Pinkie has officially jacked this story

by datdamnface

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Random, Slice of Life, Romance
Length: 6517

welcome to the single biggest mindfuck on this site that has passed admission. Viewer digression is advised.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-22 23:42:48 UTC

Oh god what is this I don't even

(A/N: to the mods: The reason I'm resubmitting this is because I never wanted to delete it in the first place. It was a complete accident that I deleted it. Readers: Hopefully your seeing this on the site and if you are, I need help because I can barely remember what the hell happened in this story in the first place. Also this'll be open to anyone who wants to participate.)

Alright! Time to write me a fanfic!

"Here you go!" Chirped Pinkie as she handed the befuddled city mare a muffin. Octavia couldn't make heads or tails of the pony in front of her. As the city mare-

HALLO!

SWEET PONY IT'S A JESUS.

I ARE JEBUS FEAR ME!

JEBUS? G-BUS......JASON?!?

JAYSUN?

*Okay but in all seriousness Pinkie get back in your story.*

No screw you I do what I want.

You're a goddam pony!

No i'm goddam awesome is what I is.

That's not proper engrish. Whatever i'll just keep writing then.

Octavia stared at the pink pony across from her, her cheeks aflutter as she asked-

Srs face here though, No. Just. No.

What? Don't fancy you some...."musical Pie"?

Actually I would tap that. Oh! You know who I really want to tap? Lyra, that shit'll get kinky.

....So are we gonna get back to the story here? I'm kinda...you know...trying to write?

Nope. I'M A DO WHAT I WANT.

DAFUZ? You'z a pony! You supposed to be in story! Get back in there!

No chance pal.

Alrighty then, I'ma haz to get physical.

GET OVER HERE.

[scuffling]

HADOUKEN!

[thud.]

Alright then! Now's that I haz me some readers and people who're actually paying attention; IS IT CHIMMY CHERRY OR CHERRY CHONGA?!? GODDAM IT PEOPLE I NEED ANSWERS! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE CAKE MIXER! I WILL GET THE CAKE MIXER AND F**K YOUR S**T UP WITH A *** AND A ***** BABY UNICORNS WITH JUICEBOXES AND A ****WITH A SPIKEY LONG DISMEMBERMENT AND INSURANCE DEDUCTIBLE WITH A SIDE OF **** I mean seriously who even reads the policies anymore? Oh where was I?

Ugh....

Sheeet. He's coming to. Quick! Grab the lawnmower and lemonade!

Know what? Screw this, drinks on me chica!

(Spongebob announcer voice) Ten Minutes later.

And den I was all rike *hic* screw your common courtesy n shit, I'ma eat your carpet with some whipped cream!

I feel ya bruda, I love eating me sum *hic* sweet sweet muffins.

And den I was all like *hiccup* if we're gonna do this. We're gonna need some ice cream.

Should've given that chic some road. Fillies love that rock hard rocky road.

Speaking of which I'MA GET MA JUNK AWN!

THAT'S THE SPIRIT LAD! GET OVER HERE!

Wink wink, nudge nudge, hump hump, bang bang, smash smash, boom boom.

OH MY GOD IS THIS SEX OR A TRAIN WRECK?!?

IT'S BOTH! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 50!

WHAT?!?!? I THOUGHT WE WERE-

WE ARE! THIS IS SEXUAL BOOT CAMP BIATCH!

WTF EVER NOW LET'S DO THIS LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOYYYYYYYYY!

WHATA IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME! NO MORE!

WHY ARE WE YELLING?

Dunno. WE CRAY DROOGIE.

Amen to that pegasista.

Bitch who you callin a pegasista?

Bitch who you callin a bitch?

Is we both bitches now?

Then who's on top?

We are!

Lolwut?

It's simple really!

(A/N: What....the....hell?)

STFU IZ SEXY TEIM RIGHT NOW.

(A/N: DASFUQ?!? HOW? HOW?!? HOOWWWW!? PINKIE STOP BREAKING THE 5TH WALL! IT CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE!)

The hell is he?

The author.

I'm the author though!

(A/N: We the author.)

DAMN STRAIGHT WE IS NOW GET ON OVER HERE.

(A/N: But I kinda don't want to- OH GOD PINKIE GET YOUR HOOF AWAY FROM MY- AUGH! GODDAMIT WHY IS A PONY GIVING ME A- JESUS CHRIST WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO GOOD?!?!?)

Double the author!

(A/N: Wait a minute. What happens if we look at each other?)

Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!

(A/N: WHO THE HELL COMES UP WITH THIS SHIT?!?)

YOU DO! WE DO?

YOU DO!

(A/N:....We all do?)

THAAAAAAA JITTERBUG!

(A/N: *makes pistol in mouth hand motion)

Alright time for some BOOZE!

(A/N: Don't do anything you'll regret...wait a minute we already are.)

INTERJECTIONS! INTERJECITONS EVERYWHERE!

Now hold still! I'MA POUND THE CARPET!

Now don't be afraid to dig in there.

Sweet jesus it's like the Luray Caverns in here. Oh my god is that a stalactite?

Make of sweet sweet cream sauce.

Alright then! *Grabs fire hydrant*

Um...where are you putting that- THERE IT IS!

(A/N: 0_0)

SO MUCH CREAM SAUCE IN HERE, JESUS CHRIST IT'S LIKE THE MILKY WAY.

(A/N: *Long neck reaction guy*)

Yeah, been meaning to clean that out.

(A/N: THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A REMAKE OF PHOJTS HOW? OH MY GOD HOW?!? HOW?!?)

Shit happens braski. Ja just gotta go with the flow.

(A/N: SCREW ALL THIS I'MA JOIN IN TOO!)

SWEET CELESTIA A FIVESOME!

(A/N: Um...who are the other 2?)

ME MYSELF AND I OF COURSE!

THIS ISN'T SEX ANYMORE IT'S A CLUSTERFUCK!

Wobwobwobwob.

DIS GON BE GUD.

Sure is, btw O-Button.

What- OH THAT'S WHAT YOU-GAAAAAAAAH!

(A/N: Cream sauce friggin everywhere! Someone get the buckets!)

NOPE! KEEP CALM AND DRINK ON.

Good point.

2 hours later.

In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight!

Dude..dude. Lions don't sleep. They like...they like eat while they sleep.

(A/N: You are so drunk you're high. *Slow clap*)

Dude...dude...round 2?

Sweet, turn around.

Okie dokie lokie!

! I think that's man booty!

(A/N:Bruma! Where the men are women.)

Nope! I'ma go get my sense hammer and smack the stupid outta ya!

[SMASH!]

THAT WAS ENLIGHTENING! HARDER!

(A/N: Okie dokie i'm out, this story is hopelessly unsalvageable.)

Time has no meaning whatsoever! The day after.

Oh sweet jesus my head.

[opens eyes to look at room]

.....Is that a rhino? Since when was my house Noah's Ark?

[Snore]

Oh please tell me I didn't....wait a minute. It's Pinkie! [Takes out smoke] I do say my good sirs. This predicament hardly requires attention for we have participated in the copious act of copulation. DUR TRANSLATION? DOESN'T MATTER. Had CHEX.

(A/N: Well...there goes all of our collective sanities. And if this doesn't pass mods then check it out on my group "Madman and Mentelgen")

No fuck you I do what I want!

(A/N: No I actually don't have anything better to do, screw you all I'ma write till your eyes fall out from....shit!)

Wow wow wubzie!

Oh sweet jesus no.

He can't help you now hoss. It's just you and me.

You and me hoss.

Erectin Erectin, Erectin, Erectin, Erectin

STFU or I will smack th-

Nope! just chuck-

I used to make Chuck Testa jokes but then I took an arrow to the-

FUS RO DAH!

Twilight had been cleaning the library while keeping an eye on the new stallion when he suddenly flew off the couch, a sound like a musket firing blew the quiet away as he flew across the library propelled by an unseen force. "Ow my everything, goddamit now she's in my head." He said holding his head in both hooves and blinking rapidly.

"Are you alright?" She asked cautiously making her way over to the now groaning stallion. He stood up uneasily, still rapidly blinking and slightly wobbling.

"Yeah, yeah i'm good. Just...which one of you...five..said that?" He asked, his speech blurred. "Oh....shit...concussion. Damn you, you pink monstrosity." He said before collapsing.

Twilight was about to put him back on the couch when pinkie's hooves opened a book that was currently being levitated by Twilight's magic. And I quote; "DON'T HATE THE PLAYER HATE THE GAME!" She said before disappearing back into the book.

"I am never letting Spike talk me into taking Diamond Dust ever again." She muttered before putting him back on the couch.

===========================================================================

Okie! harro! No screw you and your preferences I will switch to first person if I want. Anyway! My name's Confetti! Just, Confetti! And maybe this is a HiE fic but-

Hey I have a question what happened to the original story?

Goddamit.

No seriously where did it go?

Up your ass and around the corner.

Already checked, that's where the arrow to the knee joke came from.

Well that brings a new meaning to the phrase 'pulled it outta my ass'.

And um...by the way...sorry about the whole mess.

Nah it's k, i'm used to random shit happening to me.

Really now?

Yeah.

Okay...what was the most random thing that happened to you?

So, me and a couple dudes were sky diving, and literally one of the assholes decides to drop a gator in a box along with us.

How?

They said it would help 'get the adrenaline pumping.

:3.......OH wait! That's right! We have to get your party

PARTY!?!? I LOVE TO PARTY!

That's the spirit! How's about waking up now?

Wut?

=========================================================================

This time around Confetti woke pleasantly to be faced by Twilight Sprakle (trololol nah just kidding) Sparkle. "Awake?" She asked, he just nodded, got up and stretched snapping his spine back into place as well as his hooves and fetlocks and knees. Twilight nodded in approval and returned to her work but not before passing a message.

"Oh! Before you go, Pinkie wanted to see you at Sugarcube Corner...you don't know where that is do you?" She asked pausing for a bit, Confetti just gave her a deadpan stare.

"No shit sherlock." He suddenly broke out into a smile. "Nah i'm just kidding." He said patting the confused mare on the back.

"O-Okay then." She stuttered before walking out. Confetti followed.

========================================================================

'Confetti' as he called himself followed along behind the mare. "Wonder if this thing has wings?" He asked himself, mentally he flexed his muscles and felt something moving at his side. Looking behind he found himself face to face with grey wings.

"Sweet! OH! I feel a song coming on!

Twilight looked back to find some sort of instrument playing while the grey stallion tapped his hooves. "You can't be serious." She said to no one in particular. He opened his mouth, she face hoofed. "He's serious."

Pinkie had been napping for no apparent reason THEN THIS SHIT ROLLED IN.

"DA BUCK?!?'" Shouted Pinkie as the trollerly voice of Confetti invaded her ear canals. She looked outside to find crazy Twilight and Confetti were troll singing. "Hey! You forgot me!" She shouted before jumping through the 4.14634 wall and meeting the two.

=========================================

After two hours of non-stop troll singing, bursting through the 4th wall, trolling Lance (Yes Living the dream and SCREW YOU I DO WHAT I WANT) smoking some weed with Greg, killing Nico's Cousin, and reviving the 3rd Street Saints again and killing a terminator with a giant purple dick-sword, the trio crashed into Pinkie's room.

Twilight was shaking while Pinkie and Confetti where laughing. "FEAR THE ALL MIGHTY SWORD!" He roared in laughter as he swung the elongated male genitalia.

"How did we do that?" Asked Twilight shaking from laughter. The two looked at her and shouted in unison.

"MAGIC *SNORT SNORT*."

Then! Pinkie's Pinkie sense tried reminding her of something she already remembered (I don't....fuck it)

"*Gasp!* Confetti! We forgot to throw your party!" She shouted panicking. He gave her an 'are you crazy?' Look, she turned to him. "I INVITED EVERYPONY!" She shouted, he did a pinkie gasp.

"I CAN REMEDY THAT PROBLEM!" He shouted running downstairs, Twilight just groaned and crawled into Pinkie's bed. "Wake me up when you guys are done!" She shouted to the frantic ponies.

==================================================================

2 hours until party time, the two where done. Really it was only two minutes but after they were done the two played beer pong which led to half the destruction of Purgatory.

"Hey Pinkie? Where did you get the drinks from? Speaking of drinks can my party have some? I can whip up a mean mix!" He switched topics immediately as the two lay on her couch. She smiled quiet eerily and took out gummy and rearranged his eyes until they were not facing polar directions, instead they seemed almost...normal.

Suddenly the wall behind the counter flipped over to showcase every..single..drink..known...to..Equestria. Confetti's eyes turned from regular rust colored pupils into massive saucers of black as he took in the sight.

"Can I?" He asked turning back to Pinkie who just nodded.

"Yippity cayay!" He shouted running in. Pinkie just giggled as she closed the turned Gummy's back to derp mode.

Okay. What the hell happened last night?

(A/N: Why the fuck is My little Dashie and Anthropology in the related stories?)

It literally took Pinkie and Confetti 2 milliseconds to bust into other ponies houses, sing them the invitation song and then herd them to the party. Needless to say the ponies of Ponyville already knew of Pinkie's "otherworldy" abilities. What they didn't expect though. Was how Confetti did it.

"HEY WAKE UP CUPCAKES IT'S PARTY TIME!" Shouted Confetti as he jumped in between the sheets of Lyra and Bon-bon's Bed. They were having the private "Sexy timez" when suddenly CONFETTI!

"Wow what the hay?!?" Shouted Bon-bon as she quickly separated from her love Lyra who was just looking up at the stallion with shock.

"IT'S A BUCKING PARTY! NOW GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF BED AND LET'S DO THIS!" He shouted shoving a letter into her mouth and jumping back underneath the sheets.

==================================================================================================

AUTHOR POWERS! GO! Ya though I think y'all know what's gonna happen here. So basically Confetti and Pinkie-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

TADAY AIN'T YA DAY PANKAKES.

Oh sweet J-Bus we're just gonna be breaking all the rules today ain't we?

Goddamit you two i'm trying to sleep here.

NO SHUT UP! NOT YOUR TIME YET ASSWHIPE!

Okay so we're gonna do that now? We gonna be that guy right now?

Yes, i'ma be that guy right now.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dendai!

Dendai!

Dendai.

Dendai!

And we now have Pinkie....fuck.

And this is why you need blue pills.

Shut up DB you're not helping.

I like kelp.

Kelp?!? Kelp?!? It tastes like nasty mc-nastiness! It's green and disgusting and for animals!

I don't think you realize the inaccuracy of that statement. YOU ARE A GODDAM HORSE.

Look, this is getting out of hand, can we get back to the story now?

Yeah sure. Save me from another bout of absolute madness.

Because nobody, FUCKS with the white mage.

And just like that I'm one step closer to murder.

=================================================================================================

So after inviting pretty much everypony over, Confetti got to work mixing drinks.

"Hey Pinkie! Give me about 5 minutes here! I'm almost done!" He shouted to the Pink mare behind the massive Underground Drink Lab that was magically activated by re-orienting Gummy's eyes.

And because I'm a lazy bastard i'ma just time skip :3

(A/N: FUCK IT. NO. JUST FUCK THIS STORY. I'MA BLOW THIS SHIT OUTTA MY ASS!)

So's about 30 and a half gazillion hours later ponies started to show up to sugarcube corner and dey was all liek WAZZUP?! And Pinkie was all like "YO BITCHES WE GON GET THIS PARTAY, STARTED!"

Okay! So after ponies started showing up, they began to mingle and eat some of the pastries laid out before them. And then there was giant orgy! FUCK SENSE I'MA EAT YOUR FACE OFF!

Okay...back on topic here. So's everypony was just hanging see? And den Pinkie was all liek.

"Attention everypony! I'd like to welcome the guest of honor for this here event! Confetti!" She shouted pointing to the wall.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" Shouted Confetti running out of the back wall area, on top of his back precariously balanced was a huge tri-layer of drinks, like a champagne fountain.

"Fuglies and Mentelgen! I'd like to point your general interest and shit  towards that flaming tower of awesomeness now being eaten by gummy Goddamit GUMMY!"

He shouted chasing the small Alligator until it dismounted the drink fountain.

"Alrighty then! Who want's the first go?!?" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

And Berry Punch ran up on stage and grabbed a bottle of black liquor while shouting" BITCH ME." And as she sipped, instantly she felt the buzz one associates with being drunk. After swishing the liquid around for a little, she suddenly stopped dead still.

"THIS GOT ME INSTA-DRUNK! IMPOSIBRUUU!!!!"  She shouted jumping off stage to go rage at a toaster.

"ALRIGHT EVERYPONY! LET'S PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!" He shouted, SugarCube corner erupted in applause as ponies went up onstage to grab drinks and such.

Needless to say,  fun time was in order as music blared and ponies danced. Confetti sat back behind the counter dishing out drinks.

The day after

Confetti awoke with a groan. "Sweet baby duckfuckers what happened last night?" He asked to no one in particular.

Head throbbing, he shook his head to clear his vision.

And what he saw, made him smile and hold his head in mock attempt not to laugh.

Rarity was passed out in the center of Sugarcube corner, her head was somehow embedded into a pie. She groaned softly and rolled away. Confetti had to shove his hoof down his throat to stop his laughter. On top of her head where her horn should have been. Was a dildo.

That's right. A giant horse dong. Was her horn.

Crying tears of laughter he turned his head from left to right and almost lost it. Rainbow Dash passed out on a table, both Soarin and Spitfire were on top of her in a very...provocative manor.

A friggin coatrice and manticore were apparently asleep on top of each other (hint DOGGY STYLE). He decided to venture upstairs.

There was Applejack with her head shoved into the drywall of the upstairs of Sugarcube corner. Twilight was asleep in a fetal position on the middle of the hallway. There was semen...EVERYWHERE. And when I mean everywhere I mean a white christmas would be jealous. These ponies had somehow managed to paint the walls white. Somepony actually drew a dick into the white wall. Confetti reluctantly stuck a hoof inside the semen artwork and he shuddered as his hoof was sucked into the cream sauce like it was pie.

Vinyl Scratch, a close friend to the mane 6 who had been hired that night, had a vinyl dis stuck onto her head. Somehow she had managed to grow about 6 feet and was now sprouting wings and a Celestial Necklace complete with billowing electric blue hair.

Twilight...Twilight looked like Cousin It from the Adam's family. If you took away the hair and replaced it with semen. Actually thinking about it she looked more like a snowman...a stinky...hair covered....snowman.

Oh and did I mention there was cream sauce everywhere?

THERE WAS FUCKING BOOZE AND CREAM SAUCE EVERYWHERE. Confetti spotted a small contained microwave. Within it sat (somehow) Scootaloo, the little orange filly was, like everyone around her, passed out.

Now on the verge of tears, he ran outside and started laughing, hard.

But what sent him over the edge was an Cessna stuck dead straight in the roof, on it's side it read:

THE GREAT AND POWERFUL DILLWEAD MUTHABUCKAS!

Smiling, he made his way back inside, time to wake up all these sleeping beauties. Be was about to shout when he heard groaning in the silence, curious, he made his way over to the sound and pushed aside piles upon piles of passed out ponies.

Underneath them all was a single alabaster white Pegasus, his mane was crimson red and on his head, he wore a Trilby.

"Heya cupcake, welcome to the real." He said chuckling as he helped the stallion to his feet.

"Thanks man. Oh sweet jebus what happened here?" He asked looking at the utter and total destruction around him.

"Shit happened bro, by the way, name's Confetti." He said holding out a hoof.

The other stallion took his hoof and shook it.

"Mine's Dyrilby, pleasure to meet ya."

================================================================================================

AND FROM THAT DAY ON A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP FILLED WITH RAINBOWS AND GRAVY AND ANT SLAYING WAS BORN!

Dude....why?

BECAUSE POTATOS!

The dumb in that statement. It exceeds maximum capacity.

SO DOES YOUR MOM! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

[bitch smack]

IT IS ON DYRILBY!

GODDAM RIGHT IT IS!

(A/N: Oh yeah, this ain't your mother's PHOJTS. Oh! And i'm looking for OCs! And none of you from LTD! have a special place for you all >:D. Just PM me if your interested)

Meetin new friends and screwing with new people

(A/N: Welcome to my mind.)

Eventually everypony woke up and gasped at the messy madness surrounding them. Confetti, who had been on the verge of tears finally burst out into roaring laugter who was soon joined by everyone else.

HEY DILLWEED! NO HAPPY JOY JOY MOMENTS.

FUCKING DAMMIT CONFETTI!

==============================

After an hour or two of cleaning, the guests finally returned Sugarcube corner to it's spick and span nature.

As each party guest began filing out, Pinkie turned to Confetti who was standing at the steps to sugarcube corner.

That sure was fun wasn't it?

YUSH! YUSH YUSH IT WAS!

(A/N: I picked up yush after reading fallout Equestria: Pink eyes)

So! Are you gonna go home too?!? Are you gonna stay for an after party? Oh! How about an after, AFTER party?

Ah no thanks Pinks, I gotta get....home...

(A/N: rage initiating in 3...2...1....)

Ahem! Author interjection here! Sorry about the sudden-

RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OH GODDAMIT CONFETTI WHAT THE HELL?!? OH GOD! YOU OPENED UP A RIFT! SWEET BABY JEBUS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

================================================================================================

"Ugh....what the hell happened?" Asked an bleach white Pegasi as he awoke in the middle of the Everfee forest.

"What? Who?" Asked another light black earth pony.

"Dude...who are you?" Asked the Pegasi beginning to freak out for a moment.

"...Name's Quiet Storm." Replied the earth pony rearing back on his hind legs and twisting from side to side, loosening the stiffened muscle and bone.

".......Mine's Phoenix....nice to meet ya...I guess."

"Like wise."

The two stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before Phoenix broke the silence.

"....So you have any idea where we are?" He asked looking up at the creeper trees (as in creepy, i'm just lazy like that).

".....Looks like the Everfree forest." Said Quiet taking in his surroundings as well.

"Oh! Huh...the Everfree aye?"

(A/N: Okay this is getting confusing, Phoenix is red and Quiet is black.)

Well...I've always wanted to come to the Everfree forest. You know, just to explore.

I know what'cha mean. It's fun to go exploring once in while.

I don't know why everybody keeps avoiding the Everfee though. I mean, besides the monsters and stuff.

I'd imagine that's a big turn off.

Pft, that's what she said.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

OH SHIT!

WOW WHAT THE HELL?!?

============================================================

The two had been following a path for some time now when all of a sudden, a maroon comet came out of nowhere and crashed right next to them.

Oh god my everything. What happened?

(A/N: Confetti happened)

Oh, that explains everyth- WAIT A MINTUE. DID YOU JUST SAY CONFETTI?!?

Oh god, if he said Confetti...then that means.

DAT'S RIGH MOFOS.

And we find ourselves in PHOJTS. Fuck.

Shit.

Oh hey, I know you! Pheonix huh? And who's this cute little feller here? Whoszagushu-

SNAP

AH GOD MY LEGS.

And as soon as Confetti (like the moron he is) started touching Quiet Storm, Quiet decided "okay breakface time". And snapped Confetti's front leg.

Now that my friends is how you do it.

Hate you. Hate you both. He groaned as he clutched his leg, Phoenix was trying not to laugh. Meanwhile Confetti was-

HEY BUTT KNUCKLE! WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT I WAS GONNA GET BEATEN BY SOME MARTIAL ARTS PONY?!?

Author:Confetti, I swear to god if you screw with this story anymore I will get Mr.Happyface and I will screw your shit up.

Bitch please. You think you could screw me up?

HEY! Equestria to asshole! Come in asshole!

About this time (back in Equestria) Confetti was staring off into space, both Phoenix and Quiet had become worried as he sat, the muscles in his broken leg seemed to spasm for a second before they suddenly stopped.

Quiet was about to call out again but suddenly Confetti shot into the air with a warlike scream-

BITCH I'M COMIN FOR YOU!

Author: Um who the hell? I'm sure he doesn't mean- OH GOD HE MEANS ME! QUICK! WHERE'S THE GODDAM BASEBALL BAT?!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

SMASH!

Dyrilby sat in the library, reading Daring Do and the Golden Conspiracy.

"You know, this is really interesting." He stated into thin air, drinking in the ambient silence and muted chirps of birds that the nice day offered. As he read, he heard hoofsteps approached, without even looking, he could instantly identify the town librarian since she was the only other soul (besides Spike) on the premise.

"I hope you're enjoying the book." She said in a pleasant tone, this brought a smile to DB's face as he set aside the book to give her his full attention.

"Yeah, it's really nice. I love how random it seems at first, though it all ties together around the end." He said, his voice taking on a more appreciative tone as he described his enthrallment with the books.

"I'll say, you read almost as fast as I do!" She said taking a seat next to him. Dyrilby decided to play it cool and keep one eye on the book and one ear out for Twilight.

"So! Where did you come from?" She asked, Dyrilby had to chuckle at the sheer forwardness of the mare. "I mean, I haven't seen you in Ponyville at all! Not since That other stallion showed up."

At this Dyrilby turned to her, a small smile on his lips. "That's guys crazy, though he's nice." He said, going back to the book.

Twilight, who was hoping to draw some information out of him, stopped in her tracks to cock an eyebrow. How did he know Confetti if they just met?

"How do you know him?" She asked, he sighed and turned to her.

"Well it all began a little while ago, in a story. You see-"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

The stillness and serenity that was the library was violently disturbed by the essence. No, not pony, pony would mean that he was biological and followed the basic laws of Nature and physics, no this was no pony, this was Confetti. Plain and simple.

As he crashed, Dyrilby let out an audible sigh. Peace and quiet=none.

"Sup braski." He said holding up a hoof, Confetti who was still recovering, just groaned.

Ow my everything and it's nuts. He moaned rolling over and over. DB chuckled and got off the couch. "Need a hoof?"

(A/N: The bolded text will be returned to Quiet Storm as he talks.)

The two new ponies/bronies looked up at the fading green streak Confetti had left behind and sighed.

Well there goes that shit I s'pose. Sighed Phoenix Flame as he held up a hoof to block out the light. The setting sun now cast it's golden threads along the spine of the sky as the sun set.

Hey, what's say we get outta the forest? If it's the Everfree than even in this world the paths should be the same. Said Quiet as he set off to find the path leading back to civilization.

--=-=-=-=-=-=-= (<--A/N:lol wut?)

After uncovering helping out Confetti, both Dyrilby and he made their way through town, both needed to clear their heads. Or Dyrilby needed to clear his mind, I'm not so sure there's a mind even in Confetti.

"So dude, ya know where you're gonna be staying?" Asked Dyrilby after about half an hour into the walk, the two had been talking about the menial things, you know, like who they wanted to bone and who they thought was lesbo. That sort of thing.

Confetti seemed to stop for a moment, Dyrilby sighed as the truth inevitably made it's way around.

"You have no idea do you?" He asked. Confetti merely flattened his ears and nodded. Dyrilby only smiled and pointed him to Sugarcube corner.

"Maybe Pinkie might have a room available, she's always one to help a fellow in need." He said walking back to the library, twilight just beginning to give way to night.

Confetti shrugged and walked towards the confectionary store. I would normally say that worry was going through his mind, but come on people. I think you all know what's about to happen.

Confetti walked up to the store, and right before he knocked, he got the sudden urge to jump. Now being the compulsive butt nugget he is, he followed through.

And right as he did, Pinkie burst out in a low rush, sliding right underneath him.

"Wow chica, not even gonna buy me dinner first ey?" He joked as she skidded to a halt. And in her over active voice she-

Oh! I knew it! A friend in need! Pinkie sense was right again! I felt an eye flutter, knee twitch, groin scrunch, pinchy knee, and twitchy tail! That's the combo for pony in need! Are you looking for a room huh? Well there are plenty or rooms here at Sugarcube corner! That's because we're also a hotel! It works better like that you know? Daytime store, nighttime hotel and nightclub!

Confetti stopped for a minute, "say what now? What's this I hear about a nightclub?" He asked, curiosity peeked. Pinkie's perpetually huge smile seemed to grow even more.

Weeeeeel since most ponies don't come to Sugarcube corner in the daytime, well they do but not as often as I'd like because that's the main business! I mean c'mon! We need customers for money! That's how capitalism works right? Well buck capitalism! I like communism! Because in Soviet Stalliongrad, Pinkie is you!

Somehow Confetti had translated it.

So what you're saying is that you run a nightclub at night to pay for daytime lack of income and the bartender quit? I can fill that position...if you're payin' I'm sort of strapped....and I need a place to stay. He brushed the back of his head as he finished.

Pinkie's smile now broke all biological boundaries. It was freakin' HUGE!

YOU START NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! She shouted as she basically picked up Confetti and ran towards Sugarcube corner.

(A/N: Yeas! PHOJTS is back on track! Sorry for not updating. Oh! And I have a couple more OC spots left so y'all can P.M me if you all are interested. Anyway, POTIS!)

Author's Note: Goddamit

Me:

And thus, my message to you is:

(A/N: Mad bros?)

(C/N: WE MAD)

(A/N: Confetti stfu.)

(C/N: NO U.)

(A/N: NO U.)

(C/N: No U.)

(A/N: MAD?!?)

(C/N: JESUS CHRIST I'M MORE MATURE THAN YOU)

(A/N: He mad.)

(C/N: Yes I mad.)

(A/N: *Starts dancing)

(C/N: *Punch*)

Author's note: Lol wat am I doing? But seriously the chapter will be up by tonight...or maybe tomorrow. I dunno i'm writer's block's a bitch.

We all get dead drunk

(A/N:Here we go!)

"Alrighty then! Gin and Tonic for our local drunk, straight up Applejack Daniels and Brandy for our tourist buddy, Mojito for our local teacher lady and a Bourbon for Mr. Gentlmen by his lonesome over at the single table! C'mon up here man! " Confetti rolled out the drinks as the regulars filed in.

Underneath Sugarcube corner was Gin Way, the local 'nightclub' as Pinkie called. it. Really it was less Nightclub then Bar but eh, it paid, and pretty fucking well to boot. And some of the regulars were real nice n' friendly to talk to as well.

Confetti was doing what Confetti does best, handing out drinks and making of the small talks.

Author that came out weird as fuck from where I heard it.

Oh fuck you too.

Suddenly the door opened up and there was Quiet Storm and Phoenix. Once they saw Confetti serving drinks, they smiled. Or rather Phoenix smiled.

EYO Confetti! Phoenix violently waved his hooves at the mint stallion. Confetti merely rolled his eyes and motioned for the two to join him.

So then, what's up guys?

He began cleaning a mug with a soft cloth he found lying around.

Ah you know, the usual. Met some ponies, screwed around.

Quiet suddenly dawned the most confuddled expression.

Since when does burning down half of AJ's Barn constitute as "screwing around?"

Confetti snickered, Phoenix rolled his eyes and lightly punched Quiet's shoulders.

Righty then chaps! What can I get'cha? Confetti leaned out against the bar and looked them dead in the eyes.

Phoenix and Quiet smirked.

Get me the strongest thing you have.

Get me the strongest thing you have.

The two wheeled around and stared at each other.

Confetti gingerly went to a barrel and twisted the spigot, instantly a dark yellow liquid poured out.

I call this, "The Jarate". Drink with caution.

He then began slowly backing as he poured two mugs full.

First one to spew loses. Phoenix swiftly pulled the mug and began chugging.

Oh it's on sucka. Quiet did the same.

Confetti just looked on with a complete pokerface.

This can only end in tears.

30 minutes later

I'M GAUNNA GEAUT MA GASTL AND PROSTRAGE YER GAAAAAAT! Pheonix stepped out in the night air. Or rather burst through the roof. Quiet Storm swaggered out, both were heavily influenced.

COME- *hiccup* AT ME HOE! He held out his hooves and promptly fell backwards groaning.

NAO WAIT JUST A *hiccup* BLOOD-EY MINUTE! I WANT MAH CAKES! MY- *hiccup* PLAIN CAIKES!  Somehow during the midst of the contest, Confetti had gotten drunk.

Quiet Storm turned around. The stupidest grin on his face.

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH! YOU SU FU- he was cut off as Phoenix slugged him across the face and started laughing.

=========================================================================

Dyrilby, who had been watching this scene of increasing idiocy merely shook his head and stalked off to the still open door of Sugarcube Corner where he was greeted by a smiling Pinkie.

Alright. Pinkie, what happened here? As soon as the words left his mouth.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL Confetti n' Quiet Storm n' Mustang starteddringingandnowthey'redeaddrunkafteradrinkingcontestandyouknowhwatIcouldgoforrightnow?Abigsliceofkiwipieand-

Dyrilby merely narrowed his eyes and walked off leaving the mare babbling into thin air.

*Sigh* I need a drink.

~The next morning

Dryilby awoke with a pounding headache.

"Ugh...what the fuck." He mumbled opening and closing his eyes rapidly. Feeling heavy for some reason, he moved his hindquarters around for a bit..until he felt something move. Looking down, he saw that cuddling him, was a male dolphin wearing a tophat and a monocle with a full on erection, Lyra who was a sleep, Bon Bon, and Colgate.

His left eye scrunched up with plain disgust, not so much about the three mares underneath him, more about the dolphin. Slowly easing away from the 4, he looked up to find himself in Sugarcube Corner.

Apparently, somewhere within the random drunken escapade the quartet must have carried out,  some serious shit had happened.

For one thing, there was a Changling wearing a kinky leather suit with a bunch of stallions all hoofcuffed around it. He assumed it was a female since there was jizz all over her face. With a slowly opening opening mouth (out of sheer "wat") He walked through Sugarcube corner.

The more he saw, the more he thought it looked like a weird, orgy between slugs and a surrealist. For one, there was some sort of green ooze everywhere, for another, there were a lot of Changelings everywhere.

Not to mention what looked like a Tank on fire somehow balancing on it's cannon in the dead center. Making his way upstairs, he soon found out, that no, none of Sugar Cube Corner had been spared.

Vinyl Scratch was passed out, her horn somehow stuck into a dart board. There was a GAINT WACKY INFLATABLE ARMS dude on fire, still swinging upside down stuck to the ceiling in the middle of the hallway.

But what really took the cake?

He opened the door to the master bedroom, and I swear I heard jaws hit the floor.

Cuddling on the bed, was Jabba the Hut, Confetti, Quiet Storm, The Changeling Queen, Queen Chrysalis, Pinkie Pie, Pinkamena Diane Pie, A Manticore wearing a a Dragon's costume being rearended 69 style by a Pig, Futa Fluttershy with a MASSIVE cock, Rainbow Dash's head poked out from a hole in the ceiling, and Applejack and Rarity had passed out freaking eating eachother out

Dyrilby stood there for a second, jaw open and left eye spasmodically twitching. Then, all of a sudden, he started walking towards the window, his mind overcome with the sheer "dafuq is dis" factor.

Mistakes were made. Mistakes were made HARD on this day. And with his mind not functioning properly, he walked out of the window and fell two storeys.

(A/N: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA OH GOD THAT WAS FUN TO WRITE XD)

A hop skip and a-FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

(A/N: Thanks DB, after this i'm just improvising, don't worry I'll still get the major shit but everything in between is just gonna be ....you know)

"HEY! Ya ready back there?"

"Yeah, I'm commin Pinkie! Just gotta grab some stuff."

"By the way,how am I gonna get into Equestria? And what the hell happened last night?"

"Silly Billy! When a mare and a stallion love each other very much-"

"Yeah, I thought so. Wait a minute, I'm a human........OH SHIT."

"It.....was.....amazing."

"............... Still counts... Okay, I'm done!"

-Staring at computer-

"So Pinkie, please to me, in full scientific detail, explain how we're gonna get inside Equestria."

"It's simple! Just a hop, skip and a jump!"

"Buck, whatever. LETS DO THIS! LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Oh, oh are we playing a screaming game? I wanna join in too!"

-Inhales- "JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

-running at desktop computer displaying background-

"Pinkie, I swear to Celestia that if this doesn't work-"

-enveloped by sudden light-

"MY EYES! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"WHEEEEEEEEE!"

Twilight was utterly confused. She was walking down Stirrup Street, when suddenly, a gray Pegasus and Pinkie Pie tumbled out of a bush, knocking into her.

"Pinkie! Where in wide, wide world of Equestria where you? And who is this?" She asked, pinned underneath Pinkie.

For her part, Pinkie just smiled and said, "Weeeeeeeellll, I wasn't in Equestria! I was on earth! And this here is my new friend!"

She said pointing to the unconscious stallion just a few feet away from them. His legs were splayed as he lay on the ground, groaning softly.

Twilight looked at him curiously. He had a straight, flat black mane, his coat was gray and on his flank was a shower of confetti.

Twilight didn't ask any more questions as she levitated the Pegasus over to the library.

"Oh! Are we gonna have a party at your place! Just give me a minute to grab my stuff! I also need throw this guy a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party! Said Pinkie as she shot off.

Twilight just sighed, she knew better than to question Pinkie's motives, for now though she was going to take care of the stallion.

"Even in your brain you're boring!"

"Shut it Pinkie."