Tragodia: Friendship is Philosophy

While Pinkie Pie and Sophia play delusional tic-tac-toe (Pinkie has the power to bring people into delusions), Lyra and Dante begin a conversation.

“When are going to turn him back?” asks Dante.

“I will leave that up to young Sophia.”

“It's cruel to mess with the proper order of things.”

“God didn't complain when I turned these old men into pegusi.”

“This is different. He has a place as a guardian of the Inferno, no all of the afterlife. He is supposed to be a great philosopher.”

“I read his file. Your god must really have high hopes for him. He actually never graduated from college. In his life, the inquisition forced him to end his studies.” At this point, Eric raises an ear to eavesdrop. Pinkie raises both ears competitively.

“That explains the sudden increase of work lately. God has recently been extinguishing the long-suffering souls in order to make room for more. If this continues much more, some the Afterlife will lose its eternity aspect.”

“You know Dante, I remember when I first came to the Afterlife. The human god created all of us ponies with our memories of Equestria. He spent time individually making each and every one of us, but when we saw the world your god made for us, we knew he was just a pretender. A true god is like Celestia, whose kindness would never leave any being to suffer for all eternity. She would sooner extinguish their souls than let any more suffering occur.”

Angry, Dante responds, “God's ways are beyond us and cannot be judged by mere imperfect beings such as us.”

At this point, Sophia interjects, “And that is why I am dead, for the morality of God cannot be questioned. My family killed in a name of a morality that the state preaches and practices but cannot understand because it is beyond rationality, they say.”

Sophia notices that Pinkie's confusion and stress at listening to such a pathos latent conversation, so changes the topic. “Pinkie tell me  how you ended up in the Ante-inferno.”

“Oh, well, one day, I woke up and I was in this room with a bright and powerful light in the middle. Around me there was a crowd of humans. I didn't know what they were at the time, so I thought they were really funny, you know, being hairless apes and all. Well, a small voice came from the light. It was so worried that I tried to tell it jokes to make it feel better. I couldn't get it too laugh, but it told me that it would feel better if it passed on a message. It said that I would meet my friends sometime after I gave the right person the message.”

“What is the message, Pinkie.”

“I don't remember silly, it has been like a ga-billion years since then.”

“You want to meet your friends don't you?”

“Oh my, oh yes,” Pinkie exclaims. Giving a salute to Sophia, Pinkie declares that she will rack her brain for clues to the missing message of the small voice who threw her into the Ante-Inferno.

Pinkie finally pesters Dante into playing tic-tac-toe with her. After losing his first game, Dante swears that he will win against the pink mare. This goes on for awhile. Dante slowly learning how the game really works.

Lyra and Sophia begin to talk in the front of the chariot. “How are you Fillosophie?”

“It has been strange getting used to the new body in all. At least the afterlife makes most of this just an illusion anyways. Sure I feel stuff, but it not like I have internal organs or anything.”

“You know the human god probably wanted you to get that message. He has a way of manipulating people into his strange plots.”

“I realize that as well. I am still wondering what this all is. Is this really Hell? Am I really Eric anymore? Am I in charge of my life, or in this case, afterlife?”

“You are definitely full of questions. I cannot answer them. My specialty is transformation magic, despite my talent being the lyre.”

“Why did you get into human transformations?”

“Eric, that is the hardest question for me. I have these memories. I have memories of obsession back in Equestria, but everything I have learned from humans tells me that I am nothing but a figment of somebody's imagination. That is not even the biggest reason why I doubt my memories. The biggest reason is that my memories from before are full of contradictions and holes. Sometimes the holes are filled, and other times contradictions create new holes. I do not even remember how I died.”

“If it makes you feel better Lyra, it could be us humans who are fake, and god has just put up a elaborate hoax to challenge your will and determination.”

Throughout this whole conversation, Sophia is thinking about Bon-bon. She does want to bring the mare's roommate up yet seeing that it must be a sensitive issue.

At this point it, the group encounters a storm. Waves underneath the flying charioteer would sink any average boat. Sophia worries that the boatman might have sunk, but Dante and Lyra laugh that possibility off.

Lyra commands the pegusi to descend frighteningly close to the river. Pinkie asks, “What are you doing? ascend, ascend!” Confused, the pegusi start losing coordination, requiring Lyra to pull the reins to stop the chariot from careening out of control.

“Pinkie if we maintain such a high altitude we will be struck by lightning.” At those words, a giant bolt jumps between the clouds. The noise is so loud the mares have a ringing sound remain in their ears for a minute.

“Dante? Sophia, Dante has fainted!” Pinkie exclaims.

“Who would have thunk it? Dante has a weak constitution to lightening. I will remember this for future pranks.” Sophia raises an eyebrow at this.

Dante awakes at the sound of giant's warcry.

“We are coming Charon!” Lyra shouts. Ahead of the charioteers, a battle between the giant boatman and a hoard of plaid monsters. The monsters dance around Charon, taunting him and attacking him from behind. Every time Charon tries to attack he misses. Despite his infinite fortitude, the constant wear is getting to him.

“Why can't he hit them, they are right in front of him?” Pinkie asks.

“What do you mean? He is hitting them, but every time he does, a new one pops up.” Lyra replies.

Sophia stares at the battle with seemingly blank face with just a smidgen of the deepness of thought emerging onto her countenance as if seeing something completely different from both Pinkie Pie and Lyra.

Dante finally wakes and explains why the difference in perception between Lyra and Pinkie. “These are low-class demons called No-True-Scots. They have the power to prevent damage by making false their original self and moving around. Pinkie probably cannot see the fake ones because she has the power over delusion.”

The chariot lands near the battle, which is at a dock near an entrance to an metal-wall-enclosed city. While Lyra takes care of the pegusi, Pinkie and Dante run to help Charon with the battle. Sophia does a slow trot as if still abstracted from the world at hand.

Dante pulls out a sword of bright light, which causes him to cover avert his eyes a bit. In a somewhat futile attempt, Dante begins to slash at the No-True-Scots, only to distract them from Charon.

Pinkie runs up Charon and jumps on him. “I will be your eyes, big sir.”

“Aye, little mare!”

“Okay to the right,” Pinkie shouts. Charon hits one but misses the group Pinkie had been aiming for.

“No your other right.” Charon hits them this time.

“Now to your left while staying right.” Charon figures out Pinkie means due to his mind being pulled into her world.

Dante starts being overwhelmed. Being an inexperience fighter on top of his fear of his own weapon does not help either. Before all hope is lost, Sophia comes to one of the Not-True-Scots. As if they do not see her, Sophia leans her head against the monster. The next moment does not make any sense. Charon, Dante, Pinkie, and Lyra see the hoard of monsters one moment, they blink, and the hoard is replaced with a bunch of humans with their eyes burning with light. Their forms disintegrate as if blown out like candles. From the sky, a gem forms from the remaining light and falls to knock Sophia out. With this anti-climatic ending, Sophia earns her first reward for demon-slaying.