Colors of Sorrow

We arrived at the cafe, which was particular empty today. We trotted up to the pony at the front and she pointed us to a table in the far rear of the cafe, then trotted off to deal with another customer. We sat down at the booth and I laid my head down on the table. I glanced at Goldie for a second, and felt bad. This was supposed to be my escape from my feelings, and I was already thinking about what had happened. She frowned, and pulled my head up by the chin. "Can't you try a little harder to just forget about it for now.. please?" I looked up at her, and moved my hoof from off the table. She smiled and said, "Now that's better! You know what you want to eat?" I looked at the menu, paying more attention to the illustrations then the actual food the menu was supposed to be showing me. The strokes were so smooth, and it amazed me that these menus were all created by hoof, one by one. They reminded me of my brother's work, which made me put my head back down. Goldie pulled me up by the chin again, this time with a concerned look on her face. "Do you want to go home, Midnight?" I was semi-stunned. I knew she really wanted to make me feel better and hang around me, but I didn't expect her to let me go home if I needed to. I slowly nodded and asked, "Is that alright.. I know you want to stay out here with me." She smiled, and nuzzled me. "If you think that is what's best for you, then we can go home." I smiled and thought about how little time we spent together, looking at her in her deep, blue eyes. "I'm sorry.." She looked at me, confused, then said, "I told you it's not your fault." I looked at her again, and said, "Oh no no.. not that. I'm sorry I couldn't have been there more for you. What with your unexpected pregnancy and all-" I stopped right there, realizing what I was saying. She looked at me bitterly and said, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that.." She quickly looked away, obviously thinking about what I had said. I put my hoof on her shoulder, and said, "Listen.. I know we did, but you can't hide this forever." She pushed my hoof away from me. "What do you know? Do you know what it's liked being raped? Do you have any idea the amount of shame it brings? How much it hurts?" She stormed off with tears in her eyes as I sat there, regretting what I had said. I put my face in my hooves and started to cry. Another mess that I had caused, fantastic. I wanted to apologize to Goldie, but I had no idea where she had went. I looked outside but couldn't find her. I went back inside, and heard crying coming from the mare's restroom. I leaned into the door and said as gently as I could, "Goldie.. I'm sorry. Please come out, I want to talk to you. I need to apologize!" There was no response, so I sat there waiting for her to calm down and come out. After about fifteen minutes she came out, and gave me a hug. I was half-asleep, so I jumped when she hugged me. She put her head on my legs and cried on them. I patted her head and stroked her mane to calm her down. I eventually managed to get her to stop crying, and she started talking to me again. "I'm sorry I ran off like that.. I just have a lot on my mind right now. I mean, me being.. r-raped, and your brother dying.. it's just been terrible. I hugged her and said, "I know, and I'm sorry for bringing back those memories. You are right, I don't know what it's like to be raped, but I can tell you this, I know what it's like to be afraid. I know what it's like to be alone, thinking no one will come to help you. I know.. I'm sorry." She looked up at me and smiled, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She was about to say something, but I put my hoof on her mouth and told her to come home, and not to worry about anything. She listened, and we headed out the door towards home.

On the way there, we ran into our good friend Neon Streaks. He was presently unaware of what had happened, so he trotted up to me and Goldie and asked what was wrong. We explained what had happened and he started to frown, saying how sorry he was for us. I was grateful, but I had this feeling to just tell him to leave us alone. I politely finished the conversation and headed for home. I felt so bad for Goldie.. a terrible thing happened to her and all I was doing was making things worse. I mean, here I am, her best friend, and I won't even talk to her! I'll make it up to her, I have to. For what she is going through, it's the least I could do. I do love her after all.