Tragodia: Friendship is Philosophy

Author's note: I am happier with this chapter compared to the Prologos. While short, I think it carries more of the fanfiction feel. I am glad for the feedback I am getting.

Pinkie's Unrequited Friendship

Our duo reaches the end of the cave, which opened to a barren wasteland of destitute souls of gray. As far as the eye could see, there is nothing but a sea of gray. The procession of souls broke up as each attempts independently of each other to force a path through.

“This is the ante-inferno. Here, souls that could not make it across the River Styx endlessly search for help,” solemnly comments Dante.

“Cannot they see those around them? Cannot they help each other?” Questions Eric with a look of concern on her face.

“These are the abandoned of the world and those who abandoned the world. They either cannot see others or do not receive help. Their grayness is a symbol of their loss of hope in the power of friendship.”

“We should help them!” exclaims the yellow mare, as she runs to talk to the sea of gray. Dante sighs and chases after his charge.

“Listen to me! I here to help! We need to gather together and we can finally cross,” shouts Eric as he makes her way through the sea like others in the procession, but the sea soon overtake the mare.

A pink mare begins to jump through the crowd towards Eric. “Hi, hello there, pardon me. Nice to meet you.” The pink mare finally reaches to our heroine. Offering her hoof, Eric barely holds on as she is pulled as astronomical speeds to a clearing created in the flow of destitute souls by a rock in the way.

Eyes spinning, heart pounding, the pink mare places Eric in a chair of a table. Cupcakes, hot sauce, and other delicacies lie on the table.

“ooooo, I rarely see ponies in this part of Hell. What is your name? My name is Pinkie Pie, which is strange because I really prefer cupcakes to pie. I do not know what a pink pie would look like, or is it a pie made with human's pinkies? Gross, right?” rattles on the pink poofy maned mare.

“Pinkie Pie?” questions the reorienting Eric. “Oh, yes, this is brony Hell. Well, let's go on with it then. I am Eric, philosopher extra-oridinaire, by which I mean a very ordinary one.”

“A philosopher, what's that?”

“A philosopher is a person--” Pinkie Pie looks at her in confusion. “a pony, excuse me, whose goals are to uncover and understand the fundamental questions of pony existence like what is friendship.”

“Eric, strange name you have there! OOO, if you are a philosopher, can I see your cutie mark?”

“Why of course.” Eric gets up out of her chair to expose her fine yellow flank to her new acquaintance, Pinkie Pie.

Eric's cutie mark does not impress Pinkie. “What is so amazing with that mark. Everyone knows the Earth is round. There is no up.”

“Well, that is what I said when I first got my cutie mark just um twenty minutes ago.” Eric suddenly realizes what has happened. “Oh, I really have to help all these people. They are going to be stuck here forever.”

“What is so wrong about being here. We are all friends here, some of us for thousands of years.”

“These are not friends Pinkie. These are hopeless and lonely people, I refuse to call them souls.”

Pinkie's right eye twitches for a moment. Changing the subject rapidly, Pinkie asks with a bit of an edge to her voice, “Is it your birthday today?” Her mane deflates noticeably but not all the way.

“I do not know because I do not know what day it is, but it probably is not--”

“Great, we can have a Unbirthday party for you!” With the same insane speed as earlier, Pinkie quickly grabs and places four zombies from the sea of gray. Pinkie Pie points to three female and one male human souls in order, announcing their names. “This is Applejack. Here is Twilight, she is such a nerd and not very good at partying. This is Rainbow Dash. Here is Rarity.”

Pinkie then grabs another man from the crowd and says, “This is Fluttershy.”

The fact that Pinkie Pie not only ascribed these humans pony names but also gave the male the name Bon-bon alerts Eric that Pinkie is not quite herself. “Ahhh, Pinkie you know---”

Pinkie interrupts again. “These are my best friends! Right, Twilight?”

The zombie responds with stock answer for the hopeless soul, “Friends are only selfish devils who only think about how you can help them.”

Pinkie's right eye twitches again. “How funny Twilight. You always have something interesting to say. Hey, Applejack what do you think of Eric.”

The next zombie replies with another stock answer, “My friends all abandoned me when I gained too much weight. They only liked me for my looks. When I was no longer pleasurable to be around, they left me.”

“I really need to be going. I there are so many who--” Eric begins to say.

“Why leave, you Unbirthday party has just begun. Right, Gummy?” Pinkie looks around for a substitute for Gummy. Failing to find one at first glance, she repeats herself, “Right, Gummy?” Again failing, Pinkie's left eye twitches, as her mane completely deflates.

“Happy Unbirthday, Meric was it? Oh, have some cake. I just know we will be best of friends.” As Pinkie says this, she pushes some food in front of Eric. Pinkie's face moves towards the philosopher until they are nearly touching. “Best Friends Forever.” Pinkie's eyes begin to cross.

Eric falls out of her chair. Getting up, he notices now that there really is no table and food. That she herself had been captured somehow in Pinkie's delusion. Instead, there are only rocks and stuff. Eric begins to gallop away, but when he turns around, Pinkie is already in front of her.

“Ferret, where are you going? Best friends should be together.”

“My name is Eric, and I am not your friend!”

The words stun Pinkie Pie. Her coat finally becomes gray as the magic of friendship, albeit corrupt friendship dissipates from her.

Pinkie begins to walk backwards into the stream of loneliness and abandonment, but Dante stops her as he reveals himself from the crowd.

“You know how hard it is to find someone once you get separated from them here. I had to pray to God via this new fangled mobile device in order to get your coordinates. As for saving everyone, you do not have time. I have not told you yet, but God needs you as a demon slayer. This is a job all philosophers, regardless of their religious beliefs are granted, since philosophers are the only beings capable of destroying them. It would take forever to save everyone here. You are just going to have to learn that some people, actually a significant number of people just cannot be helped by you alone.”

“Cannot I at least help one person?” Eric begs, admitting defeat to the poet who knew well Eric's emotional pain at the beginnings of Hell.

“I will let you take one with you, but you will be responsible for his care and conversion.”

“Then I choose to take Pinkie Pie.”

“Another bloody pony. A mare no less! Do you know how much I hate females on these trips?--”

“Well, like Lyra says, you could use for some real getting to know what women are like.”

“I know what women are like, I have my love, Beatrice.”

“I said 'real' not some perfect ideal you created for yourself.” This flabbergasts Dante who has no idea what to say to such an allegation. “By the way, thank you for showing you actually care by stopping Pinkie Pie from joining the herd, if that is the correct term.” Eric has a side thought here: Human herds  lack the interconnectedness of pony ones. For instance, a New York City human herd will consist of people who do not talk, know, or care to know each other. This leads to the majority of human herd life being spent in an ironic sense isolated from one another. Eric often has these insights that he puts away for later. One of his talents, you see.