Being Chaos Malcontent

by Digodragon

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 23411

Have you ever wanted to be some pony else? When you're ruler of Equestria, sometimes you want to be some pony without responsibility.

Princess Celestia woke up late and on the wrong side of the bed. When you're responsible for raising the sun each morning, sleeping in is never an option. Her majesty's day continues on the wrong hoof with argumentative advisers and a misbehaving draconequus until she snaps and decides she needs an escape.

Princess Celestia finds that escape in a mysterious trap door that sits in the castle basement. A door that should not exist and defies all logical explanation. When Celestia enters the hatch, she finds herself not somewhere else, but some-who else...

Published 2013-04-01 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-16 01:32:20 UTC

Chapter 1 – No Obligations Holding Her Down

The castle throne room was abuzz with a dozen advisors that gathered around Princess Celestia. The colorful morning sunlight that shined through the multi-hued stained-glass windows drew strange shadows upon the floor underneath each advisor as they paced around and exchanged information.

These ponies attempted to consolidate the state of Equestria’s economy for a very important trade proposal with the Griffon nation of Griffico to the southwest. The Griffon dignitaries changed their travel plans, however, and instead of visiting next week they were to arrive tomorrow morning. Celestia’s court had twenty-four hours remaining to throw together a document that normally took four days to construct.

Today was going to be a very efficient day for Equestria’s government.

Princess Celestia half-heartedly listened to the interest rate buzzwords spoken by Secretary of Finance Benjamin Greenback. The princess paid more attention to the letters on the document that hovered before her, letters that danced a conga line before her tired eyes. All except the word tariff which only stuck its tongue out at the princess. Celestia wanted to blame Discord’s magic for the rude gesture, but the draconequus only performed that trick on Fridays. No, the princess very well knew the real culprit was her hunger due to a missed breakfast. Celestia narrowed her eyes as she tried to get the jumble of words to hold still.

“Your highness?” the brown colored Unicorn asked of his monarch. “Are you alright?”

Celestia blinked and came back to a conga-less reality. “Oh, yes, yes I am,” she assured her head of finances. “My mind blanked for a second there. I believe we were discussing adjusting the interest rates to account for inflation?”

“That was fifteen minutes ago,” the banker said with concern.

A wide-eyed Celestia snapped her attention to the clock that hung on the wall. Fifteen minutes had indeed passed since the conga of letters began their dance. “Ah, so it was,” Celestia said sheepishly. “I’m sorry about that, Benjamin. Do go ahead with your recommendation. I trust your judgment.”

Without a pause the Minister of Trade, Farah Tradesworth, jumped in with her part of the report. “Your highness,” the violet colored Earth pony began, “We continue to see a growing surplus of our apple production, but exports of apple products have remained steady. We can overcome this issue by providing subsidy incentives to the farmers for growing more carrots.”

Celestia thought about subsidizing carrots, which sounded like a good proposal. This quickly escalated to subsidizing carrot cake, except with less subsidizing and more eating. A large cup of coffee materialized in her imagination next to the cake, complete with extra whipped cream.

“Uh, your majesty?” Farah asked aloud.

Celestia jolted back to reality once more. Her mental traveling expenses were apparently quite high this morning. She rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry, yes?” Celestia asked.

“Y-You were drooling on the annual collected tax reports,” Farah pointed out.

There was an uneasy pause of silence that hung high from the room’s vaulted ceiling. Even the shadows appeared to have halted in anticipation, held steady upon the red carpeted walkway that lead from the throne to the gilded twin-door entrance. Celestia’s pet phoenix, Philomena, sat in her gilded cage to the right of the royal throne. The fiery red bird covered her face with a wing.

“Uh oh” the phoenix cooed with a dramatic tone to break the silence.

“I apologize, my loyal subjects,” Celestia finally said. “I have had a very busy morning and I skipped breakfast on my way here. May we take a five minute break?”

The Pegasus guard to Celestia’s left let off a firm cough as he stared at Celestia’s advisors. The group collectively understood the guard’s cue. They all agreed to take a short recess so that their princess was able to address her hunger issue. The guard smiled coyly.

Celestia waved a page colt in the throne room forward. “Please bring me a few bagels from the royal kitchen, with cream cheese if possible.” She watched the page bow and then exit the room quickly to retrieve her order.

“Oh and some coffee!” Celestia shouted just as the doors closed. Shoot, had the page colt heard that last part? Celestia hoped he did. She normally drank tea, but this morning warranted something stronger.

The advisers mingled in small groups as they organized their reports. They continued to compare their findings on Equestria’s economy among themselves as Celestia looked on. The princess watched as Benjamin recited numbers on Equestria’s treasury. She listened to Steel Shield, the new Captain of the Royal Guard, as he explained why a twenty percent increase was needed in the military training budget.

She watched as Discord rode a winged pig outside over the castle gardens.

“Wait, what?!” Celestia said loudly.

The advisors all turned to follow her majesty’s gaze and they witnessed the draconequus crash his airborne pig into a tree in the garden’s hedge maze.

“Your highness,” shouted the Secretary of Defense, “That… thing must be leashed before the dignitaries arrive tomorrow!” The well-aged orange colored Earth pony approached Celestia with great concern.

Celestia shook her head. “There isn’t much we could do that would keep Discord tied down, Manny,” she explained. “Besides, he is a resident at the castle and locking Discord in his room would upset the delicate trust we have forged with him.”

Manny Fester was not swayed by Celestia’s reasons. “Then have him transported to Ponyville for the day,” he said. “Princess Twilight can watch over him there while the Griffons are here on business.”

“I suppose I could ask him,” Celestia pondered verbally.

“Command him if need be,” Manny countered. The aged stallion brushed back his short, blonde mane. “He may be a creature with feelings, but he is still a threat to Canterlot’s security despite what the reports Captain Shield has been handing to me.”

“He hasn’t done anything worse than harmless pranks,” Steel retorted. “Discord is quite like a child. If we keep him busy he will not have time to meddle in our own affairs.”

Steel glanced at Discord outside as the chaotic spirit attempted to dislodge his winged pig from the tree. After a failed attempted, Discord snapped his fingers and turned the pig into a meadowlark. However the transformed creature still retained the nose, tail, and legs of a pig.

It was also barking like a dog for whatever reason.

“Excuse me, captain, if my faith in your abilities to babysit this ‘child’ is questioned,” Manny said dryly. “My dear princess, the creature needs discipline if he’s to remain here.”

Celestia rubbed her temples. True, Discord was a hoof-full at times, but after Fluttershy befriended him and showed the draconequus how he could be more productive, Discord was more aware to respect the feelings of ponies and animals around him. Well, pig-legged meadowlarks notwithstanding.

Celestia began to envy Discord’s care-free lifestyle.

“I believe Manny has a valid point,” one of the other advisers said. “Discord needs a firm hoof to guide his actions.”

Farah shook her head. “He’s a contrary creature. Forcing him to behave will just incite him to be even more incorrigible. Your highness, we should give him the choice on staying here or not.”

Celestia nodded her head.

“But we cannot just let him roam free while the dignitaries are here!” Manny countered.

Yet another adviser chimed in her opinion. “Why not use reverse psychology as one does with unruly children? Give him the illusion of choice so that he feels empowered, but ultimately agreeing with us?”

Celestia gave an uncommitted shrug.

“My point is,” Manny restated, “That Celestia is the sovereign ruler of this country and even her friends must follow her decree!”

The princess sighed.

“That’s right, you are the ruler of Equestria!” shouted one of the advisors to Manny. Celestia wasn’t sure which advisor though; her focus was like jelly on a camera lens.

“You must be firm with Discord and explain why he needs to vacate the city for a day.”

“You can’t treat friends like that!”

“I don’t see you hanging around with him!”

“Well maybe she could after we deal with this report?”

“Don’t speak for me! We have to focus on this report right now!”

“This report won’t happen with a draconequus distracting us!”

“Well maybe if you showed him more tolerance!”

“Your citizens demand a stadium, princess!”

“Princess Celestia,” Benjamin asked, “Certainly you can convince Discord to spend the day at Ponyville, could you not?”

“I don’t know and don’t call me Shirley!” Celestia roared out in frustration.

The lit candles on the chandelier above shook and flickered in response to a voice that nearly rivaled Princess Luna’s high volume. Silence quickly returned to the throne room as all eyes returned to Celestia. The princess’ stomach turned in a painful knot. She was unable to decide with the stress and hunger that clawed at her mind. She had woken up late, Discord was being unruly today, and there was just too much to do to prepare for tomorrow’s meeting with the Griffon kingdom.

Princess Celestia resorted to the absolute last desperate executive decision reserved only for the most extreme situations such as this one that required equally extreme measures.

Celestia leaped out of her throne and ran out of the room screaming.

The monarch threw the large gilded doors open, turned left, and barreled her way down the hall. In three steps Celestia trampled the page colt that carried a tray of bagels and coffee. The tray became airborne for a mere second before the colt’s body was splattered with the food.

The princess skidded to a halt from her panic to ensure she did not injure the little foal. She lifted him up gently from the floor.

“I-I’m terribly sorry!” Celestia apologized.

“No, I’m fine your majesty,” the blue-maned colt assured. “Um, here is your bagel.” The page quickly picked up the fallen tray of food and presented it to Celestia. The colt’s vest dripped of uncomfortably warm coffee that was once on the tray too.

“I’m sorry about the coffee, your highness. I’ll fetch you another cup.”

“No, that’s quite all right,” Celestia interrupted. “It was my fault entirely.” The princess levitated one of the bagels with her magic horn and took a bite. She closed her eyes as she chewed. The smooth, sweet cream cheese melted deliciously in her mouth. Celestia shivered with delight, her wings twitched with excitement, and her stomach praised the food with a joyous chorus of angelic growls.

“Will there be anything else, your highness?” the page colt asked.

“No, this will do nicely,” Celestia responded. “Thank you. You are dismissed to change your vest.”

Celestia resumed her screams and ran down the hall once more. The bitten bagel magically sailed off behind her in all its toasted wheat glory. Celestia galloped down the castle halls to escape the suffocating responsibilities that battered her from the throne room.

The advisors all stood in the doorway and watched their beloved princess flee. The guards shifted uncomfortably in their place as they attempted to remain stoic. Eyes turned to Benjamin who was only able to scratch his head.

“What? I said ‘certainly’, not ‘surely’,” Benjamin muttered in defense.

~ ~ ~

Celestia hid herself down in the basement levels of Canterlot Castle. The dull-gray stone floor reflected only a modicum of light from the scarce few magical candles down here. Celestia kept away from the pantry storage as that area was frequented by the cooks. Instead she opted to walk toward the second basement below where old furniture was kept for long term storage.

The princess carefully descended down into the dark halls of the castle’s bottom rooms. She thought how often she had been down this far in the castle and that number was quite likely smaller than the number of times Celestia got Discord to sit still for more than two minutes.

The air was cold down here and the brick walls likely never had the taste of sunlight since the day they were laid. Each step Celestia took echoed eerily around her. The old wooden doors showed their ages with the numerous cracks in their boards and the many rust stains on the handles.

Celestia stopped to take another bite of her bagel. She had nearly finished it on her way here, but wished she was able to trade it now for something warm to drink. Celestia felt foolish that she ran away from her royal duties. She was the ruler of Equestria, the rock of confidence that her nation relied upon. A petty outburst of weakness was not an act that befitted a royal monarch.

Also, had she walked away from the throne room, she wouldn’t have trampled that nice hot cup of coffee the page carried.

Celestia turned a corner and bumped her horn against an archway. The magically levitated bagel quickly became less magical and plummeted to the stone floor with a soft splutter of cream cheese. The princess rubbed the soreness away from her horn before she sighed at the loss of her meal on the ground.

She was pretty sure the floors down here were not cleaned anywhere near as often to allow the ten-second rule to apply.

Princess Celestia looked down at the remains of the bagel. It was the final culmination of her terrible day. She slept poorly, woke up late, had to deal with unruly friends, and the stress of the meeting with the griffon nation just…

Celestia sat down and let tears well up in her eyes. Protocol was tossed aside. She allowed herself these two tears to express her frustrations. To her left, a small spider slowly descended to her eye level. The princess took hold of the silk strand the spider hung from and helped the arachnid reach the ground.

“We’ll keep this moment of weakness to ourselves, my little friend,” Celestia whispered.

The tears fell down her cheeks and Celestia wiped them away. Her mood improved as she watched the spider scurry away to a dark crack in the floor.

A cold breeze crawled up Celestia’s spine. The now concerned princess shivered again and turned to find the source of the unnatural wind. She was in a deep basement underneath a deep basement. The air down here never touched the sky, so the only ‘wind’ found in such a remote location was from servants who had a bean-heavy lunch.

Celestia looked in the direction the air came from, the hall beyond the archway she collided with. Cobwebs hung quietly from an unusually low ceiling and there were no lights down this hall, magical or otherwise. Why was this hallway so short?

Her curiosity was piqued and the princess created a magical orb of yellow-white light at the tip of her horn. She ducked her head and proceeded down the enigmatic hallway.

The hall stretched for a good distance, perhaps thirty to forty feet. However, there were no doors in this passage. Instead it terminated at a dead end with nothing more than an old crate that sat against the far wall. Perhaps Discord created this place to escape Princess Luna’s wrath whenever one of his pranks failed to make the princess of the night smile?

Well, Discord’s pranks failed to make Luna smile quite often so the theory held some merit.

Celestia used her levitation magic to grasp the crate’s lid and lift it. The container did not protest as the lid creaked and rose up into the air. She looked inside and saw a collection of children’s books within the crate. Celestia magically levitated one of the books toward her and read it under her magical light.

Little Red Riding Pony.

Ah, a classic tale. Celestia flipped through the pages of the book. The story read exactly as she remembered it, right down to the ending where the lumberjack stallion chopped the timberwolf open with his axe to save Red Riding Pony and her grandmother.

What foal didn't like a little violence to resolve a good story? Then again, that was likely why these stories were known as 'classics' and not still widely circulated among the children.

Celestia nonchalantly dropped the book back onto the stack. There was a sharp crack of splintered wood and the entire pile of books sank two inches further into the box. She took a step back from the crate. Had the crate’s bottom given out? Even so, it was already on the ground.

This was obviously a strange situation that warranted more prodding.

Celestia grabbed the entire crate with her magic and pulled it off to her left side. Books tumbled out of the shattered bottom, but under the magical light she saw that the crate had sat on a recessed trap door in the stone floor.

The princess lived at this castle for a long time and never did she remember there being a third basement. Perhaps this door led to the fabled crystal caves under the castle. Her former student Twilight had told her that a series of old caves did exist below the castle, but Celestia was sure she had all the known entrances sealed. Apparently this trap door escaped the detection of the royal architects.

That was quite a feat for an object that never moved anywhere.

Celestia grabbed the rusted handle with her magical levitation power and pulled firmly. The trap door resisted mightily. She gave it a second attempt as she focused her full magical strength on the old handle. Her magical light momentarily dimmed as the princess’ focus poured into lifting the trap door open. The door groaned and whined, but it lost the battle. Celestia opened the hatch and sighed in satisfaction. Her magical light resumed its generous brilliance.

She peered down into the darkness. The darkness sat there quietly and stared back. Celestia leaned closer to the dark doorway on the floor. She tried to shine her magical orb of light into the passage, but it was swallowed up wholly by the darkness. Just where did this trap door lead to?

Celestia felt her forelegs slip. She stumbled to catch herself but the shoes on her hooves could not grip the inexplicably smooth stone floor. Some invisible force gently pushed her forward. The regal princess slipped into the trap doorway as her magical light completely extinguished itself. The cold arms of oblivion welcomed her into the darkness.

Celestia’s last thought before the void swallowed her was that she wished she had brought a sweater to such a cold doom.

Author's Note

I've once been so hungry that the words on a page danced before my eyes.
Can't say I've seen a flying pig yet.

Chapter 2 – Found in a New Situation

A gentle breeze tickled Celestia’s back and made the monarch shiver once more. However, it was now accompanied by the warmth of the sun that bathed her eyelids with a steady bright light. Celestia blinked as her eyes adjusted to the bright late-morning sun. Where was she? Had she fallen down a tunnel that led back outside?

Celestia’s vision finally sharpened and she found herself at the castle’s highest point, the observatory tower. Celestia fell down in a few odd places in her youth, but she had never fallen so far down into the castle as to have wrapped around to the top tower.

The princess stood up from her perch, but her appendages refused to bend in their usual directions. In addition, her weight and balance were not where she had left them. Celestia stumbled forward on a goat hoof, a lion’s paw, and then she tumbled over the railing.

Gravity was apparently waiting for Celestia as it snatched her quickly with the desire to introduce her to its favorite partner in pain, the ground.

She flapped her tiny bat and Pegasus wings to no avail. Celestia reached out with her eagle-clawed hand and caught the lip of a window sill. Her arm was pulled painfully, but the princess hung tightly as she tried to realign her sense of direction. Celestia took in a deep breath and pulled herself up and onto the ledge she hung from. She leaned against the tinted glass of a window the ledge protruded from.

Once she was secured from gravity’s further shenanigans, Celestia had a good look at herself; Deer and goat horns, lion arm, eagle claw, goat hoof, lizard leg, and a dragon-like tail.

The implication of what this meant was not a mystery.

“Oh no,” Celestia muttered to herself. She hoped that this was just a dream. She slapped herself as a test of consciousness, but while the pain felt quite real, she had not awakened. Was this a good time to panic? Celestia thought it might be if there ever was a good time to panic.

“DISCORD!” Celestia shouted angrily at the top of her lungs. She cut herself short as the sound that came out of her mouth was also Discord’s voice and not her own.

Was this the latest prank in the draconequus’ long repertoire of bad jokes? Celestia started to understand why Luna never laughed at his pranks.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the window she leaned against slid open. Celestia tumbled inside as she failed to adjust her balance in a timely manner. She found herself lying on the floor of her sister’s bedroom.

“What do you want, Discord?” Luna angrily interrogated.

Celestia believed she had inadvertently awoken her younger sister. However, this was a fortunate moment, for Luna was knowledgeable in transformative magic. This was an opportunity for Celestia to be returned to her true form!

However, there was a notable problem with this plan. Luna really disliked Discord and never trusted a word that came out of his mouth. If Celestia looked and sounded like Discord at this very moment, then she had to convince Luna that her older sister was trapped in the draconequus’ body.

This conversation wasn’t going to end well.

“Dearest Luna,” Celestia pleaded, “This is not Discord you are speaking with. It is I, Celestia, your sister. I have been turned into Discord for some reason I cannot fathom.”

Luna responded with a thrown shoe. Celestia raised her arms instinctively and blocked the hoof-wear. It seemed Luna’s dislike for the spirit of chaos involved assault. Celestia continued to appeal to Luna despite the younger sister’s notable temperament.

“Luna wait, please listen!” the elder sister said. “You must believe me!”

“Get out!” Luna bellowed. She levitated several other shoes, two books, and an empty chamber pot. “I will not fall for your ruse this day, draconequus!” Luna stated. “Guards!!”

All the levitated items were hurled together at who Luna perceived was Discord.

Celestia dove under the thrown objects, but one of the shoes hit her in the right ear. She rubbed the stinging pain. “No, wait!” Celestia began, but she saw that the doors to Luna’s bedroom were kicked open. Two gray-coated stallion guards with spears marched into the room.

“I can prove I’m Celestia!” the elder princess stated. “Ask me something only Celestia would know!”

“You would simply use such information for your own tricks!” Luna countered. She magically pulled out the top drawer from her personal dresser with the intent of bludgeoning the draconequus with it. Repeatedly.

The guards flanked Luna in her defense and pointed their spears at who they too believed was Discord. Celestia’s mind raced for something to say to her younger sister. Something that proved she was indeed Celestia and not the self-titled prince of chaos.

Celestia’s attention suddenly turned to the contents of the levitating drawer. “Hey, are those the purple stripe socks I let you borrow last month?”

Luna roared in anger and startled the two flanking guards. Celestia slapped her forehead for not focusing. She needed to concentrate on the current problem! She needed to convince her little sister of who she was before the guards had her arrested for… whatever it was the guards could charge a spirit of chaos with. Ideas raced through Celestia’s mind and the monarch finally stumbled upon a solution.

The next thing that went through Celestia’s head was Luna’s large three-cushion couch.

~ ~ ~

A wave of cold water splashed against Celestia’s face. She flailed her legs for a moment against the clear liquid before she realized she wasn’t in any danger. Celestia looked at her surroundings and found that she sat at the shallow end of the small lake behind the castle. Furthermore, her face not only lacked the pain associated with the impact of a thrown sofa, but she was back in her own body!

“Oh thank the heavens!” Celestia praised.

Several ducks nearby quacked encouragingly, not that Celestia understood what they were even saying. They apparently just wanted the Alicorn out of their lake.

The princess jumped out of the water as the ducks pecked at her legs. It seemed everyone had an attitude with Celestia today. Once she was out of the water, the princess looked back at the castle with a confused expression. The lake was not only a decent distance from the castle, but Luna’s room was on the opposite side where the lake sat. Celestia couldn’t have simply fallen into the water from her sister’s window.

The princess thought that perhaps she teleported during the fall, or maybe the whole event of being trapped in Discord’s body was a hallucination? Yes, it had to be just that, a mere mundane vision that occurred due to stress and hunger.

Celestia snorted with amusement.

The word ‘mundane’ carried a strange little meaning when she used it that way.

Princess Celestia made her way back to the castle. As she walked along, she focused a spell on herself to dry off her coat. A gentle wind picked up leaves from the ground. The little magical whirlwind surrounded her and wicked away most of the moisture from her fur and mane. After a few seconds the breeze ceased and the wet leaves fluttered to the ground around the princess.

Celestia was nearly dry now, but her mane was in terrible need of a brush.

Once the princess reached the castle, she walked through the gardens around to the front of the castle. There, Celestia saw half dozen guards positioned around Discord. The draconequus sat on the front steps of the castle with a huge bag of ice held to his left eye. Behind Discord two servants lifted a severely dented blue couch up the steps. The princess was taken aback by the scene that unfolded here.

It wasn’t a hallucination. Celestia was Discord for several minutes!

Wait, so Luna actually threw a couch at Discord’s head?

“Your majesty,” one of the guards stated aloud. He bowed in respect to Celestia and the rest of the guards followed suit. Discord didn’t move from his position, but he waved his eagle claw to acknowledge her presence.

“Is everything alright?” Celestia asked the guard, although she knew it certainly wasn’t.

“We were going to ask you the very same thing!” the guard replied anxiously. “Word had spread throughout the castle that you raced away from your advisors in a screaming fit earlier.”

“Oh, that,” Celestia remarked with embarrassment. “Well, I was overcome by a moment of stress and needed a breath of fresh air. I am alright now.” The guards did not question her story, but the monarch wondered if any of them noticed her unruly mane. She wished they said something if they were concerned about her well-being. Perhaps Celestia should have mentioned that she was sucked up by a void in the basement and then became Discord fifteen minutes ago? That would have gotten their vocal concern.

Yes, and likely with it a lovely blue straitjacket that matched her eyes.

The princess quickly turned the conversation toward the injured chaos spirit sitting on the front steps. “What happened to Discord?” Celestia inquired.

“Princess Luna stated that the draconequus was causing a disturbance at her window,” the guard explained. “He began spouting nonsense and your royal sister defended herself. We were here to ensure that Discord would not retaliate.”

Celestia watched with apprehension as the servants carried the broken sofa inside the castle. “So, why was that couch outside on the castle steps?” she asked.

The guard shrugged. “I believe that was the instrument by which Princess Luna defended herself. A pity too, the blue one was her favorite.”

“I can’t believe Luna threw a couch at me,” Celestia muttered aloud to herself.

“If she threw it at you, her aim was quite a ways off!” Discord said with contempt.

Celestia felt a pang of guilt as Discord’s current state of discomfort was her own fault. This was quickly overshadowed by the guards’ collective confused look at Celestia’s statement of being the target of Luna’s wrath. Did they even make straitjackets in Celestia’s size?

“Right, I misspoke,” the princess lied innocently.

The perplexed monarch walked over to Discord and sat beside him. “I apologize, Discord, my day has been quite challenging.”

“I did get that message with the morning mail,” Discord replied flatly as he adjusted the icepack over his eye.

Celestia blushed slightly at the early morning event he alluded to. “Discord,” Celestia said in a motherly tone, “Please tell me what you remember of the last few minutes before my sister attacked you.”

The spirit of chaos glanced up at Luna’s window before he spoke. “I don’t remember much. I was up on the observatory balcony taking a short nap. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the stone steps here with a sofa for an eye patch and Luna screaming from her window to have me thrown in your dungeon.”

“Well that certainly was a bit excessive,” Celestia said.

“You think?” Discord sarcastically interjected. “Not that your dungeon could hold me anyway, but I wasn’t aware that napping at the observatory was such a serious crime. I’m glad I didn’t take my snooze in the garden. I’d probably be turned back to stone!”

Discord froze in place and the color of his body momentarily took on a rough, gray texture that mimicked his statement. He resumed his normal colorful form after holding still for two seconds.

Celestia nodded. “I’ll have a stern talk with my sister about throwing furniture at our friends,” she said. “Will you be alright? I’ve never seen you injured before.”

“It’s been eons since I can recall my last bruise,” Discord pondered aloud.

“I’m surprised you haven’t snapped your fingers and healed yourself.”

The draconequus raised a disbelieving eyebrow at Celestia. “Chaos doesn’t work that way,” Discord explained. “It’s like practicing dentistry with nothing but a hammer and a live lobster. Sure, if I had some butter at the time the patient would have turned out better, but at least he still had the same face.”

Celestia leaned away from Discord. She refused to inquire further about that story. Instead she gave Discord a pat on the back. “Well, just give Luna some space for now,” Celestia advised. “I think we are all stressed out over today’s workload. I’m sure it’ll pass once tomorrow’s meeting is done with, alright?”

Discord grunted in agreement, but remained sitting on the steps.

Celestia stood up. “Guards, you may return to your posts,” the princess commanded.

The guards dispersed back to their posts, assured that Discord would behave himself. Celestia ascended the castle steps afterwards as she gave the draconequus one last glance. The princess had a lot on her mind, but the foremost thought was of that trap door in the basement.

Celestia had seen a lot of strange things over the centuries, but that basement hatch was just downright bananas.

Speaking of bananas, her stomach pointed out that it was nearly time for lunch.

~ ~ ~

The royal ruler of Equestria spent the rest of her day in the throne room with her advisors, sans conga lines and drool. Celestia had left a note on Luna’s door to meet up first thing that night about the couch incident. Despite the severity of that situation, Celestia did not wish to disturb her sister until the younger Alicorn had a full day’s rest to remove any remaining anger.

The economic report was the top priority anyway, even if it was vastly more boring.

Celestia was so bored of it that she almost wished for Discord to sail by the windows on a winged pig again. That was a sign of pretty solid boredom right there.

Also despite her hunger, Celestia found she was only able to nibble on her meals and snacks. The scene of her in Discord’s body was a terrible distraction that repeated in Celestia’s mind. In a blessed contrast, the report was a terrific distraction that kept any pony from noticing that Celestia was mentally uninterested in economic terms and figures.

The advisors continued to pour information together and when Twilight came in shortly after dinner with her finished sections of the report, Celestia was the only one who failed to verbally cheer that the task was done.

The tired princess feigned satisfaction. “Thank you all for completing this report for tomorrow’s important event,” Celestia said with a false smile. “I ask that you all now get a good night’s sleep. The dignitaries will be here at noon for the trade talks and I would like each of you to be well rested for the meeting.”

The advisers all bowed and left the throne room. Well, all except Twilight.

The purple Alicorn sensed that something bothered Celestia. “Are you alright, your majesty?”

Celestia nodded. “Yes I am, Twilight. I am merely exhausted from today’s workload.”

“I’m sure you are,” Twilight agreed, “But you seem a bit distracted by something else.”

“What makes you say that?”

Twilight pointed at the setting sun outside in the garden. It had drifted a few inches to the south. Celestia gasped quietly and concentrated her magic on the solar ball of light. The sun quickly jerked back to its proper position and set correctly.

“I hope no one noticed that,” Celestia mumbled.

The two Pegasus guards that flanked the throne exchanged a confused look. Even Twilight was staring incredulously at her former teacher.

“Uh, I think the entire country would have noticed that,” Twilight said pointedly. “Are you sure you’re alright, Celestia?”

“I…” Celestia bit her lower lip. She wasn’t sure what to say. While Twilight was ever faithful and would have believed her story about the basement trap door, Celestia was worried about the repercussions if this story reached less credible ears. She didn’t want to alarm her subjects that their beloved leader became fruitier than an apple orchard in summer.

“Luna hit Discord with a couch today,” Celestia said speedily in an effort to deflect the subject.

“Really?” Twilight responded with surprise. “That’s incredibly strange.”

“Well, you know Luna has a bit of a temper.”

Twilight shook her head. “No, I mean it’s strange that Luna actually hit Discord with a couch,” she clarified. “Discord is a powerful spirit. I know nothing short of the Elements of Harmony that could even touch him unless he wills it. How did Luna manage to hit Discord with something as mundane as a sofa?”

“Um, Sofa of Harmony?” Celestia said innocently.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the throne room, interrupted only by the cough of Philomena from under the cage tarp that called out Celestia’s blatant lie. The monarch lowered her head sadly.

“Alright, I do have a small problem nagging me, but please do not worry,” Celestia pleaded. “Go get yourself some sleep and tomorrow I’ll let you know the details once I’ve dealt with it tonight.”

“Alright Celestia, until tomorrow,” Twilight relented. “However, if there’s anything at all that I can do to help you, please don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“I know,” Celestia said softly.

The monarch waited for Twilight to exit the throne room before she let out a sigh. That basement trap door was just tearing at her mind. Celestia wanted to revisit the strange object and investigate it further. If it was a portal into Discord’s mind, then it had dangerous potential in the hooves of the wrong pony.

At least, that was a good justification to go back.

After all, Celestia had envied Discord’s nearly obligation-free lifestyle lately and it presented not only an opportunity to better understand the draconequus, but her moment earlier in discord’s body was like a short getaway from the rigors of her own responsibilities.

As long as Celestia avoided her sister, no harm should come to Discord’s body right?

“No, no, I cannot do that! It would be morally wrong!” Celestia scolded herself harshly.

One of the two guards was confused as to what Celestia was talking about. “Your majesty?”

“Hmm? Oh!” Celestia blurted out as she realized that the guards were still there. “No, it’s nothing. I was thinking aloud to myself about Discord.” Well, at least that wasn’t technically a lie. Good thing too, she was quite lousy at it. Celestia imagined that if she was any worse at it, she’d be the Element of Honesty.

She stood up from her throne and cleared her throat. “I shall retire for the evening,” Celestia said casually. “Guards, you are dismissed.” The princess left the throne room quietly. No matter the reason, she was going to get to the bottom of this enigmatic mystery. By ‘bottom’ she meant the basement hallway and by ‘enigmatic’ she meant the trap door. Everything else was pretty much literal.

~ ~ ~

Princess Celestia evaded the patrolling guards and the servants that walked the hallways as she crept toward the basement. This was surprisingly not a small feat for a powerful Alicorn like herself. Celestia was amazed at how many ponies there were on duty during the night shift. The number of guards on patrol was understandable, but all the maids, chefs, butlers, pages, and other servants active this night certainly made things difficult for a princess to sneak away unnoticed on personal business.

Then again, Celestia was about as stealthy as the sun.

She was the largest and most colorful resident here at the castle, even if Discord was taken into account. Celestia had to utilize all the light manipulation spells she knew, such as invisibility and color alteration, but she rarely used such magic so her skill was very rusty. The spells showed imperfections like incomplete invisibility and camouflage that didn’t match the walls perfectly.

Furthermore, Celestia still made sounds wherever she walked and flying created a draft that some pony might notice.

Celestia wasn’t even going to attempt her teleporting power. Magical wards in the castle limited where she could appear and her teleport came with a bright flash of sunlight. That was to stealth as a mariachi band was to a bedtime lullaby.

Two Pegasi guards on patrol turned down the narrow hallway Celestia occupied. She thought they might bump into her if she was invisible, so the princess thought to disguise herself instead. Celestia’s magical horn glowed with her concentration as she removed nearly all the color from her body and mane. Now that she was a dull-looking gray all over, Celestia pressed herself against the wall and held perfectly still in a regal pose.

“Hey Blades,” the first guard said curiously as the two approached Celestia, “Is this statue new?”

Blades inspected the very life-like statue of their ruler. “I suppose it is, Rocky. I certainly haven’t seen it before. The details are really convincing though.”

“I don’t know,” Rocky mused to the second guard. “This one seems kind of skinny to me.”

“Yeah, it does look a bit off now that you mention it,” Blades replied as he brushed back his dark blue mane. “The real Celestia is like… much bigger than this.”

“You know,” Rocky began, “There’s this pretty mare I met down by the Copper Crown tavern yesterday. She’s well rounded like the princess, if you know what I mean.”

“Too right,” Blades agreed with a toothy smile. “Curves just give you something nice to hug on a cold night, you know?”

Rocky paused for a moment in thought before he spoke again. “Uh, I meant that the tavern mare had a lot of skills… oh!” Rocky said as he understood Blade’s statement. “Yeah, curves. Like big, round, warm blanket things. I think.”

Blades raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, curvy blankets,” he responded. “Anyway, I’m sure the artist just chiseled a bit too much off the sides to play it safe. He probably hasn’t seen the way our majesty devours cake.”

“Yeah, I like cake too,” Rocky replied as the two guards continued to patrol down the hall.

Celestia was now the only statue in the castle that visibly blushed. Once the two guards were out of sight the princess gasped for air. She relented on her spell and the colors splashed back over her body like strokes from a master painter’s brush. However, her cheeks took longer to return to their proper off-white color.

“Mental note,” Celestia whispered to herself, “No more eating desert in front of the guards.”

The princess continued on her secret journey to the castle basement. She only saw one last servant that was dusting the paintings in the hall adjacent to the basement entrance. Once Celestia snuck past the little Pegasus maid, she descended down the steps into the lower levels.

Celestia lit the magical light at the tip of her horn to ward away the ominous darkness that lived down here. Her breath was still quite visible in the cold, dry air and it was only on this second trip that Celestia noticed how the shadows made by her light appeared… crooked.

The Alicorn trudged on through the lonely basement corridors. It was not long before she found the short, enigmatic hallway. Its low ceiling lacked several cobwebs that she may have brushed against the first time she was here.

Celestia ducked her head and proceeded onward.

The monarch’s hoof steps echoed softly as she approached the end of the hall. She found that the crate remained as she left it; the bottom broken and old books scattered about the floor. The trap door was closed, but Celestia was able to easily lift the hatch this time with her levitation magic.

Perhaps the door was only stuck the first time due to decades of disuse?

The princess stepped back from the dark entrance on the ground. She decided to experiment on the dark doorway with some magic of her own. ‘For Science’ as her former student Twilight would have said. Celestia started by casting an identification upon the trap door. Her horn released a soft, blue magical glow that surrounded the trap door in a gentle embrace. The spell sizzled like an egg on a hot pan and then blew out the same way a candle did. It revealed no information to her.

The princess then tried a detection spell to see the doorway’s magical aura, but that spell also fizzled in the same fashion.

Celestia became slightly frustrated as the trap door appeared to be heavily warded. That or it didn’t truly exist as a physical object that magic could affect. Well, she made up that last part, but it sounded like a possibility.

The princess tried a simpler test. She put a hoof on one of the children’s books that sat on the floor. With a shove, Celestia slid the book across the stone floor and into the trap doorway. The book fell into the darkness and Celestia mentally began counting the seconds.

“One, Two, Three…”

“…Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty?” Celestia stopped counting. The book had either fallen down a bottomless pit or it had ceased to exist. Then again, maybe Discord’s mind was now possessed by the story of The Three Little Fillies. None of those options made sense, much like how Discord’s mind didn’t make sense. Considering the connection between the trap door and discord’s head, Celestia’s thought was brought around full circle with a large side order of irony.

She stood there and stared intently at the dark hole before her. It refused to be understood and that was the most irritating part of the entire discovery. It seemed that the trap door would only follow one rule and that was you had to step inside.

Celestia took in a slow, deep breath and charged forward. With a mighty leap she dove into the hole and the darkness swallowed her entirely.

Author's Note

"Sofa of Harmony" totally needs to be a thing.

Chapter 3 – Got Herself a Brand New Reality

Vertigo swam in Celestia's head for a few seconds as the monarch opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was that her left eye felt painfully sore for some reason. Second, the magical light she had actively sustained was gone. Celestia was left in the dark, although she was able to make out walls and objects among the shadows. It appeared that the princess was laying on her back, somewhere within in a very cluttered room.

Celestia tried to recast her light spell, but it refused to return. She shifted in place, but her body moved in skewed ways that the princess was not used to. Curious about her physical state, she slowly moved her hooves in front of her face, but what she saw that entered her vision was a lion’s paw and an eagle’s claw.

Celestia was back in Discord’s body.

The princess rolled over to stand up. Halfway through the motion, she realized that she was laying in a hammock that was suspended in the air. Celestia stopped rotating, but the now unbalanced hammock swung away from her. The Alicorn tumbled a short distance to the hard wood floor.

The draconequus was likely asleep when Celestia possessed his body.

The princess carefully stood up on all fours. She looked around intently at Discord's dark room for a lamp or a jar of fireflies. Discord's room was a mess and Celestia was only able to stumble around in it. She crept carefully around in this foreign body as she slowly made her way to the window.

This body gave Celestia new sensations she never had before, such as fingers. Fragile little things they were. What prevented them from breaking so readily?

Celestia reached out to the window sill for a brace as she attempted to stand up on two hind legs. She was able to stand with minimal support, but once she took a step forward, her foreign body stumbled and lost its balance. Celestia caught herself against the wall, or some object that was as hard as a wall, she wasn't able to see it well enough to know for sure.

Celestia concluded that walking on two legs was just too strange a concept for her right now.

That is, not counting the fact this entire situation was one jumbled foreign concept. How was it even possible to possess Discord’s body from a mere trap door in the second basement? Celestia wasn’t able to think of a reason why Discord would have created that trap door, so it was not likely the chaos spirit’s doing. Celestia also was unable to think of how she would return back to her own body. Was it after a specific amount of time had passed? Was the effect on until a mental command was given?

She recalled that she had left Discord’s body at the moment Luna threw a sofa at her.

Perhaps pain was the key? Celestia wasn’t keen on the idea to have another couch thrown at her by Luna. The soreness of Discord’s left eye was a testament that the injury remained with the body, particularly when the source of the pain was a high velocity sofa. Celestia decided to wait on testing pain until later.

Right now this was an interesting opportunity to better understand the draconequus. As the old saying went, ‘Walk a mile in another pony’s shoes’, except that Discord wasn’t a pony, nor had he ever owned any shoes. Apparently the metaphor had broken down before it even started, much like Celestia’s day had.

The Alicorn shrugged off the metaphoric thought and returned to her studies of movement. Since walking was going to take a lot of time to master, she instead decided to attempt something easier like flight with this body. Discord was a master of teleportation and merging into his surrounding so flight was a cakewalk for the draconequus, right?

Okay, the idea sounded a lot better in Celestia's mind.

She concentrated on flapping her foreign body’s tiny wings, but they appeared not to work properly. The monarch pondered this problem for a moment, but then she realized that Discord didn’t fly, he levitated. Celestia tried to focus her mind on hovering magically. She imagined Discord’s body as a weightless cloud and that gravity was no master to her.

It paid off when she felt herself levitate off the ground.

“Ah, so this is how he does it,” Celestia commented to herself.

Discord's body slowly hovered around the room in circles. The princess tried to get used to the sensation of this kind of flying, but she constantly bumped into several objects that sat on crooked shelves and knocked them all over to the floor. Just how much stuff had Discord crammed into this bedroom? After a few minutes she no longer felt any objects brushing into her. Celestia either mastered hovering or there were no more objects perched on shelves to knock over. The princess felt she was ready for the next step.

She pushed Discord’s window open and slowly levitated out into the night sky.

The air was cool and clear tonight, which gave Celestia a clear view of the full moon above. The large, white sphere in the sky reminded her to keep an eye out for Luna and avoid contact in case the younger sister was still angry at Discord. Celestia caused the earlier incident between the two and Discord didn’t deserve the pain that resulted from that assault.

The princess flew Discord's body to the far end of the castle gardens and landed gently on top of a tree. It was a secluded spot away from anyone at the castle who might have noticed the draconequus acting... well not chaotic.

Celestia sat there and pondered what else she could do in this body. Well, Discord was primarily known for his powerful chaotic magic, but was Celestia able to use that? She thought about the implications of the idea. Discord’s magic was unpredictable, but on the other hoof he always appeared to have full control over his powers. Celestia herself was capable of several powerful abilities; the most notable was the capacity to raise the sun.

“Perhaps if I only perform a few ‘simple’ tricks?” Celestia thought.

The first issue the Alicorn had to overcome was that the spirit of chaos snapped his fingers when he wanted to create an effect. Celestia looked at Discord’s fingers before her and flexed them. Yeah, that just felt too weird for her and likely required hours of practice just like walking on one’s hind legs was.

Two-legged creatures were so unbalanced.

Instead, Celestia meditated once more. Perhaps she was able to will his powers to work. She focused her mind on the creation of a small rain cloud. Something that wasn’t too big or conspicuous. She concentrated on the formation of a little cloud that was soft and harmless, but ensuring that 'harmless' was an important detail not to be overlooked.

A cold, wet drop landed on Celestia’s nose. It had a milky scent to it. She blinked with confusion. Another drop fell on her nose, followed by one on top of her head. Celestia looked up and saw a small, pink, pillow-sized cloud above her. The drops exponentially increased and within seconds she was showered with chocolate rain.

“I did it!” Celestia squealed with delight.

The owls in the tree underneath her began to hoot angrily at the cold, brown rain. Celestia continued to cheer underneath the chocolate downpour, laughing like a silly filly. “I made it rain!” she said happily. “This is actually quite amusing!”

Celestia clapped her paws together in applause, but Discord’s strange magic sparked between his body’s strange fingers. The owls screeched as their bodies shifted and stretched. A moment later, the owls had turned into flamingoes. Blue flamingoes.

“Eek!” Celestia blurted out in a panic. She tried to end the rain and the transformative effect on the owls with mental willpower. Discord’s magic refused to listen and the pink rain cloud continued to pour down upon the princess. She tried harder to concentrate, but the flamingo-owls began to now bark their annoyed demeanor loudly.

“I’m trying!” Celestia angrily shouted.

The small raincloud growled with rage and shot a bolt of lightning down at the tree beneath it. Unfortunately, discord's body was the highest point under the chaotic weather system. The electrical bolt shot the princess hard and clawed at her head with searing pain. Celestia cried out as she fell from her perch and down toward the ground.

“Curse you chocolate rain!”

~ ~ ~

Celestia hit a freezing cold body of water at high speed. The impact stung like a bee, but the chilly liquid was cold enough to burn through her fur coat immediately after. She flailed to sit up and found herself only waist deep in the lake behind the castle again. Celestia was once more confused, but this feeling lasted only a minute as several very angry ducks quacked threats to peck at her from their nests nearby.

The princess swiftly stumbled out of the lake before the ducks attracted unwanted attention from the castle.

Celestia shivered from the sudden nip of cold air against her body. She struggled to cast her drying spell again, but her body rattled so badly that Celestia was unable to concentrate on her spell. The wind picked up and cut into her body like a knife. The wet princess forced herself into a trot for warmth. She jogged her way back to the castle.

Celestia reached the rear castle entrance, still wet and freezing. The two guards on duty at the rear entrance witnessed the sight of their beloved ruler with all the glory and majesty of a soaked Collie. The sentries gave their majesty an inquisitive look.

“Out for an evening… swim, your highness?” one guard asked curiously.

“O-oh y-yes,” Celestia stuttered bashfully from the cold. “The water is q-quite brisk t-tonight.”

Celestia opened the large door and entered the castle before the guards questioned her further. She trotted quickly toward the stairwell that led to her chambers as water still dripped carelessly upon the clean red carpets. However, at this point Celestia didn’t care who saw her.

The princess passed a maid who stopped dusting the hallway statues. Celestia did not stop to entertain any questions, but instead cut off the young maid in mid-sentence. “J-just had a b-brisk swim, thank you!” Celestia blurted out as she raced on by.

The princess continued to jog through the quiet halls and gave the same ‘brisk swim’ excuse to the night shift butler, two guards, and a cook that she passed by. Every retelling she gave felt a little more convincing than the last one. She was starting to believe the little white lie herself after the last iteration.

Discord would have been proud of her. Celestia wondered if she was supposed to happy or horrified about that thought.

The princess reached the grand steps of the central tower, but before she ascended the stairs, she heard an argumentative shout from her sister. Luna’s unmistakable booming voice came from the throne room. Curiosity piqued, Celestia changed her direction and trotted to the throne room.

The twin gilded doors of the throne room were left wide open. Within the grand marble hall, Celestia saw that her sister Luna stood a generous distance away from a very charred and tree sap covered Discord. Behind the draconequus stood two palace guards at attention, and a page colt that had just picked up the leaves Discord left on the carpet.

The princess of the night saw Celestia appear at the doorway, mysteriously soaked to the bone.

“Dear sister, why in Equestria are you drenched?” Luna asked with great concern.

“Luna, y-you won’t b-believe it!” Celestia stuttered, but she stopped herself from continuing her explanation. She realized that she was still quite cold from the lake water. Furthermore, Discord was right there in the throne room. An explanation of recent events right now in front of an annoyed draconequus was most definitely something in the ‘bad idea’ category.

“W-wait, perhaps it would be s-silly of me to explain,” Celestia corrected as she continued to shiver.

Luna hushed her elder sister. “Servant,” Luna commanded, “Bring us some towels for my moistened sister.” She clapped her hooves together and the page colt bowed in compliance. The young servant galloped out into the hallway and toward the nearest linen closet.

“T-Thank you sister,” Celestia said calmly. She turned to the disheveled Discord. “Are y-you alright?”

The draconequus sighed. “I’m having a bad night,” Discord answered. “However, I was not aware there was a competition for the title of ‘worst night ever’ here. I would have gladly thrown the game if given the choice. The wet mane is a nice touch, Celestia. You should try chocolate milk next time.”

“Thanks,” Celestia said, unsure if that was supposed to be a compliment. “You look… q-quite tanned.”

Luna cleared her throat to explain. “Sister, he came into the castle just moments before you did, covered in burn marks and chocolate milk. I haven’t a clue what he was up to.”

“I was up to nothing,” Discord said defensively. “In fact, I was quite down on the ground when I awoke like this.” The chaos spirit snapped his fingers. The chocolate milk vanished from his body, but he still retained the burn marks. Discord now smelled slightly smoky without the chocolate scent to mask the charred spots.

The page colt returned with towels balanced on his back. Celestia levitated a warm towel magically and began to pat herself dry. Warmth steadily returned to her. The page offered a towel to Discord, but he waved the little colt away.

“By the way,” Discord added nonchalantly, “There’s a flock of angry, blue flamingoes stuck in a tree by the garden. Also, a group of garden owls have been turned into blue flamingoes. I'm pretty sure those things are related.”

Luna was about to berate the draconequus, but Celestia interjected first. “Discord, could you please return the owls to normal? You were probably sleepwalking and accidentally changed the owls before… whatever happened after that.” Celestia tried hard not to let on that she knew exactly what happened.

“Me? Sleepwalk?” Discord said disbelievingly, “I, the prince of chaos, do not sleepwalk! I am fully in control of my powers and I just wanted to make sense of what just happened to me! Wait, did I just use ‘sense’ in the same sentence as myself?”

Celestia nodded with a slight smirk as she dried her tail, but Luna remained stoic.

“Gah!” Discord snarled with frustration. He stomped his foot and vanished in a flash of white light.

“I think he took it well,” Celestia said aloud as she wrapped the moist towel around her shoulders.

“Now then, dear sister,” Luna said as she redirected the conversation. “Pray tell me what strange thought appealed to your senses that swimming in the lake at this hour was a good idea?”

Celestia shook her head. “Guards, servant, please excuse yourselves from the throne room,” She gently commanded. “I wish a moment of privacy with my sister.”

The two guards and the page colt left the room without question, but Luna’s expression held enough inquiry for every pony twice over. Celestia waited until the doors closed shut before she answered her sister.

“Luna, Discord didn’t transform the owls or cause the chocolate rain,” Celestia said. “I did.”

Luna gave her sister the most deadpan look of disbelief possible. “You have lost me, dear sister.”

Celestia raised a hoof to interrupt. “Luna, I found a strange trap door in the castle’s second basement,” the monarch explained with renewed excitement. “I have entered it twice now, and both times I have possessed Discord’s body for several minutes. I don’t know how it works, but it does!”

“Yes, and the moon is made of cheese,” Luna mocked. “How wonderful for you.”

“I speak the truth!” Celestia countered. “Somehow this door leads into Discord's mind!”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t dive head first into that shallow pond, did you?” she asked incredulously. “Your story sounds so incredibly daft that I most sincerely hope it’s due to some menial reason such as brain trauma.”

Now it was Celestia’s turn to be on the defensive. “Alright, I admit that my story is a little far-fetched,” Celestia conceded, “But I can prove it! Meet me at the entrance to the castle basement at dawn.”

“This should prove to be an interesting little excursion,” Luna remarked.

Celestia leaned in closer to her sister. “Oh, it will be interesting,” she warned.

“Dun, dun, dun!” clucked Philomena from under her tarp-covered cage. Luna flinched at the bird’s unexpected outburst before she looked back at her sister with concern.

“Melodramatic bird, remember?” Celestia said.

Author's Note

...And not a dollop of whip cream to be found.

I gave Celestia the perspective that hands were fragile and strange things. Since she's an Alicorn, I imagine that her magic is much more efficient than fingers.

Chapter 4 – An Appropriate Stop for a Snack

Luna spent the remainder of the night lost in thought after her sister retired for the remainder of the night. Celestia was always honest about the events that occurred around the kingdom, however strange, but the very idea that Luna’s own sister had possessed Discord’s body? That seemed like utter rubbish from any angle one looked at it.

Still, Luna trusted her sister when Celestia said she had proof.

The princess of the night stood alone on the observatory deck. It was nearly time for the sun to rise, but Luna became impatient and set the moon down below the horizon early. It was only by a few minutes, not an event that many would even notice, so she had no issues to do such.

Once the moon was completely set, Luna noticed the warm orange glow of the rising sun from the east. It seemed Celestia had awakened early and had become impatient as well.

Luna closed her eyes and pictured the castle’s main entrance in her mind. She flapped her wings and from their feathers sprouted a cloud of dark purple shadow which engulfed the younger sister. A moment later the shadow vanished along with Luna, only to have reappeared at the main entrance to the castle below.

The guards on duty didn’t flinch at Luna’s teleportation, but instead they opened the front doors for her and bowed as she walked in. Luna walked her way to the main basement entrance, not far from the kitchen.

Celestia already stood by the gray stone entrance, eager to show Luna what she had found. The sun began to peek through the castle windows and reflected brilliantly off Celestia’s near-white coat. She looked far better now after several hours of sleep then she did last night.

“Come Luna!” Celestia said with an almost child-like whimsical tone. “See this enigma for yourself!” The monarch waved a wing at her sister to walk faster.

Luna shrugged and picked up her pace to join Celestia on the excursion. “Very well, sister,” Luna said casually. “Lead on.”

The two sisters descended the steps of the castle together and Celestia once again cast a magical orb of light at the tip of her horn. Luna never had difficulty when she navigated dark places. When the sisters were younger, Luna used to tease Celestia for her inability to see well in the darkness. She recalled that her older sister never found such antics amusing back then.

Now grown up, Luna mused that Celestia had become the more playful one while she herself had matured to take her royal duties quite seriously.

The younger sister’s memories forwarded to the here-and-now, however, as she wondered when she had toured the castle’s secondary basement. Luna’s memory failed to yield an answer. She had only lived at this castle for a little more than two years, but that was plenty of time to explore everything.

“Dear sister,” Luna asked, “Have you been to the second basement? Specifically, have you been down here before you discovered this enigmatic door.”

Celestia shook her head. “I honestly don’t remember. I would ask the servants if they had been down to this strange corridor, but I didn’t want to seem suspicious to the staff.”

“Save last night’s jaunt into freezing lake waters,” Luna added.

Celestia let out a little chuckle. “Yes, except for that.”

The two sisters reached and descended the small stairs that led down into the remote second basement of the castle. Luna followed Celestia closely, but once her hooves reached the cold stone floor the younger sister stopped abruptly. The darkness down here felt… different.

Celestia stopped and glanced back to her sister. “What is it, Luna?” she asked.

Luna let off a shiver. The shadows down here, made from Celestia’s magical light, appeared skewed. They also moved at a different pace compared to Celestia’s light. Furthermore, the darkness felt like it was breathing. There was a cold, dry current of air that softly caressed Luna’s legs.

“This place, this darkness,” Luna pointed out. “I can feel a consciousness down here.” Even the sound of Luna’s voice felt wrong. The echoes were somehow deeper as if they reflected from a much larger area.

Celestia gave her surroundings a quick glance. “Is someone else down here?”

“Nay, it is not a living entity,” Luna replied after some thought. “It is more like an imprint, an echo from an event in the past that has not yet ceased.”

“So like, ghosts?” Celestia asked.

Luna raised an eyebrow. “No, that would be stupid,” she replied. “What I describe is more like lingering energy from an errant magical effect or a traumatic incident.”

“I can’t think of any events like that in this castle’s history,” Celestia said, “Can you?”

Luna’s expression was very deadpan, but not angry. “Not since the last castle I lived in.”

“Ah, right,” Celestia said as she mentally slapped herself. “Forget I asked. Well, I’ll be sure to look into the idea later. Come then, let me show you the strange trap door.”

Celestia waved a wing to urge Luna onward. The two sisters walked alongside each other until they reached the extremely dark hallway with the eerily low ceiling. Luna tilted her head to the right. The style of the laid brickwork was consistent with the rest of this basement, but the dimensions resembled more of a child’s playhouse.

“Sister, is this part of the original castle?” Luna asked.

Celestia shrugged with a puzzled expression. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “As I said, I don’t remember if I’ve ever been down here before.”

“Nor can I,” Luna added. “I suppose we could search for the castle’s original blueprints.”

Celestia nodded and then allowed her sister to lead the way. They ducked their heads down and walked carefully through the tight space to the end of the strange hall. At the end, Luna saw the trap door Celestia had described, along with a broken crate and a few old books scattered about.

“So, this is your mysterious trap door?” Luna asked. “It looks… tame.”

“Yes, but it seems to be warded against magic,” a hesitant Celestia responded. “I tried a few spells to analyze it and the door resisted them all.”

“Stand aside sister,” Luna commanded. She focused a spell upon the trap door. Her magical horn glowed with a bluish light from spell’s effect, but the trap door did not glow in return. After ten seconds of strict concentration, Luna ceased her spell.

“Most curious,” the younger sister mumbled.

She approached the trap door and proceeded to open it manually. Celestia stepped forward with concern, but before the monarch could warn Luna of the danger, the younger sister mysteriously slipped on the smooth stone floor and fell into the dark hole of shadow.

“Luna!” Celestia shouted. “Luna, are you alright? Can you hear me?” The elder sister was wary to approach, but she listened carefully for a sign of her sister. Celestia heard nothing beyond the quickened heartbeat in her own chest. She took a step back from the open doorway on the floor. If Luna fell in, then…

Celestia slammed her head against the low ceiling. The pain stunned the princess for a moment before she regained her bearings. Celestia backed up until she was out of the tight passage and then she hurried back to the stairs. She had to find Discord, or more precisely, she had to find Discord’s body which was likely now possessed by Luna.

Princess Celestia ran through the dark basement hallways with her orb of light held in front. The shadows appeared to hold fast in their position, for none moved when her light passed through them. The princess pierced through their dark veils and leaped up the stairs from the basement to the ground floor with a thundering pounce.

Celestia galloped down one of the red carpeted halls in her search for Discord. Her chosen path lead toward the second tower, where up top was Discord’s bedroom. Ahead in the hallway Celestia saw two guards, a Unicorn and a Pegasus, listen to a frantic cook’s plea for help.

“And then Discord started shouting nonsense about dark sorcery,” the chef explained.

Celestia ran up to the group and interrupted them from bowing in her presence. “No time! Where is Discord now?” the Princess demanded of the cook.

“I last saw him in the kitchen, your majesty,” the aged mare chef responded.

Celestia turned to the two guards. “You, fetch Princess Twilight. You, come with me.” Celestia charged down the hallway towards the castle kitchen with the Unicorn guard that was barely able to keep up with the monarch’s grand stride. The Pegasus guard took flight through the hallway in the opposite direction.

Celestia turned left at an intersecting hallway where two other Unicorn guards were headed toward the kitchen. “You two, rally with me!” the monarch commanded as she galloped around them.

Celestia and her entourage arrived at the kitchen where a very confused Discord thrashed uncontrollably under containers of condiments that danced about and poured out their contents over the draconequus. Two cooks cowered together under the nearby steel tables as a set of sharp knives floated above them precariously.

“Guards, rescue the cooks!” Celestia ordered. “I’ll deal with Discord.”

The three guards leaped into action as they galloped ahead to secure the cooks. The levitating knives sensed the approaching guards and turned their sharp blades to the three Unicorn stallions.

Celestia charged at Discord and pinned him forcefully against the wall. “Lu- Uh, Discord, listen to me,” Celestia said with correction. “You must calm down or your chaotic magic won’t stop.”

“I am not Discord!” the draconequus angrily shouted back. “What nonsense is this? Where am I?”

Discord, or at least his physical self, continued to flail uncontrollably. His condiment-covered body slipped out of Celestia’s grasp and slid to the floor. The nearby oven came to life and spat a jet of fire into the kitchen. Nearby towels instantly combusted and the hot flames melted the icing off a delectable vanilla cake on the nearby table. What remained of the dessert burst into flames that dripped down to the ceramic stone floor.

“Oh come on!!” Celestia shouted crossly as she tried to pat out the burning cake with her wing.

The knives rained down upon the three guards, but the sentinels rolled out of the way. The sharp blades struck the ceramic floor and bounced off harmlessly. The guards sprinted forward and reached the two cooks under the table. They used their levitation magic to raise several metal trays up like shields and cover their charges protectively.

The oven refused to allow any pony to escape and spat another jet of fire at the Unicorns. The guards threw the cooks underneath them to shield the ponies from the scorching flames. The hovering trays were raised to block the fire, but the intense heat pierced through the metal platters and bit into the guards. The three Unicorns held fast against the burning wave of fire.

Celestia levitated a large pot of water and splashed the oven with the lukewarm liquid. The oven choked as the fire was drowned by the water. The flames died and turned to a mere puff of gray smoke.

In retaliation the oven sneezed out its contents at Celestia. The princess raised her wings instinctively as a large tub of burned cake batter splattered against her body. Dribbles of the hot chocolate mix slowly dripped down her wings, chest, and legs.

“Discord, you need to calm down!” Celestia shouted as she tried to shake off the burning batter.

The Pegasus guard named Blades arrived at the scene just as the knives stood up on their tips like soldiers on the battlefield. Blades dove at the metal table nearest the guards and cooks. He slammed a shoulder against the steel slab and flipped it over onto its side with a resounding crash.

“Go! Go! Go!” Blades shouted.

The deadly cutlery jumped at the ponies in a tall arc. They spun in the air and came down tips first at the group. The Pegasus guard pushed the table up to deflect the hail of sharp metal. Several knives bounced off the hard floor and spun around the metal table. The razor edges stabbed Blades in both his wings and his right shoulder. The Pegasus let out a grunt of pain, but held steady as the knives continued to crash against the unyielding steel table.

Two of the Unicorn guards dropped their trays and escorted the cooks out of the kitchen safely. The third guard levitated his tray over to smother the knives on the floor near Blades. He then rushed to the Pegasus’ side and lifted half the large steel table up into the air. The two sentries retreated from the field of quivering cutlery that threatened to stand up again.

“Forgive me, everyone,” Celestia whispered.

The princess magically levitated a cast iron frying pan and struck Discord hard in the head. The metal pan made a resounding ‘clang’ effect and the draconequus dropped unconsciously to the floor. The magical effects on the kitchen waned and ceased as quickly as Discord’s body did from the cast iron blow. The condiment jars all crashed to the ground and shattered against the hard clay floor. Glass tumbled across the ceramic floor in all directions like an ocean wave, embedded in the large glops of condiments and burned food that had fallen from the chaos.

The knives ceased their quivering and came to a standstill on the ceramic floor tiles. The oven continued to smoke harmlessly, although two pans were still on fire and a tray of bagels continued to smolder.

Celestia put the frying pan down as she too slumped to the floor, crestfallen. “Stupid, stupid me!” she berated herself. She turned to look at the guards in the hallway who escorted the cooks out of the kitchen.

“Is everyone alright?” the princess asked. Celestia clearly saw that her heroic sentinels were injured. The three stallions she led into the fray all bore burns from the oven’s fire while Blades bled visibly from both of his wings. By contrast, the hot batter Celestia was sprayed with left no lasting physical marks.

However, the cooks were unharmed and the guards were still in good spirits over the disaster. They patted each other on the backs for a successful rescue. This quickly stopped as the guards realized that touching light burns on one’s back hurt a lot.

“We are alright your highness,” one guard answered. “We’re just a bit on the medium-rare side, although I believe Blades is still bloody rare.”

“Permission to bleed all over the carpet, your highness?” Blades asked as he stumbled flat on the ground in his weakened state.

Celestia grabbed a clean towel that hung from a nearby sink. She then hurried to Blade’s side and ripped the towel into strips with her magic. The princess wrapped Blade’s wounds tightly and then lifted the Pegasus’ head with her fore-hooves to keep him comfortable until a doctor arrived.

“I will ensure that Captain Steel Shield commends you all for your bravery,” Celestia stated with tears in her eyes. They were more tears of guilt then they were liquid pride. Celestia blamed herself for the wounds the guards received. If only she warned Luna not to approach that trap door so intently.

“My princess,” Blades began softly, “If I may be granted one request of you?”

Celestia nodded. “Anything,” she replied.

“May I have a lick of that batter?” Blades asked, “It looks real delicious on you.”

Celestia’s cheeks blushed with embarrassment. She smeared Blade’s face with chocolate batter from her hoof and then promptly dropped him back to the floor. Apparently Blades was not as seriously stabbed as Celestia initially thought.

Blades licked the sweet cake mix off his face contently. The other guards chuckled at the messy-faced Pegasus. Even Blades laughed at himself.

Celestia shook her head, amazed that these guards could still joke after what just happened to them.

There was a dazzling flash of purple-white light accompanied by a low popping sound. Twilight appeared where the flash was, and she held a very concerned look upon her face.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight shouted as she took in the sight of the trashed kitchen and injured guards.

“I’m alright, Twilight,” Celestia responded. She slowly stood up and before Twilight asked, Celestia gave a false explanation on the recent event. She spoke loudly so that every pony here heard her.

“Discord has been having fits of sleepwalking,” the monarch lied. “He usually isn’t harmful to others, but it appears that the kitchen was not a place for draconequus magic to play.”

“That’s the understatement of the day,” Twilight responded sarcastically.

One of the cooks scratched her head. “Discord seemed awake when he entered the kitchen,” the young mare said. “He came in just a few minutes ago to get a snack and then…”

The cook’s sentence trailed off as she saw Discord step out of the kitchen, dripping in mustard.

“And then what?” the draconequus angrily asked.

The cook recoiled in fear. Despite their injuries the guards held fast against the draconequus’ rage. Celestia waved at the sentinels to stand down, but the group hesitated before they eased away.

Discord only scoffed at them all. “First pony to make a comment about cutting the mustard gets turned into a newt,” the chaotic spirit threatened. The condiment-soaked draconequus stormed down the hallway and then disappeared in a flash of white light.

Several more guards showed up to the scene soon after Discord’s disappearance and with them were the castle doctor, a nurse, and several other servants. The staff came to Celestia first, but the noble princess brushed them away to help the others.

The doctor and nurse immediately tended to the injured guards while the servants attempted to clean up the half-burned kitchen.

Twilight pulled Celestia off to the side while everyone busied themselves to bring normalcy back to the kitchen. Once she was sure no one was within earshot, Twilight brought forward the tough question.

“Princess Celestia, what is really going on around here?” she asked. “I’m not questioning your explanation, but I feel that you withheld an important detail.”

Celestia let out a deep sigh. “Actually, my story is a complete lie.”

“Wait, you lied?” Twilight responded with surprise.

Celestia hushed Twilight’s risen volume. After a quick glance that ensured no pony was listening to them, she explained her reason. “I do not wish to cause a panic over this, but I discovered a strange trap door in the castle’s second basement. Whenever I enter it, I seem to possess Discord’s body. I can see through his eyes, feel through his hands, and it seems that I have some control over his chaotic magic.”

Celestia paused as she expected Twilight to ask a question, but her former student remained quiet despite the puzzled look Twilight wore. Celestia continued her story. “I had taken Luna down to see the trap door earlier this morning and she accidently fell in. It appears she panicked and such emotions caused Discord’s magic to run wild.”

Twilight blinked her eyes and waited for the punch line. Sadly, there wasn’t one. The purple Alicorn wanted to believe Celestia, but this was among the strangest stories she had ever heard of. Twilight finally collected her thoughts into a coherent question.

“So what happens when you leave Discord’s body?” Twilight asked.

“You get dumped into the small lake behind the castle,” Celestia answered.

Twilight’s curiosity for knowledge began to warm up. “Why there?”

“I don’t know,” Celestia said with a shrug. “It just works that way.”

“Does it happen every time?” Twilight followed up.

Princess Luna marched down the hall, her body soaked from head to toe. There were also reeds stuck in her dark, starry mane and tail. Celestia and Twilight watched as the dark blue princess ignored the servants that offered her a towel. Luna approached Celestia with a glare that was both angry and confused. Once she stood beside Celestia, she spat out some water.

Celestia returned her attention back to Twilight. “Yes, I’m quite certain it happens every time.”

Luna joined the conversation on a tangent. “I have just come to the conclusion that the ducks in our lake are conspiring against the crown and I am ready to declare war on them.”

“They didn’t take kindly to my sudden appearance either,” Celestia said. “However, I’d like to focus first and foremost on this trap door problem, which I suppose is only a problem if we keep jumping into it, but either way it should be dealt with.”

“Bury it, seal the basement, problem solved,” Luna quickly interjected.

Twilight raised a hoof in counterpoint. “I’d like to at least know why it’s there.”

“As do I,” Celestia added. “If it isn’t unique, then we must learn how we can prevent another one like it from taking up residence in our castle. Luna, search the library records for the castle blueprints. See if that hallway existed in the original plans. Twilight, round up the royal alchemists and check the lake for anything unusual. Maybe you can discover why that is the exit point.”

Twilight continued to be inquisitive. “Shouldn’t Luna and I switch roles?” she asked, “I would be much more efficient doing the research at the library.”

“I know,” Celestia said, “But I don’t need Luna starting a crusade against the ducks until after the meeting with the griffon dignitaries. Speaking of which, I should take my leave. The griffons will be arriving any minute now.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something, sister?” Luna asked with a pointed tone.

Celestia appeared puzzled. “No, I do not believe so. The reports are ready and I’m sure a luncheon can still be whipped up for our guests. Now if you will excuse me, Luna? I don’t want to be late to welcome the griffons when they arrive.”

Celestia left the scene and walked toward the main castle entrance.

Luna watched her sister pass by all the servants before she turned to Twilight with a concerned expression. “My sister must be preoccupied with a plethora of thoughts right now,” Luna stated.

“Yeah, she is,” Twilight said in agreement. After a moment’s pause, she pointed out the obvious. “Celestia doesn’t realize that she’s still covered in chocolate cake batter, does she?”

“Completely oblivious,” Luna responded.

Author's Note

I love the royal guards at this castle. Brave, skilled, and they can joke while sporting a jaunty 1st degree burn.

Chapter 5 – Jumping Unwisely Through Dimensions

Celestia stood outside on the castle steps with a bored expression on her face. The mid-morning sun was obscured by a few clouds set up by a Pegasi weather team to keep the glare in check. The castle lawns were immaculately trimmed and watered, while the castle itself was washed until it sparkled brightly just as the pinnacle city of Equestria should.

Celestia had hosted formal dignitary visits for hundreds of years with nearly every nation currently known in the explored world, and with a few countries that no longer exist. The basic idea of formality had not changed over the centuries. Unfortunately, such formalities got old after the first four years.

The princess was surrounded by a dozen of the castle guards in full armor with Steel Shield at the forefront. Behind Celestia stood a team of six advisors to help forge the trade agreement between Equestria and the griffon nation. Servants were at the ready at the top of the castle steps to wait upon the guests of honor.

Several hoof-maidens furiously combed Celestia’s impressive multi-colored pastel mane. The princess had just been given her third fastest bath on record to get the cake batter out of her locks.

The second fastest bath on record occurred when a multi-tiered cake fell on Celestia just minutes before a dinner party with the ambassadors of Saddle Arabia.

The servants had an unwritten rule to never mention the incident behind the fastest bath on record, but suffice to say it too involved cake.

Celestia looked up and saw four winged creatures approach from the southwest. They were the two griffon dignitaries, accompanied by two guards of their own. The hoof-maidens quickly dressed their princess with her tiara, necklace, and other personal effects just as the colt pages began their trumpeting fanfare.

Celestia stood tall and displayed her brightest smile.

The visitors landed on the front lawn of the castle and Celestia stepped forward to greet them.

“Welcome to Canterlot,” Celestia said warmly. She extended her fore-hoof to shake with the griffons, but they only bowed in respect.

“Thank you, Princess Celestia,” one of the griffon dignitaries replied.

The griffons introduced themselves. Celestia partially tuned them out, but not on purpose. She had her ears on alert for the sound of Discord and the split attention made it difficult to hear everything clearly. Celestia heard one griffon introduced himself as Gilbert, the other… something with an M. Their guards weren’t given an introduction, as per usual protocol.

It mattered not to the princess. These dignitary visits from the griffons usually followed the same pattern. First there were introductions, then one of the representatives made a lame joke about flying, and finally the conversation ended in a request to dine before negotiations began.

“Pardon us, your highness,” Gilbert stated pleasantly, “But Merv and I flew in straight from Griffico and our guards were only saddled for coach class.” The griffons all let out a good laugh and Celestia’s entourage joined in polite revelry.

“Shall we brunch before we get right down to business?” Gilbert asked.

Just like clockwork.

“My master chef has prepared a delectable meal for us,” Celestia said with a bow.

The princess clapped her fore-hooves together. Steel Shield shouted several marching orders and his guards changed formations just as they practiced it a hundred times before. The griffons were escorted up the steps along with Celestia, while the servants held back a moment before they proceeded to follow the assembly back inside the castle.

~ ~ ~

The griffons were seated in the grand dining hall, a colossal vaulted room with an arched ceiling and chandeliers made of finely crafted steel and bronze. Celestia sat at the head of the long table and watched the servants bring out trays of salads and breads for the opening course. A small orchestra in the corner played a soft melody in the background, but the griffons were largely too focused on their meals and their chatter with Celestia’s advisors.

A conversation over current sporting events batted back and forth between the griffons to Celestia’s left and the advisors to her right. The conversation reminded the princess that she rarely watched sports due to her busy schedule running a country. Celestia made a mental note to someday schedule time to attend a Hoof Ball game next season.

It was at this moment that one of the page colts snuck up beside Celestia and whispered news to the princess that made her heart skip a beat with apprehension.

“Your majesty,” the page said, “Discord has been spotted in the throne room setting up an unusual display of flowers.”

Celestia nodded. It would seem that her patience was already put to the test. “If you will excuse me, gentle griffons,” Celestia said as she interrupted everyone at the table. “I have been asked to approve our meeting arrangements in the throne room.”

She stood up without waiting on a response and casually left the dining hall.

On her way out, Celestia met Manny’s gaze and the stallion silently lipped ‘Better not be Discord’ to her. She only returned a smile to the advisor. Once out of sight of the lunch party, Celestia exploded into a full gallop to the throne room.

“Your timing is awful, Discord,” Celestia grumbled as she reached the two gilded throne room doors. She was about to pull the doors open magically when she noticed that the two guards stationed here were missing. Celestia frowned and yanked the doors open.

The princess was hit head on with the fragrance of freshly cut roses. The throne room was filled with them; red, white, and pink roses adorned the room in large bouquets. Rose petals on the red carpet formed a trail up to the throne where Discord sat in wait. The two missing guards flanked the throne, hung from the ceiling by long lengths of rope. They were both dressed with angelic wings and halos.

The draconequus was delighted to see her. “Your majesty!” Discord happily greeted. He stood up awkwardly and beckoned Celestia to approach.

The princess was apprehensive to get too close to the draconequus. “What are you up to, Discord?” she demanded. “I have important visitors and I request that you please not interfere with our meeting.”

“Oh, I don’t care about them,” Discord replied. “I am interested in you.”

Celestia tilted her head to the left as she was now quite confused. The draconequus kneeled down on all fours before the princess and lifted her right fore-hoof. Celestia recoiled suddenly, surprised by his strange behavior. Well, stranger than the usual antics Discord was known for.

“My dear Celestia,” he said as he sat up, “I have never told you before just how beautiful you are. You are an immortal rose in a sea of desert sand. Your grace is never stained by the soiled hands of time.”

Celestia’s cheeks were quickly taking on a red blush. “Wait, you actually have romantic feelings for me?”

“I always did,” Discord admitted. “I was never able to get the nerves to tell you until today.”

“C-Can this wait?” Celestia stuttered. She glanced at the two guards, but they were helpless against Discord’s magic. She started to back up away from the romantically challenged draconequus.

“Discord, this isn’t a good time!” Celestia said apprehensively.

“Now is the perfect time!” Discord countered. “I must know if my love for you is reciprocated! I have always been there by your side, forever loyal. I would give my life for you in the line of duty, but I want to also give you my love!”

“Discord,” Celestia whispered, stunned. She was taken by his kind words, unusual as they were, but then she realized something about what he just said. ‘Give his life in the line of duty' wasn't a phrase a draconequus would say, but it was a common idiom for a soldier.

Celestia pressed a hoof against his chest and stopped the draconequus’ advance.

“You’re one of my personal guards aren’t you?” Celestia asked pointedly.

“Uh, well yes, I am,” Discord said hesitantly.

Celestia’s cheeks remained rosy, but this was due to anger that now welled up inside her. “Who are you and how did you get inside Discord’s body?”

“I shouldn’t say,” Discord said sheepishly. “It would embarrass our relationship.”

“We don’t have a relationship!” Celestia shouted back.

“Well, we could if you want one,” Discord replied.

Celestia let off a growl of frustration. “Forget this. Here, hold my tiara,” she commanded. The princess levitated her crown over to Discord’s hands.

The draconequus took hold of the tiara, but remained seated. He marveled at the beautiful amethyst gemstones set in the crown for about three seconds before Celestia’s rear hooves kicked him in the chest. Discord rolled backwards and came to a halt, unconscious, against the throne.

Celestia reclaimed her tiara and then fired two beams of light, one at each of the ropes that bound the guards. The magical bolts snapped the ropes easily. The two guards fell to the ground with a soft thud, but were unharmed by the short distance. They escaped their bonds easily now that the magic that held the knots tight was gone.

“Hold Discord here as best you can,” Celestia commanded. She turned and galloped out of the throne room without further words. The dignitaries were no longer the top priority. Celestia had to secure that trap door from whoever was using it. She continued to run down the hallways towards the basement. She ran around the servants and guards along the way and ignored calls to her attention. Celestia reached the main entrance to the castle basement in record time.

Discord was sitting there waiting for her. He held an open bottle of wine in his lap.

“I don’t have time for this,” Celestia said angrily.

The draconequus staggered forward toward the princess and fell onto the floor. “You know what I really hate about you?” Discord said scathingly. “You are just way to smothering! You’re too nice to every pony and you molly coddle your friends to the point that I feel ill!” The draconequus took a heavy swing of wine and tried to stand up. He stumbled into a stone wall and held onto it for support.

“You’re always going on about friendship this and friendship that!” Discord continued to rant. “I think you try too hard to be the perfect friend. Oh sure, some ponies say their gas doesn’t stink, but the only thing that you want to come out of your tail end are baby foxes.”

“You aren’t the guard from earlier,” Celestia said slowly as she realized some pony else now had control of Discord’s body.

“No, I’m the mare in the moon,” Discord snapped back sarcastically. He stumbled forward from the wall and landed on all fours, but in doing so he dropped his bottle of wine. The glass bottle hit the carped floor and rolled away.

Celestia darted forward at Discord. He lifted his arms and braced for the imminent body slam, but Celestia instead popped out of sight in a loud and brilliant flash of yellow-white light. Just as quickly, the princess popped back into sight, but now she was behind Discord.

“And another thing,” Discord started, “You’re a big showoff!”

Celestia kicked the crawling draconequus in his rear end. He fell forward, rolled, and then hit his head against the opposite stone wall of the hallway. Discord slumped down on his face unconscious.

“Okay, some pony working here doesn’t have enough friends,” Celestia muttered to herself. She pushed the basement door open with her magic and descended the steps speedily. In front of her the light spell returned to guide the way down into the depths of the castle.

Celestia jumped down the stairs leading to the second basement. Her magical light was overshadowed by a dozen lit lanterns that were now hung from small hooks in the ceiling. She also heard shouting from many voices all at once. Where the strange small hallways began, Celestia found a crowd of servants and guards gathered. They shoved against each other as some attempted to have a turn at being the Prince of Chaos while others tried to prevent any pony from using the trap door at all.

Twilight and Luna were here as well. The two Alicorns tried to use rope to tie several pieces of old furniture together in a vain attempt to have a blockade erected. However, the unruly crowd sabotaged the efforts put into this with their shoving.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” Celestia angrily roared out.

The mob of ponies stopped suddenly and they collectively fell into a full bow at the presence of their very put-off princess. “What are you doing with Discord?” Celestia asked.

“What cord? You mean this cord?” Twilight asked as she held up the rope.

“What? No!” Celestia crossly answered, “I want to know why is there a mob of ponies down here trying to get into Discord’s head?”

“Sister, if I may?” Luna requested. Her sister pointed and nodded to speak. Luna cleared her throat. “Twilight and I enlisted the services of several servants to aid in the tasks you charged us with. It appears that our choices for assistance had loose lips and rumors quickly spread among the staff about this trap door.”

“I’m so sorry, your majesty,” Twilight added. “We tried to keep knowledge of this enigma as vague as possible, but it was too strange to not invoke every pony’s curiosity.”

“It also has mine,” Discord said angrily as he stepped out of the shadows behind Celestia.

Several servants let out a gasp of surprise. The guards shifted their weight and had their hooves on their spears. Celestia shook her head at how poorly this situation had snowballed into trouble.

The draconequus walked over to the half erected mound of furniture. The servants fearfully moved out of his way. Discord snapped his fingers and the fixtures parted like doors that opened to receive a noble. He then peered down the hallway at the open trap door that quietly sat at the end.

“What am I looking at?” Discord asked everyone.

“Discord, wait!” Celestia interjected. “That trap door is made of strange magic, perhaps even stranger than yourself. It somehow is connected to you, but I think you shouldn’t go near it.”

“I accept that challenge,” Discord replied without fear. The draconequus ducked his head and walked down to the end of the hall. He looked down into the darkness with great interest. It was an oddity that even Discord was unfamiliar with. He leaned in, but saw nothing other than the blackest nothingness.

Discord reached down into the trap door as he felt around for what might lie below. It was emptiness, nothing solid below the frame of the trap door.

An unseen force grabbed Discord’s arm and yanked him into the darkness. Discord fell silently and disappeared inside the blank oblivion of the trap door.

Every pony stood there stunned. Discord had fallen into a portal that led… into Discord’s head?

“Uh, is that even physically possible?” Twilight asked aloud.

~ ~ ~

Discord groaned in pain. His fall through the trap door was a long one and the ground he landed on felt of packed earth and small rocks. He slowly sat up as he rubbed his eyes. The noonday sun was quite bright today. Discord looked at his surroundings and found that he sat on the main street of Ponyville.

How did he end up here? Was this how that trap door connected with him?

Discord felt a small nose rub up softly against his back. He turned around and found Fluttershy was standing behind him. The yellow Pegasus wore a big smile on her face with a hint of concern. She carried a small basket of fruits that hung from her right wing.

“Fluttershy!” Discord happily greeted her. “It is nice to see you again. Although, I can’t say this visit was planned. In fact, I’m not sure exactly how I got here.” The draconequus stood up from the ground as he dusted himself off.

Fluttershy brushed back the bangs from her pink mane and then reached into her basket. She pulled out a drinking glass that was filled with a brown liquid. “Chocolate milk?” she offered.

Discord took the glass in hand. “Thank you, Fluttershy. I can always count on you to be honest with me.” He drank the ‘glass’ portion of the drink, leaving a cylinder of chocolate milk in his hand.

“Ah! That hit the spot,” Discord happily stated.

The draconequus recognized a group of three mare ponies that walked past him. He didn’t quite remember their names, but he was sure they would know his. Discord waved to them. “Afternoon, ladies.”

“Chocolate milk!” the aquamarine Unicorn shouted back with a friendly smile.

“Um, no thanks,” Discord replied. “I already have a drink.” He showed her the can-shaped blob of liquid still in his hand. Discord returned his attention to Fluttershy.

“I would love to stay and chat more,” he said, “But there’s a commotion over a strange door back at the castle and I need to go deal with that right now.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Chocolate milk.”

“Okay, now I’m concerned,” Discord said with a confused expression. He saw several more ponies walk by and they waved at him with a friendly welcome.

“Chocolate milk!” shouted an orange stallion.

“Chocolate milk!” greeted a white Pegasus.

Discord started to put a little more distance between himself and the strangely behaving ponies. Either everyone in Ponyville declared today a ‘Prank the Draconequus’ holiday and they failed to invite him in for the joke, or he wasn’t in the Ponyville that he knew.

“Chocolate milk!” another mare greeted.

Discord increased his reverse movement to a slow walk. No, scratch that, it was a jog to get away from these strange ponies. He passed a candy store where a group of foals were sitting around holding cupcakes. The children unscrewed the tops of the cupcakes as if they were jar lids.

Inside each of the hollow cupcakes was a glass filled with chocolate milk.

“Chocolate milk!” the children all shouted together happily.

Discord jumped back at their synchronized cheer. The foals all got up and began to run around Discord, as if they wanted to play a game.

“Chocolate milk?” a little pink filly asked.

“Chocolate milk!”

More ponies began to crowd around Discord. They all had the same big, bright smile upon their faces. Very few things frightened the draconnequus, but this was quickly becoming one of those things.

“Chocolate milk?” Fluttershy asked again.

Discord snapped his fingers to teleport away from everyone. However, nothing happened. He then attempted to fly off into the clouds above him. Still nothing happened. His magical powers were not there.

“Chocolate milk, chocolate milk,” two stallions commented.

“Chocolate milk?” a colt asked.

Discord tried to push past the gathered crowd, but the ponies continued to mob him with their friendly greetings and affections for chocolate milk. The overly friendly ponies began to pile upon the draconequus.

“Gah, get away from me you dumb horses!” Discord shouted.

“Chocolate milk!” another Pegasus replied happily.

Discord was being smothered by Earth ponies, Unicorns, and chocolate milk. He struggled against the cheerful mob of chocolate milk, but it was chocolate milk to keep struggling. All he could do was chocolate milk against the growing chocolate milk of chocolate milk. Chocolate milk continued to chocolate milk around chocolate milk.

Chocolate milk and chocolate milk pressed against Discord, then chocolate milk. “Chocolate milk?” Chocolate milk, chocolate milk!

Chocolate milk, chocolate milk, but then Discord’s chocolate milk.

“Chocolate milk,” chocolate milk, and chocolate milk.

Chocolate milk, chocolate milk? Chocolate milk.

Chocolate milk!!

And then the cylindrical brown drink in Discord’s hand exploded.

Author's Note

This is by far my favorite chapter in the story. Psuedo-shipping of Discord with Celestia, disgruntled workers, terrible puns, and (of course) chocolate milk.

Chapter 6 – It Helps if We Sing About It

Discord gasped for air in between violent coughing fits from his water-filled lungs. He splashed around in the shallow lake as he tried to find the shoreline, but his vision was too blurry to see anything in detail. Several unseen forces grabbed Discord’s body and pulled him out of the water. He felt his body drift through the air for a few seconds before warm dry grass brushed up against his back.

The coughing fit finally relented and Discord’s vision started to sharpen. He made out the hazy forms of Princess Celestia, Twilight, and at least a dozen other servants and guards from the castle. They all gathered around him. Even Princess Luna was here instead of sleeping through the day shift as she usually did.

Discord wondered if Luna threw any sofas at the servant who woke her up.

The draconequus’ lungs wheezed heavily for air. “Never again,” he whispered with a horrified expression.

Celestia put a hoof on Discord’s shoulder, but he only curled up in response.

“What happened?” Twilight finally asked. “Where did you go?”

Discord blinked his eyes as he tried to recall the vivid scene, but the image of the overly friendly ponies that tried to suffocate him still haunted his mind. He slowly sat up, but remained visibly shaken from the traumatic experience. “Chocolate milk ponies everywhere,” Discord said cryptically.

“I think he’s broken,” Blades stated casually.

“He is not broken,” Celestia countered. The princess gently took Discord’s hand and stood him up. “You don’t have to tell us what happened if you don’t want to.” She gave Discord a motherly smile which assured him that he was in safe hooves now.

Discord calmed down and regained some composure. He then attained the often underappreciated ability to form complete sentences. “I’m not sure how to even explain it. Where exactly does that trap door lead to?” he asked Celestia.

Princess Celestia’s crestfallen expression showed hints of regret upon her face. “I just explained it to everyone here, but you most of all should know this. Whenever one of us has entered that door, we end up in your mind, able to see and feel through you. In a way, it is like we possess you. When Luna threw that sofa at you and when you were at the bottom of a chocolate milk-soaked tree, that was because of me.”

Luna nodded in agreement. “Your awakening in the royal kitchen was when I had accidentally fallen into your mind. It can be a very baffling sensation for us. We can only imagine based on your current state that what you witnessed was your own chaotic mind turned against you.”

Discord backtracked through his memories. He thought about the instances he had yesterday and today where his memory was blank and he awoke in those strange situations. Also, he thought about the pain. There was always pain with each situation.

“Excuse me,” Discord finally said sourly, “But if I’m not mistaken, I believe Celestia was quite clear that all these shenanigans were attributed to me sleepwalking. Now you are telling me that I didn’t cause any of these problems?” Discord folded his arms together, a sign that he was not enjoying the belated truth just given to him.

Celestia lowered her ears sheepishly. “I may have fibbed a little,” she admitted. “I didn’t know how you’d react to finding the trap door, so I kept it a secret as long as I could, but then I had to protect you as well since these incidents were not your fault. I-I should have been honest with you from the beginning.”

Discord wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be angry or proud of Celestia for actually weaving such an intricate web of lies. He mused that he could have done both, but the captain of the guard stepped up to Celestia’s side in her defense before Discord could make that decision.

“I have my best soldiers posted by the door to ensure it is not used again,” Steel Shield added.

“That isn’t good enough,” Discord stated with a frown. “A few of you here could easily weasel your way past them. Even worse, Celestia could just order them aside if she wanted to. How will I know that some of you won't use my glorious chaotic powers to your advantage?”

“Do not flatter yourself,” Luna interjected. “I’d sooner court a diamond dog than impersonate you.”

Discord snapped his fingers. In a flash of white light he transformed into a small, hunched-over dog with a long chin and a short tail that ended in several nubs. “I can arrange that!” Discord barked back.

Twilight spoke next. “Your highness, Discord’s point has some merit. Now that word is getting around about that trap door, we should make a decision soon on a more permanent solution.”

Celestia nodded, but was not quite sure how to proceed. There were still unanswered questions about the mysterious door and it was difficult to know who could be trusted to guard against its usage. Celestia was only able to glance around in thought.

Discord got impatient and transformed himself back to his usual draconequus form. “Well don’t just do something, Celestia, stand there!” Discord taunted. With a stern huff, Discord turned away from the group and began to walk toward the castle.

“Discord, wait!” Celestia shouted.

The draconequus ignored her command and snapped his fingers. He vanished in the familiar flash of white light. The small crowd of ponies looked at each other nervously. They weren’t sure what Discord was going to do, but whatever it was, the self-proclaimed Prince of Chaos never did anything half-heartedly.

There was a deep ‘boom’ sound that came from the castle. The crowd saw one of the stain-glass windows on the ground floor shatter as dark gray smoke poured out of it. This was followed in quick succession by a loud splash in the lake behind them.

The crowd turned around and saw Discord sitting in the lake. He was soaked completely, save for his face which was covered in black soot.

Celestia approached the lake’s edge to address him. “What happened?” she asked with concern.

“Did you fail to mention that the trap door is heavily warded?” Discord countered as he winced in pain. “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t told that important detail.”

“Pray tell us what you did,” Luna demanded.

Discord slogged out of the lake. “I tried to turn the trap door into something not like a door at all.”

“And?” Twilight asked inquisitively.

“It took offense to that,” Discord responded flatly. He conjured a small towel from the air and wiped himself dry. The towel vanished shortly thereafter back into the air.

Celestia let out a distressing sigh. “It seems the best idea then is to seal it away as Luna proposed earlier,” she said. “We should call the royal builders quickly and fill that passage with sand.”

“I don’t want sand leaking into my head!” Discord argued.

“It is not like you use that space for anything productive,” Luna rebutted.

Celestia put her hoof down. “Be still, all of you!” she shouted angrily. “We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. Sealing the passage is the best option we have right now and I decree to make it so.”

“Your majesty, don’t forget that you have some dignitaries to host,” Twilight pointed out.

“Indeed,” Luna agreed with a yawn. “I shall delegate the task of sealing the passage in your stead.”

Discord folded his arms together. “By the way, I did not enjoy being your puppet,” he said seriously. “I should be the sole puppet master here!” He snapped his fingers and several puppet strings appeared around Blades’ legs. The Pegasus guard was unable to resist the pull of the ropes that made him dance in place.

“Discord, please calm down,” Celestia pleaded.

The draconequus snapped his fingers and the puppetry act ended as Blades was released from the binding ropes. Discord then took off into the air toward the castle.

“I’m off to oversee the guards on that basement watch,” Discord said. “No more ponies are going to get into my head again! My mind is to remain vacant at all times!” He quickly sailed to the castle and disappeared through the broken, still smoking window.

“Remind me again, dear sister, how many times he’s been hit in the head today?” Luna asked.

Celestia took in a deep breath and calmed her nerves. “Alright, everyone return to business as usual. Luna, I’ll leave sealing the basement passage to you. I shall get back to the griffons and complete the negotiations for the trade agreement.”

Several screams emanated from the castle. The guards quickly took a defensive stance while everyone else flinched from the shrieks of fear.

Twilight was the first to break the stunned silence. “What was that?”

“The griffons,” Celestia said with a horrified look.

The group of ponies raced back to the castle, but Celestia, Luna, and Twilight teleported themselves to the front entrance. The three Alicorns together pushed the two large doors open. Inside the castle vestibule they saw the red carpets wrapped tightly around the two griffon guards, as well as a Unicorn guard.

The victims were slowly being strangled by the floor coverings.

Celestia pointed her magical horn at the carpet and a beam of bright-white light sprung forth. She directed the magical beam to slice the carpets open. The captive guards tumbled out of their bindings, saved from asphyxiation by the deadly red berber.

“What happened?” Celestia asked the guards.

“The shadows in the hall, they… came to life,” one of the surprised griffons wheezed out.

“Your highness, the dignitaries were taken by the shadows!” the Unicorn guard added in between deep breaths. “They were dragged off to the basement!”

Shadows began to creep toward the princesses from the corners of the vestibule. As the dark shades approached the lit candles that hung from the walls, they snuffed out the tiny flames. Twilight lit her horn with a bright yellow-white light and took up a defensive position by the still recovering guards. She then fired a beam of light at the shadows.

The magical light struck and dissolved a hole in the strange darkness. It halted its advance almost as if it was aware that the light was harmful.

“I’ll hold the shadows here!” Twilight said with determination. “You two go and save the dignitaries!”

Celestia nodded proudly and then waved at Luna to follow. The two sisters jumped over the encroaching shadows and galloped towards the basement. Other shadows oozed out of the dark corners of the castle. The darkness consumed the candles and torches that lit the hallways, both magical and mundane.

“So who do you think is possessing Discord now?” Celestia asked her sister.

A wall of shadow sprung forth from the ground and the sisters skidded to a halt before they collided with the darkness. The wall reached out slowly to Celestia with long fingers made of shadow. The princess could feel an aura of freezing coldness as the shade tried to touch her.

Luna summoned forth her own magical shadow and blocked the dark fingers. The two dark forms pressed against each other as if they were solid bodies. The red carpet behind Celestia then began to rise from the floor, intent on the sisters.

Luna stomped the carpet down against the floor while Celestia reared up and fired her magical beam of light at the shadowy fingers. The warm rays of sunlight cut through the appendages all the way to the shadow wall. The darkness bubbled and burned away as the hallway was opened up once more. The two princesses leaped through the wide opening and continued toward the basement.

“Sister,” Luna said with concern, “I don’t believe it is a ‘who’ that is manifesting these shadows.”

Celestia gave Luna a confused glance. However, she quickly understood the meaning in her sister’s eyes. This revelation only frightened Celestia even more.

“The darkness in the basement?” she whispered.

Luna only nodded as they reached the entrance to the basement. Celestia turned on her magical light, but increased its brightness as a matter of caution. Luna opened the doors and the sisters gazed down the steps into what appeared to be less a staircase and more a dark maw.

“This would make for a lovely Nightmare Night activity,” Luna commented thoughtfully.

Celestia snorted. “Sure, if you can keep the shadows from eating the guests.”

They descended the stairs together. The darkness embraced them as the sisters navigated their way deep into the basement. Celestia’s light held the shadows at bay, but she was unable to see past the wall of darkness. However, Luna saw the path clearly and directed her sister forward. They found the stairs down to the second basement and with it, the voice of the darkness.

“The light…” came a whispering echo from below.

“Did the darkness just speak to us?” Celestia asked her sister.

Luna nodded. “It would appear that this errant magic is capable of sound mimicry.”

“Are you certain that it isn’t a spirit?” Celestia inquired.

“My dear sister,” Luna explained, “There are three things I do not believe in; the tooth fairy, weight-loss supplements, and ghosts. We are simply hearing echoes from the guards further down warped by this magical effect.”

Luna continued down the stairs, unfazed by the darkness.

“Echoes don’t bunch up the royal carpets,” Celestia mumbled to herself as she followed.

The sisters reached the ground of the second basement. The air down here was noticeably cold and extremely dry. Up ahead, a dim yellow light flickered for survival. The sisters sped up their pace and saw before them Discord with three Unicorn guards and the two griffon dignitaries.

The group was huddled in front of the trap door. Discord held the last active lantern under his arm. He conjured lights from his outstretched hand, but the darkness repeatedly swallowed up his magic hungrily. The Unicorns had lit orbs on the tips of their own horns, but the shadows were slowly converging upon them like a panther stalking prey, ready to devour their magical light as well.

Celestia dashed forward as her light cut through the shadows. “Come, I’ll bring you to safety!” she shouted.

The guards protected the griffons as they quickly moved towards Celestia. Discord followed last as the light in the lantern he held wavered and then died. The shadows darted out of the small hallway, but they were not after the retreating group. The darkness wanted Celestia.

Luna stepped forward to block the shadows with her own magical darkness. The dark shades pressed forward against the young sister’s night as it vied to touch the light of Celestia’s magic. The shadows grew closer to Celestia's light and began to burn as a moth would to a candle flame.

Celestia expected to hear a reaction, maybe pain or agony, from the darkness. However, it felt no pain, no suffering. Just as Luna had explained it earlier, this wasn’t a living entity. It was just a magical imprint of something tragic.

Still, Celestia just wasn't convinced.

“Sister, we must retreat from here,” Luna advised sternly.

“No, not yet,” Celestia responded. “I think I know how to stop it!”

“Pray tell what your idea is?” Luna asked. She shoved her magical darkness harder against the coming shadows to give the group more time to escape the basement.

“Discord,” Celestia called out, “I need to use the trap door on last time.”

“What, you want permission now?” Discord asked. “After you took a few joyrides in my head, behind my back?” He conjured three candles shaped like himself and held them out in one hand.

“Please!” Celestia pleaded.

Discord snapped his fingers. Sparks sprung forth and lit the candles. The darkness barely slowed down from the new light sources. “Fine, but make it quick!” Discord shouted.

Celestia continued forward until she reached the low ceiling of the enigmatic hallway. “Luna, when I jump into the trap door, I want you to collapse the hallway!”

“I do not see merit in this plan,” Luna stated as she strained to hold back the dark forces around her.

“Don’t argue!” Celestia snapped back. She then dimmed her light as she ducked her head. Celestia crawled into the low hallway toward the trap door. The darkness surrounded and latched onto her. Its cold, icy grip burning against her sides.

Celestia reached the trap door, but the darkness tried to pull her away. She crawled inside slowly as she fought the unseen force that did not wish her to disappear.

Luna conjured several more shadows to pound against the walls of the small hallway. The darkness attempted to resist her as well. A wall of darkness formed in front of Luna.

“No…” the whispering shadows said.

“No?” Luna asked angrily. “No?! You cannot defy me! You are nothing but shadows, illusions!” Luna’s anger began to boil. Her eyes took on a white glow as she continued to increase the size of her own dark shades.

“You are only darkness and I am your master!” Luna commanded. “I am Luna, Princess of the Night!”

With all her might, Luna plunged her magical force forward. The wall of darkness shattered against the immense power. Luna’s shade pounded through the corridor. The stone masonry was ripped from the foundations, the brickwork crumbled off the walls and the ceiling was torn down upon the miniature hallway.

The rumble shook dust and loose pieces of stone from the ceiling above. The debris rained upon the ponies and griffons alike. The moments drifted slowly along the clouds of dust. The noise faded to silence that hung heavily on the ears of everyone here.

The guards led the weary griffons out of the basement, but Discord remained behind to ensure Luna was alright. He began to worry, for he felt no different even though he saw Celestia crawl into the trap door.

“Luna, I,” Discord fumbled, “I don’t know where Celestia is. I don’t think she’s in my mind.”

The younger sister looked Discord in the eyes, but she appeared to believe him. Luna only nodded. “Perhaps my sister was cast into the lake prematurely. I am sure she is alright. Let us locate her post haste.”

The draconequus nodded and followed her up the stairs. As the two climbed the steps, Luna turned to meet Discord’s gaze again.

“Discord,” Luna began, “I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was wrong of me to have thrown that sofa at you.”

The draconequus smiled. “Really? You are apologizing to me?”

“Yes,” Luna said. “I know it was my sister controlling your body, but even if it was you at my window, I should have given you a fair chance to explain yourself. A friend should be forgiving and understanding.”

Discord put an arm around Luna. “Apology accepted, friend!” he said happily. “In return, I apologize for the itching powder I snuck into those pink socks you borrowed from Celestia.”

“I didn’t borrow my sister’s pink socks,” Luna responded with confusion. “I had borrowed her purple ones.”

Discord stopped in his tracks. “You didn’t? Oh, well then, why don’t you look for Celestia at the lake and I’ll check upstairs. You know, in case she already flew back to the castle.” Discord picked up his pace and hurried up the stairs to exit the basement.

“I think I shall place a heavy magical ward on my dresser from now on,” Luna whispered to herself.

Author's Note

Originally I had it written that Discord was to jump back through the trap door with the darkness, but I decided to instead bring it full circle with Celestia.

Epilogue – Guess She'll See Chaos Around

The night was calm and the clear sky above displayed a beautiful view full of stars and a half moon. Celestia sat alone in her throne room, although under a tarp-covered cage beside the tall throne was her sleeping pet phoenix. The ceiling chandelier only had two lit candles, leaving the room dimly lit. There was no eerie feeling to the large shadows that sat quietly in the corners of the grand hall.

In fact, the shadows appeared almost serene and happy.

Celestia sighed with fatigue as she sorted the large stack of paperwork that contained Equestria’s economic information. She couldn’t see the last few written lines of the final page, but before she brought up a magical light, a small Discord-shaped candle lip up beside her and illuminated the words clearly.

“Discord?” Celestia asked as she looked up. She saw the draconequus standing before her holding the candle. He seemed to be in a good mood, all things considering with what happened to him in the past two days, but there was an odd lingering scent of soap coming from his hands.

“Evening, Celestia,” Discord said. “My, my, aren’t we up late? Are you unable to sleep, or did Luna and Twilight finally overthrow your reign and start that democracy idea I gave them?”

Celestia cracked a little smile from her weary face. “No, I volunteered to raise the moon so that Luna could get a few extra hours of sleep after today’s adventure. I was just filing these papers for the archives.”

Discord looked at the writing on the pages. He noticed several pages had been stamped with a large, red ‘rejected’ sign. “I take it the griffons didn’t stay for tea after the incident in the basement?”

“No, and I don’t blame them,” Celestia remarked. “There were about forty-two errors in this report, most of them mine, and the trade agreements were poorly worded. To round out my day, Manny resigned from his position. He cited irreconciable differences with a draconequus insubordinate that lives here.” The princess put the report down and sighed heavily.

"You want I go rough up this insubordinate?" Discord asked as he made several boxing jabs in the air.

Celestia hummed out an incoherent answer. “Discord," she then asked, "Are you mad that I had lied to you?”

The draconequus sat down in the air, floating over the ground. He snapped his fingers and summoned two cups of tea to share with the princess as he pondered her question. After a few seconds, Discord shrugged.

“I suppose I am,” he finally said. “I’m sure I’ll think up of a brilliant plan to punish you later next week for all the pain you caused me. However…”

Celestia watched him intently, resigned to accept whatever fate he had planned for her. Discord took a sip of his tea before finishing his thought.

“However, I don’t know if I’ll feel like going through with it by then,” Discord concluded. “While you should have told me about that trap door when you first found it, I find it fascinating that you created a web of lies to protect me as well as how you skirted your royal duties for your own self-interest. That was a beautiful series of chaotic decisions that you did there. It was so out of character that I’m very proud of you.”

Celestia felt a little pink blush coming onto her cheeks. She sipped the tea, but then promptly spat out as the drink was actually a watered down chocolate malt. She put the cup down carefully.

“Thank you for your approval,” Celestia said politely. “Perhaps you are rubbing off on me.”

“As I always say,” Discord stated, “Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing.” He stood up on the ground and began to walk away, but stopped as another thought came to his mind.

“One last thing,” he said. “What happened when you last crawled into that trap door? I know you ended up in the lake out back, but you didn’t enter my head that time. Any idea why that is?”

Celestia stroked her chin with a hoof. “I must confess that I don’t know. Perhaps we’ll never even know where that doorway came from or what those shadows were.”

“Well no, now that you’re having that section of the basement sealed behind a big wall of sand, stone blocks and mortar,” Discord pointed out.

“It’s for the best that we seal it,” Celestia said thoughtfully, “But I have a little theory on what the darkness was down there."

Discord leaned against what looked like an invisible table. "Do tell."

"I think that the basement was dark for so long that it became lonely," Celestia explained. "It wanted desperately to see the sun again, but who is a better representation of the sun than I am? When I had hid down there yesterday for the first time, I might have awoken the shadows and it sense that I was lonely too. Perhaps it created that trap door as a gift to let me escape every now and then just so I would continue to return and bring the shadows company.”

Discord leaned his head to the right. “And…?”

“And well, that’s it,” Celestia replied. "The shadows attacked the griffons in order to lure me back down there."

“That’s it? That’s your theory?” Discord questioned. "Well, I see why you took up politics and not science."

“Hey now,” Celestia said defensively, “I didn’t say it was correct, or even a very good theory.”

“Oh, I'm sure it would be the bestselling thriller of the year if you wrote it,” Discord said sarcastically.

Celestia smirked. “Well, do you have a better theory?”

Discord stretched his back lazily. “Of course I do, chaos theory. There are a lot of strange spirits and relics forgotten throughout history. They still move about unseen from place to place. Sometimes they want to remind us that they still exist, and they do so in the strangest of ways.”

“You do that on a daily basis,” Celestia teased.

“That is because I’m a consummate professional,” Discord stated with a monocle that appeared in his hand from nothing.

Celestia yawned as she stood up. “Well, I think I shall retire now. Thank you for this little talk, Discord. I look forward to my punishment next week.” Celestia reached around her throne and pulled out a small wooden bucket.

“Oh, if you could do me two favors? If you see Luna before the morning, remind her I would like my purple socks back.” Celestia magically floated the wooden bucket to Discord’s hands.

“I suppose this is to protect my head from any Sofa attacks?” Discord asked. He plopped the bucket upside-down on his head like a helmet. A sudden slosh of sunflower shells rained down over his face.

Celestia held back a giggle. “No, that was Philomena’s trash bucket. I was going to ask you to empty it on the way out.”

Discord stood there with a deadpan expression of embarrassment.

“Dun dun dun!!” cooed Philomena from under her tarp.

Author's Note

Never a dull day in Canterlot.

Prelude – Light on Formality

Thunk!

This was the sound a book made when it fell from the top shelf of a bookcase in Canterlot castle’s library. It was an annoying sound to ponies that preferred a quiet atmosphere when they read books.

Ker-thunk! Splat!

That was the sound made by a book that was deliberately knocked off by another book which sat upon the top shelf of the library bookcase. This was a much more annoying sound and one that generally escalated to shouting from frustrated readers, forced removal of offending ponies from the library, and collateral damage.

Ker-thunk! Splat!

Twilight Sparkle slammed the large tome down on the desk. She was tasked by Princess Celestia this morning to merge all the export reports for Equestria into one concise listing. This was a time consuming, but fairly trivial project to accomplish for a pony that had a keen eye for details.

However, there was a difficulty that arose in the past fifteen minutes. This difficulty took the form of a creature with an eagle’s claw, a lion’s paw, and no sense of manners.

“Will you stop that?!” Twilight yelled out with frustration. Twilight’s voice echoed in the vast castle library. The gray, cracked vaulted ceilings reflected sound quite well, particularly angry sounds.

Discord peered out from the large fortress he had constructed nearby out of books. The morning light shone through the large windows and reflected eerily off the red pupils in his eyes. “Stop what?” the spirit of chaos asked innocently. “Do you want me to stop the birds chirping outside? Or stop the ticking noise of the clock hanging in the corner? Stop time itself? You’ll have to be specific; you know how Celestia throws a fit when I act on vague requests.”

Twilight frowned at the draconequus. “What I mean is for you to stop knocking books off the top shelves,” the young pony explained.

“I’m not hurting anyone,” Discord countered. “I was just bored and wanted to try out a new game.”

“Well your little ‘game’ is annoying me,” Twilight said, “You’re also making a huge mess on the floor.”

Discord snapped his eagle-clawed fingers. The books he had knocked down all stood up on their spines and then flapped their covers madly. The tomes ascended into the air and sorted themselves in their original positions on the top shelf.

“Does this please your highness?” Discord asked flatly.

“I’d be pleased,” Twilight began, “If you would go take your silly games outside.”

Discord retreated back behind his book fort. “Sheesh!” he grumbled loudly. “You grow a pair of wings and apparently an attitude comes with it. You know, I have horns and wings too! Why am I not a princess?”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response,” Twilight said as she returned to her project.

Princess Luna walked in from between the tall oak shelves of the library. The lit candles that hung from the nearby chandelier almost appeared to have bowed at the presence of the dark blue regal princess of the night. Luna’s steely gaze fell immediately upon the red, dragon-like tail that peaked from behind the fortress of books between her and Twilight.

“What, pray tell,” Luna said, “Is the matter with you today, Discord?”

The chaotic spirit waved a hand from behind his fortress of almanacs and history books. “Why should I even bother explaining myself?” Discord flatly stated. “You’re going to take Twilight’s side anyway.”

Luna glanced over at Twilight and the purple Alicorn only shrugged. Luna then focused her magical horn at the stacks of books. One wall of Discord’s book fort rose an inch into the air and then shifted over to the left before they settled again. This exposed the draconequus to the two princesses.

“These books are valuable and should not be treated so poorly,” Luna said matter-of-factly.

“They’re books!” Discord countered. “You can stack them in piles. I’m pretty sure they get stacked in piles all the time. Look, I’m not even eating the Qs like last time!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “That was a frustrating week for me,” she mumbled.

“Discord, you shall clean up this mess immediately,” Luna commanded, “And give Twilight solitude for her project. It is of utmost importance that she completes the report today.”

“See, you’re taking her side already!” Discord shouted. An illusion of a second Discord popped up from behind the fort’s far stack of books.

“Yeah, two against one is just plain rude!” the illusionary copy stated angrily.

Twilight let out a frustrated growl. “Could you just go play outside or something, Discord?”

“I should be allowed access to the library like everyone else!” Discord said defensively as his magical copy merged back with him.

The three continued their argument until it became an incoherent jumble of words.

In the hall outside, Princess Celestia was walking in haste toward her throne room. She had overslept due to a terrible night of fitful sleep and nearly failed to raise the sun on time. She also skipped breakfast against her stomach’s wishes, but she had to get to work on completing the reports for tomorrow.

Celestia’s faded demeanor deepened to frustration when she heard the rumbling argument that came from the castle library.

The tall monarch pushed the thick oak library doors open and peered inside. She saw Twilight, Discord, and Luna argue over the large stacks of books and who had rights to remain in the library. Their loud voices reverberated off the white stone floors and faded ceiling in a cacophony of noise. Celestia sighed with defeat as she was not in the mood to settle another childish argument. It was the third one this week.

The off white-coated princess walked into the library and looked at the clock on the wall. It was nearly eight-thirty in the morning. Celestia crept her way to the large window nearest the arguing group. The three were so deep into their conflicting conversation that they failed to notice her sneak by them.

With her magic, Celestia tugged on the window’s lock and pulled it out of the slot. She then gently pushed the window open. Celestia’s face was greeted with a gentle morning breeze and the chirping of robins in the trees outside. Such a beautiful morning was being wasted by her friends in a petty argument.

Celestia stepped outside through the open window and walked out to the tall blue flag that sat alone between two small trees. She didn’t like the idea of using force to end an argument, but Celestia was short on patience and time today. Her magical levitation uprooted the flag and carried it over to the open library window.

She then waved the blue flag gently back and forth in front of the window.

“Uh, is that the mail carrier’s flag?” Twilight said as she interrupted the heated debate.

A gray, speeding Pegasus mare with a large bag of mail swooped through the open window with all the grace of an eagle. Her glide carried her skillfully between the tall bookshelves, with not one page disturbed in the collection. With a final flap of her wings, the Pegasus came down for a prompt landing.

The mail carrier then collided with an unexpected fortress wall of books.

The Pegasus plowed through the stacks of tomes like a freight train. She barreled over Discord as the draconequus’ fortress toppled like tsunami upon a beach. The Pegasus' mail bag exploded into a fluttering cloud of bills, postcards, and an advertisement for ten percent off window washing services.

This week only.

Celestia peeked into the library window and surveyed the damage. The mail carrier appeared unharmed as she peeled stamps off her nose. Twilight and Luna were huddled behind an overturned table. They picked letters out of their manes and tails one by one. Only Discord’s lion paw poked through the collapsed pile of books that was once his fortress. He waved a tiny white flag in surrender.

“Good morning,” Celestia said sternly, “Discord, please clean up all the books. Luna, be a dear and sort today’s mail before you go to bed. Twilight, use my room for privacy so you can complete that export report.”

Celestia walked away and decided to take a path through the garden to her throne room. She hoped she didn’t have to deal with any more distractions on her way there, mostly because there wasn’t another mail carrier arriving today to make another point with.

The collateral damage was always the most difficult part of these escalations.

Author's Note

Celestia is nothing if not always pleasant with her subjects. However, I always wondered what it would be like if she woke up late and had a bad morning. When you're responsible for raising the sun daily, you really need a good alarm clock.