Stallions

“Why do ah gotta go, anyway?”

Two arguing ponies made their way up Main Street. One was a large red stallion, the other an orange mare, both with straw-colored manes. The latter carried a wrapped package on her back.

“Ah toldja, Big Macintosh, it’s about time y’got outta th’ barn and into town,” Applejack said, looking indignant. “Applebuckin’ is over. We gotta good haul this year. Why not jus’ settle back ‘n relax?”

“But why are you takin’ me to one o’ yer friend’s birthday parties? Ah don’t get it.”

“C’mon, Big Mac. Twilight got rid o’ that carbuncle on yer shoulder last winter, didn’t she? An’ she helped fix th’barn. Ya should at least show up ta her birthday party.”

Big Macintosh grumbled as they approached Twilight Sparkle’s tree house. Music was booming through the walls and purple balloons floated near the doorway. No sooner did Applejack and Big Macintosh approach the door than did Pinkie Pie bounce out of nowhere and hug Applejack.

“Hey, you guys! C’mon in! We’ve got cake and goodies and music and cake and candy and dancing and balloons and cake and…”

She rattled on as they entered the house. Sure enough, the whole place was decked out in celebration of Twilight Sparkle’s birthday. Purple banners hung across the walls that read ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWILIGHT.’ There was purple punch, purple cookies, purple cake, and purple balloons. Even the napkins and the apples in the apple-bobbing tub were purple. Several ponies had gathered in the building, and now they were dancing, drinking, or talking to one another. Pinkie Pie went over to entertain another guest, and Applejack caught sight of her friends. She dragged Big Macintosh over to where Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle were sitting. Twilight was decked out in a silver-and-purple tiara and a beautiful dress that Rarity had designed. She gasped in delight when she saw Applejack.

“AJ!” She gave her friend a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“Heck, ah wouldn’ miss this fer the world, Twi! Ah got ya a present!”

“Oh, you didn’t have to.”

“Course I did! Ah figured it was th’ least ah could do. Go ahead ‘n open it!”

Twilight blushed and began to open Applejack’s present. The wrapping fell away to reveal a shiny black cowboy hat.

“Oh wow!” Twilight mused. “This is great! Thanks, Applejack!”

Applejack smiled. “Like ah said, th’ least ah could do.”

Twilight returned the smile and caught sight of Big Macintosh, who stood in the corner looking slightly bored.

“Big Macintosh? You’re here, too?”

“Eyup.”

“That’s great! Hey, I wanted to say thanks again for getting that opal out of Spike’s throat yesterday!”

“Yer quite welcome, Miss Sparkle,” Big Macintosh said politely. With that, the girls chatted among themselves, except for when a guest would show up and wish Twilight a happy birthday.

The party went on, and Big Macintosh found himself spending all his time near the food table. There were only a few stallions here, and none that he knew. Aside from that, he towered over most of the partygoers, and they were always staring at him. He would smile weakly, but inside he was anxious and bored out of his mind. He didn’t often attend parties. As most of Ponyville already knew, he liked to keep to himself, but he was friendly and always willing to help a pony in need. He sighed and grabbed a purple cookie, shoving it in his mouth. The purple flecks stood out rather obviously on his crimson hide.

About an hour later, at around five in the afternoon, he had grown tired and bored. Twilight Sparkle was a nice mare, but Big Macintosh just didn’t do parties. He got up and headed for the door.

He opened the door, and there he was, holding his hoof up as if he had been about to knock. A white stallion with a sapphire-colored mane and a cutie mark of a shield. His eyes were wonderfully blue, glittering in the late afternoon sun. Big Macintosh ran his eyes over the stallion, taking in his smooth white coat, his gorgeous eyes, his deep blue mane…

“Uh, hi there,” the stallion said uneasily. “I’m here for Twilight Sparkle’s birthday party. Do I have the right address? 112 Mane Street?”

“Yeah,” Big Macintosh replied. “Yeah, you do.”

“Oh, good!”

Several moments passed, and eventually the stallion coughed, looking Big Macintosh in the eye. He finally realized that the stallion wanted him to move, so he did, allowing him passage. As he passed, Big Macintosh could not help but glance at the pony’s rear. It looked so smooth, so soft…

“Shining Armor!”

Twilight Sparkle ran over to the stallion and gave him a hug. He laughed.

“Hey, there, lil’ sis! Oh wait, I guess you’re not little any more, are ya?”

With that, he put his sister in a playful headlock and rubbed her head with his hoof. Big Macintosh continued to gaze at him, transfixed by his ocean-blue eyes, his bulging biceps, his beautiful, beautiful body…

“Why, hello there, Mister Shining Armor!” Fluttershy said as she approached, uncharacteristically eager to meet Twilight’s brother. “I’m Fluttershy! I’m Twilight’s best friend!”

“Nonsense!” Rarity proclaimed. “I am Twilight’s favorite companion!”

“Now, hold on there, you two. Ah met Twi first when she first moved t’ Ponyville. Ah reckon that makes us best o’ buds.”

They began to argue, and Big Macintosh realized that he wasn’t the only one who was fawning over Shining Armor. Twilight looked slightly embarrassed, but Shining Armor smiled and chuckled. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash hovered in a corner.

“Jeez, what’s with you guys?”

“I think they fancy my brother,” Twilight said. They both giggled, and Shining Armor blushed.

He looked across the room, and his eyes fell upon the red stallion. Big Macintosh returned his gaze, and emerald and sapphire met. Shining Armor didn’t know what to make of Big Macintosh’s gaze, so he averted his eyes. But the elder Apple never let his eyes off the elder Sparkle, not until the party was over and Applejack was tugging at his mane to leave.

* * *

The nighttime sky glittered with stars, and inside the white house, three of the four Apple family members slept soundly. The fourth was downtown and had his head in a mug of barley ale.

Big Macintosh wasn’t much of a drinker. He only drank when he was stressed, and this was definitely a stressful situation. He hiccupped as he scanned the room of the Ox Hill Tavern, one of Ponyville’s few watering holes. There were a few stallions and an old donkey, but nopony he knew. He knocked on the countertop, signaling for another mug.

“Dang, Mac,” said Tapper, the bartender. “I’ve never seen you drink so much in one night.”

“Hey, ah got you th’ bits, you got me th’ drink,” Big Macintosh said, his words slurred and his eyes rolling.

“Alright, Mac, that’s enough. It’s last call, anyway.”

The stallion slid from his seat and hiccupped again, stumbling. “Ah don’t wanna buy…” He burped. “…bourbon centipedes…”

“What? Are you alright?”

“Nah, nah, ah just…ah just ah feel funny, y’know? Ah feel…”

He began to fall but was saved by a light blue hoof that caught him across the chest.

“Oof! Whoa there, Big Mac! C’mon, let’s get you out of here.”

The voice was a little coarse and somewhat familiar, and it was the last thing he heard before he blacked out.

* * *

“Gee, that was such an awesome party! Don’t you think so, Shining Armor?”

Twilight’s brother snapped to attention.

“Oh yeah,” he said. “Awesome.”

Twilight grinned, shuffling through the after-party mess. “I know, right? I mean, I didn’t think that they’d throw me such a big surprise party. Oh, what am I saying? I mean, Pinkie Pie always throws the best parties, and I—”

He let his sister ramble on for a bit, and his thoughts drifted like a boat without oars.

Huh. Not much is happening back at Canterlot. Maybe I can stay a few more days? I’m sure the colonel won’t mind, and neither will the Princess. After all, Twilight’s her favorite student! The only reason she couldn’t come to this party is her busy work schedule. I mean, can you really expect the—

“Shining Armor?”

“What?” He snapped to attention again, trying to shake his head free of unimportant thoughts. “Sorry, what is it, Twily?”

“I was gonna ask if you’d help me clean this up? Spike’s asleep upstairs. I think he partied too hard.” She laughed. “But if you have to get going then that’s fine, but I could really use a helping hoof…”

“No, no, of course I’ll help you, Twi. Anything for my lil’ sis,” Shining Armor said, a bit more stonily than he intended, but his sister didn’t seem to mind. He set to assisting Twilight in cleaning, picking up used napkins and drink cans, among other bits of trash. It had turned into a wild party.

As he got a trash bag out of the kitchen, he continued to think.

Anyway, it’s too bad Princess Celestia couldn’t come. I bet that would’ve made Twilight go nuts. There’s no real reason I have to go back to Canterlot immediately. I bet I can stay a few more—

“—looking at Big Macintosh that way?”

“Huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “You know, Big Macintosh! That big red stallion? Why were—”

He didn’t hear the rest of the question, as the hairs on his back stood up and a shiver went down his spine.

That big red stallion…

That big, red, beautiful stallion…

“Uh, in what way?” he mumbled uncomfortably.

“I dunno,” Twilight answered absentmindedly, continuing to pick up trash. “I just thought you were looking at him in a funny way.”

“Heh heh. Funny. Yeah,” Shining Armor said.

They cleaned in silence, not using magic in order to get a little elbow grease in, as Shining Armor had always liked. But the elder Sparkle’s mind was reeling as he worked. He had almost let slip his biggest secret, the one thing in his life that would destroy him and his family should anypony ever find out.

And yet he couldn’t stop thinking about the big red pony that had answered the door. Those apple-green eyes. That unbelievably chiseled body…

“Hey, Shining Armor?”

He didn’t respond, and seemed to be transfixed on a wet purple napkin on Twilight’s reading table. Twilight looked at him oddly and waved her hoof in front of his face, and for the third time that night, Shining Armor broke out of his trance.

“Huh? What?”

“Geez, Shining, did you eat something bad at the party? You’re all sweaty. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Twilight,” he answered quickly. “Fine. Just, um, just something about, er, work. Something back at Canterlot.”

“Oh. Does that mean you have to leave soon?” Twilight said with a hint of sadness.

Shining Armor looked guilty. “Um, maybe, I dunno. I mean, there’s not much going on back at Canterlot, and this is my week off, so I don’t see why I can’t stay a few more days!”

He playfully nudged his sister and they both giggled.

“I’m gonna go throw this in the garbage can,” Shining Armor said, holding up the bag of party trash. “Be right back.”

Twilight nodded and returned to cleaning as Shining Armor made his way out the door into the cool night air of Ponyville, putting the bag in the garbage bin. Then he leaned back against the wall, rubbing his hooves nervously.

What was he thinking, having thoughts like that? Nopony knew that he preferred stallions over mares. Nopony could know, not even Twilight. Such a thing was unheard of in Equestria. Two stallions together, embraced in love? That was recipe for banishment, or worse!

He looked from left to right anxiously, as if afraid that somepony might hear his thoughts. When he saw that nopony was in sight, he relaxed.

He’d been like this from birth. Never in Equestria had there been a courtship between two stallions, and with policies the way they were currently, it was likely to stay that way. Equestria was a happy, kind land, but as much as it embraced its oddities, it gave little mercy toward issues such as marriage. In fact, the only incident in pony history of an attempt to rescind the stringent marriage laws was about twenty years previous. Shining Armor was a mere foal then, drooling and giggling in his diaper in the shadow of Canterlot Castle. There Princess Celestia acted as high judge for a court in which a stallion named Astrid begged the jury to let him marry his coltfriend, a fat old pony by the name of Moonbeam. The jury’s decision? The two were banished from Equestria, and had since become the butt of many jokes, which Shining Armor found himself all too familiar with. His comrades in the Royal Guard often made up insulting stories about the pair, and he had to sit through them even as his thoughts drifted more and more toward male ponies.

Maybe he should—

“Hey, Shining Armor!”

Once again, his thoughts were interrupted as he looked for the source of the voice, and immediately saw the shouter was a rainbow-maned pegasus with blue skin. She appeared to be carrying a large load over her shoulder that, as a nearby streetlamp illuminated it, turned out to be a large pony, a very familiar large pony…

“Oh, hey, er, Rainbow Hash.”

“It’s Dash, silly!” the pegasus giggled. “But that’s okay. Gotta get Big Mac home. He’s a little woozy at the moment.”

Shining Armor tensed. “Big Mac? As in Bag Micintosh? Er, I mean—”

But the rest of his response was drowned out by Rainbow Dash’s laughter. “HA! Bag Micintosh! Oh, you! I never knew Twilight’s brother was so funny!”

“Er…”

“Anyway, I gotta get this big lunk a’ hunk back to Sweet Apple Acres! Hey, great party you guys had! Then again, Pinkie Pie always throws the best parties. See ya!”

She was cheerful, a little too cheerful, but Shining Armor found himself thinking less about that and more about Big Macintosh, who lay straddled over the pegasus’s shoulder, his eyes rolling and his lips covered in booze froth.

“Shining Armor?”

Twilight walked outside as Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh faded out of view.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, uh, nothing, Twi. I just saw your friend Rainbow Dash and she wanted to say hello.”

“Aww, what a sweet friend! But nopony’s as sweet as my big ol’ brother!”

She trotted up to him and nuzzled him, and Shining Armor smiled, comforted by her sister. His thoughts of stallion love vanished for a moment, and in that moment he was merely a big brother.

* * *

“…uuugghh…”

“Ugh is right. Ya should feel ugh, brother. Can’t think o’ any other word besides ugh t’ say how ya look right about now.”

“AJ?”

“Eyup.”

Big Macintosh sat up and tasted the alcohol-saturated froth in his mouth. His vision was blurry and distorted, like looking through a dirty glass. He felt like a mule had just kicked him in the head. He swayed, and his sister struggled to hold him up.

“Hey, lie down, Big Macintosh. Lie down. Ya ain’t right.” She laid him on the couch, where he burped and drooled.

“Ah don’t feel right.”

“Now what in Equestria did ah tell ya about gettin’ hammered down at the Ox Hill? Ah…”

“That ain’t what ah meant,” Big Macintosh mumbled. “AJ…ah think ah’m in love.”

Applejack stared at him. “Yer in what now?”

“Love, AJ. Love.”

“Yeah, well, love still ain’t no excuse for gettin’ yerself drunk down at th’ tavern. Fer Celestia’s sake, what were ya thinkin’?”

“AJ, wait…”

“Listen, jus’ sleep it off, okay? You’ll be better in th’ mornin’.”

With that Applejack wiped her brother’s mouth and went upstairs, turning off the lights as she went. Big Macintosh could see nothing in his drunken haze.

Nothing except that gorgeous stallion…

“Hey…baby…” he moaned, his words slurred and his eyes slowly rolling in all directions. “Yawanna…come crust mah...apple frittuuuuhh …”

He slipped into unconsciousness.