Twilight Hears The Narrator
Twilight Hears The Narrator
By Strat O. Caster
It was a perfectly ordinary sunny day in the town of Ponyville. The humble ponyfolk were out and about tending to their daily business, and life couldn't be more quaint. Twilight Sparkle walked with a spring in her step back home to Friendship Castle. She had just received a new authentic book on conjuration spells and-
"Hello?" she suddenly stopped and peered upward.
...Um...hello?
"Who are you?" she asked, looking quite confused.
Uh, well, I'm the narrator of this story.
"Narrator? What are you talking about?" Twilight looked around. "Where are you?"
Don't worry about it, okay? Just carry on with your day.
Twilight paused with suspicion. "...Alright then." She then continued trotting.
A few days ago, Twilight had received a task charged by Princess Celestia, to uncover the spells used by the many wizards and alchemists of the medieval era. She was rather excited to get to work on-
"Are you a ghost?" she stopped in her tracks again and looked up.
Excuse me?
"If I can hear you, but can't see you, then you must be some kind of spirit, right?" she explained.
I'm not a ghost, alright? I told you, I'm the narrator.
"The narrator of what?"
This story.
"What story?!" she grew impatient.
The story involving your life?
"...Is this some kind of practical joke?" Twilight darted around, aggravated. "Is Rainbow up to this? If she's hiding in a cloud somewhere, I swear I will-"
Look, there's no prank going on! Ugh, I don't know how you can hear me all of a sudden, but just...just try to ignore me, got it?
"It's kind of hard to ignore a strange voice coming from nowhere." She rolled her eyes. "And how do you know everything I'm doing?!"
Because I'm the narrator!
"That still doesn't explain anything!" she shouted in outrage. "Quit it!"
"Yikes, Twilight, who are you talking to?" asked Rainbow, swooping down from above.
"Rainbow," said Twilight. "You can hear him, can't you?"
"Hear who?" she replied.
"The narrator? He keeps commentating everything you do, and says things after you're done speaking, like 'She said'?" She said.
Rainbow stared at Twilight as if she had grown another head. "Um, is this some kind of inside joke I don't know about?" she asked. "I get pretty steamed when I'm not let in on a joke."
"Oh come on, Rainbow!" urged Twilight. "If I can clearly hear him, than you must too!"
"Are you feeling alright, Twi?" queried Rainbow. "You're talking pretty crazy."
"I'm not crazy!" replied Twilight. "He's there! I'm telling you!"
"Look, Twilight," Rainbow backed up, a bit unnerved. "I think you've just been reading those spells too much. Maybe you should relax for a while, huh?"
"But...but-"
"I, uh, I got something to do," she lied. "So uh, feel better! See ya!" Rainbow then flew off in a hurry.
Twilight looked back up at the sky with a glare. "Do you see what you did?" she scolded. "You just made me seem like a lunatic in front of my friend!"
Don't blame me. You're the one barking at the wind.
"Whatever, I'm going home." Twilight stormed off. "Maybe I am working too hard."
A tad disgruntled, Twilight finally returned to her castle with her tome in her saddlebag. She entered the newly furbished living room, dropped her bag and plopped onto the couch, rubbing her eyes as if she were annoyed by a constant droning noise. After a while, she had grown quite accustomed to her new crystal home. She had been busy with filling it with a large collection of books and-
"Will you give it a rest already?!" she shouted at the air. "And how do you know so much about my life?!"
"Twilight? Who are you yelling at?" Spike appeared, having been awoken from an afternoon nap.
"Spike, am I crazy?" asked Twilight.
"Well yes, but you could be worse." Spike replied. "Why do you ask?"
Twilight let the comment slide and explained. "Just earlier I've started to hear this annoying voice, narrating everything I do. And he keeps following me, it seems. I don't suppose you've heard anything like that?"
"A voice? Not really. Is he saying anything now?" he asked.
"There! Right now!" she pointed. "He just said 'he asked' right after you spoke."
"Well that's weird." The dragon scratched his head. "I wonder why he can see me, but I can't see or hear him."
"Right?!" replied Twilight. "So you actually believe me?"
"Twi, I've seen some pretty crazy stuff with you and the girls." Spike scoffed. "Not much surprises me anymore."
"Well, I think I might have an idea of what's going on." Twilight said. "I started hearing the narrator just after I received this conjuring book from Princess Celestia. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this book comes with a curse."
"Uh, curse?" bugged Spike.
"Yes." She nodded. "It's possible that I've been joined by a spirit who dwells within this book."
"You mean, a ghost?!" Spike suddenly panicked. "Uh uh! No way! I ain't dealin' with a ghost! Way too scary!"
"Spike, I'm pretty sure you've dealt with ghosts at least twice before." Twilight discerned.
"Spirits be gone!" Spike then proceeded to light an incense candle and wave it above his head. "Be gone from this castle! This is my soul! You can't have it! I'm not gonna let you haunt me!" He dashed out of the living room in a frenzy.
"Spike wait!" called Twilight.
And what makes you think that I came from your book?
Twilight looked up. "Well what other explanation is there? I bet you're really the spirit of the last owner of the book! I bet that you cast a spell that preserved your soul within the pages."
You keep telling yourself that. Not like anypony else will believe you.
"We'll just see about that!" She then pondered for a moment. "Maybe Rainbow and Spike couldn't hear you because they don't know magic. I should just talk to a unicorn!"
Um, this isn't part of the story planned.
"I don't know what that means, but I don't care." Twilight insisted and trotted off. "I'm going to see what my friend Rarity has to say about you, whoever you are."
Fine, you do that.
As she left the castle, Spike poked his head back in the room. "Wait, did you say Rarity?!" he called at nopony. "Tell her I love her!...No wait! Don't tell her that! Tell her I'm thinking of her! You know, like it's no big deal!"
...
Twilight made her way over to Carousel Boutique in an urgent pace. Upon arrival, she knocked on the door with her large, meaty hooves.
"What did you just say?!" she glared.
Oh sorry, too much fun at your expense?
"You know darn well my hooves aren't 'meaty'!"
"Twilight, were you speaking just now?" came Rarity's voice, as she opened the door.
"Oh, Rarity!" said Twilight. "There's something I need to ask you about. Have you been hearing any...strange voices lately?"
"What ever do you mean?" asked Rarity.
"You know, some unseen pony narrating every move you make, every word you say?" she urged.
"Good heavens, Twilight!" gasped Rarity, looking around past her friend. "Is there somepony stalking you?! Show yourself, you scoundrel! I will not let you hound my friend!"
"Well, that's not entirely false." Twilight scratched her mane. "But I don't think there's anypony physically following me."
"Well then what's going on, dear?"
"My theory is that there's some kind of magic spirit that can see everything we do." Twilight explained. "And only unicorns can pick up his voice. I was hoping that you would be able to hear him too."
"I'm sorry, Twilight, but I've never heard anything of the sort." Rarity then looked a bit embarrassed. "Oh, perhaps I'm just not that good at magic as you are to understand."
Twilight pondered. "Maybe you just need to hone in on my magic aura. Do you mind if I come in?"
"Not at all." Rarity allowed her friend inside, and had her sit on the couch in the lounge. "Why don't I get you some tea?" she offered. "This seems awfully perplexing."
"You have no idea." Twilight said. As soon as her designer friend left into the kitchen, Twilight took time to gather focus for her magic energy, as she looked around at the gaudy decor of the boutique. "Hey, Rarity's home isn't gaudy." She sneered. "You really shouldn't insult ponies who can't hear you."
And just how do you plan to stop me?
"As soon as I figure out who you are." She glowered.
Rarity quickly returned with a tea tray. "How exactly did you come by this spirit, Twilight?" she asked.
"I think he manifested himself from a spell book I was given." She explained. "Now for some reason, he just seems to keep following me without the book."
"What do you suggest we do?" Rarity sat next to her on the couch.
"I know a spell that can allow us to share a magic aura." Twilight looked at her. "Normally this is used to engage in group spells. But I think it can help to reveal the spirit to you."
"I'll do whatever it takes to help, Twilight." Rarity smiled sweetly.
"Alright," she breathed. "If you're ready, close your eyes."
The room grew silent as both Twilight and Rarity faced each other and shut their eyes. Slowly and carefully, Twilight harnessed the power of her magic aura and concentrated it until it began to envelop her and her friend. The bright purple cloud of magic energy held for several moments as Rarity focused as hard as she could. Then the aura slowly dissipated, and the two mares opened their eyes.
"Well?" asked Twilight. "Do you hear him?"
"I...I can't tell."
"Here, I'll help!" Twilight got up. "You should hear him now."
With a sort of giddiness, Twilight sprang from the couch to the middle of the floor and began dancing erratically. She began with a strange, jumping shuffle then moved into an awkward form of the Charleston and the Jitterbug. Then, she moved more into disco, proceeding with the Hustle, the Robot and a roller skate dance without roller skates. She finally concluded with a clumsy slide on her knees and stopped, panting heavily.
"There! You heard his voice, right?! Telling everything I did?" she breathed heavily. "You understand now, right?"
Rarity stared at her for a moment a bit shocked. "Twilight, I do understand, perfectly well now."
"Really?" beamed Twilight.
"I understand that you're awfully sick, and it's affected your brain!"
"What?!"
Rarity suddenly sprang up and wrapped her hooves around her confused friend like a concerned mother. "Oh you poor, poor thing! All this work with magic spell books has but strain on your sweet head! You need some immediate rest and relaxation!"
"Rarity I don't think you-" Twilight couldn't get a word in, as she was immediately dragged off at an alarming speed.
Within seconds, Rarity carried her with surprising strength all the way to the Ponyville Spa. She approached the twin owners urgently. "Aloe! Lotus! My friend is terribly ill and she needs the full treatment!"
"Rarity, I'm not sick in the head!" protested Twilight, being lifted up. "I really do hear a voice!"
"I'm sure you do, darling." Rarity sympathized. "But don't you fret! You'll be rid of the bad voice in no time!"
Without hesitation, Aloe and Lotus hauled the confused alicorn off to a separate room and dropped her in a mud bath. They then applied a slimy mud mask to her face and a pair of cucumber slices to her eyes.
"I really don't think this is necessary!" groaned Twilight.
"Never you worry, Twilight!" said Rarity from the door. "Just let the relaxation melt away your troubles!" She turned to the spa twins before leaving her alone. "Poor girl, she thinks she's being followed by a ghost."
An awkward silence fell as Twilight lay in the therapeutic mud, unsure of whether to get out or not. Her confused little mind couldn't wrap itself around the situation she found herself in.
"Stop pretending like I can't hear you!" she scorned as she removed her cucumbers. "Why can't you just go away? You've just been causing trouble so far."
Yeah, I don't think I can do that at the moment. Evidently, I'm not a ghost. I've never seen that spell book in my life.
"So then what are you?" she persisted.
How many times do I have to make this clear? I'm...the...nar...ra...tor!
"Ugh!" Twilight slumped back in the bath aggravated. Then she considered something. "Maybe you really are just in my head. Maybe you're just a figment of my imagination."
Could be. Although I assure you, I am quite real.
"Real or not, I am not having an invisible pony narrating me all my life." Twilight grumbled.
Who says I'm a pony? I could be a griffon, or a dragon, or a minotaur, or a cow, or some kind of species that you can't even imagine! There are more possibilities than I can count on my hooves!
"Hooves? So you are a pony!"
...Shut up!
That's when a conniving smile crossed Twilight's face. "Say, you're a male, aren't you?"
Um, duh. Do I sound like a filly to you?
"Would you say that you would be kind enough to give a lady her privacy?" she asked, knowingly.
...What are you talking about?
Twilight then got up out of the mud and stood. "If you don't mind," she said with a smug smile. "I have to use the little filly's room, and wash off this mask. You don't mind waiting out here, do you?"
...Damn it!
"I'll be just a minute!" she lied, as she entered the mare's bathroom by the baths.
Ah great. *deep breath* Alright, here we go. Gotta keep the magic alive.
"Stupid narrator. Thinks he's so clever, following me like some kind of parasite." Twilight grumbled as she stood at the sink to splash water on her face. "What the- AAAH! Are you kidding me?!"
Listen here, Princess! You can't keep me from doing my job. I'll follow you to the ends of Equestria if I have to. So why don't you just try to deal with it, for Celestia's sake?
"Wait a minute," Twilight gained an idea. "Princess Celestia! If anypony can help dispel this whole thing, it's her! She's the one who gave me that conjuring book in the first place."
Where are you going with this?
"To Canterlot, that's where!" she smiled determinedly and prepared to leave the spa. "Somepony as powerful as Princess Celestia must be powerful enough to believe your real."
And if she doesn't, well, here's mud in your eye!
Twilight glowered. "You know, you may be a narrator, but you should probably leave the puns alone."
Fair enough.
...
After drying the mud off, which did barely anything to help her relax, Twilight flapped her wings and set off for Canterlot Castle. Feeling as though it would help her situation, she brought along the spell book in her bag, protecting its rough leather binding and yellowed parchment pages. She finally arrived at the pristine castle after nearly clumsily flying into a zeppelin along the way.
"Hey, cut it out!" she scolded.
Well it's true.
Twilight entered the castle and walked through its hallowed corridors until finding the graceful sun princess relaxing in the lounge reading with a cup of tea.
"Why hello, Twilight," greeted Celestia, putting down her copy of The Cloudsdale Underground. "I assume you've enjoyed that conjuring book I sent you?"
"Actually, Princess Celestia," said Twilight, scratching her head. "That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Do you happen to know who owned the book last?"
Celestia pondered for a moment. "Hmm, I believe it was written by Star Swirl the Bearded many centuries ago." She said. "But I think he left it unfinished and it became long forgotten. Why do you ask?"
"Well, promise you won't think I'm lying, or crazy?" she asked hesitantly.
"After everything you've put up with in the past?" smiled Celestia. "I completely trust you, my young friend."
"Okay well, ever since I received the book from you, I've been hearing this strange voice commentating everything I do or say." Twilight explained. "He calls himself 'the Narrator' and apparently he's able to respond whenever I acknowledge him. I tried explaining this to a couple of my friends but they didn't believe me. It could just be my imagination, but I swear this has something to do with the book."
Celestia paused to think about the problem. "You know, I've read about cases like this before."
"Seriously?!" gawked Twilight, elated that the princess actually believed her.
"It's certainly nothing common," explained Celestia. "But there have been a few instances of unicorns delving in occult spells, who as a result were possessed or followed by the presence of a spirit. You must've accidentally resurrected one."
"But that's the thing," replied Twilight. "I only looked through a few pages of the book, but never used any of the spells inside. So I think the spirit must have some kind of connection with the book."
"Curious." Celestia said. "Well I can tell you're certainly not lying, Twilight, because I too feel an obscure presence around your aura."
Say what?
"You can sense him?" beamed Twilight.
"Faintly, but yes." Celestia nodded. She then walked over to a fireplace mantle and levitated a small trinket. It was a small glass container decorated with brass supports. "Fortunately, I might know of a spell that can extract the spirit from your presence, Twilight. It can make this Narrator's soul become visible by placing him in this vial."
Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute! This isn't supposed to happen!
"Do you think it'll work, Princess?" asked Twilight.
"Have faith, my young pupil," grinned Celestia. "I've dealt with mysterious spirits before. Now let me just charge my magic."
Oh no you don't!
Concentrating her yellow aura, Celestia cast it upon Twilight in the process of her spell. For several moments, the aura enveloped the young alicorn and her silhouette seemed to change form. Finally, the aura dissipated and left Twilight just the same, except for a pair of white-feathered wings, sharp talons, and a beak.
"BUK-KOK!" said chicken Twilight.
"Oh dear!" gasped Celestia. "That's not supposed to happen!"
Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Again, Celestia recharged her magic and tried the spell again to both change her student back to normal and rid her of the so-called spirit. But instead, all the spell did was replace the chicken features with slimy green skin, long springy legs and a wide gaping mouth.
"RIBBIT!" said frog Twilight.
"That's not right either!" Celestia tried once more to cast the spell.
This time, Twilight was transformed entirely into a purple bison. "What's happening?!" she panicked.
"Something is wrong, Twilight." Celestia told her. "There's some kind of force interfering with my magic. I'll have to give it more strength." She charged up her magic again.
But the spell only shrunk Twilight to the size of a doll. "Princess Celestia, please stop!"
"Hold on! This spirit is more powerful than I thought!" Celestia began to sweat as she tried the spell again.
This time, Twilight was changed completely into Applejack. "How in tarnation did I get here?!" Another attempt, and Applejack was quickly replaced by Trixie. "The Great and Powerful Trixie demands an expla-" Then the presence was taken over by Big Macintosh. "Nnope!" After many more attempts, Twilight was eventually left with seven extra wings, three extra horns, a tail ten meters long, and mismatched colored eyes. "IT'S NOT WORKING!!!" she cried as she bolted out of the castle.
"Twilight? Wait!" called Celestia.
As she ran out of the castle, the extra appendages disappeared off of Twilight, and she stopped to gather her breath. Heh heh, oh man, you should've seen your face.
"Wait, that was you?!" she glared. "How dare you interfere with a princess's magic!"
Please, I'm not gonna let anypony stuff me into a bottle. Not even your ruler can get rid of me.
"Oh yeah? Well I got a little backup plan!" she said, determined. Twilight then produced another book from her bag. "Let's see how well you narrate me, when I'm the one doing the narrating!"
Oh this ought to be good. You have no idea what I'm capable of, sweetheart.
"We'll see." Twilight opened up a page in her novel and read aloud. "'Daring Do emerged from the downed airplane miraculously unharmed. But her troubles weren't over yet, as she immediately found herself surrounded by the natives of Warhorse Island, readying their spears and darts. But Daring knew full well that they were after the sacred Stone of Fire, and she quickly grabbed it from beneath the rubble. After staring down her foes, Daring leaped into the nearby river, as the natives hurled their weapons in her direction.'" Suddenly, Twilight put down her book and began to don a Prench maid's outfit. "What the- Where did this come from?! Ah! I can't control my body!"
Really, Twilight, it suits you.
"Make it stop!" she screamed, and quickly removed the costume. She gave a heavy, disdained sigh. "There really is no beating you, is there?" she groaned.
Not by a long shot.
...
Ever more disgruntled, Twilight sat with her head hung low on a table at Sugarcube Corner. Usually, a vanilla hayshake with cookie crumbles was enough to cheer her up after a hectic day. But somehow, it wasn't doing the trick this time.
"Gee, I wonder why." She sulked.
"Hey Twilight!" said Pinkie, from behind the counter. "Who ya talking to?"
"I'm not even gonna bother explaining." Twilight groaned.
"Oh wait! You mean the narrator ghost in your head!" the pink pony jumped.
"Yeah yeah, call me crazy and get it all out of your system." She replied.
"Oh don't worry, Twi, I don't think you're crazy." Pinkie joined her. "In fact, I hear him too!"
Twilight beamed. "You do?! Seriously?!"
"Yeah! He narrates everything I say and do as well!" Pinkie said.
"Pinkie that's such a relief!" grinned Twilight. "And I thought I was the only one! It must be your Pinkie Senses or something."
"Twilight, please! He's trying to say something to me!" urged Pinkie.
"Oh, uh, sorry?"
A pause was left as Pinkie looked up and nodded in listening. "Yeah...Uh huh...Oh really?!...Oh he did not!...Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is so true! They all really do look like that!"
"Um, Pinkie, he's not saying anything to you." Twilight discerned.
"Shhh! Twilight!" glared Pinkie. "I really wish you wouldn't interrupt! It's hard enough to understand him with his Prench accent."
"Prench accent?!" she replied. "He doesn't have a-"
"Quiet!" Pinkie then talked to the air. "I'm sorry, Jacques, some ponies can be so rude."
It was then that Twilight realized that the goofy pink mare was not on the same level as her. With a heavy sigh, Twilight placed money on the table and left the baker in her own little world.
"You know, I'm glad you finally settled down, Jacques!" said Pinkie. "You seem much happier now with your husband!"
"I don't know why I bother." Twilight muttered to herself as she stepped outside.
Quest-que c'est, Madamoiselle Sparkle?
"Oh stop it! I know she can't hear you!" she stomped her big mannish hoof in a hissy fit. "Alright that's it! SHUT UP! I don't care who or what you are, or why you're in my head, but just...just...go away! I don't want to hear your stupid annoying voice anymore! All you've done is cause me trouble and embarrassment! You're just a nuisance! Please just do me this one kind favor and get out! I don't want you! I don't need you! Nopony needs you!!!"
......Well...okay then...if that's how you really feel...
"...Wait a minute. That was too much. I didn't want to sound mean, I just-"
No no, I hear what you're saying. I've overstayed my welcome, and you deserve your space. *sigh* I'll just go.
"Narrator, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
*silence*
"Narrator?...Are you there?...Hello?...Oh dear."
"Twilight? Are you alright?"
"Oh, hey Fluttershy. It's...kind of a long story."
"Is it about your narrator?"
"So you've heard about that too, huh? You probably think I'm nuts as well."
"Not at all, Twilight. I may not understand it all too well, but I can try my best to. What's wrong? You look awfully distraught. Is the narrator saying something now?"
"Well, that's just it. I lost my temper, yelled at him, and he just...disappeared. I think I may have offended him."
"But I thought you didn't like him very much."
"He was annoying and pesky, yes...But now that I think about it, he was just another soul. I thought he was just some supernatural prank or curse, but I now realize he actually has feelings. I should be glad that he's gone, but...somehow I'm not."
"Oh Twilight, it's never too late to apologize. Maybe he's just giving you the silent treatment."
"Even so, what would I say? That I'm actually okay with him commentating my every action?"
"Just talk to him like a real pony. If he's able to feel hurt, I'm sure he's able to forgive. Just tell him what you really feel. I'm sure he's intelligent enough to understand."
"Well...maybe you're right, Fluttershy. I'll try talking to him. Ahem, uh, Narrator?...Are you there?...Look, I...I want to hear your voice again...If you're there, can you speak to me?"
*chewing* What is it?
"...Are you eating something?"
I made a sandwich. What do you want?
"Look, Narrator, I can't say I'm not annoyed by what you do. But then again, I can't even begin to understand why you're here, or how. Maybe it's not easy being a narrator of somepony's life. I think perhaps if I let you stay in my head, I can get to understand you better. Who knows? We might even become friends."
I thought I was just a "nuisance".
"I'm sorry. That was wrong of me to say. It's just that whenever I come across an issue that I can't understand or get a hold of, I start to overreact. I can't handle not knowing the source of a problem, and it drives me crazy. But this doesn't have to be a problem. If you understand me and my life, maybe I can get to know you and your life. It may take some getting used to, but I don't think I'll mind having you around for as long as you need. So...what do you say?"
*silence*
"Hello?...Narrator?...Come on, don't leave me hanging." She called out, in her sweet pristine voice. Twilight stretched a smile across her pretty young face. "Well now! What's with the compliments all of a sudden?" she blushed.
Well, I figured if I want to be a narrator, I have to be a gentlecolt about it. To be honest, I'm sorry for teasing and toying with you. Sometimes this job gets stressful.
"I can't imagine." Twilight said. "But hopefully I can get to understand. If you'd like to stick around for a while." She fluttered her purple eyes in a knowing manner.
You know something? I could've been destined to narrate anypony's life. Any ordinary Joe in Equestria. But you, Twilight? I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't think there's anypony out there who's experienced as many interesting stories as you have. It's like your whole life is worthy of retelling. So really, there's nopony else I would rather narrate than you.
Twilight looked away and blushed. "That's actually pretty sweet. But I'm really not that special."
I beg to differ, Princess. What do you have on tap for tomorrow?
"Why are you asking me?" she winked. "You should know all about it."
Ah yes, good point. Twilight had been preparing for a big excursion tomorrow with Princess Luna, to find an ancient relic of the Crystal Empire. With a spring in her step, she trotted off with her non-mannish hooves back home to get some shuteye. Tomorrow would hold more twists and turns for her life. It seemed that every day for this humble yet extraordinary mare was just another great story.
The End
"...Wait, what?!"
Author's Note
*sits near fireplace in lounge chair, reading in a velvet robe* Ah hello! Well wasn't that all very fun! We all had a good laugh, and we learned a little something. I'd just like to take this moment to tell you that if you start hearing strange voices in your head, narrating your every move, don't worry about it. It's probably just some handsome, talented story-writing pony bringing some flavor to your life. So please, give a little respect to your local story writer, or just give them a lot of money. From here at Mystery Fan Fiction Theater, I'm Stratocaster saying thank you for reading with us, and goodnight! *smokes bubble pipe*
