Every Prince Deserves a Princess

I had only ever been down in the dungeons once before that night. The filthy, stinking, noisy cages containing the utter filth of Canterlot weren't interesting to me in the slightest, and I found them deplorable just by virtue of their purpose alone. Of course, had all of the unworthy been thrown down there as they should be, the entire palace would instead be a prison. My mind's eye and memory held the place as a grime-caked, dimly-lit... cavern smelling faintly of piss and rags. It wasn't much different from the streets, really. How fitting for the guest that I happened to be looking for.

My senses were assaulted as I flung open the heavy oaken door at the top of the stone staircase leading to the dungeons, and for a moment, I was utterly confused. The tunnel was well-lit, and the wave of stink I had been expecting was nowhere to be found. Had I misremembered the pit of the vagabonds deep beneath my polished home, or were things cleaner down here than ever before? Though it truly didn't matter, I couldn't help but sneer as my expectations weren't met, as usual. Some often accused me of living in my own little world. In turn, I accused them of not having the balls to admit the realities of life. That usually shut them up but good, bar a few of the more irritating verbal combatants around the premises. Either way, the time for thought was long gone. Were I thinking, I wouldn't have initiated my descent to go and answer the call of one so far beneath me to begin with. Truly, something mad had overtaken my mind. If only I could have figured out what it was.

The thunderous clack of my hooves against the worn stone was certainly one of my less-subtle entrances, but I wasn't about to complain. Truth be told, I wanted them to look at me... and look at me they did. The dregs of Canterlot looked up from behind their cold, well-deserved bars as I carefully transitioned to the mosaic-style floor. Their eyes were filled with hatred or longing as I passed, depending upon the pony in question. Both emotions simply spurred me to upturn my nose even higher, basking in the sheer admiration and jealousy that the supposed 'poor souls' were projecting. The sight of the parasites and addicts, whores and thieves cold, alone, and desperate was like the sweetest candy to my eyes. It made me feel good to be royalty... until I finally found him.

There in his little cell did Moss lie, his legs crossed, forehooves folded neatly behind his head, and chewing a stalk of wheat, of all things. Such a filthy commoner habit, typical among dirty farming folk. I wouldn't be caught dead doing such a thing, but it didn't matter. Seeing the little scamp so comfortable in his confinement brought an immediate surge of anger up through my chest, and I struck a hoof against the bars as quickly as I could, intending to make a sharp noise and startle the stallion.

The moment the blow rang out, his eyes closed and opened, upturned to meet mine, his gaze cold and unforgiving, as though I had just spit in his face from point blank. The sight was... honestly, terrifying. A coldness unlike anything I had ever seen hid behind those filthy little sapphire lights, free of malice and judgment, or resent. The feeling it gave me was impossible to describe, but if I had to make the effort, I'd have chosen sick. A tiny pulse of nausea crept up into my throat as he glared at me, and as quickly as the gesture had happened, it was gone, replaced by a lopsided smile and his usual, obnoxiously playful brow quirk. I opened my mouth to comment, but he beat me to the punch.

"If it ain't Little Boy Blue. Welcome to my humble abode, my friend," the little stallion sang as he rose into a catlike stretch, arching his back. I noticed that he was without his ratty vest, and I shivered a bit as I watched his scrawny back rise into the air. I could literally see the vertebrae at the apex of the motion, lending him an almost skeletal appearance. Down here in the dark, he looked more in his element, but also... unnatural. I needed to leave as quickly as possible, but not before putting the little cretin in his place.

"That is Prince Vladimir Blueblood to you. What is it you require? If it's any form of comfort, let me bestow upon you a single grace by letting you save your breath. My answer is no."

"Aw, man... and here I was going to beg for some pillows from Cadie-Wadie's room, and maybe some of her perfume. She smells divine, wouldn't you agree? For some strange reason, I think you definitely do."

I turned my face to the side, hoping the torchlight and action would be enough to hide, or at least dampen, my blush.

"Shut your mouth until you are spoken to. I will ask you only once again- what is it that you want of me? Shining Armor told me that you specifically requested to see me. If you're wasting my time, I'll squeeze through those bars and wring your neck myself."

Moss let out a raspy chuckle, his ribs pushing out a bit as he heaved in each breath. He was truly a disgusting creature, and given his supposed record, I had no doubt that the fault was his own entirely. "I want to make a business deal. You look to be an enterprising stallion, Mister Blood. My talents might lie in... procuring things, but I didn't give Shining Armor the full story. Why would I? In fact, which story you get depends on a lot of things, my mood included. Right now, I'm in a pretty good one, so don't fuck it up if you want to make mucho bits in minimo time, capiche?"

The sneer he received from me was automatic, but I decided to at least listen to his proposition. The promise of money was a promise I always wanted to see kept, and if there was minimal effort on my end- whether his end was illegal or not- then I saw no reason not to capitalize upon it. Besides, if he was the one doing shady business, who would honestly come after me over it? Having two wonderful, royal aunties did come in handy every now and again.

"...I'm listening, but make it quick. It's almost time for tea and bed."

"Tea, huh? You know, I've never had tea. Not once in my entire life. Must be nice, having luxuries..." he swaggered up to the bars, pressing his snout between two of the dirty rods, not minding the sensation in the slightest. I couldn't help but recoil at the sight. "...of course, some things you have I don't consider a luxury. Things like a home."

"Get to the point," I snapped. "I don't have the time or inclination to deal with your... what is that smell?" I tilted my head, suddenly feeling a bit groggy and heavy-headed. A sickeningly sweet, almost fruity odor permeated the air in the middle of our conversation, reminiscent of the red lantern district on the opposite side of town. Well, what I assumed it would smell like. A noblepony such as I would never be caught in a slum like that. That was why I always called my whores here, instead.

Moss made an exaggerated sniffing motion, once again raising his brow as he scratched at the shortened locks of mane that hung messily about his neck. "It ain't me. Probably some fungus growing down here or some shit. Anyhow... I'll make you a deal. Shining Armor mentioned something about a homeless shelter being built soon. He's too goody-goody to go for something kinda questionable... but you seem like a creep, behind closed doors. Actually, you seem like a creep in general. A sexy creep, I might add. Nice half-pecs you're workin' on there, man."

The comment unsettled me to the core as I looked down, noticing that I had forgotten my suit and bow tie. The whispered curses were immediate, as I looked thoroughly indecent and common without it, which was clearly unacceptable. I'd simply have to pray that nopony saw me on my return trip to my chambers. The revelation, coupled with the fact that another stallion was hitting on me and the odd smell lingering about was enough to push my patience to its limit, and I thrust my hoof out to hammer into his snout. Moss recoiled with a yelp, rubbing at his muzzle and looking scandalized.

"Well excuse me for paying you a compliment. Homophobe."

"Or perhaps I simply have standards."

"Not if you accept this deal," he segued without missing a beat. Moss clicked his jaw to one side and shivered a little, effectively shrugging off the blow as he returned to his former position, snout halfway through the bars. "I want a permanent slot at that shelter, in exchange for making you filthy rich. Or... richer, probably."

"...I'm listening." He certainly knew how to catch somepony's attention, even if most of the attention he received was negative.

"I'm a self-styled acquisition specialist. I like shiny things. Gems, jewelry... sometimes I steal it and sell it, so I can eat. Sometimes I go exploring in caves around Canterlot, get my shit legally, and sell the haul. Doesn't make a difference to me, really. I know of some cave networks around here that haven't been exploited yet, since they've been condemned as too dangerous to mine. You could make that go away... and I'll give you a cut of the profits from the black market. Give me that opportunity and a stable home, and I'll give you money and a bit of excitement."

"Excitement? I don't need your brand of 'excitement', you swine. Whatever you're planning, leave me out of it, unless you'll simply be pushing bits my way for signing some stupid papers." I waved my foreleg in a dismissive motion, only to find it caught in midair by his. I was too shocked to do anything other than stare as my pedicured hoof was captive in his surprisingly strong grip. The muscles of his sinewy leg bulged a bit as he shot me a glare, his attitude suddenly all business.

"Listen- the caves are walled off for a reason, but that reason sucks. I'll need a rough-and-tumble partner to get in and get out with the goods. You don't have to come, but I'll need you to find me an escort that won't squeal."

I blinked, trying to wrench my hoof backward and away from him before I answered, only to make no progress. With a sigh of defeat, I blew a strand of blonde hair from my vision before sucking on my teeth. "I'll consider it, but that's all you'll get from me tonight. I need time to mull this over and see just what it is that you're asking for."

"Fine, fine. Go check out maps of local caves, and see what you'd be willing to do. I'm assuming you have access to that stuff, otherwise you wouldn't have a compass on your ass."

Moss released my hoof and I immediately drew it back to the ground. Again, he was right... and strangely so. Not many others had realized that I, just like everypony else, had earned my cutie mark, and had a talent. Those poor, deluded foals who assumed that I was simply royalty because of blood were ignorant. Little did they know, I had a prodigious talent for cartography. If nothing else, maybe the foal before me would come to appreciate it before this whole escapade was all over.

"I do, and fair enough. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do have a kettle with my name on it, and an ostrich-down quilt to rest beneath. Have fun with your stone floor, criminal."

"I will. More than you'll ever understand."

I simply shook my head and trotted for the staircase, only to be stopped by his voice once again.

"Yo Prince!"

I turned my head and cocked one eye backward, thoroughly disinterested as I slowed to a stop.

"...have yourself a good sleep, yeah? We'll talk tomorrow, once I get out."

"...tch." I turned and trotted for the dungeon door without another word.

A faint clatter arose as I set my empty tea cup upon the bedside table, thoroughly satisfied with the brew, my fifth of the day. One could never have enough tea, after all, even just before bed. Auntie insisted that it kept me awake, but what did she know? I had my rituals, as she had hers. If only she would stay out of my business.

I pulled my bathrobe tighter around me as I leaned up to blow out the candle resting beside my emptied mug, relishing the warmth against the bitter winter night. Thoughts of how cold Creeping Moss and his ilk must be down there only served to make me feel warmer, and so I wriggled beneath my comforter with a small sigh and closed my eyes. It was good to be a prince.

Slumber was fast approaching when my peaceful rest was disturbed by something peculiar. The faintest scratching sound caught my attention, and my ear flicked a bit in response to the noise. At first, I passed it off as nothing. Perhaps the castle was settling, or... does stone settle? Did it really matter?

A second, louder series of scrapes rang out, from somewhere nearby. The sound was muffled, as though some woodland creature was on the rooftop or making a nuisance of itself upon the windowsill. Needless to say, I didn't bother to open my eyes. It couldn't have been that important... or scary...

And so the third set of scratches came, from somewhere inside of the room. The scraping, dragging sound was loud, and loud enough to tell me that it was extremely close by. I drew the covers up more tightly around myself, shivering involuntarily as my heart began to pound. I grit my teeth and slowly cracked open my eyes, peering into the darkness through the small inlet of light that I allowed in. It wasn't nearly enough.

My breathing came out in tiny, ragged gasps as I fully opened my eyes, taking a moment to let them adjust to the darkness. At first, there was nothing, and I wondered if the stress of the day hadn't simply gotten to me and conjured up this little nightmare. Moments later, my breath hitched in my chest as I saw them- two magenta, glowing eyes, far enough off the floor that they couldn't belong to a normal pony, seemed to float mere feet away from my bed. My mind raced as my heart stopped, my mind running through all possible scenarios to explain away the horror before me. I only knew one set of eyes of that color, and at that height. It had to have been...

"A-a-a-auntie C-celestia...?"

"You wish, little colt."