Clankers

by ISKV

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Original Character
Length: 7246

A collection of journals, transcripts, and interviews that show the history of how the humans returned to the surface.

The key to power isn't immortality, nor is it strength. It is the simple spear and the will of the soldiers that wield it. Power to force peace, and war. Power to save, and kill. The standard-issue spear of the Royal, Lunar, and Solar guards are identical, and have been identical for hundreds of years, differing slightly only in style. They were passed down from their father, and his father, and his before him. Each has a story, and the oldest have a particularly interesting tale to tell...

A thousand years ago, we fought them with sharpened sticks. As you might've predicted, we lost. No, we didn't even put a dent in their numbers. But if there's one thing we humans were always good at, it's living in caves. No pony in their right mind would ever enter a cave. Too small, too dark, too dangerous.

But to us, it was a sanctuary.

Oh how we wished for a glorious final battle where our very species would be ingrained in myth, to be spoken of as mighty warriors that would rather face death than dishonor. Unfortunately, we faded away with barely an afterthought. The princesses returned to their thrones, and the ponies to their homes. Only the oldest of texts hints to our existence. Only the oldest of dragons have drawn human blood. Only a few beings clearly remember our faces.

Let us embrace the sunlight. Let us sleep under the moon. Let us smell the fresh scent of a spring forest. It is time my brother. Whether by eagle or by dove, we will return.

Let us march. The overworld is calling.

-The Key to Power.

The events recorded here are small snippets, from journals, transcripts, interviews, etc... All focusing on the history of humans. My name is Prof. R█████████ H██████, and we will be going on a little journey down memory lane.
They're a curious race, one filled with violence and love, honesty and greed. They're a chaotic species that managed to live in harmony. My personal journey started here, in the archives of the Manehattan University. I only have snippets, so if something appears in the middle, it's there because I organize my information in chronological order.

Are you ready?

Good. Let's go.

Published 2013-04-18 08:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-30 22:58:48 UTC

What is a Human?

Good morning folks, my name is Professor R-

…

Oh, I can’t tell them my name?

…

Fine. Good morning folks, as you just heard my boss say, I can’t tell you my name. So just, The Professor will do.

…

No! Don’t call me Professor Who! Yes, yes, I enjoy that book series as well. But please, no more. Now, onto our subject for today.

Humans.

Now, I’m sure you’ve seen one walking around your town or city, minding their own business. Maybe you’ve met one. Maybe you are one! In any case, you’re here because you have an interest in them, more specifically, their history. I’ve compiled a good amount of papers that tell their story, from their humble beginnings to their exile underground.

Yes, while I must remain “academically proper” or however they call it, I will try to make this as interesting as possible.

Are you ready?

Good.

Est. 2400BC: (Before Chaos) Despite the below-freezing temperatures, Humans thrive in the northern wastelands.

Thanks to the hard work and dedication of Professor Rock Hard-

…

Yes, yes, laugh it out. Fortunately for you he has a sense of humor. Now, due to his efforts we have found evidence of ancient human settlements in the Northern Wastelands, an area that has a lower overall temperature compared to our location, but should not be confused with the Frozen Wastelands, the most notable difference being a layer of permafrost.

The artifacts collected on his expedition show that they lived similarly to our own ancestors who lived during that time. Basic woven straw huts, a Neolithic society that was widespread compared to ours, but with an overall lower population. But this changed with King Dyke, pronounced De-Keh, who united the humans into the first kingdom in history. But…

885BC: Humans are defeated by the Griffonic Tribes to the east. King Sombra sees an opportunity and proposes an alliance and the Crystal Empire is occupied by the Human-Shadow Alliance. Humans are put to work mining and refining crystals in the most hazardous of conditions.

The Human-Griffon War is mostly forgotten even by the combatants themselves. Though it is called a “war”, it would be more correct to call it a series of skirmishes. Desperation kicked in after their defeat, which may have influenced their decision to accept King Sombra’s offers of alliance.

But to call it an “Alliance” would be mistaken. As King Dyke was killed along the road to the Crystal Empire, Sombra inherited the weak and shattered remains of the human kingdom, and under his rule, they, and the Crystal Ponies, were no better than slaves. They spent hundreds of years toiling in his mines to satisfy his greed for crystals.

Now, crystals are essential to the well-being of the empire, but they can only be found in the Crystal Mountains. From their buildings to interior lighting, crystals form the backbone of the empire. With his position over the humans, Sombra’s mines began producing many times the amount of crystals they used to. And while his morals were questionable, his orders led to the massive expansion of the Crystal Empire we see today. But that couldn’t last forever.

110BC: After centuries of enslavement, a Crystal Pony manages to escape and gives a testimony to Equestrian officials. The country cries in outrage, and the military is revived.

Ah yes. Miss Prism. It was a cold night as she stumbled into Stalliongrad. In less than a week, she was sent to Canterlot. In less than a month, the entire country was calling for war.

109-38BC: The War of the Crystal Empire rages for almost three decades. King Sombra's Crystal Juggernauts secure victory. Humans march alongside.

The Equestrian-Shadow War was our first wide-scale conflict, but also our greatest failure. There have been much debate as to our reason, but two reasons are generally accepted. One of which are the Crystal Juggernauts, the second is the fact that our military began the campaign woefully unprepared and under-equipped. That was when the princesses themselves intervened.

Now, why the humans fought alongside King Sombra isn't known. There are plenty of theories, though none are more convincing than others.

30BC: Princess Luna gives in to the darkness and becomes Nightmare Moon. The sun is blocked in the north, with no sunlight or magic, humans starve.

Ah yes. Princess Luna’s downfall. Although it is said that none respected her for her night, the real reason is a tad bit more complicated. But we’ll examine the details later. But I have to give them credit. They were tough nuts to crack, and even without the sun, it took a full sixteen years for them to break.

14BC: Humans lead raids into Equestria to steal food. Crystal Juggernauts fail without a constant supply of fresh crystals. The Equestrian Military surges forward, beginning the Second Equestrian-Shadow War.

Even in the cold north, there are certain species of plants that survive, the majority of them edible. And with edible plants, comes herbivores that will exchange large predators for harsh weather conditions. Both factors guaranteed the survival of the humans, who relied on these two sources of food. But without the sun, even the hardiest of plants will die. The wildlife following. And so, the humans starved, forcing them off of the assembly lines. Though Princess Luna’s methods were quite brutal, she succeeded in her mission of disabling the Crystal Juggernauts, starting the Second Equestrian-Shadow War.

0BC: Discord appears and wreaks havoc. King Sombra is imprisoned in ice.

Discord. Where he came from, or why he did what he did is unknown. Not even the princesses themselves know the answer. But for a period of five months, he wreaked havoc across the world.

0BC, five months later: Discord is captured and imprisoned in stone. Nightmare Moon's forces massacre any remaining Allies. Humans begin their retreat into empty crystal mines.

There is only one who can answer why she ordered every enemy, civilian or otherwise, to be killed, instead of captured. But Princess Luna is staying quiet about this one. I don't think you need to hear my personal opinion on what's happening.

2AD: (After Darkness) The last humans are observed above ground and are subsequently declared extinct. Nightmare Moon banished by Princess Celestia for being overly violent.

Ah, yes. We'll see her reaction in a little while, but from here on, it's the history of cavemen.

Get it? Because they live in caves and-

Alright, that was bad.

4AD: The first of the children who will live their lives without seeing the sun is born.

You can't imagine how it's like to live without the sun. I know how they did it, but the fact that they did astounds me.

Est. 3-788AD: Humans are splintered. Various tribal alliances and enemies emerge. Resources are scarce, but technological research leaps forward.

You would think that with conflict, technological leaps would cease to a halt. They had no more than sharp stones with them, yet by the first year, they had a furnace working. A little tweaking later, they had recovered the secret to steel.

Only a few years later, they had managed to recover most of their technology, and had even managed to adjust some of them to optimized their life underground.

789AD: A human only known as Black Forest unites humans and creates Sanctuary, the first underground city, and also the first human city in existence.

He was either a politician from Rigel, a small mining facility on the Eighth Minor Branch, or a Manager of a factory on the Second Major Tunnels. Whatever he was, there is enough evidence that he took up arms himself.

With the unification of the tunnel-cities, the technological flood turned into a technological explosion. With no more conflict between the cities, they could all focus on more important problems.

889AD: Various breakthroughs in metallurgy allow construction of taller and stronger buildings. Gas columns discovered, free source of energy located.

901AD: Electricity discovered, government buildings and hospitals are lit with early light bulbs.

But of course, simply returning to their level of technology was not enough. No, they actually managed to surpass it.

920AD: Various heat engines are invented, the Sterling Engine proves superior to its competition. A set of Sterlings, nicknamed "The Big Six," are installed in Gas Column Four, providing the city with a surplus of electricity. Advances in industry makes products cheap. Living standards rise.

928AD: The first underground railroad runs from Sanctuary to Colombia, roughly two miles away.

Imagine our own cities. Our modern cities, underground, centuries ago. Trains running between centers of population. Hundreds live, not merely survive. All without the sun. But there were darker times ahead.

938AD: Diamond Dog-Human War ends in a victory for the humans after the invention of the portable steam gun.

Oh yes. Even today they're at odds with each other. But after the Peace Conference, they're willing to tolerate each other. But that's another story for another day.

944AD: Empty Diamond Dog mines leads to the surface where the first human in a millennium gets a sunburn. Talks of returning to the overworld begin.

971AD: The Society of the Overworld forms. Funding is provided and forward scouts are sent.

993AD: Step One - Ascension

And this my friends, is where our story begins.

Author's Note

There's going to be a few changes, but before that, I think I should tell you why this story has been on hold for quite a while now.

Before, I had absolutely no idea how to write life in the tunnels. But...

As a game, it's pretty good. But it also has some great atmosphere, and that's what I lacked before. I will not be rewriting what has already been rewriting, but rather, I will be adding the Professor's Point-of-View, sort of a retrospective picture on the events of history.

Equestria at War : Lieutenant Colonel Soft Steel, Letters to Home Country

-General Bulwark,

Our current military situation is both very dire, and very relieving at the same time, as ridiculous as it might sound. King Sombra has been confirmed to have taken direct control over his forces, although with the grievous mistakes made in the deployment of his assets, it can be assumed that he is inexperienced in warfare.

However, what concerns us most is the appearance of his new weapon, a massive construct roughly eight stories tall. It is capable of decimating an entire line of troops and can absorb a mind-boggling amount of damage before succumbing. But instead of deploying them in front of the common infantry to break through our lines, Sombra has opted to place them at the second-line. His reasoning or his thought is unknown to us, but this has allowed some of our strike pegasus squadrons to engage them without the enemy infantry interfering.

However, even then they consume too many of our forces. What little ground troops that remain are overwhelmed by the common infantry. We have had a series of victories, but little-by-little they are becoming pyrrhic victories. As of now, we are holding them back with no advancement or retreat of the front lines.

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel, 3rd Army, 12th Battalion

-General Bulwark,

I regret to inform you that all 3rd Army Battalions are on the retreat. Our supplies are running low, and morale is even lower. Colonel Raptor of the Pegasus Air Armada and Colonel Sharp of the Unicorn Magi Corps are currently overseeing the evacuation of the Snow Fortress. I am aware of the amount of effort and lives that we sacrificed to gain this strategic foothold, but without a steady supply line, we are no more than canned food.

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel, 3rd Army, 12th Battalion

My dear Sugarheart,

I'm sorry I haven't been home for months, but battle after battle we've been losing too much, and there might be the possibility that I won't return for an entire year. I know that all of the high officers boasted that they would be home by Hearths Warming Eve, but these blasted Crystal Juggernauts have turned the tide. What angers me is the fact that Sombra has no idea how to command troops, the superiority of these constructs counteract his stupidity. Give me five of them and I'll take over the world. How about we have our honeymoon in Prance? Just you, me, and nopony else for a radius of five hundred miles.

I jest. But there are few other things that I would rather be doing without you.

~~-Lt. Col. Soft Steel, 3rd Army, 12th Battalion~~ Soft Steel, Husband of Sugarheart, Father of Aurora

PS: I've sent you my paycheck. Give something nice to Aurora, but make sure it doesn't give her diabetes. I want her alive, you know?

-Sugarheart,

It's cold. Really cold. I know that the Northern Reaches are cold year-round, but now there isn't even the sun to light things up.

I saw her. Princess Luna. She's changed. Before she was somewhat of an introvert with a short fuse, but she made the best Field Marshal in history. But we all saw what she refused to see. The princess had been working with little to no sleep, and I think that may have affected her judgment.

We all heard of the story. She's walking around camp, but all around her there's soldiers and civilians talking about how the night ruins everything. How their crops are dying. Through her eyes I saw her heart crack. In her defense, there was little else that could be done. After all she's been through, after all she's done, I saw her break.

Now, she looks different. Her coat looks even darker, not because it's darkly colored, but because- And I swear on the Immortal Megan's teats- that her coat was consuming all of the light around her.

She's no introvert now.

I'm scared of her Sugar. I want to go home. I want out of this frozen wasteland.

I want to see your face again. It's been far too long.

-Soft Steel

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel,

The 12th Battalion of the 3rd Army was been reassigned to Stalliongrad for internal security. Due to the proximity of the city to the front lines, martial law has been enacted. You are to station your troops in Fortress Base Phoenix and Fortress Base Iron.

You will receive further orders on arrival from General Price of the 1st Army.

-General Bulwark, 3rd Army

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel,

We have been receiving reports that humans have begun a campaign of sabotaging civilian food stores in Stalliongrad. Your task is to maintain the security of the city by any means necessary.

-General Price, 1st Army

-Sugarheart,

I've been reassigned to Stalliongrad. I know you want nothing more than to take the next train here, but I'm telling you right now, don't. I have enough to worry about. I have realized that Sombra really didn't know what his forces were capable of. Humans have been stealing from our food stores, no matter how many guards we station around the warehouses. They're like ghosts. I can tell that my soldiers are scared, for good reason too. If they can sneak into a heavily-guarded storage box, what's stopping them from slitting our throats when we sleep?

But no, they're only going after the food. Either they are cruel beings who want nothing more than to starve us to death, or things aren't what they appears to be.

-Soft Steel

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel,

Due to the excellent record of service of you and your soldiers, I have requested that General Bulwark allow one month of leave for the entire 12th Battalion. The newly created 14th Battalion of the 1st Army has enough freshly trained ponies to replace your presence.

-General Price, 1st Army

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel,

I have just received a request from General Price that I allow one month of leave for the 12th Battalion. I do not wish to do this, you and your stallions are the best that I have. But I do realize that you've been fighting for an entire five years without rest. Therefore the 12th Battalion shall enjoy one month of leave.

You did good Soft Steel. I am not talking to you as a superior officer, but as a friend, you've managed to do much in your time here, and I sincerely appreciate that.

Thank you for your excellent service,

General Bulwark, 3rd Army

PS: Give your wife my regards will you?

-Dear Sugarheart,

After General Price requested that Bulwark give us a break, he decided to give the entire 12th Battalion a leave of absence. It's only going to be a month long, but if I get to see your face again, it's more than enough.

I'm coming home Sugar!

-Lt. Col. Soft Steel, 3rd Army, 12th Battalion

Early Humans : Marya Evans Thatch, Journal

I don't believe it! My heart is pounding, as if it wants to escape from my chest and burst out from underneath my dress! The dark age is over, he proclaimed from the top of a battle wagon! I cannot translate my emotions onto writing well, and I apologize to my descendants in advance, but you shall never feel the same as though I am at this moment. For centuries, we have fought amongst ourselves. Over guano pits, small lakes, and ore deposits. Many a life had been lost, and for what?! But no longer, no longer shall we squabble between humans. We are one. And it is the will of a single man, Black Forest.

It is not his real name, everyone knows that. I mean, what kind of name is Black Forest? It gives dark, sinister vibes, similar to a highway robber. Nay, he is the shining beacon of light while the other scum of the tunnels are no more deserving of food than mere rats. Single-handily, he broke the long feud between Frechs and the Bronts. He managed to turn our greatest battlefield and graveyard into a city of hope and prosperity. We no longer live in the Death fields, but in Sanctuary. Sanctuary... that name brings up old feelings from when I was but a child, hidden under a blanket with my favorite stuffed bear. Speaking of which, where is old Winston? I could've sworn...

...

Hello again! It has taken the better part of a day, but I have finally found him. His worn-out stitching are breaking, and the stuffing is slowly leaking out, but he is just as I remembered him. A little thin, or as my grandmother would say, "If I rolled you up and spiked your hair, I could use you to clean out the chimney!"

...

I must mend him when I have the time. Silly me! Talking about a bear as if it was alive!

...

The chimney doesn't need any cleaning, we haven't used it for a good week now. We have been much too busy. Father

...

I have to leave. Terese is calling for help. The new city has many new people, who all need clothes. My fingers are still red and sore from the many needles I have threaded.

I must leave now. If you are reading this, there is a new day ahead of us.

-Marya Evans Thatch, seamstress.

Past Equestria : Princess Celestia, Personal Thoughts

I... I'm so sorry Luna... You were killing, right, left, human, demon... even some of our own! Why!? WHY!? I know that you were unpopular and you wished to have the same amount of attention as I, but there is a difference between choice and force! I... I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to tell you that there were ponies who loved you for who you were...

Every time I look towards the moon, I feel a few tears in the corner of my eyes. My servants, guards, advisers, VIPs, they all see me in awe. They think of me as an immortal god, who's will and heart are finely controlled. That I can, set my mind in granite or melt my emotions into rose pedals.

They think wrong. I am a pony. A pony who lost her sister. Oh Luna, if you can hear me from my throne in Canterlot to the desolate plains of your moon, I will plead, I will beg, I will bow down to you.

I am sorry.

A thousand times later, and I will say it a thousand times more if need be. And do not worry about wasting my life. Without you... I admit, there is little left in life without my beloved sister.

...

I have just completed the Equestrian Constitution. This will make the country self-sufficient. I have already assembled the First Session of Parliament and will step down from my throne in roughly eighteen hours. Starlight Sparkle has been elected as Prime Minister. A good choice. This country's future is in good hooves.

...

Politics are boring. I find myself drowsy, the lords and commoners melting together into a dream. And some of those dreams I find horrifying. I see, not my own ponies, but the strange, alien faces of the humans. In the short time I spent with them, I learned that they are stubborn, tenacious, and will stand back up no matter what the punishment. But I see... I see their distorted bodies melting in Nightmare Moon's firestorms, men, women, and children alike all screaming for mercy.

I can only hope for forgiveness.

Among the blurry ponies is a mare that has an uncanny resemblance to you. She is a dark, midnight blue with navy mane. More than once, I have jumped awake, thinking you have returned. But alas, I was disappointed.

Immortality is a double-edged sword, but it is a double-edged sword that cuts you both ways.

...

Not four hours after the first session, a maid has discovered my body hanging from the ceiling by a noose around my neck. I was blue in the face, and could not remember the events that took place shortly after. I regained consciousness in a first-class hospital bed, surrounded by caretakers and a tearful Cadenza.

I had attempted to commit suicide, and the gravity of the situation has caught up with me. Cadenza is screaming at me, screaming for anything to happen. Apparently I was staring into her face and she thought that while they had managed to save my body, they had failed to recover my mind.

They all breathed in relief as I responded.

...

The new light of dawn warms my face as cold tears spill down on the smooth marble of my balcony. I finally realize what I did.

I hope, in my subject's infinite mercy that they may forgive me for being selfish. I felt as if I had no reason to live. But I remembered a quote from my past I ran into an old, grizzled traveling merchant selling wood carvings of random objects. He was the first human I'd seen with my own eyes, and one of the few rare humans that lived in what is now Equestria. My parents had just passed, and I was wandering the path with no destination in mind. However the words he spoke through his creaky jaw and crooked teeth still resonate in my mind.

"Ya don't die when yer heart stops beatin', ya die' when yah run outta things ta live for'."

My country.

My ponies.

My Cadenza.

My Sister.

...I'm sorry...

Early Humans : Dr. Henry R. Cromwell, Personal Logbook

Success! We can finally replace those old, unsafe, inefficient steam engines! Too many maintenance men (Lovingly referred by the Overseers as the "Brass Boys") have been injured or, have mercy, perished while repairing the monstrous beasts of heat and steam! In my personal opinion, there are far too many valves, pipes, and gauges on a standard AutoMann steam engine, the most efficient type produced!

Ever since that mining accident roughly a month ago, water has been a rare commodity. Each citizen is guaranteed one standard pot full no matter how poor they are, mothers get double rations. Before, most of the water used to go to growing the Glowworm Moss so essential to our survival, and the steam engines that powered this glorious city! But now, oh, ho, ho... Now...

I have invented a lifesaver. An engine that is simpler, more robust, and does not require a steady supply of water. Maintenance is only necessary once a week, and lubrication of the parts takes only ten minutes at most! If we can bore a set of holes into Gas Column Four and install the engines, we might be able to power the entire city and have some electricity left over!

...

The first Sterling (Named after my very good friend, Richard J. Sterling, whom with his messiah-like mercy saved me from perishing on the streets years beforehand.) has been installed. Results are good. With a quick oiling by an insomniac Brass Boy, my engine has produced more than enough electricity to light an entire quarter of Sanctuary!

...

second is in. was wrong first. city two thirds powered. mind blown. third going in in four hours.

...

It's done. All six are in. Geothermal energy is plentiful, but the pipes that once heated the water into steam were troublesome. Every week they had to be cleared of obstructions no matter how much we filtered the water. But cylinder housings don't need to be cleaned out, much less replaced every year. And believe me, the type of brass required for steam systems are expensive.

...

Just received a telegram from Mayor Alecto of Winchester.

(Attached letter)

Dear Dr. Cromwell,

About three months ago, we have been notified by an old friend of mine that a man has managed to make possible the electrification of an entire city through the use of a revolutionary heat engine. Our town has grown quite large, yet we have only managed to supply ten-percent of our citizens with electric light. Our Laiton-Merlin engines are at the end of their life, and we would like to have the honor of having you and your team modernize our humble city.

With the utmost pleasure,

Mayor James H. R. Alecto III

...

I look down onto Sanctuary. I was not the one that has invented the electric light, nor was I the one who fathered the dynamo, but to see the city so bright, it hurts my eyes to the point of tears. Yet, I am proud. We have moved one step closer to perfection, yet I wonder if we have moved forward so fast, that we have hopped over perfection ages ago?

I crush the thought out of my mind. Perfection is not to be determined by others, but by none other than your own mind, body, and if you like, soul.

...

I wonder what a flower is? It says in the book that they are heavenly creations. They are surrounded by petals of all colors, and have the sweetest of scents, incomparable to the coal and machine oil that fills our nostrils every time we open our eyes.

And the book details of how there are entire fields of flowers! My limited mind cannot fathom such an image.

-Dr. Henry R. Cromwell, Engineering Corps.

Past Equestria : Quill Tip, Interview

Hard Facts (HF) - My name is Hard Facts, Canterlot Daily, here to leave our readers a little more clarity on our current crisis. Good morning, will you please state your name please?

Quill Tip (QT) - Quill Tip ma'am. And the same to you.

HF - What position do you currently occupy?

QT - I am the Administrative Assistant for the Equestrian Department of Law.

HF - Very well then. Now, normally I would ease our way into the interview, but considering our current situation, I have been told to be blunt.

QT - Of course.

HF - First question. Has Princess Celestia attempted to commit suicide?

QT - Unfortunately yes.

HF - Is it possible for you to tell us the reason?

QT - She has shown signs of depression that were quite evident, but my employers would not appreciate me spreading rumors without any basis.

HF - Of course not. The Canterlot Daily is not some gossip column sold on the street. Second question, can you confirm or deny that Prime Minister has been given emergency powers?

QT - I can say with full certainty that no powers have been yielded to the Prime Minister, however Princess Cadence is currently occupying the throne as the de facto leader with emergency powers similar to Princess Celestia's reign before the creation of Parliament.

HF - And why is this?

QT - Most members are in agreement that the Parliament as a whole is too inexperienced to run this country efficiently, and according to royal law, in the event that Princess Celestia is unable to rule for any reason, all authority will be inherited by Princess Cadence. After this has been challenged by some, there was a compromise made that stated that unless Princess Celestia reclaims her power within a year and personally yield it to Parliament, Princess Cadence's main priority would change to focus on supervising Parliament so that they may rule efficiently.

HF - And with this, all of my questions have been answered. Thank you for your time.

QT - You're very much welcome.

---A Few Days Later---

(Hard Facts) HF - Good morning again Miss Quill Tip. I thank you in advance for allowing me to speak with you again.

(Quill Tip) QT - Good morning to you too.

HF - Let's get started then. While we at the Canterlot Daily do not print gossip and rumors, we do in fact take notice of them. One rumor being that the newly formed Equestrian Parliament is to be dismantled?

QT - I can confirm that Parliament is to be dismantled, and Princess Celestia is to be reinstated as the sole ruler of Equestria.

HF - How did Parliament come to this decision?

QT - After various cabinet members visited the hospitalized Princess Celestia, they managed to discover the reason behind her attempted suicide.

HF - And that is?

QT - Apparently she felt like her life wasn't worth living. Losing a sister and living with a great amount of guilt finally caught up with her. She specifically created and shaped the Equestrian Parliament so it could operate without her influence so the country would not crumble in political and economic ruin after her death.

HF - And?

QT - When the information was released to the assembly, the entire Parliament immediately held a vote. With a few dissenting opinions, the decision was made to dissolve the Parliament.

HF - Can you tell me their logic in that decision?

QT - If the vote favored the Parliament, we would have to operate without the supervision of Princess Celestia, and as it had been agreed, Parliament is still too inexperienced. Added to the fact that the new constitution was hastily written by a suicidal princess, there have been grievous errors detected that would've potentially ruined the country. On the other hoof, the return of authority to Princess Celestia was an attempt to keep her busy and from attempting suicide again.

HF - Has this proven effective?

QT - I cannot answer for Her Highness, but I can tell you that she is receiving tokens of appreciation from all around the country, some from across the borders. I saw her genuinely smile for the first time in three years, so I assume that the plan worked to some degree.

HF - Thank you much for this chance to see the inner workings of the Equestrian Government. While the interview is effectively over, is there anything you would like to say to our readers?

QT - I would like to remind all who are reading this paper that Princess Celestia is still a pony, and I urge you to visit her on a strictly casual basis. No fancy clothes, no expensive gifts, just a good conversation will do.

HF - Thank you for your time Miss Quill Tip.

QT - You're very welcome.

Quill Tip, Administrative Assistant for the Equestrian Department of Law

Hard Facts, Journalist for the Canterlot Daily

Past Equestria : First Mate Port Side, Transcript

Evenin' lad. That's an awful lotta rum yer holdin'...

Oh! Nice ta know there's some fine, distinguished gentlecolts still round'.

...

Ah! Nothin' like Jamareican Rum ta' wash away those days at sea eh lad!? AH! HA! HA! HA! Ha! Ha. Whooh...

Say, yer here for somethin' aren't yeh? Yeah. Yer kind' are always lookin' for something. Well...

We sea stallions have roamed the seas, fighting Leviathan, almost sinkin' in the waves higher than the mountain Canterlot sits on with her plush, soft tush! Eh lad? Ya wanna hear that story?

No? Well then my well-dressed friend how bout' a classic?

Pirates? Agh! We've had our fair share of the bloody raiders round' the western sea. Nice view. Wouldn't mind bein' marooned on an island there...

Nay? Yeh don't wanna hear bout' the pirates? Looks like yer' lookin' for an... odd... tale on the seas hmn?

Well, Captain Maelstrom, he's the one with the scar goin' down his neck, once sailed to the' Caribou Sea. Yeh, the one all the way up north, where the ice grips on the hull of the ship harder than ya can bite down on yer mother's teats! The poor buggers get frozen in the ice at the worst possible time. Now, he sends' a few of his sailors to scout the area and they come back with a chillin' tale. They find this cave, and it's toastier than a mare's snatch. So their hooves r' freezing off, and they go deeper. It gets' warmer and warmer and there's this' steam floatin' from even deeper. But it was then they found a Diamond Dog. Dead, with all of its grimy fur blasted off and... I can't believe' I'm sayin' this... it looked like the poor bastard was cooked alive. Couldn't av' been dead for longer than a day. And he wasn't alone, no... His mates were round' im', fur gone and skin redder than a spanked rear!

...

Ah...! That's good rum.

...

So they ran back to the ship, screamin' and hollerin' that they were in Dog territory. Now, Diamond Dogs don't take too kindly to intruders, and Maelstrom tried to sail back with his tail up high as fast as he could. But by then the cold had captured his ship, and he was stuck there for months.

But no matter how long they waited, no packs o' dogs ever attacked his ship. One night, a pup, ribs showin' and patches a' fur gone, stumbled by. The cabin colt took im' in, and nursed the dog back to health. They spent hours round' him, listenin' to his stories of steam-shootin' gold monsters taller than the Alpha. No spear could get through their thick hides, thicker than an elephant's! They walked slowly, heavy hoofsteps sendin' fear into his poor mother's heart. The pup barely made it out.

...

Tell ye' what. Look for the ship with black sails and a white star surrounded by a broken' circle. That's the Frontier Justice. It's Maelstrom's. If ya wanna talk to the dog himself, ya might need a little bit more rum.

...

Oh? Another one fer me? Yer too kind lad.

Heh.

You're too kind...

-First Mate Port Side, Celestia's Fury.

Past Equestria : Unnamed Diamond Dog, Story

Mama was a Beta in the pack. She wasn't the best, but... well... she was my Mama! No matter what she did, she made sure to take care of me every day. Make sure my teeth were growin' right, no fleas in my fur... Made sure my nose was clear, those sorta' things.

...I miss Mama...

I still get nightmares sometimes. Those gold paws crushin' any gem underneath them like they were eggshells... Armor clankin'... The ground shook every time they took a step...

And the steam screamin' out of their sticks! Uncle Rex tried ta' go for its neck like he always said to. Didn't make it out of the gem hole...

...

Naw I don't know where in Tartarus those things came from! We were always fighting them. Since the first alpha, we've been fightin' em' for water... gems... and territory. We've been winning for a long time. Their spears were never as sharp as ours. Some didn't have spears. But ever since I was born we've been losing ground. And not just us. The other packs said the same.

...

Who'da thought? Mother Gaia made us enemies but we ended up as friends.

...

I sound jus' like a pony now. Anyhow, after Strongjaw's pack went down, we were the last. Papa and the others held them off fer a week! I wish I could'a done somethin' but mama made me an' the other pups hide in a hole she dug for us. Then BOOM! Some sorta'... sorta' explosion sent us flyin' in the air. I looked down and saw that a tunnel below us was blown apart by one of those gold monsters. Tooth fell down. He got blasted.

...I liked im'. Only friend I had.

...

I ran, just like mama was screamin' for me ta do. I don't remember much, just that I used every single shortcut that I could remember to get out. I didn't even notice the snow until I was a mile from my home. I was lost fer about a week, or so they tell me. I didn't realize it, but I was followin' hoofprints that led back to the Justice. One look later and Bow String threatened to shoot me with an arrow an' eat me-

...

Naw, he ain't a pony. He's the toughest lookin' griffon I've ever seen!

...

I owe Wet Rag my life. He bit down on Bow's tail and made his arrow miss me by a gemstone's width! I was dead tired by then, so Rag hadta' drag my corpse in. Fer' a month, he was the only one that would deal with me. Course one day Mast got drunk and asked me for a story cuz' he heard them all. So I told them bout' what happened in the tunnels. By the time I was finished, the entire crew was round' me, askin' for more. I made a lotta friends that day. Maelstrom was the next. Treated me too kindly. After a while, Bow even let me have some of his pork stash, cuz' Rag told him that I ate meat.

Can't believe he's a friend now.

Everyone on the ship has a nickname. Rag's was Soap. Bow's was Bulls-eye. Maelstrom's was Mother. Mine was Pup.

...

It's not really a nickname. I've never had a name in my life. Only dogs who prove themselves are allowed to be named. So no matter how many pirates I've fought, or how many wenches I'm with, my name will always be Pup.

And that's how I like it.

Cabin Dog Pup, Frontier Justice.

Early Humans : Theodore Grey, Invention Proposal for a Fireless Locomotive

Early Humans : Theodore Grey, Invention Proposal for a Fireless Locomotive

INVENTION DISCLOSURE

Title of the Invention:

Fireless Locomotive

Inventor: Theodore Grey

Sanctuary, 4th Sector

Ap. Complex 19

Floor 5, Door 8

Circumstances and Date of Conception:

On Year 925 six months, I was observing the testing of a steam locomotive and its failure to provide a ride to its passengers without smoke filling the tunnel and cause discomfort, or in one unfortunate case, death. The current and only viable solution would be to bore air vents, however that would be extremely dangerous, considering our level of technology, and would require billions upon billions of Cogs from our wallets. Thus, I decided to leave out the firebox entirely and instead, rely on pressurized steam, which would only have an effect on the humidity of the tunnel, and would leave passengers riding comfortably.

Description of the Invention:

a. Purpose - The Fireless Locomotive would make intercity transport safer and more practical.

b. Drawings - My invention and how it operates is shown in FIGURE 1.

c. Description of the Parts - My locomotive is made up of the following, a steam accumulator (1), which is supplied with superheated water by a high-pressure hose coupling (2), that pressurizes the steam lines (3), and is controlled by a set of steam valves (4). The steam passes through the system to the cylinders (5), which forces the connecting rods (6), to move the driving wheels (7).

d. Use - The locomotive is first injected with superheated water under pressure through the high-pressure hose coupling (2) that sends the water to the steam accumulator (1). The pressure is then released by the main steam valve (4) which sends the steam through the steam lines (3) into the cylinders (5) that propel the driving wheels (7) and moves the locomotive and its cargo.

e. Novel Features - All the other solutions to the problem of smoke in the tunnels are "solved" by either switching to a low-smoke coal, or by filtering the smoke with various methods. My invention simply has no fire, and thus no smoke. The fireless locomotive has the following novel features:

Without a fire, there is no smoke to be released in the tunnels.

A fireless locomotive can idle without the need to periodically add coal.

Due to the lack of a heat exchanger, there is no need to acquire a large amount of expensive brass for the use in steam pipes.

By not consuming water constantly, there is absolutely no chance of a boiler explosion.

f. Advantages - The fireless locomotive is cheaper, easier to operate, and considerably safer than the latest prototype of the coal-fueled engine. The superheated steam used by the fireless locomotive is the same type used to power industrial machinery, making its fuel renewable, plentiful, and cheap.

Testing Results:

On Year 926 eight months, the final prototype was able to travel roughly thirty miles per hour for seven miles while pulling a cargo of twenty fully-loaded passenger carriages, more than enough to make a round-trip to any city from Sanctuary. All passengers reported a notable increase in satisfaction and comfort, with a 20% reduction in operation costs.

(Attached Letter)

Dear Mr. Grey,

We have received your proposal and have recommended your invention to the Committee of Production, who have promptly approved your "Fireless Locomotive" and have prepared for its mass-production. We invite you to the Blackwall Ironworks where we offer you 250,000 Cogs for the chance to produce this revolutionary new machine.

With regards,
Jack Clark, Blackwall Ironworks

Author's Note

And to answer your questions, yes, fireless locomotives actually exist.

Early Humans : Unknown, Random Notes

Pen does not work.

Send flowers and condolences to Margret, pick up Form 11025-D Widow's Relief.

Bartholomew, school, money, 4 Cogs

¡¡¡¡¡ʎpuɐɔ ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ɐɯɯoɯ

~~Pick up candy for little Olivia~~ ration water x 4 pots
^now grounded

bank money

Colombia, 1st Sector
Street 4
House 2120

1155-5206-72~~46~~ 64

Springfield, 19th sector
Ap. Complex 12
Floor 2, Door 103

2025-9868-3127

makes sure water does not flood

2 turns GMC

V=I*R

*One very bad attempt at drawing*

1028 (Monthly)
5% Income tax