Dovahkiin in Equestriaby Burnt JuiceChaptersPonies are scarier than DragonsHoly Crap a Dragon! ...oh ya and some poniesEnter the Dragon"New Quest"Into the wildernessPonies are scarier than DragonsThe dovahkiin stepped back against the rock wall behind him in surprise. He was on a mountain, without any memory of climbing up it in the first place, looking face to face with a dragon. "By the nine," he said under his breath, "why must the entity controlling me always save and leave in front of a foe. It is freaking annoying to gather my bearings days later when he decides to tackle the enemy before me." At least, this was the dragonborn's explanation for the event, although it will prove in time to be incorrect. "Well," he said as he brought his head up to look at the dragon, "TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!!! The dragonborn charged at the dragon, thrusting his enchanted Iron Sword of Epic Badassery (or the ISEB for short) hilt deep into the level 30 dragon. The dragon was no match For the dragonborn and his ISEB and was thrown off of the side of the mountain, completely HP-less. Seconds after the dragon plummeted to its sure demise, the dragon flew up at blazing speed, right past Dovahkiin. "By the nine!" he exclaimed, "I killed you! .... unless..." NO he thought, it cant be. The dragons have mastered the ancient magic known only as... HACKS! "NO!" he yelled, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! The Dovahkiin thrust his head up as he awoke. Sweat poured down his face as he looked around him. It was dark, so he couldn't see much, but he could feel soft grass on the ground beneath him. It was only a dream, he thought. In a minute he was calmed down. This is odd, he thought, I was asleep but there is no bed in sight. I have never been able to sleep without a bed ever since I came to, in that cart with Jarl Ulrich, with no memory and seemingly no past. Well, he thought, it's better than having to stand completely motionless for up to 24 hours at a time, that sucked. The Dragonborn then proceeded to stand completely motionless, and dead to the world, for 3 hours until daybreak came. When the dovahkiin came out of his trance, the sun was coming up behind some mountains. He could have sworn that he saw winged unicorn flying in front of the sun, but he passed it off as an overactive imagination. "Where in Skyrim am I?," He asked himself as he consulted the map, "The magical all knowing map does not show my current position, actually it's completely blank." He then regarded his map as a useless, glitchy piece of shit, and considered throwing it at a tree in frustration, only to remember it was in the menu and wasn't actually a physical object. He pondered for a moment exactly what a menu was and decided philosophical questions like that are best left to the eggheads at the arcane university. Feeling that he had wasted enough time he decided to move onward. He found that his quest notebook was empty (again in the menu, what the hell is that thing?) and thought the best course of action was to explore the area around him, and maybe find some quests and level up, the whole nine yards. Before he set off he noticed that his encumbrance number was questionably low, at 15 for a matter of fact. He looked in his inventory, found in a different menu. His trademarked iron armor was there but all of his weapons and extra armor was gone! Also he was at a measly level 1! Crap, he thought, The idiot controlling me must have clicked on new game by mistake. No matter, it is time to get the plot moving as the readers are most likely getting impatient and are wanting the characters from their favorite children's show to get on the scene. After walking for an entire, like, five minutes our hero comes across a road. Wonderful, thought the dovahkiin, civilization! Taking his eyes off of the road, the dragonborn looked up to see rows of houses. Not exactly Nordic architecture, he thought, but seems legit. Many of the houses had hearts on painted on them. Ugh, he thought, I hope that I haven't stumbled into Gayrim again (the dovahkiin, like the average american male, disregards hearts as a sign of homosexuality or extreme feminism, even though, like rainbows, hearts are bucking awesome and manly. *narrator shows awkward smile*). The dovahkiin hears shutters above him close rapidly but looks up to see nothing but, predictably, closed shutters. Dovahkiin brings his eyes back to the road in front of him so that he could avoid a tragic accident, but he looks too late. A bouncing pink blob level... who the hell knows, crashes into him, causing the loss of 4 HP. The Dragonborn grunts as he tries to get up, but to no avail. The pink thing gets up first and offers a ...hoof? The dragon born takes the helping hoof as he is not aware enough to see the oddness in this. Upon further inspection however, the dragonborn notices that the pink thing is in fact, a pony The two, Nord and Pony, eye each other for the entire amount of time the pony could go without talking. That was about 10 seconds. "Hi there, I've never seen you before, whats your name, you look funny, what are you, I love meeting new friends, will you be my friend?" said the pony quickly and enthusiastically, "Oh i forgot to tell you my name, I'm Pinkie Pie." Pinkie pie had a high pitched voice and, as mentioned earlier and is quite obvious considering the name, was a pink mare with pink curly hair. (honestly reader if you didn't know that, then you have probably never seen the show and if you haven't seen the show, watch the show. It's pretty good, trust me, I wouldn't write a fanfic on it if it wasn't good. P.S if you are reading a fanfic you have probably seen the show, causing this little distraction to be completely pointless) The dovahkiin then found that he had a random phobia of pink talking ponies with pie in their names and found it too much to bear. So, he passed out on the spot in order to make a valid conclusion and give this chapter a witty title. Holy Crap a Dragon! ...oh ya and some poniesThe Dovahkiin thrust his head up as he awoke. Sweat poured down his face as he he felt an overwhelming sense of dejavu. "Glad to see you're awake." The Dovahkiin jumped up, startled. He attempted to pull out his enchanted Iron Sword of Epic Badassery, only to remember all of his weapons were gone. "Who's there!" he shouted. He turned around to see a purple pony on some steps. Not only was the pony purple (an odd color for a child's steed, thought the dovahkiin) but there was also a horn protruding from its head. The Dovahkiin gasped, such beasts were extremely rare throughout the entire continent of Tamriel. A unicorn's horn is worth more than all of his houses combined. The dragonborn pondered whether he should slay the noble beast for its horn, when his thoughts were interrupted. "Hello there, what might you be?" The dovahkiin could have sworn that the unicorn just spoke to him. On further thought, that notion would not surprise him as many beasts have spoken to him throughout his journeys and he has just learned to accept it. Although, on of those occasions, such beasts were either magical, such as dragons, or had daedric intervention, such as that dog. He decided it was due to the magical nature of unicorns that this particular one was able to communicate with him. "W-where am I?" he asked the unicorn. "You're in Ponyville," replied the unicorn, "my name is Twilight Sparkle. You had quite a fall there, had the whole town up in a ruckas. What exactly are you anyways. It was with the words of the magic talking unicorn that goes by the name of Twilight Sparkle, that the Dovahkiin remembered the events from the day before in a convenient flashback that would be cool to watch in a movie. But this is a fanfic so you, the audience, must settle for a descriptive account with the usage of words. The Dovahkiin remembered waking up in this strange land and meeting the talking pink pony, ironically named Pinkie Pie. In hindsight the Dovahkiin realized how much this resembled a sort of children's show, but he had not the slightest idea what the hell a show was, so he passed it off as strange thoughts... Meanwhile, Twilight was getting worried about how this strangely clad thing kept staring blankly at her wall. In an attempt to get him back to reality, she bitch hoofed him across the face. The bitch hoof was super effective, and retrieved the Dovahkiin's dwindling attention span. "Sorry," apologized Twilight, "and your name is..." The Dovahkiin jumped on a table in an attempt to make a heroic pose, but hit his head in the process, which ruined the effect. He crouched down so that the unfortunate accident would not happen again, and replied to Twilight in a booming voice, "I am the Dragonborn, savior of Skyrim. You may call me Dragonborn or Dovahkiin, because the narrator alternates between them, meaning either one is a valid name. Twilight giggled, as the dragonborn looked extremely silly crouched down while talking in a tone of such authority. "Ok mister Dragonborn, I have telepathically told your name to all of the important ponies, so that we do not have to waste time and precious writing space on more introductions." Said Twilight "Thank you," replied the Dovahkiin, "that makes everything slightly more convenient." "So Dovahkiin," said Twilight, "exactly what are you and where are you from?" "I am one of the proud Nord people," replied the Dovahkiin, "native of Skyrim" Twilight continued to question the Dragonborn, as she loves knowledge, when Spike makes the deadly mistake of walking into the room. "Hello Twilight, is there anything I can do to-" Spike was rudely cut short mid sentence. Upon seeing the dragon, the dovahkiin was sent into a deadly rage. He rushed across the room in a quick sprint and tackled the dragon. He began to pummel Spike with rough blows to the head and abdomen. As the Dragonborn took a quick rest above Spike's bloodied body (his stamina level was complete crap since he was a level one) Twilight sent a charged bolt of rainbow colored electricity out of her horn, effectively stunning the Dragonborn. "Stop, STOP, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU BUCKING ASSHOLE!" she screamed at the Dovahkiin. The Dovahkiin quickly recovered but stopped momentarily to ponder exactly why Twilight used "bucking" that way and decided to ask her later (she later said it was to keep this fanfic teen rated). "There is a dragon, the bane of skyrim, in your library!" he yelled in an attempt to rationalize with the angered unicorn. Twilight looked at the Dragonborn sternly and replied, "That is Spike, my personal assistant, and my best one at that." She sent a loving glance at the bleeding and barely conscious body of Spike the dragon. "And you're not in Skyrim anymore buster, this is Equestria. Now I will grant that just about every other dragon in this land is an asshole, as seen in that one episode in season 2, but Spike isn't like every other dragon. He is domesticated." The Dovahkiin, though not completely convinced, started to feel slightly bad about his possible mistake. This will start the Dragonborn's fanfic long feud with Spike, showing that Nord and dragon can never truly get along. After the incident with Dragonborn vs. Spike, Twilight decides that the next course of action should be to get the Dovakiin out of the house and introduce him to her friends. As soon as they leave the house, they encounter an energetic Pinkie Pie bouncing at them at the speed of... bouncing. Upon seeing Pinkie Pie the dragonborn almost pisses himself in fear, but is able to maintain composure. Though a day has passed his odd phobia hasn't. Although Pinkie Pie bombards him with a deadly magical friendship spell and breaks into song once or twice, the dragonborn still refuses to talk to her. Pinkie Pie gets sad and retreats to her home in order to consult her rock friend, rocky, on more schemes to befriend the dragonborn. Twilight and the dragonborn continue on the epic quest of getting the dragonborn some friends (they have nothing else to do and it rewards a hell of a lot of XP for reasons unknown). As they are walking a streak of rainbow flashes across the sky. The streak then makes a really cool turn that would have been 20% cooler if it hadn't been heading straight towards the dragonborn. The Dovahkiin makes an attempt to raise his shield, only to remember he has no shield. The rainbow streak hits him dead center in the stomach, resulting in knocking the wind out of him (-15 stamina) and the loss of 30 hp (ouch). The dragonborn is able to get up after only a few seconds of being dazed, because he is awesome like that. The thing that hit him, a pegasus pony by the name of Rainbow Crash (I mean Dash, but crash makes sense right there), is in some serious pain. The pain soon passes as this takes place in a cartoon and her pain is not part of the plot. The Dovahkiin, being a gentleman, helps the pegasus to her feet... or hooves rather. He takes note that pegasi seem to be considerably lighter than other ponies due to hollow bones that enable better flying. After the dazed Rainbow Dash comes to her senses, she reluctantly apologizes after complaining that the Dragonborn was in her way. She explains that she was trying out an awesome new trick but spotted something in the distance that caused her to spin out of control, into the nearest life-form. Just as she finished talking about how she saw something big, dangerous looking, and fire breathing, a dragon conveniently flies overhead setting fire to random houses that belong to non-important ponies. "By the nine,"Says the Dragonborn, he then prepares to say an awesome 1-liner that will kick off the next chapter. Enter the Dragon"It's time to burn the dragon." Wait, what the hell was that, thought the Dovahkiin. He mentally decided that that was the worst one-liner he had ever said in his life. Unfortunately he was pretty sure it was the only one he has ever said, making it his best as well. He proceeded to sprint at the dragon, in order to begin an epic showdown to the death. --------------------------------------------------------What the Dovahkiin says happened--------------------------------- Dovahkiin's POV I charged at that evil beast at, like, a million miles per hour. It noticed me as its worthy foe and brought all of its attention on to me. As it was about to send a burst of deadly flame upon me, I dove out of the way just in time. I quickly regained my bearings and continued my charge. As it inhaled in order so send an even greater burst of flame my way, I jumped forward, latching on to its soft underbelly. Before it had time to react, I shoved my bare hand into its stomach, tearing its flesh apart. It sent out an otherworldly cry and managed to knock me off, but the damage was done. Blood sputtered out of its stomach, landing in great pools at its feet. Some of its internal organs were partially visible, as I looked upon my handiwork. I looked back, noticing the remaining ponies looking on with horror. I guessed that they were not accustomed to the amount of blood and gore splattering across their roads. But alas! The dragon still lived, angered at the attempt on its life more-so than hurt. It rammed the few buildings around it and sent them crashing to the ground. Luckily, nopony was underneath them. I charged again at the dragon, sliding at the last second under its legs. I grabbed hold of its tail and pulled myself onto it. I then scaled its scaly body up to the head. I grabbed onto the scales on its head, ripping them out with my bare hands. Blood poured out of the soft flesh beneath the scales. I jabbed my hands into its head and cracked it open, skull and all. I then tore out its brain and ate it on the spot, because i am just a complete badass. Unfortunately dragon brains do not agree with me, and I vomited them up and passed out on the spot. --------------------------------------What Actually Happened---------------------------------------Twilight Sparkle's POV I stood back as the idiot with the funny accent recklessly ran forward at the dragon. He obviously did not know the pony way of making relatively peaceful agreements. I mean, I could have just gotten FlutterShy to yell at the dragon and give it The Stare. I broke out of my train of thought as I heard screaming. I looked up to see the Dovahkiin on fire and rolling around. It appears that the dragon breathed fire at him but he did the wimpiest roll ever and got caught in the flame. It took him a solid five minutes to stand back up and regain his bearings. By that time the dragon had wrecked even more havoc. Even more buildings had crumbled to the ground. With the Dragonborn up and his stamina meter once again full, he charged the dragon once more. The dragon inhaled and set fire to the air in front of it again. the Dragonborn had jumped a moment before and was caught in the flames in mid-air. He caught on fire and crashed into the dragon's soft underbelly. The dragonborn, dazed, simply slid off. As he did though, a piece of his armor caught on the dragon, giving it a little gash about an inch long. The dovahkiin stood up once more and admired the minor injury he had involuntarily inflicted upon the dragon. The rest of the ponies still at the scene, along with myself looked upon the Dragonborn with horror as he stood there, still on fire. The smell of burning flesh did not smell delightful in the least. The Dovahkiin took no notice and charged once more at the dragon. He attempted a pitiful slide underneath its legs but hit his head on its knee in the process. While dazed he shot out his hand and grabbed its tail. The dragon apparently did not like this sudden tug on its tail and threw the Dragonborn against a rather tall building. The sheer force of the impact toppled the building, somehow in the exact direction of the rampaging dragon. The building landed right on top of its head, cracking the dragons head open to the brain. A chunk of the building had somehow dislodged the brain and it landed next to the stunned Dovahkiin. He looked at it and threw up. He then proceeded to pass out. Back to 3rd person POV The Dovahkiin awoke about 5 hours later in Twilight's library. His head hurt and he felt sick to his stomach. He remembered the events of the dragon attack and smiled at his so-called heroics. He stood up and stretched his sore limbs. He walked around the library looking for skill books, as he never got a chance prior to this. Unfortunately for him, this isn't Tamriel and reading books for 2 seconds does not actually improve combat or magic capabilities. While searching for the ever valuable skill book he felt a sudden burst of pain on his head. He fell down, clutching his injured cranium, and heard laughter. He looked up to see the purple dragon, referred to as Spike, run out of the room in giddy laughter. The Dragonborn did not pursue his mortal enemy and decided to see the town. He looked out a window and saw dozens of ponies rushing around the town, making repairs. It looked like they were experienced in this as Ponyville was coming along splendidly. Most of the rubble formerly littering the roads has been cleared and some of the residential houses have been completely rebuilt. He pondered how it was even possible to make repairs in a measly five hours and decided that ponies had a better work ethic than humans, as this would take weeks or months in the unproductive region of Skyrim. Remembering (and feeling slightly guilty) that he had caused a lot of this damaged, he decided to take a selfless action and help with the rebuilding effort. He walked outside and saw a rather interesting spectacle. Woodland creatures, bears, bunnies, and all, were helping. Upon seeing the bears he coward slightly against the treehouse door. He hated bears as they had a damn high amount of strength and were the cause of many painful deaths and inconvenient loads. But he then realized that the bears were peaceful he relaxed slightly. "They must be under an illusion spell, and a high level one at that." He reassured himself. They appeared to be under the command of a soft spoken, yellow, pink maned, pegasus mare. She little more than whispered her commands, but the woodland creatures followed her. And, he thought, she was pretty freaken cute. He could not help but letting out a low "D'aaawwwww." Dammit, he quickly thought, I am losing my emotional detachment. He considered crying about his loss but scolded himself about the thought of that. He then quit his procrastination and helped with rebuilding the town. Nothing like some manuel labor to build up some strength. He had leveled up three hours in and had increased his stamina by 10 points. He also dug into his magical menu (he still wondered about how it could exist and be usable even though it didn't exactly physically exist) and got a perk in one-handed weapons. That perk is completely useless as he has no weapon whatsoever at all. Throughout the rebuilding, he had met the rest of the mane six (he laughed at that obvious pun). He had talked to Fluttershy and asked her about her how she controlled the animals. She had quietly explained to him how she did not control them per se but that she was able to speak to animals and they understood each other. She showed her cutie mark and told him that the tatoo on her ass (flank, sorry) signified her talent with animals and that every pony has a special talent that their cutie mark signifies. The Dragonborn had zoned out for half of the conversation because Fluttershy is just so damn cute. Later while moving the little rubble that remained he met yet another one of Twilight's friends by the name of Applejack. Like Pinkie Pie, Applejack was an earth pony with no wings or horn to speak of. She was quite strong and was able to move much more rubble than the Dovahkiin. This hurt his pride. Outdone by a mare, he thought. Little did he know she could beat him in just about any physical competition (GO APPLEJACK! FTW!). He had five of the mane six but never really saw the other one. He learned she was completely anti- manual labor and was in her fashion boutique, nonchalantly making clothes while every other pony was busting their flank working. He decided not to pay her a visit as he doubted they would get along (also the writer is just being lazy). The town was restored to working order in only a little over a day. The Dragonborn felt better about himself, having helped out, but dreadfully wanted to return to Skyrim. He has decided to pay a visit to Princess Celestia, whom he had learned of through Twilight, in order to find a way home. "New Quest"It was decided. The Dovahkiin was to go to Canterlot to meet with princess Celestia (sorry Luna). Twilight was to accompany him as she could get him an audience with the princess. Also, despite her external attitude towards him, she had actually grown to like him. Not in a romantic way, but as a sorta-kinda-friend-type-sorta-person. Twilight and the Dovahkiin left for Canterlot by train as soon as possible (1:00 PM two days after the dragon attack). There were an unusually high amount of ponies going to Canterlot that afternoon, so the train was very crowded. Unknown to Twilight, or any other pony for that matter, the Dovahkiin suffered from extreme claustrophobia. All those caves and tombs he has explored as really eaten away at his mind. This ride was almost too much to bear and the Dovahkiin had to use an extremely high amount of will power (especially for a level 2) in order to keep from going absolutely ballistic. For the majority of the train ride he remained face down in his seat, silently sobbing. The train arrived in Canterlot at 2:26 allowing the extremely relieved Dragonborn to exit the train. He basked in the sunlight and open air. Twilight had to slap him again in order to get his attention. She seemed to do that a lot lately and it was starting to really aggravate him. She thinks she can simply slap the savior of Skyrim! Why she is nothing but a midget horse! He caught himself before making a rude comment in which he would be sure to regret. She still is able to perform advanced magic while he was able to punch stuff... kind of unfair to say the least. He also could not buck up this opportunity to see the princess and find possibly find a way home. Upon thinking "princess" he thought to himself, If she is the princess, and her sister is also a princess... who the hell is the king or queen? Princess is not the highest level of royalty! He then remembered that this was a land filled with colorful, talking ponies capable of using magic. Their society obviously works differently and it is best not to question it. It would make one go crazy, maybe, possibly, depending on one's mental state and preexisting conditions. Damn, this is off topic. As if sensing his off topic-ness, Twilight bitch-hoofed him back into reality once more. The Dovahkiin continued onward with Twilight through the streets of Canterlot and into the royal castle. While walking the Dovahkiin felt quite homesick. He was reminded of his old home and the cities it bore. Everything felt so similar, except for the fact that there were ponies instead of people walking around. Speaking of ponies, they gave him odd stares as he walked by. A sense of curiosity and fear hung so thick, you could almost cut it with a knife. The Iron Sword of Epic Badassery could probably cut it. The Dragonborn wished he had it with him as he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. They approached the castle gates and were let in by some pony guards. They looked like extremely cute imperial soldiers. The Dragonborn let out a chuckle as he walked past. The castle was fairly large. Larger than most of the castles in Skyrim even. It was even more impressive since it was built by ponies that lack the use of opposable thumbs. But then again it was built in a city full of magical unicorns so obviously it was built by magic. The Dovahkiin, proud of his deduction, followed Twilight to the throne room. Upon the throne sat two ponies, much larger than any pony he has seen thus far. They had Ethereal manes that flowed beautifully. Also, unlike everypony else he had seen, they had both horns and wings. Twilight whispered to him that they were alicorns, with characteristics from all three types of ponies. These were obviously the princesses in which he seeked. One was black as night and the other, light as the sun. He Initiated conversation with the light one, Princess Celestia. "Hello Dovahkiin," Greeted Celestia. She had been told of his sudden arrival in Ponyville by a letter from Twilight. "Greetings Princess," he replied, "I have come to learn of what has brought me to your realm, and how I may return home." "I have suspected as much, but I'm afraid I am unable to help you until you do something for me." "What is it you'll have do Princess. I will go on any quest in order to return to my homeland." The Princess thought a moment before answering. "I need you to to find the ancient band of FireSky, deep in the Everfree forest." "Will this band of FireSky help me return home?" The Dovahkiin questioned. "Umm...sure, yeah lets go with that" The Dovahkiin then went into the strange menu and found that a quest has been added. "Retrieve the Band of FireSky from the Everfree Forest." He also looked in his map and found that it has been updated with the locations of Ponyville and Canterlot. Unfortunately when he tapped the map he was unable to fast travel. This also made him question how he tapped the map considering it isn't a physical object. "Damn you menu and your mind tricks!" he yelled. Everypony in the room stared at him. His face grew red from embarrassment and he pretended nothing happened. After receiving his new quest, the Dovahkiin and Twilight made their way back to Ponyville. Twilight had to use her magic to drag the Dragonborn back onto the train. She scolded him for being such a baby and magically tied him to a seat. He thought the last ride was bad this one was... actually not as bad. It wasn't nearly as crowded and Twilight eventually untied him. However, he was still relieved to exit the train when they arrived at Ponyville. It was about 11:00 PM and the Dovahkiin was very tired. He missed Skyrim, where he could find himself staying awake for months at a time. Sleep was irrelevant there. As soon as he arrived back at Twilight's house, he went to sleep on "makeshift bedroll". He awoke the following morning to the smell of breakfast. "Come on Dragonborn!" yelled Twilight from the kitchen, "Spike made pancakes!" One thing that the Dragonborn liked about Equestria was pancakes. There were no pancakes in Skyrim. Such a perfect food covered in delectable syrup. It is the best thing to ever exist! Once he returned to Skyrim, breakfast would never be the same. He almost cried at the thought, but remembered that there were pancakes within his grasps at that very moment. He rushed to the kitchen and chowed down. He finished his pancakes in record time. Savoring each bite in the 1/2 second between chewing and swallowing. He had managed to make more of a mess than Twilight and Spike combined (well they are actually very clean eaters). Hot syrup and bits of pancakes were splattered along the table. He even found himself covered with the gooey substance. Twilight simply disposed of the mess with magical ease. Though he would miss the glorious pancakes, he had to continue on his quest. He and Twilight set off on the quest before them, to the forefront of the Everfree Forest. Twilight stole a glance backwards, but the Dragonborn stared straight ahead, determined to find the Band of Firesky. They both entered, with the Dragonborn at the lead, since his magical compass with the same properties of the mysterious menu showed the way to the item. They were finally on their destined path, for better or for worse. Into the wildernessTwilight and the Dovahkiin proceeded into the Everfree Forest. Twilight kept her composure but was notably nervous about this little adventure. The Dragonborn didn't think that this Everfree Forest could be all that dangerous. It is in a land of rainbows, valentine- looking hearts, and colorful talking ponies, he reasoned. "What could possibly be so dangerous," he thought out loud. There was a mighty roar. "Well for one, there is that manticore walking about 30 feet in front off us," Twilight said. "What is a manticore?" the Dragonborn asked, "I've never heard of it before, was it in a dlc?" Twilight had no idea wtf dlc is and decided to ask once the dangerous manticore passed, but decided to explain what a manticore was. "A manticore is a lion with dragon's wings and a scorpion tail," she explained in a hushed tone. The manticore walked away without noticing them, no need for unnecassary violence. "It must be necromancers!" The Dragonborn shouted, attracting the attention of the manticore. It came running back, hell bent on killing whatever thought itself worthy to attract its attention. The manticore found the nord and pony and marveled at how great a meal this new being would make. It charged, flashing its fangs at the dragonborn, leaving Twilight alone. It made the mistake of believing her to be some stupid pony, and not the star of a tv show, capable at doing whatever the writers make her do. While the manticore was distracted, Twilight attempted to prepare a sleep spell in order to quall the threat. She heard the Dovahkiin shout something about too many fights, but decided to ignore him in order to keep her concentration. Meanwhile the Dragonborn was getting overly pissed at Twilight's seeming unhelpfulness, and overly beaten up, due to the manticore. The Dragonborn was in to position to do battle with an enemy with this high a level. He was forced to resort to running in circles yelling, while the manticore attempted to impale him with its tail. Twilight finished preparing her spell and launched it at the manticore. It was super-uneffective and did little to help the frantic Dragonborn. "Damn," She cursed, this was going to be a tougher fight than originally thought. She began to fire basic fire ball spells at the manticore. She succeeded in catching it on fire, but also hit the Dovahkiin. Both Nord and manticore attempted to put out the flames enveloping their bodies. The dragonborn was taught, when caught on fire- pretend to not even notice. So he stood there and gazed at the manticore as his flames dissapated. Burning fur and flesh filled the air as the manticore dropped dead, continuing to burn. During the kind of epic battle with the manticore, Luna had raised the moon and night had befallen the land. The Dragonborn still couldn't explain it, but he had the need to do... normal human things such as eat, sleep, and relieve himself. Twilight ate some berries she had found near the area, and the dragonborn ate the manticore. The flames had actually roasted it to perfection. Upon seeing the Dragonborn eat another once living animal, Twilight vomited several times. The duo laid down and fell into an easy rest, without watching for more dangerous animals that could possibly be roaming the area. Not very smart. ``````````````````````` On the bright side, they got up feeling rested and rejuvinated. On the downside they woke up in cave, chained to a metal pole sticking out of the ground. "By the Nine!" exclaimed the Dragonborn. All around them were gems, lots and lots of gems. "Where are we?" asked Twilight, "Why are there gems, I thought we were in the Everfree..." "Under the Everfree actually," A mysterious voice answered her question. The Dragonborn noted that the voice sounded like a gollum with a ring fetish. A figure revealed itself from the shadows. "It turns out that after going around 30 meters beneath the surface pretty gemstones are everywhere!" "Diamond dog!" shouted Twilight. "hehehe, right you are little pony. Now you will dig us pretty precious gems," It replied. While Twilight glared at the creature with contempt, the Dovahkiin wondered why she hadn't freed them from their bonds with magic. The diamond dog had left, after saying something about getting a cart. "Twilight!" the Dragonborn whispered forcefully, "free us already!" She stopped staring at where the diamond dog left, and would have facehoofed at her stupidity, had she not been restrained. She snapped the chains with a simple spell, freeing them. "What do we do now,"she asked. Since the Dragonborn was more combat experiance and probably more used to a scenerio like this (she had no idea how right she was) he should make the plan to get them out of these caves. The Dovahkiin wasted no time in making his plan. He considered sneaking by the path the diamond dog had exited and sneak attacking him when he came back, but remembered that his sneak skill was very low. He didn't want to take the thing head on, that probably wouldn't end well. There was nothing in the cavern except rocks and the broken chain, He attempted to take the chain as a weapon, but found that it wasn't equipable. He suddenly got an idea while cursing at the chain. Yes that will work. ````````````````````` How the Dragonborn managed to set up a trap with only rocks and chains in under a minute, Twilight will never know. He had used the chain as a tripwire, that when sprung ripped hastily placed rocks out of either wall, resulting in an avalance. Twilight had told him diamond dogs were stupid, but she doubted that they were that stupid. Even the Dragonborn was beginning to notice the all to obvious flaws in his plan. But there was no turning back. They heard grunts nearing there position, the diamond dog was almost there. Time for the moment of truth. Upon rounding the corner into the cave holding that thing and the pony, the diamond dog noticed that they were free from their restraints. He panicked and ran straight towards them, hoping to overpower them with a mighty charge. ```````````````````` "Wow, diamond dogs really are that stupid," said Twilight as she looked upon the wreckage of corridor. The diamond dog had managed to set off the trap and caved in the hallway while he was inside. The diamond dog was buried and was most likely dead. Twilight felt sorrow, but felt a greater need to get out of this Celestia forsaken cave. Luckily there was another tunnel running in the opposite direction. The heroes followed the tunnel, hoping for a stoke of luck to be in their favor. Now things are just never that easy, now are they? As they proceeded down the tunnel, the lights began to grow dim. The torches lighting the tunnel were placed farther and farther apart. Eventually the tunnel was submersed in complete darkness. Twilight's horn acted as a small guiding light, but only enough to see a few feet in front of them. ````````````````````` They walked for what seemed like hours, though it was only about 20 minutes. "How long is this damn tunnel!" Complained the Dovahkiin, "This is worse than walking through a Nordic tomb, filled with draugr." The Dragonborn was beginning to get anxious, he just knew something was going to happen and the suspense was killing him. Twilight on the other hand remained vigilant and patient. She did not complained and simply pressed on. They began to hear voices, soft and far off. The Dragonborn stopped his needless complaining and went cautiously. As they walked the voices became louder, they were coming toward them. "I hate this freaken tunnel," one of the voices said, "why did the other workers make it so long!" "We've been walking five minutes," said another voice, "we still have ways to go to get to the prisoners chamber." "But did they have to make it so dark!" "They ran out of torches, those new workers have no idea how to properly space them." The voices were very close now, probably only about 50 feet away. Think, think!Thought the Dragonborn. Underpressure, he did the only think he thought was reasonable. With a yell, the Dovahkiin ran straight at the voices. He rammed one of them to the ground as the other one stood dumbfounded. While the Dovahkiin beat the crap out of one of the diamond dogs, Twilight used her magic to take out the other one. Pokemon joke iminent. BATTLE- TWILIGHT VS. DIAMOND DOG DIAMOND DOG USED SCRATCH! DIAMOND DOG MISSES! TWILIGHT SPARKLE USES SLEEP! IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE! DIAMOND DOG FAINTS! Meanwhile... BATTLE- DRAGONBORN VS. DIAMOND DOG DIAMOND DOG USES PARALYZE! PARALYZE BACKFIRES! DIAMOND DOG IS PARALYZED! DRAGONBORN USES PUMMEL! DRAGONBORN MISSES! DRAGONBORN USES PUMMEL! IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE! DIAMOND DOG FAINTS! "Stupid level one diamond dogs think they can possibly challenge me!? HA!" The Dragonborn said as they walked away from their unconcious foes. The Dovahkiin had leveled up during the battle and increased his stamina. He put his skill point in destruction magic, causing extra fire damage. Unfortunatly the Dovahkiin currently has a grand total of 0 spells so it is useless at the moment. "Actually, since you charged in they technically didn't challenge you." Twilight pointed out. The Dovahkiin saw her point and instead wondered how the diamond dogs got the first attack. They walked for another few minutes until they saw it. A light, a light at the end of a tunnel. They both ran at it, happy to be free of the dark tunnel and underground depths of the Everfree.
Ponies are scarier than DragonsThe dovahkiin stepped back against the rock wall behind him in surprise. He was on a mountain, without any memory of climbing up it in the first place, looking face to face with a dragon. "By the nine," he said under his breath, "why must the entity controlling me always save and leave in front of a foe. It is freaking annoying to gather my bearings days later when he decides to tackle the enemy before me." At least, this was the dragonborn's explanation for the event, although it will prove in time to be incorrect. "Well," he said as he brought his head up to look at the dragon, "TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!!! The dragonborn charged at the dragon, thrusting his enchanted Iron Sword of Epic Badassery (or the ISEB for short) hilt deep into the level 30 dragon. The dragon was no match For the dragonborn and his ISEB and was thrown off of the side of the mountain, completely HP-less. Seconds after the dragon plummeted to its sure demise, the dragon flew up at blazing speed, right past Dovahkiin. "By the nine!" he exclaimed, "I killed you! .... unless..." NO he thought, it cant be. The dragons have mastered the ancient magic known only as... HACKS! "NO!" he yelled, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! The Dovahkiin thrust his head up as he awoke. Sweat poured down his face as he looked around him. It was dark, so he couldn't see much, but he could feel soft grass on the ground beneath him. It was only a dream, he thought. In a minute he was calmed down. This is odd, he thought, I was asleep but there is no bed in sight. I have never been able to sleep without a bed ever since I came to, in that cart with Jarl Ulrich, with no memory and seemingly no past. Well, he thought, it's better than having to stand completely motionless for up to 24 hours at a time, that sucked. The Dragonborn then proceeded to stand completely motionless, and dead to the world, for 3 hours until daybreak came. When the dovahkiin came out of his trance, the sun was coming up behind some mountains. He could have sworn that he saw winged unicorn flying in front of the sun, but he passed it off as an overactive imagination. "Where in Skyrim am I?," He asked himself as he consulted the map, "The magical all knowing map does not show my current position, actually it's completely blank." He then regarded his map as a useless, glitchy piece of shit, and considered throwing it at a tree in frustration, only to remember it was in the menu and wasn't actually a physical object. He pondered for a moment exactly what a menu was and decided philosophical questions like that are best left to the eggheads at the arcane university. Feeling that he had wasted enough time he decided to move onward. He found that his quest notebook was empty (again in the menu, what the hell is that thing?) and thought the best course of action was to explore the area around him, and maybe find some quests and level up, the whole nine yards. Before he set off he noticed that his encumbrance number was questionably low, at 15 for a matter of fact. He looked in his inventory, found in a different menu. His trademarked iron armor was there but all of his weapons and extra armor was gone! Also he was at a measly level 1! Crap, he thought, The idiot controlling me must have clicked on new game by mistake. No matter, it is time to get the plot moving as the readers are most likely getting impatient and are wanting the characters from their favorite children's show to get on the scene. After walking for an entire, like, five minutes our hero comes across a road. Wonderful, thought the dovahkiin, civilization! Taking his eyes off of the road, the dragonborn looked up to see rows of houses. Not exactly Nordic architecture, he thought, but seems legit. Many of the houses had hearts on painted on them. Ugh, he thought, I hope that I haven't stumbled into Gayrim again (the dovahkiin, like the average american male, disregards hearts as a sign of homosexuality or extreme feminism, even though, like rainbows, hearts are bucking awesome and manly. *narrator shows awkward smile*). The dovahkiin hears shutters above him close rapidly but looks up to see nothing but, predictably, closed shutters. Dovahkiin brings his eyes back to the road in front of him so that he could avoid a tragic accident, but he looks too late. A bouncing pink blob level... who the hell knows, crashes into him, causing the loss of 4 HP. The Dragonborn grunts as he tries to get up, but to no avail. The pink thing gets up first and offers a ...hoof? The dragon born takes the helping hoof as he is not aware enough to see the oddness in this. Upon further inspection however, the dragonborn notices that the pink thing is in fact, a pony The two, Nord and Pony, eye each other for the entire amount of time the pony could go without talking. That was about 10 seconds. "Hi there, I've never seen you before, whats your name, you look funny, what are you, I love meeting new friends, will you be my friend?" said the pony quickly and enthusiastically, "Oh i forgot to tell you my name, I'm Pinkie Pie." Pinkie pie had a high pitched voice and, as mentioned earlier and is quite obvious considering the name, was a pink mare with pink curly hair. (honestly reader if you didn't know that, then you have probably never seen the show and if you haven't seen the show, watch the show. It's pretty good, trust me, I wouldn't write a fanfic on it if it wasn't good. P.S if you are reading a fanfic you have probably seen the show, causing this little distraction to be completely pointless) The dovahkiin then found that he had a random phobia of pink talking ponies with pie in their names and found it too much to bear. So, he passed out on the spot in order to make a valid conclusion and give this chapter a witty title.
Holy Crap a Dragon! ...oh ya and some poniesThe Dovahkiin thrust his head up as he awoke. Sweat poured down his face as he he felt an overwhelming sense of dejavu. "Glad to see you're awake." The Dovahkiin jumped up, startled. He attempted to pull out his enchanted Iron Sword of Epic Badassery, only to remember all of his weapons were gone. "Who's there!" he shouted. He turned around to see a purple pony on some steps. Not only was the pony purple (an odd color for a child's steed, thought the dovahkiin) but there was also a horn protruding from its head. The Dovahkiin gasped, such beasts were extremely rare throughout the entire continent of Tamriel. A unicorn's horn is worth more than all of his houses combined. The dragonborn pondered whether he should slay the noble beast for its horn, when his thoughts were interrupted. "Hello there, what might you be?" The dovahkiin could have sworn that the unicorn just spoke to him. On further thought, that notion would not surprise him as many beasts have spoken to him throughout his journeys and he has just learned to accept it. Although, on of those occasions, such beasts were either magical, such as dragons, or had daedric intervention, such as that dog. He decided it was due to the magical nature of unicorns that this particular one was able to communicate with him. "W-where am I?" he asked the unicorn. "You're in Ponyville," replied the unicorn, "my name is Twilight Sparkle. You had quite a fall there, had the whole town up in a ruckas. What exactly are you anyways. It was with the words of the magic talking unicorn that goes by the name of Twilight Sparkle, that the Dovahkiin remembered the events from the day before in a convenient flashback that would be cool to watch in a movie. But this is a fanfic so you, the audience, must settle for a descriptive account with the usage of words. The Dovahkiin remembered waking up in this strange land and meeting the talking pink pony, ironically named Pinkie Pie. In hindsight the Dovahkiin realized how much this resembled a sort of children's show, but he had not the slightest idea what the hell a show was, so he passed it off as strange thoughts... Meanwhile, Twilight was getting worried about how this strangely clad thing kept staring blankly at her wall. In an attempt to get him back to reality, she bitch hoofed him across the face. The bitch hoof was super effective, and retrieved the Dovahkiin's dwindling attention span. "Sorry," apologized Twilight, "and your name is..." The Dovahkiin jumped on a table in an attempt to make a heroic pose, but hit his head in the process, which ruined the effect. He crouched down so that the unfortunate accident would not happen again, and replied to Twilight in a booming voice, "I am the Dragonborn, savior of Skyrim. You may call me Dragonborn or Dovahkiin, because the narrator alternates between them, meaning either one is a valid name. Twilight giggled, as the dragonborn looked extremely silly crouched down while talking in a tone of such authority. "Ok mister Dragonborn, I have telepathically told your name to all of the important ponies, so that we do not have to waste time and precious writing space on more introductions." Said Twilight "Thank you," replied the Dovahkiin, "that makes everything slightly more convenient." "So Dovahkiin," said Twilight, "exactly what are you and where are you from?" "I am one of the proud Nord people," replied the Dovahkiin, "native of Skyrim" Twilight continued to question the Dragonborn, as she loves knowledge, when Spike makes the deadly mistake of walking into the room. "Hello Twilight, is there anything I can do to-" Spike was rudely cut short mid sentence. Upon seeing the dragon, the dovahkiin was sent into a deadly rage. He rushed across the room in a quick sprint and tackled the dragon. He began to pummel Spike with rough blows to the head and abdomen. As the Dragonborn took a quick rest above Spike's bloodied body (his stamina level was complete crap since he was a level one) Twilight sent a charged bolt of rainbow colored electricity out of her horn, effectively stunning the Dragonborn. "Stop, STOP, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU BUCKING ASSHOLE!" she screamed at the Dovahkiin. The Dovahkiin quickly recovered but stopped momentarily to ponder exactly why Twilight used "bucking" that way and decided to ask her later (she later said it was to keep this fanfic teen rated). "There is a dragon, the bane of skyrim, in your library!" he yelled in an attempt to rationalize with the angered unicorn. Twilight looked at the Dragonborn sternly and replied, "That is Spike, my personal assistant, and my best one at that." She sent a loving glance at the bleeding and barely conscious body of Spike the dragon. "And you're not in Skyrim anymore buster, this is Equestria. Now I will grant that just about every other dragon in this land is an asshole, as seen in that one episode in season 2, but Spike isn't like every other dragon. He is domesticated." The Dovahkiin, though not completely convinced, started to feel slightly bad about his possible mistake. This will start the Dragonborn's fanfic long feud with Spike, showing that Nord and dragon can never truly get along. After the incident with Dragonborn vs. Spike, Twilight decides that the next course of action should be to get the Dovakiin out of the house and introduce him to her friends. As soon as they leave the house, they encounter an energetic Pinkie Pie bouncing at them at the speed of... bouncing. Upon seeing Pinkie Pie the dragonborn almost pisses himself in fear, but is able to maintain composure. Though a day has passed his odd phobia hasn't. Although Pinkie Pie bombards him with a deadly magical friendship spell and breaks into song once or twice, the dragonborn still refuses to talk to her. Pinkie Pie gets sad and retreats to her home in order to consult her rock friend, rocky, on more schemes to befriend the dragonborn. Twilight and the dragonborn continue on the epic quest of getting the dragonborn some friends (they have nothing else to do and it rewards a hell of a lot of XP for reasons unknown). As they are walking a streak of rainbow flashes across the sky. The streak then makes a really cool turn that would have been 20% cooler if it hadn't been heading straight towards the dragonborn. The Dovahkiin makes an attempt to raise his shield, only to remember he has no shield. The rainbow streak hits him dead center in the stomach, resulting in knocking the wind out of him (-15 stamina) and the loss of 30 hp (ouch). The dragonborn is able to get up after only a few seconds of being dazed, because he is awesome like that. The thing that hit him, a pegasus pony by the name of Rainbow Crash (I mean Dash, but crash makes sense right there), is in some serious pain. The pain soon passes as this takes place in a cartoon and her pain is not part of the plot. The Dovahkiin, being a gentleman, helps the pegasus to her feet... or hooves rather. He takes note that pegasi seem to be considerably lighter than other ponies due to hollow bones that enable better flying. After the dazed Rainbow Dash comes to her senses, she reluctantly apologizes after complaining that the Dragonborn was in her way. She explains that she was trying out an awesome new trick but spotted something in the distance that caused her to spin out of control, into the nearest life-form. Just as she finished talking about how she saw something big, dangerous looking, and fire breathing, a dragon conveniently flies overhead setting fire to random houses that belong to non-important ponies. "By the nine,"Says the Dragonborn, he then prepares to say an awesome 1-liner that will kick off the next chapter.
Enter the Dragon"It's time to burn the dragon." Wait, what the hell was that, thought the Dovahkiin. He mentally decided that that was the worst one-liner he had ever said in his life. Unfortunately he was pretty sure it was the only one he has ever said, making it his best as well. He proceeded to sprint at the dragon, in order to begin an epic showdown to the death. --------------------------------------------------------What the Dovahkiin says happened--------------------------------- Dovahkiin's POV I charged at that evil beast at, like, a million miles per hour. It noticed me as its worthy foe and brought all of its attention on to me. As it was about to send a burst of deadly flame upon me, I dove out of the way just in time. I quickly regained my bearings and continued my charge. As it inhaled in order so send an even greater burst of flame my way, I jumped forward, latching on to its soft underbelly. Before it had time to react, I shoved my bare hand into its stomach, tearing its flesh apart. It sent out an otherworldly cry and managed to knock me off, but the damage was done. Blood sputtered out of its stomach, landing in great pools at its feet. Some of its internal organs were partially visible, as I looked upon my handiwork. I looked back, noticing the remaining ponies looking on with horror. I guessed that they were not accustomed to the amount of blood and gore splattering across their roads. But alas! The dragon still lived, angered at the attempt on its life more-so than hurt. It rammed the few buildings around it and sent them crashing to the ground. Luckily, nopony was underneath them. I charged again at the dragon, sliding at the last second under its legs. I grabbed hold of its tail and pulled myself onto it. I then scaled its scaly body up to the head. I grabbed onto the scales on its head, ripping them out with my bare hands. Blood poured out of the soft flesh beneath the scales. I jabbed my hands into its head and cracked it open, skull and all. I then tore out its brain and ate it on the spot, because i am just a complete badass. Unfortunately dragon brains do not agree with me, and I vomited them up and passed out on the spot. --------------------------------------What Actually Happened---------------------------------------Twilight Sparkle's POV I stood back as the idiot with the funny accent recklessly ran forward at the dragon. He obviously did not know the pony way of making relatively peaceful agreements. I mean, I could have just gotten FlutterShy to yell at the dragon and give it The Stare. I broke out of my train of thought as I heard screaming. I looked up to see the Dovahkiin on fire and rolling around. It appears that the dragon breathed fire at him but he did the wimpiest roll ever and got caught in the flame. It took him a solid five minutes to stand back up and regain his bearings. By that time the dragon had wrecked even more havoc. Even more buildings had crumbled to the ground. With the Dragonborn up and his stamina meter once again full, he charged the dragon once more. The dragon inhaled and set fire to the air in front of it again. the Dragonborn had jumped a moment before and was caught in the flames in mid-air. He caught on fire and crashed into the dragon's soft underbelly. The dragonborn, dazed, simply slid off. As he did though, a piece of his armor caught on the dragon, giving it a little gash about an inch long. The dovahkiin stood up once more and admired the minor injury he had involuntarily inflicted upon the dragon. The rest of the ponies still at the scene, along with myself looked upon the Dragonborn with horror as he stood there, still on fire. The smell of burning flesh did not smell delightful in the least. The Dovahkiin took no notice and charged once more at the dragon. He attempted a pitiful slide underneath its legs but hit his head on its knee in the process. While dazed he shot out his hand and grabbed its tail. The dragon apparently did not like this sudden tug on its tail and threw the Dragonborn against a rather tall building. The sheer force of the impact toppled the building, somehow in the exact direction of the rampaging dragon. The building landed right on top of its head, cracking the dragons head open to the brain. A chunk of the building had somehow dislodged the brain and it landed next to the stunned Dovahkiin. He looked at it and threw up. He then proceeded to pass out. Back to 3rd person POV The Dovahkiin awoke about 5 hours later in Twilight's library. His head hurt and he felt sick to his stomach. He remembered the events of the dragon attack and smiled at his so-called heroics. He stood up and stretched his sore limbs. He walked around the library looking for skill books, as he never got a chance prior to this. Unfortunately for him, this isn't Tamriel and reading books for 2 seconds does not actually improve combat or magic capabilities. While searching for the ever valuable skill book he felt a sudden burst of pain on his head. He fell down, clutching his injured cranium, and heard laughter. He looked up to see the purple dragon, referred to as Spike, run out of the room in giddy laughter. The Dragonborn did not pursue his mortal enemy and decided to see the town. He looked out a window and saw dozens of ponies rushing around the town, making repairs. It looked like they were experienced in this as Ponyville was coming along splendidly. Most of the rubble formerly littering the roads has been cleared and some of the residential houses have been completely rebuilt. He pondered how it was even possible to make repairs in a measly five hours and decided that ponies had a better work ethic than humans, as this would take weeks or months in the unproductive region of Skyrim. Remembering (and feeling slightly guilty) that he had caused a lot of this damaged, he decided to take a selfless action and help with the rebuilding effort. He walked outside and saw a rather interesting spectacle. Woodland creatures, bears, bunnies, and all, were helping. Upon seeing the bears he coward slightly against the treehouse door. He hated bears as they had a damn high amount of strength and were the cause of many painful deaths and inconvenient loads. But he then realized that the bears were peaceful he relaxed slightly. "They must be under an illusion spell, and a high level one at that." He reassured himself. They appeared to be under the command of a soft spoken, yellow, pink maned, pegasus mare. She little more than whispered her commands, but the woodland creatures followed her. And, he thought, she was pretty freaken cute. He could not help but letting out a low "D'aaawwwww." Dammit, he quickly thought, I am losing my emotional detachment. He considered crying about his loss but scolded himself about the thought of that. He then quit his procrastination and helped with rebuilding the town. Nothing like some manuel labor to build up some strength. He had leveled up three hours in and had increased his stamina by 10 points. He also dug into his magical menu (he still wondered about how it could exist and be usable even though it didn't exactly physically exist) and got a perk in one-handed weapons. That perk is completely useless as he has no weapon whatsoever at all. Throughout the rebuilding, he had met the rest of the mane six (he laughed at that obvious pun). He had talked to Fluttershy and asked her about her how she controlled the animals. She had quietly explained to him how she did not control them per se but that she was able to speak to animals and they understood each other. She showed her cutie mark and told him that the tatoo on her ass (flank, sorry) signified her talent with animals and that every pony has a special talent that their cutie mark signifies. The Dragonborn had zoned out for half of the conversation because Fluttershy is just so damn cute. Later while moving the little rubble that remained he met yet another one of Twilight's friends by the name of Applejack. Like Pinkie Pie, Applejack was an earth pony with no wings or horn to speak of. She was quite strong and was able to move much more rubble than the Dovahkiin. This hurt his pride. Outdone by a mare, he thought. Little did he know she could beat him in just about any physical competition (GO APPLEJACK! FTW!). He had five of the mane six but never really saw the other one. He learned she was completely anti- manual labor and was in her fashion boutique, nonchalantly making clothes while every other pony was busting their flank working. He decided not to pay her a visit as he doubted they would get along (also the writer is just being lazy). The town was restored to working order in only a little over a day. The Dragonborn felt better about himself, having helped out, but dreadfully wanted to return to Skyrim. He has decided to pay a visit to Princess Celestia, whom he had learned of through Twilight, in order to find a way home.
"New Quest"It was decided. The Dovahkiin was to go to Canterlot to meet with princess Celestia (sorry Luna). Twilight was to accompany him as she could get him an audience with the princess. Also, despite her external attitude towards him, she had actually grown to like him. Not in a romantic way, but as a sorta-kinda-friend-type-sorta-person. Twilight and the Dovahkiin left for Canterlot by train as soon as possible (1:00 PM two days after the dragon attack). There were an unusually high amount of ponies going to Canterlot that afternoon, so the train was very crowded. Unknown to Twilight, or any other pony for that matter, the Dovahkiin suffered from extreme claustrophobia. All those caves and tombs he has explored as really eaten away at his mind. This ride was almost too much to bear and the Dovahkiin had to use an extremely high amount of will power (especially for a level 2) in order to keep from going absolutely ballistic. For the majority of the train ride he remained face down in his seat, silently sobbing. The train arrived in Canterlot at 2:26 allowing the extremely relieved Dragonborn to exit the train. He basked in the sunlight and open air. Twilight had to slap him again in order to get his attention. She seemed to do that a lot lately and it was starting to really aggravate him. She thinks she can simply slap the savior of Skyrim! Why she is nothing but a midget horse! He caught himself before making a rude comment in which he would be sure to regret. She still is able to perform advanced magic while he was able to punch stuff... kind of unfair to say the least. He also could not buck up this opportunity to see the princess and find possibly find a way home. Upon thinking "princess" he thought to himself, If she is the princess, and her sister is also a princess... who the hell is the king or queen? Princess is not the highest level of royalty! He then remembered that this was a land filled with colorful, talking ponies capable of using magic. Their society obviously works differently and it is best not to question it. It would make one go crazy, maybe, possibly, depending on one's mental state and preexisting conditions. Damn, this is off topic. As if sensing his off topic-ness, Twilight bitch-hoofed him back into reality once more. The Dovahkiin continued onward with Twilight through the streets of Canterlot and into the royal castle. While walking the Dovahkiin felt quite homesick. He was reminded of his old home and the cities it bore. Everything felt so similar, except for the fact that there were ponies instead of people walking around. Speaking of ponies, they gave him odd stares as he walked by. A sense of curiosity and fear hung so thick, you could almost cut it with a knife. The Iron Sword of Epic Badassery could probably cut it. The Dragonborn wished he had it with him as he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. They approached the castle gates and were let in by some pony guards. They looked like extremely cute imperial soldiers. The Dragonborn let out a chuckle as he walked past. The castle was fairly large. Larger than most of the castles in Skyrim even. It was even more impressive since it was built by ponies that lack the use of opposable thumbs. But then again it was built in a city full of magical unicorns so obviously it was built by magic. The Dovahkiin, proud of his deduction, followed Twilight to the throne room. Upon the throne sat two ponies, much larger than any pony he has seen thus far. They had Ethereal manes that flowed beautifully. Also, unlike everypony else he had seen, they had both horns and wings. Twilight whispered to him that they were alicorns, with characteristics from all three types of ponies. These were obviously the princesses in which he seeked. One was black as night and the other, light as the sun. He Initiated conversation with the light one, Princess Celestia. "Hello Dovahkiin," Greeted Celestia. She had been told of his sudden arrival in Ponyville by a letter from Twilight. "Greetings Princess," he replied, "I have come to learn of what has brought me to your realm, and how I may return home." "I have suspected as much, but I'm afraid I am unable to help you until you do something for me." "What is it you'll have do Princess. I will go on any quest in order to return to my homeland." The Princess thought a moment before answering. "I need you to to find the ancient band of FireSky, deep in the Everfree forest." "Will this band of FireSky help me return home?" The Dovahkiin questioned. "Umm...sure, yeah lets go with that" The Dovahkiin then went into the strange menu and found that a quest has been added. "Retrieve the Band of FireSky from the Everfree Forest." He also looked in his map and found that it has been updated with the locations of Ponyville and Canterlot. Unfortunately when he tapped the map he was unable to fast travel. This also made him question how he tapped the map considering it isn't a physical object. "Damn you menu and your mind tricks!" he yelled. Everypony in the room stared at him. His face grew red from embarrassment and he pretended nothing happened. After receiving his new quest, the Dovahkiin and Twilight made their way back to Ponyville. Twilight had to use her magic to drag the Dragonborn back onto the train. She scolded him for being such a baby and magically tied him to a seat. He thought the last ride was bad this one was... actually not as bad. It wasn't nearly as crowded and Twilight eventually untied him. However, he was still relieved to exit the train when they arrived at Ponyville. It was about 11:00 PM and the Dovahkiin was very tired. He missed Skyrim, where he could find himself staying awake for months at a time. Sleep was irrelevant there. As soon as he arrived back at Twilight's house, he went to sleep on "makeshift bedroll". He awoke the following morning to the smell of breakfast. "Come on Dragonborn!" yelled Twilight from the kitchen, "Spike made pancakes!" One thing that the Dragonborn liked about Equestria was pancakes. There were no pancakes in Skyrim. Such a perfect food covered in delectable syrup. It is the best thing to ever exist! Once he returned to Skyrim, breakfast would never be the same. He almost cried at the thought, but remembered that there were pancakes within his grasps at that very moment. He rushed to the kitchen and chowed down. He finished his pancakes in record time. Savoring each bite in the 1/2 second between chewing and swallowing. He had managed to make more of a mess than Twilight and Spike combined (well they are actually very clean eaters). Hot syrup and bits of pancakes were splattered along the table. He even found himself covered with the gooey substance. Twilight simply disposed of the mess with magical ease. Though he would miss the glorious pancakes, he had to continue on his quest. He and Twilight set off on the quest before them, to the forefront of the Everfree Forest. Twilight stole a glance backwards, but the Dragonborn stared straight ahead, determined to find the Band of Firesky. They both entered, with the Dragonborn at the lead, since his magical compass with the same properties of the mysterious menu showed the way to the item. They were finally on their destined path, for better or for worse.
Into the wildernessTwilight and the Dovahkiin proceeded into the Everfree Forest. Twilight kept her composure but was notably nervous about this little adventure. The Dragonborn didn't think that this Everfree Forest could be all that dangerous. It is in a land of rainbows, valentine- looking hearts, and colorful talking ponies, he reasoned. "What could possibly be so dangerous," he thought out loud. There was a mighty roar. "Well for one, there is that manticore walking about 30 feet in front off us," Twilight said. "What is a manticore?" the Dragonborn asked, "I've never heard of it before, was it in a dlc?" Twilight had no idea wtf dlc is and decided to ask once the dangerous manticore passed, but decided to explain what a manticore was. "A manticore is a lion with dragon's wings and a scorpion tail," she explained in a hushed tone. The manticore walked away without noticing them, no need for unnecassary violence. "It must be necromancers!" The Dragonborn shouted, attracting the attention of the manticore. It came running back, hell bent on killing whatever thought itself worthy to attract its attention. The manticore found the nord and pony and marveled at how great a meal this new being would make. It charged, flashing its fangs at the dragonborn, leaving Twilight alone. It made the mistake of believing her to be some stupid pony, and not the star of a tv show, capable at doing whatever the writers make her do. While the manticore was distracted, Twilight attempted to prepare a sleep spell in order to quall the threat. She heard the Dovahkiin shout something about too many fights, but decided to ignore him in order to keep her concentration. Meanwhile the Dragonborn was getting overly pissed at Twilight's seeming unhelpfulness, and overly beaten up, due to the manticore. The Dragonborn was in to position to do battle with an enemy with this high a level. He was forced to resort to running in circles yelling, while the manticore attempted to impale him with its tail. Twilight finished preparing her spell and launched it at the manticore. It was super-uneffective and did little to help the frantic Dragonborn. "Damn," She cursed, this was going to be a tougher fight than originally thought. She began to fire basic fire ball spells at the manticore. She succeeded in catching it on fire, but also hit the Dovahkiin. Both Nord and manticore attempted to put out the flames enveloping their bodies. The dragonborn was taught, when caught on fire- pretend to not even notice. So he stood there and gazed at the manticore as his flames dissapated. Burning fur and flesh filled the air as the manticore dropped dead, continuing to burn. During the kind of epic battle with the manticore, Luna had raised the moon and night had befallen the land. The Dragonborn still couldn't explain it, but he had the need to do... normal human things such as eat, sleep, and relieve himself. Twilight ate some berries she had found near the area, and the dragonborn ate the manticore. The flames had actually roasted it to perfection. Upon seeing the Dragonborn eat another once living animal, Twilight vomited several times. The duo laid down and fell into an easy rest, without watching for more dangerous animals that could possibly be roaming the area. Not very smart. ``````````````````````` On the bright side, they got up feeling rested and rejuvinated. On the downside they woke up in cave, chained to a metal pole sticking out of the ground. "By the Nine!" exclaimed the Dragonborn. All around them were gems, lots and lots of gems. "Where are we?" asked Twilight, "Why are there gems, I thought we were in the Everfree..." "Under the Everfree actually," A mysterious voice answered her question. The Dragonborn noted that the voice sounded like a gollum with a ring fetish. A figure revealed itself from the shadows. "It turns out that after going around 30 meters beneath the surface pretty gemstones are everywhere!" "Diamond dog!" shouted Twilight. "hehehe, right you are little pony. Now you will dig us pretty precious gems," It replied. While Twilight glared at the creature with contempt, the Dovahkiin wondered why she hadn't freed them from their bonds with magic. The diamond dog had left, after saying something about getting a cart. "Twilight!" the Dragonborn whispered forcefully, "free us already!" She stopped staring at where the diamond dog left, and would have facehoofed at her stupidity, had she not been restrained. She snapped the chains with a simple spell, freeing them. "What do we do now,"she asked. Since the Dragonborn was more combat experiance and probably more used to a scenerio like this (she had no idea how right she was) he should make the plan to get them out of these caves. The Dovahkiin wasted no time in making his plan. He considered sneaking by the path the diamond dog had exited and sneak attacking him when he came back, but remembered that his sneak skill was very low. He didn't want to take the thing head on, that probably wouldn't end well. There was nothing in the cavern except rocks and the broken chain, He attempted to take the chain as a weapon, but found that it wasn't equipable. He suddenly got an idea while cursing at the chain. Yes that will work. ````````````````````` How the Dragonborn managed to set up a trap with only rocks and chains in under a minute, Twilight will never know. He had used the chain as a tripwire, that when sprung ripped hastily placed rocks out of either wall, resulting in an avalance. Twilight had told him diamond dogs were stupid, but she doubted that they were that stupid. Even the Dragonborn was beginning to notice the all to obvious flaws in his plan. But there was no turning back. They heard grunts nearing there position, the diamond dog was almost there. Time for the moment of truth. Upon rounding the corner into the cave holding that thing and the pony, the diamond dog noticed that they were free from their restraints. He panicked and ran straight towards them, hoping to overpower them with a mighty charge. ```````````````````` "Wow, diamond dogs really are that stupid," said Twilight as she looked upon the wreckage of corridor. The diamond dog had managed to set off the trap and caved in the hallway while he was inside. The diamond dog was buried and was most likely dead. Twilight felt sorrow, but felt a greater need to get out of this Celestia forsaken cave. Luckily there was another tunnel running in the opposite direction. The heroes followed the tunnel, hoping for a stoke of luck to be in their favor. Now things are just never that easy, now are they? As they proceeded down the tunnel, the lights began to grow dim. The torches lighting the tunnel were placed farther and farther apart. Eventually the tunnel was submersed in complete darkness. Twilight's horn acted as a small guiding light, but only enough to see a few feet in front of them. ````````````````````` They walked for what seemed like hours, though it was only about 20 minutes. "How long is this damn tunnel!" Complained the Dovahkiin, "This is worse than walking through a Nordic tomb, filled with draugr." The Dragonborn was beginning to get anxious, he just knew something was going to happen and the suspense was killing him. Twilight on the other hand remained vigilant and patient. She did not complained and simply pressed on. They began to hear voices, soft and far off. The Dragonborn stopped his needless complaining and went cautiously. As they walked the voices became louder, they were coming toward them. "I hate this freaken tunnel," one of the voices said, "why did the other workers make it so long!" "We've been walking five minutes," said another voice, "we still have ways to go to get to the prisoners chamber." "But did they have to make it so dark!" "They ran out of torches, those new workers have no idea how to properly space them." The voices were very close now, probably only about 50 feet away. Think, think!Thought the Dragonborn. Underpressure, he did the only think he thought was reasonable. With a yell, the Dovahkiin ran straight at the voices. He rammed one of them to the ground as the other one stood dumbfounded. While the Dovahkiin beat the crap out of one of the diamond dogs, Twilight used her magic to take out the other one. Pokemon joke iminent. BATTLE- TWILIGHT VS. DIAMOND DOG DIAMOND DOG USED SCRATCH! DIAMOND DOG MISSES! TWILIGHT SPARKLE USES SLEEP! IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE! DIAMOND DOG FAINTS! Meanwhile... BATTLE- DRAGONBORN VS. DIAMOND DOG DIAMOND DOG USES PARALYZE! PARALYZE BACKFIRES! DIAMOND DOG IS PARALYZED! DRAGONBORN USES PUMMEL! DRAGONBORN MISSES! DRAGONBORN USES PUMMEL! IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE! DIAMOND DOG FAINTS! "Stupid level one diamond dogs think they can possibly challenge me!? HA!" The Dragonborn said as they walked away from their unconcious foes. The Dovahkiin had leveled up during the battle and increased his stamina. He put his skill point in destruction magic, causing extra fire damage. Unfortunatly the Dovahkiin currently has a grand total of 0 spells so it is useless at the moment. "Actually, since you charged in they technically didn't challenge you." Twilight pointed out. The Dovahkiin saw her point and instead wondered how the diamond dogs got the first attack. They walked for another few minutes until they saw it. A light, a light at the end of a tunnel. They both ran at it, happy to be free of the dark tunnel and underground depths of the Everfree.
