This stall is Pinkie Pie'd!
This stall is Pinkie Pie'd!
The food at this Independence Day potluck was as wonderful as the people I was privileged enough to meet there. Pizza, burgers, tacos, Chinese, chili, salad bars... Everything that falls under "the bane of the addictive spirit." It was truly a sixteen year old boy's dream. All that was missing was ponies.
However, everything good usually comes with a price. In this case, the exquisite flavor of the excessive quantities of grease in all of these baked bads did not agree with me. It was an "emergency," so much so that while running to the portable toilets (several hundred yards away, I might add) would have been a great way to avoid soiling myself... But I feared that running might spell (or spill) my doom before I was half-way there. Gathering my fortitude, I began my trek through the masses.
I weaved in and out of crowds of people and around children who were enjoying the plethora of fireworks going off in the cloudless night sky, clenching my plotcheeks together with waning vigor. It seemed that keeping to myself most of my life was not to pay off tonight; Everypony and their brother seemed to want to stop and chat with me. I deterred their inquiries with random profanity and obscenities, which always seemed to work for me when I didn't want to be bothered. Unfortunately, one six-year-old boy wearing a "Pinkie Pie: FOREVER" shirt thought that the unspeakable words and disgusting things that I said were actually quite pleasant, and he was bent on getting my attention by punching me in the plot repeatedly.
Fortunately, a particularly loud mortal shell exploded several hundred feet in the sky and drew attention from what I turned and shouted at the boy: "I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU DO A HEADSTAND IN THE SANTA CAN! COME HERE, YOU!" Instant terror filled the child's eyes, and he disappeared among the other children. A smile came to my lips as I remembered Fluttershy's line: "Always works."
After what could have been the ENTIRE best night ever, I finally made it to the three plastic structures. I went to open the first door, but I noticed a sign: "Out of order." Confound it.
I went to yank open the door to the third one, but stopped myself; The slider near the handle said in red letters: "Occupied." By this time, I was about to give up and retreat to the ravine and hope to find some clean grass to clean up with.
With frustration, hope, and dread in my heart, I looked to the next door, straining to see what the slider on the door said. On the entire front panel of the door, written in frosting, said:
"You're silly, you know that?
You can't go eating so much fat.
You'll get sick and throw up,
and you won't be healthy when you grow up!
Come on in; This stall isn't occupied.
In fact, it's much better; This stall is Pinkie Pie'd!"
I pulled the door to the stall open and closed as fast as I could get in it, and I did my thing. I almost didn't make it; The poem on the door made me laugh so hard that not only did my heart explode, but it had contained its own sonic rainboom.
When my business was finished, I stood up and opened the door in front of me, expecting to be greeted with the low light of the camp out and the shouts of the other people. Instead, what I saw was mind blowing.
I was now standing in the doorway into Twilight Sparkle's house. The Element of Magic, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity sat at a table, almost as though they were waiting for me. I was entirely sure that this couldn't really be happening, so I shut the wooden door behind me (which was insanely heavy) and I sat on the floor mat with my legs crossed, wondering what would happen next. Twilight spoke first.
"Pinkie Pie.. Wha... Where did-"
Rarity spit out her tea and dropped the tea cup on the floor, which shattered. Her dark blue eyes were filled with the most comical kind of terror as she looked at me and said "What in heavens is THAT? And what in Equestria is it wearing? Those clothes are just dreadful!
I decided to speak up. "Rarity, this is what humans wear... Except we always wear clothes. Like... All the time. Ponies don't, huh?" The fashion unicorn looked away and pouted. Another sonic rainboom in my heart.
Pinkie Pie was entirely calm as she looked to Rarity and said "Oh, Rarity, be nice to him! He's only gonna be here for like ten seconds, anyway!"
"What do you mean, Pinkie? He only just got here. Why is he even-" Twilight was cut off by Pinkie putting her hoof to Twilight's lips.
"Silly, he's just dreaming... He'll wake up any second!"
"Well, well," Rarity said with her velvet voice. "I certainly hope so. The thing has me so upset that my mane is ruined! I'll have to get my-"
"RARITY, SHH! IT'S ALMOST TIME!" I stood up, not really knowing what else to do. This was hilarious. Pinkie Pie pulled her part cannon and set it on the table, crushing a few cupcakes and causing Twilight's tea cup to spill all over her.
"Shall I send you out with a BANG?" Pinkie smacked the back of the party cannon with her hoof, and before I could even flinch, I went deaf and blind.
The next thing I knew, I was in bed, staring at my green ceiling. My grey cat, Rusty, seemed determined to bludgeon the side of my head with his nose. Boy, was he perky today.
I closed my eyes and thought for a moment, remembering the fast-paced events that just took place. I raised my arms and shouted at 4:00am: "SOUNDS LIKE A FAN FICTION TO ME!" By Celestia, I loved to dream.