The Device of the Beast

by Bananaroni

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1608

So scientists are given the job to look over a strange beasts items and belongings. Well, they f-up as in any good story. Now the device is in the hands ( hooves) of a few curious ponies...

A new creature is in Equestria! And two scientists were made to look at his belongings! Well, like any good story, they f-up! Find out what happens! (Short Story)

Published 2013-03-31 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-31 21:00:02 UTC

TThe Sciencetists Fucked Up

The Device of the Beast

There was a new creature in Equestria! Knocked unconscious, yes. Given to Celestia, yes. Stripped of everything, yessiree. Now he is in a magically locked room so this huge (by pony standards, he was only 5,10) beast could not go on a rage of terror. Not that he would do anything. He was a pacifist.
A lowly pacifist.
Anyway, all his belongings, by order of the princess, we're being examined by the scientist who shall not be named. No, not Voldemort. That's illogical. (Oh the irony!)
I shall just call them Scientist One and Two, for their role in the story is small.
"What is this device?" Scientist One asked aloud. It was a small item- about 4 1/2 inches by 3- that had a front made of glass and a back made of a metal they couldn't identify. The metal sported a rudimentary depiction of an apple with a bite taken out of it and weird squiggly writing under it. Scientist Two was examining it very close to his glasses- covered eyes.
"I don't know, but it seems extremely advanced." He said. He then saw the button on top of it. "What's this?" He said as he pressed it. Scientist One ducked for cover as he did this.
"Are you mad?" The coward scientist yelled.
"No, because what I just did turned it on." The glassed front lit up to the same writing as the back and a picture of what looked like a pastry. It was brown on the top and bottom and had a white middle. Along the bottom was an arrow point to the right. "What's this do?" The curious scientist said as he took his hoof and ran it along the bottom. An audible 'Click!' was heard as the screen changed. The scientist let out a yelp and dropped it. He coward with the other, and waited as nothing happened.
Nothing at all.
The cowardly scientist was the next to go up to it. He saw it was filled with squares filled with weird symbols and the writing under it. Behind that was the same pastry looking thing from the other screen. Along the bottom, he saw the easily identifiable music note. "This creatures world has music?" he said aloud as he pressed his hoof against it. A long list of the weird writing. He pressed a random one and the screen changed to a grey music note and sound started to come out of the device.
'Con Los Terroristas!'
"What in the world?"
'Con Los Terroristas!'
"What is it saying?"
'Con Los Terroristas! Tas! Tas! Tas Tas Tas Tas Tas Tas Tas Tas!'
"What th-"
'Do the Harlem Shake!' The music then changed into a series of what sounded like wubs.
"Is that their music?" Scientist one asked.
"It's so... Strange!" Scientist Two added. "What's a 'Harlem Shake?'"
"A better question is how it knows Equestrian! I mean, the 'Do the' and 'Shake' was Equestrian. The other parts... Not so much."
He turned it off pressing the symbol on the bottom of two straight lines. "This is so technologically advanced! That creatures species must be so much more advanced then us"
"Indeed."
Just then, the large window in the laboratory (they insisted to be in a laboratory, not a 'room') smashed open, a grey Pegasus with a blonde mane and tail with bubbles as a cutie mark and a saddle bag on (and her most prominent feature, her being cross-eyed) crashed into the lab, right on top of the scientist holding the device. "Bloody hell!" the scientist said, pushing off the Pegasus.
"Sorry! I don't know what happened!" the Pegasus said in a very childish voice. The scientists knew her once they got a good look. He was the mail-mare. She was prone to crashing and not getting hurt. At all. She was. Medical mystery. Derpy Hooves was her name, they think.
"It's fine, I suppose," the scientist said, feeling sad for the ponies condition.
She said thanks and flew off through the broken window.
"That was strange," scientist two said to is counterpart.
"Indeed. Wait, where's the device?"
They looked around a bit before looking out the broken window. "Mother fu-"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The mail-mare known as Derpy Hooves was flying home from her shift with her saddlebag open. She flew in zig-zags due to her cross-eyes condition. She didn't mind it, though. She still kept a very chippy attitude. She could wait to go home and see her daughter. What she didn't know was from an earlier incident, she gained an extra 'package' within her saddlebag.
Alright, that was shit. It was the device. The package is the device.
Shrew device was in danger of falling out, and due to Derpy's erratic flying, it did. Right on top of everyone's favorite party pony, Pinkie Pie. How she managed to stand still enough for it to hit her is beyond anyone who knows of her eccentric attitude. Maybe it was due to her being with her 5 other friends.
But then again, she is Pinkie...
"Ouch!" she let out as the single pound device fell on her head. She wasn't deterred as she quickly picked it up and examined it. "Oh, what is this thingy? It just fell on my head and I piked it up and I never saw it before and-"
"Pinkie, we just saw it happen," Her friend, the fasted flier in all of Equestria Rainbow Dash said.
"Oh, I know!"
"What in tarnation is that thang?" The farm pony Applejack asked.
Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's own student, used her magic to float it up to her. "I don't know what it is! I've never seen anything like it before!"
"What ever it is, it looks simple ravishing!" Rarity, fellow unicorn and fashion designer said. (You all know apple... Appearance costs...)
The device randomly turned on and showed a battery symbol within the field of magic. It was probably due to the tremendous amount of energy coursing through it. "It turned on!" Rainbow Dash pointed out to the obvious.
"Ah think we see that, sugercube," said Applejack.
"What's that writing mean? Oh, oh! Maybe it's not writing! What if it's some weird symbols!" blurted Pinkie.
"Isn't that what writing is?" Rainbow asked.
"No, silly! This is symbols that mean something when put together mean something else!"
"Pinkie, that's words."
"Nuh uh!"
Rainbow Dash just shrugged and went back to the device. "Why is that arrow pointing to the side?" Rainbow asked as she did what the scientist had. The screen changed and, unlike the scientist, no one (but the pony who hasn't made a noise Fluttershy) panicked. "Oh, It changed!"
"What are those pictures?" Rarity asked at the cubes on the screen.
"I dunno," Rainbow said, pressing at one of them. The screen changed yet again, and popped up... A cat.
"Is that a cat?" Applejack asked.
"I think it is. Why is it kicking a dog?" Twilight said.
"That is pretty funny," Rainbow laughed.
"Ah suppose it is," Applejack agreed.
Rainbow swiped at the screen and the picture changed. It was a picture of many prices of toast... In a shower.
"Is that... Toast in a shower?" Rainbow asked.
"Uh... Yea..." Twilight answered.
Rainbow quickly changed the picture and what came next was a photo dominated by a play button. Which Rainbow fearlessly pressed. The screen changed as they saw two strange creatures on the bed as the video started playing. Many questions were flung.
"What are they?"
"Why do they have little fur?"
"What is that large think?"
"Why is it vibrating?"
"What's that hole?"
"Did that creature just put the whole thing in there?"
"Why are they screaming? Are they in pain?"
"Why are they cursing?"
"Oh, know they're licking each other! Just like we do, Rainbow!"
Everyone loomed at Rainbow, who was blushing. "Y-yea... Uh..."
"I think they are having sexual intercourse," Twilight said. "But they are the same gender, it seems."
"So they are gay, is whatcha sayin'?" Applejack asked.
"Well, I don't know. They are a complete different species then us."
"W-well I don't think we should watch it anymore..." Rainbow said.
"Why not, Dashy? It might give us ideas!"
By now, the girls were laughing and Rainbow was an even deeper shade of red. She pressed the button on the bottom and the screen from before came on.
"Is that a music note? I love music!" said Pinkie. She pressed it, and the grey music note the scientists saw came up. It was a different song, though. Not like the mares noticed.
Pinkie pressed the play button and the song came on.
'I knew you were trouble when you walked it!'
(I do not want to narrate that horrid song. Fuck that shit.)
As the song ended, Rainbow Dash threw the device to the ground. "That was horrible!"
"I agree," added Twilight.
"Yup," agreed Applejack, who smashed it.
"Whatever that was, it was horrible to ever have music like that," Rarity said.
"Mmmhmmm," Pinkie over exaggerated.
Onlooking unknowingly to the mares, the Two scientist looked on. "For fucks sake..." Scientist One face-hoofed.
"Why would they just break it like that?" Scientist Two asked.
"Fucking retards, that's who."
"Ugh, what are we going to tell the princess?"
"Not to hand us out asses on a silver platter, that's what."
They both sighed as they teleported (Oh, failed to mention they were unicorns) back to the library.
"Hey, look on the bright side! At least we learned they have a horrid taste in music!"

Author's Note

Yup. I'm done with this crap (above)