Log Nine - Chapter Eight

"Oi..." I exasperatedly sighed as I walked further down the dirt-beaten path toward Ponyville, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose.

What could had been one of the many peaceful days; a beautiful day where I could had woken up at a relative time; a day where I could had been sitting down at my writing desk and continue from where I left off on a novel-in-progress -- 'Light & Darkness' -- with a fresh cup of Silver Leaf brewed by my precious daughter.

But no.  Instead I had to get myself mixed up in one of what I reckoned to be Discord's antics.  I could tolerate the whoopee cushions, him giving me near heart attacks whenever he randomly pops in without warning.  And don't get me started on him turning me into a pony that one time while I was asleep.  Should had seen my overreaction when I woke up with hooves instead of hands.  Thank God it was merely a prank.  But him swapping Rainbow Dash's cutie mark with my dear Shy's? This was the straw that broke the camel's back. This was where he crossed the line!  Because of him I had a Rainbow Dash for a daughter, and the entire cottage was out of order.  It was a pigsty.  I couldn't bear to stay there for another minute.  To top it off, it seemed he dicked around with the weather.  You could also say the orange frog he made had me 'hop' back in shock.

That pun was unnecessary and uncalled for...

Regardless.  When I first arrived in this world, I knew of the adventures my daughter and her friends get into, the changelings and their hunger for love, the unspeakable atrocities in Everfree Forest.  I wanted none of that.  The moment I began a new life here all I wanted was to own a home, apply for a decent-paying job to pay the taxes, write a horror novel in isolation.  That's all.  I had no intention enrolling in some crazy, epic adventure that would likely have me get charred by a fire-breathing dragon, turned to stone by a cockatrice or become enslaved by an underground empire of diamond dogs.  I prefer living a normal, quiet, non-life threatening paradise.

The only person who managed to liven up things around here was none other than... Discord.  Don't get me wrong, the reformed spirit isn't at all that terrible if you didn't mind being turned into a pony without any regard.  Frankly, I somehow enjoy his company.  The guy's got a great sense of humor, and since he was a god (debatable) he could bend anything to his will and conjure up all sorts of stuff out of thin air.  As I stated earlier about him livening things up, Discord sure as heck keeps me from being bored.  Why if I hadn't met him, I could figuratively say I would have died from boredom.  Though I'm uncertain about his... "randomness" (a lack for a better word).  I mean sure, with magical powers you have to make use of them.  Discord, on the other hand, uses magic in the weirdest ways that are nonsensical.  But I must confess and agree with Discord: "What fun is there in making sense?"

However.  Whatever he did here disrupted that oath.  This was a prank that had gone too far, and I planned to do something about it rather than rant 'til the problem would fix itself.

If I had known that it was going to be cold outside I would have buttoned on a coat.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do when  I reach my destination, I hadn't been awake long enough for much rational thought, but dammit I wasn't going to let this slide.  I deserved an explanation, or an apology.  Actually, both an explanation and an apology would suit just fine.

First things first, much to my dismay; I needed to consult Twilight about this dire situation.  Only she would probably have the solution to all of this.  Why not Celestia?  Pardon me for not having a mailbox that could scorch and regurgitate parchment letters.  Though if this so much would become some sort of adventure, I'm walking away.  I didn't care if it meant the end of the world, I'm not getting myself involved.

Giving the sky another glance, the white and black checkered pattern clouds overhead were seemingly more violent than before.  A storm cloud was raining, emitting roaring thunder whilst a neighboring winter cloud was storming a blizzard.  Quite a conundrum Discord wrought.  Where were the pegasus, though?  I would have speculated that they'd clean all this up.  Something was definitely wrong here; what if Discord returned to his evil ways?  With Rainbow Dash and presumably the others' cutie marks switched, that would spell disaster with a capital D for everyone.  Including myself.

I upped my pacing and prayed for the best.

After the monotonous walking, I was finally in Ponyville.  Was somewhat glad to see the town wasn't in ruin or the sort.  Guess I was harsh accusing Discord of being evil.  But I still believed that he had to be responsible for the sky, the frog, and Rainbow Dash's cutie mark.  As it turned out, the weather over half of the village farthest from the cottage was quite nice.  Not a single cloud in the sky as far as the eye could see... unless you'd turn around.  I noticed something peculiar when I got here: all the townsfolk were trotting around with their heads low to the ground and venomous glowers on their faces.

Unaware of my presence, a bland-gray earth pony stallion with a brownie-colored mane bumped his head against my back thigh.  I turned to face the clumsy pony, and my oh my were the bags underneath his eyes dark and gloomy.  Almost made me mistake him as a goth.  He glared daggers with his large oval-shaped eyes at me, bitterly frowning.  "Watch where you're going, bub!" he barked acidly.

He then shoved me aside and just... trotted away.  I blinked.  That was abrupt, and odd to say the least.  Was everyone on their period or something?  Were they aware of the plight that would soon befall them?

Much as I wanted to return a nasty comeback, I couldn't; the punk was already long-gone before I even considered it.  Well, he wasn't worth wasting my breath anyway.  To his back I flipped him the bird and continued walking through the village's streets, avoiding bumping into any other stallion or mare for the possible chance I'll get scowled at again.

'Should have brought a map...' my brain scolded me for the third time as I wandered helplessly around town.  Another problem was at hand; I got myself lost in this labyrinth of thatched huts.  'We've passed that confectionary twice already.'

'Will you shut up!  I'm capable of knowing where we're going.' I retorted.

'Was that before or after you tried asking a pony for directions?" my brain snarked.  'Not that it mattered.  Obviously everyone's too pissed to give you directions.  Too pissed to talk to you even.'

'Maybe if you'd stop antagonizing me, I could find out where we are.'

'Maybe if you didn't waltz out the cottage before thinking it through, we wouldn't be in this situation.  I mean, the map inside the saddlebag was literally hanging on the coat rack stand next to you.  But you were so steamed up that you forgot about it. Face it.  You have no idea where we are now and you're too ignorant to admit that.'

'You don't even know me.'

'Don't even know you?  I practically am you!  If that was some sort of excuse, clearly it's a horrible one.'

I rubbed both my temples vigorously, frustrated.  'I don't know why I'm even arguing with myself...'

'Neither do I.  Funny that ever since you came here you've been acting strange lately.'

'Whatever do you mean by that?' I inquired.

'For starters you're talking to yourself.  Almost as if the air here is affecting your fragile mind, making you senile.  As it would seem.'

'Senile?' I scoffed.  'Don't be so ridiculous.  Who would bring up that idea?'

'You.'

'Get out.'

And like that, the sound of a door slamming was heard.

I decided to screw it and move on locating the direction towards the lake.  Finding Twilight would have been a lost cause anyway.  I hunched that even if I got there she probably wouldn't be home.  What would the trip be for then?  A waste of time, really.  The unpredictable and violent storm clouds that WERE over in that general area the last time I checked have seemingly expanded, so I had no other choice but get to the lake as swift as possible and confront Discord before the conditions become too unstable to handle.

As I circled around town and inadvertently ended up at Sugarcube Corner for the third time (without the bickering of a pestering brain...), I took a minute to muse where the lake would be located from here.

'Okay,' I sighed confidently, observing my surroundings, 'if my memory serves me correctly, Canterlot should be north-west from here.  If so then the lake should be...'  As deep in thought as I was, I couldn't help but notice two streams of ponies; one entering the confectionery store and the second coming out.  It was like a production factory! The line going in had frowns and the line coming out had the most sour looks on any face I had ever seen!  Much worse than when they went in.  I couldn't imagine the poor sap who got stuck with Pinkie Pie's cutie mark.  Which could only mean...  Oh ho ho!  Pinkie Pie must be having the time of her life without being in her element!  Which cutie mark did she get?  Rarity's?  Applejack's?  How it would bring me joy just to see her right now.  That would certainly explain the rotten behavior of the townsfolk.

The mere thought etched a devious grin from ear-to-ear on my face.  I had to go inside to see what the hubbub was all about, I'm certain sparing a few minutes shouldn't hurt; just a quick peek, that's all.

I sauntered to the entrance and inched the door open halfway.  Partially peeking my head in, the interior was almost  identical as the exterior; there were golden, intricate swirl designs sketched across the dark chocolate painted walls, the polished tiled floor had a lighter brown color, kind of looked like a gigantic scored chocolate bar, just nonedible, and a couple candy-cane styled beams supporting the second floor overhead.  Cracking the door further, I saw an entire plethora of ponies watching a miserably failing, out-of-view pony blowing balloons up.

One of the spectators of the audience called out to the unseen performer, "You call that blowing a balloon?  My wife can blow better than that."

Okay, that there earned an hysteric snicker from me.  Clearly the pony and everyone around him was either too miserable or too oblivious to find the humor in his blatantly dirty joke.

"I-I'm sorry, everypony," apologized the whimpering performer who sounded female, "I'm trying my hardest..."

The moment that disheartened, familiar voice rang my ears the bright smile on my face instantly anchored to a frown as I realized who the 'poor sap' was.  Heart suddenly hammering against my chest like a jackhammer, I pushed the door all the way to get a clear vision.  Alas, my fears were as suspected; the entertainer, a yellow-furred and pink-maned pegasus to be accurate, was none other than my dear Shy blowing up balloons in a fruitless manner in front of a displeased audience.

She picked up one more funny balloon, determined to do it right this time, but after another deflating defeat, the crowd expressed their contemptuous booing at the pitiful display and then trotted themselves out of the lobby in a single file.  The nerve of those heathens, belittling my dear Shy like that.

The demoralizing treatment they threw at her deepened my frown, inciting me to leer and wave an angry hand at them as they passed along.  "Oh boo yourselves!" I hollered skeptically.  "You wouldn't know entertainment if it bit you in your plots!"  I wasn't keen resorting to use what could be deemed as foul language by pony standards. The last time I threatened to shove a stick up a pony's ass, they thought I was referencing 'ass' as a donkey.

I didn't want to admit it, but I must say that it was awful watching Fluttershy humiliating herself like that.  My initial thoughts were that if Rainbow Dash had my daughter's cutie mark, I reckoned Fluttershy would have had hers, too.  I didn't expect it'd be her who ended up with Pinkie Pie's cutie mark, and after I called her a poor sap...  Though if anybody believed I was going to stand around and let her continue ridiculing herself, they'd be sadly mistaken.

As soon as it was just me and Fluttershy alone in the room for the meanwhile, I quickly walked over and knelt down to her.  She had her head hanging low and paid no attention to my presence until I was the first to speak out.

I lent her a sympathetic hand, "You okay?" I asked concernedly.

She raised her head up, brushing away her mane to reveal her pearly eyes welling in tears, ready to burst open like a floodgate. It wouldn't take a genius to tell that her spirit had been crushed under the sheer weight of a thousand stampeding hooves, the only difference being is the hooves are words in this case.  Seeing her this discouraged ached the pit of my heart sincerely.  But that was nothing compared to what I was unprepared for when she replied, "Oh..." Fluttershy squeaked, "Hi, mister Gartners."