Divide, some poor sod who prefers his days monotonous and plan-able, gets pulled into Equestria through magical seepage when Twilight completes Starswirl the Bearded's final spell. Once there, he finds that all ponies, sans the Elements of Harmony, are inexplicably attracted to him. While fighting off hordes of horny horses, the mane six and Divide must find a solution to this enigmatic equestrian ethos—or find a way to deport him back to his own dreary dimension.

Will he survive, or shall he fall before these frisky fillies and salivating stallions?

Inglorious self-insert, written because I promised I would.