All That Glitters

by LDSocrates

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Original Character, Snails, Trixie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 4655

[One-Shot] A not-quite-mare named Glitter Shell goes on a trip to find some acceptance and maybe even some affection; for ponies like her, hate is far more common.

Not quite a mare, but unhappy being a colt. It's a hard position for a young pony to be in. Would be easier if judgement weren't in every look, hate in every scowl. For Glitter Shell, even her friends and family aren't giving her the support she needs. So, she goes to find some in her personal hero.

Based on the blog Ask Glitter Shell. Give it a chance; I doubt you'll regret it.

Featured on Equestria Daily on August 12th, 2013; thank all of you for the support! Though please remember to support trans people in real life. This story is a very tame snapshot of what they have to go through for most of their lives.

Published 2013-03-30 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-30 21:00:01 UTC

Is Not Gold

“Pulling in to Whinnychester station!”

Glitter looked up from her book as the train whistle blew in her ears, sending an uncomfortable shiver down her spine. She closed it with her magic and tucked it in her saddlebags, sliding off her seat. She wasn’t actually reading it anyway, if the young mare were to be honest. She was more staring at the pages as she struggled to calm her building anxiety and anticipation. She thought that reading Daring Do would help because Rainbow Dash loved Daring Do, and anything that Rainbow Dash deemed awesome made other ponies more awesome by association. Her shaking legs were a solid indication that it didn’t work too well.

She couldn’t look anywhere without catching an odd look or outright glare cast in her direction, so she kept her head down as she trotted down the aisle of the passenger car. She was already regretting putting on her purple hoof paint that morning. The downside of a society where clothes were like jewelry–expensive and pointless besides to look good and flaunt wealth–was that anyone could tell what she was quite easily. Even if she did wear clothes she liked, it would just make it that much more obvious and attract all the more confused and judging looks. It was something she never got used to, but hoped to Celestia she would someday.

The young unicorn stepped off the train and onto the wooden platform, the cool afternoon air there to greet her. She raised her head enough to at least look at her surroundings. The town of Whinnychester was certainly bigger than Ponyville, but not by much. The architecture was much the same as back home, with thatched roofs and nary a brick or stone in sight, though built for the rolling hills of the Unicorn Range and not the plains south of Canterlot. The skies were a field of grey above the town while a cloak of black hung on the horizon. She could see the specks of pegasi weaving in and out of the clouds to prepare the coming rainstorm, the occasional early spark of lightning setting off a small clap of thunder and zapping an unlucky weather worker.

“Are you okay, miss? Miss?”

Glitter blinked and shook her head, turning her gaze to the older unicorn stallion talking to her. He was one of the train staff, judging by his navy blue uniform. “Who, me?”

“Yes, you. Nopony else is getting off here; this is usually just a stop on the way to Vanhoover,” he explained. “This is your stop, right?”

“Yes, it is,” she said with a small blush and a nod. “Sorry; I’m just really nervous. Trying to find somepony I haven’t seen in a while.”

“Looking for an old friend, eh?” he chuckled. “Well, I wish you the best of luck, ma’am. Just be careful; it’s risky for a young mare like you to travel alone.”

“I know,” she muttered with a weak smile. “Don’t worry; I’m fine.”

“If you say so, ma’am. Have a nice day!” He gave a curt bow and trotted away, apparently to help some of the boarding passengers with their luggage.

“You too,” she mumbled back, nervously rubbing her other front leg with her hoof. She started to canter away when a thought struck her. “He… he called me ma’am.” A beaming grin spread across her face. She allowed herself to let out a little squee and prance in place for a few seconds before regaining her composure and continuing on, much more of a spring to her step than before.

When she climbed down from the train platform to the town proper, her sprightly steps came to a screeching halt and the anxiety came back in full swing. She knew the mare she was looking for was in town, but the thought struck her that she didn’t know exactly where said mare was. The town suddenly seemed a whole lot bigger to Glitter. She bit back a nervous whimper as her eyes darted around, desperate for a place to start.

Very few ponies were out and about. Glitter forgot when exactly the storm was scheduled to hit, but it had to be soon; pegasi were starting to descend from their rounds for a landing, so in all likelihood it was almost finished. Being lost was one thing; being lost in the rain was another matter entirely.

Glitter pleadingly looked around for any pony that could give her directions. She walked up to a few and tried to ask, but her words often came out as shy squeaks and she didn’t get their attention. When she did get their attention, she just got judgmental glares and disgusted huffs before getting brushed off. She was quickly losing hope and running out of ponies to ask when her eyes fell on someone close to her age.

He seemed to notice her as well, judging by the way his maroon eyes locked with hers. She was only half paying attention to his face, though. What drew her eye was his cutie mark: a compass next to a… thing. It looked like a metal V with needles coming out of the end. She thought she’d seen one in Miss Cheerilee’s classroom once or twice, but she’d never used it. Glitter just always assumed it was an instrument of punishment; it was certainly pointy enough. All the same, his cutie mark had a compass, so his talent must involve directions, right? Given, he was a stranger, and he looked a year or two older than her, but he was the best lead she had.

She took in a deep breath to steady herself and started trotting over with all the confidence she could muster, which wasn’t much. As she got closer, she got a better look at him. He was a unicorn like herself–no surprise, considering they were in the Unicorn Range–with a slightly curly, shiny charcoal black mane. His coat was chocolate brown for the most part, though his plot was white with brown spots, as if somepony had splashed white paint on his rump. A small blush graced her cheeks when she admitted to herself that he was kind of… handsome. Not as handsome as Rumble, naturally, but he was certainly something nice to look at.

“Can I help you?”

She blinked and her blush deepened. She realized that she’d been standing in front of him for a few seconds, just staring at him and not saying anything. “Oh, um, yeah,” she squeaked, avoiding eye contact as if it would make the embarrassment go away, “I was hoping you could give me directions? I just saw your cutie mark, and, well…”

“And you thought I’d be the best colt for the job?” he finished with a smile that she could swear sparkled in the non-existent sunlight.

She nodded mutely, her blush only growing hotter.

He chuckled behind his foreleg. “Well, my cutie mark is actually for cartography, but I have lived in this town for a long time. What do you need to find?”

She smiled back nervously, getting the courage to look him in the eye and suppressing the urge to ask what in Celestia’s name cartography was. “It’s more of a who I need to find. I’m looking for the Great and Powerful Trixie. I heard she was in town, and I really wanted to talk to her.”

“The street magician with the covered wagon?” he asked with a raised brow. “Yeah, I know where she is. She parked her plot near the center of town.”

Glitter’s ears perked up along with the corners of her grin. “Really? Well, how do I get there?”

The stallion looked her up and down. Her grin shrank and became nervous again as she could practically feel his gaze. It wasn’t judgmental or hateful, and yet something about the look in his eye made her uneasy. “You’re a bit young to be traveling on your own, aren’t you?” he asked finally, the concern in his voice dispelling her fears.

“I can take care of myself,” she pouted, puffing up her chest proudly. “I got this far, didn’t I?”

“Depends; how far did you have to come to get here? Where are you from?” he asked, tilting his head slightly and sitting down with a sort of attentiveness she wasn’t used to.

She blushed deeper and mumbled, “Ponyville…”

“That’s pretty far. Do your parents know you’re here?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

She shook her head, her gaze lowering to the grass as her hoof traced shapes in it. “No… they don’t really care, anyway.”

Her eyes were brought back up by a small nuzzle. The stallion was looking at her with a much softer look in his eyes and a pitying smile on his face. “Well, you probably shouldn’t be on your own any more than you have to be. Why don’t you follow me? You’ll be at Trixie’s in no time.”

Glitter couldn’t help but smile back. Pity was a godsend compared to the looks she usually got. “Okay… thanks, Mister…?”

“Smoke Stack,” he said as he got back on his hooves. “My mane was just as dark and messy the day I was born, so I got named for it. What’s your name?”

“Glitter Shell,” she answered with a small bow. “Pleased to meet you, Smoke Stack.”

“Please, just call me Smoke. And the pleasure is all mine.” His smile widened, but that look in his eye that made her stomach turn returned for the briefest instant. He turned and trotted down the street, giving her an eyeful of his curly tail and white, spotted plot.

She shook her head as heat rushed back to her face and she followed close behind him, her eyes suddenly taking interest in everything but him.

“You know, you can walk beside me,” Smoke said over his shoulder. “I’m not exactly embarrassed to be seen with a pretty pony like you. Or do you like what you see back there too much?”

“Yes. I mean, no!” she squeaked. “Not that you aren’t good looking I mean, but, um… I’m going to just stop talking now.” She bit her lip and cantered up to his side, her face hot as ever and her eyes once again studying the grass.

Smoke chuckled and nuzzled their cheeks together again. “Wow, you really are a shy one, aren’t you?”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, lifting her head back up but refusing to make eye contact.

“Why be sorry? It’s actually kind of cute,” he said through another chuckle.

Glitter’s ears perked up and she risked looking over at him. He was smiling that charming smile again, showing some teeth without grinning wide like a dope and a confident curl to his lips that screamed cool. “You… you really think so?” she asked.

“Of course,” he assured with another nuzzle. “You’re just plain adorable!”

“And… you meant it when you said I was pretty?” she asked, turning her face away but looking at him from the corner of her eye.

“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

“Th… thanks,” she said amid her blush returning with a vengeance. “Nopony at home really thinks I’m pretty. Well, no colts do.”

She turned to look at him again, and that the look in his eye was back, the one that made her stomach squirm in her gut. It was gone in a split second, though; maybe she was just seeing things. “That’s a real shame; they’re missing out on a very nice young mare.”

Yeah, definitely just seeing things. “Thanks,” she said again with a small smile, trying to keep from grinning like a complete doofus.

Smoke looked away for a moment before jerking his head to their right. “This way; I know a shortcut to the center of town. This place was designed by Discord, I swear.” He turned down an alley, not stopping to see if she followed. If he had, he would see that she hesitated.

“Um, are you sure that’s the fastest–”

A bone-rattling clap of thunder nearby earned a squeak from her and killed any protest, sending her into a gallop to catch up to him.

She was greeted with a small laugh. “You’re that scared of thunder, are you?”

She blushed when she realized she’d pressed her side against his like a clingy weirdo. She scooted away and pretended that it didn’t just happen. “Kind of, yeah. I just really hate loud noises. Especially yelling… really hate yelling.” She flinched involuntarily.

“Ugh, I know what you mean. Nothing beats peace and quiet, right?” he said as he started trotting again, Glitter not far behind.

“I guess, but I don’t really like it when it’s quiet either,” she admitted. “It’s really easy to feel lonely when it’s quiet. And, well…” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

“Never mind what?” he asked, looking to her with a raised brow. “What were you going to say?”

“It was stupid and foalish; forget it,” she said with a wave of her hoof.

“We’re both still foals, kind of,” he chuckled. “Go on; you can tell me. If it’s something really embarrassing, it’s not like I can tell anypony you know.”

She huffed and let silence reign between the two of them for a few seconds before mumbling, “I’m just sick of being lonely, is all. I don’t really have that many friends back home, and my best friend… I’m not even sure he’s my best friend.”

“Why’s that?” he asked as he turned a corner into another alley.

“Well, let’s just say he doesn’t like how girly I am,” she said with a nervous giggle.

“But you are a girl,” he said with no small amount of confusion.

“Yes, I know, but, well… well, when you put it like that, it sounds silly, doesn’t it?” she said with a tilt of her head.

“Hoh yes,” he snickered. “Why be friends with somepony who doesn’t like you for, well, you? Do you two have a crush on each other or something?”

“On Snips?! Ugh, blech, no way!” she squealed with a gag.

“Good,” he said with a nod, looking at her with a single maroon eye over his shoulder. “I think you can do a lot better than him.” That unsettling look in his eye was back, and the smooth, low tone of his voice made her skin crawl under her fur to match, and not in a good way. She couldn’t tell why, but she knew she wasn’t imagining things anymore.

“How far away is Trixie’s?” she asked, doing her best to keep her voice steady in spite of her sudden unease.

“Not far,” he said curtly, turning his attention ahead. “By the way, why exactly do you want to see her, anyway?”

“Oh, it’s… well, I’m just a fan, is all,” she half lied.

“So you took a train halfway across Equestria over the weekend just to see a traveling magician mare?” he asked, clearly not buying it. He turned a corner again, and Glitter followed suit. “I know mares do some weird stuff when they’re fans of something, but aren’t you a bit young for the fan crazy?”

“Okay, it’s not because I’m a fan. Not just because I’m a fan, anyway,” she corrected. “I just really need somepony to support me right now. Snips and my family sure aren’t, and I don’t have that many ponies to turn to. I just thought that maybe if Trixie understood me, it wouldn’t be all that bad anymore.”

“Understood you about what?” he asked slowly, looking over his shoulder again.

“You know, the whole trans thing? I’m not old enough to get the operation to be a mare without my parent’s permission, and there’s no way they’d ever do that.”

Smoke suddenly tripped over himself and faceplanted into the dirt path of the alley.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?!” she asked, rushing to his side and helping him up with her magic grip.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said, brushing her off with a shrug of his shoulder. “Just… tripped. That’s all.” His voice was suddenly bitter and… disappointed?

“Are you sure? You don’t sound okay…” She looked up from the prone stallion and blinked. “Hey, this alley is a dead end!”

“Yeah, sorry, took a wrong turn,” he mumbled half-heartedly. He turned around in a huff and trotted out of the alley, taking another turn. “Come on, that Trixie mare’s wagon isn’t that far away.”

“O… okay…” she muttered, following him with her head down and her thoughts racing. Did she do something wrong? Say something wrong? “You… didn’t notice that I haven’t been changed yet, did you?” she finally brought herself to ask, her voice low and quiet.

“How could I? I didn’t exactly look between your hind legs.” He sounded like he was trying to keep his voice even, but there was still a bitter edge to his tone.

“Ponies usually tell because of, well, how my face looks,” she admitted. “I have a colt’s face and wear makeup, so… yeah.” She could hear the soft roar of pouring rain nearby. It was getting closer with each passing second. She opened her mouth to ask Smoke to hurry up, but bit her lip instead.

“I’ve never really been good with faces,” he said harshly, making it clear he didn’t want to talk. She wasn’t eager to deny him that. She didn’t want him to admit that he thought she was a freak like everyone else.

Glitter followed her guide in silence the rest of the way. The most she dared to look at him was his stomping hooves on the road, though only to keep track of where he was going. The rain set upon them in less than a minute, just a split second of the downpour soaking her to the bone and the clouds shrouding their trek in darkness. Her horn glowed and she pulled her umbrella from her saddlebags when it occurred to her that Smoke didn’t have one, or any way to carry one. “Here, have my umbrella,” she offered, levitating it in front of him.

“I’ll be fine,” he said firmly, his own maroon glow overtaking hers and shoving the gift back in her face. She cringed, but didn’t protest, opening the umbrella up and holding it over her own head. She no longer had the rain pounding on her head and back, yet somehow she felt even worse, even colder.

A flash of lightning arced across the sky overhead. The ensuing crack of thunder felt like it shook the foundations of the buildings to either side of them, not to mention her very bones. She bit back a squeak and screwed her eyes shut. Smoke didn’t comfort her, or even acknowledge her. He just kept cantering ahead in silence. Glitter did the same as her heart sank into her stomach.

The alley eventually opened up into a central town square. A clock tower was in its center much like the one back home, though Glitter could barely see it through the shadows and the driving rain.

“Trixie’s wagon is over there,” Smoke said, pointing to a vaguely carriage-shaped shadow in the dark. The lights were on inside, and what Glitter assumed to be Trixie’s shadow was moving about. “Good luck; I’m going home.”

Glitter struggled to say something to Smoke as he galloped away, but he was gone before she could bring herself to. A sorry, a thank you, a… anything. She swallowed down words unsaid and trotted over to Trixie’s carriage, her head low and her spirits lower.

She paused when she reached the steps of Trixie’s carriage. She looked up to see lights flickering inside through the window on the door. She briefly considered peeking inside to see if Trixie was busy or even awake, but decided against it. She knocked on the door, leaving a muddy smear with her hoof, much to her horror.

“Who would be here in this weather?” she heard Trixie mumble inside. There were a few hoofsteps before the mare mage herself poked her head out the window and looked down at Glitter with plain disdain. “Sorry, but Trixie is not available for autographs at the moment. Come back after the storm.”

“I don’t want an autograph! Or, well, erm, I’d love one, oh Great and Powerful Trixie, but, er…” Glitter took a deep breath and shook her head. “I want to talk to you. If you wouldn’t mind, that is. Please?”

Trixie narrowed her eyes. “About what…?”

Glitter gulped. “It’s kind of private, and I would like to get out of the–” She was cut off by another lightning flash and thunder clap. “Rain!” she squeaked with a flinch.

Trixie sighed and pulled her head back in. Glitter barely heard the click of a lock before Trixie said, “Very well, since you said please, Trixie supposes she could grant you an audience.” The door swung open and Glitter didn’t hesitate to jump inside.

Glitter hadn’t been in Trixie’s carriage before. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she didn’t get it. The inside of the carriage was almost completely bare. The only furniture to speak of was a nest of pillows around a frameless mattress and a candle perched atop a simple wooden crate. Her cape was folded in a corner with her hat sitting on top. The mare before her almost didn't seem like Trixie without them.

Trixie cleared her throat as she climbed into the nest of pillows and lay on her stomach, her head high and her gaze expectant. “What’s wrong? You look surprised. Also, wipe your hooves, please; Trixie doesn’t want mud in here.”

Glitter looked down to see a welcome mat under her hooves. With a nervous giggle she wiped them off and stepped further inside, folding her umbrella and tucking it back in her saddlebags. “Well, it’s just that I’ve been a fan of yours for a while, and I expected the inside of your wagon to be a bit more… fancy, I guess.”

“You’ve seen Trixie’s show, haven’t you?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Seeing no place to sit, Glitter sat her plot down on the floor. “Yes, of course I have! Your magic is amazing,” she gushed, stars in her eyes. She felt a little stab in her heart that Trixie didn’t recognize her, but she supposed someone as well traveled as Trixie wouldn’t remember every fan.

Trixie smirked and giggled. “Thank you, thank you. Well, Trixie is a mare of the road, and you should know that this carriage folds out into her stage. She has little room to store luxuries, but she makes do with what she has.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Glitter mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “Still, I think you deserve better.”

Trixie’s smile lost some of its pride and became a bit softer. “Thank you. Has Trixie seen you before? She must have at some point; you did come to one of her shows after all. Which one was it? Manehattan? Fillydelphia? Baltimare?”

“Ponyville, actually,” Glitter said, smiling back and feeling more at ease.

Trixie’s look soured, her smile turning into a barely concealed frown. “I see. So, you were there when I… well, did that thing I’m not especially proud of?”

Glitter blinked at the sudden change to first person. “Yes, I was. I don’t hold it against you, though; you did apologize and all.”

“I don’t think that mere apologies can suffice for enslaving a town into a short-lived city-state dictatorship, even if I wasn’t in my right mind… but thank you all the same,” she said with a sigh. “I would think I would remember you from that incident, though. There was a colt that I remember that looks very much like you. His name is on the tip of my tongue… Snails, was it? Are you his sister?”

Glitter blushed and shifted in her seat. “I… guess you could say that.”

Trixie raised a brow, her mouth stretching into a thin line. “You guess? You’re either siblings or you aren’t. That isn’t the sort of thing that one can just ‘guess’ at.”

Glitter giggled nervously, her eyes darting everywhere but Trixie. She thought she was ready for the big moment, but her heart was pounding in her ears and she began to sweat despite her coat dripping with cold rain. Her eyes fell on a book by Trixie’s side. The cover had two unicorns kissing on the cover, both looking strangely like mares. “Wh-what’s that book you’ve got there?”

Trixie’s cheeks went red as her horn glowed. The book was engulfed in her magic grip and quickly shoved under the mattress. “Nothing that fillies your age should be reading. Don’t change the subject; you have yet to answer Trixie’s question to her satisfaction.”

Glitter let out another nervous giggle and shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “Well… thing is, you see, that…”

“Yes?” Trixie prompted with a circular wave of her hoof.

Glitter gulped and screwed her eyes shut. “I am Snails! Or, well, I used to be. I call myself Glitter Shell now ever since I… ever since I found out I’m a mare. I’m a mare on the inside, anyway…” She felt her legs shaking and couldn’t make them stop. She didn’t want to look like a complete scaredy-cat in front of her hero, but she just couldn’t help it.

There were a few seconds of tense silence, save for the rain. There was another crack of thunder, but she didn’t care; Glitter was in a state of terror beyond any that simple loud noises could trigger. She heard a small creak of hinges, and for a moment she thought that it was the door so that Trixie could kick her out of it.

The warm embrace of cotton around her earned a gasp from Glitter. She opened her eyes to see a small trap door in the floor open and a blanket wrapped around her, both glowing with Trixie’s magic light.

“Sorry for not offering you a blanket before; I just noticed how cold you looked. Positively shivering,” she said, her fiery pride gone and replaced with a somber, sad sweetness. “You were cold, right?”

“Yeah, cold. Just… cold,” Glitter mumbled, pulling the blanket tight around herself.

Trixie closed the trap door with a nod. “Good; the Great and Powerful Trixie shouldn’t let it be said that she’s a bad host, hm? Now, what is it exactly that you wanted to talk to her about, Miss Glitter?”

Glitter was silent for a few seconds more, looking at the floor instead of her host. With a sigh and a smile she said, “Forget about it; I think I got the answer I wanted.”

“Is that so?” Trixie asked with a smile and a giggle. “Well, I can’t exactly send you back out into the rain. Unless you have a train to catch?”

Glitter shook her head. “I should be leaving before dark, but no, I don’t have to get on a specific train.”

“Then why don’t we just talk for a while?” she suggested. “Surely you wouldn’t object to getting to talk to the Great and Powerful Trixie about more than just one topic, would you?” Her horn glowed and she took a few pillows from her nest and lined them up in a row on the floor in front of her, the candle between the two makeshift beds.

Glitter smiled wider with a blush and lay down on the offered pillows. The wind howled and the rain poured outside, but they didn’t seem so loud anymore. She shyly avoided eye contact as she shifted to get comfortable. When she finally managed to look up into the violet eyes of the mare she idolized, she saw the flickering light of the candle inside them with a warm glow.

“I think I’d like that.”