My Little Pony: Friendship is Annoying

by The Rubber Brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 851

Twilight Sparkle, a young unicorn, is sent to Ponyville by the royal scammer, Princess Trollestia. Along the way, she meets six different ponies. Applejackthe redneck, Rainbow Dash the lesbian, Rarity the Canterlot fangirl, Fluttershy the punching ba

Twilight Sparkle, a young unicorn, is sent to Ponyville by the royal scammer, Princess Trollestia., joined by her loyal punching bag Spike. Along the way, she meets six different ponies. Applejackthe redneck, Rainbow Dash the lesbian, Rarity the Canterlot fangirl, Fluttershy the Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, the drug addict and secret love of Twilight.

As her adventures continue, Twilight Sparkle learns about the meaning of forcing friendship, racism, animal torture, and more!

NOTE: THIS IN NO WAY AFFECTS MY VIEWS ON MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. THIS IS A PARODY MADE FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-01 18:10:27 UTC

Friendship is Annoying, Part 1

Once upon a time, in the tragic and ravaged land of Equestria, there were two young sisters who enslaved together. The older brought out the sun to begin the beautiful morning and make the ponies do something, unlike the younger, who brought out the moon to make everyone sleep and ignore the sister. Soon enough, the younger sister became envious. Eventually, the younger sister became evil, so evil that she became over the top with a really annoying laugh. The older sister tried to reason with her but it was too late. The younger sister became the bitchiest mare of darkness, Nightmare Moon.

Using her completely flawless spells, the older sister harnessed the power of six objects, known as The Element of Harmony. Using the plot device, she transported Nightmare Moon into the inside of the moon, leaving the older sister no choice but to raise both the sun and the moon. Unfortunately, ponies kept on thinking that the older sister put the Nightmare on the moon rather than inside, thinking she killed her. The older sister ignored them, but secretly trolled them too.

    "And thus, harmony in Equestria has been mantained ever since", said a unicorn a loud as she read the book of the two sisters.

    "Hmm, plot devices. I know I've heard of them before, but where?"

Twilight Sparkle walked through the town of Canterlot. Three teenagers noticed her.

    "Twilight, Moondancer is having a get-together for all of us popular girls. And she also has some boys over. We're going to have unprotected teenage sex because it feels better. Do you want to come?" Twilight Sparkle, the OCD and Asperger diagnosed girl absolutely despised social interaction.

    "Oh... sorry girls... I have a lot of studying to do."

    The other teenagers sighed. "What a nerd."

Twilight Sparkle ran up the stairs of her library. She slammed the door on her assistant Spike and broke one of his scales.

    "Spike, get your fat ass over her, you asshole", Twilight called. She found her assistant lying on the ground after she hurt him with the door.

    "Oh there you are. Now quick. Find me that old copy of predictions and prophecies. Hey, what's that piece of shit, Spike?" Twilight asked.

    "Well, it was a gift for Moondancer. I got her a teddy bear", Spike noted.

    "Spike, noone has time for your shitty gifts", Twilight exclaimed.

    "But if I don't give the gift, Moondancer threatened she'd put up a photo that makes me look gay", Spike said in a worried tone.

    "I don't fucking care. We don't have time for that shit", Twilight answered in a gruntled manner.

Twilight searched through book after book after book, while Spike did the same.

    "Spike, do something useful for once, you lazy asshole!" Twilight yelled.

    "Don't worry, Twilight, I found the book."

    "Shut up Spike. I'm trying to look for the book."

Twilight levitated herself up to where Spike was and saw the book. "There it is, Spike. It was in your hand. See how I'm useful and you aren't. You're also fucking blind too." Twilight snatched the book with her magic off of Spike and made him collapse to the ground, giving him a headache. Twilight jumped down to start the book, and left Spike to clean up the mess of books she made.

    "Ah! Elements, Elements, E, E, E... Aha! Elements of Harmony, see: Bitch in the Moon?" Twilight read.

    "Bitch in the Moon? But that's just an old ponies' tale", Spike questioned.

    "Bitch, bitch... aha! The Bitch in the Moon, myth from old pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Elements of Harmony and imprisoned inside the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year of the 1000th hour, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal! Spike! Do you know what this means?" Twilight asked worriedly.

    "No", Spike said confused.

Twilight kicked the ladder to make Spike fall on her back.

    "Now quick. Take a note please, to the Princess", Twilight requested.

    "Okey-dokey", Spike said.

    "Shut up, Spike. Quit sounding like ponies like you and take a fucking note", Twilight yelled.

Dear Princess Celestia,

My dearest bottom bitch, my continuing studies of pony magic have led me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster!

She was interrupted by Spike. "Hold on. Preci... preci..."

Twilight answered him confused. "Threshold".

"Threh", he thought, flummoxed.

Twilight tried shortening the word more. "Brink?"

Spike was still confused until Twilight said, "Ugh, that some shit is happening that's worse and bigger than Spike's ass."

Twilight continued her letter.

For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is in fact Nightmare Moon, and she's about to return to Equestria, and bring with her eternal night! Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. I await your quick response.

Your faithful pimp, Twilight Sparkle.

Spike finished the finishing touches. "Twilight Sparkle", he said slowly as he wrote. "Done".

"Great send it", Twilight said.

"N