Family Ties

Chapters

A Proposal
A Confession
Talks
Headway and Gunplay
A Misunderstanding
A Change In Plans
Dinner and A Show
Screaming Matches
The Wedding Planners
No, Really Father. I'm Not a Demon
Apples and Poems
Wedding Bells and Not-So-Earthly To Dos
Happy Endings

A Proposal

A happy ending, right? Everyone wants those. But it’s so hard to get there. Especially when you’re in love with a princess from another world. Who happens to be a pony. On the other hand, being able to turn into an alicorn goes a long way towards overcoming those issues with said princess. Then when she’s the Princess of the Night who’s recently been freed from being possessed by the Nightmare, who you killed in order to save both of your worlds, things get really complicated again.

And at this point we weren’t even engaged. Nope, still kind of in an awkward dating phase. Dating is tough when you can’t text, email, or call your other. What we were able to do was alter a magically sustained dragonfire so that it could transfer letters through an itty bitty dimensional portal. Not the sexiest mode of communications, so it was mostly a way of making dinner plans in one of our respective dimensions.
Rarity was good enough to make custom clothes for us so that our wings wouldn’t destroy our clothes, so we were able to comfortably exist as humans comfortably. We didn’t have any problems in public with keeping quiet about Equestria. No one knew at this time, so our lives were as normal as they could be, under the circumstances.

Even with all the things that could have gone wrong, everything was perfect. She was a wonderful woman, both while a pony and a human. She was and is Gamer Luna, so there were never any videogame fights aside from which one was better or should be played at the time. She was outdoorsy, had that cute way of being socially awkward, everything. She was perfect. So, suffice it to say when I decided I was going to propose, I needed help. And so I went to one of my best friends, certainly the best one who was close to both worlds. Death.

I feel like that needs a bit of explaining. See, Ben had been essential in my defeat of Nightmare Moon, and in my coming back to life. After that, I started visiting the Crossroads to talk to him. He was kind of a lonely little guy, and he was really pretty nice, so he needed someone to talk to. So I would visit the Crossroads and sit, do some woodcarving, and talk. He’s an incredible woodworker, and a very good listener. But I didn’t do all the talking. He had a lot of deep, dark thoughts up in his assumedly bony noggin. I’ve never actually seen him without the cowl on.

So, the day I was deciding to do this, I had to go see Death, which I now realize is wonderfully ironic. I appeared through my portal in the usual place: the little clearing where you first find your spiritual self. When I sat down next to him, he was making a cute little wooden squirrel. He reached into the pocket dimension he kept under the bench where his wood and pulled out a piece that was perfect for a mask, which was my favorite kind of carving to work on. But that day I put it down next to me and reached back under. There were, for some reason, pre-prepped rings underneath the bench, so I pulled one of them out and began shaping intricate vines and leaves on the sides of it.

He knew this was weird, and he called me out on it. “Adam, you never turn down a mask. What’s wrong?”

I started on a small leaf and began to think out loud. “So, Luna and I are pretty serious, you know that. Right?” Before he could say anything in response, I kept talking. “Yeah, you know that. And it’s starting to get… well, serious.”

“Redundant much?”

“Shut up. I’m kind of thinking about proposing, though.”

He almost dropped his squirrel and carving knife. “Whaa, buh, whooo-waaaAAAAAAAA?!”

That was the single strangest noise to ever have come out of Deaths black hood. “So, was that a positive or a negative squeal-slash-screech? My gibberish is a little bit rusty.”

“It was a positive!” He went from gibberish to ecstatic so fast it was scary. “Adam, this is amazing! And great!”

“No, it’s terrifying,” I muttered, starting on the little veins in the leaf.

“Why aren’t you as excited about this as I am? You should be bouncing off the metaphorical walls! I mean, since we don’t have walls in this part of the afterlife.”

“Man, I’m not ridiculously excited because this is the single biggest choice I’ll make in my life.” I blew a few shavings off of the ring which was slowly coming along nicely. “I mean, besides crawling through that portal and coming back to life. This is me choosing to spend my several millennia of new life with. And this is even scarier because I’m still not totally used to dimension hopping or thinking about the fact that I have wings, magic, and the ability to change into a pony. I just don’t know how much more change I can take.”

He sighed and put down the squirrel. “All right., I’m gonna ask you something, and you have to answer instinctually, ok? Do you love her?”

“Yup. Even if I think about it the answer is yes.”

“Ok, then why not?”

I looked over the ring in my hand. Practicing woodcarving had made me surprisingly fast. “Because what if she says no? That’s the biggest thing. I don’t know if I could do that.”

“Go for it. If you don’t, you’ll never know. You’ve been dating a long time now, and if it feels right then you have to ask. You just need to do it.”

I was already halfway done with the ring, and it looked fantastic. I kept working as I thought. “So, I need to ask the question I really want to ask?”

“Yup.”

“Can I set you on fire?”

He picked up his carving again. “Nope. Maybe when you die again.”

I clicked my tongue and twitched my head. “Nah, it takes a lot of the risk out of it. I mean, you can’t kill me if I’m dead.”

“Except you were asking my permission, so I wouldn’t have killed you.”

“It’s all semantics.”

“I might if you keep it up.”

“Just carve your squirrel.”

“Well, you have to figure out what you’re going to do with this question.”

I sighed. “I hate it when you’re right. But I don’t know how to do it. Do I do it traditionally, on one knee, or do I think of something that she would specifically love, or do I set you on fire and then put the ring in the glass of water that I use to put you out?”

He sighed again. “You are not using me in your proposal. Call me old fashioned, but I like the whole take her to a romantic restaurant and then a walk and then propose on one knee in an environment that she likes. Of course, I am old.”

“Yes, you are. But your also right. I think that’s a really good idea. She loves Laney’s restaurant, and there’s a hiking trail that she just can’t walk enough times. Her favorite clearing is the perfect place. But I’m going to need help. Do you know someone who is old, or at least old fashioned, who’s smart and is willing to help with something like this? Being alive is not a requirement.”

A low chuckle came out of the hood. “Yeah, I’ll help. Just tell me what you need me to do. Besides get lit on fire.”

…

To clear things up, I am not known for my romantic moves and smoothness. In fact, just the opposite. I made… make bad-slash-crass jokes, I’m a pro mood spoiler, and I do stupid stuff like see if I can get a pencil stuck in the ceiling. Sometimes a pocketknife. In other words, I’m a pretty average guy. But I think I did pretty well with this whole proposal. Obviously, it started with the resturaunt.

We went to Laney’s, the best unknown restaurant ever. We were both human of course, so as not to draw a lot of undue attention to ourselves. We went in, and I started it. Instead of ordering my usual fancy burger, I ordered a slightly classier and ridiculously more expensive fancy cheese steak. Even then she knew me pretty well, so she knew it was weird.

“Honey, why aren’t you getting your usual? You love the burger.” It was surprising how genuinely concerned she seemed to be. I didn’t think I was that predictable, especially considering my behavior in just about every other situation.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted the cheese steak. No big deal.” I just shrugged and took a sip of my water.

“But… But you love the burger. You always get the burger.” I think tears might have been trying to form at that point.

“Yes, but dear, I love anything with cheese. And cheese steak has cheese in it. And steak. Which I also love. Which means once it gets here, I get to sit here with three things I love. Steak, cheese, and you.” I kept myself from saying ‘napkins’ in place of ‘you’, in favor of keeping up some sort of romantic mood. It didn’t work.

“Why are you being romantic and sexy? That’s weird. At least, the romantic part. What’s wrong?”

I sighed. Why was this so difficult? “Luna, there’s nothing wrong. Trust me. If anything, everything is fantastic. Ok?”

She calmed down a bit after that, so I kept doing things the way I usually did so that she wouldn’t panic or think anything was wrong. This was sufficient until we got to the trailhead.

“We’re coming to the trail after a big romantic dinner?”

I held back a suspicious sigh. “Yeah, why not? Walking is good for digestion and everything.”

“We never walk after Laney’s.”

“Luna, do you trust me?”

“Yeees.” She drew the word out like it was a weird hair in her really expensive vegetarian lasagna. They should really make things less expensive when you take the meat out.

“Then go on this walk with me, ok?” I took her hooves in my hands (she flew over in pony form) and looked into her eyes. “Trust me. This is a good walk.” She looked at me, apparently trying to find some clue as to what was going on in my head. Either she realized that she couldn’t or she figured out that my head is not the best place for sensitive people, but she giggled a little and let me lead her down the path.

It was a nice, slow walk. Her favorite clearing was on the path that didn’t have a lot of hills, so it was an easy walk. We walked hand in wing down the path, pointing out little animals and plants. When we got to the clearing, I’d like to think her doubts and insecurities melted away, but all I know for sure is that she gave a positive sounding gasp.

Ben had done really well. There were rose petals scattered all over the clearing, and there were logs of varying height adorned with candles, gently flickering in the dusk. I don’t know where it was coming from, but there was even sweet, cheesy, incredibly romantic violin and piano music. I did all right with the dinner and the plans for the clearing, but the execution was all his. And it was perfect.

“Luna,” I started. “Honey…”

She looked at me with her great big eyes, and this time I was sure they were tearing up. “Yes?”

I took her right wingtip and her left hoof in my hands and spoke from the heart. “I love cheese steak.”

She tilted her head and I felt her hoof twitch. “What?”

“I know, just let me go. I love cheese steak. And I love the burger. But I can’t eat both. I love being a single guy too. I eat over the sink, I play my music however loud I want, do laundry whenever I want. I eat whatever I want too. I mean, chili is always more potent after a few nights in the fridge, and it’s so much better tasting.”

She shook her head sadly. “Adam, I don’t think I’m following your line of thought. I mean, more than usual.”

I nodded too. “Yeah, I know, I’m getting close. I guess my point is, I love you too. I love being as I am, and I love you. The cheese steak and the burger. Your whichever one you think is better. The point is that I can’t eat both, and I can’t be single and with you at the same time.” I pulled a small black box out of my coat pocket and brought myself to one knee and opened it, showing the wooden ring from the Crossroads. “So I’m making my choice. Will you marry me?”

She finally broke down into tears as she understood what I meant. Though I wasn’t sure at the time if she wanted to be the burger or the cheese steak. All that mattered was what she said next.

“Yes!”

Author's Note

So, clearly I know very little about weddings. Like everything else I do, this is a little knowledge, a lot of goofing off and a lot of winging it. Thanks for your understanding!

A Confession

Ok, so there was about five months between that day and our wedding. Lots and lots happened, and I don’t remember some of it. I mean, nitty gritty details aren’t my thing. I remember the fun stuff, and some of the other stuff. I remember the telling Celestia and Ben, though. I remember that because it was interesting.

So apparently I totally missed Tia and Ben starting to like each other, because when we told them it never occurred to me that we didn’t go to the Crossroads to tell Ben. They were eating lunch together when we came into the castle the day after I proposed. I was still walking like a normal person, but Luna bounced from one side of the room and back again before ever saying a real word to her sister.

“Wheeeeeee!!!!” was about the closest she got. “Tia, Tia, Tia!! Guess what happened, guess what happened, guess what happened!!”

Tia raised an eyebrow and answered in a snaky voice. “You were clubbed over the head by an evil witch and then cursed to bounce around rooms and repeat everything three times?”

While Celestia giggled and Ben quietly laughed, Luna treated us to her impression of a hyena on laughing gas. “Hehehehehehehehehehe no! Adam proposed!”

Celestia fell out of her chair at that point, and apparently choked on her own tongue. Once she stopped coughing, she went back to laughing. “What did you say?!”

Luna laughed a little more too before answering. “I said he proposed!”

Celestia took a hand up from Ben. Still laughing. “No, what was your answer?!”

“I said yes!!”

This is one of those parts that I tuned out. It was all shouting and squealing and giggling and stuff anyways. By the others. Not me. Very, very long story short, Luna and Celestia instantly began planning things for the wedding while Ben and I let them have their fun. We sat next to each other across the table from the giggling, excited, stereotypical girls.

“Ooh! And we should play that song that he played in the clearing! Should that be our first married dance?” Luna turned to me.

I mulled it over for all of three seconds. “I’m thinking no. One, I don’t know what it’s called, and two just shmeeeh,”

“Shmeeeh?”

“Shmeeeh.”

Ben looked at us like we were idiots. “What the hell is shmeeeh?”

I shrugged. “It’s just shmeeeh. I don’t think that that’s the song I want to slow dance for the first time to with my latest wife.”

“Latest?”

I flashed a goofy grin at her. “Just making sure you were listening. But seriously, I’m not feeling that song. What about ‘Stand By Me‘?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Too cliché.”

“Oh Canada?”

“Too situational.”

“Cheeseburger in Paradise?”

She smiled sideways at me. “It’s in the running. We’ll figure it out later. I think you really need a suit. You don’t have any perfect wedding suits to go over your wings.”

“In which body?” I thought that it was a relatively harmless and simple question. I was wrong though.

“What do you mean which body? I think you should be a human. You like being a human. I like you being a human.” I was surprised by how strongly she felt.

“Honey, there’s got to be two weddings. Or at least two ceremonies. You know, marriage license in both worlds? And my parents don’t want to come here, no offense. They still aren’t cool with the whole ‘I’m dating a pony’ thing. Especially since they haven’t met you yet.”

That’s the wrong thing to say, just so you know. Never tell your fiancé that you haven’t told your parents your getting married. Even if it’s by accidentally using the word ’dating’. Especially if she’s from another dimension. And don’t tell her that they really aren’t all that ok with who she is on the outside, partially because that makes you sound like pettiness runs in your family. “What do you mean, we need to have two ceremonies?! That takes all the mystery and meaning out of it! I only want to walk down the aisle to you once!”

There were more words, but they all sounded like those sentences. Fifteen to twenty minutes later, she stopped. A minute and a half after that, I stopped nodding and saying “Yes dear”. Once I noticed, I actually started to respond. “Oh, sorry. Now, again, I get that it’s really just this special once, but it’s part of it. We’ll have similar ceremonies in both worlds, that way the planning is a little easier. The same people can participate, just twice, and in different worlds. And on that thought, and hoping to distract you for a bit, Ben! Ben, Ben, Ben. My ace in the hole. Would you be my best man?”

He drew back in shock before laughing. “Man, all right!” He held his hand up and we high undead-bony-hand fived. “I really didn’t know you’d ask! I’ve never been to a wedding!”

While we celebrated, Luna hadn’t forgotten her topic. “Honey, that’s great, but we need to talk about this. I don’t want two weddings. I think we should decide where we’re going to live most of the time and have the wedding there.”

I nodded. “Ok, fair enough, but that still poses a problem. Do we live here or on Earth? If we live on Earth, there’s the issue of the night sky here, and pretty much all your other duties. In Equestria, all I have besides you is a gravestone. I know we can travel between worlds, but where we sleep really seems to define a lot, whether we admit it or not.”

Luna talked while a servant brought in champagne that Celestia had ordered while I was high fiving Ben. “Dear, I always kind of thought that if we got married we’d live on Earth. And it kind of sounds like you want to live there too.”

Once we all had drinks, it was my turn to talk. ‘Yeah, but you have so much here. At home, my home, I have weird parents and you have… me. Here, you have Tia, prestige, friends, etcetera, etcetera. I have friends, you, a totally kickass part time job, and a single, grave shaped etcetera.”

“Yes dear, but you also have school to finish. And your ‘totally kickass part time job’ was a one time fluke that probably won’t ever happen again.”

“Yeah, but here I can’t use any schooling that I’d get on earth, except maybe a vet’s degree.”

“But you like being an aspiring nurse. And you got killed here.”

“Yep, hence my etcetera.”

“Dear, this boils down to one thing.”

I didn’t know what it was, but I should have. Instead I guessed, “Who wins our next Pokemon battle?”

She pointed a very serious hoof at me. “One, I will. I don’t care that you used the Action Replay to teach Swampert flamethrower. I. Will. Win. And two, the woman chooses where about the couple lives. Earth. In somewhere besides your itty bitty apartment with the strange man in the next room.”

I hung my head in defeat. This was the first step in my learning that she wins nine and a half times out of ten. “All right.” I smiled and raised my head and my glass for her. “Honey, you choose the world we live and get married. I’ll help after that.”

She nodded and raised her glass too, smiling. “Earth, both times.”

All of us raised our glasses and drank, and the rest of the day was left to celebration and joy, leaving the unanswered and unplanned alone.

…

We slept at the castle that night, so the next morning we were still in the castle. There was a different air about the place though. Cheesy as it is, the air was sweeter and the sky was bluer. Turns out Celestia had the pegasi make the sky extra clear and some servants push a bit of perfume or something under the door. So it wasn’t just me. However, the rest of the day was all about planning the upcoming wedding.

“Dear, when are you going to go to Rarity’s and get a new suit?”

“Some other day, maybe?”

“Try again.”

“Today?”

“When?”

“Now.”

“Good boy.”

“Don’t push it.” Ok, so a lot of the planning was up to Luna that day. And I went to get a new suit. What I didn’t know was that Rarity didn’t know. Apparently neither Luna or Celestia had told anyone but the servants, so when I walked into Carousel Boutique asking for a wedding suit, I was very nearly attacked.

“What?! You and Princess Luna are what?!?” Before I knew it I was backed against a wall, trying desperately to fight off a barrage of questions. “When is the wedding?!”

“I-”

“Where is it going to be?!”

“I-”

“Who’s going to be there?!”

“Rarity, I don’t know!” I finally broke through. “I only proposed two days ago! We’re just figuring it out! I just need to get a suit, and maybe keep it here so that I don’t accidentally loose or damage it.”

“Of course, and of course you will receive it at no cost! First because this is a wonderful, royal occasion, and second because you are one of my dear friends!” Another short whirlwind later, I found myself standing on her ‘measuring platform’, or whatever she calls it. She was whipping her tape measurer everywhere, telling me to stand still, and continuing to ask questions, though at a much less fevered rate.

“Ok darling, tell me, what did you do to propose?”

Thinking about it, I realized that my wording wasn’t very romantic. “I took her to her favorite clearing on her favorite hiking trail, after her favorite dinner, got on one knee, and called her a cheese steak.”

Rarity stopped so fast that smoke rose from her hooves. “You called her a cheese steak? Why?”

I couldn’t help myself. “Because the cheese steak had meat, and later-”

“STOP!!” I am sure that the ensuing shriek caused any birds nearby to attack each other. “Forget the why. At least that part.”

I laughed a while, then answered for real. “I started by talking about things I loved. I cleared up a topic of note from earlier that night, and told her that even though I love cheese steak and burgers, I couldn’t eat both. And I couldn’t enjoy my singles life while being with her, so I offered her a ring I made for her. It was a wooden ring that was decorated with little leaves that I carved with Ben.”

She grimaced while she measured my arm. “You made an engagement ring with that dead man with the awfully tacky and dirty robe?”

I sighed. “Rarity, I don’t base anything on clothes. I would be ok with getting married wearing a Hawaiian shirt and that shark tooth necklace I like. Pants optional.”

“Darling, I really wish that you would drop the innuendo.”

“Gotcha. But no promises. But seriously, he’s also my best man. And she loved the proposal. And the dinner.”

She smiled a little bit and looked at me nicely. “Adam, darling, I’m sure she did. You’re a very sweet man. You will look amazing in this tux, I promise you. I’ve gotten very good at making human clothes.”

“Yes, you certainly have,” I admitted. “Especially with wing availability. You really are a master. And very intelligent. And very emotionally aware.”

“Darling, what’s wrong? Why are you scared?”

I scoffed. “Pssht. Scared. Whatever. I don’t scare anymore. I got killed and came back for her. I don’t scare anymore. I was afraid of heights. I grew wings. I was afraid of death and those I love dying. The right half of my chest got blown off and I was shown there was nothing to be afraid of. I’m not allowed to be scared anymore. Especially if I’m getting married.”

“Adam, stop lying. Tell me the truth.”

I sighed and stepped off the platform. “I’m bucking terrified.”

Talks

“Darling, why are you afraid? This is such a wonderful time for you! Both you and Princess Luna! After this you’ll be a prince! What more could you want?!” As she gushed, she pushed me back towards the platform. “And while you answer, please try not to move. As good as I am, I need you to let me get the measurements I need.”

I sighed and took my place again. “I’m scared exactly because this is everything someone should want. I’m marrying a beautiful girl, I’m celebrated as a hero, I have power, I’m marrying a beautiful girl. Numbers two and three are the issues. I’m not a hero, and I wasn’t looking for power. All I’ve ever wanted is to try and make people happy, and while power helps it isn’t necessary.”

Rarity considered this for only a moment before answering. “Adam, have I ever told you about my evening with that dreadful Prince Blueblood at the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“No, but I saw the episode. Gah! Does the tape measurer really have to go there?”

“Yes. And I forgot about the show, though it still gives me the shivers whenever I think about it. Watching us without any knowledge. Eew. But anyways, then you know how awful he was. He was rude, arrogant, stuck up…”

“Aren’t arrogant and stuck up kind of the same thing?”

“No, darling, there are certain nuances I can’t explain. Anyways, he was the worst kind of terrible that a man could be unfortunate enough to grow into. Or a woman for that matter.”

“You count Blueblood over Nightmare Moon and Discord?”

“Don’t split hairs. They were all terrible people. And the point is, he was the devil in disguise.”

“Actually, I think that’s technically Ben. Though it’s not a good disguise. He just wears a reaper cloak.”

“Adam! Will you let me talk?” I sighed and nodded. “Good. Now be still, I’m almost done measuring. The point is, he had power, he was known by the public as a good man… well, a decent man… a man, at any rate. And for that night, he had a beautiful woman at his side.” She said that with a fabulous flip of her hair. “And he ruined it all. He abused his power, and he behaved like a jerk, pardon my language.”

I laughed a bit. “Woo! Yeah, those are some harsh words. Your one step away from the dreaded insult, ‘doodie head’.”

“Dear, please don’t be crass. And the real point beneath that point is that while he ruined everything, you are still a good man, even with all that. Princess Luna loves you because you are a nice man. The power you have you use to help people. I mean, goodness, you have a magical, shape shifting sword that has the power to kill people with a scratch! Along with shape changing abilities, magic, wings. You could be the scourge of both Equestria and your Earth, and you just concern yourself with making Princess Luna happy and making other lives better. Then on top of it, you feel good for it. There! All done.”

As I finally stepped down, I thought. But only for a second. “Nah. I’m just a guy who wants a simple life. What I’m really afraid of is losing the simplicity. I always thought I’d get married, yeah, but to a girl who didn’t come with an ‘occasionally save pony kind and possibly humanity’ policy. What if I can’t live up to her needs?”

Rarity sighed as she began to look for the perfect fabric for the suit. “She loves you. And that means that mistakes can be made. If you can’t deal with every problem that comes along alone, she will help, and so will your friends. Trust me, everything will be fine.”

“All right.” I let her think she won. She liked winning. “I’ll have Luna come in later so that she can pay you and get sized. You’re getting paid, end of story. I wouldn’t dream of trying to guess her dress size. I don’t even know mine.”

She cocked her head and looked at me like it was the strangest thing she had heard me say. “That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

I nodded a bit. “Yeah, I guess-”

“Your about a ten and a half,” she interrupted.

It was my turn to look at her strangely. “Seriously? Since when do you know dress sizes for humans?”

“Well, I don’t know exactly, but as a pony that’s about what you are, so I can only guess, but I’ve got a good eye. Trust me dear, you’re a ten and a half.”

I nodded a bit. “Makes sense. You are a seamstress. Sorry,” I amended. “Fashionista. Hey, you know what would be fun?”

…

Later that day when Luna showed up, she found me standing in the same spot, the measuring platform, but wearing something she didn’t really expect.

“Dear, will you answer me something?”

“Sure.”

“Why are you wearing a sundress?”

“It’s got a nice bit of airflow. It makes me feel free.” Rarity had done a beautiful job of making a kind of old fashioned day dress. “I like the flower pattern, too. They’re not too intrusive without being too evasive. I was thinking a bonnet too, but apparently those fell out of style a season or two ago.”

Rarity made a choking noise. “Ugh, darling, try one or two dozen seasons ago. They’re simply horrid.”

Luna nodded with a confused smile. “Yes, they are awful, but Adam, why a dress? Didn’t you come down for a suit?”

“Well, I thought about a black dress instead, but I just didn’t think it was functional. Honey, this is just for fun! What guy doesn’t secretly want to know his dress size?”

“Just you,” came the unanimous answer from both of them.

“Ahh, you guys have no idea what goes on in the mind of a man.”

Luna got a wickedly devious smile before answering. “Then it’s a good thing I’m marring a child instead, isn’t it?”

I fake gasped. “Oh, eww! You sick lady! Marrying a little boy. I should call the authorities on you!”

“Isn’t that a bit from some tv show? Again?”

“Yeah, but I rip off so much stuff that I lose track of it all.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed, nodding slightly. “Fair enough, I suppose. So, how much do we owe you Rarity? For his suit and both dresses, because somehow I can’t see him parting that one.”

I twirled the dress a little bit and grinned. “You really don’t see the humorous possibilities, do you?”

Both women rolled their eyes and scoffed, ignoring me. “So, how much do we owe you?” she asked again.

Rarity smiled politely. “If you two truly insist on paying, then here are the figures.” She floated a piece of paper over to Luna, who looked only for a moment, pulled a bit pouch from under her wing, and handed the whole pouch over to Rarity. Rarity hefted the pouch, looking absolutely stunned.

“Princess, this is far more than I asked for. At least twice that much, even! I simply cannot accept this generous a payment!”

Luna smiled and nodded. “Yes, it is about twice as much, but keep in mind that you tailor all of Adam’s shirts to fit his new wings. Pro bono, I believe is the term? Well, this is also your compensation for that.”

I stepped behind one of those fancy partitions and began changing. “For everything she’s done for us, think that’s enough?”

I heard Luna chuckle from the other side of the thin divider. “Yes, you are right. Where is your pouch?”

I tossed my pants over the top. “Back left pocket next to my wallet. Give her all of it.”

“No, no, please, this is simply too much!” Rarity protested again.

“That’s all right, he only has about eight bits in this,” Luna muttered, seemingly amused.

Rarity gave another uncomfortable chuckle, but took the money. I stuck my head around the side of the fancy purple wall. “Hey, can I have my pants back?”

Luna began to send them over, but Rarity spoke up as she did. “Darling, it isn’t my place to intervene, but I would like to remind you of our little conversation. Perhaps not here, but might it be prudent to… talk about it?”

My pants stopped in midair. “Thank you for bringing this to light, Rarity. Adam?” Luna suddenly looked concerned.

I grabbed at the jeans, but they stayed just out of reach. “Hey, come on. I just happened to mention that I was just having pre-wedding jitters. It’s perfectly natural. Probably the only thing about me that’s normal anymore. Pants?”

They floated a couple inches further away. “Well, why didn’t you tell me, we could have addressed these concerns with each other.” She gave a brief half shrug. “To be honest, I’m a little bit nervous as well.”

I nodded quickly. “That’s reasonable. We can address them now, though. While I’m wearing pants.”

They stayed suspended. “Well, what are you feeling nervous about?”

“Uuh, the concept of immortality? The fear that you’ll leave me for someone smarter or better in public situations or someone classier or better looking… well, one of those first three at least. This is the naked truth.”

She smirked a bit and nodded, her head falling as she looked down at the floor. “I get the hint, but I’m keeping these here so that you’ll keep talking. What else?”

I shrugged. “It’s mostly just insecurity. I’m afraid of losing what I have with you. I want more than anything to have a life with you and to grow forever young with you. I also want the pants, dear. You can have them later, huh?” I winked.

Both girls blushed. Luna folded the pants in her magic and tucked them under her wing. “No,” she said simply. “Not right now. After all, what a shame it would be for you to waste that brand new dress, right? Thank you Rarity, for everything/”

Rarity smiled uneasily and took a cautious step back. Luna quickly turned and walked smoothly out of the boutique. Rarity grimaced and looked at me apologetically. “I am so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten involved, and now I’ve upset you two.”

I quickly threw the sundress back on and stepped back out from behind the partition, sighing. “Nope, that wasn’t you. That would have happened weather or not you had mentioned anything. Really, you’ve done me a favor. I would have waited way too long to say anything. You forced my hand, but it was good. Thank you very much.”

She clearly wasn’t convinced, but she nodded and let it go. I thanked her one more time and left, walking out of the building in my dress proudly. I stretched in the warm afternoon sun and set my hands on my hips. “Eeyup,” I muttered. “I pissed her off.”

Headway and Gunplay

“Well, I’m back. Thanks much for ditching me without pants. Are you even here, or am I talking to myself again?”

I wandered back into our apartment, honestly wondering if she would be there. Admitting that I was nervous was definitely something that she didn’t really want to hear at this point only a day or two after our engagement, understandably so. “You’re just talking to yourself, but I am here. I’m not talking to you for a little bit.”

“You just did.”

“Just to tell you that.”

“And again.”

“Stop it.”

“You did it again.”

“Don’t be juvenile.”

“Who’s juvenile? You’re the one chatting through the silent treatment.”

A moan echoed out of the small living room, but she didn’t say anything else. I chuckled silently, but didn’t push it. I was likely already six feet under, and digging didn’t help me out. I opened the fridge and grabbed a couple of Mountain Dews. I cracked one as I moved to the next room and stood next to the couch where she sat. I set both down on the table next to the couch and she smiled a little bit. Her eyes were reddened, but she hadn’t been crying. She was just upset. I took a sip as she talked.

“You know, it’s interesting how you hold your can.” She picked hers up off the table and opened it while she looked at my hand. “You don’t really hold it. When you put your hand down, you just grip it at the top by the tips of your fingers, like you only want to invite it to stay with you.”

She curled her legs up and made room for me to sit. I smiled just a bit. “You certainly are just a poet, aren’t you? And talented. Making me hear words even when you aren’t talking to me.”

She ignored that. “I mean it. It seems like it’s kind of a unique way of holding it.”

I looked at the can in my hand. “I guess. I picked it up from one of my old high school teachers. I swear I never saw the man without a Dew in his hand or right next to him, even at the chalkboard. He balanced it on the lip where the chalk goes and intentionally kept the board clean above it. Whenever we talked in the hall he would hold it like that. Great guy. But why the interest in my drinking posture?”

She rested her head on her hoof and smiled thoughtfully at me. “I don’t know. I’m just thinking out loud. I just don’t know what to think about this afternoon.”

I sighed and put the drink down on the table. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to think anything of that. It was just jitters and insecurity. You said yourself that you were a bit nervous.”

She tilted her head and looked at me. “Why would you think that I would want someone more than you?”

I scoffed. “Frankly, why wouldn’t you? I’m a goof off, I have a funny job title, when we first met I died two days later because I couldn’t cut it. Then only survived later because I got lucky. I can only afford a crappy apartment for us, when I’m not working I’m playing videogames or doing stupid things with my friends. I don’t-“

“Ok, just stop, dear.” She seemed to be a little bit upset. “You do this a lot, you know. Despite all your big talk and… flamboyant way of acting, you’re really very self depreciating. It can become tiresome.”

I threw my hands up in slight aggravation. “Well, why not?! I’m a loser! Just admit it! You deserve a prince! Someone who can hand you all worlds on a platter! I can give you… this.” I motioned at the pale white walls and battered old furniture. “This couch is the nicest thing I own, and I only got that through a lucky bargain from someone I’m not sure knew what they had.”

Her gaze turned into a pleading one. “But what if I don’t want all worlds handed to me? What if I want to live in a less than fabulous home in a place I don’t receive any acclaim as a princess? I want to be happy, and with someone who makes me happy, which is you. Dress and all,” she added with a slight sly smile.

I looked down at myself and realized I was still wearing the dress from Rarity. “Oh yeah. I guess I should change.”

She leaned over ran her hooves over my exposed legs. She winked and smiled a bit more. “You don’t mind if I help you do that, do you?”

Laying back, I began to run my hands over her coat. “I screw up and say the wrong thing a half dozen times in a row and it gets me laid? I’ll have to remember that.”
“It’s a limited time offer.”
“How long is this offer? I can say a lot of stupid things really quick. Maybe I can build up some store credit.”

…

“Arright, I can’t feel my legs anymore.”

Ok, I know what you’re thinking, but she isn’t that good. I mean, fantastic, yes, but not to the point that I can’t feel the lower half of my body. Apparently, I made a batch of chili dogs that was just a bit too strong. And I may have been exaggerating a little bit. It was really just my stomach and colon. She sat across from me in her human form wearing a nice blue nightie-type garment.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have those chili dogs after every time.” She’s a woman. Of course she wouldn’t understand.

“Would you rather I smoked? That’s the stereotypical afterwards relaxant.”

“Frankly, it’s more understandable how people survive smoking.”

“I bet you don’t even know what I put in these.”

I lost that bet. “Two pieces of white bread, five hot dogs, jalapeno chili, grated cheddar cheese, heated liquid nacho cheese, bacon bits, hot wings sauce, taco sauce, onions, and you eat it all with a liter of Mountain Dew.”
I nodded, impressed. “Wanna bite?” I asked around a mouthful, holding up a forkful. She gaged. I shrugged and stuffed the bite into my mouth.

“Ugh! You know, that poor pig probably suffered before he died.”

“Not if it was killed right. My family raised a pig a couple years in a row, remember? Grisly death, yes. Suffering, no. Trust me.” She rolled her eyes as I scraped the last bite off the plate. “What I don’t understand is why you sit and watch me eat it every time.”

“It’s grown into a bit of a habit too, I guess,” she said with a pained smile. I smiled back, but the discomfort in mine was genuine. “You shouldn’t have taken that last bite, huh?” She looked smug.

I shrugged and stood up. “Kind of. We have any more honey barbeque Fritos?”

She scoffed again. “We do still need to talk more.”

“We are talking. Ooh, beef jerky.”

“I mean really talk. About this afternoon.”

“That isn’t something people put into words in polite conversation.”

“I meant at the boutique.”

I sat back down with the jerky, chips and other half of the two liter of Dew. “Oh, yeah, that too. Well, I thought we kind of wrapped it up nicely.”

“We didn’t resolve anything. I got distracted by the dress. That was my fault. But we do need to discuss this.” She picked a chip out of the bag and popped it into her mouth.

“I guess, but really it’s not something talking is going to fix for me. I’m insecure. I’ll have to deal with that.”

“But you don’t have to deal with it alone. You have me.”

“I also have pretty severe indigestion, but that has no bearing on this. No offense, I love you, but I am specifically this insecure because of you.”

“How so?”

I began to pour another glass of soda, since she had just drank my last one. As I set it back down she picked it up and began to drink that one too. “Well, like I said. Frankly, you deserve nothing less than the best of perfection. And yet your sitting across from me nearly naked. I just wonder why.”

She stopped drinking, but didn’t put the glass down. She was smarter than me. I would have picked it right back up like she had. Clever vixen. “Well, you happen to be funny, charming, intelligent, brave, honest, and you were single when I met you. All positive things.”

I winced. “Weeeeeell, define single.”

Her stare shot through me and into my soul. “I wouldn’t think I would have to.”

I started to reach for another chip, but the bag flew back to its spot on the counter in a violent burst of magic. “Remember the first night you fell into my dorm room and that girl came by to study?”

She squinted a bit as she remembered. “Yes, I remember. You made such an ass of yourself I had assumed you two weren’t very well acquainted. You didn’t have much personal connection from where I sat.”

“That’s because we had only been out, like, twice. We met in class.”

Her eyes radiated rage. “You were dating someone when we met? You told me you weren’t.”

“Weeeeeell, I didn’t really tell you. You assumed when I asked you out after I wasn’t dead anymore. Or when I kissed you before letting the Nightmare bits to attach to my soul. Or one of those other kinds of situations. And in my defense, I didn’t see her again after we met.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Except to break up with her, right.”

I barely managed to not cringe. “Uuuh, well…”

“If you tell me to define ‘break up’, I will kill you.” I stared at her blankly. “You seriously didn’t even break up with her?!” she cried, rocking suddenly back in her chair and throwing her hands to her face. “That’s probably why you feel so nervous about all of this! You feel bad about never breaking it off with her!”

I smiled sheepishly. “Maybe, maybe not.” *angry Luna glare* “With preference towards maybe.”

“Call her.”

I sighed and pulled out my phone. “All right, but again, I haven’t talked to her in a good long while. She may have a different number.”

I dialed. *Beep-boop-beep-beep-beep-boop-boop* Two rings. “Hello?”

Shit. “Uh, hey Ashley. It’s me, Adam. “

Luna tells me even she heard this part. “You jackass! What the fuck are you doing calling me after over a year?!?”

“Hey, hey, I called to apologize! I wanted to make nice! I feel bad for not calling or talking to you one more time, but in my defense I’m a guy and I didn’t think that two dates reall meat that much!”

“Two dates! Try SIX!!”

I clapped a hand over the phone. “Ooh, I might be a really terrible person.”

…

The next day at noon Luna and I met. I had tried something daring and told the truth, and thus I told her I was engaged. I suppose I should have perhaps stretched the truth a little bit. Long story short, Luna wanted to go. She and Ashley wanted to meet each other. I wanted to be struck by lightning and killed instantly. Guess who didn’t get what they wanted?

We met at a small bar near the university. Luna came as a human, which was 100% for the best. Had she been a pony, I doubt I would have survived. As she was, when we met up with Ashley, she glared at Luna and spat on my shoe. Or, tried at least. When she didn’t notice I stopped it in midair magically. I kept my bone arm covered by a long hoodie and stuffed the hand in my pocket. At this time, we had kept everything about Equestria under wraps. Very few people knew about my arm, my wings, or Luna’s being a pony in disguise. We walked everywhere we needed to go if we could, and if we couldn’t walk we used the bus like everyone else. One big thing that had been attached to my name was when I first went to Equestria, it turned out that I had become an alleged kidnapping victim. Once I got back I made up something about having taking a hiking trip halfway through the semester. People bought it since I kept my arm hidden.

She was there before we were. She was already sitting at a table in the back, slowly sipping a coffee. I think she saw us as we came in, but she didn’t move. Luna and I each bought a water and sat with her. She was silent, which was bad. After her outbursts on the phone, she shouldn’t have been quiet at all. But she was. She just sat and sipped her coffee. Every now and then her eyes would dart between Luna and I, but then would fall back down to her cup. Finally, she spoke.

“This the biddy you ran off with?”

Luna and I both looked at each other, concerned. Biddy? Luna mouthed silently. I just shrugged and cleared my throat. “Well, I personally use another nickname, but I think her real name would be good for all of us to use right now.”

“Luna.” She put her hand out to Ashley, but the fuming blonde didn’t move.

“I got over it, you know. You not calling.” Every word was growled over her coffee. “And then you called again. You son of a bitch.”

I put my hands up, keeping the right tucked in the sleeve. “Hey, number one, my mother is a very nice lady. Two, I am totally not worth getting this worked up over. I was kind of hoping we could be friends.”

“Friends?!?” she screeched, standing. And I mean screeched. Luna and I met a half dozen deaf dogs on the way home. What really got me was the gun she pulled out. We, along with every other patron in the place, shout out of our seats with our hands up. “We can all be FRIENDS?!? You broke my heart!! Yours should be DESTROYED!!”

Obviously, that didn’t sound good. I took a single step to my right, moving between Luna and the madwoman with the revolver. “Hey, hey, hey. Come on now, I don’t think we need that. Shooting Luna isn’t going to solve anything.”

“Why do you assume it would be me?” she whispered from behind me.

“Well, if put into a romantic context, a broken heart compounded on would be not the emotional loss of a friend or companion, but the physical loss of a lover.”

“Ah. Fair enough. Carry on.”

“SHUT UP!” She fired a single shot into the roof. Luckily it was a single floor establishment.

I stayed very still, except a single calm nod. “Ok, we’ll stop talking. You talk. Why this? Isn’t just yelling easier?”

Her eyes smoldered in her head as she stared me down. “Yelling is too good for you. She is too good for you. I’m too good for you. Life is too good for you.”

I nodded a little bit. “Well, you’re kind of right. You are too good for me, and Luna is by far too good for me. But I’ve been dead, and it’s not bad. Nice and quiet. By your logic that would be too good for me too.”

She seemed confused. “What are you talking about? You couldn’t have been dead before. You would be… well, dead!” She shook the gun the second time she said dead.

“Well, it’s too long a story to tell you while you’re pointing that at me. Long story short I was in a coma for a while, back during the time I went missing, and there was once or twice that my heart stopped beating. Technically, dead. And it wasn’t bad. Kind of nice, though certainly not something I would rush into. Too lonely.”

Either this would work, or I was toast. There’s no middle ground here. She was a psychology prodigy, specializing in pathological lying. My best chance was she was too emotional to notice and call me on it. “Why were you in a coma?”

“Car crash.”

“Why didn’t it appear when you were reported missing?”

“Technical error. The police stations computer programs missed my hospital file.”

She squinted at me, trying to see through the tears and runny makeup. I shifted nervously as she began to lower the gun, and my sleeve slid down to reveal my skeletal right arm. The entire bar gasped and the gun shot right back up to its position, pointed directly at my heart. “What the FUCK is that?!?”

I sighed. Luna whispered frantically behind me. “You’re losing this battle of wits, you know.”

I didn’t answer her. Instead I focused on the poor blonde. “It’s a prosthetic arm. A door crushed my arm halfway up the humorous bone. They were able to save the nerves and I lucked into an experimental procedure. I didn’t tell anyone about it for this reason. People freak. I personally think it’s pretty sweet, but I understand how it could scare you if you didn’t know.”

She didn’t quite believe me, I could tell. “Let me feel it,” she said quietly.

I silently held it out to her, making no quick movements. She ran a few fingers over it, keeping the gun pointed at me the whole time. She didn’t really seem to believe what she was feeling until she put her fingers in between the radial and ulnar bones. She gave a little gasp of disbelief, but didn’t move the gun. Not much, at least. It just trembled a little bit. “There,” I said quietly. “You see? I’m not lying. If you remember anything about me, it should be that I don’t lie. Period.” The gun shook a little bit more. “This isn’t the way to handle this. You were never a violent girl. You were always kind and compassionate. That’s why you wanted to go into psychology. To help people. Come on, Ashley. Give me the gun.”

She took a sudden step back, bringing the gun level with my head now. “Stay back!” she cried, though less forcefully than before. “I swear to God I’ll do it!”

I smiled sadly. “No you won’t. You don’t really want to. You just want this to be over, but don’t know how to go about it. Believe me, what you really want is to put the gun in my hand and walk away. Because if you were to shoot that off again, as sure as I’m standing here someone innocent would get hurt. And I don’t want that. Do you? If you do then by all means, fire away, but only if you can live knowing that you can live the rest of your life knowing that your revenge came at the expense of someone else.”

She sniffled pathetically and nodded a sad little nod. Slowly, the gun began to fall. Slowly, slowly. Finally it touched my hand, but I waited an extra second so that she could let go of it herself. As soon as I had the gun and she was unarmed, she passed out. Well, her and half the other people inside. I tucked the gun into my back pocket, making sure the safety was on, and sighed. Now that it was over, I could feel the adrenaline running through my system. I looked at my hands and tried to get them to stop shaking, but for the life of me I couldn’t. Luna, who had crouched more and more as I had talked, stood up straight and quickly spun me around to face her. She kissed me hard, and I felt her entire body tremble. I’d like to think it was me, but I could tell she was scared out of her feathers.

The kiss collapsed into a sobbing hug as the situation caught up to her. She fell into me and sobbed into my shoulder with her whole body. She was genuinely traumatized, and shewas clearly ready to stay that way for a while. I ran my bony fingers through her hair and quietly shushed her. She seemed to like that hand better. I think it’s because the bones remind her of just how far I was willing to go to make sure she was happy and safe. The feel of the bones seemed ot calm her, but she still sobbed heavily into my sweater. I pulled her as closely as I could as I heard the police sirens getting closer. I rubbed her back and kept her close. “It’s all ok now, Luna. It’s ok. I’ve got you. Don’t worry. You’re safe with me. You always will be.”

A Misunderstanding

Luna was spared the process of having to give a statement at the police station, but I had to. I took her home first, but we were accompanied by a pair of officers, to make sure we didn’t run off I guess. I went back down and talked to the captain for a while. He was kind of a heavyset old guy, a cup of coffee on his desk and a lot of grey in his hair. He seemed happier than the ones on TV. Though fatter. After giving him my statement he didn’t say anything for a second.

“Well, I’m impressed, son,” he started. “We don’t see many young men who can talk down an emotional woman without getting anyone hurt. Especially after telling the gunman that if they can stomach it to fire at will.”

I ran a hand through my hair. I could feel the sweat that had soaked in. I really wanted a shower. “I knew she couldn’t go through with it. The only shot fired was into the ceiling, a safe shot under the circumstances since it was a one floor building. The gun wavered a little anytime I made a valid point and she was sweating almost as much as me.”

He shrugged like it didn’t matter either way to him. “The fact that you knew her aside, that’s all very impressive observations. Quite the story you told her too. You say you got that arm in a car crash?”

I shrugged the same way he had. Without care. “I told her that. She was too emotional to see that I was lying.”

“Mind telling me the truth?”

“Yes I do mind.”

He stared at me, trying to get a reading on me. I knew he wouldn’t get one, so I humored him by making faces at him, changing mine every time he changed his. “I don’t get you, boy,” he muttered, leaning back in his seat. “If you were on the force you’d be required to undergo psychiatric observation for this kind of experience, but on the outside you look totally unphased. What’s going on in your head?”

“Frankly sir, if my fiancé can’t even figure it out I doubt you can.” I smiled pleasantly.

He frowned and sat back, groaning with the exertion. “Are you aware that performing experimental medicine outside of a hospital, especially without a license, is illegal? As is having those procedures done.”

“Yup.”

“And is that strange arm of yours such a medical procedure?”

“Nope. Can I go home now? Luna isn’t in a very good way right now, and I don’t want her to feel alone.”

“Actually I needed to talk to you about that as well.” He flipped through a few papers, trying to look important. “We here haven’t been able to locate any mention of your lovely bride anywhere. No birth certificate, no legal documentation of any kind. Why might that be?”

“She’s actually a pony from another universe. She has the power to shape change into a human and can raise and lower the moon in her world through magic.”

The chief was silent. He glared angrily at me for a little while, and when he next spoke he wasn’t too cheery. “I’ll let you answer that again. This time, why don’t we just start with her name.”

“Luna.”

“Her full name.”

“Luna.”

“Full. Don’t get smart with me.”

“For me to be smart with you, we would both have to be smart. I haven’t seen any such proof from you.”

His face grew red and he kind of poofed up. “Boy, I don’t think you realize the gravity of your situation.”

“Oh, no. I’m very much aware of the current questions as to the nature of gravity, though no one is very close to mathematically unraveling its mysteries.”

He just kept getting bigger and redder, and knowing I loved it just pissed him off even more. “I think you better watch your step, or you just might find yourself spending the night in a cell with someone a lot less pretty than that lovely gal of yours.”

“Oh, I don’t own her. She’s her own person. If anything, I’m that handsome fellow of hers. And as for stepping, I happen to be a wonderful dancer. You don’t need to arrest me over that. I can prove it if you want.”

He slammed both hands down on his desk and stood suddenly. “All right, I’ve had enough of your sass!”

I slammed my hands down in the same manner and mimicked his stance. “Then I’ll have to move on to the ‘afrass’!”

He unintelligibly bellowed and slammed his finger into the intercom button on his phone. “Someone get in here and cuff this cheeky bastard!”

As he took his finger off the button I pushed it back down myself. “Yes, he suddenly doesn’t remember how to do it himself. Senility is the best quality for a chief, isn’t it?”

Three second later, two officers came in, each clearly trying not to laugh. They put the handcuffs on me, but weren’t harsh or cruel about it. In fact, one of them even went so far as to address the chief. “Hey, chief, what exactly is he being arrested for? I don’t think we have anything on him.”

The big man snarled at him. “One more crack like that and I’ll put you in the cell with him!”

The young man quieted, but I didn’t. “It’s ok. He can’t keep me long, and I don’t want you to lose your job over this. I mean, it seems like it’s being run by the right person. A chief should be cool and calm, even while being taunted by someone who poses no threat to anyone, and you sir are a shining example.”

The big man turned on me. “Actually, I’l be checking up on where you got that fancy arm of yours. If you got it anywhere I think you did, you’ll be spending a long, long time in our cells!”

I raised my hands, showing two perfectly good arms and hands. He was to hyped up to have seen the mirage spell taking effect. “What fancy arm?”

He did nothing but sputter and point at me. I think the old man would have taken a swing at me if the guards hadn’t rushed me out of the room so that they could laugh. We stumbled into the hall and the door slammed swiftly shut behind us. The older looking of the two officers gave me a kind pat on the back. “I haven’t seen him that riled up in a long time. That was great. We’ll put you in holding for a little bit while he cools off. He has a point though, about your fiancé. She doesn’t have any records that we’ve found so far.”

I smiled. “Check under immigration. I think you’ll find a set of papers belonging to a Luna Burrfoot, in from Canada three years ago. I don’t know what her parents’ names are. I kind of tune that out. You know what I mean.” I nodded my head to the guy on my right.

He tilted his head. “Matter of fact, I don’t.”

I snuck a peak at his left hand. “Oh, my bad. Well, if the brunette who left her hair all over her uniform pushes for commitment, I’m sure you will.”

He turned an embarrassed red and cleared his throat. His partner just laughed. “Wow. You are good. I bet you don’t have anything on me, though.”

“Except that you haven’t asked out that pretty redheaded receptionist we just passed yet. Make your move, before it’s too late.”

They were both stunned. I can only imagine their faces if I had told them I was really just reading the basest layers of their consciousness and using little things to back it up. Like something off one of the numerous fake psychic shows out. I smiled at them as they sat me down, cuffed me to the bench, and walked away. I tugged the cuffs a bit, and then pulled the set of lock picks out of my belt and unlocked them quickly. I slipped the pick back in my belt as the guards came back a second later with the still unhappy chief.

“How did her file show up in the system?!” he demanded. “We should have found it the first time through!”

I shrugged. “Computer error, maybe? Or maybe you just need to look harder next time. I can’t account for your own incompetence.” The guards exchanged quiet laughter and high fives behind his back, but he didn’t notice. I think he was busy trying to think of something he could pin on me, but he had nothing. I waited patiently, but he didn’t say anything, so I did. “Now can I leave? Luna is probably worried some moron is trying to arrest me. Oh… well, I should be getting back either way. Can I keep the cuffs?”

He snarled and went for his keys, but once I was sure he was letting me go I stood up and shook them off myself. He started to say something, but he just gave up. “Get out. Take the cuffs. I just want you gone.”

I smiled and waved cheerily at the two guards, who just didn’t know what to think anymore. “Later, guys. The Old Keg Bar, right?”

Their jaws dropped at the name of their regular haunt, and I left the station in a substantially better mood than when I had arrived. I did, however, have to deal with an emotional woman when I got home.

…

Luna was on the bed when I got back, still human and still crying. The police were gone, so I tossed the cuffs into my end table drawer and sat down next to her. I put a hand on her back and gently began to give her a rub. She was all tensed up, partially from the emotional upheaval, partially from the crying. I lay down next to her, keeping my hand on her back. I put my other arm under her head and drew it into my chest. I let her weep until she was all cried out, which took an impressively long time. When she was done my shirtfront was soaked through and there was a wet spot where we were.

“Why?” she groaned.

I kissed the top of her head and kept rubbing her back. My hand was kind of cramping up. “Why what?”

“Why did you date her? Why did you let me go see her?”

I sighed and sat up, propping her up against my shoulder. She just let her head slide down my chest and rested on my leg. “I dated her because back then she seemed pretty well balanced. When you talked to her on the phone she also seemed to calm down. In retrospect, I should have tried harder than just begging and pleading and reasoning to try and keep you away from her, but I know that now. Luckily, she was the only unfinished chapter I had. Now it’s over. Granted it ended in gunplay, arrests, and a very upset police chief, but it’s ended now.”

“Upset police chief?”

“Yeah, when they were looking for your name to put into their report they realized you had no papers. I distracted him while I magically made some in the national database, which just happened to be open on his computer. Then I used basic mindreading magic and trickery to amuse the guards, getting them onto my side. By the way, you are now Luna Burrfoot in this world. You immigrated from Canada three years ago.”

She coughed a little bit of a laugh. “Burrfoot?”

“Yeah, he was a character in an old book of mine. I’ll have to find it sometime, they’re pretty good.”

She rolled over and looked up at me. “And where did the cuffs come from?”

I smiled back and brushed the hair from her eyes. “I allowed myself out. He eventually just gave up trying to pin any sort of crime on me, so he let me leave with them. Consider them a gag gift slash apology. I will never drag you to a standoff again.”

She giggled and put a hand on my chest. “And you’ve talked your way through one before?”

“No, but I had a plan.”

“Lie?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” She laughed again and I felt all the stress of the day melt away at the angelic sound. “Now, what do you say to a cup of tea and some TV?”

She nodded. “I suppose I can be convinced. Chamomile?”

“I think we’re out. I think there’s some Earl Grey? Aaand…nachos.”

A Change In Plans

Nachos help damn near everything. It also helps certain people in different ways. Luna, who eats them every time I make them against her better judgment, gets indigestion and it takes her mind off of all other issues. I tell you this, dear reader, at the risk of my own life. If Luna reads this I will be dead within seconds.

Well, now that we have that nasty business out of the way, nachos help almost everything. Luna, again, was distracted from the issue of the psychotic woman. I took the opportunity to… well, I didn’t do much of anything for a few days. Just was comforting and kept making nachos. Frankly it was good for her to take time out and just relax for a while. When she gets a grumpy tummy she also spends more time being calm and having quiet fun. That being said, she stayed on the couch and played video games for about four days. I was impressed though. She powered through three ‘Legend of Zelda’ games, which even takes me five days. Of course I stop to eat more than she had to stop and use the bathroom.

Really our next bit of fun came a week even after she was feeling better. She was beginning to phase into the typical bride mode and was thinking about caterers and the like. Really I was expecting her to bring up this issue again, but when it happens you never really know what to say right away.

“I think I want to get married in Equestria.”

I kept myself from rolling my eyes, but only just. I leaned backwards in my chair and started trying to grab the chips off the counter and stick a pencil in the ceiling at the same time. “I know.”

She stared blankly at me. There was almost a hint of anger behind her eyes, but really it was closer to frustration. “What?”

I managed to grab the Sweet Maui Onion chips off the counter without tipping the chair, but the pencil took a bad bounce and flew out of my grasp. “Oh, nothing. I was just waiting for you to say that.”

She sighed and put a hoof to her forehead. She used her magic to take my chips away. “Why?”

I grabbed for the chips. “Hey, I need those. Remember when Ta said I looked thin? Or was it Mrs. Cake? It’s because you don’t let me eat. And because I know you. That said, Mrs. Cake and AppleJack are ready to cater for the reception, Tia is willing to be the priestess or whatever you call it. Pinkie can set up balloons and party stuff, Rarity sets up the palace for the wedding itself. RainbowDash has weather and Fluttershy the choir. Kind of the same setup as Shining Armor and Cadence’s wedding, as far as ‘staff’ goes.”

She just sputtered for a second. “H-h-how?”

“I still want those chips. And sweetie, I know you. You love Equestria. And I don’t blame you. It’s a wonderful place, perfect for a wedding. And it smells really nice. I mean, absolutely no pollution really helps it out. Also, you’ve been kind of dropping hints. You’ve taken a couple extra trips there. You’ve spent more time as a pony, even on earth. It’s just little things. Seriously, I’m hungry. Gimme those back.”

She sighed and the chips floated slowly back. “How did you set all of this up? I’m barely an ounce of the way through this planning for Earth, and you did everything for an Equestrian wedding in a week behind my back. Without a list! Just… how, sweetie?”

“Om, nom, nom… huh? Oh, right. I don’t use lists. They get lost. I haven’t lost my noggin yet, though. But just for you, I made a list. This is what was in my head.” I pulled a scrap of paper out of my pocket and tossed it across the table to her. Her face was priceless when she read it. All it said was “Get people to help with stuff.”

She screwed her face up for a little bit, but then she laughed for a second. “This is wonderful. How very groom-ish of you. Here’s the bride’s list of things to do.” I swear that the list that she pulled out was mostly stored in a pocket dimension. The paper just kept coming, and it was filled with things to do. Out of all of them, three things had big, red checkmarks.

I smiled and picked up one end of it. “Well, let me narrow the list down for you.” I turned my own paper over and just wrote, “Do stuff” on it.

She laughed. “Aren’t you oversimplifying just a bit?”

I smiled back at her. “If I am it’s only in the slightest bit. Seriously though, ‘call florist’ and ‘visit florist’ couldn’t just be one item? Along with all these other flowery to do’s?”

“Well, each is something else I have to do. I need to call them, visit, call and visit a couple others, then I need to decide, then I need to figure out what floral patterns we want, compare prices…”

“And that couldn’t be written as ‘flowers’?”

“Nuh-unh.”

I blew a raspberry. “Well, it’s all kind of mute now anyways, right? I mean, we’re going to Equestria, and I’ve got that taken care of. All I need is to say the word and it’s near done.”

She made a face. It wasn’t a good face. “Well, see, I kind of want to be married here too.”

I frowned. “So, we’re back to what I said at breakfast a month ago? Two marriages?” She nodded. “One pony one, one human?” Another nod. “And we have to do all this for the earth wedding now too?” Nod. I wiped my face. “And I still haven’t introduced you to my parents, have I?”

She frowned at that one. “No, you haven’t. And I don’t really understand why. You said you’ve told them about me, why haven’t you introduced us?”

I began rocking in my chair again. “Because the last five fights I can recall having with them are over you. My mom grew up on a farm, and riding horses was only done in a particular few ways. And in none of the ways we’ve redefined the phrase.”

She blushed, turning from a midnight blue to a lighter shade of… call it a midevening blue. “*Ahem* Well, that may be so, but have you told then that I can shape shift into a human?”

“Yeah, they aren’t big on things that break every law of nature and physics as defined by twenty first century humans. I think some tea sounds nice.” I started to busy myself with boiling the water. “I bought chamomile last time I was out. One for you?”

She nodded once. “Yes please. But you aren’t distracting yourself with that forever. Sit back down. We need to figure something else out.”

I prepped the tea, but didn’t sit down while I waited for the water to boil. Instead, I leaned back onto the countertop. “Well, yeah, you need to meet them. I’ll call them sometime and make a dinner date. It’ll be a short flight up to their place. I’ll do that later.”

She smiled a knowing smile and stood, putting a hoof on my arm. “No you don’t. You won’t skip out on this again. Every time we talk about your parents, you put it off and allow it to be forgotten. Call now.”

I groaned and picked up my phone. I hit the first speed dial, put it on speakerphone and set it on the table. I felt a certain amount of déjà vu from the time we called Ashley. The phone rang four times and I had a faint feel of hope. Maybe they weren’t home. No such luck, and on the fifth ring it was answered. “Hello?” Well, at least it was mom. She tried harder to understand, at least.

“Hey, mom, it’s Adam.”

“Hey, punkie. How are you? Are your classes out yet?”

“I’m all right. Yeah, classes are out. They have been since mid-May. How are you and dad doing?”

“We’re just kind of bopping along. Are you coming home for the summer?”

I gave Luna a “See? They still think I’ll break up with you and go back to a normal life” look. “No, mom, I’m not. Actually, I’ve got some exciting news. But I don’t want to tell you guys over the phone. How does dinner Saturday sound? At six o’clock.”

“Well, sure. Do you know which busses you have to take to get close enough for decent cab fare out here?”

“I have wings, mom.”

“Oh, right. You do have those. Well, be careful. I just hope they don’t fall off.”

“They don’t fall off if I run out of magic, number one, and second I don’t run out of magic. It regenerates itself.”

“Oh, right. Well, let us know if something comes up, but we’ll expect you Saturday. Anything we should expect or have special?”

Despite her not being able to see me, I shook my head no. “Nope. Have an extra setting for Luna, though. She’ll be coming with me. We’ll bring something to drink.”

There was a brief second of silence, just long enough to express disapproval. “Ok. Anything else?”

“Nope, that’s it. I’ve got to go now, though. I need to work on something real quick. I’ll talk to you later, or I’ll see you at dinner. Ok?”

“All right. I love you.”

“Yup. Love you too, mom.” The other line clicked off and I stood to take the water of the stove burner. “There. Happy? We’re having dinner with them. All we have to do now is find a nice champagne that I can afford.”

Luna sighed. “Yes, I’m reasonably happy. I just wish you would try harder to make nice with them.”

“If I tried to make nice with them, I would have to break up with you,” I snapped. “And I’d rather be on bad terms with them and with you than the good son and alone.” She looked at me, a little bit hurt. I sighed and set the steaming cups on the table. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I just don’t like dealing with them and their prejudice against you and Equestria. There’s a reason I don’t talk about or with them often, ok? Let’s just leave it at that.”

She nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry for pushing you so hard. It’s just… you have parents. I just wish you saw how lucky you are.”

I blew some of the steam away from the cup in a sigh. “Yeah, I know. Well, they mean well, but they show it in the wrong way sometimes. But at the same time, I occasionally forget that you didn’t really know your folks.”

Her teacup, which had been floating in a magical aura, slowly drifted down to the table. It set back down on the worn wood with a soft thud. A tear rolled down her cheek and she sighed. I knew that sigh, and it wasn’t any kind of good. “I’ve been thinking about them, you know. Ever since your proposal. I’ve sort of been wishing my father could walk me down the aisle during my wedding.”

I pulled my chair around and sat by her. I put an arm around her and took a sip of my tea, muttering a slight curse as it burned my lips. “Luna, you’ve never told me what happened to them or where they went. You wanna do that now?”

She sighed again and sipped her tea. She didn’t burn her lips, so she took a slightly longer sip than I did. “They had to lock themselves away when I was Nightmare Moon. For Celestia and her friends to use the Elements of Harmony, the Elements had to be magically synthesized. Remember that they weren’t as close as Twilight Sparkle and her friends are. For the proper amount of sufficiently powerful magic to be released, father sealed himself into the sun and mother into the moon. Their magic was powerful enough to make the Elements because they acted purely on love. They did what was best not only for me and Tia, but for all of Equestria. They had always seen their subjects as their friends and family instead of citizens. I think that helped allow the Elements to be formed the way they were. But that’s the past.”

I thought for a moment. “If your mother was in the moon, weren’t you able to see her while you were there?”

She shook her head. “Not exactly. We were banished to the same general place, yes, but we were not together. I could feel her loving presence, nothing more.”

I nodded. “Well. I can’t say I really considered that angle to the story. I’m sorry.”

She wiped her eyes and nodded, forcing a smile. “It’s ok. They acted justly. I just wish I could talk with them again. Even just long enough to thank them.”

Rubbing her shoulder, I nodded and brought her head down to rest on my shoulder. “Yeah. What do you say we leave everything alone for the night. How about just talking about our families? Figure out what we can expect?” I added with a little smile. “I’d like to know more about your parents. They sound like beautiful ponies.”

Dinner and A Show

“I can’t find my tie!”

“I put it away! You said you weren’t going to wear it!”

“Well, what else was I going to wear?!”

“You kept saying casual formal!”

“I wear collared shirts often enough, I think adding a tie constitutes a casual formal!”

“Well, check the closet! It didn’t belong next to the powered lemonade!”

“Yes it did! It smelled funny, so it was like a kind of fumigating!”

“I rubbed a bunch of your aftershave on it! It’s fine now!”

“Why the hell didn’t I think of that?”

“I have no answer to that that isn’t insulting to one of us!”

Just so you know, the exclamation points are because we were in other rooms. I don’t get that worked up over my ties. Even when going to my parent’s house to both introduce them to my girlfriend and my fiancé all at once. Though once I thought about it, I probably should have mentioned something about Luna being vegetarian. Meatloaf would not end well.

I stepped out of the bedroom as Luna stepped out of the bathroom, I straightening my tie and Luna adjusting her dress. She was human, for the sake of my parents, and wearing a stunning black and green dress. Usually I wouldn’t think someone could pull off that combination, but she did, and beautifully. She was wearing low black heels and a pair of earrings in the shape of crescent moons. I spread my arms wide and set them gently on her shoulders, pecking her on the cheek. “I’m dressing up too much? You look ready to go to the Grand Galloping Gala! Not that I’m complaining.”

I went for another kiss, but she laughed and playfully pushed me away. “Stop, you’ll smudge my lipstick! And I want to make a good impression! Help them with the getting over my being a pony.”

I laughed and gave her a quick pinch on the rump. “Good impression? Shit, you may very well give my old man a heart attack!”

A little more banter was tossed back and forth, but eventually we were ready to do. I stood in the doorway and waited for her to catch up with me, holding my arm out for her as I did. “And how do you plan to fly there without mussing your hair?”

She smiled and pointed a finger at her head. Her hair glowed purple for a second before fading back into the night black that it was in human form. “Boom. It’ll stay there until I take the spell off, and while retaining its natural looking physics.”

“Nice. You ready to go, then?”

Ten minutes later, after looking through her purse a half dozen times and making sure she was, in fact, ready, she came back and took my arm. “Ready. Are you?”

I ran my hand across my butt. “Wallet, phone, pocketknife. Let’s go.”

It was a short flight to my parent’s house. They only lived just outside Anchorage, in a heavily wooded area away from the city. Luna looked down on it in wonder. “You grew up here?”

I smiled, remembering exploring the woods as a kid. “Yeah, I did. It was a good place to grow up. There was a tree house over there, an impressively large pit there, and a fallen tree that could be made into a shelter to sleep in there,” I answered, pointing to each spot in turn.

She looked around happily as we landed, enjoying the scenery. She loved being outside, hiking, camping and the like. This place was as much a playground to her as it had been to me. We landed closer to the driveway than the house, so we had a short walk to the door. I rapped my knuckles on the spruce trees as I passed them, recalling everything from my childhood. I hadn’t been here in longer than I was used to. I hadn’t come back for spring break this semester, so it had been right about five months since my last visit. A little sad as it may be, I usually came home far more often than that. Before I started dating Luna, I had a very healthy relationship with my parents.

It wasn’t the nicest house in the world, but it was nice all the same. It stood two stories high, the first floor being the garage and a staircase leading to the door on the second floor. I remembered counting those steps every time I went up and down them. From the ground, ten steps to the landing, left turn, and six more steps to the deck. The siding was a cheap grey plastic, off-colored from years of exposure. Getting closer, I realized the steps were too. Off-colored, I mean. The wood, though properly cured, was a dull brown from being in the sun and snow for over twenty years. It was an old looking house, but as I got closer I remembered that I loved it because of that.

We climbed the steps to the door and I rang the bell. I couldn’t help but notice that out of habit I counted the steps again. It wasn’t a big deal, I counted out every staircase I walk, but it stuck out again this time. I heard a dog barking as I hit the button, which threw me off guard. Five months ago, we had no dog. Mom answered the door, pushing a beagle pup away from the door as it opened. Mom is a… interesting woman. She’s relatively short, standing maybe eight inches shorter than me and five shorter than Luna. She never admits that I’m taller, though. Maybe that’s just a mother thing. She has thick black hair, with only a rare few gray hairs pushed back behind her ears. Age had been good to her. Her face was creased with years of smiling and kindness, and she tilted her head upwards as she greeted us informally.

“Hey, Adam. It’s good to see you.” She hugged me first, letting the pup out as she stepped away from the doorframe. “And this must be Luna. It’s… very good to meet you.” They politely shook hands. “Funny, you seem a little… different from what Adam described you as."

Luna smiled kindly. “Yes, my natural form is that of a midnight blue alicorn, a pony with both the wings of a pegasus and the magical horn and acumen of a unicorn. I came this evening as a human to make you feel more comfortable. It’s lovely to meet you, ma’am.”

Mom smiled a little more genuinely. “Please, call me Rebecca. Or Becky, if you like.”

I picked up the excited beagle bouncing around at my feet. It sniffed curiously at my skeleton arm, but didn’t seem to think of it as a threat. “Who’s the new guy, mom?”

Mom scratched him behind his ears. “That’s Porthos. Like the musketeer.”

I rolled my eyes a little bit. “You got that from Enterprise. You watch too much Star Trek.”

Mom laughed and let us in, where dad met us at the door. He’s a little taller than mom, but I’m still taller. He wears round glassed, perched about halfway up his nose. For his height he was thin, a benefit of a high metabolism that he had passed on to me. His hair was abandoning him, but it wasn’t too far gone. It just made his forehead look a bit bigger. What was left was light brown, thinly covering his head. Unfortunately he had given me his hair too. Luckily I could use magic to grow it thicker than what his grew. He had a kind face too, and welcomed Luna in much the same way as mom had, with a hesitant handshake and an semi-informal hello.

“Hey, Luna. It’s wonderful to meet you. I’m Cliff. Adam has told us a lot about you.”

“Though he didn’t mention how beautiful you are,” mom added. “In your… human form.” She realized the slight breach of etiquette as she said it. “Oh, is that a bad thing to say?” she quickly whispered to me.

Luna heard and laughed it off. “Of course not. I know that this is all a bit odd for you and will likely take some time to understand. I hope what Adam has told you about me is as good as he’s told me about you.”

Mom smiled. “Well, he’s only told us you’re a lovely young woman to whom he owes a great deal of happiness.”

I smiled. They were actually getting along splendid so far. Hopefully the night wouldn’t go downhill. I put an arm around Luna and held her far hand. I kissed the top of her head and smiled at mom and dad. “Well, while we’re all getting along, we have some news.”

Both my parents eyed us with a sudden air of suspicion. “We aren’t grandparents, are we?” Dad would be the one to ask that right away.

Luna and I both chuckled. “No, nothing like that,” I laughed. We each held up our hands, showing my folks the engagement bands.

“We’re engaged,” Luna beamed.

The wait for an answer to a proposal may be the longest wait of your life, but the wait for approval from your parents is definitely a close second. You can never really tell what they’ll say about news like that, no matter how well you think you know them. Honestly I was expecting some sort of protest and/or argument about it, but they surprised me again. Rather than trying to tell me off, they both rushed forward, arms wide and faces smiling. They each hugged and kissed us in turn, congratulating us.

“I’m sure that you two will be happy for a long, long time,” mom said.

“You certainly already seem to be,” dad added. “Have you set a date?”

I swear Luna must have been keeping psychic tabs on my thoughts, because as soon as I thought of saying “Tomorrow,” she squeezed my hand tightly. Getting the hint, I just said, “Sometime this summer. The dates aren’t exact yet.”

“Dates?” I have to admit, mom caught that kind of little stuff well.

I nodded, trying to think of a tactful way to word it. “Well, let’s all sit down and we can talk about that.”

We lucked out and mom had thought to make a vegetarian meal. She had spaghetti with meat-less sauce, homemade garlic bread, and a large bowl of buttered string beans. A glass of water and a glass of milk sat next to each setting, and the good silverware was put out. They really went all out for this dinner. I guess they wanted to make a good impression, despite their reservations.

We all sat, mom and dad said their grace, Luna and I whispered quick thanks to the god of this world and the goddesses of Equestria, and we all began to fill our plates. As we began to eat, mom repeated her question. “So, what dates are you thinking of for the wedding?”

“Uh, a couple of days in late July, after the summer heat but before the fall chill. Maybe even early August.”

“And what’s this about multiple dates?”

“Well, we’ll have to get married twice. Once in Equestria and once here on earth. We have everything ready for the Equestrian wedding, I just have to talk to our friends there and give them a date and it’s practically done. Here on earth we have… everything left to do.”

Luna started, like she had just remembered something. “Oh, honey, I got a florist picked out.”

“That’s great. But we do need a date.”

“I like August. What about Sunday the fifth?”

“Ok. We have a date.”

Mom and dad were… surprised, to say the least. “You mean you’re going to go with the first date you think of?”

I nodded and swallowed a mouthful of spaghetti. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

Mom sighed. “It just doesn’t usually work like that. You have to figure out a date that works for the florists, the caterer of you have one, for your friends, your family, the church and priest, everyone!”

I thoughtfully nodded. “Yup. August fifth sounds good. We’re still far enough out that people have enough time to sort out their schedules. Don’t worry, we have no idea what we’re doing.”

“Well, you are a professional at doing that,” mom admitted a little sourly.

“Oh,yeah,” Luna added, a little spaghetti still in her mouth.

“What has he done without thinking recently?” dad asked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Luna thought for a second, then answered. “Talked an emotional woman out of shooting up a local bar in a fit of vengeful rage.”

We had discussed it at the apartment, and we had decided to tell my parents about the bar carefully. This wasn’t careful. In the least. But it was all sorts of interesting and funny. Mom instantly started choking on her spaghetti and dad involuntarily spat his milk at me from across the table. I was barely able to get a magical shield up in time to save Luna and I from the airborne beverage. Luna moved quickly and gave my mom a slap on the back, forcing her to cough the pasta up.

“What did he do?” mom asked breathlessly.

I just shrugged. “She was a girl I had gone out with a couple times. I didn’t break it off in the strictest terms when I started dating Luna. Instead I sort of just didn’t ever talk to or see her again. Luna made me call her and offer to buy her a drink and talk it out. Luna came with to apologize too, despite my protests,” I added with a glare at her. “And she went berserk. She pulled a gun on me and started screaming at me, threatening to shoot me. She fired one round into the ceiling and pointed it back at me, still screaming, and I told her that if she shot me she would also hurt innocent people. I told her if she could live with that, she could fire away. I knew she couldn’t live with that, and she gave up the gun. It was no big thing.”

Mom and dad obviously didn’t believe me, but Luna hugged my arm and put her head on my shoulder. “You should be very proud of him. As soon as she pulled the gun he put himself in front of me and spread his arms to block off the rest of the bar a little better. And while he should have called her in the first place, he did try to make amends.”

Their looks of doubt changed into looks of pride. “Well, I can’t say I like the idea of you having a gun pointed at you, or not calling a girl back, but I am immensely proud of you, son,” dad said. He always talked like he was some ancient guy when he was feeling emotional.

“Yes. We raised you well,” mom added.

I just shrugged and laughed, embarrassed. “Well enough. Come on, guys. It was just a matter of convincing her that revenge wasn’t the answer. She’ll get some psychiatric help and be good as new.”

The conversation went around for a little while, but as we ran out of things to talk about and the food was finished or cold, topics started to become more and more oriented towards Equestria and Luna’s forms. Finally, dad asked the question I had been listening for. “So, what do you look like in your other form?”

Luna looked at me, like she was searching for approval. I nodded. She smiled kindly at my dad and posed a counter-question. “Would you like me to show you? It is difficult to explain.”

Mom and dad both nodded, dad a little more uneasily than mom. Luna stood up and took a couple steps into the living room. She spread her wings and focused on her magic. Soon, whisps of indigo magic began to twist around her, enveloping in a familiar cocoon of transformation magic. They stirred up a slight wind as they circled her, just enough to drown out the few sounds of discomfort she made as her bones reformed themselves to fit an equines body. In about thirty seconds, she was fully transformed and standing in front of us again, a full alicorn. She was wearing her best royal getup, her crown, slippers and breastplate. Even as a pony she looked ready to go to the social event of the season. I guess she was really worried about making a good impression on my parents.

Mom and dad were stunned. Their jaws practically rested on the floor as they looked at her. She walked cautiously up to them and held out a slippered hoof. “This is how I normally look,” She said quietly. “This is the form I was born with.”

My parents turned slowly back to me. “And you can do this too?” mom asked.

I nodded and silently got up from the table. I stood where Luna had been and started my own transformation. I felt my bones reknit themselves, each changing to make way for the muscles and organs that also grew and changed. When I was done, I shuddered. I always felt tingly after a change. I shook my golden mane and stretched the green wings on my back. Looking back at my parents, I wondered if I had given them both heart attacks. They were pale as ghosts and totally dumbfounded.

“But how… what… did you…”

I just grinned. “Yeah, this is my pony body. Pretty sweet, right?”

Mom just groaned a little, but dad still had presence of mind enough to moan an answer. “It depends on what you mean by pretty sweet. If you mean defies everything natural, then yeah. Why didn’t you ever show us this before?”

“Because I knew you would do this. I wasn’t exactly sure how you would take the proposal announcement, but I knew how this would go. Shock, some amount of anguish. Maybe a bit of denial.” I focused myself and turned back into a human, with Luna just behind me. We stood in front of my parents, hoping they would say something. When they didn’t, I started talking again. “Well, this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. We’re getting married! Luna, did you bring the champagne?”

“Oh, right!” She quickly reached into her purse and pulled a bottle out, the bottle we had bought earlier in the week. That caught mom and dad off guard too.

“How did she keep a whole bottle in her little purse?” mom asked, looking almost frightened.

Riiight, they didn’t know the properties of magic. “Luna has a small extra pocket dimension inside her purse. She can keep a substantial amount more she can carry in that purse because of it. They’re actually pretty handy little things. A pony in Equestria seems to have mastered them, she can keep a pony sized party cannon just behind her at all times without it ever really being there. She just reaches behind herself and bam. Cannon.”

Mom and dad nodded and let the subject drop. Instead we enjoyed the drink and each other’s company for a little while. Towards the end of the evening, we played simple party games. Charades, I think. And that word game where you describe the words without saying certain other words. Taboo, maybe? Mom and dad won whatever I’m remembering as charades, but Luna and I won Taboo with ease. We didn’t discuss ponies or Equestria any more unless it was prudent to the topic at hand, and tensions seemed to relax. When we finally left, everyone seemed happy. Luna shook hands with both my parents again and thanked them.

“You have a lovely home,” she said. “And you’ve done a fantastic job of raising your son.”

“We’d like to think so,” mom joked. “It was very nice to meet you. I’m so glad Adam found someone as good as you.”

She smiled wide. “Thank you very much.” I thanked my parents and Luna and I flew away, enjoying the nice evening air on our faces. “That went well,” Luna noted happily.”

“They were terrified of you. From the moment they saw you and saw how beautiful you are, a tiny voice nagged them in the back of their minds saying ‘What’s wrong with this picture?’ They didn’t know what would be considered polite, so they played it up in all aspects of the word.” I muttered this half for Luna’s benefit, half for mine.

She tilted her head and looked at me funny. “So, you don’t thing it went well?”

“On the contrary. It went better than I even dreamed it would.”

Screaming Matches

Luna was bothered by my comments on the flight home from my parents house, to say the least. I don’t blame her, I suppose I was a bit harsh. But it was the truth. My parents were very much afraid of her. I wasn’t really surprised or bothered by that, though. I knew they would be. What I was really upset about was the fact that now they were afraid of me. They were afraid of the power I had, what I could do with it, and what I could become. Nevermind what I was and they knew I was. They just saw a very changed son than the one they raised. Luna understood, to some degree, but I didn’t talk about it for a while and it began to grate on her nerves. Finally, about two weeks after the dinner, she confronted me about it.

“Honey, ever since we had dinner with your parents you’ve been in a slump. What’s wrong?”

“They’re afraid of me now,” I said mater-of-factly.

She sat down on the couch next to me where I was watching TV. “yes, but didn’t you know that would happen? I mean, it’s a lot to take in. I think that telling them earlier would have helped them get used to it, but-“

“I knew they would be afraid of you, frankly, but I had hoped that they would realize I’m still their son. I’m the man they raised, just with bonus features now. If anything, I’m better than I was. Because of Equestria, because of the girls, because of you.”

“Yes, but dear, surely there was some small part of you that knew or suspected that-“

“Yeah, I knew somewhere deep inside that they would be afraid, but I hoped that they wouldn’t. Maybe they could see me for me. Like they used to.”

“Yes, but they aren’t entirely afraid of you. They were still proud of you for what happened in the bar last-“

“I’m done talking about this.”

I turned the volume on the TV up, letting the canned laughter attempt to drown her out. She quickly put her hoof down on the mute button, though, and pushed it away from me. “No, you aren’t. is this about the bar? Why is that important? That has nothing to do with the situatin with your parents. They-“

“It has everything to do with them. In the bar, Ashley went insane. Because of me. When my sleeve had fallen down, the entire bar was afraid. Because of me. Had I taken off my sweater off, they would have seen my wings. And been afraid. Because of me.”

She sighed and put a comforting hoof on my arm, but I wasn’t very comforted. “Dear, it’s natural for people to be afraid of things they don’t know. A man with a skeletal arm is something none of them have ever seen before, and they’re afraid of it. They’re afraid of me too. Or at least, they would be if I showed-“

“But they aren’t. you can cover your wings and blend in to the human population. No one notices a pretty black haired women, except to notice she’s a pretty black haired woman. They see me and they see a freak with a bad arm. I can’t easily cover it up. It’s cool in some situations, but it makes everyone and anyone afraid. Then I go to Equestria. Ponies are afraid of me because I’m from a different world. I’m a human. Even if I’m a pony, I’m a human. Or, if they see the pony, they see an alicorn. A symbol of power. A powerful being they have no previous experience with and therefor no real comfort with. I’m a symbol of fear in whatever world I enter.”

She looked at me angrily for a second and the hit me. Not a slap, like you may think, but she full on punched me in the face. Difficult to do with a hoof, let me tell you. She hit me hard enough and caught me off guard enough that knocked me to the floor. I held my cheek and looked at her in shock. She was fuming angry, and at the time I didn’t realize what I had done wrong. “You arrogant jackass. Stop bitching. And don’t you dare interrupt me again. Don’t you think I know what you feel right now? Being seen as a fearful being? Ever since I came back from being Nightmare Moon, I’ve been the embodiment of nothing but fear. Do you remember Nightmare Night? Ponies cringed and cowered at the sight of me. Told children I would eat them if they didn’t shower me with sweets and praise. Twilight began to help me and others get past that, but it’s still there. In the back of everypony’s eye. ‘What if she’s still Nightmare Moon?” “Is she really safe?” I’ve been through exactly what you’ve been through, and yet you sit there and talk like your problems are so much worse than mine. What the buck are you thinking?”

I stood and faced her angrily. “My parents fear me. My best friends. People I’ve known since grade school and used to do everything with. Now all of a sudden I’m a walking freakshow. At least you have earth. You have a place you can walk relatively freely and be accepted as a normal person.”

“Yet in order to be accepted as one of you I have to completely change my body. I have to change my physical appearance and in a way my way of acting. If you wore long sleeves and a pair of gloves you’d be just waved through and ignored. To get that kind of attention I have to undergo an unpleasant magical transformation. And as for your parents, they still love you. They still talk to you. You can still have your father stand next to you at the alter and tell you he’s proud of you and that he’s proud of you. He didn’t have to lock himself away in the sun because you turned out so horribly wrong that your mother and father had to lock themselves away in their respective celestial orbs so that your sister could use magical artifacts to blast you into the moon, turning a safe haven into a place of fear, sorrow, and bitterness. Into someplace you feel frightened to go back to. At least you have a loving family!”

“You have a loving family too! How can you not see that?! Twilight and her friends, Tia, they all love you! And what about me?! Am I not good enough to be a member of your family?!” We were both yelling and screaming at this point. Our faces were reddening from the exertion and we kept inching closer and closer to each other.

“Of course you’re good enough to be a member of my family, how could you even ask that?! But Tia, Twilight and the others still fear me, and you love me so unconditionally I can’t bring myself to believe that there isn’t some amount of fear controlling even your actions! Why do you even put up with me?! I’m mean through sarcasm more often than not, I’m prideful, I’m used to getting what I want! On top of a dark past and social awkwardness, I don’t see how you can live with me, much less want to marry me! Why in Tartarus do you?!”

“Because I love you, you moron!”

It was a classic movie moment. All the passion from that argument, all the emotion cascading off out tongues and zinging off the walls all imploded and we wrapped each other up into a massive, passionate kiss. I pulled her as tightly as I could, kissing her long and hard. The harder I kissed her, the harder she kissed back. Frankly it was the best kiss I had ever experienced. It felt as though everything in the world, every little problem or minor global emergency, had fallen into our living room and we had instantly been tasked with dealing with all of it. And this was the release. I gripped at her mane, bringing her so close to me her coat may have started to mesh into my skin. Despite her not having fingers at the moment, I felt her hooves moving slowly yet almost frantically along my back, smoothing out every muscle in me.

We broke away at the same time, each panting heavily. “I’m so sorry,” I started. “I didn’t mean a thing I said. Of course you have the right to feel a little put upon on earth, having to disguise your pony form.”

“No, I’m sorry,” she babbled. “Your parents, who have never truly feared you in your life, are questioning your very nature now, as are the rest of the people who see and know you. You deserve to feel a little shut out, and I need to understand that.”

I nodded quickly. “Sounds good. Bedroom?”

She shook her head. “Too far away.”

“The sofa pulls out. You do that, I’ll change into a pony.”

She growled cutely and we quickly got to work.

…

We both lay on the sheet-less sofa-bed. There had been a sheet, but it had gotten… thrown off. We were both ponies, and we were laying in such a way that I was able to hold her with one arm and have the other hoof free. We both wore satisfied smiles as we stared at the ceiling. Nothing was said. Of course, there was nothing much to say. There was one thing I felt the need to point out, though.

“We have got to have more screaming matches. Way more screaming matches.”

Luna laughed a little bit and ran a hoof over my chest. “Or we can skip the fighting and go straight to the making up. I’d like that a lot more.”

I nodded. “Mmm. That sounds nice too. Not sure I liked the sofa-bed though.”

She nodded. “The springs kind of hurt.”

I squeezed her in another hug. “Remember that next time you make me sleep on the couch.” She giggled just as someone knocked on the door. Both of our eyes grew wide and I jumped out of the bed. “Who-who’s there?”

“Building supervisor. Can I have a word?”

“Oh, of course,” I groaned. “All right honey, can you turn into a human again real quick?” She nodded and we both changed back. She dug underneath the covers and I grabbed a pillow and put it over myself. Opening the door a bit, I just poked my head around the corner and smiled at the unhappy looking man. “Hey, Larry. What can I do for you?”

“It’s John, and can I come in? We need to have a word.”

“Uh, no. no you cannot.”

“Then you need to step out here. Is that better?”

“Why can’t we just talk like this?”

“Because it’s weird.”

“Me coming into the hall is much more weird.”

“Please step into the hall, sir.”

“All right, but you asked for it.” I stepped out and closed the door behind me, clutching my pillow. “Whatcha need?”

He looked me up and down quickly, like he suddenly realized his mistake. He didn’t seem embarrassed, though, which was a little bit unsettling. “We’ve had noise complaints from the people in all the rooms adjacent to yours. Above, across, below, and to both sides. Reports of two people fighting and yelling?”

I ran a finger through my hair. “Uh, yeah, that was us. My fiancé and I had a little… tiff. It’s settled now, thanks.”

He glanced back at the pillow. His eyes lingered a little longer than I think they should have. “Uh huh. I see. Well, in the future, please keep it down. Have a good day.”

"You too. Thanks Gary.”

“It’s John.” He was a very grumpy man. Means well though. He needed a fellow. Bad.

I sighed and turned to go back inside, but the door handle didn’t turn. I knocked on the door. “Luna! Open the door please! Oh, hey Mrs. Fulcher. No, no! Oh, come on, put away the camera!”

The Wedding Planners

Luna took way too long to open the door, frankly, since the only clothes she put on were my boxers and my shirt. I think she thought me standing in the hallway naked was pretty funny. In fact I know because she was laughing on the other side of the door for twenty seconds at least before opening it. And when she did open it, she was still laughing.

“You know, you are really kind of a sick lady,” I commented. “Most women would let their fiancé in the door, not let them feebly try to cover themselves with a pillow as the pervy lady down the hall whips out a camera. At the very least, couldn’t the pretty lady from closer to the stairwell have had the camera?”

Luna mocked impressed. “Really, Mrs. Fulcher had a camera? I’ll have to buy copies. She get anything good?”

I sighed and put on a pair of boxers. “Sick. Now I’ll have nightmares about her with pictures of me.” I took Luna’s soft hands in mine. I gave them a gentle squeeze and held them together in my own. “So, where do we stand? Are we ok?”

She smiled, kissed my chest gently, and nodded, pressing her face against me. “Yeah. We’re ok. I’m just beginning to stress out, and you clamming up wasn’t helping things. I just want this wedding to be planned.”

I ran my hand down her back and led her to the table. “Well then, let’s work on this. You had the florist last week, save for patterns and arrangements. We’d have to go there to pick those out, so we’ll call and make an appointment. Not today because I really don’t want to put on pants. Then we’ll get to work on the place, ok? We’ll see about the chapel I went to as a kid, ok?”

She nodded. “Ok, just give me a moment.” She took a moment in the bedroom and changed into a pony before stepping back and picking up the landline. “I’ll call the florist if you’ll call the church. Deal?”

I nodded and pulled my own phone out. “Sounds good.”

Soon we were both talking on the phone, I to my childhood priest and Luna to someone else. Father Ed remembered me, which surprised me, and Luna had built a rapport with the florist. I was mostly catching up, but Luna was doing actual work. At one point she looked over at me and raised her eyebrows like she was expecting an answer to whatever question she was about to ask.

“Where is your calendar? I need to make sure dates and times don’t conflict.”

I looked at her dully. “What’s a calendar?” When she rolled her eyes I rolled mine in reply. “How long have you known me, dear?”

The Father laughed. “Going on 22 years now, but you don’t have to call me dear.”

“Oh, no, no. Not you Father. I was talking to my fiancé.” I saw Luna snicker on her side of the table.”

“Ah.” The voice on the other side of the line sounded very stern. “You aren’t living together, are you?”

“No, no, of course we aren’t living together.” Luna’s eyebrows shot up. “Though, given we would certainly like to, I’d really like to make a date. Do you want us to come and meet with you at the church? It’d be nice to catch up in person too.”

He laughed again. “It certainly would. How about the day after tomorrow at three?”

“Ooh, no, that’s my naptime. How about four?”

“When does your nap end?”

“Three fifty one, give or take twenty seconds.”

“And you can make it here in nine minutes and forty seconds?”

“Give or take twenty seconds.”

Luna smiled and the priest laughed. She nodded and the Father said, “I’ll pencil you in. Pencil, mind you.”

“Haha, I understand Luna and I will be there.”

“I look forward to it.”

I hung up the phone and spun it on the table. Luna was in the process of confirming a new date with the florist since I had taken the time slot that she had been looking at. Thanking the other person, she put the phone down and sighed. “This is why you need a personal calendar.”

“Aren’t those the big grids with the little numbers on them?”

She blew a raspberry and pushed her own over to me. “Tomorrow we meet with the florist. Two in the afternoon.”

I picked up the calendar and scribbled the appointment with Father Ed into it’s time. “Sweet. Sounds like fun. I’ll just have to push my nap a little later.”

…

The next day, we went to the florist, just like she planned. I was personally having a good time, but Luna didn’t seem to think we were there for fun.

“Adam, put down the rose.”

I was wearing a collared shirt and had tucked a short cut red rose into my top button. “What, it doesn’t look good?”

She tilted her head and smiled. “It looks very dashing, but it isn’t yours. Put it back where you found it.”

A grumpy looking man walked up and unceremoniously yanked the flower from my shirt and put it into his. I jabbed a finger at him over my shoulder. “Done. Though I’m surprised that it took him so long to notice it.”

He straightened his clothes in a huff, then addressed me. “Sir, this is a place of business. If you cannot behave in a distinguished manner, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Luna cut in front of me as I raised my hand and opened my mouth to speak, effectively cutting me off. “I am sorry about him. Are you the owner of the store, Mr. Gardner?”

I scoffed. “Gardner. How apropos.”

Luna glared at me for a second, then spun back around. “He’s my fiancé. We have an appointment to talk about flower arrangements for a wedding?”

He quickly became much more pleasant at the sound of the word ‘wedding’. “Oh, yes, Miss Luna, please do step into my office.” He followed him into his office, where he proceeded to pull a large binder of full page photos off a shelf and open it in front of us. He flipped a page or two and pointed to an arrangement. “This is out most popular arrangement, ‘Young Love.’ It includes delivery and a full chapel decoration. It has several different colored roses and we offer several customization options that include-“

“It’s also your most expensive package,” I interrupted, adjusting the blue tulip in my pocket. “As you flipped those initial pages, the prices did nothing but increase, and this is the back of the book. It follows that since you’ve ordered everything else by value, the furthest from the cheapest is the most expensive. I’ve done some checking around, and I’ve seen packages just like this at much lower costs in shops all around town for much lower prices.”

He leaned forward and snatched the flower away from me. He turned around and put it in a vase of water behind his desk before attempting to retort. “Yes, well, that may be so, but our flowers are much higher quality and we provide a much more caring service.”

“Which is why you keep snatching things away from me even though I may intend to actually buy and you treated me as a child until Luna here said ‘wedding’?” Out of what was now surely almost habit, he reached across the table to take away the yellow petunia I was just placing into the button, but he caught himself and sat back in his chair. “Also,” I continued, “these plants are in need of some serious love. Watch.” I kissed the little yellow flower, which was drooping a little bit, and it began to regain its radiance as we watched. Luna just smiled a little, knowing what I was doing, but the grey haired old man was baffled.

‘I-i-it has to be a trick flower. There’s no way you could do that. It isn’t even in a source of nutrients!”

I tapped my chest seriously. “Oh, it has a source of nutrients, sir.” I pushed just a little bit more magic into the tiny flower and its petals almost shimmered with life and color. “Now, I’m almost ready to go talk with my good friend Daisy instead of doing business here with you, so unless you have a better offer for us on you best package, I’m afraid our work here is done.”

He quickly began to shake his head frantically. “Oh, no, no, no. you don’t mean that woman down the street, Daisy Melancampe, do you? Please, I need your business! I’ll offer you thirty percent off on the Young Love package! I’ll ring t up now if you like! Just give me the date and location of your wedding, and I can put it into our date books!”

I tapped a finger on my chin. “Well, I do think we’ll check out a few other places first. Though with an offer like that, you’ll be a tough place to beat.”

The man was visibly sweating. I was having a great deal of fun, but Luna eyed me like I might be going a little bit overboard. Luckily she didn’t say anything, and the owner didn’t notice her. He was much too busy frantically trying to get me to check out now. I thanked him, dropped the petunia into his pencil cup, and walked out, leaving him behind us, mopping his brow.

As we stepped out of the shop, Luna looked sternly at me. “Why were you so mean to him?”

I chuckled. “He doesn’t need our business, he wants it. Did you see what he was wearing? In a flower shop? He’s doing very well. But I frazzled him, and when we come back in two days, he’ll quite possibly offer us an even better deal. But we will check out his competitors.”

Luna’s seriousness grew to concern. “What competitors?”

I pulled a small wheel of paper out of my pocket. “The names of shops he keeps stars by in his Rolodex.”

She groaned and rubbed her temples gently. “Are you going to be this bad at the church tomorrow?”

“Oh, much worse. Father Ed knows me, so I have to step up my game.”

…

She wasn’t happy with me at the florist, but she loved me at the church. It helped that Father Ed did know me, so he knew several appropriate counters.

For starters, when we walked into the small office, the good father quickly removed everything from his desk, including calendar, pencil cup, and Rolodex. I spread my arms like preparing for a hug and smiled. “Hey now, aren’t priests supposed to be trusting?!”

He laughed and gave me a hug. “Exceptions are made when our guests are known for being sticky-fingered, mischievous pranksters.” He slapped me on the back and picked his rosary out of my hands. “You always liked to have fun. How have you been?”

I held a hand out to Luna, who was a few steps behind me, and smiled as widely as I could. “Deliriously happy, Father. This woman has made my life the very definition of fun and exciting.”

She smiled and blushed modestly. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. In fact, I spend a lot of time trying to keep him out of trouble. I’m Luna, and it’s very nice to meet you sir. I understand you knew Adam as a child?”

The old man laughed. “Yeah, I was the one who baptized the little rascal. I knew he was trouble when he tried to take my stole as I poured the water on his head. And please, no need to be so formal. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.”

She smiled. “Thank you. Well, do you have any amusing stories you’d care to share?”

“Oh, Lord, yes. Please, sit, and I’ll share.”

He shared a few stories that had Luna nearly out of her chair laughing. I’m not at liberty to repeat much of it. For an old man, he hadn’t lost much of his memory. “And he really wanted to do that?!” Luna gasped.

“I swear!” His eyes were tearing up and his breathing was heavy. “Oh, it was the craziest thing!” (It really wasn’t. I just wanted to understand how Noah got all the animals on the ark by doing it ourselves.) “But, onto more serious matters. Adam, what is the true story behind your arm?”

I looked at it a little surprised. Sometimes I forget what it is or what it looks like to other people. “It’s a false arm. Car crash.”

He smiled at me. “My nephew is a doctor. I know where the research into false arms is. They aren’t that sophisticated yet. What is it really?”

I grimaced and Luna suddenly became quiet. We looked at each other and she shrugged, like it was my decision. I looked at the thin grey man. He had a slight smile on his face like he knew it wouldn’t be something he would like. “Man, I’m sorry. But you really won’t like this. It’s a magical arm.” I took a quick look behind me to make sure the door was closed, then moved my arm. Not moved normally, but let the whole thing float away. It hung suspended in the air in front of him. The slight smile on his face faded away a little until he looked fairly grim.

“What is this, son? What is it really?” He clearly didn’t believe me. “You did well in science fairs as a boy, too. What is it?”

I sighed. The floating arm turned and levitated the desk in front of the priest. It moved slowly, but it clearly levitated. His expression grew darker and darker. “There are people we can contact for an exorcism. They can be here in a day.”

“It isn’t a possession, Father!” I said, forcefully. “It’s a pure and innocent magic, I can promise you. It’s the same basic way I came across these.” I took my sweater off and unfurled my wings. I cringed a bit as I worked out a kink in it. “God damn. Oops, sorry. They tend to cramp up when I have to hide them all day every day.”

He nodded slowly. He looked at Luna seriously. “Did you know about this?”

She smiled sheepishly and made me and my chair float. At the same time, she took off her own jacket and opened up her own wings. “I was with him when he… acquired them.”

He frowned. “The way you just said ‘acquired’. It’s the same way Adam used to say it when he was caught with something that wasn’t his. What happened to him? And to you, for that matter. You I could believe, but I have difficulty believing Adam is an angel of some kind.”

I smiled at his dark humor, but he didn’t. We told him what happened during our first encounter, the situation with Nightmare Moon, Death, the Crossroads, and our eventual victory. He was very quiet the whole time, though he laughed a little bit when we told him about Luna first encountering a human shower. And blowing it up. He grew especially dark and grim when I described death and its nuances. In fact, that was when he grew the most grim. When we finished talking, he stayed quiet. Very quiet.

He stayed quiet for quite a while, but eventually he spoke. When he did, he sounded tired. Very tired. “The sad part here is that I believe you. I can actually believe a story this insane from you. You seem like the one person who can pull this off. But… I don’t know what to say.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know what you could say. But you are right. It’s the truth. I’ll swear on my own grave.”

He put his fingertips together and pursed his lips. “Yes, you did say that you buried your own body. Well, I’d truly enjoy seeing your other land, and it’d be nice to pay respects at your grave.”

I squinted at him and tilted my head in confusion. “You really want to visit Equestria?”

He nodded firmly. “Yes. As I said, it would be a unique experience.”

I squinted a little bit more, but eventually shrugged. “I’ll take you to my gravesite. We’ll see how you feel after that. It can be a lot to take in all at once.”

No, Really Father. I'm Not a Demon

Father Ed stood between Luna and I. I finished closing the portal and turned back to check on him. Luna was practically holding him up and his face was pale. He almost looked as though he were in shock. I wouldn’t blame him. I poked his chin to see if he were ok. He waved me away with a weak flap of his hand.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I suppose you did warn me.” His voice was low and wavering.

I gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Wait for it. It gets better.”

As I spoke, he doubled over, groaning. “What is this magic?!” he cried.

I took a step back as familiar strands of magic began to surround him. “It’s a wonderful thing. It only feels this bad the first time. Trust me, Father.” I looked at Luna with a thought. "That really makes me sound like a cultist, doesn't it?" She just nodded.

He tried to speak, but his face started to change just then. All that escaped from his throat was a brief cry of pain. Everything else was lost to the swirling, orange magic. It spun around him for about a minute before dissipating. This being his first transformation, he took longer to finish changing. When he was done, he tried to stand shakily, but Luna kept him on his rump with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Please, sit. Don’t try to stand just yet. Adam stood just after transforming and he just about died.” He was an orange unicorn, sort of tall and gangly. Just like he was in his human form. He was a dark shade of orange, not one of those light or neon colors. His curie mark was a simple, brown cross. I suppose it makes sense, though. Priest. Cross. You get the idea.

“Uuh, actually I did die. Later on,” I corrected.

She glared at me and quietly mouthed, “Not really a good time.”

I shrugged as the aging priest chuckled. “You really weren’t kidding about the sensation. Pain first, then ecstasy as the pain fades. So… interesting.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, interesting was the word I used the first time.”

He laughed again. “I’m not sure I want to know the wording you used exactly. And that’s just based off of listening to you for the last half hour or so.”

I started to come back with something witty, but Luna pointed a warning finger at me. “That is true. Much of what he said during that journey cannot be repeated to a priest. But come, you should see what you came here to.”

We gave him a hand up, or rather a hoof up, after we each had transformed into our own pony forms. We were at the bottom of the hill, so we took a slow, leisurely walk up to the gravestones. We chatted a little bit on the way up. “So, everyone who comes to Equestria for the first time turns into a pony?”

Luna nodded, perhaps a bit hesitantly. “Well, yes and no. Typically yes. Adam did not because he had enough magical capability in his body to make him an alicorn, whom are commonly viewed as a step down from the goddesses. He had so much ethereal possibility, for lack of a better phrase, that even the magic rich lands of Equestria could not affect him.”

“And just being a regular unicorn means that I can be influenced by the inherent magic here?”

Luna and I both nodded. We didn’t say anything else since we were at the top of the hill. We let him look at the graves in silence. He put his hoof on my gravestone and rubbed some of the dirt and overgrowth off of it. He sighed and let his head fall to his chest. “My God,” he whispered. I couldn’t help but scoff, and though I tried to cover it up the old man still noticed it. Sharp old fart. He opened his eyes and looked over at me without moving his head. “You mock the Father?”

I cleared my throat, a little embarrassed. “Well, not… I didn’t… Sorry. Kind of. It’s just, I died. I didn’t see god. I didn’t see the great power. I was welcomed to eternity by another mortal man who was taking a break from everything. Nothing more. God is still up there, sure. He just doesn’t mess with my life much. Certainly not recently. And not in Equestria. So, just… save your awe and wonder of god for somewhere else, preacher. No offense.”

He groaned a little bit and stepped to the next grave over. “I suppose doubt is inevitable after an experience such as yours. Who’s grave is this?”

He wiped the dirt off while Luna and I looked at each other nervously. “Well, that’s where Nightmare Moon rests,” I admitted. “I insisted that she be buried here with me when we made the preparations.”

He nodded as he looked at the stone. He cracked a small smile, but it quickly faded. He was clearly trying to learn as much as he could without clouding my answers with his own emotions. “Why? Why have the woman who caused you so much pain buried next to you? Why show her any kind of compassion?”

I laughed again. “You’re trying to trip me up. You know damn well why. Sorry. I showed her compassion because she needed it, not deserved it. Same thing you preach every week.”

He smiled. “Actually, this week was abstinence. But I doubt you would have listened to that lecture either. But perhaps God does help you in more ways than you know.”

I knelt next to him and helped polish off Nightmare Moon’s gravestone. “Yeah, right.”

He smiled. “I’m serious. Think about how much compassion that shows. The willpower it takes to forgive someone who did you so wrong? That’s an act of God, son.”

I scraped the last bit of dirt out of the inscriptions of her stone. “So, either you just called me god, or an awful man who was thrown a bit of grace. I’d like to think there’s a happy middle ground.”

He settled into his spot in the grass. “The middle ground is a good man who gets thrown grace. That’s you. And a bit of heaven.”

This time Luna was confused and I knew exactly what he meant. She tilted her head and simply asked, “What heaven?”

He smiled and held out his hoof. She got the message and put hers in his, and he put his other hoof on top of that. “You, Luna. You are likely the grace and compassion that God has visited upon him.”

“Uuh, visited?” I smiled. “I’m in the wrong line then. I’d like to play for keepsies.”

Both Luna and the Father smiled. Luna sat down next to me and put her head on my shoulder. Father Ed stood and moved in front of us. He set a gentle hoof down on my head, then Luna’s. “And I hope, I pray, that the two of you will live long, happy lives. It would be my honor to marry so fine a couple as you.” Luna and I smiled and looked at each other. We kissed once, and the Father looked a little wry. “Though only as humans. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with marrying two horses. Ponies.”

We each laughed. “That’s ok, Celestia handles royal weddings in Equestria,” I explained.

He laughed with us. “That sounds fine by me, so long as you two are comfortable with that. And speaking of comfortable, can we go home now? This is a lot and I think I could spend a few hours in quiet contemplation.”

…

Honestly, I didn’t blame him. I wish I had been able to take some quiet time out for myself when I first got to Equestria. But noooo. Nightmare Moon needed to be defeated. I wasn’t allowed to be dead. I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital bed. Picky, picky, picky. Luna can be so mean.

We set the date and thanked the good father for his time. We flew away and were soon at home. She went straight back to the couch with her planner, I picked up my GameCube controller. While she magically opened the fridge and levitated a root beer to herself, I put a pot of tea on the stove. She noticed and looked at me curiously.

“You’ve been drinking more tea than usual. Something wrong, dear?”

I shrugged and looked at her like I was clueless. It was a natural feeling look. “I dunno. Nothing?” She looked at me like she clearly didn’t believe me. “What? It’s just tea! I like tea.”

She visibly stopped herself from rolling her eyes. “Since when?”

I shrugged again. “Since always. Whys it such a big deal?”

She turned her eyes back to the planner. “It’s not, I suppose. Just curious.” I shrugged and let the subject drop, turning back to my game. She kept stealing glances at me, like I was supposed to be doing something productive. By the time the water was boiling, she seemed actually agitated. I stood and she held out a hoof to stop me. “What are you doing?”

I darted my eyes around my room like I was looking for an excuse. “Getting my tea?”

She shook her head, but let me go to the kitchen. “I mean besides that. With the game. Why are you playing videogames while I’m trying to plan our wedding?”

I finished pouring my water and chose a bag. “Dragonfruit and acai berry, I think,” I muttered to myself. I went quickly back to the couch and settled back in. I didn’t turn the game back on, but just sipped and looked at her. I cut my sip short as I burned my lips a little, but I kept the cup in my hand. I looked over the rim of the cup at her with clueless eyes. It was essentially my masculine version of puppy eyes. “I don’t know what you mean, Luna sweetie.”

She scoffed and put the planner on the coffee table. “You do so. Why are you playing videogames while I actually work.”

I took another small sip, blowing the steam away first. Just right. “I’m thinking.”

She frowned a little. “Thinking about what?”

I sighed. “I don’t suppose I can say this is a secret and that you’ll be pleasantly surprised?” She shook her head. “Please?” Head shake. “Pretty please?” She frowned even more. I groaned. “Ok, fine. I’m trying to think of my vows.”

She leaned back in her seat. “Come on dear, is that the best you can do?” I stared blankly. “You mean to tell me that Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is part of your marriage vow thinking process?”

I nodded. “It’s either this, pooping, or a seven hour bubble bath. You’ve got to hand it to Spike, he knows his bathing.”

She coughed a petite little cough as a puff of steam wafted into her nose. “Or you could be more traditional and lay on the couch in your underwear with a rhyming dictionary and a can of chili.”

“Then what am I going to do for my thinking about Halloween pranks?”

“In March?”

“I’m a go getter.”

“Since when?”

“I’m trying to think of my wedding vows before the week of. Doesn’t that count for something?”

She picked up the equivalent of a spoonful of tea in her magic, making it float like it was in space. Like how the space station videos look when the astronauts squirt orange juice into the air. “And what proof do you have?”

I smiled and picked my controller back up. “I don’t need any. I know I’m telling the truth.”

She separated a drop or two from the body of the tea and let them fall onto the top of my head. “Yes, that will hold up in a court.”

I kept smiling. “I move we put this debate in Celestia’s court. She’ll back me up.”

She snorted. She didn’t snort very often, but it was cute when she did. “Yeah, right.” I raised an eyebrow and she thought an extra second. “Well, ok, maybe in this case. Maybe.”

Apples and Poems

“Honey, what are you doing?”

“Nailing my feet to the ceiling.”

“No really.”

“Same thing as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. Trust me, Luna.”

I really don’t know why she had to keep asking. It was the exact same thing every day. “Adam! Nag nag nag nag! Responsible! Nag nag nag nag!” “Luna! I’m a big boy! I know what I‘m doing!” But in all seriousness, I was still just trying to think of something good for my wedding vows. Jokes were out. Or at least, the one Robert Downey Jr. used in Iron Man. Apparently Luna didn’t want me to throw notecards over my shoulder and proclaim that I’m Iron Man. Said something about it being improper.

I suppose I can’t really blame her for not believing that I was thinking. Bastion, while one of the best games I’ve beaten a dozen times, isn’t much of a thinking game. At first glance, at least. Her hoofs clicked against the floor as she came in from the kitchen, her face disapproving. She used her magic to turn off the screen as I was entering a tough fight. I tossed up the controller in mock anger.

“You always shut me down at the worst possible moment, you know that?” I grinned.

She bent her head down and kissed me. “Well, you need to get dressed. Rarity needs you for another suit fitting, remember?”

I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. “Aww, man! I forgot about that.”

She gasped in mock surprise. “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Giving her another quick kiss, I went to the bedroom to find pants. “That’s fine, I can get some help from her on my vows. She knows lots of words. I think.”

She followed me into the room, but just leaned against the door. “Yes, she does. Why don’t you take whatever you already have written with you?”

I tugged a collared shirt over my head, grinning widely. “Right, so that I‘ll show you my hiding spot for my wedding stuff? Right. Still can’t find it, huh?”

She glowered. “Yeah, and it’s driving me nuts. And I didn’t appreciate the note in the air vent saying ‘Nah, nah, not here either’.”

I kept smiling, adjusting the collar. “You aren’t even close yet.”

She blew a raspberry and her horn began to glow softly. She buttoned the top button and tugged the collar into place. “Just behave. Don’t worry about me. I’ll keep making appointments. You won’t be coming back to the florist. I could barely get him to reschedule until I promised that you wouldn’t be there.”

“Which is why I’ve cleared my schedule next Saturday. Noon to one thirty, right?”

She groaned. “Oh, come on. I promised him. Just don’t go to this one. Please?”

I tossed the portal up into view, watching her squirm. “No promises, sweet pea!”

…

Rarity had made a few different tux options for me. She and I both knew that I would pay her a little more money for them all, despite her not wanting payment in the first place. What I was really there to do was to try them on and get some help deciding which one would be the best to wear. That took all of ten minutes and I didn’t get a lot of help from her. She knew a lot of rhymes and I liked the stuff she said, but it just didn’t sound me. I decided to visit someone a little bit less… verbose.

AppleJack was where I knew she would be, out working the fields. She looked happy. She knew every tree and bucked each in a particular place in a particular fashion. It wasn’t quite the harvest time, but it was beginning to get close. She would be harvesting fresh apples right about the time she and the Cakes would need to start preparing for the wedding, by my best guess. She noticed me from fairly far away and she smiled and waved a friendly hoof. I waved back and quickened my pace to keep her from waiting.

“Well howdy, Adam!” she called out. “What brings you here?”

I spread my arms happily. “Just enjoying this beautiful day! The pegasus did a marvelous job! Wish we could get some on earth.”

She chuckled good humoredly. “I’m sure you could get Rainbow to make a visit, for all the good it would do ya. She’d probably get all riled up with the new world.”

I shrugged. “It isn’t so wonderful a place when you compare it to Equestria. War, anger, mute equine. Or near enough. No formal vocabulary. Mr. Ed doesn’t count, he’s probably dead now.”

She laughed again. “Well, I suppose you’d know best about your own world.”

I shrugged and smiled again. “I try to stay out of the affairs of the world. My world. I prefer those of yours and… the next.”

I saw her face darken a little bit at the mention of the Crossroads, but she kept smiling. “I suppose that’s so too. But ya’ll never come around just because you enjoy the day very often. Did you and the Princess save a wedding date?”

I smiled and gave her a hug as I finally made it all the way to her. “We sure did. Fifth of August?”

She grinned widely. “Well, that’s just wonderful! Ya’ll are gonna have it here, then?”

I rocked my head back and forth as though I were trying to decide. “Weeell, sort of. Here, there. Both.”

She cocked her head. “Whaddya mean? Both?”

I nodded. “Yeah, one here, one on earth. After all, we have friends in both, I have family on earth, there’s a whole legal process on both. It’s just simpler all around to have two.”

“Two weddings? Making things simpler? You sure do have an odd view of ‘simple’.”

I smiled, picked an apple, and slipped a bit onto the brim of her hat. She gave an expert flick of her hat and caught it in her teeth. She tucked it into her saddle bags, muttering a quick thanks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Everything I do is simple.” She chuckled, but didn’t respond. I turned the apple in my hand. It was pretty. Plump and red, not soft but not overly firm. I took a bite and talked around the fruit. “I’m on my way to the Cakes, but I wanted to let you know that your help at both weddings would be greatly appreciated. You are the only Equestrian caterer I’m asking, though. I’m sure the Cakes have other bakery business.”

“An’ I don’t have mah work cut out for me here on the farm?” She raised an eyebrow.

I laughed. “We both know you do, but I also know that Luna wants you and the other five to be her bridesmaids in both words. Meaning if you agree, you’d be there anyways. Honestly, AJ, I know you. You’ve already decided you want to, so now it’s just a matter of whether or not you want to do the food in both places.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Golly. Since when did you become so gal-durn good at readin’ ponies? When we first met you couldn’t tell a stunned face from a peeled apple.”

I grinned a bit. “I just know my friends, AJ. Especially my best friends. And I just guess a lot.”

She shook her head. I’m not sure whether in awe or amusement. “Well, you guessed right. Ah’d love ta help ya’ll with anything you’d like. An like I said before, I’d be honored to be a bridesmaid for the Princess.”

I smiled and slunk down against the tree. “You know, I’m sure she’d like it if you called her Luna. She likes fewer formalities than Tia does.”

She took a seat next to me. “Ah’ll have to remember that.”

I gave her a pat on her front left leg. “Thanks. And while we’re talking about the wedding, I do have one more tiny favor to ask of you.”

She looked at me with false suspicion. “And that would be…”

“Well, since you offered, some help with my vows would be nice.”

“Ah didn’t offer.”

“Don’t worry, I heard you the first time. You don’t have to beg. You can help. So far I have this.” I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket. “It’s not much.”

She looked at it, read it, and turned it over in her hooves. “All is says is ‘My dearest Luna.’. This is almost nothing.”

“There are three words.”

“Only three.”

“Three heartfelt words.” She looked at me with a look like, ‘Really?’ I smiled just a bit. “Ok, just three words. But I really need help. For all my thinking, I can’t think of anything that actually puts my feelings on paper.”

She chuckled. “You’ll never really put true feelings into those vows. You cannot put something like that, with all them emotions, into your words. No matter how many fancy words you have.”

I nodded and just kind of hummed. I looked in the apple in my hand. I had actually kind of forgotten about it. “Yeah. I guess. So I’ll just have to realize I won’t be able to make it perfect?” She nodded silently. “All right. I guess.” I stood and brushed dirt off the seat of my pants. “Thanks. I’ll have to remember that.”

I quietly set up the portal, ready to go home and write. I turned and gave AJ an affectionate ruffle of her hat before stepping through, prompting a mutter of some sort. I stepped back through to find Luna searching under the bed springs for my notes. The portal is silent, meaning that I took her by surprise. “Ooh, you’re way off.”

She jumped all the way up to the ceiling. “Damnit, honey! Don’t do that!”

I smiled and bit another chunk off the apple. “Do what, catch you searching for my stuff?”

She blushed and pawed at the floor a little. “Well, yeah. I guess.” She picked the apple out of my hand with her hoof and took a large bite out of it.

I touched her horn with just the tip of my index finger, almost tauntingly. “It’s ok. You won’t find it.”

She smiled and flipped her mane. “Well, we’ll see about that. How did things go with Rarity?”

I had already moved from the apple over to the bag of salt and vinegar chips on the counter. “Oh, that took all of ten minutes. We agreed to a price for all of the suits. By the way, can I borrow two hundred bits?”

Her jaw dropped. “She asked that much?”

“Umm, no. I talked her up to that. She only asked one hundred. For four suits of that quality? That’s highway robbery. Fifty bits a suit is fair.”

She groaned, but nodded. “Well, I suppose. I just didn’t expect it. Yes, I’ll pay her next time I see her. But if that took ten minutes, where else did you go?”

I held up a finger as I finished a mouthful of chips. “Tah sheep Abum hap.”She just sighed like she didn’t understand. I don’t know how that was anything but clear. “To see AppleJack.”

She nodded, getting it. “Ah. What did she have to say?”

I shrugged and smiled mischievously, popping another chip in my mouth. “Nothin’. Don’t worry.”

She jabbed me with her horn. “Come on. Did she help you out at all?”

I nodded and rubbed my side. “Ow! Yeah, she helped me. Be nice.”

She smiled a little bit. She gently poked me again. “Well, what if I just stab you until you tell me where your stash is?”

I pushed the pointy appendage away from me, chucking her softly under the chin. I think that’s the expression, at least. “Or you can just not stab me because it won’t help you.”

She pouted. “C’mon. please?”

“You need to think of better interrogation tactics.”

Wedding Bells and Not-So-Earthly To Dos

Frankly, there wasn’t much excitement for a while. Sure, there was stuff that didn’t quite go as well as it could have, but nothing so poorly as screaming matches or gunfights. In fact, things were so fine and boring that we’ll be flashing ahead to a week before the weddings. Exactly one week. Monday the 29th of July. Luna was a fully raging panicked bride.

To say we had one week exactly is both accurate and inaccurate. It was one week until the earth wedding, one week one day until the Equestrian wedding. Even though we had told everyone we initially talked to that the wedding was on the fifth, we moved the Equestrian one until a day later. It was easier to change those plans than those on earth. Either way, Luna was panicking while I was… well, kind of just being me. For reference, she spoke first in the following conversation, if you could call it that. Now keep up, I get pretty wordy.

“Where’s my planner?!?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, here it is, right where I left- Where’s the receipt from the florists?!?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, in the plan- Where’s my to-do list?!?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, next to the re- Where are my good shoes?!?”

“God damn it, I don’t know! Sit down and have your tea!”

She stopped running back and forth around the apartment. “I have tea?” I nodded. “When did I make tea?”

“You asked me to make you some of the orange and spice tea a half hour ago. It’s cold now, but I can heat it back up for you. On the condition that you sit down next to me on the couch, play a videogame, and relax for a while.”

She stamped her hooves, making me cringe. We were going to get another noise complaint if she wasn’t careful. It couldn’t be helped, I guess. “But we need to keep working on the plans!”

“We can talk while we play, but right now you need to sit down for a while. Don’t stress yourself out prematurely. Wait another day or two. Ok?” She grumbled as I put the cup into the microwave, but sat on the couch and put in a game. As I stood, waiting for the tea to finish heating, I watched her. “Don’t bite your lip. It’s unhealthy.”

She frowned but stopped. “I need a vice or outlet.”

“I’ll put something in your tea.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Neither do I, usually, but I think we could both use it. Trust me.”

“Ooh, every time you say that it makes me cringe,” she complained. I opened up the top cupboard and grabbed a rarely opened cheap bottle of rum. Although really, ‘cheap’ is a relative term for booze. I put some in a cup for me, putting on another kettle at the same time, then put a nip in Luna’s. Then another. And maybe another one. Or two.

Don’t give me that look. Trust me, she needed it.

I put the cup in front of Luna. She blew on it a little bit, then took a sip. I had left the tea bag in, so it was strong. She didn’t seem to notice how much I had put in, since she didn’t make any kind of face or say anything. She tilted her head back and let the tea slide down her throat. She swallowed and sighed quietly. The Super Smash Bros. Melee theme played quietly, since she hadn’t turned the volume up yet. She was quiet for a second, then breathed in to speak.

“We’re gonna make it. Right?”

I scooched a little closer to her on the couch. I put my arm around her and rubbed her wing, dragging my fingers through her feathers. “Of course we are. You just need to relax and calm down. I know that’s my answer to everything, but I’m serious this time. We’re going to be ok, and the wedding will be wonderful. You’ve made yourself sick over everything under both suns, and I’ve helped. I have my stuff set up, you have yours, and I have a surprise for you.”

She set her cup down so fast I’m surprised that it didn’t shatter or spill. “What surprise?” she demanded.

I put a kind hand on her muzzle and gave it a knowing rub. “Don’t worry. It’ll be a good thing. Ok?”

She almost said something else, but the kettle started to whistle and I stood and walked away. I poured my cup and chose a bag, waiting for her to say something. She didn’t, so I sat back down. While I sipped my tea, she tried to figure out something to say. But every time she opened her mouth to speak, she just took a breath in and rethought it. Finally, she just said, “I won’t have any clue or any way of knowing until the wedding, will I?”

I smiled. “Nope. Just play.”

She smiled and took another drink before picking her controller up.

…

Ok, really that was about it. Wedding time. Everything was going well. The girls were in from Equestria, and they had all taken to their transformations into humans well. And while I would never admit it to Luna, they were all really breathtakingly beautiful. Rarity had made each of them a lovely blue dress. I guess it was the color Luna had picked out. Each was simple, but elegant. I guess that’s kind of cliché of me to say, but the dresses were anything but that. They would have made anyone look stunning.

Obviously, I wasn’t allowed to see Luna, but I heard stories. She probably could have used another cup of tea. The one a week earlier had been a great deal of help to her. Ben and I went around and fixed things that Luna thought needed fixing, which really means we double checked the flower delivery, caught up with AppleJack and made sure her food preparations were coming along, and checked with the earth bakery to make sure that the cake was on it’s way. If anything, the wedding would end up being delayed by about an hour.

My mom and dad were there early, helping to set up for the reception. There were white tablecloths everywhere, quite a few chairs, lots of alcohol, champagne, etcetera. Mom was wearing a nice, floral dress. Dad wore the same suit he always wore. It didn’t matter what the occasion was. Funerals, weddings, whatever. Both of them were crying happy tears. Every time I walked into the room, mom latched onto me and told me how proud she was with her bourbon breath, and dad tugged her away, smelling a bit of the drink himself. They weren’t plastered or anything, just a little bit more lose.

I didn’t get the opportunity to greet them at the door, but I caught them both at their first drink. I gave them each a hug as I walked into the room. “Hey, hey, aren’t I the one who should already be drinking?” I joked.

They both laughed. “Honey, you don’t need alcohol. This is the greatest day of your life!” my mom gushed.
I shook my head, smiling. “Not yet. Just now, it’s just the most stressful and worrisome. Frightening, definitely. As soon as I get to see my lovely bride, then it becomes the best day. Right now, the best day is the day I first got a Pokemon game.”
“Don’t let Luna hear you say that,” Ben quietly warned. Despite his naturally dark voice, it was easy to hear the amusement in his voice.

Dad laughed too. “Trust me son, this will be one of the best days of your life.”

Mom looked at him funny. “One of?”

Dad stuttered. “W-well, our wedding was the best for me. The very best. Really!”

Ben laughed. “So that’s where you get it from.”

We all laughed and talked a little bit more. Eventually, mom and dad caught onto something they hadn’t realized before. “Adam, who is this?”

I looked back blankly. “Who is who?”

“This man. I don’t believe we’ve met before.”

My eyes opened wide as I remembered that they had indeed not met. “Oh, right. Well, this is Ben. He’s the Grim Reaper. I met him while on a trip of sorts to the Crossroads. The Crossroads being the land of the dead.” Now that I think about it, that may have been what really started them drinking.

Both of their jaws dropped and they were struck speechless for a moment. After a moment, mom whispered, “What kind of trip? You didn’t die, did you?”

I laughed, trying to think quickly. “No, no. I’d tell you about something like that. This was when I went to visit Nightmare Moon after… you know… I killed her.”

Their faces grew pale as I mentioned the killing. They spaced out for a moment, enough that I had to wave my hand in front of them to see if they were still ok. They blinked absently, and Ben took the time to pull me to the side. “You seriously didn’t tell them about everything that happened? I would think that dying would be one of those things you tell your parents, like having been in a car wreck.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Dude, look at them. They obviously don’t take bad ethereal news very well. I may have skipped a few details.”

He grumbled. He still had his hood on, but if I could have seen his face I bet he was glaring. “And what exactly were these details?”

“I died, I know how to magically construct things, meeting you, Celestia shooting me…”

He groaned. “Ok, I’ll admit, those are probably good things to keep from them. Although they may find Celestia shooting you to be rather amusing.”

I smiled at the idea of telling my parent about my sister-in-law shooting me, but I decided to let it pass. Maybe at the reception, Celestia would tell the story herself. That thought made me realize that Celestia still wasn’t here. Maybe I should have listened to Twilights reports on Luna’s panicking.

While my parents came back to their senses, I excused myself and went to the restroom. Quickly setting up the portal, I stepped through to the throne room of Canterlot Castle. I found Celestia running around in human form, desperately trying to find everything she needed. (Oh yeah, she can transform into a human. Luna and I were able to work together to help her make the first transformation, just like Tia and I had transformed Luna for the first time.)

“Oh, Adam! Thank the Goddesses you’re here! I can’t find my purse!”

“You carry a purse?”

She stopped moving just long enough to glare at me a little bit. “Of course I do! When I’m in human form, at least!” Her sudden stop made her hair fly in front of her face and her dress flutter a little. She was wearing a blue bridesmaid dress like the other girls, and her light blonde hair still flowed a little bit. It wasn’t as strong and noticeable as when she was a pony, but it was certainly stronger than Luna’s human hair. I quietly wondered if it would be an issue. I didn’t know what exactly went on in her head these past few days.

I shrugged. “Under the throne.”

She ran over, impressive in heels, and checked. I couldn’t help but notice her backside as she knelt to look. Not bad. She pulled the purse out from under the chair and looked at me oddly. “How did you know it was there?”

“I dunno. Just a guess. Come on, Luna is going to start wondering where we are.”

She frowned a bit and looked back at the chair for a second. Then she smiled and held out her arm. “Well, then. Would you be a gentleman and escort me?”

I smiled and linked arms with her. “Well, I suppose I can. I’m still a free man, after all. For a few hours at least.”

She stopped suddenly again. “Thinking of which, I have something I want to tell you.”

Her face grew grim and serious, so I made sure to take her as such. “This feels like something that needs to be said in private.”

She nodded once. “Yes. I simply wanted to tell you that if you hurt Luna in any way, I will kill you in all manners and fashions until you cannot come back to life ever again. Do I make myself clear?”

Usually I would have made some kind of joke, but something in her tone made her sound more dangerous than Nightmare Moon could ever have been. I stepped to the side so that I faced her head on. Looking her dead in the eyes, I spoke seriously. “I swear to God, the Goddesses, and you personally. If I ever do anything to harm her, I want you to do all of that, then come to the Crossroads and destroy my spirit, too. Luna deserves a place in the heavens, and if I can’t hold her in that regard, strike me down without mercy or regret.”

She stared at me for no more than ten seconds, then smiled. “I will, don’t worry.” The only thing that worried me was how happy she was to threaten me.

I smiled and gave her a hug. “Thanks, Tia. You’re the best.”

She hugged back, giving me a pat on the back as she did. “I know. Now let’s go make sure she has the second best day of her life.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Second best?”

“The first best being when I get to marry you two,” she smiled. “Now come on. You don’t want to be late for your own wedding.”

“The maid of honor being late wouldn’t look good either.” We took each others arms again and quickly stepped back through.

“Adam.”

“Yup?”

“Why are we in a men’s room stall?”

“I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone?”

She didn’t think it was very funny. Luckily no one saw us coming back out. How would that have looked? A little ways down the hall, we ran into Twilight again. Even in human form, she had purple hair and a sense of urgency, though she sighed in relief as she saw Celestia.

“Phew! Thank goodness you found her!” she breathed. “Princess Luna was beginning to worry!”

“Beginning?” I didn’t quite believe her. Luna had been worrying since I had proposed. But she didn’t like being corrected.

She ignored me anyways, so it didn’t matter. “Come on, Princess. Princess Luna is waiting for you. Adam, Rarity was looking for you in the center room with Spike.”

I nodded and started off towards the chapel, listening to Celestia as I moved away. “Please, Twilight. I’m not a princess today. Just call me Celestia.”

“I-I-I can’t.”

I found Rarity standing in the middle of the chapel, guiding levitating streamers with one hand, putting floating flowers into position with the other, and telling Spike where to set the candles all the while. “Rarity! Twilight said you wanted to see me?”

She jumped a little as I spoke. I guess she hadn’t noticed me come in the door, being so busy. “Darling, don’t sneak up on me like that! But yes, I’m glad you’re here. Keep going Spike! Remember, once you finish with that side of the room, make it exactly the same on the other side!”

I heard him sigh a little bit, either trying to catch his breath or admiring Rarity (I didn't blame him), but he kept running. Poor little green-haired dude was wearing a little purple tux, making him look similar to the dragon that he was. He was making excellent progress, though. The half that he was almost done with looked great. I turned my attention back to Rarity, who was still working the streamers and flowers. “What did you need me for?”

“Well, darling, I was worried that we may not have enough flowers to make everything they way it’s supposed to go. See?” She gestured towards the last two pews. “See? The only flowers I have left that aren’t supposed to be set in a specific place are in the bouquet. Which technically have a place in Luna’s hooves… er, hands.”

I frowned and hummed. “Ok, just take a little bit from each of the others. Like, a single flower from each into these last two.”

She nodded a little. Her purple hair bounced lightly. “I thought of that, but I don’t have anything to bind them with.”

I ran back to the entrance and pulled a spare tablecloth out of a box. “Here, this works for the main part of the wrap.”

She held it uncertainly. “That’s wonderful, darling, but what about the lace wrap and ribbon?”

“You only need two, right?” She nodded. I opened a pocket dimension I had placed in my inner jacket pocket and pulled out one of the dress shirts inside. It was one of the ones Rarity had made for me, and it had been intended to mimic old English styles with the big poofy collars and sleeves. “Take and cut the lacey stuff off the sleeves.”

“But darling, that will ruin the shirt!” she protested.

“It’s either the shirt or the wedding, Rar. Which do you think I’m more concerned about?”

She muttered. “The wedding…”

I nodded and left to try to find Pinkie. She should have been in the reception area by now. By the time I got there, she was. And mom and dad were desperately trying to cope. That probably put a few drinks on their tabs too…

“Ooh, Adam! Lookit the balloons and the streamers and the candy and the glasses and the tablecloths!!” As a human she wasn’t any less hyper, bouncy, and impossible than as a pony. Her trusty party cannon was next to her, smoking just a bit from its last firing.

“Good Pinkie. Anything you need?”

“Nope!”

“No last minute disasters? Problems? Anything?”

“Nopie, dopey, loki!”

I sighed and smiled. Somehow, Pinkie made it seem like everything would go well. then mom and dad approached me again. “Son,” my dad whispered. “Who is she?!”

“That’s Pinkie Pie. Before you say or ask anything, this is a calm day for her.” He looked at me unbelievingly. Boom!! “And that party cannon is actually pretty useful. She’s actually making me a similar one for a small fee.”

I heard him groan a little bit, but he let it drop. At that moment, AppleJack and RainbowDash came into the room, each balancing a number of plates full of cakes and refreshments, followed by several men from the caterers. “Howdy, Adam! These fine men from the caterers were just pulling up as Rainbow and I were coming through the stable portal you made in Luna’s room!” I believed her, since they all looked fairly shaken by everything they had undoubtedly seen.

RainbowDash gave them a glare as they stared at her wings and rainbow colored hair. “Though they aren’t very nice! Oh, by the way, there were a bunch of people showing up, and one old dude dressed in black who says he has to talk to you.”

Great. Now we had a bunch of early guests, looking for an unfinished chapel occupied by a humanized perfectionist and baby dragon, and a priest who would probably have a heart attack as he met each of the bridesmaids. Maybe I should just introduce him to Pinkie first so that the others would be ok by comparison. “I’ll go talk to him. Have you seen Ben?”

“Yeah, the Princess asked to talk to him beforehand. Hey! Yeah, they’re wings! Back up!”

I just about sprinted back to the entrance, finding Father Ed standing in the chapel gawking at the woman adding the finishing touched to the ceiling with her glowing hands. Fluttershy had also finally found all of her birds and sorted the trained Equestrian ones from the normal earth ones. They were in the back, perched and practicing. “Adam, what’s she doing?”

“Talking to the birds. They’re practicing the music. Just listen to her as she talks to them.”

We listened to her for a moment, hearing the birds chirp rhythmically. When one slipped up, Fluttershy called him on it. “Oh, sorry, but you were a little flat on that last note. It should be-“ She sang a note. “Instead of-“ She sang the improper note. “It’s just a little thing, but please remember this is a royal wedding, and things should be as perfect as it can be.”
I gave him a pat on the back. “You needed to talk to me?”

“What about the purple haired woman? What’s she doing with her hands?”

“Putting up decorations with magic. You needed to see me?”

“And… why is the little fellow’s hair green? Is that what children like today?”

“You aren’t that old, you know better. He’s just a baby dragon, and his spikes are green normally, so his hair is green here. You needed to see me?”

He shook his head like he was clearing it. “This will certainly be the strangest wedding I’ve presided over. I was actually just wondering what time you wanted to start?”

I looked around. “Well, Pinkie is almost done with the cannon, Rarity and Spike are almost done here. Twilight is with Luna, AppleJack and RainbowDash have the food taken care of. I think once everyone gets here, we’ll be ready. Let’s start at one.”

He stammered. “AppleJack? RainbowDash? Cannon?”

I grinned, looking around the chapel. Spike was beginning to run about, lighting candles with little green dragonflames. The lights were low, so the whole place glowed in a surreal fashion. “A humanized pony, a humanized pony, and a party cannon. Harmless.”

Boom!! Ok, that was a more… worrying shot. I hope they were all ok. It was Pinkie though. She never hurt anyone. Intentionally.

…

Fast forward only one hour. After Father showed up, it was just a matter of the guests arriving. I stood in front of the chapel, looking down the aisle at the large double doors in the back. Fluttershy’s bird choir sang “Here Comes the Bride”, Spike stood one step down holding the rings, and Ben stood next to me. He still had his hood on, and stood next to me. He almost seemed proud in the way he stood. My parents sat in the front row, both crying. We had left two places open next to them in honor of Luna’s absent parents.

Each of the main six girls stood on one of the stairs, each on a separate step. There were seven stairs, so there was one for each of the Elements and one for Luna and Tia to share. Ben and I stood on the same step, with Spike holding the rings one step down. Everything was perfect. We didn’t turn the lights up very much, so the whole place glowed with Spikes green fire. It lent a spiritual aspect to the whole building.

After what felt like an hour of standing there, sweating, the doors in the back finally swung open. The human CMC led the procession down the aisle, throwing white petals as they did. They were perhaps a bit clumsy, not being used to their human forms in the least. They had just come to this world, their sisters not wanting them to get in the way or become overtired before the ceremony. Their faltering fingers simply made them all the cuter, though.

They came out about five step/skips before Luna came into view. She. Was. Radiant. I felt my heart skip a beat as she stepped into view, her veil hanging gently behind her head and dress trailing several feet behind her. Celestia accentuated Luna’s beauty with her own, picking up Luna’s trail. Luna held the bouquet in her hand, a bundle of soft white flowers. Her slightly tanned skin was almost visible within her dress, but not quite. Her cleavage showed just enough to tantalize every man in the church, but it was modest enough to still be ‘clean’. Her wings were open, and while it could have been seen as strange, it just made her look like a true angel, stepped down from heaven. Her hair had been done up so that it flowed very much like it did when she was a pony. And I swear to god, they wove real stars into her hair, and then sprinkled the remainder into her eyes.

She walked slowly up the aisle, and every time she passed a row everyone murmured again. Now that she was closer, I could see her ruby lipstick shimmer in the candlelight. As she walked up the stairs, I even heard the girls draw a slow breath. She turned to face me, and I took her hands in mine. I felt a tear in my eye, and all I could do was whisper to her, “See? I told you that you were a goddess. I knew it all along.”

She smiled and held back a joyous sob, looking down at the floor. Father Ed smiled and put a hand on each of our shoulders, his Bible still in the hand on my shoulder. “We are gathered here today before God to unite this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Before we proceed any further, I ask that if anyone has any opposition to these two being married, that they speak now or hold their peace.”

From the back came two booming voices that I truly didn’t expect that day, each saying the same thing.

“I OBJECT!!!”

Happy Endings

Luna nearly jumped out of her dress, and Celestia along with her. I think each recognized the voices faintly, but couldn’t quite place them. Everyone in the church looked around confused beyond belief. I knew the protestors, so I was quietly laughing. I know they were too. They slowly appeared in the back of the church, walking slowly forward. The larger figure of the two, the stallion, grew brighter as he came into view. His coat was a deep, total black. It shimmered in the light of his mane, glinting dangerously. His mane was still, strictly speaking, but it shivered simply with its own power. As he came into better view, he glowed with a fierce power, his mane radiating a yellow-ish, orange-ish, red-ish color. His cutie mark was simple, just an orb of light. Even his cutie mark screamed power.

The woman, a strong, clearly powerful mare, stood with a presence easily equal to that of the stallion, though with a more noticeable gentleness. Her coat was just as dark as her husbands, darker even, but her mane shone with a pure white beauty. The light from her made Luna simply shine, furthering her visage as an angel. The woman’s cutie mark was a full moon. There was no other color there, save for the rich black of her coat. As they drew closer, people murmured quietly. The question on everyone’s lips was “Who are these… people?” Luna and Celestia both grew pale as they recognized them, the blood draining from their faces and their mouths dropping.

Luna was able to speak before Celestia. “M-m-m-m… M-m-m-m-m-m…” Ok, ‘speak’ is a relative term. But eventually the words spilled out. “M-m-mom? Dad…..”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ben move swiftly to catch Twilight as she fainted. Fluttershy whimpered and slunk to the ground, terrified. I didn’t blame her. Even I was terrified when I first found them. But they were good ponies, kind at heart and friendly. The bouquet fell from Luna’s nerveless fingers. I caught it, knowing it would happen. She stepped down from the top steps, and I walked down with her, making sure that if she passed out I would catch her too.

She held her fingers out to her mother first. She tried to touch her muzzle, but her hand passed through it. Her hand shot back to her mouth, covering it uncertainly. “M-mom…” She spoke a little more firmly this time, but still with definite fear and wonder.

Her mother smiled. “Yes, dear. It’s really us. We can only be here in a spiritual manner, but we can at least still be here on this most special day of your life. We are so proud of you.”

“Th-th-then why did you object?!” she stammered.

Her father smiled. “Dramatic entrance. Your charming fiancé taught us that.” He gave me an acknowledging nod.
I grinned, but Luna turned quickly on me, then on her father, then back to me. “What did you DO?!?”
I put up my hands in self-defense. “Hey, this was the surprise I mentioned. I couldn’t get them out for more than a day, but I was able to help them for the wedding. Though I thought they were coming tomorrow.”

“I meant your ‘dramatic entrance’!” she cried.

I shrugged. “I just went to a local magic shop and bought them out of flash powder. I coated my wings with it and tapped them together as I approached your parents in their shared spiritual prison. I literally flew to them on wings of fire.”

“One of the most impressive things I’ve seen in a thousand years, and certainly the most impressive courtship tactic I’ve ever seen,” her father said.

Celestia finally found her voice. “Where… how did you find them?”

I smiled. “It was no small task,” I admitted. “Ben was a great deal of help, though. See, after helping to lock Nightmare Moon in the moon, they fell into a deep, magical sleep. This sleep was designed in such a manner that their spirits were locked in a previously unknown part of the Crossroads, unknown even to Ben. We searched everywhere until we found where their spirits rested, and then we had to actually create the proper magics to free them without actually freeing them.”

Her mother smiled sadly. “We can never truly exist in the real world because we are part of a greater plan. There is still great evil in Equestria, and our bodies serve as the bars of its prison. There are far greater powers to fear than Nightmare Moon. She was only able to escape our influence because you, Luna, are so very special.”

Luna sobbed a little. Rarity was still with us enough that her magic appeared in Luna’s eyes and whisked away the tears before they could mess her makeup. Luna quietly put a hand through the muzzle of both her father and her mother, letting her hand pass through them each. Then her body stiffened as she twirled and landed a beautiful punch in my gut. I doubled over as the blow landed, but couldn’t help laughing both at the sudden blow and the gasps of the audience.

“Haha, I was waiting for that,” I groaned. “Though you held back. You should have hauled off and broken my nose.”

“I considered it, but I don’t want you bleeding while we recite our vows. Why didn’t you tell me that you were making something this… monumental?!?” Even she didn’t know if she was angry or ecstatic. I had a 'gut feeling' there was a bit of anger there.

I straightened out and rubbed my belly. “Well, one it was a surprise. Two, I thought they would be there tomorrow, not today.”

She gasped and began to openly cry. She fell into my arms, Rarity’s magic frantically working to keep her makeup in place. “Oh…Oh god, Adam… Thank you so very much… I… I can’t… I love you so much…”

I rubbed her back, gently shushing her. “I love you to, Luna. With all my heart and soul.”

Her father stepped forward and ‘kissed’ her. “Darling, your groom here came to us to ask for our permission to marry you. I know no other being, man or stallion, who would go to such measures to act right by his bride and her family. Even with his powers, most would have given up once their search took him all over the Crossroads. He is a good, strong man. You and he have our fondest and best wishing blessings.”

She turned her head on my chest and looked at her parents, a smile of truest happiness on her face and tears welling in her eyes almost as quickly as Rarity could clear them. “I love you too, daddy,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

Her mother smiled at her. “Come now, dear. Your husband has written vows for you. I for one would like to hear them.”
Luna smiled and looked up at me. “You didn’t even read them to them?”

I rubbed her shoulders comfortingly. “I wasn’t going to risk you finding them. That’s why I hid them in a pocket dimension within the shower head.”

She laughed and let me lead her back up the stairs to Father Ed, who waited patiently through all the drama with a smile on his face. Celestia took her place next to Luna, and Ben was already done reviving Twilight. We all stood in our places again, and Luna’s parents took their places next to mine.

Father Ed spread his arms and held them in above us before beginning to speak again. “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of gods…”

…

“It is my understanding that the bride and groom have written their own vows. Adam, if you will put the ring on her finger with your vows?”

I turned and took my ring from Spike. It was a delicate looking piece, and had cost me more than I had. I was lucky my parents had helped me out. It wasn’t the ring itself that was expensive, it was the making of it. Rarity had helped me find the gems and precious metals for it, and I paid a jeweler to make it on my design. Luna had done the same with mine. Hers was one of interwoven gold and silver, with a single black obsidian jewel mounted on top. I slipped the ring onto her finger as I spoke.

“My dearest Luna. I love you with all that I can call myself and then some. There is nothing I place a greater value on. I vow, with all my honor and all my love, to honor and to uphold you until the end of time.” I lifted her hand and clasped it in both of mine, squeezing it to add emphasis to my words. “I swear to protect and to obey you. To hold and to care for you. To believe in you…” I put her hand over my heart. “And to love you for eternity.”

She began to cry again, and this time Rarity let the tears fall. She was crying too, though. Father Ed seem caught up in the moment, too, as he used his sleeves to wipe away tears. “Sorry,” he said with a smile. “I always cry at weddings.” The audience laughed with him and us. “Now Luna. If you could place your ring on his hand and recite your vows.”

She took the ring from Spike and placed it on my hand. Like I said, she had gotten Rarity to help her find the materials, then had it made special. It was woven silver and gold like the one on her finger, but the jewel on top was a single, shimmering sapphire. She looked at me, and I could see the love in her eyes. “Adam, my… love. You truly are my knight in shining armor. You have… time and again shown me a love that never ceases to surprise me. I love you with all my heart, and there is no doubt within me that you are the man I want to spend my life with. Life with you is never dull, and you never fail to make me smile and laugh, especially when I need it most. I vow to encourage, learn from, obey, and most of all…” She placed my hand above her heart in the same fashion I had taken hers. “To love you beyond all time and measure.”

The Father wiped his eyes again. I think it had been a while since he presided over a wedding. “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Luna leapt into my arms among a chorus of cheers and the thundering of her parents hoof beats. She kissed me with a passion and a love greater than I had ever experienced. I felt her tears running down her face as she pulled me as close to her as she possibly could. I pulled her close in exactly the same manner. I was the happiest man alive or dead. She was a woman beyond anything I had ever dreamed of in youth.

When the kiss ended, I looked at her. “Is it just me, or did you hesitate a little when you said ‘obey’?”

She laughed and just kept smiling. “We’ve been married for ten seconds an already with the jokes?”

“I recall someone saying something about ‘always making you laugh’?” I laughed myself.

Camera lights flashed and people cheered. We both turned and posed for everyone, smiling, waving, kissing, all that doo-dah. Ben gave me a hearty clap on the back and the CMC all bounced around and cheered. There was a lot of… well, everything. Cheering, screaming, laughing, everything. We danced. We danced a long time, but the first dance was the best. Luna and I danced for the first time as a married couple to the song “Could I Have This Dance,” by Anne Murray. Luna’s parents danced quite beautifully for being a thousand plus years out of practice. The fact that they were essentially ghosts just meant that they had no restrictions on where they could dance, and they shimmered in the ghostly light of the green flames. I took a dance or two with each of the fillies. Sweetie Bell is a surprisingly good dancer. It’s too bad she doesn’t see her future in music.

Luna danced beautifully, like she had never danced before. I think she had been holding out on me the entire time we were dating, she danced so well. At one point, she let me lift her up and spin her. She took that and spread her wings, laughing. She laughed both at the fun and the expression on the face of everyone there, especially mine. I was dumbstruck by her beauty all over again.

After the dances, we slowly made our way to the reception area. Eventually, we all sat down for toasts. Ben stood and tapped his glass with a spoon to get everyone’s attention.

“It’s my understanding that at this part of the night, we all get the chance to stand and make fun of the groom. We do this because, especially in this particular case, the bride is above being made fun of.” That got plenty of laughs. “I’ve been given the honor as the best man of making the first set of bad jokes and the first toast. The first time I met this man, he was visiting the land of the dead in a visit that was very nearly permanent. He crawled out under his own power from the underworld and promptly fell on his head.” People laughed at that too. Nothing was very weird after Luna’s parents arriving. “And now that I think of it, I didn’t throw you a bachelors party, but really you probably would have accidentally blown up something with your record, so I guess it’s for the best. But he is certainly a great guy. Though with all the crap he’s pulled, it’s a good thing he married a woman as understanding as he did.” Luna kissed me there. He was right. “In all seriousness, though. Adam, you are my best friend. And you, Luna, are a very close tie. I wish you the best of luck in your lives.”

Everyone raised their glasses with a ‘hear, hear’. Ben chuckled and held a hand to Celestia. “And I’d like to pass the baton to the lovely maid of humor, Luna’s own sister Celestia.”

She stood, thanking him with a smile. She faced the congregation, glass in hand, trying not to laugh. “When I met Adam for the first time, it wasn’t even so glorious a meeting as Ben had. The first time we met, he had fallen into Equestria and promptly passed out. When we first actually talked, he proceeded to make my student pass out, make a crude joke, and goad me into shooting him.”

I raised a hand and pointed to myself. “Yeah, and I’ve still got the scar to prove it!”

While everyone laughed, she tossed a playful magical sphere at me. “You’re fine, it’s just a scratch,” she laughed. “While he didn’t necessarily make the best first impression, he’s certainly proven himself a good, strong man, and may even be able to keep up with dearest Luna.” Celestia bent over and kissed her sister on the top of her head. “Luna, you have grown up a lot, even just since you came back to us. I’m sure you will have a beautiful life.”

Most of the toasts after that were similar, people telling a story about either me or Luna, then wishing us well. The next big, noteworthy speech made came near the end of the reception, by Luna’s parents. They stood at the same time, their wings around each other and smiles on their faces. “Luna,” her father began. “You’ve grown a lot from the little filly who made forts out of the palace furniture and tried to use the stars as connect-the-dots booklets.”

Her mother smiled a little wider at the memory. “We may not be able to come back, so we just wanted to tell you and your sister just how very proud of you. Tia, you are a fine ruler, every bit as kind and generous as your father and I hoped you would be.”

“And you, Luna, have beaten great odds and surpassed personal shortcomings to become the mare you are today. And that mare is a very, very impressive one. You two have both surpassed even our high expectations of you.” As her father spoke, the figures of he and his wife both began to fade. By the end of his speech, they were clearly fading back into the spirit world quickly.

Luna stood quickly and went to them, Tia and I fast behind her. “I love you,” Luna said. “Both of you. So much.”

“And I love you too,” Tia added. “Will we see you again?”

Both parents nodded. “Yes,” her mother answered.

“And we will watch you both from where we rest. We know what you do. We have always been proud of you. We love you too.”

With that they faded entirely, leaving behind a shimmering cloud of what can be best described as spirit dust. It, too, faded quickly into the air. Luna and Tia both sobbed once, but then composed themselves. Luna turned back to me and smiled. “God, I hope they weren’t watching us two nights ago.”

The mood lightened considerably with that. We went back to enjoying ourselves. There were a few games and songs, on top of which Luna and I unwrapped the wedding gifts. We all were happy the rest of the day, until it was time for Luna and I to fly away into the bright blue sky. Luna stopped at the sidewalk, putting an excited arm on mine. “I have to throw the bouquet!”

I laughed. “Well go on, then! Let’s see who’s next!”

The women lined up and began to jostle each other as Luna turned her back and tossed the flowers into the air. There was a bunch of clamor for about five seconds before someone caught it. We turned and found Celestia holding the bouquet and turning rapidly red. We laughed and waved, turning to fly away. Then I had a thought.

“Ben! Come here!”

He made his way through the crowd, laughing all the way. “Yeah, what is it?”

I put a hand on his shoulder and spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear. “Remember the fire joke you used in your toast?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re already dead, and therefore don’t feel pain, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Your robe is on fire. Thank you everyone! Thank you for coming today!”

Luna and I flew away as we heard Ben begin to frantically try and put himself out. She looked back down on the crowd and laughed. “Was that necessary?” she asked.

At that moment, several long strings of tin cans appeared tied to my wings, along with a paper sign saying “Just hitched”. I laughed and nodded. “Yeah, he’s fine. By the way, a white dress? Who are you kidding?”

She laughed with me. “Well, you know, since your big surprise was used up today, I think I want this to be our only wedding. You can’t top bringing my parents back from a realm beyond dead.”

I nodded again and kissed her. “I kind of figured. I’ll talk to the Cakes and get stuff squared away with everyone else. Right now, though, I think we have other plans.”

We smiled and pulled each other close. Perfect storybook ending, right? Waiting for the twist, right? Guess what.

There was no twist. Everything was perfect.