Today.
What do I want to do today?
What’s there to do today?
The same old, I suppose. Get out of bed, fluff my mane and put on a smile. Past twenty years it’s been that way, and there’s no sign of anything changing.
Yup.
Y’know, I used to wonder what my life was going to be like. I really did. Back on the rock farm I’d lay on my back and stare up at the sky, wondering what could possibly be out there for me. Where was I gonna go? What was I going to do? Who was I to be?
My sisters and I knew what we were destined to be. Rock farmers through and through– our family had been so for generations. Still, a part of me clung to the hope that I could be something different, a little shred of hope that I could amount to more and go places with my life, instead of being stuck on a farm out in the wilderness of Equestria, pushing rocks around until my parents deemed it be time for me to settle down with a colt from a nearby farmstead. I would foal his children, and then I would settle down into a life of rocking chairs and bland food until I passed on.
That was not a future I wanted. I don’t think anypony wants that future. But... so many are doomed to it.
I received my ticket out when I was around the age of seven. It was a normal day, me
just moving some larger rocks to the other side of the quarry. Then, as I looked towards the sky in an attempt to see a different future, there was a dazzling flash of light. A huge wave of rainbow colors shot across the sky in a great ripple of magnificence and spectrum.
It was then I was given a flash of hope, brief as though it may have been, and something inside my heart swelled. There was a little flicker of hope that had always there, and this explosion of color shooting across the vast Equestria sky had fueled it, causing to fill me up with an emotion very rarely used here: Happiness.
Oh, how I longed for happiness.
After gazing upon this great splendor, my mane shot straight up, poofing out into a fluffier, happier state than the lanky mop it had just been. I felt a bizarre tingle, a vibration of sorts, and upon my flank burst one of the, if not THE crowning moment of a pony’s life: My Cutie Mark.
The symbol on my flank was one of three balloons. I knew it would mean that I was destined to be happy, right then and there. But how could I achieve happiness? Surely, it just doesn’t come to you? No, I would have to work for it. What better way to acquire happiness than to share it with others? Happiness was one of those special things that if you put it out, you would always receive it in return.
So, I threw a party for my parents and siblings, who were just as depressed as I had been just a short time ago. At first, when they stumbled into the silo which had been transformed into a makeshift party room, they looked shocked. One of my sisters even looked downright terrified.
Soon, they were all smiles, and we were enjoying ourselves, dancing, singing, and partying as if every bad thing in the world had dissolved by some great miracle of Celestia. Our little rock farm became much happier after that day.
Well, mostly.
I had felt happiness in that brief moment at the start of the party, but as I continued to reflect upon the event I found a crippling truth. I had been faking most of that happiness, wearing a fake smile for a fake feeling. I wasn’t truly happy. My talent couldn’t be making others happy. It had to be being fake. I needed a fake cutie mark. A fake cutie mark for a fake mare.
At first I thought ‘Hey! Maybe that one was a fluke! The next one I throw can be sure to give me the happiness I need!’ So, I threw a party the next day. My family was... less excited about that one to say the least, but they enjoyed it all the same. Still no more than a brief flash of joy and contentment from me. Between this and the next twenty-three parties I threw for them that month, I found out two things: One, I was very good at throwing parties, even if my heart wasn’t in it. Two, I had become addicted to those tiny little rays of hope and happiness the parties gave me.
As I grew up, I knew that I would not be able to contain myself here. My family was beginning to tire of my parties, and even though it pains me to say this, I was beginning to tire of them. I needed fresh fodder, new ponies to experience my parties. They could add more to the experience, and heighten my joy. So, I moved out to the nearest town I could find: A little place called Ponyville.
When I first showed up, I immediately began introducing myself to everypony and anypony I could find. I needed to know as much as I could so I could find out what makes them. So I could find out how they could be happy, and how I could achieve happiness.
I found myself a job as a baker, and the lovely Cake couple which owned the bakery let me live there. After seeing how successful my parties were at drawing in customers, they even let me start throwing my parties there.
Soon, my entire life became one giant happiness study. I made friends with everypony to achieve the maximum amount of exposure to emotion, good and bad. What made certain ponies happy, what made certain ponies sad, it all got catalogued in my mind. When a new pony came to town, I immediately made friends with them to see to expand my ever-growing collection.
I grew accustomed to acting certain ways around other ponies. I couldn’t be mopey and reveal myself as somepony who was just seeking to find out what happiness was. If I wanted to achieve the maximum results, I needed to act happy all the time. Some days, I even lost myself to the charade, acting totally silly and crazy subconsciously. But even then, in my mind there was always that little nagging spot, that little voice that reminded me I wasn’t really happy.
One day when I was in my faux silliness, a certain mare who would change my life forever showed up. She was a unicorn fresh from Canterlot, and was here for the Summer Sun Celebration which was to be held in our little village. I gave her the full routine, a surprise party, a confusing scry of her personality, the works. Soon, she dragged me and five others into an adventure which would solidify us as best friends.
It’s odd. Before then, I never had a best friend. Sure, I had good friends, and everypony in town was my friend. But nopony was my best friend. After venturing out into the Everfree that night and fighting down the corrupt Nightmare Moon, I was with five new, BEST friends. Something about having a best friend just goes without saying, and it kindled the tiny flicker of hope that I had. That tiny little thing, cradled and nurtured by my five best friends.
By far the scariest moment of my life was when Discord corrupted me and my friends. When I was gone, it showed my true nature. The flame which had been growing was snuffed out, the light turned off. There was no hope, no future left at all. I will never forget when Twilight managed to save us. It is truly the greatest act of kindness I had ever experienced, for my dream, my eternal struggle for a bit of feeling that could last returned.
And now, here I am. Another morning, another day of my pretender act. This is another today.
After reflecting upon this, my whole pursuit, my time with my friends... Was it my job it give others happiness even when I could not feel it? Am I the hero for them? I make others happy so that they never feel as I do, hungering for a bit of happiness, a bit of anything.
Could I have been happy all along?
I smile a genuine smile.
Today.
