M0re Than Gam3rs
April Fool’s Day Special
(This is about to get ridiculous...)
Even the best of friends have their fights....
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Spring was finally here.
After a harsh winter and countless weeks staying inside to avoid the cold’s punishing winds and snow, the wonderful, wet, warm season of Spring had finally c0me upon Equestria. Flowers were blooming, the grass was green and lush, and the small woodland critters sang songs of praise in their own adorkable languages of such a wonderful season.
And today was only testament to how great Spring really was. It was a comfortable warm with a cool breeze, and such weather couldn’t be resisted by a particular pair of friends who now strolled through the royal gardens.
Princess Luna and Derpy Hooves.
Now although these two have only been friends for a few months since Nightmare Night, the same night that they both learned of each other’s love and passion for games, they were already considering each other as best friends.
Especially Luna.
She was finding herself spending more and more time with the cross-eyed pegasus and she couldn’t say that she didn’t enjoy it. They were either playing games and competing against each other or finding victims online to dominate.
They were both truly gamers and Luna had to admit that gaming with Derpy was probably her top favorite thing to do.
So why were they outside, taking a walk in the garden? You would think they would be inside in front of Luna’s 85 inch television, pwning and trash-talking to others online, or possibly even watching the living hell out the Trotting Dead series.
A simple answer to a simple question.
They both loved Spring and thought that it would be a good idea to take a break from games for a day and just go out and simply enjoy nature.
Well, at least, that was the plan.
“Dead Space 2 only made me jump a few times, I admit, but it wasn’t really as scary like the first one,” Luna said as she trotted beside her pegasus friend.
“But it was still a good game, Luna. Yeah, it wasn’t as scary, but it had its moments. You know, like the whole Halo jump thing back onto the station? That part was completely badass.”
Luna laughed at the cross-eyed mare, but she had to agree.
“I suppose you’re right my friend. Still, I liked the scary, survival-horror aspect in Dead Space more than Dead Space 2.”
Derpy smiled and accepted Luna’s answer. There was nothing wrong with having one’s own opinion, right? Everypony had their preferences and had every right to like or dislike whatever they wanted.
“So, whatever happened to coming out and enjoying nature?” Derpy laughed, now realizing that they both had been talking about games for the past hour instead of admiring nature’s beauty.
Luna waved her hoof in the air nonchalantly with a smirk.
“We are enjoying nature Derpy. We’re outside right?” Luna answered, pointing her hoof out to all the flower beds and other foliage that surrounded the two.
Derpy looked around jokingly, acting like she didn’t know that they were outside.
“I don’t know, you tell me,” Derpy grinned, making Luna roll her teal eyes playfully.
“Ha ha, funny Derpy.”
Derpy shrugged playfully as the two continued on deeper into the garden.
“I try my best, princess.”
“Anyways,” the dark regal continued, “I don’t see anything wrong with talking about games. I mean, we are out and stuff, so I think that’s good enough. We came out here to enjoy the weather and that’s what we’re doing , right?”
Derpy looked over to the princess with a look of dead seriousness, making the alicorn stop for a moment and worry that she had somehow offended her friend with such a comment, but Derpy’s expression quickly changed into a small chuckle.
“You know I’m just giving you a hard time right?”
Though Luna and Derpy had been friends for a few months now, the alicorn still had trouble telling when the mailmare was either being serious or joking around, and anytime the mare looked real serious, it worried the regal.
Princess Luna had been locked away for a thousand years and the norms of friendly relationships were still a bit new to her, but none could deny that she was certainly making progress in her endeavor to become more socially approachable to ponies.
“Oh, uh, yes, of course. I knew that,” Luna laughed sheepishly, though Derpy could see right through her friends guise, but she let it be.
“So now that we got that whole thing settled, I got a question for you,” Derpy began as Luna got back into pace and the two trotted again through the gardens of grandeur, “A question that still has no answer to this day.”
Luna looked over to the muffin mare, wondering what question she could possibly have.
“A question with no answer yet?” Luna asked, her interest now more than piqued.
“Yep,” Derpy replied, “It’s a question that has sparked many debates between gamers.”
Luna raised her brow even more and now wanted to know what question could spark such controversy among gamers.
“What is it then?”
Derpy smiled and asked the sacred question.
“Best gaming console; Playstation or Xbox?”
Luna looked at her friend peculiarly, amazed in a way that this was the question that so many ponies debated about. How could one argue such a question when the answer was so blatantly obvious?
“Well that’s easy, its Xbox,” Luna answered.
Derpy suddenly began to cough, throw completely off guard by the alicorn’s answer. With haste, the grey mare regained her composure and quickly replied.
“Xbox? Really? I mean, I like it, but I don’t really think it’s better than Playstation though,” Derpy informed.
Luna shook her head, disagreeing with the pegasus.
“I’m afraid you’re mistaken Derpy. How can the PS3 be better when their online sucks? Xbox has cross-game chat and has much better services than whatever Playstation has.”
The two mares took a turn within a garden and into a piece of land that was nothing but grass; a place of the garden that was probably used for romantic picnics and such.
Derpy laughed coyly, seeing that her dear princess wasn’t seeing how wrong she was in such a choice.
“But Playstation’s services are free, and the only thing that they do charge for is their games and Plus member packages. I think you’re also forgetting that they also have more exclusives than Xbox,” Derpy tried to explain, but the goddess wasn’t having it.
“So does Xbox. Colts of War series, Halo...” Luna paused, now trying to think of more.
“See?” Derpy said with satisfaction, “Barely any, unlike PS3, that has Alicorn of War, Killzone, Uncharted, Resistance, Infamous...”
The grey mare continued on with lists of games and it was now slightly annoying Luna that Derpy was proving her point. She loved Xbox and she wasn’t just going to stand around while her friend downplayed its greatness.
“...and LittleBigPlanet,” Derpy finished with a smile.
“You proved your point, but guess who gets first dibs on Call of Duty DLC?” Luna said with a smile of her own, utilizing a little something called passive aggressiveness.
Derpy deadpanned.
“But that’s just Call of Duty though. PS3 gets exclusive DLC with certain games too you know? For example, if you bought Assassins Creed: Brotherhood for playstation, you got access to the Copernicus Conspiracy content.”
Again, the small grey mare had stumped the alicorn once again and now the goddesses’ annoyance grew.
“So what do you say to that princess?” Derpy said with a cocky smile.
Luna stared at Derpy, trying to think of some other great point to defend the green X and in a sudden moment, the regal knew what made her beloved console the cream of the crop.
“What you say is true,” Luna began in a pleased tone, “But there’s one characteristic of Xbox that makes it the top.”
Derpy’s smile suddenly left and looked at her ruler as they continued walking.
“And what would that be?”
“Xbox is for the hardcore players,” Luna revealed, “While PS3 is just for those wanna-be-good-players and scrubs.”
Immediately Derpy stopped in her tracks and her mouth dropped, not believing what words had just left Luna’s mouth.
“What?! Are you serious?? I love PS3 and I’m not a scrub!” Derpy said in defense, “It’s ponies on Xbox that are scrubs! I could beat anypony on Xbox with both my eyes straight!”
Now Luna stopped in her tracks and looked back at the blasphemous mare. How could she say that?! The Goddess of Night loved Xbox and she was certainly no scrub like PS shitty players. Was Derpy saying that she, THE gamer Luna, was not skilled?
“Oh yeah?” Luna said now in mild anger, “That’s why you still haven’t gotten to my level of skill, right?”
Derpy scrunched her muzzle and anger rose within the usually calm mare.
“I’ve beaten you plenty of times in different games Luna. Maybe it’s you who should get on my level and play more Playstation stuff.”
The once calm air of Spring now felt heavy between the two and silence fell between the angered friends. One was on the side of Playstation while the other went with Xbox, both now trying to defend their treasured consoles.
“PS3 is better,” Derpy said in a low tone.
“You wish. You and I both know that Xbox is alpha,” Luna retorted.
The two mares stood across from each other, staring into each other’s eyes with burning fires of anger.
“Well then,” Luna began with an evil smile, “If we both can’t decide what console is obviously better, then there’s only one way to find out which is.”
Derpy narrowed her eyes and knew exactly what Luna meant.
“Fine, but when I win, you have to admit that PS3 is better.”
Luna let out a dark laugh.
“Very well then Derpy, but when I win, you must conform and worship the greatness of Xbox.”
Derpy nodded and no more words needed to be said.
In an instant, the pegasus pulled out a muffin out of nowhere and held it out with her hoof. On cue, a blade of green light shot out of the delicious good. The muffin served as a handle and Derpy proudly wielded her muffin lightsaber.
Princess Luna wasted no time after seeing the muffin mare draw her weapon. Her horn lit up with magic and in a blink of an eye, a black robe appeared over the alicorn’s body and two 360 controllers appeared. The two controllers connected to each of Luna’s forelegs and magical gauntlets from the controllers formed over them.
Luna stood up on her hind legs and put herself in battle ready position. The controller gauntlets over her forelegs lit up and shot out two small red blades, each looking like an omni-blade.
Corn on the Kabob!
The clear, blue sky was now beginning to darken over the gardens and black clouds began to loom over the console rivals. The air was heavy and the once cool breeze now turned into a chilling wind, but the two gamers took no note of this sudden change in climate. It was as if nature itself acknowledged this important conflict and was egging it on with its setting.
“It’s time to decide this Derpy,” Luna announced as darkness covered the duo and she put her black hood over her head, “And finally prove that Xbox is the better console.”
Derpy gripped her muffin lightsaber and prepared herself against the goddess, narrowing her derped eyes more as she stared into Luna’s glowing teal ones.
“You won’t win this Luna. Just admit that Playstation is better and we won’t have to do this,” Derpy answered, but she and Luna both knew it was far too late for reasoning.
Weapons had been drawn and there was no turning back. Only one could come out victorious and finally answer the one question that had been so long debated, and both mares were determined to show the other who was truly right and give this sacred question that answer.
Both were determined to win this argument of cosmic proportions.
“Give up Derpy. Your faith in the PS shitty will only bring you your downfall,” Luna said darkly.
“And yours in Xbox has made you blind to the truth, Luna,” Derpy retorted.
“No!” Luna cried out in anger, trying to show this mare how wrong she was,” It is you who are blind to Xbox’s awesomeness and I am here to show you the truth! Only scrubs play PS3! Why not just join the green side and be with the good gamers?!”
“Because I’m with the good gamers already and I’m going to prove it to you!”
“Fine then! You have just sealed your fate!” Luna yelled.
The regals eyes lit up white and in an instant, dashed towards the mailmare with her two blades. Derpy quickly ran towards the regal and the pair met, with blades of green and red light clashing with each other.
Derpy swung her muffin lightsaber and Luna blocked it with ease with one of her blades, using the opportunity to attack the pegasus, going right for Derpy’s neck. The wall-eyed pony quickly reacted and moved her head to the side, making Luna barely miss.
“Wha-?!” Luna cried out, not expecting Derpy to be so quick.
“You’ll have to do better than that Luna!”
Derpy released her blade and put her hoof up to Luna’s head.
“You wouldn’t!” Luna said in fear, now knowing what Derpy was about to do.
Derpy smiled devilishly.
“Force Push!”
In an instant, Luna’s body went flying across the garden, skidding over dirt and flowers and slamming into trees. The power of Derpy’s push was so great that even the trees couldn’t stop Luna’s body.
The alicorn went through several trunks of trees, sending splinters of wood everywhere before her body finally came to halt and landed in the dirt.
“I told you that you couldn’t win this Luna!” Derpy proclaimed as she stood off in the distance from where she had force pushed the alicorn, “Just give it up now!”
But Luna wasn’t going to be taken down that easy.
The alicorn quickly got back up and gritted her teeth. Derpy had just pwned the living hay out of her with that attack and Luna refused to let the grey pony take pleasure in it.
Luna unfurled her wings and leapt into the air, now getting a birds eye view of the gardens, but more importantly Derpy.
Derpy looked up into the dark sky and saw Luna looking down straight at her. She poised her blade in front of her, preparing for whatever the goddess had in store for now.
“Then try this on for size then!” Luna bellowed in her Canterlot voice and with blinding speed, flew straight towards Derpy once again.
Derpy smirked, seeing that the princess didn’t learn her lesson. The grey mare unfurled her wings and sped towards Luna in the sky, ready to end this quickly. The two gamers got closer and closer and Derpy quickly swung her lightsaber.
But something wasn’t right.
The moment that Luna was right in front of her and she made her move, the alicorn’s body instantly disappeared, as if it phased right out of reality itself. Derpy quickly looked around for any sign of Luna but saw none.
“Huh?! Where did you go?!” Derpy called out, keeping each eye on the lookout, “Where are you Luna?! Did you run off cause you know I’m right?!”
Derpy continued swiveling her head and searched for the alicorn, but it would be too late before she realized where Luna was.
“Right here,” Derpy heard a voice whisper into her ear.
Derpy’s yellow eyes shot open, and as soon as she turned around, she felt Luna’s forehoof uppercut her jaw, sending the mare flying into the sky and into space, but the dark pony wasn’t through.
Luna’s horn lit up and she transported herself to Derpy and put both forehooves over her head and put them together, making the muffin, PS3 loving pony cry out.
“No! Wait-!” but her plea fell on deaf ears.
Luna slammed her hooves into Derpy’s gut, sending the pegasus straight back down to Earth. It only felt like seconds for Derpy before she felt her body slam into the ground. The Earth beneath her collapsed as she made impact, causing a massive crater.
Luna transported back down to the ground and stood over the limp mare and pressed her muzzle against the beaten Derpy.
“Ha! Looks like I win!” Luna gloated, “How did you like them apples huh?! Bet you didn’t see that-GAH!”
Luna’s premature victory speech was quickly halted as she felt a hoof grab her spectral mane and pull her face down to meet a pair of brightly glowing yellow ones.
“D... Derpy?!” the alicorn cried in shock, not understanding how a pony could get up from such an attack.
“Playstation...”
Derpy tugged downward and Luna’s face slammed into the dirt beside the pegasus.
“Is....”
She then pulled Luna’s face up by her mane and gathered all her strength.
“Better!”
Derpy turned her body around and with her forehoof gripping onto Luna’s mane, threw the alicorn over her shoulder and slammed her repeatedly into the ground before kicking the ruler like a soccer ball into another tree.
“Gah!” Luna cried out as her back hit the tree and she landed back on the ground with a sick thud with an intense pain running down her spine.
“Ugh...shit...” Luna groaned as she tried to stagger back up, but was finding it to prove difficult after being thrown around like some type of ragdoll.
The alicorn looked up to see where Derpy was and saw that the mare had a yellowish aura glowing around her body, with her eyes enveloped in a burning yellow light.
“End it now Luna,” Derpy bellowed in a powerful, demanding voice, “Admit that Xbox is crap and be spared the wrath of the muffin mare!”
Luna snorted.
She would be damned if she was going to lose to this mare, this pony that really believed that Playstation was better. The princess looked around to see if there was anything she could utilize in her environment to help gain the upperhoof over Derpy, but all she could see was destruction.
The flower-beds were ripped up and destroyed, and a giant crater in the Earth sat in the middle of the once beautiful garden. Ripped up trees with their trunks, along with branches and roots, were spread across the garden like trash.
“Admit defeat Luna! Admit that PS3 pwns bitches!”
Luna staggered back up and put herself on all fours. She looked over to the glowing mailmare and smiled, seeing now what she needed to do. She needed to end this and put Derpy and Playstation in their place.
Derpy took notice of Luna’s laughter and quickly inquired.
“What’s so funny?!” Derpy demanded as the ground beneath her began to crack from her muffin power.
Battle of Future Lovers
Luna lowered her head, still laughing, and took off her hood and her controller weapons. She wasn’t going to need them for what she was about to do.
“You wanna know what’s funny?”
The alicorn’s body began to glow and a black aura surrounded it. Luna lifted her head and her laughing ceased as her eyes flashed a blinding white light and her spectral mane and tail billowed out into the sky.
“It’s amusing to see how much of your faith is in Playstation, but you are dealing with something that even your beloved console can’t save you from.”
Derpy sneered as pieces of rock and Earth began to break away and float around the pegasus.
“Yeah?! And what would that be?!”
Luna smiled wickedly before giving her final answer.
“ME!”
On cue, both mares dashed at each other once more, ripping the ground in half rom such speeds. They met each other and both of their hooves made contact with each other’s faces, but neither showed pain and neither relented. They both went into a flurry of punches and kicks. If one was to watch these two gamers fight each other right now, all they would see is a blur of yellow and black aura’s along with the sound of wind being ripped in half from the speed of the mare’s punches and kicks.
“I will win!” Luna bellowed as she threw a punch, landing it squarely on the mare’s grey cheek.
“No! I won’t let you!”
Derpy dug in and threw her own punch as she took her hit from the alicorn, landing it perfectly into Luna’s muzzle.
Both mare’s dug their hooves into each other’s faces and put all their power into it. Both ponies flew back from each other’s blows and were sent spinning into the torn up ground.
“That’s it!!” Luna now yelled in rage as she got back up, now fed up with this pony’s misplaced belief that Playstation was better, “We end this NOW Derpy!”
Derpy quickly got onto her hooves, now even more enraged.
“C’mon then!” Derpy yelled back, giving a gesture of ‘Come at me bro!”
The dark clouds above began to swirl and Luna lifted herself up into the air, keeping her white burning eyes on the yellow glowing mare.
Derpy knew that this was it and looked down at her forehoof. She closed her eyes and began to clench it tightly, charging all the power she had for one last devastating attack; one that would prove once and for all that she was in the right.
Luna simply watched, but she was doing the same in preparing for one last attack. Her silver hoof was engulfed in black smoke and ready to be used to break this mare of her love for a pathetic excuse of a console.
“What are you waiting for Luna?! Half-Life 3?!” Derpy taunted, more than ready to end this fight.
Luna sneered and prepared herself, gathering all her energy.
“This is your last chance Derpy! You and I both know what the answer really is!”
Derpy spread out her wings and lowered her body, ready to launch herself in the sky.
“You mean the truth that Xbox is a console for baby-back bitches?!”
Luna gritted her teeth and now knew that this mare was beyond reason.
“Fine then! Prepare to be owned Derpy!”
“Let’s go!!”
Derpy leapt into the air with breakneck speed while Luna dived towards her with brain-splattering velocity. The air screamed around the two as they sped towards each other with their hooves out, ready to land the final blow.
Tears began to fly from the sides of both ponies eyes from such speed and the very fabric of time and space began to rip apart, but despite this...
The question of gamers had to be answered.
There needed to be an answer once and for all.
What was the better gaming console? Xbox or Playstation?
“Playstation is better!” Derpy screamed as her hoof burned a bright yellow.
“Xbox is better!!” Luna yelled back as her hoof burned with the black smoke covering it.
The two got closer and closer until both of their hooves touched each other and a shockwave of indescribable proportion exploded forth from the two equines.
The sky shattered like glass and the world beneath them swirled away. Everything started breaking apart as both mare’s pushed their hooves harder against each others’, giving no regard that they were destroying reality itself with their power.
“Xbox!!”
“Playstation!!”
Everything went white.
(This is the part where you end music if still going, or you can keep listening, XD)
***
“What the hell was that?”
“Pretty good right?! Had that bit of inspiration during one of my Hay sessions.”
“That was shit Perro.”
Perro looked at Vinyl and hung his head, but then brought it back up to try and justify his absurd story.
“But it was so awesome though! I’m sure Derpy and Princess Luna have gotten into a fight here and there so-” but the Anon masked pony was halted by a white hoof.
“Perro, I’ve seen Derpy and Luna get into arguments before and they are nothing near that level. That shit made no sense and as your friend, I’m telling you to give up on your dream of writing. Stick with the music, okay?” Vinyl said in a friendly, but also harsh, tone.
“But-”
“Dude, nopony would want to read that.”
Perro hung his head again and accepted the truth that he was just a shitty story maker and that maybe Vinyl was right. He just needed to stick with being a DJ.
“Fine...I guess you're right...it was kind of stupid I guess... you just didn’t have to be a bitch about it.”
Vinyl laughed openly and got up from the black couch.
“Well, tough love, right?” Vinyl said, “Anyways, we need to get you back to Fluttershy before she starts suspecting you’re out smoking again. Wouldn’t want you getting locked up now would we? Who else will get me nachos when I want them?”
Perro sighed deeply.
“Can we just chill at your place for a bit longer? I rather not deal with Fluttershy right now and all her shy shit.”
Vinyl chuckled, but nodded at the pegasus.
“Alright sure. Maybe you can tell me another shitty story too while you're at it.”
Perro chuckled and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to tell another story, even if they were shitty, but hey, what did he have to lose?
“Alright,” he began, “How about this other one with Princess Luna and Derpy?”
“I call it M0re Than Gam3rs.”
Author's Note
Edited by the super awesome delicious chocolatey cloppolicious king, 1337Pony. His sheer awesomeness help form the very fabric of this story. Pls send him clop.
BTW, the season 3 finale of Walking Dead was weak.
Oh and PC best gaming platform ever. :p
