Every Prince Deserves a Princess

It would almost have been sad, had it been somepony less obnoxious, and had I not much greater concerns on my mind at the time. The freezing droplets of rain continued to snake their way along the underside of the bridge's arch, eventually dripping down into my mane as I stood watching Moss rifle through his belongings. The unusually clean stallion was leaned over a desecrated piece of cardboard, presumably his 'bed', searching under and around the slab for bits of change and... whatever else it was that poor ponies valued. A shiver ran down my spine as a particularly cold rivulet of water sullied my mane once again, leading to a high-pitched whine.

"For the love of my auntie, are you almost done yet? It's dreadful out here, even under this rickety bridge!"

Moss let out a snort of derision and annoyance before glaring over his shoulder at me. "First of all, this rickety bridge is made out of stone, and isn't going anywhere. Second of all, if you're going to bitch, go to the tavern up on the main road, and wait. It ain't far, and you're not helping to speed up the process. Beggars can't be choosers. I would know."

I countered his snort with one of my own, shifting a bit to get out of the drizzling droplets that occasionally fell from above. "Of course I'm not helping. I would never dare to dirty my hooves on such filth!"

"This 'filth' is my home, until you follow through on our deal. Which, by the way..." before I could react, I found a shimmering, pointed wedge of metal mere inches from the space between my eyes, held aloft and thrust outward by a green and blue-tipped hoof. I opened my mouth to say something, but found that no words would come to me. "...you'd better keep, or things will get messy. I kinda like you, in some stupid way. Don't make me have to get violent."

As the blade spun back away from me, I finally caught a glimpse of its manufacture. A simple, though quite long, butterfly knife snapped closed in Moss' hoof before disappearing into the cloak I'd loaned him. Such weapons were definitely illegal in Canterlot... but then again, so were half of the things we were about to do.

"Your little rapier might be fast, but I'm faster. Don't test me. I'll be leading this little expedition, and I'm not going to tolerate your mouth if you keep dissin' what little I've got. We clear?"

I let out a huff, my brows furrowing as I glared down at the skeletal scag beneath me. "I will do and say what I please. Don't forget who is getting you past that infernal barrier. You need me."

Moss pulled his lips back into a sneer and his eyes seemed to flash for a brief second, before he pulled his head to the side and spit upon the ground. I tittered in disgust at the action as he turned back to a small sack upon the moistened ground. "Yeah. I do."

Awkward silence followed our short exchange, affording me time to take in the full scope of the city around us. The tiny bridge-turned-living-space was situated in a sunken canal, with a narrow, shallow stream separating two tracts of white marble walkways, upon one of which rested Moss' belongings. Up above was a footpath, though it was seeing little use on account of the wintery mix of rain and snow coming from on high. Moss seemed strangely annoyed by the assault, though if I had to sleep out here every night, I supposed I would have been as well.

Rustling and clacking noises rang out as Moss lifted some dilapidated glassware from his small bag, stashing a few vials and a flask within the folds of his stately, rippling cloak. The attire almost made him look sophisticated, though it was admittedly hard to make a frog look pretty, even in the fanciest of coats.

"So... you sleep here, all year round? Even in a storm?"

"Don't have a choice, unless I can break into a store without being caught. That's a rare opportunity, especially given that I like to keep a low profile. Why the hell do you suddenly care?" He turned back to face me, apparently done with his search as he tied a rope back around the mouth of his burlap sack.

"In truth, I don't. I simply don't see how one could stomach such base accommodations."

"...do you naturally talk like a starched twat, or are you putting effort in? Either way, it's pretty impressive. Let's move."

I merely shook my head as I followed the pony before me, pulling the hood of my cloak back up as winter's assault began once again. "I merely try to use diction befitting of my status."

"If you don't shut up for the rest of the hike, I'll show you some diction," he mumbled in response. It had been a long time since I'd heard somepony so close to me speak with such venom and implied vulgarity. It was almost becoming fun, in a  competitive sort of way.

"That will be quite difficult without a tongue."

"So would denying your involvement if we get caught. Your move, chunky."

Oh, he was good. I opened my mouth to retort, when a familiar smell assaulted my nostrils. That same, cloying concoction that had been wafting through the cells down in the dungeons permeated the city air, so sweet that it was almost sickening. Moss let out a few exaggerated sniffles as he stopped in the middle of the cobblestone road, looking around as he blinked and squinted.

"What is that, man? Do you nobles actually shit roses after all?"

I pulled the fringe of my cloak upward and over my nose in a futile attempt to block out the stench. My reply came out a bit muffled, and I honestly wasn't sure if he'd heard me at all.

"It isn't me! Perhaps the Red Light District...?" I cast my eyes a short distance down the road to our left, where crimson lanterns hung in the windows. I'd spent my fair share of time with mares from such a place, but none had ever smelled like that. The heady aroma was all-encompassing, and the longer it lingered... the more I started to like it...

"Come on! Let's get out of here, I feel like I'm about to pass out!"

Without warning, Moss broke into a sprint down the road, and I was soon to follow, desperate to get out of the cloud of strange perfume before it overwhelmed my senses. I looked back as he and I thundered down the road as quickly as we could, and found naught but swirling snow and howling wind in our wake.

A good two hours passed as we trekked through the forest, exchanging the occasional snipe at each other as we stopped to check the map and navigate through the underbrush. Our journey went largely without incident, and the snow had fortunately stopped once we'd reached a good distance from the city walls. Pegasi soared overhead, busting what few clouds remained to give way to a bright, midday sun, ushering in all of the annoyances that came with it.

I blinked rapidly as a cloud was cleared, letting a ray of sunlight pierce through the forest canopy and reflect off the snow, directly into my eyes. I stopped dead and raised a hoof to shield myself from the sunny assault, annoyed beyond all reason with the resulting sneeze that roared through the trees as I tried to collect myself.

"You alright, big guy?"

Moss did a roundabout in the snow, stepping lightly as his hooves crunched against the crystallized powder underfoot. He shook out his mane, clearing flakes of the stuff from his neck, and making further droopy spikes within the deep blue rat's nest of hair that sat atop his brow like an explosion of paint. For once, he seemed to show genuine concern as he stood before me, shivering and clearly uncomfortable, despite the traveling cloak around him.

"...I'm fine. Snow blindness, is all." I chased his shiver with one of my own before removing a scroll from my saddlebags and unfurling it. It took mere seconds for me to get my bearings and find our location, something that never failed to impress my rather simple companion. It was good to feel useful, especially when it came to my cutie mark.

"We're not far at all. The barrier is a mere hundred feet or so, just over that hill." I pointed with my left hoof, a collection of spruce trees and a slight incline all that remained between us and chimera territory. "I'll make a nice little hole, and you do your business."

"I went before we left."

I merely stared at him blankly, watching the stupid grin twist across his lips as he made another asinine joke that I didn't quite catch. "Get in, get what you want, and get out."

"Aw, you're not coming in with me?" He drew out the syllables to the complaint, his grin still fully evident. I didn't like where this was going, not one bit.

"No, our agreement was nothing of the sort. I am to get you in, you are to find the gems, and we are to leave afterward, together, to stash them elsewhere," I stated matter-of-factly as I began to walk up the hill.

"Oh really? And how, exactly, do you expect me to find the gems inside if I can't see? You didn't bring a lantern or torch, did you?"

I froze mid-step, shooting Moss a harsh glare.

"It'd be such a shame to go all the way back, and it must be difficult to find an opening in your busy schedule for us to do this again. I guess you're going to have to come in with me and light the way for this poor little earth pony," he sang, voice dripping with amusement.

"...you planned this. You stinking, boney little devil-weasel."

"Of course I did. It'd be dull without you, Bluebutter. Besides, you could use the exercise, the stale air, and who doesn't want to be in incredibly close, potentially stifling places with good old me?"

It took every ounce of restraint that I had available not to throttle the little bastard, but I somehow pulled it off. We crested the hill as I silently fumed, trying to think of Cadenza to calm my nerves as a thin, glittering veil of magic stood before us, just where the treeline ended.

"None are permitted to enter this place," came a warning in Celestia's voice. "Turn back, lest the guard be summoned for your own safety."

"Drumroll please," Moss drawled before yawning, completely unimpressed as the tip of my horn began to dance with a light blue stream of magic.

"It is I, Prince Vladimir Blueblood. I have Class B clearance, and will not be denied. Stand aside... wench."

"Oooooh, pretty sick burn for someone with Class B clearance," Moss chided with a toothy grin.

"I will end you, you little twerp. Get inside." I pointed forward at a widening hole in the veil and couldn't help but smile just a little as he slipped on through. All according to plan... except, of course, for me following him.

"Ya comin'?" he inquired with a tilt of the head, standing stupidly beyond the small hole. In reality, this was it. I could easily turn back, leave him trapped in chimera-infested woods, and be rid of the scamp for the rest of my days. Perhaps it was temporary insanity that set in, or simple morbid curiosity. Perhaps I was even starting to like him, in some strange, twisted way, as a business partner, or whatever else. All I knew was that my hooves answered before my mouth could catch up, and I found myself walking through the closing veil to join his side.

"Shut your obnoxious, impatient little trap. I'm here."

"Good," was all he said before he set out at a run for the mouth of the cave before us. The jagged, scattered rocks in front of the black hole laid silently at the foot of a rather large cliff, looking a bit like massive, stone teeth amid the snow and evergreens around the entrance. Nothing about the place looked safe, and I found myself dragging my hooves as I walked to catch up. It was only when I heard a loud, wooden snap that I picked up into a run, meeting Moss at the entrance.

"Chimera come to eat your fat ass?"

"Very funny. I'd rather not find out. In we go."

"Lardasses first," he chimed, extending a hoof into the pitch black abyss.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself before lighting my horn, watching with bated breath as a curtain of light began to slowly creep up the walls, revealing whatever was lying in wait for us. Moss let out a long, terrified gasp, and I jumped several feet into the air as I swept the light back and forth.

"What!? What is it!?"

"Nothing. Not a god damned thing." The small stallion winked and hopped over a cracked boulder, wasting no time as he made his way into the cave. I was fairly certain as I began to follow that I was going to bash his head in with whatever corundum we found, the very second we found it.