Pinkie Pie destroys the TARDIS
The Doctor awoke in the zero room for the first time in days. His most recent regeneration had been a tricky one. The damage was so extensive, and he had put it off for so long that his body needed serious recuperation time. He wasn't sure if this universe had any dwellings of simplicity, so he had to make do with the zero room. Sure, it wasn't as peaceful as he would have liked, but it would do for now.
After getting out of the room and heading towards the main console room, he noticed that he still hadn't changed out of the green tie he wore in his last incarnation. In fact, he had no idea what he even looked like! All he knew was that this was his twelfth body.
He decided that first he needed to at least find out what he looked like. He could figure out his personality and preferences later. First he needed to get out of this absolutely garish tie. While heading towards the dressing room, he looked over himself, and noted that his coat was purple this time. Yup, that settled it. The tie had to go. Possibly into a supernova.
Upon reaching the dressing room, and ripping off his tie, he looked into the nearest mirror and squealed with delight. He was a unicorn! Other than being thankful no one had heard that very unmanly squeal, his thoughts were consumed with how much fun he would have in this incarnation! Of course he would have to learn how to use magic, but he was the Doctor! It couldn't be too hard.
Other things he noticed about his body was that his muzzle was a bit more rounded than his last life. His mane was a bit more sleek, as well as being a bright blue. His tail was the same, straight and bright blue. It contrasted with his dark purple mane and hurt his eyes if he stared too long. It seemed that the only thing that remained from his previous life was the hourglass cutie mark on his flank. A statement he had once said a long time ago came to mind.
That's the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you're going to get.
He quickly looked around for some new clothes. At first he had simply wanted a different tie, perhaps even a suit to go with it, but now he was feeling a bit more adventurous. It took an entire ten minutes, but he finally found the clothes he wanted. He wanted something that went well with him, something that complimented his appearance... something that was the complete opposite of what he chose.
If anypony else had looked at him at that moment, they probably would have thought he was trying to make a statement, or that he was trying out for a comedy show. As soon as they realized he was serious, they would have left the room, and possibly never spoken to the Doctor again, as his new outfit he had chosen a vest and a cape that were blue like his mane and tail. "Perhaps if I cover up more of my dark coat, the contrast between it and my mane won't be as noticeable," he thought to himself.
It was then that the Doctor realized how alarmingly concerned with fashion he was. It was very strange. He also couldn't stop thinking about how amazing he was, and how great his blue mane went with his purple coat. It seemed that in the ten minutes that had passed, the lingering persona of his previous self had all but vanished. It had been completely overtaken with the new personality of the Doctor.
With his wardrobe and his ego taken care of, the Doctor decided to head back to the main console room to figure out what to do next. As he arrived, he noticed that the scanner was beeping. Moving quickly, he ran up to the scanner and looked at it. According to the display, this beeping had been going on for quite some time. "That's not right," he muttered to himself, "I would have noticed a beeping if it had been going on. How could I have not noticed it?" The answer came in a small note the was taped to the side.
Dear Doctor
I really wish I could have stayed as your companion for just a bit longer. Unfortunately, you never told me regeneration could turn you purple. I really really hate purple. If you ever see Twilight Sparkle, could you tell her that's why I dropped that piano on her? Thanks. As for where I'll be staying, do you remember that house you bought for me in Manehattan? I'm going to be staying there from now on. If you ever regenerate into something not purple, look me up. You know where I'll be.
Love,
Derpy Hooves
P.S. You really should see why the scanner keeps beeping. It was really getting on my nerves. I know you say that it's nothing, but it doesn't hurt to be too careful.
The Doctor read the note several times over. He could not believe he had ever traveled with someone like her. He instantly regretted buying that house for her. He made a promise to himself to never see her again. "Well then," he said to himself with a sigh, "Better take her advice and see what this beeping is about." As he looked back to the scanner he suddenly burst out, "and what's wrong with purple!? It's a marvelous color!"
Looking at the scanner the Doctor was shocked at what he saw. According the the device, it had detected a large spacial anomaly in Ponyville back when he had first landed there. The readings indicated that the anomaly had been present in Ponyville for a while, and seemed dangerous. "Excellent!" the Doctor cried, "A new adventure awaits! Time to show Ponyville just what the Doctor can do!"
The Doctor pressed a few more buttons on the console. If he was going on a new adventure, he needed his sonic screwdriver. His previous one had been destroyed as he was regenerating. That's the last time I keep it in my pocket during the process, he thought to himself bitterly, But I'll only need one for this adventure. Once I learn how to use my magic, I can get rid of it.
As he configured the settings for the new sonic, he made sure to imprint the anomaly readings onto the device so he could track it down once he left. With a ding the new sonic screwdriver popped up. It was a bit bigger than his last one, with a slick streamlined design. It had a dark blue handle, with a black neck, and a silver light on the top. "Thanks Sexy," he said to his TARDIS, "It's perfect." With all his preparations complete, the Doctor ran out of the TARDIS, and headed to Ponyville.
"Oh sweet Celestia who is that?!"
"Ugh, keep him away from me."
"That purple is just hideous."
"Is that stick in his mouth supposed to represent something?"
"What does an hourglass cutie mark even mean?"
"Those clothes are disgusting. We should form a union against them."
"My boss said unions are evil."
The Doctor walked into Ponyville with his sonic screwdriver pulsing and leading him towards the strange anomaly. He was so focused on tracking it down, he didn't even notice the comments being thrown his way. He did catch a few of the bad ones, but he had no time to teach ponies about why purple was the greatest color ever.
Eventually the Doctor found his way to the front of Sugarcube Corner. "Why on earth would the sonic lead me here?" he wondered aloud to himself, "There's no way a bakery could be the source of the trouble." Regardless of the absurdity of it all, he walked into the bakery anyways, where he was instantly greeted by the head baker, Mrs. Cake.
"Hello there, welcome to Sugar-" she started before actually looking at who she was addressing. After doing a double take she simply stared at the Doctor for a few minutes, silently contemplating whether or not to service this obvious mad pony, or to just ignore him and shut the store down early. The Doctor, oblivious to his bad fashion, simply stood there, thinking that she was admiring his boldness and greatness.
After about 5 minutes of silence, Mrs. Cake finally decided that she wasn't going to lose out on a potential sale. Forcing a smile, she simply said, "Hello, welcome to Sugarcube Corner. I'm afraid I'm rather busy, but if you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment, I can get another employee to help you." Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked upstairs to fetch Pinkie Pie.
While the Doctor waited he decided to do some preliminary scans to rule out any potential suspects. He scanned the food, the counters, the walls, and even the sink. Can't be too careful around sinks, he thought as he passed the sonic over it. Tricky little devils, they are.
Upstairs, Ms. Cake was talking to Mr. Cake outside the twins door.
"No, really, he's weird!" Mrs. Cake insisted. "I could deal with the coat and the mane, but that vest and cape just...ugh."
Mr. Cake laughed. "Oh, come on," he said shaking his head, "How bad could it possibly be?"
"Go see for yourself!"
"Fine."
Mr. Cake walked downstairs to take a look. After a few seconds, he walked back up with a look of utter bewilderment on his face.
"See what I told you?!" Mrs. Cake hissed.
"He's...he's pointing a glowy stick at all of our things," Mr. Cake said, still not able to process what was going on.
"Thanks goodness the kids are up here. It's bad enough they hang around Pinkie all the time."
"Did somepony say my name!?"
Pinkie, hearing her name through the twins door, decided to join in the conversation. The Cakes wouldn't have been startled, had Pinkie not come from the bathroom.
Mr. and Mrs. Cake simply stared at Pinkie with amazement. Pinkie stared back with joyful innocence. Eventually, Mr. Cake broke the silence. "Did...weren't you just in the kids room?"
"Yup!" Pinkie said happily.
Mr. Cake was about to question her further, but Mrs. Cake put a hoof on his shoulder and shook her head. He immediately understood. After all, everypony knew the golden rule: It's Pinkie Pie. Don't question it.
"Pinkie," Mrs. Cake said, "Mr. Cake and I feel like spending some time with out kids. Would you mind taking care of the customer downstairs?"
"Oooooooo!" Pinkie excitedly replied, "A customer! Okie dokie loki Mrs. Cake! I'll take care of that right now!"
With that, Pinkie began bouncing down the stairs towards the Doctor. As she bounced downstairs, Mr. and Mrs. Cake walked into the twins room and began playing with the kids. Pinkie Pie, reaching the downstairs counter looked all around the front room of the bakery and upon seeing nopony, frowned to herself.
"There's no customer?" she said to herself with a huff. "Aw man! I bet Mr. and Mrs. Cake just wanted to play with the twins without me! No fair!" She turned to go back upstairs, when she saw the Doctor walk out of the kitchen, where he had just finished his scans.
"Darn," the Doctor said, "I've scanned everything and I've come up with nothing! Perhaps the anomaly is resistant to my sonic. I knew I should have practiced magic before I left the TARDIS."
The Doctor then caught site of Pinkie. Perhaps I should ask her if she's noticed anything odd around here. The Doctor thought to himself. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth.
"Hi Doctor!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.
"Hello, I'm the Doc-" The Doctor stopped and looked at Pinkie in bewilderment. He was sure he had never met this mare in his lives! All 12 of them! "Uh," the Doctor began, "How do you know my name?"
Pinkie giggled. "Whoopsie!" she said, "We haven't gotten there yet!"
The Doctor immediately turned on his sonic and scanned her. Bingo! The sonic picked up the reading the TARDIS had picked up!
"But that's not possible," the Doctor said to himself. "The only living anomaly was Jack Harkness, and he was definitely not a pink pony...I think." He looked at Pinkie, who was still smiling. His time lord instincts started to kick in. "But it feels wrong just to even look at her."
Pinkie, oblivious to all of his talk, decided to chime in. "So is there anything I can get for you?" she said while holding up some sweets. "Lollipops? Cake? Muffins? Water? Juice? Ooo or maybe you'd like to place and order for something?!" With each item she listed, she lifted up another hoof. She now had 7, including a hoof holding a pen with which to sign the cake order.
The Doctor stared at her with his eyes wide open. This was getting out of hand, or hoof as it were. He needed to get her to the TARDIS quickly, before she did any damage to Ponyville.
"Listen," he said, "what's your name?"
"Pinkie Pie!"
"Listen Pinkie Pie, I need you to come with me quickly. It's a matter of utmost importance!"
Pinkie looked at him sideways. Literally. "I don't know. I'm still on duty here. Is there going to be cake?"
The Doctor was thrown off by the question. "Uh...yes?" he stammered.
Pinkie's face immediately brightened up. "Okie dokie loki!" she said, and bounced out of the door.
The Doctor raced after her. "This is going to be interesting," he thought to himself.
The journey back to the TARDIS felt longer than it actually was. Pinkie could not be described as a quiet companion. She constantly pestered him about random things. Most had to do with parties.
"So who are you Doctor? What kind of Doctor are you? Oooooo! I should throw you a party! I've never seen you before in town. I wonder what kind of party I should throw you? A doctor party probably. I wonder what kind of parties doctors throw. Maybe something with gauze and medical tape? Ooo! I know! I could use the gauze and tape to make a pinata filled with syringes and sterile gloves! Actually that sounds boring I think I'll just throw a regular party."
On and on it went. It didn't help that she spoke at a million miles per hour. Literally. The Doctor did the calculations in his head. Eventually they reached the TARDIS and the Doctor turned to Pinkie, who was still talking.
"-maybe we could have some sort of doctor theme like everypony could wear medical masks-"
"Pinkie?"
"-we could have everypony wear doctor clothes-"
"Pinkie?"
"-Once I threw a party where all the fillies wore nurse outfits and we had to kick all the stallions out because they were acting really-"
"PINKIE!!"
Pinkie finally stopped talking. "Yes?" she asked quizically.
The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief before continuing. "We've reached my ship." He opened the doors and motioned inside. "Now I need you to go inside so I can run some tests."
Pinkie stared at the TARDIS doors but didn't budge. "No," she said.
The Doctor stared at her shocked. "What?" he asked, "What do you mean no? You seemed fine with coming with me back at the bakery." He looked back at the TARDIS for a second before looking back at Pinkie, who looked a bit scared. "Ok, I lied about the cake, but I promise nothing bad will happen to you."
Pinkie shook her head and sat down. "I don't wanna go in. She doesn't like me very much," she said as she pointed to the TARDIS.
The Doctor simply smiled and said, "Oh, don't worry about that. The TARDIS just doesn't like me bringing home 'strays,' as she calls them." When Pinkie still looked concerned the Doctor put a hoof on her shoulder and said, "Nothing will happen to you. Trust me. I'm the Doctor."
Pinkie immediately brightened. "Okie doki loki!" she said.
The Doctor smiled and walked into the TARDIS. He turned around just as Pinkie walked through the doors.
BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!
Suddenly, a loud explosion rang out and a light flashed. The Doctor was immediately knocked unconscious.
The Doctor awoke sometime later in a daze. Groaning, he stood up and rubbed his head with his hoof. He looked around to see what happened.
All he could see was a white space. He was completely alone in a white endless space. Well, almost completely alone. Pinkie was still there. And she was smiling.
"Wow!" she exclaimed, "That was really fun! Let's do that again!"
"Fun? Fun?!" the Doctor said incredulously, "How the hell could that possibly have been fun! The TARDIS just exploded! We're lucky to be alive!"
Pinkie just started giggling.
The Doctor looked at her like she had lost her mind, which he was starting to think she had.
"Stop that!" he yelled. "This is serious! We are stuck in the middle of nowhere! Literally!"
He started frantically pacing back and forth while Pinkie kept laughing.
"The TARDIS exploded and launched us to the space between dimensions. 'The Void,' people call it."
"You mean ponies," Pinkie corrected.
"Whatever. The point is, we're trapped. Whatever you did caused the TARDIS to explode. It couldn't handle an anomaly like you!" The Doctor stopped pacing and looked at Pinkie. "What are you?"
Pinkie smiled. "I'm Pinkie Pie!" she said, apparently not understanding the question.
The Doctor frowned. "I'm serious Pinkie." he said, "You need to tell me right now. It might help me figure out how to get us out of here. Right now, nothing can get in or ou-" the Doctor stopped.
A rubber ball had just floated by his face. Pinkie proceeded to grab it.
"Oh, what are you doing here mister ball?" she said, spinning it on her hooves, "You're supposed to be back with the Cake twins!" With that she threw the ball into the air, and it faded from view.
The Doctor's jaw dropped. "B-but," he stammered, "How? That isn't possible! We're in the Void! Nothing can get in or out, except for the TARDIS!"
"Hehe," Pinkie giggled, "Oh Doctor. You call it the Void, I call it my garage!"
"What?"
Pinkie grabbed the Doctor by his cape and jumped into the air. With a flash of light, the duo found themselves back in Ponyville, in front of Sugarcube corner.
"Here we are!" Pinkie said excitedly. "Back where we began! Or, back where I began. I'm not too sure where you began but-"
The Doctor stood up, and grabbed his head again. He had a headache. Traveling between dimensions will do that to people. Er, ponies.
Meanwhile, Pinkie was still talking.
"-thought you would have started from a hospital but I guess not since you called your box your home."
The Doctor put a hoof over her mouth to silence her. "Pinkie," he said, "Do me a favor and shut up." He lowered his hoof and used his other to rub his still aching head. Pinkie simply huffed and stood there with a frown.
Looking up at her, the Doctor decided to try one more time. "Pinkie," he inquired, "What are you?"
"I told you Doctor," Pinkie exasperatedly said, "I'm Pinkie Pie!" With that she turned around and walked back into the bakery. Before the Doctor could say anything else, she turned around and said, "You'll find your TARDIS back where you first landed at the beginning of the story. Tell her I said she's fat."
The Doctor stared at her wide eyed as the door slammed. After about 20 minutes, and an increasingly painful headache, he finally turned around and walked back to the TARDIS.
"...I need to rethink my life," he said before walking into those big blue doors.
Author's Note
For those who want to see what the Doctor looks like, go here
And to see him with the vest and cape, go here
Now then. My first attempt at a comedy. All constructive criticism welcome! Let me know what you think in the comments!
