Log Thirteen - Chapter Twelve

Alright, son.  I want you to take this revolver and shoot that target there pinned on the tree.

Bullseye!  And on your first try, too.

Wow!  Another three shots dead in the center!  You seem to have a natural talent for this.

Now let me go grab the target so we can-

*BANG*

The loud bang of a shutting door startled me wide awake.  I sat up, forehead and palms drenched in sweat, chest inflating in and out, heart thumping in an eccentric beat, and frantically looked about the empty bedroom, scanning the spacious area with ligneous furniture hugging the walls, vintage tapestry adorning shapes of butterflies sprawled across the sturdy wooden floor and a couple bird feeders hanging on the ceiling above.  Suddenly I felt the brisk warmth of sunlight from the window kissing the back of my neck.

My pulse and panting lessened as I laid back onto the bed's headboard, comprehending that I had awakened from a malicious nightmare.

I won't bother interpreting what it could have meant, nor will I explain what it was about.  Whatever's been done has been done, as quoted by Discord which I personally took the locution to heart.

Wiping away beads of sweat across my forehead, I gingerly swung my legs to the side and made a beeline to the bedroom door.  My stomach loudly protested just as I grabbed the door's handle as a crude reminder that I hadn't eaten anything at all yesterday.  It growled a consecutive number of times, as if it was complaining.

"There, there, buddy," I said, lightly patting my stomach.  "I know you're cranky 'n' all but remember that today's the day where we can chow down until we explode, so hang in there for a little longer."  Like with a mind of its own, my belly complied with a short rumble.

I resumed pulling the bedroom door and headed for the bathroom straight across the upstairs hallway.  Here's something I've learned...

So it occurred to me the ponies in Equestria do in fact have bladders, and the funny thing is is their toilets are what you'd call 'squat toilets' which are very parallel to those in Japan.  No urinals.  No standard.  Just...  Squat toilets.  That would make sense considering they're ponies without hands (now I can't help but visualize how'd they'd do it with their hooves).  However for me it's an uncomfortable position -- not to mention quite awkward -- let me tell you.

Anyway.  I mosied on over to the lavatory but halted my advance when I overheard Fluttershy talking to someone downstairs.

"Oh I don't know, Twilight.  Father is usually cranky when he doesn't get enough sleep," said Fluttershy warningly.

'Great...  Twilight's here.  I'm assuming she wants to talk to me about something?' I questioned in thought.

Then I heard Twilight reply, albeit slightly exclamative, "But he needs to be up and ready!  We've only got an approximation of three hours before the coronation; we've already got Pinkie Pie and Applejack handling the pastries and party designs.  Rainbow Dash is still at her home doing Celestia-knows-what.  Rarity's busy finishing the gowns she's been making since last night.  And I need you to gather up some doves."

"Doves?" quizzed Fluttershy.

"Rock doves for releasing, specifically speaking," restated Twilight.  "And I need to discuss things with Rick; if I want this ceremony to be perfect, it is absolutely, vitally, crucially -- any synonym related to vital -- important that I speak with him right this minute."

I remained standing at the top of the stairs in silence, arching an intrigued brow as I stroked my stubble.  Forget the bathroom.  I'm rather curious what it was Twilight sought me for.

"What exactly do you need to talk to him for?  ...if you don't mind me asking?  I mean, it's okay if you don't want to," said Fluttershy timidly.

'Pray to God not anything to do with what we've talked about last week; been bad enough we've conversed about copulation between different species like a donkey and pony, or a zebra and dragon.  I'm still appalled upon the known fact they approve these intimacies.'

Twilight sighed aloud.  "I really mean no offense, Fluttershy," she began, "Rick's a nice guy when he wants to be, but, he's...  Um."  Twilight held her tongue there for a moment.  "Objectionable?"

'I really don't know what that means, but it sounds bad judging how she dragged on that word, voice slightly cracked 'n' all.'

"Not that I mean it that way, really!" Twilight quickly added, reluctance sketched in her tone.  "It's just based on your stories about his habits and personality that I'm worried he'll ruin everything."

'Can't blame you there, Einstein.'

"I'm sure he wouldn't," said Fluttershy reassuringly.  "Sure he can be a bit mischievous here and there, but, I'm one-hundred-percent certain my father will be on his best behavior.  Especially on one of the most important days of your life."

'That's my girl.'

"Oh I'm also certain of that, don't get me wrong, but I want to go over a few things with him first before we set out.  With that said, would you mind bringing him down here for me please?" said Twilight.

"She doesn't need to."  Twilight and Fluttershy pinpointed their sight toward me as I descended the stairs.  The two ponies were seated on the green couch in front of the table.  On the table there was a tea set sitting on a silver platter; one cup full of steaming hot tea sat next to the kettle while the other was levitated by Twilight's purple magic.

"Rick!" Twilight gasped in surprise.  She settled the tea cup atop the platter.  "How long have you-"

"Long enough," I curtly replied.

"Even-"

"Even that 'Objectionable' bit," I interrupted again.  "No worries.  I've been called names worse than that.  In fact it sounds more of a compliment than anything."  The lavender alicorn's cheeks reddened with pink upon that statement.  Personally, I would engage her a question about what objectionable really means, but it wasn't worth squabbling over some word that I don't know.  I fully stood at the bottom of the stairs, arm resting on the newel.  "So, what is it that you want to talk about?"

Twilight lightly shook her head to regain her composure.  "Oh, right!  Actually, if it's not too much trouble, do you mind if we—" she nervously cleared her throat "—talk privately?"  She asked.  It didn't sound like a question but more of a plead.

I looked at Fluttershy who didn't utter a single breath, yet furtively nodded in gesture and motioned with her eyes to the front door.  I directed my gaze back to Twilight.  "Uh... sure."  I answered, hesitantly.

The alicorn beamed a relieving smile.  "Excellent!"  She chirped.  She got off the couch and ushered me to the front door.  Before we continued on, I reminded myself of the door's hinges.  They were fixed and not broken, oddly enough.  While I was puzzled by this, my contemplative musing was cut off when I remembered why I was going outside in the first place.  Twilight and I stopped at the bridge, whereas Fluttershy kindly closed the door so she wouldn't overhear what her alicorn friend had to say.

At the center of the bridge, I folded my arms and started, "Alright, we're outside now.  What is it you want to talk to me about?"

The alicorn took her sweet time to gather her thoughts - from what I could tell by her brushing the back of her neck with a hoof.  Her knees were slightly shaking for some bizarre reason.  Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.

"Rick, I want to ask you something I should've asked so long ago, but I want to explain a few things prior..."