Introspection

by Delta93

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Spike, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1046

Spike has everything a young dragon could want: friends that love him, a happy home, good food in his belly. So why does he feel like there's something missing?

Spike has everything a young dragon could want: friends that love him, a happy home, good food in his belly. So why does he feel like there's something missing?

A/N: Rated teen for language, alcohol, and references to sex (No clop or innuendo.)

Published 2013-03-29 17:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-29 17:30:01 UTC

Introspection

"Damn. The one time I want a beer, and she's out," the young dragon muttered under his breath. A forlorn sight escaped Spike's mouth as he gently closed the refrigerator. Oh well, he thought, it's probably best if I don't turn to alcohol every time I'm feeling down. Making his way out of the kitchen, he sat down at the reading table in the center of the library and grabbed a comic book from the stack he'd left there earlier that day. He read the first page. Then he read it again. And again.

With another sigh, he set the comic down and stared at the top of the table, absent-mindedly tracing the grain of the wood with an extended claw. "I hate it when I get like this," the drake said to nopony in particular. "At least, I think I do... But if I hate it so much, why do keep doing it to myself?" He paused a moment when he noticed that he was starting to wear a groove into the table. "I wish Twilight and the other girls were here. It's impossible not to have a good time when the Elements of Harmony get together." Then again, he thought, it's nice to have the place to myself. Nice and quiet and peaceful. But being alone in the library also meant he had nothing to do but think, and prolonged periods of thinking inevitably lead to introspection, which, in turn, causes melancholy to set in.

"I wish I knew what I wanted!" He yelled suddenly. "That's it, isn't it? I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be with anypony, I don't even really want that drink – ok, maybe I do – but what I really want is to know what I want." He thought for a minute. "Or maybe I'm just over thinking things. Huh, wouldn't be the first time."

It wasn't the first time, indeed. More like the tenth time this month. "Maybe I should talk to Twilight about it. She'd know what to do." He scoffed, "Yeah, send to some shrink 'cause she'd think I'm a head case." Maybe one of the other girls could help, he thought. Not Rainbow Dash, she'd just tell me to stop being sad and be awesome instead. Pinkie Pie would just want to throw me a party, which would be fun and all, but I don't think it would really solve the problem. Applejack wouldn't be any better than Rainbow Dash, Rarity would dress me up in some fancy new duds, and Fluttershy would tell me to snuggle with a bunny or something.

"No," he finally said out loud. "I can't talk to anyone about it." He sighed one last time as he returned his stack of comic books to the proper shelf – no point in putting it off until Twilight got on his case about it – and started up the stairs. "All I really need is a nap. I'll feel better once I've had some rest." He reached the top of the stairs and turned towards the bedroom door. As his claw grasped the handle, he had a sudden flashback to Pinkie Pie's "Congratulations for Being Accepted into Canterlot U, Sweetie Belle!" party. It had been almost two years ago, today. That was his and Sweetie Belle's first time really drinking, among other things. A smile split his draconic face as the memories paraded through his mind. He opened the door, walked to his bed, and settled in under the covers.

That had been an amazing night, maybe the best night of his life. But, like with all good things, it ended. "How long's it been since I heard from her?" he wondered aloud, again to nopony. "Six months. Is that all? Seems like it's been a lot longer." He rolled over and faced the wall. "What are you doing, Spike?" he reprimanded. "You're over that, right? Now come on, stop thinking about her."

That did the trick. Spike groaned as more and more thoughts of his happy, if brief, time with Sweetie Belle whisked through his head. "CELESTIA DAMN IT!!" His shout startled a few birds out of the tree's branches near his window. " I am done with this! I figured it all out, came to terms with the whole damn thing! I. Moved. On." He reached up with a clawed hand and wiped away the moisture that had gathered unnoticed in his eyes. "So why can't I stop thinking about her?" He lay there for a while longer, until unconsciousness claimed him.

"Hello, Spike. Long time, no see." Spike opened his eyes to see Princess Luna standing before him in a dark meadow, the stars shimmered brightly in the sky and a bright, full moon stood behind her, making it seem as if the midnight blue alicorn was glowing, herself.

"Princess Luna? What are you... doing... here?" Spike trailed off as he took in his surroundings. "Where is here, again?"
"We are in your dream, Spike, and I must say, this is definitely not what I was expecting from the personal assistant of my sister's protégé," said the princess with a smirk, gazing over Spike's shoulder.

Said dragon spun around to see just what the princess was talking about. "Oh," he managed, as he took in the sight of an alabaster unicorn making bedroom eyes at him from behind the pink and purple curtain of her mane.

"It looks to me like this should be a pretty good dream, Spike, but I can't enter a happy dream. So you tell me: why am I here?" Luna asked gently.

"I don't know," Spike answered. "That's the problem. I know what I don't want, but I can't seem to figure out what I do want. It sucks."

"Well, I'm afraid I can't really help you with that, my young friend. Only you can decide what your heart wants," intoned the dark princess. "I can, however, offer you some advice, if you want."

"Sure. I'll take any help I can get."

"Don't let your head get in the way."

Author's Note

Well, this is my first ~~successful~~ attempt at writing a fic. Let me know what you think!
Big thanks to my pre-reader Free Spirit!