Carl Sagan's wacky and wild sexual excursions throughout Equestria: a documentary on the princesses of Equestria

by avi.nope

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1990

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you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to erase cookies and never come back, but I'm just here to write a story, nothing else

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-27 07:32:19 UTC

chapter 1: oh, you touch my tralala

Carl: Hello my beautiful divine celestial being, are you ready?

Cel: you know I am you delicious scientist you.

Well here I am.

Carl steps out of the bathroom wearing a bathrobe, looks to be celestia’s.

What are you wearing, and why?

Isn’t it obvious, I’m mimicking you, we humans do that as a form of flattery to impress mates, and I can already see that its working.

H-how can you tell? as celestia blushes.

I can smell the mare juice off of your girl, it smells like, VVVVICTORY.

Celestia looks off into the room and laughs a bit.

Hmm… hey Celestia, during your rule over these thousands of years, have you ever had anyone want to fuck you until you broke the headboard with your hoofstomps?

In celesita’s head, “Oh darn it, he’s teasing me, he knows my body is ready for the heavens to be pierced but he’s gonna take his time, you’d think being  over  several thousand years old and numerous sexual encounters I’d ve gained a form of sexual endurance to teasing, maybe he’s different, maybe its his scent, no, I can’t get in too deep of thought in this, got a country to rule, he’s just a one nighter, I hope he knows that I want to keep it this way.”

Celly, Ceeeellllyyyyyyy, CELESTIA!

Hmm hunh what!?

You didn’t answer the question.

Oh sorry, well I have had some close encounter s of the phallixal kind, but they mostly were bathov jerkoffs.

Bathov jerkoffs? We have a comedian back on Earth name Yakov Smirnoff, funny man, makes jokes about the soviet union, he is funny off stage but his life off stage is one of sadness and hardship, it’s a very sad tale, but I digress.

Life on Earth sounds very interesting, I’d like to learn about it sometime, but were here to cause another Japonese earthquake with our sex, not discuss the past.

Celestia proceeded to lean in for a kiss and landed one on his lips, she began to stroke his testicles.

They separate

Ohh, that feels nice, you better be ready for what I’m gonna do to you.

What are we gonna do on the bed Carl?

You know exactly what were gonna do.

But I poop from there.

Not right now ya don’t .

In celestia’s head ”Anal? Oh man I’ve never had anal, I hope it doesn’t hurt, of course it will, I’ve never been anally penetrated, vaginal yes, but not anal, I hope he forgets.”  Take off that robe honey, its obstructing my view of this raft boat you’ve packed in there.

Alrighty then, Carl proceeds to remove the robe, one the robe is removed something strange appears..

Oh my h-h-how long is that

12, whole, inches, I aint even hard yet

Shinydelight.png

Thanks, I named it too

What did you name it? As she proceeds to feel and play with his dick

the hubble telecock, the deep space pussy explorer.

um, ok, I have no idea what that is, but I like it

urggg, ohhhhh yeahh

she has began to suck his dick

Yeah,  ohhh that feels nice

Carl began to push deeper inside her throat

Gluggg gugg glug glug, ahhh whew, I haven’t had a 12 incher like that in a while, man I don’t know how that’s gonna fare against my pussy though, it can take some pretty deep dickuations

Oh wait girl, gotta close the door, he proceeds to walk to the door, jerking off at the same time

As Carl began to close the door, a certain navy blue alicorn stood awestruck near the door

Oh, hey Luna whats going on

N-n-nothing, I was just walking back to the tower

Cool

Can you explain why you are in Celestia’s room jerkin off?

Isn’t it obvious, I’m in the process of raling your sister

Oh, ok, well I guess I better leave you to another one of my sister’s sexual excursions,  nopony never wants to fuck the other sister ;_; bye Carl…

Hmm, It looks like she needs some sexual healing later, let’s try and have a 3 way with both of them together, yeah that’ll be hot

Carl honey, come back to bed

Carl closes the door and goes to the bed, he arrives at the bed to find it soaking wet

What happened here? Why is the bed wetter than your sister was back there?

Luna was at the door?

Yeah, whats the big deal with that

Nothing, at all, I bet she would’ve liked to watch

They both laugh and gaze into each others eyes

Let us create a sexual event so spectacular Carl it would take a magical mystery cure to break us apart

I hope your delicious sun baked ass of yours is ready to go supernova, because my elephant trunk is full of new stars, just waiting to blow out, but I got something to say Celestia.

What is it?

ARE YOUR MOUNTAINTOPS READY!

YES STAIN MY MOUNTAINTOPS WITH YOUR SEMEN, I WANT TO BE YOUR FLESH LICKING LADY!

Then let’s do this.

chapter 2: sweet memories

Carl: “oh wait there is something I have to do first”

Celestia: “damn it Carl I’m horny NOW! I want that, you want this, what could possibly make you want to take yourself away from ALL THIS.”

Carl proceeds to take a pack of cds out of a bag, one happens to be Marvin Gayes greatest hits, the track starts playing, it’s Sexual Healing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn4i8bAfnMY

Oh you sly dog you, how did you know I love R&B?

I didn’t, that’s just how much sexual prowess I have.

Celestia begins to nibble on her wings.

Ok, now I’m ready.

I’m about to go deep space 9 on that pussy, oh yes I am.

Give me all your dirty talk, wash away the filth that I am, OH lawdy am I corrupt.

Ok then.

They begin to make out again, Carl grabs her ass and starts to caress it like a watermelon.

Oooooh, you naughty boy, yeah, AHHHHHHHH!♥! what did you just do to me?

Baby you have not lived apparently because I just fingered you.

I like this, I like it A LOT.

Well guess what?

whaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!♥♥♥♥♥♥

carl keeps pounding her marshmallow pony pussy with his long fleshy fingers, until something happens…

OOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHO!

Celesita cums externally.

Hmph.

What? What is it? Was I not good enough for you?

It’s not that.

What is it then?

I haven’t even penetrated yet and you’re this horny.

Carl sticks 3 fingers into his mouth and makes and sucks the juices off of them.

Tastes sweet and creamy, with a slight sour, like key lime pie, right on girl, did you stick a key lime pie in your pussy before this ?

No I just use a mint type wash.

Well I don’t give a fuck that pie filling tasted good and I’m going back for seconds.

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Carl, the master of cunnigoulus begins to eat out Celestia’s lime flavored pussy.

Oh yes Carl, don’t stop oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, oooooooooooooooh yes.

*breathes* damn I did not expect this much distance in there, better put on my mining hat and lamp.

Did you just say mining hat and lamp?

Yeah I did, whats wrong with that?

It’s just, is my vag really that big?

Its big, wide, seats me comfortably, and its tasty, what problem exists there?

*flashback* You ready guys?

Fuck yeah we are!

Yeah!

Let’s pound this pussy until it looks like a mashed radish!

Dude really?

IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING!

True it got me pumped, let’s fuck this bitch

Celestia is passed out and lying on a bed

The four stallions proceeded to fuck every oriphice in her body leaving no hole untouched by the penetrations of their horsecocks

Man this pussy is great, who are we fucking though?

Princess Celestia

Aww dude we fuckin royalty! *high-fives*

You know we are!

Where did you get her though?

Check it, I’m at the gala and shit and there she is just talkin’ to some other people,  so I beat the shit out of some faggy waiter and take his suit, it’s a bit of a tight fit but that’s ok it let’s me show off the mortars, fistor, and centipede HV

Fuckin choice specs bro

Thanks, so I saw that she had ran out of sparkling wine and I grabbed a tray of sparkling wine glasses, and I spike that shit man, and here’s the thing, I made it to where it’s got a long fuse to it

What does that fuckin mean? You know I don’t understand nerd

Takes a long time to activate

Ok, continue

So its been several hours of actually being a waiter and I walk around lookin for her and I hear that she has to go to the bathroom, so I follow her, now keep in mind there aren’t many people left now so they think she’s retired to her bedchambers, nuh unh, she arrives at the bathroom and passes out right at the door

How did you pick her up and move her, she’s pretty heavy?

I’m gettin to that, hold on, impatient bitch, so I see one of those carts that waiters carry food on and I bring it over to there, I had some tape on me so this was a lot easier, I taped her limbs together and put her under the cart, and taped her to the cart

Ha, rape

*high-fives again*

So I push the cart to the loading dock where all the employees park, and then I remember that my car is in the itchy lot, so I hide her body and walk over to the car, I return half an hour later with the car and I see some guards looking around, so being the pro baller I am, I walk in front of them and they ask me some questions

Like what?

General stuff, have you seen the princess? why are you back here this late at night?  are you high? I gave some lies and they walked off

Mah boi solid snacks right there pro negotiator

Yeah, lemmie finish this story

After the gaurds left I surveyed the area one more time to make sure no one was looking or was around, I even pulled out the thermal goggles just to make sure, I then cut the tape attaching her to the cart, loaded her up, and took her here, and now this is happening

Nice job mate, but how are we gonna lose the body?

Simple, we put her in the dumpster of the AM/PM over by Clopgers

C’mon she’s the princess dude, give at least some deacency

Fine, I’ll leave an Us s or Clozmo for her then

That’s mah boi

*whew* guys I’m getting to that point I’m gonna bust a nut

Me too, you guys done here

Yeah

Yah

Mmm hmm

Alright here we go, now this may sound a bit gay but lets all cum inside that vag

Im down, how bout you guys

Yep

Mmm hmm

Lez do dis

All four of them placed their penises into her vagina and ejaculated with the forces of 1000 type 98 mortars, after which, they decided to clean her out the only way they know how…

Damn this bitch is nasty, her cunt felt like velvet though

Oh yeah

Yeah

Lets clean her up shall we

Proceedes to clean out her vagina with a plastic spatula and some rubbing alcohol

*Flashback ends here because I ares shit writyer*

Celestia………. Celllllllllllessssssssstiaaaaaaaaaaaa………… CELESTIA!

Bwa hunh what?

Oh good, thought I lost you there for a second.

Sorry, I just remembered something.

Do tell while I proceed to penetrate you.

Oh ok well, wait WHAT? How the fuck am I gonna tell it.

Shut the hell up, I’m trying to have sex with you.

But, will my body be able to take this Carl?