Willow Tree Asylum

7 Months later…

  “Sounds drifted off and about under the crackling of rain; the city that doesn’t sleep. I lifted my hand out and caught a drop of water in my palm, I tilted my hand side to side manipulating that drop; then it disappeared, I watched as the bus came to pick me up right on schedule, but instead of a warm humming sound, a cold splash drenched my body as it passed me by, I did not yell or scream at the bus instead I let the drops fall from my hair onto my crimson nose. The bench was creaky and noisy which had grown my impatience so I stood to my feet and decided to walk to the penitentiary my father had been locked in.”

    “The prison was a few miles away, I glanced around from my black hoodie and saw that everyone was looking at me with fear, I could see mothers clenching their children’s hand tighter, I saw grown men clench their teeth in front of my presence; this is what I wanted. I loved to see people wither away and cower in fear at my attendance, it made me feel feared and shunned by everyone.”

  “On my way the rain had cleared, but behind it the gloomy skies still hung over the god forsaken city that I had to endure. The prison had come to my clear sight of vision and I started to sprint towards the glass doors that kept me from my father. An officer greeted me and told me that detective McMareson was here to see me. I stopped in my tracks and gave a glare to the officer, I could see his hands reach for a baton at his side; I am intimidating to even an officer of the highest rank, I kept walking forward. The warm air hit me and it felt simply divine and I closed my eyes to feel the warm embrace hit my face, but the warmth of it stopped suddenly as a hand placed on my left shoulder; “Its good to see ya again lad, its been seven months hmm?” I could feel my eyebrows coming together as I turned my head by instinct. “I’m not here to see an overgrown ginger, I’m here to see my dad.” He broadly laughed at my insult as if he brushed it aside. “So lad, ya grew a foot or two eh?” I did not respond. He stroked his beard gently and pushed his lips to the side.”

     “Alright, lets go see ya dad eh? Would ya like that?” I nodded my head slowly at him, with curiosity at where he was exactly taking me.”

   “This way.” He led me down a dark corridor, which had lamplights on both sides. It felt as though I was in a scary movie. He opened the door and I had found myself in a glass room filled with guards. It didn’t surprise me much. “Your father will be here shortly lad, just wait.” Although that day I had bitterness tampering with my heart every second, the officer was right; I did feel anxious to see my father after seven months. I looked to my side and heard footsteps behind, my father walked slowly onto the seat across from me, handcuffed. My father was not the person I had loved or remembered. He wore a red bandana and tattoos marked his emotions with sharp ink across his neck and arms, his tattered ugly blue uniform made him look even more like a criminal. I could hardly bear to look at him, until he spoke.”

   “I missed you.” Those words shot through my heart faster than a bullet, but yet the words were so simple and dull. I maintained my composure and remained as though I was unaffected on the outside. “Eh? Ya not gonna say nothing back?” instead of answering him, I kept my face hidden inside my black hoodie pretending not to care. There was a silence between us; until he tried to break it with a very cliché conversation starter, it was almost laughable. “The weather’s pretty dull eh?” The silence arose again after I did not respond.

  “Ya doin well at school?” That is the question that broke the strong wall blocking my connection to him. “You know what dad, I haven’t gone to school in two weeks; you know why? Because I cant fucking pay for textbooks, or lunch, or choir activities after school, I cant even get a job to help pay the big ass rent that’s due tomorrow. I AM FUCKED BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY!”

“The look of shock on his face gave me a sudden feeling of guilt, but it was the cold, hard truth. He needed to know what was happening to me. “You’re right. You are in this mess because of my mess ups.” I was engulfed with emotions from my heart that it seemed to swallow my mind in the process. “OHH, so now you want to admit your wrong doings, you think that you can say sorry and my world will become bright and sunny. Well I have something to say to you! Those times ARE LONG FUCKING GONE!”

“I saw my father bite his lips and cringe his face, and for the first time in my life I saw a single tear crawl its way down his face slowly. “I know, you don’t deserve me as a father I mean look at me, I’m in prison, with people I don’t even know. Because of my mistakes I have to stay up every night in this jail making sure I don’t get stabbed to death. But most importantly because of my mistakes I have caused your life to take a turn for the absolute worst.”

   “I looked at him with rage. “Cry me a river, cry me a fucking river; I don’t need sympathy from a father who beat his son.” I saw tears fall from his face like shooting stars, but instead of wishes coming true, these shooting stars represented failure and depression instead.”

   “One more thing before I leave.” He looked at me with red swollen eyes. I tossed him our family photo. It scraped as it flew across the table. “You have more use for it than I do, also you see that woman on the picture; you forgot about one more mistake you made… its your fault that woman is dead!”

   “He leaped from his chair, grabbed my hoodie and screamed in my face. “CANT YA JUST SEE THAT I’M FUCKING SORRY? IS THAT NOT ENOUGH? DO I NEED TO FUCKING STRECH MY ARM TO THE MOON AND GRAB IT, JUST SO SOME SELF ABSORBENT ADOLESCENT BOY CAN FINALLY APPRECIATE ME?”

   “The guards rushed in and grabbed his arms to lift him and lead him out the entrance where he came from, as he was lifted in to the hallway I heard him scream to me, “YOU WERE A MISTAKE! A SHITTY EXCUSE FOR EVEN A MISTAKE!” he struggled and wept as he left my sight into a hallway of darkness.”

    “I pushed my chair in with a slam that caused it to smash into pieces; echoes creaked there way down the halls. I stood to my feet and proceeded out of that place; that was the last time I would dare step my foot in there…ever.”

    “That night, I could not sleep. Memories of that tragic incident with my father flashed swiftly through my head with a never-ending cycle of pain. I dozed off many times but as soon as my head told itself that it could go to bed, my heart would display that one single moment. I tumbled over onto the ground and felt its chilling sensation run through my bones. Through the small hole in my roof I could see the majestic moon displaying its radiance throughout the starry night. I blinked my eyes back and forth to tell my tears to come out, but my eyes had given enough tears this evening.”

  “I couldn’t explain why I was thinking about my mother, but her loving warmth always seemed to creep into my darkest situations. To me it was reminding me to always keep a smile on my face, I could imagine her sitting with me, and her deep, black, raven hair to cover my shoulder, to look into her stunning violet eyes.”

   “Then at the worst possible time; it happened, the melody began to play. I slammed my ears shut to try and block out the repetitive aria, but it seemed to be playing through my mind. I rushed to my feet and swiftly flew down my hallway to the kitchen. I kept opening cabinets until I found it lying on the counter. I twisted the cap open in a frantic motion and swallowed two pills. I knew it would take some time before it set in, but it was driving me insane. It kept playing and playing, then it became unbearable, it began to sound like static and switching radio stations at the same time. The pills weren’t working, so what stopped it last time. It all became clear to me. Some how someway my brain was telling me to watch that show that had broken the melody before.”

    “I ran to my laptop, and searched the show. Results came up and I found myself watching the first episode, then the second, then eleventh, then fifteenth. I could not believe what I was doing, but my melody had vanished right on schedule.”

  “I closed my laptop for the night, but instead of falling asleep, I climbed my roof and gazed at the dark jeweled sky for comfort and peace, why this show out of every single cartoon in the world appealed to me? It was because they had something and that was peace and harmony. Something that my grey tinted world lacked.”

   “I had a reputation to defend, especially at school. I didn’t care for my education whatsoever, but I went there to hang out with my gang friends from time to time. I had respect and I obtained that title for simply not having a future ahead of me. My father was in jail for twenty-five years and my mother was dead. After my father had been thrown in jail I told myself I had no future, to this day I still believe I have nothing to live for.”

  “Hey man, it’s been five days since I’ve seen you; how’s it goin? I glared at my friend with rage and intimidation. “It’s been just peachy keen.” Of course it was a lie. I couldn't tell them what I was doing, they would just laugh. No, The entire world would be laughing at me for one thing that I enjoyed to watch and I would lose my intimidation, and my motivation thats why I chose not to go to school.”

   “Days crept by without warning, with fall came winter, with winter came spring. One day I awoke to the sound of mockingbirds cuddling in their warm nests without a care in the world. I was envious of those birds. To fly away from problems with the flick of a feather, it was all too impossible for me and the more I pictured it, the more distant to reality it became. I hate spring.”

    “I awoke and tumbled out of my mattress with the blanket still gripped to my back. It was half past eleven; and I realized I hadn’t eaten in days. My stomach swayed back and forth aching as I opened my fridge. Nothing. I reached down in my pocket and pulled out a ten-dollar bill from work. “Well I guess I could get something to eat.”

     “I opened the door and the sunshine leaped into the small apartment, when this happened I received a pain in my eyes, one more painful than I had ever experienced. I stepped out of my door and closed it with a loud shut. I noticed my neighbor looking at me with amazement that I was actually outside. I chuckled at the expression she had on her face. The sun was blinding so my eyes squinted automatically by instinct, it was intimidating to step out into a world I haven’t seen for months.”

     “I kept my eye out for my gang members I did not want them to find me, that would be the last time I come outside ever again. I walked into the store and ordered my food then I sat down at the table closest. For some odd reason I always enjoyed being observant while I ate; my heart stopped suddenly as I saw three fellow gang members outside the window in the alley with one single pistol in each of their hands. The leader of my gang held his pistol to a boy on the ground and shot him right in the forehead, when their bloodthirsty eyes looked up from the alley; i was making direct eye contact with them.”