Twilight's Harem

Princess Twilight's Harem
Chapter 3: Silly Mysteries and Oral Fixations
by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires

All characters not my own copyrighted to Hasbro and used for non-profit amusement reasons. Story contains NSFW content and should not be read by minors. In short, sex both implied and otherwise is taking place here. Takes place three days after chapter 2.

Author's Note: This is my first real attempt at a clopfic, so I'm taking it slow. Some scenes will be written out fully, while others will be just implied. I apologize in advance for any cliches that will appear. They're entirely unintentional.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Ponyville...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Pinkie Pie, for her part, thought she was taking things rather well. The news that the Cakes were now Twilight's harem slaves was surprising, but other than the two of them being flirty with Twilight when she came in and both of them disappearing one evening, leaving her in charge of the twins, very little had actually changed. Maybe becoming a harem girl wouldn't be so bad?

It'd give her an excuse to put on that harem costume she bought a few months back on, since it turned out she didn't need it for that bachelor party.

But still, she couldn't help but feel something was off. Something important, something that was right in front of her nose. Something off in her.

She mentally reviewed her actions over the past few days. Each day since the start of Twilight needing to get a harem, she'd get up, help the Cakes bake delectable treats, play with the Twins and help them play some learning games, hang out with her friends...

Pinkie Pie blinked, her very train of thought giving her the clue.

It was organized. Steady. Sane.

“Someone's stealing my crazy,” Pinkie Pie said. She produced a deerstalker cap and bubble pipe out of nowhere, and nodded. “This bears investigation!”

She blinked. “...What in the world to bears have to do with investigation anyway?” She shrugged, and decided to add that to the list of things to investigate. “The game's ahoof, friends,” she said to a bag of flour and a turnip in the corner. “And the time has come for Detective Pinklock Pieomes to investigate!”

She dashed off, vanishing in a cloud of smoke.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Meanwhile...
Golden Oaks Library...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“One year,” Spike said, putting books, gems, and writing supplies in a suitcase. “That's how long Twilight has to keep each member of her harem. After that, they only stay on if they want to.”

Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy all traded surprised looks. “Seriously? Just a year?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Spike nodded. “Got a letter from Princess Celestia two days ago, confirming what Twilight asked her after she got everypony home that first night. Turns out this nonsense law the nobles found falls under the 'Voluntary Service' laws, which require one year of dedicated service, after which staying on is just optional,” he said. “Big Macintosh and the Cakes already knew that it would be one of those laws...”

“...Because Big Mac does all the hirin' for the farmhands, and the Cakes are business owners so they'd know all the related laws for hiring help,” Applejack said, she and the other three mares looking chagrined. They had come over that morning to talk to Twilight about the fact that she now owned several ponies and all of their possessions for herself. Finding out that the 'permanence' they feared was for naught and the confidence of the Cakes and Big Macintosh going in was justified was more than a little embarrassing.

“I feel somewhat silly now for not knowing this, but I've always worked alone in my shop, so I guess it never came up. Well... what about their possessions? The businesses she now owns?” Rarity asked. “Lotus has pretty much given up her half of the spa to Twilight. She's also essentially taken the inheritance of the Cake Twins from them. And I'm fairly certain that Applejack would like to keep Sweet Apple Acres within the family.”

Applejack nodded in agreement. “Nothin' against Twi, it's just that Sweet Apple Acres is and always has been an Apple Family venture,” she said.

“Proviso 8C of the Harem law says that the Mistress of said harem can reward her slaves for their services,” Spike said. “'Oh Big Macintosh, you're such an excellent lover. Here, let me reward you by giving you these shares of Sweet Apple Acres I just happen to own,'” he added with a giggle, doing a passable imitation of Twilight.

“Oh dear...” Fluttershy said, wincing. “Girls, I think we may have been worrying for nothing.”

Rarity nodded. “I'm inclined to agree,” she said. “If Twilight can simply give back everything she gains from her harem slaves as a reward, then our concerns about Twilight gathering this harem may be unfounded...”

“Anyone else beginning to have bad flashbacks to the wedding?” Rainbow Dash muttered, remembering how they had disbelieved Twilight before.

Applejack just blushed, looking away. Rarity and Fluttershy both began shifting uncomfortably as well.

Spike chuckled. “I can understand where you're coming from, really. But this is Twilight we're talking about. It's not like she'd actually steal someone's livelihood from them, or mooch from the Cakes so much it hurts their profits.” He giggled, and added, “I might, but Twi would stop me.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “There's still that bit that says she can do what she wants with her slaves in public,” she said, blushing. “Kissing and... and...” she gulped, forcing the next words out, “and squishy bedroom stuff.”

Spike quirked an eyebrow. “'Squishy bedroom stuff?'” he deadpanned. “Really?”

Fluttershy frowned at Rainbow Dash, concerned. “It's a perfectly normal part of life, Rainbow Dash,” she said.

Rainbow Dash gave her a baffled look. “You FAINT when sex talks start!” she almost spat.

Fluttershy blushed brightly, her wings pomfing out convulsively. “O-Only if the s-s...” she gulped, and spelled out the word, “S-E-X talk is about me. If it involves my cute little critters and helping them get together, I'm more comfortable talking about it.”

Spike shook his head. “'Squishy bedroom stuff.' I'm gonna remember that one,” he said. “Okay, let's review. Has Twilight ever taken advantage of any of her harem slaves in public beyond a smooch or two? Disrupted business for them in any way in the past three days?”

“Well...” Applejack said, looking thoughtful. “No, no ah can't say she has.”

“There you go, then,” Spike said, going back to his packing. “I can understand why you're worried, but give Twilight a little credit here. And let her have her fun! Frankly, I think this is good for her!”

Fluttershy blinked. “You really think so?”

Spike chuckled. “This is YEARS of sexual repression coming undone. I got the 'birds and the bees' talk early, so I pretty much know about all the 'squishy bedroom stuff,'” he said with a smirk.

Rainbow Dash growled. “You're never gonna let me hear the end of that, are you?”

Spike laughed. “I'm sorry, it's just... out of all of us, I figured that Fluttershy would be the prude, not you!” he giggled. He then turned to Fluttershy, and added, “Sorry, I know that was rude...”

Fluttershy shook her head, looking at Rainbow Dash in surprise. “No, I'm with you on this one.”

“I'm not a prude!” Rainbow Dash shouted, turning redder than the red parts of her mane.

Rarity quirked an eyebrow at her chromatic comrade. “Really, Rainbow Dash, it's all right. It just means you're more ladylike than I originally thought you were. And that's a good thing!”

Rainbow Dash seemed even more offended. “I'm no lady! And I'm no damn prude, either! I just...” she trailed off, blushing brightly. “I just don't think it's right to go around talking about... about...”

“'Squishy bedroom stuff?'” Applejack offered, smirking despite herself.

Rainbow Dash growled, still blushing, and flew off.

Spike giggled. Rarity rolled her eyes and sighed. “We'll make it up to her later today,” Rarity said, turning back to Spike. “So what is this camp you and the foals are going to?”

“It's a creative writing camp!” Spike said. “Twilight attended it when she was younger, and I remember having a good time there myself.” He pulled out several pamphlets, Rarity picking them up and showing to the others. Spike continued, saying, “They have a lot of games, y'know the kind. Ones that are just fun enough to hide the fact that you're actually learning something, like the Carmare Sandiego games.”

Applejack nodded. “Apple Bloom's been pretty excited about it,” she said.

Spike nodded, grinning as he finished his packing. “I even know what one of the first things we'll be studying in the games,” he said, pulling out another pamphlet. “It's... ah... yeah. 'Hackneyed Plot Devices and Deus Ex Machinas.' Its gonna be a puzzle plus scavenger hunt kinda thing, figure out which is which and how they fit together in a story.”

Fluttershy grinned. “That's really quite clever,” she said.

Rarity nodded. “Indeed,” she agreed, smiling.

Spike picked up his suitcase. “You gonna see me off at the train station later today?” he asked.

“Of course, Spikey-wikey,” Rarity said, nuzzling him, Spike almost swooning in delight. “The Crusaders will be there as well, so we'll see you all off. Which reminds me...”

“I'll go remind Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said. “She promised she'd be there for Scootaloo.” As the canary-yellow pegasus started to fly off, Spike grabbed her tail.

“Waitwaitwait,” Spike said. “Before you go, there was one thing that Twilight wanted me to say to you all. She didn't elaborate and... well, from her face, I don't think I wanted her to... but she said you'd know what it meant.”

Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy traded confused looks. “Well, tell us,” Rarity said.

Spike stroked his chin, and said, “She told me to tell you that 'He's bigger than the rumors say.'”

Applejack frowned, confused. Fluttershy and Rarity's jaws dropped, their faces turning bright red. “'Thank you, Spike,” Rarity stammered. “W-we'll meet you at the train station after lunch.”

Spike nodded, turning to pack another suitcase, setting the other one at the foot of Twilight's bed. “See you later then,” he said as the three mares left, Applejack staring at Fluttershy and Rarity as she walked beside them.

“BIGGER,” Rarity said, shaking her head. “Oh wow...”

“I know,” Fluttershy said, grinning despite herself. “I'm... I'm actually sort of jealous of Twilight now...”

“What in tarnation are y'all talking about?” Applejack asked, scowling.

Both unicorn and pegasus blushed. “Ah...” Rarity said, licking her lips. “Your brother, as it is well known, is a very handsome, attractive stallion. As such, certain rumors tend to form around him. About his sexual prowess, his stamina, his number of conquests, the length and girth of his... ah...”

Applejack gagged when she figured where Rarity was going with this. “Fer cryin' out loud!”

Fluttershy blushed brightly. “I'm so sorry, Applejack, but even I enjoy the rumors, like thinking about his...” she trailed off into vaguely adorable mumbles, giggling nervously.

Rarity shivered softly. “And to hear a confirmation that not only does he meet the rumors, but surpass them...” the unicorn said, moaning softly. “To imagine that length filling me out, stretching me so tightly, pounding into my marehood over and over again...”

“STOP IT!” Applejack shouted.

Rarity flinched, cringing. Fluttershy grinned nervously. “Maybe it's not the best thing to talk about Big Macintosh in a sexual way in front of her sister.”

“PLEASE!” Applejack insisted, looking visibly flustered.

“It wasn't very ladylike of me, either,” Rarity said, grinning weakly. “Forgive me, dear Applejack. I simply forgot myself for a moment.”

Applejack huffed. “It's fine, it's fine,” she said. “Just... he's my brother, y'know? It's weird to hear folks talk about him like that.”

Rarity nodded. “Of course,” she said. “Anyway, I promised that I'd help Sweetie Belle pack for the train ride.”

“And I still need to remind Rainbow Dash to meet us all at the station to say goodbye to Scootaloo,” Fluttershy added.

Applejack nodded. “Ah should help Apple Bloom with her packing,” she said. “See y'all later?”

Rarity and Fluttershy both nodded, saying their farewells and heading off in different directions, Rarity for her shop, Fluttershy for Rainbow Dash's house, where she knew her friend would be sulking.

“Sakes,” Applejack said, trotting off towards her own farm. “Mah own brother...” she said, thinking out loud. Her own handsome, strong brother. Who apparently was rumored to be one of the most prolific lovers in town. Who apparently was also the most hung stallion in Ponyville, with a stallionhood so large that it could fill out a mare completely. As she walked along, her mind wandered, thoughts of being mounted by a massive stallion filling her head, his bright red body warm and comforting as he rutted with her wildly in the apple orchards of Sweet Apple Acres...

Applejack gasped softly, shivering in pleasure just from the thought of it. She then realized that she was blushing and sweating a little, a look of horror coming over her face. “Did ah just fantasize about bein' mounted by mah own brother?” she asked, thinking out loud. Shaking her head, she resolved not to mention it, and went back to walking home.

Where her big handsome brother was.

“Gol dang goofy mares makin' me think sexy thoughts about m'own family...” Applejack muttered.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Train station...
Two hours later...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Nearly every parent and/or older sibling in Ponyville was there, saying goodbye to their children as they got on the train to go to the creative writing camp.

Derpy hugged Dinky tightly. “I'll miss you, my muffin,” she said, adjusting the saddlebags she was wearing so they wouldn't smoosh up against her youngest daughter.

“It won't be the same without you around, squirt,” Amethyst Star said, ruffling the little gray unicorn's blonde mane.

Dinky giggled. “Don't worry Mom, Big Sis,” she said. “I'll be okay. Plus, I'll bring back a wonderful story for the two of you, one I wrote myself!”

A few feet away from Derpy and her family, Rarity nuzzled Sweetie Belle, a wide smile on her face. “I've pleased you've decided to try pursuing such a civilized pursuit, dear,” she said.

Sweetie Belle giggled. “I still can't believe I got Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to agree to it as well!” she said. “This is gonna be so much fun!”

Rarity smiled, hugging her sister tightly.

A short ways away, Applejack was saying her goodbyes to Apple Bloom. “You take care of y'self, y'here? And remember what ah said; no dangerous Crusader stuff. Got it?”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Aw, c'mon. It's a writing camp. How much trouble can a gal get into at one o'those?” she said, smiling.

“There's a jinx phrase if I ever heard one,” Scootaloo muttered.

“Heh,” Rainbow Dash said, mussing her mane. “Don't worry about it.”

Scootaloo sighed. “I still don't know about this,” she said. “I mean, a writing camp? Seriously?”

Rainbow Dash nudged her, grinning. “Hey, don't knock writing. Daring Do series? Totally awesome. Plus, I've been gettin' into other books Twilight's suggested. There's some great adventure stories out there. And who knows? You just might be the next great author of one!”

Scootaloo beamed. “You really think so?” she asked.

Rainbow Dash nodded. “You got moxie, kiddo. Once you find your Mark, you're gonna be even more awesome than you already are.”

“Rainbow Dash thinks I'm awesome,” Scootaloo squeed, her wings flapping so fast that she was starting to hover in the air.

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes and concentrated, forming a magikinetic 'leash' around Scootaloo's leg to keep her from flying off into the sky.

Rarity grinned. “Your magikinesis is coming along quite nicely, Sweetie Belle,” she said.

“It's because I have such an awesome sister teaching me,” Sweetie Belle said, making Rarity blush.

“Betcha mine's more awesome,” Apple Bloom said, nuzzling Applejack, who hugged her happily.

The three Crusaders giggled, and trotted onto the train.

“You got everything, Spike?” Twilight asked, the dragon fumbling a little with his suitcases.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Yes MOM,” he said sarcastically. “I've been ready.”

Twilight frowned. “You sure? I can go over my checklist again, and...”

“TWILIGHT,” Spike said, grabbing her face. “Relax. I'll be fine.” He smiled at her. “I know this is the first time I've gone off on my own that didn't involve running away, but I'll be going to a safe place with lots of counselors to watch over everypony. Okay?”

Twilight bit her lip and sighed. “I know, I know, it's just...”

Spike hugged her. “I know. I love you too,” he said, making Twilight blush. The train whistle blew, Spike huging her one last time and getting on the train with his suitcases, nodding to the counselor holding the door open for him.

“Don't worry, your highness,” said the Earth pony. “Your ward is in good hooves.”

Twilight smiled at the counselor, nodding. The door closed, and the train slowly chugged off, the foals going to the window and waving to their family members as they drove off, the engine ponies picking up speed.

Once the train was out of sight, Twilight sighed. “Well... back to my little research project, I suppose,” she said.

Derpy giggled, nuzzling her. “It's not like you haven't been enjoying yourself,” she said.

“True,” Twilight said, grinning.

“Wait, research?” Applejack asked. “What research?”

Twilight just stared at her, grinning. “...You're kidding, right?”

Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy just stared at her blankly. Surprisingly, it was Rainbow Dash who got it first. “What, wait, you're regarding this whole harem-building thing as research?”

“Yep!” Twilight said cheerfully. “And it's some of the most fun I've had researching in a long while! I had no idea there were so many ways of having sex! So many positions, so many fetishes, so many deliciously kinky new spells to try...”

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash both were blushing brightly now. “F-Fetishes?” Rainbow Dash asked nervously.

“Special things that turn people on,” Twilight explained. She sighed dreamily. “Girls... while I wish it was under better circumstances, I've been having the time of my life! I've never had any sexual confidence before, never even had the nerve to approach anypony who interested me! And now...”

“Now you get to have your pie and eat it too,” Derpy said, nuzzling her.

“Aaaaand, that's where I excuse myself,” Amethyst Star said, the younger unicorn shaking her head in amusement as she turned and left. “Wise stallion say: when TMI alarm goes off, it's best to make a hasty exit.” She waved goodbye to the others, Derpy waving goodbye in return, staying by Twilight.

“Wise stallion say,” Rainbow Dash muttered so that none of the others could hear, “dumb pegasus stay and listen to squishy bedroom talk...” Still, despite the sexual nature of the conversation, Dash and the others were a little relieved. This sounded more like the Twilight they knew, an eager student ready and willing to learn new things.

“I've got several copies of the Ka-mare Sutra available, if you're interested in learning a bit more about what I'm going to be studying,” Twilight offered.

“Ah... well, the subject is obviously going to be very prominent in the future,” Rarity said. “I suppose I could give it a look.”

“Ah guess ah could too,” Applejack said, fidgeting nervously.

Fluttershy shook her head, blushing brightly. “No thank you, Twilight,” she said, smiling weakly. “I'm barely managing to keep myself together on this topic as it is.”

“I don't need no book on sex,” Rainbow Dash said, more tersely than she wanted to.

Twilight nodded. “Okay then. Stop by anytime before the Dusk Court at the Palace to pick up your copies,” she said, smiling. “Which reminds me... Derpy?”

“Right here, Twilight,” Derpy said, pulling a sheaf of pamphlets out of her saddlebags.

“Ah, excellent,” Twilight said, taking them from Derpy and looking them over. “The printer did a great job with these, and got everything I wanted on them. Thanks for bringing them, Derpy.”

“It's nice to do deliveries again,” Derpy said, smiling warmly.

“Pamphlets, Twilight? Seriously?” Rainbow Dash said, staring incredulously at the mass of them Twilight held.

“Some to go in the library, some to be put in other places,” the alicorn said. “I've already cleared it with the Mayor, and with most of the foals in town off to camp, there's little chance of awkward questions being asked. There's really no benefit to me lying, I'm still working on my seduction techniques, and I doubt that I'm going to get lucky enough to get another Lotus. About the only other easy acquisition I think I could make would be Berry Punch if I got her drunk enough, and I don't think I could take advantage of her like that.” She blinked, and thought for a moment. “It might be fun to pretend, though, and see the look on her face.”

“Celestia help us all, Twilight's developing a mischievous streak,” Rarity said wryly, taking one of the pamphlets. There were no pictures aside from one of Twilight, with her hair tied back in a tail and in a sexy pose. The rest of the pamphlet held all the details of what joining her harem would entail, including the promise of money and of the return of all their possessions after they reverted to her control.

“Seems legit enough,” Applejack said, she, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy reading it over Rarity's shoulder.

“Thank you for not putting any lewd pictures in it, Twilight,” Fluttershy said, blushing.

Twilight grinned. “I know that some ponies are like you when it comes to sex,” she said. “I'm not going to scare them off like that.”

“Still...” Rarity said, “Aren't you worried about the possible negative consequences to your reputation because of this?”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Will I still have your support and friendship, no matter what?”

Without even a moment's hesitation, each one gave their answer.

“Of course, darling,” Rarity said, smiling.

“You know it, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash affirmed, nodding.

“Oh, most definitely,” Fluttershy said, grinning.

“Sure as sugar, Twi. You befriend an Apple, you got a friend fer life,” Applejack said. She blinked, and chuckled. “Well, that explains this note Pinkie gave me 'afore she left.” She removed her hat and pulled out a rolled-up sheet of paper stuck in her mane. Twilight opened and read it, smiling warmly.

The note read, in Pinkie's manic hoofwriting; “IOU one Pinkie Promise followed by a silly song to be a True True Friend, always.”

Derpy smiled and nuzzled her Mistress. “You know you can count on me, too,” Derpy said. “I owe you for being so kind to me, Twilight.”

Twilight took a deep breath, quietly reveling in the warmth she felt from the others. “Then I think I can manage any 'negative fallout' that occurs because of this. Thank you all.”

“Where is Pinkie, anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I haven't seen her all day.”

Applejack shrugged. “She mentioned something about 'finding out the clues to the mystery,' or somethin' like that.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Oh boy. Detective adventure now. If Pinkie Pie got any more random, she'd be a draconequus.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Meanwhile...
Canterlot...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“How did you even get here?” Captain Barricade said, the massive, canary-yellow, pink and gray maned pegasus staring at the pink ball of energy as she paced around her. “I don't remember any trains or chariots coming into Canterlot from Ponyville recently.”

“That's not important,” Pinkie Pie said. “What is important is the fact that YOU are a suspect in the theft of my delightfully humorous crazy!”

Barricade shook her head. “I'd say I don't think you've lost it, but I don't know if that statement fits here,” she said, her expression a mix of confusion and irritation.

“In the past few days, I have been acting far less random and chatterboxy than I should be,” Pinkie Pie said. “There can be only one conclusion to that!”

“You're having an 'off' week?” Barricade offered, rolling her eyes.

“NO!” Pinkie Pie said, posing dramatically. “It means that someone is siphoning off my crazy!”

Barricade facehoofed. “I have no magic beyond the basic stuff pegasi have, how could I siphon off your crazy?”

Pinkie Pie froze, and began puffing her bubble pipe. “Hmm, good point,” she said. Quite suddenly, she then leaped up and grabbed Barricade's face. “But maybe you're secretly working for the one responsible! Maybe you're his or her double super secret triple decker with extra frosting and a side of fries agent! Maybe you're a NINJA!” She blinked. “No, that's silly. You're too big to be a ninja.”

Barricade growled at the crack about her weight. “I've squashed bigger than you for less, whelp,” she said.

Pinkie Pie leapt off of Barricade's face, barely missing Barricade's attempt to stomp on her. “Go pester Discord or something!” Barricade growled. “I've got work to do!”

Pinkie Pie went wide-eyed. “Of course... that makes perfect sense! The Don of Dementia himself!” She cackled. “I'll solve this case yet, or my name's not Pinkitha Piestie!”

The spastic pink Earth pony vanished in a puff, leaving a very confused Pegasus Guard Captain. After a moment, Barricade shook her head. “Flutters, you have the craziest friends,” she said, thinking fondly of her daughter in Ponyville.

A few minutes later, Discord, in his private quarters, found himself besieged by Pinkie Pie as she emerged from a nearby cloud of popcorn which he had been using as a snack.

“All right, Discord!” Pinkie Pie said. “I've caught you red handed!”

Discord, amused, looked at his lion's paw hand, which was covered in bright red boxing glove in a flash of light. “So you have,” he said, tossing the glove over his shoulder, which turned into a flock of winged candy canes that flew off. “Now what was my red hand doing?”

“Stealing my crazy, you randomness-stealing thief, you!” Pinkie Pie said, walking up the highly amused Discord's body like a ramp and poking him in the nose with her pipe. “You can't hide the truth from me! Where were you on the night of the 35th?”

“Waltzing with Matilda,” Discord replied without missing a beat. “Lovely girl. Makes excellent chocolate scones.”

“Is that so...” Pinkie Pie said, leaping off of his body and pacing back and forth. “Where in the world is Carmare Sandiego?” she demanded quite suddenly.

“Last time I checked, she was in Camare Islands enjoying the ransom she got after she stole the letter L,” Discord said, smirking. He liked this game.

“A tricksie one you are,” Pinkie Pie said, giving a wary look.

Discord giggled, and manifested copies of a certain showmare's trademark cloak and hat on himself. “Well, I am great and powerful,” he said, posing haughtily.

“True enough,” Pinkie Pie said. After a brief silent moment, Pinkie Pie thrust her hoof forward and shouted, “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

“Maximum recorded throwing distance in the Woodchuck Olympics is fifty kilograms thrown fifty meters. The gold medal went to one Charles Ein Chargensburg,” Discord answered, trading wizard hat and cloak for a pair of classes, a visor hat, and a clipboard with notes on it. “Personally, I think he was doping up, but nothing was ever proven,” he added in a conspiratorial tone, stage whispering in her ear.

Pinkie Pie blinked, surprised she actually got an answer out of him. “Seriously?”

Discord cackled. “Ah, Pinkie. You've always been my favorite.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Ponyville...
Later...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Derpy calmly sat in the park, enjoying the warm day and eating some chocolate chip muffins. Twilight didn't have any particular tasks for her today, so she was thinking about just curling up and taking a nap right there in the shade of the tree she was sitting under. Before she did, though, she noticed a cloaked figure walking along, visibly shaking with each step.

The cloak was easily recognizable as Zecora's. What confused Derpy was why the zebra was wearing it. It was a pleasant day, but it was too hot to be wearing something so concealing. Derpy flew over to her, Zecora yelping and taking a step back in surprise.

“Oh, Derpy! Forgive me, dear,” Zecora said, her voice audibly strained. “Your sudden arrival I didn't quite hear.”

Derpy smiled. “It's okay,” she said. “But why are you wearing your cloak? It's too warm for it.”

Zecora bit her lip nervously, clearly not wanting to admit this but unable to think of a good lie. “I need it, you see, it's part of my plan...” she said, shivering softly. “It will conceal how cursedly wet that I am...”

Derpy blinked, and for the first time she realized that she could smell a strong scent of arousal coming from the zebra. “Zecora, what happened?”

Zecora looked directly at Derpy, the pegasus surprised at the disheveled appearance of the zebra, her normally immaculately groomed mohawk limp and drooping in places. She was sweating visibly, her lovely blue eyes bloodshot and her smile visibly forced. She was still wearing her neckbands, but she wasn't wearing her usual gold earrings. “Nothing too major, it wasn't an attack. I just made a mistake with an aphrodisiac,” she said after a moment, visibly blushing.

Derpy went wide-eyed.

Zecora coughed. “Now if you'll excuse me, I must find Twilight's home. The effects are getting worse, I've no time to roam...”

Derpy nodded. “I'll go with you,” she said.

Zecora shook her head. “Every moment it's more difficult to think,” she said. “To be so close to somepony would...” Her statement trailed off as a shudder went through her.

“C'mon,” Derpy insisted. “I know a shortcut to the library.”

A few minutes later, Derpy proving as good as her word, Zecora, her cloak off, was sitting in the library, panting heavily, squirming in the chair she was sitting in, her marehood dripping wet. The zebra was visibly frazzled, her hooves shaking, Zecora straining not to touch herself. When asked why, she explained, “Touching myself just makes it worse. I need another release from this wretched curse.”

“Don't worry, Zecora,” Twilight said, smiling warmly. “I'll be more than happy to help you. What was the aphrodisiac you were making? I might be able to find a counter for it in one of my books.”

Zecora grinned weakly. “It was... an older potion. Dragonflare weed and passion fruit concentrate...” she said. Her body was so hot, it was hard to think, much less form a rhyme. It was all she could do to keep herself from throwing herself at the two mares in the room with her.

Twilight grimaced. “Zecora, that formula's meant for DRAGONS!” she said.

Zecora nodded, panting from the heat suffusing her body. “Yes... had an older dragon come see me... had a new mate, a younger one, wanted to be able... ngh... to keep up with her... Came back after I was done... ahhh... paid me anyway, but said he actually didn't need it... Put it on a sh elf and forgot it was there...” She whimpered softly from the heat in her loins, and took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “Was cleaning up... earlier today... accidentally spilled it on myself...”

Twilight licked her lips. Because Zecora was a friend, she was trying to keep herself composed. But the sight of a mare desperate for release, so aroused that it hurt, was starting to get to her.

“So hot...” Zecora moaned. “Twilight... help me...”

Twilight shook her head, clearing it. She pulled out her copy of Super Naturals and looked up the entry for the aphrodisiac. Cure first, then flirt...

“Huh boy...” the alicorn said as she read the entry, grimacing.

“What?” Derpy asked. “What is it? What's the ingredients to the counter potion?”

“...There isn't any counter potion,” Twilight said softly, showing the two of them the book.

“WHAT?!” Derpy shouted.

Zecora grimaced. “From my copy... I knew that much... I was hoping... you could find something I missed...”

Twilight shook her head. “This is the only book in the library that even mentions that formula...”

Zecora shuddered. “Then I have to find some other way of getting rid of this burning,” she said, whimpering softly, “without turning myself into the town whore...”

Twilight looked Zecora over. The zebra was a shapely mare, especially around her haunches. Even before she found herself in need of a harem, Twilight had admired Zecora's looks. And this... this was an opportunity if ever there was one. “There is a way listed to help combat the need,” she said, licking her lips. “If you're willing, I'd be happy to show it to you.”

Derpy recognized the look on Twilight's face, and grinned despite herself. Huh boy, she thought. And here we go.

“Anything,” Zecora said, giving Twilight a desperate look. “The burning... the need... it hurts so much...”

Twilight practically leapt at Zecora, roughly pressing her lips to Zecora's. Too desperate, too aroused to resist, the zebra let Twilight's probing tongue in, their tongues dancing about in each other's mouths as Twilight gently guided her over to the couch, Derpy flying to another part of the room to get them some space.

Twilight lay the lightly older mare down on the couch, her hooves caressing her sweaty, moaning body, paying special attention to Zecora's ample rump. She licked her lips, surprised at the rich, earthy taste of the zebra's tongue. So different from Derpy's, which always had the slight flavor of muffins on it, or Lotus's, which always tasted of her namesake blossom. Twilight grinned, wanting more of that taste, teasingly pressing her hoof into Zecora's dripping sex. The zebra whimpered, squirming in delighted pleasure beneath her. After a long moment, the two came up for breath, a thin line of drool trailing from their mouths as they separated.

“Please...” Zecora begged. “I need it so much...”

Twilight kissed her on the cheek, Zecora gasping softly. “Then let's make it so we can both get something out of this,” she said. To Derpy's surprise, Twilight arranged herself and Zecora so that one of the zebra's legs was between her own. She stared in confusion a moment before she saw them begin grinding their hips up against each other, both alicorn and zebra moaning in pleasure. When she realized what they were doing, however, she gasped. She found one hoof slowly trailing down her body, shuddering involuntarily as said wandering hoof made its way into her steadily moistening marehood.

Twilight moaned softly, her lips locked with Zecora's as they rode each other, sensitive clits rubbing against soft fur as they both shuddered in pleasure. For Zecora, it was like lightning flowing through her, each motion sending jolts of pleasure through her overexcited body. A thunder that was steadily growing in intensity as her release grew close.

Twilight's wings flared as she bucked her hips on Zecora's leg, groaning in pleasure. She had read about this in the Ka-mare Sutra, and had been wanting to try it. She hadn't been certain how it would go, but once she had found the right position, the feeling was delightful. The tips of her wings quivered in delight as she and Zecora rode each other's legs, both mares moaning in pleasure, their forehooves caressing each other's soft furred bodies.

With a powerful cry, both alicorn and zebra came hard, their fluids gushing over each other's legs. Thunderbolts of pleasure shot through their entire bodies, the two of them shuddering as they collapsed against each other, Zecora's breathing slowing down as a smile came to her face. She hugged Twilight, smiling warmly.

“That release has definitively cleared my head,” Zecora said. “Thank for willingly sharing your bed.”

“Well... couch, rather than bed, but I get the idea,” Twilight said, kissing her. “I'm glad I was able to help.”

Both mares turned, startled, when they heard a fierce clopping sound and a loud cry coming from the balcony Derpy was watching from. The pegasus, having just brought herself to orgasm, grinned sheepishly, and began licking her hoof clean.

Zecora chuckled. “Hopefully that orgasm will have been enough,” she said. “Even though we did quite enjoyable stuff.”

“Actually...” Twilight said, cringing, “I have good news and bad news on that front. The good news is that a good hard cumming will clear your head whenever the lust gets to be too much.”

Zecora's ears lay back. She had a sudden idea she knew where this was going. “That is good news, that much is true. But please share the bad news with me too.”

Twilight sighed. “The bad news is that, according to the book and the effects it lists for equine breeds, you're gonna have to cum at least once a day for a month. That's how long it will take for the aphrodisiac to wear off. And like before, you can't self-stimulate. I don't know why, it just makes the lust even worse. Plus, to help ward off the effects, you have to orally consume, at least once a day each, male and female ejaculate.”

Zecora groaned softly. “It seems that's the price my carelessness must pay,” the zebra muttered. “I don't suppose you'd like to fuck everyday?”

“Yes, actually,” Twilight said. Zecora looked up, startled.

Derpy giggled. “This happened at pretty much the perfect time, Zecora,” she said.

Zecora gave Twilight a confused look. Twilight sighed, and explained her situation with the nobles, her need to acquire a harem, the names of the ponies she already had in her harem, as well the other details that went with the situation. “I would give you back your possessions in short order, you'd get the sex you need to last the month, and after a year had passed, you'd be able to go back to your regular life if you want. No questions asked, no muss, no fuss. I just need to actually gather at least twenty-five ponies and keep them for the required year.”

Zecora sighed wearily, shaking her head and chuckling. “Either lose myself to lust, or become a blowjob queen. Neither choice is truly keen,” she said. She stretched, and slowly rolled to her side, Twilight lifting herself off of the zebra. Zecora chuckled. “Still, I can admit my options could be worse. My mind remains clear, and nothing harms my verse. I accept your offer, I'll be your sex toy. If nothing else, the sex has shown to be something I'll enjoy.”

Twilight nodded, smiling. “Okay then,” she said. “I need to put a binding mark on you. That way, everypony will know that you're mine, and won't be able to do anything to you.”

Zecora nodded. Twilight grinned, and touched her horn to Zecora's Cutie Mark. She gasped softly, a pleasurable surge going through her flanks as the circle drew itself around her Cutie Mark. But when the lock formed, the binding ring and lock shifted, becoming the same style as Zecora's Cutie Mark.

“Interesting,” Twilight said, fascinated. “Are all zebra Cutie Marks like that then?”

Zecora nodded, stretching. “I should probably start my oral duties,” Zecora said. She felt weird about all this, but better this than letting herself get lost to lust because she accidentally dropped a random potion on herself. “Perhaps it is my Mistress that I will first please?” Zecora grinned sensually, licking her lips.

Twilight smirked. “Not me,” she said. “Derpy, would you come down here please?”

Derpy blushed brightly, nodding. “Yes Mistress,” she said, flying down to her. Twilight directed her to sit on the couch.

“Since Derpy's taking the role of Number One Assistant while Spike is at camp, I figure she should be rewarded for her efforts. And I'm sure you'd like to thank her for getting you here so quickly,” Twilight said, grinning a sharklike grin.

Zecora licked her lips. A trace of the lust was still there, but it was a low, controlled burn. The former mailmare blushed, still a little wet from pleasuring herself earlier.

“Spread your legs, my wall-eyed friend,” Zecora said. “And Zecora shall bring you pleasure without end.”

Derpy blushed brightly, spreading her hind legs as Zecora crouched down, teasingly nuzzling Derpy's moist folds before burying her tongue in the former mailmare's marehood. Derpy moaned in pleasure, convulsively reaching out and pressing the zebra's head into her sex as she felt Zecora's tongue dancing about inside her most sensitive areas, her nose brushing up against her erect clitoris. She grinned delightedly, letting out a pleased moan.

Zecora just chuckled to herself. She wasn't inexperienced with orally pleasing a mare (she sometimes needed the fluids for potions, and was well-liked enough that curious mares were almost always willing to help), she just never thought she'd have to be doing it every day. She resolved to enjoy herself (fretting about her situation would accomplish nothing, after all), savoring the squirms and moans she was getting from the wall-eyed pegasus as her tongue danced around the dripping opening, sometimes flicking up to tease the hard nubbin of flesh at the top. She could feel Derpy's internal muscles starting to clench, the pegasus's moans scaling up an octave, interspersed with gasps of pleasure as she bucked her hips into Zecora's muzzle.

Derpy moaned delightedly, the sensations filling her sending wonderful shivers through her whole body, right to the tips of her hooves and wings. With a final teasing nuzzle to her clit, she felt her internal muscles clamp down, the pegasus's fluids guashing out over Zecora's muzzle. The zebra eagerly lapped it up, Derpy shivering in pleasure as she slowly collapsed on the chair.

Twilight grinned happily as Zecora backed away, licking her lips, Derpy panting delightedly as she caught her breath. That's six toys for me to play with now, she thought. So long as nothing unexpected happens, I should be in good shape.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A few miles outside of town...
That evening...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A blue unicorn, clad in hat and cape, smirked as she looked at the road sign, which showed that there were just a few miles left until she reached the borders of Ponyville.

“Not long now, Twilight Sparkle,” said the Great and Powerful Trixie. “It's been over a year since we've last seen each other. Trixie has been training in the mountains of the Far East ever since, and is much stronger now than she used to be. Trixie hopes you've kept up your studies just as well, as win or lose, this will be our last fight.”

Trixie smirked, and unfastened herself from her cart, setting up camp for the evening. “Yes... Our last battle. And this time, there will be no interruptions, no corrupting amulets, no idiot fans bringing in Ursas. It shall be noble combat, unicorn versus unicorn, with the winner admitting once and for all that the other is the greatest.”

Once her bedding was set up, she crawled in, pulling some granola bars and carrots out of her cart and starting to eat. “Only this time,” Trixie said, smirking, “It shall be Trixie who triumphs.”

TO BE CONTINUED...