. “What do you think of the crown?” he asked, turning to a servant pony, already overloaded with shopping bags.
“I…don’t think… that…” he managed to say before collapsing.
“Hmm… You’re right. It would look perfect on me,” Blueblood said, strolling into the shop.
“Help… me…” the servant pony said from the floor, buried under a pile of merchandise.
The bell rang as Blueblood stepped inside, making a beeline for the crown that caught his eye. Oddly enough, one of the clothing racks was moving and talking to itself. “Alfonse… clothing racks don’t normally talk, do they?” Blueblood called out the door.
“No… milord… they don’t…” Alfonse wheezed, still trapped under the bags.
“Hmm… didn’t think so,” Blueblood said. “Ah well, that’s a problem for the commoners.” He continued his trip towards the crown.
Meanwhile, in the clothing rack, Rainbow Dash and Discord were arguing. “I’m not doing it! There is a line, and this is where I draw it!” Discord said.
“Oh come on! You’ve done way worse than that!” Rainbow Dash said. “Alright fine… if you do this for me, I’ll let you choose the next prank and help in any way you want me to.”
“That’s just… any way I want?” Discord asked. Rainbow Dash nodded. “Alright then… enjoy this while you can.” Discord closed his eyes and shrouded himself in a veil of pink smoke.
“Oh I plan to,” Rainbow Dash said, poking her head out between two coats. “Better hurry, he’s about to make his purchase.”
“Yeah, yeah,” came a slightly more feminine voice. “How’s this?”
“Little more girly,” Rainbow Dash said. “And could you at least try to make yourself look attractive?”
“You don’t want to know what I find attractive,” Discord said in a mare’s voice. “Better?”
“Hmm… it’ll do,” Rainbow Dash said, nodding. “Now do it.”
Blueblood was at the register having a rather aggressive chat with the clerk. “Do you know who I am? I am Prince Blueblood. THE Prince Blueblood.”
“I do apologize, Your Highness, but I just can’t give things away for free, I’d go bankrupt!” the clerk said.
“I demand to see your manager!” Blueblood said, stomping a hoof and snorting.
“But I am the manager! I own the store…” the poor clerk said, cowering.
“I’ll handle this…” a voice said from behind Blueblood. Both of them turned as a gorgeous, refined looking light pink mare in a royal gown walked forward. “Here is your payment,” she said, handing the right amount of bits over to the store manager. “I am so sorry for how you were treated here,” she said.
“Oh, no problem at all, miss! Thank you so much!” the clerk said, accepting the bits gratefully. The pink mare slapped him across the face with a hoof.
“I wasn’t talking to you, commoner,” she said as she placed the crown on Blueblood’s head. “The common folk these days.” She walked out the door.
“Another one for the pile, milord?” Alfonse wheezed, finally making it into the store with all of the shopping bags. Blueblood’s mouth was agape. “Milord?”
“I think… I’m in love,” Blueblood said, dropping the crown and running outside. Alfonse heaved a heavy sigh as he got to work moving the mountain of purchases back outside. A sky blue pegasus burst out of a nearby clothes rack, rolling on the ground in laughter.
“Oh my god! That was a good one! In love! What a sucker!” Rainbow Dash laughed as a startled Alfonse backpedaled into the mountain of bags, knocking them over.
“I’m okay,” he said as Rainbow Dash left the store. “Not that anypony… cares.”
Meanwhile, Blueblood was chasing the pink mare outside. “Wait!” he called as he galloped harder than he ever had in his life. “I finally caught up with you! I must know your name!”
The pink mare gave him a passing glance. “You may call me… Her Royal Majesty the Glorious Princess Snooty Von Tooty. Or Snoot, for short.”
“What a beautiful name. I am His Royal Majesty the Magnificent Prince Blueblood. Or Blueblood, for you,” he said. “Would you be interested in a ride through Canterlot Castle in my best private carriage?”
“I suppose. I was just going to stop by the pub to...” Snoot began.
“Scoff at the commoners? That’s one of my favorite pastimes!” Blueblood finished for her. “Anyway, we’ve left Alfonse behind, that clumsy fool.”
“It’s no issue, I have… more dependable servants,” Snoot said, clapping her hooves twice. A brightly painted gold and gem encrusted carriage fell out of a nearby tree. Blueblood nodded in approval and got into the front seat. “Ahem. You wouldn’t make a Princess tow a carriage, would you?” Snoot asked.
After about ten minutes of shouting, threats, and reminders of family lineage, Blueblood and Snoot rode across town in the back of a wonderful gilded carriage, lugged by the store owner from earlier and Alfonse the pony butler.
“Do you ever ask yourself how you got into these situations?” the store owner asked, turning to Alfonse.
“Every waking moment of my life,” Alfonse said, trudging along. Ten minutes later, they had reached the courtyard of Canterlot Castle.
“Welcome home, Master Blueblood,” several servants lined up to help Blueblood out of the carriage.
“See to it that the garden is prepared for a romantic evening and leave us alone no matter what,” Blueblood instructed as the servants scattered. “I suppose it’ll take them a while.”
“Oh, I have a feeling they’ll work much faster than normal,” Snoot said, lightly stomping her hoof on the ground. An extremely thin sliver of magic trickled out, unseen to anypony else, heading towards the garden.
“Hmm, do you really think so? Very well then, I’ll grace them with ten fewer seconds than normal. They should be done about… now,” he headed towards the garden.
By now, the sun had begun to set and a wonderful orange glow poured over the garden. Blueblood took Snoot onto a small bridge overlooking a pond full of lily pads. “Princess Snoot, I give you permission to kiss me,” he said, closing his eyes. When he opened them, Princess Snoot was gone. He was face to face with a terrible hound-like creature with a hundred glowing red eyes. “AAAH!” he shouted, backing away in disgust and falling into the pond.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Such a fool, sending away the only servant who possessed the power to defeat me, Snooticalus, eater of fine clothes, muddier of royal manes, and trampler of… expensive flowers!” Discord roared from his disguise, walking over and stepping lightly on a flower.
“No! Not my flowerbeds!” Blueblood shouted, clambering out of the pond. “Alfonse! Help!” He rocketed back towards the house as Discord turned back to his normal form.
“I hope you’re happy now,” Discord said, folding his arms.
Rainbow Dash came out from behind a cloud, laughing uncontrollably as she beat her hooves on the ground. “Snoot?” she asked him after catching her breath.
“Well pardon me for not deciding on a name beforehand,” Discord mused. “Savor this moment, because next time, it’s your turn.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“So let me get this straight, all I have to do is go in there, enter that bowling competition, and I’m free to go?” Rainbow Dash asked, pointing into the bowling alley.
“Yep, that’s all you have to do. And then we’ll be even for the… Snoot issue,” Discord said, snapping his fingers. A white polo shirt and bowling bag appeared on Rainbow Dash’s body. “Have fun! I’ll be watching,” he said as he faded into thin air.
Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and walked inside. Sure, it wasn’t going to be easy winning against ponies who had bowling cutie marks, but it could be a lot worse… right?
“Name?” a bored looking pony asked at the counter.
“Rainbow Dash!” she replied, handing over the entry fee of ten bits.
“Good luck…” he replied in a completely emotionless voice.
The room suddenly became deathly quiet as the doors squeaked open and the radio playing throughout the bowling alley changed to cheesy music. The clerk scrambled to look dignified as a pony in a purple shirt and hairnet walked in with a confident stride, placing ten bits on the table.
“Jesus Pezuna, nice to see you again,” the clerk said shakily, entering his name in. The pony named Jesus nodded at him, walking past Rainbow Dash and taking a seat. He gave her a nod, sending chills down her spine.
“It’s like he’s groping you with his eyes,” a large stallion in shades beside her whispered. “You know he’s a foal molester, I heard he did jail time for…”
“Drop it, Walter,” a stallion snapped. He sported a rather bushy mustache and goatee, and his mane was parted down the middle. “Name’s Jeff Letrotski, but you can call me ‘The Dude’. The pony beside me’s Walter, and the skinny one puking in the trash can is Donny. Haven’t seen you around here.”
“I’m Rainbow Dash, and I’m gonna win this thing!” Rainbow Dash said, smiling. “Good luck!” She offered her hoof to The Dude.
“Yeah? Well that’s just like, your opinion, man,” The Dude said, completely emotionless.
"What's a man?" Rainbow Dash asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know, man," The Dude said.
Donny came over, wiping his face. “You’d have to be pretty good to beat Jesus,” he said, grimacing. “Ugh, looks like it’s HIS turn.”
Jesus walked up to his lane, setting his bowling ball on the ground. He then proceeded to lick the ball all over, staring into his reflection with a creepy gaze as Rainbow Dash watched in disgust. Ten seconds later, he finally nudged the ball forward, miraculously knocking over every pin in a strike. Jesus spun around snapping his hoof towards the ground and nodded cockily at The Dude before doing the same thing to a second ball.
“Are your bowling matches usually… this dramatic?” Rainbow Dash asked Donny, who seemed to be the only sane one around here. He nodded shakily. Rainbow Dash didn’t blame him, anypony would feel uncomfortable being around Jesus.
“My turn,” The Dude said, stepping up to the lane. He set the ball in the center, turned around, and bucked it with his hindleg, sending it flying straight down the lane into a perfect strike, repeating the same perfect kick for a second strike not long after.
“Whoa. These ponies are good,” Rainbow Dash said softly. Jesus paid The Dude no attention, busy shining (or perhaps cleaning) his bowling ball awkwardly with a strip of white cloth.
“You’re up, Rainbowski,” The Dude said as Rainbow Dash moved up and took her spot on the lane.
“Darnit… I hate losing…” she grumbled. But she had never even touched a bowling ball before, how would she… Her gaze drifted downward towards the oddly colored ball in her hand. Discord’s face winked back at her. “Oh. I get it,” she smiled, setting the ball down and nudging it forward. It immediately veered towards the gutter.
“Ha! Gonna win this thing! You’d much sooner…” Walter began, then stopped as the ball jumped over the gutter, knocked over all the pins in the surrounding lane, jumped back, and cleared Rainbow Dash’s lane.
“What? That’s cheating!” Walter bellowed, pulling out a handgun from who knows where and firing it into the air with his mouth. Unfortunately for him, he forgot he was indoors and a shower of plaster rained down on his head, followed by a heavy ceiling light that knocked him unconscious.
“You’re just jealous of my mad bowling skills,” Rainbow Dash bragged, rolling another Discord ball down the lane. It stopped, pulled the first pin up in its arms, and danced a graceful waltz, knocking over the other pins in the process, before dropping its dance partner.
“Can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like that before, but you still won’t beat the Jesus,” Jesus said, taking his spot.
“What just happened, man?” The Dude asked, staring at Rainbow Dash oddly. Several hours later, Jesus, Rainbow Dash, and The Dude were the only three left in the match.
“Please, let Jesus destroy your face,” Jesus said, gracefully rolling the ball down the lane and knocking down eight of the ten pins.
“Looks like it’s a split,” Donny said nervously. “You might have a chance, Dude!”
Jesus smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at Donny before knocking down both pins with an expertly aimed bowling ball.
“Alright, this is it, man,” The Dude said, bucking a bowling ball hard down his lane. All but one of the pins fell down. He followed up shortly, finishing his round with a spare.
“Time for The Dash to take home the gold!” Rainbow Dash cheered, completely in the moment as she hurled the Discord ball down the lane. The ball touched the ground, rolling slowly towards the pins. “Huh?” Rainbow Dash said, as all eyes on the room turned to the ball as it stopped just before the pins. “No fair!” she shouted. The ball exploded, the force of the shockwave rippling throughout the bowling alley and knocking down every pin in every lane. “YES! IN YOUR FACES!” She squealed at The Dude and Jesus, then turned towards the clerk. “I do win, right?”
The clerk glanced down at the unconscious Walter. “Well, it doesn’t seem like anypony around here really gives a feather about the rules, so yeah. Congrats, I guess.” Jesus and The Dude hung their heads in shame as Rainbow Dash strutted her way out the door with a bowling trophy.
“Well, looks like we’ve met our match,” The Dude said to Jesus as they, too got up and left.
“Don’t leave me behind!” Donny said, racing after them. The door swung shut as Walter regained consciousness, shaking bits of plaster off of his mane and readjusting his sunglasses.
“Am I the only one around here?” he asked, examining his surroundings.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
End of Part Two: Spike's Flame
“Today’s target will be… Spike!” Rainbow Dash announced, pointing towards Twilight’s Library.
“You’ve really run out of ideas, haven’t you?” Discord asked.
“What? No! I know exactly what we’re doing with him! We’re going to make it so that when he sends one of Twilight’s letters, it explodes!” Rainbow exclaimed. She snuck up by the window. “Look, he’s sending one now!”
Spike clasped the letter firmly in his claw, breathing a small gout of green flame and lighting the edge. Oddly enough, nothing happened. He tried again, taking a deeper breath and exhaling a larger flame as Discord snapped his fingers outside.
The force of the ensuing explosion sent him flying into the wall as the letter drifted slowly down and settled on his head. “What just happened?” Spike asked, taking the letter in his claws and checking it over. It seemed normal.
“Yawn,” Discord said. “I can do better in my sleep.”
“Let’s see you try then!” Rainbow Dash replied, folding her forelegs.
“Gladly,” Discord smirked.
Back inside the library, Spike shook the dust off his body, rolled up the letter, and held it as far away from his body as possible. “Please don’t explode,” Spike said to it, as he took a deep breath…
A torrent of flame shot out of Spike’s backside, engulfing the bookshelf behind him. His eyes widened as he slowly turned around. The bookshelf was now empty.
Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Celestia was enjoying her afternoon tea when a waterfall of books rained out of the sky, spilling her tea and crushing her coffee cake. A vein pulsed in her forehead as the sun seemed to flare brighter.
“Oh geez,” Spike muttered, examining the bookshelf. There was no way Twilight was going to let him live this one down.
“Spike, did you finish sending the letter yet? There’s something I need you to do for me,” Twilight called from upstairs.
“Not yet, I’ll be right on it!” Spike shouted back nervously.
Back outside the library window, Rainbow Dash and Discord were laughing heartily. “That was a good one, I have to admit. But next, can you…” Rainbow Dash leaned in and whispered something in Discord’s ear. He nodded, giving his claw a twirl.
Spike sat down in a bucket of water, gently holding the scroll as far away as possible, and took a deep breath. His claws suddenly slipped as the scroll sucked up into his mouth, causing him to fall over, gasping for air. The bucket emptied its contents onto the wooden floor, creating a large, slippery puddle.
Spike gagged as he forced the scroll out, stomped out of the water, and shook himself off. “Why are you doing this to me?” he shouted, shaking his fist at the ceiling.
Twilight ran downstairs, slipped in the water, and landed on Spike. “Ow. Wait, is that my letter? Why is the floor wet? What’s going on, Spike?” she asked.
“I DON’T KNOW!” Spike shouted, pushing her off of him. “Every time I try to send this letter, SOMETHING goes wrong! Watch!” He inhaled deeply and engulfed the letter in a wave of fire. When the flame died down, the letter was encased in a block of ice, along with the claw that held it. Spike wiggled his arm awkwardly, looking at Twilight as if to say “I told you so”.
“What?” Twilight asked, staring at the letter. “But that doesn’t make any sense... Why don’t you try again, and I’ll watch this time?”
Spike shrugged. “I’ve pretty much given up, but alright.” He took a deep breath, and when he exhaled, Pinkie Pie flew out, landing on the floor and skidding a few meters.
“Hi Spike!” she said, smiling widely. “Whatcha doin?”
“Sorry, Pinkie. I was just trying to send a letter and… well… you popped out,” Spike said.
“Oh, that’s okay! I pop out when I try to send a letter sometimes too!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing up and down.
“Pinkie, do you remember what you were doing before you got here?” Twilight asked.
“I was on my way out to give Applejack this cupcake!” Pinkie Pie said, pulling a wrapped cupcake out from her saddlebag. “And then everything turned green, and you showed up!”
“So you didn’t see any sort of magical creature about to send a letter or anything?” Twilight asked.
“Nope! Just walking along and then FWOOSH! I’m in a library!” Pinkie Pie replied.
“Alright, I think I have this figured out. But just to be sure, I need you to try sending the letter one last time, okay Spike?” Twilight asked.
“Oh alright. But this better be the last time. Who knew a letter on friendship could cause so much trouble?” he grumbled, melting away the ice with a small flame and clutching the soggy letter in his claws.
“The last time, hmm? I know just the thing…” Discord said outside.
“Hold on! You did the last two things! It’s my turn now!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Whose magic is it?” Discord asked her.
“You two!” Twilight screamed, slamming open a window. “I should’ve known it was you! What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“I’m the better prankster anyway! The best ones were based off of my ideas!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“Well if you think that way, why don’t we arrange a competition? Best prank wins,” Discord said, folding his arms.
“Fine! We’ll do three pranks each, and the loser has to do whatever the winner says for a week!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Very well then! I look forward to seeing you dancing nonstop for a week.” Discord said, turning around and pulling out an umbrella. “Nice to see you, Twilight, how’re the books?” he gave her a friendly nod. “Ta-ta!” a strong gust of wind blew by as he opened his umbrella and flew away.
Twilight blinked slowly. This was obviously not the reaction she expected. “Um… Rainbow? What’s going on here?”
“Oh, we were just pranking Spike and I agreed to face Discord in a prank-off. Oh feathers…” Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “I am so dead.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Part 3 intro: Helping Hooves
“… and that’s why I need your help,” Rainbow Dash finished, looking around at her five best friends. They stood in silence, staring back with mixed expressions.
“Forgiven!” Pinkie Pie shouted, breaking the silence and hugging Rainbow Dash. “I always love a good prank!” she added, giggling.
“But why Angel?” Fluttershy asked. “He’s such a cute little bunny and never did anything wrong. Why would you be so mean to him? Poor little thing was scared half to death by your bullying.”
“Oh, c’mon! Angel tied me up and put me in a stewpot once. He’s not as innocent as you think,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Dude! What about me?” Spike shouted. “Not cool!”
“Geez, you’re acting like I hurt you or something,” Rainbow Dash said, breaking eye contact and blowing a wisp of her mane out of her eyes.
“Hurt me? I…FARTED…FIRE,” Spike said, advancing closer to her with each word. Rainbow shrunk back a little.
“Well, half of those weren’t mine,” Rainbow Dash said.
“So you’re the reason why my library keeps rearranging itself?” Twilight asked angrily.
“That wasn’t me! I wouldn’t do something like… alright, alright I guess I would but still!” Rainbow Dash said. Twilight stared her in the eyes and sighed.
“Well, there’s not much we can do now, is there?” she said. “At least it’s over and we know.”
“Except it isn’t over, not for Rainbow at least,” Rarity said. “She’s turned to us for assistance with this Discord matter, remember?”
“I’m in!” Pinkie Pie cheered, bouncing up and down. “I have a ton of ideas already, too!”
“I… can’t. I’m sorry. It’s just… I’m Discord’s closest friend, and it wouldn’t feel right to side against him. Good luck though,” Fluttershy said, hanging her head in shame.
“Aw, shucks. Don’t feel bad, Fluttershy,” Applejack said, giving Rainbow Dash an angry look. “It’s not your responsibility to bail Rainbow Dash out of every mess she gets herself into.” She paused for a moment. “But I guess a friend’s a friend. You can count me in, though I can’t say I have a whole lot of experience with pranking.”
“If I help you, will you at least try to think before you open your big mouth next time?” Twilight asked Rainbow Dash, who smiled reassuringly, nodding. “Alright then. In that case… I’ll pair my assistance with… Spike’s decision.”
“Spike?” Rainbow Dash asked the little purple dragon. “You’re not still mad at me, are you?”
“All I wanted was to send one letter. One prank would have been enough…” he grumbled. “I might have even laughed. But no! Not once, not twice, but FIVE times in a row?” he stopped mid-rant when Rarity stepped forward.
“I will admit that it’s not fun being on the receiving end of these… pranks. But I’ll forgive you and help however I can,” she said to Rainbow Dash. Spike coughed and shifted his weight back and forth.
“Uh… I mean. I guess we’re cool. Twilight and I will help!” he announced, glancing at Rarity as Twilight slapped herself in the face with a hoof.
“Yes!” Rainbow Dash cheered, fluttering in the air. “Now I’ll win for sure!”
“Hold on, Rainbow Dash. What exactly did you bet?” Twilight asked. “I’d like to know more about what we’re getting ourselves into.”
“A… week of servitude,” Rainbow Dash said sheepishly. “Look, I thought it’d be cool to have a super powerful draconequus doing whatever I wanted for a week, alright? We can share him!”
“But if we lose, then we’ll all have to do whatever he wants,” Twilight said. “And who knows what that’ll be?”
“All of a sudden maintaining neutrality is starting to look more and more enticing,” Rarity mentioned, glancing over at Fluttershy.
“Wait! You already said you’d help me! And besides, we won’t lose! Since when has Discord ever beaten us?” Rainbow Dash asked, floating two feet in the air and folding her forelegs. Her friends turned to each other and muttered among themselves.
“Alright, I guess we can’t go back on our word, especially not in this hay of a situation you’ve gotten yourself into,” Applejack said. “Fluttershy, you sure you’re not going to help?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m staying out of this one,” she said.
“Looks like it’s just us then,” Twilight said. “I hope you have a plan, Rainbow Dash.”
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Rabbits, timberwolves, and even bears scattered as a particularly long, mean looking snake slithered its way through the Everfree Forest, wrapping itself gracefully around a tree to gaze at the setting sun. It watched in silence as the silhouettes of two alicorns performed their magic, finishing the sunset and raising the moon. As one of them turned to leave, the snake made its move.
As the snake left the tree, it silently sprouted limbs to resemble a lizard, crawling towards the edge of the forest at a rapid pace. Its limbs elongated until the lizard was at the height of a very large dog and its tail receded into its body. Its scales smoothed out, becoming fuzzier, a light brown coat of a well-kept pony’s to match its already-transforming face. All of these supernatural changes flowed so smoothly, so silently that anypony not strictly observing the snake would have noticed nothing out of the ordinary. And such was the case for a brown stallion heading home from a long, hard day of work when a stranger approached him in the dark.
“Bit late for a walk outside,” a soft, playful voice sounded behind Davenport. He turned around, spotting a beautiful green mare with a mane made of snow-white wisps that seemed to dance in the moonlight.
“I’m sorry, I don’t believe I’ve seen you around, miss…” Davenport said, gulping audibly as the mare came close. He could feel her warm breath on his chest.
“Summer Moon,” the mare said. “I’m just passing through.”
“Well, uh… Miss Moon. I’d love to stay and chat, but I really must be getting home. As you mentioned, it’s late out and I have work in the morning,” he said, turning to leave. Something about this pony was making the back of his mane stand on end, and not in a good way. Summer swiftly walked to reposition herself by his side.
“Work? What kind of work does a strong looking stallion like you do?” she asked. Davenport coughed. Was that… a look of hunger she had given him?
“Oh, sorry. Where are my manners? My name is Davenport. I sell Quills and Sofas at my store, Quills and Sofas,” he said, walking a little faster. He was almost home.
“I heard what you said the first time,” Summer said, smiling in a way that made Davenport sweat.
“No, I mean… the store is called Quills and Sofas- and I sell Quills and…” he sputtered as Summer placed a hoof against his mouth.
“I know, I just wanted to mess with you,” she laughed a little. Something about her touch made Davenport feel instantly at ease, as if his previous air of caution had simply blown away. He slowed his walk a little.
“Your wife and children must be lonely, waiting for their father to come back from work for so long,” Summer said.
“Oh, no, I don’t have a wife, I’m just a store owner. Doesn’t mean I don’t want one, though. It’s just, well… I tried,” Davenport said. “I mean, nopony would really take a love interest in a retail salespony when they’re looking for their knight in shining armor. Maybe someday.” He blinked, as an owl hooted, clearing his mind. Why was he being so open with a stranger he had only just met?
“I can think of one pony,” Summer leaned over and whispered in his ear, giving it a gently nip. Davenport felt his muscles relax a bit, dismissing his previous suspicious as Summer’s scent drifted over, tickling his nose.
“I… really?” he asked. He stopped walking when he realized they had approached his home. “You’re just passing through, right? Have you found a place to stay?” He asked, perhaps a bit too hopefully.
Summer flashed him a playful smile, glancing at him with knowing eyes. “Is that an offer?”
Davenport went to the door, fumbling with his keys and dropping them on the welcome mat. He chuckled nervously as he retrieved them, opening the door wide and turning on the lights. “My home is your home,” he said, going inside. “You can sleep on the sofa. I mean- don’t think of it as a sofa, it’s like I’m offering you a bed. But I don’t have a bed, I mean I sleep in a sofa, too, you know, since…yeah.” He ended awkwardly.
Summer giggled, walking into Davenport’s home. In the bright light, her cutie mark of five fireflies caught his eye. “Interesting cutie mark. You know, I’ve told you all about myself, but you’ve never told me what you do.” Summer glanced at her cutie mark and turned back with an odd look on her face. “Is something wrong? Don’t tell me you’ve never seen your cutie mark before,” Davenport said, smiling.
“I’m just a little tired right now,” Summer said, yawning softly. “Is it alright if we just go to bed?” Davenport nodded.
“Yeah, I could do with some sleep too,” he said. “See you in the morning.” He turned and began to head upstairs. “Just pick a sofa, any of them will do. I recommend the Canterlot Castle Ultra Plush Deluxe.”
Summer sighed and walked over to the stairs, placing her forelegs on Davenport’s shoulders. “When I said to go to bed, I didn’t mean to sleep,” she said. Davenport felt a very deep blush sweep across his face.
“I… uh… Sure! Let me get cleaned up first!” he mumbled, heading upstairs into a bathroom.
Chrysalis heaved a sigh and sprawled out onto the sofa. “Summer Moon… I really need to think of a better name than whatever’s currently above my head.” She looked upstairs in disgust at bathroom currently occupied by the lonely middle-aged retail pony. There was no way his emotions would be any more than a morsel. Still, this one would be very easy prey, and she was starving. Stallions seemed to have so much energy when mating that they never noticed when she took a bit of it for herself.
She gazed across the room as she waited for Davenport to come back. It was rather large, but space felt cramped as most of it was taken up by large, expensive looking sofas. In fact, the only other piece of furniture was a piano on the far side of the room, surprisingly well-maintained in sharp contrast to the dusty floorboards.
Chrysalis stared into her reflection against the polished piano surface, once again taking note of her cutie mark. Oddly enough, she didn’t remember choosing that particular mark, and never would, either: it would be too reminiscent of her true identity, the leader of the swarm, and nudge her into more easily breaking character, no matter how slight. Besides, fireflies were difficult to explain. “Why did that fool have to notice it? Now there’s no changing the ugly thing,” Chrysalis said to herself, glancing upstairs. The stallion was taking his time.
“It’s not polite to keep a lady waiting,” she called upstairs in her gentlest voice, barely containing a tone of impatience.
“Just one moment, darling!” Davenport called back. Chrysalis heard shower curtains being drawn.
She sighed and sank into the sofa. It was a lovely sofa, as soft as the nest where she bore new changelings, and barely distracted her from her hunger. As she stared into the ceiling, she felt herself change.
Chrysalis rolled over, checking out her reflection in the piano. The change was an unconscious motion and had grown her ears by four inches. She raised an eyebrow, slightly amused but mostly annoyed as she willed her ears back to their normal form. They didn’t change.
The upstairs door opened and Davenport strolled out with a freshly washed coat and mane. “Ready, darling?” he called, stepping downstairs. Chrysalis shot across the room, hitting the light switch as a massive pair of antlers sprouted from the top of her head. “Lights out, huh? I like the way you think,” Davenport said.
“It’s a good thing this one’s desperate AND stupid,” Chrysalis muttered as she gracefully guided him onto a sofa, aided by her natural night vision. “I’ll have to make him fall asleep,” she muttered under her breath. “Can’t really try to explain my appearance after this. I swear, if I find who’s doing this to me… I will destroy you.” She sprouted a second tail as she joined Davenport on the sofa.
“Ready when you are, dear,” Davenport said as the lights flickered on. “Wha-wha…whatttttt?” he asked. Chrysalis glared towards the light switch, but whatever had touched it was long gone.
"Great. Another meal gone,” she grumbled as she left for the door. The foolish pony would probably be too scared to report her to any sort of authority for a while. She would have a couple days’ head start.
“Whoa, where you going, beautiful? I thought we were gonna get it on!” Davenport said, grabbing her hoof and turning her around. Chrysalis shrieked in fear, backpedaling furiously. Where Davenport once stood was an antlered, two-tailed salespony with ears five inches above his head. His eyes floated out of their sockets and circled her, blinking. "Whoopsie, sorry. That tends to happen. But you'd know, being of my species, wouldn't you?" he asked as his tails whirled in a helicopter-sort of way.
“What are you?!” Chrysalis shouted, running out the door and taking off into the sky. Davenport smirked as his body shimmered, lengthening and changing into that of a draconequus.
“Score one for Discord,” he said, leaving Davenport’s home.
One hour later, Davenport woke up on the floor of his bathroom and headed downstairs. His potential love interest was nowhere to be found. “Darnit! Not again!” he screamed in frustration.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Dr. Whooves was heading out from a café when he
“There he is, go tell him!” Twilight hissed, peeking through the leaves.
“I built the darn boxes, why the hay do I have to tell him?” Applejack asked softly. “Rainbow Dash should do it. This was her idea.”
“What? But I moved all the clouds already!” Rainbow Dash said. “Rarity should go, she’s better at… this kind of stuff.”
“Wha’s that supposed to mean?” Rarity asked in a stern voice, raising an eyebrow.
“Ooh oh! Me! I’ll do it!” Pinkie Pie whispered as the leaves of the bush parted. Dr Whooves looked down at four ponies with a puzzled expression.
“Can I help you mare with anything?” he asked. “Wait… why are you… dressed like that?”
Twilight nudged Applejack, who nudged Rainbow Dash, who gently kicked Rarity, who glared back as Pinkie Pie sprang up and shouted, “It’s winter, silly!”
Dr. Whooves blinked and looked around. The birds were still out, the sun was shining down rather warmly, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. He gave a hearty, oddly high-pitched chuckle as the five ponies looked at him quizzically. “Winter? No no no, I’m afraid you’re quite mistaken. Winter was six months ago; it’s the middle of summer now..” He walked away, scoffing a little. “Winter.”
“And the bait has been set,” Pinkie Pie smiled sinisterly, placing a moustache on her lip and rubbing her hooves together.
Dr. Whooves strolled down the road towards his home, chuckling to himself. “Winter,” he laughed. Then he turned the corner to the street he lived on, finding it covered in snow.
“Oh dear…” he said, slowly realizing what had happened. “Oh dear…” His puzzled expression turned to a look of resolve as he galloped away towards the town hall. Pinkie Pie popped out of a trash can.
“Clear! Let’s get to work, ponies! Move it!” she shouted as Rainbow Dash and Applejack got to work.
“Where’d she go?” he muttered, looking around. “Excuse me, miss?” he tapped a sunbathing mare on the shoulder. “Do you happen to know… wait. Why are you sunbathing in the winter?”
“It’s not winter,” she replied, puzzled, and pointed at the sky. Indeed, the sun was shining back down on full force.
“What?” he asked, looking around. “But I could’ve sworn…” he shrugged and laughed nervously. “The sun must be getting to my head. You wouldn’t happen to have seen a blue police box around anywhere, would you?”
“Oh so you’re the one behind those. Yeah they’re everywhere,” the pony said. “I think the closest one’s just around the corner. Could you move now? You’re blocking my sun.”
Dr. Whooves scratched his head. “Everywhere? Could it be somepony’s using her without my knowledge?” he walked slowly back towards his home and turned the corner, to find the streets covered in red and brown leaves. A familiar-looking blue corner was sticking out of a rather large leaf pile.
“Found you, girl!” Dr. Whooves said. “And not a moment too soon! It appears that time is advancing to the point where it’s spiraling out of control.” He ran towards the police box, shoved some leaves out of the way, and went inside.
“State your emergency,” a cool-sounding mare’s voice rang out from the phone. Dr. Whooves blinked.
“Umm…” he said. This was definitely not the TARDIS. “I… gotta go!” he left the police box and examined it from the outside. It seemed that it was very recently brought into use.
A smiling pink earth pony bounced by. “Hi there mister, happy spring!” Hidden behind the fake TARDIS, Twilight concentrated on her horn and silently fired a spell at the trees.
Dr. Whooves’ jaw dropped as new green leaves sprouted before his eyes and flowers bloomed from the ground. “Oh dear oh dear oh dear…” he shouted, running down the street, passing by a group of fillies in scuba gear.
“TARDIS? TARDIS?” he asked frantically, looking around the corner and spotting another blue box. “C’mon, girl, where are you?” He threw open the door, finding himself face to face with another phone.
“Please state the nature of your…” the phone said before he slammed it shut. His eyes bugged out of their sockets as the group of four ponies in the bush walked by backwards, cheerfully engaged in backwards conversation.
“CURSE YOU DALLEEEEEEKKSS!” he shouted, running down the street.
“Do you think we went too far?” Rarity asked, stopping her backwards walk.
“No way! This will help us win for sure!” Rainbow Dash said.
“I reckon those police booths were worth all the plywood, paint, and time it took to make them,” Applejack said proudly.
“Speaking of police booths… which one was his?” Twilight asked as the other ponies shrugged.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Cheerilee opened the door to her classroom and walked inside. “Sorry I’m late, class, I was catching up with an old friend and lost track of time…” she trailed off as she realized her classroom was completely empty. Not only the students, but the chairs, desks, and chalkboard had all disappeared. “What in the world…” she wondered as she looked around.
“Miss Cheerilee, what are you doing on the ceiling?” Applebloom’s voice rang out from above her. Cheerilee looked up to see her students, along with all of the furniture, upside down on the ceiling. The door opened and Teacher’s Pet walked in, out of breath.
“Sorry I’m late, Miss Cheerilee. I overslept,” he puffed. Cheerilee watched in shock as he floated to the ceiling, rotating in the air. Oddly enough, the chubby little pony didn’t seem to notice. “Uhh, teacher? Why are you standing on the ceiling?” he asked. The class stared in silence.
“Oh, I… haha.. just felt it would be a nice change of pace, to keep the lessons fresh!” Cheerilee said, forcing a smile. Upside-down or not, she was still a teacher, and her job was to educate her students. She pulled herself to the roof using the Ponyville flag that hung off of the chalkboard, making her way over to her desk with great difficulty. Her students began murmuring among themselves.
She finally reached her desk and anchored herself upside-down to the ceiling by hooking her hindlegs onto her chair and grasping onto the desk with her hooves. The blood rushed to her head and her mane dangled down, but at least from this angle, her class looked normal.
“Weird new manestyle,” she heard Silver Spoon whisper to Diamond Tiara. “How do you think she gets it to stick straight up like that?”
Cheerilee clapped her hooves together to get her class to quiet down and almost flew out of her chair in the process. “Quiet down, class, it’s time to start today’s lesson on…” -she glanced at her lesson plan- “gravity. Great.”
Two long lessons later, it was finally time to stop for lunch, and it was a good thing, too. Cheerilee’s hooves were getting sore from constantly grasping onto the desk. She watched, smiling nervously as her students exited the classroom, gently dropping from the ceiling. As the last one left, she carefully lowered herself back onto the ground and went outside.
A face appeared on the globe behind her, smiling with a single tooth. “She’s dedicated, I’ll give her that,” Discord said as the furniture settled down from the ceiling. “It would be a little too cruel to leave her… hanging. But who’s to say I can’t place her in another sticky situation?”
When Cheerilee came back from lunch, she was relieved to see the room had righted itself. She took a seat at her desk and straightened a stack of papers as she waited for her students to return. In a matter of minutes, her papers were straightened and her students were back in their seats.
“Glad to see you got your mane back to normal,” Applebloom said.
“I am too,” Cheerilee replied, passing out a stack of worksheets. “Now then, on to our spelling lesson for the day. Follow along as I…” a large gray stallion in a giant vat of jelly was staring into the open window. “Can I help you, sir?” she asked, smiling nervously.
The pony responded with a smile of his own, a slow moving smile that began as a tiny grin and grew to crinkle his eyes. Cheerilee sighed and walked over, shutting the window. As she turned around, she saw the same pony in the window across the room. “What? How did you get over there so quickly?” she asked. That same smile slowly spread across the pony’s face as she walked over and shut that window, too.
“Stay calm, Cheerilee… it’s just another pony who wanted to see what was going on inside,” she said to herself. “Nothing creepy about that…” She spotted the jelly pony in the window in the back of the room, ran over, and slammed it shut. “Now then, class… let’s get back to spelling…” she said tiredly, walking back over to the blackboard and writing the word “saddlebag”. She walked across the room, checking each student’s work.
“Remember to curve your “S”, Twist. Let’s see a bit more of a tail on that “G”, Applebloom. Very good, Scootaloo! No, there’s only one “L” in saddlebag, Sweetie Belle,” she said. A knock came from the back window, but she ignored it.
Splat. Splat. Splat. A wet thwacking noise could be heard, slowly climbing up the outside wall. “Keep working, class, I’ll be right back,” Cheerilee said, opening the door and peeking outside. Nothing seemed to be wrong. She walked a little farther out and looked around, making a full circle around the schoolhouse. There was no sign of any jelly.
Cheerilee shrugged. “Maybe it’s safe to open the windows now. Some fresh air would be nice,” she said to herself as she opened the door. She took a step inside and found herself face-to-face with an entire classroom full of ponies sitting in tubs of jelly of different flavors. They all turned towards her, smiling that creepy smile. One of them held out a completed spelling worksheet.
“I’m all done!” it said in Scootaloo’s voice. A big gob of strawberry jelly rolled off of its hoof, splatting onto the ground.
“Big deal, we were first!” another one in a tub of mango jelly called in Diamond Tiara’s voice.
“Yeah, you jelly ?” the pony directly beside that one asked in Silver Spoon’s voice. Cheerilee’s left eye twitched.
“Oh dear… I seem to be in a bit of a jam …” a pony in blueberry jelly said in Teacher’s Pet’s voice, holding up a half-torn worksheet. “Can it still count? I managed to preserve half of it.”
Cheerilee’s class watched worriedly as their teacher began to laugh softly, growing into hysterics and ending in tears. “There, there, Cheerilee, don’t be sad. It’s only half of a spelling paper.” Teacher’s Pet said in a concerned voice.
Cheerilee looked up. All of the jelly ponies were gone and her class was back to the way it used to be. She sighed in relief. “I’m sorry. I was just… really tired. Why don’t we all take a break from spelling and just call it a day?” She watched as her students filed out of the classroom and sighed again, making her way back to her desk.
“Miss Cheerilee? I noticed you didn’t have lunch, so do you want half of mine?” Applebloom asked, placing a brown paper bag on her teacher’s desk. “It’s not healthy to skip a meal. I know it makes Big Macintosh real crazy sometimes.”
“Yeah, I think that would be a wonderful idea. Thank you, Applebloom, that’s really sweet of you. What’s in it, anyway?” Cheerilee smiled as she reached into the bag.
“Just half of a sandwich with zap apple jam,” Applebloom said, walking out the door. Cheerilee froze mid-bite as a smiling pony in a tub of zap apple jam peered in through the window. She slowly pushed the bag away with shaky hooves and deposited the sandwich in the trash, walking hurriedly out of the classroom.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“Alright girls, Cadence is leaving Canterlot Castle tomorrow, so tonight’s our only chance to get something really big pulled off,” Twilight said as the Friendship Express puffed merrily along the tracks.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this? I mean… she was your foalsitter… if you don’t want to, I’m sure we can find another target,” Applejack said.
“She’s one of the few ponies I feel comfortable to prank. I mean, yeah, she was my foalsitter and now she’s my sister-in-law! She’s the princess of the Crystal Kingdom and her cutie mark is of love and affection. If anypony will understand, it’s her,” Twilight said. “Are the dummies finished?”
“Exactly to your specifications, dear,” Rarity replied, pointing at a stack of crates in the back of the train cabin. “I just added a touch of my own, like I always do.”
“What? Please tell me you at least made it look scary!” Rainbow Dash said, flying over and opening a crate.
“Of course I did, I just… don’t make atrocities. The very least we could do was make him well dressed,” Rarity said.
“A SUIT? Rarity…” Rainbow Dash said, glowering as she held up a blank-faced, suited dummy with curiously long limbs.
“It’ll have to do. It does look creepy though, in its own way… kind of reminds you of something out of Luna’s games, don’t you think?” Twilight asked as the train chugged to a stop. “Let’s just get this unloaded and head to the castle. I’ve already written to the Princess to tell her we’d be staying there, so it should be alright.”
“We’re staying at the palace? Ooh,” Rarity giggled. “Since we’re not doing anything in the day, I could use the opportunity to…” –Twilight gave her a look- “…get ready for tonight’s wonderful prank?” she suggested timidly.
“Remember what’s at stake if we lose. Everypony grab a box. The way I planned it, we should be able to execute it flawlessly,” Twilight said, lifting a box with her magic and exiting the train.
Princess Cadance took a long sip of mango smoothie and wiped the sweat off of her brow. “Oh come on!” she shouted as she turned back to the screen. “You can’t kill me when I’m drinking smoothie! That’s just not fair!”
“You can kill me when I drink smoothies,” Luna said, her eyes narrowed with focus on the screen.
“But you never drink smoothies!” Cadance complained as her base exploded. “Hmph. I want a rematch.” Luna yawned and sprawled out on the floor.
“Maybe later, we are a little tired from playing so late into the day,” Luna said as she rifled through her wings with a hoof.
“The twenty four hour gaming session was your idea to begin with, and there’s only four hours left,” Cadance said, pulling her up off the floor. “Besides, if you’re getting sleepy, you know we have to switch over to the scary games.”
Luna sighed, stretched, and smiled. “Very well, let us begin. Whoever goes longest without screaming can choose the next one.”
“By the way, Twilight and her friends are visiting the castle today,” Cadance said nonchalantly, looking through the pile of games.
“Perhaps she will join us and be the first to be terrified,” Luna said. “But until then…” she opened a laptop and clicked on an icon. “As host, we choose this one to begin the scary games.”
“Really? Slendermane already? That’s just mean,” Cadance pouted, opening her own pink laptop and running the game nonetheless.
“On thy mark… commence!” Luna cheered, starting the game.
Four hours later, the moon was high in the air and Cadance was taking a shower. “I’m heading out for a bit, gonna catch up with some old friends,” Shining Armor called.
“Have fun, dear!” Cadance called back, flipping her wet mane forward and rinsing it off. She sighed happily as she left the shower, stretching her wings and toweling herself off. After twenty-four hours of not moving, a shower was remarkably refreshing. She reached for a toothbrush and began brushing her teeth. It would be nice to sleep early tonight.
Even in the mirror fogged by the shower’s steam, Cadance could see how much of a mess her unbrushed mane was. “Brushing teeth, brushing manes, brushing pains…” she sang, rinsing her mouth and spitting in the sink. A cool breeze crept in from the open window, chilling Cadance to the bone and unfogging the mirror. Cadance shivered and turned around, confused. “I could have sworn I left the window closed,” she said, shrugging it off and closing the window.
As she turned back towards the sink to leave, she felt something bothering her, something her brain was trying to warn her about. Her eyes crept slowly over to the mirror. “Oh…no…” she whispered. A blank-faced pony in a suit was standing outside her window, reflected in the mirror.
Luna came running as Cadance let out an ear-piercing shriek. “What is the matter?” she asked. “We heard thou scream.”
“Slendermane…” Cadance squeaked, pointing at the window. There was nothing there. “Oh no… I looked away… now he’s going to get me…” she said.
“Still sore over thy defeat?” Luna asked, smirking. “Rest assured, Slendermane is not real, but a character in a game. He wouldn’t…” her eyes drifted over to the window on the far side of the bedroom where a faceless, tall pony in a suit stared in. “Aren’t we on the third floor up?” she asked. Cadance nodded shakily. “We gave the guards the night off to be with Shining Armor,” Luna said, nervously glancing towards the pony in the window.
A cool breeze flew over Cadance’s body. “But I thought I closed that window…” she said, turning towards the restroom. Luna walked over, backpedaling furiously when the faceless pony emerged from behind the shower curtain.
“RUN!” Luna screamed, galloping out the door.
“Wait! Don’t leave me!” Cadance shouted, running after her.
Twilight Sparkle fully opened the shower curtain and stepped out, putting down the dummy she had levitated with her magic. “That went… surprisingly well. Good job, Rarity!”
Rainbow Dash flew in from the far window and tossed another dummy onto the bed as Rarity came out from under the bed. “It’s not bad… I guess. Good thing I thought of Pinkie Pie in case they tried to run.”
“He’s still following!” Cadance shouted, tears streaming down her face. “Every time I turn around, he’s there!”
“Why us? What did we do to you?” Luna shouted back, turning the corner into a dead end. They backed up against the wall as Slendermane calmly walked forward on spindly legs.
“Go away!” Cadance shouted, crying.
Slendermane stopped in front of the two princesses. “What dost thou plan on doing to us?” Luna asked, a hint of fear lining her voice. Slendermane took another step forward, then a step back. Luna’s eyebrow raised in confusion as Slendermane began tap dancing.
“Gotcha!” Slendermane shouted in a high-pitched, bubbly voice, doing a flip and ripping off his mask to reveal… Pinkie Pie on stilts.
“Pinkie Pie?” Cadance and Luna asked simultaneously. Pinkie Pie giggled and snorted.
“We gotcha we gotcha!” she rolled over in laughter while Cadance and Luna laughed nervously. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity came in through a hallway, carrying fake Slendermane props.
“Twilight…” Luna glared. “That was not a nice thing to do.” Cadance laughed weakly.
“Oh it’s okay… they were just having fun. I think I just need some rest…” she wobbled back towards her room.
“So what’s a slendermane, anyway?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“It’s an eater of little ponies with mysterious powers. It looks just like that mannequin you left hanging in the window over there,” Luna said, pointing across the room where a tall, faceless pony in a suit peeked in through the window.
“But… all of the dummies are right here…” Rainbow Dash said. When they turned back towards the window, the faceless pony had disappeared. “You know, now that you mention it, that is really creepy.”
“Where was my brother again?” Twilight asked nervously.
“Taking a night off with all of our guards…” Luna said. Six loud screams rang through the night.
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Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
OC Contest Winner: Ultra Cheesy Mystery Action Flick
Detective Pingles kicked back into his chair, smiling grimly at the pony in the metal mask across the table. “Stop a murderer in his tracks, you feel safe for a day. Provide the evidence to land him a death sentence…” –he paused to light a cigarette- “and you feel safe for a lifetime. What can I help you with, Mister…?”
“My name isn’t important. Here are the files you need,” the masked pony said, sliding a folder across the table and getting up to leave. “I represent… powerful ponies. If you get this right, there will be a very handsome reward.” The room shook as the door slammed shut.
Pingles shrugged. He had met with stranger folk. He muttered to himself as he gazed over the contents of the folder. “Missing ponies… convenient suicides… Order of the Purple Flamingo? Not the most interesting name… Ah, here we are.” He fished out a list of contacts. “Donut Joe’s at six P.M. with the mare in the green hat. Code word: tarantula.”
Pingles glanced at his watch, grabbed his hat off the rack, and opened the door. “Alright then, looks like I have a dinner date.”
When Pingles entered Donut Joe’s, he was shocked to find every single pony in the room wearing a green hat. “What is this?” he muttered angrily, going over to the counter.
“Evenin’, Pingles. What can I get you?” Donut Joe asked, wiping the counter with a white rag.
“What’s with the hats?” Pingles asked flatly.
“Well, tonight’s the annual banquet of the Arachnophobia Support Group. The green hats are their uniform,” Donut Joe said.
Pingles sighed. “Alright… is there anypony in here that’s not in the Support Group?” Donut Joe looked around, pointing at a mare in the corner.
“I think she came in about an hour before the group meeting started, though they all look the same to me,” he said, shrugging. Pingles gave him a nod of thanks and headed towards the green-hatted mare, who was sipping on a soda.
“Excuse me, ma’am, but I was wondering… do you know anything about a… tarantula?” Pingles asked. The mare’s eyes grew wide with panic as she spat the soda into the wall in front of her, splashing it in all directions.
“Tarantula?!” she shrieked, getting up from the table and running out the door. The room fell silent for a good three seconds.
“TARANTULA!” a little filly screamed, dashing out the door. Pingles found himself caught in a mad rush of terrified ponies and green headgear. In moments, the restaurant was empty, save for a mare in a green hat calmly munching on a donut.
“Oh right… THAT was the mare who came in an hour early. The other one was definitely a member of the support group. My mistake, haha,” Donut Joe said sheepishly.
“You don’t say…” Pingles snapped, picking his hat off the floor and dusting himself off. He walked over to the counter where the mare regarded him amusedly.
“I’d ask you for the codeword, but judging from the club’s reaction, you’ve already let it slip,” she said, smirking.
“Green hat… with tarantula as the code word… in a room full of green-hatted arachnophobes. Your information better be good,” Pingles grumbled.
“Well, look who decided to get all serious,” the mare said, sliding a folder over to Pingles. “These photos were recovered from the Order’s last illegal cheese dealing. You’ll find everything you need to incriminate them inside.”
“Cheese… dealing?” Pingles asked angrily, raising an eyebrow. “Do you take me for a fool? This case is over. I’m not doing this.”
“Shut up and listen,” the mare snapped. “This isn’t any ordinary cheese. This is a special derivative of cheese from the flying cows of Cloudsdale, enchanted beyond the gates of Tartarus and infused with the magical energy of a spring of purest magic deep within the Everfree. Not only is this very illegal, but it gives the cheese the ability to turn anything it comes in direct contact with into cheese.” Pingles scoffed.
“You expect me to believe that long-winded tale of a…” he stopped as the mare extracted a small box from her coat pocket. It appeared to be made entirely of a hard, yellow cheese. She opened the box, dumping a thin sliver of glowing material onto the table. Pingles’ jaw dropped as what once was a wooden table became a magnificent structure of solid gouda. “My god…” he whispered.
“And that’s just a thin slice. Imagine what they could do with an entire wheel,” the mare said. “We’d normally let the police handle them, but we don’t have enough evidence yet. That’s where you come in. My number’s on the envelope. Stay in touch.” The mare got up from her seat and left.
“Damn…” Pingles said, staring at the table. “Wait… did she leave me with her bill?”
Pingles woke up with a headache. “Ugh… what happened?” he asked. He remembered leaving the shop (after paying a rather large donut bill). He remembered getting as far as the streetlight before a bunch of hooded weirdos mugged him. His folder was gone, his hat was gone, and it was dark outside.
“They got us,” a familiar voice muttered beside him.
“Who’s ‘they’?” Pingles asked. “Wait, it’s you! The pony in the mask!”
“Yes, it’s me. They tied me up too, but…” the voice trailed off.
“But? Do you have a way out of here?” Pingles asked. “And are they the Order of the Purple Flamingo? Why do they want to turn everything into cheese?”
“I might. They tied up my hooves, but… they didn’t tie up my eyebrows,” the pony replied.
Pingles sputtered in rage. “What’s that have to do with anything?! Of course they didn’t tie up your eyebrows! What kind of a pony ties up eyebrows?!”
“Shush. I suppose it’s about time I introduced myself. My name is Max. Other ponies may know me as Maximus, the Forehead of God. I have the strongest forehead in the world,” the pony said.
Pingles took a deep breath. “Alright. I’ve been willing to tolerate the green hats, the arachnophobes, the magical cheese, and even leaving me with the bill. I’m a chill pony. Not much will really rub me the wrong way. But now you’re telling me that you plan on breaking us out using only your EYEBROW MUSCLES?!” He fell silent as the lights went on, revealing two hooded ponies.
“Well well well, look at who we have here… who do we have here again?” one of them asked the other.
“They’re agents sent to spy on us or something, I think. I dunno, dude! I just carry the hammer and tie ponies up, they never tell me-“ he choked as a metal object collided with him at an enormous velocity, pinning him to the back wall by his hood. A closer inspection revealed the object to be Maximus’ mask.
“Sorry,” Maximus said from the ground. “Didn’t mean to blink.” He grunted as he shifted his weight forward, doing a perfect headstand and bounding across the room on his forehead with incredible dexterity, headbutting the remaining hooded pony and sending him flying through the closed door. He made his way over to his mask, cutting the ropes that bound him on its sharp edges.
“I don’t even know what’s going on anymore,” Pingles said as Max cut him loose.
“We’re in the middle of the Order of the Purple Flamingo’s hideout. Here’s where they take their enemies for… dairification,” Max said. “No time for gathering evidence, we need to act now and shut down this sick operation.”
“How in the hay are we going to do that?” Pingles asked. “We’re two ponies against an entire order!”
“Well the Order only consists of five ponies, and I just took out two. And their plan has a fatal flaw: since their cheese turns everything it touches into cheese, it can only be stored and used in containers made of cheese,” Max said. “And rats love cheese.”
“But won’t they turn into cheese too?” Pingles asked.
“Funny you should mention that… we’ve seen it happen once, having been around cheese all of their life, it appears they’ve built up an immunity, or at least a resistance, to this magical morphic cheese. They should easily be able to consume both the morphic cheese and the container,” Max said, heading out the door. “The entire complex conveniently lies on top of Canterlot’s sewer system. All we need to do is create an entrance.”
“How do you intend to do that?” Pingles asked, following.
“I don’t. Rats eat cheese,” Max replied, fastening his mask back onto his head. “I’ll need you to run distraction for me while I dump that bubbling vat of morphic nacho cheese onto the floor. The rats will eat their way up and destroy their entire supply.”
“Alright, distractions I can do,” Pingles replied.
“Good, we’re good to go. And Pingles?” Max asked, pausing to look at him.
“You’re not going to say something cheesy like ‘good luck’ or ‘don’t die’, are you?” Pingles said, glaring at him.
“No. You just dropped your hat,” Max said, handing Pingles his beloved hat.
Squinting in the dim light, Pingles could see two abnormally short guards standing watch at the storeroom. “Alright, I must be crazy for doing this, but… here goes nothing.” Pingles said.
“HEY! YOU! You’re short and ugly!” he shouted at the guards.
“Heh, he got you there, Crunch,” the left guard said to the right one.
“Nah, he was talking about you, Munch,” the right guard said to the left one.
“No, you’re the shorter one, Crunch,” Munch said.
“You’re the uglier one, Munch,” Crunch said.
“Umm, you’re supposed to be chasing ME, you bunch of dimwitted imbeciles!” Pingles said. The guards blinked.
“Hey! Nopony calls us a bunch of dull-wheeled bicycles!” Crunch shouted as the two guards galloped towards Pingles, who disappeared down the hallway.
Ten minutes later of dodging and hiding, Pingles was certain he had outwitted the guards. Well, really after ten seconds (he was fairly certain he had lost them by hiding behind a mirror and having them shout at each other), but he waited nine minutes and fifty seconds just to be safe. It was time to double back and check on his friend.
The cheese room door was open. Pingles poked his head inside and gasped. There were at least fifty different ponies inside, all made of solid cheese. “Those monsters,” he growled.
“Monsters, are we?” a voice range out from the darkest corner of the room. A thin, gangly hooded pony with a scraggly beard stepped out into the light. Max lay on the floor behind him.
“It’s… all up to you, Pingles… you must spill the cheese…” he grunted. “Beware… the beard.” He struggled and went silent.
“You fiend! I won’t let you do this!” Pingles screamed, lunging towards the hooded pony, who smiled evilly and raised his chin. A lasso of beard hair flew out, grasping onto Pingles' hind leg, tripping him.
“You’re going to have a much harder time fighting me than Munch or Crunch,” he cackled.
“Who are you?” Pingles asked in bewilderment as another strand of hair shot out towards his front hooves.
“My name is… Harry,” the pony said, firing yet another strand of beard hair towards Pingles’ neck.
“Well then, Harry… how do you feel about flash photography?” Pingles asked. The old pony looked confused for a moment. “Because it’s time to say cheese!” Pingles grunted and rolled onto his back flinging Harry into the tower of cheese behind him.
“NOOO!” Harry shouted as the tower collapsed, spilling morphic cheese everywhere.
Pingles screamed a wave of morphic cheese crashed down onto his head. It felt… oddly warm, and slightly terrifying. He teetered for a bit and blacked out.
“What? Where am I? What flavor did I turn into?” Pingles shouted, kicking off his sheets and rolling onto the floor. “Oh… haha… it was all a dream. I’m not… cheese.” He headed to the kitchen to get himself some breakfast and screamed as he opened the fridge. “No… NO NO NO NO NO NO” he shouted, slamming the fridge door and running away. Discord fished the packet of sliced cheese out from the fridge.
“Huh, he could have just told me he didn’t like Purple Flamingo cheese and I would have bought a different brand,” he said, smiling.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity casually strolled into the Ponyville Hospital, each carrying a duffle bag. “Alright girls, this is our last shot. Do this smoothly and quickly, before anypony knows what’s going on. This has to be big,” Twilight said. The ponies nodded and headed off in separate directions.
Rainbow Dash stopped by the water dispenser and poured herself a cup of water, taking an extra long time to drink it while she leaned by the wall, giving Twilight a slight nod. Rarity stood in line at the counter, and Applejack hit the button for the elevator.
“Excuse me, can I help you?” Nurse Redheart asked, approaching Twilight.
“Actually, yes. Could you please take this letter to the patient in the last room on the eighth floor? It’s kind of important,” Twilight said, withdrawing an envelope from her bag.
Redheart sighed tiredly, but smiled. “Sure, dearie.” The last room on the highest floor would take a while to reach. She walked over to the already-open elevator and got inside with an orange pony with a Stetson hat. It wasn’t until the doors closed that she realized that all of the buttons had been pressed. She glared as the orange pony smiled back sheepishly.
“The chicken has flown the coop,” Twilight said to herself, motioning to Pinkie Pie to unzip her duffle bag, revealing a party cannon.
“Alright, everypony! Put your hooves in the air!” Pinkie Pie shouted. The patients murmured in confusion and fear, backing against the wall and raising their hooves.
“What is the meaning of this? This is a hospital, we don’t have any money!” the receptionist asked angrily.
“Now… wave them like you just don’t care!” Pinkie Pie shouted, firing a stream of confetti, streamers, and balloons into the air. “I SAID WAVE THEM!” She fired again and music started playing.
Five minutes later, Nurse Redheart was riding the elevator back down. The patient had not been expecting any mail, and had looked at her oddly when he read it. “Huh, the elevator music really is upbeat today,” she said to herself. Then the doors opened and the music didn’t stop.
She brushed her way past the balloons to find everypony in the waiting room dancing, socializing, and drinking punch. The pony that had asked her to deliver the letter was nowhere to be found. “I really need some rest,” she mumbled to herself.
A white mare in a nurse’s outfit she had never seen before tapped her on the shoulder with a hoof. “Excuse me, nurse, you’re needed in room twenty-three on the second floor.”
“Right away,” Nurse Redheart said, heading towards the elevator as Rainbow Dash and Applejack came down the stairs with a group of babies, completely unnoticed by the patients and reception desk absorbed in Pinkie’s party.
“Cutting it a bit close, aren’t we?” Rainbow Dash asked Rarity.
“You try changing into a nurse’s outfit and getting her to leave all in a span of thirty seconds,” Rarity said, tossing her mane.
“You called for me?” Nurse Redheart asked, knocking on the door. There was no response. “Sir?” She knocked again, then went in.
The baby on the hospital bed gurgled happily at her. “What a mixup,” she chuckled. “What’s your name, little one? I’ll get you back to the nursery where you belong.”
“Why don’t you try reading the clipboard?” it asked in a stallion’s voice. Redheart blinked and rubbed her eyes.
“Umm… did you just talk?” she asked the baby.
“Did I just talk? Hmm let me guess. Yeah, I think I just did. You wanna read that clipboard?” the baby replied.
“Smart Aleck, age twenty five, in here for a fractured wing,” she read, then turned to the baby. “You don’t expect me to believe that you’re twenty-five years old…”
“I’ve been told I have a youthful appearance. Now hurry up toots, this diaper won’t change itself,” the baby laughed.
Nurse Redheart joined the baby with her own nervous laughter, slowly inching out the door and running down the hall. Twilight Sparkle and Smart Aleck came out from behind the door.
“Nice work,” Twilight said, smiling as she retrieved the baby from the hospital bed. It didn’t appear to mind her previous magical ventriloquism and hugged her happily.
“You just remember our deal,” Smart Aleck replied, getting into bed.
“An extra serving of pudding and pancakes for breakfast,” Twilight winked as she left.
Nurse Redheart opened the door to the reception room and found the seats completely full of babies. She stood there for a good three seconds as the babies laughed and pointed at her. Then she shut the door and ran back upstairs.
“Wait, if the babies are all here, then… what’s in the nursery?” she thought to herself, turning down the hall. She reached the nursery door and tried to open it, but it was locked. She pressed her face into the window, breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the sleeping bodies of every baby still in its crib. Then she felt a tug on her back leg, looking down to see a baby in a nurse’s uniform.
“Do you mind? The babies need their sleep,” it said crossly before crawling away in a huff.
Nurse Redheart had to scream. She just had to. But there was a room full of babies directly beside her, and it appeared a hospital full of babies that surrounded that room. She galloped down the stairs, crashing headfirst into a blue pegasus nurse heading up with a duffle bag. Luckily, the corner of the stairs was nearby broke their fall before either of them sustained much injury.
“Whoah there, no running in the hospital…” Rainbow Dash said, picking up her duffle bag.
“Who are you? I don’t remember seeing you here,” Nurse Redheart said, recovering from her fall.
“I’m one of the new nurses, Rainbow… Remedy. They hired me based on my previous working experience in a children’s hospital,” Rainbow Dash said. “In fact, I’ve heard news of a possible infection of juvenitis spreading around, and that’s why I applied in the first place.”
“Juvenitis?” Nurse Redheart asked.
“Yeah! It’s a terrible disease where a pony starts aging in reverse. If everything is left unchecked, eventually everypony turns into a baby, and then disappears into nothing!” Rainbow said. “Pretty scary, huh? Anyway, it’s probably nothing to worry about. It’s highly infectious but very rare.”
“Highly infectious?” Nurse Redheart mumbled.
“Yeah, if you were within a mile of the illness you probably caught it already, but like I said, it’s so rare that most ponies have never heard of it and it’s probably not the issue,” Rainbow replied.
“If… a pony were to be infected by it, what would the cure be?” Redheart asked.
“Oh, that’s easy. There’s only one known cure, and since I’m a specialist I always carry some with me in my bag,” Rainbow replied. “It’s a funny thing, juvenitis… it doesn’t kick in until two hours after exposure, and if you don’t have the cure by then, it’s irreversible. So you gotta cure it before it actually happens. Whoa, wait!” Redheart grabbed Rainbow Dash’s bag and galloped downstairs.
“Sorry!” she shouted back. “I’ll return this later!”
“What a sucker,” Rainbow Dash giggled as she removed her nurse’s outfit and headed downstairs to watch.
The reception room had returned to normal and a janitor was sweeping up the confetti. “Patient number thirty, patient number thirty… the doctor will see you now,” Nurse Coldheart called. An eldery pony stood up and headed towards the door when…
The door flew open and Nurse Redheart dashed into the reception area, extracted a bottle of baby formula from her duffle bag, and began drinking furiously. She finished the bottle, withdrew another, and drank that one too. All eyes on the room were on her.
“Run! You’re all turning into babies!” she screamed.
“What are you talking about?” Nurse Coldheart demanded.
“I was… the babies… the nurses… Smart Aleck…” she blubbered, then belched loudly as the milk bubbles found their way up her throat.
“I think you should take the rest of the day off, Redheart,” Coldheart said, nudging her towards the door.
“Yeah… some time off would be good,” Nurse Redheart said, heading out the door.
“Best reaction yet?” Rainbow Dash asked Twilight as they headed down from the stairs.
“I hope it’ll be enough,” Twilight said.
“It better be. It took all day for me to practice that illusion spell you taught me. I had to hide in the broom closet by the nursery. The BROOM CLOSET,” Rarity said.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure we won that one!” Pinkie Pie said. “Wait, where’s Applejack?”
Applejack waved as she delivered the food to Smart Aleck’s bed. “Yall enjoy that extra helping of pudding now, you’ve earned it!” she said, heading out the door.
“Serves that nurse right for trying to set my bedtime,” Smart Aleck smirked, digging into his food.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
Fluttershy's Perfectly Normal Day
Fluttershy woke up, stretched her wings, and walked over to the window. She yawned as she enjoyed the warmth sun on her face, noticing several of her bird friends come down from the trees to greet her with a song. “Good morning, friends,” she smiled happily. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Rainbow Dash talking to a rock. Dismissing it as one of those things, she went downstairs for breakfast.
“I’m telling you, we can’t prank Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash said. “She’s too sensitive, she’ll cry and we’ll both feel terrible!”
A diminutive Discord walked out from behind the rock. “Just a little prank?” he asked. Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“Pinkie Pie and I couldn’t even bring ourselves to squirt water in her face,” Rainbow Dash said. Discord folded his arms.
“Squirting water! Please!” he said. “I’ll think of something that won’t hurt her. She is my friend too, you know.” He folded his arms.
“Well, while you’re thinking…” Rainbow Dash snuck over to the window and peered inside, beckoning Discord to come over. “There’s our target.” She said, pointing.
A sly smile crept over Discord’s face. “Ooh… this one might remember me from the last time! So what’s the plan?”
Angel the bunny was napping on the sofa, lying in a nice patch of sunlight when something blocked the window. Annoyed, he turned his head to see what might be the matter. A dark rain cloud had blocked out the window, the only cloud in the sky for miles around. Angel sighed and hopped over to Fluttershy in the kitchen.
“Good morning, Angel! Are you here for your breakfast?” Fluttershy asked, peering down at her bunny. Angel tugged at her mane and stomped his foot impatiently, pulling her towards the living room. “Okay, if it has you in such a hurry, I’m sure it’s important enough to set breakfast aside. What is it, Angel?” Fluttershy entered the living room as Angel pointed at the window. There was nothing there. “What about the window?” Angel looked confused, staring outside. “Well, I’ll just be back in the kitchen if whatever it was comes back,” she said.
Angel shrugged and resumed his nap on the couch. Ten seconds later, the sunlight was gone again. He looked up, annoyed, at the window to see the same cloud there. He stuck out his tongue and glared at it, willing it to go away. The cloud began to slowly rotate, revealing a monstrous face on the side, with evil yellow eyes and jagged teeth.
Angel squeaked and ran towards the kitchen, colliding with Fluttershy’s hind legs as he pulled her back towards the living room. “Did the thing come back?” Fluttershy asked as Angel nodded furiously. She slowly walked over and checked out the window. “I’m sorry, I don’t see anything.” Angel hopped onto her head and stared, rubbing his eyes. Nothing was there. “Maybe you’re just hungry. How about some breakfast? I have a nice bowl of cucumbers and carrots for you in the kitchen.” Angel nodded and happily followed Fluttershy into the kitchen, where he was presented with his breakfast. “You eat here, I’ll be in the living room in case whatever it was comes back,” Fluttershy said, walking out the door.
As Angel munched on his food, he suddenly became aware that he was the only being in the room. All of the other animals had finished eating and Fluttershy was in the living room. The crunching of his food seemed to echo through the room, accompanied the by ominous dripping faucet. Munch. Munch. Drip. Munch. Munch. Drip.
Drip. Squeak… Angel turned his head just in time to see the faucet handle turning on its own accord, ever so slowly. Drip. Dripdripdrip fwoosh. The sink began to fill as the water pouring from the faucet turned into a dark, cloudy black. The bunny watched, wide-eyed, as the storm cloud demon from before rose out of the sink and floated towards him.
Angel’s cucumber slice dropped from his mouth as he stood quivering in fear before regaining control of his motor senses, propelling himself into the living room as fast as his legs could take him. Fluttershy caught him with a pillow. “Careful now, Angel, you shouldn’t run so fast indoors. You could get hurt. Are you finished with your breakfast?”
Angel relaxed a bit, looking up at his owner’s reassuring expression. He then did a double take as wisps of black cloud began to form directly above her. The cloud demon appeared, opening its mouth as if preparing to swallow Fluttershy’s head. Angel pointed frantically, and then fainted with fright.
“I wonder what’s gotten into him,” Fluttershy said, looking around and seeing nothing. “I suppose I can go wash the dishes now, though.” As she entered the kitchen, a vaseful of blue flowers on her coffee table turned pink.
“I suppose that counts for a Fluttershy prank,” Discord said to Rainbow Dash. “I don’t think I can get more subtle than that, even with unlimited chaotic power.”
“Eh, I guess it’s alright. We got what we came for,” she said, sticking her tongue out at the unconscious Angel. “You know, he’s almost kind of cute when he’s unconscious.”
“Almost makes you forget about how he is when he’s awake,” Discord said.
Discord's Birthday Shenanigans
“Hold still darling,” Rarity said as she stuck another pin into Discord’s back.
“I don’t see why I have to be the mannequin when you have plenty of extra ones over there,” he replied, rolling his eyes. Rarity hummed happily as she finished the stitching, reaching for a cup of tea.
“Because other mannequins don’t create such wonderful tea and biscuits,” she replied, tapping the teacup lightly on Discord’s horn. He sighed and snapped his talons, filling the teacup with hot tea and dropping in a lump of sugar.
“You have the most powerful being in Equestria for a day and you’re using him as a sewing dummy?” Twilight asked, walking in the door with Rainbow Dash, Spike, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie.
“I find enjoyment in the little things in life,” Rarity said. “Would you like some tea? This really is quite fantastic. Anyway, what are you planning on doing on your day with him?”
“Pull more pranks, duh!” Rainbow Dash smiled. “Only this time, whatever I say goes.”
“I’m going to throw the biggest, most perfect party EVER!” Pinkie Pie shouted, springing into the air.
“I do have several old books that could use restoring. And some spells for you to try,” Twilight said. “They’re a little beyond my level, but having some notes on them would be very fun.”
“We could use a little help around the farm. Some trees haven’t been feeling too well and I thought you could cure them,” Applejack said.
“You got any more of those gems?” Spike asked Discord, drooling as a pizza encrusted with diamonds appeared at his feet.
“Wonderful, wonderful… now Discord, if you’d just move a little to your left, raise your left claw, and turn this silk into solid gold, but softer?” Rarity asked politely.
And so…
Rarity had a wonderful day, creating fifty different expensive-looking dresses without costing her a dime.
Spike gorged himself on valuable gemstones and passed out with a tummyache.
Applejack’s trees came to life and had a little square dance, returning to the ground completely cured.
Rainbow Dash had fun for three days frightening the daylights out of everypony she could think of.
Pinkie Pie founded international party day, where everypony in Equestria forgot their troubles and partied their guts out from dawn to dusk.
Twilight restored a single history book by traveling through time.
The End