Log Seven - Chapter Six

Luna's visit was... quaint to say the least.  I never expected that she would have the unique ability to enter one's dreamland. Like she can just poof in and out at any given time whenever she pleases.  Saying it that way, it frankly makes it an unsettling thought; Luna could intrude upon someone's dream without notice, and there are a number of reasons why that sounds disturbing.  I mean, what if she came barged in on a wet dream?  Yeah...  That'd be quite a conversation starter, to say the least.

Lets dismiss that irrelevance for the moment and focus on more relevant matters.

There I was, slumped over my writing desk... sleeping.  It must have been quite exhausting yesterday for me to spontaneously fall asleep while writing a log in my journal.  Plenty of walking can tire a guy out, especially someone of my scrawny condition; even though I've been eating my share of meat, mainly fish, it wasn't enough to gain any significant amount of muscle, and all the walking around Ponyville and the surrounding area has made me lose a bit of weight. There was muscle in there that for certain, but nowhere near enough to where I'd be proclaimed "muscular".  Safely putting it, I was partially muscular and partially skinny.  Being a writer type-of-guy can be the result of that.  Sure, with all the spare time from the past years I could have been pumping at the gym to stay strong and athletic, but I didn't much care for my weight.  What concerned me more than watching my weight was my career and pursuit to a better future career such as becoming a writer.

Unfortunately chasing that dream turned out futile, and I was stuck with a dead-end job as a journalist.  I'd be saying that IF I wasn't on Equestria.

Having no source of income or a job here wasn't my only problem; the ponies of Ponyville have treated me like a total outcast for that past month.  On rare circumstances a few of the residents would happily share their salutations, but the majority of them would go out of their way to avoid any means of communicating with me.  At one particular time when I had to go on an errand for groceries some of the merchants at the market valley would charge triple the price of their wares because...  I didn't know what!  Far as I was aware, the prejudice they've been given me was only making the 'me fitting in' plan slightly difficult.  Not that I cared, honestly.  As long as my daughter loved me, unbiased for who and what I was, that's pretty much a reasonable excuse why I shouldn't worry about getting alienated by the other ponies.

Still...  If I was going to remain on a magical planet full of equines, gryphons, dragons for the rest of my life, I might as well try to get acquainted with them.  Who knows -- maybe they wouldn't be as asinine as I'm judging them to be if I try making a connection or two.  Perhaps then getting a job wouldn't be hard.

The last thing I'd ever want, however, is to get intimately close.  Twilight may had explained about the shudder-inducing topic of interspecies (omitting how far she delved in the details), but I would never, NEVER put myself that deep in a relationship even if it's a sentient being that shares the same thoughts and feelings like a human does.

But, I digress.  My hand oftentimes has a nasty habit writing whatever my brain thinks.

My formidable adversary; the morning sun, rose steadily to peek over the craggy mountains and spewed its fiery gaze through the small crevice of the cottage's window at my face.  My face scrunched up as the rays burned my eyelids, coercing me to turn my head in the other direction.

Yet the cherishing blissful silence was rudely put at an end when an obnoxious rooster outside began spontaneously crowing to the rising sun.  It crowed loudly for everyone-within-the-vicinity's ears to hear; a foul and subsequent cry which brought nothing more than pain to my eardrums.

"Rrrr...." I growled.  My eyelids closed tighter than a vice as a poor attempt to neglect the fowl's cries but to no avail when it crowed one last time, albeit noisier and prolonging.

Cock-a-doooodle-doooo!

A low grumble escaped my lips as I slowly raised my head up.  "For heaven's sake..." I lazily groaned, managing an inaudible swear or two under a single breath.  "Can't a guy get some peace and quiet without that racket goin' on?!"

Eyes remained securely shut, legs and arms stretching the stiffness out of them, I mouthed an exaggerated quiet yawn -- yawning long enough that my nostrils got a good whiff of my disgusting morning breath smell.  'Ugh.  I should brush my teeth more often...'

Before I began to do anything else, a loud sudden noise of dishes shattering from downstairs startled me wide awake.  Alarmed and worried that this could mean a possible burglary, I instantly jumped to my feet and reached an arm for a silvery suitcase located underneath the desk.  Swiftly I undid the clips and tossed some clothes aside until I found a small, vintage wooden gun case.  This old, yet finely crafted antique made out of oak had a chipped corner, a company logo too faded to read on the lid and the middle hinge out of three was missing.  I hurried opening the box; inside it contained my trusty revolver, and twelve .44 rounds bundled neatly in tiny, separate pouches.

Picking it up and loading it, I maliciously whispered to the unseen fool, "So, planning on stealing from my daughter's house, are you?  You'll rue the day the moment you walked in this house with an intention to steal."

Finally all six chambers were loaded in.  I inched toward the door, grabbed the knob (somehow it was a knob this time...), turned it counter-clockwise and began stepping down the stairs foot by foot cautiously.  Another violent sound of dishware breaking was heard below.  I knew better that my dear Shy would find a hiding place if there was an intrusion.  Well, luckily for the both of us I'm here with a revolver held firmly in my right hand.  The supposed robber, on the other hand, wasn't going to be lucky once I get my hands on him... or her.  Knowing what gender didn't matter, what mattered was whether I should or shouldn't pick an excuse why he/she should live before planting a bullet permanently in his/her skull.

As I descended closer to the living room, distinct noises of different types of animals just got louder and louder; barking, cawing, hissing, squeaking.  They sounded... erratic, as if it were a riot.  Arching a confused brow, I prompted another few ginger steps until the living room came to view.  When I assumed it was a possible burglary, the culprit(s) responsible for the broken dishes were actually a bunch of pissed off animals running amok and trashing the place.  I wouldn't even begin to know where to describe it other than utter destruction!  Literally, nothing in the whole house was whole anymore; there's an angry grizzly bear stuck in a threshold, blocking full entry from the storage closet, a fox chasing a triplet of brown rabbits, a cat clawing the drapes and a vulture eating... Wait- what?  What in blue blazes was that thing eating?!  Better not be Angel, otherwise there'd be hearing no end of it from my daughter.

Tucking the lethal weapon down the back of my pants, I reached the bottom of the stairs.  Suddenly, a blue blur leaving a rainbow trail behind shot right past me.  There was only one pegasus on Equestria who could do that...

"Rainbow Dash," I roared her name, "what the bloody hell is going on around here?!"  She then whizzed past me again.  I didn't think she heard me the first time.  I mean, of course she wouldn't hear me among the deafening racket the animals were making.  "Rainbow Dash!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

She still didn't catch that.

Figuring shouting at her was pointless, I deadpanned and shortly went to fetch a frying pan.  Returning to the spot after retrieving the said pan, I stuck it out forward where she would likely dash into.  Frankly enough, she zoomed in and... wait for it.

'WHAM!'

Bingo.  The cyan pegasus fell face flat to the ground after marking a dent of her face in the frying pan.  Hey, it's a cartoon world.  I'm sure a tough pony like her could handle a simple bump.

'Guess I'll be keeping this as a souvenir' I said in thought, considering the cooking tool was now officially a collectible.  Too bad it wasn't Pinkie Pie, I would have loved to have done that to her.  Eh, perhaps that could happen at another time.  You know, I've always wondered how cartoon characters managed to imprint their faces and bodies on walls, frying pans and the like.  If people did that back on Earth for the comedic value then they'd drop dead like flies. Note to self: ask Pinkie Pie, she'd have an answer to that.

Anyway.  Rainbow Dash hazily sat up, shiny stars orbiting her head until she regained full consciousness.  She instantly shook off the pain and gazed up at me with seething anger.

"What was that for?!" Rainbow Dash angrily exclaimed, now properly up on all four of her legs.

"Because you were ignoring me, so I decided to grab your attention the different way." I quipped, cracking a wise-ass smirk.  "But it's not like that really hurt or anything, right?"

At this point the infuriated pegasus hovered off the ground and came in close to where her nose was practically an inch from mine.  Judging the fury in her eyes, along with her narrowed brows, I had a hunch that whatever I did may have hurt her a teeny, tiny bit...

"Uh, duh, it did hurt!" Rainbow Dash retorted with an angry snort.

Okay, maybe a little...

"Quite a lot, actually!" She then added.

Fine, maybe it did hurt her a lot!  It just seemed funny seeing cartoon characters getting brutally smacked by a blunt object, and they just walk the pain off as if it were an everyday thing.  I mean, look at Tom and Jerry!  The cat got pounded, burned, shredded.  He even got dismembered for crying out loud!  Then again... him screaming in agony may have been solid proof enough that it could had been abhorrently painful.

"So, jerk," said Rainbow Dash, crossing her forelegs, "what do you want?"

Aside the fact that there was a big-eyed pegasus right in front of my face, I retained my composure and returned her glaring stare.

"A rather good question.  But I have a better question: what's going on around here?!" I yelled in Rainbow Dash's ear which caused her to fall onto the ground on her stomach yet again.

Rainbow Dash gradually sat up to her haunches, groaning.  "Ow...  Did you really have to yell that close?"  She said as she scrubbed an aching ear with a hoof.

"Stop whining.  Now answer me; what are you doing here and why are you tendering the animals?  That's usually my daughter's job."  While Rainbow Dash continued soothing her ear, plus the commotion from the animals happening in the background, my gaze lowered to her flank and they widened in pure shock.  Instead of her traditional cloud and lightning cutie mark, she had three butterflies that were... similar to Fluttershy's.  "Um... i-is t-that Fluttershy's cutie mark?" I stuttered apprehensively, pointing a quivering index finger down at her flank.

"For your information," Rainbow Dash started, "it's mine.  I can only remember that I was napping on a cloud, then the next thing you know I woke up here with this cutie mark."

Hearing her story, it seemed too implausible.  Twilight heavily stated that it was nigh-impossible for any unicorn to tamper a pony's cutie mark.  Heck, she made it clear that not even an alicorn had the capability.

Running a hand through my messy hair, I pondered, 'Then who would have that kind of power?  It'd have to be some sort of god who wields greater chaotic magic than Celestia.  Wouldn't be Luna...  Wait... go back for a second; "greater chaotic magic than Celestia"... "chaotic magic".  "chaotic"'

After putting two and two together, the results added up to...

'DISCORD!'