Celestia's new scribe

by Metal Pony Fan

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2366

Human in equestria, been sitting on the hard drive for a while, sequel to earth and sky

Re-write this before submitting!

I don't know where I am, and I don't know why I'm here, but my first act in this strange new land was to save a peaceful race from the forces of evil. Go me! But then I broke something, something very important.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-02 03:36:07 UTC

prologue

I don't know how long I was out, or if I was even out at all, but the next thing I remember is a large room made of white marble with gold decorations and accents everywhere.  And everything looked kind of off, like a cartoon or something.  There was also a horse, a big one, wearing a crown and staring at me.  There was also a ... lizard, ... dragon, ... thing? laughing like there's no tomorrow.  Looking around, I noticed that I was still sitting on my bed, or at least part of it.  Laid out around me was a section of my room cut out in a crescent moon with smoldering edges.  Part of my bed, part of my desk, part of my tile floor, part of my very expensive electric guitar, part of a trigonometry book.   The only things I saw that were intact were the pad and pen in my hand.

"EXPLAIN THIS!" yelled the horse.

The horse, apparently some sort of royalty, maybe a queen, but the crown was more of a tiara, maybe a princess?  Anyway, the horse just talked.

It talked.  The Horse.  Talked.  It talked.

I'm not sure why I was so surprised, that dragon-lizard-thing was laughing, I probably just-

"I said, EXPLAIN THIS!" yelled the horse-unicorn-winged-princess again.

I should probably pay attention here.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-heh," laughed the dragon thing adjusting his comically overdone ruby encrusted crown on his head,"what do you think of my barrier, Celestia?"

Celestia, is that the horse's name?  Good to know.

"Any magic cast inside the barrier is inverted, turned into something completely different."

"Then-," the hor- Celestia, stammered.

"That's right," screamed the dragon thing, not wanting to give up a chance for a monologue,"I can see the gears turning in your fat little head."

That was uncalled for, he's the fat one.

"You're starting to figure it out aren't you," he continued, "You miss pony-pants,"

Pony-pants?

"Tried to teleport yourself out using your fancy-schmancy solar magic." the ridiculous side to side motions when he said fancy-schmancy weren't making him seem very dangerous.

"Get it now, princess?" the dragon sneered, pouring as much contempt and sarcasm as he could into that last word.

So she is a princess.  Princess Celestia.  Or is Celestia her first name?

" So, let me get this straight,"the princess spoke up," pony, teleport out , solar magic equals ..." she trailed off rolling her foot- hoof? in a gesture that seemed to suggest that she was searching for a word.

The dragon thing sighed loudly and finished," equals dragon, teleport in, lunar magic."

"So everything's reversed," I finally chime in, getting over the shock and confusion.

"Yes, weren't you listening?" scowled the dragon thing.

Interesting, the whole thing seemed like something out of a video game, from the cheesy villain to the magic.  So being a respectable gamer, I asked the only question I could possibly ask in that situation.

" What would happen if she cast a healing spell on you?"

The dragon thing let out a loud "Urk" as he suddenly stopped smiling, moving, and maybe even breathing.  He started shaking as the Princess leveled a gaze at him that can only be described as the cold hammer of well- deserved justice.

Or evil.

Evil works too.

" Uh, you, I , uh-"

"Yes?" she said in a dark, gravelly yet oddly melodic tone, a tone you don't want to be on the recieving end of.

The dragon thing went a few more shades pale and choked out," Youhaven'tseenthelastofme!" before teleporting out.

I'm guessing his magic barrier doesn't affect his own magic, otherwise something else would have teleported in or -

"Ahem," I hear a throat being cleared behind me.

I turn around to face the princess, she is sitting on a throne at the top of a small flight of stairs.

Akward silence time.

"Ssssooooo," I draw out the word trying to think of something to say, " that was interesting."

"Indeed."

Akward silence time part 2

I look around a bit before continuing,"so, princess Celestia, was it?"

"Yes, you were listening then, good idea with the healing spell."

"Thanks. So, where am I?"

" You do not know, dragon?"

"No I don't, and I'm not a dragon."

"Well you are in Canterlot castle, not-dragon."

"Canterlot, like Camelot?"

"Canterlot, like the Capitol of Equestria, land of the ponies."

"Oh," I say as if that answers everything,"ponies.  I still have no clue what you're talking about."

"I see, so you are a scribe then?"

"As in someone who writes stuff down for others?  Not really, why do you ask?  And how do even have scribes?  Do you even have a written language?"

"Of course we have a written language, I myself happen to be quite proficient in it, here take a look." She grabs a book from under the seat cushion and opens it to a random page, holding the page out in front of my face.  A page full of the messiest, hand or hoof? writing I have ever seen.  And I thought my handwriting was bad, at least it is when I rush, I am actually pretty good at calligraphy if I take my time.  Also, the writing is also in English and it appears to be a personal journal entry.

I turn away and clear my throat before talking," I see we use the same language."

She stays very still for a moment, pupils shrinking to pinpoints.  She shook her head after a moment and looked at the corner of the room. "Well then," she said, a faint glow forming around her horn, "please demonstrate your writing skills if you will."  A moment later a small rolled up piece piece of paper comes floating across the room wrapped in the same glow around the princess' horn.

That must be magic at work, weird.

She makes the paper hover near me and I grab it.  Unfurling the yellowed paper, I try to think of something to write.  Unable to think of anything, I just write down the alphabet.  Three times, once in print, as clean as I can make it, once in standard cursive, and once in the best flowing, loopy, decorated script I could think of.  As I handed it back, I heard a loud pop and a fizzled coming from where that dragon thing disappeared earlier.  He was standing there the same as earlier, only this time he was wearing a cape, and the end of it was on fire.  I pointed it out and he spun furiously in place stomping and yelling until the flames were gone.

"What do you want," she demanded, barely repressing a smile at the tattered embers of the dragon thing's cape.

"Why I am here to demonstrate my new, improved barrier."

"As if I'll let you," she roared, rearing up and forming a large fireball at the end of her horn, the rolling flames spread waves of heat through the room as the fireball started to condense in on itself, starting to look more and more like a miniature sun.

"ah-ah-ahhn," the dragon thing wiggled his finger at Celestia, "we can't have you doing that."  He snapped his fingers and the fireball mini sun winked out of existence, leaving a small bit of ash in its place to sprinkle down upon the who called it.

I didn't really want to get involved yet, I didn't know either of these two.  She seems nice enough but for all I know this Celestia is a sadistic tyrant and the dragon thing a freedom fighter.  I just don't know enough to pick a side.

"How?" muttered Celestia,"It took you three minutes to cast the last barrier."

"I said new and improved didn't I?  And now with your pesky magic out of the way, EQUESTRIA SHALL BE MINE, YOUR PRECIOUS CITIES WILL FALL, THE PEACE YOU WORKED SO HARD TO ACHIEVE WILL CRUMBLE BENEATH MY FEET, AND THOSE PONIES YOU CARE SO DEEPLY FOR SHALL ANSWER MY BECK AND CALL, SLAVES TO MY BIDDING! GWA-HA-HA-HA!"

Ok, he's the bad guy.

I looked over at the princess and saw her eyes flaming in anger.  She took a deep breath and I hurriedly covered my ears.

"LUNAAAA!!  GET ME MY HOOFBALL BAT!!"

I almost feel sorry for the wannabe conqueror.

Almost.

"I swear, if you touch one little hair on any of my little  oof-" she tried to step forward but her feet, hooves(this is going to take some getting used to) were stuck to the ground and fell flat on her face.

" Ha-ha-ha, what's the matter, stuck? " the dragon thing laughed as he stepped towards the now prone and immobile princess,ignoring the fact that I was moving to place myself between them.  I had hunch, it was a dangerous one, but if this thing really wanted to destroy a nation and enslave its people, I had to risk it.  He continued to ignore me, instead focusing on Celestia as she struggled to lift herself from the ground.  "I can't have you up and about now can I?  I would never be able to stand against you in physical combat.  That's why I had to resort to other means."

Well that makes my hunch less of a risk to act on.

I was directly between him and the princess when he finally noticed me.  With a smirk he asked, "what do you want?"

I flashed him a quick smile before taking the course of action I had decided on.  I looked the dragon in the eye,

and punched him in the face,

hard.

I thought I was prepared for anything, I was prepared to run and serve as a distraction so the princess could recover, I was prepared for my hand to shatter against iron scales and teeth.  I wasn't prepared for what happened.

I heard a cracking noise as my fist hit the dragon right right in that smug smile of his.  I didn't feel any pain though.  The dragon was knocked back down the steps from where Celestia was, well, faceplanted near her throne.  When I looked down to check my hand, I noticed small white chips on the floor.

Teeth, that dragon's teeth.

This dragon was kind of a disappointment.

Then he started to cry.

"Why did you do that?" he wailed through his tears," you were supposed to be the dragon's champion.  A strong warrior, as strong as the one who summoned you.  As strong as her."

"Hah!" snorted Celestia, still on the ground near the throne.

"You were supposed to help me subjugate this land and-"

At this I lost it, I loved dragons, the legend, the fantasy, I wore a small dragon ring pendant around my neck and had a good deal of dragon themed clothing.  But I actually get to meet a dragon, something that I had always thought limited to the realm of dreams, and this is it?  This sad, despotic excuse of a punching bag.  This is a dragon!?

"You wanted a champion?" I yelled at him, "Well TOO BAD!  You got ME!  I'm not a dragon, but after seeing you, I'm glad I'm not.  You selfish, ignorant, over-confident waste of air!  If you want a dragon to help you so badly, I will gladly take up the name, and help you learn just how pathetic your sad attempts at  power really are.  On my life and my honor, I will not see the day when you rule anything more than an outhouse!  If the rest of your kind is like you, then I extend the same promise to them.  You want me, come and get me."

He yelped and disappeared, again.  Leaving me there fuming and disgusted, and maybe a little heartbroken.  That was my dream, my broken shattered dream.  My little illusion, gone forever.  I looked down at the dragon pendant around my neck, its soft pewter grey standing out against the black of my clothes, I grabbed it, and was about to rip it off and throw it away, but something made me stop.  A stray thought I guess.  I am going to hold on to it and be the dragon they're not.

Exhausted from my little outburst, I walked back to where the princess was.  I sat down next to her as she continued trying to free herself.  I stared at the ceiling.  I don't know when, but at somepoint during that whole fiasco I had started crying.

" I guess you really are a dragon after all."

"Shut up."

"If the guards heard you addressing me like that, they would throw you in the dungeon."

"Maybe."

"Not all dragons are like that, I have known a few over my lifetime, most were the honorable sort.  They stood for what they believed in."

"I wish I could have met them instead of this thing."

"I'm not even sure he was a dragon.  But enough about that, I need to get free.  If you go out that door, find any pony in gold armor and tell them the phrase "cloudy day." They will get Luna and return here.  Now go on."

I got up and started heading for the large double doors of to the side of room.  I got halfway there before the doors slammed open.

"Luna," I heard from behind me.

"So you're Luna?" I asked the new arrival.  She was much like the princess in appearance, except for the obvious color difference.  "I get it, Celestia, Luna, I saw her solar magic earlier, she's the sun and you're the-"

she stepped out of the doorways shadow, holding a large metal baseball bat."-moon."  Hoofball, baseball, interesting that there are so many similarities with,"uh."

She started tapping the end of the bat against the ground at a slow rhythmic pace.

"um, hello?"

She kept tapping the end of the bat against the cold marble tile.  Then she began to walk forward, slowly, lightning and thunder coming out of nowhere.  And her blue fur seemed to be turning black.  It didn't take me long to figure out how this looked, her sister had called to her asking her to bring a weapon, she arrived to find the room in a mess with her sister on the ground, and what must seem, to her eyes at least, an unknown manner of beast still standing.  Just moments ago I saw her sister, at least I think they're sisters, create a second sun in order to fry an intruder, but somehow this nightly apparition approaching with a metal bat in her teeth was somehow even more frightening.

Then she raised the bat high and her slow walk turned into a run.