~Fluttershy~
Dear Fluttershy,
This isn't gonna be easy for me to say, but I just have to let it all out. I can't hold it in anymore.
I love you. I'm in love with you.
Yeah, you read that right. I've been in love with you for who-knows-how-long. I can't even remember myself. I just know that I love you.
I just couldn't tell you because, I'll be honest. I'm afraid. I really don't want to lose you or mess things up between us. Our friendship means the world to me, it always has. Since we were fillies, you were the best part of my life. My best friend in the world. You were always there for me, always helping me, and you always understood me in a way nopony else did. Back then, you were the only friend I ever had. Seriously, I can never thank you enough for everything.
I know I already apologized for leaving, practically abandoning you, and I'm still so sorry for that. When I said I missed you like crazy and wished you were there with me, I meant it. And I still do. Believe me, I still regret it. But at the same time, I'm thankful for everything that came since then.
Also, I was with Gilda at the time. I know I eluded to us getting intimate and stuff, but it's the truth. We were courting, so to speak. But at the same time, there wasn't much. It was just lust. There was just no real romantic spark. I knew she loved me, and I did love her in some way. But she wasn't you. She was never you. She was fast, adventurous and daring like me, but beyond that, I never felt with her like I always did with you. I knew something was missing. You were missing. I felt so alone sometimes, and all I could think about was you. The guilt was eating me alive. Sure, the adventure was awesome, don't get me wrong. It didn't ruin anything for me. I just felt sad sometimes. But yeah, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you.
If I was in love with you back then, and I'm sure I was, I'll bet that was it.
I'll bet you're wondering why I love you, right? I can't explain it. I don't even understand it myself. Trust me, it's just not something I can answer. All I know is how I feel.
I want to be with you, Fluttershy. I'd love to date you, to kiss you, and just love you. You deserve it so much, and nothing would make me happier than to make you feel loved.
But I don't know how you feel. I don't know what to do now. I want to tell you, to ask you out so much. But I'm terrified of losing you. I just can't do it if I lose you. You're too important to me. That's why I never said anything. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable around me.
And yeah, I'm scared of rejection. It'll hurt, of course it'll hurt. But what'll be even worse is if you don't want to be my friend anymore.
I don't expect anything to come from this, Fluttershy. All I want is for us to still be in each other's lives. I nearly lost you forever one time, and I'm terrified of that happening again. Especially over this. I don't want to lose you, but if you really would rather not be my friend anymore, I'll understand.
But anyway, I just wanted you to know the truth. That's all.
Thanks for everything. You're my best friend, and honestly, the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Thank you, Flutters. I love you so much.
Your loyal friend,
Rainbow Dash
I was in shock as I read this letter. I felt my cheeks burning, even though the room wasn't warm enough to do that.
Oh my gosh... But I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. Finding this letter was already something I never expected to happen, let alone what it contained.
All right, I'd better start from the top. Let me get my thoughts straight. Well, I came to Rainbow's house to drop off a pair of goggles she forgot at my cottage. Simple enough, isn't it? I get to her home, just as she's leaving to go run an errand. To make it easier for her, I offered to give her the goggles and I'd be on my way so I wouldn't keep her any longer. But she insisted to have me over for dinner that evening, since it was a great opportunity for us to spend time together.
Of course, I wanted to. Spending time with my best friend is always wonderful, it really is. But I didn't want to be a bother to her either, since I figured she must've had other plans. It turns out that she didn't, and well, neither did I. So she said I could wait here until she came back. Before she left, she asked me what we should make for dinner, and so I-
Oh, I'm getting off topic.
Anyway, so after we decided what to make for dinner and what we'd need, she left. I stayed behind, and decided to clean up a bit, get the materials ready and to set the table. She wouldn't mind, and I never put things where they didn't belong, just cleared them away to where she could see them and relocate later. Oh dear, I'm doing it again!
I went into her bedroom, bringing some stuff there that I knew she kept in there. But my wings flapping in order to keep my balance accidentally blew a few papers off her desk. So I went down and picked them up, placing them back where they were. But I missed one piece of paper, which I assume might've been on the bottom of the pile. I went over to retrieve it, seeing that there was text on it. Since I didn't want to invade Rainbow's privacy, I tried not to read through it, and only glanced at what was written across the top of the page as I was picking it up.
But the moment I saw the words Dear Fluttershy written there, it occurred to me that it was a letter from her. Addressed to me, no less. I wondered why she was writing me a letter, when she could easily just come over and talk to me. It didn't make any sense.
I should never have done what I did next. I know that on some level, since it was a letter addressed to me, it didn't matter. I would be reading it anyway, wouldn't I? But at the same time, Rainbow didn't even send it yet. What if she had to make corrections, what if it was only the first draft? She clearly wasn't ready to send it, and I really had no business reading it.
Sadly, my curiosity got the better of me. I even tried to just take one peek. You know, to see the first line or two would give me the gist of what the letter would be about. Then I could put it aside, pretend like I never saw it, and then read the whole thing when she'd decide to send it to me. Easy enough, right? Sure, I would be curious about what the rest of the letter would be, but that was hardly the worst thing.
Unfortunately, the moment I read the third line, any and all resolve I had was out the window. My eyes were glued to the page and my hooves refused to put it down. There was no way I could stop reading that letter. Not after those two sentences practically jumped out at me. Those three words. Those five words following.
I ended up reading the entire thing. Twice. No, I think it was three times. I don't know how many times, but it was more than once. As if I were making sure that I wasn't crazy, that I was actually reading all of that. So many emotions bubbled in my stomach, I wasn't even sure how to feel. All I can say was that I was blown away by it. There was nothing that could have surprised me even more.
Well...all right, maybe I'm exaggerating. But I was really overwhelmed.
Now that I look back to it, I have to say that I'm so happy!
Yes! I am! Oh sweet Celestia, I couldn't believe what I saw! Rainbow loved me, too! Yay! Yay! I wanted to scream it from the skies!
Um, oh dear, well, maybe not. I don't want to be too loud, and I certainly don't want to draw attention to myself. Especially not about that, either... Oh, I wouldn't want to humiliate her, either! Clearly she doesn't want anypony else to know, right?
But really though, once I managed to calm down and gather myself, I was so happy. It was not just a letter addressed to me, it was a love letter. Rainbow was trying to tell me she loved me over writing... I suppose because she couldn't express it in words. If I know Rainbow, that would make a lot of sense, and I understand. If this was the best way for her to do it, I certainly can't blame her.
Oh no. But what now? I've seen the letter before she intended for me to see it! I really don't want to lie to her, I know I should tell her...but what then? What if she'll be upset? What if she feels I violated her privacy? She's never going to trust me again! She'll probably rip it to shreds and take back everything she-
I need to calm down. That's just my neurotic anxieties getting the better of me. Rainbow wouldn't do that. At best, she would be irritated, but more in the way of spoiling the surprise. I would apologize to her, and we'd talk about it. Yes, everything would be okay. She won't end our friendship at the drop of her hat. I think her letter is a clear indication of that.
Poor Rainbow... This must be hard for her to think about sometimes. Especially since she doesn't even know how I feel. Well, I'll be able to ease her worries when I tell her that I love her, too! Yay!
Oh yes. I love her, too. I've been in love with her for as long as I could remember. And to think it seems we both held it back for the same reasons. I feel like an idiot... Why didn't I see it before?
Some say that we can tell when somepony likes another. But we can't tell when somepony likes us. It's quite odd, isn't it? Well, I suppose that could be the case here.
I'd been holding it in for so long, and sometimes I just want to come out with it! Especially when we're alone. Sometimes I find myself trying to kiss her when we hug or snuggle. I see just how easy it would be, but I always tell my body “No”. I can't do that to her. Can you imagine how upset she would be if I dared do such a thing? No. I would never kiss her unless I knew she would want me to.
Rarity has told me that the only way I'll ever know is if I ask. What?! I can't do that! I have a hard enough time asking things of other ponies! That's just, no! I can't go up to Rainbow and say, “Hi, Rainbow! How are you today? Nice weather we're having! By the way, can I kiss you? I've wanted to for a long time! Oh, why do I want to kiss you? I don't know, I'm just in love with you! So, kiss time?”, that would be absurd. Of course, she gave me a look and said that it's not what she meant.
When I asked her to elaborate, she said that what I should do is build up to it. Create a sweet and romantic atmosphere, gauge her reactions slowly, and then go for it when the time was right. It made sense, didn't it?
Is not knowing really that much better than knowing? At least if I knew if she liked mares or not, I would have a better understanding of where we stood. But I just can't do that. Not unless she herself tells me of her own volition, somehow. That's really the only way I can get the information.
But then, what if she does like mares, but doesn't like me? After all, just because you're attracted to the same or opposite sex doesn't mean you'll fall in love with every pony you see. What if she wouldn't give me a chance? I wouldn't expect her to, not at all!
I need to calm down. Breathe, Fluttershy. Breathe. That's it, there we go. I'm sorry, sometimes I just need to relax and not let my anxieties get the better of me. Which sadly happens a bit. But I'm okay now.
For as long as I can remember, I've always loved Rainbow so much. But I was content with us just staying friends, since the last thing I wanted was for us to be drifted apart because of my feelings. It was fine though, we were still like two peas in a pod, the best of friends forever!
Without her, I wouldn't have gotten my cutie mark. Now while some would say that I “owe” her, I never thought of it that way. I was just grateful for the happy accident. Not to mention, the wonderful feeling of her, my best friend, standing up for me. Everything since then and in between, I just can't imagine my life without her!
I nearly lost her once, though. When that happened, I was just, numb for a while. I didn't even know what to do! I was powerless in the entire situation. I truly thought she didn't care about me. When she left, when I found out that she'd left, with Gilda, to travel the world, I never heard from her. Not a single letter. Not for the two years that she was gone. She left, she never contacted me, and I didn't know why. When that kind of thing happens, you can't help but assume the worst, and that was how I felt.
However, I try not to dwell on it. Everything has changed since then, and I no longer feel upset by it. It's not something I like to think about, yes, but at least it doesn't hurt anymore. For the first few months, I was really sad. I tried hard to move on with my life, but I felt so alone. I didn't know what to do. But I managed to finish school, and when I did, I decided to get a fresh start. I wanted to leave Cloudsdale. Not because I hated it, because I didn't. Far from it. I love it, still. It's my hometown, and it's a wonderful place to live. It will always have a special place in my heart.
I just wanted something more. A new and fresh start, to be able to truly cut my losses and move on with my life. And I did. After I left, I came down here to Ponyville, which I knew somewhat about. Nothing much, just a small town having once originated from earth ponies, and now having developed. Unicorns and pegasi alike lived here too, so I was glad for that. At least I wouldn't stick out like a sore leg. I actually blended right in.
All except for Pinkie Pie's welcoming party, but I digress, of course.
And you know what? I'm very glad I did. I felt a lot better after that. I eventually bought this lovely little cottage, right at the edge of the Everfree Forest. I knew it was perfect because it would be great access to seeing all kind of animals and tending to them if they needed it. Oh, I love animals! It's great being around them and communicating with them. So, in a way, I'm glad it happened this way. I still managed to overcome my misery and move on with my life. Whether or not I would ever see her again was a mystery, but I knew I would welcome her with open hooves.
Of course I didn't hate her for what she did. Why would I? Maybe I did assume the worst for a time, and I was heartbroken, but I wasn't angry at her. I just wanted to know why. I had a feeling there was a good explanation, and I wanted to believe it, even if I had no way of confirming it. She did leave me a note that said “I'm sorry, Fluttershy” on it, so I figured it wasn't because she didn't care about me. It was all I had to go on, but I suppose it was enough. While it didn't do much good at first, what with how upset I was at losing my only friend, at least then I knew there had to be an explanation.
Of course, I was right. My beliefs were true. After I first saw her again, I remember feeling so happy. I never would have thought she'd find me again, but she did! I was just so happy to see her, and why wouldn't I be? She was actually coming to see me! I didn't think she missed me, but she did. Of course, then it wasn't until a few years later that we truly became friends again. That was when we finally talked about what had happened.
I remember feeling a mixture of angry, sad, and yet glad for her. Admittedly, I felt bitter because she was off having the time of her life, while I was left behind, feeling miserable and alone. But at the same time, I understood. She had wanted freedom and wanted to do what she'd always wanted, just to make her own choices and be free as a bird. I definitely didn't hate her for it, I could see that she didn't want to be tied down the way Flight School seemed to do.
But when she told me that it was difficult for her to leave because of me, I felt awful. To think I nearly held her back from her dream! Without even trying. But I'm overreacting, Rainbow said she didn't hate me for that in the least. It was just the price she had to pay.
I never thought I'd see such a heartfelt apology from her. Not to say that her apologies over the years weren't sincere, since they were. But here, it was breathtaking. I saw tears in her eyes! It really hurt her just as much, if not more, for us to be separated. She missed me! I didn't think she did.
Then...Gilda. Okay, yes. I was jealous of her. Looking back, I shouldn't have been, but I was. I still kind of am. I couldn't believe she had the chance to travel around with Rainbow like that. Something I would have loved to do if I were ready for it. She even took her virginity!!! Why I oughta-!!!
No. No. I won't get upset. Those days are over. I'm not going to get mad about that. No wonder she didn't tell me until this letter. And she did say there was really no love, just lust. Okay, breathe, Fluttershy.
I'm sorry, I suppose I couldn't help but get a little upset there.
I guess I can't help it. I was scared of Gilda, and yet, jealous of her when we were young. There she was, majestic and cool, another creature neither of us had ever seen before. I remember that Rainbow wasn't afraid of her like all the other fillies and colts. She was fascinated, most especially because she was a flying creature, and looked to be very fast. And she was. They were a perfect match. They raced, they did daring tricks, and they had so much fun together.
Levels I could never reach. As good a flyer as I am, I'm nothing like Rainbow or Gilda. I was neglected a lot of the time, but I know Rainbow didn't do it with malicious intent. She was just carried away, that's all.
Gilda, however... Made sure that I didn't. She even knew about my crush on Rainbow. I was terrified. Gilda was possessive of Rainbow, and only let me hang out with her because Rainbow wanted to. But if I flirted with her, or even told Rainbow or anypony else...she threatened me. I couldn't do anything about it thanks to my own fear and cowardice. And eventually, she took Rainbow away completely.
I just couldn't compete with her if I tried. Why would I? They were perfect for each other. No wonder. I was sad, lonely, shy, pathetic, weak little Fluttershy. Gilda was strong, majestic, fast, daring, adventurous and charismatic. How could I even come close to competing with that?
It was just lust. There was just no real romantic spark. I knew she loved me, and I did love her in some way. But she wasn't you. She was never you. She was fast, adventurous and daring like me, but beyond that, I never felt with her like I always did with you. I knew something was missing. You were missing.
Oh, Rainbow...
Anyway, after we finally talked and talked about everything, we became closer than ever. Just like the old days. I was so happy! I finally had my best friend back, and we could have fun together again. One of the happiest days of my life! You know, I could swear I fell in love with her all over again that day. But know what? I think I did.
There isn't much else I can say about everything after that. I realized I still loved her, and I wasn't sure what else to do about it. Well... I was kind of planning to take a chance and tell her how I feel, just to see where we stood.
Actually...no. I wanted to, I had the scenario planned out in my head, but I knew I would never do it. I just didn't have the courage! I wish I could have, especially with what I know now. Well, this would be a good thing, right? Now that I've read her letter, I should be able to just go be straight with her, right? I should be able to tell her I like her back and then give her a sweet smooch. Then hold her close in my hooves, run them through her gorgeous mane, kiss her with all I have and love her, feel her warm body against me...
....Oooh....
Sorry, I started fantasizing...
Anyway, no, it's not that simple. I can't just do that! I have to do it right. When the timing is just perfect. I know Rainbow may be fast and daring, but even she has her limits. This might be a lot for her to take in, and even she would need some time to take it slow. I really shouldn't come off too strong, and I won't. Somehow, I have to tell her and be direct, but without being too forceful. After all, she isn't just some random pony I'm crushing on, she's also my best friend. One I've been in love with for ages. I have to do this right.
Oh, but I'm so scared still. What if she does still reject me? What if, even despite our mutual feelings, she's still afraid it'll ruin everything? ...Even I'm afraid of that. Would it really be worth taking the risk? Would it?
I really don't know. Yet, I can't deny my feelings, I can't deny how much I would love to be with her. I feel as if I'm losing my mind! Okay, I need to calm down. Well, being in love sure does make you crazy, doesn't it? I suppose I know that far better by now. I don't know how I haven't pounced on her by now!
I don't know how Rainbow does it, but she is such a radiant and beautiful pony. How can I not love how her lovely rainbow mane and tail contrast so beautifully with her sky-blue coat? She pulls it off so amazingly! Her wings! Oh, her wings are magnificent! I can never get enough of preening them (or seeing Rainbow's reactions when I do...) or watching them in action. Hee, she's a looker...
Of course...that's all nothing compared to how she is inside. Sure, she may can get aggressive, lazy, and brash, but she is still one of the most amazing ponies I know. She has her flaws, just like anypony else, just like I do, but it doesn't make her any less of a great pony. Her loyalty, determination, strength, and overall kindness in her heart are always such a wonder. Really though, as much as she can be a tough tomcolt and has trouble expressing her feelings, she is such a sweetie. A lot of ponies don't know that, she has a lot of trouble opening up. I can understand, opening up really isn't easy. But when she does, you really see what a sweetheart she really is. She's such a softie! When she is, it's adorable.
Oh, where was I? Oh, yes.
The point is, before I got off track, is that Rainbow is a great friend to me, she always has been. Even in our worst moments, she never fails to show me how much our friendship means to her, as I do her. We work things out, we always have.
What was I talking about...?
Right! The letter! Rainbow's feelings! As I looked over her letter, I came to ask myself something she did. Why do I love her?
Well, I can't even say. I don't understand it, either. All I know is that I love her. Even if I try to rationalize it somehow, all I come up with is talking about everything I love about her. Flaws and all. Everything she does, says, even her physical form. But beyond that, I don't understand it. I can't help how I feel, I can't choose how my heart reacts, can I? It's really just how I feel.
Maybe we don't need to understand it. All we can do is just feel it, allow it to grow, and work with it. I've accepted my feelings for quite a while now, and I feel so much better about that. It's true, I don't need to understand, I just need to feel them.
Oh, Rainbow Dash... I hope we can make this work. I just wish I knew what to do next.
~Rainbow Dash~
For a great day like this, it was perfect for flying. I tore through the air, in and around the clouds without care. Nothing could beat this feeling! The wind in my mane, the landscape whizzing by down below and on either side of me. Right down below on the ground, I catch sight of my best friend. My number one flyer and cheerleader. She was sitting there on a hill, with our picnic blanket laid out, and looking up at me as I fly.
I stared, but not for long, since I had to concentrate on my flying. Like my pals are always telling me, stay focused! Just a few more tricks...
I'm too high up to hear her cheering, but I can feel it. I know she's cheering me on down there, I can almost hear it, and it makes my heart soar.
Wow, that was sappy. I gotta lay off those romance novels.
With some more twists ,turns, flips and barrel rolls, I decided to head back down. I don't even know how long I was up here, but who cares? I did some awesome tricks, and now I'm done at least for now, since there's no telling when I'll want to practice some more!
Quick and fast, I flew back down toward the ground, landing a few feet away from Fluttershy. With a cocky smirk, I trotted over to her, spreading my wings and making sure to go slow.
“What'd you think, Flutters?” I asked her, coming closer.
Fluttershy smiled, looking at me with that amazed stare, “What else can I say? You did wonderfully as always, Rainbow.”
“You know it!” I winked at her, grinning widely. “They don't call me Rainbow Danger Dash for nothing!”
“I know what I'd call you,” she said in a strangely bold tone, smiling at me brightly.
For a second, I was caught off guard. Was she coming on to me? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little turned on by how she said that.
“Okay, what?” I asked, trying to keep myself in check.
She smiled at me in her own Fluttershy manner and came closer to me, giggling. “Dashie.”
Yep, just as I thought. She was just being playful with me, of course. Why did I keep getting my hopes up? Guess I can't help it, really. Still, she sure knows how to make it look cute.
“Very funny, Fluttershy,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You're a real riot.”
Fluttershy giggled, smiling at me brightly. “Oh, but you know you love it, Dashie.”
I know Pinkie used to call me Dashie a lot, and I didn't really mind, but I will say this. Fluttershy's the only one who can get away with it now. I don't know how she makes an embarrassing nickname so cute, but she does. She could start calling me something nauseating like 'snoogy-woogy' (oh, GAG!) and it'd still be cute.
Fluttershy, you're magical, or something, I guess.
“Come off it!” I stuck my tongue out at her. “All right, let's head back. I'll take you home.”
With me. So I can love you and cuddle you all night long, my sweet butterfly.
But I didn't say that, as much as I wanted to. I wanted to do a lot of things with her right now. But not when she's unsuspecting, though.
And for that matter, I need to stop saying things like that to myself. I sound like a sappy romance novel again! Are they really rubbing off on me? I know Fluttershy likes those things, same for some of those romantic movies, but come on! She's worth it all, yeah, but seriously. I need to get over it!
But how can I? I couldn't just ignore that I love Fluttershy. That's all I've ever done! And look where it got me.
So we packed up everything and headed off to her place. She wanted to walk back to her cottage, and for a change, I obliged and walked alongside her. Normally I'd fly maybe above her, maybe a little bit ahead, but sometimes, I just wanted to walk with her. Like right now, and I really didn't have any complaints. Nothing about it made me long to be in the sky, or even flying, for that matter.
I looked over at Fluttershy, seeing that she was actually looking at me. She blushed, looking away with a nervous giggle. I did too, trying not to show that I was blushing. But why was she looking at me? Did I have something on my face? Am I just that cool? Or heck, do I dare to guess that she might be looking at me for the same reason I'm looking at her?
Yeah, as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like to be a Wonderbolt.
Gotta keep myself in check! Darn it, if I give myself away, I'll be doomed. Besides, what if somepony else was around? If they saw that, I'd never hear the end of it. Stay cool, Dash. Stay cool. Yeah, I can do this. I've done this kind of thing with Fluttershy a million times, why should this be any different?
Before I knew it, I felt fine. I managed to keep my urges in check, and just have a nice time walking with her. Yeah, I felt pretty good! There was a cool breeze, I could smell the fresh air, and Fluttershy looked perfectly content.
Soon we came to her cottage, and I felt as if my heart sank. I enjoy hanging out with her so much, that it's almost kind of sad when we have to go our separate ways.
“Well, thank you for the picnic today, Rainbow... I had such a nice time,” she said, looking at me with those awesome teal eyes of hers. Did she realize how I could get lost in them?
“Heh, no problem, 'Shy! It was fun!” I said, grinning. “So, see you later, I guess?”
“Oh, sure. Um... I'll call on you, next time I'm available, okay?” She gave me a nervous smile, for some reason.
I nodded, trying to think of what to say next. “Er... yeah, sure! See you when I see you, I guess.”
Fluttershy gave me a weird look, but then she came forward and hugged me, which was sweet of her. I hugged her back of course, and tried not to sniff her mane, but it was far too tempting. I did. She smells so nice! Man, hugging her is pretty sweet.
She held on to me a lot longer than I expected, though. Not that I was complaining, far from it! I was just a little surprised, since she'd been doing that quite a bit, lately. Still, it's pretty nice of her, and she really is just that huggy, I guess.
... Did she just sniff me?
She did! Why'd she do that?
I know why I sniff her mane, but why did she sniff mine? My heart soared as I considered the possibility. But then I felt it sink again, since I really had no idea.
So she let me go, and just gave me this weird, but really sweet smile. Like she was trying to tell me something I couldn't understand. Um, Flutters, I'm not a mind reader. Could you please just tell me what you're thinking? Come on, now! Did I say something wrong? Did I do something? Do you want something? What? Tell me! Tell me, already! Come on!
“I'll see you later, Dashie...” She said softly, nuzzling me.
I blushed, nuzzling her back. “See you later, Flutters.”
Fluttershy smiled some more, and then went inside, closing the door behind her. I sat there like an idiot for what seemed like forever, and then decided to just get going.
I went home, with my mind reeling like crazy. I had the same question on my mind, wondering what I was going to do to get over her. There had to be a way, right? But who can I talk to about this?
When I got in, the first thing I did was tend to my pet, Tank. I fed him, and then let him out of his aquarium tank for a while, then placed him on the floor. Don't worry, the floors in my place are a special solid material, he's fine.
Since I don't know who else to talk to, I usually talk to him. He doesn't answer back, but I get the feeling he does understand in some way. He's always a great help. It's kind of like a secret language we have. No wonder, he was raised by Fluttershy. Oh, Flutters...
“Hey, buddy,” I said, smiling a little, “how you doing?”
He smiled at me, slowly.
“Good, glad to hear it. I just got back from a...well, playdate of some sort with Fluttershy. Next time around, we'll bring you and Angel along, for sure!” I said, and laughed. Our pet playdates, solo or not, were always a fun time.
Tank slowly walked toward me.
“Anyway...so I've got that major problem. You know I love Fluttershy, right?”
He gave a slow nod.
“Well, that's the thing. I don't know what else to do anymore. It's getting hard to control myself. Every time I look at her, I feel like I'm going to go nuts!”
Tank croaked.
“I know, I know I should just be honest with her. I just don't know how to do that. I don't even know how to move on! I've never really done this before! With Gilda, yeah, that was easy. I kind of had to, and she made me angry, so that was easy enough. I don't even really care anymore! But Fluttershy, it's not the same. I can't just forget her, I also can't ignore the fact that I love her.”
Looking at me sadly, he laid his head on my leg.
“I just wish I knew what to do. What the right thing to do would be,” I said, petting his shell. “Best case scenario, I want to be with her. I want to shout how I feel from the rooftops!”
Tank croaked.
“Yeah, I know. That would embarrass her, not to mention make me look bad. I can't do that to her. But what can I do? I have no idea anymore!”
He looked up at me, blinking slowly.
“And for that matter,” I went on, “who can I talk to about this? Where can I get good advice?! I have no idea what to do!”
Tank croaked sadly, nuzzling my leg. I smiled at him a little bit, petting his shell some more.
“Thanks, buddy. You're a pal. Well, I could ask Rarity... But what if she'd be mad that I'm crushing on Fluttershy? But then again, she knows romance better than the rest of us. How about Applejack? At least she'd be more realistic about it... Twilight? Maybe, but she'd probably grab some book about it. Pinkie? ...Nah, she's Pinkie. And I definitely can't talk to Fluttershy! Aw man, I don't even know who to talk to!”
Nudging me, Tank croaked a little, shaking his head slowly.
“Wait, you mean I should talk to Fluttershy?”
He nodded.
“But, why? I'm trying to ask the pony I love...how to get over her, without her knowing it! That's stupid!”
Tank croaked.
“What do you mean I should?! That's nuts! Tank, you're awesome, but you've got crazy ideas! No, I can't do it!”
Tank looked at me.
“...Fine. Maybe it's worth a shot. She would probably have good advice, nonetheless, right? Well, she had a chance to try to move on after I left... I mean, not the same thing, I know, but she's had experience in that. So, yeah! I think you're right! She might have some good advice! Great idea, Tank!” I hugged him happily.
Tank nuzzled me, croaking.
“First thing tomorrow, I'll go talk to her!”
Okay, so I was gonna take this on. At least I'd have a better chance at feeling less crazy around Fluttershy. I could move on with my life and not burden her with how I feel.
Still, I guess I kinda felt a little disappointed about doing it. There I was, quitting before I even tried taking the plunge. As a winner, that's not cool, but whoever thinks that this is the same as trying out a new trick or whatever is an idiot.
Yet, as I thought about it, I guess I just kind of felt sad that I'd never get to be with her. I finally come to terms with how I feel, even if I still don't understand it, and I was throwing it all away. What else could I do?
I could take a chance and tell her how I feel.
Yeah, easier said than done, genius.
So anyway, I went off to Fluttershy's place right about two or three days after I made my decision. It wasn't gonna be easy, but I had to do something: anything to make it all much easier in the long run! Then, Fluttershy wouldn’t be burdened, and I'd be able to move on with my life and keep her close as my best friend. I kept reminding myself that as flew down to her cottage.
I got to Fluttershy's place and she let me in, so far, so good. It felt like any other day we decided to hang out. All right! I was feeling great, like I could do anything!
But I didn't want to come out with that yet, either. I had to keep my cool, lead up to it, and not spring it on her by surprise. Trust me, I learned some things about finding the right opportunity to bring up something... well, big, I guess. So we just talked a bit about random stuff. I listened to her go on about how worried she was about one of her animal buddies and crap she was doing with Rarity, you know, the usual.
I could listen to her all day, you know. She has such a sweet voice and hearing her talk about things that she's passionate about is just pretty cool. Yeah, she didn't talk a lot about things I was interested in, but that doesn't mean that what she says is boring! Frankly, she manages to keep me interested and fascinated! I don't know how, but she just does.
Eventually, she looked at me with this nervous look. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I had a feeling that it was nothing more than her usual shyness. She gets that way whenever she wants to ask me or our friends something, or when she tells us something, but what could she be nervous about?
It did give me an opening, though! I decided to go in there and just give her something to take her mind off what she was nervous about.
“Fluttershy...” I said, trying to find a good way to put this. “Can I... ask you something?”
Fluttershy gulped, but nodded. “Of course you can, Rainbow. What is it?”
Okay, so I had her attention. So far, so good! I just had to keep cool, get this out, and all without her knowing who I was talking about. I took a deep breath, let it out, and looked at her again.
“Fluttershy... I've got this... problem, actually. It's... well, you see... I'm... well I'm not good at this kind of thing, but I just gotta do something about it now, you know?”
She gave me this weird look, and was even smiling now. “I understand, Rainbow. Go on.”
I scratched my head, trying to word this right, but nothing coherent was coming to mind. How was I even going to say all of this? “Well, I guess I'd better start from the top before I get to it. I... well... I really... really... I really... really... I've got a crush on somepony!”
Wow. I had no idea I'd burst it out like that! Phew! It's a good thing I didn't say “you”, right?
Okay, then I was confused. Fluttershy was looking at me with this big, happy smile, and was even blushing! I don't get it. Why was she so happy all of a sudden? I guess she was happy for me. She had to be, right? Why else would she be?
“Really, Rainbow? That's... that's... wow... that's amazing!” Fluttershy said, coming closer to me. “I... well, I'm so happy to hear that! Um, okay, so what's the problem?”
“The problem?” I repeated, nearly lost in my thoughts. I couldn't help it! She was just looking at me so cutely! Aw man, not again! I was going crazy! I had to get it together. I shook my head a bit, trying to clear it. “Well... thing is-I'm pretty sure they don't like me back.”
Now she was looking sympathetic, but was still smiling. Her eyes were so shiny... Stop it! I had to stop doing that!
“What makes you say that?” She asked.
“I... I... well... I, uh.... you see, I...” I stammered, really not sure how to put this. Keeping up the mystery and yet still being honest was pretty darn hard! “She-I mean-they-I mean... oh, fine. She's my friend, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't love me back.”
“Oh...” Fluttershy scooted closer to me again, putting her hooves on my shoulders. Why was she doing that? I didn't get it, but I couldn't move if I wanted to. “Well, maybe she does, and you just don't realize it yet.”
“Aw, Fluttershy... you're really sweet to say that,” I told her, smiling a bit. “But it's not like that. I know she doesn't like me that way. So, I just gotta ask, how can I move on from her? How can I just get on with my life and try not to think of her? I mean, you had to, right? Back when I-yeah...” I couldn't finish that sentence, it was too much.
For some reason, Fluttershy looked surprised, and not in a good way, either. She looked as if she was really sad, like what I just said was a bad thing.
“Oh, you… want to move on from her?” Fluttershy said, looking at me with sad eyes.
Weird. What was she so sad about? I realized it was kind of sad news to hear a friend say stuff like this, but why was she taking it so hard? Well, as I thought about it, it kind of made sense. Fluttershy's just that kind of pony who really wants things to work out for her friends, and gets sad when it doesn't. That's normal, and for her, that was definitely something I could see her feeling.
I sighed, nodding a bit. “Yeah. I just don't want to burden her and I don't want to waste my time chasing after her when I'm sure she doesn't like me. So, I don't know how to do this. I never really felt this way for anypony before! Can you help me, Flutters? I really don't know how to move on!”
Fluttershy just looked at me with devastation. Were those tears in her eyes? Yeah, they were. Wow. She took this hard, didn't she? I couldn't believe it!
“... Fluttershy?” I said, after she hadn't said anything for a while. “You okay?”
She didn't answer me. She just looked down at the couch, trembling a bit. Okay, something was wrong. I had a feeling it wasn't just that, now. Whatever it was, I just couldn't think straight! Seeing her so sad was killing me inside. No, I had to make sure she was feeling okay, first. I'd deal with my problem later.
“Fluttershy, what's wrong?” I asked, bringing my foreleg around her. “Why are you so sad?”
Looking at me, she was definitely crying, now. Why did I even say anything?! If it was going to hit her this hard, I should've kept my stupid mouth shut!
“R-Rainbow... you... d-don’t... want to... be with me?” She managed, her voice trembling.
And just like that, everything just changed.
“...What d-did you... just say?” I asked, stammering a little.
No, no. She didn't just say that. Oh no, she didn't say that. I was imagining it. I sat there, waiting for her to correct my stupid brain. I waited for her to say “You don't want to be with her?” I just kept waiting.
Fluttershy sniffled a bit, looking at me with pleading eyes. “Rainbow... I said... you don't want to be with me?”
She didn't say her. She said “me”: “me” as in herself. Me as in-
Oh. My. GOSH!!!
“How did you KNOW?!!?!” I burst, flying back with surprise and hovered above the floor.
No no no no. She didn't just say that! She couldn't have! How did she know?! I never told her! Nopony else told her, right?! How did she know how I felt?! How did she know I was talking about her?! What was going on here?! Was she a mind reader?! Did she somehow pick it up?! How?! I was so confused!
“I... I..!” Fluttershy stammered, looking away from me in shame. “Rainbow... I'm so sorry...! I just... I.... I read your letter to me!”
Letter? What letter? What did she mean by…
Oh no.
No.
No.
No! She couldn't possibly have meant that letter!
“I didn't mean to read it, I swear! I just, a couple of papers fell to the floor in your room... I-I picked them up, and I saw your letter... I wasn't trying to look at it, but when I saw it was addressed to me... I-I read it... I was so curious. I let it get the better of me! Oh, Rainbow, I am so sorry!” Fluttershy cried, tears streaming down her face. “I shouldn't have read it... I shouldn't have looked at it before you were ready to send it to me! It was terrible of me, I'm so sorry!”
She wept as I just floated there, shocked. She had seen the letter. That was how she knew. The letter I wrote and was never supposed to send: the very thing that would help me let my feelings out... and she saw it! She knew everything. Everything! Things I didn't even mean to tell her!
Part of me felt angry, and boy I wanted to be angry. I wanted to tear into her for invading my privacy. I just wanted to be mad. I even wanted to storm out of here and go sulk for a while. That's what I usually did when I was angry. All of the anger inside was rising, my blood was boiling, and I wanted to just…
But when I looked at her, seeing her crying and weeping with all the shame in the world... I just couldn't. My entire drive to be angry up and left me. I couldn't stay mad. I couldn't be mad at Fluttershy. It just took guts to tell me the truth. She could've easily lied, saying she either knew all along or heard it from somepony, and I'd have even believed her. She could've just kept that secret and I wouldn't have known unless she let it slip.
Maybe that was it. Maybe she figured telling me now was better than finding out in the future and making it worse.
I tried to stay angry, but I couldn't. All I wanted to do was to hold her in my hooves, snuggle her, and dry her tears. No, I wasn't gonna be mad. I was gonna try to approach this as best I could. I wasn’t good with mushy stuff, but I knew how to be a friend when they need me!
So I went over to Fluttershy and hugged her. She stiffened, as if scared, but then she grabbed onto me and wept. I had to do something. I had to say something. I figured the silence was killing her, and knowing Fluttershy, I wouldn't have been surprised if it was.
“Hey, hey... come on, ‘Shy, it's okay. I uh... thing is... I didn't exactly want you to see that letter...”
Fluttershy sniffled and looked up at me, blinking. “W-What...? Why?”
That was true, she must've had no idea it was one of those kinds of letters. No wonder she thought it was for her.
“It's one of those... letters you, uh... you write, but you don't send it, you know? Kinda like a diary, in a way.” I explained, not quite looking at her.
“Oh…” Fluttershy looked sheepish, wiping her eyes again. “I'm sorry, Rainbow... Either way, even if you were going to send it, I had no right to look at it before you were ready for me to see it. I'm really sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
I just smiled. I couldn't help it. She just had that effect on me. So, I hugged her, nuzzling her a little. “Of course I forgive you, Fluttershy! I uh... yeah, I was kinda mad you saw that... but I guess I can't blame you, either! Even if I was mad, you know me! I always come back, and I always feel better. Nothing's gonna make me hate you, and you know that!”
Finally, she smiled a bit through her sad, bloodshot eyes. “Oh, Rainbow… thank you! I promise I won't do that again, I really do. It was still wrong of me, and I'm sorry for that.”
“Hey, hey, don't worry about it.” I said, waving it off. “It's all good, Flutters.”
Now that she was calming down, I managed to relax a bit. Okay, so I didn't exactly want her to find out, let alone find that letter, but I guess... it was okay. Everything was out in the open, and she knew the truth. That had to be good for something. Now, I just had to figure out what to do now that she knew. Now, I had to ask my best friend, who now knew I loved her, about how to move on from-
Wait a second.
My gaze snapped back to Fluttershy as I realized something else she'd said. She was crying, and asking about why I didn't want to be with her. That meant she-
Oh.
My.
GOSH!!!
It couldn't be.
I looked at her, and she was looking back at me now with a bit of a blushed smile. It was all starting to make sense now. I was beginning to see why she said that and why she was so sad… but I had to know. I had to hear it for myself, but what then? I didn't know how to ask, or even if I should ask!
“Fluttershy, I... well, you said you... that I...well you…”
She smiled and placed her hoof on my mouth. “Yes. I... I love you too, Rainbow Dash.”
I was stunned.
She loved me, too.
She loved me.
She loved me!
She loved me!
She loved me!
My wings flared, my cheeks heated up, and I widened to face-breaking levels! I couldn't believe what I just heard! Fluttershy loved me, too! I didn't have to move on from her! I could be with her! I could finally just say it! Omigosh, this was the most awesome feeling I'd ever felt in my life! Not even the Wonderbolts could top this! I was so happy! I wanted to scream! It was the best moment of my life!
Finally, I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I grabbed Fluttershy into an excited hug, lifted her up off the couch, and just flew around the room with her. How could I not?! It was the best feeling ever! I loved her and she loved me, too! Awesome!
“And I love you, Fluttershy!” I squealed, kissing her cheek and giggling like a school filly. Wow! It felt so fantastic to say it! I knew I made the right decision!
Author's Note
Yeah, I changed this around a bit, folks! Originally I had some ideas to continue, but I just didn't think it would work out. At least not now. I've tried, but no success.
So, I wanted to combine it all into one big chapter, to kind of keep it a little less choppy. If nothing else, I hope it did make for a good little follow-up.
Thanks anyway, you guys!
