The Tale of The Stone-turner

I groggily began to open my eyes, then frowned at the space between my sprawled out legs. The forest floor was moving away from me and being replaced by new forest floor. That's not normal even in this strange world. Deciding to rub the sleep from my eyes I frown even deeper, my arms were not complying with this simple request. Looking for the cause of this treachery I find rope to be wound around myself down to my stomach and wrists. Aha, I was taken prisoner and being dragged thru the forest, that must have been their plan B! Examining my bindings I find the knot holding it together to be right above my left hand and with the slightest amount of wiggling I can put two fingers into the knot and pull it apart if I so choose, ponies probably didn't even consider what I can do with my hands, an unfortunate side effect of having hooves I'm sure. I decide to take stock of my situation a little more clearly before I do something stupid like free myself just to get kicked in the head again.

Looking to my left I see.... three balloons against a wall of pink? I lean back a little so I get the full picture of a pink pony hopping along with a mane that makes me think clouds decided to paint themselves pink and settle down on the pony rather than let it grow hair. Turning my vision to the opposite side, I spied a white unicorn with a purple mane and tail that curled into a loose spiral at the ends walking in a manner that gave a sense of sophistication. Deciding to see the source of my backwards locomotion I am greeted with an orange moon. I can only assume this is the orange one from the cave, at that time it was wearing a cowboy hat and sported a blonde mane bound into a, heh, ponytail. It must have been using it's mouth to drag my person by the rope, I had to admire that kind of jaw strength. Raising my eyes skyward I made out the forms of two pegasi flying overhead, these had to be the blue one with the rainbow mane and the yellow one with the pink mane. That only left one unaccounted for, looking around and not seeing a purple one with a pink streak through a purple mane I could only assume it was currently ahead of the pack.

Well then, time to use my awesome wit to interrogate my captors.

“Sooooooo, where we gooooin?” A master of information gathering right here.

My vision had become nothing but a pair of blue eyes, oh my personal space, how I shall miss her.

“You woke up Mr. evil bringer of doom!” Hmm, nah doesn't quite have the same ring as 'The Stone-turner'. I decided to be cheery with this one.

“Why yes, yes I did, so where are we going?”

“WE are taking YOU to Princess Celestia so she can decide how to deal with you.” That voice came from up ahead, must have been the purple one.

“So it's going to be like a trial?” I got a little hopeful.

“No, just a sentencing.” The white one destroyed those small hopes right there.

“Well then, when do you suppose I will receive this sentence?”

“We should arrive in Canterlot in two days, it would be sooner but something might cause a panic or petrify ponies if we went thru towns” I could only assume the purple one was blaming me for having to walk there. My ass was getting sore.

“Well then, can I walk instead of being dragged? As much as I love the ground chaffing me I don't feel it's fair for you to be doing all the work.” The procession came to a halt.

“Fine, but any funny business or attempts to petrify a pony and we'll have Rainbow Dash knock you out again.” I could agree to these terms. They waited for me to climb to my feet, easier said than done when your arms are bound to your side, and then we resumed our march thru the forest. I allowed the silence to remain for about ten minutes.

“Whelp, I'm bored, how about we play a traveling game?”

“Ooh ooh let's play I spy!” I can tell I will get much amusement from the pink one.

“That sounds wonder-”

“Pinkie Pie!” One of the pegasi seemed to be shouting down at us “Stop fraternizing with the enemy!” Wait, Pinkie pie? Rainbow Dash? Their names match their color schemes! That is just precious.

“We're not fraternizing silly! We're playing a game!” I approve of this logic or lack thereof.

“I spy somepony being a gru~mp” I sang the last word slightly with my 'idiot grin' at full power.

“Ooh is it Rainbow Dash?” I assume the rainbow maned pegasus to be Rainbow Dash, huge leap I know.

“Why yes it is Pinkie! You win!” This got me a squeal of delight and hoof clapping from the pink one known as Pinkie Pie and exasperated sighs from several others.

We spent about an hour playing rounds of THE GAME, I just made enemies out of the five people who actually read this, despite the protests of 'The Grump' but stopped when tree and rock had been used for the fifth time each. We progressed in relative silence after that until we came upon a clearing.

“We'll set up camp here for the night and set out again in the morning.” At these words from the purple one there were several sighs of relief as all of us, save Pinkie, let our rears hit the ground and the orange one spit out the rope she had been tugging me along by. “Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy would you two please gather some firewood and food. Rarity I would like you to set up sleeping arrangements and Applejack would you please dig a pit for a fire?”

“What do you want me to do Twilight?” Pinkie was now directly in the face of the purple one.

“I would appreciate it if you could watch the monster”

“I actually preferred that Stone-turner name!”

“The Stone-turner” yes! “And make sure he doesn't try anything. I will go set up spells to keep any wild animals from disturbing us.”

“What about me?” Stupid grin is ago.

“Sit there and shut up.”

“I'll compromise and just sit here then.”

With a groan Twilight started trotting to the edge of clearing, and I put faces to the names that were thrown around. The yellow pegasus was Fluttershy, The orange one that dragged me was Applejack and the white unicorn setting up leaf beds in a circle around the fire pit was Rarity. The names completely throw off my theory of each of them being named for their color scheme, guess it was just the two, but now my character introductions can be considered officially complete.... I mean I had all their names.... yes.

As the ponies went about preparing camp I looked to Pinkie who was now staring at me quite intently.

“So you're gonna keep an eye on me?”

“Yep!”

“Not going to let me even try to escape?”

“Nope!”

“You promise?”

“I Pinkie Pie promise!” With that she performed an elaborate ritual involving the crossing of the heart, foreleg flapping, and hoofing oneself in the eye.

“A Pinkie Pie promise?”

“Yep!”

“What's so special about that?”

“Nopony can break a Pinkie Pie promise.” Her eyes then glowed with an unnatural light as her voice radiated the next word with a sense of absolution. “Nopony....” Lo I hath stared into the abyss and what I saw was pink.

We sat there like that for some time, her grinning madly and myself with a new found sense of what true terror is. As the sun finished falling a fire was started and all the ponies ate while I was hoof-fed some pretty good berries that I was positive would give me diabetes if the taste was to judge.

Eventually Twilight announced how sleeping would go.

“Alright, we'll probably be able to see Canterlot tomorrow evening so tonight we'll have to sleep in shifts so one of us can always keep an eye on The Stone-turner.” That name makes me happier than it should. “Who would like to volunteer for first watch?” I spoke up at this point, a devilish plan in my brain.

“May I request Pinkie Pie take the first shift for watching me?” This earned me a groan from Twilight.

“Pinkie do you want to?”

“Sure thing Twilight!” Excellent.

“What exactly is yer reason fer wantin' this Stone-turner?” Applejack spoke! Must feel more talkative with a rope not filling her mouth.

“Well I haven't exactly had a lot of conversation, being on the run and all, and she seemed to be somepony I would enjoy talking with before I go to sleep.”

“Alright then.....” She didn't seem to fully trust my reasoning, and I do not blame her at all for that.

It was decided then that Pinkie Pie would take first shift, followed by Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Applejack and then lastly Fluttershy. I had no intentions of letting these shifts go with peace and quiet, after all I could just sleep and let them drag me along during the day. Sure it would leave me with some sores, but playing mind games was just going to be so much more fun than walking through the forest.

For what I was about to do I would feel remorse. I would not show mercy, but I would feel remorse.

“So Pinkie Pie, do you enjoy songs?” The others who had all just laid down to sleep looked questioningly at me as I spoke.

“Of course I do! Who doesn't enjoy a good song?” Good good take the bait.

“Well would you like to hear a song of my people? You could even join in once you get the hang of it.” Her eyes seemed to brighten up, this is going to be great.

“I would love to hear a song!” Even the others seemed a bit more interested, but also slightly wary, as they should be.

“Well then brace yourself for a musical rendition the likes of which Equestria may never hear again!” I cleared my throat out and began to sing with a bit of whimsy. “~This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Somepony started singing it not knowing what it was! But now they keep on singing it forever just because. This is the song that never ends.....~” During the third repeat Pinkie caught on and joined in my merriment. I can see tonight is going to be very wonderful.